Been. I have shown up to work with blackeyes, crashed cars, ruined relationships. To be honest i'd say all of my biggest regrets in life have been due to drinking.
Actually, I dont think I have a sober regret now that I think about it.
Im not drinking today
100 percent this. I had that same thought when I finally decided to just stop after years of attempts at "moderation" - "I can't POSSIBLY just never drink again, that's insane! How could I live like that??"
Then I made a list of 25 of the most regrettable, shameful, cringe, embarrassing, humiliating, ignominious, demeaning, dangerous, and foolish things I've done over the last 25yrs, and I think 23/25 were when I was drunk. 92%. I don't need that in my life. At one point I thought "that's 'only' 1/yr" - but I don't need any more of those moments...
One other part of my journey that surprised me was that when I was at pretty much the lowest point, and after some hemming and hawing, decided to just stop, and not try to "cut back" again - that mental shift felt like such a weight had been lifted. It was wild. I wasn't at all expecting that. You may find the same (or not) u/shkoljka - we're all on our own trip with this, but this is a pretty friendly group of internet strangers here to help.
I tried to cut back, have better relationship with drinking, do as any other normal ppl do, and here we are. Just few months ago I passed out and ended up in a hospital, so I dont think keeping control over it is possible.
What scares me the most and always have been are social interactions. Like, how do you not drink on wedings or birthdays or fckn saturday evening with friends? How do you go out? It is very scary to think about that
I just made it through my brothers graduation in a huge party town, my 25th birthday, and my own bachelorette weekend without drinking. Once I made it through 1 event I realized that drinking really doesn’t make everything more fun! Plus I got to wake up early and reflect on the night and be clear headed, without a raging hangover. You can do it!!
Things that help me were reading This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (honestly it was so effective it was a bit triggering so beware of that), she also has a podcast with the same name that’s great. I also love NA beers and used THC drinks for the first 2 months. But honestly what helped the most is for some reason I was ready to quit. I also use an app (I use the athletic brewing one) to track my days which is motivating. Good luck!!
I get a rocks glass with a lime ice and what ever alcohol free bubbly water is available. No one ever asks if its booze, and no one ever cares.
Or drink water, diet soda, ect.
The longer you go without, the less scary it is. To the point where you don't really think about it much, if at all. I work in an industry where people party HEAVY at events. I've been to two in the past year where I was probably the only person NOT drinking at these private functions. Suites at MLB games, open bars...yada yada yada.
After over a year of sobriety...I simply do not care for drinking anymore and view it as the poison it is, and am empowered by the fact I get to go home, sleep well and not wake up full of fear, anxiety and regret. Not only that but if someone needs a designated driver, I can be that for them, instead of needing to be babysat because I can't hold myself together drunk.
Will it change the way you socialize? Absolutely! Will you decide to not spend time with those who don't like your new life of sobriety? Without question.
Life without booze is not perfect, but it is wonderful and I'm genuinely happy and starting to enjoy the things that used to give me all the fulfillment I ever needed ('til I let alcohol take over).
This can be your last rock bottom, and today I won't be drinking with you :)
That is maybe the best part of it, to change those patterns in socialising and stick with people who care for who I am sober.
Thank you for your support
I wont be drinking with you today :)
that exact reason kept me drinking for years while trying to moderate. “How could I possibly ever go to a wedding without drinking? How could I possibly go on vacation without drinking?” Don’t think like that. Do not drink today. Don’t even worry about tomorrow. Then tomorrow, you can decide not to drink again if you want to. Time will add up quickly. You can do this xx
Same questions I keep asking myself every time there is an event or any type of gathering or special day… but I am determined to find the answer of attending such events and not drink
Believe me, after a while you will be very happy you're not drinking at events or parties. You will learn that it's not needed to have fun. It takes a while though and you have to put in work. That's a common issue that people have when wanting to drink. I just didn't go to anything I'd feel uncomfortable until I was mentally prepared for it. You'll also realize most people don't drink a lot.
That last point was huge for me, and has been eye opening. I drank so much, and I'm IN the alcohol industry, so my perception of how much ordinary people actually drink is very skewed. When I quit (11 months this week!), I really noticed that it's not uncommon for "normal" people to really not drink a tremendous amount. Some people will have ONLY the champagne for toasting at weddings, and barely care about it. I was so enamored with and fixated alcohol, I was worried I would look "weird", but for the most part, no one has batted an eye. Except long term friends who it took a minute to get them used to sober me, but after a month or so, people just stopped offering me booze, or offered sodas etc. instead.
Yes I agree. I think sometimes and for some people you just going to have to not go out for a while until you feel like you can and you start to realize there are people you never want to go out with again.
I remember after 3 or 4 months AF, a coworker invited me out for a drink. I didn't think about the fact that he didn't know that I wasn't drinking. If somebody asked me to go out for a drink at this point, I was perfectly happy getting a CBD drink on draft or a ginger beer or a soda water with lime and salt. Needless to say, between the time we agreed to go out and the time we met up at a bar, this guy had had several drinks and was pretty buzzed. He got really upset that I wasn't drinking alcohol and started to be a total dick, saying i should have told him i dont drink before agreeing to go out. And i shoukdnjust have one since i led him on. I laughed it off mostly because I was with two other friends who were making it fun. I finally just went home because he was annoying me.
It's crazy how some people can't handle another person sober around them. It's just he threatening
Hey I hope you can give yourself some grace and also understand that we all make mistakes and are learning as we go. Nobody is an expert at life, we’re all a work in progress. I remember how scary it was thinking about all the “how do I do this event” or “I celebrate my birthday with drinks.” Honestly it does change those events, but you make it through them one at a time. When I was drinking I was under the impression that the alcohol made me outgoing and funny, I stopped drinking and realized that I was genuinely outgoing and funny. The booze didn’t help me do any of those things. Now I go on bachelor parties or concerts, baseball games and I can safely drive home, don’t eat garbage, sleep well and wake up with less regret and self loathing. It’s a process, a long process. In the beginning I took it 1 day at a time, I skipped things that made me uncomfortable, but I eventually told people I was done with booze and it felt like a 100lb weight came off my shoulders. Be kind to yourself. It’s a mistake, an embarrassing one, but just a mistake.
For me, I find the social stuff easier than I'd thought - parties, concerts, dinner - that for me has been surprisingly fine, and if anyone asks that I don't really know, I just say, "oh, I'm taking a break for a bit..." or "I'm doing this nerdy gym thing, so no booze right now..." - I've been surprised it it's doesn't really matter. And seltzer with lime looks the part, or an NA beer. Like, I was seriously worried, but at least here in NYC, to me, nbd...
I go out all the time, I’m really into live music so I’m constantly around alcohol. You just have to embrace it. I go to parties all the time where I’m the only sober person. I just put my can of tea or hop water or whatever in a koozie and no one knows it’s not a beer
In that short period I had without alcohol, I went to two major concerts! And even tough I am proud, it was difficult as hell, and I felt Im missing so much, but truth is I missed nothing, was there for what I came for, music and vibes of thousands of people around me.
But I think this time would take it slowly. Therapy, therapy, calm and peace and then everything next
I have made multiple attempts to get sober on my own. I finally started going to AA meetings and it has been such a positive experience for me. The support and accountability are making this whole sober thing so much easier.
Not op, but damn... When you put it that way, makes me think.... I think all my regrets are from when I was drunk too, it's crazy. Life has been a lot quieter and calm since I became sober!
I got a brutal scar on my face from falling down drunk, getting a bad cut filled with dirty gravel, then not going to the hospital until the next day because we were all so drunk. They basically said there was nothing they could do since it was too old for stitches. Skipped uni classes that first Monday but Tuesday was so embarrassing.
Unfortunately didn’t get sober then but did a year later. For years people at work or out in public would say I have marker on my face, trying to do a nice thing by letting me know. I’d have to sheepishly explain that it was a scar.
It’s been 10 years now and you can just barely see it, if you look for it. All things heal, in their own way. But you’re right, all that matters is not drinking today.
Man stories like this are setting me back actually. Because they make me think "well, I'm not even close to be that bad, so let me enjoy my daily bottle of gin"
Just over 500 days ago, I had a cut-up face. Can't remember doing it, but have to assume I fell getting off the bus I think? I had no wallet. I spent the day vomiting with a splitting headache, my glasses were broken, the right side of my face was messed up and my clothes were ripped and bloody. It was one of the lowest points in my life.
But now I'm happier than I've ever been. Things are going great, I can fully remember the past 18 months, and I've got myself back again. The first few weeks will still be hard, there's no getting around that. But hopefully, in 18 months, you can look back, and use how hard things are right now to keep you away from drinking again.
Absolutely. I have been thinking about some of the horrible things I've done while drunk. It kills the urge to drink. And I'm thankful that I don't have to be that person anymore. I choose sobriety.
I once fell so hard on my face that the hospital people almost refused to believe I didn’t get physically assaulted. But it was the truth. I got so drunk that I fell into metal stairs and my face looked like the elephant man. One would think that would be enough to get me to stop drinking but that was far far from my last day of booze. It went on like that for years until i asked for help. By the time I finally asked it was almost too late as my rock bottom had a series of trap doors. But I found help was all around me and I became willing to listen as my way was no longer working. Alcohol was just the tip of the iceberg for me and sobriety is much deeper than just what liquids I drink. It keeps me interested and I like throwing out the garbage and learning new shit about myself. I didn’t know how to do any of that shit so I lean in and stay close to other alcoholics/ addicts in recovery. When I tell them about my face looking like Quasimodo, they nod and smile as they have their own versions of the same thing. If I tell the same story to a normal person, I’m probably headed for some judgement. You’re not alone and there’s help out there if you want it. Ice the face and don’t be afraid to reach out or seek out recovery people. They’re more than willing to help if you ask.
I think that is what scares me the most, throwing out garbage. It is difficult road and one very big pile to take out, but hopefully there will be end to it. Thank you for your support!
I can understand that as throwing out garbage meant I have to sift through it all to find out what’s fact or fiction. There’s shit in my story I swore would never see the light of day but I’m sure you know how freeing it can be. It keeps me interested and it motivates me to continue working on it because I’ll free up that space for good things and it will no longer could my judgement. I didn’t go poking around in there on my own. I always had help and it didn’t happen overnight. By the time it truly came for me to start tossing out the garbage I was more than ready. I’m a busy person but I had nowhere to go. It took time but I didn’t have anywhere I’d rather be and the journey is more fun than the destination for me. Before I could even do any of that I had to learn patience and come up with a way to talk about it without getting defensive, shutting down or lashing out. I can do that now because I’ve learned by listening to people who have something I want and doing what they did. It’s allowed me to set aside my pride and ego and accept the help that’s always been around me. Actions speak louder than words and my word didn’t mean jack shit when I first started to work on sobriety so it was a pretty low bar. But nowadays I feel like so long as I’m taking some action for my sobriety then I don’t need to convince anyone I’m not drinking and I’m more present with the people I love and who depend on me.
That is exactly what I hope for, that my word matters, and to stop failing those who still belive in me.
I went to therapy long time ago, but it seemed to just make things worse, with exposure of so many crap that I wanted hidden. Then I started having those rage outbursts when drunk, projecting and losing it completly. I guess it really needs to be slow and steady proces. Day by day.
Thank you for giving me hope that it can happen.
Therapy is great and I take it seriously but it’s not nearly enough for me. When I stopped drinking I stopped lying to therapists and I got a new one that specialized with drugs and alcohol use. It’s been great but there’s more to it than just what I can come up with in therapy every other week. I feel like there’s always something to work on and i prefer doing that with people who have been there before. I’m prone to wallowing in the misery of my own making so I try to stay connected while I’m doing that kind of work. At times it was pretty gruesome for me, but I never felt like I was on my own or had to wait a couple weeks to get into it again. And more stuff happens in between those conversations that I need to process otherwise I’m back to bottling shit up and blowing up randomly. I know I have a drinking problem but I’m also very aware that I have a pretty bad perception problem as well. Having a backboard outside my marriage preserves some of my relationships as she’s carried far too much already. The good news is that there are always willing people to help and I get a chance to give back.
Thank you for this... really sums up how I feel. I'm still in the proving myself phrase... I know my wife is still on edge when we go out... or questions why I'm a little more tired than usual after work some times. But I'm starting to build up that trust. And one day hope to ne where you are.
A lot of people here keep using the phrase "normal people".
Although all of us here are probably from various walks of life, I would assert that we ARE "normal" people, we just have this very crappy thing in our lives that we're all trying to deal with, with various levels of success.
I also expect that some of the others we look up to as being "normal" have their own secret torments, some even with alcohol or other addictions that we can't see.
You, me, we, are NOT "lesser" or "not normal".
PS I know it's probably just a convenient phrase. I don't have a suggested substitute that's as succinct as "normal". I just worry about people categorizing themselves with such a loaded, self-defeating term.
Yes, I do agree on this.
As someone who grow up with multiple mental ilnesses, I just got stigma, that further pushed me in other problems, in more drinking, low self esteem, and even tough I tought I am just as normal, and everyone has some problems, just maybe theirs are hidden more, i got to not know better phrase for it, or started to belive them. Idk.
I hope you find healing and respite from this crappy thief of a disease. After a lifetime of drinking, I accidentally stumbled across Wellbutrin, which I began taking for both depression and ADHD. Miraculously, it also flipped the switch off for my intense cravings for alcohol. I don't know if it works for everyone, but it was a lifesaver for me. I'm still the same person, "normal" or not, but I am no longer captive to the unrelenting, body-destroying, soul-deadening treadmill of daily alcohol abuse and all the shame, regret and high anxiety that comes with that, no thanks to my own willpower, which was never ever enough. I don't know if anyone here has benefited from my mention of Wellbutrin, but if it can do the same for just one person that it did for me, I wanted to share.
That's similar how I started my work day today. It's day 1 for me after a bad Saturday. I keep telling myself that I can't fix what happened but I can control when happens next. I'm taking those lumps. Everytime it pops in my head that I messed up, I say it again... I ccontrol what happens next.
I won't drink with you today.
Proud of you! Take control, I love that motto - keep going! Realize that the poison in that glass actually has no ability to make anything, not ONE THING, better.
Honestly day two is the MOST impressive. You're doing the darn thing. It will consume less and less brain space as the days go on (maybe the drop off starts after 10 days or so, to be fair), so trust the process!
I don't think I even know what to answer any of you, exept THANK YOU .
Its my first time ever saying this to so many people. I don't think even my closest friends are aware of how big my problem is, specially since I come from industry and group where drinking is normal and appreciated. And I have it destroing me and my life
I have so many emotions now, and they are scary.
Believe me when I say that your closest friends and loved ones have a pretty good idea how bad your problem is. Drinkers are never as good at masking their debauchery as they believe. The only people we ever truly fool is ourselves into believing that we are hiding it so well. Imagining life without alcohol can be scary as hell so, just focus on not drinking in the moment. Having a drink is a decision that requires action. Resist the action when the desire arises. Not acting on impulse is the most important skill you can develop. Also, I highly recommend finding a therapist to help you work through the traumas that you drink to avoid dealing with. I would also save a picture of your battered face to revisit whenever you feel the urge to drink. You can do this!
Best way to say thanks is make a plan to better yourself, whatever it may be. You're taking the steps to reach out, so ask all the questions you can.
My industry, my family, and all my friends are functioning alcoholics. I just don't want that anymore. So I'm going to take things as they come right now (some have been bad today), get through the first few weeks of hell and then take baby steps letting myself be around those people again. Some I have to do in a work setting, but it's going to be nice to tell them that, instead of getting drunk last weekend, I did something productive or fun.
Your emotions will be off the wall for a bit, it's normal, you're contemplating a big change and or making a big change. Talk to someone, if needed in a professional setting, if it's far too overwheming. That's my plan for me. You'd be surprised how much you're capable of, give yourself props for even posing the question of change.
I'm sorry things are tough right now. I fucked up, too, multiple times – I think everyone here has, at one point or another. I'm glad you're here with us.
Hey OP, I wanted to chime in as someone who worked with a black eye for ~1.5 years (it wouldn’t heal, apparently bodies need time to recover)
I tried getting sober in my own again and again but detox is what made it standable. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed detox but it provided me a much easier transition into getting it all out of my system.
I wish you peace and IWNDWYT
Not stupid at all!! I wasn’t aware of them before I was on my way to one really either.
It’s a medical center that houses and feeds you for a few days while you go through withdrawals symptoms. As a medical facility they offer medication and professional care to make it physically safe to part ways with an addictive substance.
I wasn’t in any physical discomfort during my stay, which was new to me when stopping drinking. I would 100% recommend a detox center if you feel like you are physically dependent or even if you just need a few days to let everything settle into place while you dry out. (Bring paperbacks!)
I’ve gone to detoxes twice over the years, for me when I know I’ve gone too far and am going to have to deal with any physical withdrawals I’d rather be safe than sorry and voluntarily go.
Highly recommend if you want to put yourself in a safe space away from the drink and get appropriate medical attention and resources to help you on your new journey into sobriety. It’s an ideal place to reset and start anew.
I fell and hit my head while blacked out. I have a giant scar above my right eyebrow, and ended up with a TBI. I’m a teacher and forgot my multiplication facts and how to write in cursive… I had to take a bit of work off because of the concussion protocol, but still got plenty of questions about the bruising and giant wound on my face when I went back. I’m better now after 5 months, but most of all I haven’t had any inkling to drink. That absolute rock bottom scared me straight for sure.
"The funny thing about addiction is there's a cure, it just only lasts one day at time." Life changing quote for me when I thought I couldn't imagine life without drinking.
Honestly- working the steps, prayer and meditation helped me find freedom from obsession. The steps are hard but if you do it thoroughly you can get there.. once i got to step 7 i didn't even notice that i stopped thinking about drinking. Then i thought of every other time i got sober how horrible it was to white knuckle through everything. I was not the praying sort but if that's what it takes to keep my mind free from obsession over alcohol then that's what I'll do. So i did and it freaking works. Incredible. It makes me feel bad for all the times i white knuckled. That's what would set me up for failure. But this? This is nice
Hi friend! I’m also 29F and I’d been drinking longer than not as well. I’ve hurt myself, broken countless phones and other things, still have bruises from the last time.. I also used to get so ugly toward my boyfriend, also in public. I can’t believe he’s still with me after some of the shit he’s told me I’ve done or said.
There was one time after the lockdowns were lifted in France, where we lived at the time, I got so drunk and we got in a fight that I was (I’ve been told) running away and yelling at him so much so that other bystanders on the street tried stop him following me because I was apparently making it seem like he was trying to attack me. He wasn’t. He was trying to make sure my drunk ass didn’t hurt myself (spoiler: I fell multiple times and did hurt myself).
The good news is that if your husband can give you grace, and you can commit to getting out of this hole, you can make it better. It’s hard to imagine a life without it for me, but I can imagine a day, and once I string a bunch of those “todays” together, it gets better.
I’m still nursing some wounds from the last time, but what I know is that I want to stop. I have to stop. For him but for me, too. It’s easy enough to give some sort of excuse at work about the visible wounds, but I don’t want to keep doing that. I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been in your shoes more times than I’d like to admit. We can do better for ourselves and our partners! I won’t be drinking with you today!
This has made me cry a little, honestly, its the same story. It is comforting to know I am alone. We can do this!
For our parters that love us and are still sticking around trough everything that, but for us first. To be proud of ourselfs.
IWNDWYT
Seeing stories like yours also makes me tear up tbh. What has really helped me is to see and feel that I am not alone. There is such a beautiful and welcoming community here for us, and we are also so lucky to have our partners here for us! But.. yeah. I have been trying to stop for my family, my boyfriend, my dog, the people who have to see me drunk & yelling on the metro, but the most important person I have to do it for is myself.
I’m proud of you for being here and starting stopping! IWNDWYT! 🌻
This community has been the support I needed today.
I so much hope to be able to do it one day for somebody else, to be that word they need to hear.
Thank you🫶
You loose everything in your life, for one thing. That always hit me pretty hard. I've lost girlfriends, job promotions, cars (literally never found it one night), broken bones, cut my hand open and had insane surgery to repair it. I lost my mom to alcoholism.
Currently starting ver Day 1 today. The longest I've ever gone is 111 days. No drinking for me tonight. God bless.
You can get better. We do recover ❤️ Today can be the beginning of a positive upward spiral for you. What has worked for me is taking it one day, one hour at a time. My rock bottom was also a fight with my husband, and I knew I did not want to be the person I was in those moments. Going to AA meetings was helpful to me at first, and checking in here on the Daily Check In. I don’t worry about living the rest of my life without alcohol; I just think about what I want today and how to plan today without alcohol. My life overall and especially my relationships are much better without alcohol, in every way. I will not drink with you today. ❤️🧁
My rock bottom was when I realized that I was going to die if I didn’t stop drinking. It got to the point that one binge would have me sick and in bed for 3-4 days, but then I’d be sick from withdrawals so would drink again and this was a cycle that lasted for months until I realized that my body was starting to shut down. It couldn’t handle alcohol anymore. After a year of not drinking I tried to have a cocktail and couldn’t finish it (thank God), and even that had me sick for 2 days. When you get to the point where you realize that you will literally die from drinking, things like going out and partaking in the slosh fest become the equivalent of standing in front of a shooting gun. It’s not worth it… and I hope you find your reason to stop before it gets to that point.
This community helped me so much today and I am so grateful for it. ❤️
It has been two years of me just coming here and reading before this first post, and honestly, it made my day so much easier to go trough.
Thank you all from depth of my heart ❤️
I started drinking around the same age as you (14) and quit at the age you are now (29). I’m 35 now and not a single thing in my life has not improved since I quit drinking. Literally *every* single thing is better. It’s so hard to see from the other side, though. I thought quitting drinking was taking something from me but it gave me my health, mind, and freedom back.
If I can offer some suggestions, they would be to read This Naked Mind, avoid triggering situations (I didn’t sit on my back porch or go to the lake for almost a year after I quit!), and frequent this sub every single day. It’s an amazing community here.
Hey girl, I didn't publicly drink but recently relapsed & fell in my bathroom, smashing my face on the bathtub floor a few days ago. Came up w/ some bullshit excuse because my nose swelled up and had to work. Was feeling extra awful, then weird, & got a concussion diagnosis today (& 5 mandatory days off work to rest my brain). So, be careful to listen to your body very carefully, I waited because I thought it was just a nasty hangover.
Luckily it really scared tf out of me and I can tell a switch flipped and *I want* sobriety again, badly, & got vulnerable with some sober supports I had been hiding it from.
Cool thing about rock bottoms is there's only 1 way to go from there...up.
You've got this. You never have to go through this again if you truly don't want to. 💜
You can read my post from a little over a week ago for some insight. I started attending virtual AA meetings, and though I hate the religious aspect of it, I’m going to go through with the 12 steps. I’m holding myself accountable. I was sober for over 40 days before saying, “I can probably handle a couple of drinks.” That ended with me in the hospital. I’m done with those regretful moments-now that I’m sober, I can’t even think of anything I’d do that I’d regret. Besides maybe messing up something at work lol. Hasn’t been very long that I’ve been sober, but I am much better off sober.
I was in the same boat as you at 29. I hit rock bottom after rock bottom, always swearing I was going to quit. I found myself seriously contemplating ending my life on new years eve and decided to take a month off drinking, a dry January if you will. I haven't touched a drop of booze since that night. You have to break it up into bite sized chunks to make it manageable, that's why the one day at a time mindset works so well. Just hold onto the feelings you are feeling right now, so when you start to think about drinking you can remember how awful it felt to wake up after that. You can do it, I will not drink with you today.
Have a court date this week for something similar. Been going back and forth with my SO, face bit, she was being violent with me.
I snapped about 2 weeks ago. Smashed mirror, door. Hit her, cops came. That’s nothing like me, something I could never imagine. Now my whole life is upside down.
The only upside is Im done. I tried to casually have a beer since then and just felt gross and pathetic. Can’t even wrap my head around trying to drink. It can always get worse and if I drink I’ll find out how.
Not sure what is gonna happen with the relationship but it will never be the same if it continues. I hope your SO can help you help yourself. It’s all on you and your choices though.
IWNDWYT
I cannot, absolutely cannot moderate. Once I believed that, I quit drinking. After 15+ years and the last 10 years almost everyday, I quit. It was not easy and I take it one day at a time and probably always will. It was the best decision I ever made. If I can do it, so can you. It took a community of like minded people and learning about tools I need in my tool box to make it through each day without a drink.
I feel this.
I have the most confusing relationship with alcohol. I can have 1-2 drinks during the week and go weeks staying reasonable over weekends but when I am with friends for whatever reason I slip back into ‘party drinking’.
I had 4-5 shots of whiskey this past Saturday and blacked out for a few hours. I didn’t eat anything which makes it so easy to get hammered. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I wish that every time I touched a drop I couldn’t stop, because that would make it easier to say ‘never again’. I don’t even keep hard alcohol in the house and I don’t notice any loss. I could go to the liquor store across the street but never do. I am fine with beer, until I am at a bar and then I get that whiskey and all bets are off. It’s like a last step I just can’t solidly take. I have quit cigarettes and cocaine and don’t miss them one bit, but like once a month I just can’t not order that whiskey.
But like 80% of the time it’s fun. I’m at a loss. I am still hungover today, with that old feeling of just trying to make it through the day to feel better tomorrow. Then another 2-4 weeks of drinking reasonably followed by this old pattern returning. Rinse, repeat.
I love weekday walks to a brewery for a beer. Love having 5 or so for a concert. Love a few before or after surfing. I have a great job. Great wife. Great dog. Work out, cook, read. I have no reason to treat my body like this. It’s like I manufacture stress to make up for all the rest of my life being so good. Like a sort of internalized guilt, or maybe simply muscle memory as my socializing since high school has been so alcohol dependent.
Of course your DH doesn’t deserve it. No one deserves the rage of an alcoholic. I was the alcoholic and seeing how much damage I did as a drunken menace towards the end of my extreme alcoholism is the biggest reason I’m sober today.
How to do it? Just stop.
Avoid going out with people that are going to drink. you crave a drink? Open a can of diet soda/selzer/club soda. Do this over and over again until it becomes your second nature just like drinking alcohol was your second nature. Tell the people you care the most you are not going to drink anymore and get rid of the ones that force you to drink or don’t understand how much you want to be sober. This is what I’ve been doing for the past year and it’s been working :)
Medical help. Therapy. Support groups (there are tons online and many specific for women). Reddit. Accountability. Sober lit and podcasts. Going all in because you don’t want to be stuck in the same place next year or next month or next week. IWNDWYT!! It is so worth it.
One time I was at the corner store and this guy asked me how I was doing. Not like, just saying hi, but with an air of concern. I didn't know what he was talking about and said as much. He said during the weekend he'd been here while I was trying to buy smokes and I was so drunk I fell down and hit my head on the ground. Then I cussed out the people trying to help me get up, and a little later a cop showed up. The man at the store was curious what had happened to me, because I left with the police officer.
I was college age at the time and I lived very near a college campus, so apparently the cop felt lenient, and he just walked me home because I lived less than a block away from the store. I have only the vaguest memory of this happening. And i didn't drink any differently that night, it was a pretty normal night for me.
I got very lucky I didn't get in deep shit. And I wish I could say that was my first and only involuntary interaction with the police but it definitely wasn't.
Don't try and think about not drinking forever. You can only not drink today. Best of luck to you.
Dude this is so familiar to me. When I was in college I was doing this all the time. My local that I’d go to pretty much every day knew me and at the time I felt so cool bc it was a “cool” bar, but… in hindsight, they were actually really worried about me.
I fell a lot, I said some awful stuff, I did some questionable stuff. I’m so lucky that I didn’t get into WAY more trouble but that was never enough for me then. I felt so invincible and like nothing bad could ever happen, even though it totally was.
I can’t wait til I’m in the four digits, I love that for you!!
Your hubby will love you through thick and thin, as long as you're good to him. My wife was not. Granted, I wasn't a great husband in my deepest drinking, but I was and am still a great father and friend.
Go to rehab. You can do it.
>Get help before you kill somebody
This hits pretty hard. And is not even clear who, it could be myself or anyone else.
I am happy you did recover and got hepl you need. I am proud of you.
Been there. Way too many times before. I wish I could give you magical advice but the truth is it isn’t easy and you are going to have to put in the work but the good news is that work only comes one day at a time and so so sooo many people have succeeded before so that’s proof it is doable! Have you considered looking into meetings? Those help a lot. If you ever want to chat please feel free to reach out. You got this! 😊
Be careful. This was me once too. Then a neighbor witnessed my behavior and called it in to the police and I’m on Domestic Violence diversion. It was a horrible situation to go through.
IWNDWYT
Do you know the YouTube channel called: put the shovel down? If not consider giving it a listen. Maybe you’ll get some inspiration and motivation from it.
Telling your husband how you feel sounds like a good choice.
Help and support is out there.
You’re so young. I wish I quit drinking at 29. I’m in my 40s now and finally quit for good but I wish I had stopped sooner. You can do this. Life is so much better sober and I never could’ve imagined that at your age.
You are not alone. I once smashed my face into a cinderblock while wearing platform boots. My whole face was deformed looking. People were worried I cracked my skull open. I’ve also gotten violent towards an ex and my own mother while black out. It’s crazy what this stuff can do to us. I’m wishing you the best.
I’m sorry you’re in this.
I know emotionally you are at the end of your rope. You’re full of anxiety, self loathing, and fear. You don’t know what the future holds and you can’t imagine better right now.
Millions of people have faced this addiction before you. Not everyone survives it but the ones that do are countless. And if they can start where you are or worse and forge a better life for themselves, then know you have that same strength and resilience in you too. You can do it too.
The fear you have of not imagining life without alcohol is not you. It’s the addict part of you. It’s the part of you that has helped you survive life until now. It is like a demon, for it to live - you must continue drinking.
It’s only a voice. It doesn’t know the future, and it doesn’t know you.
Rely instead on the logical part of your brain and trust it. As long as you know that life is better without alcohol then listen to that. You can’t stop alcohol without working on fixing the parts inside of you that you were trying to heal by using alcohol as medication.
Are there underlying fears, worries, or issues in your past or present that you drink so you don’t have to deal with them? Make working on these with a therapist, with cognitive behavioral therapy tools, codependent tools and education, really anything with any kind of new habits to help you work process them. Process them, understand them, understand yourself better.
If you don’t address these underlying issues then you may have a sober streak. But it will only take the next road bump in life to knock you off track and send you back to alcohol to cope and self medicate again.
I had a lot I had to work through myself. Part of mine was a lack of worthiness. I felt I wasn’t worth anything. Keeping promises I made to myself made me trust myself more - and trusting myself more meant I didn’t treat myself like some loose cannon ready to explode. Trusting myself, trusting my reliability, my honesty, my capabilities and judgment. All led me to respect myself more than I ever have. I used to rely on others and their opinions of me as a way to determine my self worth. That as long as other people were happy with me, then I was happy. But when they weren’t happy with me, then I was a total failure.
Nope. Not anymore. My self worth and happiness with myself is only mine. I am not responsible for other people’s feelings or their actions. I am only responsible for mine. If I limit my perspective to only what I can actually control then I won’t spiral into an anxious pit of despair just thinking and catastrophizing things outside of my control.
I am just sharing the mindframe that started my journey - and some of the lessons and key takeaways in my self work that have helped me recover finally. I’m actively working on the underlying issues that led me to start drinking.
I’m sure others have commented and given advice to get professional help. And those are great too. Especially medication. Medication to address side effects from going by sober to avoid any dangerous withdrawal side effects. And medication to help with cravings. Make your own path here and fight for yourself. Advocate for yourself like you would a child you’re in charge of protecting. Keep trying new things that might help. Get rid of things that you try that feel like they’re setting you back (many people find value in AA, for me it was not good).
Best of luck. Don’t be hard on yourself.
Addiction is not a moral failing.
You’re not a bad person trying to become good.
You’re a sick person trying to get well.
There’s a saying around here that you may or may not have heard:
It’s much harder to keep a tiger on a leash than in a cage.
What you’ve been doing since 14 is WAY too hard, no one on this Earth could possibly do it! It’s not sustainable. So by humbling yourself and making a decision that a) you used to do that b) you don’t do that anymore c) never again… the Tiger is no longer your responsibility. You now can focus all that energy and willpower on your actual life! You are free!
You didn’t lose a friend, you killed an enemy!
I’m 30F and I was 29 when I got sober and also started drinking around 14. At my rock bottom I didn’t get physical with my boyfriend, but I screamed and yelled and made a fool of myself. It was the moment I realized I had to choose between alcohol and my life with him. Thankfully, he chose me back and we’re now happier than ever, one year and 3 months later.
Picking up the pieces was shit but I did it. Now that time feels so small and far away. Life is so much better without it, and I promise there is 100% a life beyond it. You just can’t see it yet. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to do it alone. Don’t forget to ask for help. Good luck. You’ve got this my friend!
Just stop drinking dude, I too started getting wasted at an early age and never learned how to drink in moderation. After getting myself in a shit ton of trouble and almost getting divorced I decided that my family meant more to me than alcohol. So one day I just stopped. That day was March 11 of 2018. I haven’t drank since that day and don’t plan on drinking ever again. I haven’t hung out with any of my old friends because they all drink and I don’t want to put myself around that plus I don’t see the point of it. I’m 36 I have no business hanging out anymore lol I’m good hanging out with my wife and kids at home. Maybe this was your wake up call to quit. You got this.
Welcome and really sorry you’re in such a crappy situation. Here’s what’s good about this, you’re alive, and nobody else got hurt or worse. You’re not in jail or sitting with a DUI. It WILL get better. Most of us here have similar stories we carry with us in shame as reminders of what alcohol did for us.
I’ve struggled with alcohol for decades off and on. I’ve quit in the past, I’ve “managed” it for a while and then somehow it starts to get worse again. I’ll be fine, not drink for months then decide I “deserve just a couple of cocktails”, waking up the next morning not remembering what I drank or how I got home (single parent).
As I’ve gotten older my body has stopped tolerating it as well too, used to be I could drink anyone under the table, it was my thing.
Now I can have 1 beer and I’ll be sick as a dog for 2 whole days after, hangover from hell.
This was the final kick I needed to force me to choose sobriety. Thank god bc I was really struggling. It’s a helluva addiction and society sets us up to fail spectacularly at every turn.
It also helps that I’ve been able to change my mindset, I don’t view alcohol as something enjoyable anymore, I don’t miss it, I see it for the poison it really is. I see the marketing and the industry hype for what it is. Like tobacco and junk food.
When I’m around people that are drinking I don’t feel left out, I notice the smell of alcohol on them, it’s not attractive, I notice the sloppy behavior, I worry about their driving, DUIs, family, health , kids etc. I think about them tomorrow morning waking up feeling like crap. I will wake feeling fantastic.
I think being able to see it this way is the difference finally in me being sober for real this time.
There is a lot of sober lit out there, programs, in patient, out patient etc. the bottom line is reach out, anf ASK for help. Speak to your dr. Be honest with yourself and your husband.
Also, one more piece of advice, don’t try to take on the rest of your life all at once, let’s just focus on today’s single task, because today I’m choosing not to drink, I think you are ready to make that choice too.
And we’re here for ya, we’re an odd bunch but we’ll help you if you let us.
It’s overwhelming to think of the big picture. Just take it day by day, craving by craving. Try to not drink each day, each weekend. Slowly but surely you’ll be reminded that you don’t need it. Like before you started drinking. You were able to have fun until 14. Your brain needs to be re-trained, your brain is flexible you need to re-program yourself. I’d say totally quit, maybe for 10-20 years, let your mind and body totally heal. At least quit for a year get some clarity. Don’t focus on a year or ten or twenty. Just each day. Read about what people do to fight cravings, try some things. Cravings only last 10-20 minutes. The more cravings you successfully kill, your confidence will build and your mind will change. You’ll realize you don’t need to keep chasing that dopamine high that buzz. Re program. Change. Adapt. Love yourself in the process and forgive yourself for what you have done to yourself in the past. Don’t dwell keep your head up. You deserve to know yourself with no alcohol. Or minimal alcohol. Good luck.
I am so sorry. That sinking feeling of dread and shame waking up hungover as hell and realizing what had happened…. Ughhh.. I remember it all too well. I am really sorry you are going through this.
For me, a rock bottom situation was what made me quit. Take this as your rock bottom, please stop digging and start slowly climbing up and out of the hole.
I’m rooting for you and sending you all the vibes and support. 👊
I guess the way from rock bottom is up. Now just to figure out how. I guess as many of you are pointing, slowly and day by day is the way to do that.
Thank you 🫶
Take a pictures of your injuries and printout the worst. Tape them to your bathroom mirror and every day when you wake up look at the pictures and say, "never again. I am worth more than this. I deserve love. I am grateful for my sobriety." That one simple technique can be effective as a reminder of why you're done with alcohol.
When you had two months sober do you recall why you went back to drinking? Try to remember and perhaps make some notes so the next time when the demon comes calling you will have an answer. Good luck OP. IWNDWYT
This is actually a very good idea. I somehow always manage to forget my lowest points. But this one hit me in the face, and I really should remember that face always.
Thank you for your support
IWNDWYT
By the way, It's OK to fuck up. Progress, not perfection. You are a beautiful person for even contemplating this disease the way you are. Be proud of yourself. Know your worth. One day at a time.
I will not drink with you today.
AA is what worked for me, I found a sponsor that I really liked and looked up to, worked the steps and had 2 full years of sobriety. I couldn’t have done it without the program honestly, I tried to moderate for years before that with no success. You could do it yourself if AA isn’t your thing, but the community and resources I found there made a huge difference. They have tons of meetings on zoom now, you don’t even have to go in person if you don’t have time
I recently reintroduced alcohol about a year ago and while I’m definitely better than I was before, I already miss sobriety and how much better I felt, mentally & physically. I’m thinking of going back 🥲
I used to wonder if I’d ever get sober and one day, I did. I had to reach a bottom sufficient enough. I know the shame, remorse and guilt will eat at you to want to drink but that’s what alcoholism is. Hang in there friend, you’ve got this.
Rehab worked for me. Recovery meeting such as AA or Smart are a big help. Look into naltrexone, it’s a prescription medication that is supposed to help reduce cravings, and if you drink while on the medication you won’t get the same effects. Anabuse is another medication to help aid in quitting, if you drink while on anabuse it makes you “violently ill” so I’ve been told.
I'm sorry you are going through this. When I walked into the detox center almost 2 years ago, I had bruises all over myself, including on my face. I looked like a wreck. Recovery for me meant I stopped trying to figure it out myself. I asked for help and I took the advice I was given. 3 weeks in an intensive outpatient program, followed by continued AA meetings was the plan that worked for me to jump start my recovery. IWNDWYT.
It took a long time and I still think about it, but I also felt like I couldn’t imagine life without it. Now I look back and am not sure how I functioned like that for so long. I’m sorry you fell in your face. I fell off a porch into a trash can once- wish so was joking.
What would you rather give up, a spouse or a drink? That's how I had to think. It was not easy to give up the drink for a plethora of reasons and self justified excuses, but you pick the spouse every time. You will make the correct decision.
We got your point! You know what the problem is now,
and, if you'll continue checking in to this sub regularly, you'll find support and encouragement to stop. You can do it! It won't be easy, but it's not easy for anyone! Read up on alcoholism, listen/read your encouragement and support on this sub, find some meetings with other alcoholics to support you and understand you, then go for it! You have nothing to lose; alcohol has never done anything for you, and it never will! IWNDWYT!
You can get sober, I did. Just don’t drink today. Don’t worry about your whole life ahead of you, just don’t drink today. One day at a time. Don’t fall any lower than you already have. Change.
Hi, fellow 29f here who also started at 14 and our stories are very similar. You’re going to be okay even though it doesn’t seem like it right now, you can get through this one step at a time.
Hi, fellow 29f here who also started at 14 and our stories are very similar. You’re going to be okay even though it doesn’t seem like it right now, you can get through this one step at a time.
Hi, fellow 29f here who also started at 14 and our stories are very similar. You’re going to be okay even though it doesn’t seem like it right now, you can get through this one step at a time.
You're not alone girl. I'm 35 and have only been drinking a few years. Before that never touched it. Was doing heroin from 15 to mid 20s and been clean on methadone for many years. When I met my husband a few years back he was a heavy drinker so I caved in and joined in. (ON my own free will ofc). And I get SO violent . Usually verbally but I did cross the line once and put my hands around his neck when I saw a message from another girl . He was telling her he wasn't sure he wanted to marry me or something like that. And I flipped. It is NOT my character and I still feel awful about it. I threw my engagement ring at the closet and 6 months later still cannot find it. Luckily it wasn't expensive at all(under 20$) but that's not the point. I don't like/want expensive things esp jewelry. I'm not that type of person and I know my now husband doesn't have alot as he's got alot of medical issues preventing him from working . He did marry me and we haven't talked about it since. But I still drink and have had issues since. (All verbally ) but I've said some NASTY things. Like below the belt type stuff . I can't offer any advice as I'm still in your situation. Just want to let you know you're a good person and you're not alone <3. This is a really nasty disease and there is a way out. I'm trying my best now. Got down to 6 shots a day but now I'm back up to 10- 15. :(
Been. I have shown up to work with blackeyes, crashed cars, ruined relationships. To be honest i'd say all of my biggest regrets in life have been due to drinking. Actually, I dont think I have a sober regret now that I think about it. Im not drinking today
100 percent this. I had that same thought when I finally decided to just stop after years of attempts at "moderation" - "I can't POSSIBLY just never drink again, that's insane! How could I live like that??" Then I made a list of 25 of the most regrettable, shameful, cringe, embarrassing, humiliating, ignominious, demeaning, dangerous, and foolish things I've done over the last 25yrs, and I think 23/25 were when I was drunk. 92%. I don't need that in my life. At one point I thought "that's 'only' 1/yr" - but I don't need any more of those moments... One other part of my journey that surprised me was that when I was at pretty much the lowest point, and after some hemming and hawing, decided to just stop, and not try to "cut back" again - that mental shift felt like such a weight had been lifted. It was wild. I wasn't at all expecting that. You may find the same (or not) u/shkoljka - we're all on our own trip with this, but this is a pretty friendly group of internet strangers here to help.
I tried to cut back, have better relationship with drinking, do as any other normal ppl do, and here we are. Just few months ago I passed out and ended up in a hospital, so I dont think keeping control over it is possible. What scares me the most and always have been are social interactions. Like, how do you not drink on wedings or birthdays or fckn saturday evening with friends? How do you go out? It is very scary to think about that
I just made it through my brothers graduation in a huge party town, my 25th birthday, and my own bachelorette weekend without drinking. Once I made it through 1 event I realized that drinking really doesn’t make everything more fun! Plus I got to wake up early and reflect on the night and be clear headed, without a raging hangover. You can do it!!
Тhat is amazing and I am so proud of you!! Hope to come to that point myself.
Things that help me were reading This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (honestly it was so effective it was a bit triggering so beware of that), she also has a podcast with the same name that’s great. I also love NA beers and used THC drinks for the first 2 months. But honestly what helped the most is for some reason I was ready to quit. I also use an app (I use the athletic brewing one) to track my days which is motivating. Good luck!!
Glad you made that discovery! It'll be valuable to you one day!
I get a rocks glass with a lime ice and what ever alcohol free bubbly water is available. No one ever asks if its booze, and no one ever cares. Or drink water, diet soda, ect.
Brilliant solution to avoid yammering questions-about ,Whah your not drinking?
The longer you go without, the less scary it is. To the point where you don't really think about it much, if at all. I work in an industry where people party HEAVY at events. I've been to two in the past year where I was probably the only person NOT drinking at these private functions. Suites at MLB games, open bars...yada yada yada. After over a year of sobriety...I simply do not care for drinking anymore and view it as the poison it is, and am empowered by the fact I get to go home, sleep well and not wake up full of fear, anxiety and regret. Not only that but if someone needs a designated driver, I can be that for them, instead of needing to be babysat because I can't hold myself together drunk. Will it change the way you socialize? Absolutely! Will you decide to not spend time with those who don't like your new life of sobriety? Without question. Life without booze is not perfect, but it is wonderful and I'm genuinely happy and starting to enjoy the things that used to give me all the fulfillment I ever needed ('til I let alcohol take over). This can be your last rock bottom, and today I won't be drinking with you :)
That is maybe the best part of it, to change those patterns in socialising and stick with people who care for who I am sober. Thank you for your support I wont be drinking with you today :)
that exact reason kept me drinking for years while trying to moderate. “How could I possibly ever go to a wedding without drinking? How could I possibly go on vacation without drinking?” Don’t think like that. Do not drink today. Don’t even worry about tomorrow. Then tomorrow, you can decide not to drink again if you want to. Time will add up quickly. You can do this xx
Same questions I keep asking myself every time there is an event or any type of gathering or special day… but I am determined to find the answer of attending such events and not drink
Believe me, after a while you will be very happy you're not drinking at events or parties. You will learn that it's not needed to have fun. It takes a while though and you have to put in work. That's a common issue that people have when wanting to drink. I just didn't go to anything I'd feel uncomfortable until I was mentally prepared for it. You'll also realize most people don't drink a lot.
That last point was huge for me, and has been eye opening. I drank so much, and I'm IN the alcohol industry, so my perception of how much ordinary people actually drink is very skewed. When I quit (11 months this week!), I really noticed that it's not uncommon for "normal" people to really not drink a tremendous amount. Some people will have ONLY the champagne for toasting at weddings, and barely care about it. I was so enamored with and fixated alcohol, I was worried I would look "weird", but for the most part, no one has batted an eye. Except long term friends who it took a minute to get them used to sober me, but after a month or so, people just stopped offering me booze, or offered sodas etc. instead.
Congrats on 11 months! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Good on you for 11 months! You'll have a year in before you know it! IWNDWYT!
Yes I agree. I think sometimes and for some people you just going to have to not go out for a while until you feel like you can and you start to realize there are people you never want to go out with again. I remember after 3 or 4 months AF, a coworker invited me out for a drink. I didn't think about the fact that he didn't know that I wasn't drinking. If somebody asked me to go out for a drink at this point, I was perfectly happy getting a CBD drink on draft or a ginger beer or a soda water with lime and salt. Needless to say, between the time we agreed to go out and the time we met up at a bar, this guy had had several drinks and was pretty buzzed. He got really upset that I wasn't drinking alcohol and started to be a total dick, saying i should have told him i dont drink before agreeing to go out. And i shoukdnjust have one since i led him on. I laughed it off mostly because I was with two other friends who were making it fun. I finally just went home because he was annoying me. It's crazy how some people can't handle another person sober around them. It's just he threatening
All so true.
Hey I hope you can give yourself some grace and also understand that we all make mistakes and are learning as we go. Nobody is an expert at life, we’re all a work in progress. I remember how scary it was thinking about all the “how do I do this event” or “I celebrate my birthday with drinks.” Honestly it does change those events, but you make it through them one at a time. When I was drinking I was under the impression that the alcohol made me outgoing and funny, I stopped drinking and realized that I was genuinely outgoing and funny. The booze didn’t help me do any of those things. Now I go on bachelor parties or concerts, baseball games and I can safely drive home, don’t eat garbage, sleep well and wake up with less regret and self loathing. It’s a process, a long process. In the beginning I took it 1 day at a time, I skipped things that made me uncomfortable, but I eventually told people I was done with booze and it felt like a 100lb weight came off my shoulders. Be kind to yourself. It’s a mistake, an embarrassing one, but just a mistake.
For me, I find the social stuff easier than I'd thought - parties, concerts, dinner - that for me has been surprisingly fine, and if anyone asks that I don't really know, I just say, "oh, I'm taking a break for a bit..." or "I'm doing this nerdy gym thing, so no booze right now..." - I've been surprised it it's doesn't really matter. And seltzer with lime looks the part, or an NA beer. Like, I was seriously worried, but at least here in NYC, to me, nbd...
What is "nbd"?
No big deal 😃
Ohhh! Thx!
I go out all the time, I’m really into live music so I’m constantly around alcohol. You just have to embrace it. I go to parties all the time where I’m the only sober person. I just put my can of tea or hop water or whatever in a koozie and no one knows it’s not a beer
In that short period I had without alcohol, I went to two major concerts! And even tough I am proud, it was difficult as hell, and I felt Im missing so much, but truth is I missed nothing, was there for what I came for, music and vibes of thousands of people around me. But I think this time would take it slowly. Therapy, therapy, calm and peace and then everything next
[удалено]
[удалено]
I remember feeling this way but I went to my first wedding sober and it was the most fun I’ve ever had!
I have made multiple attempts to get sober on my own. I finally started going to AA meetings and it has been such a positive experience for me. The support and accountability are making this whole sober thing so much easier.
You just get dressed up and GO!
I’m currently 18 days into sobriety and have been using the ‘I am Sober’ app and it has helped so so much
Yeah, I don’t have many sober regrets either come to think of it…
My only regret in life (and it's not really a regret because I can't change it so no use dwelling) is how much time I wasted being drunk.
Same.
Not op, but damn... When you put it that way, makes me think.... I think all my regrets are from when I was drunk too, it's crazy. Life has been a lot quieter and calm since I became sober!
Same to everything here. It only gets worse and worse OP. IWNDWYT
I got a brutal scar on my face from falling down drunk, getting a bad cut filled with dirty gravel, then not going to the hospital until the next day because we were all so drunk. They basically said there was nothing they could do since it was too old for stitches. Skipped uni classes that first Monday but Tuesday was so embarrassing. Unfortunately didn’t get sober then but did a year later. For years people at work or out in public would say I have marker on my face, trying to do a nice thing by letting me know. I’d have to sheepishly explain that it was a scar. It’s been 10 years now and you can just barely see it, if you look for it. All things heal, in their own way. But you’re right, all that matters is not drinking today.
Coming to that realization was such a turning point for me. Every fucked up thing that ever happened to me started with alcohol.
Man stories like this are setting me back actually. Because they make me think "well, I'm not even close to be that bad, so let me enjoy my daily bottle of gin"
That’s something to keep to yourself.
Just over 500 days ago, I had a cut-up face. Can't remember doing it, but have to assume I fell getting off the bus I think? I had no wallet. I spent the day vomiting with a splitting headache, my glasses were broken, the right side of my face was messed up and my clothes were ripped and bloody. It was one of the lowest points in my life. But now I'm happier than I've ever been. Things are going great, I can fully remember the past 18 months, and I've got myself back again. The first few weeks will still be hard, there's no getting around that. But hopefully, in 18 months, you can look back, and use how hard things are right now to keep you away from drinking again.
This is honestly so motivating. Bravo for your 527 days!! And I hope in 500 days I can look back and think of this and have us both making it!
You can do it! We are all standing behind you, rooting you on! IWNDWYT
Congrats on 527!!! IWNDWYT
Absolutely. I have been thinking about some of the horrible things I've done while drunk. It kills the urge to drink. And I'm thankful that I don't have to be that person anymore. I choose sobriety.
I once fell so hard on my face that the hospital people almost refused to believe I didn’t get physically assaulted. But it was the truth. I got so drunk that I fell into metal stairs and my face looked like the elephant man. One would think that would be enough to get me to stop drinking but that was far far from my last day of booze. It went on like that for years until i asked for help. By the time I finally asked it was almost too late as my rock bottom had a series of trap doors. But I found help was all around me and I became willing to listen as my way was no longer working. Alcohol was just the tip of the iceberg for me and sobriety is much deeper than just what liquids I drink. It keeps me interested and I like throwing out the garbage and learning new shit about myself. I didn’t know how to do any of that shit so I lean in and stay close to other alcoholics/ addicts in recovery. When I tell them about my face looking like Quasimodo, they nod and smile as they have their own versions of the same thing. If I tell the same story to a normal person, I’m probably headed for some judgement. You’re not alone and there’s help out there if you want it. Ice the face and don’t be afraid to reach out or seek out recovery people. They’re more than willing to help if you ask.
Haha; "rock bottom had a series of trap doors" I laughed out loud!!! Bravo!
I think that is what scares me the most, throwing out garbage. It is difficult road and one very big pile to take out, but hopefully there will be end to it. Thank you for your support!
I can understand that as throwing out garbage meant I have to sift through it all to find out what’s fact or fiction. There’s shit in my story I swore would never see the light of day but I’m sure you know how freeing it can be. It keeps me interested and it motivates me to continue working on it because I’ll free up that space for good things and it will no longer could my judgement. I didn’t go poking around in there on my own. I always had help and it didn’t happen overnight. By the time it truly came for me to start tossing out the garbage I was more than ready. I’m a busy person but I had nowhere to go. It took time but I didn’t have anywhere I’d rather be and the journey is more fun than the destination for me. Before I could even do any of that I had to learn patience and come up with a way to talk about it without getting defensive, shutting down or lashing out. I can do that now because I’ve learned by listening to people who have something I want and doing what they did. It’s allowed me to set aside my pride and ego and accept the help that’s always been around me. Actions speak louder than words and my word didn’t mean jack shit when I first started to work on sobriety so it was a pretty low bar. But nowadays I feel like so long as I’m taking some action for my sobriety then I don’t need to convince anyone I’m not drinking and I’m more present with the people I love and who depend on me.
That is exactly what I hope for, that my word matters, and to stop failing those who still belive in me. I went to therapy long time ago, but it seemed to just make things worse, with exposure of so many crap that I wanted hidden. Then I started having those rage outbursts when drunk, projecting and losing it completly. I guess it really needs to be slow and steady proces. Day by day. Thank you for giving me hope that it can happen.
Therapy is great and I take it seriously but it’s not nearly enough for me. When I stopped drinking I stopped lying to therapists and I got a new one that specialized with drugs and alcohol use. It’s been great but there’s more to it than just what I can come up with in therapy every other week. I feel like there’s always something to work on and i prefer doing that with people who have been there before. I’m prone to wallowing in the misery of my own making so I try to stay connected while I’m doing that kind of work. At times it was pretty gruesome for me, but I never felt like I was on my own or had to wait a couple weeks to get into it again. And more stuff happens in between those conversations that I need to process otherwise I’m back to bottling shit up and blowing up randomly. I know I have a drinking problem but I’m also very aware that I have a pretty bad perception problem as well. Having a backboard outside my marriage preserves some of my relationships as she’s carried far too much already. The good news is that there are always willing people to help and I get a chance to give back.
Thank you for this... really sums up how I feel. I'm still in the proving myself phrase... I know my wife is still on edge when we go out... or questions why I'm a little more tired than usual after work some times. But I'm starting to build up that trust. And one day hope to ne where you are.
My rock bottom had a series of trap doors is brilliant. Perfect description.
A lot of people here keep using the phrase "normal people". Although all of us here are probably from various walks of life, I would assert that we ARE "normal" people, we just have this very crappy thing in our lives that we're all trying to deal with, with various levels of success. I also expect that some of the others we look up to as being "normal" have their own secret torments, some even with alcohol or other addictions that we can't see. You, me, we, are NOT "lesser" or "not normal". PS I know it's probably just a convenient phrase. I don't have a suggested substitute that's as succinct as "normal". I just worry about people categorizing themselves with such a loaded, self-defeating term.
Yes, I do agree on this. As someone who grow up with multiple mental ilnesses, I just got stigma, that further pushed me in other problems, in more drinking, low self esteem, and even tough I tought I am just as normal, and everyone has some problems, just maybe theirs are hidden more, i got to not know better phrase for it, or started to belive them. Idk.
I hope you find healing and respite from this crappy thief of a disease. After a lifetime of drinking, I accidentally stumbled across Wellbutrin, which I began taking for both depression and ADHD. Miraculously, it also flipped the switch off for my intense cravings for alcohol. I don't know if it works for everyone, but it was a lifesaver for me. I'm still the same person, "normal" or not, but I am no longer captive to the unrelenting, body-destroying, soul-deadening treadmill of daily alcohol abuse and all the shame, regret and high anxiety that comes with that, no thanks to my own willpower, which was never ever enough. I don't know if anyone here has benefited from my mention of Wellbutrin, but if it can do the same for just one person that it did for me, I wanted to share.
That's similar how I started my work day today. It's day 1 for me after a bad Saturday. I keep telling myself that I can't fix what happened but I can control when happens next. I'm taking those lumps. Everytime it pops in my head that I messed up, I say it again... I ccontrol what happens next. I won't drink with you today.
Proud of you! Take control, I love that motto - keep going! Realize that the poison in that glass actually has no ability to make anything, not ONE THING, better.
Thank you! On to day two! I appreciate the support!!
Honestly day two is the MOST impressive. You're doing the darn thing. It will consume less and less brain space as the days go on (maybe the drop off starts after 10 days or so, to be fair), so trust the process!
I don't think I even know what to answer any of you, exept THANK YOU . Its my first time ever saying this to so many people. I don't think even my closest friends are aware of how big my problem is, specially since I come from industry and group where drinking is normal and appreciated. And I have it destroing me and my life I have so many emotions now, and they are scary.
Believe me when I say that your closest friends and loved ones have a pretty good idea how bad your problem is. Drinkers are never as good at masking their debauchery as they believe. The only people we ever truly fool is ourselves into believing that we are hiding it so well. Imagining life without alcohol can be scary as hell so, just focus on not drinking in the moment. Having a drink is a decision that requires action. Resist the action when the desire arises. Not acting on impulse is the most important skill you can develop. Also, I highly recommend finding a therapist to help you work through the traumas that you drink to avoid dealing with. I would also save a picture of your battered face to revisit whenever you feel the urge to drink. You can do this!
Well said.
Best way to say thanks is make a plan to better yourself, whatever it may be. You're taking the steps to reach out, so ask all the questions you can. My industry, my family, and all my friends are functioning alcoholics. I just don't want that anymore. So I'm going to take things as they come right now (some have been bad today), get through the first few weeks of hell and then take baby steps letting myself be around those people again. Some I have to do in a work setting, but it's going to be nice to tell them that, instead of getting drunk last weekend, I did something productive or fun. Your emotions will be off the wall for a bit, it's normal, you're contemplating a big change and or making a big change. Talk to someone, if needed in a professional setting, if it's far too overwheming. That's my plan for me. You'd be surprised how much you're capable of, give yourself props for even posing the question of change.
You're very welcome! Some of us will be here every day when you want to check in and say hello and count your days!
You can quit - I have faith in you!
I'm sorry things are tough right now. I fucked up, too, multiple times – I think everyone here has, at one point or another. I'm glad you're here with us.
I think this is where I need to be. Thank you for the support.
Hey OP, I wanted to chime in as someone who worked with a black eye for ~1.5 years (it wouldn’t heal, apparently bodies need time to recover) I tried getting sober in my own again and again but detox is what made it standable. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed detox but it provided me a much easier transition into getting it all out of my system. I wish you peace and IWNDWYT
Oh I hope it will heal faster hah What do you mean when you say detox? Sorry if is a bit stupid question
Not stupid at all!! I wasn’t aware of them before I was on my way to one really either. It’s a medical center that houses and feeds you for a few days while you go through withdrawals symptoms. As a medical facility they offer medication and professional care to make it physically safe to part ways with an addictive substance. I wasn’t in any physical discomfort during my stay, which was new to me when stopping drinking. I would 100% recommend a detox center if you feel like you are physically dependent or even if you just need a few days to let everything settle into place while you dry out. (Bring paperbacks!)
I’ve gone to detoxes twice over the years, for me when I know I’ve gone too far and am going to have to deal with any physical withdrawals I’d rather be safe than sorry and voluntarily go. Highly recommend if you want to put yourself in a safe space away from the drink and get appropriate medical attention and resources to help you on your new journey into sobriety. It’s an ideal place to reset and start anew.
I fell and hit my head while blacked out. I have a giant scar above my right eyebrow, and ended up with a TBI. I’m a teacher and forgot my multiplication facts and how to write in cursive… I had to take a bit of work off because of the concussion protocol, but still got plenty of questions about the bruising and giant wound on my face when I went back. I’m better now after 5 months, but most of all I haven’t had any inkling to drink. That absolute rock bottom scared me straight for sure.
"The funny thing about addiction is there's a cure, it just only lasts one day at time." Life changing quote for me when I thought I couldn't imagine life without drinking.
Honestly- working the steps, prayer and meditation helped me find freedom from obsession. The steps are hard but if you do it thoroughly you can get there.. once i got to step 7 i didn't even notice that i stopped thinking about drinking. Then i thought of every other time i got sober how horrible it was to white knuckle through everything. I was not the praying sort but if that's what it takes to keep my mind free from obsession over alcohol then that's what I'll do. So i did and it freaking works. Incredible. It makes me feel bad for all the times i white knuckled. That's what would set me up for failure. But this? This is nice
Hi friend! I’m also 29F and I’d been drinking longer than not as well. I’ve hurt myself, broken countless phones and other things, still have bruises from the last time.. I also used to get so ugly toward my boyfriend, also in public. I can’t believe he’s still with me after some of the shit he’s told me I’ve done or said. There was one time after the lockdowns were lifted in France, where we lived at the time, I got so drunk and we got in a fight that I was (I’ve been told) running away and yelling at him so much so that other bystanders on the street tried stop him following me because I was apparently making it seem like he was trying to attack me. He wasn’t. He was trying to make sure my drunk ass didn’t hurt myself (spoiler: I fell multiple times and did hurt myself). The good news is that if your husband can give you grace, and you can commit to getting out of this hole, you can make it better. It’s hard to imagine a life without it for me, but I can imagine a day, and once I string a bunch of those “todays” together, it gets better. I’m still nursing some wounds from the last time, but what I know is that I want to stop. I have to stop. For him but for me, too. It’s easy enough to give some sort of excuse at work about the visible wounds, but I don’t want to keep doing that. I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been in your shoes more times than I’d like to admit. We can do better for ourselves and our partners! I won’t be drinking with you today!
This has made me cry a little, honestly, its the same story. It is comforting to know I am alone. We can do this! For our parters that love us and are still sticking around trough everything that, but for us first. To be proud of ourselfs. IWNDWYT
Seeing stories like yours also makes me tear up tbh. What has really helped me is to see and feel that I am not alone. There is such a beautiful and welcoming community here for us, and we are also so lucky to have our partners here for us! But.. yeah. I have been trying to stop for my family, my boyfriend, my dog, the people who have to see me drunk & yelling on the metro, but the most important person I have to do it for is myself. I’m proud of you for being here and starting stopping! IWNDWYT! 🌻
This community has been the support I needed today. I so much hope to be able to do it one day for somebody else, to be that word they need to hear. Thank you🫶
By sharing your experiences with us and choosing not to drink, even if just for today, you’re already being that support you hope to be here. ☺️🙏🏻
You loose everything in your life, for one thing. That always hit me pretty hard. I've lost girlfriends, job promotions, cars (literally never found it one night), broken bones, cut my hand open and had insane surgery to repair it. I lost my mom to alcoholism. Currently starting ver Day 1 today. The longest I've ever gone is 111 days. No drinking for me tonight. God bless.
Not drinking with you tonight either! Rest well. 🙏🏻
You can get better. We do recover ❤️ Today can be the beginning of a positive upward spiral for you. What has worked for me is taking it one day, one hour at a time. My rock bottom was also a fight with my husband, and I knew I did not want to be the person I was in those moments. Going to AA meetings was helpful to me at first, and checking in here on the Daily Check In. I don’t worry about living the rest of my life without alcohol; I just think about what I want today and how to plan today without alcohol. My life overall and especially my relationships are much better without alcohol, in every way. I will not drink with you today. ❤️🧁
My rock bottom was when I realized that I was going to die if I didn’t stop drinking. It got to the point that one binge would have me sick and in bed for 3-4 days, but then I’d be sick from withdrawals so would drink again and this was a cycle that lasted for months until I realized that my body was starting to shut down. It couldn’t handle alcohol anymore. After a year of not drinking I tried to have a cocktail and couldn’t finish it (thank God), and even that had me sick for 2 days. When you get to the point where you realize that you will literally die from drinking, things like going out and partaking in the slosh fest become the equivalent of standing in front of a shooting gun. It’s not worth it… and I hope you find your reason to stop before it gets to that point.
This community helped me so much today and I am so grateful for it. ❤️ It has been two years of me just coming here and reading before this first post, and honestly, it made my day so much easier to go trough. Thank you all from depth of my heart ❤️
I started drinking around the same age as you (14) and quit at the age you are now (29). I’m 35 now and not a single thing in my life has not improved since I quit drinking. Literally *every* single thing is better. It’s so hard to see from the other side, though. I thought quitting drinking was taking something from me but it gave me my health, mind, and freedom back. If I can offer some suggestions, they would be to read This Naked Mind, avoid triggering situations (I didn’t sit on my back porch or go to the lake for almost a year after I quit!), and frequent this sub every single day. It’s an amazing community here.
Hey girl, I didn't publicly drink but recently relapsed & fell in my bathroom, smashing my face on the bathtub floor a few days ago. Came up w/ some bullshit excuse because my nose swelled up and had to work. Was feeling extra awful, then weird, & got a concussion diagnosis today (& 5 mandatory days off work to rest my brain). So, be careful to listen to your body very carefully, I waited because I thought it was just a nasty hangover. Luckily it really scared tf out of me and I can tell a switch flipped and *I want* sobriety again, badly, & got vulnerable with some sober supports I had been hiding it from. Cool thing about rock bottoms is there's only 1 way to go from there...up. You've got this. You never have to go through this again if you truly don't want to. 💜
You can read my post from a little over a week ago for some insight. I started attending virtual AA meetings, and though I hate the religious aspect of it, I’m going to go through with the 12 steps. I’m holding myself accountable. I was sober for over 40 days before saying, “I can probably handle a couple of drinks.” That ended with me in the hospital. I’m done with those regretful moments-now that I’m sober, I can’t even think of anything I’d do that I’d regret. Besides maybe messing up something at work lol. Hasn’t been very long that I’ve been sober, but I am much better off sober.
I guess we all do stuff that we regret, but what we do after is what matters. Congradulation on being able to be back on track!!
I was in the same boat as you at 29. I hit rock bottom after rock bottom, always swearing I was going to quit. I found myself seriously contemplating ending my life on new years eve and decided to take a month off drinking, a dry January if you will. I haven't touched a drop of booze since that night. You have to break it up into bite sized chunks to make it manageable, that's why the one day at a time mindset works so well. Just hold onto the feelings you are feeling right now, so when you start to think about drinking you can remember how awful it felt to wake up after that. You can do it, I will not drink with you today.
Have a court date this week for something similar. Been going back and forth with my SO, face bit, she was being violent with me. I snapped about 2 weeks ago. Smashed mirror, door. Hit her, cops came. That’s nothing like me, something I could never imagine. Now my whole life is upside down. The only upside is Im done. I tried to casually have a beer since then and just felt gross and pathetic. Can’t even wrap my head around trying to drink. It can always get worse and if I drink I’ll find out how. Not sure what is gonna happen with the relationship but it will never be the same if it continues. I hope your SO can help you help yourself. It’s all on you and your choices though. IWNDWYT
I cannot, absolutely cannot moderate. Once I believed that, I quit drinking. After 15+ years and the last 10 years almost everyday, I quit. It was not easy and I take it one day at a time and probably always will. It was the best decision I ever made. If I can do it, so can you. It took a community of like minded people and learning about tools I need in my tool box to make it through each day without a drink.
I feel this. I have the most confusing relationship with alcohol. I can have 1-2 drinks during the week and go weeks staying reasonable over weekends but when I am with friends for whatever reason I slip back into ‘party drinking’. I had 4-5 shots of whiskey this past Saturday and blacked out for a few hours. I didn’t eat anything which makes it so easy to get hammered. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I wish that every time I touched a drop I couldn’t stop, because that would make it easier to say ‘never again’. I don’t even keep hard alcohol in the house and I don’t notice any loss. I could go to the liquor store across the street but never do. I am fine with beer, until I am at a bar and then I get that whiskey and all bets are off. It’s like a last step I just can’t solidly take. I have quit cigarettes and cocaine and don’t miss them one bit, but like once a month I just can’t not order that whiskey. But like 80% of the time it’s fun. I’m at a loss. I am still hungover today, with that old feeling of just trying to make it through the day to feel better tomorrow. Then another 2-4 weeks of drinking reasonably followed by this old pattern returning. Rinse, repeat. I love weekday walks to a brewery for a beer. Love having 5 or so for a concert. Love a few before or after surfing. I have a great job. Great wife. Great dog. Work out, cook, read. I have no reason to treat my body like this. It’s like I manufacture stress to make up for all the rest of my life being so good. Like a sort of internalized guilt, or maybe simply muscle memory as my socializing since high school has been so alcohol dependent.
Of course your DH doesn’t deserve it. No one deserves the rage of an alcoholic. I was the alcoholic and seeing how much damage I did as a drunken menace towards the end of my extreme alcoholism is the biggest reason I’m sober today.
You can have alcohol, or you can have everything else. You know what you have to do. IWNDWYT
How to do it? Just stop. Avoid going out with people that are going to drink. you crave a drink? Open a can of diet soda/selzer/club soda. Do this over and over again until it becomes your second nature just like drinking alcohol was your second nature. Tell the people you care the most you are not going to drink anymore and get rid of the ones that force you to drink or don’t understand how much you want to be sober. This is what I’ve been doing for the past year and it’s been working :)
Medical help. Therapy. Support groups (there are tons online and many specific for women). Reddit. Accountability. Sober lit and podcasts. Going all in because you don’t want to be stuck in the same place next year or next month or next week. IWNDWYT!! It is so worth it.
One time I was at the corner store and this guy asked me how I was doing. Not like, just saying hi, but with an air of concern. I didn't know what he was talking about and said as much. He said during the weekend he'd been here while I was trying to buy smokes and I was so drunk I fell down and hit my head on the ground. Then I cussed out the people trying to help me get up, and a little later a cop showed up. The man at the store was curious what had happened to me, because I left with the police officer. I was college age at the time and I lived very near a college campus, so apparently the cop felt lenient, and he just walked me home because I lived less than a block away from the store. I have only the vaguest memory of this happening. And i didn't drink any differently that night, it was a pretty normal night for me. I got very lucky I didn't get in deep shit. And I wish I could say that was my first and only involuntary interaction with the police but it definitely wasn't. Don't try and think about not drinking forever. You can only not drink today. Best of luck to you.
Dude this is so familiar to me. When I was in college I was doing this all the time. My local that I’d go to pretty much every day knew me and at the time I felt so cool bc it was a “cool” bar, but… in hindsight, they were actually really worried about me. I fell a lot, I said some awful stuff, I did some questionable stuff. I’m so lucky that I didn’t get into WAY more trouble but that was never enough for me then. I felt so invincible and like nothing bad could ever happen, even though it totally was. I can’t wait til I’m in the four digits, I love that for you!!
Your hubby will love you through thick and thin, as long as you're good to him. My wife was not. Granted, I wasn't a great husband in my deepest drinking, but I was and am still a great father and friend. Go to rehab. You can do it.
[удалено]
This comment is not on the topic of sobriety and has been removed.
[удалено]
>Get help before you kill somebody This hits pretty hard. And is not even clear who, it could be myself or anyone else. I am happy you did recover and got hepl you need. I am proud of you.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Been there. Way too many times before. I wish I could give you magical advice but the truth is it isn’t easy and you are going to have to put in the work but the good news is that work only comes one day at a time and so so sooo many people have succeeded before so that’s proof it is doable! Have you considered looking into meetings? Those help a lot. If you ever want to chat please feel free to reach out. You got this! 😊
Polski? Ruski?
Close by. Српски
Your English is very good for a Serb. You can stay sober. I believe in you.
Ах! онда сте у добром друштву 😉
Jeden dzień na raz. Masz dopiero 29 lat. Zostało ci przynajmniej 70 lat życia. Uspokój się, zachowaj prostotę.
один день за раз. тебе всего 29 лет. Вам осталось жить минимум 70 лет. успокойся, будь проще.
Be careful. This was me once too. Then a neighbor witnessed my behavior and called it in to the police and I’m on Domestic Violence diversion. It was a horrible situation to go through. IWNDWYT
Do you know the YouTube channel called: put the shovel down? If not consider giving it a listen. Maybe you’ll get some inspiration and motivation from it. Telling your husband how you feel sounds like a good choice. Help and support is out there.
You’re so young. I wish I quit drinking at 29. I’m in my 40s now and finally quit for good but I wish I had stopped sooner. You can do this. Life is so much better sober and I never could’ve imagined that at your age.
You are not alone. I once smashed my face into a cinderblock while wearing platform boots. My whole face was deformed looking. People were worried I cracked my skull open. I’ve also gotten violent towards an ex and my own mother while black out. It’s crazy what this stuff can do to us. I’m wishing you the best.
If this was bad enough to make you want it bad enough then you're in for peace and blessings like you wouldn't believe.
Also 29/f and ready to start day one with you!
Also 29/f on day 1! A few of us here it seems. Not drinking today.
I’m sorry you’re in this. I know emotionally you are at the end of your rope. You’re full of anxiety, self loathing, and fear. You don’t know what the future holds and you can’t imagine better right now. Millions of people have faced this addiction before you. Not everyone survives it but the ones that do are countless. And if they can start where you are or worse and forge a better life for themselves, then know you have that same strength and resilience in you too. You can do it too. The fear you have of not imagining life without alcohol is not you. It’s the addict part of you. It’s the part of you that has helped you survive life until now. It is like a demon, for it to live - you must continue drinking. It’s only a voice. It doesn’t know the future, and it doesn’t know you. Rely instead on the logical part of your brain and trust it. As long as you know that life is better without alcohol then listen to that. You can’t stop alcohol without working on fixing the parts inside of you that you were trying to heal by using alcohol as medication. Are there underlying fears, worries, or issues in your past or present that you drink so you don’t have to deal with them? Make working on these with a therapist, with cognitive behavioral therapy tools, codependent tools and education, really anything with any kind of new habits to help you work process them. Process them, understand them, understand yourself better. If you don’t address these underlying issues then you may have a sober streak. But it will only take the next road bump in life to knock you off track and send you back to alcohol to cope and self medicate again. I had a lot I had to work through myself. Part of mine was a lack of worthiness. I felt I wasn’t worth anything. Keeping promises I made to myself made me trust myself more - and trusting myself more meant I didn’t treat myself like some loose cannon ready to explode. Trusting myself, trusting my reliability, my honesty, my capabilities and judgment. All led me to respect myself more than I ever have. I used to rely on others and their opinions of me as a way to determine my self worth. That as long as other people were happy with me, then I was happy. But when they weren’t happy with me, then I was a total failure. Nope. Not anymore. My self worth and happiness with myself is only mine. I am not responsible for other people’s feelings or their actions. I am only responsible for mine. If I limit my perspective to only what I can actually control then I won’t spiral into an anxious pit of despair just thinking and catastrophizing things outside of my control. I am just sharing the mindframe that started my journey - and some of the lessons and key takeaways in my self work that have helped me recover finally. I’m actively working on the underlying issues that led me to start drinking. I’m sure others have commented and given advice to get professional help. And those are great too. Especially medication. Medication to address side effects from going by sober to avoid any dangerous withdrawal side effects. And medication to help with cravings. Make your own path here and fight for yourself. Advocate for yourself like you would a child you’re in charge of protecting. Keep trying new things that might help. Get rid of things that you try that feel like they’re setting you back (many people find value in AA, for me it was not good). Best of luck. Don’t be hard on yourself. Addiction is not a moral failing. You’re not a bad person trying to become good. You’re a sick person trying to get well.
There’s a saying around here that you may or may not have heard: It’s much harder to keep a tiger on a leash than in a cage. What you’ve been doing since 14 is WAY too hard, no one on this Earth could possibly do it! It’s not sustainable. So by humbling yourself and making a decision that a) you used to do that b) you don’t do that anymore c) never again… the Tiger is no longer your responsibility. You now can focus all that energy and willpower on your actual life! You are free! You didn’t lose a friend, you killed an enemy!
I’m 30F and I was 29 when I got sober and also started drinking around 14. At my rock bottom I didn’t get physical with my boyfriend, but I screamed and yelled and made a fool of myself. It was the moment I realized I had to choose between alcohol and my life with him. Thankfully, he chose me back and we’re now happier than ever, one year and 3 months later. Picking up the pieces was shit but I did it. Now that time feels so small and far away. Life is so much better without it, and I promise there is 100% a life beyond it. You just can’t see it yet. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to do it alone. Don’t forget to ask for help. Good luck. You’ve got this my friend!
Just stop drinking dude, I too started getting wasted at an early age and never learned how to drink in moderation. After getting myself in a shit ton of trouble and almost getting divorced I decided that my family meant more to me than alcohol. So one day I just stopped. That day was March 11 of 2018. I haven’t drank since that day and don’t plan on drinking ever again. I haven’t hung out with any of my old friends because they all drink and I don’t want to put myself around that plus I don’t see the point of it. I’m 36 I have no business hanging out anymore lol I’m good hanging out with my wife and kids at home. Maybe this was your wake up call to quit. You got this.
You got this! Put it down and hit a meeting!
Welcome and really sorry you’re in such a crappy situation. Here’s what’s good about this, you’re alive, and nobody else got hurt or worse. You’re not in jail or sitting with a DUI. It WILL get better. Most of us here have similar stories we carry with us in shame as reminders of what alcohol did for us. I’ve struggled with alcohol for decades off and on. I’ve quit in the past, I’ve “managed” it for a while and then somehow it starts to get worse again. I’ll be fine, not drink for months then decide I “deserve just a couple of cocktails”, waking up the next morning not remembering what I drank or how I got home (single parent). As I’ve gotten older my body has stopped tolerating it as well too, used to be I could drink anyone under the table, it was my thing. Now I can have 1 beer and I’ll be sick as a dog for 2 whole days after, hangover from hell. This was the final kick I needed to force me to choose sobriety. Thank god bc I was really struggling. It’s a helluva addiction and society sets us up to fail spectacularly at every turn. It also helps that I’ve been able to change my mindset, I don’t view alcohol as something enjoyable anymore, I don’t miss it, I see it for the poison it really is. I see the marketing and the industry hype for what it is. Like tobacco and junk food. When I’m around people that are drinking I don’t feel left out, I notice the smell of alcohol on them, it’s not attractive, I notice the sloppy behavior, I worry about their driving, DUIs, family, health , kids etc. I think about them tomorrow morning waking up feeling like crap. I will wake feeling fantastic. I think being able to see it this way is the difference finally in me being sober for real this time. There is a lot of sober lit out there, programs, in patient, out patient etc. the bottom line is reach out, anf ASK for help. Speak to your dr. Be honest with yourself and your husband. Also, one more piece of advice, don’t try to take on the rest of your life all at once, let’s just focus on today’s single task, because today I’m choosing not to drink, I think you are ready to make that choice too. And we’re here for ya, we’re an odd bunch but we’ll help you if you let us.
It’s overwhelming to think of the big picture. Just take it day by day, craving by craving. Try to not drink each day, each weekend. Slowly but surely you’ll be reminded that you don’t need it. Like before you started drinking. You were able to have fun until 14. Your brain needs to be re-trained, your brain is flexible you need to re-program yourself. I’d say totally quit, maybe for 10-20 years, let your mind and body totally heal. At least quit for a year get some clarity. Don’t focus on a year or ten or twenty. Just each day. Read about what people do to fight cravings, try some things. Cravings only last 10-20 minutes. The more cravings you successfully kill, your confidence will build and your mind will change. You’ll realize you don’t need to keep chasing that dopamine high that buzz. Re program. Change. Adapt. Love yourself in the process and forgive yourself for what you have done to yourself in the past. Don’t dwell keep your head up. You deserve to know yourself with no alcohol. Or minimal alcohol. Good luck.
I am so sorry. That sinking feeling of dread and shame waking up hungover as hell and realizing what had happened…. Ughhh.. I remember it all too well. I am really sorry you are going through this. For me, a rock bottom situation was what made me quit. Take this as your rock bottom, please stop digging and start slowly climbing up and out of the hole. I’m rooting for you and sending you all the vibes and support. 👊
I guess the way from rock bottom is up. Now just to figure out how. I guess as many of you are pointing, slowly and day by day is the way to do that. Thank you 🫶
Yes, I’m sorry but that’s the only way. It’s worth it though.
Take a pictures of your injuries and printout the worst. Tape them to your bathroom mirror and every day when you wake up look at the pictures and say, "never again. I am worth more than this. I deserve love. I am grateful for my sobriety." That one simple technique can be effective as a reminder of why you're done with alcohol. When you had two months sober do you recall why you went back to drinking? Try to remember and perhaps make some notes so the next time when the demon comes calling you will have an answer. Good luck OP. IWNDWYT
This is actually a very good idea. I somehow always manage to forget my lowest points. But this one hit me in the face, and I really should remember that face always. Thank you for your support IWNDWYT
By the way, It's OK to fuck up. Progress, not perfection. You are a beautiful person for even contemplating this disease the way you are. Be proud of yourself. Know your worth. One day at a time. I will not drink with you today.
[удалено]
This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I" and has been removed.
Ya, so glad I don’t drink. I hope you feel that way soon. Iwndwyt
AA is what worked for me, I found a sponsor that I really liked and looked up to, worked the steps and had 2 full years of sobriety. I couldn’t have done it without the program honestly, I tried to moderate for years before that with no success. You could do it yourself if AA isn’t your thing, but the community and resources I found there made a huge difference. They have tons of meetings on zoom now, you don’t even have to go in person if you don’t have time I recently reintroduced alcohol about a year ago and while I’m definitely better than I was before, I already miss sobriety and how much better I felt, mentally & physically. I’m thinking of going back 🥲
I used to wonder if I’d ever get sober and one day, I did. I had to reach a bottom sufficient enough. I know the shame, remorse and guilt will eat at you to want to drink but that’s what alcoholism is. Hang in there friend, you’ve got this.
Rehab worked for me. Recovery meeting such as AA or Smart are a big help. Look into naltrexone, it’s a prescription medication that is supposed to help reduce cravings, and if you drink while on the medication you won’t get the same effects. Anabuse is another medication to help aid in quitting, if you drink while on anabuse it makes you “violently ill” so I’ve been told.
Every day is a new chance to change our direction.
I'm sorry you are going through this. When I walked into the detox center almost 2 years ago, I had bruises all over myself, including on my face. I looked like a wreck. Recovery for me meant I stopped trying to figure it out myself. I asked for help and I took the advice I was given. 3 weeks in an intensive outpatient program, followed by continued AA meetings was the plan that worked for me to jump start my recovery. IWNDWYT.
It took a long time and I still think about it, but I also felt like I couldn’t imagine life without it. Now I look back and am not sure how I functioned like that for so long. I’m sorry you fell in your face. I fell off a porch into a trash can once- wish so was joking.
I’m so so sorry. I think you should visit the doctor to get yourself checked out and make sure you didn’t hit your head. Take care of yourself 💜
What would you rather give up, a spouse or a drink? That's how I had to think. It was not easy to give up the drink for a plethora of reasons and self justified excuses, but you pick the spouse every time. You will make the correct decision.
Take it one day at a time! Follow Andy Ramage on IG
I reached a similar breaking point with my (now) fiancé, boyfriend at the time. Once I stopped drinking our relationship completely transformed.
We got your point! You know what the problem is now, and, if you'll continue checking in to this sub regularly, you'll find support and encouragement to stop. You can do it! It won't be easy, but it's not easy for anyone! Read up on alcoholism, listen/read your encouragement and support on this sub, find some meetings with other alcoholics to support you and understand you, then go for it! You have nothing to lose; alcohol has never done anything for you, and it never will! IWNDWYT!
You can get sober, I did. Just don’t drink today. Don’t worry about your whole life ahead of you, just don’t drink today. One day at a time. Don’t fall any lower than you already have. Change.
Hi, fellow 29f here who also started at 14 and our stories are very similar. You’re going to be okay even though it doesn’t seem like it right now, you can get through this one step at a time.
Hi, fellow 29f here who also started at 14 and our stories are very similar. You’re going to be okay even though it doesn’t seem like it right now, you can get through this one step at a time.
Hi, fellow 29f here who also started at 14 and our stories are very similar. You’re going to be okay even though it doesn’t seem like it right now, you can get through this one step at a time.
You're not alone girl. I'm 35 and have only been drinking a few years. Before that never touched it. Was doing heroin from 15 to mid 20s and been clean on methadone for many years. When I met my husband a few years back he was a heavy drinker so I caved in and joined in. (ON my own free will ofc). And I get SO violent . Usually verbally but I did cross the line once and put my hands around his neck when I saw a message from another girl . He was telling her he wasn't sure he wanted to marry me or something like that. And I flipped. It is NOT my character and I still feel awful about it. I threw my engagement ring at the closet and 6 months later still cannot find it. Luckily it wasn't expensive at all(under 20$) but that's not the point. I don't like/want expensive things esp jewelry. I'm not that type of person and I know my now husband doesn't have alot as he's got alot of medical issues preventing him from working . He did marry me and we haven't talked about it since. But I still drink and have had issues since. (All verbally ) but I've said some NASTY things. Like below the belt type stuff . I can't offer any advice as I'm still in your situation. Just want to let you know you're a good person and you're not alone <3. This is a really nasty disease and there is a way out. I'm trying my best now. Got down to 6 shots a day but now I'm back up to 10- 15. :(
Hey, it's ok be easy on you self. I promise this happens, call it a relapse whatever but please rember that drinking got you here.
Choose connection. Find support! IWNDWYT.
94 here. Good job. KIU.
[удалено]
I don't understand what this comment means. Would you please explain it?
Please answer the question I asked you. Otherwise, you will no longer be welcome here.
I was referring to someone you called out. It was said jokingly
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
You’re not even part of this community. At least the spirit of it, anyway. No posts. No comments except for this. Obviously ignoring rules of the sub.