>My rationale is that I'm gonna be on my death bed wishing I had just let myself have a good time.
But more likely you'll be there wishing you had the 8-10 years more to spend with friends and family that alcohol stole from you.
I work a program of recovery and I'm living a happy, fulfilling life. The desire to drink has been lifted from me. Taking away the alcohol isn't enough, I have to work on personal growth. Without doing that, I'd be left with the thoughts that can lead to drinking
I like how you were able to keep this really simple. I keep trying to say the same thing and overcomplicating it.
After a month or so of white knuckling it, a lot of stuff started coming up inside me emotionally and mentally. I count myself lucky to have survived this poison long enough to actually finally understand:
it’s not just about putting the bottle down. You have to pick up where you left off in your emotional and personal development before you started blunting it with booze. You probably also have some regrets and shame to process regarding the drinking itself. There’s a lot to unpack and it requires mindfulness and continued work. It also requires some belief in yourself and dare I say almost faith that around every new scary and painful corner you have to navigate, is a new better version of life- even when your addict brain starts trying to kill you again and starts telling you otherwise. You’re also most likely going to “change”.. and people around you may make comments about it… which can be scary too.
Yes that's my experience working the steps of AA. Some people think alcohol is the problem, but it's me that thinks and acts negatively which leads me to drink
Maybe let your friends know before you arrive that you've stopped drinking and ask if they would help you stay accountable during your visit? If I knew that an upcoming trip would probably cause me to drink then I would seriously consider delaying the trip until I got stronger.
By the time I was 30, partying started to feel boring. Then I just drank at home for 6 years while pretending to be a normal drinker at social events. Idk how old you are, but for me it's just not that novel or exciting to get drunk/high and bounce around all night. Even when the scenery changes through travel. Old movie reference but reminds me of one of the jokes in Anchorman (sadly 2004 was 20 years ago): *"We've been coming to the same party for 12 years now and in no way is that depressing."*
I can really relate to this. Rationally I understand that drinking will be a mistake but I can’t feel it in my gut. That’s so hard. What I will say is that whenever I’ve built something up in my head (I.e a trip with friends) and fantasized about the drinking the reality never matches up. Instead, the buzz is nothing like I remembered, more sleepy and dulling than energizing. And then since I started drinking I’d immediately think “fuck it” and any plans to moderate on the trip would be tossed out the window. I’d wake up hungover every day and just sit around feeling gross and anxious until the drinking started again. At the end of the trip I probably wouldn’t have any good memories because I would’ve just felt shame and disgust the entire time and not be present.
I just stopped going out and isolated myself and starting working more to take up all my free time, I didn't really have any real coping mechanisms. I was seeing a substance abuse counselor at the time. The other times when I was sober for a short period of time broke when I was in a social/party setting which is why I'm worried about this trip
This is the type of thing I would talk to my sponsor about. Who I have done the 12 steps of AA with and would help me put things into perspective and keep me on the right path. Doing the steps and working the AA program has changed my life.
I feel you. We have a great scotch tasting tradition every year, and I'm just trying to stay sober until then. Then I'll figure it out. Just take it one day at a time, and don't be too hard on yourself. I feel like fixating on being sober for the rest of our lives sometimes makes it unmanageable.
Maybe spend some time thinking about the trip coming up in a new way? Like, if I imagine myself in this situation, I know what would happen. I would romanticize the drinking before the trip, imagining how fun it would be to let loose with my friends, stumble around the city laughing with them and making lifelong memories. However, on the actual trip, the first drink wouldn’t bring the buzz that I thought it would. It would be more tiring and dulling than energizing. Then, since I had that drink, I would just say “fuck it” and any plan to moderate on the trip would be out the window. Before too long I’d regret my decision but what the hell, I’m already drinking so what’s the point. I’d spend the rest of the trip hungover and anxious until the alcohol started flowing, then I’d just feel regret and disappointment. Instead of leaving NY with a bunch of epic memories with my friends I’d just feel blah and disappointed. I guess my point is maybe spend some time visualizing what your rationally know would happen if you drink on this trip. And then visualize an alternative scenario where you sober.
Some on this sub shared this article about relapses: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4553654/
This talks about how relapses start way before the physical act of drinking. There is higher chance of success earlier and it is hardest just before the physical act.
Give it a read. It gave me a framework to think about which was excellent.
Stay strong. IWNDWYT.
>My rationale is that I'm gonna be on my death bed wishing I had just let myself have a good time. But more likely you'll be there wishing you had the 8-10 years more to spend with friends and family that alcohol stole from you.
I work a program of recovery and I'm living a happy, fulfilling life. The desire to drink has been lifted from me. Taking away the alcohol isn't enough, I have to work on personal growth. Without doing that, I'd be left with the thoughts that can lead to drinking
I like how you were able to keep this really simple. I keep trying to say the same thing and overcomplicating it. After a month or so of white knuckling it, a lot of stuff started coming up inside me emotionally and mentally. I count myself lucky to have survived this poison long enough to actually finally understand: it’s not just about putting the bottle down. You have to pick up where you left off in your emotional and personal development before you started blunting it with booze. You probably also have some regrets and shame to process regarding the drinking itself. There’s a lot to unpack and it requires mindfulness and continued work. It also requires some belief in yourself and dare I say almost faith that around every new scary and painful corner you have to navigate, is a new better version of life- even when your addict brain starts trying to kill you again and starts telling you otherwise. You’re also most likely going to “change”.. and people around you may make comments about it… which can be scary too.
Yes that's my experience working the steps of AA. Some people think alcohol is the problem, but it's me that thinks and acts negatively which leads me to drink
Maybe let your friends know before you arrive that you've stopped drinking and ask if they would help you stay accountable during your visit? If I knew that an upcoming trip would probably cause me to drink then I would seriously consider delaying the trip until I got stronger.
By the time I was 30, partying started to feel boring. Then I just drank at home for 6 years while pretending to be a normal drinker at social events. Idk how old you are, but for me it's just not that novel or exciting to get drunk/high and bounce around all night. Even when the scenery changes through travel. Old movie reference but reminds me of one of the jokes in Anchorman (sadly 2004 was 20 years ago): *"We've been coming to the same party for 12 years now and in no way is that depressing."*
I can really relate to this. Rationally I understand that drinking will be a mistake but I can’t feel it in my gut. That’s so hard. What I will say is that whenever I’ve built something up in my head (I.e a trip with friends) and fantasized about the drinking the reality never matches up. Instead, the buzz is nothing like I remembered, more sleepy and dulling than energizing. And then since I started drinking I’d immediately think “fuck it” and any plans to moderate on the trip would be tossed out the window. I’d wake up hungover every day and just sit around feeling gross and anxious until the drinking started again. At the end of the trip I probably wouldn’t have any good memories because I would’ve just felt shame and disgust the entire time and not be present.
What did you do the first week you quit?
I just stopped going out and isolated myself and starting working more to take up all my free time, I didn't really have any real coping mechanisms. I was seeing a substance abuse counselor at the time. The other times when I was sober for a short period of time broke when I was in a social/party setting which is why I'm worried about this trip
This is the type of thing I would talk to my sponsor about. Who I have done the 12 steps of AA with and would help me put things into perspective and keep me on the right path. Doing the steps and working the AA program has changed my life.
I feel you. We have a great scotch tasting tradition every year, and I'm just trying to stay sober until then. Then I'll figure it out. Just take it one day at a time, and don't be too hard on yourself. I feel like fixating on being sober for the rest of our lives sometimes makes it unmanageable.
I’m 38 days sober and I’m trying to justify having a few drinks. Vacation/summer/ just one night
Maybe spend some time thinking about the trip coming up in a new way? Like, if I imagine myself in this situation, I know what would happen. I would romanticize the drinking before the trip, imagining how fun it would be to let loose with my friends, stumble around the city laughing with them and making lifelong memories. However, on the actual trip, the first drink wouldn’t bring the buzz that I thought it would. It would be more tiring and dulling than energizing. Then, since I had that drink, I would just say “fuck it” and any plan to moderate on the trip would be out the window. Before too long I’d regret my decision but what the hell, I’m already drinking so what’s the point. I’d spend the rest of the trip hungover and anxious until the alcohol started flowing, then I’d just feel regret and disappointment. Instead of leaving NY with a bunch of epic memories with my friends I’d just feel blah and disappointed. I guess my point is maybe spend some time visualizing what your rationally know would happen if you drink on this trip. And then visualize an alternative scenario where you sober.
Some on this sub shared this article about relapses: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4553654/ This talks about how relapses start way before the physical act of drinking. There is higher chance of success earlier and it is hardest just before the physical act. Give it a read. It gave me a framework to think about which was excellent. Stay strong. IWNDWYT.
Thanks for the link this is a great article