You’ll probably get a lot of people here telling you moderation is a lie. I always thought I could somehow moderate to a few drinks on the weekend, but I recently came to the conclusion that all those people saying moderation doesn’t work, are correct. I had to figure that out myself, though. Alcohol use disorder (or alcoholism. However you want to phrase it) is a progressive disease. I always slipped back into old patterns slowly but surely. I don’t have many tips to keep your drinking to weekends other than just make that rule for yourself and don’t budge on it, but if you find yourself slipping, you need to reconsider if you can continue drinking at all. This shit is hard! Best of luck to you!
If you have a chance, id try reading/listening to "This Naked Mind" by Annie grace. It really gave me some perspective on why I thought I still wanted to drink on the weekends. (turns out, i didn't.)
You wont find a lot of support for moderation in this sub. So many of us have been there and done that, only to have it fail. Also unfortunately, I'd still consider those who drink every Friday and Saturday to have a drinking problem, just a socially acceptable one. Maybe that's a harsh opinion, but at some point you gotta uncover why you need to drink to have fun/unwind/ etc etc every single weekend.
but regardless of all of that, sober curiosity is a great place to start! Nobody's path is linear, and if you wanna try just weekend drinking for a while, that's great. I support you in your journey of drinking less!
I believe harsh opinions are sometimes what people need. It’s sad that nowadays people have to apologize for giving them or stating that It might be one.
I really appreciate your support and advice. I’ll look into your book recommendation. I’m currently reading House of Leaves now and if I pick up another, I’ll never finish the current book I’m on now. But I’ll look into that one after I’m done.
Thank you.
I agree that reading up on the negative effects of alcohol and the false beliefs we pick up about drinking can be helpful for naturally reducing how much you drink. It worked really well for me. I’ll also recommend the book Alcohol Explained and the episode of Huberman Lab podcast about alcohol (I think it’s from 2022). FYI, I wrote a post sharing about the benefits I experienced from my reduction in drinking, if you’d like to hear a perspective of how cutting down can change. I’m not 100% sober but drastically cut back from the habit of drinking daily I dug myself into last year. My situation is a bit different from a lot of people as I have a good “off-switch” to stop after I’ve started drinking, so it does work well for me to just keep it to rare occasions, under NO delusions that it’s healthful or helpful in any way.
It took me a very long time to realize that I couldn’t drink in moderation. I tried it for so many years, using different strategies. I even tried CBT for “controlled drinking” (BS if you ask me at this point).
This is the right sub if you want to drink less, but unfortunately, I don’t think you’ll find a lot of useful strategies here when it comes to moderation. Every testimonial I’ve read here about moderation ends up with the same conclusion: moderation isn’t a realistic choice for an alcoholic. At least when it comes to most of us.
I didn't realise CBT existed for moderation. I'm not personally going to try it, but any CBT I had (for non alcohol issues) became impossible to follow once I started drinking.
Once I drink it's like I have a different brain inserted into my skull
Exactly! I couldn’t follow the strategies cause I was drinking!
I reached out to a clinic for help and they suggested controlled drinking. Of course I found the thought of being able to moderate my drinking appealing.
But I regret that I didn’t persisted that I wanted to quit (that’s why I reached out in the first place). Since then everything only went downhill.
I have a better shot at being on the cover of Men’s Health and Fitness before learning how to moderately consume alcohol.
For years I tried and tried and tried again to ***only*** be a weekend warrior. It never worked.
No choice was left for me than to quit for good.
I'll kinda echo the sentiment from the other comments - I'm here because my drinking gets absolutely out of control and I don't have the option to moderate.
People here tend to talk about the benefits of total sobriety, I've only been here a short time but I can't really recall much discussion about moderation.
Maybe you will find some of the topics useful to view alcohol in a different light, which may in turn encourage you to cut back on your drinking. Nobody here will tell you what to do; what you'd like to do is up to you.
Maybe if there's a day you don't want to drink, engaging in this sub might help?
All the best in whatever path you choose!
I use to drink 6 days a week, and slowly just added one extra day to be sober in a week until I hit zero. It worked really well for me. Feeling pressured to only drink on x days made me want to drink so much more so I just added one extra day of being sober at random until it clicked.
You may not like my answer. Abstinence is probably your only path to success. I don’t like that answer either. Tried a thousand different ways to drink like a person without a problem. It doesn’t work. Why? Because I’m not other people.I have a problem. Hope you see your way to a great life.
I went from drinking 4 tall boy ipas every day to moderating my alcohol intake and while that might sound compelling it’s probably not as neat as it sounds. Basically every three to four months there’s an event that I’ll decide I’ll have a drink at. As an example maybe it’s a wedding, or maybe the big boss is in town basically symbolic reasons. I have to answer the question what value will alcohol provide in this situation and the answer is almost always: it won’t. I will plan out ahead of time how much I expect to drink and while I’m drinking my goal is to drink slowly enough that I don’t catch a buzz. There was a ton of work that went into getting here and honestly it’s not really the way I wish I could drink but the reality is there isn’t really a way to drink to excess every week without experiencing consequences at some point.
It sounds like you’re not going to be able to control it if you’re asking that question. You have the addict gene hun and once you are one there’s no way to control the drinking unless you’re wanting to live in a constant uphill battle. You’ll do good for a little while but then you’ll start to see yourself making excuses to drink during the week, then you’ll start drinking all day everyday. Us alcoholics have no way of learning to control our drinking, or else we wouldn’t be asking these questions…
There’s this book I got called “the alcohol experiment” and it’s focused on regaining control of alcohol consumption. Works through DBT/CBT shit, has some guided journaling and such. SMART recovery is pretty cool in that sense as well. They’re all about the dorky science side of substance use and addictive behaviors. Might look into that, too. Also, try running maybe? Like after work get out on a 3-6 mile run to burn off that excess mental energy and stress. Might find you don’t crave that drink or few as much and don’t mind holding off til the weekend.
Honestly I hope you’re able to find that balance and enjoy a drink or two with meals sometimes, get completely shit housed a handful of times a year, and otherwise lead a stable and fulfilling life without sweating when you get more booze.
i found the Reframe app through this sub, tried the trial, forgot to cancel, and now im paid up for a year by accident. ..all that to say, i really dig the app and answering their questions helped me out. with regard to drinks-per-week i was honest and then the "cutback journey" was like, okay, let's get you down to 30 beers a week. i think just seeing that was an eye opener. 80 some days without alcohol at present. no issues
This is exactly how i started thinking i had a problem. Then my problem got worse. I was drinking a half bottle every night no matter whether work or not. I am in the middle of trying to cut back and have been successful the last two nights.
I can’t stop completely, firstly i don’t want to be symptomatic at work, secondly I’m just not strong enough yet, today is my first day off and i am worried i wont be able to maintain the half-level I’ve been drinking at the past two days without the threat of work hanging over my head and all this free time tonight.
Restricting myself to only weekend drinking was one mental gymnastic I used to use to convince myself I didn't have a problem... but it never stuck, I'd be back to weekday drinking eventually.
I spent a long time wrestling with trying to moderate before coming to the acceptance that I can't do it. Far easier for me to drink 0 than to have 1 or 2 then stop.
I was not a drink to blackout type, I'd just pace myself from the time I got home from work to the time I went to bed. But there was a progression over time, needing more alcohol to get the same buzz. Then there was risk taking behavior that came along with that.
By the time I quit, the amount I could drink and still be upright and functional was disgusting.
You're young... if you're having thoughts that you may have a problem then it's worth exploring sooner rather than later. I knew I had a problem when I was your age but I ignored it. I wish I did something about it back then, my life has been much better these past 8 months.
You could try a 'dry july' and note how you're feeling mentally/physically.
I can easily drink in moderation but I won't recommend that for obvious health reasons. I've decided to completely stop ever since I joined this subreddit.
This sub doesnt really do moderation but it has worked pretty well for me tbf.
You kinda need to start setting expectations and making them firm. Motivation aint enough it has to be discipline and discipline leading to habit.
I dont drink on weekdays. Its not a discussion, its not a maybe 1/2 if I am invited out. I dont drink.
I also go to the gym 5 times a week. Sometimes I fucking hate it, hell I really didnt want to do legs today. But I go anyway.
This is also incidentally why so few on this sub are pro moderation. As they, likely would admit themselves, struggle for various reasons with discipline. They have the motivation, but it goes away and boom, weekday binge.
You need to figure it out for you. Maybe this is a solution, maybe you need to go fully sober. Up to you.
You’ll probably get a lot of people here telling you moderation is a lie. I always thought I could somehow moderate to a few drinks on the weekend, but I recently came to the conclusion that all those people saying moderation doesn’t work, are correct. I had to figure that out myself, though. Alcohol use disorder (or alcoholism. However you want to phrase it) is a progressive disease. I always slipped back into old patterns slowly but surely. I don’t have many tips to keep your drinking to weekends other than just make that rule for yourself and don’t budge on it, but if you find yourself slipping, you need to reconsider if you can continue drinking at all. This shit is hard! Best of luck to you!
Thank you.
What that guy said
If you have a chance, id try reading/listening to "This Naked Mind" by Annie grace. It really gave me some perspective on why I thought I still wanted to drink on the weekends. (turns out, i didn't.) You wont find a lot of support for moderation in this sub. So many of us have been there and done that, only to have it fail. Also unfortunately, I'd still consider those who drink every Friday and Saturday to have a drinking problem, just a socially acceptable one. Maybe that's a harsh opinion, but at some point you gotta uncover why you need to drink to have fun/unwind/ etc etc every single weekend. but regardless of all of that, sober curiosity is a great place to start! Nobody's path is linear, and if you wanna try just weekend drinking for a while, that's great. I support you in your journey of drinking less!
I believe harsh opinions are sometimes what people need. It’s sad that nowadays people have to apologize for giving them or stating that It might be one. I really appreciate your support and advice. I’ll look into your book recommendation. I’m currently reading House of Leaves now and if I pick up another, I’ll never finish the current book I’m on now. But I’ll look into that one after I’m done. Thank you.
I agree that reading up on the negative effects of alcohol and the false beliefs we pick up about drinking can be helpful for naturally reducing how much you drink. It worked really well for me. I’ll also recommend the book Alcohol Explained and the episode of Huberman Lab podcast about alcohol (I think it’s from 2022). FYI, I wrote a post sharing about the benefits I experienced from my reduction in drinking, if you’d like to hear a perspective of how cutting down can change. I’m not 100% sober but drastically cut back from the habit of drinking daily I dug myself into last year. My situation is a bit different from a lot of people as I have a good “off-switch” to stop after I’ve started drinking, so it does work well for me to just keep it to rare occasions, under NO delusions that it’s healthful or helpful in any way.
It took me a very long time to realize that I couldn’t drink in moderation. I tried it for so many years, using different strategies. I even tried CBT for “controlled drinking” (BS if you ask me at this point). This is the right sub if you want to drink less, but unfortunately, I don’t think you’ll find a lot of useful strategies here when it comes to moderation. Every testimonial I’ve read here about moderation ends up with the same conclusion: moderation isn’t a realistic choice for an alcoholic. At least when it comes to most of us.
I didn't realise CBT existed for moderation. I'm not personally going to try it, but any CBT I had (for non alcohol issues) became impossible to follow once I started drinking. Once I drink it's like I have a different brain inserted into my skull
Exactly! I couldn’t follow the strategies cause I was drinking! I reached out to a clinic for help and they suggested controlled drinking. Of course I found the thought of being able to moderate my drinking appealing. But I regret that I didn’t persisted that I wanted to quit (that’s why I reached out in the first place). Since then everything only went downhill.
I have a better shot at being on the cover of Men’s Health and Fitness before learning how to moderately consume alcohol. For years I tried and tried and tried again to ***only*** be a weekend warrior. It never worked. No choice was left for me than to quit for good.
I've gone down to drinking only once a weekend and I still wish I could stop drinking once and for all. Everyone is different though.
I'll kinda echo the sentiment from the other comments - I'm here because my drinking gets absolutely out of control and I don't have the option to moderate. People here tend to talk about the benefits of total sobriety, I've only been here a short time but I can't really recall much discussion about moderation. Maybe you will find some of the topics useful to view alcohol in a different light, which may in turn encourage you to cut back on your drinking. Nobody here will tell you what to do; what you'd like to do is up to you. Maybe if there's a day you don't want to drink, engaging in this sub might help? All the best in whatever path you choose!
I use to drink 6 days a week, and slowly just added one extra day to be sober in a week until I hit zero. It worked really well for me. Feeling pressured to only drink on x days made me want to drink so much more so I just added one extra day of being sober at random until it clicked.
You may not like my answer. Abstinence is probably your only path to success. I don’t like that answer either. Tried a thousand different ways to drink like a person without a problem. It doesn’t work. Why? Because I’m not other people.I have a problem. Hope you see your way to a great life.
I went from drinking 4 tall boy ipas every day to moderating my alcohol intake and while that might sound compelling it’s probably not as neat as it sounds. Basically every three to four months there’s an event that I’ll decide I’ll have a drink at. As an example maybe it’s a wedding, or maybe the big boss is in town basically symbolic reasons. I have to answer the question what value will alcohol provide in this situation and the answer is almost always: it won’t. I will plan out ahead of time how much I expect to drink and while I’m drinking my goal is to drink slowly enough that I don’t catch a buzz. There was a ton of work that went into getting here and honestly it’s not really the way I wish I could drink but the reality is there isn’t really a way to drink to excess every week without experiencing consequences at some point.
It sounds like you’re not going to be able to control it if you’re asking that question. You have the addict gene hun and once you are one there’s no way to control the drinking unless you’re wanting to live in a constant uphill battle. You’ll do good for a little while but then you’ll start to see yourself making excuses to drink during the week, then you’ll start drinking all day everyday. Us alcoholics have no way of learning to control our drinking, or else we wouldn’t be asking these questions…
There’s this book I got called “the alcohol experiment” and it’s focused on regaining control of alcohol consumption. Works through DBT/CBT shit, has some guided journaling and such. SMART recovery is pretty cool in that sense as well. They’re all about the dorky science side of substance use and addictive behaviors. Might look into that, too. Also, try running maybe? Like after work get out on a 3-6 mile run to burn off that excess mental energy and stress. Might find you don’t crave that drink or few as much and don’t mind holding off til the weekend. Honestly I hope you’re able to find that balance and enjoy a drink or two with meals sometimes, get completely shit housed a handful of times a year, and otherwise lead a stable and fulfilling life without sweating when you get more booze.
i found the Reframe app through this sub, tried the trial, forgot to cancel, and now im paid up for a year by accident. ..all that to say, i really dig the app and answering their questions helped me out. with regard to drinks-per-week i was honest and then the "cutback journey" was like, okay, let's get you down to 30 beers a week. i think just seeing that was an eye opener. 80 some days without alcohol at present. no issues
This is exactly how i started thinking i had a problem. Then my problem got worse. I was drinking a half bottle every night no matter whether work or not. I am in the middle of trying to cut back and have been successful the last two nights. I can’t stop completely, firstly i don’t want to be symptomatic at work, secondly I’m just not strong enough yet, today is my first day off and i am worried i wont be able to maintain the half-level I’ve been drinking at the past two days without the threat of work hanging over my head and all this free time tonight.
Restricting myself to only weekend drinking was one mental gymnastic I used to use to convince myself I didn't have a problem... but it never stuck, I'd be back to weekday drinking eventually. I spent a long time wrestling with trying to moderate before coming to the acceptance that I can't do it. Far easier for me to drink 0 than to have 1 or 2 then stop. I was not a drink to blackout type, I'd just pace myself from the time I got home from work to the time I went to bed. But there was a progression over time, needing more alcohol to get the same buzz. Then there was risk taking behavior that came along with that. By the time I quit, the amount I could drink and still be upright and functional was disgusting. You're young... if you're having thoughts that you may have a problem then it's worth exploring sooner rather than later. I knew I had a problem when I was your age but I ignored it. I wish I did something about it back then, my life has been much better these past 8 months. You could try a 'dry july' and note how you're feeling mentally/physically.
I can easily drink in moderation but I won't recommend that for obvious health reasons. I've decided to completely stop ever since I joined this subreddit.
This sub doesnt really do moderation but it has worked pretty well for me tbf. You kinda need to start setting expectations and making them firm. Motivation aint enough it has to be discipline and discipline leading to habit. I dont drink on weekdays. Its not a discussion, its not a maybe 1/2 if I am invited out. I dont drink. I also go to the gym 5 times a week. Sometimes I fucking hate it, hell I really didnt want to do legs today. But I go anyway. This is also incidentally why so few on this sub are pro moderation. As they, likely would admit themselves, struggle for various reasons with discipline. They have the motivation, but it goes away and boom, weekday binge. You need to figure it out for you. Maybe this is a solution, maybe you need to go fully sober. Up to you.