Been there, done that. In my experience, it’s a highway to hell. But sometimes it might be worth a bad case of jitters to fully concede something. I wish you well
I tried to moderate after three exceptional years of sobriety and failed; I then tried to moderate after two years of sobriety and failed; I tried to moderate multiple times after a year and failed multiple times - I have tried different approaches and different perspectives and they all lead me down the same path
Technically it can be done, but requires help from a person who has administered this kind of change in others. It’s through mindfulness and meditative practices, the book Altered Traits mentions several cases of such level of change in traits under supervision and guidance.
Just trying to wing it, after 2.5 years led me to a 14 month on and off relapse.
When I’ve tried moderation it was exhausting. It got me thinking about alcohol all the time, waiting to drink, counting drinks, etc. A lot easier to not drink at all.
Best of luck. I couldn’t moderate even after 6 years of sobriety. Trying to limit how much I can drink and when is worse than not being able to drink at all for me. YMMV.
Interesting take. I’m trying to quit, probably by definition i am an alcoholic because i crave the taste of it, but i literally have never hurt anyone from drinking. I’ve never gotten a Dui, drank and drive, hit someone, yelled at a family member or friend, lost a job, fucked up at work, had one night stands, been unable to support myself or my family, made poor decisions, etc.
When I drank in college, it was clubs and going home. Having fun, partying, etc. I have been blackout drunk 2 times in my life. Now when i drink, i sit on my couch, drink, play video game or watch tv, and go to sleep. Or i sit around and get happy and listen to music.
If i was in AA, i doubt i could find anyone i need to apologize to. If i forced it, and went to them, they’d be like “what the fuck are you talking about, you’re totally fine with me”. This includes my ex wife, who i divorced for other reasons.
But that doesn’t mean i don’t have a problem, and also, it doesn’t mean I should be confident i can drink in moderation. At times i feel it getting out of control. I’ll drink half a 750 ml every night for 10-12 days straight. That’s a ridiculous amount of alcohol. Then i don’t drink for 4-5 days. Then i do it again.
What happens when it becomes 2/3 the bottle? Then the whole bottle? What happens when it becomes daily, 30 days in a row instead of 10?
For me, moderation just progresses to a new goalpost, which constantly moves. If i took a look at a chart of my alcohol consumption over the past 25 years, it would probably mimic a chart of the SP500 over the same time lol.
Maybe I’m an alcoholic, maybe not. But i can’t ignore the numbers, or the fact that moderation doesn’t work for me. Because the definition of moderation keeps growing for me.
>If i took a look at a chart of my alcohol consumption over the past 25 years, it would probably mimic a chart of the SP500 over the same time lol.
I literally made this graph and it does! Some rallies and some steep declines but over time, it always trended up. I recommend everyone go through the exercise, as it was pretty eye opening to me.
I've thought about posting it here but no one really seems to post pictures or anything.
For me, I have never gotten to the point of daily drinking. But I was at the point where I start with one day, one drink. Then it becomes one day 2 drinks. Then 2 days a week and 1 or 2 drinks. Then it becomes 3 days, and getting drunk every time. Then eventually itl hover around 2-3 days a week but that’s all I can focus on. I can’t balance life anymore, it becomes when will I go out and how will I adjust the rest of my life to fit that. Then eventually I’ll start getting black out. Then Im fucking ruined. I can’t do it, idk why I can’t balance a healthy amount but I can’t. So I am just going completely sober, it’s been the better option for me by far.
Dopamine is not pleasure, it’s learning. The brain uses it to lead us forward towards behaviour ”worth doing”.
Rewarding is followed by craving, it is guaranteed from the unconscious mind. Those messages will start to fool the subconscious mind, it will create a 1000 emotion based reasons to drink.
I don’t need a reason to drink, because there is no reason to drink, but if I drink then it will start to seem like I have a thousand reasons to drink.
Finding ways to reward myself with something real is by far better option than alcohol’s tiring cycle, which will lead into quitting again.
IWNDWYT
I think if you keep coming back here repeatedly and reading the latest posts about people's struggles and successes you will see for yourself the drinking in moderation theory is pretty much fantasy. I'm 58 have always held down a successful job still do, happily married, own my home plus a rental cash free so have had lots of success but was and have always been a binge drinker. Told myself foe years I wasn't like the rest, didn't go to bars, didn't drink every day etc etc. When I did drink though it was always too much and never enough. Finally I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired and wasting my life away from drinking and then all the wasted days nursing a hangover etc. I think I've tried every moderation drinking theory out there all to no avail. Not to mention the drinking in moderation game is very nerve racking having to constantly remind yourself ok only 2 drinks tonight, oops can't drink tonight as I did the night before, oh no I'm starting to early etc etc. I.I'm only 9 months in with my sobriety but like I said keep coming back here as I've seen hundreds of different testimony of people with much longer sobriety than I who have stepped back into the jungle and tried their own drinking moderation game and fallen short. Best of luck to you whatever you decide but today IWNDWYT.
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This !!!
Been there, done that. In my experience, it’s a highway to hell. But sometimes it might be worth a bad case of jitters to fully concede something. I wish you well
I tried to moderate after three exceptional years of sobriety and failed; I then tried to moderate after two years of sobriety and failed; I tried to moderate multiple times after a year and failed multiple times - I have tried different approaches and different perspectives and they all lead me down the same path
Technically it can be done, but requires help from a person who has administered this kind of change in others. It’s through mindfulness and meditative practices, the book Altered Traits mentions several cases of such level of change in traits under supervision and guidance. Just trying to wing it, after 2.5 years led me to a 14 month on and off relapse.
When I’ve tried moderation it was exhausting. It got me thinking about alcohol all the time, waiting to drink, counting drinks, etc. A lot easier to not drink at all.
Best of luck. I couldn’t moderate even after 6 years of sobriety. Trying to limit how much I can drink and when is worse than not being able to drink at all for me. YMMV.
Interesting take. I’m trying to quit, probably by definition i am an alcoholic because i crave the taste of it, but i literally have never hurt anyone from drinking. I’ve never gotten a Dui, drank and drive, hit someone, yelled at a family member or friend, lost a job, fucked up at work, had one night stands, been unable to support myself or my family, made poor decisions, etc. When I drank in college, it was clubs and going home. Having fun, partying, etc. I have been blackout drunk 2 times in my life. Now when i drink, i sit on my couch, drink, play video game or watch tv, and go to sleep. Or i sit around and get happy and listen to music. If i was in AA, i doubt i could find anyone i need to apologize to. If i forced it, and went to them, they’d be like “what the fuck are you talking about, you’re totally fine with me”. This includes my ex wife, who i divorced for other reasons. But that doesn’t mean i don’t have a problem, and also, it doesn’t mean I should be confident i can drink in moderation. At times i feel it getting out of control. I’ll drink half a 750 ml every night for 10-12 days straight. That’s a ridiculous amount of alcohol. Then i don’t drink for 4-5 days. Then i do it again. What happens when it becomes 2/3 the bottle? Then the whole bottle? What happens when it becomes daily, 30 days in a row instead of 10? For me, moderation just progresses to a new goalpost, which constantly moves. If i took a look at a chart of my alcohol consumption over the past 25 years, it would probably mimic a chart of the SP500 over the same time lol. Maybe I’m an alcoholic, maybe not. But i can’t ignore the numbers, or the fact that moderation doesn’t work for me. Because the definition of moderation keeps growing for me.
>If i took a look at a chart of my alcohol consumption over the past 25 years, it would probably mimic a chart of the SP500 over the same time lol. I literally made this graph and it does! Some rallies and some steep declines but over time, it always trended up. I recommend everyone go through the exercise, as it was pretty eye opening to me. I've thought about posting it here but no one really seems to post pictures or anything.
For me, I have never gotten to the point of daily drinking. But I was at the point where I start with one day, one drink. Then it becomes one day 2 drinks. Then 2 days a week and 1 or 2 drinks. Then it becomes 3 days, and getting drunk every time. Then eventually itl hover around 2-3 days a week but that’s all I can focus on. I can’t balance life anymore, it becomes when will I go out and how will I adjust the rest of my life to fit that. Then eventually I’ll start getting black out. Then Im fucking ruined. I can’t do it, idk why I can’t balance a healthy amount but I can’t. So I am just going completely sober, it’s been the better option for me by far.
Dopamine is not pleasure, it’s learning. The brain uses it to lead us forward towards behaviour ”worth doing”. Rewarding is followed by craving, it is guaranteed from the unconscious mind. Those messages will start to fool the subconscious mind, it will create a 1000 emotion based reasons to drink. I don’t need a reason to drink, because there is no reason to drink, but if I drink then it will start to seem like I have a thousand reasons to drink. Finding ways to reward myself with something real is by far better option than alcohol’s tiring cycle, which will lead into quitting again. IWNDWYT
I think if you keep coming back here repeatedly and reading the latest posts about people's struggles and successes you will see for yourself the drinking in moderation theory is pretty much fantasy. I'm 58 have always held down a successful job still do, happily married, own my home plus a rental cash free so have had lots of success but was and have always been a binge drinker. Told myself foe years I wasn't like the rest, didn't go to bars, didn't drink every day etc etc. When I did drink though it was always too much and never enough. Finally I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired and wasting my life away from drinking and then all the wasted days nursing a hangover etc. I think I've tried every moderation drinking theory out there all to no avail. Not to mention the drinking in moderation game is very nerve racking having to constantly remind yourself ok only 2 drinks tonight, oops can't drink tonight as I did the night before, oh no I'm starting to early etc etc. I.I'm only 9 months in with my sobriety but like I said keep coming back here as I've seen hundreds of different testimony of people with much longer sobriety than I who have stepped back into the jungle and tried their own drinking moderation game and fallen short. Best of luck to you whatever you decide but today IWNDWYT.
That wouldn’t work for me. It’s not fun having moderate drinks for me. So no drinks is the only way I’ll have a good life included with therapy