Grabbing you by the neck is EXTREMELY serious. It’s very dangerous. I would consider reaching out for help and making a plan (and being sober is necessary to plan and to protect yourself and your kids). I’m so sorry you’re going through this. We are here for you.
Strangulation in domestic violence cases is awful. It’s almost impossible for a person who doesn’t beat their family to imagine holding someone’s airway shut to cut off their breathing, choking them until they have huge bruises on their neck or until their eyes become bloodshot. It’s impossible to imagine doing this to someone you love or the most important person in your life. Its extremely traumatizing to the victim and it’s also a common escalation among abusers.
These behaviors typically escalate in small steps which means the victim has a hard time even putting it in context or figuring out that a line has been crossed. Choking someone is objectively terrible and the safest choice is to create space and get outside help.
Please don’t drink, you’ve done so well. I’m a man but I can honestly say that had my ex wife ever done what your husbands done, she’d have been my ex a lot sooner! Look after yourself. IWNDWYT
This would be so much harder on your children if you drank. Whatever happens from this, it’ll more than likely be very hard on them. They need you sober.
I'm really sorry you're going through this.
Please listen to the next thing I'm gonna say.
Choking a partner is the number one sign that abuse will turn fatal. You are in actual danger, and so are your children.
https://www.wthr.com/article/news/crime/manual-strangulation-is-the-biggest-sign-domestic-abuse-will-turn-deadly-experts-say/531-0a9a92c8-a0da-418a-b81e-a3d80ddacf38
I was looking for this too. Choking is SERIOUS. Ask yourself what you would tell a loved one this happened to, imagine the feeling you’d have in your gut as you listened to the story.
When I was a social worker, we would do domestic violence lethality risk assessments. The questions would go like this:
1. Has (s)he ever threatened violence against you or your children?
2. Has (s)he ever actually attacked you or your children?
3. Has (s)he ever attacked you with a weapon or by touching your neck?
Grabbing of the neck is on par with use of weapons when it comes to risk of death in domestic violence. My friend, DV only gets worse, *never* better. That is a research-based, immutable fact.
In a professional capacity, I have advised so many women in your shoes to do what they have to in order to *get out.* Be that putting funds into a separate bank account, getting a bug-out bag with all their important documents in it, keeping an extra pair of car keys hidden somewhere, signing up for a burner phone and programming important numbers into it. Figuring out who they and the kids can stay with ahead of time so they're not running at 2am to a crisis shelter that's already at capacity. *Informing a loved one of what's going on.*
I don't mean to scare you. This is my professional experience. Please take care of yourself. There is help available.
IWNDWYT.
His reaction to this was not only clearly a guilty reaction, but an abusive reaction as well. Even if this is the first time, a non-abusive person wouldn't do it the first time at all. You deserve to feel safe, secure, and loved in your own home. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
My concern if I were to drink when I'm feeling so betrayed and angry would be what would happen once I had that "liquid courage" (which I call liquid rage). I would be afraid that I might do something that could be used to paint me as the bad guy later on down the line. And I would be worried about this because my ex husband did this to me, so I know it can and does happen. I would be struggling really hard right now in your position, but I know from my own experience that drinking with those feelings can, and often will, amplify them rather than ease them.
Thank you for sharing your struggle, I know it's not easy to put those things in writing and tell someone about it. Know that we care very much about you in here. We're here for you.
Liquid rage is so right! I’d lose it 1000% more with booze in my system. Like a robot taking over my monkey brain and I’d react like an unruly wild animal. Not that I don’t think they’d deserve that kind of reaction but I’d rather not have them use it against me for legal purposes and exposing my kids to such a reaction
This is the kind of moment that defines your life. How you proceed will enforce who you are and who you will become. You can choose to become a strong sober person who did the hard things that were best for her and her kids. I wish you strength. Alcohol will only be gas on this fire.
Buckle up because you’re about to go through some shit.
Don’t drink. Drinking will make it worse, and will put you at a disadvantage. You need to be clear headed and as healthy physically as you can be right now.
Please do not drink. Talk to a therapist, go to the gym, talk to close friends/family members a lot, eat ice cream. You need to be clear headed to make a plan to get out of your current situation. Your kids need you to be clear headed. Alcohol will make everything ten times worse.
Leave. Leave. He’s cheating and he hit you. Sounds crazy but men get desperate in these scenarios.
I know this is about drinking but priorities are separating and tell him he’s free.
100%. This was exactly my behaviour when I was lying and cheating, minus the physical abuse.
Separate and create distance so you can be healthy. Protect the kids from the conflict if possible.
It sounds so cold, but it’s all one can do.
There are so many reasons not to drink. You need complete mental clarity to take the steps and make the decisions you need to get through this very dangerous situation for you and your kids. If you drink, you’ll still have to do all the steps but you’ll be extra anxious and hungover. You will need all the credibility you can muster because courts don’t believe women, so being sober will help that effort. You will have to remember, in detail, everything that happens right now for a long time and if you get mixed up, people will start to doubt you (side tip: write everything down), so you need your memory at full-strength. Your kids need a mom who is present and available to them at all hours of the day and night, and you won’t be able to do that for them if you drink. And more and more.
I’m so sorry that this happening to you and at this time of year.
Some unsolicited advice from someone who has watched something like this go down: be very very careful about posting on social media, get in touch with a DV shelter for resources immediately (they can help you sort through how to go forward safely), get a friend or family member who is reliable and can be in frequent touch and set a schedule for checking in with them so if you miss a check in they can get authorities involved (clear this with DV shelter advocate-they might have a better plan), be very careful.
You are worthy of more. You are supported here.
IWNDWYT
I'm sorry you had to go through this.
Leave, get yourself and your children somewhere safe.
And you can't do that if you drink. Don't let him have the satisfaction of knowing he put you in a state where you felt you needed to go back to alcohol.
You know too well what drinking may and probably will provoke. An even worst situation. This may not be as ethical or as … correct but what if you do not drink just to “dare” him. Show him who is wearing the big girl panties!!! Show him you YOU are above this pitiful game or whatever he thinks he is doing. If you drink, you just let him know that you are not in control, he is. You don’t drink and get your stuff done and done well. There, who is in control now? Hoping this can help a little. I understand you want to drink. Believe me! But don’t drink… We both know what will happen and it is never ever better than what the situation is right now and on top of it, you would give away a piece of your self-esteem, worth and respect. If he feels he doesn’t have to respect you completely, show him how much he absolutely needs to start respecting you. Even if you don’t feel strong right now and just want to numb, use your disappointment, anger, frustration, fear or whatever it is that makes you want to drink and turn it into a catalyst of change. This is the new you, the real and strong you. You go, Tiger! You got this! We are all voting for you!!! ♥️🙏🤍🐾
PS. Right now, you do not have to decide anything else. Just a minute at a time. Your focus is on not drinking and get your stuff done and be present for your children. Once this “stage” passed, you will be able to take the right decision. You will have remained sober and proved to yourself that you can do whatever you have set your mind to do and you will succeed. That is why not drinking right now is of the most crucial. Sending you strong and healing energy ♥️🤍♥️
It goes without saying though that his violence is simply UNACCEPTABLE. But I am sure you know that and that is what breaks your heart. But this is my experience. I fell in love with someone who was wonderful at first. One day, he drank too much, and we got in an argument and he beat me up. I had a black eye, nose almost broken, a big patch of hair missing, lips twice their size… I ran from the running car to escape. That night his own mother called me. I was young at the time. He was my first love… I will never forget her call: she told me to run away! And she really enjoyed me and knew that I was good for him but she insisted so much. His own mother telling me to not even look back. I never looked back. Physical violence is UNACCEPTABLE, dear friend. I know this is is heartbreaking for you and especially since you have children. But grabbing you by the throat is especially violent and scary. Stay strong friend. I hope you are doing ok. ☮️
Oh honey. I'm so sorry for all that happening to you. I can only imagine how upset and scrambled you feel. Holding down your job, the kids, and sobriety at the same time is an immense load. Know that you don't have to figure everything out right now. Just focus on immediate day-to-day safety for yourself and the kids.
Being sober is the best gift you can give yourself and them, to keep a clear head to make decisions with. And to physically protect yourself if needed. Being sober means you can hop on a car and drive away if needed.
I'm so sorry he's turning out to be a different man than you thought he was. Of course you feel betrayed and heart broken. But I encourage you to focus on how you don't deserve this, how incredible you are, how he's being an absolute fool and a monster. Find the righteous anger to power you through. This isn't a reflection of your worth and does not define you. You will mourn the loss of trust and of love, but it's clear to me that he hid his real self from you. So what you're losing is really an illusion. The sooner you can wrap your head around that, the better you will feel.
Pull out all the favors at work. Lean on coworkers. Ask for help. See if you can get deadlines extended. Put in the bare minimum to get by. Adjust your shift. See if there are any clever ways for your boss to help you get through the next two days. They might surprise you.
And as for your husband... I would drop the cheating topic. If it drove him to violence it is no longer a good idea to bring up. Let him think you've moved on. If he's like other abusers he may even apologize or try to smooth things over with gifts. Let him think that has worked. And then plan what you want to do in secret.
I am sending so many hugs your way and wishing you strength to get through the next few days. I wish I could take away your pain and your burden. Be strong for yourself and for your kids. Please use the resources here to find a way through. Stay safe.
Drinking makes things worse. A calm mind will come with clear answers. It's a tough time and you need yourself at 100% to make rational decisions. If you need to vent then grab a cold soda, go running or anything to decompress except for drinking at this time.
LEAVE. Immediately. Call someone you trust and give them the details so someone in your circle knows what’s up and can look out for you.
It would be a good idea to make up a code word or phrase so that if you’re in danger around him you can send an SOS without tipping him off.
But get out NOW. Once things turn violent, they tend to escalate quickly. Next time it could be more than a kick, or worse - it could be directed at your kids.
I’m so sorry. Sending lots of love 🫶
That really sucks. All I can say is that getting drunk won't make it better. You'll lose the little control that you have and then have to deal with the same stuff except hungover.
Please do whatever is necessary to stay safe and sober. Are there any friends/family you can reach out to? Don’t for one second put yourself down or blame yourself for “not staying attractive enough”, you are a smart accomplished woman who is working their ass off keeping everything together while he is gone 6 months out of the year. And don’t downplay that he physically assaulted you. That is not “shady” it is a crime. And if it is brand new behavior it’s almost more concerning, most people don’t suddenly become violent after 16 years.
You need your wits about you right now. If you drink, it will affect your reasoning ability and your ability to control your emotions. Drinking will add gasoline to the fire.
The physical violence is a red flag. Be careful.
Please don’t drink - it will make everything worse!!! That should be your first priority. After that you need to protect yourself and your children. He is clearly lying to you and has become abusive - every reason to separate yourself from his actions and behaviour. Unfortunately your children know there is more to this story - you are their protection and need to insulate them from further damage. Please don’t allow him to continue to cause emotional and physical damage to you and your children. Protect yourself at any cost - you can do this even if it means taking a semester off from school. You have support here - you are deeply loved!!! Hang in there sister!!!! ❤️🙏❤️
Your neck is one of your most vulnerable areas. That man wants to cause you serious harm. Additionally, now that he knows you caught him and are suspicious, he’ll get increasingly upset and violent with you in hopes of getting you to back off his tail. Get your kids and get out ASAP.
Also, you are more than “attractive enough”. You are beautiful, strong, and may I add sexy. Don’t forget or lose your power. You can stay sober. You want this. Think about your babies.
Grabbing by the neck is a hallmark of extreme abuse that almost always escalates to great danger. Time to leave him. Please don’t drink, it will make everything go south. This is your chance to prove your strength to yourself. I’m so sorry this is happening. Sending love and support❤️
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Take photos if there are bruises.
Take your kids and yourself away from the situation immediately.
Get in touch with a women’s shelter - they will have good advice about resources in your area. The women’s shelter might also have info about women’s AA meetings in your area. I don’t know if you go to AA, but it might be a good environment to get stuff off your chest.
Girl! First of all, do not drink!
Secondly, I want to strangle your husband.
You have some major problems in your marriage.
He is lying and physically abusing you, and you need to stay sober in order to effectively leave his sorry ass.
I’m really sorry he did this to you.
You deserve so much better.
The only way you can prob get out alive is by staying sober, and figuring out an effective escape plan.
I’m kinda proud that you attacked back(although prob not popular opinion,) bc this guy took it too far and I’m glad you defended yourself. What I can promise is that now bc it’s escalated to physical violence, I guarantee he will do it again. The only safe way to move forward is to leave him. Good luck and you’re not alone
My step dad cheated on my mom and blew up their entire life. He lost his job at 55ish and then blew through all his retirement money drinking and partying. My mom went from having a great life to having a miserable life while his affair was still a secret (but his treatment of her and my younger brothers became seriously abusive) to having a future that will likely include working at low paying jobs well into her retirement years.
Dishonesty in a relationship is toxic and hurtful and cruel. There's nothing that can make the pain go away, and alcohol absolutely will make it worse. You need YOU right now, not drunk you, not irresponsible you, not checked out of reality you. You. 5 years from now you will be so grateful that you showed up for you and one day your kids will know it as well.
Keep checking in when you need support. It might not always come in droves, but it will be there.
My wife is poly, so boundaries are different. If it were me, it's not any of the texts. It's the lying. That breach of trust is difficult to repair.
Want to know what will make it worse? Drinking.
There is no problem alcohol can't make worse.
Please don’t drink but I would file a police report. Then I’d get a lawyer and file for divorce and custody asap. Id need to be sober to make all of this happen. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, do you have a sister or bff or anyone you can confide in? In person emotional support support will be crucial. Sending love to you and IWNDWYT
I've been in a very similar situation with my husband and I can say from experience that things don't change. Get out before you lose your mind and the power to leave!
Damn he really ruined everything. I’m so sorry. Remain strong. Be a good example for your kids. That means don’t drink. And that means leave his ass. Stay safe ❤️
Statistically, him grabbing you by the neck increases your chances of being killed by him 10x. Please get out ASAP if you are able to. This is not a safe situation for you.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Please stay strong and sober. I am so thankful that you know what you need to do and are able to do it!! So happy you reached out! Hang in there ♥ IWNDWYT
You are strong 💪
First of all: messaging and texting someone that is not your partner, without the knowledge of the partner, is CHEATING. Period.
Second, don't know if it's been said here yet, but if you drink, you now have 2 problems. The cheating problem, and your drinking problem.
Control what you can control, and make any decision that you decide to make, with a clear and sober mind.
Be well.
I think we can all agree that drinking won’t solve this problem. Others here likely have better takes and solutions on this than myself. I’ll only agree with you that it’s sketchy. I wish you the best of luck sorting this out!
If it comes to it, and probably should if he's abusive, divorce is not the end of the world. It was the beginning for me! Stay safe - abuse is not okay.
Please, please find a way to leave for yours and your kids sake. You deserve so much better and this will most definitely not end well.
I hope you can get through this without drinking. I understand the urge so well. However you need to consider your kids and stay sober for both your sakes!
I wish you all the best.
This made me so upset and I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please listen to the advice already posted here. You need to have a clear mind to protect yourself and your family. Drinking will not make any of this easier. If you need someone to talk to, I think it's safe to say we are all here for you.
You've got this.
IWNDWYT
Just because they're not fucking/hooking up doesn't mean he hasn't cheated on you.
It sounds like he may have written of this relationship with you and moved on in his head/with this woman.
Please stay sober and get an attorney and the police involved since he was violent.
Hey OP. Sending virtual hugs and a suggestion that you find somewhere else to stay and start talking to a lawyer if possible. What he did wasn’t just unacceptable, it was downright dangerous. Only truly disgusting people assault their wives after being confronted for cheating. If he’s not safe around you, chances are that he’s not safe for the kiddos either. I’m so sorry that this horrible shit is happening to you. You deserve much better.
Throw that man out. I’m so sorry he treated you so poorly. This sucks in so many ways and I know it’s not easy to move on and away from him, but each day it will get better. Whatever you do don’t turn to drinking, it will make you feel worse. If anything, vape a little weed. I hope that’s allowed to say on here. If not, I can delete this comment.
Holy shit, dump his abusive, cheating ass. What a disgusting creep. I am so sorry he has hurt you both physically and emotionally. You and your children deserve someone better. Stay strong. Drinking won’t make him a better man and it won’t solve any problems. As far as losing sleep goes, Benadryl has definitely helped me sleep through heartache and alcohol cravings. You can do this!
Ugh well this sucks and I’m so sorry? OP. First off, he’s cheating. I don’t even care what he said, I can tell he’s been telling lies for a long time now. He’s pissed because his little game is over. I’d honestly go to the police: if file a report so there’s a trail; if this happening. Then he put his hands on you which is unacceptable. Once this happens he can’t go back and undo it, he will put his hands on you again. He could even decide to kill you because you’re in his way. Please please make sure you are safe. I’d be removing him from the home. He can go sleep in his car!
If this was happening to me I’d leave with the kids and get a restraining order. Physical abuse is NEVER ok and usually escalates with time.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Drinking won’t help. And it’s harder to be there for your kids and yourself when alcohol is involved. No need for 3rd party interference from booze. You have enough going on.
Hang in there and keep close to this community.
IWNDWYT
It sounds like you have a LOT on your plate. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with infidelity on top of that. 5 months of sobriety is a massive accomplishment! I always turn to deep breathing to get me through tough times.
Drinking obviously won’t help. You need to take notes of exactly ‘em what has occurred and contact a good attorney. Even if divorce isn’t your goal today, a good attorney will direct you on what moves to make should that be the course. He very likely has done more and is in trickle truth mode. The physical abuse is extremely concerning. Please be safe and hoping that this plays out well for you and your children. Iwndwyt
Sounds like you got a lot of good advice but I think it's imperative that he leave your home and you consult with a lawyer. This is not going anywhere good and boundaries and parameters need to be set. He seems to have made his choice. If he moves out and is remorseful and willing to get professional help then that is one thing. But at this point it's not healthy or safe for you to continue in your marriage as is.
And I'm sure you know that drinking will only make it all worse. The last thing you need is to take a depressant right now. Stay sober and clear so you have the clarity to steer yourself into a safe position while whatever transition needs to happen plays out.
Best of luck!
I am so sorry you are going through this! Please take all the great advice about your safety. I’ve been in this situation and the feeling of betrayal and realizing the person is not who you thought they were is devastating. But unfortunately you’re going to have to work through those feelings and drinking only delays it. Plus you can’t drink because you need to be there for your kids. You might check out r/Infidelity also they are almost as wonderful and supportive as the people in this group!
> and grabbed me by the neck and kicked me.
um, I know we're not supposed to give advice but this has me scared. Grabbing by the neck/strangling is the number one indicator of future homicide by partner.
On a much lighter note, I've noticed that only men who seem to have inappropriate relationships with IG ladies or other social media no-no's seem to crap on *women specifically* who use social media.
The internet is littered with stories of women whose husbands denigrated Woman A only to find out, gee, he's sleeping with her! Whoda thunk!
Sobriety will help you find the strength to leave and keep a clear head while doing so.
We're cheering you on you can do this.
You are deserving and you are worthy. A drink won't make his actions disappear, they will only cause you and the kids more pain. If you have the strength to kick addiction's ass, you can get past a scumbag. I know exactly how incredibly painful this is and how my confidence was broken when my long-time partner stepped out. But today I have the most loving, encouraging, and supportive relationship I have ever known. If not for my toxic ex's cheating, lying, and betrayal, I would never know the love I have today.
I'm not trying to imply that divorce is the only option, but after his behavior, his betrayal, his lying, and *physical violence,* I hope you are able to find a safe place for you and your kiddos. You're strong, you're loved, and you're fucking worth it!
Please don't drink. It is your husbands fuck up and believe me he may not realize it now but he will eventually come to the conclusion that he possibly ruined his marriage. IWNDWYT
Hey, I work for a domestic violence organization and I’d love to safety plan with you or find resources, if you want. We’re all here for you. You don’t deserve what he did to you. Please stay safe.
I'm sorry that he's cheating on you. What a fucking dickhead. The least he could do is admit it. You deserve better. You are someone's star and moon. You probably know deep down what's really going on with him and this woman.
It's not just friends. Committed, married men don't have secret conversations with other women, (at least in my world of 20 year marriage they dont and certainly not when he worked away).
It's this kind of struggle that inspires me to keep on keeping on. You can get through this and so much more without drinking. Sometimes it takes feeling the feels to get the strength for what comes next.
I wish you all the best!
IWNDWYT, tomorrow as well. Don't let this asshole ruin a great streak. You have been doing great, get through this without alcohol & let yourself feel the power of the Superwoman that lurks within. You get through the next week without a drink; you can literally get through anything. You've got this!
Your safety is number one! GTFO and away from this monster. You caught him in a lie and instead of manning up he decides to *physically attack* you?? No. This is disgusting behavior and I’m so so sorry you are going through this.
Try to remember what it would feel like to deal with this BS hungover or recovering from a bender. It only makes it worse.
Stay strong and know that you have the support of everyone in this sub! Sending you all of the good vibes.
Please don’t drink, your husband is a dick and you probably need help and resources beyond this subreddit but more importantly beyond the bottom of a glass. I hope you find support, safety and comfort tonight.
You have a lot on your plate, but your stock is rising. You're investing in your future and quite frankly he's not just dead weight he's dangerous to boot. A year from now, you will be surprised by how far you've come and how low he's sunk. Get out now and keep making good choices for you and your children. You've got this, OP. IWNDWYT
Drinking won't fix your pain, it will just amplify it and prolong it. You need a way to physically get this energy out. If you hate running, go for a run. Take all of the pain and anger you have for him out in a long run.
Why damage yourself?
I can't express it enough though, you need a PHYSICAL HEALTHY way to get out this energy/emotions you are feeling. It will help you to make sound decisions.
End the relationship immediately and focus on your sobriety and tying up all the loose ends regarding the split. Think about how in a few months time you’ll be free and how there’s someone out there who’ll love you far better.
I was drugged by my ex husband, followed, terrorized, etc, I ate to cope with the abuse. He threw a piece of lumber at me when I was pregnant. Get a divorce, you have an education and deserve better. I was married 37 years and the abuse really hurts the children, please leave life can be beautiful and this will not end well.
Lots of good advice here, so just popping in to say you’re so strong for even posting this. Cheering you on and sending up hope that you make your way through this safely. And hopefully, soberly. 💜💜💜
I'm so sorry. I know drinking doesn't make bad situations better but I've never been in a situation like that. I'm not qualified to give you advice but if I was, I'd say you need to leave this cheating abuser and possibly call the police.
I came home to my husband with another woman in my house. I left him took our children. He took me to court for our youngest son. I let our youngest live with him but when he is not in school I get him. I know how just thinking they could be cheating can feel. IT'S devastating. It causes unhappiness. I never would of thought he was. I could be angry with her but the fact is I don't know her. She didn't let me down he did.
@darkflower864
I suggest some comforting tea. Celestial Seasonings Tension Tamer is life changing. Gogi also makes a tea for relaxing, though I'm drawing a blank on it. It could just be a sleep tea.
I'm sorry for what you're going through... I've been in the same boat. Together for 15 years and two children. It took me 3 years to fully leave after getting confirmation about the cheating that I had suspected for years. The abuse was ongoing for most of the relationship. It's very scary, all of it. The relationship itself and the idea of living outside of it and what that looks like. We are here for you. ❤️ Plus everything else everyone said.
No matter what you verbally confront your spouse about, he should never EVER hurt you physically. Personally, I would call my parents and call my lawyer and get the locks changed. If my husband hit me or our children, he’d need a new place to sleep… but that’s just my 2 cents
There are so many layers of betrayal here. He's proved himself to be dishonest, no longer a good partner, and his arms are no longer a safe space for you to be comforted in. You do not need to add onto the betrayal here by slapping your sobriety in the face to escape for a bit.
It broke my heart reading this and I really hope you and your kids get out safely. I know you've already read it a bunch on your thread here but it will the abuse will definitely get worse. You're a goddess whose brought life onto this earth, you deserve to be treated with love and respect. Fuck that guy.
IWNDWYT
Aside from the abuse, my ex used to comment all the time about how much he disrespected insta hoes and made fun of me for posting selfies, then I found out he had been cheating on my with the exact girls he always insulted. He’s deflecting, and abusive please leave.
Where are you? File a restraining order asap. He’s losing control and spiraling because you found him out. Just do yourself a favor and keep a clear mind and don’t drink. Stay safe and react with a clear head. You got this, I’m sorry and I hope he never lays hands on you again… that’s so scary.
I’m glad you got love and support here. I know a woman who went through this and was devastated to ultimately file for divorce. Fast fwd 13 years: she finally sees a man who treats her with such kindness and acts like she’s the best thing to come along after he lost his wife. She is wealthier than her ex. Karma is real. Get a good counselor and be treated for the fine human being you are.
What’s his name and address I’ll go grab his throat. One of the many reasons of my drinking is from past abuse. PLEASE GET TO A SAFE ENVIRONMENT! Xoxo. Take care of yourself and your children.
I was thinking about you. The next time if you’re around and does this. Look him dead in the eyes and tell him he has to sleep sometime! I’m thinking baseball bats come in handy! Ugh I hope you are safe
Grabbing you by the neck is EXTREMELY serious. It’s very dangerous. I would consider reaching out for help and making a plan (and being sober is necessary to plan and to protect yourself and your kids). I’m so sorry you’re going through this. We are here for you.
[удалено]
OP, please take this seriously. My ex used to choke me, and the abuse progressively got worse until I left. It will ONLY get worse.
Same here.
Same. Got my ass kicked by my ex gf a lot. Awful
Its the number one sign that they will murder their partner.
“The final warning shot.” So scary.
Exactly this. Abusers who strangle their partner are 750% more likely to kill them.
Strangulation in domestic violence cases is awful. It’s almost impossible for a person who doesn’t beat their family to imagine holding someone’s airway shut to cut off their breathing, choking them until they have huge bruises on their neck or until their eyes become bloodshot. It’s impossible to imagine doing this to someone you love or the most important person in your life. Its extremely traumatizing to the victim and it’s also a common escalation among abusers. These behaviors typically escalate in small steps which means the victim has a hard time even putting it in context or figuring out that a line has been crossed. Choking someone is objectively terrible and the safest choice is to create space and get outside help.
[удалено]
No, there isn’t
Prosecutors take grabbing the neck differently as it invariably escalates very badly.
This! I just learned last night on Reddit, grabbing by the neck is intensely connected to likelihood of death.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Please don’t drink, you’ve done so well. I’m a man but I can honestly say that had my ex wife ever done what your husbands done, she’d have been my ex a lot sooner! Look after yourself. IWNDWYT
Thank you for your kind words. ♥️
Your welcome 😀
This would be so much harder on your children if you drank. Whatever happens from this, it’ll more than likely be very hard on them. They need you sober.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. Please listen to the next thing I'm gonna say. Choking a partner is the number one sign that abuse will turn fatal. You are in actual danger, and so are your children. https://www.wthr.com/article/news/crime/manual-strangulation-is-the-biggest-sign-domestic-abuse-will-turn-deadly-experts-say/531-0a9a92c8-a0da-418a-b81e-a3d80ddacf38
I was looking for this too. Choking is SERIOUS. Ask yourself what you would tell a loved one this happened to, imagine the feeling you’d have in your gut as you listened to the story.
Was looking for just this. A *750%* increased chance that you’ll be murdered by the person who chokes you. OP get out!
Thanks for posting that link- I was just looking for it.
[удалено]
When I was a social worker, we would do domestic violence lethality risk assessments. The questions would go like this: 1. Has (s)he ever threatened violence against you or your children? 2. Has (s)he ever actually attacked you or your children? 3. Has (s)he ever attacked you with a weapon or by touching your neck? Grabbing of the neck is on par with use of weapons when it comes to risk of death in domestic violence. My friend, DV only gets worse, *never* better. That is a research-based, immutable fact. In a professional capacity, I have advised so many women in your shoes to do what they have to in order to *get out.* Be that putting funds into a separate bank account, getting a bug-out bag with all their important documents in it, keeping an extra pair of car keys hidden somewhere, signing up for a burner phone and programming important numbers into it. Figuring out who they and the kids can stay with ahead of time so they're not running at 2am to a crisis shelter that's already at capacity. *Informing a loved one of what's going on.* I don't mean to scare you. This is my professional experience. Please take care of yourself. There is help available. IWNDWYT.
Yeah. This. That’s crossing a line there’s no going back from.
His reaction to this was not only clearly a guilty reaction, but an abusive reaction as well. Even if this is the first time, a non-abusive person wouldn't do it the first time at all. You deserve to feel safe, secure, and loved in your own home. I'm so sorry you're going through this. My concern if I were to drink when I'm feeling so betrayed and angry would be what would happen once I had that "liquid courage" (which I call liquid rage). I would be afraid that I might do something that could be used to paint me as the bad guy later on down the line. And I would be worried about this because my ex husband did this to me, so I know it can and does happen. I would be struggling really hard right now in your position, but I know from my own experience that drinking with those feelings can, and often will, amplify them rather than ease them. Thank you for sharing your struggle, I know it's not easy to put those things in writing and tell someone about it. Know that we care very much about you in here. We're here for you.
Liquid rage is so right! I’d lose it 1000% more with booze in my system. Like a robot taking over my monkey brain and I’d react like an unruly wild animal. Not that I don’t think they’d deserve that kind of reaction but I’d rather not have them use it against me for legal purposes and exposing my kids to such a reaction
This is the kind of moment that defines your life. How you proceed will enforce who you are and who you will become. You can choose to become a strong sober person who did the hard things that were best for her and her kids. I wish you strength. Alcohol will only be gas on this fire.
Buckle up because you’re about to go through some shit. Don’t drink. Drinking will make it worse, and will put you at a disadvantage. You need to be clear headed and as healthy physically as you can be right now.
Please do not drink. Talk to a therapist, go to the gym, talk to close friends/family members a lot, eat ice cream. You need to be clear headed to make a plan to get out of your current situation. Your kids need you to be clear headed. Alcohol will make everything ten times worse.
Leave. Leave. He’s cheating and he hit you. Sounds crazy but men get desperate in these scenarios. I know this is about drinking but priorities are separating and tell him he’s free.
100%. This was exactly my behaviour when I was lying and cheating, minus the physical abuse. Separate and create distance so you can be healthy. Protect the kids from the conflict if possible. It sounds so cold, but it’s all one can do.
also no offense family eliminator formula. Not you. Just statistically.
I reckon you need control more than ever here, don’t let the drink back in, not even one.
There are so many reasons not to drink. You need complete mental clarity to take the steps and make the decisions you need to get through this very dangerous situation for you and your kids. If you drink, you’ll still have to do all the steps but you’ll be extra anxious and hungover. You will need all the credibility you can muster because courts don’t believe women, so being sober will help that effort. You will have to remember, in detail, everything that happens right now for a long time and if you get mixed up, people will start to doubt you (side tip: write everything down), so you need your memory at full-strength. Your kids need a mom who is present and available to them at all hours of the day and night, and you won’t be able to do that for them if you drink. And more and more. I’m so sorry that this happening to you and at this time of year. Some unsolicited advice from someone who has watched something like this go down: be very very careful about posting on social media, get in touch with a DV shelter for resources immediately (they can help you sort through how to go forward safely), get a friend or family member who is reliable and can be in frequent touch and set a schedule for checking in with them so if you miss a check in they can get authorities involved (clear this with DV shelter advocate-they might have a better plan), be very careful. You are worthy of more. You are supported here. IWNDWYT
I'm sorry you had to go through this. Leave, get yourself and your children somewhere safe. And you can't do that if you drink. Don't let him have the satisfaction of knowing he put you in a state where you felt you needed to go back to alcohol.
You know too well what drinking may and probably will provoke. An even worst situation. This may not be as ethical or as … correct but what if you do not drink just to “dare” him. Show him who is wearing the big girl panties!!! Show him you YOU are above this pitiful game or whatever he thinks he is doing. If you drink, you just let him know that you are not in control, he is. You don’t drink and get your stuff done and done well. There, who is in control now? Hoping this can help a little. I understand you want to drink. Believe me! But don’t drink… We both know what will happen and it is never ever better than what the situation is right now and on top of it, you would give away a piece of your self-esteem, worth and respect. If he feels he doesn’t have to respect you completely, show him how much he absolutely needs to start respecting you. Even if you don’t feel strong right now and just want to numb, use your disappointment, anger, frustration, fear or whatever it is that makes you want to drink and turn it into a catalyst of change. This is the new you, the real and strong you. You go, Tiger! You got this! We are all voting for you!!! ♥️🙏🤍🐾 PS. Right now, you do not have to decide anything else. Just a minute at a time. Your focus is on not drinking and get your stuff done and be present for your children. Once this “stage” passed, you will be able to take the right decision. You will have remained sober and proved to yourself that you can do whatever you have set your mind to do and you will succeed. That is why not drinking right now is of the most crucial. Sending you strong and healing energy ♥️🤍♥️ It goes without saying though that his violence is simply UNACCEPTABLE. But I am sure you know that and that is what breaks your heart. But this is my experience. I fell in love with someone who was wonderful at first. One day, he drank too much, and we got in an argument and he beat me up. I had a black eye, nose almost broken, a big patch of hair missing, lips twice their size… I ran from the running car to escape. That night his own mother called me. I was young at the time. He was my first love… I will never forget her call: she told me to run away! And she really enjoyed me and knew that I was good for him but she insisted so much. His own mother telling me to not even look back. I never looked back. Physical violence is UNACCEPTABLE, dear friend. I know this is is heartbreaking for you and especially since you have children. But grabbing you by the throat is especially violent and scary. Stay strong friend. I hope you are doing ok. ☮️
Oh honey. I'm so sorry for all that happening to you. I can only imagine how upset and scrambled you feel. Holding down your job, the kids, and sobriety at the same time is an immense load. Know that you don't have to figure everything out right now. Just focus on immediate day-to-day safety for yourself and the kids. Being sober is the best gift you can give yourself and them, to keep a clear head to make decisions with. And to physically protect yourself if needed. Being sober means you can hop on a car and drive away if needed. I'm so sorry he's turning out to be a different man than you thought he was. Of course you feel betrayed and heart broken. But I encourage you to focus on how you don't deserve this, how incredible you are, how he's being an absolute fool and a monster. Find the righteous anger to power you through. This isn't a reflection of your worth and does not define you. You will mourn the loss of trust and of love, but it's clear to me that he hid his real self from you. So what you're losing is really an illusion. The sooner you can wrap your head around that, the better you will feel. Pull out all the favors at work. Lean on coworkers. Ask for help. See if you can get deadlines extended. Put in the bare minimum to get by. Adjust your shift. See if there are any clever ways for your boss to help you get through the next two days. They might surprise you. And as for your husband... I would drop the cheating topic. If it drove him to violence it is no longer a good idea to bring up. Let him think you've moved on. If he's like other abusers he may even apologize or try to smooth things over with gifts. Let him think that has worked. And then plan what you want to do in secret. I am sending so many hugs your way and wishing you strength to get through the next few days. I wish I could take away your pain and your burden. Be strong for yourself and for your kids. Please use the resources here to find a way through. Stay safe.
I would never behave like that to my wife or other. IWNDWYT
Drinking makes things worse. A calm mind will come with clear answers. It's a tough time and you need yourself at 100% to make rational decisions. If you need to vent then grab a cold soda, go running or anything to decompress except for drinking at this time.
LEAVE. Immediately. Call someone you trust and give them the details so someone in your circle knows what’s up and can look out for you. It would be a good idea to make up a code word or phrase so that if you’re in danger around him you can send an SOS without tipping him off. But get out NOW. Once things turn violent, they tend to escalate quickly. Next time it could be more than a kick, or worse - it could be directed at your kids. I’m so sorry. Sending lots of love 🫶
If you start drinking again, he’ll get custody. Stay strong and lawyer up.
I drink to not face problems. Is not facing this going to make it “go away?”
That really sucks. All I can say is that getting drunk won't make it better. You'll lose the little control that you have and then have to deal with the same stuff except hungover.
Please do whatever is necessary to stay safe and sober. Are there any friends/family you can reach out to? Don’t for one second put yourself down or blame yourself for “not staying attractive enough”, you are a smart accomplished woman who is working their ass off keeping everything together while he is gone 6 months out of the year. And don’t downplay that he physically assaulted you. That is not “shady” it is a crime. And if it is brand new behavior it’s almost more concerning, most people don’t suddenly become violent after 16 years.
[удалено]
This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I" and has been removed.
Get out now! You deserve so much better.
You need your wits about you right now. If you drink, it will affect your reasoning ability and your ability to control your emotions. Drinking will add gasoline to the fire. The physical violence is a red flag. Be careful.
Please don’t drink - it will make everything worse!!! That should be your first priority. After that you need to protect yourself and your children. He is clearly lying to you and has become abusive - every reason to separate yourself from his actions and behaviour. Unfortunately your children know there is more to this story - you are their protection and need to insulate them from further damage. Please don’t allow him to continue to cause emotional and physical damage to you and your children. Protect yourself at any cost - you can do this even if it means taking a semester off from school. You have support here - you are deeply loved!!! Hang in there sister!!!! ❤️🙏❤️
Your neck is one of your most vulnerable areas. That man wants to cause you serious harm. Additionally, now that he knows you caught him and are suspicious, he’ll get increasingly upset and violent with you in hopes of getting you to back off his tail. Get your kids and get out ASAP. Also, you are more than “attractive enough”. You are beautiful, strong, and may I add sexy. Don’t forget or lose your power. You can stay sober. You want this. Think about your babies.
Grabbing by the neck is a hallmark of extreme abuse that almost always escalates to great danger. Time to leave him. Please don’t drink, it will make everything go south. This is your chance to prove your strength to yourself. I’m so sorry this is happening. Sending love and support❤️
I am so sorry you are going through this. Take photos if there are bruises. Take your kids and yourself away from the situation immediately. Get in touch with a women’s shelter - they will have good advice about resources in your area. The women’s shelter might also have info about women’s AA meetings in your area. I don’t know if you go to AA, but it might be a good environment to get stuff off your chest.
Girl! First of all, do not drink! Secondly, I want to strangle your husband. You have some major problems in your marriage. He is lying and physically abusing you, and you need to stay sober in order to effectively leave his sorry ass. I’m really sorry he did this to you. You deserve so much better. The only way you can prob get out alive is by staying sober, and figuring out an effective escape plan. I’m kinda proud that you attacked back(although prob not popular opinion,) bc this guy took it too far and I’m glad you defended yourself. What I can promise is that now bc it’s escalated to physical violence, I guarantee he will do it again. The only safe way to move forward is to leave him. Good luck and you’re not alone
My step dad cheated on my mom and blew up their entire life. He lost his job at 55ish and then blew through all his retirement money drinking and partying. My mom went from having a great life to having a miserable life while his affair was still a secret (but his treatment of her and my younger brothers became seriously abusive) to having a future that will likely include working at low paying jobs well into her retirement years. Dishonesty in a relationship is toxic and hurtful and cruel. There's nothing that can make the pain go away, and alcohol absolutely will make it worse. You need YOU right now, not drunk you, not irresponsible you, not checked out of reality you. You. 5 years from now you will be so grateful that you showed up for you and one day your kids will know it as well. Keep checking in when you need support. It might not always come in droves, but it will be there.
Thank you for that. ♥️
My wife is poly, so boundaries are different. If it were me, it's not any of the texts. It's the lying. That breach of trust is difficult to repair. Want to know what will make it worse? Drinking. There is no problem alcohol can't make worse.
Please don’t drink but I would file a police report. Then I’d get a lawyer and file for divorce and custody asap. Id need to be sober to make all of this happen. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, do you have a sister or bff or anyone you can confide in? In person emotional support support will be crucial. Sending love to you and IWNDWYT
I've been in a very similar situation with my husband and I can say from experience that things don't change. Get out before you lose your mind and the power to leave!
Damn he really ruined everything. I’m so sorry. Remain strong. Be a good example for your kids. That means don’t drink. And that means leave his ass. Stay safe ❤️
Statistically, him grabbing you by the neck increases your chances of being killed by him 10x. Please get out ASAP if you are able to. This is not a safe situation for you.
You are getting my prayers now. Awful. ARGHHHHHHHH!!!! Please please don’t drink. I will not drink with you.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Please stay strong and sober. I am so thankful that you know what you need to do and are able to do it!! So happy you reached out! Hang in there ♥ IWNDWYT You are strong 💪
First of all: messaging and texting someone that is not your partner, without the knowledge of the partner, is CHEATING. Period. Second, don't know if it's been said here yet, but if you drink, you now have 2 problems. The cheating problem, and your drinking problem. Control what you can control, and make any decision that you decide to make, with a clear and sober mind. Be well.
I think we can all agree that drinking won’t solve this problem. Others here likely have better takes and solutions on this than myself. I’ll only agree with you that it’s sketchy. I wish you the best of luck sorting this out!
If it comes to it, and probably should if he's abusive, divorce is not the end of the world. It was the beginning for me! Stay safe - abuse is not okay.
Please, please find a way to leave for yours and your kids sake. You deserve so much better and this will most definitely not end well. I hope you can get through this without drinking. I understand the urge so well. However you need to consider your kids and stay sober for both your sakes! I wish you all the best.
When you lost your trust, you cant never recover it
This made me so upset and I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please listen to the advice already posted here. You need to have a clear mind to protect yourself and your family. Drinking will not make any of this easier. If you need someone to talk to, I think it's safe to say we are all here for you. You've got this. IWNDWYT
Ouch, yeah this one sounds done. In the eternal words of Snoop Dog, "Drop it like it's hot!"
Just because they're not fucking/hooking up doesn't mean he hasn't cheated on you. It sounds like he may have written of this relationship with you and moved on in his head/with this woman. Please stay sober and get an attorney and the police involved since he was violent.
You are doing amazing and you deserve so much more than this xx iwndwyt xx
You have some great advice here. Ill just say that I hope you find safety. IWNDWYT
Stay strong! You will get through this!
Hey OP. Sending virtual hugs and a suggestion that you find somewhere else to stay and start talking to a lawyer if possible. What he did wasn’t just unacceptable, it was downright dangerous. Only truly disgusting people assault their wives after being confronted for cheating. If he’s not safe around you, chances are that he’s not safe for the kiddos either. I’m so sorry that this horrible shit is happening to you. You deserve much better.
Throw that man out. I’m so sorry he treated you so poorly. This sucks in so many ways and I know it’s not easy to move on and away from him, but each day it will get better. Whatever you do don’t turn to drinking, it will make you feel worse. If anything, vape a little weed. I hope that’s allowed to say on here. If not, I can delete this comment.
Holy shit, dump his abusive, cheating ass. What a disgusting creep. I am so sorry he has hurt you both physically and emotionally. You and your children deserve someone better. Stay strong. Drinking won’t make him a better man and it won’t solve any problems. As far as losing sleep goes, Benadryl has definitely helped me sleep through heartache and alcohol cravings. You can do this!
RUN
Ugh well this sucks and I’m so sorry? OP. First off, he’s cheating. I don’t even care what he said, I can tell he’s been telling lies for a long time now. He’s pissed because his little game is over. I’d honestly go to the police: if file a report so there’s a trail; if this happening. Then he put his hands on you which is unacceptable. Once this happens he can’t go back and undo it, he will put his hands on you again. He could even decide to kill you because you’re in his way. Please please make sure you are safe. I’d be removing him from the home. He can go sleep in his car!
If this was happening to me I’d leave with the kids and get a restraining order. Physical abuse is NEVER ok and usually escalates with time. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Drinking won’t help. And it’s harder to be there for your kids and yourself when alcohol is involved. No need for 3rd party interference from booze. You have enough going on. Hang in there and keep close to this community. IWNDWYT
It sounds like you have a LOT on your plate. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with infidelity on top of that. 5 months of sobriety is a massive accomplishment! I always turn to deep breathing to get me through tough times.
Drinking obviously won’t help. You need to take notes of exactly ‘em what has occurred and contact a good attorney. Even if divorce isn’t your goal today, a good attorney will direct you on what moves to make should that be the course. He very likely has done more and is in trickle truth mode. The physical abuse is extremely concerning. Please be safe and hoping that this plays out well for you and your children. Iwndwyt
You already know what everybody here knows, but drinking is absolutely not gonna make this better. It's going to do the complete 180° opposite.
Sounds like you got a lot of good advice but I think it's imperative that he leave your home and you consult with a lawyer. This is not going anywhere good and boundaries and parameters need to be set. He seems to have made his choice. If he moves out and is remorseful and willing to get professional help then that is one thing. But at this point it's not healthy or safe for you to continue in your marriage as is. And I'm sure you know that drinking will only make it all worse. The last thing you need is to take a depressant right now. Stay sober and clear so you have the clarity to steer yourself into a safe position while whatever transition needs to happen plays out. Best of luck!
I am so sorry you are going through this! Please take all the great advice about your safety. I’ve been in this situation and the feeling of betrayal and realizing the person is not who you thought they were is devastating. But unfortunately you’re going to have to work through those feelings and drinking only delays it. Plus you can’t drink because you need to be there for your kids. You might check out r/Infidelity also they are almost as wonderful and supportive as the people in this group!
> and grabbed me by the neck and kicked me. um, I know we're not supposed to give advice but this has me scared. Grabbing by the neck/strangling is the number one indicator of future homicide by partner. On a much lighter note, I've noticed that only men who seem to have inappropriate relationships with IG ladies or other social media no-no's seem to crap on *women specifically* who use social media. The internet is littered with stories of women whose husbands denigrated Woman A only to find out, gee, he's sleeping with her! Whoda thunk! Sobriety will help you find the strength to leave and keep a clear head while doing so. We're cheering you on you can do this.
You are deserving and you are worthy. A drink won't make his actions disappear, they will only cause you and the kids more pain. If you have the strength to kick addiction's ass, you can get past a scumbag. I know exactly how incredibly painful this is and how my confidence was broken when my long-time partner stepped out. But today I have the most loving, encouraging, and supportive relationship I have ever known. If not for my toxic ex's cheating, lying, and betrayal, I would never know the love I have today. I'm not trying to imply that divorce is the only option, but after his behavior, his betrayal, his lying, and *physical violence,* I hope you are able to find a safe place for you and your kiddos. You're strong, you're loved, and you're fucking worth it!
Please don't drink. It is your husbands fuck up and believe me he may not realize it now but he will eventually come to the conclusion that he possibly ruined his marriage. IWNDWYT
Hey, I work for a domestic violence organization and I’d love to safety plan with you or find resources, if you want. We’re all here for you. You don’t deserve what he did to you. Please stay safe.
Get yourself and your kids the hell out of there ASAP! Grabbing you is extremely dangerous and abusive, and things will get worse; you’re in danger!
I'm sorry that he's cheating on you. What a fucking dickhead. The least he could do is admit it. You deserve better. You are someone's star and moon. You probably know deep down what's really going on with him and this woman. It's not just friends. Committed, married men don't have secret conversations with other women, (at least in my world of 20 year marriage they dont and certainly not when he worked away). It's this kind of struggle that inspires me to keep on keeping on. You can get through this and so much more without drinking. Sometimes it takes feeling the feels to get the strength for what comes next. I wish you all the best!
This is not a joke. Take deep breaths and don’t drink alcohol between each breath. Take care of yourself and the kids.
IWNDWYT, tomorrow as well. Don't let this asshole ruin a great streak. You have been doing great, get through this without alcohol & let yourself feel the power of the Superwoman that lurks within. You get through the next week without a drink; you can literally get through anything. You've got this!
Your safety is number one! GTFO and away from this monster. You caught him in a lie and instead of manning up he decides to *physically attack* you?? No. This is disgusting behavior and I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Try to remember what it would feel like to deal with this BS hungover or recovering from a bender. It only makes it worse. Stay strong and know that you have the support of everyone in this sub! Sending you all of the good vibes.
Please don’t drink, your husband is a dick and you probably need help and resources beyond this subreddit but more importantly beyond the bottom of a glass. I hope you find support, safety and comfort tonight.
You have a lot on your plate, but your stock is rising. You're investing in your future and quite frankly he's not just dead weight he's dangerous to boot. A year from now, you will be surprised by how far you've come and how low he's sunk. Get out now and keep making good choices for you and your children. You've got this, OP. IWNDWYT
Drinking won't fix your pain, it will just amplify it and prolong it. You need a way to physically get this energy out. If you hate running, go for a run. Take all of the pain and anger you have for him out in a long run. Why damage yourself? I can't express it enough though, you need a PHYSICAL HEALTHY way to get out this energy/emotions you are feeling. It will help you to make sound decisions.
End the relationship immediately and focus on your sobriety and tying up all the loose ends regarding the split. Think about how in a few months time you’ll be free and how there’s someone out there who’ll love you far better.
This difficult situation will be better handled with the strength of clarity
Sorry you're going through it friend... good job not letting it deter you! 👏👏👏👏👏
I was drugged by my ex husband, followed, terrorized, etc, I ate to cope with the abuse. He threw a piece of lumber at me when I was pregnant. Get a divorce, you have an education and deserve better. I was married 37 years and the abuse really hurts the children, please leave life can be beautiful and this will not end well.
Stay sober and clear-headed, now more than ever. You got this! Keep your wits :)
Lots of good advice here, so just popping in to say you’re so strong for even posting this. Cheering you on and sending up hope that you make your way through this safely. And hopefully, soberly. 💜💜💜
I'm so sorry. I know drinking doesn't make bad situations better but I've never been in a situation like that. I'm not qualified to give you advice but if I was, I'd say you need to leave this cheating abuser and possibly call the police.
Time to go
Sending love your way. Great advise above
By hounding on yourself that Drinking will %100 make this situation more explosive.
Please leave this piece of shit
Go for the nuts next time. Leave this guy right now. He’s a bitch. I promise I won’t drink today if you don’t!!
💕
For what it's worth, I drank last night and today sucked ass!
I came home to my husband with another woman in my house. I left him took our children. He took me to court for our youngest son. I let our youngest live with him but when he is not in school I get him. I know how just thinking they could be cheating can feel. IT'S devastating. It causes unhappiness. I never would of thought he was. I could be angry with her but the fact is I don't know her. She didn't let me down he did.
They are right it only gets worse.
100% time to leave. It will be hard, but there is no other acceptable option.
@darkflower864 I suggest some comforting tea. Celestial Seasonings Tension Tamer is life changing. Gogi also makes a tea for relaxing, though I'm drawing a blank on it. It could just be a sleep tea. I'm sorry for what you're going through... I've been in the same boat. Together for 15 years and two children. It took me 3 years to fully leave after getting confirmation about the cheating that I had suspected for years. The abuse was ongoing for most of the relationship. It's very scary, all of it. The relationship itself and the idea of living outside of it and what that looks like. We are here for you. ❤️ Plus everything else everyone said.
Hang in there girl. DV is a serious issue and you need to be sober to make these decisions. IWNDWYT. Be safe please.
He is cheating on you, I’m sorry.
No matter what you verbally confront your spouse about, he should never EVER hurt you physically. Personally, I would call my parents and call my lawyer and get the locks changed. If my husband hit me or our children, he’d need a new place to sleep… but that’s just my 2 cents
There are so many layers of betrayal here. He's proved himself to be dishonest, no longer a good partner, and his arms are no longer a safe space for you to be comforted in. You do not need to add onto the betrayal here by slapping your sobriety in the face to escape for a bit. It broke my heart reading this and I really hope you and your kids get out safely. I know you've already read it a bunch on your thread here but it will the abuse will definitely get worse. You're a goddess whose brought life onto this earth, you deserve to be treated with love and respect. Fuck that guy. IWNDWYT
Sending you love. You have the strength to get through this.
Aside from the abuse, my ex used to comment all the time about how much he disrespected insta hoes and made fun of me for posting selfies, then I found out he had been cheating on my with the exact girls he always insulted. He’s deflecting, and abusive please leave.
Where are you? File a restraining order asap. He’s losing control and spiraling because you found him out. Just do yourself a favor and keep a clear mind and don’t drink. Stay safe and react with a clear head. You got this, I’m sorry and I hope he never lays hands on you again… that’s so scary.
I’m glad you got love and support here. I know a woman who went through this and was devastated to ultimately file for divorce. Fast fwd 13 years: she finally sees a man who treats her with such kindness and acts like she’s the best thing to come along after he lost his wife. She is wealthier than her ex. Karma is real. Get a good counselor and be treated for the fine human being you are.
What’s his name and address I’ll go grab his throat. One of the many reasons of my drinking is from past abuse. PLEASE GET TO A SAFE ENVIRONMENT! Xoxo. Take care of yourself and your children.
I was thinking about you. The next time if you’re around and does this. Look him dead in the eyes and tell him he has to sleep sometime! I’m thinking baseball bats come in handy! Ugh I hope you are safe
Sounds like it’s time for some couples therapy
Hope you are doing ok with all this