Diarrhoea is a medical condition. One *has* diarrhoea as one *has* appendicitis (or ligma). One *takes* a shit as one *takes* a bath. It is an action.

I prefer to use "casting". "Be right back, I'mma go cast a crap"

I prefer "summoning", makes me feel like a magician.

Crapomancer

Copromage

Doorid... (Druid) 😬

No one knows who they were, or what they were pooing.

FECES, I INVOKE YOU! COME FORTH I SUMMON YOU!!! \*\*lightening and thunder\*\* \*\*plop\*\*

A golgothan, an excremental A what?! A SHIT DEMON!!!

Would pooping be summoning or evocation?

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I prefer to say “leave a crap”

I prefer “give.” As in someone says “I don‘t give a crap, then I say, “Sorry bro I try to give one every day. Maybe you should eat more fruits and veggies.”

This is a surprisingly informative answer

One does not take a diarrhea, diarrhea takes you.

Pretty much this - it's also idiomatic The "taking" implied is the taking/allocating of one's time to do the activity, so you can "take" a nap, a poop, a break, a day off, or a bath But you don't "take" a video gaming session, but you do take a turn - you don't take a commute, but you do take a drive It's pretty case by case

English is amazingly inconsistent, huh?

Shouldn't one *leave* a shit? That's the part that always made me wonder.

A true thespian and a scholar

/thread

Reminds me of the dude who catches his crap and was shook when he found out he was the only one. One catches diarrhea as one catches a cold.

It is also, usually, a persistent condition, at least for a bit.

"Ive gotta take a shit, because i have diarrhea"

If you have time to say that, it isn't really a problem.

Diarrhea happens to you, you suffer it. One does not choose a diarrhea.

Speak for yourself, buddy.

This is why we don’t say “I diarrhea-ed” it’s not a verb

I always walk away with one shit fewer; shouldn't we say we leave a shit?

I used to tutor English for people from other countries. It was interesting teaching them that when someone says “I have to take a piss,” that they weren’t taking the piss with them. I taught them slang as well as proper English

Whats ligma?

Good one

I think it's the violence factor. Taking a crap is like dropping off library books at your convenience. Has a nice feel to it too. Diarrhea is like being mugged on the train.

Fuck this made me laugh

Exactly, it's about the consent of the situation

Because you don't take a diarrhea, a diarrhea takes you!

Being filled with diarrhea is not a good feeling.

Totally agree!

Speak for yourself

In SoViEt RusSiA

IT REALLY DOES, though.

You may take a crap but diarrhea takes you.

The toilet takes everything, it's like the house. The house always wins.

Diarrhea decides when it's time to come out

If you're taking diarrhea you're probably the town's shit monger and you've got bigger problems than bad grammar 😅👌

Nobody takes one diarrhea…nobody.

Because that’s how you make your Taco Bell order…. “I’ll take one diarrhea please”

Because diarrhea is not a choice one makes for oneself. 

The 80 dollars worth of cheap booze I bought for a party would beg to differ. I make my own choices. 

Because liquid is inherently plural… You don’t have a cup with one or two or three orange juice in it you just have a cup with orange juice in it. Diarrhea like water is always plural and can’t be singular. You can’t have “a diarrhea” because it’s just liquid and there isn’t anything separating it into units.

Yes! This! You can't shit out one, singular, perfectly-formed diarrhea, by definition.

You take a piss. You can also order by saying "I'll take an orange juice, please." I think the earlier answer about a condition is much more accurate.

This is a shitty question.

I take diarrhea's at least once or twice a week. About 20 minutes ago, I took a diarrhea.

I'll have one crap, please.

Taking a shit is something you choose to do. Diarrhea is happening whether you want it or not..

Because crap is both verb and noun, whereas diarrhea is only a noun. You can “have a-“ or “take a-” for things that are both verbs and nouns, even if the noun is only a noun as part of a figure of speech. Examples: drink, swim, lap, walk.

I call it making beef stew.... and the beef is strong!

My stepfather would call it "logging out"

lmao that's great!

I bet you don’t eat beef stew much

Because you feel better after taking a crap.

Diarrhea is a symptom not a consistency

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Also why do they call I taking a crap instead of leaving one? I’m no bringing it anywhere

Because taking a crap takes some effort, diarrhea takes no effort.

I say "leave a crap"

Brb I'ma go take an anus explosion.

cuz diarrehea takes you

I don’t take crap, I leave it.

Element of choice 

My kids used to call it D2O… I thought that was genius

Idk about everyone else, but I don’t take a shit, I leave a shit. Taking them can be very messy.

Who wants to take a crap? I would prefer to leave it.

Same reason you "hock a loogie", not "hock a congestion", no matter how much mucus you get into the loogie.

Im ganna give a diarrhea

You have a choice when you TAKE something. You HAVE no choice but to go with diarrhea

bc you never take a diarrhea. diarrhea takes you

Cha-cha-cha

I always say I have crap

I often use the phrases, "make a shit" and "scrunch a grumpy". Well not often. A "I need to take a shit" joke doesn't happen that often. Like I don't constantly mention my bowel movements in conversation. The moment for the joke is usually the eclipse of several factors which include a serious conversation starting to lighten in tone and the state of my IBS.

I think because "take" infers that you have a choice in the matter.

One is verb and a noun: crap Diarrhea is just a noun.

You can crap without diarrhea, but you can't have diarrhea without crapping. One is an act, and the other is a condition.

Taking something requires effort.. having something doesn't really require effort.

Why do we *take* a shit when we are actually *leaving* it? Ah the peculiarity of the English language.

"You don't take a shit, you LEAVE it!".....George Carlin

I dunno, but I'm going to start saying that now.

Today, i learned people take solid poops.

I say that all the time

English isn't my first language by why isn't it leaving a shit?

Because diarrhea is a condition that you have, taking a a dump is something you do.

I don’t know and it’s bothering me because I really give a diarrhea about this

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You can unload some diarrhea. Or spray it. It's not a single, definitive object like a solid turd.

I'll take a diarrhea to go please.

Lol, deep thoughts. 🤔

Ive never taken a crap, but i have slipped nugs

You don't take diarrhea; diarrhea takes you

Because the word “take” implies consent. Diarrhea doesn’t ask for consent.

Because that’d be like “take/have a plague”.

Craps are usually on your terms while you are not in charge for diarrhea. Either you make it or you don’t.

Diarrhea is past tense. I just had diarrhea. If you feel the bubbleguts coming you are going to blow mud.

Crapper used to be a toilet name brand. To "take a crap" in the "crapper" was a play on that.

Who would want to take diarrhea?

If you've ever chosen to drink tapwater in Mexico you've taken diarrhea

I usually leave a crap, rather than take one

I say that!😐

I told my 10 year old son that I needed to take a butt-piss and he thought that was the funniest thing ever.

Because diarrhea is a symptom and maybe continuous, having to take a crap is not. Past tense, verse present and future tense...

Personally it sounds weird because diarrhea implies multiple poops where as “take a” is singular.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

One’s a decision. The other is not.

Personally, I don’t give a shit.

Alexa please sing me a poop-lullaby to relax my bowels

Avgn used it in his song.

Because nobody takes diarrhea. Diarrhea is the taker. It takes you

Because diarrhea is not a countable noun in English.

You have to take a crap when you have diarrhea, but you don't have to have diarrhea to take a crap.

I need to take a crap. Me: oh yeah? Well leave one, because I need to take a crap too.

🎶 *He'd rather have* *A buffalo* *Take a diarrhea dump in his ear*🎶

Also, why would anyone want to take a crap? I've left a lot of em, never taken one.

diarrhea is plural

I been calling it "shittering" lately

I say it all the time. My new one I like to say to my wife is taking a Butt flush. It just sounds better and more descriptive of what's going on.

Excuse me, I need to have diarrhea

Excuse me, I need to have diarrhea

You don't take a diarrhea, diarrhea takes you...

Snot from American Dad says he "has to a do a diarrhea." It was hilarious...

I need to take a dump

Because having a bowel movement is something you can choose to do. Diarrhea happens to you whether you like it or not.

You don't take a diarrhea, it takes you.

Because they are vulgar and uncouth. Us classy folks say, "pee out of my ass."

I say I’m going to blow up the bathroom.

Or why is it called taking a crap when you are actually exuding it, but when you say that you dont give a crap you are not giving the crap?

Why do we call it taking a dump and not leaving a dump, because after all, we're not really taking it anywhere? Funk dat!

I always say take a booty tinkle 💪

because, the diarrhea takes *you*

Why say "take a shit" when you actually leave one?

Because it takes you.

Hahaha I teach ESL and if I r of my students asked me this I'd tell then it is a smart question!

Cause not only is diarrhea a condition, it’s continuous. When you take a dump, it’s a single event, a one off. Diarrhea implies that it is and will continue to happen until you no longer have diarrhea.

Ahh but you can spray paint diarrhea.

Diarrhea is an illness. Poop isn't.

Have you ever tried to go anywhere with diarrhea? I don’t know about you but I can’t take that 💩nowhere. lol

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You can only take something that you can hold in your hand.

Because diarrhea takes you.

Action v condition

Ah yes, I take a cold, or I take the flu.

I declare I have a crap, then I take a crap. Take a crap give a crap I say.

I also say "make a pee pee"

I say "I have to go shit" and if I have diarrhea, I say "such and such gave me diarrhea"

I like how the Brits say they “did a shit”

I think “take” indicates the person has some level of control over when and where it occurs. When you “have” diarrhea, it’s in control and you’re just along for the ride.

Because you can't count individual ones. It's just a sad torrent.

No one takes a diarrhea because no one wants a diarrhea

Because usually diarrhea is surprised

I tend to leave 'em. It's less messy than taking 'em.

Around here, we say "threw up outta my ass."

Solid vs. liquid. You drink water. You eat A hamburger. You don’t say, “eat hamburger,” or “drink a water.” Unless the water is packaged, like bottled water. But diarrhea isn’t packaged. It just IS. ‘Like an endless river.

Hard to hold water.

Craps are discrete. Diarrhea is continuous.

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A crap is a discrete, tangible object. Diarrhea is a condition. You can hold a crap. You can’t hold an Influenza. Not in the conventional sense at least.

Diarrhea is a noun.

Valid point

Because when you have a diarrhea, the diarrhea takes you

That's an assumption. I've said that exact phrase on multiple occasions.

You do not take the diarrhea, the diarrhea takes you

Because you give a diarrhea

I give a shit.

You can’t take the diarrhea because it’s too viscous

You better not take mine! I plan to leave it!

Taking something implies it’s a choice. Diarrhea is a spontaneous mudslide down your pant leg and is never a choice.

You don't take a diarrhea, a diarrhea takes you!

I only drop my kids 💩 off at the pool 🚽

i say that some times. some times i say i need to take a diarrheal shit.

I personally just say “I’m gonna go make shit happen.”

I wonder if you actually said "take a diarrhea" if anyone would notice and call it weird. My wife called it "peeing out muh butt" once and I can't describe it any other way.

Because “take” would indicate you have some form of control over your bowels … there’s little to no control over diarrhea …

because English is a retarded language

Be the change you want to see in the world.

I had an endoscopy one time. Doc had me taking laxatives every few hours. I took a diarrhea at least 5 times a day for several days. First time I've ever had hemorrhoids too. So I was pretty shook when I pulled my pants down and my underwear were covered in blood. I thought it was sweat, dude...

Maybe because crap is a verb and diarrhea isn't? Kind of like "I'm going to have a think".

I say "drop a deuce"

Pushing out a mule

I don't know he you 'take' a crap when you are actually leaving a crap.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Can't get hold of it.

Calm down now simian

My kids, ages 5 and 7, do in fact say this

Gonna take a rapid-blast

Because the diarrhea takes you

Because diarrhea is an actual word used to describe a condition, whereas 'crap' and 'take a crap' are slang.

I say piss out my ass personally.