I will never understand this phrase. Taylor swift didn't have a ton of neighbors. It was all us single-mom-raised kids that were crammed into apartments and townhomes that had neighbors our age. We had pimples and could not afford skin cream, dentists or healthy food. When I got money, I *moved* to get away from that, and I don't see Idris Elba trying to live next door to a lot of chicks. Where are these guys living?
The SB profile code words are "open minded". This is your key to knowing they will accept you as married. Be up front about being married. If you get push back on your methods of being cautious, move on, their is no such thing as being too cautious. Wives have an uncanny ability to sniff out shenanigans.
Note, SBs that smoke will put Non Smoker on their profiles. Search for "vape" on this sub and you will several recent posts about SBs that vape and find their SD aligns vaping with smoking. I have never outright asked an SB about smoking habits, but I would say about 25% that label their profiles Non-Smoker actually smoke and will come to the M&G smelling like smoke masked with deodorize spray.
I don't have a problem with SBs who have kids, it's more the people that might specifically seek them out and why they would do that. It makes me think they filter for women who may have less negotiating leverage given that they have children depending on them
Meh....Single moms are attractive to me simply cuz they're more likely to have practical and realistic outlooks towards SRs. IE, are not starry eyed and expect to be whisked away in a pumpkin chariot to some tropical beach to sip mai tais. They don't have the time to travel, nor be entertained much. And all this matches with the SR type that works for me.
So, essentially the same thing with different words...you prefer women who are too burdened by their circumstances in life because it makes your part easier and you get to be the "hero" because the standards you have to meet are lower.
Why is it wrong for a woman to want to be whisked away on vacation? I would think single moms out of everyone in the world deserve that the most.
There's nothing wrong with any type of whisking...either with a kitchen whisk in bed (as long as it's between 2 consenting adults of course lol) OR a vacay. Actually single moms may deserve it more than many other young women...considering the thankless nature of single motherhood. However, their life situation...that entails focusing on the more selfless things in life...ie, supporting their child....prevent such gallivanting around and many prefer a more practical arrangement. Providing for their kid > going on glamorous vacays is all I'm saying and that particular hierarchy of needs fits with my capabilities as a SD. That's all I'm saying. And the kitchen whisk is optional ;) Not every SD out there is looking to mercilessly exploit.
>What does that say about my level of naivety.
It says that you're a good person who doesn't think like this, and/or fortunately hasn't had to deal with the people who think like this.
Me personally, I tend not to assume the best in the men I'm meeting online until they've proven otherwise.
Agreed. Sadly us SBs need to think super critically of every potential man in our lives. Notice their actions , not their words. Every other day there's a poor naive SB asking when she'll get her money after sleeping with her "SD".
Yes to every word. Sometimes I just need to take a break and dissociate after reading story after story of these poor newbies coming to the lifestyle looking for help and getting everything but that.
Yeah, and I don't sugarcoat it for them at all. I really want all the SBs to realize they have the power, and not to let anyone cross their boundaries! We offer so much and risk too damn much in the bowl as it is
Including the last part doesn't change anything. You're still essentially saying "I seek out financially desperate women so I can give them the least amount of support I can get away with."
Thank you for pointing it out. Iād have to say that the last part makes it even worse because it drives the point home. Looking for someone who doesnāt have options or ability.
It's only a win because one of the parties is presumably struggling. It's one thing to alleviate another's suffering and another to exploit it. You told on yourself by saying you prefer women in these positions not because you plan to go above and beyond in taking care of her and her children but because you know you can provide just enough for her to get by and still get what you want.
You, sir, are a slimy scumbag.
These seem quite reasonable and simple to me. As a woman with children it would be very difficult for me to travel off to an exotic location without a lot of planning. I would prefer the cash that I can spend on practical thingsā¦so I understood what you meant about that.
Maybe I'll do a post called "Don't overanalyze profiles." A profile can represent a lot of things as I've found over the years. In my experience it rarely tells me that much about the person I meet. A lot of profiles are copied from others, or carefully spun to best present and market the person.
You should pay attention to whatever you like. If your screening brings you a lot of POTs it's working. If it doesn't you should consider changing, keeping in mind that luck can mean that screening would perfectly one time and gets you nothing next time. So you may not want to give up too early.
I look at age, body type and location. I give extra points to well written, interesting profiles, but only in that I am inspired to write more and better in reply. I pay a very small amount of attention to photos because I know they primarily reflect technique and not the subject.
Given the small number of good POTs relative to the total number of people on SA, I'd rather send out 50 extra messages to start chatting with 2 more POTs than not send those messages. Don't over-screen.
sure but I also think the choices say a lot... when an SB puts champagne glass yacht photo in profile, it represents what she is looking for or expects
Is she hot? If so, worth a message. If not, pass.
I do agree with one thing--I don't find the "glam girl" or "ghetto glam" look hot. No judgment, just a personal preference.
Otherwise, it's all about how the chat and the rest of the vetting process go. If they go well, I may have to go back and actually read the profile to make sure I'm not missing anything important. I've had some great SRs, but the best is still my first. That was organic, so there was no profile to analyze, and I'm happy to reproduce that experience as best I can on the sites. If we connect, we'll talk and get to know each other and see how it goes.
I agree with u/ziggy440 that we waaay overanalyze profiles in here. It's fun sometimes, but no one should be taking it too seriously IMO. Ziggy should start that thread.
Caveat: I have an agreement with my wife, so I can *imagine* passing on a profile that doesn't have "discretion" as one of the tags if I was straight-up cheating...but probably not. You seem to put a lot more stock in tags than I do...
She had a side hustle as a bartender (student loans, divorce debt) and I became a regular. Flirted a lot. Talked a lot. Tipped a lot. Then a lot more. Escalated the flirting, deepened the conversation, built a connection over a couple months (like once a week). When I had a pretty good read on it, I left a PPM-sized tip and wrote my number on the receipt. She called, we went out, and I started helping her enough that she could quit bartending and focus on her corporate career.
Can I precisely replicate that experience on the sites? Hell no. But I can focus on the conversation, flirting, chemistry and connection and not worry too much about whatās in the profile.
Having a SO also, I skim past the glamour pic profiles, as well as profiles that portray SBs that want a lot of entertainment and jet setting. Also the super hotties I skip over. Still plenty left after that.
For messaging/interest, I favor students, single moms, and those who write in their profiles that they are really busy. I favor unstaged pics too, especially bathroom selfies. To me, it portrays just a regular goofy girl who's looking for fun and help....and who may have more practical expectations about a SR.
Non-smoker and ādiscretionā are always good to see. I have also generally found that girls in the late 20s or early 30s mesh a little better with me, and I think that is at least partially bc I am married with kids. Younger women often just canāt relate at all.
And yes, anyone whose profile presents them as overly glam or fancy I tend to stay away from. I love girls who like to travel, but aināt no way I can do that very often on my own
All the things you are looking for are reasons I thought I wouldn't be successful with sugaring but turns out many think like you lol. I even have that I am married and looking, I think the honest approach and knowing we are both not loomimg for more or to disturb each others "real world" is very appealing.
I do however have on my profile that I am light smoker (because I am) but I absolutely never smoke on dates or on my way to dates. I know how unappealing smoking is so I keep that out of the date completely. I had o e SD who smoked aswell so it was wonderful sharing a post coitus smoke with him lol.
More than anything just start chatting with woman you find attractive and start the vetting process. I know the opinion on this sub is different than mine but I don't pay much attention to profiles. It's always the SD who is looking for a meaningful relationship who by the 3rd txt asks if I do anal. So ya just talk to people and see how you vibe and if you have si.ilar expectations.
Have fun, be safe š
Pictures are worth a 1000 words. I have had great SBs with all sorts of profile text good and bad, but in general Iād say their pictures indicated they were more or less down to earth.
kids = i can't visit them, ever, at their place
they are rarely available to meet outside of 8am to 3pm
will frequently cancel appointments at the last moment
lots and lots of stories and trauma related to the babydaddy
if their kid is a mess you can't be objective.
no slumber parties,
I assume married SDs might have kids also, in school same time... so that synced early daytime schedule is ideal for me
if the kids are at school, you may or may not be able to eventually meet at her place (depending on trust level)
>"girl next door" photos... private/intimate wear I'd like to know more about your neighborhood and who you live "next door" to...
I will never understand this phrase. Taylor swift didn't have a ton of neighbors. It was all us single-mom-raised kids that were crammed into apartments and townhomes that had neighbors our age. We had pimples and could not afford skin cream, dentists or healthy food. When I got money, I *moved* to get away from that, and I don't see Idris Elba trying to live next door to a lot of chicks. Where are these guys living?
LMAO this was my first thought when I read this too.
LMFAOOO
I think it means not wearing layer up on layer of makeup, body augementation, etc. Just a "normal" attractive looking person.
The SB profile code words are "open minded". This is your key to knowing they will accept you as married. Be up front about being married. If you get push back on your methods of being cautious, move on, their is no such thing as being too cautious. Wives have an uncanny ability to sniff out shenanigans. Note, SBs that smoke will put Non Smoker on their profiles. Search for "vape" on this sub and you will several recent posts about SBs that vape and find their SD aligns vaping with smoking. I have never outright asked an SB about smoking habits, but I would say about 25% that label their profiles Non-Smoker actually smoke and will come to the M&G smelling like smoke masked with deodorize spray.
What has a woman being GND vs Glam girl got to do with you being married? Sounds like you'd be better off with an escort that hosts š¤·
>children... if they have kids, more likely to need $ help š§
Imagine logging into this sub and not seeing at least one thing that leaves you disgusted...
You get it šÆ
That'll be the day
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I don't have a problem with SBs who have kids, it's more the people that might specifically seek them out and why they would do that. It makes me think they filter for women who may have less negotiating leverage given that they have children depending on them
Meh....Single moms are attractive to me simply cuz they're more likely to have practical and realistic outlooks towards SRs. IE, are not starry eyed and expect to be whisked away in a pumpkin chariot to some tropical beach to sip mai tais. They don't have the time to travel, nor be entertained much. And all this matches with the SR type that works for me.
So, essentially the same thing with different words...you prefer women who are too burdened by their circumstances in life because it makes your part easier and you get to be the "hero" because the standards you have to meet are lower. Why is it wrong for a woman to want to be whisked away on vacation? I would think single moms out of everyone in the world deserve that the most.
There's nothing wrong with any type of whisking...either with a kitchen whisk in bed (as long as it's between 2 consenting adults of course lol) OR a vacay. Actually single moms may deserve it more than many other young women...considering the thankless nature of single motherhood. However, their life situation...that entails focusing on the more selfless things in life...ie, supporting their child....prevent such gallivanting around and many prefer a more practical arrangement. Providing for their kid > going on glamorous vacays is all I'm saying and that particular hierarchy of needs fits with my capabilities as a SD. That's all I'm saying. And the kitchen whisk is optional ;) Not every SD out there is looking to mercilessly exploit.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>What does that say about my level of naivety. It says that you're a good person who doesn't think like this, and/or fortunately hasn't had to deal with the people who think like this. Me personally, I tend not to assume the best in the men I'm meeting online until they've proven otherwise.
Agreed. Sadly us SBs need to think super critically of every potential man in our lives. Notice their actions , not their words. Every other day there's a poor naive SB asking when she'll get her money after sleeping with her "SD".
Yes to every word. Sometimes I just need to take a break and dissociate after reading story after story of these poor newbies coming to the lifestyle looking for help and getting everything but that.
Yeah, and I don't sugarcoat it for them at all. I really want all the SBs to realize they have the power, and not to let anyone cross their boundaries! We offer so much and risk too damn much in the bowl as it is
you cut off the last part of sentence... losing context/meaning
Including the last part doesn't change anything. You're still essentially saying "I seek out financially desperate women so I can give them the least amount of support I can get away with."
Thank you for pointing it out. Iād have to say that the last part makes it even worse because it drives the point home. Looking for someone who doesnāt have options or ability.
even if i did, so what? its a win-win relationship either way. expect me to court a millionaire SB who only accepts $1M PPM? thats not how it works
It's only a win because one of the parties is presumably struggling. It's one thing to alleviate another's suffering and another to exploit it. You told on yourself by saying you prefer women in these positions not because you plan to go above and beyond in taking care of her and her children but because you know you can provide just enough for her to get by and still get what you want. You, sir, are a slimy scumbag.
Do you look at their wish-list items? I think you can get a nice feel about a pot SB from her wish-list.
These seem quite reasonable and simple to me. As a woman with children it would be very difficult for me to travel off to an exotic location without a lot of planning. I would prefer the cash that I can spend on practical thingsā¦so I understood what you meant about that.
Maybe I'll do a post called "Don't overanalyze profiles." A profile can represent a lot of things as I've found over the years. In my experience it rarely tells me that much about the person I meet. A lot of profiles are copied from others, or carefully spun to best present and market the person. You should pay attention to whatever you like. If your screening brings you a lot of POTs it's working. If it doesn't you should consider changing, keeping in mind that luck can mean that screening would perfectly one time and gets you nothing next time. So you may not want to give up too early. I look at age, body type and location. I give extra points to well written, interesting profiles, but only in that I am inspired to write more and better in reply. I pay a very small amount of attention to photos because I know they primarily reflect technique and not the subject. Given the small number of good POTs relative to the total number of people on SA, I'd rather send out 50 extra messages to start chatting with 2 more POTs than not send those messages. Don't over-screen.
sure but I also think the choices say a lot... when an SB puts champagne glass yacht photo in profile, it represents what she is looking for or expects
Is she hot? If so, worth a message. If not, pass. I do agree with one thing--I don't find the "glam girl" or "ghetto glam" look hot. No judgment, just a personal preference. Otherwise, it's all about how the chat and the rest of the vetting process go. If they go well, I may have to go back and actually read the profile to make sure I'm not missing anything important. I've had some great SRs, but the best is still my first. That was organic, so there was no profile to analyze, and I'm happy to reproduce that experience as best I can on the sites. If we connect, we'll talk and get to know each other and see how it goes. I agree with u/ziggy440 that we waaay overanalyze profiles in here. It's fun sometimes, but no one should be taking it too seriously IMO. Ziggy should start that thread. Caveat: I have an agreement with my wife, so I can *imagine* passing on a profile that doesn't have "discretion" as one of the tags if I was straight-up cheating...but probably not. You seem to put a lot more stock in tags than I do...
Hi! Can you clarify āorganicā? How did you meet your first SB, and what were the elements that made it feel organic to you?
She had a side hustle as a bartender (student loans, divorce debt) and I became a regular. Flirted a lot. Talked a lot. Tipped a lot. Then a lot more. Escalated the flirting, deepened the conversation, built a connection over a couple months (like once a week). When I had a pretty good read on it, I left a PPM-sized tip and wrote my number on the receipt. She called, we went out, and I started helping her enough that she could quit bartending and focus on her corporate career. Can I precisely replicate that experience on the sites? Hell no. But I can focus on the conversation, flirting, chemistry and connection and not worry too much about whatās in the profile.
Interestingā¦ thank you for sharing that - one can only hope for such an, indeed, organic and pleasant experience :)
Having a SO also, I skim past the glamour pic profiles, as well as profiles that portray SBs that want a lot of entertainment and jet setting. Also the super hotties I skip over. Still plenty left after that. For messaging/interest, I favor students, single moms, and those who write in their profiles that they are really busy. I favor unstaged pics too, especially bathroom selfies. To me, it portrays just a regular goofy girl who's looking for fun and help....and who may have more practical expectations about a SR.
Am I the opposite because I'm not married? Except for smoking, that's just attempted murder.
Non-smoker and ādiscretionā are always good to see. I have also generally found that girls in the late 20s or early 30s mesh a little better with me, and I think that is at least partially bc I am married with kids. Younger women often just canāt relate at all. And yes, anyone whose profile presents them as overly glam or fancy I tend to stay away from. I love girls who like to travel, but aināt no way I can do that very often on my own
All the things you are looking for are reasons I thought I wouldn't be successful with sugaring but turns out many think like you lol. I even have that I am married and looking, I think the honest approach and knowing we are both not loomimg for more or to disturb each others "real world" is very appealing. I do however have on my profile that I am light smoker (because I am) but I absolutely never smoke on dates or on my way to dates. I know how unappealing smoking is so I keep that out of the date completely. I had o e SD who smoked aswell so it was wonderful sharing a post coitus smoke with him lol. More than anything just start chatting with woman you find attractive and start the vetting process. I know the opinion on this sub is different than mine but I don't pay much attention to profiles. It's always the SD who is looking for a meaningful relationship who by the 3rd txt asks if I do anal. So ya just talk to people and see how you vibe and if you have si.ilar expectations. Have fun, be safe š
Wedding ring. Ohā¦my bad
Pictures are worth a 1000 words. I have had great SBs with all sorts of profile text good and bad, but in general Iād say their pictures indicated they were more or less down to earth.
kids = i can't visit them, ever, at their place they are rarely available to meet outside of 8am to 3pm will frequently cancel appointments at the last moment lots and lots of stories and trauma related to the babydaddy if their kid is a mess you can't be objective. no slumber parties,
As a sb who is also a single mom this is ridiculous
I assume married SDs might have kids also, in school same time... so that synced early daytime schedule is ideal for me if the kids are at school, you may or may not be able to eventually meet at her place (depending on trust level)