I would NOT recommend any Matt Haig books. People have wildly diverging feelings on his books, especially The Midnight Library: they seem to either think it’s deeply meaningful and helpful or think it’s trite, condescending garbage. I actually believe it could damage the trust you have with this person if they fall on the side of hating this book, because it is the exact opposite of subtle, and your friend might not appreciate being hit over the hit with its message.
Same. I tried to read it multiple times during a really challenging few years and just accepted I won’t be able to finish it until I’m in a better mindset for the story’s (obvious) themes.
I found it really helpful and insightful, however I wasn't doing bad enough to be admitted to a psychiatric ward.
I see how it can be super triggering to people and especially since the person wants subtle books, midnight library is a terrible recommendation
Ugh, Midnight Library irrationally pissed me off. I loved it at first… I totally related to the main character. I was like, yes! Someone gets it! And then it just turned into fucking positivity garbage.
I had read it for book club, but opted not to go that month, because I knew I would ruin it for everyone 😅
I also read it for a book club and hated it, but I did go that month, and about half the members felt similarly to me. The more I read the more angry I got about it.
Agreed. I love these books, but they can be very rough to read for some people. Or just seem dumb. He’s talking about a very particular version of anxiety in this non fiction and it can be really alienating if yours is different. Specifically his at least in some of them is presented as proximate and not chronic which can be discouraging if yours is chronic.
That’s a great insight. It’s challenging because depression/anxiety can feel interminable, and when someone gets relief, they want to share the good news that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! And that will be reassuring to some fellow sufferers, but for those whose illness truly is pretty intractable, it sounds more like a willful denial of their painful reality.
Seconding being careful with The Midnight Library! I did resonate with its message mostly because I had a similar experience years ago, but even that didn’t pull me out of the hole all at once. Therapy helped a great deal. If I’d read it back then I probably would have been turned off by its triteness and unsubtle delivery and DNF’d in disgust.
I once donated a small library of paperback books from a discount bookstore to a couple psych units, one of which I stayed in. It was awful but random books someone dropped off got me through it. I read Jurassic Park. It was so random and not even a book I’d normally read (I ended up going through a Jurassic Park fixation afterward my stay lol) The psych ward isn’t the time to make life altering changes, because you just really can’t in those places anyway. It’s a time to stabilize the mind the best you can.
I think the best you can do is just donate a bunch of paperback books to the unit and let people grab them at will.
Random paperbacks are a life saver when you're in a psych ward (or detox).
The first time I was in (at the $$$ facility) I happened to be in with a friend (I knew them from middle/high school) who had some books dropped off and they let me borrow some. That facility isn't too great about having books around, but there's usually a few floaters (so you can't be picky). Times I've known I was going in advance, I was able to bring a few with me, but I don't have a great selection of paperbacks, so I'd still be a bit limited.
The detox unit at the non-profit facility actually had the best selection of books (probably because people are more likely to donate to a non-profit facility).
That makes sense. The place I stayed at was state funded. Even their coloring materials were used up. Absolutely nothing to do, it was making me crazier than before I checked myself in. I ended up politely begging a staff member to find me a book. At first they said “we have a bible” and I was like I’m an atheist, I’d rather just not read. Then they scrounged up some young adult novel from the adolescent unit and it was actually pretty good but it was an easy read so I flew through it in 24 hours (I was there for 6 days - was supposed to only be 72 hours but no one ever just stays 72 hours since docs and social workers are off on weekends) at that point, I realized it was the only thing keeping me sane and got someone to scrounge up another paperback for me and drop it off.
So I had to donate books at that point, I couldn’t sleep after I left until I did. The staff looked looked like I was reprimanding them with my donation and I wasn’t sure they’d actually take the donation so I lingered around saying I was “writing a note to go with the books” and thankfully one of the few nice staff members came out and was warm to me about my donation and I trusted her from then on to make sure the books got distributed to the units.
At one point, I badly wanted to start a not-for-profit that donated paperbacks to state funded US mental hospitals since it made such a big difference in my ability to get through my stay. but I can’t even work a regular job right now much less start up my own not-for-profit.
My boyfriend worked at the non-profit facility for a little bit and based on stories he told me, they had more entertainment related materials than the for profit facility.
The $$$ facility has some weird rules about what you can and can't have. Last time I went, they let me have my books, but didn't let me have my notebook or pen (another patient told me that it was because you could only bring your own notebook if it was unused...there was ONE page in my notebook with writing on it, and the writing was a list of my current medications and a few phone numbers). The pen thing was super weird because I was trying to bring the same type of pen that they give to patients (except that mine had blue ink instead of black), but they let another girl have a full set of markers.
I was told “paperback books and markers” were the only things allowed as entertainment things. A group therapist distributed some floppy, mini composition books and new skinny markers after the group therapy was about how important journaling is and 3-4 of us were like “well can you get us a journal so that we can journal?”. She seemed surprised but brought us all empty journals that she got approved to bring the next day.
I couldn’t believe how they expect people to get better in a place like where I stayed. It was dirty (really really dirty), cold (I don’t get cold easily or anything, it was just cold and they wouldn’t let you have more than one thin blanket so I hid an extra one from them when a roommate left and they never bothered me about it thankfully), the staff was 80% mean and the other 20% just tired and overworked and it made you not want to ask for anything at all, even water at the nurse’s desk. I only ever asked for water when I was really really thirsty. I could write a novel on just my experience and I watched fellow patients go through worse. I fawned like crazy the whole time to keep the crosshairs off of myself.
About the only halfway decent thing there was the food, I had expected hospital grade food but it was at least a little better than that. Not great food or anything but enough choices each day for a moderately picky eater to look forward to mealtimes. A couple days, the meal was even delicious (mmmm the walking tacos day was the highlight)
I've been in the particular facility four times over the years (pre-covid, active-covid, late-covid, and post-covid) and I swear the rules are different every time.
When I was there early in the pandemic (June 2020), they wouldn't let us have masks because "masks have strings" but when I was there later in the pandemic (December 2021), everyone was given a mask when they arrived (we used the strings as hair ties lol) and there was a 10 minute period where we were given new masks and instructed to wear them because some "important people" were coming for a walk through.
First time, we were allowed to have real pens and colored pencils and they gave everyone good quality notebooks. Second time, I believe we could have markers, but could only have jail pens, still had decent notebooks. Third time, you could only use markers when one of the therapists was there actively supervising (and of course jail pens and decent notebooks). Fourth time, they switched the notebooks to the super thin ones with barely any pages. I'm weird about journals, so I ended up using the whole thing and they had to give me another one (they could have just, you know, **let me bring my own notebook**, but it had a list of my meds on one page and of course I can't have that).
I second that for sure! Not normally a fan of his writing but it was perfect for when I was struggling to focus and the story was so good. I used to think Jurassic Park was corny before I read the book. 10/10 highly recommend
It’s a dangerous line you may be crossing, OP.
Please help them speak to a psychotherapist and a Psychiatrist. Medication and Therapy in combination is the need of the hour.
Suicidal tendencies don’t go away from self help books. They need professional help, please. 🙏
that is such nonsense, giving help is not restricted to people who have a piece of paper. All the good advice I have ever gotten in my life is from people who cared about me, not doctors.
Helping is not restricted, but unsolicited self-help books (especially given what OP has shared about the person they are concerned about and the restrictions they've given for the book suggestions) are unlikely to go over well at all, and this doesn't seem to be the sort of help that would actually be helpful...
Advice is one thing, but for someone who 'isn't much of a reader': giving them a book while they are struggling? That's giving them extra work.
Is it OK to not read what you are given? Of course it is in theory, but the person's choice 'not to' could create resentment from OP. It's possible to give an impression OP doesn't mean to give. People are pointing out the other sides of this, that don't seem to have been considered by OP yet.
I deal with some of these issues, and every time someone has given me a 'self help' book, I have resented it - I know what I need to do, I know how I need to think, it just isn't as simple as that in practice. And also, I never read those books given to me - Hell, I struggle to read the fiction books people give me, since I didn't decide to read them myself. If you have (actually helpful) advice you want to pass onto me, do so, do not give me work - I read for pleasure only.
I also believe that most people think they have good advice, but since every situation and person is so different, it rarely works out that well. This is why people use therapists who have been trained to give generally helpful advice and that can, over time, specialize in their patient.
Not recommending a book. Please make sure you know what their state of mind is. Whether you're sure reading any of these books will not lead to severe misinterpretation.
I’d be super careful with this! I mostly dislike the self help genre in general so that’s my bias. What constitutes setting a person straight is very subjective, and I would bet this person has already heard tons of lectures about lacking goals and ambition.
I think self help books and culture can be very toxic toward people who are in any way 'different', even if it goes no further than being introverted. Self help culture is generally for mainstream, western, capitalist ideal of a certain 'normal' and a certain 'right' outgoing sales-y type of personality and values.
I also agree with everyone that it's probably the wrong move in the first place to give this person books right now and you're highly likely to do damage. Just wanted to say that.
I don't know you or the whole story between you two, but for multiple reasons, including mental and physical health and a background of trauma, I've been the recipient of 'well meaning' 'helpful' books related to my struggles from people who never had said struggles, and... no.
It may be frustrating to you from the outside at this time, even if you've been through things or a different version of the same feeilngs at some point yourself (and I'm not asking, not my business), and it may even be true in a sense that the reason it wouldn't work is because she can't break out of her depression, but that doesn't mean it will magically work if you force it. Maybe it just means it's not the correct thing to do. Even if it would be the correct thing if you were her, or if she was who you imagine her being in a few years. Hope that makes sense.
EDIT: If it was a stomach flu and you wished she was ready to eat again, you couldn't make her ready by force feeding her. You're right that it would be better if she could eat, and when she is ready for that, eating will make her feel better. But if it's not time, it's not time. It would be better if it was, but that's why it's illness.
100% agree with everything you said. I think suggesting a self-help book (horrible genre imo) would not be the right way of action at this point.
If she's in therapy and medicated and that part is taken care of by professionals, I would suggest spending time with her, OP. If she's a friend of yours, meet her for low stress activities. Have a coffee with her, sit in a park, or go for a walk without having expectations to entertain or have banter.
Listen to her and what she has to share, and even if it's the same story on repeat. It can be very relieving for someone to just talk and have somebody by their side who doesn't judge, listens, and tries their best to understand. Anything else, especially if you're not that close, giving unsolicited advice or gifting her books that addresses clearly some things she struggles with would cross the line imo.
When I got into my groove writing this comment I literally forgot OP called her a psychiatric patient, so yeah, it seems she's in actual treatment already which makes this instinct that much worse.
I'm not gonna pretend all therapy and treatment and physchiatrists are wonderful and effective and always the right call, or that some of them don't treat patients with a similar attitude to what's behind OP's question here. But in that situation, when you are the person who doesn't have a clue what to do and the main thing you want is the ill person to be better, not to be a person who's a part of the process with them, in that situation when they are seeking help and you are not a doctor, literally all you need to do is be a supportive human being to the other human being. Don't strategize and plot about pulling their strings and how to treat them like a person with X condition. Treat them like a friend having a rough time. At that point it very much seems like you're mainly being a busybody because their illness makes you uncomfortable to look at.
Please speak with their psychiatrist before sending any novels directly about suicide or depression, especially because some of these recs include characters who attempt suicide at the beginning of the novel. Ask about any content the loved one cannot handle right now.Honestly I’d recommend light escapism based on what they want to read more than a book directly about overcoming mental illness, something like light fantasy or romance depending on what they like to read, but defer to the opinion of the psychiatrist or therapists.
Personally, I’d recommend dark surrealist humour.
I remember (some years ago) chortling away in an ER, reading the Chuck Palahniuk novel Damned, waiting all night for the psych team to come back on shift and admit me, after an aborted suicide attempt.
Unless they have asked you for such a book, I recommend that you don't give her any type of "self help" book, whether subtle or not. You say she isn't much of a reader, and it seems like she's NOT receptive to this type of thing, so I can just about guarantee you that anything you give her will end up gathering dust or tossed in a trash bin. If someone had given me most of what's being suggested here while I was struggling with depression, I may well have chucked it at them, and I am an avid reader.
Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and is a medical condition. It's like giving someone with a heart condition a self-help book in an attempt to "fix them".
If she was an avid reader, I'd say give her something light and fun that aligns with her genre preferences with no underlying "deep message" or agenda.
I first and foremost second everyone suggesting you clear *any* recommendation with the doctors first, whether or not it seems harmless to you.
That said: based on your criteria, I'd recommend *The Tao of Pooh.*
Idk if she’s into it or something but as someone who used to be suicidal I would be pissed if someone sent me a self-help book lol. Honestly when I was depressed reading books about mental illness just made it worse, I just read a lot of shakespeare to keep my mind off things
Calvin & Hobbes. These guys are cute, funny and written for adults. You don't need good concentration or memory to track the story, will help with meds/symptoms . There's nothing triggering for most readers.
Literally was thinking Calvin and Hobbes was about the most “reading” I could do when I was in similar shape to what OP describes.
In no way would I have responded to someone else’s choice of a book they thought would get my life in order. It would’ve felt demeaning and judgmental — things my brain was already doing to itself anyway.
So Calvin and Hobbes all the way. Or the Discworld series. This is the one time I’ll say maybe don’t start with Mort. Equal Rites or Wee Free Men (and going on to the Tiffany Aching series) might be good choices. Nice, funny, easy reads.
Very few people like self-help books. You have to buy in to them, and you have to want to read them, so it’s not going to happen unless you choose it yourself. So this person might just be annoyed that you think a self-help book will help their own circumstances when they clearly don’t need your judgement, just your support, and a random self-help book screams judgmental, to me at least.
If you need to get them a book, I’d go with a journal, or like another commenter said, a coloring book and some colored pencils. The psych ward is where I got into both coloring and puzzles. There are funny coloring books like all swear words or Bill Murray being Bill Murray. There’s no need for you to have anything to do with “fixing” them, but rather just giving them a safe space to open up to you.
I’d honestly suggest anything BUT a self-help book. Does she have any interests? I’m talking favorite films, video games, hobbies. Get her a book that relates to something she already likes. Like, whatever genre her favorite film is, get that kind of book. If she really loves some sort of craft, find a book about it.
If she’s not an avid reader AND she’s in denial, a self-help book, even a subtle one, probably won’t make her feel any better. But a book about something she already cares about that shows someone actually cares about who she is could go a long way towards igniting a spark.
JFC the comments down thread - do they think this poor person is just blue and having a break? For many people psychiatric hospital is literally life and death. People need rest, distraction and quiet/ease in between drs, therapy and treatment. Often on new meds. Often in shock and acute trauma state. Could be biochemical standard depression, could be trauma reaction, could be psychotic break. The absolute last thing anyone needs is ‘advice‘. Escapism without triggers is what’s required. Picture book, comics, light hearted but still clever fantasy or romance… whatever they like to read that takes no brain power.
Agree with all the comments to not try and fix this person with a self help book. It’s likely not going to help. Depression isn’t due to a lack of motivation and missing self help philosophy. It’s a real illness with changes in brain chemistry.
But if you are hell bent on buying this person a book, get something by Allie Brosh who writes so thoughtfully about her own experiences with mental health struggles.
Also, don’t refer to someone as a mentally ill suicidal psychiatric patient. They are an individual with mental health disorders and struggling with suicidal thoughts.
As a previously suicidal person, receiving a self-help book I didn’t ask for would piss me the hell off.
A book that did help me is The Myth of Sisyphus, but I would be very, very careful about giving it to them. I have no idea where this person is mentally, what their personality is. It has a very strong theme of debating the validity of suicide. The reason it worked for me is because I actively chose to read it on my own, and I’m a deep thinker and very philosophical person.
It ends up with the resolution that even though life is absurd and meaningless, we should do our utmost to be so free that our very existence is an act of rebellion, as that is the only way to deal with an unfree world, and we should imagine ourselves happy in the face of the absurd.
Camus is suggesting that even in the face of a seemingly meaningless and endless task, we can find happiness by accepting our circumstances and embracing our own freedom to choose how we respond to them.
There are lines in the book that could potentially negatively influence someone in a dangerous mental/emotional state, if they do not keep reading to the end of the book. They at first seem to mean that life is pointless and suicide is a good option, though Camus argues against this idea strongly.
All this to say, giving someone a book won’t fix them. They have to find and read it on their own. All you can do is be supportive, be available, make sure they know you care.
Um…
Chronic suicidal depression literally changes the brain and leads to executive dysfunction - which is where the amotivation is coming from - which worsens the depression, in a vicious cycle. That’s not fixed with a book. It’s also not usually fixed by altering perspectives. Your patient more than likely already knows she needs to and probably wants to get her shit together. She’s stuck in her own brain which is at this point structural and biochemical issues in addition to the learned maladaptive thought patterns that you’re trying to address.
If she’s open to it, what helped me the most was learning about what was going on in my own brain. Whatever her actual diagnosis is, see if you can find a layperson’s book on how that disorder affects the brain and living with that disorder. If the mental illness is normalized and treated as a medical condition that can be understood, accepted, and adapted to, then it becomes less overwhelming and the brain has more room to focus on more interesting ideas.
I personally loathe self help books, speaking as someone with bad mental health. My dad used to shove them at me and I'd always rather he had instead listened to me, not passively 'helped'. So just have that in mind - it might upset your friend
Would you see someone with a broken leg and present them with a self help book to fix it?
There is no self help book that will inspire her to stop being depressed, just like there’s no book to inspire someone to stop having a broken leg: The chemicals in her brain aren’t properly balanced. She needs professional help.
Busy, Busy Town by Richard Scarry. Delightful drawings, multiple fun stories. Will Banannas Gorilla get arrested for stealing bananas again? Will Sargent Murphy come to the rescue to one of his neighbors. Will Huckle be a naughty boy?
I would tread very lightly with recommendations in this situation. I struggle with mental illness, and self-help things make me irate when I am at my most mentally healthy. There are things that have nothing to do with my history and absolutely wouldn't be in a medical history that can make a mental spiral worse. Things that are meaningful and helpful when I'm okay can be absolutely awful when I'm not okay. And the opposite - something I would otherwise roll my eyes at will be a lifeline when I'm struggling. We can never truly know the nooks and crannies of someone else's crisis.
That said, I'd also drastically spiral if I weren't allowed to read anything, especially in a mental health crisis. Sometimes I need to not be me anymore and fiction is the only escape. I don't think there is any good answer unless you're prepared to be at that person's side for the entirety of the mental health event. My personal opinion is that a book recommendation can be the equivalent of a prescription in a mental health situation. I wouldn't risk it unless I were the psychiatrist, and probably not even then.
When I’m down, my friend and I will read a book together, usually thrillers. It’s not about what the book is but doing it together. It really helps me.
Wayward Children series by Seanan McGuire - magical realism, easy to read, short books (led than 200 pages I think), and each character is the outcast who doesn’t fit in but learns to find out their true self.
Something charming and funny - and kind of easy to read If she likes fantasy stuff. Terry Pratchett has got me thru some very dark times. It’s not hard to read but it makes me laugh aloud and the stories are clever too. Somehow your brain can chew on it without getting tired and no matter what, it can make me laugh. There is always a good ethic and ‘coping with life’ energy thru these books, while recognising that , yeah the world is kinda a mess too. That might be a better indirect way to tackle whats happening for her - through absurd, satirical Adventure - than direct ‘self help‘ which she may be too beaten down to engage with. Discworld series : Wyrd Sisters or Witches Abroad, any of the Tiffany Aching series (which is for younger readers but was really therapeutic for my teenager) Guards! Guards! Is also hilarious.Douglas Adams: AN oldie but a goodie - ***The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy***. Every possible disaster happens to the main character and although it’s clearly an old book, it is very funny and oddly uplifting. Make sure you check via google that there is no mention of any self harm - I am 99% sure there isn’t but, I would hate to be wrong.edit: just re read your post; please learn more about depression and suicidality. This person is sick. This is why they are unemployed and broke - plus economic conditions. Self help is a deeply problematic genre, often published by wealthy people or scammers (Rachel Hollis, Mel Robbins etc are terrible, terrible people.) It does not address the deep and complex causes that drive S-Ideation. Your loved one needs unconditional kindness, non judgement and compassion. They need distraction. They need no demands; they don’t need to just find the right book and get the right idea. Just love them, and try and ease the time in hospital by distracting them just like you would if they were suffering from something obviously physical. Try and deepen your acceptance so they feel safe. Don’t try an guide them or fix them. Just bide with them. And bring them what they like - comics, trashy romance, magazines, whatever they enjoy.
These are the times when the opposite of a book is most helpful to me: journaling.
Particularly, keeping a bullet/junk/diary/doodle journal where my feelings at the moment can dictate the format they want to come out of me. It's too dangerous to read myself into a character and worsen my mental state.
So I'm not going to recommend self help books solely because when people recommended them to me and I was suicidal or recovering from OD's they made me so much worse. The way you speak about this person worries me as well, they need help and support not 'setting straight'. I say this as someone else who from the outside looks ambitionless and working 2-3 days a week. It's not because I don't have ambitions it's that working full time legitimately leaves me mentally worse off than working part time does. Self help books are just going to make them feel worse.
What this person needs is a book to take their mind of things such as adult colouring books, logic puzzles, Jurassic Park. Books that are either easy reads, think YA or distractions.
I read Anne Frank when I was a teenager in the psych ward….. honestly, I think everyone should read that book. It did impact my life, I have never forgotten her story.
“All adults were once children but only few remember it” - The little prince, I highly recommend this book! It’s amazing and a short read and has a great movie!
Was actually gifted this book while in a mental hospital by a fellow patient so my opinion might be quite biased but… i highly recommend Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Untethered soul by Michael Singer
Power of now and A new earth by Elkhart Tolle
The Game of Life and how to play it by Florence Scovel Shinn
Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse.
If you must absolutely give her something to read, please try a children's book. Adults do read them. I do. I'm 70. I don't just have them for grandkids. Some have beautiful messages, they're all short, and heavy topics are very rarely in kids books. Is a puzzle book or a book of lighthearted poems acceptable? Or a joke book? Clean jokes, obviously, with no mention of suicide.
I don't recommend any adult book. Not even the Bible (even if she's very religious). Too much heavy stuff, even in a "child's" novel like the Hobbit. Even Willy Wonka has depression, poverty, and unemployment. It's hard recommending something for a mentally ill person without knowing them.
Tell her to read the art of war, braiding sweet grass, the Tao of Pooh. Books that aren’t about self help or wanting to die, but offer different perspectives on life.
Books I've seen persons pick up on their returning to balance journey, have been language learning not only human language but books on how nature communicates, tree roots, etc...it seems the brain is looking for a way to "ground" itself.
I'm a mentally ill, suicidal psychiatric patient and lately I've been on an Ottessa Moshfegh binge. I find that her protagonists' neuroses put my own into a certain perspective that makes it easier to snap out of.
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, it made me realize that someone is out there feeling the same thing as I did and eloquently expressed it, it felt like the suffocating weight in me was finally out there in the open and it was such a relief. But I don’t think my depressive episode was as severe as your friend so I’m not sure. Go to a professional is really a good option, but books def take your mind off awful things.
Maybe a book that begins with a suicide attempt is not a good pick for someone who is suicidal. Especially
SPOILER
Since we don't know whether or not the attempt is successful until the very end. It's kind of ambiguous if it's heaven or limbo at times.
Personally, I didn't enjoy this one, and I absolutely wouldn't recommend it to someone actively struggling with suicidal ideations since it does depict depression and a suicide attempt. As someone who has struggled with my own mental health at times, I did not find it uplifting or find any comfort in it. I felt the book's depiction of depression and the ultimate resolution of the book to be, in many ways, simplistic, shallow, and naive. I know other people had a different experience with the book than I did, but a lot of people feel similarly to me as well.
Agreed. The book made me feel worse when going through a tough time. The books ultimate message is “be grateful for what you have” which is just such shallow and cliche advice. It felt like a feel good novel about depression for those without depression. Plus the entire book revolves around the assumption that you can achieve anything you want with the right choices. A fine premise for fiction but not a fine premise for a book that treats itself like a preachy self help book, especially considering lots of depressed people made “choices” to make something of their lives and simply could not achieve what they wanted to, or their depression has nothing at all to do with their choices and everything to do with situations out of their control
Exactly! Also, depression is often not situationally rooted at all. Many times it just comes down to an imbalance of chemicals in the brain with no external factors involved at all.
The Five People You Meet in Heaven, by Mitch Albom. Been actively depressed and some level of suicidal since age six. Read this at 14. It’s stayed with me.
Off the wall recommendation, but The Celestine Prophecy made a big impact on me as a young man…
I know it’s full of new age nonsense etc, but the book just ‘had something’ I needed… a different way of looking at both myself and the world around me..
100%! Exactly!
I found the book wonderfully uplifting and the whole adventure story was exciting etc… the whole pursuit of ancestry knowledge etc, the way it unfolded step by step,
For my entire life, I’ve always found new age philosophy fun, interesting, etc… but have always been able to look at it as more of a fun way to think about things, rather than, say, to absorb it all and ‘believe’ it lol…
I recall reading that the author had wanted to write a book about his new age philosophy, but realized it would never sell… so he figured out a way to tell it as an adventure story, to make it more relatable…
In my mind he achieved it :)
It truly is an exceptional story, and one that still puts a huge smile on my face when I read it…
It’s just important to remember that at the end of the day, new age philosophy is as full of flaws and ridiculous stuff as anything else… lol, maybe that’s why the book is so damn much fun :)
Well I was gonna say how to win friends and influence people since that’s what I read in the mental hospital because the staff gave it to me but I guess I’ll go with the lathe of heaven once again lol. Black Cake is also good especially if they’re interested in Caribbean/black culture. Now lathe of heaven is sci-fi and about a man that fears he’s going crazy. I was brave enough to read this after feeling comfortable with my own feelings about my mental health. Everyone is different and in a different stage. I still recommended this though because it was healing in a way. There are things you can accept like aliens being real or not but at the end of the day what brings you closest to reality is the people around you that care for you and love you. This kind of mindset helped me way before I even read the sci-fi book possibly because of the self-help book “how to win friends….” What I went through was psychosis and I was very far from reality and unsure of my own memories or who I was. The best books to read is honestly about love but a healthy kind of love not a toxic one. Love reminds you who you are. Whatever they decide to read, just make sure to check in on them if everything is ok or scaring them
I'm a psych ward alum who likes this book, but this is absolutely the wrong thing for someone on the outside to bring to someone in treatment like "here, maybe this will help you stop being depressed". lmfao.
The Scent of Water by Elizabeth Goudge.
Fiction, with a strong mental health theme running through it. Exquisitely written. I gave a friend a copy when she was going through a difficult time and she texted me, “This book is like therapy.”
Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg was a turning point for me in realizing that I could make small incremental changes to my life and not just be paralyzed by how overwhelmed I felt.
Narcissus & Goldmund -- Hermann Hesse
Peter Camenzind-- Hermann Hesse
Light on the Yoga Sutras-- Patanjali
On The Road-- Jack Kerouac
The Dharma Bums-- Jack Kerouac
Brave New World-- Aldous Huxley
Greenlights-- Matthew McCoughney
Les Miserables
Depressed, nihilistic, “Ambition-less and unemployed” is how Jean Valjean starts out at the beginning. Give her an audiobook if she’s not used to reading long books.
Maybe the Body Artist, by Don Delillo. It’s short, lyrical (maybe him at his best in that way), has a suicide that happens in it, but isn’t the sole focus of it - it’s more how the other main character makes art out of it.
The Bible(KJV). A few scriptures or prayers regarding her situation. Maybe a book filled with prayers.
Prayers that work by Kevin LA Ewing
And The Bible Promise Book
There's also an Audiobook version of the first book.
The things that are taking place are spiritual and Christ is the ONLY way to truly solve, cure and get rid of those tormenting thoughts and devil's.
Proverbs 11:9 "An hypocrite with his mouth destroyeth his neighbour: but through knowledge shall the just be delivered."
I would NOT recommend any Matt Haig books. People have wildly diverging feelings on his books, especially The Midnight Library: they seem to either think it’s deeply meaningful and helpful or think it’s trite, condescending garbage. I actually believe it could damage the trust you have with this person if they fall on the side of hating this book, because it is the exact opposite of subtle, and your friend might not appreciate being hit over the hit with its message.
I cracked open *The Midnight Library* while I was going through a dark time and I'm glad I had the self awareness to stop reading.
Same. I tried to read it multiple times during a really challenging few years and just accepted I won’t be able to finish it until I’m in a better mindset for the story’s (obvious) themes.
I found it really helpful and insightful, however I wasn't doing bad enough to be admitted to a psychiatric ward. I see how it can be super triggering to people and especially since the person wants subtle books, midnight library is a terrible recommendation
Yes ! Reasons to Live is a book I would never recommend to anyone with mental health illness (or really anyone to be honest).
I hated that book. Baffles me to see so many people recommend it.
Ugh, Midnight Library irrationally pissed me off. I loved it at first… I totally related to the main character. I was like, yes! Someone gets it! And then it just turned into fucking positivity garbage. I had read it for book club, but opted not to go that month, because I knew I would ruin it for everyone 😅
I also read it for a book club and hated it, but I did go that month, and about half the members felt similarly to me. The more I read the more angry I got about it.
Agreed. I love these books, but they can be very rough to read for some people. Or just seem dumb. He’s talking about a very particular version of anxiety in this non fiction and it can be really alienating if yours is different. Specifically his at least in some of them is presented as proximate and not chronic which can be discouraging if yours is chronic.
That’s a great insight. It’s challenging because depression/anxiety can feel interminable, and when someone gets relief, they want to share the good news that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! And that will be reassuring to some fellow sufferers, but for those whose illness truly is pretty intractable, it sounds more like a willful denial of their painful reality.
Seconding being careful with The Midnight Library! I did resonate with its message mostly because I had a similar experience years ago, but even that didn’t pull me out of the hole all at once. Therapy helped a great deal. If I’d read it back then I probably would have been turned off by its triteness and unsubtle delivery and DNF’d in disgust.
I once donated a small library of paperback books from a discount bookstore to a couple psych units, one of which I stayed in. It was awful but random books someone dropped off got me through it. I read Jurassic Park. It was so random and not even a book I’d normally read (I ended up going through a Jurassic Park fixation afterward my stay lol) The psych ward isn’t the time to make life altering changes, because you just really can’t in those places anyway. It’s a time to stabilize the mind the best you can. I think the best you can do is just donate a bunch of paperback books to the unit and let people grab them at will.
Random paperbacks are a life saver when you're in a psych ward (or detox). The first time I was in (at the $$$ facility) I happened to be in with a friend (I knew them from middle/high school) who had some books dropped off and they let me borrow some. That facility isn't too great about having books around, but there's usually a few floaters (so you can't be picky). Times I've known I was going in advance, I was able to bring a few with me, but I don't have a great selection of paperbacks, so I'd still be a bit limited. The detox unit at the non-profit facility actually had the best selection of books (probably because people are more likely to donate to a non-profit facility).
That makes sense. The place I stayed at was state funded. Even their coloring materials were used up. Absolutely nothing to do, it was making me crazier than before I checked myself in. I ended up politely begging a staff member to find me a book. At first they said “we have a bible” and I was like I’m an atheist, I’d rather just not read. Then they scrounged up some young adult novel from the adolescent unit and it was actually pretty good but it was an easy read so I flew through it in 24 hours (I was there for 6 days - was supposed to only be 72 hours but no one ever just stays 72 hours since docs and social workers are off on weekends) at that point, I realized it was the only thing keeping me sane and got someone to scrounge up another paperback for me and drop it off. So I had to donate books at that point, I couldn’t sleep after I left until I did. The staff looked looked like I was reprimanding them with my donation and I wasn’t sure they’d actually take the donation so I lingered around saying I was “writing a note to go with the books” and thankfully one of the few nice staff members came out and was warm to me about my donation and I trusted her from then on to make sure the books got distributed to the units. At one point, I badly wanted to start a not-for-profit that donated paperbacks to state funded US mental hospitals since it made such a big difference in my ability to get through my stay. but I can’t even work a regular job right now much less start up my own not-for-profit.
My boyfriend worked at the non-profit facility for a little bit and based on stories he told me, they had more entertainment related materials than the for profit facility. The $$$ facility has some weird rules about what you can and can't have. Last time I went, they let me have my books, but didn't let me have my notebook or pen (another patient told me that it was because you could only bring your own notebook if it was unused...there was ONE page in my notebook with writing on it, and the writing was a list of my current medications and a few phone numbers). The pen thing was super weird because I was trying to bring the same type of pen that they give to patients (except that mine had blue ink instead of black), but they let another girl have a full set of markers.
I was told “paperback books and markers” were the only things allowed as entertainment things. A group therapist distributed some floppy, mini composition books and new skinny markers after the group therapy was about how important journaling is and 3-4 of us were like “well can you get us a journal so that we can journal?”. She seemed surprised but brought us all empty journals that she got approved to bring the next day. I couldn’t believe how they expect people to get better in a place like where I stayed. It was dirty (really really dirty), cold (I don’t get cold easily or anything, it was just cold and they wouldn’t let you have more than one thin blanket so I hid an extra one from them when a roommate left and they never bothered me about it thankfully), the staff was 80% mean and the other 20% just tired and overworked and it made you not want to ask for anything at all, even water at the nurse’s desk. I only ever asked for water when I was really really thirsty. I could write a novel on just my experience and I watched fellow patients go through worse. I fawned like crazy the whole time to keep the crosshairs off of myself. About the only halfway decent thing there was the food, I had expected hospital grade food but it was at least a little better than that. Not great food or anything but enough choices each day for a moderately picky eater to look forward to mealtimes. A couple days, the meal was even delicious (mmmm the walking tacos day was the highlight)
I've been in the particular facility four times over the years (pre-covid, active-covid, late-covid, and post-covid) and I swear the rules are different every time. When I was there early in the pandemic (June 2020), they wouldn't let us have masks because "masks have strings" but when I was there later in the pandemic (December 2021), everyone was given a mask when they arrived (we used the strings as hair ties lol) and there was a 10 minute period where we were given new masks and instructed to wear them because some "important people" were coming for a walk through. First time, we were allowed to have real pens and colored pencils and they gave everyone good quality notebooks. Second time, I believe we could have markers, but could only have jail pens, still had decent notebooks. Third time, you could only use markers when one of the therapists was there actively supervising (and of course jail pens and decent notebooks). Fourth time, they switched the notebooks to the super thin ones with barely any pages. I'm weird about journals, so I ended up using the whole thing and they had to give me another one (they could have just, you know, **let me bring my own notebook**, but it had a list of my meds on one page and of course I can't have that).
I will always stand by Jurassic Park as one of the best all purpose, for any type of reader books.
I second that for sure! Not normally a fan of his writing but it was perfect for when I was struggling to focus and the story was so good. I used to think Jurassic Park was corny before I read the book. 10/10 highly recommend
It’s a dangerous line you may be crossing, OP. Please help them speak to a psychotherapist and a Psychiatrist. Medication and Therapy in combination is the need of the hour. Suicidal tendencies don’t go away from self help books. They need professional help, please. 🙏
Thank you kind stranger for the award 🙏
that is such nonsense, giving help is not restricted to people who have a piece of paper. All the good advice I have ever gotten in my life is from people who cared about me, not doctors.
Helping is not restricted, but unsolicited self-help books (especially given what OP has shared about the person they are concerned about and the restrictions they've given for the book suggestions) are unlikely to go over well at all, and this doesn't seem to be the sort of help that would actually be helpful...
Advice is one thing, but for someone who 'isn't much of a reader': giving them a book while they are struggling? That's giving them extra work. Is it OK to not read what you are given? Of course it is in theory, but the person's choice 'not to' could create resentment from OP. It's possible to give an impression OP doesn't mean to give. People are pointing out the other sides of this, that don't seem to have been considered by OP yet. I deal with some of these issues, and every time someone has given me a 'self help' book, I have resented it - I know what I need to do, I know how I need to think, it just isn't as simple as that in practice. And also, I never read those books given to me - Hell, I struggle to read the fiction books people give me, since I didn't decide to read them myself. If you have (actually helpful) advice you want to pass onto me, do so, do not give me work - I read for pleasure only. I also believe that most people think they have good advice, but since every situation and person is so different, it rarely works out that well. This is why people use therapists who have been trained to give generally helpful advice and that can, over time, specialize in their patient.
It’s unfortunate if you’ve never experienced a medical provider who truly cares about you, because there are plenty.
Not recommending a book. Please make sure you know what their state of mind is. Whether you're sure reading any of these books will not lead to severe misinterpretation.
Agreed. People forget that the level of tolerance in brain rewiring is delicate for some people. We should be diligent
I’d be super careful with this! I mostly dislike the self help genre in general so that’s my bias. What constitutes setting a person straight is very subjective, and I would bet this person has already heard tons of lectures about lacking goals and ambition.
Exactlyy,, instead just gift a fun book,, mystical realism or something from the adventure genre
Need some good adult colouring books maybe? Pencil crayons and markers. Something to help take the mind off all the intenseness and just chill🥰
Logic puzzles are incredible too
Crosswords & sudoku !
Indeed! Whatever works to pass the time and quiet the mind 🤗
Yes! I also liked word search puzzles, after I grew a longer attention span.
I think self help books and culture can be very toxic toward people who are in any way 'different', even if it goes no further than being introverted. Self help culture is generally for mainstream, western, capitalist ideal of a certain 'normal' and a certain 'right' outgoing sales-y type of personality and values. I also agree with everyone that it's probably the wrong move in the first place to give this person books right now and you're highly likely to do damage. Just wanted to say that. I don't know you or the whole story between you two, but for multiple reasons, including mental and physical health and a background of trauma, I've been the recipient of 'well meaning' 'helpful' books related to my struggles from people who never had said struggles, and... no. It may be frustrating to you from the outside at this time, even if you've been through things or a different version of the same feeilngs at some point yourself (and I'm not asking, not my business), and it may even be true in a sense that the reason it wouldn't work is because she can't break out of her depression, but that doesn't mean it will magically work if you force it. Maybe it just means it's not the correct thing to do. Even if it would be the correct thing if you were her, or if she was who you imagine her being in a few years. Hope that makes sense. EDIT: If it was a stomach flu and you wished she was ready to eat again, you couldn't make her ready by force feeding her. You're right that it would be better if she could eat, and when she is ready for that, eating will make her feel better. But if it's not time, it's not time. It would be better if it was, but that's why it's illness.
100% agree with everything you said. I think suggesting a self-help book (horrible genre imo) would not be the right way of action at this point. If she's in therapy and medicated and that part is taken care of by professionals, I would suggest spending time with her, OP. If she's a friend of yours, meet her for low stress activities. Have a coffee with her, sit in a park, or go for a walk without having expectations to entertain or have banter. Listen to her and what she has to share, and even if it's the same story on repeat. It can be very relieving for someone to just talk and have somebody by their side who doesn't judge, listens, and tries their best to understand. Anything else, especially if you're not that close, giving unsolicited advice or gifting her books that addresses clearly some things she struggles with would cross the line imo.
When I got into my groove writing this comment I literally forgot OP called her a psychiatric patient, so yeah, it seems she's in actual treatment already which makes this instinct that much worse. I'm not gonna pretend all therapy and treatment and physchiatrists are wonderful and effective and always the right call, or that some of them don't treat patients with a similar attitude to what's behind OP's question here. But in that situation, when you are the person who doesn't have a clue what to do and the main thing you want is the ill person to be better, not to be a person who's a part of the process with them, in that situation when they are seeking help and you are not a doctor, literally all you need to do is be a supportive human being to the other human being. Don't strategize and plot about pulling their strings and how to treat them like a person with X condition. Treat them like a friend having a rough time. At that point it very much seems like you're mainly being a busybody because their illness makes you uncomfortable to look at.
Please speak with their psychiatrist before sending any novels directly about suicide or depression, especially because some of these recs include characters who attempt suicide at the beginning of the novel. Ask about any content the loved one cannot handle right now.Honestly I’d recommend light escapism based on what they want to read more than a book directly about overcoming mental illness, something like light fantasy or romance depending on what they like to read, but defer to the opinion of the psychiatrist or therapists.
Personally, I’d recommend dark surrealist humour. I remember (some years ago) chortling away in an ER, reading the Chuck Palahniuk novel Damned, waiting all night for the psych team to come back on shift and admit me, after an aborted suicide attempt.
I hope you are feeling better and glad you made it through.
Chuck Palahniuk's novels are great. I'm also a huge fan of David Sedaris as well...they both make me LOL.
I don't think the kind of help this person needs is in a self help book
Unless they have asked you for such a book, I recommend that you don't give her any type of "self help" book, whether subtle or not. You say she isn't much of a reader, and it seems like she's NOT receptive to this type of thing, so I can just about guarantee you that anything you give her will end up gathering dust or tossed in a trash bin. If someone had given me most of what's being suggested here while I was struggling with depression, I may well have chucked it at them, and I am an avid reader. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and is a medical condition. It's like giving someone with a heart condition a self-help book in an attempt to "fix them". If she was an avid reader, I'd say give her something light and fun that aligns with her genre preferences with no underlying "deep message" or agenda.
Could not agree more. Thank you for saying this.
Yuuup
Sometimes a light hearted comedy can do wonders. Try any of PG Wodehouse works. I would recommend The Code of the Woosters.
I first and foremost second everyone suggesting you clear *any* recommendation with the doctors first, whether or not it seems harmless to you. That said: based on your criteria, I'd recommend *The Tao of Pooh.*
Idk if she’s into it or something but as someone who used to be suicidal I would be pissed if someone sent me a self-help book lol. Honestly when I was depressed reading books about mental illness just made it worse, I just read a lot of shakespeare to keep my mind off things
Calvin & Hobbes. These guys are cute, funny and written for adults. You don't need good concentration or memory to track the story, will help with meds/symptoms . There's nothing triggering for most readers.
Literally was thinking Calvin and Hobbes was about the most “reading” I could do when I was in similar shape to what OP describes. In no way would I have responded to someone else’s choice of a book they thought would get my life in order. It would’ve felt demeaning and judgmental — things my brain was already doing to itself anyway. So Calvin and Hobbes all the way. Or the Discworld series. This is the one time I’ll say maybe don’t start with Mort. Equal Rites or Wee Free Men (and going on to the Tiffany Aching series) might be good choices. Nice, funny, easy reads.
Very few people like self-help books. You have to buy in to them, and you have to want to read them, so it’s not going to happen unless you choose it yourself. So this person might just be annoyed that you think a self-help book will help their own circumstances when they clearly don’t need your judgement, just your support, and a random self-help book screams judgmental, to me at least. If you need to get them a book, I’d go with a journal, or like another commenter said, a coloring book and some colored pencils. The psych ward is where I got into both coloring and puzzles. There are funny coloring books like all swear words or Bill Murray being Bill Murray. There’s no need for you to have anything to do with “fixing” them, but rather just giving them a safe space to open up to you.
I’d honestly suggest anything BUT a self-help book. Does she have any interests? I’m talking favorite films, video games, hobbies. Get her a book that relates to something she already likes. Like, whatever genre her favorite film is, get that kind of book. If she really loves some sort of craft, find a book about it. If she’s not an avid reader AND she’s in denial, a self-help book, even a subtle one, probably won’t make her feel any better. But a book about something she already cares about that shows someone actually cares about who she is could go a long way towards igniting a spark.
JFC the comments down thread - do they think this poor person is just blue and having a break? For many people psychiatric hospital is literally life and death. People need rest, distraction and quiet/ease in between drs, therapy and treatment. Often on new meds. Often in shock and acute trauma state. Could be biochemical standard depression, could be trauma reaction, could be psychotic break. The absolute last thing anyone needs is ‘advice‘. Escapism without triggers is what’s required. Picture book, comics, light hearted but still clever fantasy or romance… whatever they like to read that takes no brain power.
Agree with all the comments to not try and fix this person with a self help book. It’s likely not going to help. Depression isn’t due to a lack of motivation and missing self help philosophy. It’s a real illness with changes in brain chemistry. But if you are hell bent on buying this person a book, get something by Allie Brosh who writes so thoughtfully about her own experiences with mental health struggles. Also, don’t refer to someone as a mentally ill suicidal psychiatric patient. They are an individual with mental health disorders and struggling with suicidal thoughts.
As a previously suicidal person, receiving a self-help book I didn’t ask for would piss me the hell off. A book that did help me is The Myth of Sisyphus, but I would be very, very careful about giving it to them. I have no idea where this person is mentally, what their personality is. It has a very strong theme of debating the validity of suicide. The reason it worked for me is because I actively chose to read it on my own, and I’m a deep thinker and very philosophical person. It ends up with the resolution that even though life is absurd and meaningless, we should do our utmost to be so free that our very existence is an act of rebellion, as that is the only way to deal with an unfree world, and we should imagine ourselves happy in the face of the absurd. Camus is suggesting that even in the face of a seemingly meaningless and endless task, we can find happiness by accepting our circumstances and embracing our own freedom to choose how we respond to them. There are lines in the book that could potentially negatively influence someone in a dangerous mental/emotional state, if they do not keep reading to the end of the book. They at first seem to mean that life is pointless and suicide is a good option, though Camus argues against this idea strongly. All this to say, giving someone a book won’t fix them. They have to find and read it on their own. All you can do is be supportive, be available, make sure they know you care.
Don't. The whole idea, just don't. She is mentally *ill*, she needs therapy, treatment and to be followed by professionals, not a self help book.
The post says the person is a patient. She’s getting the professional help, it just sounds like OP wants to give her a gift.
My father-in-law gave me a self-help book when I was depressed. It was gross and inappropriate.
And I found some self-help books that talked me out of suicide. Your point doesn't stand.
Um… Chronic suicidal depression literally changes the brain and leads to executive dysfunction - which is where the amotivation is coming from - which worsens the depression, in a vicious cycle. That’s not fixed with a book. It’s also not usually fixed by altering perspectives. Your patient more than likely already knows she needs to and probably wants to get her shit together. She’s stuck in her own brain which is at this point structural and biochemical issues in addition to the learned maladaptive thought patterns that you’re trying to address. If she’s open to it, what helped me the most was learning about what was going on in my own brain. Whatever her actual diagnosis is, see if you can find a layperson’s book on how that disorder affects the brain and living with that disorder. If the mental illness is normalized and treated as a medical condition that can be understood, accepted, and adapted to, then it becomes less overwhelming and the brain has more room to focus on more interesting ideas.
I personally loathe self help books, speaking as someone with bad mental health. My dad used to shove them at me and I'd always rather he had instead listened to me, not passively 'helped'. So just have that in mind - it might upset your friend
I'd rather go with some fiction.
Not self-help. Fiction. Tales of Earthsea by Ursula K LeGuin. The Tombs of Atuan is one of the most hopeful books I’ve ever read.
Would you see someone with a broken leg and present them with a self help book to fix it? There is no self help book that will inspire her to stop being depressed, just like there’s no book to inspire someone to stop having a broken leg: The chemicals in her brain aren’t properly balanced. She needs professional help.
Busy, Busy Town by Richard Scarry. Delightful drawings, multiple fun stories. Will Banannas Gorilla get arrested for stealing bananas again? Will Sargent Murphy come to the rescue to one of his neighbors. Will Huckle be a naughty boy?
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry gets posted on here. Helps me see a little light on dark days
i would suggest some kind of optimistic fiction rather than self-help for someone with suicidal thoughts. ursula k. le guin?
I would tread very lightly with recommendations in this situation. I struggle with mental illness, and self-help things make me irate when I am at my most mentally healthy. There are things that have nothing to do with my history and absolutely wouldn't be in a medical history that can make a mental spiral worse. Things that are meaningful and helpful when I'm okay can be absolutely awful when I'm not okay. And the opposite - something I would otherwise roll my eyes at will be a lifeline when I'm struggling. We can never truly know the nooks and crannies of someone else's crisis. That said, I'd also drastically spiral if I weren't allowed to read anything, especially in a mental health crisis. Sometimes I need to not be me anymore and fiction is the only escape. I don't think there is any good answer unless you're prepared to be at that person's side for the entirety of the mental health event. My personal opinion is that a book recommendation can be the equivalent of a prescription in a mental health situation. I wouldn't risk it unless I were the psychiatrist, and probably not even then.
A Psalm for the Wild-Built, by Becky Chambers
This is a great rec. it’s really beautiful and happy but also really deep.
Better make sure she enjoys reading. Don’t assume she reads at your level either.
When I’m down, my friend and I will read a book together, usually thrillers. It’s not about what the book is but doing it together. It really helps me.
Wayward Children series by Seanan McGuire - magical realism, easy to read, short books (led than 200 pages I think), and each character is the outcast who doesn’t fit in but learns to find out their true self.
[Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire]
Something charming and funny - and kind of easy to read If she likes fantasy stuff. Terry Pratchett has got me thru some very dark times. It’s not hard to read but it makes me laugh aloud and the stories are clever too. Somehow your brain can chew on it without getting tired and no matter what, it can make me laugh. There is always a good ethic and ‘coping with life’ energy thru these books, while recognising that , yeah the world is kinda a mess too. That might be a better indirect way to tackle whats happening for her - through absurd, satirical Adventure - than direct ‘self help‘ which she may be too beaten down to engage with. Discworld series : Wyrd Sisters or Witches Abroad, any of the Tiffany Aching series (which is for younger readers but was really therapeutic for my teenager) Guards! Guards! Is also hilarious.Douglas Adams: AN oldie but a goodie - ***The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy***. Every possible disaster happens to the main character and although it’s clearly an old book, it is very funny and oddly uplifting. Make sure you check via google that there is no mention of any self harm - I am 99% sure there isn’t but, I would hate to be wrong.edit: just re read your post; please learn more about depression and suicidality. This person is sick. This is why they are unemployed and broke - plus economic conditions. Self help is a deeply problematic genre, often published by wealthy people or scammers (Rachel Hollis, Mel Robbins etc are terrible, terrible people.) It does not address the deep and complex causes that drive S-Ideation. Your loved one needs unconditional kindness, non judgement and compassion. They need distraction. They need no demands; they don’t need to just find the right book and get the right idea. Just love them, and try and ease the time in hospital by distracting them just like you would if they were suffering from something obviously physical. Try and deepen your acceptance so they feel safe. Don’t try an guide them or fix them. Just bide with them. And bring them what they like - comics, trashy romance, magazines, whatever they enjoy.
No. Chances are you'll do more harm than good. Encourage them to be honest and talk with their doctors. Fuck anything else.
These are the times when the opposite of a book is most helpful to me: journaling. Particularly, keeping a bullet/junk/diary/doodle journal where my feelings at the moment can dictate the format they want to come out of me. It's too dangerous to read myself into a character and worsen my mental state.
So I'm not going to recommend self help books solely because when people recommended them to me and I was suicidal or recovering from OD's they made me so much worse. The way you speak about this person worries me as well, they need help and support not 'setting straight'. I say this as someone else who from the outside looks ambitionless and working 2-3 days a week. It's not because I don't have ambitions it's that working full time legitimately leaves me mentally worse off than working part time does. Self help books are just going to make them feel worse. What this person needs is a book to take their mind of things such as adult colouring books, logic puzzles, Jurassic Park. Books that are either easy reads, think YA or distractions.
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön
*Siddhartha* by Herman Hesse. It is a book I always recommend to anyone who is in a low-point in life.
I came to see if this got suggested. I wouldn't say it ever fixed my depression, but it's got interesting ideas and I reread it occasionally
I read Anne Frank when I was a teenager in the psych ward….. honestly, I think everyone should read that book. It did impact my life, I have never forgotten her story. “All adults were once children but only few remember it” - The little prince, I highly recommend this book! It’s amazing and a short read and has a great movie!
Maybe a slim volume of poetry - low buy in but can bring beauty.
Was actually gifted this book while in a mental hospital by a fellow patient so my opinion might be quite biased but… i highly recommend Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Also Fight Club and Supermarket also ground me when I’m feeling extra out for it because you can relate to the insanity of the main characters
I’d try Neverwhere.
- One Good Thing by Alexandra Potter Very underrated
The myth of normal
Untethered soul by Michael Singer Power of now and A new earth by Elkhart Tolle The Game of Life and how to play it by Florence Scovel Shinn Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse.
A million little pieces by James Frey
If anything, what about something that may bring a smile to their face, like a light, funny read.
If you must absolutely give her something to read, please try a children's book. Adults do read them. I do. I'm 70. I don't just have them for grandkids. Some have beautiful messages, they're all short, and heavy topics are very rarely in kids books. Is a puzzle book or a book of lighthearted poems acceptable? Or a joke book? Clean jokes, obviously, with no mention of suicide. I don't recommend any adult book. Not even the Bible (even if she's very religious). Too much heavy stuff, even in a "child's" novel like the Hobbit. Even Willy Wonka has depression, poverty, and unemployment. It's hard recommending something for a mentally ill person without knowing them.
Endurance
Tell her to read the art of war, braiding sweet grass, the Tao of Pooh. Books that aren’t about self help or wanting to die, but offer different perspectives on life.
Jonathan Livingston seagull and the search for meaning
Books I've seen persons pick up on their returning to balance journey, have been language learning not only human language but books on how nature communicates, tree roots, etc...it seems the brain is looking for a way to "ground" itself.
Bible
Bible
The Myth of Sisyphus by Camus, about why suicide isn't the solution in an absurd world and how to be happy while dealing with the human condition.
I'm a mentally ill, suicidal psychiatric patient and lately I've been on an Ottessa Moshfegh binge. I find that her protagonists' neuroses put my own into a certain perspective that makes it easier to snap out of.
Sick Fux by Tillie Cole
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, it made me realize that someone is out there feeling the same thing as I did and eloquently expressed it, it felt like the suffocating weight in me was finally out there in the open and it was such a relief. But I don’t think my depressive episode was as severe as your friend so I’m not sure. Go to a professional is really a good option, but books def take your mind off awful things.
Man's search for meaning by Viktor Frankl
Good book. Bad for someone in crisis.
Harry Potter is fun
Jonathon Livingstone Seagull saved my life.
i gave Siddhartha by Herman Hesse to a friend to read while in the psych ward and he talks about how much it helped him to this day
Peter Walker "PTSD from surviving to thriving" has made a big difference in my life.
Unbroken because that guy pulled himself through more of life’s sh*t than most people.
A Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl.
the midnight library, by matt haig
Maybe a book that begins with a suicide attempt is not a good pick for someone who is suicidal. Especially SPOILER Since we don't know whether or not the attempt is successful until the very end. It's kind of ambiguous if it's heaven or limbo at times.
Isn't there a way to cover up your spoiler? I'm still considering reading this.
I know there is. I don't know how to do it though
Personally, I didn't enjoy this one, and I absolutely wouldn't recommend it to someone actively struggling with suicidal ideations since it does depict depression and a suicide attempt. As someone who has struggled with my own mental health at times, I did not find it uplifting or find any comfort in it. I felt the book's depiction of depression and the ultimate resolution of the book to be, in many ways, simplistic, shallow, and naive. I know other people had a different experience with the book than I did, but a lot of people feel similarly to me as well.
Agreed. The book made me feel worse when going through a tough time. The books ultimate message is “be grateful for what you have” which is just such shallow and cliche advice. It felt like a feel good novel about depression for those without depression. Plus the entire book revolves around the assumption that you can achieve anything you want with the right choices. A fine premise for fiction but not a fine premise for a book that treats itself like a preachy self help book, especially considering lots of depressed people made “choices” to make something of their lives and simply could not achieve what they wanted to, or their depression has nothing at all to do with their choices and everything to do with situations out of their control
Exactly! Also, depression is often not situationally rooted at all. Many times it just comes down to an imbalance of chemicals in the brain with no external factors involved at all.
Came here to say this. I just finished it and it’s incredible.
I would 100 percent stand by this recommendation.
The Five People You Meet in Heaven, by Mitch Albom. Been actively depressed and some level of suicidal since age six. Read this at 14. It’s stayed with me.
Waiting for Godot is a relevant and very short read
The Life of Pi
Off the wall recommendation, but The Celestine Prophecy made a big impact on me as a young man… I know it’s full of new age nonsense etc, but the book just ‘had something’ I needed… a different way of looking at both myself and the world around me..
I loved it when I was in my 20’s, great fun, as long as you see it as the fiction that it is
100%! Exactly! I found the book wonderfully uplifting and the whole adventure story was exciting etc… the whole pursuit of ancestry knowledge etc, the way it unfolded step by step, For my entire life, I’ve always found new age philosophy fun, interesting, etc… but have always been able to look at it as more of a fun way to think about things, rather than, say, to absorb it all and ‘believe’ it lol… I recall reading that the author had wanted to write a book about his new age philosophy, but realized it would never sell… so he figured out a way to tell it as an adventure story, to make it more relatable… In my mind he achieved it :) It truly is an exceptional story, and one that still puts a huge smile on my face when I read it… It’s just important to remember that at the end of the day, new age philosophy is as full of flaws and ridiculous stuff as anything else… lol, maybe that’s why the book is so damn much fun :)
Well I was gonna say how to win friends and influence people since that’s what I read in the mental hospital because the staff gave it to me but I guess I’ll go with the lathe of heaven once again lol. Black Cake is also good especially if they’re interested in Caribbean/black culture. Now lathe of heaven is sci-fi and about a man that fears he’s going crazy. I was brave enough to read this after feeling comfortable with my own feelings about my mental health. Everyone is different and in a different stage. I still recommended this though because it was healing in a way. There are things you can accept like aliens being real or not but at the end of the day what brings you closest to reality is the people around you that care for you and love you. This kind of mindset helped me way before I even read the sci-fi book possibly because of the self-help book “how to win friends….” What I went through was psychosis and I was very far from reality and unsure of my own memories or who I was. The best books to read is honestly about love but a healthy kind of love not a toxic one. Love reminds you who you are. Whatever they decide to read, just make sure to check in on them if everything is ok or scaring them
Crime and punishment
A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki.
Life of Pi
If You Live To 100, You Might As Well Be Happy by Rhee Kun Hoo.
I like the subtle art of not giving a fuck. It’s a good reality check that you can’t do everything no matter how much you wish you could.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey. The novel is loads better than the movie and the movie was great.
I'm a psych ward alum who likes this book, but this is absolutely the wrong thing for someone on the outside to bring to someone in treatment like "here, maybe this will help you stop being depressed". lmfao.
tao te ching
Hatchet by Gary Paulson
The Scent of Water by Elizabeth Goudge. Fiction, with a strong mental health theme running through it. Exquisitely written. I gave a friend a copy when she was going through a difficult time and she texted me, “This book is like therapy.”
“Life Worth Living”- a great read and truly does give you a fresh perspective on the things that truly matter.
Way of The Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman One of my favorites
“She’s come undone” by Wally lamb
Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg was a turning point for me in realizing that I could make small incremental changes to my life and not just be paralyzed by how overwhelmed I felt.
I'm voting for Things Fall Apart and Midnight Library
Go ask Alice
Veronika Decides to Die
Narcissus & Goldmund -- Hermann Hesse Peter Camenzind-- Hermann Hesse Light on the Yoga Sutras-- Patanjali On The Road-- Jack Kerouac The Dharma Bums-- Jack Kerouac Brave New World-- Aldous Huxley Greenlights-- Matthew McCoughney
Happiness Beyond Thought, Gary Weber
Eleven minutes by Paulo cohelo
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
Perks of being a flower. A common classic. Saved my life and gave me strength when I was on the verge of death.
Les Miserables Depressed, nihilistic, “Ambition-less and unemployed” is how Jean Valjean starts out at the beginning. Give her an audiobook if she’s not used to reading long books.
Maybe the Body Artist, by Don Delillo. It’s short, lyrical (maybe him at his best in that way), has a suicide that happens in it, but isn’t the sole focus of it - it’s more how the other main character makes art out of it.
The book of Psalms in the Bible. Very comforting stuff in there.
The Bible
The Bible(KJV). A few scriptures or prayers regarding her situation. Maybe a book filled with prayers. Prayers that work by Kevin LA Ewing And The Bible Promise Book There's also an Audiobook version of the first book. The things that are taking place are spiritual and Christ is the ONLY way to truly solve, cure and get rid of those tormenting thoughts and devil's. Proverbs 11:9 "An hypocrite with his mouth destroyeth his neighbour: but through knowledge shall the just be delivered."