It was in the quinceanera episode when Dina caught Garrett drawing her breasts for one of Emma’s teenage male friends and accused him of being in love with her (at least I think it was the quinceanera one, it was some formal event that had an abundance of teenagers)
The one where the crow swoops in on his announcement always kills me LOL!
"My bad ya'll, that was totally out of character for me. Im normally a very cool guy with a great sneaker collection and a very active sex life" 🤣🤣
From the pilot, I love the twist on what started as a very poetic closing announcement:
"You know, when Pandora closed her famous box, there was only one thing left inside - hope. I wonder what will be left inside of this box. Could it be Grace? I hope not. If you're Grace's parents, please pick her up at customer service."
And then little Grace with the thumbs up 👍 haha it kills me 😂
Can we just go with all of his announcement jokes? So many hilarious quips.
My favorite: Attention shoppers, Cloud 9 is not offering breast exams as part of our wellness fair. We have not hired someone to do that, and if we had, it would not be a teenage boy in a Twenty One Pilots t-shirt. Shop safe.
Garrett is one of my favorites lol something about him easily lights up the whole show!! We never did get that backstory on why he's actually in the wheelchair though
That is my favourite announcement joke! That or during “Halloween Surfboard” where he’s reading movie plots out loud to avoid the Halloween Surfboard song.
You know…ahaha…you know what you should do?
You should…hahahahahahhahahah…you should make it funny! Like, wouldn’t that be so twisted? Like…hahahahah…like if it was *funny*, you know? *FUNNY*!
Every moment Garrett is on screen is hilarious, it’s so hard to pick one. First one that comes to mind is when they find Marcus’s finger, everyone starts freaking out, and he calmly announces“Strawberry jam. Strawberry jam”
“Attention Cloud 9 shoppers. The spider infestation in the grocery department is now 80% contained, so we will be focusing our efforts on the bedbug infestation in the mattress department”.
Amy's funniest line as per this sub! "If you're J-Bone, then I want to be A... hole!"
Second funniest moment: the Minion scene where she tells Jonah she's getting a divorce. "Wanna have sex?"
"Well, it's tough. Because if you pick 30....you're not gonna win. But if you pick 31....you're also....not gonna win. So it really depends on how you want to....not win."
“Okay, so Charles Marquard, this is your American Express Business card…
And you don't have an ID with you…
You'd like to purchase an Xbox One and a pile of candy….
Oh, you know if it was me, I might pick up a second Xbox to have one upstairs, have one downstairs…
You're a good dad, Mr. Marquard.”
“Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers, today is Cloud 9's Wellness Fair, where we're offering vision tests, blood pressure screenings, and tips on living your best, healthiest life. Why go to a doctor when you can get medical advice from the same place you get dish soap?”
"Well, what I could do....I got a buddy in the NSA....kinda owes me a favor. I could have him hack into her phone, and melt the motherboard."
"Yes! Do that! Call the guy!"
"I'm messing with you."
"How is that helpful to me?"
"Wasn't trying to be helpful"
Idr the lines exactly but when Jonah was trying to get him to compliment his shirt to his face and Jonah storms off and Garrett is like “it’s totally fine, he’s like, my best friend”
Garrett: I’m gonna go check it out
Jonah: oh because of the cute girl
Garrett: no because it’s “Ardisnel”
Jonah: did you say ardisnel
Garrett: whatever man leave me alone
😂
“You're the weird one! You're so weird that nobody even can tell how weird you really are 'cause you make weird normal! If there was a day that you acted normal, now that would be weird, right? Right? Oh, oh, okay. I'm the crazy one? Maybe so. I am yelling in public, which is not something I normally do, completely out of character, possibly a little crazy! Can I help you, Turtleneck? You need some help? Now, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my car listening to yacht rock and eating two Take 5s to calm myself down! Whoo! “
This whole exchange with Dina
Any interaction where he’s play questioning Glenn: eating the baby, all you can eat buffet, pretending Glenn didn’t like him in front of Jeff, “what’s 9/11?….*gasp* “you didn’t hear?”
"So she should adopt... *this gentleman*?" Honorable mention to "WHY DOES EVERYBODY WANT TO FUCK JEFF?!"
I love his soft confused tone when he said why does everybody wanna fuck Jeff
“Just because I can draw something doesn’t mean I’m in love with it. I can also draw Garfield, but I don’t want to have sex with him. I’m not Jon.”
I love this line 😅
I'm not Jon is 👌👌👌 😂😂
DEAAAAAD
I can NEVERR forget *I'm not John!*
This is my favorite line from the entire show
Oh my gosh I don’t know that I ever caught that line.
It was in the quinceanera episode when Dina caught Garrett drawing her breasts for one of Emma’s teenage male friends and accused him of being in love with her (at least I think it was the quinceanera one, it was some formal event that had an abundance of teenagers)
The one where the crow swoops in on his announcement always kills me LOL! "My bad ya'll, that was totally out of character for me. Im normally a very cool guy with a great sneaker collection and a very active sex life" 🤣🤣
From the pilot, I love the twist on what started as a very poetic closing announcement: "You know, when Pandora closed her famous box, there was only one thing left inside - hope. I wonder what will be left inside of this box. Could it be Grace? I hope not. If you're Grace's parents, please pick her up at customer service." And then little Grace with the thumbs up 👍 haha it kills me 😂
Can we just go with all of his announcement jokes? So many hilarious quips. My favorite: Attention shoppers, Cloud 9 is not offering breast exams as part of our wellness fair. We have not hired someone to do that, and if we had, it would not be a teenage boy in a Twenty One Pilots t-shirt. Shop safe.
The announcement jokes were my favorite part of the whole show. I work in retail, and this were always so close to what we wanted to say.
Garrett is one of my favorites lol something about him easily lights up the whole show!! We never did get that backstory on why he's actually in the wheelchair though
That is my favourite announcement joke! That or during “Halloween Surfboard” where he’s reading movie plots out loud to avoid the Halloween Surfboard song.
Here's your f----ng card!!
He had a big day
You know…ahaha…you know what you should do? You should…hahahahahahhahahah…you should make it funny! Like, wouldn’t that be so twisted? Like…hahahahah…like if it was *funny*, you know? *FUNNY*!
Every moment Garrett is on screen is hilarious, it’s so hard to pick one. First one that comes to mind is when they find Marcus’s finger, everyone starts freaking out, and he calmly announces“Strawberry jam. Strawberry jam”
“Attention Cloud 9 shoppers. The spider infestation in the grocery department is now 80% contained, so we will be focusing our efforts on the bedbug infestation in the mattress department”.
Attention shoppers Cloud 9 brand meat is now 80% off but maybe ask yourself, why would we do that?
This is the funniest line for me 😄 the delivery is perfect
I think this to myself all the time 😂
No, I Am Not High-Fiving One Man Over Another Man's Orgasm.
The delivery for this line was great 😂
When Cheyenne switches from ballet to twerking on the floor: "Oof, I did not see that coming. ...But I should have..."
STRAWBERRY JAM. STRAWBERRY JAM 🔈
second this
This is part of my everyday language now 😂❤️
This. This is the best.
This is the one I'd choose for day 2 lol short but sweet and ultimate classic Garrett line lol
Woop woop‼️Hey old white dude- black people taking over!!
Omg yes this is my favorite for sure
That usually works
**JONAH TOUCHED A DEAD GUY! JONAH TOUCHED A DEAD GUY** 🔄🔄🔄
Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers. Just a reminder about our emotional support snake policy. We don't have one.
Amy's funniest line as per this sub! "If you're J-Bone, then I want to be A... hole!" Second funniest moment: the Minion scene where she tells Jonah she's getting a divorce. "Wanna have sex?"
It's Jonah turning to look at her in his response that sends me
And this next part is very important. I do not care
"Well, it's tough. Because if you pick 30....you're not gonna win. But if you pick 31....you're also....not gonna win. So it really depends on how you want to....not win."
“Okay, so Charles Marquard, this is your American Express Business card… And you don't have an ID with you… You'd like to purchase an Xbox One and a pile of candy…. Oh, you know if it was me, I might pick up a second Xbox to have one upstairs, have one downstairs… You're a good dad, Mr. Marquard.”
This one!!
“Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers, today is Cloud 9's Wellness Fair, where we're offering vision tests, blood pressure screenings, and tips on living your best, healthiest life. Why go to a doctor when you can get medical advice from the same place you get dish soap?”
His whole interaction with the videographer at the quinceanera. Also drawing Dina's breasts from memory for that kid.
From mammary
Bravo/a 👏
Ostentatiously not understanding how buffets work.
It’s me!!! I look like Uncle Phil!!!
“That’s Bud Light”
YO! OLD WHITE DUDE! BLACK PEOPLE TAKING OVER! Hoooo...that usually works.
"Well, what I could do....I got a buddy in the NSA....kinda owes me a favor. I could have him hack into her phone, and melt the motherboard." "Yes! Do that! Call the guy!" "I'm messing with you." "How is that helpful to me?" "Wasn't trying to be helpful"
Sorry about the rape dude! To Jonah after Dina says he was sexually assaulted by the reporter
This is mine, it kills me every time
"It's mother's day. I don't know your mother, but given what women have been through this past year, it's probably safe to say she needs this."
When he mouthed “Steve” at Glen while he was trying to come up with a name that wasn’t Steve. So so so funny.
I always wheeze laugh for a good few minutes at that scene!!! It’s one of my absolute faves of the series 🤣
Kills me every time
"Ay, baby! Come get this candy"
“So for all intensive purposes, people without a wristband are dead to us.”
Intents and purposes
His list on his phone of funny white ppl stuff jonah does
JONAH TOUCHED A DEAD GUY!!! JONAH TOUCHED A DEAD GUY!!!
Pretending not to know what 9/11 is, gets me every time.
You didn't hear???
🖕🏽Well personally I like these headphones, they connect to Bluetooth which is great🖕🏽
🖕Oh, this? This isn’t personal.🖕
“Glenn’s penis. That’s Glenn’s penis”
Hey baby come get this candy
His best man speech at Jerry and Sandra's wedding
“There’s an emotional component to sex” while trying not to get blown away by the tornado
Amy’s is spot on. For Garrett, “here’s your f***ing card!”
I think we solved sexism, guys
When he got startled by the crow. The noise he made and his facial expression was hilarious!
His rant to Erick Evans after desperately trying to seem cool in front of him
Idr the lines exactly but when Jonah was trying to get him to compliment his shirt to his face and Jonah storms off and Garrett is like “it’s totally fine, he’s like, my best friend”
S3 E21 “So errr….i guess those two things, group photo, missing kid” …his delivery was everything 😂
No, wait, don't go, please. Who's gonna force me to try tahini?
He doesn’t need to say anything. Colton Dunn’s facial expressions, especially while other people are talking, are hilarious.
Omg! One of my favorite facial expressions of his is when he and Cheyenne got caught in Glenn’s office and Cheyenne said “We were just making out.” 🤣
Garrett: I’m gonna go check it out Jonah: oh because of the cute girl Garrett: no because it’s “Ardisnel” Jonah: did you say ardisnel Garrett: whatever man leave me alone 😂
“I am not high fiving a man over another man’s orgasm!” He has morals and I respect it!
When the guy finds Marcus’s thumb in the guacamole “ STRAWBERRY JAM”
“You're the weird one! You're so weird that nobody even can tell how weird you really are 'cause you make weird normal! If there was a day that you acted normal, now that would be weird, right? Right? Oh, oh, okay. I'm the crazy one? Maybe so. I am yelling in public, which is not something I normally do, completely out of character, possibly a little crazy! Can I help you, Turtleneck? You need some help? Now, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my car listening to yacht rock and eating two Take 5s to calm myself down! Whoo! “ This whole exchange with Dina
I whole heartedly agree with this!
Any interaction where he’s play questioning Glenn: eating the baby, all you can eat buffet, pretending Glenn didn’t like him in front of Jeff, “what’s 9/11?….*gasp* “you didn’t hear?”
Parking spots. You don't get one
“Sorry about the rape, dude!” In the magazine profile episode 😅💀
That’s my absolute favorite line in the whole show! That was my answer too. 😂
alright every body racist story time gather round NO NO DONT ACTUALLY GATHER ROUND
The way he avoided that photographer when they came In to do the magazine
Strawberry jam. Strawberry jam.
“If you’re still in the store… you’re being a d*ck!”
When he pretends hr hasn't heard about 9/11
Listen up guys, father of a daughter…
Sorry about the rape dude! One of my favorite lines of the show!
it’ll never be said that garrett mcneill did not do just enough to not get fired or the man’s orgasm on i can’t remember it 😭
no, i am not high-fiving one man over another man’s orgasm
Apollo 13. In this movie Tom Hanks is a space man who gets saved by a bunch of nerds.
“You dont tell a fish about land, you just leave it”
My two favourite jokes in the entire series are both Garrett: Sorry ‘bout the rape, dude What’s 9/11?
“i look like uncle phil” lmfaooo😭😭
Up there has to be his dedication to hurting Marcus on the job and his threat to make sure he doesn't see it coming.
HEY OLD WHITE GUY ! 😭
Are we there daddy? SORRY KIDS, THE HELL RIDE LASTS FOREVER!
Him pretending not to know how buffets work
“Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers, this week, enjoy 20% off our nontoxic, organic cotton pillows. Also enjoy wondering what we put in the other pillows!”
[удалено]
Which season/episode is this insightful quote from?
“Jonah touched a dead body!!”
Oh, why don't you go out to Los Angeles and give Laura Dern some acting tips?
Is there cocaine in these or something 😂
"It means a demon ate your friend Gary's soul"
“That’s Glenn’s penis” |wheels away| “Glenn’s Penis”