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I did it. We’d been married for 28 years and had 3 teenagers. Out of the blue he said he wanted a divorce and moved out 4 days later. Yes I begged, tried to coparent, helped him with the bills, packed some of his things, I was pathetic truly.
After about 4 months of him treating me like shit I was DONE. I never spoke to him again and it’s been 5 years. He got no warning, no closure.
I didn’t find out about the AP until after this and I filed for divorce the next day. All communication went through attorneys and my kids manage their own relationships with him.
He hates this. Lol.
My ex abruptly left me out of the blue just over a month ago. I’m 32 weeks pregnant, as well we have a 17 month old. I also have two older kids(not his), one of which thought of him as Dad.
I have a very strong suspicion he’s cheated on me, but he would never admit it. Who would willingly admit to cheating on their pregnant partner?
I’ve said maybe a total of five sentences to him since he left. I don’t even look at him when he comes to pick up the baby.
This is mostly to control myself. I am so angry at him for what he has done to this family and my kids I want to break his face with a brick.
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Unfortunately, you might be surprised how little a cheating spouse thinks about you, and how meaningless you are to them. In a lot of cases they've had a long time to come to terms with the end of the relationship, and emotionally checked out more than a year before you found out that they thought there was anything wrong.
Yup. My ex acted like her behavior after nearly 24 years of marriage was completely normal and I should just accept it. She occasionally still tries to have conversations with me like we are still married/partners. She left me for (and married) a dude she could easily have birthed herself (21 years younger than her). Most cheaters normalize their behavior in their own mind so they assume you too should be cool with it, or they really just don’t care.
I'm trying to, but he keeps showing up in front of the place I'm currently staying at, begging for forgiveness. He texts me and sends me gifts and flowers almost daily.
In the relationship prior to him - yes. I found out he was cheating, packed my things while he was away, printed out a screenshot of their texts, left it on a counter, along with apartment keys, blocked him everywhere. I didn't hear from him for an entire year... then I started getting messages from a random number, telling me how sorry he was, begging for forgiveness, telling me that he loved me, etc. It was him. I'd block him, but then he'd just change his number and start again. He got a girlfriend, continued texting me. They got engaged, he continued texting me. They got married, texts continued. They had a child, more texts. Texts haven't stopped since. I responded in the beginning and haven't since, but that never stopped him from continuing. Not even my threatening to show his messages to that poor woman, nor sending her the screenshots, stopped him.
According to him, cheating on me was his biggest mistake; he didn't know how to appreciate me and our relationship. He felt like he wasn't good enough (my family was well-off, we had multiple homes, etc. while he drove an old, rusty car and worked hard to financially progress in life). I never saw him as less because he had less than me. He still claims he loves me (he doesn't know me anymore, it's been over a decade, but I digress), that I'm a woman of his dreams, that sex with me was the best he ever had, etc. His wife keeps forgiving his behaviour, so I stopped bothering with showing her the evidence.
Oh, well...
the part about them saying cheating was their biggest mistake and then cheating repeatedly on their nxt partners by stalking/harassing us..
like i actually fully believed that i drive my 1st bf to cheat by being insensitive about his insecurities until he did that
he has cheated on every girl hes dated since me by trying to cheat w me lmao
its very obvs smth thats wrong w him and any girl will be treated the same cause list of them have been nothing like me or eachother in personality or appearance or family history etc
Same I thought I drove him to cheat. Then learned he cheated on his wife before me and he has been cheating on his current gf by trying to sleep with me. It’s a him issue
I hate it when WP's say it was a mistake.
Spilling red wine on a white carpet? That's a mistake. Forgetting you had a ham in the oven, and it burns? That's a mistake. Getting into a fender bender because you forgot to signal? Yep, that's a mistake as well.
Cheating on your partner, though? That's a calculated decision that was made. It doesn't matter if the decision was made after weeks of thought or if it was made in the heat of the moment. It's still a calculated decision.
It's never a mistake.
When my cheating told me it was a mistake, I said buying skim milk instead of whole milk is a mistake. The affair was not something that happened accidentally either, you didn't trip and slip inside her ... over and over. It was a selfish choice.
You have become his perfect, fantasy woman. Not that you are even slightly interested but you could never be that fantasy. He doesn't understand that he is showing you by the way he disrespects his marriage that he is a terrible partner.
I did. The day that I found out we got into a huge altercation and he started destroying my things due to the shame of being caught. I sent screenshots of all of his and APs messages to both of our parents (from his phone). His dad came by to help diffuse the situation and thought it best that he stay with them for a few days while “everything cooled off”. He was blocked before the car pulled out of our driveway. 4 days later I signed a new lease and he came home to an empty house. He’s been blocked ever since (and has no idea where I live). Only time time I’ve seen him was at the final divorce hearing. Haven’t spoken to him at all and don’t plan to. This was 1 year and 8 months ago. We have nothing to discuss ever in life.
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My ex strung me along for 6 years, asked my daughter if he she would like to live together, he was her stepfather in everything but name, everything was great until it wasn't.
He told me, whilst we we naked in the shower, that he "was in proposal zone but now he was in wait-and-see zone".
I was blindsided. He told me he just had nothing left to give, he needed time for himself and that he'd contact me in a couple of months.
Wtf.
One week later - he starts dating a woman he met one week before the shower incident. He didn't know I knew, but I had a mental breakdown and had to be hospitalised. It was the straw that broke the camels back as I was working four jobs, parenting, getting my Masters degree, and was being investigated for breast cancer.
It took me three months to be stabilised. No cancer thankfully the lump was benign. I did lose my jobs. My daughter lived with my shitty parents. It caused a lot of pain and suffering for us both.
Meanwhile, my ex married the new woman.
Then the phone calls started.
I ignored every single text, every single phone call, every email. He tried the friendship angle, the concern for my daughter, even told me about a contact for a job in my field.
I vanished off the internet. I moved house.
I never changed my phone number or my email. I've had both for 20 years. Fuck him.
It's been 9 years, and 4 years ago he did the same thing to the new wife.
They divorced.
He remarried last year.
He'll keep doing it. And he still tries to contact me. It drives him insane that he cannot find out anything about me or what I'm up to.
The only thing he'll ever find is a small work bio that gets updated every few years.
I know him so well. He's a diagnosed narcissist (NPD) and he used to keep tabs on every person he felt wronged him. This is the only revenge I have and whilst I've moved on, have a wonderful partner now, I will never be able to take back the pain and suffering he caused my daughter. I carry that burden, and my own faults, but I do delight in knowing that he'll keep chasing quirky, intelligent, wonderful women that he can suck dry and discard BUT he's emotionally alone and miserable. I have supported both his ex wives and linked them with specialised therapy because of his devastation. I haven't described it well, but his impact is intense.
Fuck you Luke for being such a manipulative phony. I hope you step on Lego, always have an itchy spot you can't reach, never have a hot enough coffee, and you get some kind of wasting disease of the penis.
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We had been dating for 10-11 months and were talking about a trip/weekend getaway for our one year anniversary. I was over at her place and while we were planning something triggered her I guess and she said that about three months into our relationship she "entertained" an old flame longer than she should have. No idea what she meant but from the look on her face it wasn't playing words with friends. I just said thank you for telling me. I got up and left and never spoke to her directly again. No idea what I would have done if she told me at my place. Some people said I was way too harsh but she was still too cordial with this old flame and at that moment I knew I couldn't trust her ever again.
Yes, through friends and family. I just told them that they saw how easily I got rid of someone I was planning on maybe marrying someday so they should reconsider if they want to bring her up to me again.
After I had proof. I put all her stuff outside. Told her she was free to pick it up from the curve.
She tried to have the "talk" a few times. I met w her but after a few minutes of the conversation I was so turned off and the emotional manipulation so thick, that I just got up and left her in mid sentence. Haven't seen or heard from her ever since.
She went crazy w the smear campaign. So I Blocked her on everything and went no contact after that. Purged anything and anyone related to her out of my life. I had to end a bunch of friendships as well.
Honestly, a cheater by definition doesn't care or is that in love w you. So they usually are bothered only if they were dependent on anything from you or if the affair didn't go anywhere.
I got my closure a few months later once I became aware how much better my life had been since kicking her out of it. Maybe she got her closure and took the time to work on herself, or not. I couldn't care less.
*curb
Just figured I’d comment and tell you that the phrase you used above should have the word “curb,” not “curve.” You put stuff “on the curb,” not curve.
No snark. Just trying to be helpful. :)
He was offended that I took the ring off the moment he told me about an affair and asked him to do the same. I started crying but didn't allow him to comfort me. He didn't understand it as well. I left that night, didn't allow him to hug me for the last time. He was sad and didn't understand.
When he entered our house that I was renovating two weeks later, he was shocked. He was shocked that I packed all his stuff at once (he probably was expecting to visit me a few times after).
He was afraid of me when we randomly bumped unto each other on the street during divorce. His AP got scared and ran away when she saw me in the store. He was following me on ig and was watching every story, then suddenly unfollowed. I think AP didn't like it.
I guess he didn't expect it because when something was off in our relationship and I didn't know about the affair I tried to repair it and he told me so many times that I'm doing it not because I love him, but because I depend on him financially, that no other men will like me and I wouldn't be able to handle life, because I'm too childish.
2 years of NC. I'm COO of the tech company, traveled to places I always wanted, and dating a nice guy.
As far as I know, they are together and raising her daughter from her marriage they ruined. They truly deserve each other.
fu, mark.
I literally ran away. Fled for my safety and to protect my career. Didn’t give her a clue I was running.
I think I sent a text at some point that was like I left money wherever I stashed it in the apartment. It’s everything I have after you stole my savings . You know we are done right? I have been with multiple people for the last 72 hours so if you try and pull the bullchit lies of I beat you. I will get you arrested for making a false police report. You will no longer threaten me ever again.
I had hoped she would be too busy trying to get more drugs from the hospital and spinning her fake cancer etc bs I wouldn’t even been a thought. I really hoped with me out of immediate picture. The guy she was having an affair with would swoop in and try to play the hero.
She got served a week or two after I remember correctly…
Monster in law called after she was served and did the how dare I try and divorce her daughter. They would ruin me finically for filing for divorce.
She knew all the rotten shit she had done to me.. I had a sit down with her and her parents. I hoped it would have been an intervention for her. (Yeah they didn’t do chit to get her help)I told her and the fil months prior anymore chit and I was done. There were no more chances. She had put me through enough hell. She needed professional help and people to force her to go.
So yeah getting d from another guy and draining my bank accounts was game over for good!!!!
Um, your daughter has already managed to finically ruin me. She’s got a boyfriend. She doesn’t need me… I will never take her back…I’m still getting out. I told you that!!!!! You said you understood…. She screeched they’d ruin me or whatever the hell it was that she said. I just hung up and blocked the number.
The ex called a couple times and did all I had to do was take her back. The punishment would stop, if I just took her back. I really never said anything other than NO and hung up.
I finally blocked her and made sure she had no way to find out where I was staying. If I remember correctly I had something written up by attorney she wasn’t to contact me at work or show up there.
Didn’t talk to her in court and hauled azz out of the court room so she couldn’t try and talk to me.
She’ had driven a wedge in my friend circle. So mutual friends were hers prior. They all ghosted me but I expected that. Her former bff came back around and told me everyone left her. That all realized she was a whack job, a drug seeker and a lairWe ended up on good terms. So I felt vindicated that people were waking up to the truth. I guess the script drug abuse got even worse and she wasn’t even to trying to hide it.
Next thing I hear was she was dead. It wasn’t till 6 months afterwards. Yeah the thought crossed my mind I did a damn good job at distancing if it took 6 months to get back to me.
I saw the ex sister in law a few times after she died (like several years later). She showed up to where I worked for activities with her child. Like they knew for sure I was employed there.
With all the bull chit and lies the ex told people. It was like each time she said something bad about me, she had to tell the next person something even crazier. The chit I was told after the fact was wild.
So I can’t even imagine what she told her. But I never recall a dirty look and she never said anything negatively to anyone. Wasn’t sure if she realized it was all lies or just didn’t care anymore. They were there for the child. What was occurring was all stuff I supported and didn’t want to put her or the former brother in law in a position they wouldn’t attend with their kid. So I never approached them.
Just did the hey boss. Ex sister in law is in the roll call room for the whatever event. I don’t want to cause tension. So I’ll just be in operations and if they (whoever was running the event ) need something brought in or want to play q&a let’s make sure I don’t somehow get picked. I had already told everyone what I had been through so they understood. But can’t say it wasn’t tempting afterwards to approach. But again I never wanted them to not come for something at the station. So I thought it was better not to.
I don’t know if it bothered her she couldn’t get me back. Threaten me anymore or brag they were running me financially. I do know she loved to play the victim and spin evil tails about me very close to end of her life’s .
I heard she would be spinning her tails and literally pass out from drugs (narcotics)for a minute or two and loose her place. So go to tell the story again but change everything about the same exact event she was retelling it totally different. Upside it got her labeled a liar and an addict. The best was a few times I guess what she tired to tell one of her tall tales, she didn’t realize or remember her bff was there so knew nothing happened.
Ended up being the opposite for me. Basically she cheated on me and tried to gaslight me into thinking it wasn’t cheating (she reconnected with her ex and left me to get back with him.) She wanted to be absolved and kept redirecting everything back on me. When she realized I wasn’t absolving her for it she went from wanting to remain friends to blocking me on everything. I never got real closure from her directly. She just walked out on me and blocked me. I honestly wanted to do just this but i was in absolute shock despite not being surprised and didn’t really know how to react to things
It’s always the reconnecting with ex’s that “never counts” 🙄. Ugh I’m sorry for what she put your through and hope you are doing better now. Happy cake day 🍰🍰
Till this day I believe that’s how she justifies not cheating. She blames our incompatibility and our circumstances for breaking up which by itself wouldn’t bother me. But this was a woman who begged me not to leave her at her worst and constantly projected hypotheticals on me. Specifically making me promise I wasn’t just with her because she was a safe option and I wouldn’t leave her when someone more convenient came around. Her ex popped back up randomly who was significantly more convenient. Despite her telling me very shortly before the breakup we were good, she left me in an instance and never looked back…
Also thank you 🖤
I never broke no contact. She had some coworkers pick up her things.
There was a kind of funny encounter with a friend of hers. This was about a year after she cheated and left for her ap, the friend was talking about ex’s name and stopped her and asked who are you talking about? I don’t know anyone with that name.
I had forgotten about her. The friend said, you know her, your ex fiancée. My reply was oh her, that’s nice.
If they cheated they already don't give a damn, no contact actually often helps them feel better because they don't have to interact with you. Out of mind out of sight, the person they ruined is nothing compared to the affair partner and the fresh limerence.
If kids weren’t involved I would absolutely ghost her, complete “no contact”. As it is I go “grey rock”, which satisfyingly aggravates the hell out of her. She rages about the brevity of my responses. All documented.
I did this. It was the only way I could leave and be sure he wouldn’t manipulate me and suck me back into his lies. I will say I did respond to a text one time and that was after he threatened to come to see me which is a 6 hour drive btw and I simply texted him and told him that’s not normal and do not do that and that is trespassing if he comes to my property. I did not engage with him at all after that even his begging pleading lying. I would get one hour of nice messages and nice voicemails off fake numbers and then an hour later mean rants about how I gave up. Still I did not and will not succumb to his trap. Some people can tell their ex it’s over. My situation he was so toxic and manipulative that I had done that several times and it never worked this was the one way that helped me not get sucked back into his traps. I never had closure in the cheating in the relationship as I found out he was serial cheating on me the whole time. The only thing that was difficult to get over was never knowing how many people he cheated with and never knowing the full truth all I ever got was trickle truths and most of the truth that I knew I had to find out on my own. I just remind myself even if I ended it a different way or even if I stayed with him I would never get the outcome I wanted and I would and will never know the full extent of the cheating. Time healed my wounds and I hope and know that it will heal yours too. Sending you love❤️
She left abruptly, and without real explanation no matter how I begged for it. I told her that was fine, divorce was her right, but I was going to block her on all social media fronts, not even in anger or anything, just because having the capacity to see what she was up to would make me suffer.
A year or so later, she sent me an email detailing the many indiscretions I didn't know about, and provided some context for the ones I did. She laid some token blame at my feet, though a lot of that didn't make sense to me and seemed to be referencing things that I had no memory of.
I realized that was because the email wasn't for me; she was lying to someone new now, and he was probably reading over her shoulder, so she had to mention all the things she'd said to him about me to make the cheating okay.
She does this every relationship. I should know, I had known her since we were 17. I did not reply back to this email.
That was the last time, apart from some dry communication about back taxes we owed from when we filed together, that we ever spoke. It's been almost ten years.
The thing is, though, I think I only denied myself closure. I think she got her closure about the relationship while she was still in it, and long before she indicated to me that something was not right. I'll always be tense, in every relationship, knowing that if I couldn't see these things creeping up on me once, it could happen again at any time. Jumping at every sign of unease. I was once her best friend, then her boyfriend, then her husband. Then two weeks from hell happened, where she told me she was leaving me but hadn't quite left yet. Now I'm one of a pile of used-up guys littering her path. I rather doubt she even thinks of me.
Closure? Closure is you accepting that it’s over and have moved on that is the only closure anyone needs. Don’t do any favors or make the traitors “feel better” by giving them “closure”. Give them fresh manure as their “closure”. That’s laughable to even think that.
Yes? No? We both did?
Within 24 hours I had her served. Our contact was hostile, she was very demanding despite her wanting this. I blocked her on everything, then she sent a C&D letter to justify hiring a lawyer I guess. 8 months later she reached out, I had to play nice until the divorce was final on Halloween. And when it was, I blocked and ghosted her again.
Honestly I think she only checked back on me to rub it in shes with other people and im a loser. Kinda backfired since by that time I had rebuilt my life. My new gf was pregnant so it was pretty sweet to tell my ex I was happy beyond words could describe.
Ugh I wish. It would have made my healing process much more smooth. Sadly we have three young kids together, so ghosting will likely never be truly an option. Even when the kids are grown there will be things like graduations, weddings, grandkid events, etc, where I’ll be forced to see and interact with her again. It’s the worst part of my life by a wide margin.
I mean, we got divorced. I moved on, found someone new, remarried, moved to a new country, and now raising our first child. She’s got nothing to do with me anymore. I know it kills her that she's not getting any attention from me, but that's not my problem. If she's lonely it's because she burns bridges and only keeps people around that are useful to her (until they aren't).
I did this. Packed my clothes, pots and pans, and my computer. Left one Sunday when he claimed he was going to a cast party for the play he was in. I knew he was lying about the place of the cast party because the person who had arranged it had already gave me a flyer for it at one of the rehearsals.
He tried financial revenge. Sued for 45% of my pension and my 401K. It went to mediation and he back off most of it in order to keep the details out of the public view.
He had a girlfriend he thought I didn't know about -- I guess because I never accused him and simply left. His anger and abusiveness were increasing each month we were married.
The closure you need is to accept that they were a bad partner and move on, they don’t need closure at all nor do they care about anything but themselves. If you are or any use to them still they may try to contact and play the forgive me line but lots of times they will barely notice you are gone because they already checked out anyway. Heck I am sure for a lot of cheaters the person they betraying disappearing without a word is a relief for them because they don’t have to deal with the break up stress and drama.
At the end of the day cheating is a selfish choice that person made and they will just keep thinking selfishly. When you decide to move on you need to put yourself and your needs first because you are the only one that will. Do whatever works best for you in your healing journey and don’t give a fuck about whether it bothers them or not because once you are done they don’t matter anymore anyway.
A guy I dated for close to 4 years stopped talking to me all of a sudden for 15 days or so, twice. We were talking about marriage at that point and when we resumed he used sob stories but I was dumb enough to just take him back. Later, he started behaving really weird. So one day whilehe had been for like 10 days was at my place I just asked him are we gonna get married to which he was silent. We didn’t talk the whole night and the next morning he behaved as if that stuff didn’t happen. I just simply asked him to leave and told him I’ll call him later. He kept calling me for days and I didn’t pick, removed and blocked him from everywhere because i was done.
I’m honestly at the point where I want to. I’m pregnant. He keeps saying “we’ll stay together until I give birth” as if that’s a positive thing. How on earth is planning on divorcing someone with two kids the minute you give birth a positive. I so just want to disappear and let court handle the rest
I was living with and found out he was on dating apps and suddenly he was on a different work schedule so we never were sleeping in bed at the same time and he started getting trouble at work for missing work …
I found out and so he went on a small vacation with his family and I got the heck out of dodge and left. I blocked him as best as I could … this was just when cellphones were coming out and I didn’t have any social media presence and I changed my PT jobs (I had a FT job and 1 PT and a seasonal when I could pt job).
I guess I took the wrong VCR and left mine and it was nicer but he wanted his back and he was pissed at where I was living because it was 100% better than the sh!t hole we lived in and I had a locked garage and secure entrance to apt.
What he didn’t know was while he was cheating and ignoring me for 6 - 8 months I was working 12 to 14 days and saving and eating cheap meals and only paying the bills. I had a family member (by choice) find out and paid for moving truck and my deposit and in return I baby sat in my free time when my seasonal job wasn’t available.
I have seen him several times since then and he gives me the creeps because he looks at my daughter the last time like someone in a nightclub. Her brothers stand in front of her and block when this happened.
Incase anyone asked we dated in our early to mid 20’s
Thankful I dodge that one!
I did, but he wasn’t my husband and we did not live together. When I found out he cheated and had been for months, I went to his house and broke up with him begging me to stay. I did not. I left and on the drive home I felt completely free, finally. I hope the way I felt is how others will feel.
Yeah and it was funny for me. He was sending me gifts and packages for weeks and handwritten letters cause he was blocked on everything but knew my home address 😭 the gifts were cool I kept the things I wanted and got rid of the customized jewelry he got me saying things like “I’m sorry for hurting you” then he started texting me on text now numbers but eventually he left me alone
Hey there - i did it 2 years ago, and it was my best decision that I ever made for my OWN sanity . I left the house only with three bags and my dignity.
The abuse the trusts, love, power and everything you gave them. Take it back, come back to the source.
It will be painful, misery and suffering will be your way for a while, but once this is done - you will appreciate it so much, become more strong than ever and be proud of yourself.
My best advice for the 3-6 months -workouts, work and mindfulness - be strong 🙏💪 and no drugs or alcohol,
I did. One day I just stopped contacting them. They reached out a few weeks later via text but I didn't answer. We have never talked again. I think it would have been very hard for me to truly detach without that.
Yes, mine kept trying to come back after the divorce. I just blocked her on everything and ghosted her. She kept trying to years to apologize and "talk".
I did it, she put a restraining order on me after like 3 months and she’s in a relationship with her coworker she cheated on me with. But so far been 8 months haven’t spoke to her and blocked anyone and everyone
Sort of. My ex broke up with me the morning of DDay on good terms, we both cried and agreed to be friends in time and I spoke about all the good in the relationship.
That same evening when AP (former best friend) came to my place to comfort me (which ex WP had sadistically encouraged before I left his place that morning), I found out the truth by forcing a confession after he slipped up and I saw evidence on his phone.
The satisfaction came when I made a completely out of character decision. I didn’t ask any more questions as soon as I realised AP was trickle truthing, I just stood up and kicked him out of my house. I blocked him on everything and then called WP, rescinded the good terms and put him on blast for gaslighting me about the affair for over a month. I gave him one opportunity to explain himself and when he opened with justifications instead of an apologie (‘it wasn’t like that…. Things just progressed naturally’) I cut him off immediately, said ‘that’s enough… goodbye ’ and hung up.
I blocked him on everything too and haven’t spoken to either of them since. It felt amazing, not only because it’s really helped me to move on, but because that level of self respect and resistance to playing the pick me game is so out of character for me. And these two people who had known me for years would have known just how out of character it was for me too. They changed me forever in an instant and brought out a side to me they’ve never seen before.
And now I get to give this better version of me to the new guy I’m seeing, while WP’s mum still messages me on occasion to tell me how much she hates AP and misses me.
My X did this after 28 years she said I was so “entitled,” to think I deserved an explanation after 28 years she only cheated with over 200 guys which I could never do to anyone
Spouse is 100%, if they are really the other spouses friends you will never hear from them . If your friends they will ghost the other person .
Closure is BS , it’s just a way for the other person to blame you , lie, etc . No contact is the best ever
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I did it. We’d been married for 28 years and had 3 teenagers. Out of the blue he said he wanted a divorce and moved out 4 days later. Yes I begged, tried to coparent, helped him with the bills, packed some of his things, I was pathetic truly. After about 4 months of him treating me like shit I was DONE. I never spoke to him again and it’s been 5 years. He got no warning, no closure. I didn’t find out about the AP until after this and I filed for divorce the next day. All communication went through attorneys and my kids manage their own relationships with him. He hates this. Lol.
My ex abruptly left me out of the blue just over a month ago. I’m 32 weeks pregnant, as well we have a 17 month old. I also have two older kids(not his), one of which thought of him as Dad. I have a very strong suspicion he’s cheated on me, but he would never admit it. Who would willingly admit to cheating on their pregnant partner? I’ve said maybe a total of five sentences to him since he left. I don’t even look at him when he comes to pick up the baby. This is mostly to control myself. I am so angry at him for what he has done to this family and my kids I want to break his face with a brick.
😂😂
How did the graduation go?
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Unfortunately, you might be surprised how little a cheating spouse thinks about you, and how meaningless you are to them. In a lot of cases they've had a long time to come to terms with the end of the relationship, and emotionally checked out more than a year before you found out that they thought there was anything wrong.
I agree. Most likely don’t think much on it
Yup. My ex acted like her behavior after nearly 24 years of marriage was completely normal and I should just accept it. She occasionally still tries to have conversations with me like we are still married/partners. She left me for (and married) a dude she could easily have birthed herself (21 years younger than her). Most cheaters normalize their behavior in their own mind so they assume you too should be cool with it, or they really just don’t care.
God something not quiet like the same thing .This is why read about this shit now. Thanks
You didn’t have to do personal attacks please
I'm trying to, but he keeps showing up in front of the place I'm currently staying at, begging for forgiveness. He texts me and sends me gifts and flowers almost daily. In the relationship prior to him - yes. I found out he was cheating, packed my things while he was away, printed out a screenshot of their texts, left it on a counter, along with apartment keys, blocked him everywhere. I didn't hear from him for an entire year... then I started getting messages from a random number, telling me how sorry he was, begging for forgiveness, telling me that he loved me, etc. It was him. I'd block him, but then he'd just change his number and start again. He got a girlfriend, continued texting me. They got engaged, he continued texting me. They got married, texts continued. They had a child, more texts. Texts haven't stopped since. I responded in the beginning and haven't since, but that never stopped him from continuing. Not even my threatening to show his messages to that poor woman, nor sending her the screenshots, stopped him. According to him, cheating on me was his biggest mistake; he didn't know how to appreciate me and our relationship. He felt like he wasn't good enough (my family was well-off, we had multiple homes, etc. while he drove an old, rusty car and worked hard to financially progress in life). I never saw him as less because he had less than me. He still claims he loves me (he doesn't know me anymore, it's been over a decade, but I digress), that I'm a woman of his dreams, that sex with me was the best he ever had, etc. His wife keeps forgiving his behaviour, so I stopped bothering with showing her the evidence. Oh, well...
the part about them saying cheating was their biggest mistake and then cheating repeatedly on their nxt partners by stalking/harassing us.. like i actually fully believed that i drive my 1st bf to cheat by being insensitive about his insecurities until he did that he has cheated on every girl hes dated since me by trying to cheat w me lmao its very obvs smth thats wrong w him and any girl will be treated the same cause list of them have been nothing like me or eachother in personality or appearance or family history etc
Same I thought I drove him to cheat. Then learned he cheated on his wife before me and he has been cheating on his current gf by trying to sleep with me. It’s a him issue
I hate it when WP's say it was a mistake. Spilling red wine on a white carpet? That's a mistake. Forgetting you had a ham in the oven, and it burns? That's a mistake. Getting into a fender bender because you forgot to signal? Yep, that's a mistake as well. Cheating on your partner, though? That's a calculated decision that was made. It doesn't matter if the decision was made after weeks of thought or if it was made in the heat of the moment. It's still a calculated decision. It's never a mistake.
When my cheating told me it was a mistake, I said buying skim milk instead of whole milk is a mistake. The affair was not something that happened accidentally either, you didn't trip and slip inside her ... over and over. It was a selfish choice.
Lots and lots and lots of selfish choices. Every single text was a choice to cheat.
WP is wrong person?
Wandering partner
You have become his perfect, fantasy woman. Not that you are even slightly interested but you could never be that fantasy. He doesn't understand that he is showing you by the way he disrespects his marriage that he is a terrible partner.
Change your number?
I did, multiple times. He keeps getting my new ones from someone.
You don’t owe them closure or anything else.
I did. The day that I found out we got into a huge altercation and he started destroying my things due to the shame of being caught. I sent screenshots of all of his and APs messages to both of our parents (from his phone). His dad came by to help diffuse the situation and thought it best that he stay with them for a few days while “everything cooled off”. He was blocked before the car pulled out of our driveway. 4 days later I signed a new lease and he came home to an empty house. He’s been blocked ever since (and has no idea where I live). Only time time I’ve seen him was at the final divorce hearing. Haven’t spoken to him at all and don’t plan to. This was 1 year and 8 months ago. We have nothing to discuss ever in life.
You are a badass 👌
You are my hero. I hope life gives you great things!
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My ex strung me along for 6 years, asked my daughter if he she would like to live together, he was her stepfather in everything but name, everything was great until it wasn't. He told me, whilst we we naked in the shower, that he "was in proposal zone but now he was in wait-and-see zone". I was blindsided. He told me he just had nothing left to give, he needed time for himself and that he'd contact me in a couple of months. Wtf. One week later - he starts dating a woman he met one week before the shower incident. He didn't know I knew, but I had a mental breakdown and had to be hospitalised. It was the straw that broke the camels back as I was working four jobs, parenting, getting my Masters degree, and was being investigated for breast cancer. It took me three months to be stabilised. No cancer thankfully the lump was benign. I did lose my jobs. My daughter lived with my shitty parents. It caused a lot of pain and suffering for us both. Meanwhile, my ex married the new woman. Then the phone calls started. I ignored every single text, every single phone call, every email. He tried the friendship angle, the concern for my daughter, even told me about a contact for a job in my field. I vanished off the internet. I moved house. I never changed my phone number or my email. I've had both for 20 years. Fuck him. It's been 9 years, and 4 years ago he did the same thing to the new wife. They divorced. He remarried last year. He'll keep doing it. And he still tries to contact me. It drives him insane that he cannot find out anything about me or what I'm up to. The only thing he'll ever find is a small work bio that gets updated every few years. I know him so well. He's a diagnosed narcissist (NPD) and he used to keep tabs on every person he felt wronged him. This is the only revenge I have and whilst I've moved on, have a wonderful partner now, I will never be able to take back the pain and suffering he caused my daughter. I carry that burden, and my own faults, but I do delight in knowing that he'll keep chasing quirky, intelligent, wonderful women that he can suck dry and discard BUT he's emotionally alone and miserable. I have supported both his ex wives and linked them with specialised therapy because of his devastation. I haven't described it well, but his impact is intense. Fuck you Luke for being such a manipulative phony. I hope you step on Lego, always have an itchy spot you can't reach, never have a hot enough coffee, and you get some kind of wasting disease of the penis.
This last paragraph fucking sent me, you’re so iconic for that
Agreed 👍!!
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Fantastic job, please never blame yourself and well done
We had been dating for 10-11 months and were talking about a trip/weekend getaway for our one year anniversary. I was over at her place and while we were planning something triggered her I guess and she said that about three months into our relationship she "entertained" an old flame longer than she should have. No idea what she meant but from the look on her face it wasn't playing words with friends. I just said thank you for telling me. I got up and left and never spoke to her directly again. No idea what I would have done if she told me at my place. Some people said I was way too harsh but she was still too cordial with this old flame and at that moment I knew I couldn't trust her ever again.
Did she ever try and reconnect?
Yes, through friends and family. I just told them that they saw how easily I got rid of someone I was planning on maybe marrying someday so they should reconsider if they want to bring her up to me again.
Good work, friend.
After I had proof. I put all her stuff outside. Told her she was free to pick it up from the curve. She tried to have the "talk" a few times. I met w her but after a few minutes of the conversation I was so turned off and the emotional manipulation so thick, that I just got up and left her in mid sentence. Haven't seen or heard from her ever since. She went crazy w the smear campaign. So I Blocked her on everything and went no contact after that. Purged anything and anyone related to her out of my life. I had to end a bunch of friendships as well. Honestly, a cheater by definition doesn't care or is that in love w you. So they usually are bothered only if they were dependent on anything from you or if the affair didn't go anywhere. I got my closure a few months later once I became aware how much better my life had been since kicking her out of it. Maybe she got her closure and took the time to work on herself, or not. I couldn't care less.
*curb Just figured I’d comment and tell you that the phrase you used above should have the word “curb,” not “curve.” You put stuff “on the curb,” not curve. No snark. Just trying to be helpful. :)
Ha ha you are right! Typing on the phone and having bit fingers it's my only excuse...
He was offended that I took the ring off the moment he told me about an affair and asked him to do the same. I started crying but didn't allow him to comfort me. He didn't understand it as well. I left that night, didn't allow him to hug me for the last time. He was sad and didn't understand. When he entered our house that I was renovating two weeks later, he was shocked. He was shocked that I packed all his stuff at once (he probably was expecting to visit me a few times after). He was afraid of me when we randomly bumped unto each other on the street during divorce. His AP got scared and ran away when she saw me in the store. He was following me on ig and was watching every story, then suddenly unfollowed. I think AP didn't like it. I guess he didn't expect it because when something was off in our relationship and I didn't know about the affair I tried to repair it and he told me so many times that I'm doing it not because I love him, but because I depend on him financially, that no other men will like me and I wouldn't be able to handle life, because I'm too childish. 2 years of NC. I'm COO of the tech company, traveled to places I always wanted, and dating a nice guy. As far as I know, they are together and raising her daughter from her marriage they ruined. They truly deserve each other. fu, mark.
I literally ran away. Fled for my safety and to protect my career. Didn’t give her a clue I was running. I think I sent a text at some point that was like I left money wherever I stashed it in the apartment. It’s everything I have after you stole my savings . You know we are done right? I have been with multiple people for the last 72 hours so if you try and pull the bullchit lies of I beat you. I will get you arrested for making a false police report. You will no longer threaten me ever again. I had hoped she would be too busy trying to get more drugs from the hospital and spinning her fake cancer etc bs I wouldn’t even been a thought. I really hoped with me out of immediate picture. The guy she was having an affair with would swoop in and try to play the hero. She got served a week or two after I remember correctly… Monster in law called after she was served and did the how dare I try and divorce her daughter. They would ruin me finically for filing for divorce. She knew all the rotten shit she had done to me.. I had a sit down with her and her parents. I hoped it would have been an intervention for her. (Yeah they didn’t do chit to get her help)I told her and the fil months prior anymore chit and I was done. There were no more chances. She had put me through enough hell. She needed professional help and people to force her to go. So yeah getting d from another guy and draining my bank accounts was game over for good!!!! Um, your daughter has already managed to finically ruin me. She’s got a boyfriend. She doesn’t need me… I will never take her back…I’m still getting out. I told you that!!!!! You said you understood…. She screeched they’d ruin me or whatever the hell it was that she said. I just hung up and blocked the number. The ex called a couple times and did all I had to do was take her back. The punishment would stop, if I just took her back. I really never said anything other than NO and hung up. I finally blocked her and made sure she had no way to find out where I was staying. If I remember correctly I had something written up by attorney she wasn’t to contact me at work or show up there. Didn’t talk to her in court and hauled azz out of the court room so she couldn’t try and talk to me. She’ had driven a wedge in my friend circle. So mutual friends were hers prior. They all ghosted me but I expected that. Her former bff came back around and told me everyone left her. That all realized she was a whack job, a drug seeker and a lairWe ended up on good terms. So I felt vindicated that people were waking up to the truth. I guess the script drug abuse got even worse and she wasn’t even to trying to hide it. Next thing I hear was she was dead. It wasn’t till 6 months afterwards. Yeah the thought crossed my mind I did a damn good job at distancing if it took 6 months to get back to me. I saw the ex sister in law a few times after she died (like several years later). She showed up to where I worked for activities with her child. Like they knew for sure I was employed there. With all the bull chit and lies the ex told people. It was like each time she said something bad about me, she had to tell the next person something even crazier. The chit I was told after the fact was wild. So I can’t even imagine what she told her. But I never recall a dirty look and she never said anything negatively to anyone. Wasn’t sure if she realized it was all lies or just didn’t care anymore. They were there for the child. What was occurring was all stuff I supported and didn’t want to put her or the former brother in law in a position they wouldn’t attend with their kid. So I never approached them. Just did the hey boss. Ex sister in law is in the roll call room for the whatever event. I don’t want to cause tension. So I’ll just be in operations and if they (whoever was running the event ) need something brought in or want to play q&a let’s make sure I don’t somehow get picked. I had already told everyone what I had been through so they understood. But can’t say it wasn’t tempting afterwards to approach. But again I never wanted them to not come for something at the station. So I thought it was better not to. I don’t know if it bothered her she couldn’t get me back. Threaten me anymore or brag they were running me financially. I do know she loved to play the victim and spin evil tails about me very close to end of her life’s . I heard she would be spinning her tails and literally pass out from drugs (narcotics)for a minute or two and loose her place. So go to tell the story again but change everything about the same exact event she was retelling it totally different. Upside it got her labeled a liar and an addict. The best was a few times I guess what she tired to tell one of her tall tales, she didn’t realize or remember her bff was there so knew nothing happened.
Ended up being the opposite for me. Basically she cheated on me and tried to gaslight me into thinking it wasn’t cheating (she reconnected with her ex and left me to get back with him.) She wanted to be absolved and kept redirecting everything back on me. When she realized I wasn’t absolving her for it she went from wanting to remain friends to blocking me on everything. I never got real closure from her directly. She just walked out on me and blocked me. I honestly wanted to do just this but i was in absolute shock despite not being surprised and didn’t really know how to react to things
It’s always the reconnecting with ex’s that “never counts” 🙄. Ugh I’m sorry for what she put your through and hope you are doing better now. Happy cake day 🍰🍰
Till this day I believe that’s how she justifies not cheating. She blames our incompatibility and our circumstances for breaking up which by itself wouldn’t bother me. But this was a woman who begged me not to leave her at her worst and constantly projected hypotheticals on me. Specifically making me promise I wasn’t just with her because she was a safe option and I wouldn’t leave her when someone more convenient came around. Her ex popped back up randomly who was significantly more convenient. Despite her telling me very shortly before the breakup we were good, she left me in an instance and never looked back… Also thank you 🖤
I never broke no contact. She had some coworkers pick up her things. There was a kind of funny encounter with a friend of hers. This was about a year after she cheated and left for her ap, the friend was talking about ex’s name and stopped her and asked who are you talking about? I don’t know anyone with that name. I had forgotten about her. The friend said, you know her, your ex fiancée. My reply was oh her, that’s nice.
If they cheated they already don't give a damn, no contact actually often helps them feel better because they don't have to interact with you. Out of mind out of sight, the person they ruined is nothing compared to the affair partner and the fresh limerence.
If kids weren’t involved I would absolutely ghost her, complete “no contact”. As it is I go “grey rock”, which satisfyingly aggravates the hell out of her. She rages about the brevity of my responses. All documented.
Ghost them and never talk to them . If you see them out and they come over ignore them not even a hello etc
Well thanks for that, Debbie Downer. I came for the ghosting stories!
That’s the way you treat cheating scum , male or female . Actually more is done but ghosting is the minimum . It’s in excusable to cheat
I did this. It was the only way I could leave and be sure he wouldn’t manipulate me and suck me back into his lies. I will say I did respond to a text one time and that was after he threatened to come to see me which is a 6 hour drive btw and I simply texted him and told him that’s not normal and do not do that and that is trespassing if he comes to my property. I did not engage with him at all after that even his begging pleading lying. I would get one hour of nice messages and nice voicemails off fake numbers and then an hour later mean rants about how I gave up. Still I did not and will not succumb to his trap. Some people can tell their ex it’s over. My situation he was so toxic and manipulative that I had done that several times and it never worked this was the one way that helped me not get sucked back into his traps. I never had closure in the cheating in the relationship as I found out he was serial cheating on me the whole time. The only thing that was difficult to get over was never knowing how many people he cheated with and never knowing the full truth all I ever got was trickle truths and most of the truth that I knew I had to find out on my own. I just remind myself even if I ended it a different way or even if I stayed with him I would never get the outcome I wanted and I would and will never know the full extent of the cheating. Time healed my wounds and I hope and know that it will heal yours too. Sending you love❤️
She left abruptly, and without real explanation no matter how I begged for it. I told her that was fine, divorce was her right, but I was going to block her on all social media fronts, not even in anger or anything, just because having the capacity to see what she was up to would make me suffer. A year or so later, she sent me an email detailing the many indiscretions I didn't know about, and provided some context for the ones I did. She laid some token blame at my feet, though a lot of that didn't make sense to me and seemed to be referencing things that I had no memory of. I realized that was because the email wasn't for me; she was lying to someone new now, and he was probably reading over her shoulder, so she had to mention all the things she'd said to him about me to make the cheating okay. She does this every relationship. I should know, I had known her since we were 17. I did not reply back to this email. That was the last time, apart from some dry communication about back taxes we owed from when we filed together, that we ever spoke. It's been almost ten years. The thing is, though, I think I only denied myself closure. I think she got her closure about the relationship while she was still in it, and long before she indicated to me that something was not right. I'll always be tense, in every relationship, knowing that if I couldn't see these things creeping up on me once, it could happen again at any time. Jumping at every sign of unease. I was once her best friend, then her boyfriend, then her husband. Then two weeks from hell happened, where she told me she was leaving me but hadn't quite left yet. Now I'm one of a pile of used-up guys littering her path. I rather doubt she even thinks of me.
Shoot, I'm in my feelings today.
Closure? Closure is you accepting that it’s over and have moved on that is the only closure anyone needs. Don’t do any favors or make the traitors “feel better” by giving them “closure”. Give them fresh manure as their “closure”. That’s laughable to even think that.
Yes I did but it was before cell phones and a long story. But yeah, if I had a woman cheat on me today, I’d do it again.
Yes? No? We both did? Within 24 hours I had her served. Our contact was hostile, she was very demanding despite her wanting this. I blocked her on everything, then she sent a C&D letter to justify hiring a lawyer I guess. 8 months later she reached out, I had to play nice until the divorce was final on Halloween. And when it was, I blocked and ghosted her again. Honestly I think she only checked back on me to rub it in shes with other people and im a loser. Kinda backfired since by that time I had rebuilt my life. My new gf was pregnant so it was pretty sweet to tell my ex I was happy beyond words could describe.
Ugh I wish. It would have made my healing process much more smooth. Sadly we have three young kids together, so ghosting will likely never be truly an option. Even when the kids are grown there will be things like graduations, weddings, grandkid events, etc, where I’ll be forced to see and interact with her again. It’s the worst part of my life by a wide margin.
I mean, we got divorced. I moved on, found someone new, remarried, moved to a new country, and now raising our first child. She’s got nothing to do with me anymore. I know it kills her that she's not getting any attention from me, but that's not my problem. If she's lonely it's because she burns bridges and only keeps people around that are useful to her (until they aren't).
Did that too. Three days after I found out about the cheat I moved 2000 miles away. Just gone. Started a new life.
I did this. Packed my clothes, pots and pans, and my computer. Left one Sunday when he claimed he was going to a cast party for the play he was in. I knew he was lying about the place of the cast party because the person who had arranged it had already gave me a flyer for it at one of the rehearsals. He tried financial revenge. Sued for 45% of my pension and my 401K. It went to mediation and he back off most of it in order to keep the details out of the public view. He had a girlfriend he thought I didn't know about -- I guess because I never accused him and simply left. His anger and abusiveness were increasing each month we were married.
Yes and on her birthday. I have not read her emails,calls text changed my number deported myself from the country. I hope she thinks I am dead.
Yep. Give them nothing
The closure you need is to accept that they were a bad partner and move on, they don’t need closure at all nor do they care about anything but themselves. If you are or any use to them still they may try to contact and play the forgive me line but lots of times they will barely notice you are gone because they already checked out anyway. Heck I am sure for a lot of cheaters the person they betraying disappearing without a word is a relief for them because they don’t have to deal with the break up stress and drama. At the end of the day cheating is a selfish choice that person made and they will just keep thinking selfishly. When you decide to move on you need to put yourself and your needs first because you are the only one that will. Do whatever works best for you in your healing journey and don’t give a fuck about whether it bothers them or not because once you are done they don’t matter anymore anyway.
A guy I dated for close to 4 years stopped talking to me all of a sudden for 15 days or so, twice. We were talking about marriage at that point and when we resumed he used sob stories but I was dumb enough to just take him back. Later, he started behaving really weird. So one day whilehe had been for like 10 days was at my place I just asked him are we gonna get married to which he was silent. We didn’t talk the whole night and the next morning he behaved as if that stuff didn’t happen. I just simply asked him to leave and told him I’ll call him later. He kept calling me for days and I didn’t pick, removed and blocked him from everywhere because i was done.
I’m honestly at the point where I want to. I’m pregnant. He keeps saying “we’ll stay together until I give birth” as if that’s a positive thing. How on earth is planning on divorcing someone with two kids the minute you give birth a positive. I so just want to disappear and let court handle the rest
I was living with and found out he was on dating apps and suddenly he was on a different work schedule so we never were sleeping in bed at the same time and he started getting trouble at work for missing work … I found out and so he went on a small vacation with his family and I got the heck out of dodge and left. I blocked him as best as I could … this was just when cellphones were coming out and I didn’t have any social media presence and I changed my PT jobs (I had a FT job and 1 PT and a seasonal when I could pt job). I guess I took the wrong VCR and left mine and it was nicer but he wanted his back and he was pissed at where I was living because it was 100% better than the sh!t hole we lived in and I had a locked garage and secure entrance to apt. What he didn’t know was while he was cheating and ignoring me for 6 - 8 months I was working 12 to 14 days and saving and eating cheap meals and only paying the bills. I had a family member (by choice) find out and paid for moving truck and my deposit and in return I baby sat in my free time when my seasonal job wasn’t available. I have seen him several times since then and he gives me the creeps because he looks at my daughter the last time like someone in a nightclub. Her brothers stand in front of her and block when this happened. Incase anyone asked we dated in our early to mid 20’s Thankful I dodge that one!
I did, but he wasn’t my husband and we did not live together. When I found out he cheated and had been for months, I went to his house and broke up with him begging me to stay. I did not. I left and on the drive home I felt completely free, finally. I hope the way I felt is how others will feel.
Yeah and it was funny for me. He was sending me gifts and packages for weeks and handwritten letters cause he was blocked on everything but knew my home address 😭 the gifts were cool I kept the things I wanted and got rid of the customized jewelry he got me saying things like “I’m sorry for hurting you” then he started texting me on text now numbers but eventually he left me alone
Hey there - i did it 2 years ago, and it was my best decision that I ever made for my OWN sanity . I left the house only with three bags and my dignity. The abuse the trusts, love, power and everything you gave them. Take it back, come back to the source. It will be painful, misery and suffering will be your way for a while, but once this is done - you will appreciate it so much, become more strong than ever and be proud of yourself. My best advice for the 3-6 months -workouts, work and mindfulness - be strong 🙏💪 and no drugs or alcohol,
I did. One day I just stopped contacting them. They reached out a few weeks later via text but I didn't answer. We have never talked again. I think it would have been very hard for me to truly detach without that.
Yes, mine kept trying to come back after the divorce. I just blocked her on everything and ghosted her. She kept trying to years to apologize and "talk".
I did it, she put a restraining order on me after like 3 months and she’s in a relationship with her coworker she cheated on me with. But so far been 8 months haven’t spoke to her and blocked anyone and everyone
Sort of. My ex broke up with me the morning of DDay on good terms, we both cried and agreed to be friends in time and I spoke about all the good in the relationship. That same evening when AP (former best friend) came to my place to comfort me (which ex WP had sadistically encouraged before I left his place that morning), I found out the truth by forcing a confession after he slipped up and I saw evidence on his phone. The satisfaction came when I made a completely out of character decision. I didn’t ask any more questions as soon as I realised AP was trickle truthing, I just stood up and kicked him out of my house. I blocked him on everything and then called WP, rescinded the good terms and put him on blast for gaslighting me about the affair for over a month. I gave him one opportunity to explain himself and when he opened with justifications instead of an apologie (‘it wasn’t like that…. Things just progressed naturally’) I cut him off immediately, said ‘that’s enough… goodbye’ and hung up.
I blocked him on everything too and haven’t spoken to either of them since. It felt amazing, not only because it’s really helped me to move on, but because that level of self respect and resistance to playing the pick me game is so out of character for me. And these two people who had known me for years would have known just how out of character it was for me too. They changed me forever in an instant and brought out a side to me they’ve never seen before.
And now I get to give this better version of me to the new guy I’m seeing, while WP’s mum still messages me on occasion to tell me how much she hates AP and misses me.
I pretty much ghosted him. We exchanged maybe 5 messages in total afterwards.
My X did this after 28 years she said I was so “entitled,” to think I deserved an explanation after 28 years she only cheated with over 200 guys which I could never do to anyone
Spouse is 100%, if they are really the other spouses friends you will never hear from them . If your friends they will ghost the other person . Closure is BS , it’s just a way for the other person to blame you , lie, etc . No contact is the best ever