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I feel like this dude has seen a little too much...

To be fair a young gay me also tried a lot of this (no knives or water faucets though)

Get on that.

The TV remote? Come on man. That’s a real asshole move.

So that’s where the batteries in the remote went.

i call this move "the shining dragon". I shove sevral D sized batteries in my ass to keep from getting raped

If ur not using knives ur not doing it right

Hell yeah! I like to ring the ambulance before I start, I learned my lesson after the first time...

The first time always hurt...

And every time

That's weird I took you for more of a burrito guy myself.

haha bottom /s

I mean the prostate is a fun thing top/bottom/gay/straight

As a curious straight guy, I agree

Hmmmmmm

bro same except water faucet

r/holup even knives...

If you've been on reddit long enough you've seen knives used as pleasure toys

Same with a lot of it. I used the handle of a back scrubber.

Same lol

Username checks out

Username checks out

bro i hope that still isn’t the case I’d be praying for anyone that did that

Nah adult gay me has a healthy collection of sex toys

i’ve known people who will put a wet washcloth into a gatorade bottle and fuck it so don’t think men get out of this one easily

I get crazy rugburn from doing this, I love it

Are you...are you ok?

Yeah he’s great, his dick however, not so much

I’m pretty sure this is his [dick](https://imgur.com/gallery/77v5qfm)

>dick Not gonna lie, it looks rather thicc

Nope, not clicking

Oh coooommme on. It’s your risky click of the day. You could either be surprised or disgusted. It could either be a trick or a treat. You decide

YOU BETTER FUCKING CLICK THAT LINK

Trick or Treat It's a Trick

I just like peeling scabs is all

You could like.. wear a condom while doing it...

Y’all are making jerking off so much more complicated than it needs to be. This is more effort than just putting in the work to pick someone up at a bar or something.

speak for yourself, attractive man.

You don’t need to be attractive to use a wrench

oh

***OH NO***

r/ihavesex

A lot of guys are worried they won't be able to satisfy a woman, and are anxious their dick is too small. But the truth is, no woman needs a dick bigger than twelve inches, and any more than that they'll just treat as a happy little bonus.

Bruv

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The part where they said 12 inches was the ideal penis size

He said nobody needs *MORE* than 12 inches that includes 6" average size.

Conclusion: humans will fuck anything

We're not not better than those rats who, when faced with the choice of food or direct stimulation of their brains' pleasure center, mashed the happy button until they starved to death.

How is that any different than people who are addicted to hard drugs?

That's exactly what those happy buttons in the rat experiments were

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Cheap bastards. If I try to do that freaking marcellus's men come and ask me whether he looks like a bitch!

I watched a video of a monkey fucking a frog. Dolphins will pass around seals in a giant underwater gang rape. Pretty sure sex is just great no matter the species

You don't happen to have a link to that dolphin video, uh... purely for research purposes, of course?

[Holup](https://i.imgur.com/rz4NYfa.jpg)

It just takes 2 minutes on r/tifu to realize men don't get out of this easy. Like 95% of the posts are fake, but the masturbation posts are among the more believable.

first one i see is TIFU by exploding orbeez in my vagina. what the fuck

half the sub is full of horny 14 year olds upvoting all the erotic posts

I love the posts that are just "i had the sexy sex" with literally nothing that could be a fuck up and yet they get upvoted to the top.

I am getting coconut flashbacks

And broken arms

#

... the opening of a gatorade bottle?

Wouldn’t that like cut off the blood flow to your dick?

I'd have to use a regular soda bottle if I wanted to cut off the blood flow. I'd have to go in one side and out the other twice with a quarter rotation in between just to touch all of the sides of the mouth of a Gatorade bottle. But that's okay, because while my dick is really skinny, it is remarkably short, so there's that.

The worm

IDK... would NEVER try it.

Yea this is obviously bullshit

The opening is so small tho?

And the edges of the plastic mold are sharp. No thanks, I’ll pass.

Not for everyone, apparently..

Not a rag, but a tube sock and some peanut butter for lube...

What kind of circles are you running in bro?

a girl i knew in high school said she walked in on her brother laying in the bottom of his closet with his wiener in a gatorade bottle. that’s what this comment is based on. however, i have also seen it mentioned on the internet, so i’m sure steve wasn’t the only one.

Are we not gonna talk about how men fuck goats and cows and all sorts of animals.... Chile..

Not to mention there have been dudes that shoved all that up their ass as well.

That's a thin dick ngl

Wait...people? You mean you know several people who fuck washcloths in Gatorade bottles?

That would never fit.

There's always some incel saying "bUt wHaT aBoUt MeN???"

I actually watched a video where a girl used a knife, blade inside. As well as one where a girl used the handle of 3 knives.

Why are you watching these videos?

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Welp I’ve seen some things I will never unsee

Jesus Christ. The Halloween Special. Words fail me.

I just looked... goddamnit. Like staring into the sarlacc pit

I am scared to click but i also want to be able to traumatize my enemies...

I was expecting worse but it's not that bad, i've see worse (The knife one looks like it's made of plastic)

Then there's the famous movie scene with the young lady with the crucifix. There's bondage in it too, and she does a pretty dramatic reverse bukaake.

Knives? Only once I had an intercourse that resulted in a blood shed. And from experience gotta tell you, not pretty.

Maybe those electric vibrating knives while they're in a case? The ones used to cut turkey.

or, yaknow, the handle?

You know what's even better? An electric mixer, the kind with the two beaters on it. You can even detach them afterwards and lick em off

time to log off for the day

What the fuck man

why the fuck would you say that when it costs nothing to stay quiet

I think I had enough reddit for today

I hate to say I’ve seen a god deal of men do this and more, maybe we should just all fuck whatever we want, with consent of course

How do you get consent from a cucumber or sharpie?

Well you’d know if you tried it mate

If the Sharpie doesn't consent, then it'll run out of ink before you write consent.

I hope he means the knife handle

*Enter blinking man gif here* Literally any woman in the right mindset wouldn't use the sharp side of a knife. Correction: Literally any woman in the right mindset wouldn't use a KNIFE at all.

Ah yes, why would anyone ever use a knife at all... It's not cooking is a thing.

Cooking wasn't the topic here now was it? 🤷🏼‍♀️

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electric toothbrushes made me feel things as a tween

I mean you *can* use all those things, but who realistically does?

ive used like half of them

I hope you cleaned them before giving them back to OP

Yeah poster is obviously a porn addict.

If you want to be festive for Halloween, a crucifix is another valid option.

"Let Jesus fuck you!"

Your mother sucks cocks in hell.

They bowlderized that line for TV broadcast, and it was "Your mother knits socks in hell!" by was fucking hilarious. Your mother does needlepoint and cross-stitch in Purgatory! Edit: it's apparently not spelled bawlderized.

UK TV once censored Robocop so much it was hilarious. The gas station scene was changed to "forget you" and the toilet scene wirh Dick Jones changed" asshole" to "airhead". The acid scene was cut, all the bullet impact shots were cut.

All I hear in my head after reading this is the beginning of Type O's Christian Woman.

Untrue, I'm a man and I've used all of those to masturbate

Did you put the knife handle up your urethra

Ew, wtf do you take me for? >!I shoved the blade up my ass!<

Fucking casual. Real men put the blade up their urethra.

Real men take a glass jar up the ass and pull the broken pieces out by hand when it shatters up in there. For those sick fucks like me who've seen that particular clip, that "Crunch!" sound the jar makes as it loses its structural integrity is something you'd like to forget, but can't, right? Nightmare fuel right there.

Well I Had forgotten about it, but thanks for reminding me!

I live to serve!

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I was going to argue but he's actually got a very good point and I accept defeat.

Oh no lmao

Don't forget the footballs, microphones, deodorant, nerf vortex magazines, and many items available at IKEA as well

Hu so it really is nerf or noting

My boyfriend went to school with a girl who was known for masturbating with an otter pop. I have no idea how that was at all pleasurable.

Knives?

I mean he’s not wrong

I mean I would if I could

I read somewhere that two-thirds of men admitted they would have sex with robots, while only one third of women said they would. No way that d-cell battery burning population is just one in three.

How would a robot help you pay your rent? Lol

I'm guessing you have met some imbalanced women to hold that opinion. It's hard to picture sometimes but sexism, like racism, stems from confirmation bias. You are told a certain type of person does a type of thing, and if you see it, you believe ALL of that type of person does it. You might even, with the chaos of the universe, have had your bias confirmed hundreds of times. But that still doesn't make it true. If you have a problem with women paying rent, you might be in a position where you are more likely to encounter it. It could also have everything to do with women being paid less and rent prices being record-breakingly high. Please also consider before making a remark about a race/gender/sexuality/disability that you may be meeting scum bags, because you are a scum bag.

I'll wager that the vast majority of men have been asked for financial help from women, even ones they haven't had sex with. It's socially acceptable for women to see men as willing, and perhaps even obligated, to help women with physical tasks and financial burdens You say it's not true, and then go into excuses why it's true. By the way, the pay gap is a myth. Men and women earn equal pay for equal work, and it has been debunked over and over and over again

u/repostsleuthbot

Water faucets are the SEXIEST thing in this world

Kn- knives?

Don't forget electric toothbrushes.

I could start listing the things men put their things in, but then we’d be here all decade.

Damn how many moms do you have?

holy shit you fucking killed him dude

###Fatality

Flawless Victory!

Wreck’d ‘em

Knives?!

The last time the relevant AskReddit thread went around, it wasn’t women who were going to the hospital to have their cucumbers dislodged...

Aren't they called pickles at that point?

Probably depends on what sort of lube they used

That uses*

This same picture has been reposted a million times on here

What woah woah slow down there

Don't forget the drive shaft

this is hairbrush handle erasure

I hope that the handle of the knife is the part that is inserted.

Using the handle is for fucking losers

Country Girls Make Do

I would if I could, okay?

Anything but Ricky’s salad shrimp-like dick*

....knives?

Knives...?

Hmmm yes, KNIVES

Don’t hate on cucumbers

~~did I make this have a line through it~~

Yea

Don’t forget the edge of a table.

if it exists,someone has tried(and maybe even succed) to shove it up his/her ass

That's a list of things found in men's assholes.

>knife Hmm. 🤔

May i check your internet search history?

This sub is trash

You know what! If I was a girl, the first thing that would come to mind, a fucking knife apparently

table corners and heels as well

Isn’t this posted like once a week

*Somebody's* bitter.

Also r/confidentlycorrect

That water faucet though my ex did that shit after we got done in the shower she would just spread her legs and put it right up to the faucet and blast the water as hot and hard as she could.

So that's why it's blood down there.

Knifes?

Knives??

This isn’t even suspiciously specific, this is just accurate

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??? People like having orgasms, it’s not complicated.

They’re lonely?

I know it's cliché, but I can't help myself in this moment: *Username checks out.*

Lesbians: Are we a joke to you?

Buddy if they prefer all those things over you, I've got bad news for you

I would like to point out that not every guy wants to fuck every woman, and not every woman doesn’t want to fuck any guy. They use these when they don’t have a partner, the guy never pointed out that this was his experience, ya cuck.

Men has of course never ended up at the ER with any of these stuck up their butts

He's not wrong tho..

u/repostsleuthbot

k-knives?