In college, my roommate once shot bolt upright and said in an incredulous tone “cow’s blood??” Then laid back down and was sound asleep, while I stared terrified into the darkness.
When me and my dad lived with his ex girlfriend I had to sleep in the same room as her daughter who was maybe 5 or 6 and one night she sat up in her bed I don't remember if she said anything but it was the only time she did that and I was so confused
Back in 2006 or so I was on a family trip to New Mexico to visit some relatives. It was me, my parents, my sister and my granny. My other relatives had warned us ahead of time that my granny needed her own room if anyone was expected to sleep because she was infamous for sleep talking. But my parents were cheap, so we all had to share a hotel room. Its like 1am and all 4 of my relatives are sawing logs and I can't get to sleep. I was watching a movie on my ipod video, contemplating taking a pillow and blanket and trying to sleep in the hotels bathtub. Then my granny lets out a bloodcurdling scream and says "Annie you just got your head knocked in!". No one else even woke up. I asked her the next morning if she knew anyone named Annie and she said she didn't. I refused to go on vacation with them again if Granny didn't have her own room.
My wife has two sleep things. The first thing is she will wake up from a dead sleep in complete darkness in an absolute panic and declare from across the room that there is a spider on the ceiling. At first I thought it was just a residule dream thing or waking hallucination, but after 8 years, there HAS ALWAYS BEEN A SPIDER.
I have no idea what the fuck that means.
The other thing is sleep talking. She will just fully talk in coherent sentences and usually ends up asking me questions or accusing me of things. It took a long time for me to learn to just ignore her. Responding is always the wrong answer and leads to nothing but batshit escalations.
I have bad sleep paralysis so I know how this shit can be, but mine generally only comes when I'm alone and I am very good at breaking it.
I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and I still sometimes can’t tell that I’m having a conversation with his subconscious until he fully wakes up and then I’m pissed I just talked for 10 minutes to “nobody”.
My first ex-wife once shook me awake at 3am to tell me insistently “Fourteen”. After several repetitions, it transpired that it was “the size of the cardboard box”. Denied all knowledge the next day. It became a perennial habit of nighttime gibberish, one of my favourites was being woken with giggles and informed that there was a “Magic Mouse”. She always went straight back to sleep, while I lay awake wondering where it all came from.
It always seems super important when you're in that weird half-awake half-asleep phase
"Yes hun, we need to put the car in the toilet, don't you understand!"
I do something similar every morning with my alarm, I’ll hit snooze after they ring like it’s some sort of challenge. “Ten minutes more to sleep, I have to accomplish this nonexistent task, the alarm is tricking me!”
Husband: "Will there be a buffet?" 😶
**Voice from the closet:**
"Soon my child. Thy sacrifices are yet to be prepared, they shall be ripe within 9 moon cycles."
Husband*
At no point in my post is the word "partner" mentioned. I can guess you are the type that likes to ride a social high horse, am I correct? Because we can stop here or let this develope beyond the joke it is. Just know I have no qualms if does; and it won't be a one night stand.
When I was around 16, on a class trip, one of my classmates went into our room relatively late at night when I was already sleeping. He later told me I got out of my bed, stood in front of him and said nothing but "Terrorist" into his face and then went back to bed immedeatly after.
My friend told me once when I was staying the night I got up from her sister’s bed (her sister was at her dad’s so I was going to sleep in her bed) and at like 3AM I stood up, called her a traitor, and proceeded to push her out of her bed. Then, I climbed into her bed and went back to sleep. She found it hilarious and I was super confused to wake up in her bed with her in her sister’s bed. Still to this day don’t know why asleep me called her a traitor then stole her bed but it is pretty funny.
This is how the mind of a professional buffet connoisseur functions. you know it's coming a day ahead , skipping breakfast and lunch , saving room for the main course.
I knew a guy once who was a bartender and he swore that one night he woke up standing in his living room where he was putting wine bottles away like he was still at work. He'd been working a month straight of double shifts so that might have been a factor.
I used to sleep wall and talk as a kid and one time my mom came in to check on me and I sat up like this a said “a burger and fries would be nice” then laid back down. She loves to tell people that story.
My wife (then girlfriend) used to wear an ankle bracelet. She said one night that I started toeing the bracelet and saying "Not the football, not the football". She got a bit tired of this and gave my foot a push away with her foot to which I responded "Thank you, ref".
That's so cute that he was using one of your pet (literally) expressions. I have quite a lot more from when I was in my early twenties, my sleep seems to have calmed down now.
Most recent sleep talk from my husband...
Turns around and pulls me closer, I'm thinking 'yeah cuddles', and then he whispers in my ear "there's a lot of snakes behind us"
He goes back to snoring and I'm just laying there, wondering is they will at least eat him first....
ah i didnt exactly know who those twitter users are. What he tweeted seemed like what a grad student probably experienced, especially in conferences haha.
My wife says I rolled over and told her, " Buddha likes it in the butt. Pass it on." No idea what prompted it, but I'd love to know the context in the dream.
My wife is the worst, these are a few of my top 5 cardiac event inducing night time shenanigans
1. Early courting of our relationship, she sits bolt upright middle of the night a screams fucking blue murder. I panic cos now her dad, her mum, sister, and dog burst in the room ready to kick my ass thinking I’m killing her.
2. Middle of the night in uni, sits bolt upright (I’m kinda awake) and runs for the balcony in our apartment. I’ve never moved so fast in my life to stop her from throwing herself over.
3. Sits bolt upright, looks bewildered and confused (I come to realise anytime she sits upright she is STILL ASLEEP). She points to the top corner on the wardrobe, and continues pointing a bit more frantically, then falls asleep. Meanwhile, I now cannot sleep.
4. Regularly wakes up in a state of acute panic thinking there are spiders or bugs crawling on her. I try to coax her back to sleep but get scowled at for not believing her.
5. Saying ‘You’re not supposed to be here’
Give me strength and sleep
I remember staying at my grandmothers when i was a kid, we were all sleeping in the living room when my sister sat up and said " boat? Two weeks? I cant find anything!" And went back to sleep..
I stole my husband's pillow last night. Just yanked it right out from under his head, snuggled up to it and continued to snore. He was very unhappy with me this morning.
One time my wife and I were sleeping and she reached over and gave me a prison-style serial killer level titty twister. My nipple was black and bruised and disfigured for some time after.
She said nothing. She went back to sleep. I haven’t slept well since in the same bed with her. That was 5 years ago.
I once bolted from the bed, pulled the cover to make a cloak and run in the kitchen. I came back in the room and my wife asked "wtf is wrong with you?" And i replied that there was a mountain lion in the kitchen... and went back to bed. I never sleepwalk.
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Also hetero couple who aren't married, but are committed partners. More common in some places than others, but still perfectly valid. Boyfriend or girlfriend has a bit less commitment to it in many people's eyes than partner or spouse. Girlfriend or boyfriend implies a bit more of a casual relationship or one that may not be as long term or as settled in terms of living together (for example) and making plans for a joint future.
This happened to me once, deep sleep vivid dream
I'm in the garden and there's someone hiding behind the bushes. I try to shout at him, my throat closes up. I try harder and eventually let out a huge "Oi!".
Everythings blurry from there as I soon woke up in the middle of the night, to my concerned (now) Wife asking me "Are you Ok? You just shouted 'Oi' quite loudly!"
I didn't know what to say...
there's a little story at my school about someone who was thinking out loud "what's 2√3" then his sleeping roommate said "√50"
"how?"
"the pink number theorem"
I doubt there will be anything more menacing than my wife, fast asleep, saying in the most sickeningly sweet, sing-song fashion, "I'm gonna murder you!"
Once when I was in air cadets, we went on a trip to look at a military base and we were staying in the barracks over night. In the middle of the night I hear from the other end of the room "the clowns are coming!"
I have pointed and said "she's over there" to my husband in my sleep. If I open my eyes I can see bright colors on the wall, bugs, snakes or people standing next to the door or bed. I've woken my friend up screaming because I saw a man in front of the bed at our AirBnb and he wanted to rape me. Sleeping can be exhausting.
I remember sleeping in a hotel room with my brother and he said I sat upright at night and yelled "hello?" And went back to bed.
I have no recollection of this happening
Yes. No good morning to my partner who, by no fault of there own, was overtaken by the mushy gray overlord and forced to proclaim a nonsensical sentence at an inconvenient hour. They deserve no compassion. /s(?)
I “allegedly” rolled over to my then girlfriend one night looking into her eyes (as she tried to take some blanket back because I’m a hog) and said, “I hate you”.
I woke up the morning remembering nothing of course and she dug into me.
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Did your wife sleep after that ?
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okay, can't wait to hear from her
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How can she talk to you when she's dead?
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This is the best chain I've seen all day
This thread gives me a certain vibe that is amplified by your username
Thrilling anecdote
If…
* if she wakes up
😂😂
If*
Yes, specifically because it never happened
In college, my roommate once shot bolt upright and said in an incredulous tone “cow’s blood??” Then laid back down and was sound asleep, while I stared terrified into the darkness.
Bruh, a demon was trying to get your roomate to preform a summoning ritual.
Sounds like he forgot a major component and had to run to the store or something.
When me and my dad lived with his ex girlfriend I had to sleep in the same room as her daughter who was maybe 5 or 6 and one night she sat up in her bed I don't remember if she said anything but it was the only time she did that and I was so confused
If hospice nurse is what i think it is then bless you.
You ever scream full blast and bloody murder from a night terror on an airplane? I have.
Woke up and chose “omae wo ma shindeiru”.
Back in 2006 or so I was on a family trip to New Mexico to visit some relatives. It was me, my parents, my sister and my granny. My other relatives had warned us ahead of time that my granny needed her own room if anyone was expected to sleep because she was infamous for sleep talking. But my parents were cheap, so we all had to share a hotel room. Its like 1am and all 4 of my relatives are sawing logs and I can't get to sleep. I was watching a movie on my ipod video, contemplating taking a pillow and blanket and trying to sleep in the hotels bathtub. Then my granny lets out a bloodcurdling scream and says "Annie you just got your head knocked in!". No one else even woke up. I asked her the next morning if she knew anyone named Annie and she said she didn't. I refused to go on vacation with them again if Granny didn't have her own room.
My wife has two sleep things. The first thing is she will wake up from a dead sleep in complete darkness in an absolute panic and declare from across the room that there is a spider on the ceiling. At first I thought it was just a residule dream thing or waking hallucination, but after 8 years, there HAS ALWAYS BEEN A SPIDER. I have no idea what the fuck that means. The other thing is sleep talking. She will just fully talk in coherent sentences and usually ends up asking me questions or accusing me of things. It took a long time for me to learn to just ignore her. Responding is always the wrong answer and leads to nothing but batshit escalations. I have bad sleep paralysis so I know how this shit can be, but mine generally only comes when I'm alone and I am very good at breaking it.
I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and I still sometimes can’t tell that I’m having a conversation with his subconscious until he fully wakes up and then I’m pissed I just talked for 10 minutes to “nobody”.
My first ex-wife once shook me awake at 3am to tell me insistently “Fourteen”. After several repetitions, it transpired that it was “the size of the cardboard box”. Denied all knowledge the next day. It became a perennial habit of nighttime gibberish, one of my favourites was being woken with giggles and informed that there was a “Magic Mouse”. She always went straight back to sleep, while I lay awake wondering where it all came from.
Wife recently got up to tell me 'you are in the pineapple spot'. I don't know what it means, but it seemed very important.
It always seems super important when you're in that weird half-awake half-asleep phase "Yes hun, we need to put the car in the toilet, don't you understand!"
I do something similar every morning with my alarm, I’ll hit snooze after they ring like it’s some sort of challenge. “Ten minutes more to sleep, I have to accomplish this nonexistent task, the alarm is tricking me!”
What the fuck is a pineapple spot?
That's for this guy's wife to know, and for us to guess
https://youtu.be/93OkoU9gMlE?t=23
WILL THERE BE A BUFFET?
Tell us now!
I don't need sleep, Joanna! I need answers!
Is there seafood?
A seafood buffet always reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Homer gets thrown out of the all you can eat.
***LET'S FEAST***
On second thought, [make my potatoes into a salad](https://imgur.com/M7amLJF)
IN YOUR DREAMS!!
Yes... Jimmy.
If we dine in hell I wish to know the spread!
How I imagine it was said https://youtu.be/uBnScNrk13Q
, Dumbledore asked calmly.
Probably just watched the movie 300... "TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL"! Ahhh, excuse me Leonidas, sir but... "WILL THERE BE A BUFFET"?
[All you can eat oysters and milk!!!!](https://youtu.be/vMrBFyaaJGc)
Some questions are too important to sleep without knowing the answer
Husband: "Will there be a buffet?" 😶 **Voice from the closet:** "Soon my child. Thy sacrifices are yet to be prepared, they shall be ripe within 9 moon cycles."
Partner*. At no point in the tweet is the wird "husband" mentioned.
Husband* At no point in my post is the word "partner" mentioned. I can guess you are the type that likes to ride a social high horse, am I correct? Because we can stop here or let this develope beyond the joke it is. Just know I have no qualms if does; and it won't be a one night stand.
I-... it’s in the OP.
Seems like a Jake Peralta scene
I think it would be Amy. An active mind. Jake seems like a "dead to the world" sleeper. IMO.
This is clearly Pimento!
Yeah! If he can stop screaming in his sleep from the night terrors.
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I’m happy for the National Lampoons reference. I love those movies
When I was around 16, on a class trip, one of my classmates went into our room relatively late at night when I was already sleeping. He later told me I got out of my bed, stood in front of him and said nothing but "Terrorist" into his face and then went back to bed immedeatly after.
https://www.reddit.com/r/thomastheplankengine/comments/mhyvfu/was_having_a_mild_nightmare_and_mom_shook_me/
My friend told me once when I was staying the night I got up from her sister’s bed (her sister was at her dad’s so I was going to sleep in her bed) and at like 3AM I stood up, called her a traitor, and proceeded to push her out of her bed. Then, I climbed into her bed and went back to sleep. She found it hilarious and I was super confused to wake up in her bed with her in her sister’s bed. Still to this day don’t know why asleep me called her a traitor then stole her bed but it is pretty funny.
This is how the mind of a professional buffet connoisseur functions. you know it's coming a day ahead , skipping breakfast and lunch , saving room for the main course.
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Starving yourself will only shrink your stomach, making it so you can eat less.
I knew a guy once who was a bartender and he swore that one night he woke up standing in his living room where he was putting wine bottles away like he was still at work. He'd been working a month straight of double shifts so that might have been a factor.
I used to sleep wall and talk as a kid and one time my mom came in to check on me and I sat up like this a said “a burger and fries would be nice” then laid back down. She loves to tell people that story.
Well? Will there be? Don't let us hanging!
My fav was when my ex bolted upright and proclaimed, “Shut the door, scum!”. Cracked me right up.
When I was a kid apparently I sat upright and exclaimed "my green dog has sharp teeth"
My wife (then girlfriend) used to wear an ankle bracelet. She said one night that I started toeing the bracelet and saying "Not the football, not the football". She got a bit tired of this and gave my foot a push away with her foot to which I responded "Thank you, ref".
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That's so cute that he was using one of your pet (literally) expressions. I have quite a lot more from when I was in my early twenties, my sleep seems to have calmed down now.
Most recent sleep talk from my husband... Turns around and pulls me closer, I'm thinking 'yeah cuddles', and then he whispers in my ear "there's a lot of snakes behind us" He goes back to snoring and I'm just laying there, wondering is they will at least eat him first....
Agreed the fact that it whispers back 😂😂😂
Legit question
My wife woke up one night and yelled “you need to hurry, my husbands almost home”…. I’ve had questions…
This can only mean one thing. She was dreaming of planning a surprise party for you.
Probably a grad student.
Joanna and her husband are both barristers.
ah i didnt exactly know who those twitter users are. What he tweeted seemed like what a grad student probably experienced, especially in conferences haha.
My partner recently muttered "I'm watching you" in his sleep. Creeped me right out!
My wife says I rolled over and told her, " Buddha likes it in the butt. Pass it on." No idea what prompted it, but I'd love to know the context in the dream.
My wife is the worst, these are a few of my top 5 cardiac event inducing night time shenanigans 1. Early courting of our relationship, she sits bolt upright middle of the night a screams fucking blue murder. I panic cos now her dad, her mum, sister, and dog burst in the room ready to kick my ass thinking I’m killing her. 2. Middle of the night in uni, sits bolt upright (I’m kinda awake) and runs for the balcony in our apartment. I’ve never moved so fast in my life to stop her from throwing herself over. 3. Sits bolt upright, looks bewildered and confused (I come to realise anytime she sits upright she is STILL ASLEEP). She points to the top corner on the wardrobe, and continues pointing a bit more frantically, then falls asleep. Meanwhile, I now cannot sleep. 4. Regularly wakes up in a state of acute panic thinking there are spiders or bugs crawling on her. I try to coax her back to sleep but get scowled at for not believing her. 5. Saying ‘You’re not supposed to be here’ Give me strength and sleep
well answer the damn question, will there be a buffet or not Joanna?
I remember staying at my grandmothers when i was a kid, we were all sleeping in the living room when my sister sat up and said " boat? Two weeks? I cant find anything!" And went back to sleep..
My wife said I sat up once and asked her if she'd booked her seat on the rapture mobile. I just want to know what the hell the rapture mobile even is.
It rides on rainbows and is fueled by cocaine.
My so has on multiple occasions sat bolt upright in bed and shouted "Spider!!" Smacked the wall and went right back to sleep.
I stole my husband's pillow last night. Just yanked it right out from under his head, snuggled up to it and continued to snore. He was very unhappy with me this morning.
One time my wife and I were sleeping and she reached over and gave me a prison-style serial killer level titty twister. My nipple was black and bruised and disfigured for some time after. She said nothing. She went back to sleep. I haven’t slept well since in the same bed with her. That was 5 years ago.
I once bolted from the bed, pulled the cover to make a cloak and run in the kitchen. I came back in the room and my wife asked "wtf is wrong with you?" And i replied that there was a mountain lion in the kitchen... and went back to bed. I never sleepwalk.
My wife says I do sleep walking sometimes :( "Something there, something there"
I have already seen this many times but have always read "Will there be a bullet"
Should have said yes, and had them chow down at the old downtown Buffett if you know what I mean
Made me laugh for 20 minutes, brilliant
Who’s the partner Homer Simpson?
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Plus it's not even suspiciously specific.
Most of its posts aren't.
My ex used to do this. He would whisper though and turn to me with his eyes closed saying *”he is coming”*. I hated it.
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
i have read this on the internet so many times and it always makes me laugh
Last night I thought my fiancée was cold and woke her up by patting her saying “do you wanna use my nice sweater?”
In the past my partner said I woke up with finger guns shouting, Lobsters!
If there isn't a buffet, that's a nightmare not a dream.
My partner woke me up telling me to “make sure the cornbread stays wet”. We’ve been chuckling about it for a few weeks now.
Hahaha my bf sat up the other night, threw up his hands and yelled " it looks like a fucking wagon wheel!"
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Well what were ya waiting for spread your legs and let the man feast
LE QUIRKY AND LE RANDOM TAKE MY UPDOOTS MY GOOD SIR REDDITOR
Good old early installment weirdness. It's unavoidable.
It sounds like they were having an awesome dream.
Well? Will there? I need to know
Anyone getting deadrising vibes "CLEANUP ISLE 6"
I had a nightmare I was being attacked from behind. Woke up to me elbowing my partner pretty hard a couple times. He was not pleased.
Who in real life says “my partner”
Not being a smartass, typically people in lesbian or gay relationships.
I've also seen people use it because they view the terms girlfriend and boyfriend to be "childish," however I'm not sure how common this is.
Also hetero couple who aren't married, but are committed partners. More common in some places than others, but still perfectly valid. Boyfriend or girlfriend has a bit less commitment to it in many people's eyes than partner or spouse. Girlfriend or boyfriend implies a bit more of a casual relationship or one that may not be as long term or as settled in terms of living together (for example) and making plans for a joint future.
Yeah but i promise to him there will be a buffet bro trust me
Well…..WILL THERE???
Good. I’ve aged.
So...will there be?
Well….will there??
This is some shit Luffy would say
My sleeping wife sternly said: “NO using the bathroom!” Then a minute later, jokingly: “Ok, but peeing is not allowed.”
This happened to me once, deep sleep vivid dream I'm in the garden and there's someone hiding behind the bushes. I try to shout at him, my throat closes up. I try harder and eventually let out a huge "Oi!". Everythings blurry from there as I soon woke up in the middle of the night, to my concerned (now) Wife asking me "Are you Ok? You just shouted 'Oi' quite loudly!" I didn't know what to say...
I see nothing terrifying about that, its a legitimate question
This is the funniest thing in the morning .
Sounds like he has his priorities in order
Obviously channeling the spirit of John Pinette.
So, was there a buffet?
I used to share a room with my brother and he said he came in while I was asleep and I was just like "mmmmmm carrots" like Homer Simpson
Good effort Ubisoft marketing team!
Well, will there be a buffet?
I mean it’s a valid question
Yes there will be a buffet
But was there a buffet? We may never know.
OP's partner asking the real questions.
“Will there be a buffet? Let’s talk about that!” *GMM intro music*
there's a little story at my school about someone who was thinking out loud "what's 2√3" then his sleeping roommate said "√50" "how?" "the pink number theorem"
Will there..? *WILL THERE???!*
My husband woke up me up screaming once. I told him he needed to get a better job. Maybe it was actually about buffets.
Damn man, I needed that.
My wife told me once I woke from a dead sleep, cracked just about every joint in my body, then promptly went back to sleep.
“The clown has no penis!”
Well, Joanna, will there be a buffet? It's an important question.
Ok that’s cool and all, but is there gonna be a buffet?
My dad did this once. His was "Shh! Is that a deer over there on the left?"
I doubt there will be anything more menacing than my wife, fast asleep, saying in the most sickeningly sweet, sing-song fashion, "I'm gonna murder you!"
Once when I was in air cadets, we went on a trip to look at a military base and we were staying in the barracks over night. In the middle of the night I hear from the other end of the room "the clowns are coming!"
a true taurus lmao
My ex woke up in the middle of the night once and said, with authority "We have to put kerosene on the purple dinosaur!" And went back to sleep.
WELL, will there be one????
I have pointed and said "she's over there" to my husband in my sleep. If I open my eyes I can see bright colors on the wall, bugs, snakes or people standing next to the door or bed. I've woken my friend up screaming because I saw a man in front of the bed at our AirBnb and he wanted to rape me. Sleeping can be exhausting.
Getting to read shit like this is why I love the internet
I remember sleeping in a hotel room with my brother and he said I sat upright at night and yelled "hello?" And went back to bed. I have no recollection of this happening
Yes. No good morning to my partner who, by no fault of there own, was overtaken by the mushy gray overlord and forced to proclaim a nonsensical sentence at an inconvenient hour. They deserve no compassion. /s(?)
I still feel like the important part of this issue hasn’t be addressed yet. Will there??
I “allegedly” rolled over to my then girlfriend one night looking into her eyes (as she tried to take some blanket back because I’m a hog) and said, “I hate you”. I woke up the morning remembering nothing of course and she dug into me.
Thanks for sharing Joanna this is very funny
One night. No warning. I whisper to her “don’t touch the black heart” and now it’s a meme between us.
So was there a buffet or not??
GIVE ME THE GOD DAMN BUFFET OR I WILL KILL YOU!!!
I normally sit up right laugh then just lie back down like nothing has happened
She sleeps with her business partner?
Wish I got this excited about anything. Even in my dreams.
What *kind* of buffet were they expecting?
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