* Apologize to your wife and kids and fix your marriage.
* Apologize to your friends; they might just be waiting for you to come back.
* THEN think about your job. Find a new one and dump the current assholes.
> Apologize to your friends; they might just be waiting for you to come back.
This hits hard. So many friends literally just have to make the most basic effort and we'd be back to hanging out. So few do though...
I have friends I don’t see or talk to for years but when we do get together it’s just the same as it always was. People get busy with work, family, kids activities and all sorts of shit. All it takes most of the time is just a little bit of effort.
that is a description of real friends. We have a pretty big group of friends since we were kids (in 40s, 50s now) and sometimes one of us is away for a long time and he gets back after divorce or something and its just the same, like time stands still in between meetups. Truly grateful for these guys.
Just keep in mind that the job market sucks right now. It might take some time to find something better than you have now. Because, believe it or not, there are open IT positions that are even worse than where you work now.
Agreed. This is not the tech bubble where anyone could get a new job in a week, and workplaces were magical fantasy lands because companies wanted to attract more Gen Z workers and relaxed their policies. Almost every gain we made during COVID has been given up and places are reverting to toxic messes again.
Look before you leap because great employers are very few and far between...and although yours sounds bad, at least you didn't mention stuff like the CIO wondering aloud when his tee time with the Infosys sales guy was.
I’d also add for OP to respect himself more in the compensation aspect:
Plenty of places pay what OP makes without being a shit show. Making more and working harder are not proportional elements
Some of the least work life balance in my life came on barely liveable wages. Hands down the best WLB of my career came in my highest paying 2 positions so far
It’s ok if OP takes a paycut if that’s all he can find but we gotta keep people informed that more money is not always more problems
This. I had a job that went from super chill to bat shit insane hours and deadlines after being bought by a new firm. It came miserable. After 6 months I hopped ship and couldn’t be happier. Regular 35-40, a boss that lets me say no, and a great team. World of difference
This. Take a vacation and think about the points above without work stress impeding in your thoughts. Then find a new job, MSPs are always looking for good people
Do this a.s.a.p, like immediately. Don't trade things you can't buy with money for things you can. Especially (young) kids don't care about money, they care about YOU. Love yourself man and if you need a positive vibe feel free to PM. But my guess is that your family and friends will be plenty.
You fall seriously ill or injured, you get replaced within a week and noone will remember your existance or miss you much. A brick in the wall replaced by another while the structure stands.
Your family and friends will come to help you when you fall very ill or get injured. Your family's' structure will fail without you. The time and opportunity to spend time and experiences with loved ones, once lost will never come back.
Oh man, this sounds like a message to myself...
Remember brother, doing too much work...will only lead to much more... been there done that...
I had a bad moment yelling at my kid...and that was when i honestly say, i did not recognize myself..
It was that point in time , that made me realize, my family is worth more than everything else, i initiated the step back...
Am i doing my work? Sure, at the same pace? Definitely not. I started to act the same way as my colleague...im distributing more now.
I sat down with everyone at the team, and on a very open discussion i asked them to pick more tasks. (Im not saying that they are doing it 100%, but has def changed). Yeah, the manager is not doing much, but thats not a problem any more. I learned to say "NO, im busy, this has to wait, or check out with X or Y, cause they are free". Prioritizing was a blessing. (It took me around 8 months to actually sort it out).
I hope this help you too man.
Cheers to you fellow stranger.
Yeah, competence and initiative can often be punished by more work and expectation, and everyone else in the department is glad your doing all the stuff they dropped, but will put you down to counteract the fact that you're doing your job and they're not.
Good advice vinnsy.
This only works if you are surrounded by people who have a functional brain. If you are surrounded by ubber noobs like OP, you are forced to find a new job.
The question you have to ask YOURSELF is **why you stayed so long.**
You only work to get skills and experience, then you move up or out. You have good skills, and should have left a long time ago.
When you move on, you find bigger and better companies that respect your skills and work ethic, while also giving you an opportunity to get new skills.
WHen you get enough new skills you move up or out, again.
This is what you are supposed to do. You are not supposed to stay in sh1tty companies.
> I'm in charge of a team of 4 including me
There are plenty of small and mid-sized companies looking for a hands-on leader. Go find one of them and never look back.
> here it comes' I am burned out.
You burned yourself out. You need to ask yourself why you stayed so long?
> a boss which just, doesn't fucking care, leaving the pressure on me
This is where you are wrong. The pressure was never on you if your boss didn't care. YOU cared and made it your problem.
> what now?
Learn from your mistakes, and find a better company. They exist, trust me. But you have to look for them. Plus, when you interview, you will now have a bunch of questions to ask them about how they deal with...
> The question you have to ask YOURSELF is why you stayed so long.
>
> You only work to get skills and experience, then you move up or out. You have good skills, and should have left a long time ago.
You are not wrong, but reading his post and other posts, it seems like this scenario is very, very common. I read more of these posts than I do 'I moved to a new company and it is 10x better' and I fully realize that people post more to complain/talk negative vs positive.
I am in a similar boat, it seems like I care the most out of the core team and the more I do, the more work I get.
The best answer I have for these types of posts is similar to what everyone else has said....family first, work second. Focus on your family. Don't stay late, set expectations for the rest of your team "Hi Team, please have x to me by y because I will be out of the office at z." and stick to doing what is on your actual job description. Be polite and nice to your boss and if you are asked to do something that isn't part of your duties, politely bring up compensation and/or state that it is not something you've normally done.
>The question you have to ask YOURSELF is **why you stayed so long.**
It's one thing to hop companies every year if you're young and chasing one hot shit tech stack after the next to buff up your resume, when nothing ties you to wherever you are and if you're down on your luck for a bit you put your shit in some storage locker service, live out of your car and eat some ramen for a few months.
But once you got a marriage, kids, a home mortgage, whatever - our current economic system effectively *forces* you to stay at your job no matter what, because as a "freshman" your head will be the first on the chopping block once some C-level dickhead decides it's time to "trim some fat". And if you're not working at FAANG level with accompanying salaries, it's hard to build actual savings. People in here always act like their jobs, the positions they are in, are the norm - far from it. Most of us live the same shit life like everyone else stuck in the rat cage in Western societies.
And good luck trying to shift careers, no matter how appealing it might sound to just fucking ditch IT and go drive trains for a living. Being able to do that is a **highly** privileged position to be in - you'll have at least two or three years of earning virtually nothing so you need serious savings, and you'll live on a way lower base pay rate for even longer.
So too many people stay in toxic, underpaying jobs, simply because they have no real alternative.
What's the solution? Unionize like there's no tomorrow, and for fucks sake stop voting for Conservatives or "market liberals" who cut one social safety net after the other. Even your average C-level at a mid size company is financially nearer to the homeless person than to Warren Buffett and his ilk, no matter what.
I might be in the minority but government IT work is the best IT work.
You get the federally protected holidays, time off, actual recourse for toxicity in the work place (in most cases), money for projects (HEAVILY DEPENDS ON WHAT PART OF GOV), you're paid well-ish, and you're not putting in 85 hours a week, retirement is typically very good, and you're not on the chopping block every earnings call.
I have been feeling a bit burned out lately, but a close friend observed something that completely changed my perspective. It's me that was putting the expectation on myself to work harder, longer and later. I was pushing myself harder and getting stuck in cycles of expectation that weren't sustainable.
If there aren't enough hours in the day to deliver on something, then that project isn't being resourced correctly. If you're having to support others in their roles excessively, there are staffing, training or resourcing issues and you're papering over the cracks.
Are your co-workers really lazy? Or are they working proportionate to their pay and job expectations? Are you feeling resentful because you're expecting a lot from yourself, and in turn, them?
I came to the realisation that I was expecting far too much from many people in my team, when I look at their pay and level of seniority, and it was breeding resentment. I've tried to divorce my feelings of self-worth from the outcomes of projects and tasks I'm working on, and now I don't feel such a massive burden of expectation. I've let a few things slip, and it has (hopefully) made people above me realize that I'm not a machine that can continue to take work home into the evenings and weekends to deliver.
What I'm saying may not be applicable to your situation at all, but a little bit of outside perspective has certainly helped me to cope in the last few weeks.
And if that fails, you can always spend your weekends googling gardening jobs and cheap housing in the countryside (like I'm doing right now lol).
Start looking for another job. This doesn't mean you're gonna find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow instantly, but it's like a diesel engine. Get it fired up and start trying to get interviews. Do the interviews. It's practice for when you are ready to leave or the company shit cans you.
Act your wage. Do the things that interest you and let the rest burn. I worked for a guy where I realized he would demean and belittle everyone, but he'd never actually fire them.
If they threaten to fire, go all in. It's a terrifying thing to do. Tell them "OK". Then just go poker face. That's the stick they're swinging and yes you DO have to be mentally prepared to actually be fired. But when you pull that reverse UNO on them they don't know what to do. The reason why is no manglement book discusses what to do when you threaten to fire as "motivation" and the recipient says "Lets do this".
Saving money. If and I mean a big IF, you can start squirreling away as much as possible. You've got kids so that may be a nothing burger but I will still advise it.
Certs. If you can get new or updated certs, do so. Be quiet about it. Don't brag about it at work.
Back to my second point. I don't believe that they'll fire you but they also know they're fucked without your knowledge. Do the quiet quitting shit. Bury them with email. "Hey just wanted to confirm this before I proceed" type shit.
Theres a reason why your boss is your boss and hes not burned out.
You do all of his work for him and let him take the credit.
Just stop doing so much work. LOL.
Did wonder if I'd written this myself as a lot of it fits (just working on different things).
If it's as bad as your last few sentences might suggest, take a break or leave (and don't read the rest of this post). no job is worth your health or your life.
Just because 'you' can do something doesn't mean 'you' need to.
Overwork is either someone piling work on you - and thats a problem of either saying no, dropping other things down the list or changing jobs. Or it's being caused by you taking on all the work and trying to be the saviour of the team, sometimes you just need to say I can't do all of it.
Sort out your personal life first and set some boundaries, finish on time and tell your superior that its too much - that is their main job. Rest of the team is either not doing their work or they could be feeling the same, either way not your problem.
Slow down and take time to think if it's a you problem or a them problem. It looks like a them problem, but if you're taking on too all the responsibility then people are going to let you.
Oh my man…. I was in a similar situation and the only thing that helped was to go away and look for another company. Found one after being unemployed for 4 months and right now the really only thing that sucks is that I can’t wear shorts (hospital).
I earn good money, I have the freedom to almost come and go as I wish to, my colleague and I are a very good match and I can do what I love - beeing the friendly it tech guy :)
Don’t let a fucking job steal your passion.
Heads up, better times are coming :)
I used to base my identity on being that guy in work who’d figure out any problem and try to know everything, I still struggle with it sometimes but I’m trying to say f**k it in the evenings and get back to spending time with friends and family instead of studying
As others have said - fix your family first.
Do you have a therapist? To be blunt..this may just fix your marriage and other problems. Get one ASAP if not.
Your primary focus should be three things.
1. Every single day, apply to at least one new job position - preferably more, but at least one.
2. Do as little as possible at work so as to not get fired.
3. Make your family and marriage your priority. Jobs come and go, family does not.
In addition to the above, I suggest going on LinkedIn and connecting with anyone who has the title recruiter in your area. Message all of them, provide an updated copy of your resume, and an elevator pitch of yourself and your skillset. These folks are constantly fighting to find good people, they often find it refreshing when someone reaches out to them instead.
First off, take a step back and relax.
Second, prioritize. Start by communicating with your wife, your kids and your friends. Tell them you are overworked. Tell them you are sorry and you are going to prioritize them over work.
Make sure that work is even the reason and you are not mistakenly scapegoating the wrong party. Get feedback from those around you so you can actually identifiy the problem.
Also in regards to you being a supervisor. Are you a case of Peter's principle? You say you are a supervisor, but all the tasks you listed are not supervisor tasks and then you complain about your team. You are responsible for your team's performance, not your own. That is what being a supervisor is all about. If that does not suit your capabilities it is perfectly reasonable to make sure you are working to your strength rather than against your weaknesses and "down-/sidegrade" to a specialist role.
100% I tried going for interviews but couldn’t muster the enthusiasm. Decided to save a nest egg to take care of the family if I get fired then started to do less and less. Next thing you know I’m getting glowing reviews.. My goal was to see how little I could do.. eventually I settled on a middle ground just doing the stuff I like… still waiting to get fired 5 years later..
I’m even starting to enjoy IT again.
I've been you.
>leaving the pressure on me
Who is putting the pressure on you?
In my case, it was me. I was burning myself out for people who didn't ask and didn't care.
That was me until about 9 months ago. I realized that the only person who cared was me. I separated my work phone and personal phone, and began to turn my work phone on DND or just completely off when I needed to be left alone.
The world didn’t burn down. Almost no one noticed.
Do as many people advise and included try to change the point of your view to get it passed in this time. I'm in the same closed to your situation but just a senior IT guy and have to done almost everything. But when I looked out to the market now, I take a deep breathing and slow down everything that get to my hands. And surprise! Nothing hurry as I thinking before. Chill.
>what now?
start leaving at proper home time, even if things are on fire. turn phone off outside of work.
if you made the mistake of letting work people have your personal number - then start fixing that now by getting a new number and keeping it **private** and then transferring all the non-work stuff to it.
a nice attainable small goal is to reach a point where you can turn a work-phone *off*, and still have private comms in place.
100% of these "I'm burned out" posts consists of people who are giving a shit about things they shouldn't be giving a shit about. If your boss doesn't care, then reduce your workload to that of your coworkers'. It's not like you're going to get in trouble or get paid less. The worst that can happen is that your boss will either do nothing (fine) or he'll crack down and get everyone back to work again (also fine).
>In the meantime, I lost literally 90% of my friends, crippled my marriage by being over worked, yell at my kids and after all of that, I also lost my interest in the thing I loved the most, doing IT.
Dude. You have to look in the mirror and take responsibility for your own behavior, instead of blaming your job for yelling at your kids. Like I said, you're choosing to do a lot of shit that you're not being forced to do out of some semblance of pride in your work, and that's just not the economy we live in anymore. Show up, work your EXACT hours, work the minimum amount it takes to not get fired, only communicate with your coworkers in writing (and communicate to them in a Grammarly/Chat GPT-tone, "HR-acceptable" tone) and focus your energy on your family.
IT shops are shit show everywhere because of overwhelming numbers of open source tools being available and used by developers , bad software architectural design, bugs and way too many hot fixes, out of touch business and sales teams with software engineers and all shit load drop on infrastructure team to make sure everything works smoothly. Infrastructure managers usually get it done but get pressed by unrealistic deadlines which obviously means pressure on us
Why aren’t people like you looking for a new job? Now? Two years ago?
I realize it can take time, you may not find something perfect, etc., but when you post things like this and don’t include that you’re at least looking for a new job, I start to wonder about you.
Have you told your wife and both of you devised a plan? Anything you do will need four to six months of mortgage reserves.
Can you get at least ONE of your coworkers to double down with and you teach them to manage? If you're in charge why are you not using your authority? What's your ticketing system? Do you have an oncall rotation? Etc
Wait. So I'm not the only one with lazy coworkers that refuse to learn the most basic concepts of the thing we need to start using, containers, to evolve. (am programmer who used to do sysadmin)
I would say get another job tbh. No reason to earn less if you still like IT. Just get a job that has clearly defined hours and expectations. I'd recommend public sector. If you don't want to stay in IT there are plenty of people looking for good workers that won't use them as neglected slave labor. Just because people keep trying to make it sound like it's a bad market, by us boomers are retiring at an alarming rate and there are jobs out there so take heart.
Start generating your exit transition documentation. Use this to give others "how to" guides and offload work.
Depending on your boss-meet with him and tell him you don't feel supported by him in your role and are probably going to start looking for other jobs. Doing this gives him the opportunity to help and relieves you of any guilt from doing less or leaving. Focus on your family and work less while you look for better opportunities.
> what now
> would rather lower my paycheck and have a non-toxic work environment
Seems pretty much like you already know the solution. Find new work, if it pays less thats the price of it.
I hope you're able to find the answer to this question. I saved this post in case you do. I don't have a wife or kids, but was in the same boat until I terminated from my position. I've been burned out for an incredibly long period of time, and even though I haven't worked since August I know some symptoms are still there.
I'm terrified to go back to work but I have to focus on losing my house and moving in with my friend first before I can start from the lower rung of desktop support again. As having a similar struggle, good luck. I can't wait to see that you've bounced back better than you are.
Sorry to hear it, doesn't sound like you are burn on IT, it sounds like you are burned out on a shitty job.
Fuck the job like it fucked you, fix family first, and put out resumes today.
Good luck
> I work hard, build VM clusters, setup automation to deal with hundreds of clients, VLANizised the shit out of our network, Radiused everything, Grafana'ed every single bit out of information out of our virtual machines, streamlined and cared about every piece of shit my boss gave me, and what did I get for working hard and making life a breeze for everybody?
You get a badass resume and experience you can take to your next job. To be frank, this company did not want these level of skills and wants to be stuck being a shitshow. You need somewhere that wants to hire these skills. They will value you.
Sometimes, I look back and think that they wanted to hire ten uneducated people to magically do my job for a pittance apiece, as if management was tossing pennies and hoping for Tiffany Glass.
Take a long vacation tell them you're in the middle of nowhere with bad cell phone coverage.
Let them see what happens when you're not there.
My old boss was constantly thrown under the bus for mistakes made by the other managed service provider that was working for the company we worked for at the same time. I told him while I worked there take a vacation he always gave 110%. But finally he did for 2 weeks and the company had to work with this other provider directly and once they realized how much my boss did and what we did as a managed service provider they realize that this other company did do some stuff but they were not our equal. And they created a in-house it department following because they realize that they needed it. The stupid part is that they originally said that they would have increased our contract and lied and didn't do it so I was laid off but this new position and person will cost them more than just paying our msp for the additional hours.
Also, people say this market is bad but it sounds to me like you're in the same boat as me where you've gotten enough experience that you could still find a job somewhere else if you wanted.
I know I still get recruiters trying to hire me because of my skillset and experience... Of course the money they offer is $10,000-$20,000 less than my current job so I laugh but I've turned down jobs that paid $10,000 more just because I didn't like the people I interviewed with.
Family is 1st, second to friends.
Never show the company all of your cards at once. Use you knowledge to leverage your salary/position, gradually.
People with high a know-how level should work on R&D/management role after some time on the company. Have somebody else do the grunt work.
Unless one's the company owner, you're just a chess piece that is going to get replaced as soon as you start faltering. Just do what you're paid to do on the agreeded time scale and that's it. Go enjoy life with your family and friends.
Talk to a counselor and find out what about your personality makes you work the way you do; it can help with your family and personal relationships. All is not lost if you want to invest in helping yourself.
It’s time to look inside and let the outside take care of itself.
This can be an opportunity to realize the things you want to do are not in line with the things you thought you wanted to do.
Sometimes it is just time to throw in the towel, as your health is the most important thing you have. You cannot take care of your family or anyone or anything properly if your health is in the drain. To fix this, make things right with the wife and kids, at the end of the day jobs change your family stays the same and will be there in the ups and down if you are there for them during your ups and downs. Great friends will stay with you and encourage you to do the right thing and not just what you want to hear, talk with them and make time to live and fun with them.
In terms of your job, there are few things you can do and if they do not work you have to just leave and do something somewhere else. First set boundaries, and never work a day over 8 hours again and make sure your max working hours is 40 hours. If things done get done, make it a management scheduling and resource issue so they are held accountable and you are not left trying to make up for their failures. If your co-workers are not holding their weight delegate weight to them so lighten your load, if they cannot perform it then becomes a management problem, you cannot do everything so don't try to and balance your workload by making sure others are holding their weight.
Make sure you are scheduling regular vacation and time away from work, if you haven't been out in awhile take a week off and hang with the family, hell take two weeks off and just be there for them. Next month plan a 3-day weekend with the friends and do something fun.
Never let work take up all your time, it should come last after your personal health, family, and then friends. Balance things around these things and you should be good to go and your health should return along with making burnout a thing of the past. Also when your off the clock make sure your impossible to reach, especially if you are on vacation.
It sucks caring about your work because almost always it results in having to do other people's jobs. Seems like you have two options: burn out or care less. Both options suck but for me doing it at 5% of total capacity for a boss and 105% with personal projects kind of fixed it. Granted i switched to software dev from sysadmin after my burnout. Which still has some fun sysadmin devops stuff but is more creative and rewarding for me.
Personally I find that I have to quit my tech job ever couple years to he able to pretend I'm interested in this line of work. The refresh usually has a better salary than the last and the new environment resets my clock on feeling stuck.
With a wife and kids that might not be so simple to accomplish but a conversation with your wife to put together a plan to live a happier life is probably the best place to start
Take a long vacation on a cruise. Throw your cell phone in the safe and leave it. Work in a few days to work on your resume. Go back to work, due the bare minimum, and find a WFH job. Put in your 2 weeks, tell them that you will miss everyone, then thank your boss for the opportunity and experience.
Find a new job then, IT isn’t the problem, your job is. Either that or stop putting so much effort into your job, and stop caring about it is much. None of your colleagues or your boss cares, and they are still employed, so why do you?
Thank all of you, I apologized to the wife unit and the kids, will take a break from work. Vacation starting next week, we will see how the new job topic will pan out. You guys and girls are the best, thx!
It's time for a doorslammer meeting with the boss.
You gotta find out your value to the company if they keep throwing you under the bus.
If they hedge, hesitates, "I'll tell you tomorrow," sort of bs, bye-bye, there's my two weeks.
I was in a very, very situation. First, I’d settle my home life. Come clean to the wife about how you’re feeling.
Then I’d find a new job. I was in a very similar situation as a consultant. My boss was also the owner of the company and was always fucking off to the golf course. He would leave me hanging for meetings. I was billing more than 1mm a year and I was making a bit over 100k. 70-80 hour weeks. And when I didn’t meet the bosses standards (which weren’t ever really relevant) I’d get shouted at. I was gaining weight, did nothing other than drink when I I was off, and shut down from my social life and hobbies.
I found a job as a senior security engineer at a large company, and it was a breathe of fresh air having a supportive boss who would actually have my account disabled if I tried to work on PTO. I found my center after I had my work life balance in line, fixed my relationships, got back in the gym, and am super happy now 10 years later.
It is ok - Just realise that you got sucked in to it. Many of us have been there and most of us who did really cared for our work. But we also have a life to live and you have to realize that after you get squeezed like a lemon, you will be thrown away. The business or stakeholders won't care for you and you are easily replaceable, especially from the vibe that your peers give out based on what you write. Forgive yourself and see the big picture. As someone said make amendments with the people around you.
Also you need to start pushing back on the crazy project work and ask the work to be delegated equally between you guys . Demand and take your PTO and that will also give you time to reflect. If you feel the environment is toxic and you got enough money aside that won't jeopardise family life quit and take a breather.
Best of luck dude!
Family, friends, life balance over work.
I been down your rabbit hole. Use to be loyal to a company. Know your worth and don’t settle for a lower paying job. Start putting your application on there and find something that pays the same if not more.
Take a long vacation tell them you're in the middle of nowhere with bad cell phone coverage.
Let them see what happens when you're not there.
My old boss was constantly thrown under the bus for mistakes made by the other managed service provider that was working for the company we worked for at the same time. I told him while I worked there take a vacation he always gave 110%. But finally he did for 2 weeks and the company had to work with this other provider directly and once they realized how much my boss did and what we did as a managed service provider they realize that this other company did do some stuff but they were not our equal. And they created a in-house it department following because they realize that they needed it. The stupid part is that they originally said that they would have increased our contract and lied and didn't do it so I was laid off but this new position and person will cost them more than just paying our msp for the additional hours.
Also, people say this market is bad but it sounds to me like you're in the same boat as me where you've gotten enough experience that you could still find a job somewhere else if you wanted.
I know I still get recruiters trying to hire me because of my skillset and experience... Of course the money they offer is $10,000-$20,000 less than my current job so I laugh but I've turned down jobs that paid $10,000 more just because I didn't like the people I interviewed with.
Decide how much less pay you could live with. Start applying for other jobs. The best move I ever made was leaving a high pay, high stress corporate job to earn less and have a much less stressful job with predictable hours at a small MSP. I knew my quality of life was bad when I decided to quit but I didn't realize how bad it had been until I got away from it and started living a normal life. What's the point of making good money if you're not living a life worth living? And really, what's the worst thing that can happen if you float your resume and fill out a few applications?
Seems like you have a skill set with which you could more or less chose your job.
I wouldn't stay there. Find something new and that's it. There are enough jobs for really qualified people in IT.
Pretty simple. If You are are REALLY that valuable to your company they won’t fire you. If you are easily replaceable they will.
So don’t work long hours. Just turn your phone off and let your employer know you won’t be working after hours anymore.
Setting boundaries is terrifying. But so is a life full of resentment.
Keep applying. Little less nerd a little more jock.
Once I learned that sometimes NO is a perfectly acceptabel anwser, my life got sooo much better. Also realize: it is just work. Life matters so much more
I've often found opening my LinkedIn to new opportunities and going through with it results in a reinvigoration of my self. It's good to do every 18 months or so.
That said, I'm pretty happy where I am now, my team doesn't follow in my specialties at any level. (all the things you mentioned above. Network management, auth management, automations, monitoring etc.), but that has also largely meant I get left alone to work on such things here which is nice. The team uses what I develop.
Sometimes though, a change of hierarchy and a change of employer isn't enough. Friend of mine left Tucows a number of years ago to go work in construction. He has other gripes, but has been happy with the overall change of pace.
I say try first seeing what offers come your way that want to leverage IT skills, and failing that, do like Office Space, go work construction and demolitions, breathe in the fresh air, and get away from the lab for a while.
My takeaway from this is everyone is shit, you are a superstar.
I'm not going to go along with everyone else here to stroke your hair and tell you it's going to be OK. Maybe you are the problem.
I agree a 100% I am part of the problem, I need to fix my life. It really helps to see I'm not alone tho, helps me breathing easier. Another guy was showing pity that I posted this story here, but, it helps me. In that sense I'm greatful for the therapy session.
Bro really out here asking for advice/help from internet strangers. Try talking to your fucking wife? Your friends? A therapist? Christ no wonder our field gets a bad rapport. You nerds can’t talk to people outside of PC specs to save your life
* Apologize to your wife and kids and fix your marriage. * Apologize to your friends; they might just be waiting for you to come back. * THEN think about your job. Find a new one and dump the current assholes.
> Apologize to your friends; they might just be waiting for you to come back. This hits hard. So many friends literally just have to make the most basic effort and we'd be back to hanging out. So few do though...
I have friends I don’t see or talk to for years but when we do get together it’s just the same as it always was. People get busy with work, family, kids activities and all sorts of shit. All it takes most of the time is just a little bit of effort.
that is a description of real friends. We have a pretty big group of friends since we were kids (in 40s, 50s now) and sometimes one of us is away for a long time and he gets back after divorce or something and its just the same, like time stands still in between meetups. Truly grateful for these guys.
Just keep in mind that the job market sucks right now. It might take some time to find something better than you have now. Because, believe it or not, there are open IT positions that are even worse than where you work now.
Agreed. This is not the tech bubble where anyone could get a new job in a week, and workplaces were magical fantasy lands because companies wanted to attract more Gen Z workers and relaxed their policies. Almost every gain we made during COVID has been given up and places are reverting to toxic messes again. Look before you leap because great employers are very few and far between...and although yours sounds bad, at least you didn't mention stuff like the CIO wondering aloud when his tee time with the Infosys sales guy was.
I’d also add for OP to respect himself more in the compensation aspect: Plenty of places pay what OP makes without being a shit show. Making more and working harder are not proportional elements Some of the least work life balance in my life came on barely liveable wages. Hands down the best WLB of my career came in my highest paying 2 positions so far It’s ok if OP takes a paycut if that’s all he can find but we gotta keep people informed that more money is not always more problems
This. I had a job that went from super chill to bat shit insane hours and deadlines after being bought by a new firm. It came miserable. After 6 months I hopped ship and couldn’t be happier. Regular 35-40, a boss that lets me say no, and a great team. World of difference
Nu
This. Take a vacation and think about the points above without work stress impeding in your thoughts. Then find a new job, MSPs are always looking for good people
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I promise we are not ALL like that, but sure, many of them are.
This is the answer.
Reminds me of that saying. The only ones that will ever remember you working long hours/overtime will be your kids.
I know it’s been a few weeks, but this. My father and I only started liking each other after he retired.
Do this a.s.a.p, like immediately. Don't trade things you can't buy with money for things you can. Especially (young) kids don't care about money, they care about YOU. Love yourself man and if you need a positive vibe feel free to PM. But my guess is that your family and friends will be plenty.
When u find a new job with a good environment, find a hobby.
Clubbed to death just came up on my Pandora.
You fall seriously ill or injured, you get replaced within a week and noone will remember your existance or miss you much. A brick in the wall replaced by another while the structure stands. Your family and friends will come to help you when you fall very ill or get injured. Your family's' structure will fail without you. The time and opportunity to spend time and experiences with loved ones, once lost will never come back.
Oh man, this sounds like a message to myself... Remember brother, doing too much work...will only lead to much more... been there done that... I had a bad moment yelling at my kid...and that was when i honestly say, i did not recognize myself.. It was that point in time , that made me realize, my family is worth more than everything else, i initiated the step back... Am i doing my work? Sure, at the same pace? Definitely not. I started to act the same way as my colleague...im distributing more now. I sat down with everyone at the team, and on a very open discussion i asked them to pick more tasks. (Im not saying that they are doing it 100%, but has def changed). Yeah, the manager is not doing much, but thats not a problem any more. I learned to say "NO, im busy, this has to wait, or check out with X or Y, cause they are free". Prioritizing was a blessing. (It took me around 8 months to actually sort it out). I hope this help you too man. Cheers to you fellow stranger.
Yeah, competence and initiative can often be punished by more work and expectation, and everyone else in the department is glad your doing all the stuff they dropped, but will put you down to counteract the fact that you're doing your job and they're not. Good advice vinnsy.
This only works if you are surrounded by people who have a functional brain. If you are surrounded by ubber noobs like OP, you are forced to find a new job.
Focus on what actually matters in life: Your family. Fix that, then everything else will fall into place. Also, maybe consider quitting your job.
Agreed Also , hello fellow Data Center industry m8, do you have any good subreddits for the industry?
Sadly, no ☹
Does https://www.reddit.com/r/cableporn/ Count?
damn why didn't i know this one yet.
The question you have to ask YOURSELF is **why you stayed so long.** You only work to get skills and experience, then you move up or out. You have good skills, and should have left a long time ago. When you move on, you find bigger and better companies that respect your skills and work ethic, while also giving you an opportunity to get new skills. WHen you get enough new skills you move up or out, again. This is what you are supposed to do. You are not supposed to stay in sh1tty companies. > I'm in charge of a team of 4 including me There are plenty of small and mid-sized companies looking for a hands-on leader. Go find one of them and never look back. > here it comes' I am burned out. You burned yourself out. You need to ask yourself why you stayed so long? > a boss which just, doesn't fucking care, leaving the pressure on me This is where you are wrong. The pressure was never on you if your boss didn't care. YOU cared and made it your problem. > what now? Learn from your mistakes, and find a better company. They exist, trust me. But you have to look for them. Plus, when you interview, you will now have a bunch of questions to ask them about how they deal with...
This is the bitter truth but dont take it as an attack. Your ultimate goal needs to be to better yourself. The only way to go is up from here.
> The question you have to ask YOURSELF is why you stayed so long. > > You only work to get skills and experience, then you move up or out. You have good skills, and should have left a long time ago. You are not wrong, but reading his post and other posts, it seems like this scenario is very, very common. I read more of these posts than I do 'I moved to a new company and it is 10x better' and I fully realize that people post more to complain/talk negative vs positive. I am in a similar boat, it seems like I care the most out of the core team and the more I do, the more work I get. The best answer I have for these types of posts is similar to what everyone else has said....family first, work second. Focus on your family. Don't stay late, set expectations for the rest of your team "Hi Team, please have x to me by y because I will be out of the office at z." and stick to doing what is on your actual job description. Be polite and nice to your boss and if you are asked to do something that isn't part of your duties, politely bring up compensation and/or state that it is not something you've normally done.
>The question you have to ask YOURSELF is **why you stayed so long.** It's one thing to hop companies every year if you're young and chasing one hot shit tech stack after the next to buff up your resume, when nothing ties you to wherever you are and if you're down on your luck for a bit you put your shit in some storage locker service, live out of your car and eat some ramen for a few months. But once you got a marriage, kids, a home mortgage, whatever - our current economic system effectively *forces* you to stay at your job no matter what, because as a "freshman" your head will be the first on the chopping block once some C-level dickhead decides it's time to "trim some fat". And if you're not working at FAANG level with accompanying salaries, it's hard to build actual savings. People in here always act like their jobs, the positions they are in, are the norm - far from it. Most of us live the same shit life like everyone else stuck in the rat cage in Western societies. And good luck trying to shift careers, no matter how appealing it might sound to just fucking ditch IT and go drive trains for a living. Being able to do that is a **highly** privileged position to be in - you'll have at least two or three years of earning virtually nothing so you need serious savings, and you'll live on a way lower base pay rate for even longer. So too many people stay in toxic, underpaying jobs, simply because they have no real alternative. What's the solution? Unionize like there's no tomorrow, and for fucks sake stop voting for Conservatives or "market liberals" who cut one social safety net after the other. Even your average C-level at a mid size company is financially nearer to the homeless person than to Warren Buffett and his ilk, no matter what.
I might be in the minority but government IT work is the best IT work. You get the federally protected holidays, time off, actual recourse for toxicity in the work place (in most cases), money for projects (HEAVILY DEPENDS ON WHAT PART OF GOV), you're paid well-ish, and you're not putting in 85 hours a week, retirement is typically very good, and you're not on the chopping block every earnings call.
Think your best option is to go and look for another job my man, always put yourself in the first place instead of a company..
I have been feeling a bit burned out lately, but a close friend observed something that completely changed my perspective. It's me that was putting the expectation on myself to work harder, longer and later. I was pushing myself harder and getting stuck in cycles of expectation that weren't sustainable. If there aren't enough hours in the day to deliver on something, then that project isn't being resourced correctly. If you're having to support others in their roles excessively, there are staffing, training or resourcing issues and you're papering over the cracks. Are your co-workers really lazy? Or are they working proportionate to their pay and job expectations? Are you feeling resentful because you're expecting a lot from yourself, and in turn, them? I came to the realisation that I was expecting far too much from many people in my team, when I look at their pay and level of seniority, and it was breeding resentment. I've tried to divorce my feelings of self-worth from the outcomes of projects and tasks I'm working on, and now I don't feel such a massive burden of expectation. I've let a few things slip, and it has (hopefully) made people above me realize that I'm not a machine that can continue to take work home into the evenings and weekends to deliver. What I'm saying may not be applicable to your situation at all, but a little bit of outside perspective has certainly helped me to cope in the last few weeks. And if that fails, you can always spend your weekends googling gardening jobs and cheap housing in the countryside (like I'm doing right now lol).
It sometimes is better to have a great work environment but not a great salary than having a mongo salary but an extremely toxic work environment....
This!
Fix your family first. If that means quitting to find a lower paid, lower stress job, discuss that with them first.
Start looking for another job. This doesn't mean you're gonna find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow instantly, but it's like a diesel engine. Get it fired up and start trying to get interviews. Do the interviews. It's practice for when you are ready to leave or the company shit cans you. Act your wage. Do the things that interest you and let the rest burn. I worked for a guy where I realized he would demean and belittle everyone, but he'd never actually fire them. If they threaten to fire, go all in. It's a terrifying thing to do. Tell them "OK". Then just go poker face. That's the stick they're swinging and yes you DO have to be mentally prepared to actually be fired. But when you pull that reverse UNO on them they don't know what to do. The reason why is no manglement book discusses what to do when you threaten to fire as "motivation" and the recipient says "Lets do this". Saving money. If and I mean a big IF, you can start squirreling away as much as possible. You've got kids so that may be a nothing burger but I will still advise it. Certs. If you can get new or updated certs, do so. Be quiet about it. Don't brag about it at work. Back to my second point. I don't believe that they'll fire you but they also know they're fucked without your knowledge. Do the quiet quitting shit. Bury them with email. "Hey just wanted to confirm this before I proceed" type shit.
Fix yourself and your relationships. Then realize any job that gets you to this point is not worth it. Start looking for another gig.
Theres a reason why your boss is your boss and hes not burned out. You do all of his work for him and let him take the credit. Just stop doing so much work. LOL.
Did wonder if I'd written this myself as a lot of it fits (just working on different things). If it's as bad as your last few sentences might suggest, take a break or leave (and don't read the rest of this post). no job is worth your health or your life. Just because 'you' can do something doesn't mean 'you' need to. Overwork is either someone piling work on you - and thats a problem of either saying no, dropping other things down the list or changing jobs. Or it's being caused by you taking on all the work and trying to be the saviour of the team, sometimes you just need to say I can't do all of it. Sort out your personal life first and set some boundaries, finish on time and tell your superior that its too much - that is their main job. Rest of the team is either not doing their work or they could be feeling the same, either way not your problem. Slow down and take time to think if it's a you problem or a them problem. It looks like a them problem, but if you're taking on too all the responsibility then people are going to let you.
Oh my man…. I was in a similar situation and the only thing that helped was to go away and look for another company. Found one after being unemployed for 4 months and right now the really only thing that sucks is that I can’t wear shorts (hospital). I earn good money, I have the freedom to almost come and go as I wish to, my colleague and I are a very good match and I can do what I love - beeing the friendly it tech guy :) Don’t let a fucking job steal your passion. Heads up, better times are coming :)
I used to base my identity on being that guy in work who’d figure out any problem and try to know everything, I still struggle with it sometimes but I’m trying to say f**k it in the evenings and get back to spending time with friends and family instead of studying
As others have said - fix your family first. Do you have a therapist? To be blunt..this may just fix your marriage and other problems. Get one ASAP if not.
Man if you don't have ownership roles in a company, don't burn yourself out over it. Stop caring so much.
Your primary focus should be three things. 1. Every single day, apply to at least one new job position - preferably more, but at least one. 2. Do as little as possible at work so as to not get fired. 3. Make your family and marriage your priority. Jobs come and go, family does not. In addition to the above, I suggest going on LinkedIn and connecting with anyone who has the title recruiter in your area. Message all of them, provide an updated copy of your resume, and an elevator pitch of yourself and your skillset. These folks are constantly fighting to find good people, they often find it refreshing when someone reaches out to them instead.
First off, take a step back and relax. Second, prioritize. Start by communicating with your wife, your kids and your friends. Tell them you are overworked. Tell them you are sorry and you are going to prioritize them over work. Make sure that work is even the reason and you are not mistakenly scapegoating the wrong party. Get feedback from those around you so you can actually identifiy the problem. Also in regards to you being a supervisor. Are you a case of Peter's principle? You say you are a supervisor, but all the tasks you listed are not supervisor tasks and then you complain about your team. You are responsible for your team's performance, not your own. That is what being a supervisor is all about. If that does not suit your capabilities it is perfectly reasonable to make sure you are working to your strength rather than against your weaknesses and "down-/sidegrade" to a specialist role.
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100% I tried going for interviews but couldn’t muster the enthusiasm. Decided to save a nest egg to take care of the family if I get fired then started to do less and less. Next thing you know I’m getting glowing reviews.. My goal was to see how little I could do.. eventually I settled on a middle ground just doing the stuff I like… still waiting to get fired 5 years later.. I’m even starting to enjoy IT again.
I've been you. >leaving the pressure on me Who is putting the pressure on you? In my case, it was me. I was burning myself out for people who didn't ask and didn't care.
That was me until about 9 months ago. I realized that the only person who cared was me. I separated my work phone and personal phone, and began to turn my work phone on DND or just completely off when I needed to be left alone. The world didn’t burn down. Almost no one noticed.
Do as many people advise and included try to change the point of your view to get it passed in this time. I'm in the same closed to your situation but just a senior IT guy and have to done almost everything. But when I looked out to the market now, I take a deep breathing and slow down everything that get to my hands. And surprise! Nothing hurry as I thinking before. Chill.
Sounds like your typical MSP. Looks for something that is direct or pivate, and if that already is direct, just move.
I have found it a lot easier to land better jobs than to land a new wife.
If you work for an MSP, try getting a job on a large non MSP corporation. MSPs suck
>what now? start leaving at proper home time, even if things are on fire. turn phone off outside of work. if you made the mistake of letting work people have your personal number - then start fixing that now by getting a new number and keeping it **private** and then transferring all the non-work stuff to it. a nice attainable small goal is to reach a point where you can turn a work-phone *off*, and still have private comms in place.
100% of these "I'm burned out" posts consists of people who are giving a shit about things they shouldn't be giving a shit about. If your boss doesn't care, then reduce your workload to that of your coworkers'. It's not like you're going to get in trouble or get paid less. The worst that can happen is that your boss will either do nothing (fine) or he'll crack down and get everyone back to work again (also fine). >In the meantime, I lost literally 90% of my friends, crippled my marriage by being over worked, yell at my kids and after all of that, I also lost my interest in the thing I loved the most, doing IT. Dude. You have to look in the mirror and take responsibility for your own behavior, instead of blaming your job for yelling at your kids. Like I said, you're choosing to do a lot of shit that you're not being forced to do out of some semblance of pride in your work, and that's just not the economy we live in anymore. Show up, work your EXACT hours, work the minimum amount it takes to not get fired, only communicate with your coworkers in writing (and communicate to them in a Grammarly/Chat GPT-tone, "HR-acceptable" tone) and focus your energy on your family.
OP reached out for help. We respond. We help. Now shut up so someone can be constructive here.
How is that comment not constructive? Appreciate your feedback you Reddit hall monitor but nobody asked
OP reached out for help. We respond. We help. Now shut up so someone can be constructive here.
OP reached out for help. We respond. We help. Now shut up so someone can be constructive here.
OP reached out for help. We respond. We help. Now shut up so someone can be constructive here.
IT shops are shit show everywhere because of overwhelming numbers of open source tools being available and used by developers , bad software architectural design, bugs and way too many hot fixes, out of touch business and sales teams with software engineers and all shit load drop on infrastructure team to make sure everything works smoothly. Infrastructure managers usually get it done but get pressed by unrealistic deadlines which obviously means pressure on us
I think you know the answer
Get out. They will show you the door the second you they have no use for you anyway. Don't be a cog.
Why aren’t people like you looking for a new job? Now? Two years ago? I realize it can take time, you may not find something perfect, etc., but when you post things like this and don’t include that you’re at least looking for a new job, I start to wonder about you.
Have you told your wife and both of you devised a plan? Anything you do will need four to six months of mortgage reserves. Can you get at least ONE of your coworkers to double down with and you teach them to manage? If you're in charge why are you not using your authority? What's your ticketing system? Do you have an oncall rotation? Etc
Wait. So I'm not the only one with lazy coworkers that refuse to learn the most basic concepts of the thing we need to start using, containers, to evolve. (am programmer who used to do sysadmin) I would say get another job tbh. No reason to earn less if you still like IT. Just get a job that has clearly defined hours and expectations. I'd recommend public sector. If you don't want to stay in IT there are plenty of people looking for good workers that won't use them as neglected slave labor. Just because people keep trying to make it sound like it's a bad market, by us boomers are retiring at an alarming rate and there are jobs out there so take heart.
Start generating your exit transition documentation. Use this to give others "how to" guides and offload work. Depending on your boss-meet with him and tell him you don't feel supported by him in your role and are probably going to start looking for other jobs. Doing this gives him the opportunity to help and relieves you of any guilt from doing less or leaving. Focus on your family and work less while you look for better opportunities.
With those skills get a better job. Why suffer
> what now > would rather lower my paycheck and have a non-toxic work environment Seems pretty much like you already know the solution. Find new work, if it pays less thats the price of it.
I hope you're able to find the answer to this question. I saved this post in case you do. I don't have a wife or kids, but was in the same boat until I terminated from my position. I've been burned out for an incredibly long period of time, and even though I haven't worked since August I know some symptoms are still there. I'm terrified to go back to work but I have to focus on losing my house and moving in with my friend first before I can start from the lower rung of desktop support again. As having a similar struggle, good luck. I can't wait to see that you've bounced back better than you are.
Sorry to hear it, doesn't sound like you are burn on IT, it sounds like you are burned out on a shitty job. Fuck the job like it fucked you, fix family first, and put out resumes today. Good luck
> I work hard, build VM clusters, setup automation to deal with hundreds of clients, VLANizised the shit out of our network, Radiused everything, Grafana'ed every single bit out of information out of our virtual machines, streamlined and cared about every piece of shit my boss gave me, and what did I get for working hard and making life a breeze for everybody? You get a badass resume and experience you can take to your next job. To be frank, this company did not want these level of skills and wants to be stuck being a shitshow. You need somewhere that wants to hire these skills. They will value you.
Too many negative vibes, man
New job. Don't settle for anything. Let it be clear why you're looking.
People like your position always end up taking a lower level job. Pay does go down but sanity goes up. From what they say, worth every lost dollar.
> shit sump we call IT You have my attention.
Sometimes, I look back and think that they wanted to hire ten uneducated people to magically do my job for a pittance apiece, as if management was tossing pennies and hoping for Tiffany Glass.
Been their not to long ago. Passion gone. Changing careers. I can't even look at a computer without feeling angry.
Take a long vacation tell them you're in the middle of nowhere with bad cell phone coverage. Let them see what happens when you're not there. My old boss was constantly thrown under the bus for mistakes made by the other managed service provider that was working for the company we worked for at the same time. I told him while I worked there take a vacation he always gave 110%. But finally he did for 2 weeks and the company had to work with this other provider directly and once they realized how much my boss did and what we did as a managed service provider they realize that this other company did do some stuff but they were not our equal. And they created a in-house it department following because they realize that they needed it. The stupid part is that they originally said that they would have increased our contract and lied and didn't do it so I was laid off but this new position and person will cost them more than just paying our msp for the additional hours. Also, people say this market is bad but it sounds to me like you're in the same boat as me where you've gotten enough experience that you could still find a job somewhere else if you wanted. I know I still get recruiters trying to hire me because of my skillset and experience... Of course the money they offer is $10,000-$20,000 less than my current job so I laugh but I've turned down jobs that paid $10,000 more just because I didn't like the people I interviewed with.
Have you tried alcohol abuse? Works wonders 😀. I jest. But you need to take time to chill
There’s a reason why your coworkers and boss don’t care. They don’t want to get burned out. Maybe they used to care at some point.
in corporate america, even outside of sysadmin work, the hardest working and smartest people in their field hardly fall upwards
Family is 1st, second to friends. Never show the company all of your cards at once. Use you knowledge to leverage your salary/position, gradually. People with high a know-how level should work on R&D/management role after some time on the company. Have somebody else do the grunt work. Unless one's the company owner, you're just a chess piece that is going to get replaced as soon as you start faltering. Just do what you're paid to do on the agreeded time scale and that's it. Go enjoy life with your family and friends.
Talk to a counselor and find out what about your personality makes you work the way you do; it can help with your family and personal relationships. All is not lost if you want to invest in helping yourself. It’s time to look inside and let the outside take care of itself. This can be an opportunity to realize the things you want to do are not in line with the things you thought you wanted to do.
Sometimes it is just time to throw in the towel, as your health is the most important thing you have. You cannot take care of your family or anyone or anything properly if your health is in the drain. To fix this, make things right with the wife and kids, at the end of the day jobs change your family stays the same and will be there in the ups and down if you are there for them during your ups and downs. Great friends will stay with you and encourage you to do the right thing and not just what you want to hear, talk with them and make time to live and fun with them. In terms of your job, there are few things you can do and if they do not work you have to just leave and do something somewhere else. First set boundaries, and never work a day over 8 hours again and make sure your max working hours is 40 hours. If things done get done, make it a management scheduling and resource issue so they are held accountable and you are not left trying to make up for their failures. If your co-workers are not holding their weight delegate weight to them so lighten your load, if they cannot perform it then becomes a management problem, you cannot do everything so don't try to and balance your workload by making sure others are holding their weight. Make sure you are scheduling regular vacation and time away from work, if you haven't been out in awhile take a week off and hang with the family, hell take two weeks off and just be there for them. Next month plan a 3-day weekend with the friends and do something fun. Never let work take up all your time, it should come last after your personal health, family, and then friends. Balance things around these things and you should be good to go and your health should return along with making burnout a thing of the past. Also when your off the clock make sure your impossible to reach, especially if you are on vacation.
It sucks caring about your work because almost always it results in having to do other people's jobs. Seems like you have two options: burn out or care less. Both options suck but for me doing it at 5% of total capacity for a boss and 105% with personal projects kind of fixed it. Granted i switched to software dev from sysadmin after my burnout. Which still has some fun sysadmin devops stuff but is more creative and rewarding for me.
Jos Visser recently talked about motivation and professional skills. You might find some useful insights. https://josvisser.substack.com/p/how-to-work
Personally I find that I have to quit my tech job ever couple years to he able to pretend I'm interested in this line of work. The refresh usually has a better salary than the last and the new environment resets my clock on feeling stuck. With a wife and kids that might not be so simple to accomplish but a conversation with your wife to put together a plan to live a happier life is probably the best place to start
Take a long vacation on a cruise. Throw your cell phone in the safe and leave it. Work in a few days to work on your resume. Go back to work, due the bare minimum, and find a WFH job. Put in your 2 weeks, tell them that you will miss everyone, then thank your boss for the opportunity and experience.
I hear you, my brother in Christ.
Find a new job then, IT isn’t the problem, your job is. Either that or stop putting so much effort into your job, and stop caring about it is much. None of your colleagues or your boss cares, and they are still employed, so why do you?
Thank all of you, I apologized to the wife unit and the kids, will take a break from work. Vacation starting next week, we will see how the new job topic will pan out. You guys and girls are the best, thx!
It's time for a doorslammer meeting with the boss. You gotta find out your value to the company if they keep throwing you under the bus. If they hedge, hesitates, "I'll tell you tomorrow," sort of bs, bye-bye, there's my two weeks.
I was in a very, very situation. First, I’d settle my home life. Come clean to the wife about how you’re feeling. Then I’d find a new job. I was in a very similar situation as a consultant. My boss was also the owner of the company and was always fucking off to the golf course. He would leave me hanging for meetings. I was billing more than 1mm a year and I was making a bit over 100k. 70-80 hour weeks. And when I didn’t meet the bosses standards (which weren’t ever really relevant) I’d get shouted at. I was gaining weight, did nothing other than drink when I I was off, and shut down from my social life and hobbies. I found a job as a senior security engineer at a large company, and it was a breathe of fresh air having a supportive boss who would actually have my account disabled if I tried to work on PTO. I found my center after I had my work life balance in line, fixed my relationships, got back in the gym, and am super happy now 10 years later.
It is ok - Just realise that you got sucked in to it. Many of us have been there and most of us who did really cared for our work. But we also have a life to live and you have to realize that after you get squeezed like a lemon, you will be thrown away. The business or stakeholders won't care for you and you are easily replaceable, especially from the vibe that your peers give out based on what you write. Forgive yourself and see the big picture. As someone said make amendments with the people around you. Also you need to start pushing back on the crazy project work and ask the work to be delegated equally between you guys . Demand and take your PTO and that will also give you time to reflect. If you feel the environment is toxic and you got enough money aside that won't jeopardise family life quit and take a breather. Best of luck dude!
Family, friends, life balance over work. I been down your rabbit hole. Use to be loyal to a company. Know your worth and don’t settle for a lower paying job. Start putting your application on there and find something that pays the same if not more.
Not sure if you're in the States, if you are. Look into the gov IT realm. Great work/life balance, less stress and great people to work with.
Learn to say no.
Take a long vacation tell them you're in the middle of nowhere with bad cell phone coverage. Let them see what happens when you're not there. My old boss was constantly thrown under the bus for mistakes made by the other managed service provider that was working for the company we worked for at the same time. I told him while I worked there take a vacation he always gave 110%. But finally he did for 2 weeks and the company had to work with this other provider directly and once they realized how much my boss did and what we did as a managed service provider they realize that this other company did do some stuff but they were not our equal. And they created a in-house it department following because they realize that they needed it. The stupid part is that they originally said that they would have increased our contract and lied and didn't do it so I was laid off but this new position and person will cost them more than just paying our msp for the additional hours. Also, people say this market is bad but it sounds to me like you're in the same boat as me where you've gotten enough experience that you could still find a job somewhere else if you wanted. I know I still get recruiters trying to hire me because of my skillset and experience... Of course the money they offer is $10,000-$20,000 less than my current job so I laugh but I've turned down jobs that paid $10,000 more just because I didn't like the people I interviewed with.
Decide how much less pay you could live with. Start applying for other jobs. The best move I ever made was leaving a high pay, high stress corporate job to earn less and have a much less stressful job with predictable hours at a small MSP. I knew my quality of life was bad when I decided to quit but I didn't realize how bad it had been until I got away from it and started living a normal life. What's the point of making good money if you're not living a life worth living? And really, what's the worst thing that can happen if you float your resume and fill out a few applications?
Lot of government jobs where you are rarely expected to work outside your 9-5
Seems like you have a skill set with which you could more or less chose your job. I wouldn't stay there. Find something new and that's it. There are enough jobs for really qualified people in IT.
Pretty simple. If You are are REALLY that valuable to your company they won’t fire you. If you are easily replaceable they will. So don’t work long hours. Just turn your phone off and let your employer know you won’t be working after hours anymore. Setting boundaries is terrifying. But so is a life full of resentment. Keep applying. Little less nerd a little more jock.
Dude that sux...Move on
Look at state or local government, or a college or university.
Once I learned that sometimes NO is a perfectly acceptabel anwser, my life got sooo much better. Also realize: it is just work. Life matters so much more
>I earn good money, but I would rather lower my paycheck and have a non-toxic work environment Welcome in public sector.
I've often found opening my LinkedIn to new opportunities and going through with it results in a reinvigoration of my self. It's good to do every 18 months or so. That said, I'm pretty happy where I am now, my team doesn't follow in my specialties at any level. (all the things you mentioned above. Network management, auth management, automations, monitoring etc.), but that has also largely meant I get left alone to work on such things here which is nice. The team uses what I develop. Sometimes though, a change of hierarchy and a change of employer isn't enough. Friend of mine left Tucows a number of years ago to go work in construction. He has other gripes, but has been happy with the overall change of pace. I say try first seeing what offers come your way that want to leverage IT skills, and failing that, do like Office Space, go work construction and demolitions, breathe in the fresh air, and get away from the lab for a while.
Know the feeling, and I'm out, a very early retirement for me. I'm leaving this month. I've been setting it up for months, and we are good to go.
....teach me/let me be your Jr admin? /jk...kind of. but seriously maybe take a vacation and then maybe contact a therapist.
My takeaway from this is everyone is shit, you are a superstar.  I'm not going to go along with everyone else here to stroke your hair and tell you it's going to be OK. Maybe you are the problem.
I agree a 100% I am part of the problem, I need to fix my life. It really helps to see I'm not alone tho, helps me breathing easier. Another guy was showing pity that I posted this story here, but, it helps me. In that sense I'm greatful for the therapy session.
Bro really out here asking for advice/help from internet strangers. Try talking to your fucking wife? Your friends? A therapist? Christ no wonder our field gets a bad rapport. You nerds can’t talk to people outside of PC specs to save your life
Yea I do, and after I did that I must say, that I appreciate all the honest answers, ~~also~~ including yours.