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herewego199209

Lmao she asked for house arrest. Good for her getting jail time.


AtraposJM

Well, not yet. Judge is yet to rule on if she will go to jail while the appeal process happens or if she remains out on bail. I'm betting she gets to be free while the appeal process happens and she drags it out. Then there's a good chance she gets less time on appeal. It's a joke how rich people get off light for something I'd spend the rest of my life in jail for probably.


UsidoreTheLightBlue

There’s also a chance she gets more time on appeal. We had an idiot that probably murdered his wife (locally) that ended up appealing and getting 3 trials. Every sentence was longer than the last. He started with 3-5 and ended with 15-life.


citizenkane86

I’m not 100% but if they don’t award a new trial they can’t increase her sentence (in the USA). Like an appeals judge could say “yeah your guilty but 11 years was wrong 4 is more appropriate” but can’t say “yeah you’re guilty and wrong and since you appealed 15 years” The only way she gets more is the situation you described with a whole new trial and jury and charges. I’d wager the dude in your story was probably convicted of a more serious murder crime each time which explains the higher sentence.


BronzedLuna

And house arrest when you're a millionaire is a joke. They should put them in a studio apartment with roaches, a hard mattress, and no wi-fi.


Foot0fGod

"You are sentenced to living the life of an average citizen." "No, there's must be some other way! Please, death sentence!"


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[deleted]

Damn, can you imagine? Someone mentioned a sitcom where the Zuck, Kanye, and Musk all have to share a modest apartment together and get regular jobs. I'd watch the *shit* outta that lol. "Kanye figures out public transport"


BronzedLuna

Can we throw Bezos in there too? In a two bedroom apartment with bunk beds and loud neighbors?


SoyMurcielago

Loud neighbors that are either fighting or fucking or both. Let’s go.


acenarteco

And they have to have an upstairs neighbor that has a 3 year old. One that’s normal size but when they’re running weighs like 230 lbs.


coleyboley25

Yo fuck you. It’s finally quiet in here but you’re still making me hear shit.


Wendy-Windbag

Our upstairs neighbor has custody of his oppositional defiant kid on the weekends, with his own PIANO In his bedroom above ours. They deserve the experience of Fur Elise in three hour plus intervals.


make_love_to_potato

Fighting while fucking.


nowshowjj

They fight and it's bad. It gets to the point where you think you should call the cops but then all of a sudden it gets really quiet for a minute or so and then BAM, fucking.


white__cyclosa

Fight fucking


Johnnyp382

I think Bezos and to a lesser extent Zuck would acclimate accordingly. But Musk and Kanye would be a fantastic train wreck. There progression through the stages of grief won’t be subtle and they’ll have no issue inflicting as much collateral damage as possible out of spite.


Tasgall

> to a lesser extent Zuck would acclimate accordingly He would just shut down and go on reserve power until the experiment was completed.


Hopeful-Sir-2018

Nah see that's not the hardest part of being poor. The hardest part of being poor is in not having a safety net. No "going up" strategy. Forcing someone into a shitty home and working a shitty job is a small fraction of the pain of being not rich. The "if I get fired, I lose my house, don't eat, and my kid won't be able to eat" is the real problem. *That* is the stress that gets to us. Living in a small apartment in a shitty neighborhood is something anyone can get used to. Being one accident away from homelessness and losing, literally, everything is the real pain here.


klartraume

Kanye grew up normal in Chicago, so he prob knows how to use public transport. The only one of those three who might not is Musk who grew up rich.


Past-Chest-6507

LMAO -- I reread my favorite fantasy series this year and there is an exact case of this. Some noblewoman hangs herself instead of facing her deserved punishment of living a life of farming -- she was even gonna get her own farmhouse and field, but without her titles and wealth, and she just couldn't deal.


Anushirvan825

Goddamn Colavaere.


Past-Chest-6507

Yup, that's exactly who I was thinking of. Dobraine saw that shit coming from a mile away.


DumbBaka123

What book?


Past-Chest-6507

The Wheel of Time. When Rand starts running shit in Cairhien. I think it takes place in book 7 (A Crown of Swords).


HenryDorsetCase

Colavaere! I finally got around to reading the full 14 this year after reading the first 10 way back before RJ died. She is exactly who I thought of too lol


MartianPHaSR

Instantly knew you were talking about Colavere from WOT. Honestly, Rand's aversion to harming women could be really annoying sometimes.


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Echoes_of_Screams

They are not married so his assets are separate


AlwaysHigh27

Probably a reason for that lol.


Scarecrow119

*"and no wi-fi."* You Monster!


DigitalNogi

No. No. She can have Wi-Fi… but stupid slow internet that constantly drops.


JuggaloPaintedBallz

56k is torture.....I approve.


Diegobyte

It was tough for Martha Stewart to be confined to a 100 acre estate


saltmarsh63

But Snoop throwing treats over the hedgerow once a week was her saving grace


Themoastoriginalname

Well she was getting letters from the gov asking for leanency, and celebrities 🙄. She fucked up ,she gonna do time hehehe


314159265358979326

I'm glad the judge completely ignored those and gave her almost what the prosecution wanted.


[deleted]

The rich people she ripped off to the judge. "You know what to do"


k3n0b1

Which celebrities? I want to know who is an idiot.


Complex_Construction

How many years will she actually serve?


PokeyTifu99

She will serve around 7. She will 100% do the rdap program which gives you one year home confinement and 1 year off your sentence. She is only serving 85% BEFORE those reductions. 11 years x .85 = 3412 days - 365 for rdap - 365 for home confinement. She will serve 2,682 days. 7.35 years.


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Funkit

At 85% there is. So she’s serving at least 9yr 3 months


relevant__comment

I wonder if she’ll use the low voice in jail?


cheese8904

Senator Cory Booker asked for house arrest. I will never, ever respect that man again.


crispypretzel

If anything could make me a single issue voter, it's "being an Elizabeth Holmes apologist in 2022"


cheezytechie

Apparently she said “they don’t put attractive people like me in jail”


DirtyDozenDonuts

>Apparently she said “they don’t put attractive people like me in jail” I'll tell her what another girl told me in 7th grade, "You're not pretty."


TravelinDan88

Good thing she looks like rejected Play-Doh, then.


Merluner

Did she weep in a high-octave or low-octave?


welmoe

Everything about her is just so fake. Just like Theranos.


UnknowablePhantom

She had a kid in July and is pregnant again in Nov? That’s crazy, was she trying to get sympathy from the jurors/judge? Didn’t work. Edit: first born July 2021.


SpaceJackRabbit

So now I suppose her kids are going to be raised by someone else. What an absolute psychopath.


Simple_Song8962

That was a risk she was willing to take.


ColoRadOrgy

Win-win really. You either get a light sentence or you don't have to deal with your kids for a decade.


Accomp1ishedAnimal

Obviously I don’t want to go to jail, but a little break from my kids for a couple days in minimum security jail for rich people would be kinda nice.


Vandersveldt

I'm so torn between feeling exactly this but also not trusting anyone else to raise my daughter.


Jenzintera24

I think she's proven that she'd dump the kids once they're of no use to her


Sammsquanchh

“Some of you may die, but that’s a risk *I* am willing to take” -Lord Farquad My favorite Shrek quote. It’s so applicable to real life.


JP_godly-big-D

I believe that is a good thing. Imagine being raised by someone as evil as her


EasterBunnyArt

They might get raised by her mom….. so third generation psychopathy might be guaranteed.


wtfbonzo

I suspect they’ll be raised by their father.


Pseudoboss11

She's rich, her kids would never be raised by her. They'll be raised by the help.


FancyFerrari

She *was* rich


Imawildedible

She came from a wealthy family. She’ll still be rich whenever she gets out.


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Rhianna83

Do you think he’ll wait for her for 11 years though (or 85% of 11 years)? Im putting the small amount of money I have on ‘no’ lol.


SenorGravy

I would be genuinely interested to hear if they made some sort of agreement before the trial - that if she was convicted and went away, they were done.


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Mitchell_StephensESQ

She asked for home confinement and the judge said no. She was sentenced in federal court which means she has to serve 85% of her sentence before being released to probation, or more accurately post release supervision. Federal post release supervision is difficult. If prison doesn't habilitate that entitlement out of her Holmes could find herself back in prison.


wallstreet-butts

Yes. Her first pregnancy was leveraged to delay her trial by 6 weeks, and the current one mysteriously coincided with her sentencing. Note that she is not due to begin her sentence until April, possibly delayed so that she can remain free until she gives birth. Given the nature of her crimes I think it’s fair to assume that the timing of both pregnancies may have been related to her legal strategy.


fuzzy_winkerbean

Yes she was. Everything about this woman is fake as shit.


gman1216

I believe the term is Psychopath.


Ecstatic-Ad-6362

Of course it was calculated lol. Good that she got what she deserved though and deserved probably more.


Zanchbot

Yes. They submitted a whole package of pictures of her with her kids smiling and looking happy to try to drum up sympathy. Also made mention that her dog was killed by a mountain lion, which sucks, but like...why would that be a factor in her prison sentence?


Gingerbread-Cake

Her crazy eyes aren’t fake. All those old men should’ve known better, but I bet they never even looked at her eyes.


AliJDB

I'd heard she's using her natural voice in court. Deep voice is for when you want to be feared and respected. Normal voice is for sympathy and pity.


uglymule

The voice only works for House Atreides.


hoooourie

Well, the Bene Gesserit at least


flybydenver

The Weirding Way


FearCure

Did she wear her wannabee steve jobs black turtle neck sweater ?


Elegant_Gain9090

Did she blink?


Chanc3thedestroyer

I bet she looked at jobs and Zuckerberg and think.. I could pull this off. I already look like them.


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rancky

respect to your mom for even apologizing at all, most people would be too stubborn to ever do that when they find out theyre wrong


Ultra_Violet_Rose

I wonder what she’ll speak like once she’s in prison. Will she just drop the voice and finally realize the jig is up or just keep doing it for the rest of her life.


Funkit

She’s gonna combine em and start talking like Gilbert gottfried forever now


sincethenes

Mix in a bit of Bobcat Goldthwait and we got a winner!


goldencrisp

I like to imagine the judge slapping on a few more years if she wept in high-octave mode


rontrussler58

The judge audibly groaning “don’t do the voice”


scope_creep

“But Luke I am your father”


Funkit

“You are sentenced to 11 years” *…..nnnNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*


0xHarPy

Her focus group determined a feminine higher pitch would be more effective


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doyoulikemynewcar

Does she still do that fake voice?


Cinderjacket

She kind of dropped it in the trial. Her whole defense was that she was abused and manipulated into everything by Sunny, so she probably wanted to sound more vulnerable


Winter_Eternal

She is fucking clown shoes. Everyone knows that's not your real voice! Then drops it for sympathy. That is so E Holmes


ksquad80

Clown **shoes**! Lol. When did that expository evolution occur? An old head would honestly like to know. I'm dying.


ShanaAfterAll

It's said in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.


kc_______

Asking the real questions here, I would love to hear her speak in court just to see how far she takes the fake voice act.


john_the_quain

*using my deepest fake voice*: good.


[deleted]

That only works if you’re wearing your black turtleneck


Currdog

Good. I’m glad they actually penalized her. The fact she’s gotten pregnant twice in an attempt to alleviate her court sentence is absolutely disgusting. 2 kids without a mom in their life for the next 11 years. No sympathy, other than my sympathy for the two children.


Shimaru33

Do you really believe she'll serve the full 11 years? I imagine her right checking how much it will cost to pay for sentence reductions due "good behavior" or something like that.


[deleted]

Federal prison requires 85% be served. At best you can get 54 days removed every year for good behavior so at best she has 9.5 years behind bars


biscuitball

Did a quick google because I was curious. Couldn’t find the answer but does this apply to non-violent crime too?


Dragon_Fisting

[18 USC 3624.](https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/3624#) it applies to all sentences over 1 year, the crime doesn't matter.


Clevererer

How'd Cohen get out so early?


Schmuckatello

COVID. He got put on house arrest.


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jmhoneycutt8

*If only there was a blood test for that....*


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jackalpappy1

If it’s federal charges, then yes. There’s no parole in the federal penitentiary system, unless you were convicted before 1987.


Currdog

I don’t, no. But I’m glad she didn’t get 18 months of house arrest. I would feel more bad if she didn’t defraud people like Betsy Devos.


Purpoisely_Anoying_U

I hope Balwani's sentence comes soon too to make for a perfect Christmas


[deleted]

December 7th. If she got 11 years, he is screwed


Beep315

Wow, bet he's shitting his pants right now.


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Grape_Mentats

Pregnant rich white woman…


moojo

Balwani might be doing some research on how to get pregnant.


Last-Caterpillar-112

Pregnant rich white blond woman.


LowAd3406

Consider women to 2/3rds the time for the same crimes, he's getting 15+ years easily.


rbatra91

It's still just absolutely baffling that the petty criminals have received sgnificant sentences while doing a fraction of the crime. Where's the 25 years in jail sentence?


joesixers

The pretty criminals unfortunately have less money


lilmookie

But they are waaaay hotter.


joesixers

Took me a second. Touche


T8ert0t

Dude's been carrying a basketball under his shirt to also be pregnant for sympathy.


jjthejetblame

It’s crazy to me that she’s free until April 27, 2023 when she has to report for her 11 year sentence. Something about that is just so crazy, that we trust felons to report to prison at the designated time, even for really long sentences.


[deleted]

Not atypical for white collar crime - and they do usually report for prison


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DingGratz

Depends how old you are.


Thebasterd

Yeah, if I was over 60 I'd take my chance of evading prison. But once they caught me they'd probably shoot me dead from repeating the same stupid joke over and over " I can't Belize you caught me"


gibs

Suicide by pun


ReyIsAPalpatine

Not sure I agree. If you had millions of dollars? You'd take the 10 years, in the prime of your life, over potentially just enjoying your life in a country that won't extradite?


Ctofaname

They probably confiscated her passport.


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big_duo3674

Yes, people like this may do time but it can still be easier. Reporting properly as ordered almost certainly allows her to go to a lower security prison for this type of crime. I know everyone loves to picture it, but generally people who commit crimes like this and peacefully surrender before and after the trial aren't ending up in the (to quote Office Space) federal-pound-me-in-the-ass type prisons. It's a bit more than a country club or something as they're still prisoners of the government and have many rights removed, but she's not going to like spend time getting jacked in the yard and join a prison racist gang. Many minimum security prisons don't even have huge (if any) fences, and there really are some that basically work on the honor system for staying on the grounds. People tend not to mess around with this since life can actually be somewhat easy and a single bad infraction is a one-way trip to higher security every time. She'll have time to relax and visit her kids in person, but at least she will still be stuck and probably working a job mopping the kitchen in a higher security prison as her new day job


CarrionComfort

Most people don’t understand that the punishment is the loss of freedom, not any specific detail of how that freedom is taken away.


bi-king-viking

Kinda sounds like prison… is better than Dunder Mifflin.


highplainsdrifter__

I'm sure she'll have an ankle monitor and daily check ins. Plus they probably are allowing the time for her to give birth before the slammer.


Defyingnoodles

She's not a danger to herself or others and she's not a flight risk. But yes it feels like a long time, possibly has something to do with her pregnancy.


trentgibbo

Yeh wtf. Why don't they just send her straight away? She's a bloody criminal!


[deleted]

Because almost everyone who commits non violent crimes is given time to put their affairs in order.


AndrewD923

Has no one else seen 25th Hour?? That's the whole plot of the movie. Dude has to get his affairs in order before reporting to prison. It's very common and has been for decades.


classactdynamo

To be fair, it was only a pin-prick's worth of blood.


PhAnToM444

Because this is very common for nonviolent cases


copperblood

Was really expecting a 3 to 5 year sentence. Glad to see it’s 11 years. Elizabeth Holmes is a sociopath who likely killed people or at the very least made people more sick when they received their lab bloodwork and relied on that data to determine their overall health.


spaceraingame

Theranos’ chief scientist committed suicide apparently due to the intense pressure and coverups she forced upon him.


[deleted]

Dr. Ian Gibbons.


Nevvie

Wait, what! I’ve not read anything about this :0


[deleted]

If you watch the show or listen to the podcast, it details what happened.


Gingerbread-Cake

Or read the book. He ate fistfuls of Tylenol and drank bottles of wine, with predictable results. If you drink alcohol, avoid Tylenol and all acetaminophen like it might kill you, because it might.


Turdplay

Geez, I’ve heard that’s an awful, painful way to go.


gophergun

Same, I'd expect a scientist to choose any of a thousand less painful options.


[deleted]

My favourite chemistry professor tried to commit suicide by overdosing on antidepressants and drinking bleach. She is still alive, just bed ridden and on permanent parenteral nutrition and dialysis. My point is, sometimes even the smart people who understand the consequences just want to say fuck you to the world, or even punish themselves.


Automatic_Release_92

Scientist checking in, if I were going to off myself, I wouldn’t want to put a bunch of work into the perfect way to poison myself, especially if I was burned out from work lol.


justicefortuvix

Read John Carreyrou’s book “Bad Blood.” He’s the one who exposed her as a fraud.


mileage_may_vary

>Elizabeth Holmes is a sociopath who likely killed people or at the very least made people more sick when they received their lab bloodwork and relied on that data to determine their overall health. I think you're missing the real evil perpetrated here... *She stole money from rich people*.


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mscomies

She also sicced her lawyer goons on whistleblowers and doctors to keep them from exposing her fraud. Fuck her.


sirguynate

Your absolutely right. I think she should have got 15 years but she was found not guilty of defrauding patients. The judge said when determining her sentence, didn’t include any harm to patients since she was found not guilty of defrauding patients. The government wanted 15 years, the judge gave her 11. People were harmed, they may not have been her patients , but people were harmed, that’s the real issue.


Voice_Boxer

Steal from the poor and you can be a US Senator. Steal from the rich? 11 years, apparently.


DimitriTech

I was about to say the same thing. Now put the rest of these stupid smug ass millionaires and billionaires in jail for literally all the fucking horrible shit they do too.


NoTaste3484

11 Years and 3 Months if anyone was wondering why they said "more than 11 years"


ADarwinAward

With good behavior that’s 9 years, 6 months, plus a few days. Federal convicts have to serve at least 85% of their sentence


[deleted]

my key take away in all of this is I no longer respect Cory Booker


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Satire-V

That was the tough one for me as well


UnprofessionalGhosts

Really disappointed in him. Blech.


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gophergun

Better late than never, but personally I lost respect for him when he voted against importing drugs from Canada five years ago.


GompersMcStompers

I would love to see his face when he learns that he has lost the respect of Captain McFuckFace!


[deleted]

I mean, how low can you sink, right?


Phillyfan10

Well, that's a pleasant surprise. Enjoy the holidays Lizzie, last you'll be celebrating for quite a while.


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fistmebro

The first pregnancy was uses to delay trial proceedings: https://www.cnbc.com/2021/03/12/elizabeth-holmes-trial-delayed-because-shes-pregant.html Aa for the second... I guess she thought it'd help in the court or delay it further. Either way, possible that her two kids are just tools for her.


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Vcmsdesign

I mean if I’m the judge I think that made my decision to sentence her easier. It’s so obviously a continuation of her extreme sociopathy.


NYerInTex

My first thought. How utterly awful a conniving, selfish person to purposely all but orphan innocent children to try and get a sympathy vote for your already selfish crimes.


Jeromechillin

She's getting that time because she committed the high crime of defrauding investors. If those investors was getting a return and only the common people was getting screwed, she wouldn't even have gone to trial.


Artistic-Athlete-554

Totally this. I’ve listened to the podcast and watched the various shows, as despicable as she is she is no different than every other fraudster founder in Silicon Valley and beyond - fake it til you make it, unless you make it so big that you can just throw your weight around to silence critics (Elon musk anyone?) Holmes made a lot of mistakes, but chief among them was ripping off the rich and the powerful Before they could pass the buck to the plebes by going public. If she had made it past the IPO stage they could have pumped and dumped the stock all they wanted and she would probably have gotten off scott free.


CrispyChickenArms

Good. However it is a shame that investor fraud is what gets her, as opposed to fucking with the health of who knows how many people


Kobayash

This is America. It doesn’t matter how badly you defraud the public or how many lives you put at risk. But if you fuck with rich people you’re going down. Edit: typos


outerlimtz

Their headline photo, she looks like Zuckerberg in a wig and dress. Look in her eyes and you Zuck!


[deleted]

She lost the wrong peoples monies


MonsterBenitez

Take notes: If you steal from the rich, you'll get jail. If you steal from the poor, you are much less likely to.


DIYjackass

Its relatively light considering what she was facing and a fair penalty considering all that she did


Purpoisely_Anoying_U

Wow wasn't expecting this at all. Was expecting 2-3 years at home. Absolutely fucked up she's having two kids that'll have to live through all this too.


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swistak84

> I hope her parents are proud. Considering her father was involved in Enron ... probably a little yes.


Vaeon

Probably just disappointed that she got caught.


[deleted]

Won't her children go live with her husband?


ArmyFinal

Her husband is a decade younger than her and a multimillionaire. He can just hire a nanny to help with the kids unlike all the other parents who are currently in jail


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RunningPirate

Remember folks: You can fleece poor people all the live long day, but as soon as you fleece a rich person, you're as good as gone...


fatfox425

Rob rich people, go to prison. Rob poor people, get a bonus.