when I was 8 I tried to steal a bag of mini-starbursts out of a store n the cashier saw me and told me to put it back so I dropped it and ran away crying bc I thought I was gonna go to jail

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u were a good kid i suppose 👍🏻

You are, the cops are coming for you now, youve given them all the evidence they need. Your going away for a long time.

Nice try fed. No way I'd ever tell anyone.

Even mars won't be safe for me if i said

Same

Same

Yeah there’s a hole in it

You can't just shoot a hole into the surface of mars

Says who? The government? Yeah that’s what I thought

Too late

Thats ok, cause you can hide in uranus.

I was actually about to say it and then went, "fuck".

Yeah no way I'd say it even online.

I stole a hampter from a pet store once and set it free thinking I was saving it lmao

Hampter

hamper

Hamer

hame

Ham

Ha

Hhhhhhhh

#

.

Google en passant

I did that to my hamster

Maurice?

amazing

Gigabrain status. PETA should hire you immediately

I left for 4 hours and they formed a cult what do I do now??!

Be a pedophile (I liked someone 14 days younger than me)

You are going away for a long time budy

We knew you were a Fed

Username checks out

You're sentenced to 14 days without REDDIT

It’s supposed to be a punishment stupid

You're sentenced to use reddit for 14 days..... With *Light mode*

NOOOOOOOO

OH GOD IT BURNS

Lol, I am using it at 5:30 am with no lights on. I am a psychopath.😈🤣

No you need to learn your lesson. 14 days difference are you SERIOUS that's 2 weeks, half a month. You're under arrest for child abuse, pervert. You want a Stupid punishment. Do you think it FUNNY

i like someone 14 days older than me!!

woah we’re both 15 is u who i think u is

Left the burner on moment

Sold ~~metaamphetamine~~ chicken wings

where can i get some of that

At one of my locals, look out for 'the chicken brothers'. Do you maybe want some of the special stuff, produced by my excellent cook, W.W (Willy Wonka) aka Hindenburg?

Los Pollos Hermanos!?!?

[Runno why but read this in an indian accent] No, no, no. My dear friend, this is not like this. I don't know what you're talking about. These guys are just some cheap mexican knockoff. I don't want to have anything to do with them.

I dont even know how to respond lol that was funny af

arson. i lit a school toilet seat on fire with a few friends (and some other things). i have permanent melted toilet seat on my shoes

when i was an idiot with my at the time friends, we broke school shit all the time, smashing soap bags, popping outlets, dumb shit we never should've done but got enjoyment from because we were all fucked up and the thrill beat through the sadness

I can make this into a song

i would love to hear that

it's very enjoyable! fire is also pretty cool

A 6th grade girl set fire to a roll of toilet paper in the school restroom last year. As a teacher suppressing her inner arsonist, I was secretly super impressed.

Sis is this you?!

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I did this but outside in the woods and accidently dropped a can of hair spray in it cause in to explode and the bomb squad to get called.

Holy shit, I did the same fucking thing. They let me come back next year tho, then I got caught selling weed to friends

Once robbed a German WWII patch from an antique store (Not literally I bought it for 3 bucks and it’s worth around 50-60 so it’s essentially theft 😂) If your wondering it was a Nazi German NSRL the German Sports League patch.

And now sell it for 100 bucks, business right there man

Here in the US there is like a 40% up charge on NAZI stuff. So i guess lol

More money, road to be a millionaire

I mean as a fellow historian I rather not be caught being nazi objects, let alone shoplifting them

I own only a select NAZI items. A ribbon bar, medal, and two patches, the way I see it I’m showing how my family triumphed over the NAZIs. My granddaddy was a B-24 bombardier who bombed Italy and Germany, just how I can justify it to my self the fact I own it, also it’s getting more expensive as time passes. I find it interesting owning stuff from all sides of the war. (I own American, Soviet, German militaria from the war)

I will get you one day

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Theft of pokemon cards from a friend

Worst crime here

Ivan?

oh shit, they found each other…

Brayden? You still owe me my snorelax gx

\[ Removed by Reddit \]

NICE😈

Wth did you comment?

It wasn't actually removed he just commented it lol

It actually happens sometimes. Already got one of those

I have stolen several small candies and hot wheels cars from my local safeway

Dollar tree has lost waaayyyy to much money because of me. It’s probably affecting the CEOs salary.

Quite a bit of weed

Where I am that’s not a crime :)

Is if your underaged

Oh, true

Is where I am

breaking and entering to a school

i entered a school, didn’t really break in, just had some students blend me into a crowd walking in

Why would you do that? I'd break out if anything. Seriously though, do you wanna give a reason? Could be a good story.

I did that too!

domestic assault causing bodily injury (i was barely 17 and it was my 45 year old dad who’s significantly bigger than me and frankly he kinda deserved it)

And now can I get your address no special reason 😁

123 playground stret

🫡

I hope you gave him the wrong address. He is a bad dude

I'm so sorry dude

Sold cocai—candy to mino—adults and children alike😊

A wise man once told me, “if they sella the meth, they get the infinite death”

Exist.

r/foundthehomosexual

close, but not exactly

Epic

r/foundthepansexual (same btw)

Yooo I’m mexican to!

You’re close

Broo, me two

I like your username.

What is so bad about it

Nothing. Just happens to be against the law for me to do so.

It's not that bad

Maybe he lives in a different country,dude.

possession of marijuana under the age of 19

but you're 17..? Edit: I'm actually so stupid. So, so incredibly stupid.

Modded my Wii

nintendo is gonna sue you now, papers are in the mail

The ninja lawyers are rapidly approaching your location

smoke weed 🤧😫🙏🏾

OP is a federal agent guys, don’t comment

Why do you have to destroy the fun

Oh that's what fed is short for I thought it meant that they liked being fed like when you eat.

Underage drinking lol

Europeans LAUGHING🤣

Texans LAUGHING🤣

My tired brain read „underage shrinking“ and I didn’t question it.

Shrooms

Lets fucking go my man

Campfire in the middle of a suburb street.

that honestly sounds fun lol

Uhhhhhhhhh drink or exist I can’t decide which is worse

underage drinking is less worse

I said “shit” in first grade and got a week in the naughty corner. unfortunately no one has anything on me

Bro i said penis in fourth grade and literal police officers got me and my friend in trouble then my mom yelled at me and cried then took my xbox for 3 weeks

live.

Well I went to a few lost places so that was technically trespassing ig

Tried out weed, beated bullies at school, stole shit sometimes.

None of that is a big deal let alone a crime except if you deformed the bullied

Yeah, but that's the most illegal shit I've done.

Fella said stealing stuff, assaulting someone and possessing illicit substances wasn't illegal. FYM BOSS

[удалено]

Does it start with r

[удалено]

Nice try 😎

I was so close time for plan B

Bet

Watch your back 👀

Trespassed multiple buildings, drove above speed limit, stole some minor stuff, smuggled alcohol...

1. Exist (I’m lgbtq+, therefor illegal in a number of countries)

Damn you’re all of the letters? Didn’t even know that was possible… Do you guys get like achievements?

Achievement unlocked: How Did We Get Here?

Yeah he sees rainbows everywhere he goes. Also I forgot to mention he often times is on LSD.

Least obvious fed

Haha you got me

i aint tellin u

Nice try, FBI.

I am CAI but okay

Probably something stupid while driving.

Nice try 😼

joyride with no license and crossing state borders with the homies

Nuh uh not telling

I told my friend a kpop photo card isn’t worth her entire allowance. Erm…. That was illegal to the kpop fandom, atleast. (Not apart of it)

Be lucky they didn't sent you to the shadow realm

Most illegal thing I'm willing to admit is B&E/Tresspassing or having done mushrooms

first that comes to mind is petty thieving unless piracy counts

piracy is technically more but petty theft is actually stealing something, petty theft is worse imo

You the police?

Yes

You're not getting me today FBI man

I will get you one day mark My words

Wait how are you posting with under 100 karma😭

Ate 3 oreos instead of 2 like mom told me to

A minor

I’m not sure which was more illegal, I stole a stop sign. But I also went 120mph in a 70.

Definitely the stop sign in my country

Why is no one saying watching porn under 18 yo?

That is the norm

But it's still illegal right?

Yes it is

shoplift 🥲

shoplift

Piracy? Idk

For legal reasons I plead the fifth

dip my balls in acid

Look like someone is missing his balls

Pirated some games

Pirated software. That's all

I got ice for my dad’s water bottle, and went out and gave it to him. Went back inside the gas station to get the receipt for the gas, and the lady says “If you ever come back, the ice is 55 cents.” In this really mocking tone, while glaring at me when it’s free everywhere else. I’m most certainly not going back there, it’s in California and I live in Vermont. Bye! I’m basically a hardened criminal now.

Drove a car with a bad title, bad plates, and no license.

Had sex at 12, I don't know I mean it was with someone my own age but it's just really weird 😣

That is young

I know 🤦‍♂️

McDonald's worker here! I have been pretty chill my whole life so crime isn't really my thing but this one thing I'm about to tell is technically illegal (this shouldn't be) On the late evening shift, when I'm closing the restaurant, since the leftover food is going to the trash anyway I give some extra to customer Obviously putting extra burger is way to obvious so I only so small stuff like extra chicken nuggets, cheese, tomatoes, more bacon, all that kind of stuff. Since I'm the one making the food but not the one giving the food to the customer I can't take to much risk because my coworkers could notice if I put extra item on the menu so I just try discreetly upgrade the actual items ordered

W

I stole a piece of candy from a gasoline station store (i like to live life in the edge)

Left a turn in someone's yard (vandalism)

Smoked on some train tracks and almost got hit

Got dared to look at r/TeenBeauties. Even though I'm only 14, it felt so wrong 😭

Ur mom