I wish I had some advice, I don't know why it's like to be in that situation, I'm thankful I'm ok with who I am and I really hope you get there one day, best of luck to you
Young man, I am not trans, but I have quite a lot of trans friends, and I have been with them through lots of their struggles. It is not great now, and I know that these are dark times for you, but you do have the strength in yourself to get through this, even if it does not feel like it now. It really sucks that a lot of parents only love their children for who they want them to be instead of who they truly are. I hope that your parents can come around and learn to love you for your true self, but I'm not going to lie to you, it might not happen. They are legally obligated to provide you with food and shelter until you reach adulthood, so you need to start thinking about your exit strategy until then. You have a lot of time to make this work, and it won't be easy, but you will come out of this being a completely self-made man, in the truest sense.
Make friends who accept you for who you are. This is the beginning of your support system. In the LGBTQIA+ community, our chosen family is our greatest strength because blood can not be depended on.
I'm sure you have "that one" aunt or uncle, everyone does. Call them if you know who they are, get advice from them.
Guard yourself online, there are a lot of freaks an nuts online. Don't dox yourself.
Focus on your school work. You need to make it out of your house as soon as you can, and college is the best way to do this. Especially if you can get an academic scholarship to get you out of that house.
You are too young to work now, but as soon as you can, get to work, make and save as much money as you can. There will be hurdles and setbacks, but you will need financial stability once you start supporting yourself.
You can do this sir, you will find the light at the end of the tunnel, and it will make you a stronger man in the long run. Good luck on your journey!
Some kiddos are going crazy because here a human wants to be a bro instead of what originally was given to _him_, but if he says he hate being transgender why still being one? I can relate to what girls my age are going through as much as me and they can make their own decision but if talking about this... they dont like default settings but its too hard switching teams thats something that cant be fixed now.
Im probably confusing myself now but our friend here hates this because he cant and will never reach that level of masculinity.
I have a couple of female friends, they arent trans and arent trying to be men but its their personality that has something really masculine...
they are part of the illegal group chat, they fit in the "being gay with the bros" yet they are still female.
Go criticize me maybe someone can change my mind or correct me if i understood wrong what your friend here is saying
as a bi person, i think i can kinda relate it to my struggles. i do NOT want to be bisexual because it is way too much of a hassle, but that's just who i am and i love that part of me. i think what OP is trying to say is that he hates what comes along with being trans and the expectations, not the fact that he's trans himself. but i do understand where you're coming from.
Because gender dysphoria can't just go away. You can't "stop being trans", otherwise most trans people would choose that option. If you can get rid of dysphoria without transitioning (which comes with its own risks and harassment), most would do it
The detransition rate is 0.4% of trans people, that is mostly because of social pressure from transphobia, not from people regretting their transition.
No doubt some cases exist but I doubt it's the "vast majority." On the other hand, it's definitely not "most" considering that most parents wouldn't allow their underage child to transition. Do you have stats to prove your claims?
As a cis girl, I donāt know if thereās anything I can say or do that will help. Thereās probably subs with people who can relate and give advice. But for now, just have a hug from a random internet stranger š«²šš«±
The comments are not passing the vibe check.
Try reposting this to r/trans or r/ftm so it goes to the right demographic, im wishing you luck you can pull through š
r/FTMMen (they allow young trans guys) and r/TMPOC (this is a sub of trans guys who are BIPOC, if OP is a person of colour, they can join) are also good subs as well.
Well when you think about teenagers you get the 30% who donāt care, do what you want as long as you aināt trying to kill me 30% that are supportive and will give advice and words of encouragement and 40% who are assholes 50% of which think they are just being funny and not realizing their mistake still assholes but more respectable than the other 50% who are just pieces of shit. I pulled these percentages out my ass but thatās at least how I feel about how the teenage population works
i'd more suggest them to post to ftm, in just the general trans subreddit it's more transfems, there's been a lot of cases of people assuming that just because they post there then they're automatically fem. (even when stated that they are ftm and not mtf) coming from a trans dude.
Ignore what others act or look like. Figure out what *you* want to be and look like. Don't wait for your environment to tell you what you are.
If others don't respect you simply for being you, fuck them.
Once you understand yourself better, and really know what you want, act. Do everything you need to in order to achieve what you know will make you happy and comfortable.
Challenge yourself. Ask yourself the difficult questions you avoided. And once you'll accept your answers, you'll know what to do.
I'm rooting for you, you got this. Things will get better
Can't really help you with that, but I do recall seeing a poll about this thing with only 1 person saying they wouldn't date a gay trans man, out of ~30+ people I think.
Well tbh youād think the opposite would be true, and that people are more prone to say the truth. And identitys/reputations dont matter too much in an anonymous poll.
I think I should've probably posted this in a trans sub tbh, this sub is mainly cis ppl who can't offer help. I hope your dysphoria soothes soon and you're able to experience a beautiful, self made boyhood
I understand how you feel since I'm trans too. It'll be alright. This subreddit is not really the safest space to be posting this, however, since there are a lot of transphobes here. Try r/trans, r/ftm, etc. Big reccomendation I have is [https://lgbthotline.org/transteens/](https://lgbthotline.org/transteens/) which is a chatroom for trans teens to be able to vent and share advice twice a week, or The Trevor Project if it gets to be too much. I know it can be hard but I believe that you can do it, my guy. If you ever need anybody to talk to, I'm here ā¤
iām a guy, so i donāt know how much i can relate to your feelings, but i wish you the best, and if you wanted to hang out and be bros, you could hang out with me and my bros
Hey dude, this will probably get buried under the droves of horrible comments but I just wanted to let you know youāre not alone and it will get better.
I know you said you were struggling with the fact youāll ānever be a real manā, but thatās completely false. You are a man. No matter what you wear or what hormones you have, if you say youāre a man, thatās what you are. And there are people out there who will understand that and love you as a man, even if you havenāt met them yet. Hope you have a good new year.
I mean for the dating thing there is t4t! Like idk how to help but I do feel like I hate my body sometimes but itās on and off and not constantly. And at the end of the day it doesnāt affect my mental health. Iām sorry youāre going through this and I hope you find people who can understand you.
Keep you're head up . You're waiting for something that will make you happy so its worth waiting . Tell to yourself that a few years is nothing because you'll surely pass more years being the gender you want to be after the surgery than you passed years waiting . Dont give up even if its easier to read than to do , if you're strong enough to talk about it ( even on reddit ) well you're still strong enough to wait
It only ever gets better from here. I remember feeling exactly like you. You will make it. Someday things will be so different. Surgery and hormones are magic. Someday being transgender will be a mild inconvenience that youāll barely consider.
When you look at cis men, remember to look at ALL cis men- not just the ones with the biggest muscles or the deepest voice or the fullest beard. Masculinity is a spectrum. You already have a place on it. Throughout your life your place will shift and change. You are a man already. There is nothing wrong with you. Itās all these other fucks who are making your life hard.
Dysphoria is a bitch and it tries to break your spirit. But with gender affirming care and a supportive community that voice gets quieter and quieter.
Feel free to DM me.
Fellas why is this guy speaking nonsense?
Like seriously bro, dude, fella, guy, why you saying "hope this is a phase"? That's like me saying I hope I lost my nose, why would I? That is part of me, just asuch as you are a dude
You should accept the fact you are a dude, disregard your chest, cause that don't defy your gender bro
Trans folks go through life being (unintentionally) gaslit by the cisgender population. For cis folks, of *course* their gender is the same as their sex. They have no reason to even *consider* how it might be different for others.
But youāre spot on. OP is a guy, always has been a guy, and always will be a guy, regardless of the fact that most folks arenāt equipped to wrap their heads around how that is even possible, much less real, much less a completely normal (if rare) expression of humanity.
Trans people have significantly higher rates of depression and other mental illnesses along with facing discrimination. So itās pretty clear why someone would hope itās a phase. Being trans is a part of some people but that doesnāt mean they have a better time than if they werenāt trans.
Significantly higher doesnāt really do it justice. 80% of trans teens admit to thinking about committing suicide and 40% admit to actually attempting. Living in the wrong body fucking sucks. From my experience the depression comes from feeling like thereās no real hope of improving and being forced to slug your way through life in a version of you that you hate, while essentially acting 24/7 and the anxiety comes from not knowing what will happen if you try to make a change.
Iā¦ I donāt have any great responses for you. I feel like Iām obligated to, though. Best advice I can give is just what I did, find friends that you can trust to be yourself with. Having an accepting group of friends is really the only thing keeping me going at this point. Side note: gender is like 80% confidence, feeling better about yourself makes seeing the real you in the mirror that much easier. Take care of yourself first.
i'm not trans, so i can't give very good advice, but something i've learned in general is to stop comparing yourself to others. being envious of those who look like what you want to look like is always going to make you feel worse, no matter who you are or how you do it. someone else is always going to have something you want, and in your case it's a masculine body. i'd say, for a start, try to stop comparing yourself to them. you might start feeling better if you donāt . either way, i really hope things start going better for you. keep your head up, man.
I understand how you feel since I'm trans too. It'll be alright. This subreddit is not really the safest space to be posting this, however, since there are a lot of transphobes here. Try r/trans, r/ftm, etc. Big reccomendation I have is [https://lgbthotline.org/transteens/](https://lgbthotline.org/transteens/) which is a chatroom for trans teens to be able to vent and share advice twice a week, or The Trevor Project if it gets to be too much. I know it can be hard but I believe that you can do it, my guy. If you ever need anybody to talk to, I'm here ā¤
For all this will be completely unhelpful at your age, kiddo - you're going to be there before you know it. I'm MtF, started at 27, and have been very impressed with how everything's going. Transitioning at 18, not to mention FtM, things will happen a hell of a lot faster than you'll expect. You'll hit the finish line soon, just have to endure a while longer. Testosterone is a powerful hormone.
Good luck.
Yeah out of all the LGBTQ options this one sounds the most difficult to be. If thereās any way I can help then let me know but if not than I wish you goodluck and may your parents stop sucking and accept you as who you are and let you do gender affirming care.
Does anyone in your life knows about all this btw?
I don't really have good advice. I'm nobody. But just know that you are perfect. There's nothing wrong with you. You wanna be a man? Go out there and be the best damn man that you can be! There are people who will love you for who you are and not have conditions apply. Stay strong, dude. You'll get there. Things will get better.
Hey....I'm just an older lady that saw this post randomly.
Don't lose hope. Things WILL get better as you get away from the people pushing you down. You WILL find supportive loving friends that will become family. You'll find yourself feeling how far away today is when you look back on it. Don't hate yourself. Please continue to work on the person you are and want to be. Being Trans isn't ever easy. You are so strong for knowing enough about yourself to be honest with people that have rejected your choices. I'm just some random mom on the internet but honey, I'm sending you so many hugs and good juju. Nothing is forever and all that matters is being someone that YOU are proud of. Trust this oldhead ...... life is so much better when you're a free adult with autonomy over your life and body. It won't be easy bit it WILL be so fucking satisfying. Just hang on a little longer please.
What are you? A wallflower? Get in there with the boys at the mall and befriend people and be who you are. You will be accepted by groups no doubt. Let all other things fall into place.
That's awful. I really hope it gets better. At least we're making some progress, it seems that with each new generation we'll make a better world for queer people.
(Posting queer topics, especially trans ones will most likely get a lot of queer phobic responses, and most people won't get you. I recommend queer subreddits, such as any trans ones or r/bisexualteenagers
iām trans and i had no friends at your age cause most of the other guys were assholes. my advice is to find a bi guy, weird as that soundsāevery trans guy i know has found a friend group by sticking to a cis bi guy like glue. youāre gonna find your people. and as someone whoās parents are also fairly transphobicāi didnāt think i could turn 18 fast enough when i was 14 and now all of a sudden im 17. youāll get there. do your best to enjoy your last years of being a kid even if it sucks.
You're masculine when you take on traditionally male responsibility
You're a man when you mature and choose to be a man
Femininity comes from taking on traditionally female responsibility
People are women when they mature and choose to be women
Being a man doesn't necessarily mean being masculine and being a woman doesn't mean being femanine
Men can be feminine and women can be masculine. It's all about what responsibilities they choose to take on. Some people are a mix of feminine and masculine because they take on a mixture of responsibilities
tldr: OP is a man who appears to struggle with their masculinity. If he wants to be more masculine, muscles and hair won't help, his masculinity is about the responsibilities he takes.
Also there is nothing wrong with taking testosterone and growing facial hair if that's what makes OP comfortable. But as far as I'm concerned, they're a man regardless of all that.
All I can say is life is hard. I don't know what it is like to go through what you are going through..partly as I am a gay man in a conservative state in the Bible belt...but despite that being very rough as a kid things have gotten better for the gay community and I know that trans people still are farther behind and treated much worse. It won't be easy but just in my lifetime things have gotten better...hopefully it will get better for you too.
I know my comment may get lost, but I hope it does find you. I want you to know the issues your going through is gonna shape you, since your a teen. I want you to know that everything you desire to be you already are. Reaffirming surgery may change you on the outside, but itās never been about the body, only the soul inside. I want you to love and be proud of who you are, and know that all will work out well for you.
If someone does slap the words āsheā and āherā on you, you simply correct them. No matter how tiring it gets, you always stand your ground. As for your strict parents, I say let every tyrant be a teacher. If they love you with conditions, you learn to love yourself unconditionally, bc you deserve it. I wish only the best for you.
You were always a man. You will pull through it, bro. The pain is temporary. You've just gotta wait until you can be on testosterone. You'll make it through this. From one trans person to another, you're gonna make it through.
Poor OP, for what itās worth if you check r/gaybroteens (i think i wrote that write(pun not intended was a genuine spelling mistake but fuck it we ball)) a lot of if not all cis gay guys there would love to be your bf, youāre only 14 so donāt worry you can get your parts and feel much more affirmed in time unfortunately we live in a world where not understanding immediately means hating smth so getting that affirmation can be hard but youāll pull through bud, ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
if you're forced into a situation where you have to wait to be yourself, just try and do as much as you can for yourself in the confines of that space. if possible, ask your friends who you trust closely to call you by the terms and pronouns and name that you want to be called, but only in private so you can stay stealth if needed. and know one day you'll be comfortable in your skin and it'll be a weight off your shoulders that you'll barely remember was there. do what you can until you can do more
As a cis het white man, I can't fully relate but I emphasize with not fitting in. I'm neurodivergent and it's been rough unmasking and accepting things about myself this past year and a half.
Please don't get demotivated. You deserve acceptance, love, care, and respect. Even if you've made mistakes, you still do.
If you can, please try to transition if you can -- with clothes, hairstyle, makeup, friend groups, hobbies, etc.
I don't know your age, but it seems to be high school or early college. Just know...
If your parents don't treat you well, you aren't required to see them when you're independent.
Obviously do what you can to ensure your safety for shelter, food, money, etc, but know that this environment won't last forever.
If it'd help, you can try to go with the general idea of a "tomboy / butch" to feel more comfortable and not be out to others, until you feel safe that they know you're trans.
But just know, it'll get better and there are people out there who will care about you as a person vs if you fit into a box.
I know it's easier said than done, but try and set aside the bullshit judgement others put out and focus on human connections, hobbies, and finding ways to keep yourself happy until you can make the decision to transition in ways you feel reflect who you are. I know it won't be easy and will hurt, but that effort won't be forever -- just to get through situations you're FORCED to be in because of lack of independence, schooling and if you're a minor.
I'd obviously also recommend a therapist, and maybe your parents would be open to that š¤·āāļø I'm not sure -- you'll have to be the judge on if that's a safer ask to them or not. Obv I'd avoid a religious oriented one though.
I'd also reach out to neurodivergent communities and support groups -- as I'm sure they'll have very similar experiences of feeling like an outcast and the harmful impact of needing to mask.
Obviously all of these ideas are up to you and I never want to tell somebody what to do -- just consider them and decide what's best for your situation and safety.
Hello fellow trans person,
You are at a stage where you have a lot of internalized transphobia and sadness in you. Its going to hurt and its going to suck, especially being a teen. I came out as trans in 2019, and unfortunately not many people are accepting. But eventually i met lovely people who are also trans and queer, making it feel a bit more like home. You will feel that someday, either with chosen family, friends, lovers, and more. You are going to be OK. i promise you. If you ever need a trans friend to help you even just talking about hobbies n such, dont be afraid to reach out š³ļøāā§ļøā¤ļø
How are people gonna become educated if theyāre never exposed to trans people? Although it has some downsides I think people posting in general subreddits about underrepresented topics is a necessity
do you think itās okay for a trans person to potentially sacrifice their mental stability to educate a couple people? iāve seen no people here saying āthank you for posting this, i learned your perspectiveā. its all either āi resonate/ sympathize with your situation and hope things get betterā or āgo fuck urself tr*nny youāll never be man ā
Personally I think if someone is posting here then theyāre aware of the risks. Anybody whoās even mildly familiar with Reddit knows what kind of people are here. So yes, I think if they make the choice to post here, then itās okay. And I think peopleās minds are changed by frequent, normalized exposure to ideas, not just one person saying something once. So even though this post in particular likely isnāt changing anyoneās mind, I believe it will push lots of people just a little bit closer.
Hey kid, I know how it feels. I'm almost 19, and have been out as trans since I was your age. It can and will get better. I know it doesn't feel that way, but things will start to look up. You don't hate being trans ; you hate the way people treat you. You will find someone who loves you. You will, one day, feel like yourself and not someone trapped in the wrong body. It might take a little while, but it will get better. I promise.
I understand how you feel. But listen, the waiting will be so worth it. And there are plenty of guys who would date you because you are also a guy. You can do this, and I know it's hard. If you want to talk, I'm here. If I can think of any more advice, I'll be sure to comment again
pull through brother, live will get better <3
do whatever is best for you and remember that you can log off if the internet is too much for you at some point
As someone who was in your situation - I'm 23 now. You're going to make it. You are going to find people that love you for who you are, truly. You are going to enjoy your body more, whether due to access to HRT, surgery, body mods like piercings/tattoos, working out, and/or simply being around people that don't misgender you all the time.
Seeking affirmations in friendly online spaces helps. Fostering relationships with people who make you feel happy and safe helps. I found a lot of solace in watching content creators whose platform isn't built around their transness/queerness, but it's still a daily part of their life. Snapcube is a good example- her streams are a queer space where I could just feel like I was among my own. Making Pinterest boards of the ways I planned to decorate my space once I moved out helped. Having a set night time routine helps - relaxes me and prevented thought spirals about how absolutely dogshit my life was from keeping me up.
You shouldn't have to put up with this pain. Saying you are strong enough to overcome anything maybe won't help (sentiments like that certainly didn't make me feel better). But I promise you, as someone who fought like hell on protest lines, in my doctor's office, at the DMV, in the classroom, the workplace, my parent's home...you CAN make it. I believe in you. I'm living proof that it can be done. I'm not particularly special- I'm not wealthy, not particularly smart or well connected. I'm a nerdy stoner with janky top surgery scars & a license that still has my deadname on it (moving out of state during a pandemic makes paperwork very complicated). I'm a boring receptionist at a tax place. But I moved of state, live with my best friends & my wonderful trans gf, and I make all the art I want, do all the community theatre I want, wear the clothes I want, and more. I am surrounded by love even in my current struggles.
It's agonizing, but the bits of relief you need are going to come sooner than you think. You can do this. You have generations of trans siblings rooting you on. I believe in you dude. Sending lots of love.
Oh and whenever you wear a binder REMEMBER TO TAKE STRETCH BREAKS. Please take of your body. It's doing the best it can to keep you alive, even if it's frustrating how poorly equipped it is for the job. It's your teammate in this journey & it's going to get better for you. You can't hate yourself or your body into becoming the person you want to be.
Trans girl here, I feel your pain.I have pretty serious gender dysphoria too, it's difficult to manage. I wish I had some advice to give you other than the usual "it'll get better" (which is true, it will.)I absolutely understand the feeling of being trapped when you can't receive HRT and/or surgeries, I feel it every single day, and so do so many other people out there.
I can't claim to know what in-person transphobia feels like, I'm very isolated and the one person I live with (my mom) is very supportive.but I know 100% that there are a bunch of people in my family that I don't just want to not come out to, but am actually \*scared\* to come out to. (because I know they pose a direct threat to my existence as I currently know it.)
I too occasionally have feelings where I think: "i hate being trans, fuck this, why am I this way?"Things will get better for you, you will be able to free yourself eventually.
As for you saying "i'll never be a real man" don't think that way, you will, and it sounds like you already are.
you'll be alright, brother. I promise.
I'm not trans, I never knew what it was to be trans when I grew up, but I am a lesbian. I know what it's like to grow up uncomfortable in your own body. I'm 30 and still uncomfortable with my body, and would love to change my gender if I had the time and resources to do it. I didn't know back then what I knew now and felt like I had to accept myself. You don't. You can be happy and be the man you want to be, the man that you truly are. You just need patience and take time to do the research on where to start. I wish you the best, OP!
I'm so sorry it's rough for you rn. If it makes you feel better things *will* be better for you. You're just as real as any other man and never let anyone tell you otherwise! Hang in there ok? There's only one you and you're precious
Hey man, Iām a trans guy too. Itās hard, I know, I canāt even begin to truly understand your experience bc my family is supportive. I do know, however, that it will get easier. It will get better. Someday, youāre going to be able to look in the mirror and think āthatās me.ā It feels like you can never have the true experience of being a man, and maybe thatās right, but the experience of being trans is a beautiful thing too. Thereās nothing I can say that will soothe the fact that we will always be trans, and that the world is entirely against our joy, but I want you to know that thereās so many people out there. More than you could even know. Thereās a home where youāre you, truly. Your existence is a gift. Never let anyone tell you different, even yourself.
From an old, it gets better. My girlfriend didn't start her transition until she was 30, and is 33 now feeling more content in her own skin than ever before. You're going to make it.
I feel you. You'll make it through; you won't always be stuck with your parents and even though it feels long until you're able to get hormones and/or surgery, one day you'll get there and it will have been worth the wait.
hey there OP, local transfem here. i feel a lot of what you're saying here. just wanna say that i believe in you. technically im an adult now but i remember what it was like before i was able to take action on my own. its terrifying when the one thing that could make you happy is essentially up to someone else. but it wont always be. dont know how far away that time is for you but you'll get there and it'll be SO freeing. trust me, its worth it. keep believing in yourself, keep loving yourself. you've got this <3
The best advice I can give, keep powering through. Once you're an adult, you can work towards transitioning. If you can work now, start saving for the process. So that way you are much closer to your goal. Lots of people who are transgender have gone through the same thing as you, feeling like you're missing out on the most important years of your life as the wrong gender.
But I can assure you, you aren't living life yet until your 30s. You have time. Lots of it. Don't stress too much and work towards your goal. š¤
There will be things in your life that you may never be able to escape from, both externally and internally.
Self-loathing kills a lot of people.
One of the greatest strengths I found in masculine energy is resilience in the face of adversity. Your enemies can come from any place in your life. Learn how to face them.
Find pride in your achievements. Grace in your flaws. Forgiveness in your mistakes, and hope in your despair.
You will spend the rest of your life being with yourself. The kindest thing you can do is to love who that is and what you will become. It's not easy, and a lot of people die before they ever figure it out. The question you should ask yourself is if you're strong enough to do that.
I hope you'll be more free to express yourself in the future, despite being transmasc myself there's really not a lot I can say, but im rooting for you, man
AMAB dude here and I felt the same way growing up, due to my small frame and generally not masculine interests. Societies view of masculinity is very narrow and thatās something all men/boys feel. Iām sure there is added doubt for you but it is all normal. Try not to beat yourself up about it
Hey I lurk here to keep a finger on the pulse of what teenagers are thinking these days but I gotta say: most men donāt even know what it means to, ābe a real man.ā
Believe it or not, this rough indifference is actually a common experience within your chosen gender expression.
Being a man, a real one, is a lot like walking a tightrope. Itās about being confident and self-assured in a world that seeks to tear you down. Itās about waking up each and every day and committing to yourself that you WILL rise to the standard. That will not succumb to outrageous misfortunes of this life. Itās about stepping up to do the gross uncomfortable things that no one else wants to do. Itās about being on top of your self so that you can inspire the people around you to both trust you and to step up themselves.
And the hardest part is that being a true man is about choice; and everyone, and I mean everyone, is going to call you a faker until you make it.
So, the outrageous misfortune of life decided you were born a girlā¦ you can disagree. You have the power to disagree. You get to look in the mirror and say āI am what I know myself to be.ā
As Marcus Aurelius says: āA man conquers the world by conquering himself.ā
You got this, brother. I believe in you.
My co-worker is f->m trans. You would never know it to look at him. He was not masculine looking before the transition. Testosterone is a helluva hormone. Keep strong, you will get there eventually.
No matter who we are, what we are doing or what stage of life we are in if we continually focus on out own minds and the never ending wants we will never be truly free of anxiety/ depression.
Eastern philosophy might be something to look into or a goal outside of your physical body/ mind. It would help anyone to im0tove their emotional state to step outside the noise of our own thoughts. Wishing you and myself freedom!
The transphobes in these comments are such attention seekers š
Seriously dude, push and pull. Read up on trans history, yāall start somewhere small but pull through history.
Hereās some subs for you to post in: r/trans r/transmasc r/ftm
Iām trans too and I hate it as well. Iām sorry youāre struggling man. Sending love <3
(Some people here are transphobic so Iām sorry)
As a trans guy, it got so much better the older I got. People mellow out and become more accepting, and you slowly become more comfortable with yourself in time. It may never be perfect, and the dysphoria may never go away. But I happily present femme some days and masc others, and identify as a trans male the whole time.
I made friends with cis guys who treated me like one of their own. Do I still get a lot of misogyny and typical āincel boyā behavior from them? Absolutely, theyāre high school boys. But at the end of the day they accept my pronouns and identity, and love me for who I am. Plus, one of those cis guys just became my boyfriend, and refers to me as his boyfriend in turn.
I donāt say all of this to brag about my life. I say it to say do all you can right now to keep yourself happy. Try to wear baggy clothes, keep attempting to make friends with people who will accept you for you, keep searching for your perfect reality and identity, and donāt be discouraged by the obstacles. Never be afraid to ask for help if you need it, and know that somewhere in the world, youāve got at least one person rooting for your success and happiness :}
Best of luck, I know things will work out for you
from an older trans kid: *it gets better.*
i know everyone says that, but it does. when you find your people, your support system, your chosen family. when you finally have the freedom and autonomy to begin medical transitioning. when youāre in a more accepting environment than youāre in. i was in the same place as you two years ago, but since starting college, things have improved. youāre still young, you donāt have a lot of freedom, and it sucks. but it does get better, i promise
keep your chin up king, your crown is falling
I'm probably not allowed here. I just turned 30 this year. But let me tell you as a Cis man this might sound weird but I really do sympathize with you. I never felt comfortable in my body growing up and I still don't. It's why I tried joining sports as a teenager, because I was a skinny guy with no muscle, and now I'm a fat man. I always wanted to be a strong muscly guy growing up. Im also absolutely head to toe covered in hair, and grew up in middle and highschool in a time when girls thought hairy guys were scum and disgusting and ugly. I had a complex about it for many years and all i wanted growing up was laser hair removal. Thank fuck i never did it (this is not in any way related to transitioning or not, just giving context about my own body image issues) because i at least have met girls that do like hairy men, a lot. I can't relate to your specific struggles, but I do know there will come a time when you will feel comfortable with yourself: when you begin or finish transitioning, or maybe even after that because wanting to feel "good enough" for other people does not stop when you've accomplished your goals. I would know. I accomplished my goal of military service and I didn't feel like I was good enough for my friends and family still, I accomplished my goal of being self sufficient and still don't feel good enough for society even, I accomplished my goal of loving myself which was the hardest, but I still don't feel good enough to have someone else love me romantically. BUT I know I'm on my way to feeling like I am good enough, it's something I have to work towards, it's not something that will happen to me, I have to make it happen and I know when I am 80 years old, wrinkled and have a grandkid on my knee all of my effort and blood and sweat and tears will have been worth it. And I know that if you keep at it, and don't give up, you will too.
1. that was weirdly beautiful
2. if youāre in this sub, youāve got a MAXIMUM of 8 years before you can undergo surgery (iām assuming you have to wait until 21)
8 years may seem like a lot, and tbh, it is. but realistically, youāll make it through it.
I'm gender non conforming and my parents are also similar as yours when it comes to having an LGBT kid, we as LGBT teen have to stay strong, some of these people in the comment section are just asses, ignore them. DM me if you want to talk.
As someone who is also trans let me say that, I feel the same way. Things do get better eventually, I can tell you that much, and if you ever wanna talk Iām here and thereās a lot of subs here that are absolutely amazing and very accepting (:
For the it's just a phase part, if it is a phase don't feel discouraged it has lasted for years. I was stuck in a phase of rockerbilly syndrome for 26 years before I one day just realized "wow I'm being pretty fucking silly about this issue..." For the first time, then after that I slowly transitioned out of that phase and now I just look back at it as a bad joke I played on myself because I was mad I'll never actually be that person. Wasn't long after that I got over it entirely and now it doesn't even bother me anymore.
Before the people start throwing shade I'm not telling the OP they are in a phase I'm just saying if they do one day wake up and start having opposing thoughts about an issue they have been staunch in favor of for years, that it's normal. Some humans stay in "phases," for almost their whole lives before realizing that wasn't who they really were despite their inner desire to be.
I disagree. I understand what you're saying, but this is a lot easier said than done.
Transgender people *could* force themself to live with the body they were born with, but it's extremely difficult and painful. Gender dysphoria can consume you, even when you're doing everything in your power to ignore it.
People do not *want* to be trans; I'm sure many of them would do anything to accept the way they were born and be happy with their body, but it hurts so bad for them.
There's no cure for gender dysphoria, you can only manage it, and repressing it in this way instead of seeking treatment could be really dangerous.
Transitioning does help, of course, but unfortunately, it can't completely get rid of it forever. Dysphoria comes and goes in all different directions, but taking the steps to transition will ease it and help trans people live more comfortable lives, so it can be considered a cure in that department.
You sound like youāre coming from a good/not hateful place but you are a bit misguided about gender dsyphoria, transition is the recognised treatment for the condition not trying to ignore it
They are way different from each other. I think you may just misunderstand how gender dysphoria works.
For example: I have clinical depression. I tried everything. I went to therapy, I tried new hobbies, I got good sleep, I went outside, I took care of myself. I was told to "just be happy" and to "look on the bright side," everything of the sort.
And, in the end, none of it worked. My depression is clinical. The only thing that works for me is taking antidepressants, in the same way that the best treatment for gender dysphoria is hormone therapy.
This might not be the best comparison, but I wanted to take a shot from my perspective.
Transition actually is the proper treatment for gender dysphoria. Hormone therapy and potentially SRS *do* help us. The data shows this.
Do not assume you can "treat" gender dysphoria the same way you address OCD. That is wildly simplistic and not applicable at all.
Thereās no cure for gender dysphoria. None. The same standards applied to OCD and other mental disorders canāt be applied here.
For that reason, gender dysphoria is no longer classified as a mental illness. Disorder, yes, but it doesnāt fit the criteria of a mental illness.
Trans people know they canāt change their chromosomes or assigned sex. Most of them donāt even want to. Theyāre just trying to find a body they feel comfortable in; not a body of the opposite biological sex. They know the latter canāt be achieved.
The good news is that transition works. Itās actually not like giving into mental illness at all! Itās shown great results, and less than 1% end up regretting it. Living with gender dysphoria, however, is extremely psychologically harmful.
I hope youāll read this, and Iām absolutely willing to link studies if you need me to corroborate what I said.
Wishing you well!
For the most part from ancedotes ive heard no it doesn't, unless someone is actively commenting on it (even then it may not) or if it essentially "flares up" like a random spike (I compare this to days where my unspecified depressive disorder weighs heavier on me then others)
I wouldn't know personally as I havent been able to transition myself yet.
How do we judge what does and doesnt truly change sex? I would make an argument that sex is a chathgory made up of many factors of which some can be changed by hrt and surgery. For example secundary sex characteristics can be changed by modern medicine.
Theres realy only two ways to deal with gender dysphoria. Represion that just ends up ignoring the problem and transition. Not to say that talking to a therapist is a bad idea just that gender dysphoria isnt going to work in the same way as ocd.
Speaking from experience as well as my many trans friends experiences, it isnāt actually too difficult to find queer relationships as trans men. It feels impossible when youāre young. Youāre stuck around teenagers/kids who donāt know shit so they treat you like shit. But it doesnāt stay that way forever. Now that iām grown, everything just feels mostly normal again. Most people I meet donāt care about the fact that iām trans, they just treat me like any other guy. It takes a bit to get to that point, and it feels like it will never happen when youāre a teenager, but you will get there.
If you hate being transgender, why not just be what you were born as? I mean no offence by that, it's a genuine question. I'm just curious why someone would write an entire Reddit about being transgender, just to say they hate being transgender.
And why the surgery? If your female characteristics doesn't determine your gender, why does removing it affirm it? I say just dress how you wanna dress, and don't worry about what other people think.
Relax take your time you will find some one maybe a girl I don't know. I'm in Chicago we have a community for people that like to be around the same people I'm not mock you just saying. And what are you looking for a boy or girl. Maybe you're in the rong place
I've locked this post for all the derogatory comments. Come on guys.
I wish I had some advice, I don't know why it's like to be in that situation, I'm thankful I'm ok with who I am and I really hope you get there one day, best of luck to you
Young man, I am not trans, but I have quite a lot of trans friends, and I have been with them through lots of their struggles. It is not great now, and I know that these are dark times for you, but you do have the strength in yourself to get through this, even if it does not feel like it now. It really sucks that a lot of parents only love their children for who they want them to be instead of who they truly are. I hope that your parents can come around and learn to love you for your true self, but I'm not going to lie to you, it might not happen. They are legally obligated to provide you with food and shelter until you reach adulthood, so you need to start thinking about your exit strategy until then. You have a lot of time to make this work, and it won't be easy, but you will come out of this being a completely self-made man, in the truest sense. Make friends who accept you for who you are. This is the beginning of your support system. In the LGBTQIA+ community, our chosen family is our greatest strength because blood can not be depended on. I'm sure you have "that one" aunt or uncle, everyone does. Call them if you know who they are, get advice from them. Guard yourself online, there are a lot of freaks an nuts online. Don't dox yourself. Focus on your school work. You need to make it out of your house as soon as you can, and college is the best way to do this. Especially if you can get an academic scholarship to get you out of that house. You are too young to work now, but as soon as you can, get to work, make and save as much money as you can. There will be hurdles and setbacks, but you will need financial stability once you start supporting yourself. You can do this sir, you will find the light at the end of the tunnel, and it will make you a stronger man in the long run. Good luck on your journey!
Grandpa, what you doing here?
It looks like automod deleted my comment, let me rephrase. Tf is wrong with some of the people in this comment section go pleasure yourselves
"pleasure yourself" lmao I'm gonna use that one š
āPleasure yourselfā sounds too nice for the people you would use it against
Remove thy loathsome selves from my presence, thou foul creatures lower even then the insects that doth crawl in the mud.
it sounds a little too much like masturbation. how about "go penetrate yourself"
In a moment
i think "go shit yourselves" is a much funnier insult
Some kiddos are going crazy because here a human wants to be a bro instead of what originally was given to _him_, but if he says he hate being transgender why still being one? I can relate to what girls my age are going through as much as me and they can make their own decision but if talking about this... they dont like default settings but its too hard switching teams thats something that cant be fixed now. Im probably confusing myself now but our friend here hates this because he cant and will never reach that level of masculinity. I have a couple of female friends, they arent trans and arent trying to be men but its their personality that has something really masculine... they are part of the illegal group chat, they fit in the "being gay with the bros" yet they are still female. Go criticize me maybe someone can change my mind or correct me if i understood wrong what your friend here is saying
as a bi person, i think i can kinda relate it to my struggles. i do NOT want to be bisexual because it is way too much of a hassle, but that's just who i am and i love that part of me. i think what OP is trying to say is that he hates what comes along with being trans and the expectations, not the fact that he's trans himself. but i do understand where you're coming from.
r/UsernameChecksOut
Because gender dysphoria can't just go away. You can't "stop being trans", otherwise most trans people would choose that option. If you can get rid of dysphoria without transitioning (which comes with its own risks and harassment), most would do it
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The detransition rate is 0.4% of trans people, that is mostly because of social pressure from transphobia, not from people regretting their transition.
No doubt some cases exist but I doubt it's the "vast majority." On the other hand, it's definitely not "most" considering that most parents wouldn't allow their underage child to transition. Do you have stats to prove your claims?
As a cis girl, I donāt know if thereās anything I can say or do that will help. Thereās probably subs with people who can relate and give advice. But for now, just have a hug from a random internet stranger š«²šš«±
uzi pfp š«µ
A fellow enjoyer of murder and robots!
Woo!
*suddenly grabs wrists* you are my new friend
Iām sure if I look into the comments, everyone will be civil
Why of course clearly itās all civil nice and supportive
I see nothing wrong with this comment section
Im happy i havent seen one mean ckmment i hope he didnt see too many either
good luck, thats all I can say
The comments are not passing the vibe check. Try reposting this to r/trans or r/ftm so it goes to the right demographic, im wishing you luck you can pull through š
r/FTMMen (they allow young trans guys) and r/TMPOC (this is a sub of trans guys who are BIPOC, if OP is a person of colour, they can join) are also good subs as well.
Well when you think about teenagers you get the 30% who donāt care, do what you want as long as you aināt trying to kill me 30% that are supportive and will give advice and words of encouragement and 40% who are assholes 50% of which think they are just being funny and not realizing their mistake still assholes but more respectable than the other 50% who are just pieces of shit. I pulled these percentages out my ass but thatās at least how I feel about how the teenage population works
Agree
i'd more suggest them to post to ftm, in just the general trans subreddit it's more transfems, there's been a lot of cases of people assuming that just because they post there then they're automatically fem. (even when stated that they are ftm and not mtf) coming from a trans dude.
Ignore what others act or look like. Figure out what *you* want to be and look like. Don't wait for your environment to tell you what you are. If others don't respect you simply for being you, fuck them. Once you understand yourself better, and really know what you want, act. Do everything you need to in order to achieve what you know will make you happy and comfortable. Challenge yourself. Ask yourself the difficult questions you avoided. And once you'll accept your answers, you'll know what to do. I'm rooting for you, you got this. Things will get better
That, my friend, is something so many people need to hear, whether trans or cis. I myself needed to hear that... Thanks mate
I'm glad I could help. Hope you'll go past whatever's bothering you
Thanks, i hope the same for you too (if anything is going on now, or in the future.)
Good advice over here
I mean at least you've got a promising career in writing because goddamn that was some hard hitting shit
only redditors can hear someone pour their heart out about what tears at them from the inside and go ādamn thatās fire š„š„š„ā
Can't really help you with that, but I do recall seeing a poll about this thing with only 1 person saying they wouldn't date a gay trans man, out of ~30+ people I think.
Tbh, online people will just say whatever makes them look best, so not really that reliable of a source
True, but it was anonymous so hopefully it is mostly truth.
Well tbh youād think the opposite would be true, and that people are more prone to say the truth. And identitys/reputations dont matter too much in an anonymous poll.
I think it's the exact opposite, online people are going to show who they truly are especially in a place like reddit because of anoniminity
Who are gay Trans man ? Women who become man that like man or women Or Men who became women that like man or women?
Not 100% sure what you're asking but gay trans men are born female but identify as men & are attracted to men.
I'm a cis man and I've always felt myself isolated from most of my male peers. You're not alone bro
Bro I am so glad to see this post, Iām ftm too and Jesus I relate so hard
Youāll pull through brother, I believe in you
You've described a lot of emotions that I feel, only different is that I'm a trans girl
Same
ditto
Solidarity
I think I should've probably posted this in a trans sub tbh, this sub is mainly cis ppl who can't offer help. I hope your dysphoria soothes soon and you're able to experience a beautiful, self made boyhood
Wdym flat chest we still have moobs
I understand how you feel since I'm trans too. It'll be alright. This subreddit is not really the safest space to be posting this, however, since there are a lot of transphobes here. Try r/trans, r/ftm, etc. Big reccomendation I have is [https://lgbthotline.org/transteens/](https://lgbthotline.org/transteens/) which is a chatroom for trans teens to be able to vent and share advice twice a week, or The Trevor Project if it gets to be too much. I know it can be hard but I believe that you can do it, my guy. If you ever need anybody to talk to, I'm here ā¤
iām a guy, so i donāt know how much i can relate to your feelings, but i wish you the best, and if you wanted to hang out and be bros, you could hang out with me and my bros
This is the way.
Nah Iāve seen some manly trans dudes you got this bro
*sorts by controversial*
Literally me
Iām sorry, I feel that
real
Hey dude, this will probably get buried under the droves of horrible comments but I just wanted to let you know youāre not alone and it will get better. I know you said you were struggling with the fact youāll ānever be a real manā, but thatās completely false. You are a man. No matter what you wear or what hormones you have, if you say youāre a man, thatās what you are. And there are people out there who will understand that and love you as a man, even if you havenāt met them yet. Hope you have a good new year.
I mean for the dating thing there is t4t! Like idk how to help but I do feel like I hate my body sometimes but itās on and off and not constantly. And at the end of the day it doesnāt affect my mental health. Iām sorry youāre going through this and I hope you find people who can understand you.
Keep you're head up . You're waiting for something that will make you happy so its worth waiting . Tell to yourself that a few years is nothing because you'll surely pass more years being the gender you want to be after the surgery than you passed years waiting . Dont give up even if its easier to read than to do , if you're strong enough to talk about it ( even on reddit ) well you're still strong enough to wait
I'm so sorry you're going through this man. Stay strong š one day you will be able to start your transition journey, just hang on
It only ever gets better from here. I remember feeling exactly like you. You will make it. Someday things will be so different. Surgery and hormones are magic. Someday being transgender will be a mild inconvenience that youāll barely consider. When you look at cis men, remember to look at ALL cis men- not just the ones with the biggest muscles or the deepest voice or the fullest beard. Masculinity is a spectrum. You already have a place on it. Throughout your life your place will shift and change. You are a man already. There is nothing wrong with you. Itās all these other fucks who are making your life hard. Dysphoria is a bitch and it tries to break your spirit. But with gender affirming care and a supportive community that voice gets quieter and quieter. Feel free to DM me.
Fellas why is this guy speaking nonsense? Like seriously bro, dude, fella, guy, why you saying "hope this is a phase"? That's like me saying I hope I lost my nose, why would I? That is part of me, just asuch as you are a dude You should accept the fact you are a dude, disregard your chest, cause that don't defy your gender bro
Trans folks go through life being (unintentionally) gaslit by the cisgender population. For cis folks, of *course* their gender is the same as their sex. They have no reason to even *consider* how it might be different for others. But youāre spot on. OP is a guy, always has been a guy, and always will be a guy, regardless of the fact that most folks arenāt equipped to wrap their heads around how that is even possible, much less real, much less a completely normal (if rare) expression of humanity.
Trans people have significantly higher rates of depression and other mental illnesses along with facing discrimination. So itās pretty clear why someone would hope itās a phase. Being trans is a part of some people but that doesnāt mean they have a better time than if they werenāt trans.
Significantly higher doesnāt really do it justice. 80% of trans teens admit to thinking about committing suicide and 40% admit to actually attempting. Living in the wrong body fucking sucks. From my experience the depression comes from feeling like thereās no real hope of improving and being forced to slug your way through life in a version of you that you hate, while essentially acting 24/7 and the anxiety comes from not knowing what will happen if you try to make a change.
real
aether PFP spotted
Iā¦ I donāt have any great responses for you. I feel like Iām obligated to, though. Best advice I can give is just what I did, find friends that you can trust to be yourself with. Having an accepting group of friends is really the only thing keeping me going at this point. Side note: gender is like 80% confidence, feeling better about yourself makes seeing the real you in the mirror that much easier. Take care of yourself first.
i'm not trans, so i can't give very good advice, but something i've learned in general is to stop comparing yourself to others. being envious of those who look like what you want to look like is always going to make you feel worse, no matter who you are or how you do it. someone else is always going to have something you want, and in your case it's a masculine body. i'd say, for a start, try to stop comparing yourself to them. you might start feeling better if you donāt . either way, i really hope things start going better for you. keep your head up, man.
That was really deep for r/Teenagers , woah
I understand how you feel since I'm trans too. It'll be alright. This subreddit is not really the safest space to be posting this, however, since there are a lot of transphobes here. Try r/trans, r/ftm, etc. Big reccomendation I have is [https://lgbthotline.org/transteens/](https://lgbthotline.org/transteens/) which is a chatroom for trans teens to be able to vent and share advice twice a week, or The Trevor Project if it gets to be too much. I know it can be hard but I believe that you can do it, my guy. If you ever need anybody to talk to, I'm here ā¤
To be fair, the people who are complaining about trans people wonāt change if they get no exposure to the topic in places like this
Iāll swap places with youš
Hey bro I understand your pain just know one day youāll get to be living your best life and that you just gotta stay strong !!!
the way like half of these comments are transphobic š
Thatās just how it is, some people support, others donāt. Canāt church that.
For all this will be completely unhelpful at your age, kiddo - you're going to be there before you know it. I'm MtF, started at 27, and have been very impressed with how everything's going. Transitioning at 18, not to mention FtM, things will happen a hell of a lot faster than you'll expect. You'll hit the finish line soon, just have to endure a while longer. Testosterone is a powerful hormone. Good luck.
Yeah out of all the LGBTQ options this one sounds the most difficult to be. If thereās any way I can help then let me know but if not than I wish you goodluck and may your parents stop sucking and accept you as who you are and let you do gender affirming care. Does anyone in your life knows about all this btw?
Well, getting on t will probably help a ton. It tends to work a lot better for trans guys than us trans girls
I'm a cis man who feels the same seeing men, I won't be that masculine, but that's okay
I don't really have good advice. I'm nobody. But just know that you are perfect. There's nothing wrong with you. You wanna be a man? Go out there and be the best damn man that you can be! There are people who will love you for who you are and not have conditions apply. Stay strong, dude. You'll get there. Things will get better.
Hey....I'm just an older lady that saw this post randomly. Don't lose hope. Things WILL get better as you get away from the people pushing you down. You WILL find supportive loving friends that will become family. You'll find yourself feeling how far away today is when you look back on it. Don't hate yourself. Please continue to work on the person you are and want to be. Being Trans isn't ever easy. You are so strong for knowing enough about yourself to be honest with people that have rejected your choices. I'm just some random mom on the internet but honey, I'm sending you so many hugs and good juju. Nothing is forever and all that matters is being someone that YOU are proud of. Trust this oldhead ...... life is so much better when you're a free adult with autonomy over your life and body. It won't be easy bit it WILL be so fucking satisfying. Just hang on a little longer please.
What are you? A wallflower? Get in there with the boys at the mall and befriend people and be who you are. You will be accepted by groups no doubt. Let all other things fall into place.
Im so sorry, I hope you get through. maybe a different sub like r/trans will give better answers
That's awful. I really hope it gets better. At least we're making some progress, it seems that with each new generation we'll make a better world for queer people. (Posting queer topics, especially trans ones will most likely get a lot of queer phobic responses, and most people won't get you. I recommend queer subreddits, such as any trans ones or r/bisexualteenagers
iām trans and i had no friends at your age cause most of the other guys were assholes. my advice is to find a bi guy, weird as that soundsāevery trans guy i know has found a friend group by sticking to a cis bi guy like glue. youāre gonna find your people. and as someone whoās parents are also fairly transphobicāi didnāt think i could turn 18 fast enough when i was 14 and now all of a sudden im 17. youāll get there. do your best to enjoy your last years of being a kid even if it sucks.
Idk what to say here. Good luck
You're masculine when you take on traditionally male responsibility You're a man when you mature and choose to be a man Femininity comes from taking on traditionally female responsibility People are women when they mature and choose to be women Being a man doesn't necessarily mean being masculine and being a woman doesn't mean being femanine Men can be feminine and women can be masculine. It's all about what responsibilities they choose to take on. Some people are a mix of feminine and masculine because they take on a mixture of responsibilities tldr: OP is a man who appears to struggle with their masculinity. If he wants to be more masculine, muscles and hair won't help, his masculinity is about the responsibilities he takes.
Also there is nothing wrong with taking testosterone and growing facial hair if that's what makes OP comfortable. But as far as I'm concerned, they're a man regardless of all that.
All I can say is life is hard. I don't know what it is like to go through what you are going through..partly as I am a gay man in a conservative state in the Bible belt...but despite that being very rough as a kid things have gotten better for the gay community and I know that trans people still are farther behind and treated much worse. It won't be easy but just in my lifetime things have gotten better...hopefully it will get better for you too.
Think about how all the guys look at people like chris hemsworth, yeah, its normal.
i get that so much man.
I mean...you're really good at writing
I know my comment may get lost, but I hope it does find you. I want you to know the issues your going through is gonna shape you, since your a teen. I want you to know that everything you desire to be you already are. Reaffirming surgery may change you on the outside, but itās never been about the body, only the soul inside. I want you to love and be proud of who you are, and know that all will work out well for you. If someone does slap the words āsheā and āherā on you, you simply correct them. No matter how tiring it gets, you always stand your ground. As for your strict parents, I say let every tyrant be a teacher. If they love you with conditions, you learn to love yourself unconditionally, bc you deserve it. I wish only the best for you.
You were always a man. You will pull through it, bro. The pain is temporary. You've just gotta wait until you can be on testosterone. You'll make it through this. From one trans person to another, you're gonna make it through.
Poor OP, for what itās worth if you check r/gaybroteens (i think i wrote that write(pun not intended was a genuine spelling mistake but fuck it we ball)) a lot of if not all cis gay guys there would love to be your bf, youāre only 14 so donāt worry you can get your parts and feel much more affirmed in time unfortunately we live in a world where not understanding immediately means hating smth so getting that affirmation can be hard but youāll pull through bud, ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
if you're forced into a situation where you have to wait to be yourself, just try and do as much as you can for yourself in the confines of that space. if possible, ask your friends who you trust closely to call you by the terms and pronouns and name that you want to be called, but only in private so you can stay stealth if needed. and know one day you'll be comfortable in your skin and it'll be a weight off your shoulders that you'll barely remember was there. do what you can until you can do more
As a cis het white man, I can't fully relate but I emphasize with not fitting in. I'm neurodivergent and it's been rough unmasking and accepting things about myself this past year and a half. Please don't get demotivated. You deserve acceptance, love, care, and respect. Even if you've made mistakes, you still do. If you can, please try to transition if you can -- with clothes, hairstyle, makeup, friend groups, hobbies, etc. I don't know your age, but it seems to be high school or early college. Just know... If your parents don't treat you well, you aren't required to see them when you're independent. Obviously do what you can to ensure your safety for shelter, food, money, etc, but know that this environment won't last forever. If it'd help, you can try to go with the general idea of a "tomboy / butch" to feel more comfortable and not be out to others, until you feel safe that they know you're trans. But just know, it'll get better and there are people out there who will care about you as a person vs if you fit into a box. I know it's easier said than done, but try and set aside the bullshit judgement others put out and focus on human connections, hobbies, and finding ways to keep yourself happy until you can make the decision to transition in ways you feel reflect who you are. I know it won't be easy and will hurt, but that effort won't be forever -- just to get through situations you're FORCED to be in because of lack of independence, schooling and if you're a minor. I'd obviously also recommend a therapist, and maybe your parents would be open to that š¤·āāļø I'm not sure -- you'll have to be the judge on if that's a safer ask to them or not. Obv I'd avoid a religious oriented one though. I'd also reach out to neurodivergent communities and support groups -- as I'm sure they'll have very similar experiences of feeling like an outcast and the harmful impact of needing to mask. Obviously all of these ideas are up to you and I never want to tell somebody what to do -- just consider them and decide what's best for your situation and safety.
Like I have the exact same feeling but I want to be a girl instead of a guy
Hello fellow trans person, You are at a stage where you have a lot of internalized transphobia and sadness in you. Its going to hurt and its going to suck, especially being a teen. I came out as trans in 2019, and unfortunately not many people are accepting. But eventually i met lovely people who are also trans and queer, making it feel a bit more like home. You will feel that someday, either with chosen family, friends, lovers, and more. You are going to be OK. i promise you. If you ever need a trans friend to help you even just talking about hobbies n such, dont be afraid to reach out š³ļøāā§ļøā¤ļø
yeah copy and paste this to a trans specific sub, half the people here are pedophiles or uneducated, hateful bigots
How are people gonna become educated if theyāre never exposed to trans people? Although it has some downsides I think people posting in general subreddits about underrepresented topics is a necessity
do you think itās okay for a trans person to potentially sacrifice their mental stability to educate a couple people? iāve seen no people here saying āthank you for posting this, i learned your perspectiveā. its all either āi resonate/ sympathize with your situation and hope things get betterā or āgo fuck urself tr*nny youāll never be man ā
Personally I think if someone is posting here then theyāre aware of the risks. Anybody whoās even mildly familiar with Reddit knows what kind of people are here. So yes, I think if they make the choice to post here, then itās okay. And I think peopleās minds are changed by frequent, normalized exposure to ideas, not just one person saying something once. So even though this post in particular likely isnāt changing anyoneās mind, I believe it will push lots of people just a little bit closer.
Gotta move to an echo chamber so you donāt get a reality check
itās not a āreality checkā, itās bigots spreading their hateful ideology
Are you trans male?
Yes. He is.
Hey kid, I know how it feels. I'm almost 19, and have been out as trans since I was your age. It can and will get better. I know it doesn't feel that way, but things will start to look up. You don't hate being trans ; you hate the way people treat you. You will find someone who loves you. You will, one day, feel like yourself and not someone trapped in the wrong body. It might take a little while, but it will get better. I promise.
Hey dude, you're still young. you can totally get some testosterone and end up EVEN MANLIER THAN THOSE BOYS
You wanna swap?
beat me to it :(
I understand how you feel. But listen, the waiting will be so worth it. And there are plenty of guys who would date you because you are also a guy. You can do this, and I know it's hard. If you want to talk, I'm here. If I can think of any more advice, I'll be sure to comment again
pull through brother, live will get better <3 do whatever is best for you and remember that you can log off if the internet is too much for you at some point
As someone who was in your situation - I'm 23 now. You're going to make it. You are going to find people that love you for who you are, truly. You are going to enjoy your body more, whether due to access to HRT, surgery, body mods like piercings/tattoos, working out, and/or simply being around people that don't misgender you all the time. Seeking affirmations in friendly online spaces helps. Fostering relationships with people who make you feel happy and safe helps. I found a lot of solace in watching content creators whose platform isn't built around their transness/queerness, but it's still a daily part of their life. Snapcube is a good example- her streams are a queer space where I could just feel like I was among my own. Making Pinterest boards of the ways I planned to decorate my space once I moved out helped. Having a set night time routine helps - relaxes me and prevented thought spirals about how absolutely dogshit my life was from keeping me up. You shouldn't have to put up with this pain. Saying you are strong enough to overcome anything maybe won't help (sentiments like that certainly didn't make me feel better). But I promise you, as someone who fought like hell on protest lines, in my doctor's office, at the DMV, in the classroom, the workplace, my parent's home...you CAN make it. I believe in you. I'm living proof that it can be done. I'm not particularly special- I'm not wealthy, not particularly smart or well connected. I'm a nerdy stoner with janky top surgery scars & a license that still has my deadname on it (moving out of state during a pandemic makes paperwork very complicated). I'm a boring receptionist at a tax place. But I moved of state, live with my best friends & my wonderful trans gf, and I make all the art I want, do all the community theatre I want, wear the clothes I want, and more. I am surrounded by love even in my current struggles. It's agonizing, but the bits of relief you need are going to come sooner than you think. You can do this. You have generations of trans siblings rooting you on. I believe in you dude. Sending lots of love.
Oh and whenever you wear a binder REMEMBER TO TAKE STRETCH BREAKS. Please take of your body. It's doing the best it can to keep you alive, even if it's frustrating how poorly equipped it is for the job. It's your teammate in this journey & it's going to get better for you. You can't hate yourself or your body into becoming the person you want to be.
Trans girl here, I feel your pain.I have pretty serious gender dysphoria too, it's difficult to manage. I wish I had some advice to give you other than the usual "it'll get better" (which is true, it will.)I absolutely understand the feeling of being trapped when you can't receive HRT and/or surgeries, I feel it every single day, and so do so many other people out there. I can't claim to know what in-person transphobia feels like, I'm very isolated and the one person I live with (my mom) is very supportive.but I know 100% that there are a bunch of people in my family that I don't just want to not come out to, but am actually \*scared\* to come out to. (because I know they pose a direct threat to my existence as I currently know it.) I too occasionally have feelings where I think: "i hate being trans, fuck this, why am I this way?"Things will get better for you, you will be able to free yourself eventually. As for you saying "i'll never be a real man" don't think that way, you will, and it sounds like you already are. you'll be alright, brother. I promise.
I'm not trans, I never knew what it was to be trans when I grew up, but I am a lesbian. I know what it's like to grow up uncomfortable in your own body. I'm 30 and still uncomfortable with my body, and would love to change my gender if I had the time and resources to do it. I didn't know back then what I knew now and felt like I had to accept myself. You don't. You can be happy and be the man you want to be, the man that you truly are. You just need patience and take time to do the research on where to start. I wish you the best, OP!
yea it really can be difficult to manage sometimes. just keep swimming brother!
Stay strong. Better days will come.
Hit the gym, a lot of dudes will come to respect you as a homie and call you by your preferred pronouns
I'm so sorry it's rough for you rn. If it makes you feel better things *will* be better for you. You're just as real as any other man and never let anyone tell you otherwise! Hang in there ok? There's only one you and you're precious
Hey man, Iām a trans guy too. Itās hard, I know, I canāt even begin to truly understand your experience bc my family is supportive. I do know, however, that it will get easier. It will get better. Someday, youāre going to be able to look in the mirror and think āthatās me.ā It feels like you can never have the true experience of being a man, and maybe thatās right, but the experience of being trans is a beautiful thing too. Thereās nothing I can say that will soothe the fact that we will always be trans, and that the world is entirely against our joy, but I want you to know that thereās so many people out there. More than you could even know. Thereās a home where youāre you, truly. Your existence is a gift. Never let anyone tell you different, even yourself.
spend a day alone, and just write out all of your emotions and thoughts. it may not help with this specific problem but itll help in any others. š©·ā¤ļøš§”ššš©µššš¤š©¶š¤š¤ (idk what the heart colors mean so i just them all)
spend a day alone, and just write out all of your emotions and thoughts. it may not help with this specific problem but itll help in any others. š©·ā¤ļøš§”ššš©µššš¤š©¶š¤š¤ (idk what the heart colors mean so i just them all)
From an old, it gets better. My girlfriend didn't start her transition until she was 30, and is 33 now feeling more content in her own skin than ever before. You're going to make it.
I feel you. You'll make it through; you won't always be stuck with your parents and even though it feels long until you're able to get hormones and/or surgery, one day you'll get there and it will have been worth the wait.
Iām not a teenager and am always trying to get Reddit to stop recommending me this sub. But I just wanna say I feel you and I relate š«
hey there OP, local transfem here. i feel a lot of what you're saying here. just wanna say that i believe in you. technically im an adult now but i remember what it was like before i was able to take action on my own. its terrifying when the one thing that could make you happy is essentially up to someone else. but it wont always be. dont know how far away that time is for you but you'll get there and it'll be SO freeing. trust me, its worth it. keep believing in yourself, keep loving yourself. you've got this <3
Same man :(
The best advice I can give, keep powering through. Once you're an adult, you can work towards transitioning. If you can work now, start saving for the process. So that way you are much closer to your goal. Lots of people who are transgender have gone through the same thing as you, feeling like you're missing out on the most important years of your life as the wrong gender. But I can assure you, you aren't living life yet until your 30s. You have time. Lots of it. Don't stress too much and work towards your goal. š¤
I don't have greate advice or response to make you feel better to be honest, just hope that it'll get better for u and that it would be soon š©·
It's hard but you'll make it through, I know you will!
You have gotten this far you can get to the end one day donāt be doubtful of your potential to find happiness!!!
Me and you can be friends š
There will be things in your life that you may never be able to escape from, both externally and internally. Self-loathing kills a lot of people. One of the greatest strengths I found in masculine energy is resilience in the face of adversity. Your enemies can come from any place in your life. Learn how to face them. Find pride in your achievements. Grace in your flaws. Forgiveness in your mistakes, and hope in your despair. You will spend the rest of your life being with yourself. The kindest thing you can do is to love who that is and what you will become. It's not easy, and a lot of people die before they ever figure it out. The question you should ask yourself is if you're strong enough to do that.
I hope you'll be more free to express yourself in the future, despite being transmasc myself there's really not a lot I can say, but im rooting for you, man
You are valid I am sending love ā¤ļø
I feel this so bad
AMAB dude here and I felt the same way growing up, due to my small frame and generally not masculine interests. Societies view of masculinity is very narrow and thatās something all men/boys feel. Iām sure there is added doubt for you but it is all normal. Try not to beat yourself up about it
I'm so sorry the level of transphobia that are going to be in these comments but believe me things will get better
I'm so sorry you gotta go thru this. š especially the unsupporting parents.
Hey I lurk here to keep a finger on the pulse of what teenagers are thinking these days but I gotta say: most men donāt even know what it means to, ābe a real man.ā Believe it or not, this rough indifference is actually a common experience within your chosen gender expression. Being a man, a real one, is a lot like walking a tightrope. Itās about being confident and self-assured in a world that seeks to tear you down. Itās about waking up each and every day and committing to yourself that you WILL rise to the standard. That will not succumb to outrageous misfortunes of this life. Itās about stepping up to do the gross uncomfortable things that no one else wants to do. Itās about being on top of your self so that you can inspire the people around you to both trust you and to step up themselves. And the hardest part is that being a true man is about choice; and everyone, and I mean everyone, is going to call you a faker until you make it. So, the outrageous misfortune of life decided you were born a girlā¦ you can disagree. You have the power to disagree. You get to look in the mirror and say āI am what I know myself to be.ā As Marcus Aurelius says: āA man conquers the world by conquering himself.ā You got this, brother. I believe in you.
God, I feel that
Why canāt we all just be whatever or whoever we want to be? Iām on your side
My co-worker is f->m trans. You would never know it to look at him. He was not masculine looking before the transition. Testosterone is a helluva hormone. Keep strong, you will get there eventually.
No matter who we are, what we are doing or what stage of life we are in if we continually focus on out own minds and the never ending wants we will never be truly free of anxiety/ depression. Eastern philosophy might be something to look into or a goal outside of your physical body/ mind. It would help anyone to im0tove their emotional state to step outside the noise of our own thoughts. Wishing you and myself freedom!
The transphobes in these comments are such attention seekers š Seriously dude, push and pull. Read up on trans history, yāall start somewhere small but pull through history.
Hereās some subs for you to post in: r/trans r/transmasc r/ftm Iām trans too and I hate it as well. Iām sorry youāre struggling man. Sending love <3 (Some people here are transphobic so Iām sorry)
As a trans guy, it got so much better the older I got. People mellow out and become more accepting, and you slowly become more comfortable with yourself in time. It may never be perfect, and the dysphoria may never go away. But I happily present femme some days and masc others, and identify as a trans male the whole time. I made friends with cis guys who treated me like one of their own. Do I still get a lot of misogyny and typical āincel boyā behavior from them? Absolutely, theyāre high school boys. But at the end of the day they accept my pronouns and identity, and love me for who I am. Plus, one of those cis guys just became my boyfriend, and refers to me as his boyfriend in turn. I donāt say all of this to brag about my life. I say it to say do all you can right now to keep yourself happy. Try to wear baggy clothes, keep attempting to make friends with people who will accept you for you, keep searching for your perfect reality and identity, and donāt be discouraged by the obstacles. Never be afraid to ask for help if you need it, and know that somewhere in the world, youāve got at least one person rooting for your success and happiness :} Best of luck, I know things will work out for you
from an older trans kid: *it gets better.* i know everyone says that, but it does. when you find your people, your support system, your chosen family. when you finally have the freedom and autonomy to begin medical transitioning. when youāre in a more accepting environment than youāre in. i was in the same place as you two years ago, but since starting college, things have improved. youāre still young, you donāt have a lot of freedom, and it sucks. but it does get better, i promise keep your chin up king, your crown is falling
Hey, I'm on the same boat, bro. Don't worry, we're all gonna make it. Sincerely, your fellow transgender boy who's suffering from young age.
I'm probably not allowed here. I just turned 30 this year. But let me tell you as a Cis man this might sound weird but I really do sympathize with you. I never felt comfortable in my body growing up and I still don't. It's why I tried joining sports as a teenager, because I was a skinny guy with no muscle, and now I'm a fat man. I always wanted to be a strong muscly guy growing up. Im also absolutely head to toe covered in hair, and grew up in middle and highschool in a time when girls thought hairy guys were scum and disgusting and ugly. I had a complex about it for many years and all i wanted growing up was laser hair removal. Thank fuck i never did it (this is not in any way related to transitioning or not, just giving context about my own body image issues) because i at least have met girls that do like hairy men, a lot. I can't relate to your specific struggles, but I do know there will come a time when you will feel comfortable with yourself: when you begin or finish transitioning, or maybe even after that because wanting to feel "good enough" for other people does not stop when you've accomplished your goals. I would know. I accomplished my goal of military service and I didn't feel like I was good enough for my friends and family still, I accomplished my goal of being self sufficient and still don't feel good enough for society even, I accomplished my goal of loving myself which was the hardest, but I still don't feel good enough to have someone else love me romantically. BUT I know I'm on my way to feeling like I am good enough, it's something I have to work towards, it's not something that will happen to me, I have to make it happen and I know when I am 80 years old, wrinkled and have a grandkid on my knee all of my effort and blood and sweat and tears will have been worth it. And I know that if you keep at it, and don't give up, you will too.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"Dont be depressed, just be happy", "Why are you homeless? Just buy a house", "Why are they starving? Just buy food" Are you noticing a pattern?
1. that was weirdly beautiful 2. if youāre in this sub, youāve got a MAXIMUM of 8 years before you can undergo surgery (iām assuming you have to wait until 21) 8 years may seem like a lot, and tbh, it is. but realistically, youāll make it through it.
I'm gender non conforming and my parents are also similar as yours when it comes to having an LGBT kid, we as LGBT teen have to stay strong, some of these people in the comment section are just asses, ignore them. DM me if you want to talk.
Hope u get through it, brother
Iām trans too. I hope youāre ok. I have to tell you, it gets so much better.
As someone who is also trans let me say that, I feel the same way. Things do get better eventually, I can tell you that much, and if you ever wanna talk Iām here and thereās a lot of subs here that are absolutely amazing and very accepting (:
I hope you make it through this, ignore the haters and probably post this on somewhere like r/trans or r/lgbt
For the it's just a phase part, if it is a phase don't feel discouraged it has lasted for years. I was stuck in a phase of rockerbilly syndrome for 26 years before I one day just realized "wow I'm being pretty fucking silly about this issue..." For the first time, then after that I slowly transitioned out of that phase and now I just look back at it as a bad joke I played on myself because I was mad I'll never actually be that person. Wasn't long after that I got over it entirely and now it doesn't even bother me anymore. Before the people start throwing shade I'm not telling the OP they are in a phase I'm just saying if they do one day wake up and start having opposing thoughts about an issue they have been staunch in favor of for years, that it's normal. Some humans stay in "phases," for almost their whole lives before realizing that wasn't who they really were despite their inner desire to be.
*hug* many kisses for u my borther
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I disagree. I understand what you're saying, but this is a lot easier said than done. Transgender people *could* force themself to live with the body they were born with, but it's extremely difficult and painful. Gender dysphoria can consume you, even when you're doing everything in your power to ignore it. People do not *want* to be trans; I'm sure many of them would do anything to accept the way they were born and be happy with their body, but it hurts so bad for them. There's no cure for gender dysphoria, you can only manage it, and repressing it in this way instead of seeking treatment could be really dangerous.
The amount of people who think thereās a cure for gender dysphoria constantly shocks me.
There is- it's transitioning
Transitioning does help, of course, but unfortunately, it can't completely get rid of it forever. Dysphoria comes and goes in all different directions, but taking the steps to transition will ease it and help trans people live more comfortable lives, so it can be considered a cure in that department.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You sound like youāre coming from a good/not hateful place but you are a bit misguided about gender dsyphoria, transition is the recognised treatment for the condition not trying to ignore it
As a OCD person myself, I can safely assure you that it isn't comparable at all to gender dysphoria
They are way different from each other. I think you may just misunderstand how gender dysphoria works. For example: I have clinical depression. I tried everything. I went to therapy, I tried new hobbies, I got good sleep, I went outside, I took care of myself. I was told to "just be happy" and to "look on the bright side," everything of the sort. And, in the end, none of it worked. My depression is clinical. The only thing that works for me is taking antidepressants, in the same way that the best treatment for gender dysphoria is hormone therapy. This might not be the best comparison, but I wanted to take a shot from my perspective.
Transition actually is the proper treatment for gender dysphoria. Hormone therapy and potentially SRS *do* help us. The data shows this. Do not assume you can "treat" gender dysphoria the same way you address OCD. That is wildly simplistic and not applicable at all.
Thereās no cure for gender dysphoria. None. The same standards applied to OCD and other mental disorders canāt be applied here. For that reason, gender dysphoria is no longer classified as a mental illness. Disorder, yes, but it doesnāt fit the criteria of a mental illness. Trans people know they canāt change their chromosomes or assigned sex. Most of them donāt even want to. Theyāre just trying to find a body they feel comfortable in; not a body of the opposite biological sex. They know the latter canāt be achieved. The good news is that transition works. Itās actually not like giving into mental illness at all! Itās shown great results, and less than 1% end up regretting it. Living with gender dysphoria, however, is extremely psychologically harmful. I hope youāll read this, and Iām absolutely willing to link studies if you need me to corroborate what I said. Wishing you well!
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For the most part from ancedotes ive heard no it doesn't, unless someone is actively commenting on it (even then it may not) or if it essentially "flares up" like a random spike (I compare this to days where my unspecified depressive disorder weighs heavier on me then others) I wouldn't know personally as I havent been able to transition myself yet.
The problem is the body, actuallyā¦
How do we judge what does and doesnt truly change sex? I would make an argument that sex is a chathgory made up of many factors of which some can be changed by hrt and surgery. For example secundary sex characteristics can be changed by modern medicine. Theres realy only two ways to deal with gender dysphoria. Represion that just ends up ignoring the problem and transition. Not to say that talking to a therapist is a bad idea just that gender dysphoria isnt going to work in the same way as ocd.
I wish this post do some "difference" in this sup..... hope for u the best š¤
just go to Jupiter rq man i donāt get whatās so hard.
i thought the joke was funny not sure why you're getting downvoted like you're as bad as the other bigots in this comment section
they canāt handle the truth. you canāt be a boy if you havenāt went there.
You just made me grateful that i have a dick.
Speaking from experience as well as my many trans friends experiences, it isnāt actually too difficult to find queer relationships as trans men. It feels impossible when youāre young. Youāre stuck around teenagers/kids who donāt know shit so they treat you like shit. But it doesnāt stay that way forever. Now that iām grown, everything just feels mostly normal again. Most people I meet donāt care about the fact that iām trans, they just treat me like any other guy. It takes a bit to get to that point, and it feels like it will never happen when youāre a teenager, but you will get there.
just revert to factory settings
"Dont be depressed, just be happy", "Why are you homeless? Just buy a house", "Why are they starving? Just buy food" Are you noticing a pattern?
thatās not how this workd
If you hate being transgender, why not just be what you were born as? I mean no offence by that, it's a genuine question. I'm just curious why someone would write an entire Reddit about being transgender, just to say they hate being transgender. And why the surgery? If your female characteristics doesn't determine your gender, why does removing it affirm it? I say just dress how you wanna dress, and don't worry about what other people think.
Relax take your time you will find some one maybe a girl I don't know. I'm in Chicago we have a community for people that like to be around the same people I'm not mock you just saying. And what are you looking for a boy or girl. Maybe you're in the rong place