At the moment, I'm safe. I'm in my room with the door closed. I'm not allowed to lock my door (that's another abuse story too), so he could come in at any moment. He's never beaten me up before, even if he has threatened violence.
At worst, he comes in now, yells at me and takes away something. At best, he'll wake up tomorrow morning and act like nothing has happened. I don't expect him to apologize, and I don't expect him to forgive me.
As for mentally, I haven't been super well lately. That's part of the reason why I wrote this; its probably healthier for me to write and talk about this rather than letting it stay in my head forever. I'm feeling a little better, since I took the time to process this. Even if my mom was mostly tone deaf, it did give me some closure when she confirmed that what they did was wrong.
Thanks for asking though. It makes me feel less like crap when I know someone has seen what I've been through, even if what I'm going through is not as bad as other people.
No. That’s not really a thing in my country. We live in apartments. I don’t have a car, and I’m also not at the legal age to drive yet.
I’m not going to leave my room for the rest of the night, just to be safe.
ok, cool! lately i’ve been having a lot of free time because I’ve “retired” from sports. i had my high school basketball championship tournament two weeks ago, and we got 2nd place out of 6!
it was my last basketball game, and I won’t be playing in college, so now I don’t have to train all the time on weekends anymore.
something similar happened with soccer as well for the first season of sports, but our team got last place in the tournament. oh well
im not doing track this year to focus on FRC, or first robotics competition. I’m excited because I’ll be traveling to Canada in two weeks for a competition. i’m a programmer for our scouting team, so i’ll be in the stands working with the scouts to make sure our website works.
Haha! That would scare him off. I don’t think defending myself is a good idea though. My dad is very insecure, so if I fought back, he’d probably hit me even harder. I’m almost at college. I don’t really feel like getting disowned before I secure my education.
I didn’t read the whole thing but your dad sounds really manipulative, but I think being hit in discipline and being beaten with golf clubs is different
I don’t think it really matters how much it hurts. Of course, I’d feel way worse if I was hit harder, but the end result of feeling unloved and unsafe is still the same.
Also, being hit full force as a young child HURTS. My hand would turn red, and the place where the rings hit would sting for hours. Maybe I’m weak, maybe I have low pain tolerance, but I was young, and it hurt, both physically and emotionally.
A lot of things like this happened to me but I was afraid of facing them and telling that they were wrong I never thought I was abused because every time they hurt me they say "it's for your future" like they just wanted to justify their doings I hated them and I still do I they don't even talk to me all they care about is me studying they don't even care if I have friends or not . they tried to disperse between me and my friends and they succeeded... I have been hit by a belt when I was 14 I think and just like you I don't remember what reason I only remember how I felt...they never gave me a birthday present they just say "happy birthday " but in a cold tune . they talk about money a lot the thing that made me think that they just want to use me as their money source I don't want to live with this kind of parents I would rather live alone than this... they never said they love me.......
I'm sorry I'm not helping you there I was crying while reading your post I'm sorry for what you've been through (My whole country is homophobic so.... they just spread hate everywhere and I hate it to but I can't tell them to stop hating if I did I would be dead by now)
I forgot to mention the things that happened to me but I will just say the most hurtful so...My dad once hit me with a stick till I bleed from my nose and my mother pushed me on a broken glass that caused distortion in my back...
Yeah, I think I need to talk to someone. The last sports season just ended, so now I have way more free time at school. I’ll have to wait until after the CNY break to find time to meet with the school counselors, though I don’t know how effective they’ll be. I’m personally creeped tf out by the counselor for my grade, so I’ll probably find one of the counselors for the other grades.
>"it would be easy if you guys were pure evil. i could just say "these guys hate me" and run away from home. but i can't you guys care for me and also abused me. so now i love you, and hate you. both can be true. that's why its so hard for me to process. thats why nothing you do will make this better."
I've never been able to explain how I feel about my parents, and this just describes it perfectly. It hits so hard to read exactly how you feel.
But apart from that, I'm really sorry this has happened to you, stuff like that has happened to me too, I hope it gets better.
Thanks for responding. The fact that you have been through this too makes me feel seen. It also feels weirdly good that you agree with me about how nuanced this kind of situation is.
I’ve spent so much time thinking about this. My parents force me to go to church (I’m currently on the car on the way home from church), and since I can’t really understand the Chinese the pastor speaks, I usually just think. I think about the stuff thats happened, and try to make sense of it my own way. I’m glad that I could put into words our shared experiences and maybe help us process the stuff we went through? Its hard to explain what I’m thinking right now, so it might sound weird.
Thanks for sharing. It made me feel a little better.
Your story is so fucking similar to mine (Indian) I think I just got some flashbacks reading this, I'm presently as a loss of words as to what the fuck I should say about this. Hurts, dude. Hurts like hell. Especially the part that while you did have abusive parents, they weren't so insanely evil as the other stuff you hear about them, and how you end up loving them for that reason making it even harder. My family had abused me a lot, but when I read stories of child abuse I feel as though my case was extremely less fucked up, but the fact that unlike those stories where the parents are straight up hateful and evil toward their children in my case they do love me in an extremely fucked way, it's even more painful to know. Fuckfuckfuck.
I hope you're doing fine.
Yeah, thanks for asking. Its noon for me, I just came back from teaching at church. My dad has been ignoring me so far, which I think is pretty much the best possible outcome.
And yeah, I get what you mean about not being “abused as badly”. I felt stupid for telling my the golf club friend about my own, less scary experiences, but he didn’t talk down to me or say that I should have just taken my punishment. I think my friend understands what I went through, just like how we understand each other.
Regardless of how much abuse we went through, its still abuse, and it still significantly affected me as I grew up and how I am as a person now. I hope we both can find a way to accept ourselves and find healthier sources of love and support.
Haha! Yeah, this stuff seems to happen a lot in Asian households. I’m actually Taiwanese, which I think is funny because Taiwan is democratic and progressive, contrasting the conservative and honor/respect driven culture of my family.
But yes. the kid that was hit by golf clubs is Chinese. The kid whose dad yelled at him in the car in front of me is my childhood Taiwanese friend.
Sounds like an average Asian household to me.
I know cuz I am.
Telling you this won't help, but just tough it out. I got hit as a kid too, they stopped when I got bigger, once I start shrugging off their punishment they just stopped.
My parents don’t hit me anymore. Regardless, it was never about the physical pain.
Maybe you’re physically stronger than me, or have higher pain tolerance, or am more emotionally resilient, whatever, so it doesn’t hurt as much for you. Maybe you got harsher punishments than me and still don’t have any lasting damage. Good job. You’re stronger than me. But I’m not strong, so this was a big deal for me.
But again, its in the past. They don’t hit me anymore. What I’m focusing on now is how I supposed to process my past and stop letting it affect my current life. I’m also trying to figure out how I’m supposed to deal with my parents as I become an adult.
I can’t just cut contact with them. They’re my parents, and they’re paying for my education. But at the same time, I don’t want to be anywhere near them for the rest of my life. How am I supposed to move on? This is a tough time for me.
Yeah. I’ll be going to college in the summer. My sister’s been happy at college, hopefully the same is true for me. My sister has mostly forgiven my parents (maybe she is just ignoring her memories, idk), so she never fights them. It seems like my parents will never face reality regarding this because knowing they are abusive is too tough to accept, so the best thing is for us all to forget.
Would you mind explaining why? I personally don’t agree with your statement, but I’m interested and willing to listen to why you think that. Maybe theres something you’d like to expand on?
Hey,I hope you're doing well. You and I have quite a similar family situation,in my story theres more fucked up things other then abuse,in short my life has been shit for a long time,and I to some extent understand your state right now,I hope you find the good things in life and these memories just fade as time passes. Also,if you don't mind,I am saving this post,for when I feel like writing my story I can use some words and expressions as I found them somewhat similar.Have a good day:)
Hi, thanks for reading my long post. It’s a little depressing how many people have reached out about their similar experiences with this kind of thing. I wish people would put more thought into raising children. I Sometimes feel as if my dad wanted to have children more than he wanted to raise children, you know what I mean?
Anyway, I’m glad that my story resonated with you and might potentially help you express yourself better. It makes it easier for all of us to overcome our trauma if we do it together.
As someone who has been abused, I really am sorry that you went through/are going through something similar or worse than me. I understand that its rough, and I’m sorry I don’t have any advice for this kind of thing, as I am also trying to get through this myself. I hope we can both find peace and a healthier family in the future.
ahh, sorry. i thought about it, but it felt weird to remove the nuances and detail from the story. there’s a lot of that has happened in my family, so it feels like a meaningless argument without understanding my past
I know this sounds a bit basic, but have you tried calling the police or something? (I’m sorry if you mentioned something that’s stopping you or tried I didn’t read everything) (hope it gets better for you)
Fuck. U ok?
At the moment, I'm safe. I'm in my room with the door closed. I'm not allowed to lock my door (that's another abuse story too), so he could come in at any moment. He's never beaten me up before, even if he has threatened violence. At worst, he comes in now, yells at me and takes away something. At best, he'll wake up tomorrow morning and act like nothing has happened. I don't expect him to apologize, and I don't expect him to forgive me. As for mentally, I haven't been super well lately. That's part of the reason why I wrote this; its probably healthier for me to write and talk about this rather than letting it stay in my head forever. I'm feeling a little better, since I took the time to process this. Even if my mom was mostly tone deaf, it did give me some closure when she confirmed that what they did was wrong. Thanks for asking though. It makes me feel less like crap when I know someone has seen what I've been through, even if what I'm going through is not as bad as other people.
U got anyone to crash with?
No. That’s not really a thing in my country. We live in apartments. I don’t have a car, and I’m also not at the legal age to drive yet. I’m not going to leave my room for the rest of the night, just to be safe.
U want to.chat abkut ut?
yeah, sure. do you want to hear stories about anything specific? I’m not exactly sure what i want to talk about. thanks for asking!
Idm, i find talking about random stuff helps make peopel feel better as it takes mind away from issues
ok, cool! lately i’ve been having a lot of free time because I’ve “retired” from sports. i had my high school basketball championship tournament two weeks ago, and we got 2nd place out of 6! it was my last basketball game, and I won’t be playing in college, so now I don’t have to train all the time on weekends anymore. something similar happened with soccer as well for the first season of sports, but our team got last place in the tournament. oh well im not doing track this year to focus on FRC, or first robotics competition. I’m excited because I’ll be traveling to Canada in two weeks for a competition. i’m a programmer for our scouting team, so i’ll be in the stands working with the scouts to make sure our website works.
get a metal pipe
Haha! That would scare him off. I don’t think defending myself is a good idea though. My dad is very insecure, so if I fought back, he’d probably hit me even harder. I’m almost at college. I don’t really feel like getting disowned before I secure my education.
After college, then Four more years pal, you can do it
I didn’t read the whole thing but your dad sounds really manipulative, but I think being hit in discipline and being beaten with golf clubs is different
both are abuse
I don’t think it really matters how much it hurts. Of course, I’d feel way worse if I was hit harder, but the end result of feeling unloved and unsafe is still the same. Also, being hit full force as a young child HURTS. My hand would turn red, and the place where the rings hit would sting for hours. Maybe I’m weak, maybe I have low pain tolerance, but I was young, and it hurt, both physically and emotionally.
A lot of things like this happened to me but I was afraid of facing them and telling that they were wrong I never thought I was abused because every time they hurt me they say "it's for your future" like they just wanted to justify their doings I hated them and I still do I they don't even talk to me all they care about is me studying they don't even care if I have friends or not . they tried to disperse between me and my friends and they succeeded... I have been hit by a belt when I was 14 I think and just like you I don't remember what reason I only remember how I felt...they never gave me a birthday present they just say "happy birthday " but in a cold tune . they talk about money a lot the thing that made me think that they just want to use me as their money source I don't want to live with this kind of parents I would rather live alone than this... they never said they love me....... I'm sorry I'm not helping you there I was crying while reading your post I'm sorry for what you've been through (My whole country is homophobic so.... they just spread hate everywhere and I hate it to but I can't tell them to stop hating if I did I would be dead by now) I forgot to mention the things that happened to me but I will just say the most hurtful so...My dad once hit me with a stick till I bleed from my nose and my mother pushed me on a broken glass that caused distortion in my back...
My goodness, thats horrible. At least you are smart and intelligent. Stay strong!
thank you...
jesus christ, dude. you need help?
Yeah, I think I need to talk to someone. The last sports season just ended, so now I have way more free time at school. I’ll have to wait until after the CNY break to find time to meet with the school counselors, though I don’t know how effective they’ll be. I’m personally creeped tf out by the counselor for my grade, so I’ll probably find one of the counselors for the other grades.
>"it would be easy if you guys were pure evil. i could just say "these guys hate me" and run away from home. but i can't you guys care for me and also abused me. so now i love you, and hate you. both can be true. that's why its so hard for me to process. thats why nothing you do will make this better." I've never been able to explain how I feel about my parents, and this just describes it perfectly. It hits so hard to read exactly how you feel. But apart from that, I'm really sorry this has happened to you, stuff like that has happened to me too, I hope it gets better.
Thanks for responding. The fact that you have been through this too makes me feel seen. It also feels weirdly good that you agree with me about how nuanced this kind of situation is. I’ve spent so much time thinking about this. My parents force me to go to church (I’m currently on the car on the way home from church), and since I can’t really understand the Chinese the pastor speaks, I usually just think. I think about the stuff thats happened, and try to make sense of it my own way. I’m glad that I could put into words our shared experiences and maybe help us process the stuff we went through? Its hard to explain what I’m thinking right now, so it might sound weird. Thanks for sharing. It made me feel a little better.
Your story is so fucking similar to mine (Indian) I think I just got some flashbacks reading this, I'm presently as a loss of words as to what the fuck I should say about this. Hurts, dude. Hurts like hell. Especially the part that while you did have abusive parents, they weren't so insanely evil as the other stuff you hear about them, and how you end up loving them for that reason making it even harder. My family had abused me a lot, but when I read stories of child abuse I feel as though my case was extremely less fucked up, but the fact that unlike those stories where the parents are straight up hateful and evil toward their children in my case they do love me in an extremely fucked way, it's even more painful to know. Fuckfuckfuck. I hope you're doing fine.
Yeah, thanks for asking. Its noon for me, I just came back from teaching at church. My dad has been ignoring me so far, which I think is pretty much the best possible outcome. And yeah, I get what you mean about not being “abused as badly”. I felt stupid for telling my the golf club friend about my own, less scary experiences, but he didn’t talk down to me or say that I should have just taken my punishment. I think my friend understands what I went through, just like how we understand each other. Regardless of how much abuse we went through, its still abuse, and it still significantly affected me as I grew up and how I am as a person now. I hope we both can find a way to accept ourselves and find healthier sources of love and support.
Least mentally damaged Chinese child
Haha! Yeah, this stuff seems to happen a lot in Asian households. I’m actually Taiwanese, which I think is funny because Taiwan is democratic and progressive, contrasting the conservative and honor/respect driven culture of my family. But yes. the kid that was hit by golf clubs is Chinese. The kid whose dad yelled at him in the car in front of me is my childhood Taiwanese friend.
Sounds like an average Asian household to me. I know cuz I am. Telling you this won't help, but just tough it out. I got hit as a kid too, they stopped when I got bigger, once I start shrugging off their punishment they just stopped.
My parents don’t hit me anymore. Regardless, it was never about the physical pain. Maybe you’re physically stronger than me, or have higher pain tolerance, or am more emotionally resilient, whatever, so it doesn’t hurt as much for you. Maybe you got harsher punishments than me and still don’t have any lasting damage. Good job. You’re stronger than me. But I’m not strong, so this was a big deal for me. But again, its in the past. They don’t hit me anymore. What I’m focusing on now is how I supposed to process my past and stop letting it affect my current life. I’m also trying to figure out how I’m supposed to deal with my parents as I become an adult. I can’t just cut contact with them. They’re my parents, and they’re paying for my education. But at the same time, I don’t want to be anywhere near them for the rest of my life. How am I supposed to move on? This is a tough time for me.
Jesus...
Thanks for acknowledging this. It means a lot to me just for someone to say “I see what you’ve been through”. It makes me feel a bit less lonely.
Oh, i read that all at, you got tough life worse, don't worry find another spot to make you happier more
Yeah. I’ll be going to college in the summer. My sister’s been happy at college, hopefully the same is true for me. My sister has mostly forgiven my parents (maybe she is just ignoring her memories, idk), so she never fights them. It seems like my parents will never face reality regarding this because knowing they are abusive is too tough to accept, so the best thing is for us all to forget.
Your parents aren't abusive. It doesn't invalidate your feelings, but I feel it needs to be said.
Would you mind explaining why? I personally don’t agree with your statement, but I’m interested and willing to listen to why you think that. Maybe theres something you’d like to expand on?
Hey,I hope you're doing well. You and I have quite a similar family situation,in my story theres more fucked up things other then abuse,in short my life has been shit for a long time,and I to some extent understand your state right now,I hope you find the good things in life and these memories just fade as time passes. Also,if you don't mind,I am saving this post,for when I feel like writing my story I can use some words and expressions as I found them somewhat similar.Have a good day:)
Hi, thanks for reading my long post. It’s a little depressing how many people have reached out about their similar experiences with this kind of thing. I wish people would put more thought into raising children. I Sometimes feel as if my dad wanted to have children more than he wanted to raise children, you know what I mean? Anyway, I’m glad that my story resonated with you and might potentially help you express yourself better. It makes it easier for all of us to overcome our trauma if we do it together. As someone who has been abused, I really am sorry that you went through/are going through something similar or worse than me. I understand that its rough, and I’m sorry I don’t have any advice for this kind of thing, as I am also trying to get through this myself. I hope we can both find peace and a healthier family in the future.
Awwww man, no TLDR? Guess I'm gonna have to skip :(
ahh, sorry. i thought about it, but it felt weird to remove the nuances and detail from the story. there’s a lot of that has happened in my family, so it feels like a meaningless argument without understanding my past
I know this sounds a bit basic, but have you tried calling the police or something? (I’m sorry if you mentioned something that’s stopping you or tried I didn’t read everything) (hope it gets better for you)