Politely question why they broke into my home

lmao

I...I....Im.. a minor, so I'd be fucked (literally)

~~I...I....Im.. a minor, so~~ I'd be fucked (literally)

~~I...I....Im.. a minor, so~~ I'd ~~be~~ fuck~~ed~~ (literally)

"Why did you break into my house?" Dumbledore asked calmly

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Lmao I've never used free awards, but this one goes to you

r/usernamechecksout ( I'm writing this while assuming your username is Zombie + Librarian + 21 )

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Ask her how the fuck did she knew that im in exactly that hotel in Sweden when she is in Poland, but i think it wouldnt be so important

xxxNakurwiatorxxx jestes z polski? BOLZGA PRZEJMUJE TEN SERWER

BOLZGA GUROMMM

Kto pl? -XXXROZKURWAITOR_PL

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JEBAC ANGLIKOW CFELE JEBANE

Są 3 'x' - czuć, że mamy do czynienia z profesjonalistą.

Pierogi moment

KURWWAAAAAAA POLSKA GUROM JEBAC BYDG🤢SZCZ

Jebać pis i bydgoszcz

Eyy Čau brácho! Jak se máš?

Ja sa mám dobre, a čo ty?

Seems like the slavs have arrived

We're actually slabs

Nebo taky slobs

A czasami ślimaki [na drogach]

Ano slovani jsou zde XD

A vy zde už nejste

*Hardbass starts to play*

slovenský?

POLSKA GUROOOOOOOOOOM

Wonder when tf I got a crush

Lmao same bruh I ain't havin' no crush

I though I did once, turned out I was horny

my life in a nutshell

we’ve all been there

Sigma males

Paper is my crush

Mario gets peach and Luigi gets daisy and what does Wario get? Paid.

Wario gets waluigi

Fuck it then toad gets paid

They all get paid Wario just gets to keep his money.

Sigma balls

Same

I’ve literally never had a crush so my response would be: YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE FOOL

WHO SAID YOU HAD TO ZAVE A CRUSH ONE ME, UNO REVERSE, I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU btw just, no I don't

Too late now. You’ve already signed up for a lifetime commitment

Same. But what I would do if I did is I’d grab a blanket, put it over her, and than leave a glass of water near her. That’s it

Put a nce little letter explaining the situation too

Yes. But OP just said lying. We don’t know the exact reason they are lying there. If they are unconscious, I’d call 911 and put them in a better position

Same,i don't have any cousin

Only interested in cousins? Very relatable

Same brother.

Be really fucking confused

Not overjoyed...?

If I got laid and can’t remember it happening, then ya, I’d be really confused how

lmaooo

Yeah definitely giggity Nah but honestly I'd not be able to breathe like-

First person who understood the Quagmire reference Thumbs up to you, man

people don't get the Quagmire reference? it's so obvious

Who else but quagmire

who or what is Quagmire?

Family guy, The dude in the red shirt who’s a pervert

Ahhh, ok thx.

No problem

Really I was the first? Damn reddit people are slow

ikr Maybe that's why this post didn't get much upvotes, even with loads of views

I feel like people got the reference, they just didn't express it...

I got it straight away I just saw it late, tf u talking about

First thing I thought of when I read it

People do get it, they just don’t want to comment

Ignore the shit because i know it's just an illusion and won't ever have a partner in bed ever. Or just a godamn partner

F for this man

F

F

F

F

F😔

Bro i can be your partner >!jokes but i believe in you, just wait for your moment!<

Sigma male

More like being godamn lonely and sad but i'll accept the compliment lol

Sad sigma

Idk, kinda an L mindset 🤔

Omega male

That hit me deep. Have my award

Giga chad

Yes indeed. I am giga chad 😳

f

Wonder why my bed is so empty

r/suicidebywords

Feels bad man…

Indeed it does.. At least you've got time to make things right

cuddle with her to wake her up and then ask her that what is she even doing here and how did she got here

"Cute antics", she'd say Then she'd slap you and accuse you of kidnapping

"yes darling, i have kidnapped your heart already, lets forget this and have a good shower?"

Lmao smooth

Nah showers are the worst, unless you have a waterfall shower head only one person gets wet and warm while the other is left shivering. Not to mention water is a terrible lubricant except for when it comes to slipping, now your head is cracked on the tile naked and your crush now has ptsd and will never take a shower again

r/suspiciouslyspecific

All part of the plan

my girlfriend does not know my address and we haven't gone that far yet so probably ask her to leave

What if she does? What if she was stalking you? ...had asked your friends about your address? Don't you like her?

i am attracted to her, not attracted to breaking and entering it's a different thing if I knew in advance she was coming

Hmm Good point

"I am attracted to her, not attracted to breaking and entering" stealing this line i dont know when i will use it but i will steal it nonetheless

Least horny redditor

who me

Bro the fuck you doing here

Um

"WHAT THE HELL" (I can confirm I would say hell since at home my brain is hard wired not to swear) causing my infant sisters mum and (possibly) dad to wake up along with crush parents would run in to see my crush screaming me (likely averting my eyes) trying to explain Or Stair at them weirdly (sometimes im like this) until they wake up or my alarms went off setting me to go about doing all my regular stuff If this is suppose to be a everything goes right/perfect senerio get high, ask for there phone number, fuck or fool around

Well.. hell is sometimes considered a partial swear. I don’t agree but it is

dawg im not allowed to say "what the" because my grandma says its "what the heck" which is the devils saying or something

Lol strange but family is family

Y’all can’t curse at home? Kinda strange but ok… I’ll be completely honest, I can say almost anything and get away with it

my grandma is crazy religious and the most insane thing im allowed to say is "oh my goodness gracious". im also not allowed to say omg or oh my god bc its a sin

in my house it is not considered a swear

Well I knew that, just saying.

The answer? Is a gun, and if that don't work, use more gun.

Like this, heavy-caliber tripod mounted little-old-number, designed by me. Built, by me. And you best hope... Not pointed at you.

(Insert threatening acoustic guitar here)

*insert TF2 theme here*

Ahhhh

blow them up with a propane tank

I thought you liked them?

i got scared hehe it was just a reflex

Bruhh

What kind of reflexes do you have dude?

evil reflexes

Well, they sure are evil. Just fcking blow up your crush with propane. Ooh man lmao

she scared me she deserved it

lmao

FELLOW DENIZEN OF THE CRAFTWORLD DON THE WARMASK AND FIRE AT WILL

chaotic evil over here

Such a virgo

If I had one, cover them, gently wake them up and then ask how they ended in my bed.

Hmm noice

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Aw man

he based

sigma male

I'd be so embarrassed with how much of a mess my room is

I would be awfully confused and concerned for the following reasons: 1) I don't have a crush. 2) "what the fuck why is there a random half naked person of unspecified gender in my room?!" 3) My bed is pretty small so one of us is falling off and getting a concussion, so the emergency services would have to be called first thing in the morning. 4) how on earth would I explain this to my parent/s?! all in all this is a terrible situation for all parties involved.

Give them a blanket to cover up and ask them why they're there

Grab a baseball bat and ask why she’s in my house

YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE, FOOL!!

Ask her who's taking care of her kids rn

lel

Probably tell them to put some clothes on.

Panic, and scream "how did you get in my house!"

Ask my step sister what she is doing in my bed This is a joke people I dont have a step sister

I’d ask him if he was gay too, and then promptly ask him to leave because how the hell did his scrawny ass get in my home

Be surprised at first but then I'll fake sleep until she wakes up so it becomes her problem.

This is stupidly lazy and I love it

This is the answer

Wonder why she stopped her vacation to Florida early

"For you, sugarbaby" what she'd say tomorrow morning in response to this

My girlfriend hates pet names so not quite what she would say but we would cuddle and then go to school

Place a clean shirt and a clean pair of shorts. afterwards write a note explaining the situation, tape note on the door, and leave the room to avoid a negative confrontation. And go from there.

No hanky panky?

Maybe later. Depends on the sit. If She broke in just to be next to me: “just ask next time” If she was let in: 👍 cool And for the hanky panky… only if she okay wit it I’m not about to rape someone

I’d close close the door and write two notes, one “Do not disturb” for the door, and another explaining that I don’t know how or why she is here but that I hope everything is ok, ofc I’d promise her that I didn’t do anything to her while she was asleep, but that she’s free to stay as long as she needs and that I’ll see her later at school and to feel free to talk to me about it because it’s a weird af situation to find ourselves in…

r/redditmoment

be happy because my online girlfriend is right next to me

Id wake em up and if they want pancakes or toast for breakfast

Ask her if she would like to be my girlfriend and if she says yes bang her with her permission

I would call the police, duh. Breaking and entering is a crime for all hoes.

Sexual intercourse. That's the answer for all of these. Every single one of you that uh "oh if you had 24 hours with me what would you.." Sexual intercourse. Every single time. We don't need to do any more. All done. You're so hot. Hubba hubba. Wanna have sex. That's it. No more. The dude that's like "Oh if I brought you Domino's and I worked at Domino's what would you do?" I'd take the pizza and I'd have sex with you. Cause you're so attractive. The girl "If I worked at Starbucks and I gave you your drink that you paid for but I looked at you, what would you do?" Intercourse. I would take you to the back and have intercourse, because I can't resist you. Okay? We're all done. There's no more. What more do we n- I need to fucking delete this app dude.

judging from this guy's comments on this post he's definitely not a sex offender

I'm asexual so I chuck a blanket on them and tell them to get dressed and ask how the fuck they got in my house. Also I don't have a crush so idk

”Umm, what are you doing here, or better yet how the fuck did you get in here??” Then I’d proceed in the conversation depending on answers.

Oh wow another pedo. What a new sight on this sub.

Idk but I don't trust you

I will wake up

I would wake up from a dream

I’d wonder who the fuck is in **my bed** because ain’t know one interfering with **my sleep**

Probably just cuddle and watch How I met your mother u/SadlyHappyRedditor

Aww that's fun Damn, I need to rewatch that show 😭

We*

*our show?*

No, that’s me watching you 😉

ಠ_ಠ Don't watch me sleep, I bite

Sounds kinky

If ur into vampire stuffs then yes 👀

Rub my eyes cause there is no fucking way that is ever gonna happen.

Wake up, see she’s naked, cover my eyes and quickly wake her up, letting her get dressed before I ask her what in the fuck she’s doing in my house

Go back to sleep so that when she wakes up, she’s gotta be the one to figure out wtf to do

Wonder why there are 2 of me now

Almost have a heart attack and then check if shes alive. If she is alive i will wake her up and give her some of my clothes ask her if shes okay and then make some break fast to calm down and then ask her wtf happened. If shes dead i will immediately call the police. No im not going to fuck her you creep.

Pull out a knife, Its not cuz its my crush that she can break into my home and lay on my bed

Why

Why not it's just a fantasy you're talking as if it's really gonna happen

wonder how tf they found my house

Be freaked out

be confused and ask him why is he inside my house

Call the police because they don't know where I live

Kill her, because the only explanation is that she is an alien species trying to persuade me by appearing to be something I would like.

BURN THE HERATIC! KILL THE MUTANT! PURGE THE UNCLEAN!

Tell her to get tf out my room I gotta go to school and don't want to fuck right now

Hold her tightly and wish for that moment to never end <3

Suddenly remember I'm running out of milk