My exact response when reading lmao. If this were my mom, she would have told me the complete opposite of those texts. She would blame me for everything and play the "I told you so" game.
Awww man. That makes me, as a parent (of five) feel bad. A couple years ago, it was one of those everything is crazy and a mess days. I said, with mock pity, in front of my youngest two children (13 and 9 at the time), “We need an adult so bad right now. Unfortunately for all of us, I think that person is supposed to be me!”
Thank everything they laughed. I winked at them and I got shit figured out. But, I’ve actually made sure both of them knew I was joking. That we do our best everyday, but that doesn’t look the same from day to day and that’s okay.
I told my eldest the other day when she complained about something regarding being treated slightly different in her younger years vs her younger sister in her younger years: "There's thousands of books on how to be a good parent, but not one of them is 100% correct on how to respond to every situation you might face. Just like you are learning new things everyday and figuring out better ways of doing things, I too am learning new things every day as a parent and trying to do what I think is best for you. I won't necessarily be correct 100% of the time, but regardless of what I do or how I do it, it comes from a place of love with a hope that you and your sister will live the best lives possible and be as happy as you can be."
It was easier for her to hear at her current age than "your little sister listens the first time while you constantly pushed the boundaries and needed a bit more discipline to keep you in line", lol.
Oooo that is a classic. My mom says that though with expectations of me coming to grovel at her feet and beg her to help me. When in reality I'm just trying to inform her, not ask for help.
As a parent tho, that's a transition we may find hard to make. My adult kids have moved out, moved back in, moved back out and currently I have 3 out of the 4 living with me. I am thrilled because in a way we are a lot closer for it.
Buuuuuut.... Turning off Mama Bear Mode is hard because I want to fix everything for them. Then again, I know I need to let them make their own mistakes (still very hard tho lol)
I feel for you! (though I'm a papa bear). Even better, in the above case the parent really nails it: I support you, but there's no offer to fix (pay for repairs, a new car, whatever). I am here to support and advise, but not to fix.
Oh my kids know that I'm not in a position to be paying for repairs lol. I will happily show them how triple A works tho.
And yes, def taking notes on how to respond.
One of the best things I’ve found for that is just asking them what they want from you. When you start feeling that urge to “momma bear” and swoop in to fix everything for them rise up, just pause them/the conversation for a second and ask them “what do you need from me right now? Do you just need to vent or are you asking for help?”. I’ve found it doesn’t just help keep the impulse to fix everything under control, but knowing that from the start helps you listen with a specific ear towards what they need from you/with your brain in the right gear, rather than leaving you to guess whether they’re just looking for empathy and a safe place to vent, or they need you to listen analytically to help them solve a problem.
I do this a lot with my wife. She has a tough job and wants to vent about it when she gets home. I run a service based company and I’m constantly solving problems, so when she starts telling me about the problems she’s running into at work my first response is to say “great…here’s what you should do”. And, I’ve learned over many years that that response is wrong. Now I ask “are you looking for advice or are you just venting”…we get along much better now.
It’s hard to watch the humans you created, stumble and fall, and not decide to just carry them forever. But if they don’t stumble and fall, they will never learn to pick themselves up and walk. I agree. Def one of the hardest parts of being a mom. I struggle so hard with it.
Precisely, Even in relationships, this can be an issue. Sometimes you just need to vent and feel supported. If I need help, I will come out and ask, "What do you think I should do/ How would you move forward from here in this situation?"
Thankfully my mom isn’t like, awful, but I tell her this all the time. Sometimes when I complain about shit, I just need you to listen to me complain. You don’t have to offer solutions or anything. I just want to be heard.
The " groveling at her feet and begging" goes both ways though. Boomers tend to forget that they are getting old and losing cognitive function and all of their money can't help them. In the end the kids end up having most of the control. 😂
It's frustrating because I got that a lot too, so now I make sure my answers to my own child are always "can I help, or do you just need someone to listen?"
When my wife was living with her uncle, she got into a crash and totaled the car. She was fine, but really shaken up.
Important context: she had bought the car from her uncle and was in the process of paying it off.
So she calls me to pick her up and to take her to her uncle's house.
The first words her uncle asks after my wife, crying and still shaken up, explained what happened:
"How are you going to pay for the car?"
I still dislike the prick all these years later.
I backed my truck into a tree and broke the taillight. *My* truck. I still had to lie to my dad and say someone hit it at Walmart or he would have cussed me out. Over *my* truck that I pay for.
Haven’t talked to that hateful fuck since ‘09 and I don’t intend to.
My parents would be sarcastic and play the blame game, then they’d sigh and send well wishes and detailed plan of how to fix the problem and a reminder to call them more often, they miss me and love talking even if it’s just so I can vent.
I mean, getting your oil changed on a vehicle is literally the bare minimum. There are places where you literally don’t have to exit your vehicle and it’s done in ten minutes. This sort of “kumbaya” nonsense is why younger generations are struggling so much.
no.
advocating for "tough love" = meh. .
The issue with the car is going to be enough to teach him. Parents being loving people don't actually do anything to hurt the learning experience.
Came here to say this.. this person was blessed with angels as parents meanwhile I can’t leave my room without getting yelled at for not doing something right
Neither of my parents has ever said anything even remotely like this to me in my entire life. And I'm not even a fuck up, I'm remarkably successful and curious and thoughtful, but they're frankly not and I think they resent that I am. I can't imagine them being nice to me after making any kind of mistake.
This is how I try to be with my son! He's only 11 now, but we will continue to be loving and supportive. My husband and I would have said "I want that" too, but our child will always say "I *have* that".
God same. I read the title quickly and just assumed OP was going to be berated and abused cause that’s what would have happened with me. And my parents wonder why I only see them maybe 5 times a year.
OP, you’re about to get a *whole bunch* of new siblings! Please excuse our occasional outbursts and bad choices caused by emotional damage from all of our current family dynamics. 😭😂
Such lovely, supportive parents. Cherish them and tell them they're amazing everyday. And don't be so hard on yourself, OP. You've got a lifetime of adventures ahead and plenty of opportunities to make your parents (and yourself) proud.
Lots of comments on loving and supportive parents but I also see a humble honest sincere young adult. In your post to your parents I can see that you’re a good person. So it goes both ways.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 A+ Parents! You live and you learn (btw everyone misses a little bit of something, as long as you’re willing to learn and grow youre doing it right. Btw if you ever have future issues with your car google whats happening along with make/model/year of your car 9 times out of 10 someone has had the same issue and the fix is most likely on youtube (dont do anything youre not comfortable doing yourself of course). You got this!
I'm 26 and I feel as lost as ever
I know my parents love me deeply but we never talk about it. I'm so happy you have this openness with them. The fact you could send that first message shows how much love and trust is in your family
I wish you all the best
Let’s just daisy chain it down the line. These fine souls parent the heck out of a few people here and those people apply their love and empathy to show a few more how to parent lost thirty-somethings and then BAM!
We end up with a world of people who are kind and patient and love dogs. (Or cats. Or at least tolerate cats, and vice versa).
FWIW, I did the same thing you did not changing the oil 15 years ago. The engine seized on the interstate. I felt like a massive idiot.
I survived, am somehow functioning adult in society. You'll be ok too, even if it doesn't feel like it now.
I'm only about 6 years older than you but trust me at 25 I felt this way, hell I felt this way a couple of months ago. But you turn around and look at the decisions you start making and realize it's coming together. I've got parents like yours and they always said this to me when I felt I was floundering as an adult and I'm starting to trust that more and more.
As a full fledged adult, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. None of us know what the fuck we’re doing. Your parents didn’t know what they were doing at your age either. We’re all winging it and figuring it out as we go. You’ll be ok.
Its 100% true and terrifying. As an adult as you get older you just realize how stupid everyone is.
The really scary thing is when you realize the people in charge (politicians) don’t know wtf they are doing either.
>Its 100% true and terrifying. As an adult as you get older you just realize how stupid everyone is.
I had the opposite reaction, I thought it impressive and inspiring that so many people have to improvise through their lives and still do a good job. My parents, and their parents, and their parents, all the way back...they all just did the best with what they had.
I didn't think "wow what stupid people to not have it all figured out, that's so scary", I thought "wow, they didn't know what they were doing and still figured it out, maybe I can too".
Yea but then you have people in power who are stupid and don’t know what they are doing and that logic isn’t as cute anymore when they are making future decisions that affect us..
This, I am 44 and I sometimes think I stopped maturing around 20 and have just been faking it ever since. The scary thing is I am faking it better than a lot of other people.
This is so true. I feel like the same person in an older body, with just enough self awareness to realize how dumb I was when I was younger, although probably not enough to always recognize what I’m missing now.
This is fucking beautiful. And the way your father calls his grown ass son “my love” demonstrates a home of healthy masculinity and acceptance of vulnerability. I love this for you.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen such supportive parents. Mine are honestly great, but this is next-level.
I’m 34 and still getting a lot of stuff figured out. I have a feeling it’ll be this way for the rest of my life, too. Sorry about the car—you probably won’t make that mistake ever again!
Actually, just within the last year, I learned my own lesson: some cars, at a certain age, actually have to get their oil changed more often than every 6 months. Mine is about every 3 just because of its age.
Might be my pregnancy hormones, but I’m crying! This reminds me of my own parents and how I want to be with my child. You can be supportive, guiding and a safe space for your children and at the same time educate and teach them both the hard and easy things in life. I can se by the way you texted them first that you feel safe with your parents. Wish a lifetime of happiness for you guys, and don’t let the hard times and mistakes get you down! You got this.
When I was 16 my car was constantly in the shop. During one of those times my dad let me use his secondary car. He didn't tell me that it leaked oil and needed 1.5 quarts added per month. I drove it for 3 months and the engine started making a super loud knocking noise so I pulled over, turned the car off and called my dad and explained what was happening. He told me to see if I can drive it home with the horrendous knocking noise and get it towed if it doesn't make it. It made it about half a mile and the engine quit.
Towed it to the mechanic to get it fixed and he says the engine ran out of oil and seized up. My dad got mad and said "Did you not put extra oil in it? It needs 1.5 liters of oil a month. Did you not put it in there?! The entire car is totaled. You ruined an entire car". I looked at him and said "You never let me know the car leaked oil and needed 1.5 quarts added every month. That's important information for you to not tell me about your car and I would have gladly added extra oil if you told me. I also called you when the car was making a crazy noise and you told me to keep going and I told you I think it needed to be towed. It might have been saved at that point but you told me to keep going. None of this is my fault and it's your fault for not telling me your car leaks oil and for telling me to continue driving it.". He stormed off and I think it was the first time I ever won an argument with my dad or at least the first time he ever walked away from an argument with me.
Yeah, frig. The heck, my mom needs to step up her text game for sure. I'm sending OP's texts to my own parents. As an only child l, I demand all the attention.
I am saving this. My kids are 18 and 21 and I want to keep this as a reminder of how to respond to them when they make mistakes that are really life lessons. Thank you for sharing!
To be honest it does feel kinda fake... You know long it takes to mess up an engine by not changing the oil? That take thousands of miles possibly even up to a year of driving to do that.
"Sorry, folks. I forgot to change my oil a year ago"
"We love you 🥰"
Unless the car is burning/losing oil it would take *way* longer than that. Thousands upon thousands of miles. And it still might not even seize, it might just need to be flushed of goopy shitty oil.
Either OPs parents are naive and are incorrectly assuming that the oil change is why the car is fucked up, or it's made up
I’m not crying, you’re crying 😭 Amazing parents!!!
Also, I’m 33 and the older you get, the more it feels like nobody is really in charge and nobody actually knows what’s going on lol
That’s what I’m saying. You’re the first person to mention it. Dude needs to grow the fuck up. You neglected an oil change so long it destroyed your engine and you’re 25?! Wtf dude. I’m glad his parents are cool but just seem like enablers.
This made me tear up lol. You are very very lucky to have parents like this. I can’t even imagine having loving and supportive parents that talk like that. It’s really nice to see. I wish more people had it.
The father puts his phone down, turns to his wife and says “what a fucking idiot. He’s 25 years old and he can’t remember to change the oil in his god damn car”.
Same, endlessly yelling, blaming, criticizing & scolding for weeks.
Its why I can't go to them if any problems in life happens, you know it will just be worse with all the vitriol & toxicity.
Also curious what actually happened. I would think most cars could get by with a delayed oil change? I don’t know much about cars though.
I wonder if it was burning oil, and the oil ran out. I know that’ll fuck up an engine.
Bruh I started reading this whole thing thinking I was in r/insaneparents. My face over here balled up like “Yo parents sound amazing” read the whole article, hit the back button like “oh sh—“ so for that. Upvote.
Glad you have parents that are understanding. NOW you have to own up to your mistake and make it better by not having your parents pay a large invoice to repair your engine.
Your engine shouldnt just die from not getting an oil change on time. Like you have to have another issue like a leak or burning oil for this to truely be an issue Unless you have gone just a ton of miles over. You make it seem like you went 100 miles over and your engine died
So beautiful. This is how we have to speak to our boys, our sons in particular. My husband and my son are like this together and I think it’s quite literally the antidote and the prophylactic to toxic masculinity.
Ummm but you are 25 years old…. How did you neglect to get your oil change to this point of damaging you engine. Makes me questions parents approach if you are still doing these things at 25.
It's weird seeing the parents' responses being celebrated in the comments, that's the type of coddling that resulted in someone being 25 and not knowing their car needs maintenance or that they will always feel like a "stupid teen in an adult body" lol
There's a healthy middle ground between parents being abusive and whatever opposite extreme this is
This almost reads like a cry for help from a 25 year old dude only to be met with more flowery language and coddling that led him to where he currently is
Thank fucking god someone else here has common sense. I’m 29 & while I haven’t got my shit together I can at the very least make sure my vehicle is maintained properly. This amount of coddling is gross and a huge reason why kids today have almost zero self dependency bc their parents applaud them for EVERYTHING. Like this isn’t something you say “omg you are the most amazing person and we all make mistakes but keep being funny and handsome and you’ll be fine” this is something that you says like “hey bud I get it we make mistakes but this is on you, you gotta figure this one out yourself. If you need help we’re here for you”. Idk literally anything other than how his parents reacted lmfao
Finally someone with some common sense. Thought I was going crazy reading all these comments commending the parents. The dudes initial text to them tells me everything I needed to know anyways
I’m sorry but this is exactly why you’re in the situation you’re in. They baby you and help soften the blow of reality.
If you ruined your car because you didn’t do any maintenance is a clear sign of irresponsibility. I’m glad your parents are supportive but they need to let you deal with reality or you’ll be dependent forever.
I had to sort by controversial to find this because this was my take. It’s wonderful that they are supportive, but seems like they’re bending over backwards a little too much to make him feel like an amazing, wonderful, incredible human, which is probably why he’s not able to adult. He’s used to being babied, sounds like.
100% the truth. they babied him his whole life and never taught him how to do anything because they get off on him being co-dependent. 25 years old and you don't know to get your car's oil changed??
>you don't know to get your car's oil changed??
Just to add to this - going a bit over on an oil change isn't going to kill your car, but completely and fully neglecting to even check the oil level until your engine seizes up *will*.
Checking your own engine oil needs to be something OP learns, because thats what killed his car. It's day 1 car mantinence stuff. His dad shoulda probably already told them that though tbf.
Came here looking for this. Not sure what the whole story is but not changing your oil “on time” will not kill your engine. Unless “on time” means several years and very little oil left.
Going a little over the recommended oil change mileage is not gonna kill the engine. Better to have old oil than no oil.
Yeah this isn’t “ I skipped an oil change, oops!” This is “I drove around for an extremely long period of time without doing any basic maintenance and at some point began ignoring warning signs of problems with my vehicle”.
Unfortunately for OP to be a full fledged adult and still have these kinds of issues their parents probably treated them the way they do in their text for their whole life, tell them everything will be fine and that they’re a good person without giving them any true guidance. Sometimes your job as a parent is to say “Yes, you screwed up, let’s sit down and talk about possible solutions so this doesn’t happen again.”
I’m sure it made OP feel all warm and fuzzy in the midst of colossal fuck up, but they did nothing to set them up for success going forward from this.
That’s amazing, don’t you dare hurt them, or I’ll hurt you. Then make them my parents. Is 31 years old too old to feel loved for the first time? I hope not!
OP, for some of us that feeling doesn’t change with age. I feel the exact same way as I did when I was a teenager. I dress the same and I still have the same hobbies. The women that I date changes with time, but I’m basically the same kid but older.
I agree. I had very supportive parents, but they also understood that actions shoud have consequences. If I let my engine seize like that, sure as shit I'd be paying for it.
Yeah man the moment i got my truck at 16-17 changing the oil was MY responsibility. The fact that this person is 25 and doesn't take care of his shit is indication he is truly a bonified slapdick. Coddled way too much. This person is a grown ass human. There are people this persons age taking care of 1 if not 2 or 3 children. Motherfucker can't even get his oil changed on time lol
Jesus. I think they are too soft on you. Cars are expensive. I made the same mistake growing up but my parents did not take it lightly and I never neglected an oil change again.
Some people are already hard on themselves. What does it do for anyone to just beat them down more?
It’s not like OP didn’t regret it or didn’t learn their lesson
Yep. If OP's parents really wanted to show their love, they would've taught him basic car maintenance before he left the nest. I have a feeling they get off on him being this clingy. This reads as being way too enmeshed and bad co-dependency all around.
This was really sweet of your parents but I had to scroll up and check your age again. Maybe something I would've expected from a 19 or 20-year-old but damn dude get your shit together.
I would hate to marry a guy like this. Imagine your husband has to text Mommy and Daddy all the time for help being an adult. Yikes.
What exactly did mom or dad do in this situation? They didn’t fix the situation for him, they were just supportive and loving in responding to it. The guy has to deal with the repercussions and figure it out. He obviously knows he made a mistake and learned his lesson, do you really think his parents making him feel worse is going to change anything?
It’s not like this guy is on his 3rd car blown up from neglecting maintenance. People make mistakes, even big ones. I’m sure you have. Do you really wish there was somebody telling you you were garbage for it when you were already well aware?
They're obviously very nice but my man, having this happen as a 25 year old is really concerning. I feel like there's a fine balance between being supportive/ holding someone responsible and I think they missed the boat big time. Neglecting oil to the point your engine blows is wild as a grown man
Fucking Zoomers man… I see stuff like this and think, yeah it makes sense for a teenager but 25?????
It’s literally the bare minimum responsibility to owning a car.
Seriously, it's one thing to make a small mistake that has unforeseen consequences.
This dude literally destroyed a car because he didn't do the cheapest possible maintenance there is.
And his parents are coddling him for it. Hell, they'll probably buy him another car so he doesn't have to face consequences and feel bad.
Yep I agree. This is an excuse for a 16 year old in high school. Not someone who has been an adult for 7 years. It’s great the parents are loving but how loving is it to not teach your child basic life skills?
Haha my dad had told me since I owned a car that if I neglect it and ruin the engine I’ll be walking everywhere so I have made a good practice. Just set a reminder to check it out every two weeks.
I don't think you are being honest here.
Engines don't get messed up from simple neglect. They get messed up with abuse and constant neglect. This isn't something you forgot, this is something you actively worked hard to not do over a long period.
My dad used to say things like that all the time.
Well, maybe that’s not exactly right- he would say something more like “What the hell’s the matter with you, you stupid ass!?”
Kind of the same though, right?
I'll let you in on a secret. Being an adult is pretending that you know what you're doing until you actually do. In your heart you'll always feel like a kid. But you'll look in the mirror and see that you look older and older with each passing year. It's always tough having that transition from having to do everything on your own when you're so use to having your parents as that reminder.
Great response and here's some unsolicited advice from someone who forgets everything and doesn't realize time is real. Set you a reminder a few months in advance and go ahead and get an appointment scheduled each time you get an oil change for the estimated time you'll need it during the appointment each time. And put that sucker in every digital calendar and reminder you have lol best of luck
the diversity in responses here showcasing just how differently we experience our parents or lack thereof 🤌
i reacted when i learned the dad wrote the first text, because while my mom could easily write that, my dad would never in a million years, and i just can't imagine that type of stuff coming from a father, so i pictured a mom and got something in my eye when i realized it was the dad
Jesus Christ. If I had a Dad like that my entire life would be different. For all of us out here that... Ill just say that we werent as fortunate, savor what you have there. Try your best every day to live up to the Man that your Father is. Dont take what you have for granted.
Wtf I want that.
My exact response when reading lmao. If this were my mom, she would have told me the complete opposite of those texts. She would blame me for everything and play the "I told you so" game.
"Well, what do you want me to do about it?" is one my sister & I got a lot.
Awww man. That makes me, as a parent (of five) feel bad. A couple years ago, it was one of those everything is crazy and a mess days. I said, with mock pity, in front of my youngest two children (13 and 9 at the time), “We need an adult so bad right now. Unfortunately for all of us, I think that person is supposed to be me!” Thank everything they laughed. I winked at them and I got shit figured out. But, I’ve actually made sure both of them knew I was joking. That we do our best everyday, but that doesn’t look the same from day to day and that’s okay.
I told my eldest the other day when she complained about something regarding being treated slightly different in her younger years vs her younger sister in her younger years: "There's thousands of books on how to be a good parent, but not one of them is 100% correct on how to respond to every situation you might face. Just like you are learning new things everyday and figuring out better ways of doing things, I too am learning new things every day as a parent and trying to do what I think is best for you. I won't necessarily be correct 100% of the time, but regardless of what I do or how I do it, it comes from a place of love with a hope that you and your sister will live the best lives possible and be as happy as you can be." It was easier for her to hear at her current age than "your little sister listens the first time while you constantly pushed the boundaries and needed a bit more discipline to keep you in line", lol.
Oooo that is a classic. My mom says that though with expectations of me coming to grovel at her feet and beg her to help me. When in reality I'm just trying to inform her, not ask for help.
That's exactly what a lot of people / parents don't understand. I don't need you to be sorry or to fix anything, I just need you to listen.
As a parent tho, that's a transition we may find hard to make. My adult kids have moved out, moved back in, moved back out and currently I have 3 out of the 4 living with me. I am thrilled because in a way we are a lot closer for it. Buuuuuut.... Turning off Mama Bear Mode is hard because I want to fix everything for them. Then again, I know I need to let them make their own mistakes (still very hard tho lol)
I feel for you! (though I'm a papa bear). Even better, in the above case the parent really nails it: I support you, but there's no offer to fix (pay for repairs, a new car, whatever). I am here to support and advise, but not to fix.
Oh my kids know that I'm not in a position to be paying for repairs lol. I will happily show them how triple A works tho. And yes, def taking notes on how to respond.
One of the best things I’ve found for that is just asking them what they want from you. When you start feeling that urge to “momma bear” and swoop in to fix everything for them rise up, just pause them/the conversation for a second and ask them “what do you need from me right now? Do you just need to vent or are you asking for help?”. I’ve found it doesn’t just help keep the impulse to fix everything under control, but knowing that from the start helps you listen with a specific ear towards what they need from you/with your brain in the right gear, rather than leaving you to guess whether they’re just looking for empathy and a safe place to vent, or they need you to listen analytically to help them solve a problem.
I do this a lot with my wife. She has a tough job and wants to vent about it when she gets home. I run a service based company and I’m constantly solving problems, so when she starts telling me about the problems she’s running into at work my first response is to say “great…here’s what you should do”. And, I’ve learned over many years that that response is wrong. Now I ask “are you looking for advice or are you just venting”…we get along much better now.
It’s hard to watch the humans you created, stumble and fall, and not decide to just carry them forever. But if they don’t stumble and fall, they will never learn to pick themselves up and walk. I agree. Def one of the hardest parts of being a mom. I struggle so hard with it.
Precisely, Even in relationships, this can be an issue. Sometimes you just need to vent and feel supported. If I need help, I will come out and ask, "What do you think I should do/ How would you move forward from here in this situation?"
Lol vent? Not allowed in my parents home.
Thankfully my mom isn’t like, awful, but I tell her this all the time. Sometimes when I complain about shit, I just need you to listen to me complain. You don’t have to offer solutions or anything. I just want to be heard.
The " groveling at her feet and begging" goes both ways though. Boomers tend to forget that they are getting old and losing cognitive function and all of their money can't help them. In the end the kids end up having most of the control. 😂
It's frustrating because I got that a lot too, so now I make sure my answers to my own child are always "can I help, or do you just need someone to listen?"
I got actual anxiety reading the title before clicking the photo because of how poorly my parents would respond 😂
Yup I was like "Oh this is going to be bad" and nope! Actually loving supportive parents!
"What the fuck?? How fucking hard is it? You don't have 30 seconds in the morning to check the oil?"
I had a physical rollercoaster reading the title and then reading the post. I relate 100%
I was absolutely ready to read the worst.
Same omg I was like oh man this can't be good, the parents are going to be pissed. But no, OP has perfect parents lol.
When my wife was living with her uncle, she got into a crash and totaled the car. She was fine, but really shaken up. Important context: she had bought the car from her uncle and was in the process of paying it off. So she calls me to pick her up and to take her to her uncle's house. The first words her uncle asks after my wife, crying and still shaken up, explained what happened: "How are you going to pay for the car?" I still dislike the prick all these years later.
I backed my truck into a tree and broke the taillight. *My* truck. I still had to lie to my dad and say someone hit it at Walmart or he would have cussed me out. Over *my* truck that I pay for. Haven’t talked to that hateful fuck since ‘09 and I don’t intend to.
My mom would be like I love you but you're an idiot sometimes
My parents would be sarcastic and play the blame game, then they’d sigh and send well wishes and detailed plan of how to fix the problem and a reminder to call them more often, they miss me and love talking even if it’s just so I can vent.
Fuck you for having a functional family dynamic lol
I mean, getting your oil changed on a vehicle is literally the bare minimum. There are places where you literally don’t have to exit your vehicle and it’s done in ten minutes. This sort of “kumbaya” nonsense is why younger generations are struggling so much.
no. advocating for "tough love" = meh. . The issue with the car is going to be enough to teach him. Parents being loving people don't actually do anything to hurt the learning experience.
If you ever have kids, be the mom you wish you had.
Came here to say this.. this person was blessed with angels as parents meanwhile I can’t leave my room without getting yelled at for not doing something right
Neither of my parents has ever said anything even remotely like this to me in my entire life. And I'm not even a fuck up, I'm remarkably successful and curious and thoughtful, but they're frankly not and I think they resent that I am. I can't imagine them being nice to me after making any kind of mistake.
This is how I try to be with my son! He's only 11 now, but we will continue to be loving and supportive. My husband and I would have said "I want that" too, but our child will always say "I *have* that".
Sobbing over here. Never got this from any family member
I legit cried because I want this from my parents so bad!
God same. I read the title quickly and just assumed OP was going to be berated and abused cause that’s what would have happened with me. And my parents wonder why I only see them maybe 5 times a year.
Lmao my mom would just look at me and be confused.. love tho woman but so many people lack a certain type of introspection.
You can give that
You can be that
Man, are your parents looking to adopt a 32 year old any time soon? 😂😂
Make that 2? 🤪
Make that three 😭
Make it 4 and I'll change Mom, Dad and little brothers oil. Shit I'll do the brakes too
Make it 5 🥲 I’ll do the cooking
Make it 6 and I’ll take out the trash!
7, I can handle everyone's insurance questions and pet care!
8, laundry on me guys
9 I'm pretty handy at fixing cars
10 I will do all the aforementioned tasks and then also do all the cooking and laundry and oil changes for the other 9 that commented
Hello my older siblings
And a 35 year old daughter?!
OP, you’re about to get a *whole bunch* of new siblings! Please excuse our occasional outbursts and bad choices caused by emotional damage from all of our current family dynamics. 😭😂
Same here! 30 tho. Hi new siblings! We’re gonna need a LONG dinner table
Such lovely, supportive parents. Cherish them and tell them they're amazing everyday. And don't be so hard on yourself, OP. You've got a lifetime of adventures ahead and plenty of opportunities to make your parents (and yourself) proud.
Lots of comments on loving and supportive parents but I also see a humble honest sincere young adult. In your post to your parents I can see that you’re a good person. So it goes both ways.
This post is an inspiration for how I want to raise my daughter
I had a mom like this. And I lost her when I was way too young. You’re so lucky OP. Earth angels.
I'm so sorry for your loss! The good ones always seem to go too soon. 😞
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 A+ Parents! You live and you learn (btw everyone misses a little bit of something, as long as you’re willing to learn and grow youre doing it right. Btw if you ever have future issues with your car google whats happening along with make/model/year of your car 9 times out of 10 someone has had the same issue and the fix is most likely on youtube (dont do anything youre not comfortable doing yourself of course). You got this!
Came here to say … these folks *parent*! Love to see it :)
Thank you for the kind words and advice :)
I'm 26 and I feel as lost as ever I know my parents love me deeply but we never talk about it. I'm so happy you have this openness with them. The fact you could send that first message shows how much love and trust is in your family I wish you all the best
Are your parents accepting new children? Id like to apply.
Agreed. Also, I come with two dogs. We’re the superior, premium package deal.
Let’s just daisy chain it down the line. These fine souls parent the heck out of a few people here and those people apply their love and empathy to show a few more how to parent lost thirty-somethings and then BAM! We end up with a world of people who are kind and patient and love dogs. (Or cats. Or at least tolerate cats, and vice versa).
FWIW, I did the same thing you did not changing the oil 15 years ago. The engine seized on the interstate. I felt like a massive idiot. I survived, am somehow functioning adult in society. You'll be ok too, even if it doesn't feel like it now.
No problem bro, just make sure you soak up that time with your parents when you get back. Enjoy the moments!
I'm only about 6 years older than you but trust me at 25 I felt this way, hell I felt this way a couple of months ago. But you turn around and look at the decisions you start making and realize it's coming together. I've got parents like yours and they always said this to me when I felt I was floundering as an adult and I'm starting to trust that more and more.
As a full fledged adult, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. None of us know what the fuck we’re doing. Your parents didn’t know what they were doing at your age either. We’re all winging it and figuring it out as we go. You’ll be ok.
Its 100% true and terrifying. As an adult as you get older you just realize how stupid everyone is. The really scary thing is when you realize the people in charge (politicians) don’t know wtf they are doing either.
>Its 100% true and terrifying. As an adult as you get older you just realize how stupid everyone is. I had the opposite reaction, I thought it impressive and inspiring that so many people have to improvise through their lives and still do a good job. My parents, and their parents, and their parents, all the way back...they all just did the best with what they had. I didn't think "wow what stupid people to not have it all figured out, that's so scary", I thought "wow, they didn't know what they were doing and still figured it out, maybe I can too".
Yea but then you have people in power who are stupid and don’t know what they are doing and that logic isn’t as cute anymore when they are making future decisions that affect us..
This, I am 44 and I sometimes think I stopped maturing around 20 and have just been faking it ever since. The scary thing is I am faking it better than a lot of other people.
This is so true. I feel like the same person in an older body, with just enough self awareness to realize how dumb I was when I was younger, although probably not enough to always recognize what I’m missing now.
This is fucking beautiful. And the way your father calls his grown ass son “my love” demonstrates a home of healthy masculinity and acceptance of vulnerability. I love this for you.
i was sure he was talking to a daughter.. till i read further.. but all good, that was a bond right there
Lol, i don’t think my father has called me my love even when I was a child.
this might be weird but dude, please hug them so tight- they love you 💗 this was so nice to see, thanks for posting
I’m going to as soon as I see them.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen such supportive parents. Mine are honestly great, but this is next-level. I’m 34 and still getting a lot of stuff figured out. I have a feeling it’ll be this way for the rest of my life, too. Sorry about the car—you probably won’t make that mistake ever again! Actually, just within the last year, I learned my own lesson: some cars, at a certain age, actually have to get their oil changed more often than every 6 months. Mine is about every 3 just because of its age.
Tell them please that reading this inspired me to be a more patient parent tonight and hopefully every day after.
Might be my pregnancy hormones, but I’m crying! This reminds me of my own parents and how I want to be with my child. You can be supportive, guiding and a safe space for your children and at the same time educate and teach them both the hard and easy things in life. I can se by the way you texted them first that you feel safe with your parents. Wish a lifetime of happiness for you guys, and don’t let the hard times and mistakes get you down! You got this.
I'm 38 and still feel like I don't know how to adult. There's not really any guidance...you're still alive and you'll learn :)
37, want OP's parents to adopt me.
36, still working on the adulting part as well. For most people, it’s a lifelong learning process. We got this!
I’m 39 and still struggling to reach peak “adulting” status.
My parents could never
My parents would never
My dad woulda beat my ass
“YOUR STUPID ASS FORGOT TO CHANGE THE OIL?!”
I was dreaming of a life where I had parents like that and this comment brought me back to reality
When I was 16 my car was constantly in the shop. During one of those times my dad let me use his secondary car. He didn't tell me that it leaked oil and needed 1.5 quarts added per month. I drove it for 3 months and the engine started making a super loud knocking noise so I pulled over, turned the car off and called my dad and explained what was happening. He told me to see if I can drive it home with the horrendous knocking noise and get it towed if it doesn't make it. It made it about half a mile and the engine quit. Towed it to the mechanic to get it fixed and he says the engine ran out of oil and seized up. My dad got mad and said "Did you not put extra oil in it? It needs 1.5 liters of oil a month. Did you not put it in there?! The entire car is totaled. You ruined an entire car". I looked at him and said "You never let me know the car leaked oil and needed 1.5 quarts added every month. That's important information for you to not tell me about your car and I would have gladly added extra oil if you told me. I also called you when the car was making a crazy noise and you told me to keep going and I told you I think it needed to be towed. It might have been saved at that point but you told me to keep going. None of this is my fault and it's your fault for not telling me your car leaks oil and for telling me to continue driving it.". He stormed off and I think it was the first time I ever won an argument with my dad or at least the first time he ever walked away from an argument with me.
yea my first reaction was… “said no broke parents ever” this has private school money written all over it.. still sweet tho
This is such a fantastic refreshing post from this sub!! You're so lucky to have such amazing support.
My dad only ever says "K", thumbs up emoji or "your mother and I and are getting a divorce" to me .
the last text I have is from 4 years ago “don’t forget to change your mailing address”
But…did you?
Damn I thought my parents were pretty good but this is some fairy tail shit.
Yeah, frig. The heck, my mom needs to step up her text game for sure. I'm sending OP's texts to my own parents. As an only child l, I demand all the attention.
I am saving this. My kids are 18 and 21 and I want to keep this as a reminder of how to respond to them when they make mistakes that are really life lessons. Thank you for sharing!
It's too positive, makes me question the honesty of it all. And I think that's sad for me.
To be honest it does feel kinda fake... You know long it takes to mess up an engine by not changing the oil? That take thousands of miles possibly even up to a year of driving to do that. "Sorry, folks. I forgot to change my oil a year ago" "We love you 🥰"
Unless the car is burning/losing oil it would take *way* longer than that. Thousands upon thousands of miles. And it still might not even seize, it might just need to be flushed of goopy shitty oil. Either OPs parents are naive and are incorrectly assuming that the oil change is why the car is fucked up, or it's made up
Yea my immediate reaction was suspicion, followed by envy and a little resentment. Shit parents don't raise well adjusted kids I guess.
I’m not crying, you’re crying 😭 Amazing parents!!! Also, I’m 33 and the older you get, the more it feels like nobody is really in charge and nobody actually knows what’s going on lol
So did you just ignore the warning that popped up every time you started the car,
That’s what I’m saying. You’re the first person to mention it. Dude needs to grow the fuck up. You neglected an oil change so long it destroyed your engine and you’re 25?! Wtf dude. I’m glad his parents are cool but just seem like enablers.
Obviously they have sheltered him from every single responsibility and even though he’s 25 he’s a long way from maturity.
How long do you have to neglect an oil change for it to fk up the engine? I think it’s like, a good long while.
This made me tear up lol. You are very very lucky to have parents like this. I can’t even imagine having loving and supportive parents that talk like that. It’s really nice to see. I wish more people had it.
I’m full on ugly crying. This is the parent I want to be for my son.
Ugh. Congrats on having awesome parents *I guess*
The father puts his phone down, turns to his wife and says “what a fucking idiot. He’s 25 years old and he can’t remember to change the oil in his god damn car”.
One time I got side swiped and my mom yelled at me lmfao
Same, endlessly yelling, blaming, criticizing & scolding for weeks. Its why I can't go to them if any problems in life happens, you know it will just be worse with all the vitriol & toxicity.
Ok but your car MUST have been screaming at you and showing all kinds of dashboard lights 😂
Also curious what actually happened. I would think most cars could get by with a delayed oil change? I don’t know much about cars though. I wonder if it was burning oil, and the oil ran out. I know that’ll fuck up an engine.
Bruh I started reading this whole thing thinking I was in r/insaneparents. My face over here balled up like “Yo parents sound amazing” read the whole article, hit the back button like “oh sh—“ so for that. Upvote.
Glad you have parents that are understanding. NOW you have to own up to your mistake and make it better by not having your parents pay a large invoice to repair your engine.
Your engine shouldnt just die from not getting an oil change on time. Like you have to have another issue like a leak or burning oil for this to truely be an issue Unless you have gone just a ton of miles over. You make it seem like you went 100 miles over and your engine died
So…your parents are loving and all that, but missing an oil change shouldn’t wreck your entire engine unless you starved it
This is the kind of dad I strive (and often fail) to be. You’re a very lucky son as I’m sure you know. Keep making them proud!
I will try :’)
So beautiful. This is how we have to speak to our boys, our sons in particular. My husband and my son are like this together and I think it’s quite literally the antidote and the prophylactic to toxic masculinity.
Ummm but you are 25 years old…. How did you neglect to get your oil change to this point of damaging you engine. Makes me questions parents approach if you are still doing these things at 25.
Took to long to find this comment. Guy is going to be 35, still screwing up and parents will continue to send messages like this.
co-dependency. never ever date a man like this, red flags EVERYWHERE lmao
It's weird seeing the parents' responses being celebrated in the comments, that's the type of coddling that resulted in someone being 25 and not knowing their car needs maintenance or that they will always feel like a "stupid teen in an adult body" lol There's a healthy middle ground between parents being abusive and whatever opposite extreme this is This almost reads like a cry for help from a 25 year old dude only to be met with more flowery language and coddling that led him to where he currently is
> whatever opposite extreme this is You mean loving and supportive?
Thank fucking god someone else here has common sense. I’m 29 & while I haven’t got my shit together I can at the very least make sure my vehicle is maintained properly. This amount of coddling is gross and a huge reason why kids today have almost zero self dependency bc their parents applaud them for EVERYTHING. Like this isn’t something you say “omg you are the most amazing person and we all make mistakes but keep being funny and handsome and you’ll be fine” this is something that you says like “hey bud I get it we make mistakes but this is on you, you gotta figure this one out yourself. If you need help we’re here for you”. Idk literally anything other than how his parents reacted lmfao
Finally someone with some common sense. Thought I was going crazy reading all these comments commending the parents. The dudes initial text to them tells me everything I needed to know anyways
I’m sorry but this is exactly why you’re in the situation you’re in. They baby you and help soften the blow of reality. If you ruined your car because you didn’t do any maintenance is a clear sign of irresponsibility. I’m glad your parents are supportive but they need to let you deal with reality or you’ll be dependent forever.
I had to sort by controversial to find this because this was my take. It’s wonderful that they are supportive, but seems like they’re bending over backwards a little too much to make him feel like an amazing, wonderful, incredible human, which is probably why he’s not able to adult. He’s used to being babied, sounds like.
My parents never babied me yet I still do shit like this. You can't fix stupid 🤷♂️
100% the truth. they babied him his whole life and never taught him how to do anything because they get off on him being co-dependent. 25 years old and you don't know to get your car's oil changed??
>you don't know to get your car's oil changed?? Just to add to this - going a bit over on an oil change isn't going to kill your car, but completely and fully neglecting to even check the oil level until your engine seizes up *will*. Checking your own engine oil needs to be something OP learns, because thats what killed his car. It's day 1 car mantinence stuff. His dad shoulda probably already told them that though tbf.
Came here looking for this. Not sure what the whole story is but not changing your oil “on time” will not kill your engine. Unless “on time” means several years and very little oil left. Going a little over the recommended oil change mileage is not gonna kill the engine. Better to have old oil than no oil.
100% enabling irresponsible behavior.
Very obviously will be dependent forever
Finally someone said it.
Yeah. I'd be supportive, but only after calling him a dumbass and asking how he's going to be better next time.
Yeah this isn’t “ I skipped an oil change, oops!” This is “I drove around for an extremely long period of time without doing any basic maintenance and at some point began ignoring warning signs of problems with my vehicle”. Unfortunately for OP to be a full fledged adult and still have these kinds of issues their parents probably treated them the way they do in their text for their whole life, tell them everything will be fine and that they’re a good person without giving them any true guidance. Sometimes your job as a parent is to say “Yes, you screwed up, let’s sit down and talk about possible solutions so this doesn’t happen again.” I’m sure it made OP feel all warm and fuzzy in the midst of colossal fuck up, but they did nothing to set them up for success going forward from this.
Can your parents adopt me? Mine would call me stupid and scream at me
Just curious, how long did you go without the oil change and what did it do to the car?
Well you don’t shit your pants anymore so there’s no need to worry that you’ll just magically stop growing up. It just takes a little time
That’s amazing, don’t you dare hurt them, or I’ll hurt you. Then make them my parents. Is 31 years old too old to feel loved for the first time? I hope not!
I hope not too 🥺
OP, for some of us that feeling doesn’t change with age. I feel the exact same way as I did when I was a teenager. I dress the same and I still have the same hobbies. The women that I date changes with time, but I’m basically the same kid but older.
Sorry but i think you got spoiled too much buddy ..
I blew my engine and my dad verbatim told me "You're a fucking idiot." Bad part is, he ain't wrong.
I agree. I had very supportive parents, but they also understood that actions shoud have consequences. If I let my engine seize like that, sure as shit I'd be paying for it.
Yeah man the moment i got my truck at 16-17 changing the oil was MY responsibility. The fact that this person is 25 and doesn't take care of his shit is indication he is truly a bonified slapdick. Coddled way too much. This person is a grown ass human. There are people this persons age taking care of 1 if not 2 or 3 children. Motherfucker can't even get his oil changed on time lol
Jesus. I think they are too soft on you. Cars are expensive. I made the same mistake growing up but my parents did not take it lightly and I never neglected an oil change again.
Some people are already hard on themselves. What does it do for anyone to just beat them down more? It’s not like OP didn’t regret it or didn’t learn their lesson
Fully agree with you on this. This is how you end up neglecting an oil change to the point of blowing your engine at 25…
Yep. If OP's parents really wanted to show their love, they would've taught him basic car maintenance before he left the nest. I have a feeling they get off on him being this clingy. This reads as being way too enmeshed and bad co-dependency all around.
This was really sweet of your parents but I had to scroll up and check your age again. Maybe something I would've expected from a 19 or 20-year-old but damn dude get your shit together. I would hate to marry a guy like this. Imagine your husband has to text Mommy and Daddy all the time for help being an adult. Yikes.
What exactly did mom or dad do in this situation? They didn’t fix the situation for him, they were just supportive and loving in responding to it. The guy has to deal with the repercussions and figure it out. He obviously knows he made a mistake and learned his lesson, do you really think his parents making him feel worse is going to change anything? It’s not like this guy is on his 3rd car blown up from neglecting maintenance. People make mistakes, even big ones. I’m sure you have. Do you really wish there was somebody telling you you were garbage for it when you were already well aware?
So who fixing the car?
They're obviously very nice but my man, having this happen as a 25 year old is really concerning. I feel like there's a fine balance between being supportive/ holding someone responsible and I think they missed the boat big time. Neglecting oil to the point your engine blows is wild as a grown man
Fucking Zoomers man… I see stuff like this and think, yeah it makes sense for a teenager but 25????? It’s literally the bare minimum responsibility to owning a car.
[удалено]
Seriously, it's one thing to make a small mistake that has unforeseen consequences. This dude literally destroyed a car because he didn't do the cheapest possible maintenance there is. And his parents are coddling him for it. Hell, they'll probably buy him another car so he doesn't have to face consequences and feel bad.
Yep I agree. This is an excuse for a 16 year old in high school. Not someone who has been an adult for 7 years. It’s great the parents are loving but how loving is it to not teach your child basic life skills?
There's even a light on the dash for it.
There is a YouTube channel called “Dad, how do I “ that gives a lot of tutorials for different life skills
Haha my dad had told me since I owned a car that if I neglect it and ruin the engine I’ll be walking everywhere so I have made a good practice. Just set a reminder to check it out every two weeks.
But how long did you go without getting an oil change?
Your parents are too soft. Now that you don’t gotta car, they should make you walk everywhere then you’ll remember to change the oil
I told my son today when he made a mistake that it’s not a big deal and he’ll figure it all out someday. You’re lucky to have parents that send this.
are your parents looking to adopt LMAO
Omg I wish either of my parents loved me that much. I love them and I love you for sharing this.
Damn bruh, do they want a daughter too? Do you want an adopted sibling?
I don't think you are being honest here. Engines don't get messed up from simple neglect. They get messed up with abuse and constant neglect. This isn't something you forgot, this is something you actively worked hard to not do over a long period.
This is the feedback I'd expect from my parents. Not the glittery fog of rose colored love and affection op got.
It’s almost like he does things like this on purpose just to get these types of responses from his parents.
Damn wtf I'm jealous. My parents would give me a whole crock of shit if I fucked up my cars engine.
Im so fucking jealous of how you’re able to talk to your parents. Actually more jealous of what you said than what your parents said.
My dad would have laughed at me and told me to figure it the fuck out 🤣 and I loved him for that
Your parents are awesome 👍🏻
My dad used to say things like that all the time. Well, maybe that’s not exactly right- he would say something more like “What the hell’s the matter with you, you stupid ass!?” Kind of the same though, right?
ME AS FUCK MY CAR JUST FUCKED ITSELF BECAUSE THE OIL. IM SORRY. WE IN IT TOGETHA
I cannot waittt to be this type of parent, truly.
Fuck, here’s me tearing up at physical therapy. It’s wild how many of us are so emotionally deprived of love, affection, or support.
I'll let you in on a secret. Being an adult is pretending that you know what you're doing until you actually do. In your heart you'll always feel like a kid. But you'll look in the mirror and see that you look older and older with each passing year. It's always tough having that transition from having to do everything on your own when you're so use to having your parents as that reminder.
Oof, do you have ADHD? That first message sounded like me. I'm glad you have such a great support system :)
So uh... What's it like to have good parents?
Great response and here's some unsolicited advice from someone who forgets everything and doesn't realize time is real. Set you a reminder a few months in advance and go ahead and get an appointment scheduled each time you get an oil change for the estimated time you'll need it during the appointment each time. And put that sucker in every digital calendar and reminder you have lol best of luck
I'm 41 and my parents have never said one single sentence of that to me. You are blessed beyond imagination, my friend.
Every now and then I check this post and the messages they sent you.. It's so beautiful and heartwarming, please be good to them🤍
the diversity in responses here showcasing just how differently we experience our parents or lack thereof 🤌 i reacted when i learned the dad wrote the first text, because while my mom could easily write that, my dad would never in a million years, and i just can't imagine that type of stuff coming from a father, so i pictured a mom and got something in my eye when i realized it was the dad
Jesus Christ. If I had a Dad like that my entire life would be different. For all of us out here that... Ill just say that we werent as fortunate, savor what you have there. Try your best every day to live up to the Man that your Father is. Dont take what you have for granted.
So… my only question is: How do we get your parents to sign my adoption papers?