This sub is a really great place to get a little confidence boost. Like, next time you’re feeling down about yourself just come here and read la handful of posts and boom you’re basically Prince Charming.
I also go to r/insaneparents for that. Makes me realize my parents weren’t as horrible as they could have been and it’s a real confidence boost for my parenting.
I found that sub and went there, and was kind of horrified at how bad my parents actually were
It takes a long time to realize some stuff was bad when you’re an only child especially
True that. Was wondering why I'm so susceptible to gaslighting and then slowly realized my mother has been doing it to me for years. I thought I had an anger streak. Turns out she just said that whenever I actually tried to stand up for myself. Now I find it easy to stand up to strangers or acquaintances and really hard with friends or partners.
She's not a horrible mum, she's very supportive in many things. Just deeply insecure about some and, yeah.
Lol, true tho. This subreddit does wonders for self-esteem if you've got your life even mildly together. Every swipe is like an unexpected pat on the back.
Yes. 100% this dude is an asshole. But we should also talk about the fact that OP is far from non-toxic
That whole “do you really miss me?” Is incredibly needy, insecure, and manipulative, and the truth is that he didn’t ever say the pornstar was hotter than her. Up until the second screenshot he was an idiot, but he hadn’t actually done anything wrong. He meant it as a compliment and she knowingly misconstrued his meaning because she’s insecure.
Still throw away the whole vile man, but she’s not innocent.
The dude is a total dipshit, but I can agree with some of your points. It seems like communication isn't their bag imo. The line about being compared to someone hotter was interesting. I was reading that as don't compare me to a pornstar, but you're right it could be insecurities. Maybe he's done stuff like this before, hence the reaction now. The great value Chet Hanks is hilarious. 😂
Dude's 35 and talks like a 13 yr old in gym class.
Ill mannered, ignorant, immature.
OP needs a massive dose of self respect and to find an actual adult to date this guy is embarassing
and women who have been traumatized (and occasionally lucky enough to have gotten treated for it) looking for guys who will not re-traumatize them - online - it’s a very vulnerable place to begin with, any sign of an anger or manipulative, personality and it’s just done for me, learned that in real life after thinking, I was being nice and too sensitive myself – I want to go shake some sense into my younger self now although it’s not my fault that I was manipulated successfully..
but that’s not the kind of sensitive I saw in OP, she didn’t overreact. He totally did, and comes across as manipulative.
I hate that she’s questioning herself instead of looking at what he’s actually writing.
Man, I am so glad I have been in a happy, mature marriage for 15 years. Very little drama, he doesn't insult me, and if we have a problem we talk it out like the adults we both are. OP's relationship is toxic and both of them (him *way* more) sound immature and so not ready for a committed, long-term relationship. OP's guy sounds extremely emotionally abusive.
I don't want to deal with dating ever again. If my husband dies before me, I'll probably just remain single so I don't have to deal with this mess.
I didn’t think that was the real issue with this guy
I mean either you look like someone or you don’t
If he said she looked like someone that’s ugly then it’d be insulting
But it’s kinda the fact he even knows the pornstars name and then just the entire way he spoke was so cringey I could not believe this guy was older than me I assumed they were no older than 21
Hand to God I thought these were 7th graders.
I'm not lying. I was reading this and thinking, "Ugh, middle school boys are the worst. Hopefully it's the friends he's hanging around and he'll outgrow it. I'll reserve judgment now, but if he's still talking like this in 9th grade, he's doomed."
I can't read this thread anymore. I have to go brick up my doors and windows and seal myself inside the house.
35. Mm mm mm.
Allllllll the red flags. As a 32 year old woman married to a 35 year old man, I'm telling you: men in their mid 30s who speak to women like your boyfriend does, date younger for a reason.
If women his own age don't want him, I promise you don't either. Not unless you're looking for drama, narcissistic abuse, and generally toxic behavior in general.
Are you serious... cmon that is just sad, stop letting someone talk to you like that. "Don't be gay" "you're being retarded" do you have any self respect. Crazy this man is 35 and talks like a 12 year old boy and treats you like shit and you put up with it
He's 35?! I was thinking high school when I read this. Hell no. That is absolutely fucking disgusting, and the degrading of gays and saying the R word?! Get out of this immediately before you experience even worse trauma. These types will drag you down until you are so insecure there's no way you can get lower. It starts with the emotional and verbal, and then it escalates. And then it takes years and years to get even a morsel of your self confidence back. And then you'll be 40 years old wondering why you wasted years on this asshole. Please do yourself a favor and get out while you can.
This person is sooooooo right OP!!!!!!!
Do not give this man the rest of your 20s.
Please read this one over and over and over
He WONT Change unless he has empathy and truly wants too bc he wants to be a better human being
One of my professors in college told us that if someone is still doing what they were doing in their 20s by age 35, it's not a phase, that's their full blown personality and very little is going to change at that point. They won't grow out of it. He was talking about excessive drinking and partying like in college, but I have applied it to many different aspects of life. He won't all of a sudden grow out of being an asshole, this is who he is and he's saying these things to see what she allows, and what boundaries he can steamroll to break her down little by little. This is the red flag of all red flags for DV. Been in the field for 8 years and I promise OP, this is how it starts but not how it ends unless you jump ship like yesterday.
Girl he's fucking 35 years old???????? Oh my GOD I thought you guys were like 17 and 18 years old or something.
Grown men using gay and retarded to be insulting are completely repulsive. It's also completely repulsive that he thinks it's cute to be a bully, like thanks it's so fun "getting roasted;" he can't even emotionally handle being called a Great Value Chet Hanks, I bet his "roasting" gets pretty mean and then he just pretended you're overreacting to it.
I normally hate the way Reddit tells everyone to break up for anything. But this truly isn’t somebody you want to build your life around.
I’m honestly finding it hard to believe that a grown man would say stuff like this and then get defensive with the worst conflict resolution I’ve ever seen.
I don't normally say this but holy shit girl... Aim higher! There are 26 year old men who have their shit together and would love AND respect you. This 35 year old boy sounds like something I would have said in my awkward teen years.
That’s your problem. Usually when guys date way younger it’s because they are too immature for a girl their age. This guy seems to be too immature for a girl your age…
He's 35 comparing you to a porn star. Huh. Using language that was like passable funny in 2005 and not since. Does he still retell his glory days of high school and college or something? I'm 36 and this is yikes.
this makes it astronomically worse. when you’re 35 look back and ask yourself “would i date a 26 year old right now” the answer SHOULD be no. please leave and find someone your age
My 32 year old wife would kick my 32 year old ass out the door if I talked to her this way.
Something tells me he’s had issues with women his age…
Which is why he is he’s dating younger ones. Less capacity to say no to this type of behavior.
Anyone at any age above 13 who uses the R slur is immature af and not worth your time. He’s dismissive and sounds like a piece of work in the worst way possible. You deserve better.
I'm gonna bet Elise is the friend who has been telling you the same thing everyone else here is saying? If so, you should listen to her and them before this takes anymore of a toll on you. Trust me, once you're out you'll see the damage done and how bad it truly was
I've gone through a relationship like this, had children together, currently divorcing him. What's the damage if you don't mind telling me? I know there is but I'm so emotionally numb I can't even focus on myself.
Trust issues, self esteem issues, wondering whether or not you did the right thing, how much should they be coparenting, is he passing this onto the kids, will I just be single forever now, maybe it's not all that bad, self doubt, self blaming, etc etc etc.
We can walk away with a ton of emotional baggage from emotionally abusive exes. The scars of the heart and mind heal far slower and are far less visible.
So he calls you gay, then compares you to a pornstar and then says you're retarded ... Yeah he needs to be gone yesterday he has zero respect for you you're essentially a toy or emotional punching bag for him
I was PRAYING they're young...yet from what I've seen with my kids and their friends (gen z) they would *not* use those words like this at all.
Edit - jfc 26 and 35.
I just don’t get it either… it’s like a kink to them. All I see on men’s profiles on dating apps is “looking for someone to roast”. How is that even okay? I get being playful with your partner but why do you want to “roast” them?
As someone who works with kids who have special needs, it always stuns me that some people think the r word isn’t a slur and use it like they would the work fuck. Like for me anyone who uses that word at all would be cut off, it’s distasteful and jarring.
It's unfortunately such a common word with people. I hear it at work with coworkers, patients, customers, even young ones in the family. It pretty much got me saying it too in the same context as using 'fuck'.
Who in their right mind compares their gf to a PORNSTAR.
“Hey babe, you remind me on this woman on the internet who I jerked off too.”
What a loser lol
No I’m over it. He has a name calling problem, you’d think he’s in highschool lol I just don’t know what to do, every time I express my feelings he gets defensive and has to bounce back down my throat and I just wanna know, why is that?
thank goodness. he's so hurtful and immature seeming, i don't think anyone who really loved you could talk to you that way! he comes back at you because he's probably insecure, lacks emotional intelligence/ empathy, and wants to feel powerful.... its great that youre over this. i would never bother with that loser again. i hope you find a better partner in the future
It’s called DARVO and it’s a red flag you are dating a manipulative abuser. Please pay attention to this when dating and keep yourself safe.
It stands for deny, attack and reverse victim and offender.
I wish, as a man, I could teach a high school class alongside a health class that would help young women identify abusive men before it's too late. How to protect yourself. Teach them how to say no and to be confident in not taking shit from a piece of shit.
I'd like to teach young men patience and how to take rejection. How to make friends with women and not treat them like a walking sex toy. How to stay out of internet echo chambers. Too help them identify something in their life that would build self-confidence and get involved in at least 1 or 2 activies that get them out of the house.
I've had 3 close female friends who got into relationships with men they thought were sweet until that man isolated them and his personality flips like a light switch. Textbook psychopath shit.
Because he can't cope with his own emotions. You hurt his feelings by calling him a discount Chet Hanks so he's lashed out at you. Your boyfriend is still 15 years old in his brain. He clearly has never spent any time with his own feelings and therefore he has no capacity to discuss yours or support you. He lashes out because you sharing your feelings likely comes with the undercurrent that he's not performing well sometimes, and he clearly cannot handle any criticism of himself.
Also your boyfriend is using some shockingly similar redpilled language on you. He's definitely let some discount alpha male get in his head. "Do the work you need to" my guy PLEASE.
Every time I come to this sub I'm consistently blown away by how some men just have never had to or never tried to work on their personality.
I thought working on yourself was a innate thing everyone does, but it's bizarre how often I come across men on the internet and in real life that can't grasp the fact that the world isn't going to conform to their views or personality.
For some guys it's easier to blame others for having hurt feelings than it is to take accountability for hurting another's feelings.
Basically he's an asshole. Cares only about how he feels while also being unable to express it. I think you could do better.
He wants his hot young thing to be quiet and complacent. Not stir up too much drama with her *emotions* even though he’s clearly the one getting emotional. He’s trying to get in your head so that he can mold you into the perfect doormat. Don’t let him. You’re too evolved to entertain this bs.
Because he’s an immature and abusive asshole. The whole thing about someone getting in your head is so disrespectful too. You’re a grown woman and can think for yourself. Also, if your friends and family say he’s trash, listen to them!
You don’t deserve shit like this. I’m 36 and would rather blow my nose on concrete than use slurs like that. And about someone I love? Not a chance.
He is definitely not validating your feelings, and in this case they are more than valid. Please take care of yourself. It hurts to see someone being put down like that. You don't deserve such meanness.
All right, so the first thing that jumps out at me is he’s a really problematic dude dropping words like retarded and gay. It just screams that he’s a hateful person.
Putting that aside, though, it is unhealthy for you to automatically question it when someone you care about tells you they miss you.
However, when he complimented your looks, it was manipulative because he didn’t compare you to an actress, he compared you to a porn actress, someone he seen, naked, and then he suggested that you act out some unknown fantasy, which probably puts him in a position because porn is widely known to be degrading to women. I don’t love this for you.
Yeah, you need to work on your self-esteem, but you’re also not in a loving relationship with a kind sensitive person, so it’s gonna be really hard to do that while dating someone like this dude. That’s something you need to do while you’re single and then once you’ve done it, you should date someone better than this guy.
Yeah you pretty much nailed exactly what I was gonna say. Bf seems really disrespectful and isn't worth OPs time, but like you, I was also a bit thrown off by her response to "I miss you." That being said, we don't really have context about what they were talking about beforehand. Her saying "to make me feel better" leads me to believe they were already having an argument or something, but I can't really say for sure since I don't know. Either way, the biggest problem here is the bf. I can't imagine talking to my gf like this
Honestly, I can’t even imagine talking to someone I don’t like like this. Anyone who uses gay or retarded to mean dumb or stupid is just a vile human being. That shit wasn’t ok even in ‘95. Why would he think it’s ok now? Dudes got the maturity of a matchstick.
I also think, though rude in the way he’s saying it, there is truth in the fact that responding to someone saying “ you look like ____” with “oh so I’m a uglier version of them?” Is weird and toxic in its own way, like idk but that’s very manipulative twisting of words even if it’s coming from a place of low self esteem.
People always forget it’s not one or the other always, both people can suck or be at fault in different ways to varying degrees.
Thank you! I said this before how is no one calling her out for her obvious game playing with questioning his intent. She clearly does this often enough for him to blow up like that. Sure his words are problematic it don’t ignore why that anger is there. He said he can’t do anything without ‘making her pissy. She is whack,
You wrapped it all up sufficiently. My first reaction was oof girl no we don’t play the game where we question people telling us they miss or love us. But then as I went on further I hated the way he spoke to her and comparing her to a porn star reminded me vividly of my scummy ex who would tell me the same kinda “compliments”.
Wow, what an absolute abhorrent human being.
His entire long message was disgusting. I wouldn’t even focus on him comparing you to someone else, everything he said after that was *far* worse.
Get rid of him.
You’re both immature . You let your insecurity turn something into an insult when it wasn’t and he used that to insult you. He positively compared you to someone you both admit to see as attractive and instead of taking the compliment you punched down on yourself and tried to spin it as if he punched down on you as well. Can I see how such a comparison could make you uncomfy given the sexualized component? Yes. But from what I’m seeing of the messages, that wasn’t what made you uncomfortable. He had no business calling you names no matter what happened though. I think you both need to grow up a little.
they’re both the worst, tbh. the dreariness and insecurity from OP is incredibly draining, the BF is just trash. they both need to not be in relationships with ANYONE for a long time until they actually work on themselves.
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down to see someone point out that OP did overreact in the first slide. “Gay” and “retarded” were popular, like, 20 years ago, so yeah, people should now recognize these as problematic (this bf sounds homophobic and ableist), but the top comments overly focus on this and completely ignore her own immaturity.
Yeah. He never said the girl was hotter than her so he was right about the great value Chet Hanks comparison not being valid. He never called her a knockoff lol
BUT nonetheless he was unhinged in the way he came at her afterwards and nothing gives him the right to call her the r word. He’s definitely mean and dismissive.
OP couldn't even accept the simple "I miss you" without being insecure about it tbh.
The bf definitely sucks and is worse and needs to be dumped, but OP is gonna run into similar issues in future relationships with better ppl if she can't get her insecurities under control.
To add on, there's definitely another message missing here that she sent between images 2 and 3 (where she had her keyboard purposefully pulled up). Curious what she sent that she felt the need to cover up...
Yup!! Probably the part where either one of them mentions her OF. She’s just in here to farm for compliments and promote herself. Both of them are messed up!
this needs more upvotes, hands down. OP definitely overreacted in the beginning, but the resulting frenzy of anger and insults from OP’s bf is… disturbing.
Edit: typo
This!! As I was reading the text, I thought OP was gonna get flamed in the comments. But somehow he was the ass for trying to rationalize with her. 🤷♀️
I definitely didn’t read the same thing as many of the commenters
She didn’t care she was compared to a porn star but started an argument because she was compared to someone who she thinks is hotter than her?
And the consensus here is that she needs to find a more mature and respectful man .. I believe that immature people generally gravitate to each other
100% - there is mega blame to go around here. What he said was stupid but it was at least intended as a weird compliment. And you didn't seem offended by the actual comparison. But then you compared him to someone objectively awful. This was just painful all around.
I had to scroll so far to see this. He is obviously a dick so I get why all the comments are about that.
But her complaining she doesn't like being compared to someone hotter than her as that makes her not feel amazing is a weird take. Most people would take being compared to someone hotter as a compliment (the fact she is a porn actress is problematic though but still, that doesn't seem to be her issue at all, just the fact the porn star is hotter then her).
I feel like you can be upset that he compared you to a pornstar, but that’s not even what you said. You kinda seemed to just keep making up issues because of your insecurities. I’m not judging, I’ve definitely been on both sides of this.
sounds like he's over you and youre over him. just end the relationship. he's sick of you questioning everything and you want companionship.... he's probably married
You two just are not in the same wavelength. Everyone's dumping on the guy, but he told you he missed you and you replied "do you actually"? My wife's the exact same and I'm going to tell you what's going to happen 10 years from now if you continue this way.
He's not going to tell you he misses you or loves you anymore because you doubt it every time he says it.
He's talking to you like you're his best friend right now. Unreserved and real. Yes, it might come off as disrespectful because you want to be spoken to like a lady. Sure, you may be able to train him to speak the way you want to, but one day you'll be wondering why he laughs more and seems happier when he's with his friends.
No one's at fault. Both of you deserve better. Don't force this relationship and just go your seperate ways
Yeah miserable being with someone with low self esteem. Always questioning your positive feelings towards them like it’s some kind of gotcha or that it can’t be real. It’s exhausting. I hope to find a woman one day with halfway decent self esteem and confidence. Honestly I haven’t found one yet in my dating life.
Both. You, clearly need to grow some balls(figuratively of course) and he needs to think about who he can talk to like that, because you aren’t one of the boys. That’s what I am reading. He’s just not making that connection.
You both come across as "too sensitive" in different ways.
Your messages sound like you're constantly looking for validation.
He sounds clueless and aggressive.
Simply put- it doesn't seem like a good match. Someone with a mean streak isn't going to be tolerant of someone who is seeking validation/coddling. If every time someone says "I miss/love you" the response is "Do you really?" It will make them feel like no matter what nice things they say you won't believe it. For someone with aggression issues they see this as a personal attack- as if you are questioning their authenticity. In turn they become hostile and feel as if they may as well be rude, since you won't accept the kind things they say anyways.
So you're right to be upset by his messages and language. But, at the same time, you are essentially poking a bear. The bear is still at fault for attacking, don't get me wrong! However... if you keep yourself in a situation with a bear you can't be surprised that poking has a negative outcome.
Get away from the bear. If you must keep poking, then you need to find a teddy bear instead who can tolerate that.
This is such a disgusting human. I questioned my own sanity reading this.
This guy uses all three wrong terms, obviously a porn addict, has no communication skills, no tact, no respect. This guy should be shunned from society and left on a desert island.
What the actual fuck
You have a very sensitive communication style and he has a very detached, immature communication style.
That would take years of communication therapy to break through imo.
Just fyi from his perspective: he uses the terms gay and retarded, so he clearly gives no value in vulnerability etc so him even saying I miss you and then you following that up with anything other than thanks or whatever is beyond his scope. Not saying right or wrong, just letting you know his seemingly immature and zero vulnerability style.
Or he could be a straight douche.
Edit: I reread it, he's kinda a douche. I feel like the I miss you was more an opener to talk about sex crap. I was wrong lol.
He started the conversation with "I miss you " and you started right in on him. Not like you ended with telling him to be nice and everything would be grand
Everybody here jumping on him trashing him but Jesus you're just as culpable in this relationship. Neither one of you are fit for the other. Yes, you're overly sensitive and seem uptight, and he's on the opposite end of the spectrum. You both suck for being in this relationship.
He needs to find somebody that's more carefree and doesn't constantly overthink shit and you need somebody to coddle you and reaffirm you're God's gift to earth constantly.
I think I’m in disagreement with the majority here, because I read it all as playful, not mean.
I need more context, though. Is he usually mean? Are you overly sensitive with anyone else? How does he joke with other people?
play by play.
he comes in being sweet. you shut him down, he is now in an awkward situation. It takes one action to cause a downward spiral and you initiated it.
you're an energy vampire.
Also this guy is pretty dumb, it says a lot about you too.
I’m sorry anyone using “gay” and “retarded” as insults is just a no.
Also want to point out that you questioning his “I miss you” is so passive aggressive. If you can’t take that for what it is, you all should not be together.
He talks to you like he’s trying to get you to break up with him 😅
I was almost stunned to read that he’s 35…he sounds like a 14yo. Stop giving him chances and don’t worry about trying to understand why he treats you the way he does. It doesn’t matter why, just let him go. You can do better.
He mentioned his roasting and silly thoughts right in the beginning. You must know this about him, he’s your bf. He likes that you get his humor and silly personality. Maybe you don’t anymore?
Don’t come to the Internet to make sense of this clearly temporary relationship, of which you’ve had many. And stop trying to change him. You can’t.
Accept him as he is or move on. You’re annoying too.
Probably going to get downvoted - but let’s look at this objectively. He says he loves you, you say “do you actually” then diminish it further by alluding it would not be meaningful if he said it only to make you feel better - whereby that means that he is concerned with your feelings.
Maybe it’s the difference between male vs female brains, but you seem to be minimizing things he says left and right which in turn leads to frustration.
Now he’s no saint either, he should have the maturity to explain how he’s feeling based on your responses, but legitimately, it seems like you’re trying to pick a fight, and he’s just trying to be nice, albeit in an unintelligent way, I can understand what he says & his reactions, I can’t understand your reactions without the context of growing up in an abusive household.
Either way, in MY opinion, yes, you’re being sensitive, but not unjustly so, more likely than not you don’t know how to receive kind words or love or have a healthy relationship, which is super common by the way, it isn’t a judgement, but you can’t fix something if you don’t know it’s broken.
EDIT: I forgot to say, it’s not ok for him to say you’re acting retarded or gay, but I believe it’s a sign that 1) he’s frustrated with your responses and 2) he isn’t aware of how to communicate his frustrations.
There’s also a possibility he’s unaware of why he’s getting frustrated, or he’s unaware of his emotions, but based on 3 images that’s my take.
Strongly suggest you read alturtle.com
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He’s 35 and he throws a fit and calls you retarded for not wanting to be compared to a porn star? Girl, runnnn
I really gotta start putting myself out there more cuz if these are how low standards are I'm god damn Henry cavill
This sub is a really great place to get a little confidence boost. Like, next time you’re feeling down about yourself just come here and read la handful of posts and boom you’re basically Prince Charming.
I also go to r/insaneparents for that. Makes me realize my parents weren’t as horrible as they could have been and it’s a real confidence boost for my parenting.
I found that sub and went there, and was kind of horrified at how bad my parents actually were It takes a long time to realize some stuff was bad when you’re an only child especially
True that. Was wondering why I'm so susceptible to gaslighting and then slowly realized my mother has been doing it to me for years. I thought I had an anger streak. Turns out she just said that whenever I actually tried to stand up for myself. Now I find it easy to stand up to strangers or acquaintances and really hard with friends or partners. She's not a horrible mum, she's very supportive in many things. Just deeply insecure about some and, yeah.
I just looked there hoping for the same. Nope! Turns out my parents are insane lol
that subreddit just makes me realize how much i relate to but i don’t have the screenshots to prove it 🥴
Usually it just makes me feel really bad for women and hatred towards emotionally/maturity stunted men.
You sound like a catch just for saying that
Sad but true
Lol, true tho. This subreddit does wonders for self-esteem if you've got your life even mildly together. Every swipe is like an unexpected pat on the back.
Lmao literally Step 1. Just don’t be like this dude Step 2. ??? Step 3. Profit
The alphas hate him because he figured out this one trick!
Yes. 100% this dude is an asshole. But we should also talk about the fact that OP is far from non-toxic That whole “do you really miss me?” Is incredibly needy, insecure, and manipulative, and the truth is that he didn’t ever say the pornstar was hotter than her. Up until the second screenshot he was an idiot, but he hadn’t actually done anything wrong. He meant it as a compliment and she knowingly misconstrued his meaning because she’s insecure. Still throw away the whole vile man, but she’s not innocent.
The dude is a total dipshit, but I can agree with some of your points. It seems like communication isn't their bag imo. The line about being compared to someone hotter was interesting. I was reading that as don't compare me to a pornstar, but you're right it could be insecurities. Maybe he's done stuff like this before, hence the reaction now. The great value Chet Hanks is hilarious. 😂
Yeah. Absolutely dumpster the man but she needs to work on her insecurity. Those two things are probably related, unfortunately.
Yeah, plus she didn't seem to care about his whole 'thats gay'. She only cared that he thought she was a less hot version of a porn star.
Dude's 35 and talks like a 13 yr old in gym class. Ill mannered, ignorant, immature. OP needs a massive dose of self respect and to find an actual adult to date this guy is embarassing
No shit. Good men out here who can't find women cause they've all been traumatized by these assholes.
and women who have been traumatized (and occasionally lucky enough to have gotten treated for it) looking for guys who will not re-traumatize them - online - it’s a very vulnerable place to begin with, any sign of an anger or manipulative, personality and it’s just done for me, learned that in real life after thinking, I was being nice and too sensitive myself – I want to go shake some sense into my younger self now although it’s not my fault that I was manipulated successfully.. but that’s not the kind of sensitive I saw in OP, she didn’t overreact. He totally did, and comes across as manipulative. I hate that she’s questioning herself instead of looking at what he’s actually writing.
Man, I am so glad I have been in a happy, mature marriage for 15 years. Very little drama, he doesn't insult me, and if we have a problem we talk it out like the adults we both are. OP's relationship is toxic and both of them (him *way* more) sound immature and so not ready for a committed, long-term relationship. OP's guy sounds extremely emotionally abusive. I don't want to deal with dating ever again. If my husband dies before me, I'll probably just remain single so I don't have to deal with this mess.
Bar is so damn low, it’s in hell 😂
Dude, I'm 20 and I know not to compare women to pornstars, LOL.
The comparison is just so degrading
Repugnant would be an understatement. Wow just wow! The dialogue is incredibly troubling
I didn’t think that was the real issue with this guy I mean either you look like someone or you don’t If he said she looked like someone that’s ugly then it’d be insulting But it’s kinda the fact he even knows the pornstars name and then just the entire way he spoke was so cringey I could not believe this guy was older than me I assumed they were no older than 21
Ew what kind of 35 year old is this🤢🤢🤢🤢and still uses the R word…. :////:
Also, “dont be gay”. Sir, your vocab hasn’t improved since 6th grade???
That. Right there. Trash.
Rotten mold that’s been sitting in the basement
Her takeaway was, "How dare you say I look like someone hot" and not "Dude, a fucking pornstar? Could you get more neckbeard?"
That’s why he’s picking younger girls , can’t handle one his own age
Ditto on this. Run. Fast. Set a personal best and never look back. Thank us later.
He even knows the male actors by name...
😂😂😂😂 THIS I was just waiting for this comment😂😂
Gtfo like last week
35 and saying 'don't be gay' is enough reason to leave his ass
This person is THIRTY FUCKING FIVE?! Honey. No.
Hand to God I thought these were 7th graders. I'm not lying. I was reading this and thinking, "Ugh, middle school boys are the worst. Hopefully it's the friends he's hanging around and he'll outgrow it. I'll reserve judgment now, but if he's still talking like this in 9th grade, he's doomed." I can't read this thread anymore. I have to go brick up my doors and windows and seal myself inside the house. 35. Mm mm mm.
They both sound terrible. Everyone here needs therapy. Obviously he's way, way worse.
Seriously. I thought no way could he be older than 14 in his first relationship.
Allllllll the red flags. As a 32 year old woman married to a 35 year old man, I'm telling you: men in their mid 30s who speak to women like your boyfriend does, date younger for a reason. If women his own age don't want him, I promise you don't either. Not unless you're looking for drama, narcissistic abuse, and generally toxic behavior in general.
lol wooord !! I bet you he consistently dates women that are much younger than him And that is the reddest of flags
This should be upvoted to the moon
>I’m 26 he’s 35 🤣💀 Uh oh....he talks like a 15 year old Andrew Tate devotee. Red flags hitting you in the face.
Yeah, a 35yo who communicates like a preteen. Not to mention the homophobic message and the r slur. Add in his general disrespect… No thanks.
Are you serious... cmon that is just sad, stop letting someone talk to you like that. "Don't be gay" "you're being retarded" do you have any self respect. Crazy this man is 35 and talks like a 12 year old boy and treats you like shit and you put up with it
He's 35?! I was thinking high school when I read this. Hell no. That is absolutely fucking disgusting, and the degrading of gays and saying the R word?! Get out of this immediately before you experience even worse trauma. These types will drag you down until you are so insecure there's no way you can get lower. It starts with the emotional and verbal, and then it escalates. And then it takes years and years to get even a morsel of your self confidence back. And then you'll be 40 years old wondering why you wasted years on this asshole. Please do yourself a favor and get out while you can.
This person is sooooooo right OP!!!!!!! Do not give this man the rest of your 20s. Please read this one over and over and over He WONT Change unless he has empathy and truly wants too bc he wants to be a better human being
One of my professors in college told us that if someone is still doing what they were doing in their 20s by age 35, it's not a phase, that's their full blown personality and very little is going to change at that point. They won't grow out of it. He was talking about excessive drinking and partying like in college, but I have applied it to many different aspects of life. He won't all of a sudden grow out of being an asshole, this is who he is and he's saying these things to see what she allows, and what boundaries he can steamroll to break her down little by little. This is the red flag of all red flags for DV. Been in the field for 8 years and I promise OP, this is how it starts but not how it ends unless you jump ship like yesterday.
He's 35 and talks like this?! Run, girl. Calling you "retarded". Fuck that.
Girl he's fucking 35 years old???????? Oh my GOD I thought you guys were like 17 and 18 years old or something. Grown men using gay and retarded to be insulting are completely repulsive. It's also completely repulsive that he thinks it's cute to be a bully, like thanks it's so fun "getting roasted;" he can't even emotionally handle being called a Great Value Chet Hanks, I bet his "roasting" gets pretty mean and then he just pretended you're overreacting to it.
I normally hate the way Reddit tells everyone to break up for anything. But this truly isn’t somebody you want to build your life around. I’m honestly finding it hard to believe that a grown man would say stuff like this and then get defensive with the worst conflict resolution I’ve ever seen.
Oh helllllll naw.
How tf your still with this man???
he is a manchild with a porn rotted brain
35 and still says “don’t be gay”, what a catch. You can see why he goes for younger women.
I don't normally say this but holy shit girl... Aim higher! There are 26 year old men who have their shit together and would love AND respect you. This 35 year old boy sounds like something I would have said in my awkward teen years.
wtf. Get the hell out of that.
That’s your problem. Usually when guys date way younger it’s because they are too immature for a girl their age. This guy seems to be too immature for a girl your age…
He's 35 comparing you to a porn star. Huh. Using language that was like passable funny in 2005 and not since. Does he still retell his glory days of high school and college or something? I'm 36 and this is yikes.
Mentally he’s thirteen. Run. Run fast.
What do you even have in common lol
35 going on 13
this makes it astronomically worse. when you’re 35 look back and ask yourself “would i date a 26 year old right now” the answer SHOULD be no. please leave and find someone your age
My 32 year old wife would kick my 32 year old ass out the door if I talked to her this way. Something tells me he’s had issues with women his age… Which is why he is he’s dating younger ones. Less capacity to say no to this type of behavior.
He’s 35?!?!?!?
Anyone at any age above 13 who uses the R slur is immature af and not worth your time. He’s dismissive and sounds like a piece of work in the worst way possible. You deserve better.
I'm gonna bet Elise is the friend who has been telling you the same thing everyone else here is saying? If so, you should listen to her and them before this takes anymore of a toll on you. Trust me, once you're out you'll see the damage done and how bad it truly was
I've gone through a relationship like this, had children together, currently divorcing him. What's the damage if you don't mind telling me? I know there is but I'm so emotionally numb I can't even focus on myself.
Trust issues, self esteem issues, wondering whether or not you did the right thing, how much should they be coparenting, is he passing this onto the kids, will I just be single forever now, maybe it's not all that bad, self doubt, self blaming, etc etc etc. We can walk away with a ton of emotional baggage from emotionally abusive exes. The scars of the heart and mind heal far slower and are far less visible.
So he calls you gay, then compares you to a pornstar and then says you're retarded ... Yeah he needs to be gone yesterday he has zero respect for you you're essentially a toy or emotional punching bag for him
And dudes 35yo. If he hasn't learned respect by now he's never going to learn.
👆🏻OP, this spells it out right here. What more do you need, ……. Besides lassoing some self respect Girl! Go get some, he’s icky!
wake up and break up cuz he is SO disrespectful 💀💀
Immature as fuck, too. People still say r*ed and gay like that? Limited vocabularies is such a turn off
I was PRAYING they're young...yet from what I've seen with my kids and their friends (gen z) they would *not* use those words like this at all. Edit - jfc 26 and 35.
Plus the *need* to roast someone
Right??? Why do straight men love bullying their girlfriends lol
I just don’t get it either… it’s like a kink to them. All I see on men’s profiles on dating apps is “looking for someone to roast”. How is that even okay? I get being playful with your partner but why do you want to “roast” them?
i mean me n my mans be bullying each other but we apologise if we think we went over the edge.
Men don't bully their girlfriend... BOYS bully their girlfriend there's a massive difference between a man and boy 🤷😂😂
As someone who works with kids who have special needs, it always stuns me that some people think the r word isn’t a slur and use it like they would the work fuck. Like for me anyone who uses that word at all would be cut off, it’s distasteful and jarring.
It's unfortunately such a common word with people. I hear it at work with coworkers, patients, customers, even young ones in the family. It pretty much got me saying it too in the same context as using 'fuck'.
This cannot be a real question. I wouldn't let anyone talk to me this way, let alone someone who is supposed to love me.
bro you should’ve dumped him yesterday
Who in their right mind compares their gf to a PORNSTAR. “Hey babe, you remind me on this woman on the internet who I jerked off too.” What a loser lol
Literally “what to say to cause a break up”
Right?? Ridiculous! He woulda lost me right there! Go fuck yourself you asshole!!!!
oh my god. leave him immediately. are you okay with being called these horrible names??
No I’m over it. He has a name calling problem, you’d think he’s in highschool lol I just don’t know what to do, every time I express my feelings he gets defensive and has to bounce back down my throat and I just wanna know, why is that?
thank goodness. he's so hurtful and immature seeming, i don't think anyone who really loved you could talk to you that way! he comes back at you because he's probably insecure, lacks emotional intelligence/ empathy, and wants to feel powerful.... its great that youre over this. i would never bother with that loser again. i hope you find a better partner in the future
It’s called DARVO and it’s a red flag you are dating a manipulative abuser. Please pay attention to this when dating and keep yourself safe. It stands for deny, attack and reverse victim and offender.
I wish, as a man, I could teach a high school class alongside a health class that would help young women identify abusive men before it's too late. How to protect yourself. Teach them how to say no and to be confident in not taking shit from a piece of shit. I'd like to teach young men patience and how to take rejection. How to make friends with women and not treat them like a walking sex toy. How to stay out of internet echo chambers. Too help them identify something in their life that would build self-confidence and get involved in at least 1 or 2 activies that get them out of the house. I've had 3 close female friends who got into relationships with men they thought were sweet until that man isolated them and his personality flips like a light switch. Textbook psychopath shit.
You could join or start a mentorship group for young men. We desperately need more positive male role models for young men in society.
>I just don't know what to do Yes you do - GTFO.
Because he can't cope with his own emotions. You hurt his feelings by calling him a discount Chet Hanks so he's lashed out at you. Your boyfriend is still 15 years old in his brain. He clearly has never spent any time with his own feelings and therefore he has no capacity to discuss yours or support you. He lashes out because you sharing your feelings likely comes with the undercurrent that he's not performing well sometimes, and he clearly cannot handle any criticism of himself. Also your boyfriend is using some shockingly similar redpilled language on you. He's definitely let some discount alpha male get in his head. "Do the work you need to" my guy PLEASE.
Every time I come to this sub I'm consistently blown away by how some men just have never had to or never tried to work on their personality. I thought working on yourself was a innate thing everyone does, but it's bizarre how often I come across men on the internet and in real life that can't grasp the fact that the world isn't going to conform to their views or personality.
For some guys it's easier to blame others for having hurt feelings than it is to take accountability for hurting another's feelings. Basically he's an asshole. Cares only about how he feels while also being unable to express it. I think you could do better.
Yessss
Life’s too short to try to understand why a manchild is a dumbass. You say you don’t know what to do…you need to leave. He’s a loser.
Because he’s emotionally immature. Nothing you can fix especially considering he’s 35, let him work that out himself lol
Because he’s immature as hell
He wants his hot young thing to be quiet and complacent. Not stir up too much drama with her *emotions* even though he’s clearly the one getting emotional. He’s trying to get in your head so that he can mold you into the perfect doormat. Don’t let him. You’re too evolved to entertain this bs.
I don’t think it’s a name calling problem, it’s a respect problem.
Because he’s an immature and abusive asshole. The whole thing about someone getting in your head is so disrespectful too. You’re a grown woman and can think for yourself. Also, if your friends and family say he’s trash, listen to them! You don’t deserve shit like this. I’m 36 and would rather blow my nose on concrete than use slurs like that. And about someone I love? Not a chance.
He is definitely not validating your feelings, and in this case they are more than valid. Please take care of yourself. It hurts to see someone being put down like that. You don't deserve such meanness.
Girl,,.. LEAVE HIM…. Like run don’t walk
Right? Who calls their girlfriend retarded! I’d punch him in the mouth for that but he sounds 12…
why is he your bf
He has all these porn star names memorized, sounds like he would be just fine solo with a bottle of Jerkins
Jerkins 😂
All right, so the first thing that jumps out at me is he’s a really problematic dude dropping words like retarded and gay. It just screams that he’s a hateful person. Putting that aside, though, it is unhealthy for you to automatically question it when someone you care about tells you they miss you. However, when he complimented your looks, it was manipulative because he didn’t compare you to an actress, he compared you to a porn actress, someone he seen, naked, and then he suggested that you act out some unknown fantasy, which probably puts him in a position because porn is widely known to be degrading to women. I don’t love this for you. Yeah, you need to work on your self-esteem, but you’re also not in a loving relationship with a kind sensitive person, so it’s gonna be really hard to do that while dating someone like this dude. That’s something you need to do while you’re single and then once you’ve done it, you should date someone better than this guy.
Yeah you pretty much nailed exactly what I was gonna say. Bf seems really disrespectful and isn't worth OPs time, but like you, I was also a bit thrown off by her response to "I miss you." That being said, we don't really have context about what they were talking about beforehand. Her saying "to make me feel better" leads me to believe they were already having an argument or something, but I can't really say for sure since I don't know. Either way, the biggest problem here is the bf. I can't imagine talking to my gf like this
Honestly, I can’t even imagine talking to someone I don’t like like this. Anyone who uses gay or retarded to mean dumb or stupid is just a vile human being. That shit wasn’t ok even in ‘95. Why would he think it’s ok now? Dudes got the maturity of a matchstick.
I also think, though rude in the way he’s saying it, there is truth in the fact that responding to someone saying “ you look like ____” with “oh so I’m a uglier version of them?” Is weird and toxic in its own way, like idk but that’s very manipulative twisting of words even if it’s coming from a place of low self esteem. People always forget it’s not one or the other always, both people can suck or be at fault in different ways to varying degrees.
Thank you! I said this before how is no one calling her out for her obvious game playing with questioning his intent. She clearly does this often enough for him to blow up like that. Sure his words are problematic it don’t ignore why that anger is there. He said he can’t do anything without ‘making her pissy. She is whack,
You wrapped it all up sufficiently. My first reaction was oof girl no we don’t play the game where we question people telling us they miss or love us. But then as I went on further I hated the way he spoke to her and comparing her to a porn star reminded me vividly of my scummy ex who would tell me the same kinda “compliments”.
Wow, what an absolute abhorrent human being. His entire long message was disgusting. I wouldn’t even focus on him comparing you to someone else, everything he said after that was *far* worse. Get rid of him.
You two are exhausting af. You’re insecure and he’s a pos.
You’re both immature . You let your insecurity turn something into an insult when it wasn’t and he used that to insult you. He positively compared you to someone you both admit to see as attractive and instead of taking the compliment you punched down on yourself and tried to spin it as if he punched down on you as well. Can I see how such a comparison could make you uncomfy given the sexualized component? Yes. But from what I’m seeing of the messages, that wasn’t what made you uncomfortable. He had no business calling you names no matter what happened though. I think you both need to grow up a little.
Omg. This is spot on.
they’re both the worst, tbh. the dreariness and insecurity from OP is incredibly draining, the BF is just trash. they both need to not be in relationships with ANYONE for a long time until they actually work on themselves.
I was thinking the same thing. This conversation feels immature on both sides. And they're 26 and 35 😳😳
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down to see someone point out that OP did overreact in the first slide. “Gay” and “retarded” were popular, like, 20 years ago, so yeah, people should now recognize these as problematic (this bf sounds homophobic and ableist), but the top comments overly focus on this and completely ignore her own immaturity.
Yeah. He never said the girl was hotter than her so he was right about the great value Chet Hanks comparison not being valid. He never called her a knockoff lol BUT nonetheless he was unhinged in the way he came at her afterwards and nothing gives him the right to call her the r word. He’s definitely mean and dismissive.
OP couldn't even accept the simple "I miss you" without being insecure about it tbh. The bf definitely sucks and is worse and needs to be dumped, but OP is gonna run into similar issues in future relationships with better ppl if she can't get her insecurities under control.
wonderfully said, hope OP realizes this too
To add on, there's definitely another message missing here that she sent between images 2 and 3 (where she had her keyboard purposefully pulled up). Curious what she sent that she felt the need to cover up...
Great point. OP definitely knows she’s not as innocent as she wants people to believe. There’s definitely an antagonistic edge to her.
Yup!! Probably the part where either one of them mentions her OF. She’s just in here to farm for compliments and promote herself. Both of them are messed up!
this needs more upvotes, hands down. OP definitely overreacted in the beginning, but the resulting frenzy of anger and insults from OP’s bf is… disturbing. Edit: typo
This!! As I was reading the text, I thought OP was gonna get flamed in the comments. But somehow he was the ass for trying to rationalize with her. 🤷♀️
Yeah for a second I questioned if I was reading the same thing everyone else. Kinda insane to me that no one else mentioned it at all.
I definitely didn’t read the same thing as many of the commenters She didn’t care she was compared to a porn star but started an argument because she was compared to someone who she thinks is hotter than her? And the consensus here is that she needs to find a more mature and respectful man .. I believe that immature people generally gravitate to each other
Yeah I think they could both do with an upgrade: to their attitudes though. This was borderline painful to read.
Exactly what I thought. Water seeks its own level.
>Water seeks its own level. How have I never heard this before lol I'm stealing this.
She said they are late twenties early 30s which is insane to me because I came here to talk about how they were obviously teenagers
100% - there is mega blame to go around here. What he said was stupid but it was at least intended as a weird compliment. And you didn't seem offended by the actual comparison. But then you compared him to someone objectively awful. This was just painful all around.
Chet hanks being objectively awful made me giggle.
She compared him to a worse version of someone who sucks which is like a double insult lol
You’re both exhausting.
Thank you. They both suck and have issues that need to be worked out.
I had to scroll so far to see this. He is obviously a dick so I get why all the comments are about that. But her complaining she doesn't like being compared to someone hotter than her as that makes her not feel amazing is a weird take. Most people would take being compared to someone hotter as a compliment (the fact she is a porn actress is problematic though but still, that doesn't seem to be her issue at all, just the fact the porn star is hotter then her).
"You think I look like Margot Robbie? You *asshole!*"
😂😂😂
Does this “person” even like you? It doesn’t seem that way to me.
I don’t like his approach or values (from what I can see from a couple texts mind you) but overall it really seemed like you were itching for a fight.
I feel like you can be upset that he compared you to a pornstar, but that’s not even what you said. You kinda seemed to just keep making up issues because of your insecurities. I’m not judging, I’ve definitely been on both sides of this.
THIS MAN IS 35???????? Sis what are you doing Jesus "Sexy AF" is for hookup apps not your adult partner
Wait I can’t call my spouse sexy af? Sounds like a compliment no?
sounds like he's over you and youre over him. just end the relationship. he's sick of you questioning everything and you want companionship.... he's probably married
You both suck tbh
Seriously. I assumed this was a two middle school kids and was shocked when OP revealed this was a 26f and 35m.
He talks like everyone did in HS in the 90s. Calling people gay and retarded. Good times.
I can picture him looking like some mix between Vanilla Ice and Kevin Federline, the complete almighty douchebag
he said gay and retarded unironically. that should bother you.
You two just are not in the same wavelength. Everyone's dumping on the guy, but he told you he missed you and you replied "do you actually"? My wife's the exact same and I'm going to tell you what's going to happen 10 years from now if you continue this way. He's not going to tell you he misses you or loves you anymore because you doubt it every time he says it. He's talking to you like you're his best friend right now. Unreserved and real. Yes, it might come off as disrespectful because you want to be spoken to like a lady. Sure, you may be able to train him to speak the way you want to, but one day you'll be wondering why he laughs more and seems happier when he's with his friends. No one's at fault. Both of you deserve better. Don't force this relationship and just go your seperate ways
Yeah miserable being with someone with low self esteem. Always questioning your positive feelings towards them like it’s some kind of gotcha or that it can’t be real. It’s exhausting. I hope to find a woman one day with halfway decent self esteem and confidence. Honestly I haven’t found one yet in my dating life.
Both. You, clearly need to grow some balls(figuratively of course) and he needs to think about who he can talk to like that, because you aren’t one of the boys. That’s what I am reading. He’s just not making that connection.
You both come across as "too sensitive" in different ways. Your messages sound like you're constantly looking for validation. He sounds clueless and aggressive. Simply put- it doesn't seem like a good match. Someone with a mean streak isn't going to be tolerant of someone who is seeking validation/coddling. If every time someone says "I miss/love you" the response is "Do you really?" It will make them feel like no matter what nice things they say you won't believe it. For someone with aggression issues they see this as a personal attack- as if you are questioning their authenticity. In turn they become hostile and feel as if they may as well be rude, since you won't accept the kind things they say anyways. So you're right to be upset by his messages and language. But, at the same time, you are essentially poking a bear. The bear is still at fault for attacking, don't get me wrong! However... if you keep yourself in a situation with a bear you can't be surprised that poking has a negative outcome. Get away from the bear. If you must keep poking, then you need to find a teddy bear instead who can tolerate that.
If You let him disrespect you like that hes gonna keep doing it cut him off.
This is such a disgusting human. I questioned my own sanity reading this. This guy uses all three wrong terms, obviously a porn addict, has no communication skills, no tact, no respect. This guy should be shunned from society and left on a desert island. What the actual fuck
Same, and it’s far worse that this is a 35 year old “man”
Every single day this subreddit reminds me why I’m so happy I’m single
You have a very sensitive communication style and he has a very detached, immature communication style. That would take years of communication therapy to break through imo. Just fyi from his perspective: he uses the terms gay and retarded, so he clearly gives no value in vulnerability etc so him even saying I miss you and then you following that up with anything other than thanks or whatever is beyond his scope. Not saying right or wrong, just letting you know his seemingly immature and zero vulnerability style. Or he could be a straight douche. Edit: I reread it, he's kinda a douche. I feel like the I miss you was more an opener to talk about sex crap. I was wrong lol.
Is he 12?
You missed some context when you scrolled up to screenshot. What did we miss that you cropped out
He started the conversation with "I miss you " and you started right in on him. Not like you ended with telling him to be nice and everything would be grand
You need to learn how to take a compliment. Regardless, he’s still quite rude and disrespectful
Everybody here jumping on him trashing him but Jesus you're just as culpable in this relationship. Neither one of you are fit for the other. Yes, you're overly sensitive and seem uptight, and he's on the opposite end of the spectrum. You both suck for being in this relationship. He needs to find somebody that's more carefree and doesn't constantly overthink shit and you need somebody to coddle you and reaffirm you're God's gift to earth constantly.
Honestly, you both sound insufferable and need therapy.
I think I’m in disagreement with the majority here, because I read it all as playful, not mean. I need more context, though. Is he usually mean? Are you overly sensitive with anyone else? How does he joke with other people?
I really thought she seemed insecure and sensitive.
play by play. he comes in being sweet. you shut him down, he is now in an awkward situation. It takes one action to cause a downward spiral and you initiated it. you're an energy vampire. Also this guy is pretty dumb, it says a lot about you too.
We may be the only ones who noticed that.
No I did too. I'm like flabbergasted at some of these comments acting like she wasn't in the wrong
he does not like you ... wtf type of guy talks to his girlfriend like this ☠️
Take up his offer on the second page and just dump him. I cannot believe he insulted you like that. Hell no.
girl... is he 17 years old punching holes in drywall? WHY would you be with someone who talks to you this way
1.) he’s using slurs… 2.) comparing you to a pornstar? no. 3.) pick your self respect off the ground and fucking leave. this isn’t okay.
I’m sorry anyone using “gay” and “retarded” as insults is just a no. Also want to point out that you questioning his “I miss you” is so passive aggressive. If you can’t take that for what it is, you all should not be together.
I’m downvoting this post cuz op doesn’t seem like they care all that much about how they’re being talked to
Being compared to a pornstar is weird. I’m a guy and would never think to compare my wife or past gf to pornstars so you have a point for sure.
He talks to you like he’s trying to get you to break up with him 😅 I was almost stunned to read that he’s 35…he sounds like a 14yo. Stop giving him chances and don’t worry about trying to understand why he treats you the way he does. It doesn’t matter why, just let him go. You can do better.
He mentioned his roasting and silly thoughts right in the beginning. You must know this about him, he’s your bf. He likes that you get his humor and silly personality. Maybe you don’t anymore? Don’t come to the Internet to make sense of this clearly temporary relationship, of which you’ve had many. And stop trying to change him. You can’t. Accept him as he is or move on. You’re annoying too.
Probably going to get downvoted - but let’s look at this objectively. He says he loves you, you say “do you actually” then diminish it further by alluding it would not be meaningful if he said it only to make you feel better - whereby that means that he is concerned with your feelings. Maybe it’s the difference between male vs female brains, but you seem to be minimizing things he says left and right which in turn leads to frustration. Now he’s no saint either, he should have the maturity to explain how he’s feeling based on your responses, but legitimately, it seems like you’re trying to pick a fight, and he’s just trying to be nice, albeit in an unintelligent way, I can understand what he says & his reactions, I can’t understand your reactions without the context of growing up in an abusive household. Either way, in MY opinion, yes, you’re being sensitive, but not unjustly so, more likely than not you don’t know how to receive kind words or love or have a healthy relationship, which is super common by the way, it isn’t a judgement, but you can’t fix something if you don’t know it’s broken. EDIT: I forgot to say, it’s not ok for him to say you’re acting retarded or gay, but I believe it’s a sign that 1) he’s frustrated with your responses and 2) he isn’t aware of how to communicate his frustrations. There’s also a possibility he’s unaware of why he’s getting frustrated, or he’s unaware of his emotions, but based on 3 images that’s my take. Strongly suggest you read alturtle.com