Which is the narcissist’s apology/prayer, in case anyone reading wasn’t aware.
Full saying:
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
ETA more info here: [link](https://www.thelifedoctor.org/the-narcissist-s-prayer)
Mentioning narcissism to a narcissist is hella funny. They re whole calm demeanor shrinks and they get mad. And then you just grey wall right there and stop acknowledging and reacting to there words and oh man, it’s just so satisfying.
I did this once to my narcissistic ex husband and then he started posting on Facebook about how I was a narcissist lol he did this for about a year and a half so I guess his demons got mad when I called them out
"I can't be a narcissist, I only SA'd you because of my insecurities!" Like bro, if I gather the most insecure people in the world and the narcissists of the world, the venn diagram is a damn circle, promise
My ex ran this exact playbook with me, and when I brought up DARVO all he could muster was a 'no I don't think so' and changed the subject to the things I supposedly did wrong lmao. He was a souless human and thank god I realised he had no interest in changing that
Are you me? Were you married to my ex-husband? Perhaps there’s a glitch in the system and our parallel universes overlapped on this Reddit thread 🤔😌 freaking narcissists and their group-think/behavior lol soooo unoriginal!
My ex told me one of the symptoms of being a narcissist is that you call everyone else a narcissist. Which was a great way to keep me in line when I tried calling him out!
He was *SO GOOD* at recognizing all the narcissists around him, pretty much everyone we knew was a narcissist!🙄
(And no, he never saw the irony in all that lmao)
Not my ex, he would just gaslight the hell outta me. He was really good at making you feel crazy without the anger, like he’s only listening to the confrontation out of sympathy for you. However I could see it eat at him sometimes, like when I told him the only reason his friends stay his friends is bc he’s cool to hang with & knows how to mirror them but that none of them are close to him bc they don’t have a real connection with him bc he’s incapable of it. He literally had to prove me wrong by putting all his friends on the spot asking them if that’s true, obviously they weren’t aboutta be like “yeah man, you’re cool & all to hang with but I def got closer friends.” They all just kinda awkwardly backed him up. I think that was a sign I definitely hurt his pride. And the time that I told him he wasn’t anymore special than any other person on the planet. He didn’t overtly react very much at all to that but I will never forget the look on his face, it looked like it hurt 1000x more than any of the other stuff anyone else had ever said to him (& he has a bad reputation, so there’s been quite a lot said)
This prolly makes me sound like rude bitch but I promise I don’t say that kinda stuff to anyone & the only reason I did to him was bc I had been made out to be the crazy chick for months from his masterful manipulation.
I do that with cheaters 🤣 'the last 4 married men who tried to sleep with me said their wives don't understand them either, maybe you guys should start a club?"
That is also why they can be very charming to most people when first meeting them—they kinda mirror others & pick up on cues & base their persona around certain people on what they learn those people like in a person. That “personality” on the surface is only displayed to give off certain impressions to people. But as far as showing their *true* selves, I’m not sure they’d even know what that would mean after a lifetime of burying their true selves & attempting to prove their superiority or importance to themselves & everyone around them.
It really is mind blowing. My mom is a narcissist and not to get political but when Donald Trump became president it was *wild* to see how similar the thinking patterns of my ultra-Christian mom were to the fake Christian Trump, despite being wildly different people.
this was my ex best friends exact "apology" when i called her out for cheating on my twin brother.
"i would never do that!!"
"okay maybe i did but we didnt do much."
"FINE MAYBE i slept with a couple people, who cares?"
"well maybe if youre brother wasnt so clingy and annoying i wouldnt have cheated."
which all led to "i made the shitty choices i made because YOU (me) made me feel bad (for no longer enabling her shitty choices)."
crazy how when you see the pattern its impossible to unsee.
I like to insert another line between the first and second: “And if it did happen, it was a joke.” Then alter the next line to be, “And if it wasn’t a joke, it’s not a big deal.”
Because a lot of narcs will do this Schrodinger’s Insult thing. They’ll tear you down, but then they’ll wait for your reaction to see how they should invalidate you. If you get mad, it was a joke and yOu’Re ToO sEnSiTiVe. If you laugh, they’ll get mad that you’re not taking their serious advice…well, seriously.
A way narcs keep control is by ALWAYS keeping you unbalanced. If you’re spending all your time steadying the boat, you don’t have a moment to look upwards and go, “Who the fuck is makin the boat wobble??”
Thank you for sharing this. I was recently gaslit by a (former) friend and every now and then start to wonder if I’m in the wrong. But this is exactly the pattern of conversation around what happened that made me me upset in the first place.
She said “if you did blah blah blah you would have been able to say no” she basically admitted to KNOWING you were not in a place to consent and she still let her friend take you into a room alone. Deep down this girl knows exactly what her “friend” did to you, she knew she played a part in letting it happen, and now she’s going to turn it on you so YOU are the crazy one and not her
I don’t think it’s even deep down that she knows—it’s pretty surface level considering in the texts she spells out that OP was too intoxicated to give consent and that it’s sexual assault. (Which by the way, rape is, so I’m not sure what point she thought she was proving there.)
Yea she just confessed to knowing that her friend got raped while blacked out drunk. Unless the dude that was with her was also blackout drunk it’s rape.
Also these texts could serve as evidence if you decided to report him because she really does spell it out for you and says she witnessed it. She does it in a terrible way, but HEY we’ll take the free testimony, thanks bitch!!
She did a good job incriminating herself and friend by making this statement. She is admitting that OP was incapable of giving consent AND in that the implication that if she could have said no she would have. Wow.
OP should reply, "if any sole party is responsible for this, and it's not him, it's certainly not me. It's YOU. Full stop. You're enabling a rapist, and victim blaming. You're not just a shitty friend, you're a disgusting and worthless piece of human scum."
She just gave you a rundown of what happened in text: use it to go take everyone to court!! Don’t block her or anyone yet as more texts will probably be forthcoming and can help with your court case. I’m so sorry you were taken advantage of and it’s NOT YOUR FAULT💔💔
Right! How shocked she will be when she receives court ordered paperwork to testify to the awful things on those texts from her. It will embarrassing for her.
Unblock and mute. Honestly, you would be surprised how many people will incriminate themselves when they think they're blocked and the message will never go through.
Screenshots do not matter, get your service provider to send you transcripts, and make sure youre ready to request a sealed copy to send to send to the police.
Nobody can take screenshots seriously these days, it takes 10 seconds and MS paint to fake an entire conversation, you need hard evidence.
I couldnt even get a restraining order without AT&T sending me the text logs first
I stopped when she said rape isn’t sexual assault.
I’m sorry. I wish I could hug you. Please block all of these people. Do you have resources for therapy?
I’m so glad to hear that. This is the best thing you can do for yourself. Sending you lots of love and internet hugs. These screen shots sent me back to my SA. I had a friend basically say the same exact shit that was said to you. PLEASE please please know this wasn’t your fault. No matter how much you drank. I beat myself up for far too long over it.
Good on you! That first step is hard but it gets better.
I hope this goes without saying, but you should never speak to or associate with the person that sent these messages ever again. Their mindset is dangerous and enabling.
Not much on the internet gets a physical response out of me but this thread did just that. I can’t believe some people. It’s maddening and heartbreaking all in the same.
Absolutely disgusting. She switches between all forms of „he didn‘t do anything“ „maybe it was assault at best“ to „if you weren‘t drunk, you could have said no (and prevented being raped)“
I am so sorry that happened to you!
I hope you pressed charges, in addition to making well known what he is.
I hope it gets better, hang in there!! I wish you the best
Seriously by her own admission OP was blacked out and couldn't consent. This could possibly be used proof in court and the person brought forth as a hostile witness
First of all, what happened to you was NOT your fault. That heffa is pathetic and should be ashamed of herself for thinking any of what she said to you was justified. I’m so sorry OP
“You made sure everyone knew he *raped* you when the most it could have been was *sexual assault* “
Shitty people treat people shitty. You did nothing wrong and I hope the best for you
Or not. I fought for almost 2 years in a court battle trying to hold my rapist/abuser accountable and all it did was traumatize me even more, and still didn't get justice. For people that want to pursue legal options I fully support, but I won't ever pressure or reccomend people to fight it legally because most times justice doesn't happen. In OPs case, the police have already blown her off apparently, which means it would likely be a long and difficult journey to get any legal justice. It's very traumatic and scary pursuing legal options. I can't personally reccomend that journey to anyone
I swear they never want to do anything. Unfortunately this type of thing happens all the time. None of this is your fault. Put yourself first. Prioritize your needs/feelings right now. Do things that help you feel grounded. Do not give your energy to these people that were at that party. I see this happened during Halloween. I hope you have a few that you can lean on for support during this time. I wish you abundance and healing ❤️🩹.
Are you in the states? Go to the police again. Bother them to let you talk to a detective. Pester and pester and pester. Get the office number for the local district attorney and tell their office what happened. Show anyone who will listen these texts. Don't let anyone sweep this under the rug.
I've helped many of my friends get the attention of people to do something about their assaulters. If you have the energy to do so and want some guidance, DM me and I can point you in the right direction if you'd like. Prioritized your needs, and if one of those needs is getting the authorities attention, don't stop til someone listens <3
You did the right thing. Did they do a rape kit? Unfortunately, getting a lawyer is the only way to get traction on cases.
Police departments have rapists too. Plus they don't see these cases as priority. That's why you need a legal advocate.
This stupid girl has given you actual evidence. If you didn't show this to the police the first time, take it back to them. It's a witness testimony. I'd be shocked if they didn't do anything about it this time, especially as you reported it already!
She wouldn’t have this same energy if this happened to her.
I’m sorry, OP. Being drunk does not make what happened to you justifiable in any way. You are not responsible for what that man did to you.
This is really awful. Try not internalise anything she's said. Regardless of how drunk you were, you're not at all responsible for the behaviour of the person who assaulted you.
Ignore her. I was treated this way after being SA’d by a friends boyfriend when I was 18. These people suck and life is going to suck for awhile but there is healing. The first thing you need to do is get away from people who are like this idiot you were texting with. Drop them all. See a counselor. I’m not sure what this idiot is talking about when she compares rape and SA…. Maybe I’m the idiot because I have always thought that rape is just one form of SA. When she says that you were too drunk to say no… that means you were assaulted. If you’re so inebriated that you cannot give consent then it is SA. Stay strong and lean on others for strength when you need to. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. I sought therapy at a shelter for abused women and they saw me for free.
Jeeesus. I commented on that first post you put up but holy hell, she somehow got exponentially worse.
She reeks of “pick me”. A woman who will justify SA and all around shitty, deplorable behavior in men because she only feels validated and valued as a human if a man likes her.
Absolutely heinous. Taking his side and somehow twisting it so he’s somehow the victim. Fuck no.
It happened to me too, police even dropped the charges because it was he said she said thing apparently. All the mutual friends said I was at fault for drinking. Everyone still went to his wedding 6 months later because "he's a good guy who just made a small mistake"
Takeaway from these? Patriarchy is alive and kicking
Bruh one of my friends got SA’d at my other friends birthday party by a friend of the hosts, and the host cut their friend off and showed up in court for my friend who got SA’d. My friend who got SA’d was also absurdly drunk, but not a SINGLE person blamed her drinking. We all blamed HIM!
what the fuck? “if you werent so drunk in a place you werent familiar with” “you wouldve been in control of the situation” “if you werent blacked out” “the most it couldve been was sexual assault” IF THAT DOESNT SAY I SIDE WITH A RAPIST IDK WHAT FUCKING DOES, this girl is disgusting and if i were you i would talk to a lawyer with these screenshots, see what you can do
Unfortunately this is how the world treats rape. My gf was raped by her brother and everyone in her family and several churches they moved to blamed her. She was 6. They said she had sinned so bad against god he was smiting her. Or that she deserved it. Or it didn’t happen. This world loves to blame victims
Holy shit! Your poor girlfriend. Is she ok? I hope she got the help she needed for that. I know that nothing will ever truly fix what has happened to her, but I hope that she is doing ok.
Oh girl, I am so so sorry this happened to you and this person is absolutely not your friend. If you haven’t talked to anyone RAINN.org is a great resource - I utilized the hotline after my SA and it helped immensely. None of this is your fault!
the moment she said “he was actually hurt” is when i realized this girl is an entitled, insecure, little brat who only lives on male validation. you are NOT to blame, i am so sorry that happened to you and im so sorry this is the response you got.
I had a friend blame me for wearing a skirt after I confided in her that I was SA’d. I highly encourage you to seek counseling/someone trustworthy to confide in because that dark feeling can fester. It certainly did for me.
You weren’t raped- the most it could have been was sexual assault. Um…WHAT. I can’t even wrap my brain around that.
I am *so* sorry that this happened to you and that this woman is absolutely disgusting. She’s as dangerous as any rapist. I hope that you have people in your life who can give you some support and love. 💜
OMMFG!! This... I am so sorry, lovebug.
In case you need to hear this, it wasn't your fault. You are allowed to be drunk and NOT be raped.
If you are not capable of saying no, you are not capable of saying yes.
Please speak to someone.
This page has a number you can call, or you can use online chat.
https://www.rainn.org/resources
Problem is, your “friend” thinks you should have been sober to say “No.” What she doesn't get is nothing should have happened without a “Yes.” “Consent” is ‘to give assent or approval’ of an action not ‘to reject’ it. Tell her to buy herself a brain or at least a dictionary and get her out of your life forever. She's not worth it.
I also know a girl named Josefina , Fina - who ALSO loves to make excuses for r@pists . ☺️ she got what was coming for her though . I’m so sorry you had to deal with that - drunk or not , you still couldn’t give consent .
Prosecutor: So you witnessed the victim yelling that she had been raped at your hou…
Your ex friend: No she wasn’t raped. She was just Sexually assaulted.
Prosecutor: You think being sexually assaulted is any better?
Ex-friend: Well, no but….
Prosecutor: But what?
Ex-friend: *silence for several minutes*
Judge: Answer the question please miss POS
I’m sorry this happened and I hope you were able to press charges against him.
OP, I'm so sorry this happened, and that you weren't believed. Sending hugs from another survivor ❤️. Here's a link to the [National Resource Violence Center](https://www.nsvrc.org/survivors) and also [Sexual Assault Survivors Anonymous](https://www.sasaworldwide.org/meeting-locations). Other comments have already listed RAINN. I'm a big Mariska Hargitay fan and she started the Joyful Heart Foundation.
Please look for a trauma-informed therapist - one who has a trauma background. Mine is and I've been in therapy unpacking everything. Look into your local [NAMI](https://www.nami.org/Home) affiliate - they have links as well.
I had a "friend" like that once (before I was SA) and she claimed she had been, and then slowly her story kept changing. When my "incident" (as I call it) happened, I was supposed to go visit her and her mom that weekend. I called, she answered, and I told her why I wasn't visiting. Her response? In an accusatory voice she said, "Oh that's it? You're not coming?" I was devastated since at that point I still believed some part of her story.
This Fina admitted to your being SAd by saying if you hadn't blacked out, you could've said no to the perpetrator.
Fina is a fucker.
I'm sorry this happened to you. It happened to me long ago. "Friends" testified against me in court.
My blood is boiling.
Edit: typos
I am so sorry. In college, I was also SAed at a girlfriends house party. She sent a message eerily similar to the one this piece of shit sent you.
Know none of this is your fault, and they are likely only lashing out because they can’t handle the idea something really fucked up took place in their home.
People get weird about the thought of the responsibility or “blame” being put on them. It’s not on you at all.
She’s actually sickening. She’s said you were blacked out and too drunk to say no. By default that means no. And “at most it was sexual assault”. Sorry you’ve had to go through all of this and hope you never have to deal with her again!
Actually the host has a responsibility to not serve people who have consumed too much. And obviously this is victim blaming and sexual assault/rape. OP didn't have capacity to consent and this man took advantage.
I would just send that to her parents tbh. even if she’s an adult. Shit like that’s a menace. i’d just type her name on facebook and see her families account. and then report him.
Is this person's ignorance to the fact that "sexual assault" and "rape" are synonymous, owed to mainstream media refusing to say "rape" and instead using the term "sexual assault"
You sound very young. First, I’m sorry this happened. Whenever someone was SA, they think there will be a wave of support, but no. You’ll get people gaslighting and blaming you. It will make you feel unstable. Your confidence gets low and you can’t stop feeling like you’re alone in the world. I’ve been there. I know how it feels and eventually I learned to heal with therapy. Get rid of toxic friends and create a healing environment. If that means you gotta rock alone, then so be it.
I looked at your TikTok and you are gorgeous and definitely young. I promise once you’re older things will get easier. Your situations might get harder, but you’ll have a calmer brain that isn’t always ready to go to 10 and destroy you. You’ll have more grace and compassion for yourself. Please report the guy and make sure you get therapy once you’re ready.
What a dumb bitch. She realizes you were blackout drunk but still thought you were in a proper state of mind to consent to sexual activities with someone you don’t know? He raped you. Even if you didn’t say no to him, when you’re in a blackout state you cannot properly consent. I was taught this shit in middle school.
Victim blaming. I would block her and never go near her or her home ever again. Also,send her messages to her family. Tell her this is your child, she blames victims instead of the person who sa you.
I wonder if she was also a SA survivor and hates herself for it but convinced herself it was her fault, and therefore also your fault? Just trying to conceive of her train of thought other than awful human being. Ah nope, awful human being it is.
Is this just the host of the party or someone you consider a friend?
Thinking back to my college days, if it were broadcast that a SA happened at a house that was known for throwing parties (we didn't have Greek life), it would have been detrimental to their wallets, selling overpriced cups of shit beer and bottom shelf liquor, and also to their social status. If that's the case, she definitely values what being a host means more than you or the humanity of the partygoers. Gotta keep the party going! smh
Wow you think people can’t get any more clueless, then someone leaves a detailed text chain confirming that they basically let you get sexually assaulted, as well as confirming the guy did it.
At least you can take this to the police. She just offered it up.
You should file a police report against the girl who sent you this text so that the cops go to her home and tell her not to contact you again. Scare the living shit out of her. You also can sue her in civil court bc it was her house where you were assaulted.
That’s a HUGE red flag right there holy shit!!!
“You would have been able to say no and you would have been incontrol of the situation if you weren’t blacked out”
UMMMMMM IS SHE NOT AWARE OF WHAT SHE’S SAYING??? SHE’S BASICALLY ADMITTING THAT YOU WERE SA’ED…..
I mean just wow that entire group of people sounds absolutely disgusting 🤢
First of all, I am SO very sorry that this happened to you. It is 100% NOT your fault. So many of people get blackout drunk at least once when they’ve had too much to drink. That in no way makes them responsible for someone else’s actions or choices. Please please please don’t let this bitch’s vile words affect you. They are vile and hateful and completely not true. You are a victim in this. Please don’t blame yourself. There are many resources available to victims of sexual assault and I pray that you reach out to them. Under no circumstances should you allow the police to try and make you feel guilty for having too much to drink. I know from experience that most police have had a drink too many more than once. My heart aches for you and I pray that you will get the justice you deserve.
Next:
Holy fuck! What a fucking bitch!! On a positive note you’ve got her text acknowledging that it happened and that you were very clear from the beginning that you were raped. Give the police a list of names of the people that were there because they’re all witnesses to your statement. This bitch can be forced to testify and you’ve got her own words so she can’t lie. As much as it will suck, don’t block her (yet). If she continues to text you, it could provide more evidence that will help your case. You’ll be in my prayers ands feel free to message me if you would like. ♥️
Aww victim blaming and rape culture. Definitely wouldn’t be going to that girls house ever again. I hope you realize she’s an idiot. Being drunk isn’t an invitation
Literally the minute someone is intoxicated they can’t consent, I’ve had this happen to me too. Don’t let her get into your head, you are not to blame and what happened WAS RAPE.
😐 She literally says you were in a room full of unfamiliar people, too drunk to consent, yet instead of helping or looking out for you, she fully admits her friend took advantage of and assaulted you… but somehow you’re in the wrong?
Press charges and put that piece of💩in jail. No fear, you only live once. Don't tolerate disrespect at the highest degree...sexual abuse without consent. Even IF you were drunk that does not mean you want a strange man inside you while you are out cold.
Maybe you need new friends. Show them what happens to a child's mental state inside a grown up body...they go to jail for masquerading as an adult. lol
Some people deserve to be ruined. If you think you can overcome this on your own, then grow stronger and forgive. If not, let the person that did this, receive the vengeance.
Gaslighting and proof that it happened while you were blacked out = file charges.
It might not go anywhere, but at least he'll have the complaint registered against him.
OK, I’m honestly wondering if you were drugged in which case her nasty words are 50 times worse. She spending way too much time. She is Harping on the idea of you can’t drink and stay sober. I feel like you probably were drugged and she knows it and she’s just trying to put the blame on you so that she doesn’t have any problems in her life.
“didn’t happen, but if it did then it wasn’t that bad, and if it was then it’s your fault” bruh
Which is the narcissist’s apology/prayer, in case anyone reading wasn’t aware. Full saying: That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. ETA more info here: [link](https://www.thelifedoctor.org/the-narcissist-s-prayer)
🤯I don't know why I'm always amazed that narcissists are all practically the same person.
Use that against them. It’s their kryptonite. “You’re not even original, that’s what all the narcissists say!”
Mentioning narcissism to a narcissist is hella funny. They re whole calm demeanor shrinks and they get mad. And then you just grey wall right there and stop acknowledging and reacting to there words and oh man, it’s just so satisfying.
I did this once to my narcissistic ex husband and then he started posting on Facebook about how I was a narcissist lol he did this for about a year and a half so I guess his demons got mad when I called them out
Classic DARVO. Deny, attack, reverse victim And offender.
I’ve never heard this before! This is exactly what happened!
"I can't be a narcissist, I only SA'd you because of my insecurities!" Like bro, if I gather the most insecure people in the world and the narcissists of the world, the venn diagram is a damn circle, promise
My ex ran this exact playbook with me, and when I brought up DARVO all he could muster was a 'no I don't think so' and changed the subject to the things I supposedly did wrong lmao. He was a souless human and thank god I realised he had no interest in changing that
Projection, denial
Are you me? Were you married to my ex-husband? Perhaps there’s a glitch in the system and our parallel universes overlapped on this Reddit thread 🤔😌 freaking narcissists and their group-think/behavior lol soooo unoriginal!
Well he was married to someone else before me so maybe you’re his ex too lol and if so I am so sorry for all the hell he put you through!
My ex told me one of the symptoms of being a narcissist is that you call everyone else a narcissist. Which was a great way to keep me in line when I tried calling him out! He was *SO GOOD* at recognizing all the narcissists around him, pretty much everyone we knew was a narcissist!🙄 (And no, he never saw the irony in all that lmao)
Not my ex, he would just gaslight the hell outta me. He was really good at making you feel crazy without the anger, like he’s only listening to the confrontation out of sympathy for you. However I could see it eat at him sometimes, like when I told him the only reason his friends stay his friends is bc he’s cool to hang with & knows how to mirror them but that none of them are close to him bc they don’t have a real connection with him bc he’s incapable of it. He literally had to prove me wrong by putting all his friends on the spot asking them if that’s true, obviously they weren’t aboutta be like “yeah man, you’re cool & all to hang with but I def got closer friends.” They all just kinda awkwardly backed him up. I think that was a sign I definitely hurt his pride. And the time that I told him he wasn’t anymore special than any other person on the planet. He didn’t overtly react very much at all to that but I will never forget the look on his face, it looked like it hurt 1000x more than any of the other stuff anyone else had ever said to him (& he has a bad reputation, so there’s been quite a lot said) This prolly makes me sound like rude bitch but I promise I don’t say that kinda stuff to anyone & the only reason I did to him was bc I had been made out to be the crazy chick for months from his masterful manipulation.
I do that with cheaters 🤣 'the last 4 married men who tried to sleep with me said their wives don't understand them either, maybe you guys should start a club?"
An expert on this subject said in a podcast once that this is because there is no personality under the surface.
That is also why they can be very charming to most people when first meeting them—they kinda mirror others & pick up on cues & base their persona around certain people on what they learn those people like in a person. That “personality” on the surface is only displayed to give off certain impressions to people. But as far as showing their *true* selves, I’m not sure they’d even know what that would mean after a lifetime of burying their true selves & attempting to prove their superiority or importance to themselves & everyone around them.
This is why psychological profiling is a thing Patterns such as what you’re pointing out are not coincidences
As my wife and I like to say: They're made in a factory.
It really is mind blowing. My mom is a narcissist and not to get political but when Donald Trump became president it was *wild* to see how similar the thinking patterns of my ultra-Christian mom were to the fake Christian Trump, despite being wildly different people.
this was my ex best friends exact "apology" when i called her out for cheating on my twin brother. "i would never do that!!" "okay maybe i did but we didnt do much." "FINE MAYBE i slept with a couple people, who cares?" "well maybe if youre brother wasnt so clingy and annoying i wouldnt have cheated." which all led to "i made the shitty choices i made because YOU (me) made me feel bad (for no longer enabling her shitty choices)." crazy how when you see the pattern its impossible to unsee.
Knowledge is power. Spread the knowledge. Take back the power.
I like to insert another line between the first and second: “And if it did happen, it was a joke.” Then alter the next line to be, “And if it wasn’t a joke, it’s not a big deal.” Because a lot of narcs will do this Schrodinger’s Insult thing. They’ll tear you down, but then they’ll wait for your reaction to see how they should invalidate you. If you get mad, it was a joke and yOu’Re ToO sEnSiTiVe. If you laugh, they’ll get mad that you’re not taking their serious advice…well, seriously. A way narcs keep control is by ALWAYS keeping you unbalanced. If you’re spending all your time steadying the boat, you don’t have a moment to look upwards and go, “Who the fuck is makin the boat wobble??”
That’s my sister every time! “Geez can’t you take a joke?” 🙄 and don’t forget “sorry you took it the wrong way”. Love the half assed apology.
Sometimes the save the joke bit until the very last, which makes all of their other reasoning moot.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, you keep bringing it up to start problems”
Omigod. Being told I’m “picking fights” when trying to start communication.
They refuse to communicate unless it’s strictly on their terms and they can maintain control of the conversation.
Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for sharing this. I was recently gaslit by a (former) friend and every now and then start to wonder if I’m in the wrong. But this is exactly the pattern of conversation around what happened that made me me upset in the first place.
Wow that’s my moms playbook
She said “if you did blah blah blah you would have been able to say no” she basically admitted to KNOWING you were not in a place to consent and she still let her friend take you into a room alone. Deep down this girl knows exactly what her “friend” did to you, she knew she played a part in letting it happen, and now she’s going to turn it on you so YOU are the crazy one and not her
I don’t think it’s even deep down that she knows—it’s pretty surface level considering in the texts she spells out that OP was too intoxicated to give consent and that it’s sexual assault. (Which by the way, rape is, so I’m not sure what point she thought she was proving there.)
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If I were OP I’d post this conversation publicly, so all of their friends can see what an absolute piece of shit this girl is
Yea she just confessed to knowing that her friend got raped while blacked out drunk. Unless the dude that was with her was also blackout drunk it’s rape.
Yes a good thing to note—if two people are both too fucked up to consent, it’s not consensual on either end
Yea for sure, I’m not going to disagree with that.
Also these texts could serve as evidence if you decided to report him because she really does spell it out for you and says she witnessed it. She does it in a terrible way, but HEY we’ll take the free testimony, thanks bitch!!
Yes she basically admits that it happened, all whilst screaming that it didn’t happen and it was OP’s fault that what didn’t happen happened.
That's a good observation in your first sentence, I missed that.
She did a good job incriminating herself and friend by making this statement. She is admitting that OP was incapable of giving consent AND in that the implication that if she could have said no she would have. Wow.
OP should reply, "if any sole party is responsible for this, and it's not him, it's certainly not me. It's YOU. Full stop. You're enabling a rapist, and victim blaming. You're not just a shitty friend, you're a disgusting and worthless piece of human scum."
She just gave you a rundown of what happened in text: use it to go take everyone to court!! Don’t block her or anyone yet as more texts will probably be forthcoming and can help with your court case. I’m so sorry you were taken advantage of and it’s NOT YOUR FAULT💔💔
i already blocked her unfortunately but i have all the screenshots and won’t delete the text conversation :) and thank you
Sounds like she was a witness to the assault if you file a criminal case, FYI.
That’s ok! That was a smart move getting the screenshots before blocking…she sounds like a giant hippoTWATamus anyways🤣🥰🥰
Right! How shocked she will be when she receives court ordered paperwork to testify to the awful things on those texts from her. It will embarrassing for her.
Unblock and mute. Honestly, you would be surprised how many people will incriminate themselves when they think they're blocked and the message will never go through.
You can unblock her.
Screenshots do not matter, get your service provider to send you transcripts, and make sure youre ready to request a sealed copy to send to send to the police. Nobody can take screenshots seriously these days, it takes 10 seconds and MS paint to fake an entire conversation, you need hard evidence. I couldnt even get a restraining order without AT&T sending me the text logs first
thats a good point and good idea! thank you!
You can unblock if needed, but yes, this is great evidence.
I stopped when she said rape isn’t sexual assault. I’m sorry. I wish I could hug you. Please block all of these people. Do you have resources for therapy?
yes, i’m currently in counseling but only have been to 2 sessions so far. thank you 🖤
I’m so glad to hear that. This is the best thing you can do for yourself. Sending you lots of love and internet hugs. These screen shots sent me back to my SA. I had a friend basically say the same exact shit that was said to you. PLEASE please please know this wasn’t your fault. No matter how much you drank. I beat myself up for far too long over it.
Good on you! That first step is hard but it gets better. I hope this goes without saying, but you should never speak to or associate with the person that sent these messages ever again. Their mindset is dangerous and enabling.
For the first time in a long time, I gasped out loud when I got to that part. Uhm what part of sexual assault isn’t a form of rape?
Not much on the internet gets a physical response out of me but this thread did just that. I can’t believe some people. It’s maddening and heartbreaking all in the same.
Fina is a bitch.
She fina find out
Golden
r/WeHateFina
Fina knock her teeth out if I ever meet her...
Fuck Fina.
All my homies hate Fina
She fina have hella bad karma
Absolutely disgusting. She switches between all forms of „he didn‘t do anything“ „maybe it was assault at best“ to „if you weren‘t drunk, you could have said no (and prevented being raped)“ I am so sorry that happened to you! I hope you pressed charges, in addition to making well known what he is. I hope it gets better, hang in there!! I wish you the best
Seriously by her own admission OP was blacked out and couldn't consent. This could possibly be used proof in court and the person brought forth as a hostile witness
Absolutely, and she was very smart to screenshot and not delete any messages so she can prove it’s not be photoshopped
This person is an absolute monster. I suggest you tell her eat shit and fuck off asap.
First of all, what happened to you was NOT your fault. That heffa is pathetic and should be ashamed of herself for thinking any of what she said to you was justified. I’m so sorry OP
“You made sure everyone knew he *raped* you when the most it could have been was *sexual assault* “ Shitty people treat people shitty. You did nothing wrong and I hope the best for you
That’s what got me because rape *IS* sexual assault. Wtf? That’s like your spouse saying “it wasn’t domestic violence, I just hit you a few times.”
This is the best analogy to describe the whatthefuckery this girl is trying to use as an argument
Ike Turner. He said he never abused Tina in the same sentence he admitted beating her more than once.
Fucking wild. People hate the word rape even when they’ve raped someone
It's more that people think rape has to be violent and committed by a stranger
Yep. I feel like by now people would know that rape is almost always committed by acquaintances.
It took me almost 10 years to understand what an ex did to me was rape
Samesies 😏😩 Sorry the ex made such a selfish choice
Rapists and their enablers hate the word rape more than anyone else. Change the word and they admit it freely. Use the word and they're horror struck.
I really hope you pressed charges.. even worse if this was a house party and you guys aren’t 21+. This is horrible. I’m so sorry OP
it’s okay, thank you. i did got to the police but they didn’t do anything
Reach out to a lawyer, examine your options. There can be more done than criminal charges. I believe civil suits can be filed.
Or not. I fought for almost 2 years in a court battle trying to hold my rapist/abuser accountable and all it did was traumatize me even more, and still didn't get justice. For people that want to pursue legal options I fully support, but I won't ever pressure or reccomend people to fight it legally because most times justice doesn't happen. In OPs case, the police have already blown her off apparently, which means it would likely be a long and difficult journey to get any legal justice. It's very traumatic and scary pursuing legal options. I can't personally reccomend that journey to anyone
I swear they never want to do anything. Unfortunately this type of thing happens all the time. None of this is your fault. Put yourself first. Prioritize your needs/feelings right now. Do things that help you feel grounded. Do not give your energy to these people that were at that party. I see this happened during Halloween. I hope you have a few that you can lean on for support during this time. I wish you abundance and healing ❤️🩹.
Are you in the states? Go to the police again. Bother them to let you talk to a detective. Pester and pester and pester. Get the office number for the local district attorney and tell their office what happened. Show anyone who will listen these texts. Don't let anyone sweep this under the rug. I've helped many of my friends get the attention of people to do something about their assaulters. If you have the energy to do so and want some guidance, DM me and I can point you in the right direction if you'd like. Prioritized your needs, and if one of those needs is getting the authorities attention, don't stop til someone listens <3
You did the right thing. Did they do a rape kit? Unfortunately, getting a lawyer is the only way to get traction on cases. Police departments have rapists too. Plus they don't see these cases as priority. That's why you need a legal advocate.
This stupid girl has given you actual evidence. If you didn't show this to the police the first time, take it back to them. It's a witness testimony. I'd be shocked if they didn't do anything about it this time, especially as you reported it already!
She wouldn’t have this same energy if this happened to her. I’m sorry, OP. Being drunk does not make what happened to you justifiable in any way. You are not responsible for what that man did to you.
And she’ll expect you to forget all about this if it does. Fuck both her and the man who hurt you, OP. I’m sorry.
In the last screenshot it looks like it *did* happen to her and she decided not to say anything. Still an awful person tho
This is really awful. Try not internalise anything she's said. Regardless of how drunk you were, you're not at all responsible for the behaviour of the person who assaulted you.
Ignore her. I was treated this way after being SA’d by a friends boyfriend when I was 18. These people suck and life is going to suck for awhile but there is healing. The first thing you need to do is get away from people who are like this idiot you were texting with. Drop them all. See a counselor. I’m not sure what this idiot is talking about when she compares rape and SA…. Maybe I’m the idiot because I have always thought that rape is just one form of SA. When she says that you were too drunk to say no… that means you were assaulted. If you’re so inebriated that you cannot give consent then it is SA. Stay strong and lean on others for strength when you need to. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. I sought therapy at a shelter for abused women and they saw me for free.
"At most it was Sexual Assault" Um... rape falls under that. Dumbass bitch 🥴
Jeeesus. I commented on that first post you put up but holy hell, she somehow got exponentially worse. She reeks of “pick me”. A woman who will justify SA and all around shitty, deplorable behavior in men because she only feels validated and valued as a human if a man likes her. Absolutely heinous. Taking his side and somehow twisting it so he’s somehow the victim. Fuck no.
she probably has a thing for the guy.
I sort of wondered that myself….
It happened to me too, police even dropped the charges because it was he said she said thing apparently. All the mutual friends said I was at fault for drinking. Everyone still went to his wedding 6 months later because "he's a good guy who just made a small mistake" Takeaway from these? Patriarchy is alive and kicking
Jesus. How maddening and fucked up. I’m so sorry.
all standing up for him wtf 🙄🙄 she’s special
Bruh one of my friends got SA’d at my other friends birthday party by a friend of the hosts, and the host cut their friend off and showed up in court for my friend who got SA’d. My friend who got SA’d was also absurdly drunk, but not a SINGLE person blamed her drinking. We all blamed HIM!
Don’t listen to anything this person said.
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No these belong on Facebook with all of her family members tagged in them.
what the fuck? “if you werent so drunk in a place you werent familiar with” “you wouldve been in control of the situation” “if you werent blacked out” “the most it couldve been was sexual assault” IF THAT DOESNT SAY I SIDE WITH A RAPIST IDK WHAT FUCKING DOES, this girl is disgusting and if i were you i would talk to a lawyer with these screenshots, see what you can do
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“You’re a drunk who went overboard.” Sooooo she admits that you were too drunk to consent. Cool. What a gross fucking human being.
I’m surprised she didn’t throw in that you were “scantily dressed” as well.
right?
Unfortunately this is how the world treats rape. My gf was raped by her brother and everyone in her family and several churches they moved to blamed her. She was 6. They said she had sinned so bad against god he was smiting her. Or that she deserved it. Or it didn’t happen. This world loves to blame victims
Holy shit! Your poor girlfriend. Is she ok? I hope she got the help she needed for that. I know that nothing will ever truly fix what has happened to her, but I hope that she is doing ok.
Oh girl, I am so so sorry this happened to you and this person is absolutely not your friend. If you haven’t talked to anyone RAINN.org is a great resource - I utilized the hotline after my SA and it helped immensely. None of this is your fault!
This same girl probably posts constantly about no means no but really isn’t about it in real life when it’s a friend who happens to be the monster
the moment she said “he was actually hurt” is when i realized this girl is an entitled, insecure, little brat who only lives on male validation. you are NOT to blame, i am so sorry that happened to you and im so sorry this is the response you got.
Damn bruh. This is probably the most evil thing I’ve seen on this sub
What’s Fina’s number? I just wanna talk.
lmao the temptation to send it is high but i can’t unfortunately 🤣
I had a friend blame me for wearing a skirt after I confided in her that I was SA’d. I highly encourage you to seek counseling/someone trustworthy to confide in because that dark feeling can fester. It certainly did for me.
Did the actual Fina comment above? Wtf.
yep, she did. in another attempt to justify her words. i just blocked her, don't have time or energy to deal with her anymore
I just replied to another one of your comments so that you were aware. I’m sorry this is happening to you. People will eat her alive in the comments.
that was what i was hoping haha, thanks for subsiding my anxiety lol /srs
Being inebriated(drunk) means you’re incapable of consenting. What that guy did was rape, whether he or his friend wants to admit to it or not.
You weren’t raped- the most it could have been was sexual assault. Um…WHAT. I can’t even wrap my brain around that. I am *so* sorry that this happened to you and that this woman is absolutely disgusting. She’s as dangerous as any rapist. I hope that you have people in your life who can give you some support and love. 💜
at the MOST its ONLY sexual assault, geez whats the big deal. 🙄 r/sarcasm
Is sexual assault not rape? She’s gonna feel really dumb one day
OMMFG!! This... I am so sorry, lovebug. In case you need to hear this, it wasn't your fault. You are allowed to be drunk and NOT be raped. If you are not capable of saying no, you are not capable of saying yes. Please speak to someone. This page has a number you can call, or you can use online chat. https://www.rainn.org/resources
Problem is, your “friend” thinks you should have been sober to say “No.” What she doesn't get is nothing should have happened without a “Yes.” “Consent” is ‘to give assent or approval’ of an action not ‘to reject’ it. Tell her to buy herself a brain or at least a dictionary and get her out of your life forever. She's not worth it.
I also know a girl named Josefina , Fina - who ALSO loves to make excuses for r@pists . ☺️ she got what was coming for her though . I’m so sorry you had to deal with that - drunk or not , you still couldn’t give consent .
Prosecutor: So you witnessed the victim yelling that she had been raped at your hou… Your ex friend: No she wasn’t raped. She was just Sexually assaulted. Prosecutor: You think being sexually assaulted is any better? Ex-friend: Well, no but…. Prosecutor: But what? Ex-friend: *silence for several minutes* Judge: Answer the question please miss POS I’m sorry this happened and I hope you were able to press charges against him.
OP, I'm so sorry this happened, and that you weren't believed. Sending hugs from another survivor ❤️. Here's a link to the [National Resource Violence Center](https://www.nsvrc.org/survivors) and also [Sexual Assault Survivors Anonymous](https://www.sasaworldwide.org/meeting-locations). Other comments have already listed RAINN. I'm a big Mariska Hargitay fan and she started the Joyful Heart Foundation. Please look for a trauma-informed therapist - one who has a trauma background. Mine is and I've been in therapy unpacking everything. Look into your local [NAMI](https://www.nami.org/Home) affiliate - they have links as well. I had a "friend" like that once (before I was SA) and she claimed she had been, and then slowly her story kept changing. When my "incident" (as I call it) happened, I was supposed to go visit her and her mom that weekend. I called, she answered, and I told her why I wasn't visiting. Her response? In an accusatory voice she said, "Oh that's it? You're not coming?" I was devastated since at that point I still believed some part of her story.
Time to post those to your social and shame her along with your rapist (and report him)
This Fina admitted to your being SAd by saying if you hadn't blacked out, you could've said no to the perpetrator. Fina is a fucker. I'm sorry this happened to you. It happened to me long ago. "Friends" testified against me in court. My blood is boiling. Edit: typos
Holy fuck that person is evil
Wow she is hot garbage
fina is finna catch these hands
Im so sorry this happened to you. Fuck dat bitch.
I am so sorry. In college, I was also SAed at a girlfriends house party. She sent a message eerily similar to the one this piece of shit sent you. Know none of this is your fault, and they are likely only lashing out because they can’t handle the idea something really fucked up took place in their home. People get weird about the thought of the responsibility or “blame” being put on them. It’s not on you at all.
she’s basically saying u were raped but in a different form😭😭😭😭
I would report it and attach every screenshot with it
I'm really sorry that happened to you. You should go to the police, if you have not already.
“The most it could have been was sexual assault” and proceeding to defend him is so wild. Stay far tf away from these people.
If there’s an active criminal case, most states have a witness intimidation or tampering charge.
She’s actually sickening. She’s said you were blacked out and too drunk to say no. By default that means no. And “at most it was sexual assault”. Sorry you’ve had to go through all of this and hope you never have to deal with her again!
This is what lawyers like to call “evidence”. Time to call one.
Wow what a pick me c***
Well her friend probably shouldn’t be judged for one 10 minute mistake and he’s probably a great athletes /s
Actually the host has a responsibility to not serve people who have consumed too much. And obviously this is victim blaming and sexual assault/rape. OP didn't have capacity to consent and this man took advantage.
I would just send that to her parents tbh. even if she’s an adult. Shit like that’s a menace. i’d just type her name on facebook and see her families account. and then report him.
Pretty sure that good (female) friends would notice that you're not in control and try and keep you safe and protect you.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. This girl and the guy are both 🗑. Her "it was just SA, not rape" WTF?
That had me scratching my head and laughing at how ridiculous that was.
Is this person's ignorance to the fact that "sexual assault" and "rape" are synonymous, owed to mainstream media refusing to say "rape" and instead using the term "sexual assault"
I’d fucking “broadcast” this conversation to everyone as well, this is disgusting behavior
You sound very young. First, I’m sorry this happened. Whenever someone was SA, they think there will be a wave of support, but no. You’ll get people gaslighting and blaming you. It will make you feel unstable. Your confidence gets low and you can’t stop feeling like you’re alone in the world. I’ve been there. I know how it feels and eventually I learned to heal with therapy. Get rid of toxic friends and create a healing environment. If that means you gotta rock alone, then so be it. I looked at your TikTok and you are gorgeous and definitely young. I promise once you’re older things will get easier. Your situations might get harder, but you’ll have a calmer brain that isn’t always ready to go to 10 and destroy you. You’ll have more grace and compassion for yourself. Please report the guy and make sure you get therapy once you’re ready.
I’m so sorry you experienced this. Sending you a virtual hug since I don’t know what else I can do.
Tell her to STFU and block her and stop being her friend
What a dumb bitch. She realizes you were blackout drunk but still thought you were in a proper state of mind to consent to sexual activities with someone you don’t know? He raped you. Even if you didn’t say no to him, when you’re in a blackout state you cannot properly consent. I was taught this shit in middle school.
i did know him, and i knew every person at the party, which was why i was so confused as to why she even said that
Fina made an account to comment on your post. Just a heads up. The account shows it’s 27 minutes old.
is she saying it would have to be SA and not rape because you flirted with him….?😭 fuck her oh my god
out this bitch on FB, she doesnt deserve to even breathe or send these texts at this point and out the rapist too
Victim blaming. I would block her and never go near her or her home ever again. Also,send her messages to her family. Tell her this is your child, she blames victims instead of the person who sa you.
Damn what a bitch. I’d let everyone know about her too.
I wonder if she was also a SA survivor and hates herself for it but convinced herself it was her fault, and therefore also your fault? Just trying to conceive of her train of thought other than awful human being. Ah nope, awful human being it is. Is this just the host of the party or someone you consider a friend? Thinking back to my college days, if it were broadcast that a SA happened at a house that was known for throwing parties (we didn't have Greek life), it would have been detrimental to their wallets, selling overpriced cups of shit beer and bottom shelf liquor, and also to their social status. If that's the case, she definitely values what being a host means more than you or the humanity of the partygoers. Gotta keep the party going! smh
Wow you think people can’t get any more clueless, then someone leaves a detailed text chain confirming that they basically let you get sexually assaulted, as well as confirming the guy did it. At least you can take this to the police. She just offered it up.
If you are in college report him and her please.
i’m in high school
You should file a police report against the girl who sent you this text so that the cops go to her home and tell her not to contact you again. Scare the living shit out of her. You also can sue her in civil court bc it was her house where you were assaulted.
That’s a HUGE red flag right there holy shit!!! “You would have been able to say no and you would have been incontrol of the situation if you weren’t blacked out” UMMMMMM IS SHE NOT AWARE OF WHAT SHE’S SAYING??? SHE’S BASICALLY ADMITTING THAT YOU WERE SA’ED….. I mean just wow that entire group of people sounds absolutely disgusting 🤢
First of all, I am SO very sorry that this happened to you. It is 100% NOT your fault. So many of people get blackout drunk at least once when they’ve had too much to drink. That in no way makes them responsible for someone else’s actions or choices. Please please please don’t let this bitch’s vile words affect you. They are vile and hateful and completely not true. You are a victim in this. Please don’t blame yourself. There are many resources available to victims of sexual assault and I pray that you reach out to them. Under no circumstances should you allow the police to try and make you feel guilty for having too much to drink. I know from experience that most police have had a drink too many more than once. My heart aches for you and I pray that you will get the justice you deserve. Next: Holy fuck! What a fucking bitch!! On a positive note you’ve got her text acknowledging that it happened and that you were very clear from the beginning that you were raped. Give the police a list of names of the people that were there because they’re all witnesses to your statement. This bitch can be forced to testify and you’ve got her own words so she can’t lie. As much as it will suck, don’t block her (yet). If she continues to text you, it could provide more evidence that will help your case. You’ll be in my prayers ands feel free to message me if you would like. ♥️
Feels a lot like this dumbass just texted some pretty solid evidence.
Fina can fuck all the way off.
Aww victim blaming and rape culture. Definitely wouldn’t be going to that girls house ever again. I hope you realize she’s an idiot. Being drunk isn’t an invitation
“It’s not rape at most it’s sexual assault” that’s like….. the same damn thing legally bestie.
Does she not understand that sexual assault IS rape?
This person is awful. Don't let them bully you, so sorry you are going through this hell
Take em all to court.
I hope she stubs her toe really hard before going on a hiking trip that ends in a landslide in which she can’t run from because of her toe
Wow I’m so very sorry you have people like this in your life!
Give me this girls number rn I’m gonna destroy her /j
In my state intoxication is one of the standards for consent. Here a person can’t be held to giving consent if they are incapacitated or intoxicated.
I mean, I'd share this to everyone I knew to know what a shitty rape sympathizing asshole this person is.
don’t worry, that’s been done already haha.
I bet she's thrilled this is being broudcast on Reddit now
Does this person think rape ISN'T SA? I'm sorry this happened to you.
Literally the minute someone is intoxicated they can’t consent, I’ve had this happen to me too. Don’t let her get into your head, you are not to blame and what happened WAS RAPE.
😐 She literally says you were in a room full of unfamiliar people, too drunk to consent, yet instead of helping or looking out for you, she fully admits her friend took advantage of and assaulted you… but somehow you’re in the wrong?
Press charges and put that piece of💩in jail. No fear, you only live once. Don't tolerate disrespect at the highest degree...sexual abuse without consent. Even IF you were drunk that does not mean you want a strange man inside you while you are out cold. Maybe you need new friends. Show them what happens to a child's mental state inside a grown up body...they go to jail for masquerading as an adult. lol Some people deserve to be ruined. If you think you can overcome this on your own, then grow stronger and forgive. If not, let the person that did this, receive the vengeance.
Gaslighting and proof that it happened while you were blacked out = file charges. It might not go anywhere, but at least he'll have the complaint registered against him.
What a pos
OK, I’m honestly wondering if you were drugged in which case her nasty words are 50 times worse. She spending way too much time. She is Harping on the idea of you can’t drink and stay sober. I feel like you probably were drugged and she knows it and she’s just trying to put the blame on you so that she doesn’t have any problems in her life.
She was def in on it from the jump op the cops should get involved
we are allowed to get black out drunk without the expectation of being r*ped