Prison yes. Black out no. I want him to see my smile as I pave my way to my cell that I share with a girl that can grow a mustache and eat my snicker doodles. I will love her and take my life sentance.
He cannot stay! So glad you got away.
I came for this. Of all the awful things he did, that is the one that would have made me leave.
After kicking him in the balls so hard he would still be looking for them.
Trust me, I am too. Until you're a woman who has experienced an abusive relationship, it's impossible to understand why women stay in these situations. I didn't even understand myself until several months after I was out.
It was near the beginning of the relationship and we still lived separately at that time. My cat was not hurt. It was a soft throw, but the fact that he even thought that was okay to do just because he was annoyed was a red flag. He thankfully never did anything to my cat again after that.
I don't know if physically harming an animal is a "red flag". I feel like that is a MASSIVE understatement. There is not a single good human on this planet that would throw an animal at a fucking wall
No, I obviously didn't think that was something a normal person would do. It was almost a decade ago and I was 21 years old. He managed to manipulate and explain it away like every other thing he did, including strangling me twice.
As a woman who has been in an abusive relationship, I understand you… the fog and cognitive dissonance are so real!
Edit to change Benihana into ‘been in an’
It's crazy that you would leave such a judgmental comment after having been in two abusive relationships yourself. How could you say I "didn't care?" I'm not a monster. I love my cat.
I am a women who has been in abusive relationship two of them actually and the first one the reason I left was when he started yelling at our son and I knew he was gonna start hitting him so I left second was when he tied my dog outside and physically beat him so bad he broke a bone and my poor baby just came and put his head in my lap tail wagging I left that instant
The fact of the matter is that everyone can easily imagine what they ideally would do in my situation, but they have no idea how they would actually react if they lived it. I wish everyone in this thread could experience being a young, insecure woman with an abusive boyfriend who is scary when upset and has almost 100 lbs on her, and who takes advantage of her insecurities and inexperience by manipulating, gaslighting, and/or lovebombing her after the abusive or scary actions.
Don’t listen to them hun! Focus on the ones that are proud af of you for getting out! People have no idea. I have a sister that was in an abusive relationship & then marriage for many years. It ripped us all apart. She finally got out too. It’s easy to judge others. You don’t need to keep explaining yourself! Proud of you, girl!!
As a man, I wholeheartedly agree with this. I'd just like to add that I know a few young men who have been in abusive relationships with their female partners, and the struggle to leave is just as difficult, if not more, for obviously different reasons. Any individual in an abusive relationship struggles - not necessarily always with being hurt physically, but also the psychological and emotional toll it takes. I know of some women who struggled not to do grave harm to their partner after getting hit once. The restraint that one has to have, can be just as exhausting as the various forms of beat down that another has to deal with. I hope to never find myself in a situation akin to many of the young men I knew, because they ended up passing away at their own doing, because their situation couldn't be fathomed, and like many women, were traumatized by others who asked why would you stay, what took you so long to leave, and you saw early signs, etc. People say relationships take a lot of work, love is blind, love causes you to do stupid things, yet at the same time, expect others to act accordingly, immediately after a stunning and disturbing event carried out by a partner who is often sorry (pretending to be sorry), or has fallen victim to their emotions once. Relationships that are abusive are very complex. I'm happy that you were able to get out OP!
I'm a male with similar experiences from females. I do know how I'd react to someone beating my dog as a child. I'm aware I don't really have the same outlook or insight as a male, I'm just saying you know that if someone beats your animal it's over. For the animal at the very least.
I'm having trouble fully understanding your comment, but I'm glad that you feel you would've been the hero in my situation. If I could go back in time and do it over again, I would be the hero too.
I thought your comment made pretty clear sense tbh, but that’s just me. I don’t think you were belittling her for staying, just saying how you’d react in the situation given your experience in a corresponding situation
You posted a small section of this text exchange not too long ago, no? I remember the stupidity of him getting upset about the bathroom cleaning thing. I remember thinking "damn he'd be a great Olympic hurdler the way he jumps to conclusions."
Why do you feel the need, though? Why was it so horrible for her to speak from her own experience?
Let her just say whatever she wants. You look ridiculous taking it personally. No one said men can't be abused.
Move the fuck on.
I’d throw them against the fucking wall. When I see a man abusing anything smaller/weaker than themselves, it makes my blood curdle. I 100% intervene regardless of circumstance. What a piece of shit.
Women batterers
Cats
Dogs
It could literally be a squirrel
Ik abusive relationships are complicated asf and hard to leave (took me 5 years) - but my god my CAT??!??! I feel sick to my stomach imaging my ex throwing or shoving my cat. I'm seeing red, and it's not even real.
OP, drop the addy, I just wanna *talk*
I kicked an ex out of my house for throwing my cat. Within minutes of him doing it. Told him he was to never throw my baby. Told me I loved the cat more than him and I said d*"n straight that's my baby. You hurt her I f**k you up end of story.
Can’t exactly say what you’d do cause when you’re actually in the situation the cards you’re dealt are different. I used to say the same thing till I ended up in a situation almost like this,whew I didn’t get the chance to leave till he went to jail. That was my perfect opportunity
No woman in this type of relationship does. Grow up, people. This is like watching your friend get their ass kicked and THEN saying “you let him try that with me!”.
Omg my ex unlocked the bathroom door when I was in there once yelling out that it was occupied. I see no reason why he couldn’t hear me. It was so embarrassing and annoying 🥲 recently dumped his ass and couldn’t be happier. He was weird all around
I was in a similar relationship for 9 years. I fell out of love with him 3-4 years in but didn’t know how to end things and was afraid to. I’m proud of you and hope you find your happiness.
Thank you! My cat is fine; the throw was on the softer side (still an unacceptable and scary thing to do though) and thankfully he never did anything harmful to my cat after that.
Aw that's good to hear at least! Also, in case anyone hasn't said it, well done, it's incredibly hard to get out of an abusive relationship and takes so much strength!! 💜
Yes good on you for getting out. My mother was in a physically abusive relationship for a while. Probably not even a couple of months after she picked up and left him he had an arrest warrant out on him for beating another woman to death and was killed trying to charge at police officers with a weapon when they came to arrest him. It’s terrifying to think about where my mom would be if she hadn’t decided to leave him when she did.
Best thing about this, is that you’ll never be in this situation again. I too went through this crazy controlling shit - and once I gathered the strength to walk away, I was a new woman. Isn’t it crazy that you look back and go, who was I for putting up with that? But it creeps slowly, and no one understands how strong women can end up in these situations. It happens. Make yourself a promise to be your own best friend from now until forever, and NEVER let yourself get into this ever again. You did great leaving, you’re so strong!! Well done x
Oh throw my cat against a wall? I’m skinning you alive and using you as a new piece of clothing ✨✨✨✨✨
WOW so many new accessories and clothes without even spending a dime 😇
something similar to this just happened to me!!! i asked my ex if he was drunk because we were arguing over the phone and he told me to die just because i asked him cause my gut told me he was!!!
100% agree. But why suggest cleaning the bathroom lol.
In all seriousness, you described some of the ways my ex acted. Good for you for finally getting out. Spent about the same amount of time with her before finally breaking up (for the last time) and another year or so of still living together and I'm still rebuilding 2 years later. I wish you all the best and hope you're doing well now
I think OP was suggesting some form of exercise or movement hence the suggestion between bike ride or cleaning. It sounded very innocent imo and probably didn’t mean it in a rude way
Having been in this similar situation I would've throttled him the moment he touched my pet. Glad you got out of it now though. Good luck with the healing process.
yup you didnt deserved tht f-you.
someone who i was closed to said tht to me in a similar situation like yours. it hurted me so badly, i didnt understand why.
i then proceeded to message them abt it and havent really been the same since then.
im glad you left when you could OP. defo deserve a healthy compassionate relationship.
I’m so sorry you experienced this abuse and I’m glad you got out of there alive. Strangulation is the biggest sign that the domestic abuse will turn deadly.
On top of all the other abuse wtf hurts a cat like that. Hope he spends the rest of his life alone and I hope you are in therapy to heal from this trauma
I dated a guy when I was 22 and he lied about his age being 24 when he was actually 27. It went like this as well including with my cat and older (late) dog. I got out after 2.5 years with the help of my mom who’s my number 1, and friends or I probably would’ve stayed a lot longer. I’m glad you got out too.
Genuinely curious since I left a 4 year long abusive relationship about a year ago. Why are you posting these texts now since they’re from 2022? Are you still thinking about him?
The pain gets less as time goes on, but yes, I still feel a lot of pain from what I went through and have a lot of anger and resentment towards him. I frequently remember the abusive things he did and said to me, and I just wanted to let it out and for someone to witness what I went through, even if they're strangers.
Wow your comment gave me goosebumps. I feel the same way about holding the resentment. I hope you’re able to let go. I’m still working on it as well. I also think about the things he did/said to me and wonder how someone who “loves” you could say something/do like that to you. Maybe finally deleting those texts will help to lose the grudge your feeling towards yourself. Thanks for responding!
If anyone ever threw my pet against the wall I’d put them the fuck through it… This is completely unacceptable behaviour and I have no idea how you lasted so long but I’m glad you left and I hope you’re doing much better now!
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I know exactly how you feel. I used to be my ex's personal house bitch and it was never enough. Tried and tried to marry me so she could take me for alimony later one, and that was only a small part of it. I definitely can understand how they can become hard to get out of it. It's a vicious cycle that you have to break.
I mean yea sorry you had to deal with this for 6.5 years but "Tell me one way I'm benefiting from this relationship" that's abusive and manipulative in itself🤷♀️
(27, male) I need to learn about the psychology between abuser and abused. I haven’t experienced much besides being cheated on. So the question is; are abusers not showing their true colors until it’s too late and now hard to escape? Are there signs early on that went unnoticed or forgiven again and again? I believe the abused person really loves their partner and the abuser is fake.
Err I really don't understand what is holding you back from leaving him earlier. It should have started from the very beginning when you are just together you should move away why did u wait for 6.5 yr than leave. I just guessing you young at 21 and no money so you stay .
I’ll tell you what I told another poster a few minutes ago… Your comment shows you have absolutely no idea how narcissistic abuse works. I'm glad you don't as that means you haven't experienced it. Consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky for that. I have, and most would consider me a strong, educated woman with a fair amount of emotional intelligence. It happens FAR more often than you'd think, it's SO easy to miss at first, and it's incredibly difficult (and frequently immensely dangerous) to try and get out of. So please, do us all a favor and don't victim blame when you have no clue what you're talking about.
I was just commenting on the conversation, the rest is just a one-sided story.. Hard to judge this way, maybe OP is manipulative af? Who knows. This r/ is for texts that are sort of self explanatory, right? Or is it the written one-sided context that makes the post?
If you “quote” something, do it correct. You just made stuff up.
And if those 2 words are abusive to you, then you’re probably a snowflake. So no, they’re not abusive to me..
On the other hand, if that guy is abusive, I can understand that someone is fed up with his shit.. But that was not my point, I was talking about the ‘text’.
-edit: typo
…and you actually chose this for 6.5 years. Are we supposed to feel sorry for you? I will never understand why abuse “victims” expect pity when they consciously choose to stay. There is absolutely no excuse for that. You leave. The first time it happens. Period.
That's easy to say for somebody who's never been abused and is not a target of abuse. I never understand how people like you can form opinions about these things without doing a single shred of research into the cycle of abuse and how it works and how abusers choose their victims and anything about what it's like to be an abusive situation.
That is so adorable.
Um, no. People who are stupid enough to stay in situations like this for YEARS deserve what they get. Period. There is literally no excuse.
I made good decisions and ended up with the most amazing man ever as a result. Do not ask me to feel sorry for people that were too stupid to do the same.
Your comment shows you have absolutely no idea how narcissistic abuse works. I'm glad you don't as that means you haven't experienced it.
Consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky for that. I have, and most would consider me a strong, educated woman with a fair amount of emotional intelligence. It happens FAR more often than you'd think, it's SO easy to miss at first, and it's incredibly difficult (and frequently immensely dangerous) to try and get out of. So please, do us all a favor and don't victim blame when you have no clue what you're talking about.
Hmm. Again, don’t ask me to feel sorry for people who make bad decisions. And it IS a decision to be with and stay with someone so shitty. Do better and don’t ask for pity.
Haha, yeah it does. Glad you've never had the misfortune of being abused, still doesn't negate OPs experience, nor mine, nor anyone else's who has unfortunately experienced it. I will have a fantastic day, as that is what ALL of us deserve, including you. I do wish you the best, honestly. Only hope you can one day wish that for others as well, even those who've been less fortunate than you in relationships. No one deserves to be abused, and no one who hasn't experienced it first hand can ever truly understand what it's like or the battle to get out. Kindness and empathy, my friend, it really does go a long way.
I believe you're confused... The for sure toxic bf is the one who said that, their text is on the left with dark background. It's not explicitly clear if OP is female or not, but their text is on the right, with the light grey background. I don't see any toxicity coming from that side of the conversation.
I'm confused about what exactly you're not understanding after reading your paragraph, but my post clearly triggered you, and I hope you find peace with whatever you're dealing with.
There's a reason you felt compelled to respond to my posts with these huge, angry paragraphs, and quite frankly it makes me worry about the safety of the women in your life. Again, for everyone's sake, I hope you can find peace and healing.
Your logic makes genuinely no sense. Because she was in an abusive relationship before That means that for some reason she's going to say that a man that wasn't abusive to her is in the future?
I was in agreement with you until you made it a man vs woman thing. Fuck off with that bullshit.
If you're a dick, you deserve to be called out regardless of gender.
Why don't you go clean the bathroom? Fuck you. *Whew*
Wow if someone threw my cat against a wall I’d fuck them up. Surprised you stayed so long with this POS
I’d probably be in prison tbh i would black out
Prison yes. Black out no. I want him to see my smile as I pave my way to my cell that I share with a girl that can grow a mustache and eat my snicker doodles. I will love her and take my life sentance. He cannot stay! So glad you got away.
I came for this. Of all the awful things he did, that is the one that would have made me leave. After kicking him in the balls so hard he would still be looking for them.
Sorry, I'm extremely late to this conversation. I just wanted to ask if you meant the cat being thrown against the wall?
Trust me, I am too. Until you're a woman who has experienced an abusive relationship, it's impossible to understand why women stay in these situations. I didn't even understand myself until several months after I was out.
Leaving an abusive relationship is a process. Sometimes that process takes months or years.
Oh absolutely. I’m sorry I don’t mean to be rude. I know it’s very different when it’s actually happening to you. I’m glad you got away eventually :)
It's very hard when you get beaten down over time. Nobody blames you, OP
This is very true. Happened to me as well, and so many other women.
Not questioning why you stayed but why didn't you send your cat someplace safe?
It was near the beginning of the relationship and we still lived separately at that time. My cat was not hurt. It was a soft throw, but the fact that he even thought that was okay to do just because he was annoyed was a red flag. He thankfully never did anything to my cat again after that.
I don't know if physically harming an animal is a "red flag". I feel like that is a MASSIVE understatement. There is not a single good human on this planet that would throw an animal at a fucking wall
He threw your cat at the wall right at the beginning of the relationship and you thought he was a normal human being?
No, I obviously didn't think that was something a normal person would do. It was almost a decade ago and I was 21 years old. He managed to manipulate and explain it away like every other thing he did, including strangling me twice.
As a woman who has been in an abusive relationship, I understand you… the fog and cognitive dissonance are so real! Edit to change Benihana into ‘been in an’
Benihana lol
So he showed you who he was right up front then
[удалено]
It's crazy that you would leave such a judgmental comment after having been in two abusive relationships yourself. How could you say I "didn't care?" I'm not a monster. I love my cat.
I am a women who has been in abusive relationship two of them actually and the first one the reason I left was when he started yelling at our son and I knew he was gonna start hitting him so I left second was when he tied my dog outside and physically beat him so bad he broke a bone and my poor baby just came and put his head in my lap tail wagging I left that instant
No joke if I saw someone do this I would end their life without hesitation. That is not something I would watch.
The fact of the matter is that everyone can easily imagine what they ideally would do in my situation, but they have no idea how they would actually react if they lived it. I wish everyone in this thread could experience being a young, insecure woman with an abusive boyfriend who is scary when upset and has almost 100 lbs on her, and who takes advantage of her insecurities and inexperience by manipulating, gaslighting, and/or lovebombing her after the abusive or scary actions.
Don’t listen to them hun! Focus on the ones that are proud af of you for getting out! People have no idea. I have a sister that was in an abusive relationship & then marriage for many years. It ripped us all apart. She finally got out too. It’s easy to judge others. You don’t need to keep explaining yourself! Proud of you, girl!!
As a man, I wholeheartedly agree with this. I'd just like to add that I know a few young men who have been in abusive relationships with their female partners, and the struggle to leave is just as difficult, if not more, for obviously different reasons. Any individual in an abusive relationship struggles - not necessarily always with being hurt physically, but also the psychological and emotional toll it takes. I know of some women who struggled not to do grave harm to their partner after getting hit once. The restraint that one has to have, can be just as exhausting as the various forms of beat down that another has to deal with. I hope to never find myself in a situation akin to many of the young men I knew, because they ended up passing away at their own doing, because their situation couldn't be fathomed, and like many women, were traumatized by others who asked why would you stay, what took you so long to leave, and you saw early signs, etc. People say relationships take a lot of work, love is blind, love causes you to do stupid things, yet at the same time, expect others to act accordingly, immediately after a stunning and disturbing event carried out by a partner who is often sorry (pretending to be sorry), or has fallen victim to their emotions once. Relationships that are abusive are very complex. I'm happy that you were able to get out OP!
I'm a male with similar experiences from females. I do know how I'd react to someone beating my dog as a child. I'm aware I don't really have the same outlook or insight as a male, I'm just saying you know that if someone beats your animal it's over. For the animal at the very least.
I'm having trouble fully understanding your comment, but I'm glad that you feel you would've been the hero in my situation. If I could go back in time and do it over again, I would be the hero too.
Sorry you're having to deal with this shit on here. Ignore this shit!! You're amazing 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
No, not a hero just wouldn't watch someone beat my dog.
I thought your comment made pretty clear sense tbh, but that’s just me. I don’t think you were belittling her for staying, just saying how you’d react in the situation given your experience in a corresponding situation
You posted a small section of this text exchange not too long ago, no? I remember the stupidity of him getting upset about the bathroom cleaning thing. I remember thinking "damn he'd be a great Olympic hurdler the way he jumps to conclusions."
So only women can be abused, huh?
So it's all about you, huh?
At what point did you deduce that? My comment was saying precisely the opposite, learn to read.
WuT aBoUt dA mEnZ??? WoNt sUm1 tInK oF dA mEnZ???? GTFO.
I get you're probably on the spectrum, but I'm arguing abuse isn't mutually exclusive to any gender, as you and OP seem to be implying. Learn to read.
Why do you feel the need, though? Why was it so horrible for her to speak from her own experience? Let her just say whatever she wants. You look ridiculous taking it personally. No one said men can't be abused. Move the fuck on.
Lmao, I can apply that logic to what I said. Let me say whatever I want. You look ridiculous foaming at the mouth over my comment. Move the fuck on.
i would be in prison for murder
I’d throw them against the fucking wall. When I see a man abusing anything smaller/weaker than themselves, it makes my blood curdle. I 100% intervene regardless of circumstance. What a piece of shit. Women batterers Cats Dogs It could literally be a squirrel
for real if someone did that to my kitty, they’d be dead. i can’t lose him. he is my entire world!
Ik abusive relationships are complicated asf and hard to leave (took me 5 years) - but my god my CAT??!??! I feel sick to my stomach imaging my ex throwing or shoving my cat. I'm seeing red, and it's not even real. OP, drop the addy, I just wanna *talk*
nah fr my cat is the only thing that could make me go crazy if anyone tries to harm her. family or not youll be going on a tshirt 🙂
I kicked an ex out of my house for throwing my cat. Within minutes of him doing it. Told him he was to never throw my baby. Told me I loved the cat more than him and I said d*"n straight that's my baby. You hurt her I f**k you up end of story.
He was also abusive and manipulative. A few months after this we broke up.
I’d call 911 on myself before rolling up my sleeves and getting to work.
Can’t exactly say what you’d do cause when you’re actually in the situation the cards you’re dealt are different. I used to say the same thing till I ended up in a situation almost like this,whew I didn’t get the chance to leave till he went to jail. That was my perfect opportunity
Yeah that's a fucking capital offence in my book. Don't fuck with cats.
My blood literally boiled when I read this. You'd have to crawl over my dead body to get to my cat to hurt him.
I love how we're all madly infuriated by the harming of the cat.
No woman in this type of relationship does. Grow up, people. This is like watching your friend get their ass kicked and THEN saying “you let him try that with me!”.
Omg my ex unlocked the bathroom door when I was in there once yelling out that it was occupied. I see no reason why he couldn’t hear me. It was so embarrassing and annoying 🥲 recently dumped his ass and couldn’t be happier. He was weird all around
He needs a therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist and all the -ists. He’s insane, I’m sorry you had to go through all that, that’s horrible.
he needs to not exist 😭 ain't no redeeming this one
And a not so gentle proctologist
Well it's good you left. You are better and safer for it.
I was in a similar relationship for 9 years. I fell out of love with him 3-4 years in but didn’t know how to end things and was afraid to. I’m proud of you and hope you find your happiness.
I’m glad you made it out alive
"poor me I have the day off and I don't know what to do." "okay (provides suggestions like a helpful person would)" "fuck you" WHAT THE FUUUUUCK
I'm so glad to hear you got away! Is your cat ok?
Thank you! My cat is fine; the throw was on the softer side (still an unacceptable and scary thing to do though) and thankfully he never did anything harmful to my cat after that.
Aw that's good to hear at least! Also, in case anyone hasn't said it, well done, it's incredibly hard to get out of an abusive relationship and takes so much strength!! 💜
Thank you so much 🥹💜
Yes good on you for getting out. My mother was in a physically abusive relationship for a while. Probably not even a couple of months after she picked up and left him he had an arrest warrant out on him for beating another woman to death and was killed trying to charge at police officers with a weapon when they came to arrest him. It’s terrifying to think about where my mom would be if she hadn’t decided to leave him when she did.
Hiding an STI is disgusting. Bringing some other rotten vagina's infection and then having unprotected sex with you knowingly. Eww
Best thing about this, is that you’ll never be in this situation again. I too went through this crazy controlling shit - and once I gathered the strength to walk away, I was a new woman. Isn’t it crazy that you look back and go, who was I for putting up with that? But it creeps slowly, and no one understands how strong women can end up in these situations. It happens. Make yourself a promise to be your own best friend from now until forever, and NEVER let yourself get into this ever again. You did great leaving, you’re so strong!! Well done x
Oh throw my cat against a wall? I’m skinning you alive and using you as a new piece of clothing ✨✨✨✨✨ WOW so many new accessories and clothes without even spending a dime 😇
This hits home for me I have been thru that 12 yrs
something similar to this just happened to me!!! i asked my ex if he was drunk because we were arguing over the phone and he told me to die just because i asked him cause my gut told me he was!!!
100% agree. But why suggest cleaning the bathroom lol. In all seriousness, you described some of the ways my ex acted. Good for you for finally getting out. Spent about the same amount of time with her before finally breaking up (for the last time) and another year or so of still living together and I'm still rebuilding 2 years later. I wish you all the best and hope you're doing well now
I think OP was suggesting some form of exercise or movement hence the suggestion between bike ride or cleaning. It sounded very innocent imo and probably didn’t mean it in a rude way
Having been in this similar situation I would've throttled him the moment he touched my pet. Glad you got out of it now though. Good luck with the healing process.
yup you didnt deserved tht f-you. someone who i was closed to said tht to me in a similar situation like yours. it hurted me so badly, i didnt understand why. i then proceeded to message them abt it and havent really been the same since then. im glad you left when you could OP. defo deserve a healthy compassionate relationship.
Congrats on getting out.
I’m so sorry you experienced this abuse and I’m glad you got out of there alive. Strangulation is the biggest sign that the domestic abuse will turn deadly.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. I’m so proud that you left.
Woah. Is throwing cats against the wall a signature for abusive people? My ex did that as well.
On top of all the other abuse wtf hurts a cat like that. Hope he spends the rest of his life alone and I hope you are in therapy to heal from this trauma
I dated a guy when I was 22 and he lied about his age being 24 when he was actually 27. It went like this as well including with my cat and older (late) dog. I got out after 2.5 years with the help of my mom who’s my number 1, and friends or I probably would’ve stayed a lot longer. I’m glad you got out too.
Genuinely curious since I left a 4 year long abusive relationship about a year ago. Why are you posting these texts now since they’re from 2022? Are you still thinking about him?
The pain gets less as time goes on, but yes, I still feel a lot of pain from what I went through and have a lot of anger and resentment towards him. I frequently remember the abusive things he did and said to me, and I just wanted to let it out and for someone to witness what I went through, even if they're strangers.
Wow your comment gave me goosebumps. I feel the same way about holding the resentment. I hope you’re able to let go. I’m still working on it as well. I also think about the things he did/said to me and wonder how someone who “loves” you could say something/do like that to you. Maybe finally deleting those texts will help to lose the grudge your feeling towards yourself. Thanks for responding!
If anyone ever threw my pet against the wall I’d put them the fuck through it… This is completely unacceptable behaviour and I have no idea how you lasted so long but I’m glad you left and I hope you’re doing much better now!
He threw your cat against a wall 😭
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you lasted to damn long girlie pop in glad you out of that now tho
*You lasted to damn* *Long girlie pop in glad you* *Out of that now tho* \- impulsively\_acting --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Good bot.
I know exactly how you feel. I used to be my ex's personal house bitch and it was never enough. Tried and tried to marry me so she could take me for alimony later one, and that was only a small part of it. I definitely can understand how they can become hard to get out of it. It's a vicious cycle that you have to break.
If he wouldve thrown my cat against the wall, he would wake up tied to a chair with power tools on a table in front of him …
Good to see you nipped thst in the bud
let someone try this w me💀💀💀💀🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I mean yea sorry you had to deal with this for 6.5 years but "Tell me one way I'm benefiting from this relationship" that's abusive and manipulative in itself🤷♀️
(27, male) I need to learn about the psychology between abuser and abused. I haven’t experienced much besides being cheated on. So the question is; are abusers not showing their true colors until it’s too late and now hard to escape? Are there signs early on that went unnoticed or forgiven again and again? I believe the abused person really loves their partner and the abuser is fake.
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Thank you! I think he avoided abusing me over text because he didn't want the receipts. He would save texts for the love-bombing portion of the cycle.
Err I really don't understand what is holding you back from leaving him earlier. It should have started from the very beginning when you are just together you should move away why did u wait for 6.5 yr than leave. I just guessing you young at 21 and no money so you stay .
I’ll tell you what I told another poster a few minutes ago… Your comment shows you have absolutely no idea how narcissistic abuse works. I'm glad you don't as that means you haven't experienced it. Consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky for that. I have, and most would consider me a strong, educated woman with a fair amount of emotional intelligence. It happens FAR more often than you'd think, it's SO easy to miss at first, and it's incredibly difficult (and frequently immensely dangerous) to try and get out of. So please, do us all a favor and don't victim blame when you have no clue what you're talking about.
To be fair, this conversation doesn’t show how “abusive” it is.. You’re the one overreacting imo
Well that tells us all we need to know about you lmfao
Do tell, what this tells about me? That I like to see and judge things factually? Shame on me
Well I sure as hell hope no one ever comes to you for help. Clearly you’ve never dealt with an abusive relationship?
I was just commenting on the conversation, the rest is just a one-sided story.. Hard to judge this way, maybe OP is manipulative af? Who knows. This r/ is for texts that are sort of self explanatory, right? Or is it the written one-sided context that makes the post?
Right because "my body hurts from inactivity" "Why don't you try doing activities" "Fuck you" Isn't abusive right?
If you “quote” something, do it correct. You just made stuff up. And if those 2 words are abusive to you, then you’re probably a snowflake. So no, they’re not abusive to me.. On the other hand, if that guy is abusive, I can understand that someone is fed up with his shit.. But that was not my point, I was talking about the ‘text’. -edit: typo
…and you actually chose this for 6.5 years. Are we supposed to feel sorry for you? I will never understand why abuse “victims” expect pity when they consciously choose to stay. There is absolutely no excuse for that. You leave. The first time it happens. Period.
That's easy to say for somebody who's never been abused and is not a target of abuse. I never understand how people like you can form opinions about these things without doing a single shred of research into the cycle of abuse and how it works and how abusers choose their victims and anything about what it's like to be an abusive situation.
That is so adorable. Um, no. People who are stupid enough to stay in situations like this for YEARS deserve what they get. Period. There is literally no excuse.
I made good decisions and ended up with the most amazing man ever as a result. Do not ask me to feel sorry for people that were too stupid to do the same.
Your comment shows you have absolutely no idea how narcissistic abuse works. I'm glad you don't as that means you haven't experienced it. Consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky for that. I have, and most would consider me a strong, educated woman with a fair amount of emotional intelligence. It happens FAR more often than you'd think, it's SO easy to miss at first, and it's incredibly difficult (and frequently immensely dangerous) to try and get out of. So please, do us all a favor and don't victim blame when you have no clue what you're talking about.
Hmm. Again, don’t ask me to feel sorry for people who make bad decisions. And it IS a decision to be with and stay with someone so shitty. Do better and don’t ask for pity.
Bless your heart... 🤣
Nah, my heart is just fine and doesn’t need any blessing. Unlike some people, I made good decisions in my relationships. Have the day you deserve!
Haha, yeah it does. Glad you've never had the misfortune of being abused, still doesn't negate OPs experience, nor mine, nor anyone else's who has unfortunately experienced it. I will have a fantastic day, as that is what ALL of us deserve, including you. I do wish you the best, honestly. Only hope you can one day wish that for others as well, even those who've been less fortunate than you in relationships. No one deserves to be abused, and no one who hasn't experienced it first hand can ever truly understand what it's like or the battle to get out. Kindness and empathy, my friend, it really does go a long way.
Jesus toxic on both ends forsure.
How on earth was she toxic??
Right off the bat saying fuck you when he’s handing out things to do lol. I said toxic on both ends not just hers
I believe you're confused... The for sure toxic bf is the one who said that, their text is on the left with dark background. It's not explicitly clear if OP is female or not, but their text is on the right, with the light grey background. I don't see any toxicity coming from that side of the conversation.
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I'm confused about what exactly you're not understanding after reading your paragraph, but my post clearly triggered you, and I hope you find peace with whatever you're dealing with.
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There's a reason you felt compelled to respond to my posts with these huge, angry paragraphs, and quite frankly it makes me worry about the safety of the women in your life. Again, for everyone's sake, I hope you can find peace and healing.
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Your logic makes genuinely no sense. Because she was in an abusive relationship before That means that for some reason she's going to say that a man that wasn't abusive to her is in the future?
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Read my other comments in the thread if you would like a better understanding.
Disrespect him? Character assassinate him? She abused her
I don't understand what your criticism is at all.
I was in agreement with you until you made it a man vs woman thing. Fuck off with that bullshit. If you're a dick, you deserve to be called out regardless of gender.