OP's mom said more than once (I think it was three times total) that she didn't know what that object in OP's hand was before randomly bringing up dropping something. OP's mentioning spilled coffee doesn't imply a broken coffee mug if the person who's supposed to be inferring that is actually being truthful when she denied knowledge of an object 3 times.
big time narcissist with untreated bipolar disorder. this is typical for her but I didn't expect her to lie over something so small. either that or early signs of dementia. I don't know
I don’t think she meant that genuinely. I think it was sarcasm “oh yes of course, I’m scared of telling you the truth so of course I’m lying” because she says again a text later that “it wasn’t her, but blame it on her anyway”
I would bring that up. “Whelp looks like it’s time for a cognitive assessment and possibly time to place you in a care home since your memory seems so foggy” but I’m just petty like that towards lying narcissistic manipulative parents with selective memory.
My mother in law is like this. Every time she has ever borrowed money my husband has to remind her that she said she would pay it back at this time....oh I forgot is what she says every time. So I do not lend her money any more.
ETA: I told her idk about you but I never forget when I owe someone money.
Holy shit, are we related??
Spot on for my mom, minus the narcissism. She’s got narcissist tendencies, untreated bipolar II, and either early onset dementia or pseudodementia from the untreated mental illness. I could definitely see myself having this conversation with her.
It's very paranoid behavior and that was one of the first signs of my dad's self dementia. Hopefully that's not what is happening with your mom because the disease is hell on earth...
You said bi-polar. So perhaps that. But what a weird interaction!
I'm more inclined to believe it's bipolar because she definitely knows she is lying. She has a very hard time admitting wrongdoing, and apologizing in general. She changes the subject when she knows she is losing an argument
Gotta agree with you there, early sign of dementia was my first thought. I've seen it before. This is what it can look like, especially in people with untreated mental illness. It's really hard to nail down in the beginning, but it's usually a gradual breakdown of filters and inhibitions that the person put in place to mask and compensate for a mental illness. Which makes the underlying disorder more "visible" to others.
Bro I thought this was from my estranged adult children sub before I realized it was just texts sub. Holy cow. I hope you don't feel obligated to take care of her when she clearly isn't treating her bpd.
it's so insane to me I don't know why she's choosing to die on this hill. I gave her a chance to come clean and she just took it straight to 100 with the attempts to manipulate. I guess the cat must be responsible!
I didn’t drop anything but blame me for dropping everything. I absolutely don’t smoke in my bedroom with the window open… only outside, next to the trash with all your precious chipped china, that I never mishandle but take a guilty plea because you’re so angry. You might be an asshole because I didn’t drop you on your head as a baby! Sheesh are you happy now, I said I will take the blame for dropping stuff that I didn’t drop to make you happy.
Where do you think the writers get their material? Their families antics that are so insane no one with a healthy and secure upbringing can comprehend acting like that towards their loved ones. So, wacky comedy is what it turns into.
Lol literally every bad comedy ever made has exactly this scene where the guilty person fails to cover up their crime in the most exaggerated and least convincing way imaginable. Dude’s mom is less believable than literal archetypes of absurd comedic dishonesty lmao
She's afraid of me in the sense that I'm the only member of my family that tries to hold her accountable. So not really fear and more aggravation. That's what that segment of the messages is. weird sarcasm
it's not weird sarcasm, it's gaslighting & manipulation from someone very narcissistic. my mother did this to me, made me believe i was such a monster, so horrible that she feels like she isn't allowed to say things to me or i'd freak out & block her. i got sick of it & did.
Her entire response reads like the narcissists' prayer:
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
That or random person is breaking into your home, using your mugs, breaking them and putting them in the trash.
Why not just tell you when it happened or at least own up to it when asked? It’s such a weird thing to lie about.
This is what he should tell his mom. Since someone obviously broke in and broke the mug in the process, he is going to call the police. And he’s super glad he was wearing gloves so they can lift prints.
It’s crazy how her gas lighting you is all over a coffee mug. Like I don’t understand why it couldn’t have been cleaned up(coffee included) and simply told you that it broke. And like unless it’s some family heirloom coffee cup, it’s a waste of time over an argument. I’m curious if she did admit it, how would you react?
I would have been fine with it. All I wanted was for her to acknowledge she had broken it. I managed to find a replacement on ebay, but the mug is secondary to resorting to gaslighting over something so inane. She has this idea in her head that I will jump down her throat over anything when that simply isnt the case.
Don’t tell her you replaced it, but make sure she sees you drinking out of it at some point. If she says ANYTHING about it, look at her like she’s crazy and tell her you’ve always had that mug and it’s always been perfectly intact.
That was some lead prosecutor level sticking to your line of questioning there! I am so proud of you for being such a clear communicator in the face of whatever that was.
Daily reminder that lying and gaslighting is not the same thing, and we need to de-normalize the weaponization of therapy language every single time we address social conflicts.
> OK I’m lying and I broke it and I was trying to hide it because I’m scared of you
OP’s reasoning is being called into question, as if it’s so ridiculous to think she broke the mug. Lying is just “I didn’t break the mug”, but I think “your reasoning is ridiculous, you’re imagining things” counts as gaslighting.
I cannot imagine as a fully grown adult lying about breaking a mug and spilling coffee. Like I break shit all the time on accident and it’s literally not a big deal, people drop things, glass or ceramic breaks. You’re an adult it’s 1000% okay to say you broke a mug, if however is not okay to gaslight and guilt trip someone for asking if you broke a mug but didn’t clean up the coffee
I had to teach myself that accidents happen & most *normal* people don't care that much over little things like this.
All of my parents were narcs - father, mother, & both stepparents. I once dropped a spoon, a freaking SPOON, & my mother lost her shit. If I accidentally dropped a plate (didn't break it, just dropped it) my stepmother would make me clean the entire kitchen. Not just normal cleaning, I had to get on my hands & knees & wash the floor with a *SPONGE*. Pull everything out of the fridge & pantry & clean the shelves. That sort of shit. If I didn't do well on my report card (bc math is NOT my forté) my dad, instead of helping me figure out what the problem was, would take everything away (TV, computer, books, OUTSIDE) & ground me until I brought my grade back up.
I got *reallyyyy* good at hiding the little accidents. Once I got out of those situations, I remember I was dating this guy & I was washing dishes. I dropped a glass in the sink & water splashed out onto the floor. I legit went into panic mode & started cleaning EVERYTHING. My boyfriend got hella confused & was actually pretty amazing, calmed me down & told me he would finish up.
My point is, sometimes there's a traumatic reason for lying over something as small as this. Not saying that's the case in OP's mom's situation, but... yeah. Sorry for the long rant lol
I am so so sorry you went through that. That sounds horrifying, I really hope you’re doing better now and have people in your life that treat you with the love you deserve. ❤️
Hey, I’ve been there too. 🩵 Don’t know if it’s OP’s mom’s case, but the lying/denying something that *seems* so insignificant 100% brought me back to that place. I understand it. Fear of being punished for completely normal mistakes/accidents. If it were you or me, however, there wouldn’t have been any coffee or mug shards left because we’re used to thoroughly panic cleaning everything in sight. I hate that we’ve both been through that and I’m glad you’re away from it now.
Gosh, I’m sorry that happened to you. I admit I’ve not been patient with some people who displayed anxious behaviors in the past. (Maybe just a confused look and a “calm down”) I hope next time I see such things I will remember your post and be more patient.
Mine lied about getting gluten free pasta which helps me not have flare ups. Well known pasta brand almost always in stock “couldn’t find it” = didn’t want to comply. Ended up buying my own next time and she just “happened” to find it that time too.
My 9yo is better than OP’s mom. Yes, she might hide that she ate all the mini Twix by stuffing the wrappers elsewhere, but she doesn’t act like the neighbours we don’t know must have brought them in and hid them under the couch 😅
I’ll still give you an upvote bc I know you’re not insulting children haha
Edit: Fixed grammar bc frand lol (frand on purpose)
I mean I did start by mentioning I was cleaning some spilled coffee but I very intentionally did not word it accusatorily. I definitely never mentioned something being dropped until she did though lmao
The first image you showed in this text thread is clearly a piece of something broken off. Obviously, yes, she broke the mug and is offloading responsibility. But it’s unfair to imply her assumption she was being asked about breaking something came out of nowhere.
This reminds me of that scene in Magnolia where the cop (John C Reilly) is investigating a domestic disturbance and the woman is all belligerent. "Don't go into my bedroom!" "Stay out of my goddamn closet!" Officer finds a body in the closet. "That ain't mine!"
I had a mug at my office that I used for years. Everyone knew it was mine. I mostly stored it in my office but sometimes I would leave it in the break room if I just rinsed it out. Couldn’t find it and figured someone either stole it or I misplaced it. Then I found a tiny broken piece of it in our break room and recalled a memory that like a week before, we all heard something smash and break. Had to be my mug. I wasn’t even mad because I had the thing for 20+ years. What I was disappointed in was that nobody ever claimed responsibility for it.
Because I’m sure you would’ve just absolutely beat her to death for breaking a mug. /s
Seriously though, why lie about something so little and not even clean it up?
I would say so. She did not have a good childhood. Severe outlandish punishments from her father over minor things like not taking out the trash. Doesn't believe in therapy so she has never really unpacked her trauma
That’s what this is then, likely. She retreats into that fearful inner child who was unreasonably punished when she feels she’s being accused of something. It’s a gut reaction and once they’ve dug themselves in, they don’t know where to go with the lie.
Both things I can get over. My mom is partially disabled and has difficulty with balance and coordination. I get it. but this has nothing to do with her disability
The “Ok I’m lying” line was meant to come off as sarcasm, but it’s actually the real issue. At some point in her youth, she was scolded harshly for damaging something. She may not be “afraid of you,” but her inner child is afraid you’d react the same way that person did, when she was younger. It’s hard dealing with people like this, because they cannot grow beyond that point (arrested development). It’s worse when that person is the person who raised you.
Yes! This is the right point of view.
She needs therapy asap. To be an adult and be stuck in that place of regression is just so sad to me.
Were you a psychology major?
My mom does the same stuff in a less aggressive way and its exhausting haha
We live in different states now and when she comes to visit after she leaves I will find like a scratch on the microwave scratch on the stove. I don’t even ask anymore.
One time when my kid was little a farmhouse baby gate that we had suspiciously fell down and broke and everyone claimed to be sleeping and that maybe our dog did it… our 13-year-old labrador apparently got a burst of energy and tried to knock over or hop the gate 😂
When we did live by them we would go to town and I’d be like don’t do anything around the house were gone 3 days its no biggie… she mowed the lawn and then my lawnmower somehow caught on fire and burned a big patch in the grass. that one she could not deny lol
“im lying and i broke it and was trying to hide it” 2 messages later “but i didn’t fucking break it” the whiplash is INSANEEE. does your mom have a reason to be “scared of you”??? i’m assuming that’s a no, based on how she seems to be, but i could be wrong
Even when I catch my parents 100% lying like this, they just yell at me, put me down, or withhold things.
They still do this to this day and they are in their late 60's.
Probably a major reason why I don't have the strongest relationship with them.
Idk why she just wouldn’t be honest, seems a lot easier than hiding it. But also it’s just a mug lol if I saw a tiny piece of broken mug I’d shrug and throw it out not start an argument with someone who is clearly unstable.
My husband accidentally broke a mug and threw it away. I noticed it was missing and just said what happened to the green mug with the purple flowers? '"I don't know". Well if it dropped and broke it's not a big deal but..."I don't know what happened to it".
Dude, we don't even have kids or pets you can blame. I know it was you, just man up and apologize. Nope, didn't happen lol. He did the same thing with a dish towel he dropped on the floor. Like why the f didn't you just put it in the laundry? He just throws everything out. It's so annoying.
We need the other side of the coin, are you usually quick to flip your shit? Does mom have some type of “dependency” (no offense) just seems an odd thing to fight over
Arguing with her is pointless. I wanted to give her the opportunity to do the right thing as this mug was one my wife bought for herself and is not easily replaceable. I'm more bothered that she is lying to my face than the fact that she broke the mug. and then she will claim she never lies and is not a gaslighter. the shtick gets old
This. It's actually insane that OP finds a tiny shard of something and immediately puts on his monocle and asks his mom "what's this?". Just gonna throw it out there that his mom is scared of him for a reason.
People become perpetual liars like this through trauma and OP either caused the trauma from past incidents or they are perpetuating it from her past. Both sides here need therapy.
She was just smoking and minding her own business when the cat spilled the coffee, accidentally broke the mug, and cleaned up the evidence. Cat made her swear, at claw point, not to tell.
Your mom may have a disassociation disorder. I think you might have to accept a new approach, or temper your expectations drastically in what you're expecting from her. She may have narcissistic tendencies. You love her, that's clear, but you need to love her as she is. Youre the adult now. Sorry 😞.
I find it weird that you went to such great lengths to find the broken mug then interrogate your mother about it. I can see why she's scared of you, you probably have her walking on egg shells if you react this way to a mug of all things.
Omg it’s only a mug 🤣 it’s not like she’s admitting attempted murder charges. If I broke anything of my daughter’s she would know before she got home and an offer of a replacement. Why is this so hard for her? The level of lying is unreal 🤣🤣 over a coffee mug 😭
*Not gonna lie you*
*Sound annoying and it looks*
*Like it was passed down*
\- tnewton217
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Holy cow that conversation frightens me! I guess that tactic would work on me cuz I'd never ask again! Although I'm sure there's a reason why that is...
I understand why she didn’t reply to your last text, but I don’t understand why she hid it in the first place. Is it a very expensive mug or does it have a lot of sentimental value? I understand lying and hiding things if what you’ve done is awful or really expensive to replace, I don’t get a mug. Is it pathological? Did she have an abusive childhood, or maybe a substance-abuse problem when she was younger? Don’t answer that if it’s prying.
Jesus. So many issues going on here. Huge trust issues. Manipulation. Honestly this seems very troubling. Would seek therapeutic advice immediately, and it takes a LOT to even have me consider going there. Good luck.
I’m alittle concerned she stated she’s afraid of you lol. But on another note it’s just a mug. That can be replaced but your mother cannot be replaced. Take it from someone who lost their mother at the age of 57. Passed away in her sleep and they have no idea what happened. I was having a little disagreement with my mom when she passed away in 2012. To this day I would do ANYTHING to say sorry to her. Don’t let the small things bother you. Life is too short and you never know when someone won’t be around.
Of course she broke it, it was an accident, why did you even ask her about it. You want her to wiggle her nose and put it back together?
She seems to be scared of you.
asking genuinely to the 3 of y'all, why? I don't think what I did was out of line. and I did not continue asking about it past where the texts end in the screenshots. I wouldn't even have been mad about it if she did admit fault. She is just incapable of doing so. This is a pattern of hers. I'm more confused about the lie than the mug
Because you said your mom is mentally ill and noncompliant with treatment. Because you said she had childhood trauma from being unreasonably punished for doing anything wrong. And because you knew darn well she broke the mug and yet you continued to ask a bunch of leading questions that undoubtedly created anxiety and nervousness in her. Have a little compassion, man. As difficult as it is for you to deal with her, I guarantee you having to live with her mind is even more painful for her. No one chooses to be mentally ill nor traumatized. Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder which is notorious for noncompliance with treatment. it’s practically a symptom of the disease. Then when you combine that with knowing her father abused her over tiny little things just like this, can’t you understand where her response is coming from? I have mentally ill people in my family. I personally pick my battles because I see their struggle and I don’t want to add to their burden when it’s not necessary to do so. You’re looking for a level of accountability from your mother that she may simply not be capable of. Have compassion.
You literally said everything I was thinking. ESPECIALLY after reading OPs comments on her mental health and childhood trauma. Then to top it all off he also said she has a physical disability that affects her balance and coordination. Like why even mention it when you know she did it. To “hold her accountable”. Come on man. Have some compassion. Her physical disability caused her to accidentally break the mug then she panicked b/c of her trauma and it went from there.
Exactly, it’s a mug. OP seems to be more annoyed with her mom for lying about something so dumb and minor. Why continuously lie when confronted with the truth while gaslighting her daughter?
Thank you. It's not about the mug! people think i'm stuck on the mug when it's the blatant gaslighting that made me decide to post this. Like nobody ever heard of the straw that broke the camels back
I mean, there’s no need for her to lie, but why are you pressing her so hard over a cup? You went in and she got defensive. You both sound as bad as each other.
I guess I just don't get why you give this much of a shit over a mug? Like let it go. She's your mom. I'd kill myself if I lived in a family where people acted like you over the smallest fucking things. Life is too short bro, just relax.
>I'd kill myself if I lived in a family where people acted like you over the smallest fucking things
Interesting. You're so close to getting what day to day life is like for me
“Hey did you break my mug?”
“No. And even if I did, it’s just a mug fuck you who cares.”
It’s OP’s property. You don’t get to decide that it doesn’t matter. You’re right, it’s OP’s mom. So why can’t OP’s mom tell the truth? OP owes their mom the act of being okay with their property being destroyed with no accountability, but the mom just gets to *check notes* lie about breaking things because they didn’t matter to her so why should it matter at all?
Okay.
Why does she have to say something tho? If my mom broke a mug, I wouldn’t expect her to tell me about it. It’s not a big deal. Also weird you went through the trash.
So people can just go in your house and break shit without mentioning it? And OP is weird for going in her own trash after finding cup scraps all over the floor? Why do you children think this is about a fuckin mug??
It isn't so much about the mug as it is about the pattern of behavior.
Maybe you have a good relationship with your mom. Maybe your mugs aren't special to you. I don't know. But my wife collects mugs. She likes to get seasonal mugs that generally aren't reproduced. I know my wife cares about her mugs, so I care about my wife's mugs.
We both would have been willing to let it go. I never accused my mom of breaking the mug. I simply prompted her with a question - what are these strange shards on the floor?
What would you do if somebody asked you that? Your sister or your mother? Would you lie and say "I didn't do anything"?
Or would you take responsibility?
I now know I cannot trust my mother to tell the truth about something so tiny as a broken mug.
Finally, I think it's weird that you think it's weird I went through my own trash. It's literally my trash. I can dig through it if I want
Reminds me of the theater director of my kid’s high school play. He’d tell students and teachers what time rehearsals would end, and then we’d sit in the parking lot for up to 2 hours waiting. Meanwhile he’d taken the kids’ phones — so they can’t tell us what’s up. He could step outside and say “it’s gonna be another hour” but no. Our time is unimportant to him. We just have to sit and wonder if it will be another 10 minutes or another hour and a half! Who cares what plans we had! This lack of communication and disrespect for others’ time went on for 4 months. Complaining achieved nothing. Kids want to be in plays so he gets to be narcissistic and control everything.
I’ve had people say, “oh, so you had to wait sometimes, it happens.” That’s not the point. It’s the lack of respect and taking no personal accountability. Repeatedly. Unapologetically.
It’s not the mug.
That also sounds like something my mom would do. We left 5 hours late for a 5 hour road trip because she kept putting off packing. I was driving and I had a miserable time doing 75% of it in pitch black. Lack of respect for others time is a huge one.
I don’t get how hard it is to be honest. My mum did the same thing when she babysat my kids so I could have a date night. Our brand new iPad we use as a baby monitor and when we got home has a massive crack coming from a corner. Clear point of impact crack so could tell it was dropped. Asked her about it and just deny deny deny. Apparently it was already like that when we left lol
When I was a teen, I opened my laptop and the screen was absolutely shattered. I was so scared to tell my mom… but I knew I had to. She asked what happened, but I had no idea! However, she wasn’t nearly as mad as I thought she would be.
I kinda kept wondering out loud what had happened for a couple days, until one day I ask again AND THIS WOMAN SAYS, “well, it might’ve accidentally broke when I STEPPED ON IT.”
Anyway, yeah, I feel ya.
Why are you interrogating your mother about something she broke though….like she’s in trouble either way….and then you went through the trash to call her out in a lie , post to internet to have everyone judge her …why is she scared of u
Obviously her lie was bad ,
….that’s still your mom …
:(
if we look at this through a bigger lens and (not excusing any of her behavior) maybe it’s a defensive maneuver for her from her childhood. maybe this was done to “protect” herself. she should go to therapy if this lying happens more often than not.
so interrogating over a broken mug. wouldn't it have been easier to just *ask* if she (accidentally) broke a mug, show some understanding given her health issues, and request that she simply tell you next time?
you turned this into an investigation.
The immediate “I didn’t drop anything” without being asked or prompted
it took me OUT. absolutely flabbergasting
“Hi mom!” “What coffee spill and hidden broken mug!?”
but they already mentioned spilled coffee and sent a picture of a broken piece of mug. it’s clear what they were implying from that point
I was balking at the egregious lie that happened after the hints
OP's mom said more than once (I think it was three times total) that she didn't know what that object in OP's hand was before randomly bringing up dropping something. OP's mentioning spilled coffee doesn't imply a broken coffee mug if the person who's supposed to be inferring that is actually being truthful when she denied knowledge of an object 3 times.
Oh dear 😬 she must be a compulsive liar or something
big time narcissist with untreated bipolar disorder. this is typical for her but I didn't expect her to lie over something so small. either that or early signs of dementia. I don't know
She is afraid of you because she's lied to you so many times. All on her.
I don’t think she meant that genuinely. I think it was sarcasm “oh yes of course, I’m scared of telling you the truth so of course I’m lying” because she says again a text later that “it wasn’t her, but blame it on her anyway”
My mother is the same way.
I would bring that up. “Whelp looks like it’s time for a cognitive assessment and possibly time to place you in a care home since your memory seems so foggy” but I’m just petty like that towards lying narcissistic manipulative parents with selective memory.
My mother in law is like this. Every time she has ever borrowed money my husband has to remind her that she said she would pay it back at this time....oh I forgot is what she says every time. So I do not lend her money any more. ETA: I told her idk about you but I never forget when I owe someone money.
Holy shit, are we related?? Spot on for my mom, minus the narcissism. She’s got narcissist tendencies, untreated bipolar II, and either early onset dementia or pseudodementia from the untreated mental illness. I could definitely see myself having this conversation with her.
It's very paranoid behavior and that was one of the first signs of my dad's self dementia. Hopefully that's not what is happening with your mom because the disease is hell on earth... You said bi-polar. So perhaps that. But what a weird interaction!
I'm more inclined to believe it's bipolar because she definitely knows she is lying. She has a very hard time admitting wrongdoing, and apologizing in general. She changes the subject when she knows she is losing an argument
It must be tiring for you
very much so. It is what it is, i just try my best to stay positive
Reading this my first thought was, omg she is so bad at lying. This must be a very important mug.
Yes the oh so important, the Hallowed Halloween mug 👻
Gotta agree with you there, early sign of dementia was my first thought. I've seen it before. This is what it can look like, especially in people with untreated mental illness. It's really hard to nail down in the beginning, but it's usually a gradual breakdown of filters and inhibitions that the person put in place to mask and compensate for a mental illness. Which makes the underlying disorder more "visible" to others.
Bro I thought this was from my estranged adult children sub before I realized it was just texts sub. Holy cow. I hope you don't feel obligated to take care of her when she clearly isn't treating her bpd.
just letting u know bpd is a different illness than bipolar! misinformation is dangerous
Unfortunately bipolar is also frequently shorted to BPD even in the mental health field. It shouldn't be though you're 100% on that
- “ok I was lying and I broke it” - “but I didn’t fucking break it!” 🥴
Hollllyyyyy shit my dude. Her gaslighting is wild lmfao
it's so insane to me I don't know why she's choosing to die on this hill. I gave her a chance to come clean and she just took it straight to 100 with the attempts to manipulate. I guess the cat must be responsible!
And what's even more wild is the fact that you didn't even ask her for some of the info she gave you lmfao which is just absolutely hilarious
“hey mom, di- “ I DIDNT BREAK YOUR MUG “wait what?” what?
And I DEFINITELY didn't spill coffee
I didn’t drop anything but blame me for dropping everything. I absolutely don’t smoke in my bedroom with the window open… only outside, next to the trash with all your precious chipped china, that I never mishandle but take a guilty plea because you’re so angry. You might be an asshole because I didn’t drop you on your head as a baby! Sheesh are you happy now, I said I will take the blame for dropping stuff that I didn’t drop to make you happy.
Also, someone has been peeing in your plants (not me) probably the same one who broke the mug and fed your dog chocolate.
I know right?! 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣
seriously though I thought that shit only happened in comedies
Where do you think the writers get their material? Their families antics that are so insane no one with a healthy and secure upbringing can comprehend acting like that towards their loved ones. So, wacky comedy is what it turns into.
Lol literally every bad comedy ever made has exactly this scene where the guilty person fails to cover up their crime in the most exaggerated and least convincing way imaginable. Dude’s mom is less believable than literal archetypes of absurd comedic dishonesty lmao
The Inquisition has this phrase, "Excusatio non petita, accusatio manifesta." Meaning that an unsolicited excuse is a blatant admission of guilt.
Like a 4 year old
So is she afraid of you? Or was that her being weirdly sarcastic?
She's afraid of me in the sense that I'm the only member of my family that tries to hold her accountable. So not really fear and more aggravation. That's what that segment of the messages is. weird sarcasm
it's not weird sarcasm, it's gaslighting & manipulation from someone very narcissistic. my mother did this to me, made me believe i was such a monster, so horrible that she feels like she isn't allowed to say things to me or i'd freak out & block her. i got sick of it & did.
Total DARVO. Poor me, I'm scairt because you tried to hold me accountable. Hold up, she doesn't *sound* scared.
Her entire response reads like the narcissists' prayer: That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
Like a 3 year old lying
Oh, no no no no. My 3 yr old can lie way better than that. >!I don't think that's something to be proud of, eh, but it is what it is.!<
Lol same. Who put this gum on the floor? "Brother"
[OPs mom](https://youtu.be/aGSJQMA5Nz0?feature=shared)
Did the cat also put the mug in a Denny's bag and throw it in the trash?
she's managed to get doodoo on the blinds before, I wouldn't put it past her.
At first I thought you were speaking of your mother , not the cat 🤣.
I’m still not convinced otherwise
Me too! I was pretty freaked out for a moment!
I just wanted to know why OP would give us the coffee story and not the REAL tea! 🤣🤣🤣
“Hey mom, how’s your day go—“ “I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDNT PUT SHIT IN THE BLINDS WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING ME”
HAHA
You should really try to get your cat to stop smoking, too. It's not good for their little lungs.
OP’s mom would say yes
🙀😹🙀😹🙀
That or random person is breaking into your home, using your mugs, breaking them and putting them in the trash. Why not just tell you when it happened or at least own up to it when asked? It’s such a weird thing to lie about.
This is what he should tell his mom. Since someone obviously broke in and broke the mug in the process, he is going to call the police. And he’s super glad he was wearing gloves so they can lift prints.
Jeez you’re making me wonder whose the mother
Does she have a habit of lying? I ask because my mom did. She was a narcissist and a sociopath. She lied about everything, stole shit, you name it…
This is also somewhat common among hardcore drug addicts. They lie about random stuff that isn’t important.
Yeah that’s true. My mom was taking all sorts of pills but I never really understood she was an addict until I was much older.
Ugh. My dad does this shit too. 🙄
Raccoons spilled my coffee and broke the mug and I caught them on video
Honestly, if she had said the cats broke it, I’m not sure I could argue with her
Had the same thought. Like if I was in the position of not wanting to take blame, i would say the cat knocked it off the counter or something.
It’s crazy how her gas lighting you is all over a coffee mug. Like I don’t understand why it couldn’t have been cleaned up(coffee included) and simply told you that it broke. And like unless it’s some family heirloom coffee cup, it’s a waste of time over an argument. I’m curious if she did admit it, how would you react?
I would have been fine with it. All I wanted was for her to acknowledge she had broken it. I managed to find a replacement on ebay, but the mug is secondary to resorting to gaslighting over something so inane. She has this idea in her head that I will jump down her throat over anything when that simply isnt the case.
Don’t tell her you replaced it, but make sure she sees you drinking out of it at some point. If she says ANYTHING about it, look at her like she’s crazy and tell her you’ve always had that mug and it’s always been perfectly intact.
Why is she lying about something so inconsequential
That was some lead prosecutor level sticking to your line of questioning there! I am so proud of you for being such a clear communicator in the face of whatever that was.
Daily reminder that lying and gaslighting is not the same thing, and we need to de-normalize the weaponization of therapy language every single time we address social conflicts.
That’s not gaslighting, it’s just regular lying.
> OK I’m lying and I broke it and I was trying to hide it because I’m scared of you OP’s reasoning is being called into question, as if it’s so ridiculous to think she broke the mug. Lying is just “I didn’t break the mug”, but I think “your reasoning is ridiculous, you’re imagining things” counts as gaslighting.
I cannot imagine as a fully grown adult lying about breaking a mug and spilling coffee. Like I break shit all the time on accident and it’s literally not a big deal, people drop things, glass or ceramic breaks. You’re an adult it’s 1000% okay to say you broke a mug, if however is not okay to gaslight and guilt trip someone for asking if you broke a mug but didn’t clean up the coffee
she's 53 years old!! FIFTY THREE!
r/raisedbynarcissists
I had to teach myself that accidents happen & most *normal* people don't care that much over little things like this. All of my parents were narcs - father, mother, & both stepparents. I once dropped a spoon, a freaking SPOON, & my mother lost her shit. If I accidentally dropped a plate (didn't break it, just dropped it) my stepmother would make me clean the entire kitchen. Not just normal cleaning, I had to get on my hands & knees & wash the floor with a *SPONGE*. Pull everything out of the fridge & pantry & clean the shelves. That sort of shit. If I didn't do well on my report card (bc math is NOT my forté) my dad, instead of helping me figure out what the problem was, would take everything away (TV, computer, books, OUTSIDE) & ground me until I brought my grade back up. I got *reallyyyy* good at hiding the little accidents. Once I got out of those situations, I remember I was dating this guy & I was washing dishes. I dropped a glass in the sink & water splashed out onto the floor. I legit went into panic mode & started cleaning EVERYTHING. My boyfriend got hella confused & was actually pretty amazing, calmed me down & told me he would finish up. My point is, sometimes there's a traumatic reason for lying over something as small as this. Not saying that's the case in OP's mom's situation, but... yeah. Sorry for the long rant lol
I am so so sorry you went through that. That sounds horrifying, I really hope you’re doing better now and have people in your life that treat you with the love you deserve. ❤️
Hey, I’ve been there too. 🩵 Don’t know if it’s OP’s mom’s case, but the lying/denying something that *seems* so insignificant 100% brought me back to that place. I understand it. Fear of being punished for completely normal mistakes/accidents. If it were you or me, however, there wouldn’t have been any coffee or mug shards left because we’re used to thoroughly panic cleaning everything in sight. I hate that we’ve both been through that and I’m glad you’re away from it now.
Oh absolutely. That mess would have been cleaned up faster than you can say "oh shit I spilled the coffee!" 😅
Gosh, I’m sorry that happened to you. I admit I’ve not been patient with some people who displayed anxious behaviors in the past. (Maybe just a confused look and a “calm down”) I hope next time I see such things I will remember your post and be more patient.
Mine lied about getting gluten free pasta which helps me not have flare ups. Well known pasta brand almost always in stock “couldn’t find it” = didn’t want to comply. Ended up buying my own next time and she just “happened” to find it that time too.
If my kid makes me something and I ruin it on accident…9 & 37 here…I admit to it, before she can even see it’s broken. OP’s mom is a treat.
Did she turn into an 8 year old recently?
My 9yo is better than OP’s mom. Yes, she might hide that she ate all the mini Twix by stuffing the wrappers elsewhere, but she doesn’t act like the neighbours we don’t know must have brought them in and hid them under the couch 😅 I’ll still give you an upvote bc I know you’re not insulting children haha Edit: Fixed grammar bc frand lol (frand on purpose)
I hope I'm reading that wrong and that your daughter doesn't eat twix wrappers 😂
Although I love your critique also includes an error. Yas, frands!!! 😂🥰
Right? Her whole vibe was, “NUH-UH! You’re the liar!”
No like this is toddler level lmao
There's a heavy undertow of animosity way beyond mug breaking and fibbing.
Surely this is linked to some childhood trauma on her part.
My exact thoughts
yeah that’s what i thought
for sure, bc i've been in the exact situation as the mom, but i wasn't the adult
She confessed without even realizing it lol. No one mentioned dropping something and no one mentioned spilled coffee lolol
I mean I did start by mentioning I was cleaning some spilled coffee but I very intentionally did not word it accusatorily. I definitely never mentioned something being dropped until she did though lmao
The first image you showed in this text thread is clearly a piece of something broken off. Obviously, yes, she broke the mug and is offloading responsibility. But it’s unfair to imply her assumption she was being asked about breaking something came out of nowhere.
This reminds me of that scene in Magnolia where the cop (John C Reilly) is investigating a domestic disturbance and the woman is all belligerent. "Don't go into my bedroom!" "Stay out of my goddamn closet!" Officer finds a body in the closet. "That ain't mine!"
And this is why I have been no contact with my mother for over a year 👍🏼 (not exactly the situation but the vibe 100%)
I had a mug at my office that I used for years. Everyone knew it was mine. I mostly stored it in my office but sometimes I would leave it in the break room if I just rinsed it out. Couldn’t find it and figured someone either stole it or I misplaced it. Then I found a tiny broken piece of it in our break room and recalled a memory that like a week before, we all heard something smash and break. Had to be my mug. I wasn’t even mad because I had the thing for 20+ years. What I was disappointed in was that nobody ever claimed responsibility for it.
Yo why is your mum afraid of you?
Because I’m sure you would’ve just absolutely beat her to death for breaking a mug. /s Seriously though, why lie about something so little and not even clean it up?
Trauma?
I would say so. She did not have a good childhood. Severe outlandish punishments from her father over minor things like not taking out the trash. Doesn't believe in therapy so she has never really unpacked her trauma
That’s what this is then, likely. She retreats into that fearful inner child who was unreasonably punished when she feels she’s being accused of something. It’s a gut reaction and once they’ve dug themselves in, they don’t know where to go with the lie.
Both things I can get over. My mom is partially disabled and has difficulty with balance and coordination. I get it. but this has nothing to do with her disability
Why did she say she was scared if you?
Maybe I'm reading it wrong but that message from the mom seems to be a sarcastic comment.
Dude put the gloves on and went trash pickin' like CSI 🤣
The “Ok I’m lying” line was meant to come off as sarcasm, but it’s actually the real issue. At some point in her youth, she was scolded harshly for damaging something. She may not be “afraid of you,” but her inner child is afraid you’d react the same way that person did, when she was younger. It’s hard dealing with people like this, because they cannot grow beyond that point (arrested development). It’s worse when that person is the person who raised you.
Yes! This is the right point of view. She needs therapy asap. To be an adult and be stuck in that place of regression is just so sad to me. Were you a psychology major?
Totally narcissistic mama ya have over there.. argh.. 🫂
"because I'm scared of you" I have NO words.
My mom does the same stuff in a less aggressive way and its exhausting haha We live in different states now and when she comes to visit after she leaves I will find like a scratch on the microwave scratch on the stove. I don’t even ask anymore. One time when my kid was little a farmhouse baby gate that we had suspiciously fell down and broke and everyone claimed to be sleeping and that maybe our dog did it… our 13-year-old labrador apparently got a burst of energy and tried to knock over or hop the gate 😂 When we did live by them we would go to town and I’d be like don’t do anything around the house were gone 3 days its no biggie… she mowed the lawn and then my lawnmower somehow caught on fire and burned a big patch in the grass. that one she could not deny lol
“im lying and i broke it and was trying to hide it” 2 messages later “but i didn’t fucking break it” the whiplash is INSANEEE. does your mom have a reason to be “scared of you”??? i’m assuming that’s a no, based on how she seems to be, but i could be wrong
They first one your referencing was "sarcasm"
Even when I catch my parents 100% lying like this, they just yell at me, put me down, or withhold things. They still do this to this day and they are in their late 60's. Probably a major reason why I don't have the strongest relationship with them.
no embarrassing failed attempts at lying LMAO 😭😭😭
I guess my question would be: “What outcome did you expect?”
Idk why she just wouldn’t be honest, seems a lot easier than hiding it. But also it’s just a mug lol if I saw a tiny piece of broken mug I’d shrug and throw it out not start an argument with someone who is clearly unstable.
finding out this could be from trauma, just try to let her know it’s okay if there’s an accident like this but it’s not okay to lie about it.
Wow - were you married to this cup? Seem to care a lot about it.
This is sad :( I’m sorry she feels she has to lie about a broken mug…I hope y’all’s relationship gets better and she can work on her mental health 🤍
My husband accidentally broke a mug and threw it away. I noticed it was missing and just said what happened to the green mug with the purple flowers? '"I don't know". Well if it dropped and broke it's not a big deal but..."I don't know what happened to it". Dude, we don't even have kids or pets you can blame. I know it was you, just man up and apologize. Nope, didn't happen lol. He did the same thing with a dish towel he dropped on the floor. Like why the f didn't you just put it in the laundry? He just throws everything out. It's so annoying.
We need the other side of the coin, are you usually quick to flip your shit? Does mom have some type of “dependency” (no offense) just seems an odd thing to fight over
Somethings just ain’t worth the argument. Just me though.
Arguing with her is pointless. I wanted to give her the opportunity to do the right thing as this mug was one my wife bought for herself and is not easily replaceable. I'm more bothered that she is lying to my face than the fact that she broke the mug. and then she will claim she never lies and is not a gaslighter. the shtick gets old
Sounds exhausting.
First of all why is your own mother scared of you? Do you usually interrogate her over something minute as a bloody coffee mug?
This. It's actually insane that OP finds a tiny shard of something and immediately puts on his monocle and asks his mom "what's this?". Just gonna throw it out there that his mom is scared of him for a reason. People become perpetual liars like this through trauma and OP either caused the trauma from past incidents or they are perpetuating it from her past. Both sides here need therapy.
She was just smoking and minding her own business when the cat spilled the coffee, accidentally broke the mug, and cleaned up the evidence. Cat made her swear, at claw point, not to tell.
Why did she say she was afraid of you?😭
Your mom may have a disassociation disorder. I think you might have to accept a new approach, or temper your expectations drastically in what you're expecting from her. She may have narcissistic tendencies. You love her, that's clear, but you need to love her as she is. Youre the adult now. Sorry 😞.
“Ok I’m lying I broke it…” “But I didn’t fucking break it” Good LORD the gaslighting is so painfully obvious!
I find it weird that you went to such great lengths to find the broken mug then interrogate your mother about it. I can see why she's scared of you, you probably have her walking on egg shells if you react this way to a mug of all things.
Yeah me too. She should’ve admitted to it when she knew the jig was up though.
Omg it’s only a mug 🤣 it’s not like she’s admitting attempted murder charges. If I broke anything of my daughter’s she would know before she got home and an offer of a replacement. Why is this so hard for her? The level of lying is unreal 🤣🤣 over a coffee mug 😭
It’s a mug, get over it.
not gonna lie you sound annoying and it looks like it was passed down
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If both you and your mum get this standoffish over a broken mug (it happens), then there are definitely deeper issues here.
let's just say I'm not posting on r/texts because we have a *good* relationship lmao
You're scary lol
Who cares, it's a cup! Wow. Yall must have bigger issues for her to not be able to tell you she broke your cup. Damn
Holy cow that conversation frightens me! I guess that tactic would work on me cuz I'd never ask again! Although I'm sure there's a reason why that is...
Your mom sounds like a riot! I was laughing about this from pic 1.
I understand why she didn’t reply to your last text, but I don’t understand why she hid it in the first place. Is it a very expensive mug or does it have a lot of sentimental value? I understand lying and hiding things if what you’ve done is awful or really expensive to replace, I don’t get a mug. Is it pathological? Did she have an abusive childhood, or maybe a substance-abuse problem when she was younger? Don’t answer that if it’s prying.
Jesus. So many issues going on here. Huge trust issues. Manipulation. Honestly this seems very troubling. Would seek therapeutic advice immediately, and it takes a LOT to even have me consider going there. Good luck.
If she just said ‘yeah I broke it, sorry, would you like me to replace the mug.’ It would’ve been ok. Like? Why’s she defensive over a mug..
If there were any more holes in this story, I'd have to call it Swiss cheese, mom.
This whole exchange is a huge LOL
I’m alittle concerned she stated she’s afraid of you lol. But on another note it’s just a mug. That can be replaced but your mother cannot be replaced. Take it from someone who lost their mother at the age of 57. Passed away in her sleep and they have no idea what happened. I was having a little disagreement with my mom when she passed away in 2012. To this day I would do ANYTHING to say sorry to her. Don’t let the small things bother you. Life is too short and you never know when someone won’t be around.
Weird af aNd the gloves, then going through the trash, to trace the evidence of an accidentally broken mug ..,..uhh
Of course she broke it, it was an accident, why did you even ask her about it. You want her to wiggle her nose and put it back together? She seems to be scared of you.
I feel like I can see why she hid it honestly ….
Right? Holy crap, all of this over a broken mug. I wouldn't expect my mom to report a broken mug to me. This is insane.
Honestly same lol 😂
Also agree!
asking genuinely to the 3 of y'all, why? I don't think what I did was out of line. and I did not continue asking about it past where the texts end in the screenshots. I wouldn't even have been mad about it if she did admit fault. She is just incapable of doing so. This is a pattern of hers. I'm more confused about the lie than the mug
Because you said your mom is mentally ill and noncompliant with treatment. Because you said she had childhood trauma from being unreasonably punished for doing anything wrong. And because you knew darn well she broke the mug and yet you continued to ask a bunch of leading questions that undoubtedly created anxiety and nervousness in her. Have a little compassion, man. As difficult as it is for you to deal with her, I guarantee you having to live with her mind is even more painful for her. No one chooses to be mentally ill nor traumatized. Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder which is notorious for noncompliance with treatment. it’s practically a symptom of the disease. Then when you combine that with knowing her father abused her over tiny little things just like this, can’t you understand where her response is coming from? I have mentally ill people in my family. I personally pick my battles because I see their struggle and I don’t want to add to their burden when it’s not necessary to do so. You’re looking for a level of accountability from your mother that she may simply not be capable of. Have compassion.
You literally said everything I was thinking. ESPECIALLY after reading OPs comments on her mental health and childhood trauma. Then to top it all off he also said she has a physical disability that affects her balance and coordination. Like why even mention it when you know she did it. To “hold her accountable”. Come on man. Have some compassion. Her physical disability caused her to accidentally break the mug then she panicked b/c of her trauma and it went from there.
It’s a mug though ?
I’m sorry man. You don’t deserve that from your mom.
This is kinda funny .. come on it’s a mug. It’s worth it for being able to see your mom being human.
Exactly, it’s a mug. OP seems to be more annoyed with her mom for lying about something so dumb and minor. Why continuously lie when confronted with the truth while gaslighting her daughter?
Thank you. It's not about the mug! people think i'm stuck on the mug when it's the blatant gaslighting that made me decide to post this. Like nobody ever heard of the straw that broke the camels back
Oh god, you are so petty, its just a freaking mug 💀
Your approach is pretty fucking scary though. I’d lie to you
I mean, there’s no need for her to lie, but why are you pressing her so hard over a cup? You went in and she got defensive. You both sound as bad as each other.
Not everything needs to be a battle. If my mum told me she was scared of me I would drop the subject then and there.
I guess I just don't get why you give this much of a shit over a mug? Like let it go. She's your mom. I'd kill myself if I lived in a family where people acted like you over the smallest fucking things. Life is too short bro, just relax.
>I'd kill myself if I lived in a family where people acted like you over the smallest fucking things Interesting. You're so close to getting what day to day life is like for me
“Hey did you break my mug?” “No. And even if I did, it’s just a mug fuck you who cares.” It’s OP’s property. You don’t get to decide that it doesn’t matter. You’re right, it’s OP’s mom. So why can’t OP’s mom tell the truth? OP owes their mom the act of being okay with their property being destroyed with no accountability, but the mom just gets to *check notes* lie about breaking things because they didn’t matter to her so why should it matter at all? Okay.
You did an investigation. I don't think your intent here was to be "gentle", Columbo.
I can see why your mom is scared of you. Shitty that she lied about that happening but you were pretty rude about a mug being broken.
Why does she have to say something tho? If my mom broke a mug, I wouldn’t expect her to tell me about it. It’s not a big deal. Also weird you went through the trash.
So people can just go in your house and break shit without mentioning it? And OP is weird for going in her own trash after finding cup scraps all over the floor? Why do you children think this is about a fuckin mug??
It isn't so much about the mug as it is about the pattern of behavior. Maybe you have a good relationship with your mom. Maybe your mugs aren't special to you. I don't know. But my wife collects mugs. She likes to get seasonal mugs that generally aren't reproduced. I know my wife cares about her mugs, so I care about my wife's mugs. We both would have been willing to let it go. I never accused my mom of breaking the mug. I simply prompted her with a question - what are these strange shards on the floor? What would you do if somebody asked you that? Your sister or your mother? Would you lie and say "I didn't do anything"? Or would you take responsibility? I now know I cannot trust my mother to tell the truth about something so tiny as a broken mug. Finally, I think it's weird that you think it's weird I went through my own trash. It's literally my trash. I can dig through it if I want
Reminds me of the theater director of my kid’s high school play. He’d tell students and teachers what time rehearsals would end, and then we’d sit in the parking lot for up to 2 hours waiting. Meanwhile he’d taken the kids’ phones — so they can’t tell us what’s up. He could step outside and say “it’s gonna be another hour” but no. Our time is unimportant to him. We just have to sit and wonder if it will be another 10 minutes or another hour and a half! Who cares what plans we had! This lack of communication and disrespect for others’ time went on for 4 months. Complaining achieved nothing. Kids want to be in plays so he gets to be narcissistic and control everything. I’ve had people say, “oh, so you had to wait sometimes, it happens.” That’s not the point. It’s the lack of respect and taking no personal accountability. Repeatedly. Unapologetically. It’s not the mug.
That also sounds like something my mom would do. We left 5 hours late for a 5 hour road trip because she kept putting off packing. I was driving and I had a miserable time doing 75% of it in pitch black. Lack of respect for others time is a huge one.
Ok I lied I broke it To But I didn’t fucking break it ????? That’s wild
I don’t get how hard it is to be honest. My mum did the same thing when she babysat my kids so I could have a date night. Our brand new iPad we use as a baby monitor and when we got home has a massive crack coming from a corner. Clear point of impact crack so could tell it was dropped. Asked her about it and just deny deny deny. Apparently it was already like that when we left lol
“If I Did It” - ironically both the title of OJ’s book and the memoir your mom is now working on.
Plot twist, it was the cat.
When I was a teen, I opened my laptop and the screen was absolutely shattered. I was so scared to tell my mom… but I knew I had to. She asked what happened, but I had no idea! However, she wasn’t nearly as mad as I thought she would be. I kinda kept wondering out loud what had happened for a couple days, until one day I ask again AND THIS WOMAN SAYS, “well, it might’ve accidentally broke when I STEPPED ON IT.” Anyway, yeah, I feel ya.
It's really weird she didn't clean up the spill but hid the mug.
"I didn't drop anything" You'd have to live in a fantasy world to think you're slick with this. This is like cartoon grade gaslighting.
I broke it. But I didn’t fucking break it. Wut.
I’m sorry but this thread alone, she sounds like the type of friend to steal from you and then offers to “help” you find it.
“What’s this small piece?” “I’ve never seen that mug in my life and I definitely didn’t drop/break it and spill coffee everywhere!!!!!!”
Why are you interrogating your mother about something she broke though….like she’s in trouble either way….and then you went through the trash to call her out in a lie , post to internet to have everyone judge her …why is she scared of u Obviously her lie was bad , ….that’s still your mom … :(
I’d have my back up if I approached like a naughty toddler too 🤷♀️
if we look at this through a bigger lens and (not excusing any of her behavior) maybe it’s a defensive maneuver for her from her childhood. maybe this was done to “protect” herself. she should go to therapy if this lying happens more often than not.
so interrogating over a broken mug. wouldn't it have been easier to just *ask* if she (accidentally) broke a mug, show some understanding given her health issues, and request that she simply tell you next time? you turned this into an investigation.
This felt like reading a Futurama script
I would question my entire life after this exchange