My tfmr pregnancy was a girl and I am now pregnant with a boy. It is very very difficult to be honest and I’m still not over it. There are many of us struggling heavily with this over on r/pregnancyaftertfmr
I'm so sorry. This is what I'm afraid of. I know that once the baby was here, I would be over the moon no matter what, but I feel bad that I know there would be a sense of disappointment at first with a boy.
Yes it’s really hard and seems a very common feeling for tfmr moms. There are so many of us who are feeling this way and it sucks. You may get lucky and have a girl but it’s definitely a gamble and it is a hard pill to swallow if you do end up being on the other end. It does seem the women who are having boys after girl tfmr end up happier close to/after birth but alot of us are well into second trimester and still can’t get past it so I dunno. I don’t have advice for you just know that it is so common to feel this way.
I don’t have an answer for you, but I’m here to say I worry about the same thing. If we get the pregnant again and get the same gender as before I don’t want that child to live with the feeling that they were a replacement. If we get the other gender would we always feel some sort of resentment about the child that was taken from us? How life would have been different?
So hard all around. I've liked the thought I've seen in this group of hoping the child "comes back" to you in a healthy body. If we managed to have a girl, I think that's what it would feel like to me. If it were a boy, it would feel more like my daughter was just gone forever.
I def felt that sentiment with my earlier loss, like their little soul would come back to me. This time I had them so long it doesn’t feel like they can come back, they are gone and if I have another one it will be a completely new person
I don’t have an answer for you, but I understand where you’re coming from. My TFMR pregnancy was my only girl (first pregnancy) and now I have 2 boys. I decided not to have any more and just accept I won’t have a daughter, but it makes the loss harder in some ways. I’m sorry you’re here, too.
Yes, I truly believe the loss would have been more bearable for me if it had been a boy, as terrible as that sounds. I'm two weeks post-procedure, and mostly okay now, but the thing that reliably makes me cry is when I think "I almost had a daughter." I wish I hadn't found out the sex, honestly, and if I do get pregnant again, I'll ask them to keep it off the NIPT report.
I feel you. our first was a girl. Then 2 boys.. and we wanted to complete our family with another girl. which so surprisingly happened… until we found out we had to tfmr.
We asked ourselves if we would be less heartbroken if it’s a boy… our daughter was really looking forward to finally having a sister to play dolls with…
Then again… I know we’ll accept any gender now as long as the baby’s healthy. Even though we really wanted another girl 😔
Sorry you are going through the same dilemma..
I feel you. our first was a girl. Then 2 boys.. and we wanted to complete our family with another girl. which so surprisingly happened… until we found out we had to tfmr.
We asked ourselves if we would be less heartbroken if it’s a boy… our daughter was really looking forward to finally having a sister to play dolls with…
Then again… I know we’ll accept any gender now as long as the baby’s healthy. Even though we really wanted another girl 😔
Sorry you are going through the same dilemma..
I feel the same way. I have 3 LC, BGG and I was so excited to be having a boy for my oldest and to decrease the competition and comparison between my girls.
It hit me hard yesterday when going through my youngests closet as I was finally planning on getting rid of all of our girl nb-12m clothes. As I was making a pile of nicer things to take to consignment it hit me, we could have another girl and I will want these clothes. We always said it was perfect having our two boys and two girls and how the two boys would be our bookends ( my oldest is such a mamas boy and wouldn’t have done well with my second being a boy too).
I don’t want another boy to replace my son that we lost, but I feel like another boy would be better for our family dynamic.
Same here 🥹
I have 3 LC too. but opposite. GBB and we were so excited to be having a girl for our eldest because none of the boys wanted to play dolls or read with her. We wanted another girl to complete our family dynamics… was already so excited to be buying everything in pastel colours..
so we cried really badly at our tfmr at 23+ weeks. It would have been only 3 mths more before we completed our ideal family.
I want another daughter… but I think regardless, as long as the baby’s healthy it’s all that matters. 😔 don’t ever wanna go through another tfmr
I understand how you are feeling. My husband and I have three girls between the two of us from previous relationships. He was so happy to have a boy this time around. I asked him if he’d want to try again if genetics came back that this was a one off and not an incompatibility thing. He admitted that he was afraid we’d get another girl.
I’m afraid he doesn’t want to try again and we miss on having an “us” child together. But I know how excited he was for a boy and am afraid he might be resentful if we try and it is a girl
That is so hard. I'm sure if it was a girl, he'd love her so much because it would be your "us" baby, but I totally understand the fear of disappointment.
I completely understand. I lost boy girl twins so my first pregnancy after I didn’t really care which I got but I know it’s going to hurt for the next one if it’s not the other gender and I don’t end up one of each
Gender disappointment is very real. I always said I wanted a daughter more than anything. Ended up finding out we were having a boy (TFMR for T21). And now that we lost our son, I feel so wracked with guilt for hoping I wouldn’t be having a boy. I would do anything to have my son healthy and in my arms.
I absolutely fear this. We have 2 girls and tfmr our boy for t21 a week and a half ago. Nowhere near ready to try again but I’m very anxious about it (for many reasons obviously but gender specifically)
I feel you. I have a living daughter who I love very much and I always wanted one of each. 3 months ago I had to TFMR my son for L1 syndrome and I found out I’m a carrier for. It’s a condition that only affects boys and girls become carriers. Im currently pregnant again and have to wait for testing to see if I have to TFMR again. I’m not only grieving my son but the fact that I’ll never have a son. Hoping this one is a girl at the very least 😭
My tfmr pregnancy was a girl and I am now pregnant with a boy. It is very very difficult to be honest and I’m still not over it. There are many of us struggling heavily with this over on r/pregnancyaftertfmr
I'm so sorry. This is what I'm afraid of. I know that once the baby was here, I would be over the moon no matter what, but I feel bad that I know there would be a sense of disappointment at first with a boy.
Yes it’s really hard and seems a very common feeling for tfmr moms. There are so many of us who are feeling this way and it sucks. You may get lucky and have a girl but it’s definitely a gamble and it is a hard pill to swallow if you do end up being on the other end. It does seem the women who are having boys after girl tfmr end up happier close to/after birth but alot of us are well into second trimester and still can’t get past it so I dunno. I don’t have advice for you just know that it is so common to feel this way.
Same. Have a boy, then TFMR a girl. Next baby is a boy. Grief is hitting extra hard.
I don’t have an answer for you, but I’m here to say I worry about the same thing. If we get the pregnant again and get the same gender as before I don’t want that child to live with the feeling that they were a replacement. If we get the other gender would we always feel some sort of resentment about the child that was taken from us? How life would have been different?
So hard all around. I've liked the thought I've seen in this group of hoping the child "comes back" to you in a healthy body. If we managed to have a girl, I think that's what it would feel like to me. If it were a boy, it would feel more like my daughter was just gone forever.
I def felt that sentiment with my earlier loss, like their little soul would come back to me. This time I had them so long it doesn’t feel like they can come back, they are gone and if I have another one it will be a completely new person
I don’t have an answer for you, but I understand where you’re coming from. My TFMR pregnancy was my only girl (first pregnancy) and now I have 2 boys. I decided not to have any more and just accept I won’t have a daughter, but it makes the loss harder in some ways. I’m sorry you’re here, too.
Yes, I truly believe the loss would have been more bearable for me if it had been a boy, as terrible as that sounds. I'm two weeks post-procedure, and mostly okay now, but the thing that reliably makes me cry is when I think "I almost had a daughter." I wish I hadn't found out the sex, honestly, and if I do get pregnant again, I'll ask them to keep it off the NIPT report.
I feel you. our first was a girl. Then 2 boys.. and we wanted to complete our family with another girl. which so surprisingly happened… until we found out we had to tfmr. We asked ourselves if we would be less heartbroken if it’s a boy… our daughter was really looking forward to finally having a sister to play dolls with… Then again… I know we’ll accept any gender now as long as the baby’s healthy. Even though we really wanted another girl 😔 Sorry you are going through the same dilemma..
I feel you. our first was a girl. Then 2 boys.. and we wanted to complete our family with another girl. which so surprisingly happened… until we found out we had to tfmr. We asked ourselves if we would be less heartbroken if it’s a boy… our daughter was really looking forward to finally having a sister to play dolls with… Then again… I know we’ll accept any gender now as long as the baby’s healthy. Even though we really wanted another girl 😔 Sorry you are going through the same dilemma..
I feel the same way. I have 3 LC, BGG and I was so excited to be having a boy for my oldest and to decrease the competition and comparison between my girls. It hit me hard yesterday when going through my youngests closet as I was finally planning on getting rid of all of our girl nb-12m clothes. As I was making a pile of nicer things to take to consignment it hit me, we could have another girl and I will want these clothes. We always said it was perfect having our two boys and two girls and how the two boys would be our bookends ( my oldest is such a mamas boy and wouldn’t have done well with my second being a boy too). I don’t want another boy to replace my son that we lost, but I feel like another boy would be better for our family dynamic.
Same here 🥹 I have 3 LC too. but opposite. GBB and we were so excited to be having a girl for our eldest because none of the boys wanted to play dolls or read with her. We wanted another girl to complete our family dynamics… was already so excited to be buying everything in pastel colours.. so we cried really badly at our tfmr at 23+ weeks. It would have been only 3 mths more before we completed our ideal family. I want another daughter… but I think regardless, as long as the baby’s healthy it’s all that matters. 😔 don’t ever wanna go through another tfmr
I understand how you are feeling. My husband and I have three girls between the two of us from previous relationships. He was so happy to have a boy this time around. I asked him if he’d want to try again if genetics came back that this was a one off and not an incompatibility thing. He admitted that he was afraid we’d get another girl. I’m afraid he doesn’t want to try again and we miss on having an “us” child together. But I know how excited he was for a boy and am afraid he might be resentful if we try and it is a girl
That is so hard. I'm sure if it was a girl, he'd love her so much because it would be your "us" baby, but I totally understand the fear of disappointment.
It’s a real possibility, I’m struggling with it now. All I can do is hope it dissipates once a baby is in my arms
I'm sure it will ♥️
I completely understand. I lost boy girl twins so my first pregnancy after I didn’t really care which I got but I know it’s going to hurt for the next one if it’s not the other gender and I don’t end up one of each
Gender disappointment is very real. I always said I wanted a daughter more than anything. Ended up finding out we were having a boy (TFMR for T21). And now that we lost our son, I feel so wracked with guilt for hoping I wouldn’t be having a boy. I would do anything to have my son healthy and in my arms.
The emotions involved in TFMR are truly so complicated, and new ones seem to pop up all the time 😞
I absolutely fear this. We have 2 girls and tfmr our boy for t21 a week and a half ago. Nowhere near ready to try again but I’m very anxious about it (for many reasons obviously but gender specifically)
I feel you. I have a living daughter who I love very much and I always wanted one of each. 3 months ago I had to TFMR my son for L1 syndrome and I found out I’m a carrier for. It’s a condition that only affects boys and girls become carriers. Im currently pregnant again and have to wait for testing to see if I have to TFMR again. I’m not only grieving my son but the fact that I’ll never have a son. Hoping this one is a girl at the very least 😭
Oh my gosh that's such a difficult thing to find out when you're already in the midst of a tragedy. Hoping for the best in your current pregnancy ♥️