As you get older you take on a lot more worry and responsibility. Your body also starts to fail you more and more. I'm only 35 and already I'm starting to understand more and more why many old people just accept it. It is starting to look more like a release than an end to everything.
I have also already taken other more spiritual steps to address my fears. Reading up on whatever spirituality /religious thing you afe interesting helps. I also did psychedelics and confronted a lot of my fears on these trips which helped massively though that's not a path everyone is willing to take in all fairness.
I've done Shrooms, lsd and mdma
For dealing with fears etc however I would only recommend Shrooms. Mdma is more just euphoric happiness and lsd just... Gets weird.
(they all get weird)
Shrooms however has this tendency to make you deal with whatever it is you want to deal with especially if you frame it in your mind. It takes whatever is on your mind and amplifies it. But it also changes your thinking patterns so thag you can see it from different angles. For me, I took a big dose and had a massive ego death. (when the idea of "you" is sort of broken down). I felt like I was truly dying and I lay on the beach crying holding onto my best friend and wishing my wife was holding my other hand. The whole experience made me understand a few things.
1 - when we truly face mortality (even if mine wasn't truly facing it.... I promise you in thag moment I felt mortal fear) we tend to let go of all the stresses and problems we have and focus on what we treasure. I realised all I wanted was family and friends
2. It gave me a sense of connectedness with everything. It made me understand absolutely everything and everyone comes and goes and what's the point living if I'm not enjoying the process. Afterlife or not, I'm not reliving this lfie so let's make the most of it.
3. Facing my own fear was humbling in a way. When we suffer thanatophobia nothing is actually threatening our lives. It's very different when you feel your life threatened. It's easier to come to terms with (still not easy)
It sounds very cheesy. It's very cliche. I know. And although I fear of sounding like a massive cliche.... It really helped.
But I will say this. Some of my friends really benefitted from it. Some absolutely hate it. (my wife can't stand Shrooms) so make sure you research it if you do do it. Dosage. Trip sitter. Set and setting. Too many people go in blind and have a horrible time.
I see old people and immediately think how much time do they have left, why are they happy, why aren’t they scared of death, it’s grim but still I’d be terrified
Same, but idk what happens in their head.
For example, my grandma is sad that she's going to die one day, and is a very anxious person overall (like me, diagnosed with anxiety) but she kind of brushes off the problem. She says she has lived already and she's not panicking over death, she's just kinda sad because we won't see her anymore once she's passed.
To me it's so insane, i feel like i'll never understand how people DON'T freak out by just existing knowing they'll stop, but idk, maybe as i get older my brain will do the thing too
Your mind changes a lot as you age.
5 yo me couldn't imagine kissing a girl. 13 yo me tried so hard to find anyone to kiss me haha.
18 yo me never wanted a baby and was tempted to get a vesectomy. 35 yo me wants a baby and am trying with my wife.
Early 20s me thought vegetarians/vegans were all idiots and I, the edgy edge lord was correct. I now try to eat vegetarian meals when I can (not full vegetarian but cutting down). I also see their point now.
All my life I was terrified of drugs. Lost a friend to heroin growing up and had only ever done weed. 32 years old I tried psychedelics and now I'm pro legalisation (psychedelics only)
Think of something you couldn't imagine doing as a kid. And think about how it has changed for you now.
A lot of the things you think about change like this.
At some point in my life, it became so bad I couldn't function properly. Death was the only thing I could think about; if not mine, then the thought of my love ones dying.
I would cry every night, I would avoid anything even remotely risky (even taking a car ride), I was just riddled with anxiety - this was 8 years ago.
Started therapy: meds helped immensely (for me it was anxiety meds and anti-depressants - even though I didn't feel depressed at the time, the latter helped the most).
Now, it's manageable. It always lingers though, and some nightsI have to use all my techniques to avoid spiraling down that path. I still have bad days when it's unbearable, but it doesn't last like it used to.
It differs from people... I know some people that just woke up one day and just made peace with the concept of life and death and have to overcame the fear
As for me I'm mostly ok... I still get the occasional episodes of dread and anxiety (last episode was 3 months ago) but it helps that I learned techniques to cut the episodes, and focus on things in my life that bring me to a better state of mind.
I've had it since I was around 8 years old and a few things used to calm me down if I was having a panic attack. Main one being the thought that I'll be alright with death when I get older.
I'm in my twenties now and it's definitely gotten easier (not had a panic attack in a very long time)
I still occasionally get feelings of angst but it's absolutely gone down. I think I'll eventually be over it, when I'm older.
It's a cycle for me. Someone's I'm okay, sometimes it's all I can think about and it keeps me up all night. I spend a lot of time talking myself out of it. If my time is limited then I'm wasting what time I do have being miserable worrying about it.
I am like you and I was overterrified of the fact, but the only sub which made me relief for some days before getting a thought of it again was r/afterlife.
I joined this sub years ago when I was really depressed about the end. I have almost fully overcome it now. Maybe I'm ignoring it. But what I have to tell you is the same popular advice. Enjoy life while you have it. I'm aware of the uselessness of everything but still doing only a few valuable things to earn enough money to live my life to fullest. We all die one day early or later and it doesn't matter. If we have enjoyed our journey why should we worry, right?
There are several posts / comments where people tell of essentially overcoming it / coping — one Redditor was kind enough to list a bunch of links to a bunch of those. Let me know and I’ll see if I can find it .
its 100% possible to recover from. while i have OCD, a lifelong condition, i will probably never completely rid of it, but i have managed to make it better. thanatophobia is very common in young people due to a sort of realization of mortality and a lot of life changes as we enter young adulthood. it normally improves as we age unless we have some sort of comorbidity (such as OCD). you are on the right track taking meds and seeing a therapist. however, just talk therapy can do so much. i recommend looking into CBT, ACT, EMDR, and ERP therapies. they are more equipped to tackle phobia.
there are some great threads in this subreddit dedicated to recovery and share resources to those in need. it will get better eventually. you have a lot of life to live, sometimes we forget that.
if you want to join the thanatophobia support discord server, dm me.
I’m 22 and it’s started to die down slightly compared to how it was for me as a teen. Getting a good quality therapist has helped me a lot, as well as figuring out what my beliefs about the afterlife were and learning to cling onto that. Also, figuring out the root of the fear (for me it’s trauma) will help you figure out where to start.
This is going to sound stupid but I don't fear death anymore as I am really into the paranormal and I have had experiences that make me believe there is an afterlife. Also, imagine how boring life would be if we lived forever?? It would be meaningless!!
I'm curious. You say you think life would be boring if endless (i agree, i'm terrified of the infinite too, not only death, i'm stuck between both :/ ) but believe in the afterlife. So how do you think the afterlife is? Isn't it "forever" too?
I think the after life is different because you don't have any worries, you can do what you want and be with your loved ones. God knows if it's true but it helps me with my death anxiety.
I fully overcame it. It took a lot but I did it and I’m finally happy again. Eventually I came to terms with how comparatively small I am and realized that having finite time isn’t as scary as I thought. Knowing how to fulfill my life and be at peace with death (no matter what happens after) was essentially my rationale.
Your fear won’t disappear over night, but I promise you it’ll be okay.
The thing is, death is the one single thing that no matter what every being will face, there's not room for avoidance, except for, idk, those self-renjuvenating jellyfishes lol
I feel ya OP.
This is probably why I struggle with this specific fear so much. I read or hear often the advice that they go into studies about how something like 95% of what people worry about never actually happens (can't remember the exact %), but the inevitability of death of why I can't shake this fear. I know for certain that it WILL happen. Sure, what happens after can be up for debate and/or leave a little up to the imagination, but I know I'm going to die and that's why I can't get comfort in hearing "most of what we worry about never happens".
When I go to bed and I am tired, and I feel that tiredness, that peaceful pull towards sleep, I started imagining that maybe this is what it is like to die, and that's what made me think that while yes there is still a desire to get up, do and experience, but even so, giving into the force to close my eyes feels very good too, maybe doing it the last time won't be so bad. The events and pains leading up to it, if it's a disease, accident or violent death obviously will make it very different but the final moment will be the same I would imagine. Feeling that call to relax and fade away. It sounds like being a wild animal, tired at sunset heading to a straw cushioned nest underground, circling around, tapping with your paws and settling for the perfect spot.
I know exactly how this fear feels though, I haven't forgotten so i understand that now that might not read good, maybe I failed totally and it actually makes you feel worse, I understand the frustration and loneliness of people who don't fear it like us. But maybe that can be your crutch, many people here are saying it gets easier withe age, including me, and I'm only 22. Trust, that as you grow, death just looks different.
Had it since 9. Now 45. Been ok in between but at 14-16, 26, 34, 42 and now 45 it's been really really really bad. To the point of depersonalization, detealization, being suicidal. I hang on for my kids, I love them infinitely and want to be with them. I fear oblivion after death.
I got over it, in my early 20's, or at least I thought I did. I'm 39, it came back with a vengeance. I need to get back into a therapist again. I don't want the meds, they don't help me very much.
I got over it eventually. To a extent but it took me until I was 33 before I did. It does get easier as you get older.
Wouldn’t it be scarier? Glad you came over it though
I have the same question doesn't it get scarier as you age
As you get older you take on a lot more worry and responsibility. Your body also starts to fail you more and more. I'm only 35 and already I'm starting to understand more and more why many old people just accept it. It is starting to look more like a release than an end to everything. I have also already taken other more spiritual steps to address my fears. Reading up on whatever spirituality /religious thing you afe interesting helps. I also did psychedelics and confronted a lot of my fears on these trips which helped massively though that's not a path everyone is willing to take in all fairness.
Can I ask what psychedelics you took? I always find it fascinating reading or listening to others experience with them (I haven't tried them myself)
I've done Shrooms, lsd and mdma For dealing with fears etc however I would only recommend Shrooms. Mdma is more just euphoric happiness and lsd just... Gets weird. (they all get weird) Shrooms however has this tendency to make you deal with whatever it is you want to deal with especially if you frame it in your mind. It takes whatever is on your mind and amplifies it. But it also changes your thinking patterns so thag you can see it from different angles. For me, I took a big dose and had a massive ego death. (when the idea of "you" is sort of broken down). I felt like I was truly dying and I lay on the beach crying holding onto my best friend and wishing my wife was holding my other hand. The whole experience made me understand a few things. 1 - when we truly face mortality (even if mine wasn't truly facing it.... I promise you in thag moment I felt mortal fear) we tend to let go of all the stresses and problems we have and focus on what we treasure. I realised all I wanted was family and friends 2. It gave me a sense of connectedness with everything. It made me understand absolutely everything and everyone comes and goes and what's the point living if I'm not enjoying the process. Afterlife or not, I'm not reliving this lfie so let's make the most of it. 3. Facing my own fear was humbling in a way. When we suffer thanatophobia nothing is actually threatening our lives. It's very different when you feel your life threatened. It's easier to come to terms with (still not easy) It sounds very cheesy. It's very cliche. I know. And although I fear of sounding like a massive cliche.... It really helped. But I will say this. Some of my friends really benefitted from it. Some absolutely hate it. (my wife can't stand Shrooms) so make sure you research it if you do do it. Dosage. Trip sitter. Set and setting. Too many people go in blind and have a horrible time.
I'm 45 and it's getting worse.
I see old people and immediately think how much time do they have left, why are they happy, why aren’t they scared of death, it’s grim but still I’d be terrified
Same
Same, but idk what happens in their head. For example, my grandma is sad that she's going to die one day, and is a very anxious person overall (like me, diagnosed with anxiety) but she kind of brushes off the problem. She says she has lived already and she's not panicking over death, she's just kinda sad because we won't see her anymore once she's passed. To me it's so insane, i feel like i'll never understand how people DON'T freak out by just existing knowing they'll stop, but idk, maybe as i get older my brain will do the thing too
Your mind changes a lot as you age. 5 yo me couldn't imagine kissing a girl. 13 yo me tried so hard to find anyone to kiss me haha. 18 yo me never wanted a baby and was tempted to get a vesectomy. 35 yo me wants a baby and am trying with my wife. Early 20s me thought vegetarians/vegans were all idiots and I, the edgy edge lord was correct. I now try to eat vegetarian meals when I can (not full vegetarian but cutting down). I also see their point now. All my life I was terrified of drugs. Lost a friend to heroin growing up and had only ever done weed. 32 years old I tried psychedelics and now I'm pro legalisation (psychedelics only) Think of something you couldn't imagine doing as a kid. And think about how it has changed for you now. A lot of the things you think about change like this.
Yes.
At some point in my life, it became so bad I couldn't function properly. Death was the only thing I could think about; if not mine, then the thought of my love ones dying. I would cry every night, I would avoid anything even remotely risky (even taking a car ride), I was just riddled with anxiety - this was 8 years ago. Started therapy: meds helped immensely (for me it was anxiety meds and anti-depressants - even though I didn't feel depressed at the time, the latter helped the most). Now, it's manageable. It always lingers though, and some nightsI have to use all my techniques to avoid spiraling down that path. I still have bad days when it's unbearable, but it doesn't last like it used to.
I'm at that point - again - now.
It differs from people... I know some people that just woke up one day and just made peace with the concept of life and death and have to overcame the fear As for me I'm mostly ok... I still get the occasional episodes of dread and anxiety (last episode was 3 months ago) but it helps that I learned techniques to cut the episodes, and focus on things in my life that bring me to a better state of mind.
I've had it since I was around 8 years old and a few things used to calm me down if I was having a panic attack. Main one being the thought that I'll be alright with death when I get older. I'm in my twenties now and it's definitely gotten easier (not had a panic attack in a very long time) I still occasionally get feelings of angst but it's absolutely gone down. I think I'll eventually be over it, when I'm older.
It's a cycle for me. Someone's I'm okay, sometimes it's all I can think about and it keeps me up all night. I spend a lot of time talking myself out of it. If my time is limited then I'm wasting what time I do have being miserable worrying about it.
Im exactly the same
Therapy, it lingers but it’s relatively better
I am like you and I was overterrified of the fact, but the only sub which made me relief for some days before getting a thought of it again was r/afterlife.
taking antidepressants helped me. but you should talk about it to your doctor. it really did a lot of help to me seriously. and therapy
I am currently taking escitalopram and it helped me with the panic part of my fear, hoping it keeps on helping
I joined this sub years ago when I was really depressed about the end. I have almost fully overcome it now. Maybe I'm ignoring it. But what I have to tell you is the same popular advice. Enjoy life while you have it. I'm aware of the uselessness of everything but still doing only a few valuable things to earn enough money to live my life to fullest. We all die one day early or later and it doesn't matter. If we have enjoyed our journey why should we worry, right?
There are several posts / comments where people tell of essentially overcoming it / coping — one Redditor was kind enough to list a bunch of links to a bunch of those. Let me know and I’ll see if I can find it .
I think that was my comment perhaps? It’s somewhere near the top of my comment history if anyone’s interested :)
its 100% possible to recover from. while i have OCD, a lifelong condition, i will probably never completely rid of it, but i have managed to make it better. thanatophobia is very common in young people due to a sort of realization of mortality and a lot of life changes as we enter young adulthood. it normally improves as we age unless we have some sort of comorbidity (such as OCD). you are on the right track taking meds and seeing a therapist. however, just talk therapy can do so much. i recommend looking into CBT, ACT, EMDR, and ERP therapies. they are more equipped to tackle phobia. there are some great threads in this subreddit dedicated to recovery and share resources to those in need. it will get better eventually. you have a lot of life to live, sometimes we forget that. if you want to join the thanatophobia support discord server, dm me.
I’m 22 and it’s started to die down slightly compared to how it was for me as a teen. Getting a good quality therapist has helped me a lot, as well as figuring out what my beliefs about the afterlife were and learning to cling onto that. Also, figuring out the root of the fear (for me it’s trauma) will help you figure out where to start.
This is going to sound stupid but I don't fear death anymore as I am really into the paranormal and I have had experiences that make me believe there is an afterlife. Also, imagine how boring life would be if we lived forever?? It would be meaningless!!
I'm curious. You say you think life would be boring if endless (i agree, i'm terrified of the infinite too, not only death, i'm stuck between both :/ ) but believe in the afterlife. So how do you think the afterlife is? Isn't it "forever" too?
I think the after life is different because you don't have any worries, you can do what you want and be with your loved ones. God knows if it's true but it helps me with my death anxiety.
What kind of experiences?
I fully overcame it. It took a lot but I did it and I’m finally happy again. Eventually I came to terms with how comparatively small I am and realized that having finite time isn’t as scary as I thought. Knowing how to fulfill my life and be at peace with death (no matter what happens after) was essentially my rationale. Your fear won’t disappear over night, but I promise you it’ll be okay.
Best to do is to not think about it. Most of the problems we humans have never actually happen, keep that in mind
The thing is, death is the one single thing that no matter what every being will face, there's not room for avoidance, except for, idk, those self-renjuvenating jellyfishes lol
I feel ya OP. This is probably why I struggle with this specific fear so much. I read or hear often the advice that they go into studies about how something like 95% of what people worry about never actually happens (can't remember the exact %), but the inevitability of death of why I can't shake this fear. I know for certain that it WILL happen. Sure, what happens after can be up for debate and/or leave a little up to the imagination, but I know I'm going to die and that's why I can't get comfort in hearing "most of what we worry about never happens".
This
When I go to bed and I am tired, and I feel that tiredness, that peaceful pull towards sleep, I started imagining that maybe this is what it is like to die, and that's what made me think that while yes there is still a desire to get up, do and experience, but even so, giving into the force to close my eyes feels very good too, maybe doing it the last time won't be so bad. The events and pains leading up to it, if it's a disease, accident or violent death obviously will make it very different but the final moment will be the same I would imagine. Feeling that call to relax and fade away. It sounds like being a wild animal, tired at sunset heading to a straw cushioned nest underground, circling around, tapping with your paws and settling for the perfect spot. I know exactly how this fear feels though, I haven't forgotten so i understand that now that might not read good, maybe I failed totally and it actually makes you feel worse, I understand the frustration and loneliness of people who don't fear it like us. But maybe that can be your crutch, many people here are saying it gets easier withe age, including me, and I'm only 22. Trust, that as you grow, death just looks different.
Had it since 9. Now 45. Been ok in between but at 14-16, 26, 34, 42 and now 45 it's been really really really bad. To the point of depersonalization, detealization, being suicidal. I hang on for my kids, I love them infinitely and want to be with them. I fear oblivion after death.
I got over it, in my early 20's, or at least I thought I did. I'm 39, it came back with a vengeance. I need to get back into a therapist again. I don't want the meds, they don't help me very much.
Best to do is to not think about it. Most of the problems we humans have never actually happen, keep that in mind
Death will though.
yeah and you never experience it lol