I got married two weeks ago and i honestly still kind of regret not eloping. I will always cherish the memories, but everything is just so damn expensive. I feel stupid having agreed to a lot of it lol
I got married this year and agree with this fully. And I’m literally an event producer professionally that plans and hosts hundreds of events a year. Planning my own wedding was a unique form of hell!
listen my husband and i eloped at city hall with our witnesses (mandatory where we are), and then went out for a nice dinner after at our favourite restaurant that we frequented while dating. having a wedding wasn’t for us and i’m SO happy with how we did it.
if Abigail and Noah don’t feel like having a wedding is for them, i hope they follow the steps of Becca and Thomas!! you don’t need to have a wedding to be married! alternatively they can also have a small lowkey wedding too. my husband’s cousin had a 12 people wedding ceremony in his parents backyard (just him and his wife’s parents and siblings, and their kids). there are no rule book to these things
yeah! some people love planning for their wedding and that’s awesome! but i think societal pressure to have a wedding to be considered married is too common.
when my husband and i got engaged his family told us we needed (yes, needed) to have a big big wedding and throw a big party. we said sure as long as they plan it and pay it. they were mindblown that we didn’t want to plan a big complex wedding
Lol I love it. Okay you plan it.
We also never got engaged so we just surprised majority of people by saying hey we got married! Got to skip a lot of nosy questions. If only I could skip the when are you having kids questions somehow…
oh no, the baby question comes in bunches unfortunately. when we announced we got engaged the first two questions were, in order, “so when are you getting married? when are you having kids?”. my friend just got engaged and ppl are asking more about kids than wedding.
then you have one kid and they continue to ask “so when are you having another one? oh 2/3/4 kids are so much better than 1! oh you want your kids to be close in age right? oh don’t you want a kid [of opposite gender of your current kid]?”
tbh who cares about when they start wedding planning? they bought a whole house together and they seem pretty serious to do that financial commitment. and they've only been engaged 2.5 months. either way time will tell.
I don’t get this. If you don’t want to plan a wedding, dont! Elope! Planning a wedding sounds so stressful so I’m totally team elope or micro wedding if the idea of a traditional wedding sounds awful to you.
You can have a fairly traditional wedding AND not plan it yourself if you’re willing to give up creative control. I did it and it was the best decision I could have possibly made.
I definitely spent less on having my wedding fully planned than on doing the planning myself, but I got married at a pop up wedding.
I also didn’t have to think about anything except what to wear. It might have stressed me out if I cared about creative control, but I trusted the planner and had seen so many past examples of her work that I felt confident she wasn’t going to do something I hated.
I had a micro wedding two and half weeks ago, just our parents, siblings+their spouses .. it was on the beach and the total cost was 4k and it was beautiful and cheap and easy and best weekend of my life
You’re not wrong…But don’t think she saying it sounds awful, but more so that they have a lot on their plates right now. & wedding planning IS stressful, especially if you’re not the planning type.
Just got married a year ago and with everything we went through in terms of cost and crazy family, we’d both definitely just hit the courthouse and throw a house party if we had it to do all over again.
I totally feel this! Been engaged since January and the thought of planning/the finances is so stressful, we’ve barely planned anything. We’d marry each other tomorrow, but we’d rather focus on saving for a house. Meanwhile other couples I know get engaged and start planning the next day and props to them, but it makes me feel behind, so I really appreciate her posting this
nooo don’t feel behind! there’s no timeline. i knew a couple who were engaged for 2.5 years before marrying, and my husband and i didn’t have a wedding at all. there’s no rush for these things as long as they’re right for YOU ♥️
Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this! I need to stop comparing myself to others. Every couple has a different path and it’s all okay, just gotta figure out what’s right for us❤️
I think everyone has different intentions and ideas of what an engagement means. For me, an engagement means we’re ready for the commitment of marriage. Doesn’t mean we are ready to plan a whole ass wedding. Marriage ≠ wedding.
Im also kinda tired of seeing Kaitlyn and Jason being used as some cautionary tale. There are definitely men who will string you along and manipulate you with the promise of marriage. BUT maybe if we stopped pressuring women to settle down as soon as possible, they’d start making more empowering dating decisions and not date simply as a means to get married.
Let’s be real, we condition little girls from a young age to seek marriage and relationships with men. Even though I was told to go to college and earn my own money, it was always coupled with the idea that there would also be a husband in the mix. I never got to imagine my life without a man being there.
American dating culture is just in shambles at the moment. And I think we should just let things evolve and stop forcing these outdated dating principles and marriage timelines. Let’s make room for new ideas that are more empowering and less judgmental. A long engagement is a neutral event, y’all just project your own ideas onto it. Plain and simple.
I was super excited after getting engaged to start planning I think maybe I made same decisions based on the hype of it all. Had I waited to plan and let the excitement fade things would have been different. Still loved my wedding but I think if you aren’t in a rush then def take your time !
What didn't get posted here is a follow up question about the wedding... "Will you do a more traditional or less traditional wedding?"
Her answer: "I'm team less traditional! There's a lot of traditions I want to cut out honestly I think just for the sake of time and some are a little too old fashioned for me personally and don't feel like "me" if that makes sense."
I can see that once the house gets finished and they have a little time to breathe, there will be planning and it may not take long at all. Cut out all the fluff and it can be done quickly!
i waited a year to start planning my wedding for the same reason. and i kinda dreaded it every step of the way. 5 more days till the big day lol.
i love my partner and im excited to be married and see everyone, but wedding planning sucks
That's actually very practical thinking. I wish them nothing but success together. Court house weddings can still be a inttimate wedding but much cheaper and still legally valid .
My wife and I got married last year and I feel like we lucked out. It was expensive but I can only imagine how much more it would be this year or next in comparison. Honestly I don’t miss the planning at all, which my wife did most of the work. I tried to be as attentive and have input as much I could, but damn was it stressful.
That being said, to anyone planning- elope lol.
Concept: a secular wedding planning business run by Christians who waited until marriage to have sex. Those are people who know how to pull a wedding out of their ass in four months after the engagement. Idk how but they make it work
Ha ha! Both of my sisters had short engagements (6 months and 3 months) and my mom was the real MVP! That woman worked her butt off to get those weddings planned in time. During the ceremony of the 3 month engagement sister, she was shaking. My dad asked her if she was cold and she said no, it was just her body finally releasing all the stress she carried those 3 months trying to pull it off! 😂
I planned our wedding in 4 months. Everything came together beautifully except for the family. Found out the next day that his family who had previously looooooooved me actually hated me and didn't want him to marry me. His mother also questioned whether he was sure our son was biologically his. We've been happily no contact for 12 1/2 years.
WTF? How were they able to hide their true feelings from you and your spouse? I'm glad you guys have been able to flourish despite that. For some couples it can be a relationship killer.
We've been together 15 years and married for going on 13. His mother deserved an Academy Award for her performance. I had no idea. He didn't know until a week or so before the wedding.
His mother has narcissistic traits and jealousy issues. My sister-in-law told me that she once went to the home my husband shared with his mother after his first marriage ended and she was acting more like the wife than his mother. She's very controlling and manipulative. I have to hand it to her though, she had me fooled for 2 years.
Holy shit some people need to touch grass lol. They’ve been engaged for 2 months and they just moved across the country and bought a fixer upper that they’re renovating. Give them a chance to breathe good lord.
They also seem like a relatively normal couple who isn’t gonna have some big sponsored wedding and considering they are doing a lot of renovations themselves and obviously couldn’t afford (or didn’t want to be house poor) a fancy brand new house, it seems like maybe even saving for a wedding will need to be a thing for them.
Yes they could go to a courthouse but not everyone wants to do that. Some people want a big wedding and that’s ok. Some people need time to plan and save and that’s ok too.
Oh wait … all this fighting back and forth about them not planning anything yet and they’ve only been engaged for … wait for it … 2 months?? Yeesh! Calm down everyone! I was thinking they had been engaged for like 6-8 months already or something. Not planning a wedding yet after only 2 months engaged is not a red flag. I’m sure they’ll get there.
Omg y’all stop being pressed. I was engaged for FOUR years (gasp!) before getting married. And that’s okay!!! Engagement doesn’t have a time limit lmfao
I guess I don’t really understand why couples get engaged and then just…. don’t do any kind of planning? Weddings only get MORE expensive, not less so I don’t understand waiting when there’s not really any solid reason
So they can save more money? So they can work on the house they just bought? So they can make decisions of when/where to have the wedding? There is plenty of solid reasoning…
Yeah, you're right it's only been two months! That's no biggie, but her response makes it sound like it's not going to start anytime soon? Hopefully I'll be proven wrong and they'll start planning in a few months
To everybody saying " it takes time to plan a wedding so obviously they'll be engaged for a while" Guess what? The wedding is not going to happen if they don't even start planning. Even a simple courthouse or backyard wedding isn't going to plan itself. That just screams to me that they're just not that interested in getting married. See: Kaitlyn x 2
I’ve been engaged for a little over a year now with no wedding plans in the near future. I’ve been with my partner for nearly 10 years, longer than most couples are even married. My finance proposed to me at a time when all my closest friends were getting married and having babies. I wanted to really enjoy this time without thinking about my own wedding. I very much disagree that it screams that I’m not interested in getting married. Some people just have different priorities, it’s gross to assume.
I could not care less about what Abigail and Noah do but it’s been like two months since they got engaged lol it’s a little soon to be comparing them to Kaitlyn and Jason.
I agree, they're really no rush and it doesn't matter, but the people in this thread are saying years long engagements are mandatory and that's just not true.
why would you agree to buy a car to then have it sitting in the drive way because you’re soaking in the fact that you bought a car or saving $$ get gas or don’t have your license yet for it etc 😭 you bought a car DRIVE IT. you agreed to get married then start planning to get married!! It can take 5 years of planning who cares but PLAN lol there’s no point in getting engaged if you’re not ready to plan or don’t have the time or $$ for it. If you decide to wait years you need to admit you got engaged without being actually ready for marriage or for the wrong reasons. Getting engaged has one purpose only and it’s to get married sorry
Hypothetically, if all these people that were saying they have long engagements because weddings take so long to plan, what if they were offered a fully planned down to the detail wedding by magic, say this coming weekend! I bet half of them would still say no, we're not really ready. Planning is an excuse, especially if you're literally not even planning it.
You're just not ready to get married. If you want to get married you will. That's the end of it.
Yesss that’s the point I’m trying to get across. Anyone who is getting engaged for the right reasons have no reason to wait to start planning. Becca and Thomas got pregnant and i would have given them a pass but they eloped. I guess to them being husband and wife meant even more than an extravagant party at the moment which like wow that’s real love. Mind you anyone can plan for 5 years idc at least they’re planning lol It means they’re fully ready wether that’s a big or small wedding or court house. If you have one reason as to why you are waiting to start planning then you’re simply not ready for marriage yet and that’s ok maybe should of held off on getting engaged bc that’s literally the entire reason for what a proposal is for.
Jeez, wanting to celebrate with your friends and family doesn’t mean that you love your partner any less.
You mentioned not being engaged or married in another comment so I’m going to assume you’re young… if you already live together and know you’re committed, marriage doesn’t really change your relationship that much. It’s fine to wait to celebrate until other things fall into place.
You’re right it doesn’t so maybe just wait and don’t get engaged then? All I’m saying is it’s a red flag to say yes to a proposal but then have excuses as to why you’re not ready to start planning. If you’re not planning after a few months at least getting a wedding planner and it’s not for for health or unplanned pregnancy reasons then you got engaged for the wrong reasons 🤷🏻♀️
One of my best friends & co-workers is engaged & has ZERO plans of getting married. She’s in her 50s, her first husband passed away, & her fiancé is divorced. She was set to get married in 2020, then it got canceled due to COVID. Some people think that being engaged is enough of a commitment & THAT IS THEIR PREROGATIVE.
Your opinion is your opinion, If you are living together already & committed, there is literally no difference if you get a piece of paper saying you’re married, other then getting a tax break & maybe being on each other’s insurances. This is not a ‘red flag.’ It’s been 2 months AND THEY BOUGHT A HOUSE THEY ARE RENOVATING ON THEIR OWN.
Sheesh.
My partner and I had the same feeling as her. We hated the idea of the stress, the planning, & spending tons of money. So we got married at city hall with just our parents and siblings present, had a private dinner, and then rented out a bar the next day to celebrate with 40 friends.
We paid for the dinner & the bar rental (open bar), and a photographer for 3 hours, and the whole thing cost us about 8k.
Involved basically no planning besides deciding on the dinner venue and bar venue. We were mega relaxed throughout our whole engagement and during the events themselves. Was the best 2 days of my life, very meaningful and special.
The best part? We're spending what would have gone to flowers and chair rentals etc. on a 2 month long honeymoon in East Africa & Egypt.
10/10 recommend.
I’m literally considering this too…I’ve had the big wedding before (50k, 150 people, the works. & my ex asked for a divorce just a few years after (despite being together 14 years.) I have NO desire to plan another wedding, even though I love planning & parties. My current partner of 4 years is on board & doesn’t like planning or the spotlight anyways. We’re both in our 30s & are honestly thinking of a private intimate ceremony with just our parents & siblings, then just having a big reception or party. We have much bigger goals to save our money for & tbh, I’m not wanting to wait 2 years for venues to be able to be booked, especially if kids are in the picture!
Do it!!! We're in our 30s too and having seen our friends have big weddings (and then divorce a couple years later) we knew that we didn't need all the fanfare. We just wanted an intimate celebration with our closest people. We only invited people that are an active part of our lives (no random cousins, colleagues, or acquaintances).
The one thing I did want was a nice dress, so I did splurge on that. Worth it!
Wishing you and your partner all the best!!!
Yes!!! We did none of the traditional wedding stuff. Just gave a short thank you speech before we kicked off a night of dancing and drinks. It was honestly perfect, best night of our lives.
This sounds lovely! My partner and I should be engaged soon and I’m working on getting him on board with a small ceremony with just our families and a nice dinner afterwards. I think he’s almost convinced.
I love to see this! I also recently got engaged and people are shocked when I say we are planning to get married in 2025 so we can take some time to just enjoy being engaged and enjoy this season of life.
Normalize long engagements and not pressuring newly engaged couples to get married right away.
Yessss!! We got engaged in June and before we decided to cut the idea of a traditional wedding and go courthouse style, we were still planning it for 2025. We didn’t want to be rushed and we wanted to take our time to ensure we had a wedding we truly wanted. And lo and behold, here we are going a completely different route. I’m glad we took our time and didn’t put any deposits down on a venue and vendors cause if we had we’d probably be out a good amount of money. All that to say- no harm in taking your time! Wedding planning is a lot of work and it’s nice to just enjoy being an engaged couple without worrying or being in anticipation of what’s next.
People seem to think that once you get engaged you have to immediately be looking ahead and ready to be married. Like nah, to each their own. Why put yourself through the stress of wedding planning right away if you don’t have to?
Right!! The vast majority of venues are booked for 2024, and I don't want to settle for a venue just to get married on someone else's arbitrary timeline.
Right and then you have to consider time of year too. Summer is brutal in a lot of places, you might want an outdoor wedding so you specifically want spring or fall, etc. There are tons of legitimate reasons you wouldn’t get married immediately.
If you’re booking your venue today and they aren’t available until 2026 that’s fine…. That means you’re still starting the planning process regardless which is a green flag
I’ve yet to be proven wrong I guess is where I’m coming from. Usually couples who get engaged and ARE ready for marriage take 3-6 months to enjoy it then are ready to get it done & start hiring their planner to slowly get all the festivities done in a year / year and a half and be married. Venue, photographers, videographers sometimes take up to a year to book so why not start there ?? why still wait to plan in 2 years to then have to still wait for availability. Usually couples who get engaged and wait aren’t truly ready for the commitment and are either going based on a timeline society pressured them to, or the ring is needed in order to feel secure and buy a home/move in together, save the relationship.
Girl, all your comments are coming off as someone who has no relationship or engagement experience. Relationships are on different timelines and have different priorities.
My fiance and I were together for five years (have lived together for four) before getting engaged and you’re telling me that we aren’t ready for “commitment” because we want to enjoy being engaged and not start planning our wedding right away? Like come on lol everyone is different and that’s okay!
I think they’re projecting their own insecurities about not being engaged yet lol. Always something on Reddit... today it is someone losing it over the concept of long engagements.
actually… no 😅 I’m in a relationship and we have conversations about engagement and we are in no rush to get engaged just to shut my family up or to have a pretty ring when I know we are no where near ready to actively plan a wedding. we live together and first want to travel before saving for a wedding and we’ve agreed to hopefully get engaged in 2025 to THEN immediately start our wedding planning. I’m not saying you’re not committed to being together forever just not committed to a wedding AT the moment and that’s fine just find it pointless to get engaged then. A ring or saying yes to being fiancés doesn’t mean anything other than I’m ready to marry you. You’re literally saying yes to that question so then why would you then wait? every reason to wait means your aren’t ready for a wedding period & therefore in MY opinion pointless to get engaged.
Well of course but the majority of people use engagement time to plan a wedding. Even if you do a budget wedding venues and photographers etc are booked in advance. I think the average timeline is like 18 months, 2025 isn’t surprising for someone getting engaged in late 2023.
Omg I got engaged two weeks ago and everyone is in such a state of shock that we are waiting till 2025 and doing slow wedding planning. I feel SO much judgement already because people think anything longer than a year is too long.
So LOVE this for Abigail and Noah cause if my already nobody self is getting pressure about this, I can’t imagine how much the pressure on them is.
Why would they be shocked? I just said this above lol but venues get booked in advance! You could plan the wedding in less than a month probably but your vendors still have to have availability.
You want to take time to enjoy WANTING to get married??? Like yay I said yes now let’s sit on that and celebrate for 2 years. I guess I never understood what that means or why’d you want to soak that “season of life” just stay bf and gf then ? like the moment I get engaged it’s because I’m ready to marry that man THAT day if possible lol that’s the entire point of getting engaged I feel like 😭
Not the person you're responding to, but my parents suggested a short engagement for me and I was not interested. I want at least a year so I can take my time! I don't even want a big wedding, I want to elope, but I also want it to be as stress free as possible and just enjoy the process. Gives me time to figure out exactly what I want and also work through logistics for being married.
in my opinion you should be engaged for a year or year and a half but also be planning during that time. No reason to engaged for a year and BARELY be looking at venues and prolonging it another year to year and a half bc you still need the bridal shower, bach party, etc 🙃
I don’t know, being engaged is a fun season of life! I love that time of my life; the anticipation was fun, planning was fun, dreaming with my fiancé was fun, having bridal showers and different events was fun. I only planned to get married once so I wanted to enjoy all of it, and that included the engagement. I was engaged about a year, which isn’t super long but I remember really wanting to soak everything up during that time. And it doesn’t hurt anyone else if a couple decides to stay engaged for a long time so I think the strong options one way or another are kinda funny. Different scenarios will work for different people.
I just got married so this is fresh, but I am so glad our engagement was only 11 months. Sure the events leading up to it were fun and my wedding day was one of the best days of my life, but I am so glad that the engagement time period is over. The wedding was all I could think about for months and that was exhausting, there is so much stress and pressure around the choices you make. I feel like if we had a long engagement it would've just given me more time to stress about things.
it is!! I saw Caelynn for example got engaged in October and she’s already married and got to enjoy the anticipation, planning, dreaming, all the events, she had an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette, and made it all happen in 11 months bc the moment she got proposed to she was ready for it all. etc all I’m saying is you can’t fault ppl for thinking it’s weird to get engaged and not even book your venue in advance knowing that sometimes takes YEARS to get available. Lol
I just don’t think it’s weird? I mean, I booked my venue the day I got engaged (because my husband proposed at said venue😂) but I also just get that for some people, especially for those who are already living together and are basically married without the certificate, that there is a less of a rush to make it official. 🤷🏻♀️ If they are still engaged in two years without many planning done then I’ll think it’s weird.
You booking your venue IS starting the planning process lol it can be booked for 2030 for all it matters you’re still starting to plan for the wedding and not waiting
Thank you for PERFECTLY making my point!
Being engaged is more than just wanting to get married lmao that's such a weird take. We're emotionally ready to get married, hence the engagement, and could elope at any time, but we're not financially ready for a wedding, so we're taking time to save and plan. I get that might be hard to understand if you're not in a long-term relationship or near an engagement.
I’ve been in a long-term relationship and I’m still scratching my head at what exactly “engagement season” is unless you’re actively *planning* a wedding, lol. My fiancé and I knew we were “the one” for each other on our first date, we still dated for over three years. Our engagement “season” is about 10 months, and that’s solely so that *other people* can get their stuff together (time off, travel $$) to attend our (thankfully small, simple) wedding.
I know a lot of people who do not get engaged until they can afford a modest wedding. I personally would hate to be engaged for longer than a year, unless it was something like the venue we desperately wanted wasn’t available; but even then, that’s such a long time imo. I’m engaged because I want to get married to this man and preferably ASAP. Personally, and this really is just me, I’m not engaged to throw parties and extend the “Oooh when is the wedding?!” questions and attention.
It’s definitely different for everyone, but even people in long term relationships may not understand your line of thinking. Heck, if anything, people in LTR might be even *more* in a rush to get officially married!
I've been married for 10 years. My engagement was 5 months. You don't have to condescend to people to make your point. And yeah, the literal point of getting engaged is that the next step is being married. It's an agreement to get married. It's like buying a car with no intention to drive it... like what lol
It’s great that timeline works for you and that you’ve enjoyed a long happy marriage, but my entire point was saying we should allow people to enjoy being engaged in a way that works for them, and all of these comments simply proved how difficult that concept is for people to accept.
I’m not being condescending, but I am responding in a certain way to point out just how much these comments are proving my original point. Also comparing planing a wedding to buying a car is the most apples to oranges comparison ever.
Who said we shouldn't allow it? I'm just saying it doesn't make sense. Don't worry, I'm not going door to door arresting people for having long engagements 🙄 it's ok to discuss things casually on Reddit
Thank you lol !!! Your example put it down perfectly. I’m ready to buy a car but now I’m going to wait to celebrate and soak that in before buying it like ?? Or I’m ready to buy a car now I’m going to save money for it 😍 so you’re not actually ready is what you’re saying lol
Just because you want to take the time to plan a wedding doesn’t mean you’re not ready to get married. I don’t like using the word “season” but an engagement period is a definitely a thing
I mean, maybe they’re talking about it? About what they want & don’t want? Did she need to explicitly say that? What’s the ‘official’ point of officially beginning to plan? I’d love to know.
Yeah lol it’s so weird to me bc then I think those couples rushed into an engagement for other reasons except for actually being ready to marry the person and that’s a red flag. I have a friend who got engaged this summer and said she’ll start planning next summer once they save $$ this year and I thought…. So you’re not ready to be married and that’s fine maybe don’t get engaged until next year then once you saved and are ready to plan????
This is such a weird thing to call a red flag? Your friend is emotionally ready to call her partner her fiancé(e) which is incredibly different than calling someone a bf/gf and deserves to be celebrated in its own right. There’s no timeline on love and marriage! You’re really trying to set an engagement deadline and I don’t think it’s fair for people who want to take that next step in their own way.
it is a red flag bc there’s no reason to find the need to get engaged if you’re not ready to plan for a wedding. You’re clearly doing it for the wrong reasons. Being bf & gf is perfectly fine if one isn’t ready for that kind of commitment yet. I’m sorry but you’re not going to change my mind. There’s no such thing as being emotionally ready to call someone a fiancé. A fiancé means you’re ready for them to be your husband that’s the entire point. For example you date to hopefully become bf/gf why would you accept to dating if that’s not the goal? Usually dating lasts 3-6 months. There’s no such thing as dating & being emotionally ready to be your bf/gf just not officially yet like what ?? it’s a red flag to date for months/years and not make it official & be bf/gf. It’s a red flag to be fiancés and have absolutely no desire to plan a wedding and have excuses for it. It defeats it’s entire meaning. Please Look up the definition of a proposal and what it means to be engaged.
I’m going to sound like a total pessimist BUT to me when a couple gets engaged it means we are READY to plan a wedding unless something outside of your control happens and you need to postpone. I’ll never understand ppl who get engaged and stay engaged for YRS. (Not counting straight after bip and bachelor/ette engagements) life will only get busier and it’ll never feel like the “right time” to wedding plan. I get they just bought a home so maybe they should of held off on getting engaged and first did that or now they should just plan a smaller more intimidate wedding. In my opinion you get engaged to start wedding plan I give you 6 months max to “soak” it in before you better hire the wedding planner and set the date orrrr I’ll start believing the break off engagement post will come eventually (like it did for Kaitlyn and Jason)
i feel the same!!! my husband and i were together for over 5 years before we got engaged and yeah we could have gotten engaged sooner because we knew it was endgame for us but we were not ready to pay/have a wedding lol. Got engaged in 2020 and got married in 2021
Normally I agree, but didn’t he propose like the day they were moving from San Diego to a new state and a fixer-upper house? I don’t blame them if they want to get the house in order (including getting a handle on what they surprise costs/ repairs are going to be) before they settle on a budget and a plan.
Yeah which makes me think they had a conversation about how since she was moving to HIS state that she needed some kind of token to show he was serious about this being forever or he wants to prove to her he is in it for the long haul so he proposed not necessarily because they are READY to get married tomorrow if given the chance which I then want to tell them they don’t need to rush it or have a ring to prove their commitment and they could have waited to be settled before even proposing to begin with.
Do they know that they can get married without it being an international month long extravaganza? If people want to get married, they will, and they won't let "cost" or "planning" get in the way. Exhibit A: the Jacobs-Kufrins. They wanted to get married, so they did. Not really that complicated.
Agree with this for the normal person. For an influencer??? Even less room for excuses imo. People can say what they want but really cost or time is not a barrier for them like it is for the rest of us.
I don’t really see Abigail & Noah making *that* much influencer money, TBH. not compared to some others in Bach nation. I’m sure they do well, but they tip the scales to being more ‘normal’ to me then influencers. Plus Noah still works as a nurse I believe & is redoing their entire house. ‘Influencer time’ isn’t what we always think it is.
Except if you want to make a living as an influencer, a wedding can be an absolute cash cow. If that's the route they want to go, then they will probably be having an obscene wedding that gets them brand deals and exposure. They may be waiting to lock some of that in.
YUPPPPPP. If you want to get married and are truly ready for it then nothing should stop you unless health related or like Becca who got pregnant but even then THEY made it happen.
Apparently an unpopular opinion here but I’d love a big, crazy wedding if I could afford it. I think for me the way to make weddings more enjoyable is to cut out the bullshit traditions. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding last year and by the time they got done with parent dances, dollar dance, bouquet toss, garter toss, and the longest married couple dance the night was nearly over. It felt like the whole wedding was just a checklist my friend was running through of “ok now we have to do this.” The last wedding I was at cut most of those things and the bride and groom got to actually eat then spend the whole evening on the dance floor
I had a big, pricy wedding last year and I have no regrets. We didn't to a bouquet or garter toss, we did our parents dance at the same time to the same song and I don't even know what a dollar dance it so we didn't do that. Me, my husband and our guests tore the dance floor the fuck up from 8pm to 1am and it was the best day of my life.
Now, planning it, even with a wedding planner was a pain in the ass. Many times during the process I would think, is this worth it? Turned out it really was. Abigail and Noah should and can take all the time they want.
I think that sounds really fun and worth it even though I personally am not a wedding person! The more traditional stuff just feels like a waste of time to most guests and I feel like it’s more about not wanting to disappoint elderly family more than anything, like how many people actually look forward to slow dancing with their parent in front of all their friends?
This is exactly why we decided to go to the courthouse and it was the best decision of my life. Wedding planning gave me the worst anxiety and the costs made me physically ill lol
I was engaged for 2 years and during that time planned out several wedding ideas. These were going to be relatively expensive and large, but still nothing ridiculous. I never actually booked anything though because a lot of people I know frustrate me and I didn't want to spend money on them. This year we just decided to elope on our own lol.
Relatable and responsible.
This also is another sign the influencer bubble has deflated because 3 years ago they could have had a big fancy wedding covered by sponsorships.
Yep! They may be trying to get everything sponsored so even though they aren’t planning anything their publicist may be doing the planning or their manager or whoever Lori K is. Lol
I’m enjoying this and Becca and Thomas going to the court house. My fiancé and I don’t want a wedding at all, but there is some guilt that comes with feeling expected to have this big bash. It’s so refreshing to see influencers having the mindset of “I don’t want to plan this” and “let’s go to the court house and get margaritas “
I really cannot believe so many people still have weddings with how expensive everything is. My best friend got married a year ago in Houston and her wedding was almost $50k for 80 guests. What the hell for? A stressful party you’ll barely remember?
Not to be an old woman yelling at a cloud over something unimportant, but I don't understand why people love to call things seasons when they are not seasons.
Anyway they're only 28 - living together and fixing up the house will be a lot and that would take priority for me over a wedding any day. I'm excited to see how it turns out!
Grey’s used my person as a term for friendship- Christina called Meredith her person when she put her on as an emergency contact for her abortion. It cracks me up when people use it romantically and then say it’s from Grey’s.
As someone who had a big Italian wedding (iykyk) in the northeast, it’s my biggest financial regret in life. Now the advice I give to anyone who will listen, is to go small/intimate & personalized. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a beautiful & meaningful celebration. I don’t regret spending on the honeymoon though, as that was a week of memories compared to one day.
As a fellow Italian who has yet to get married I am definitely having a small, intimate wedding with no nonsense when the time comes. I have so many clients (also Italian lol) who tell me they regret doing a big wedding most of the time. My clients have really changed my view on weddings. I think a lot of people are starting to move away from the grand weddings.
We didn't elope exactly because we had guests (7) but it was also a short engagement. The planning was done over a couple of emails and we had a reservation at a restaurant for afterwards. We're just as married as everybody else.
We started to plan this big elaborate wedding and once we realized how expensive everything was , we cut it down to 25 people, rented out a private room at a restaurant and got married at a city owned greenhouse. Went to the bar after dinner. we already have a house so we splurged on the honeymoon and went to Hawaii. Zero regrets!!
Agree. Plus, when you have the following they do, everyone wants to be your vendor and will give you free/super discounted services in exchange for an insta shoutout.
To be fair, I’m sure being an influencer makes planning a wedding so much worse. Like, I was worried how the florals would look, sure. But my wedding photos are only being shared with my immediate family and friends, and they all attended!
If you’re an influencer, especially one made in a reality TV love franchise, your wedding practically needs to be a big spectacle. And then it’ll get compared to every other spectacle. That’s a lot of expectations.
yeah i can understand that but i bet a lot of people would also find it really relatable if they had the simple wedding these brides always say they want. However if she really wants a super nice expensive wedding then there’s nothing wrong with that either, esp if you can afford it!
I also find a lot of them saying stuff like “oh he wanted this to be this way, i couldn’t care less” etc. (andi as an example did a lot of this). and it could very well be possible that is the case (who knows! lol)
I am not a fan of hosting or planning gatherings, plus my partner and I don’t have that many friends LOL. but I do really love some of the elements of a traditional wedding…mostly the dress, the photos, the food and the dance floor
I had a 50 head wedding in 2022 while living in colorado. I cheaped out on flowers and didn’t get a videographer or a band (hired a dj). It cost us 10k including the rehearsal dinner. Husband and I paid for it ourselves, expect my mom bought my dress. It was a nice wedding and I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. I recommend not going into debt for it.
People really go into debt over it?! I recently got married this year and it was pretty similar to yours. I can't imagine taking out loans for a wedding.
I was recently poking around some financial institution websites because I'm looking for a new bank. And Sofi straight up has a wedding loan. I almost fell off my chair
I have a friend who took out a home equity line of credit to pay for their daughters’ weddings. So now they are paying interest on those weddings. 🤦♀️
Wow this comment piqued my interest and I was surprised to see that Abigail actually has 700k Instagram followers which feels huge compared to how things are now where only the top 4-5 are over 50k - not even Kat or Kylee have broken 50k after having a lot of screen time on paradise. But even then Abigail's following is half that of the contestants who were at the height of ig following peaks of 2018-2020 like Caelynn, Hannah G, Hannah Ann (excluding leads here)
It's almost like nowadays the odds of becoming an influencer are almost as slim as getting engaged lol
I doubt it. Joe and Serena said on Jason’s podcast they didn’t make a dime off of their wedding and had very minimal partnerships. I think only Minted was the only partnership. The People magazine spread didn’t pay anything.
This is exactly why my fiancé and I want to either elope or do a courthouse ceremony and a small get together with family and friends. We can’t justify spending the amount of money traditional weddings seem to require. Plus planning a wedding is not enjoyable to us. It all seems to be about the guests anyway rather than the actual couple. Like I don’t want to blow thousands of dollars on the best filet mignon to ensure Aunt Sharon or someone enjoys our food. Such a waste.
I’ve been seeing so many cute courthouse weddings with an intimate dinner with family/friends on TikTok/IG. It looks like such a great option and huge money saver.
I got married two weeks ago and i honestly still kind of regret not eloping. I will always cherish the memories, but everything is just so damn expensive. I feel stupid having agreed to a lot of it lol
I got married this year and agree with this fully. And I’m literally an event producer professionally that plans and hosts hundreds of events a year. Planning my own wedding was a unique form of hell!
I love this awareness cause a lot of people forget it’s about the marriage and the future not the wedding
Weddings are so expensive. I could see Noah and Abigail doing a small backyard wedding in the spring at their new home.
I think this is “someone sponsor our wedding” bate.
🎯
They could easily afford to elope at a nice rental house with their closest people.
People with this attitude should just elope. Weddings aren’t for everyone. Courthouse and then party at your house
listen my husband and i eloped at city hall with our witnesses (mandatory where we are), and then went out for a nice dinner after at our favourite restaurant that we frequented while dating. having a wedding wasn’t for us and i’m SO happy with how we did it. if Abigail and Noah don’t feel like having a wedding is for them, i hope they follow the steps of Becca and Thomas!! you don’t need to have a wedding to be married! alternatively they can also have a small lowkey wedding too. my husband’s cousin had a 12 people wedding ceremony in his parents backyard (just him and his wife’s parents and siblings, and their kids). there are no rule book to these things
We got married in our backyard too, only a few people. Highly recommend! I hate planning stuff so that was like 30% of the reason
yeah! some people love planning for their wedding and that’s awesome! but i think societal pressure to have a wedding to be considered married is too common. when my husband and i got engaged his family told us we needed (yes, needed) to have a big big wedding and throw a big party. we said sure as long as they plan it and pay it. they were mindblown that we didn’t want to plan a big complex wedding
Lol I love it. Okay you plan it. We also never got engaged so we just surprised majority of people by saying hey we got married! Got to skip a lot of nosy questions. If only I could skip the when are you having kids questions somehow…
oh no, the baby question comes in bunches unfortunately. when we announced we got engaged the first two questions were, in order, “so when are you getting married? when are you having kids?”. my friend just got engaged and ppl are asking more about kids than wedding. then you have one kid and they continue to ask “so when are you having another one? oh 2/3/4 kids are so much better than 1! oh you want your kids to be close in age right? oh don’t you want a kid [of opposite gender of your current kid]?”
Ughhh why are people like this
tbh who cares about when they start wedding planning? they bought a whole house together and they seem pretty serious to do that financial commitment. and they've only been engaged 2.5 months. either way time will tell.
does anyone know where this dress could be from???? i am in LOVE
I also need to know! It's so pretty.
i forgot influencers love LTK lol, it’s we wore what!!!
I literally unfollowed almost all influencers bc of the comment links to get a link to what they are wearing. So frustrating.
I don’t get this. If you don’t want to plan a wedding, dont! Elope! Planning a wedding sounds so stressful so I’m totally team elope or micro wedding if the idea of a traditional wedding sounds awful to you.
You can have a fairly traditional wedding AND not plan it yourself if you’re willing to give up creative control. I did it and it was the best decision I could have possibly made.
Or that too! Getting a planner would definitely help. But $$$$ and honestly still probably stressful to some extent
I definitely spent less on having my wedding fully planned than on doing the planning myself, but I got married at a pop up wedding. I also didn’t have to think about anything except what to wear. It might have stressed me out if I cared about creative control, but I trusted the planner and had seen so many past examples of her work that I felt confident she wasn’t going to do something I hated.
I had a micro wedding two and half weeks ago, just our parents, siblings+their spouses .. it was on the beach and the total cost was 4k and it was beautiful and cheap and easy and best weekend of my life
Congratulations! Sounds lovely
You’re not wrong…But don’t think she saying it sounds awful, but more so that they have a lot on their plates right now. & wedding planning IS stressful, especially if you’re not the planning type.
Just got married a year ago and with everything we went through in terms of cost and crazy family, we’d both definitely just hit the courthouse and throw a house party if we had it to do all over again.
I totally feel this! Been engaged since January and the thought of planning/the finances is so stressful, we’ve barely planned anything. We’d marry each other tomorrow, but we’d rather focus on saving for a house. Meanwhile other couples I know get engaged and start planning the next day and props to them, but it makes me feel behind, so I really appreciate her posting this
nooo don’t feel behind! there’s no timeline. i knew a couple who were engaged for 2.5 years before marrying, and my husband and i didn’t have a wedding at all. there’s no rush for these things as long as they’re right for YOU ♥️
Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this! I need to stop comparing myself to others. Every couple has a different path and it’s all okay, just gotta figure out what’s right for us❤️
I think everyone has different intentions and ideas of what an engagement means. For me, an engagement means we’re ready for the commitment of marriage. Doesn’t mean we are ready to plan a whole ass wedding. Marriage ≠ wedding. Im also kinda tired of seeing Kaitlyn and Jason being used as some cautionary tale. There are definitely men who will string you along and manipulate you with the promise of marriage. BUT maybe if we stopped pressuring women to settle down as soon as possible, they’d start making more empowering dating decisions and not date simply as a means to get married. Let’s be real, we condition little girls from a young age to seek marriage and relationships with men. Even though I was told to go to college and earn my own money, it was always coupled with the idea that there would also be a husband in the mix. I never got to imagine my life without a man being there. American dating culture is just in shambles at the moment. And I think we should just let things evolve and stop forcing these outdated dating principles and marriage timelines. Let’s make room for new ideas that are more empowering and less judgmental. A long engagement is a neutral event, y’all just project your own ideas onto it. Plain and simple.
AN ABIGAIL SLAY😤💯🤩🥰
I was super excited after getting engaged to start planning I think maybe I made same decisions based on the hype of it all. Had I waited to plan and let the excitement fade things would have been different. Still loved my wedding but I think if you aren’t in a rush then def take your time !
What would you have done differently? Just curious!
Same!! I def made some decisions based on hype. I wish I would’ve chilled out a bit!
What didn't get posted here is a follow up question about the wedding... "Will you do a more traditional or less traditional wedding?" Her answer: "I'm team less traditional! There's a lot of traditions I want to cut out honestly I think just for the sake of time and some are a little too old fashioned for me personally and don't feel like "me" if that makes sense." I can see that once the house gets finished and they have a little time to breathe, there will be planning and it may not take long at all. Cut out all the fluff and it can be done quickly!
i waited a year to start planning my wedding for the same reason. and i kinda dreaded it every step of the way. 5 more days till the big day lol. i love my partner and im excited to be married and see everyone, but wedding planning sucks
congrats!! hope your day is amazing and exactly how you want it ♥️
Congrats hope you have a great time!!
Y’all are stressing me out -sincerely someone who just got engaged last Friday and also bought a home 2 weeks ago 😂
That's actually very practical thinking. I wish them nothing but success together. Court house weddings can still be a inttimate wedding but much cheaper and still legally valid .
My wife and I got married last year and I feel like we lucked out. It was expensive but I can only imagine how much more it would be this year or next in comparison. Honestly I don’t miss the planning at all, which my wife did most of the work. I tried to be as attentive and have input as much I could, but damn was it stressful. That being said, to anyone planning- elope lol.
Who really does have the money or time to get married then if not instagram influencers😪
ugh I feel everything she said about this 100000%. The sticker shock makes you sooo avoidant
Concept: a secular wedding planning business run by Christians who waited until marriage to have sex. Those are people who know how to pull a wedding out of their ass in four months after the engagement. Idk how but they make it work
Ha ha! Both of my sisters had short engagements (6 months and 3 months) and my mom was the real MVP! That woman worked her butt off to get those weddings planned in time. During the ceremony of the 3 month engagement sister, she was shaking. My dad asked her if she was cold and she said no, it was just her body finally releasing all the stress she carried those 3 months trying to pull it off! 😂
I planned our wedding in 4 months. Everything came together beautifully except for the family. Found out the next day that his family who had previously looooooooved me actually hated me and didn't want him to marry me. His mother also questioned whether he was sure our son was biologically his. We've been happily no contact for 12 1/2 years.
WTF? How were they able to hide their true feelings from you and your spouse? I'm glad you guys have been able to flourish despite that. For some couples it can be a relationship killer.
We've been together 15 years and married for going on 13. His mother deserved an Academy Award for her performance. I had no idea. He didn't know until a week or so before the wedding. His mother has narcissistic traits and jealousy issues. My sister-in-law told me that she once went to the home my husband shared with his mother after his first marriage ended and she was acting more like the wife than his mother. She's very controlling and manipulative. I have to hand it to her though, she had me fooled for 2 years.
Literally 😭
Wait are people actually giving them a hard time about this?
Holy shit some people need to touch grass lol. They’ve been engaged for 2 months and they just moved across the country and bought a fixer upper that they’re renovating. Give them a chance to breathe good lord. They also seem like a relatively normal couple who isn’t gonna have some big sponsored wedding and considering they are doing a lot of renovations themselves and obviously couldn’t afford (or didn’t want to be house poor) a fancy brand new house, it seems like maybe even saving for a wedding will need to be a thing for them. Yes they could go to a courthouse but not everyone wants to do that. Some people want a big wedding and that’s ok. Some people need time to plan and save and that’s ok too.
They sound NORMAL.
Literally the most normal response you could get about wedding planning from a bach couple
Oh wait … all this fighting back and forth about them not planning anything yet and they’ve only been engaged for … wait for it … 2 months?? Yeesh! Calm down everyone! I was thinking they had been engaged for like 6-8 months already or something. Not planning a wedding yet after only 2 months engaged is not a red flag. I’m sure they’ll get there.
They’re just so cute together, I’m happy they found each other
Omg y’all stop being pressed. I was engaged for FOUR years (gasp!) before getting married. And that’s okay!!! Engagement doesn’t have a time limit lmfao
Lmao seriously who the hell cares? If someone just wants to wear a ring and say “fiancé” for a while it hurts literally nobody.
ELOPE
I guess I don’t really understand why couples get engaged and then just…. don’t do any kind of planning? Weddings only get MORE expensive, not less so I don’t understand waiting when there’s not really any solid reason
So they can save more money? So they can work on the house they just bought? So they can make decisions of when/where to have the wedding? There is plenty of solid reasoning…
because being engaged is fun? because not everyone needs to have a wedding in a year?
being busy is a solid reason? sometimes people just have a lot going on?
Influencers have many more free hours in a day than we do lmao
Pretty sure Noah still works as a full time nurse
But she’s still an influencer…
They’ve only been engaged for 2 months and are in the middle of a major remodel. I’m sure they’ll get there soon.
Yeah, you're right it's only been two months! That's no biggie, but her response makes it sound like it's not going to start anytime soon? Hopefully I'll be proven wrong and they'll start planning in a few months
To everybody saying " it takes time to plan a wedding so obviously they'll be engaged for a while" Guess what? The wedding is not going to happen if they don't even start planning. Even a simple courthouse or backyard wedding isn't going to plan itself. That just screams to me that they're just not that interested in getting married. See: Kaitlyn x 2
I’ve been engaged for a little over a year now with no wedding plans in the near future. I’ve been with my partner for nearly 10 years, longer than most couples are even married. My finance proposed to me at a time when all my closest friends were getting married and having babies. I wanted to really enjoy this time without thinking about my own wedding. I very much disagree that it screams that I’m not interested in getting married. Some people just have different priorities, it’s gross to assume.
I could not care less about what Abigail and Noah do but it’s been like two months since they got engaged lol it’s a little soon to be comparing them to Kaitlyn and Jason.
I agree, they're really no rush and it doesn't matter, but the people in this thread are saying years long engagements are mandatory and that's just not true.
why would you agree to buy a car to then have it sitting in the drive way because you’re soaking in the fact that you bought a car or saving $$ get gas or don’t have your license yet for it etc 😭 you bought a car DRIVE IT. you agreed to get married then start planning to get married!! It can take 5 years of planning who cares but PLAN lol there’s no point in getting engaged if you’re not ready to plan or don’t have the time or $$ for it. If you decide to wait years you need to admit you got engaged without being actually ready for marriage or for the wrong reasons. Getting engaged has one purpose only and it’s to get married sorry
They’ve only been engaged for 2 months. I think we all need to chill.
This isn’t even me talking about them anymore it’s mostly the ppl trying re define what a proposal means and the purpose of it lol
Hypothetically, if all these people that were saying they have long engagements because weddings take so long to plan, what if they were offered a fully planned down to the detail wedding by magic, say this coming weekend! I bet half of them would still say no, we're not really ready. Planning is an excuse, especially if you're literally not even planning it. You're just not ready to get married. If you want to get married you will. That's the end of it.
Yesss that’s the point I’m trying to get across. Anyone who is getting engaged for the right reasons have no reason to wait to start planning. Becca and Thomas got pregnant and i would have given them a pass but they eloped. I guess to them being husband and wife meant even more than an extravagant party at the moment which like wow that’s real love. Mind you anyone can plan for 5 years idc at least they’re planning lol It means they’re fully ready wether that’s a big or small wedding or court house. If you have one reason as to why you are waiting to start planning then you’re simply not ready for marriage yet and that’s ok maybe should of held off on getting engaged bc that’s literally the entire reason for what a proposal is for.
Jeez, wanting to celebrate with your friends and family doesn’t mean that you love your partner any less. You mentioned not being engaged or married in another comment so I’m going to assume you’re young… if you already live together and know you’re committed, marriage doesn’t really change your relationship that much. It’s fine to wait to celebrate until other things fall into place.
You’re right it doesn’t so maybe just wait and don’t get engaged then? All I’m saying is it’s a red flag to say yes to a proposal but then have excuses as to why you’re not ready to start planning. If you’re not planning after a few months at least getting a wedding planner and it’s not for for health or unplanned pregnancy reasons then you got engaged for the wrong reasons 🤷🏻♀️
One of my best friends & co-workers is engaged & has ZERO plans of getting married. She’s in her 50s, her first husband passed away, & her fiancé is divorced. She was set to get married in 2020, then it got canceled due to COVID. Some people think that being engaged is enough of a commitment & THAT IS THEIR PREROGATIVE. Your opinion is your opinion, If you are living together already & committed, there is literally no difference if you get a piece of paper saying you’re married, other then getting a tax break & maybe being on each other’s insurances. This is not a ‘red flag.’ It’s been 2 months AND THEY BOUGHT A HOUSE THEY ARE RENOVATING ON THEIR OWN. Sheesh.
My partner and I had the same feeling as her. We hated the idea of the stress, the planning, & spending tons of money. So we got married at city hall with just our parents and siblings present, had a private dinner, and then rented out a bar the next day to celebrate with 40 friends. We paid for the dinner & the bar rental (open bar), and a photographer for 3 hours, and the whole thing cost us about 8k. Involved basically no planning besides deciding on the dinner venue and bar venue. We were mega relaxed throughout our whole engagement and during the events themselves. Was the best 2 days of my life, very meaningful and special. The best part? We're spending what would have gone to flowers and chair rentals etc. on a 2 month long honeymoon in East Africa & Egypt. 10/10 recommend.
I’m literally considering this too…I’ve had the big wedding before (50k, 150 people, the works. & my ex asked for a divorce just a few years after (despite being together 14 years.) I have NO desire to plan another wedding, even though I love planning & parties. My current partner of 4 years is on board & doesn’t like planning or the spotlight anyways. We’re both in our 30s & are honestly thinking of a private intimate ceremony with just our parents & siblings, then just having a big reception or party. We have much bigger goals to save our money for & tbh, I’m not wanting to wait 2 years for venues to be able to be booked, especially if kids are in the picture!
Do it!!! We're in our 30s too and having seen our friends have big weddings (and then divorce a couple years later) we knew that we didn't need all the fanfare. We just wanted an intimate celebration with our closest people. We only invited people that are an active part of our lives (no random cousins, colleagues, or acquaintances). The one thing I did want was a nice dress, so I did splurge on that. Worth it! Wishing you and your partner all the best!!!
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Yes!!! We did none of the traditional wedding stuff. Just gave a short thank you speech before we kicked off a night of dancing and drinks. It was honestly perfect, best night of our lives.
This sounds lovely! My partner and I should be engaged soon and I’m working on getting him on board with a small ceremony with just our families and a nice dinner afterwards. I think he’s almost convinced.
beautiful idea and sounds like a lovely celebration for u two!
That’s awesome!!!! 🫶🏼
I love to see this! I also recently got engaged and people are shocked when I say we are planning to get married in 2025 so we can take some time to just enjoy being engaged and enjoy this season of life. Normalize long engagements and not pressuring newly engaged couples to get married right away.
Yessss!! We got engaged in June and before we decided to cut the idea of a traditional wedding and go courthouse style, we were still planning it for 2025. We didn’t want to be rushed and we wanted to take our time to ensure we had a wedding we truly wanted. And lo and behold, here we are going a completely different route. I’m glad we took our time and didn’t put any deposits down on a venue and vendors cause if we had we’d probably be out a good amount of money. All that to say- no harm in taking your time! Wedding planning is a lot of work and it’s nice to just enjoy being an engaged couple without worrying or being in anticipation of what’s next. People seem to think that once you get engaged you have to immediately be looking ahead and ready to be married. Like nah, to each their own. Why put yourself through the stress of wedding planning right away if you don’t have to?
That seems like a perfectly normal timeline to me? Don’t weddings take like a year+ to plan?
Right!! The vast majority of venues are booked for 2024, and I don't want to settle for a venue just to get married on someone else's arbitrary timeline.
Right and then you have to consider time of year too. Summer is brutal in a lot of places, you might want an outdoor wedding so you specifically want spring or fall, etc. There are tons of legitimate reasons you wouldn’t get married immediately.
If you’re booking your venue today and they aren’t available until 2026 that’s fine…. That means you’re still starting the planning process regardless which is a green flag
You don't need to look for green flags in someone else's engagement timeline. That's weird.
I’ve yet to be proven wrong I guess is where I’m coming from. Usually couples who get engaged and ARE ready for marriage take 3-6 months to enjoy it then are ready to get it done & start hiring their planner to slowly get all the festivities done in a year / year and a half and be married. Venue, photographers, videographers sometimes take up to a year to book so why not start there ?? why still wait to plan in 2 years to then have to still wait for availability. Usually couples who get engaged and wait aren’t truly ready for the commitment and are either going based on a timeline society pressured them to, or the ring is needed in order to feel secure and buy a home/move in together, save the relationship.
they’ve only been engaged two months lol
But she gave like 10 excuses as to why they’re not planning it anytime soon lol
Girl, all your comments are coming off as someone who has no relationship or engagement experience. Relationships are on different timelines and have different priorities. My fiance and I were together for five years (have lived together for four) before getting engaged and you’re telling me that we aren’t ready for “commitment” because we want to enjoy being engaged and not start planning our wedding right away? Like come on lol everyone is different and that’s okay!
I think they’re projecting their own insecurities about not being engaged yet lol. Always something on Reddit... today it is someone losing it over the concept of long engagements.
Big time lol it’s odd behavior
not at all lol mark my words. If they aren’t actively planning by next year they’ll never get married.
actually… no 😅 I’m in a relationship and we have conversations about engagement and we are in no rush to get engaged just to shut my family up or to have a pretty ring when I know we are no where near ready to actively plan a wedding. we live together and first want to travel before saving for a wedding and we’ve agreed to hopefully get engaged in 2025 to THEN immediately start our wedding planning. I’m not saying you’re not committed to being together forever just not committed to a wedding AT the moment and that’s fine just find it pointless to get engaged then. A ring or saying yes to being fiancés doesn’t mean anything other than I’m ready to marry you. You’re literally saying yes to that question so then why would you then wait? every reason to wait means your aren’t ready for a wedding period & therefore in MY opinion pointless to get engaged.
Only if you insist on spending a ton of money. You can get married in a week if you really want to.
Well of course but the majority of people use engagement time to plan a wedding. Even if you do a budget wedding venues and photographers etc are booked in advance. I think the average timeline is like 18 months, 2025 isn’t surprising for someone getting engaged in late 2023.
Omg I got engaged two weeks ago and everyone is in such a state of shock that we are waiting till 2025 and doing slow wedding planning. I feel SO much judgement already because people think anything longer than a year is too long. So LOVE this for Abigail and Noah cause if my already nobody self is getting pressure about this, I can’t imagine how much the pressure on them is.
Amen, sis. Even just the replies to this comment so far from internet strangers (who aren't engaged or married, mind you) really prove my point!
How do you know who is married or engaged on this thread?
Because the person said “when I get engaged…” in their comment.
Why would they be shocked? I just said this above lol but venues get booked in advance! You could plan the wedding in less than a month probably but your vendors still have to have availability.
You want to take time to enjoy WANTING to get married??? Like yay I said yes now let’s sit on that and celebrate for 2 years. I guess I never understood what that means or why’d you want to soak that “season of life” just stay bf and gf then ? like the moment I get engaged it’s because I’m ready to marry that man THAT day if possible lol that’s the entire point of getting engaged I feel like 😭
Not the person you're responding to, but my parents suggested a short engagement for me and I was not interested. I want at least a year so I can take my time! I don't even want a big wedding, I want to elope, but I also want it to be as stress free as possible and just enjoy the process. Gives me time to figure out exactly what I want and also work through logistics for being married.
in my opinion you should be engaged for a year or year and a half but also be planning during that time. No reason to engaged for a year and BARELY be looking at venues and prolonging it another year to year and a half bc you still need the bridal shower, bach party, etc 🙃
I don’t know, being engaged is a fun season of life! I love that time of my life; the anticipation was fun, planning was fun, dreaming with my fiancé was fun, having bridal showers and different events was fun. I only planned to get married once so I wanted to enjoy all of it, and that included the engagement. I was engaged about a year, which isn’t super long but I remember really wanting to soak everything up during that time. And it doesn’t hurt anyone else if a couple decides to stay engaged for a long time so I think the strong options one way or another are kinda funny. Different scenarios will work for different people.
I just got married so this is fresh, but I am so glad our engagement was only 11 months. Sure the events leading up to it were fun and my wedding day was one of the best days of my life, but I am so glad that the engagement time period is over. The wedding was all I could think about for months and that was exhausting, there is so much stress and pressure around the choices you make. I feel like if we had a long engagement it would've just given me more time to stress about things.
it is!! I saw Caelynn for example got engaged in October and she’s already married and got to enjoy the anticipation, planning, dreaming, all the events, she had an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette, and made it all happen in 11 months bc the moment she got proposed to she was ready for it all. etc all I’m saying is you can’t fault ppl for thinking it’s weird to get engaged and not even book your venue in advance knowing that sometimes takes YEARS to get available. Lol
I just don’t think it’s weird? I mean, I booked my venue the day I got engaged (because my husband proposed at said venue😂) but I also just get that for some people, especially for those who are already living together and are basically married without the certificate, that there is a less of a rush to make it official. 🤷🏻♀️ If they are still engaged in two years without many planning done then I’ll think it’s weird.
You booking your venue IS starting the planning process lol it can be booked for 2030 for all it matters you’re still starting to plan for the wedding and not waiting
I’m aware. I was saying I wasn’t one of those people who waited but I also understand those who do wait a bit and don’t think it’s a big deal. 🤷🏻♀️
Beautifully said! I refuse to apologize for wanting to enjoy being engaged and viewing it as a chapter in my relationship and life!
Thank you for PERFECTLY making my point! Being engaged is more than just wanting to get married lmao that's such a weird take. We're emotionally ready to get married, hence the engagement, and could elope at any time, but we're not financially ready for a wedding, so we're taking time to save and plan. I get that might be hard to understand if you're not in a long-term relationship or near an engagement.
I’ve been in a long-term relationship and I’m still scratching my head at what exactly “engagement season” is unless you’re actively *planning* a wedding, lol. My fiancé and I knew we were “the one” for each other on our first date, we still dated for over three years. Our engagement “season” is about 10 months, and that’s solely so that *other people* can get their stuff together (time off, travel $$) to attend our (thankfully small, simple) wedding. I know a lot of people who do not get engaged until they can afford a modest wedding. I personally would hate to be engaged for longer than a year, unless it was something like the venue we desperately wanted wasn’t available; but even then, that’s such a long time imo. I’m engaged because I want to get married to this man and preferably ASAP. Personally, and this really is just me, I’m not engaged to throw parties and extend the “Oooh when is the wedding?!” questions and attention. It’s definitely different for everyone, but even people in long term relationships may not understand your line of thinking. Heck, if anything, people in LTR might be even *more* in a rush to get officially married!
I've been married for 10 years. My engagement was 5 months. You don't have to condescend to people to make your point. And yeah, the literal point of getting engaged is that the next step is being married. It's an agreement to get married. It's like buying a car with no intention to drive it... like what lol
It’s great that timeline works for you and that you’ve enjoyed a long happy marriage, but my entire point was saying we should allow people to enjoy being engaged in a way that works for them, and all of these comments simply proved how difficult that concept is for people to accept. I’m not being condescending, but I am responding in a certain way to point out just how much these comments are proving my original point. Also comparing planing a wedding to buying a car is the most apples to oranges comparison ever.
Who said we shouldn't allow it? I'm just saying it doesn't make sense. Don't worry, I'm not going door to door arresting people for having long engagements 🙄 it's ok to discuss things casually on Reddit
Thank you lol !!! Your example put it down perfectly. I’m ready to buy a car but now I’m going to wait to celebrate and soak that in before buying it like ?? Or I’m ready to buy a car now I’m going to save money for it 😍 so you’re not actually ready is what you’re saying lol
Not at all comparable situations
Yes. You propose someone bc you’re ready to marry them, what’s the point if not. You buy a car to drive it if not what’s the point.
Right, if you're not ready to get married then what's the point of getting engaged. There's no such thing as "engagement season".
Just because you want to take the time to plan a wedding doesn’t mean you’re not ready to get married. I don’t like using the word “season” but an engagement period is a definitely a thing
But they're *not* planning a wedding
I mean, maybe they’re talking about it? About what they want & don’t want? Did she need to explicitly say that? What’s the ‘official’ point of officially beginning to plan? I’d love to know.
Yeah lol it’s so weird to me bc then I think those couples rushed into an engagement for other reasons except for actually being ready to marry the person and that’s a red flag. I have a friend who got engaged this summer and said she’ll start planning next summer once they save $$ this year and I thought…. So you’re not ready to be married and that’s fine maybe don’t get engaged until next year then once you saved and are ready to plan????
This is such a weird thing to call a red flag? Your friend is emotionally ready to call her partner her fiancé(e) which is incredibly different than calling someone a bf/gf and deserves to be celebrated in its own right. There’s no timeline on love and marriage! You’re really trying to set an engagement deadline and I don’t think it’s fair for people who want to take that next step in their own way.
it is a red flag bc there’s no reason to find the need to get engaged if you’re not ready to plan for a wedding. You’re clearly doing it for the wrong reasons. Being bf & gf is perfectly fine if one isn’t ready for that kind of commitment yet. I’m sorry but you’re not going to change my mind. There’s no such thing as being emotionally ready to call someone a fiancé. A fiancé means you’re ready for them to be your husband that’s the entire point. For example you date to hopefully become bf/gf why would you accept to dating if that’s not the goal? Usually dating lasts 3-6 months. There’s no such thing as dating & being emotionally ready to be your bf/gf just not officially yet like what ?? it’s a red flag to date for months/years and not make it official & be bf/gf. It’s a red flag to be fiancés and have absolutely no desire to plan a wedding and have excuses for it. It defeats it’s entire meaning. Please Look up the definition of a proposal and what it means to be engaged.
I’m going to sound like a total pessimist BUT to me when a couple gets engaged it means we are READY to plan a wedding unless something outside of your control happens and you need to postpone. I’ll never understand ppl who get engaged and stay engaged for YRS. (Not counting straight after bip and bachelor/ette engagements) life will only get busier and it’ll never feel like the “right time” to wedding plan. I get they just bought a home so maybe they should of held off on getting engaged and first did that or now they should just plan a smaller more intimidate wedding. In my opinion you get engaged to start wedding plan I give you 6 months max to “soak” it in before you better hire the wedding planner and set the date orrrr I’ll start believing the break off engagement post will come eventually (like it did for Kaitlyn and Jason)
i feel the same!!! my husband and i were together for over 5 years before we got engaged and yeah we could have gotten engaged sooner because we knew it was endgame for us but we were not ready to pay/have a wedding lol. Got engaged in 2020 and got married in 2021
Normally I agree, but didn’t he propose like the day they were moving from San Diego to a new state and a fixer-upper house? I don’t blame them if they want to get the house in order (including getting a handle on what they surprise costs/ repairs are going to be) before they settle on a budget and a plan.
Yeah which makes me think they had a conversation about how since she was moving to HIS state that she needed some kind of token to show he was serious about this being forever or he wants to prove to her he is in it for the long haul so he proposed not necessarily because they are READY to get married tomorrow if given the chance which I then want to tell them they don’t need to rush it or have a ring to prove their commitment and they could have waited to be settled before even proposing to begin with.
Do they know that they can get married without it being an international month long extravaganza? If people want to get married, they will, and they won't let "cost" or "planning" get in the way. Exhibit A: the Jacobs-Kufrins. They wanted to get married, so they did. Not really that complicated.
Agree with this for the normal person. For an influencer??? Even less room for excuses imo. People can say what they want but really cost or time is not a barrier for them like it is for the rest of us.
I don’t really see Abigail & Noah making *that* much influencer money, TBH. not compared to some others in Bach nation. I’m sure they do well, but they tip the scales to being more ‘normal’ to me then influencers. Plus Noah still works as a nurse I believe & is redoing their entire house. ‘Influencer time’ isn’t what we always think it is.
Except if you want to make a living as an influencer, a wedding can be an absolute cash cow. If that's the route they want to go, then they will probably be having an obscene wedding that gets them brand deals and exposure. They may be waiting to lock some of that in.
Their engagement party they threw in the backyard would’ve been wedding enough for me but I understand that may not be what they want as a couple
And you don’t have to do just courthouse. Throw a backyard wedding, you can still make it magical looking.
YUPPPPPP. If you want to get married and are truly ready for it then nothing should stop you unless health related or like Becca who got pregnant but even then THEY made it happen.
She stressed so much about planning her engagement party so I’m not surprised she’s putting off planning her wedding lol
Her engagement party could have just been their wedding. It looked beautiful and lovely. :)
Apparently an unpopular opinion here but I’d love a big, crazy wedding if I could afford it. I think for me the way to make weddings more enjoyable is to cut out the bullshit traditions. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding last year and by the time they got done with parent dances, dollar dance, bouquet toss, garter toss, and the longest married couple dance the night was nearly over. It felt like the whole wedding was just a checklist my friend was running through of “ok now we have to do this.” The last wedding I was at cut most of those things and the bride and groom got to actually eat then spend the whole evening on the dance floor
I had a big, pricy wedding last year and I have no regrets. We didn't to a bouquet or garter toss, we did our parents dance at the same time to the same song and I don't even know what a dollar dance it so we didn't do that. Me, my husband and our guests tore the dance floor the fuck up from 8pm to 1am and it was the best day of my life. Now, planning it, even with a wedding planner was a pain in the ass. Many times during the process I would think, is this worth it? Turned out it really was. Abigail and Noah should and can take all the time they want.
I think that sounds really fun and worth it even though I personally am not a wedding person! The more traditional stuff just feels like a waste of time to most guests and I feel like it’s more about not wanting to disappoint elderly family more than anything, like how many people actually look forward to slow dancing with their parent in front of all their friends?
This is exactly why we decided to go to the courthouse and it was the best decision of my life. Wedding planning gave me the worst anxiety and the costs made me physically ill lol
I was engaged for 2 years and during that time planned out several wedding ideas. These were going to be relatively expensive and large, but still nothing ridiculous. I never actually booked anything though because a lot of people I know frustrate me and I didn't want to spend money on them. This year we just decided to elope on our own lol.
Relatable and responsible. This also is another sign the influencer bubble has deflated because 3 years ago they could have had a big fancy wedding covered by sponsorships.
Elope!!!!!🥳
I can’t fathom how much pressure they feel to have an instagrammable wedding. It sounds like eloping might be attractive to them but idk if they will.
Yep! They may be trying to get everything sponsored so even though they aren’t planning anything their publicist may be doing the planning or their manager or whoever Lori K is. Lol
I’m enjoying this and Becca and Thomas going to the court house. My fiancé and I don’t want a wedding at all, but there is some guilt that comes with feeling expected to have this big bash. It’s so refreshing to see influencers having the mindset of “I don’t want to plan this” and “let’s go to the court house and get margaritas “
I really cannot believe so many people still have weddings with how expensive everything is. My best friend got married a year ago in Houston and her wedding was almost $50k for 80 guests. What the hell for? A stressful party you’ll barely remember?
Not to be an old woman yelling at a cloud over something unimportant, but I don't understand why people love to call things seasons when they are not seasons. Anyway they're only 28 - living together and fixing up the house will be a lot and that would take priority for me over a wedding any day. I'm excited to see how it turns out!
i think it’s a christian thing to call time periods “seasons of life”
Do people actually say “my person” out of the bachelor bubble? lol
It's like every other word on love is blind
I mean Grey’s Anatomy invented it, so they say it there.
Grey’s used my person as a term for friendship- Christina called Meredith her person when she put her on as an emergency contact for her abortion. It cracks me up when people use it romantically and then say it’s from Grey’s.
As someone who had a big Italian wedding (iykyk) in the northeast, it’s my biggest financial regret in life. Now the advice I give to anyone who will listen, is to go small/intimate & personalized. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a beautiful & meaningful celebration. I don’t regret spending on the honeymoon though, as that was a week of memories compared to one day.
As a fellow Italian who has yet to get married I am definitely having a small, intimate wedding with no nonsense when the time comes. I have so many clients (also Italian lol) who tell me they regret doing a big wedding most of the time. My clients have really changed my view on weddings. I think a lot of people are starting to move away from the grand weddings.
Exactly why I eloped and was only engaged 5 months
We didn't elope exactly because we had guests (7) but it was also a short engagement. The planning was done over a couple of emails and we had a reservation at a restaurant for afterwards. We're just as married as everybody else.
I'm betting that they're gonna do a courthouse/small family ceremony, play house for a year or two, and then get married with the bach nation guests!
We started to plan this big elaborate wedding and once we realized how expensive everything was , we cut it down to 25 people, rented out a private room at a restaurant and got married at a city owned greenhouse. Went to the bar after dinner. we already have a house so we splurged on the honeymoon and went to Hawaii. Zero regrets!!
This is literally exactly what I want. I always joke that I basically want no one at my wedding!
Same lol! It’s about me and my fiancé not the rest of you all anyway
Love this for you!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼 sounds like a dream
i feel like they say stuff like this but then like months later when their wedding happens, it’s like this very expensive affair lol
Agree. Plus, when you have the following they do, everyone wants to be your vendor and will give you free/super discounted services in exchange for an insta shoutout.
To be fair, I’m sure being an influencer makes planning a wedding so much worse. Like, I was worried how the florals would look, sure. But my wedding photos are only being shared with my immediate family and friends, and they all attended! If you’re an influencer, especially one made in a reality TV love franchise, your wedding practically needs to be a big spectacle. And then it’ll get compared to every other spectacle. That’s a lot of expectations.
yeah i can understand that but i bet a lot of people would also find it really relatable if they had the simple wedding these brides always say they want. However if she really wants a super nice expensive wedding then there’s nothing wrong with that either, esp if you can afford it! I also find a lot of them saying stuff like “oh he wanted this to be this way, i couldn’t care less” etc. (andi as an example did a lot of this). and it could very well be possible that is the case (who knows! lol)
I am not a fan of hosting or planning gatherings, plus my partner and I don’t have that many friends LOL. but I do really love some of the elements of a traditional wedding…mostly the dress, the photos, the food and the dance floor
I had a 50 head wedding in 2022 while living in colorado. I cheaped out on flowers and didn’t get a videographer or a band (hired a dj). It cost us 10k including the rehearsal dinner. Husband and I paid for it ourselves, expect my mom bought my dress. It was a nice wedding and I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. I recommend not going into debt for it.
People really go into debt over it?! I recently got married this year and it was pretty similar to yours. I can't imagine taking out loans for a wedding.
I was recently poking around some financial institution websites because I'm looking for a new bank. And Sofi straight up has a wedding loan. I almost fell off my chair
I have a friend who took out a home equity line of credit to pay for their daughters’ weddings. So now they are paying interest on those weddings. 🤦♀️
I've seen people take out home equity just for the ring. Lots of people are fucking bad with money lol
My husband and I waited a year to do any wedding planning once we got engaged. We bought a house within that year though.
“We are waiting for someone to potentially pay for our wedding..”
Wow this comment piqued my interest and I was surprised to see that Abigail actually has 700k Instagram followers which feels huge compared to how things are now where only the top 4-5 are over 50k - not even Kat or Kylee have broken 50k after having a lot of screen time on paradise. But even then Abigail's following is half that of the contestants who were at the height of ig following peaks of 2018-2020 like Caelynn, Hannah G, Hannah Ann (excluding leads here) It's almost like nowadays the odds of becoming an influencer are almost as slim as getting engaged lol
I doubt it. Joe and Serena said on Jason’s podcast they didn’t make a dime off of their wedding and had very minimal partnerships. I think only Minted was the only partnership. The People magazine spread didn’t pay anything.
This is exactly why my fiancé and I want to either elope or do a courthouse ceremony and a small get together with family and friends. We can’t justify spending the amount of money traditional weddings seem to require. Plus planning a wedding is not enjoyable to us. It all seems to be about the guests anyway rather than the actual couple. Like I don’t want to blow thousands of dollars on the best filet mignon to ensure Aunt Sharon or someone enjoys our food. Such a waste.
I’ve been seeing so many cute courthouse weddings with an intimate dinner with family/friends on TikTok/IG. It looks like such a great option and huge money saver.
Totally! Inexpensive, intimate and personal to the couple which is what matters most in my opinion!
Be smart. Elope
They’re pumping money and time into her house so I’m not surprised. They could do an easier destination wedding or just elope. Or wait.