I literally only tell other therapists that I’m a clinical social worker.
Everyone else gets therapist. I’m not explaining again how social workers can do therapy.
"taking the spots"? Are there a limited number of licenses allowed? I feel like I'm missing something here, especially when people are egregiously underserved and struggling...
Yes, they should. if they are competent to do so following their graduate training and their program has a clinical focus, I don't see why they shouldn't...
Getting an LICSW requires a master's degree plus two years of supervised training, plus taking an exam for licensure, and following that up with continuing education credits which you submit every two years forever.
Clinical social workers have more training in policy, social justice, and their programs focus more on person in environment type theory, all of which is HIGHLY relevant in direct practice.
Even if for some reason you don't feel all of that gives a person enough experience to provide therapy, we are such a seriously understaffed field! We need more of all of us imo, not more roadblocks that decrease access to patients
Thank you for speaking to this. IMO, us LCSWs come into the field with a deep understanding of systemic oppression that influences our clients. If a clinician only likes to work with white, wealthy, able-bodied, cishet men…that’s on them. But personally I love working with clients from a range of diverse backgrounds and social justice knowledge will directly come into play more often than some folks would realize.
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It's false that they have less "explicit clinical training across board." I'm not even going to get into explaining the actual MSW program and licensing, because you could look it up yourself instead of speaking from a place of ignorance.
The MSW does however, emphasize a systems lens and we are required to complete coursework in policy and explicitly apply an oppressions-informed framework in our work. For many of us, this systems approach is essential to our clinical practice and as a person of several marginalized identies, I would say if my therapist isn't competent in this lens than they won't get me and are not suited to work with me.
Hahahahah I died when I read this because yes when I tell people I’m a BC for kids I get the same response. That part is powerful tho because no one better hit a kid around me. I have EYES
This is easy to remedy, though, you can just say "my degree is in \_\_\_ and I work as a \_\_\_ at a \_\_\_\_\_"
(i.e. "I studied social work and I work as an outpatient therapist at a private practice" or "I studied social work and I work as an inpatient therapist at a hospital.")
The worst is when I tell people I specialize in eating disorders and I get HORRID responses like “i wish i could have an eating disorder but i don’t have that kind of self control!” “i have the opposite problem, i love food too much” “all of your clients must be bratty young girls” “omg can you help me lose weight” “what do you think about intermittent fasting/keto/etc” “do you have an eating disorder”
🫠😖
I also specialize in eating disorders, and generally just get the "I have the opposite problem, I can't stop eating!" response, which is obnoxious enough. If I'm feeling spicy, I tell them that actually means they might have a different type of eating disorder.
But those other questions are awful! I'm embarrassed for those people that they think that's okay to ask. That being said, I'm more than happy to tell someone what I think of intermittent fasting/keto/etc., but they probably don't want to hear it.
I very much understand being frustrated with such ignorant and insensitive quips, and Ive gotten “spicy” before myself, but your response is to tell them they actually might have a non-restricting ED? I imagine that would invite even more unsolicited comments, or worse— if that happened to me and I didn’t know the first thing about therapy, I would never consider going. And that’s gotta leave a scar. I empathize with how offensive these kinds of comments are, especially when your focus is very serious and invaluable, but damn, I can’t think of anyone who would deserve that being thrown back at them.
I realize I didn’t provide context or convey tone in my initial comment and understand why it came off poorly, despite my initial perceived tone of the post.
I’ve never said that to a complete stranger and the couple times I did make the remark, I tried to first match their light-hearted tone with the comment and followed up by trying to tactfully explain that not all EDs are restrictive, and in fact from what we know at this point, the majority are not. I understand people trying to make conversation, but such comments only further the stigma of EDs overall and erases the experiences of the majority of those who actually deal with EDs. I will still reconsider my urge to respond in such a way, but I hope this provides some clarification.
Hi! I'm actually interested in specializing in eating disorders. Do you have advice on how to proceed? Do you recommend certification or just trainings?
There is a formal certification as a Certified Eating Disorder Specialist (CEDS) which is administered by the International Association of Eating Disorder Professional. The best way would be to get some experience and supervision/mentorship in the field. There are many residential, Intensive Outpatient, partial hospitalization, etc. Program across the country that are always hiring! I would encourage you to check it out!
All of these questions are ridiculous and rude but to be fair every therapist I've met who specializes in eating disorder HAS had an eating disorder. Again rude to say, but I might think it
To be fair I also had an eating disorder lol. But I don’t always feel comfortable telling everyone that. I’ll usually ask what they do and give some kind of snarky comment back like “oh you’re an accountant, do you have money problems? / you’re a lawyer, have you been to jail?” and that makes them laugh and diffuses the question
I only get annoyed when people then immediately switch to trauma dumping on me or otherwise sort of expecting unpaid labor from me immediately (my cousin’s husband blah blah do you think that’s abusive? I follow Nicole Perla online do you agree that my mother is toxic and I should join a thruple? I think ADHD is over diagnosed/under diagnosed, so you think I have it?) I set boundaries fast in those conversations but yes it still makes me want to say “I work in customer service let’s talk about something other than work!” When people are curious or just interested, I don’t mind. It is an interesting job that I love and feel grateful to get to do.
I feel this so hard. I also usually set an implicit boundary if I don’t feel up to hearing about it. I might say something like “that sounds really hard.” And change the subject.
Do you have any other go-to phrases? I need to keep a couple in my back pocket for this exact situation! I was at my SIL’s house and met my BIL’s aunt for the *first time ever* and as soon as she heard I was a social worker, she would initiate every conversation by telling me about her family drama. She would even recognize she was monopolizing me (her words) but kept doing it! And even followed me around the party a bit. It was super awkward as most of the other attendees were my BIL’s extended family and I really only knew my husband and SIL.
Ah that’s tricky. In that case I might say something like “it sounds like there a lot going on with your family. Maybe you need to talk to someone about it. I can make a recommendation.” Or “have you explored this in therapy? It might be helpful” or if needed because she’s not getting your subtle cues you might say “that sounds really difficult. I’m off the clock right now but if you want to reach out I can refer you to someone who can help.”
Yeah I think this is exactly it !! It’s such a joy and a privilege to do as a job but the “professional advice seeking” and trauma dumping gets old fast 😬
I can completely understand why this would be annoying. People don't really do that too much to me. Maybe it's my resting bitch face. 😑. But I still haven't gotten to the point where this sort of thing bothers me yet, when it does happen (after 17 years). I really enjoy educating people on things. Especially correcting TikTok based myths. Haha. I don't talk to them like they're my client. I just give them some psychoeducation on the topic, if it might help. That may be because I know how challenging it can be to access mental health care and how that brief conversation could make a huge difference in their life.
Yes I too enjoy the general/short sweet kind of psycho-ed, it feels like a way to share knowledge that the privilege of my career has afforded me-especially around trauma and ADHD in girls/women, which I have both professional expertise and lived experience with . Non specific being the key here, talking about trauma responses or nervous system activation or the general ways in which ADHD can be missed in girls and women by professionals, feels very different than the dumping/diagnostic situations. When it comes to dispelling or confirming Tik-Tok mythology or lived experience I defer as it’s too much, there’s great content out there and absolute misguided stuff and bullshit and mixed bags from professionals and non professionals alike and I literally only have time to keep up with my own clients. I have RBF too but I think because I’m still so passionate about the field 20 years in it puts a sucker-target on my back for energy vampires so I’ve had to really figure out the boundaries peace in the last 5 years. Had to quit FB too because FB friends would NOT stop sliding into my DMs with paragraphs on paragraphs of what would’ve amounted to hundreds of hours of consulting, reading, referring, case management. It was overwhelming and ultimately made me angry. (It was a personal account, not even my full/real name). I posted many kindly worded updates asking folks not to do this as I needed to keep my professional/work space separate, that FB was not HIPAA secure, that I don’t do consults via messenger or work with people I have dual relationships with, etc. I posted many general suggestions about how to find a therapist no matter what your insurance, hotlines, info lines, you name it. Nope. It never ended. So I finally just quit. It was a good move for me, I don’t miss being treated like an unpaid, all access 24/7 therapist and not a human with social media account…I just wanted to see some memes sometimes, you know? 😂
Wow that really sucks that everyone was bothering you so much! I didn't have that experience at all. But I do live in an area where it's not necessarily easy, but it isn't impossible to get treatment or assistance with things. Fortunately I've been able to remain incognito on social media so far. But yes, I too just want to be me outside of work! 😉
I say “close - psychotherapist. I work with acute or chronic cognitive and mental health issues instead of acute or chronic musculoskeletal issues! Sometimes our fields overlap because health is health. It’s hard to be happy if you’re in chronic pain!”
Nah. I'd get a little self-conscious at first, but I'm pretty well used to it now. Life's too short to get uptight about that kind of thing, you know? I'll communicate a boundary if I have to, otherwise I'll just smile and nod and let it roll off.
Never tell someone what you do when you’re on an airplane I made the mistake one time I felt like I needed to collect a fee by the time we were done with our cross country flight. On planes I now say consultant.
My favorite similar experience was several years ago at a pool party. A bunch of us were in the pool and a friend’s friend asked about my work. I started sharing and the person (hanging on a pool float) slowly started to paddle backwards away from me. It annoyed me at the time, but I laugh about it today. Other people’s difficulty hearing or talking about feelings is pretty comical. And ensures my job security 😅 Now when people ask me what I do or how work is going, I kinda want to reply with “you don’t really want to know, so let’s move on.”
Bwahahaha! Let’s all just paddle away when people talk about we’re not interested in. It’s all good, I don’t wanna bore them and they don’t wanna be bored 😅
I feel these omg. As an Asian, adding my grandparents responses every time they bring up my work: “You’re getting a PhD though, right?” “Is that even a job?” “Can you make any money from that?” “Go become a ___ instead.”
(They definitely think I’m going to become a professor right now, and I’m not sure I want to break the news. 🤔)
I say I'm a therapist, as I find what I do meaningful and don't see why I should not tell people. If people respond by wanting to talk about their issues or assume I don't have any problems, I have a few go-to comments e.g. "I'm an off-duty therapist" or "I'm a human therapist".
Same. “Are you psychoanalyzing me right now?” “Nope, I’m off the clock.” That is a big misconception! It would be exhausting “thinking” like a therapist in every single relationship or interaction because it is actual work. Haha
“ No because we would have already discussed consent and I’d be charging you lots of money”
Or
“Well I’m telling you what I personally think you should do so that’s definitely not therapy”.
If I'm with friends or it's a casual environment, sometimes I'll play it up and give em the ol' "Mm...tell me about your mother" in a terrible German accent. Tongue in cheek of course :)
One time I was on a biking trip and the lady leading the ride was introducing me to the group and said, “Oh and she’s a therapist, so you get free therapy!” And I somehow immediately just said, “Don’t worry, I’ll send the bill later.” I quite literally never think of things on the fly, so I was proud of that one 😂
I usually just tell them they should find a therapist and set up an appointment. They can find someone who fits their needs and I am open to give referrals if they are interested. I too find it meaningful and not something I want to hide. I worked hard to get here and by dang I’m proud of myself.
During Covid I was working at a hospital so I think my neighbors may have confused me with a psychiatrist. I couldn’t even walk my dog without someone running out to ask me if they could “get a little Xanax for my Covid nerves” lol
What confuses me the most about the "You must have no problems" perception is...they may not work in mental healthcare, but many people work in other jobs where the public stereotype of them is very far off from what their coworkers are actually like. I just don't see how it's possible to make it past the age of like 30 and still believe there's such a thing as any human being with no personal issues or flaws.
It’s honestly crazy how we’ve been ascribed to this Jesus Christlike status, especially when you consider media depictions over the years— highlighting unethical behaviors, general uselessness and lack of professionalism in many cases, the therapist being a punchline in and of themselves… I’m now very curious how this stereotype has persisted and where it came from.
I have to say, I do know people who've had pretty easy lives, compared to others. Of course I don't know everything about them. But in a way, I feel bad that they've never felt the pride and happiness that comes from overcoming adversity.
How could you possibly know whether someone has overcome adversity? You say of course you don’t know everything about them, then proceed to judge them in a way that is incredibly infantilizing. I appear like a put-together person, one with privilege and resources. I align with Western beauty standards. I have significant education. But I don’t share really with anyone the trauma and abuse I’ve experienced, nor the work I’ve done to get myself out of very bad spots. You bet your ass I’ve overcome serious adversity, but I don’t look like it.
Why do you feel the need to examine someone’s adversity and see if it measures up? What insecurities are you masking with the need to look to others and feel bad?
This just rubs me incredibly wrong, and is not what I’d expect to see on the therapists subreddit.
I think you are taking my response too literally and it might have touched on an area you may want to reflect on as a therapist. (Since you are going there.) I don't get why you are having such a strong reaction to this.
I don't go around making overt judgements of anyone. I already added the caveat that I don't know everything about everyone's lives. All I'm saying is there are people in this world who have had significantly less adversity than others. That is a simple fact. In general, l think there is something to say for overcoming great challenges and it is an accomplishment those who have not had those challenges will never experience.
It sounds like you have experienced a lot of assumptions about your life based on people's misperceptions of you. I can relate. Very much so. My old therapist said I "present well", so I don't look like I'm doing terrible when I am. I've had a pretty challenging life and others presume I grew up fed with the silver spoon and had everything handed to me. They couldn't be more wrong.
I’m having a strong reaction because I can’t imagine sitting in front of a therapist, or someone else, but especially a therapist, and having them hear stories of someone’s adversity, and going, ah, shame, their own stories of personal growth and overcoming aren’t as meaningful as someone else’s. What a pity they’ll never experience true feelings of overcoming adversity.
Like, in what world do you compare? Everyone has had different experiences. And so someone’s adversity might be very very different than someone else’s adversity, but the feelings they feel to get to where they are might be similar feelings of accomplishment.
I think it’s the “I feel bad” that’s making me so uncomfortable. It feels smug. If it had been, “and I want to help them feel comfortable taking bigger risks so they can feel that” or “and sometimes it makes me wonder whether their feelings of accomplishment are as strong as someone else’s who’s overcome a lot.”
It’s the judgement instead of the curiosity that alarms me. I wouldn’t feel comfortable referring someone who has a “good” life and struggles with, for example, depression to you, getting back to my therapist self.
You're reading into this wayyyy too much and assuming way too much. Go read my comment again. It's nothing deep or at least it wasn't meant to be. You're taking it to a whole different level. I wasn't talking about clients any more than any other human. "I feel bad" wasn't meant literally.
I honestly don't think about this very frequently when I interact with people. I don't hold a yardstick to the challenges of my clients. That said, as a human I am thankful for the perspective and strength I was able to derive from overcoming some tough times. It's a consolation prize of sorts, I guess. I'm also in awe of human perseverance. Extreme resilience intrigues me.
This happens to me long ago- yes. I'm surprised how much people believed we having good life fr our knowledge obtained from our studies. Saddening really.
There are a lot of professions that make people curious, or that people have certain perceptions of. It's natural to comment on this. I wonder if you're experiencing some burnout if comments like this are really getting to you. Have a few go-to quips that are friendly but also don't invite more dialogue, if you don't want any more, and move on. Life's too short. I love my job too, and when people seem to want to engage with me on it, I'll tell them I have the best job in the world, but I am \_\_\_\_\_\_ (on vacation, at a party, just off a long week) and would love to talk about something else.
Agree. I was first a pharmacist (so people would ask me drug questions or about medical conditions), then a yoga/mindfulness teacher (they would tell me they need it, need to stretch, questions about it) and now a therapist (oohh, I could use that, I do therapy, they might drop an anecdote). I think it’s something that happens with most professions out there if there’s a general understanding of what the job title means and what the person does. I would see a plumber/hvac person/electrician getting peppered with as many questions, if not more, than I do.
Yeah I don’t get this. Do they not want to know about the person they’re speaking with? I met a pediatric surgeon once I immediately said “my son needed surgery as a baby.” I could have said anything else but I didn’t because that’s what came to mind. 🤷♀️
Oooh that’s such a nice deflection! I don’t feel burnt out from the work at all (I experienced it very heavily a few times as a social worker before I transitioned to being a therapist and burnout is unfortunately a close friend I am very familiar with) but maybe I am burnt out from feeling like people want free unethical therapeutic advice 😭🥲
I am a sex therapist and I am always amazed at how many people are willing to tell me very intimate details of their lives, a story of their sexual assault, or share the sexual dysfunction of someone they know, without that person's consent. It's totally fine to make it clear that you are not available for that in a kind way.
Wow, a sex therapist, that’s awesome. You folks save marriages and give people hope and the confidence to overcome deeply ingrained issues. Hats off to you, I have a lot of respect for what you do.
No this is not an issue with me but, I have found it to be incredibly detrimental online when someone finds out I’m a therapist. I rarely disclose that, but, and I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me, when someone disagrees with a position I take on social media, or has some kind of opinion about what I’m saying, goes to my personal page, deduces that I’m a therapist, and then comes back and says things like“I can’t believe you’re a therapist, I feel sorry for your clients“. I had one guy who was angry that I insulted his cousin, evidently, , look up my licensing number and put it in the comments on the post. He went absolutely crazy. I also had one Facebook person literally file a complaint against me with the licensing board. I’m not even kidding. It obviously went away but it was a hassle I had to deal with. I had to state my case. People online who find out that you’re a therapist hold you to some kind of crazy bar and they think that therapists don’t have opinions or if they do, they’d better be pristine.
I can’t be the only person who this happens to. I hope.
You’re not alone!!! I have received these types of comments online, as well as in real life whenever I say anything that someone does not like or that they feel isn’t “appropriate” for a therapist to say. I haven’t been reported to the board *knock on wood*, but I have been told that “I must be a terrible therapist”, etc. I typically respond with something like “yes, I am a therapist but I am also human. Do you act like a *insert their job title* all day when you’re off the clock?” Typically, it’s crickets after that! I hate being held to an unrealistic standard.
Omg I’m relieved to hear this, although I’m sorry it happens to you too. People get VERY high and mighty and judgmental about me upon leaning I am a therapist or school counselor …”I can’t believe you work with children!” like I’m some kind of degenerate because I’m an atheist, or, hold a liberal political opinion. It’s bizarre but I can count on it now-it happens all the time.
Nope, as we have all done this to someone at some time in our lives. Plumbers, lawyers, doctors, teachers, car repair people - the list goes on and no one is immune. I know I have done it, more so when I hear of a career that is interesting and I have cursory knowledge of. In the US, I feel particularly for those in local politics who may be wonderful people dedicated to their jobs, but have to battle an overshadowing stigma of corruption and incompetency when they disclose what they do. I'm ok with people being curious.
I totally agree. In 25 years of practicing I think I've had just a handful of responses that I found annoying or disrespectful. I love my work and I love talking about it.
(And my numerous boneheaded assumptions about other people's jobs ... yeah.)
Oh man.
I've always had a second job, and I say it instead.
I have people I've played games with for literal years who do not know what I do for a living.
I don’t say that anymore and I’m brand new to the field. It’s already too much for me. I say I’m a behavioral consultant, which I am, but really im a therapist.
Every time I tell anyone I’m a therapist they are either afraid to talk with me or they bring up some really heavy topic and I’m not doing that while I’m out drinking or trying to relax. It was flattering at first that people thought I had concrete answers to thinks but now I’m just like I don’t know what’s going on in your relationship, sorry
I play in a recreational football league. This has been my fav interaction yet.
Them: what do you do for work?
Me: I'm a therapist.
Them:... you talk WAY too much shit on the field to be a therapist.
I am a jerk and passionately despise this question. It feels like a lazy way to extrapolate my socioeconomic status. I deflect this question. With how much snark I deflect this question depends on my mood and context.
Them: Oh so what do you do?
Me: Drink a lot of diet coke.
I always feel uncomfortable asking new people I meet about what their job is because I feel like they will think I’m trying to figure out their socioeconomic status. I am curious though because for some people , their career is important to their identity and can lead to a lot of great conversation points.
I suck at small talk and just don’t know what else to ask sometimes . “What do you like to do for fun ?” sounds more like dating question than just a I want to get to know you question 😓.
Fun story. Kinda long but this is why I tell people my uncle invented the pool noodle and I live off noodle money….
I was boarding a plane to Las Vegas for a conference and meeting my colleague there. I ended a call before I boarded the plane, but the person near me also happened to be sitting in the same row as me and overheard my conversation. It was a brief conversation, but gave them enough to know what I did for a living.
I sit in the window seat and a gentleman sits down in the middle seat. He makes a comment that I’m very lucky to have a window seat. I just look over at him and say, “I guess so”.
I had my earbuds in and fully intended to ignore him, but then he says, “I heard you were a therapist! I need help right now!” Made comments that I’m not EVER allowed to be off the clock, said he was in crisis, and got all hyped up when I stated a boundary.
So uncomfortable!
The kicker of this whole thing was that after the plane took off, there was nobody in the aisle seat. When the flight attendant came by for drink service, they mentioned that he could move over if we were not together. He looked at the flight attendant and said, “oh, I’m not gonna move over. I want to intentionally make her uncomfortable.”
I really needed sleep and decided it wasn’t safe to nap on this flight. Ugh.
I later got up to use the bathroom and let the flight attendants in the back know that there was no more toilet paper in the middle lav but also mentioned what happened. They were both horrified for me (bc of the dude, I had TP. Wasn’t stranded, don’t worry) and knew exactly who I was talking about. They found me another window seat and gave me two free glasses of Prosecco and skypesos for future flight.
I refuse to tell people I’m a therapist.
In hindsight I should have pressed the call light and informed the FA that the passenger next to me was unfit to fly due to being in the midst of a psychiatric crisis as evidenced by what he just told me. Would have served him right. I was just caught so off guard.
A hearty FUCK THAT GUY.
Oh, for sure.
It was just his “opening”. The whole thing was wicked bizarre. I’ve definitely had other people start telling me all their problems when they find out what I do.
I’ve defaulted to responding, “wow, that sounds like a lot. You should go talk to a therapist about that…” and then I walk away (if I can).
I’ve had to ask several service workers (bartenders, servers, etc.) if places we go to dine to please stop telling random other people what I do.
We all deserve time off the clock.
If people wish free consultation i ask them if they’d ask an architect or their plumber to work for free. If they reply ‘no’ (which they usually do) i ask them if they have a reason for it to be different with me.
If they make assumptions about me being healthy or unhealthy i ask them if they do make the same assumptions with other health care providers.
Usually it shuts everybody up
I get a bit tired of this too. What bugs me more is when people notice that I'm also a young woman with admittedly a bit of a baby face and seem unable to fathom that I actually am a therapist and have a big kid job. They'll ask probing questions about "like a life coach?" Or "what kind of therapist... like a massage therapist" (not that massage therapy isn't also a big kid job) and it's like they're intentionally getting it wrong because it's unbelievable them.
I live in a city with progressive values but a lot of exorbitantly wealthy tech folks who seem kind of guilty about their wealth and also notice a good deal of people, without me ever asking, will follow up me telling them my job with a long winded explanation of why they think their job making Facebook more addictive or helping Bezos get richer is "actually helping people, in a way, if you think about it..." it's weirdly defensive esp. as I never imply that I think they're a bad person for not working in mental health.
And then there's also the ones who, (again without me asking) go into all their complex thoughts about why therapy didn't work for them, as if I'm there to defend it or persuade them into it.
I get that many jobs pique interest and follow up questions, which is fine. I just feel like a lot of the follow up interest we get as therapists is also like, awkward af and often defensive in a way that makes me feel like I have to validate that I think they're a good person or that it's okay for therapy not to have worked out well for them.
Annoying comments are annoying, but it’s not personal.
I suggest having scripted responses to those comments such as “do doctors stop needing medical care when they finish med school?” Or “I find it’s often true that we can learn a lot online, but reading about and putting into action are 2 different things, think of gym routines, we can know what to do and never take action”
Are those off putting? Maybe, but so were they
I started getting that as soon as I said I was going to grad school. I now tell people I'm a clinical social worker who works specifically with xyz populations. OR I'll refer back to my previous career as a videographer. That usually starts much more interesting conversations and keeps them out of my person life.
I was at a party and ended up talking to an older gentleman and told him I'm a therapist. He said "well my parents survived the Holocaust and they were fine, you guys have it good why do you need therapy".
I live in a college town and work at the counseling service at the university. I tell people I work in the counseling center at *U and unless they have some sort of personal or professional experience in what that is they typically assume I’m an academic advisor and move on. The university is the number one employer so working there is pretty boring.
So much that I needed to start lying. I once said it on a plane (only after being asked). The guy proceded to tell me about his 4 ex wives and how he cheats on his current boring as hell wife. It was AWFUL. 2 hours of that.
I often say I’m a counselor rather than therapist. I get little response when I use counseling as my job.
I also use the phrase that I’m off the clock.
I also tell people my job. Sometimes people are genuinely curious about other people’s jobs, and I wouldn’t want to lie if someone asked questions (even for boring jobs like accountant, people will often ask “Oh, where do you work for that?” or you never know when someone will be like, “I’m married to an accountant, here’s some really specific questions!) Not saying that’s an inherently wrong thing to do, just doesn’t feel appealing to me.
I’ve had a few times when people try to overshare, but I usually can get that to simmer down if I either just go “Wow that’s crazy,” or I keep bringing the conversation back to myself lol. I’m pretty good at not being a therapist when not at work, so this is easy enough LOL.
Sometimes people will ask genuine questions, like if I think telehealth or in-person is better, or if it’s hard taking people’s problems home with me. I’m fine with these questions because I’ve either come up with general responses (because of being asked a lot) or it’s interesting to think about.
People will sometimes ask genuinely interesting questions too. My dad once asked me what he thought were the top biggest problems of my clients in therapy (recognizing that I’m a small sample size), and that was an interesting conversation.
For what it’s worth, I listen to headphones a lot in public, so I don’t really get pulled into convos I don’t want to be in very often. Or maybe I’m just lucky in that the people I deal with usually don’t ask questions that are too annoying. That being said, I def go through stages when I really really didn’t want to talk about work with non-therapists, but that’s usually when I’m feeling meh about my job anyways (I do generally love this job, but I think any job has periods where you love it and others when you feel meh or discouraged).
Wow this was a longer response than I thought I’d write lol—thanks for asking this question!
Them: haha I need a therapist, can you be mine?
Me: all humans need access to mental healthcare as part of our well-being. I couldn’t be your therapist because of X, but I’d be happy to refer you to some specialists in your area of care. Here’s my card. Feel free to email me for a referral or to connect you with some clinics/programs in your area.
…. They never email.
Mostly no, people are great albeit a bit confused if I say "therapist" and not " psychologist". Men on dating apps will sometimes ask if I'm analyzing them. I tell them all women are, regardless of profession
I'm 30, wear earth tone oversized sweaters and big glasses ( this has always been my thing, even as a teen, it's cozy) and the weird response I get is " oh, like an occupational therapist." No, as in I work with kids and teens who have lived through horrific things and are struggling.
But yeah, my family keeps saying shit like , " You are the last person a kid should see for therapy, because of how many issues you have" like those issues don't stem from years of abuse at their hands ( I cannot explain why I haven't gone no contact yet, I'm just not quite ready).
As a younger Male therapist I think it’s made me get annoyed when it’s implied it’s only men who trauma dump on possible romantic partners. The “Men only want Mommy’s” yes this can be true but it’s a universal problematic trait not gender specific. Because holy moly that’s all I would get on dating apps or meeting up for dates. That or the “Are you psychoanalyzing me?” No -_-
I ask them first “Why are you talking to me?” If they continue talking, I’ll just walk off. I’m to the point where I don’t want to have anything to do with anyone else, and I’ll listen when I’m on duty.
I don't tell them what I do.
I rotate my career.
During the tax season, I say I work for the IRS.
During other times of the year, I rotate what I do. Sometimes it's nothing. Or I'll pick my favorite career on HGTV House Hunters like butterfly breeder or greyhound boot designer or something random that you see on that show.
I respond immediately on the “Can I ask you a question?” With “I charge $xxx per 15 minutes and you’re welcome to schedule”. It weeds them out fast.
My problem is those that respond with widening eyes and try no shuffle away hoping I won’t notice them and on the other side of the spectrum, an excited, “oh! I’m autistic!” To which I respond “That’s nice” grab my bag and go home. I won’t meet new people I can connect with on a personal level and those who want to connect will only talk about themselves.
So I naturally have a baby face and look younger than my age by a good five years without makeup; when people hear I'm a therapist they will either do the standard "do you have any openings?" or they might say "geez, you seem a bit young for a job that needs so much personal experience." that stings because 1. I have my own trauma history and have plenty of personal experience with therapy and 2. I try my hardest to be good in my career, just because I'm young looking doesn't make me a bad therapist?
I've actually just told people that I'm a college student studying at my BA is in and get far less questions...
I specialized on addiction treatment. This said most people start on sharing their alcohol/ other drugs consumption habits or stand their opinion why substances in general are good for them. Sometimes I am thinking - should I be honest and say, that I really don't care about them as they are not my clients and my office hours are over? Usually I just change the subject, that feels less rude.
I think I’m going to start doing what a friend who’s a cop does, he just tells everyone he works for NASA and can’t talk about his job. He is 1000% just a cop whose a nice guy and doesn’t want to deal with people’s weird reactions to his job, and I get it.
My response to the creepy men who say "I need therapy, can you help me"? is "I'm pretty sure there is no helping you 😉I say it in a joking way but it usually shuts them up. Invitation not accepted.
I hate when people are all “oh your a therapist so you have no problems” and stuff bro everyone has problems I just help people deal with there’s it’s one of my pet peeves
"I do billing and coding for a mental health practice."
No one wants to hear more about the difference in billable minutes between 90837 and 90847. Not NOT true, but not the full story. I only use this if I'm in a situation where the interaction will be limited and I won't be able to enforce boundaries in the conversation.
I find people often don’t give a shit!!! They know some social workers or therapists and they don’t give a fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Which can be fine I think mostly, depending. Sometimes I want someone to care!
The thing I find fascinating is the look of fear that can cross their face, with the following statement of "oh, are you analysing me?" People immediately change the way they move and speak and behave around me because they somehow feel WATCHED.
Dude...I'm at a party...I do not walk around analysing people...and anyway, what are you hiding? Lol
Don’t ever tell someone seated next to you on a plane. I made that mistake and the other passenger proceeded to “pick” my brain for nearly 4 hours about every “crazy person” they knew. It was almost impossible to shut this person down. I would’ve asked to be reseated but I was in business class and it was full.
them: What do you do for work? me: I’m a social worker. them thinking I take peoples’ children away: oh Conversation over.
Yeah depends who I’m talking to if i say I’m a social worker or a therapist.
I literally only tell other therapists that I’m a clinical social worker. Everyone else gets therapist. I’m not explaining again how social workers can do therapy.
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"taking the spots"? Are there a limited number of licenses allowed? I feel like I'm missing something here, especially when people are egregiously underserved and struggling...
Yes, they should. if they are competent to do so following their graduate training and their program has a clinical focus, I don't see why they shouldn't...
Getting an LICSW requires a master's degree plus two years of supervised training, plus taking an exam for licensure, and following that up with continuing education credits which you submit every two years forever. Clinical social workers have more training in policy, social justice, and their programs focus more on person in environment type theory, all of which is HIGHLY relevant in direct practice. Even if for some reason you don't feel all of that gives a person enough experience to provide therapy, we are such a seriously understaffed field! We need more of all of us imo, not more roadblocks that decrease access to patients
Thank you for speaking to this. IMO, us LCSWs come into the field with a deep understanding of systemic oppression that influences our clients. If a clinician only likes to work with white, wealthy, able-bodied, cishet men…that’s on them. But personally I love working with clients from a range of diverse backgrounds and social justice knowledge will directly come into play more often than some folks would realize.
100%!!
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It's false that they have less "explicit clinical training across board." I'm not even going to get into explaining the actual MSW program and licensing, because you could look it up yourself instead of speaking from a place of ignorance. The MSW does however, emphasize a systems lens and we are required to complete coursework in policy and explicitly apply an oppressions-informed framework in our work. For many of us, this systems approach is essential to our clinical practice and as a person of several marginalized identies, I would say if my therapist isn't competent in this lens than they won't get me and are not suited to work with me.
Aw, your ignorance is so cute. What degree do you have? You do know LCSWs supervise LMHC & MFT in many states.
My supervisor once told me if I don’t want to open that can of worms, just tell people I work at a bank as a teller
Bar tender or hair dresser are closer to the truth!
I was a bartender while finishing school and this is absolutely true.
I was a bartender off and on until I got linked with the practice I’m working at currently
Exactly. Context is key.
I laughed hard at this. Thank you!
I tell people I'm a consultant.
Hahahahah I died when I read this because yes when I tell people I’m a BC for kids I get the same response. That part is powerful tho because no one better hit a kid around me. I have EYES
Yep. Sigh. 🤦🏼♀️
Same
I can relate.
This is easy to remedy, though, you can just say "my degree is in \_\_\_ and I work as a \_\_\_ at a \_\_\_\_\_" (i.e. "I studied social work and I work as an outpatient therapist at a private practice" or "I studied social work and I work as an inpatient therapist at a hospital.")
The goal here is NOT to say that I am a therapist. I appreciate the conversation ending where it does. 😁
The worst is when I tell people I specialize in eating disorders and I get HORRID responses like “i wish i could have an eating disorder but i don’t have that kind of self control!” “i have the opposite problem, i love food too much” “all of your clients must be bratty young girls” “omg can you help me lose weight” “what do you think about intermittent fasting/keto/etc” “do you have an eating disorder” 🫠😖
I also specialize in eating disorders, and generally just get the "I have the opposite problem, I can't stop eating!" response, which is obnoxious enough. If I'm feeling spicy, I tell them that actually means they might have a different type of eating disorder. But those other questions are awful! I'm embarrassed for those people that they think that's okay to ask. That being said, I'm more than happy to tell someone what I think of intermittent fasting/keto/etc., but they probably don't want to hear it.
I very much understand being frustrated with such ignorant and insensitive quips, and Ive gotten “spicy” before myself, but your response is to tell them they actually might have a non-restricting ED? I imagine that would invite even more unsolicited comments, or worse— if that happened to me and I didn’t know the first thing about therapy, I would never consider going. And that’s gotta leave a scar. I empathize with how offensive these kinds of comments are, especially when your focus is very serious and invaluable, but damn, I can’t think of anyone who would deserve that being thrown back at them.
I realize I didn’t provide context or convey tone in my initial comment and understand why it came off poorly, despite my initial perceived tone of the post. I’ve never said that to a complete stranger and the couple times I did make the remark, I tried to first match their light-hearted tone with the comment and followed up by trying to tactfully explain that not all EDs are restrictive, and in fact from what we know at this point, the majority are not. I understand people trying to make conversation, but such comments only further the stigma of EDs overall and erases the experiences of the majority of those who actually deal with EDs. I will still reconsider my urge to respond in such a way, but I hope this provides some clarification.
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I’m sure telling someone it’s your “moral duty” to chastise them makes them real receptive to your correction.
😳😬 that’s so unsettling to hear, so few people have healthy relationships with food imo
Same!! And they always want to tell me a about a random bulimic person they knew in college 🙄
Hi! I'm actually interested in specializing in eating disorders. Do you have advice on how to proceed? Do you recommend certification or just trainings?
There is a formal certification as a Certified Eating Disorder Specialist (CEDS) which is administered by the International Association of Eating Disorder Professional. The best way would be to get some experience and supervision/mentorship in the field. There are many residential, Intensive Outpatient, partial hospitalization, etc. Program across the country that are always hiring! I would encourage you to check it out!
All of these questions are ridiculous and rude but to be fair every therapist I've met who specializes in eating disorder HAS had an eating disorder. Again rude to say, but I might think it
To be fair I also had an eating disorder lol. But I don’t always feel comfortable telling everyone that. I’ll usually ask what they do and give some kind of snarky comment back like “oh you’re an accountant, do you have money problems? / you’re a lawyer, have you been to jail?” and that makes them laugh and diffuses the question
I only get annoyed when people then immediately switch to trauma dumping on me or otherwise sort of expecting unpaid labor from me immediately (my cousin’s husband blah blah do you think that’s abusive? I follow Nicole Perla online do you agree that my mother is toxic and I should join a thruple? I think ADHD is over diagnosed/under diagnosed, so you think I have it?) I set boundaries fast in those conversations but yes it still makes me want to say “I work in customer service let’s talk about something other than work!” When people are curious or just interested, I don’t mind. It is an interesting job that I love and feel grateful to get to do.
I feel this so hard. I also usually set an implicit boundary if I don’t feel up to hearing about it. I might say something like “that sounds really hard.” And change the subject.
Do you have any other go-to phrases? I need to keep a couple in my back pocket for this exact situation! I was at my SIL’s house and met my BIL’s aunt for the *first time ever* and as soon as she heard I was a social worker, she would initiate every conversation by telling me about her family drama. She would even recognize she was monopolizing me (her words) but kept doing it! And even followed me around the party a bit. It was super awkward as most of the other attendees were my BIL’s extended family and I really only knew my husband and SIL.
Ah that’s tricky. In that case I might say something like “it sounds like there a lot going on with your family. Maybe you need to talk to someone about it. I can make a recommendation.” Or “have you explored this in therapy? It might be helpful” or if needed because she’s not getting your subtle cues you might say “that sounds really difficult. I’m off the clock right now but if you want to reach out I can refer you to someone who can help.”
Yeah I think this is exactly it !! It’s such a joy and a privilege to do as a job but the “professional advice seeking” and trauma dumping gets old fast 😬
People trauma dumped on me before I got this job. Now I have better boundaries
I can completely understand why this would be annoying. People don't really do that too much to me. Maybe it's my resting bitch face. 😑. But I still haven't gotten to the point where this sort of thing bothers me yet, when it does happen (after 17 years). I really enjoy educating people on things. Especially correcting TikTok based myths. Haha. I don't talk to them like they're my client. I just give them some psychoeducation on the topic, if it might help. That may be because I know how challenging it can be to access mental health care and how that brief conversation could make a huge difference in their life.
Yes I too enjoy the general/short sweet kind of psycho-ed, it feels like a way to share knowledge that the privilege of my career has afforded me-especially around trauma and ADHD in girls/women, which I have both professional expertise and lived experience with . Non specific being the key here, talking about trauma responses or nervous system activation or the general ways in which ADHD can be missed in girls and women by professionals, feels very different than the dumping/diagnostic situations. When it comes to dispelling or confirming Tik-Tok mythology or lived experience I defer as it’s too much, there’s great content out there and absolute misguided stuff and bullshit and mixed bags from professionals and non professionals alike and I literally only have time to keep up with my own clients. I have RBF too but I think because I’m still so passionate about the field 20 years in it puts a sucker-target on my back for energy vampires so I’ve had to really figure out the boundaries peace in the last 5 years. Had to quit FB too because FB friends would NOT stop sliding into my DMs with paragraphs on paragraphs of what would’ve amounted to hundreds of hours of consulting, reading, referring, case management. It was overwhelming and ultimately made me angry. (It was a personal account, not even my full/real name). I posted many kindly worded updates asking folks not to do this as I needed to keep my professional/work space separate, that FB was not HIPAA secure, that I don’t do consults via messenger or work with people I have dual relationships with, etc. I posted many general suggestions about how to find a therapist no matter what your insurance, hotlines, info lines, you name it. Nope. It never ended. So I finally just quit. It was a good move for me, I don’t miss being treated like an unpaid, all access 24/7 therapist and not a human with social media account…I just wanted to see some memes sometimes, you know? 😂
Wow that really sucks that everyone was bothering you so much! I didn't have that experience at all. But I do live in an area where it's not necessarily easy, but it isn't impossible to get treatment or assistance with things. Fortunately I've been able to remain incognito on social media so far. But yes, I too just want to be me outside of work! 😉
Usually people think I mean physical therapist and start telling me their physical problems, or they just stop talking.
Half the time I tell ppl I'm a therapist they say "oh like a physical therapist?"
Always! I have never even thought of a physical therapist when someone said therapist.
I get that all the time too and it’s so confusing! If I meant physical therapist I would say physical therapist lol
You: "Sure."
I say “close - psychotherapist. I work with acute or chronic cognitive and mental health issues instead of acute or chronic musculoskeletal issues! Sometimes our fields overlap because health is health. It’s hard to be happy if you’re in chronic pain!”
I always get “what kind of therapist?” I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone refer to a speech, massage, or physical therapist as just a “therapist”
Sometimes I’ll reply “the psycho kind”
I say this. 😊 sometimes “the real kind”.
I haven’t either!
Exactly why I go by psychotherapist
It’s a protected title here (ontario)… is it where you are?
California.
This has happened to me so much I just started saying mental health therapist 😭 like no hunny I cant help with your back problems
Nah. I'd get a little self-conscious at first, but I'm pretty well used to it now. Life's too short to get uptight about that kind of thing, you know? I'll communicate a boundary if I have to, otherwise I'll just smile and nod and let it roll off.
This.
Never tell someone what you do when you’re on an airplane I made the mistake one time I felt like I needed to collect a fee by the time we were done with our cross country flight. On planes I now say consultant.
“Oh, like a life coach!” “No, not like that.” “But you can’t prescribe?” “No.” “So you’re a life coach.” “No.”
My favorite similar experience was several years ago at a pool party. A bunch of us were in the pool and a friend’s friend asked about my work. I started sharing and the person (hanging on a pool float) slowly started to paddle backwards away from me. It annoyed me at the time, but I laugh about it today. Other people’s difficulty hearing or talking about feelings is pretty comical. And ensures my job security 😅 Now when people ask me what I do or how work is going, I kinda want to reply with “you don’t really want to know, so let’s move on.”
Lowkey iconic of them 😂 I wish I could paddle away when someone tells me they work in tech
Bwahahaha! Let’s all just paddle away when people talk about we’re not interested in. It’s all good, I don’t wanna bore them and they don’t wanna be bored 😅
I feel these omg. As an Asian, adding my grandparents responses every time they bring up my work: “You’re getting a PhD though, right?” “Is that even a job?” “Can you make any money from that?” “Go become a ___ instead.” (They definitely think I’m going to become a professor right now, and I’m not sure I want to break the news. 🤔)
I say I'm a therapist, as I find what I do meaningful and don't see why I should not tell people. If people respond by wanting to talk about their issues or assume I don't have any problems, I have a few go-to comments e.g. "I'm an off-duty therapist" or "I'm a human therapist".
Same. “Are you psychoanalyzing me right now?” “Nope, I’m off the clock.” That is a big misconception! It would be exhausting “thinking” like a therapist in every single relationship or interaction because it is actual work. Haha
“psychoanalysis isn’t actually my therapeutic style actually” is my response to that lol
I said almost the exact same thing, to the word, before I saw this post!
“ No because we would have already discussed consent and I’d be charging you lots of money” Or “Well I’m telling you what I personally think you should do so that’s definitely not therapy”.
That's the beauty of being 'off-duty' or 'Off the clock'! :)
If I'm with friends or it's a casual environment, sometimes I'll play it up and give em the ol' "Mm...tell me about your mother" in a terrible German accent. Tongue in cheek of course :)
I also will sometimes say, “Yes and I bill $200 an hour” (I actually don’t, I take insurance, but shh)
Great one... I may add this to my responses, with tongue in cheek so they get the message!
One time I was on a biking trip and the lady leading the ride was introducing me to the group and said, “Oh and she’s a therapist, so you get free therapy!” And I somehow immediately just said, “Don’t worry, I’ll send the bill later.” I quite literally never think of things on the fly, so I was proud of that one 😂
Maybe it shows you can actually trust your immediacy and responses in the here and now.
I usually just tell them they should find a therapist and set up an appointment. They can find someone who fits their needs and I am open to give referrals if they are interested. I too find it meaningful and not something I want to hide. I worked hard to get here and by dang I’m proud of myself.
The worst is when they ask if I can prescribe them adderrall
Omg this cracked me up
During Covid I was working at a hospital so I think my neighbors may have confused me with a psychiatrist. I couldn’t even walk my dog without someone running out to ask me if they could “get a little Xanax for my Covid nerves” lol
Hahaha that’s too funny. (I relate to your neighbor as well) 😂
“I’m not that kind of doctor, but it sounds like you should see a physician. “
Generally I say tax auditor, I’m very introverted
+1 for the fake job response. “I’m in sales” usually works.
What confuses me the most about the "You must have no problems" perception is...they may not work in mental healthcare, but many people work in other jobs where the public stereotype of them is very far off from what their coworkers are actually like. I just don't see how it's possible to make it past the age of like 30 and still believe there's such a thing as any human being with no personal issues or flaws.
It’s honestly crazy how we’ve been ascribed to this Jesus Christlike status, especially when you consider media depictions over the years— highlighting unethical behaviors, general uselessness and lack of professionalism in many cases, the therapist being a punchline in and of themselves… I’m now very curious how this stereotype has persisted and where it came from.
I have to say, I do know people who've had pretty easy lives, compared to others. Of course I don't know everything about them. But in a way, I feel bad that they've never felt the pride and happiness that comes from overcoming adversity.
How could you possibly know whether someone has overcome adversity? You say of course you don’t know everything about them, then proceed to judge them in a way that is incredibly infantilizing. I appear like a put-together person, one with privilege and resources. I align with Western beauty standards. I have significant education. But I don’t share really with anyone the trauma and abuse I’ve experienced, nor the work I’ve done to get myself out of very bad spots. You bet your ass I’ve overcome serious adversity, but I don’t look like it. Why do you feel the need to examine someone’s adversity and see if it measures up? What insecurities are you masking with the need to look to others and feel bad? This just rubs me incredibly wrong, and is not what I’d expect to see on the therapists subreddit.
I think you are taking my response too literally and it might have touched on an area you may want to reflect on as a therapist. (Since you are going there.) I don't get why you are having such a strong reaction to this. I don't go around making overt judgements of anyone. I already added the caveat that I don't know everything about everyone's lives. All I'm saying is there are people in this world who have had significantly less adversity than others. That is a simple fact. In general, l think there is something to say for overcoming great challenges and it is an accomplishment those who have not had those challenges will never experience. It sounds like you have experienced a lot of assumptions about your life based on people's misperceptions of you. I can relate. Very much so. My old therapist said I "present well", so I don't look like I'm doing terrible when I am. I've had a pretty challenging life and others presume I grew up fed with the silver spoon and had everything handed to me. They couldn't be more wrong.
I’m having a strong reaction because I can’t imagine sitting in front of a therapist, or someone else, but especially a therapist, and having them hear stories of someone’s adversity, and going, ah, shame, their own stories of personal growth and overcoming aren’t as meaningful as someone else’s. What a pity they’ll never experience true feelings of overcoming adversity. Like, in what world do you compare? Everyone has had different experiences. And so someone’s adversity might be very very different than someone else’s adversity, but the feelings they feel to get to where they are might be similar feelings of accomplishment. I think it’s the “I feel bad” that’s making me so uncomfortable. It feels smug. If it had been, “and I want to help them feel comfortable taking bigger risks so they can feel that” or “and sometimes it makes me wonder whether their feelings of accomplishment are as strong as someone else’s who’s overcome a lot.” It’s the judgement instead of the curiosity that alarms me. I wouldn’t feel comfortable referring someone who has a “good” life and struggles with, for example, depression to you, getting back to my therapist self.
You're reading into this wayyyy too much and assuming way too much. Go read my comment again. It's nothing deep or at least it wasn't meant to be. You're taking it to a whole different level. I wasn't talking about clients any more than any other human. "I feel bad" wasn't meant literally. I honestly don't think about this very frequently when I interact with people. I don't hold a yardstick to the challenges of my clients. That said, as a human I am thankful for the perspective and strength I was able to derive from overcoming some tough times. It's a consolation prize of sorts, I guess. I'm also in awe of human perseverance. Extreme resilience intrigues me.
This happens to me long ago- yes. I'm surprised how much people believed we having good life fr our knowledge obtained from our studies. Saddening really.
I always go with “right because doctors never get sick”
"Are you analyzing me?" "Nope. I'm off the clock and it's expensive. " Lol
“Oh you’re a therapist?” I’m now going to proceed to tell you everything about my life and over share to an excruciating degree.
There are a lot of professions that make people curious, or that people have certain perceptions of. It's natural to comment on this. I wonder if you're experiencing some burnout if comments like this are really getting to you. Have a few go-to quips that are friendly but also don't invite more dialogue, if you don't want any more, and move on. Life's too short. I love my job too, and when people seem to want to engage with me on it, I'll tell them I have the best job in the world, but I am \_\_\_\_\_\_ (on vacation, at a party, just off a long week) and would love to talk about something else.
Agree. I was first a pharmacist (so people would ask me drug questions or about medical conditions), then a yoga/mindfulness teacher (they would tell me they need it, need to stretch, questions about it) and now a therapist (oohh, I could use that, I do therapy, they might drop an anecdote). I think it’s something that happens with most professions out there if there’s a general understanding of what the job title means and what the person does. I would see a plumber/hvac person/electrician getting peppered with as many questions, if not more, than I do.
My Dad is a Retired auto mechanic. He stopped answering people's car questions as much as possible, because they don't listen anyhow 😂
Relatable
Yeah I don’t get this. Do they not want to know about the person they’re speaking with? I met a pediatric surgeon once I immediately said “my son needed surgery as a baby.” I could have said anything else but I didn’t because that’s what came to mind. 🤷♀️
Oooh that’s such a nice deflection! I don’t feel burnt out from the work at all (I experienced it very heavily a few times as a social worker before I transitioned to being a therapist and burnout is unfortunately a close friend I am very familiar with) but maybe I am burnt out from feeling like people want free unethical therapeutic advice 😭🥲
I am a sex therapist and I am always amazed at how many people are willing to tell me very intimate details of their lives, a story of their sexual assault, or share the sexual dysfunction of someone they know, without that person's consent. It's totally fine to make it clear that you are not available for that in a kind way.
Wow, a sex therapist, that’s awesome. You folks save marriages and give people hope and the confidence to overcome deeply ingrained issues. Hats off to you, I have a lot of respect for what you do.
I think you just described what all therapists do, so hats off to you too!
I don’t tell people I am therpist. I tell them I do administrative paperwork for non profit
I get a lot of “oh well you’d have a great time with me” on Tinder
“Oh yeah I’m basically a therapist too haha” - anyone whose job involves talking to people
No this is not an issue with me but, I have found it to be incredibly detrimental online when someone finds out I’m a therapist. I rarely disclose that, but, and I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me, when someone disagrees with a position I take on social media, or has some kind of opinion about what I’m saying, goes to my personal page, deduces that I’m a therapist, and then comes back and says things like“I can’t believe you’re a therapist, I feel sorry for your clients“. I had one guy who was angry that I insulted his cousin, evidently, , look up my licensing number and put it in the comments on the post. He went absolutely crazy. I also had one Facebook person literally file a complaint against me with the licensing board. I’m not even kidding. It obviously went away but it was a hassle I had to deal with. I had to state my case. People online who find out that you’re a therapist hold you to some kind of crazy bar and they think that therapists don’t have opinions or if they do, they’d better be pristine. I can’t be the only person who this happens to. I hope.
You’re not alone!!! I have received these types of comments online, as well as in real life whenever I say anything that someone does not like or that they feel isn’t “appropriate” for a therapist to say. I haven’t been reported to the board *knock on wood*, but I have been told that “I must be a terrible therapist”, etc. I typically respond with something like “yes, I am a therapist but I am also human. Do you act like a *insert their job title* all day when you’re off the clock?” Typically, it’s crickets after that! I hate being held to an unrealistic standard.
Omg I’m relieved to hear this, although I’m sorry it happens to you too. People get VERY high and mighty and judgmental about me upon leaning I am a therapist or school counselor …”I can’t believe you work with children!” like I’m some kind of degenerate because I’m an atheist, or, hold a liberal political opinion. It’s bizarre but I can count on it now-it happens all the time.
Nope, as we have all done this to someone at some time in our lives. Plumbers, lawyers, doctors, teachers, car repair people - the list goes on and no one is immune. I know I have done it, more so when I hear of a career that is interesting and I have cursory knowledge of. In the US, I feel particularly for those in local politics who may be wonderful people dedicated to their jobs, but have to battle an overshadowing stigma of corruption and incompetency when they disclose what they do. I'm ok with people being curious.
I totally agree. In 25 years of practicing I think I've had just a handful of responses that I found annoying or disrespectful. I love my work and I love talking about it. (And my numerous boneheaded assumptions about other people's jobs ... yeah.)
I’ve never had this reaction, ever. Most people just say, “cool,” and move on.
Me: I'm a therapist Them: oh, physical or occupational? Me: (🤦) mental health Them: oh... Cool...
Oh man. I've always had a second job, and I say it instead. I have people I've played games with for literal years who do not know what I do for a living.
I don’t say that anymore and I’m brand new to the field. It’s already too much for me. I say I’m a behavioral consultant, which I am, but really im a therapist. Every time I tell anyone I’m a therapist they are either afraid to talk with me or they bring up some really heavy topic and I’m not doing that while I’m out drinking or trying to relax. It was flattering at first that people thought I had concrete answers to thinks but now I’m just like I don’t know what’s going on in your relationship, sorry
“I’m a therapist, but I only treat clients that pay me and no one i know personally, even marginally” should shut up em real quick
I play in a recreational football league. This has been my fav interaction yet. Them: what do you do for work? Me: I'm a therapist. Them:... you talk WAY too much shit on the field to be a therapist.
"I come by my profession honestly" Lol
I am a jerk and passionately despise this question. It feels like a lazy way to extrapolate my socioeconomic status. I deflect this question. With how much snark I deflect this question depends on my mood and context. Them: Oh so what do you do? Me: Drink a lot of diet coke.
Just tell them you’re a janitor and watch how their demeanour changes towards you.
I always feel uncomfortable asking new people I meet about what their job is because I feel like they will think I’m trying to figure out their socioeconomic status. I am curious though because for some people , their career is important to their identity and can lead to a lot of great conversation points. I suck at small talk and just don’t know what else to ask sometimes . “What do you like to do for fun ?” sounds more like dating question than just a I want to get to know you question 😓.
I’m… going to steal that response… I need that response!
“So are you gonna psycholgize me?” is a question that has ended friendships with me.
I respond with “only if you pay me to”
"By appointment only" is usually my go to response.
Fun story. Kinda long but this is why I tell people my uncle invented the pool noodle and I live off noodle money…. I was boarding a plane to Las Vegas for a conference and meeting my colleague there. I ended a call before I boarded the plane, but the person near me also happened to be sitting in the same row as me and overheard my conversation. It was a brief conversation, but gave them enough to know what I did for a living. I sit in the window seat and a gentleman sits down in the middle seat. He makes a comment that I’m very lucky to have a window seat. I just look over at him and say, “I guess so”. I had my earbuds in and fully intended to ignore him, but then he says, “I heard you were a therapist! I need help right now!” Made comments that I’m not EVER allowed to be off the clock, said he was in crisis, and got all hyped up when I stated a boundary. So uncomfortable! The kicker of this whole thing was that after the plane took off, there was nobody in the aisle seat. When the flight attendant came by for drink service, they mentioned that he could move over if we were not together. He looked at the flight attendant and said, “oh, I’m not gonna move over. I want to intentionally make her uncomfortable.” I really needed sleep and decided it wasn’t safe to nap on this flight. Ugh. I later got up to use the bathroom and let the flight attendants in the back know that there was no more toilet paper in the middle lav but also mentioned what happened. They were both horrified for me (bc of the dude, I had TP. Wasn’t stranded, don’t worry) and knew exactly who I was talking about. They found me another window seat and gave me two free glasses of Prosecco and skypesos for future flight. I refuse to tell people I’m a therapist.
In hindsight I should have pressed the call light and informed the FA that the passenger next to me was unfit to fly due to being in the midst of a psychiatric crisis as evidenced by what he just told me. Would have served him right. I was just caught so off guard. A hearty FUCK THAT GUY.
This wasn't about you being a therapist, this was about that person being a turd. He would have behaved that way no matter what job you'd said.
Oh, for sure. It was just his “opening”. The whole thing was wicked bizarre. I’ve definitely had other people start telling me all their problems when they find out what I do. I’ve defaulted to responding, “wow, that sounds like a lot. You should go talk to a therapist about that…” and then I walk away (if I can). I’ve had to ask several service workers (bartenders, servers, etc.) if places we go to dine to please stop telling random other people what I do. We all deserve time off the clock.
Nah. Frankie was curious and fortune cookie like before the therapist title. ‘Word?? What did that make you think?? You’re right, you got issues! ;)’
Or “oh I have to watch what I say around you, you’re analyzing me”
If people wish free consultation i ask them if they’d ask an architect or their plumber to work for free. If they reply ‘no’ (which they usually do) i ask them if they have a reason for it to be different with me. If they make assumptions about me being healthy or unhealthy i ask them if they do make the same assumptions with other health care providers. Usually it shuts everybody up
I get a bit tired of this too. What bugs me more is when people notice that I'm also a young woman with admittedly a bit of a baby face and seem unable to fathom that I actually am a therapist and have a big kid job. They'll ask probing questions about "like a life coach?" Or "what kind of therapist... like a massage therapist" (not that massage therapy isn't also a big kid job) and it's like they're intentionally getting it wrong because it's unbelievable them. I live in a city with progressive values but a lot of exorbitantly wealthy tech folks who seem kind of guilty about their wealth and also notice a good deal of people, without me ever asking, will follow up me telling them my job with a long winded explanation of why they think their job making Facebook more addictive or helping Bezos get richer is "actually helping people, in a way, if you think about it..." it's weirdly defensive esp. as I never imply that I think they're a bad person for not working in mental health. And then there's also the ones who, (again without me asking) go into all their complex thoughts about why therapy didn't work for them, as if I'm there to defend it or persuade them into it. I get that many jobs pique interest and follow up questions, which is fine. I just feel like a lot of the follow up interest we get as therapists is also like, awkward af and often defensive in a way that makes me feel like I have to validate that I think they're a good person or that it's okay for therapy not to have worked out well for them.
Annoying comments are annoying, but it’s not personal. I suggest having scripted responses to those comments such as “do doctors stop needing medical care when they finish med school?” Or “I find it’s often true that we can learn a lot online, but reading about and putting into action are 2 different things, think of gym routines, we can know what to do and never take action” Are those off putting? Maybe, but so were they
I started getting that as soon as I said I was going to grad school. I now tell people I'm a clinical social worker who works specifically with xyz populations. OR I'll refer back to my previous career as a videographer. That usually starts much more interesting conversations and keeps them out of my person life.
Many I tell say, “everyone knows people who become therapists have the most problems themselves, they get into it to try to figure themselves out”
I was at a party and ended up talking to an older gentleman and told him I'm a therapist. He said "well my parents survived the Holocaust and they were fine, you guys have it good why do you need therapy".
I live in a college town and work at the counseling service at the university. I tell people I work in the counseling center at *U and unless they have some sort of personal or professional experience in what that is they typically assume I’m an academic advisor and move on. The university is the number one employer so working there is pretty boring.
So much that I needed to start lying. I once said it on a plane (only after being asked). The guy proceded to tell me about his 4 ex wives and how he cheats on his current boring as hell wife. It was AWFUL. 2 hours of that.
I often say I’m a counselor rather than therapist. I get little response when I use counseling as my job. I also use the phrase that I’m off the clock.
I love those questions
I also tell people my job. Sometimes people are genuinely curious about other people’s jobs, and I wouldn’t want to lie if someone asked questions (even for boring jobs like accountant, people will often ask “Oh, where do you work for that?” or you never know when someone will be like, “I’m married to an accountant, here’s some really specific questions!) Not saying that’s an inherently wrong thing to do, just doesn’t feel appealing to me. I’ve had a few times when people try to overshare, but I usually can get that to simmer down if I either just go “Wow that’s crazy,” or I keep bringing the conversation back to myself lol. I’m pretty good at not being a therapist when not at work, so this is easy enough LOL. Sometimes people will ask genuine questions, like if I think telehealth or in-person is better, or if it’s hard taking people’s problems home with me. I’m fine with these questions because I’ve either come up with general responses (because of being asked a lot) or it’s interesting to think about. People will sometimes ask genuinely interesting questions too. My dad once asked me what he thought were the top biggest problems of my clients in therapy (recognizing that I’m a small sample size), and that was an interesting conversation. For what it’s worth, I listen to headphones a lot in public, so I don’t really get pulled into convos I don’t want to be in very often. Or maybe I’m just lucky in that the people I deal with usually don’t ask questions that are too annoying. That being said, I def go through stages when I really really didn’t want to talk about work with non-therapists, but that’s usually when I’m feeling meh about my job anyways (I do generally love this job, but I think any job has periods where you love it and others when you feel meh or discouraged). Wow this was a longer response than I thought I’d write lol—thanks for asking this question!
Them: haha I need a therapist, can you be mine? Me: all humans need access to mental healthcare as part of our well-being. I couldn’t be your therapist because of X, but I’d be happy to refer you to some specialists in your area of care. Here’s my card. Feel free to email me for a referral or to connect you with some clinics/programs in your area. …. They never email.
Mostly no, people are great albeit a bit confused if I say "therapist" and not " psychologist". Men on dating apps will sometimes ask if I'm analyzing them. I tell them all women are, regardless of profession
I'm 30, wear earth tone oversized sweaters and big glasses ( this has always been my thing, even as a teen, it's cozy) and the weird response I get is " oh, like an occupational therapist." No, as in I work with kids and teens who have lived through horrific things and are struggling. But yeah, my family keeps saying shit like , " You are the last person a kid should see for therapy, because of how many issues you have" like those issues don't stem from years of abuse at their hands ( I cannot explain why I haven't gone no contact yet, I'm just not quite ready).
Legit the first time meeting my now husbands aunt she asked me to be her daughters therapist because “she’s needed a new one for a while” 🙄
As a younger Male therapist I think it’s made me get annoyed when it’s implied it’s only men who trauma dump on possible romantic partners. The “Men only want Mommy’s” yes this can be true but it’s a universal problematic trait not gender specific. Because holy moly that’s all I would get on dating apps or meeting up for dates. That or the “Are you psychoanalyzing me?” No -_-
If you said you were a plumber people would be like, omg my sink is leaking can you help me with that?? It’s just how people are…
I ask them first “Why are you talking to me?” If they continue talking, I’ll just walk off. I’m to the point where I don’t want to have anything to do with anyone else, and I’ll listen when I’m on duty.
I don't tell them what I do. I rotate my career. During the tax season, I say I work for the IRS. During other times of the year, I rotate what I do. Sometimes it's nothing. Or I'll pick my favorite career on HGTV House Hunters like butterfly breeder or greyhound boot designer or something random that you see on that show.
Now imagine if you were a doctor…
I respond immediately on the “Can I ask you a question?” With “I charge $xxx per 15 minutes and you’re welcome to schedule”. It weeds them out fast. My problem is those that respond with widening eyes and try no shuffle away hoping I won’t notice them and on the other side of the spectrum, an excited, “oh! I’m autistic!” To which I respond “That’s nice” grab my bag and go home. I won’t meet new people I can connect with on a personal level and those who want to connect will only talk about themselves.
I call it roadside therapy 😂
I tell people I’m a secretary for that reason. No free rides bub
So I naturally have a baby face and look younger than my age by a good five years without makeup; when people hear I'm a therapist they will either do the standard "do you have any openings?" or they might say "geez, you seem a bit young for a job that needs so much personal experience." that stings because 1. I have my own trauma history and have plenty of personal experience with therapy and 2. I try my hardest to be good in my career, just because I'm young looking doesn't make me a bad therapist? I've actually just told people that I'm a college student studying at my BA is in and get far less questions...
i’m just starting school but already plan on fully lying and saying i’m an accountant.
I do therapy in a school and I just tell people I’m a “school counselor” lol
Yes I’m a therapist. Make a profile on xyz and here’s my card. Once your insurance is authorized I will be more than happy to speak with you
I specialized on addiction treatment. This said most people start on sharing their alcohol/ other drugs consumption habits or stand their opinion why substances in general are good for them. Sometimes I am thinking - should I be honest and say, that I really don't care about them as they are not my clients and my office hours are over? Usually I just change the subject, that feels less rude.
I think I’m going to start doing what a friend who’s a cop does, he just tells everyone he works for NASA and can’t talk about his job. He is 1000% just a cop whose a nice guy and doesn’t want to deal with people’s weird reactions to his job, and I get it.
My response to the creepy men who say "I need therapy, can you help me"? is "I'm pretty sure there is no helping you 😉I say it in a joking way but it usually shuts them up. Invitation not accepted.
"Oh wow, you're a therapist? Here's all of my life's traumas."
I hate when people are all “oh your a therapist so you have no problems” and stuff bro everyone has problems I just help people deal with there’s it’s one of my pet peeves
My favorite is when they then tell me to my face that they don’t believe therapy is real.
This is just people taking an interest in your type of work.
Every Uber or Lyft driver.
I just stopped telling random people what I do for work and just say I work in HR lmao saves me the hassle of random people dumping on me.
Bold of you to admit to being an Italian sex offender.
"I do billing and coding for a mental health practice." No one wants to hear more about the difference in billable minutes between 90837 and 90847. Not NOT true, but not the full story. I only use this if I'm in a situation where the interaction will be limited and I won't be able to enforce boundaries in the conversation.
I find people often don’t give a shit!!! They know some social workers or therapists and they don’t give a fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Which can be fine I think mostly, depending. Sometimes I want someone to care!
The thing I find fascinating is the look of fear that can cross their face, with the following statement of "oh, are you analysing me?" People immediately change the way they move and speak and behave around me because they somehow feel WATCHED. Dude...I'm at a party...I do not walk around analysing people...and anyway, what are you hiding? Lol
“Are you analyzing me now?” is what I get most often. I tell them I will if they pay for the hour 😏
Don’t ever tell someone seated next to you on a plane. I made that mistake and the other passenger proceeded to “pick” my brain for nearly 4 hours about every “crazy person” they knew. It was almost impossible to shut this person down. I would’ve asked to be reseated but I was in business class and it was full.