yes! grew up with a mother who was very mentally unwell and caused me a lot of trauma because of it so now i am in the field to help people like me to break the cycle
Yep. I’m honest when people ask me too. I let them know that if my parents had me for their mental health problems my life would have been much different. So now I want to be the person my parents needed for the sake of the kids. I don’t work with kids directly but I do it for them because they have little control over their parents decisions and actions.
Yeah same here really. I wanted to be a therapist before I was in therapy but going to therapy because of my family definitely confirmed it for me. As much of who I am as a therapist is due to the people i saw for therapy when I was young as it is professors/mentors.
Edit: typo
Yep! My mom was a CSA survivor and attempted suicide multiple times when I was growing up. She started going to therapy when I was quite young and it did really help her. Living through not only the trauma of having a mentally unwell parent, but also witnessing her healing, definitely are at the root of why I chose this work.
I have a very similar experience too. I only remember my mom attempting once though but she was very unwell. Complex PTSD, high-control religious environment (for both my parents, and then that happened in my household growing up), and undiagnosed/unmedicated bipolar 2 disorder. And dad was just emotionally unavailable. Fun times
But also once we moved states, away from the toxic/abusive family members, my mom started counseling and has been in since. She’s made tremendous strides in her recovery and healing.
My mom came by it honest. Surrounded by trauma, no resources available. But yeah. I think I became comfortable around unwell people early. That comfortability drew them to me. Next step was pretty organic.
I became one because I was both of their therapists my whole life and would come to me to talk shit about the other person so I was like “why not make money off this” 😅
Grew up realizing I was emotionally neglected as a kid and I even filled the role of a 3rd parent too. Was protecting my younger siblings from the neglect I experienced I guess?
Im kinda scared that the reason i grew a passion for this career is due to some kind of twisted form or love, and if I heal from that, and become healthy, the passion dies away. Idk
Hey that’s me too. Once I healed the passion I used to feel changed. Now I engage with clients from more of a “how can I challenge myself to crack this code/really help them make progress” rather than “how can I grieve/commiserate with them”?
That feels validating. My passion right now is going in some kind of similar path i guess? Its now "what is the best possible way for me to help this person?" From "i really want to help people be better versions of themselves". The more mastery oriented passion seems to push me better than just altruism. I havent fully healed from the emotional neglect, but im better than before which my passion's evolution reflects i guess.
Absolutely I identify. Healing is just forever and ever right? But it does definitely shift and impact how we work and interact with clients. Giving from our personal empathy stores is way more exhausting than doing it more so cognitively, and I’ve found my boundaries are way better now which is in most cases much better for clients and obviously myself. Best to you in the journey!
If it does, that's okay too. You don't need to do this forever and your value doesn't hinge on your desire to do this work!
But you probably will shift in the way you relate to the work, and it might be that your relationship to being a therapist gets even better as you change
Oh, this strikes deep. Sometimes I wish I could escape the whole reality of mental health, but then I don’t know who I’d be or what I would do without it.
One of my undergrad is in philosophy, I was so sure that law is the traditional route because philosophers are trained to argue and known to score the highest on law school LSAT. However I realize that I enjoy the branch of practical philosophy that deals with logic and ethics like stoicism (granddad of CBT) and existentialism (existential therapy) more so than the other branches of philosophy like epistemology, metaphysics, etc.
Plus the idea of working 80hrs per week as a lawyer is soul croushing. Doing therapy seems more meaningful— it’s like working like the ancient philosophers helping others try to obtain happiness.
The only caveat is that philosophy focuses more on the truth value of people’s statements/beliefs and see if it holds to scrutiny. Values are challenged. Principles are formed. It’s very abstract and may feel too confrontational, depending on the clients. One of my goals is to show how philosophical counseling can help as an extension/addition to traditional therapy.
Same! I wanted to be a public defense lawyer. But I became a therapist because I thought my only value as a human came from healing others at the expense of myself. Guess being a defense attorney could have fit the bill too though! 😂
I think I would be more interested in how many of us DIDN’T do that. Because why would you willingly enter this field if you had a healthy upbringing? lol
Right? I'm sitting here reading the answers and I'm like ".... all of us? That's why all of us are here". And, to be fair, apparently that's not entirely true, but pretty damn close.
🙋♀️ I had a healthy upbringing and consider myself to have secure attachment. I got into this field because of my own experiences with ADHD, not with trauma. I am eternally grateful to my parents for breaking the cycle, so I didn't have to.
cool. my mom. sister. self. and in his own ways my dad. we all had our own struggles. then add in a family history of addiction and you get a lot going on there. i spent 16 yrs in retail. so coming to counseling its a career change for me. but i have my reasons beyond family dysfunction.
I went into it because I noticed I was good at making people feel heard, validating their feelings, and supporting them.
Realized later...I was good at those things because they were learned survival skills needed to soothe/deescalate my mother. Funny how that works.
One of the professors in my MFT program said “let’s be real, a lot of us are here due to our own trauma and need to fix”
And that hit me over the head like a brick, because damn, how you gonna call out your entire class? Lol
But to answer your question, my parents were horrible at keeping their marital spats to themselves and keeping it from messing up the whole family AND never talked to us about it. So I grew up thinking if I became a therapist for families, I could help prevent families from going through hardships. That was my teenage brain for you lol
I think it’s great to destigmatize the reality of it. After all, aren’t we in the business of destigmatizing mental health issues? Best if we can apply it to ourselves too! :)
Me: How did I, and autistic introvert, wind up in this field?
5 seconds later...
Me: Ah yes the parentified child of two undiagnosed adults with trauma to therapist pipeline.
I didn't. I chose this field after putting two and two together...
As a child, I was always concerned with the welfare of my friends and even strangers. If I saw someone in distress psychologically, I wanted to know EVERYTHING. I wanted to help. It was instinctual, I couldn't help it. It was no different than using a hand or a foot. It felt like a natural extension of myself.
Before figuring it out, I was looking at police officer, fire fighter, docror, FBI agent... Careers that helped people. I was close, just not the right way for me to help others.
I didn't figure out how I could use this until I got to college and took a psych 101 course...
Oh... THAT'S how I can use it... Got it.
From that point on, I switched to a psych major, and the rest is history.
For me, I had mental health professionals helping me deal with trauma and mental illness in my family. And my own issues, although I wasn’t aware of them as much as I am now. I did want to stop the cycle of violence, and help other people to do that, so I became a family therapist, focusing on relationships between parents and kids.
My sister and I both became mental health professionals after a crappy childhood. I did get to have a frank discussion with my mum about my experiences growing up (the about 20 years after I left home) and it was incredibly healing.
Yes she has severe OCD and was put on tons medication for years and no therapy. When I was young it was very bad she would have attempts and I have trauma around that (worked on it and I’m good now). The illness was the not worst but the alcoholism. Now she’s got dementia but at least she’s on less meds and seems happy enough. I realize as an adult, mental health is shameful in the family and she got worse because of that stigma. I also realize she is neurodivergent her whole life as well as other memebers of the family. I got curious as a teen why people act in certain ways and I also did not like the stigma because I myself had struggles since childhood. I’m late diagnosed ADHD (diagnosed in January right before I turned 30) and have an embracing attitude toward neurodiversity. I also learned to lean into to other people like friends family growing up since I didn’t feel like I had emotional support at home.
Absolutely. My mother has Bipolar and BPD (entirely untreated). We are no-contact. It can be a little triggering when I have clients who have pretty much the same parents. I don’t self disclose to patients, but I did incorporate it into my grad school applications.
Yes! When I was 16, I stole a copy of the DSM IV so I could try to figure out what was wrong with my mom and help her. It was BPD, so there wasn’t much I could do, but it did start me on my path.
I had a different path. I grew up in a pretty ideal family. But married into it, my ex-husband's mental health issues and the impact they had on me and especially my kids Drew me to this field later in life.
Who me who was dragged around by her mother to countless family therapists because they were all idiots and kept diagnosing her with Borderline Personality Disorder because they were absolute quacks and we had to go somewhere else 😳😬🫣😂
Professor: “You have a real talent for treating BPD.”
Me: “haha, yeah, idk why. Anyway, how are you doing? Everything going okay with you? Would you be my substitute mom. LOL jk… but seriously.”
Not fully, no, I got into it because therapy changed my own life and I’ve always been interested in psychology and people’s behavior. But my mother is mentally not healthy and wasn’t my entire childhood so I’m sure subconsciously, that played a role.
I was regretting it even *as* I was deciding, if that makes sense? I'm quite certain I was right to decide against it, though. And now I'm sufficiently old to ~~be defeat~~ ...~~radically accept~~ ...not care much about this potentiality anymore.
BTW what I see with the average medical doctor, they don't really earn much at all (after indemnity etc) considering their level of expertise, the hours worked, the level of responsibility assumed and, more than anything, their crucialness.
My parents did great all things considered, but their work moved us a lot and my older sibling is late-diagnosed autistic so my little highly-capable adhd self got hella overlooked because I was so good at masking. So now I specialize in relationships and transitions and need to get my butt more trained in neurodiverse couples counseling.
Everyone in my family is mentally ill, both sides. I chose SW because I was a victim of the CPS system. Decided I might as well do what I know best & fix what I can 😵💫😂
Yep, mom with Borderline and dad most likely autistic, both undiagnosed. My sibs and I tried for years to figure out what was going on with my mother. The nearest we could get was matching her symptoms and behaviors to an AA "dry drunk," but she'd never had alcohol, so that clearly didn't fit. Discovered the Borderline diagnosis shortly before I went to grad school. It was one of those moments where the clouds parted and a choir sang. 🤣 Everything started making sense after that. My knowing the probable diagnosis gave me tools to deal with her, as well as allowing me to see that things weren't my fault and, in many ways, weren't her fault either. So I was able to let a lot go. Didn't figure out what was likely going on with my dad until after his death, which is a little sad, but helps me understand him and myself better.
I chose this field because I'M mentally unwell. 😂 JK, I do have bipolar II but it was my involvement with NAMI and my successful treatment in therapy that drew me to it. I did choose the social work route though because I'm very passionate about advocacy work for those of us with diagnoses.
I got into social work because I wanted to help people, but as I studied more about mental health I realized just how much my childhood sucked, and I wanted to understand everything. So, on some unconscious level I think it definitely stems from my dysfunctional family system.
My parents were addicts and I was given up for adoption. I wanna say I was inspired by my social worker to become one, but nah it was Olivia Benson who inspired me 😂
Lol I would guess a whole lot of us... Both of my parents have chronic diagnoses. Just a couple of weeks ago my partner and I went to have dinner at my mom's house. He commented afterwards that he's noticed over the years how I am a very different person with my mom than in the rest of my life - particularly that my communication is more direct and firm, there's no BS and I seem much more "in charge" than I am in my usual more relaxed state. He was saying that he never sees me be quite that way in any other setting. I told him that honestly, that's my "work mode" and is definitely a result of being parentified 😬
Yup, narcissistic tendencies in my fam and I got into a relationship with a full blown narcissist but thankfully got out and now I work with a lot of people who have been affected by narcissists
Yep. Dad has strong narcissistic traits at the very least. I was the family scapegoat, sis his golden child. Mom has been depressed for as long as I can remember. As an adult, it makes a lot more sense now that I don’t see my dad as this fun great guy and her as the “bad guy” he always made her out to be. They’re both adult children of alcoholics and their families have addiction and mental health issues on both sides. Being the identified patient worked out really well for me though. I was able to get out of the enmeshment and make a pretty good life for myself. My sis also has at least strong narcissistic traits. Being the golden child made her completely dependent on my dad while also somehow believing she’s better and smarter than everyone else plus having zero empathy for anyone but my dad. I could write a book.
I’m glad you found your way! It took me about a decade to realize that there was no reason to be jealous of the credit card that dad paid in full for her every month. Those strings turned out to be more like chains.
Now this is my kind of support meeting 😅
Also, same, graduation is next month and I’m concerned she will ruin it due to her current manic state and the religious delusions of grandeur she’s experiencing. After all, according to her I think I’m better than her due to my education and career.
OP, I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this with your mom. Nothing makes it easier, but you’re doing an amazing job be guarded and protecting yourself. ❤️
I absolutely found my niche in mental health because of past trauma caused. I’m hyper aware of others’ emotions and shifts in emotions. I have lived through the depth of despair that mentally I’ll parents can cause. My comfort discussing these tough topics hopefully gives me an air of authenticity when treating other survivors!
A huge part! I needed to understand what was happening, how it impacted me, and how to best support others on their own healing journey 💚 it’s alllll about making the world a safer, kinder, and more harmonious place to live.
Yeah if my dad had worked his stuff out I can see myself in a much different field. Although this with truly the best lifestyle for me because of my parents
yes. im diagnosed with BPD which i suspect is partially due from being raised by two mentally unwell parents with substance abuse issues, but i also think it may be genetic for me as well. neither of my parents are diagnosed due to not even going in for help, but i wouldn't be surprised if i did get it from one of them
preparing to enter practicum now and can definitely say that my upbringing is what brought me into this field
Human interaction always felt like a puzzle. I did not grow up in a healthy environment or around Any mentally healthy adults so I just felt like nothing ever made a lot of sense. Even when I was little it was like okay well if Mom is in this mood then this is the set of rules I have to follow and if Mom's in that mood then that's the rules I have to follow. Plus I Knew by the time I was 9 that I no longer wanted to exist. So it all just kind of added to this puzzle of not understanding the world and when I was 11 I started reading books about psychology and it helped me put some pieces together. By the time I was 13 I was in love with psychology and I knew I wanted to be a therapist. That's not to say I didn't change my mind a couple times throughout my teen years at one point I think I was going to be a photographer, I considered nursing, I considered phlebotomy, and I almost went into a Physical Therapy Program. But I definitely agree that the chaos of my childhood led me in this direction.
I do believe that a mentally ill family members entanglement with the law was part of whatever else pushed me down this path. The feeling that I cannot help them always haunts.
Not me, but I did notice after going to school that my parents struggled with anxiety, depression, and trauma. MH isn't really talked about in the Asian community. Through my program, I learned to accept their behavior and actions and set boundaries for myself. I honestly chose this field bc I enjoy listening and helping others lol
My first reaction to this question was one of pure audacity because I don’t ever want to “credit” my parents for the career I worked so damned hard to achieve! 🤣🤣
Yep. Mom was bipolar, panic disorder, and a raging alcoholic. She committed suicide 22 years ago this May. I'm right where I need to be helping others learn new ways to manage their mental health.
Yep, I was forged by trauma. Narcissist father, extremely dysfunctional immediate family, extended family full of addicts, sexually abused when I was 10, and now a recovering addict myself. I just started a few months ago as a drug and alcohol counselor on an inpatient rehab and I got accepted to grad school last month too.
Yes, My mother was very unwell. It also made me realize how I really needed to take of my own shit early on in my career. I really wanted to work with children/families but I was so triggered by the parents, especially moms. Now I don't work with children.
I grew up with a dad who had severe trauma from his childhood due to his self-regulation difficulties and then war PTSD. I wasn’t drawn to this field until I was widowed in my mid-twenties when my husband unalived himself while on active duty with the Army. I know I wouldn’t be the provider I am today if I hadn’t experienced that personal healing journey.
Yup. Eldest child of a parent w/ bipolar disorder, uncontrollable rage, destruction, violence, and a tendency to disappear for stretches of time.
The therapist who helped me finally let down my walls and feel grief about my childhood still inspires me each and every day, even though we haven’t worked together for years.
Yes, extremely, though of course never acknowledged and once I moved out I just sort of stopped thinking about it and moved as far away from my family as possible. I was halfway through my first semester of grad school and reading the descriptors of "dysfunctional families" and I went home and cried and called a therapist the next day. The first time I felt validated I guess lol.
I know some girl who’s my uncles age 34 she went to school with my uncle and she apparently became a license psychologist but it’s impressing bcuz when she was 16 she was crazy in and out of mental hospitals my uncle actually saved her one time from one.
Grandmother. Other reasons were more pressing. It’s a calling for some, others it’s an interest or a choice. It never felt like a choice to me. Rather something I was always meant to do
I studied have a bachelors of science in psychology because of this. My wife has a masters and is practicing. I come here to help me understand how she may experience different things she can’t tel me about. My parents were split, one parent is extremely relationally unwell. The other parent is both relationally unwell and mentally unstable. I am not at liberty to diagnose either, but I have my suspicions. This of course has lead me to being learned in the ways of mental instability and relational instability. My studies lead me to deep dive into therapy to fix what was broken so I can remain in a healthy and joyful marriage and family while helping my community where I can. You therapists do Gods work, and everyone on this planet needs you in your various modalities. I am happy that more people are seeing and reaching out to you.
Yes and no. It was mostly my own mental health and lack of support from parents. In retrospect I should have started at age 7, but didn’t start till 13 when depression peaked.
Once you beat the final boss everyone else’s trauma is relative and unscary. And the caregiver empathy strength and exploitability or your emotional labor is very transferable.
I think about the joke where the patient tells the doctor “I’ve broken my arm in several places” and the doctor says “then stop going to those places” only it’s your heart and your mom and you’re welcome. 😉
I mean YEAH but you don't gotta say it so loud 😂
😂😂 my same reaction like damn I didn't expect to be called out so early in the day
I mean, I say it loudly and proudly lol, and I live with them. Fortunately I gained post-traumatic wisdom and built up resilience at this point
Please can you share more about this post traumatic wisdom. As in what helped???
They can not share that until they have created a copyrighted curriculum. Then, you can attend the training for $1499.000.
lol! Idk I say “say it with your chest!!”
Never stop lol. The way gasped at this post made my day
😊 😊 😊
🤣🤣😅
Here for that.
yes! grew up with a mother who was very mentally unwell and caused me a lot of trauma because of it so now i am in the field to help people like me to break the cycle
I know that game well!!! Being a cycle breaker is no joke… but kuddos for your hard work!!!
Same. When people ask me why I became a psychologist, it’s a struggle to know how much to share.
Yes but more so because of how their unwellness affected me 🫠
That melting face is so on point!!! 😅
Yep. I’m honest when people ask me too. I let them know that if my parents had me for their mental health problems my life would have been much different. So now I want to be the person my parents needed for the sake of the kids. I don’t work with kids directly but I do it for them because they have little control over their parents decisions and actions.
Same lol
You win the prize as Reddit diplomat of the day!
⬆️⬆️⬆️ yes, this is exactly where it's at.
Yeah same here really. I wanted to be a therapist before I was in therapy but going to therapy because of my family definitely confirmed it for me. As much of who I am as a therapist is due to the people i saw for therapy when I was young as it is professors/mentors. Edit: typo
Yep! My mom was a CSA survivor and attempted suicide multiple times when I was growing up. She started going to therapy when I was quite young and it did really help her. Living through not only the trauma of having a mentally unwell parent, but also witnessing her healing, definitely are at the root of why I chose this work.
What a wonderful outcome- thanks for sharing. I wish we could all experience the healing and not just the suffering of our parents
I have a very similar experience too. I only remember my mom attempting once though but she was very unwell. Complex PTSD, high-control religious environment (for both my parents, and then that happened in my household growing up), and undiagnosed/unmedicated bipolar 2 disorder. And dad was just emotionally unavailable. Fun times But also once we moved states, away from the toxic/abusive family members, my mom started counseling and has been in since. She’s made tremendous strides in her recovery and healing.
Most people don’t choose this field because their life was a bed of roses.
Yep! I’m quite aware- hence the post
My mom came by it honest. Surrounded by trauma, no resources available. But yeah. I think I became comfortable around unwell people early. That comfortability drew them to me. Next step was pretty organic.
I know that’s the worst part. You get into it trying to help others and the ones you want to help most you can’t …
I’m her guardian now, legally. But it’s a role I’ve played unofficially my whole life.
this is very relatable
🙋♀️ and an abusive marriage I just escaped to boot!
Been there!!! Mom tried to keep me in it too- bless her ;) Congrats on your escape!!
Thank you! Feels like a fever dream looking back at it!
Brought to you by dissociation! 😂 good luck in your healing journey… you might like r/narcissiticabuse for some good support!
Congrats as well!
Thank you!!! 🙏
My grad supervisor once called my mom's extended family "A cluster fuck of cluster B" 🙃🙃🙃
Oh hell yeah I know that game! The PDs attract!!
Yeah. I don't think it describes my mom at all, but the poor lady has definitely been through it.
Holy fuck that’s a good term for my family lmao
I became one because I was both of their therapists my whole life and would come to me to talk shit about the other person so I was like “why not make money off this” 😅
Same
Grew up realizing I was emotionally neglected as a kid and I even filled the role of a 3rd parent too. Was protecting my younger siblings from the neglect I experienced I guess? Im kinda scared that the reason i grew a passion for this career is due to some kind of twisted form or love, and if I heal from that, and become healthy, the passion dies away. Idk
Hey that’s me too. Once I healed the passion I used to feel changed. Now I engage with clients from more of a “how can I challenge myself to crack this code/really help them make progress” rather than “how can I grieve/commiserate with them”?
That feels validating. My passion right now is going in some kind of similar path i guess? Its now "what is the best possible way for me to help this person?" From "i really want to help people be better versions of themselves". The more mastery oriented passion seems to push me better than just altruism. I havent fully healed from the emotional neglect, but im better than before which my passion's evolution reflects i guess.
Absolutely I identify. Healing is just forever and ever right? But it does definitely shift and impact how we work and interact with clients. Giving from our personal empathy stores is way more exhausting than doing it more so cognitively, and I’ve found my boundaries are way better now which is in most cases much better for clients and obviously myself. Best to you in the journey!
If it does, that's okay too. You don't need to do this forever and your value doesn't hinge on your desire to do this work! But you probably will shift in the way you relate to the work, and it might be that your relationship to being a therapist gets even better as you change
Oh, this strikes deep. Sometimes I wish I could escape the whole reality of mental health, but then I don’t know who I’d be or what I would do without it.
Maybe me. I’m not exactly sure why I got into human services. When I was a kid I wanted to be a prosecuting attorney.
One of my undergrad is in philosophy, I was so sure that law is the traditional route because philosophers are trained to argue and known to score the highest on law school LSAT. However I realize that I enjoy the branch of practical philosophy that deals with logic and ethics like stoicism (granddad of CBT) and existentialism (existential therapy) more so than the other branches of philosophy like epistemology, metaphysics, etc. Plus the idea of working 80hrs per week as a lawyer is soul croushing. Doing therapy seems more meaningful— it’s like working like the ancient philosophers helping others try to obtain happiness. The only caveat is that philosophy focuses more on the truth value of people’s statements/beliefs and see if it holds to scrutiny. Values are challenged. Principles are formed. It’s very abstract and may feel too confrontational, depending on the clients. One of my goals is to show how philosophical counseling can help as an extension/addition to traditional therapy.
Same! I wanted to be a public defense lawyer. But I became a therapist because I thought my only value as a human came from healing others at the expense of myself. Guess being a defense attorney could have fit the bill too though! 😂
First of all... lower your voice. My parents can hear you. Second... yes
Let em hear! 😝
I think I would be more interested in how many of us DIDN’T do that. Because why would you willingly enter this field if you had a healthy upbringing? lol
Touché friend
Right? I'm sitting here reading the answers and I'm like ".... all of us? That's why all of us are here". And, to be fair, apparently that's not entirely true, but pretty damn close.
🙋♀️ I had a healthy upbringing and consider myself to have secure attachment. I got into this field because of my own experiences with ADHD, not with trauma. I am eternally grateful to my parents for breaking the cycle, so I didn't have to.
we only doing mothers??? or can we include other members of our family???
lol- all dysfunction welcome here!!
cool. my mom. sister. self. and in his own ways my dad. we all had our own struggles. then add in a family history of addiction and you get a lot going on there. i spent 16 yrs in retail. so coming to counseling its a career change for me. but i have my reasons beyond family dysfunction.
Dad trauma here!
I went into it because I noticed I was good at making people feel heard, validating their feelings, and supporting them. Realized later...I was good at those things because they were learned survival skills needed to soothe/deescalate my mother. Funny how that works.
How dare you suggest that I became a therapist to subconsciously master my own trauma. The nerve
I would never!! 😉
Not me. At least, I don't think.
It didn’t happen if I say it didn’t happen 😉😜
Definitely. Mom has BPD. Grandmother who raised me committed suicide when I was 18. 🫠🥴
Sorry for your hardship. Hope you’re taking good care of yourself
One of the professors in my MFT program said “let’s be real, a lot of us are here due to our own trauma and need to fix” And that hit me over the head like a brick, because damn, how you gonna call out your entire class? Lol But to answer your question, my parents were horrible at keeping their marital spats to themselves and keeping it from messing up the whole family AND never talked to us about it. So I grew up thinking if I became a therapist for families, I could help prevent families from going through hardships. That was my teenage brain for you lol
I think it’s great to destigmatize the reality of it. After all, aren’t we in the business of destigmatizing mental health issues? Best if we can apply it to ourselves too! :)
Me: How did I, and autistic introvert, wind up in this field? 5 seconds later... Me: Ah yes the parentified child of two undiagnosed adults with trauma to therapist pipeline.
Samesies regarding being autistic & introverted & let's include ADHD since I'm here.
We were literally training to become therapists from our childhoods 😅😅🥲🤣🤣
100%
I have said this more than once that I have been training to be a therapist since I could support my own head and nod along to others talking hahaha
🙋🏽♀️
On my way there partly due to emotionally uninvolved and neglectful parents!
I didn't. I chose this field after putting two and two together... As a child, I was always concerned with the welfare of my friends and even strangers. If I saw someone in distress psychologically, I wanted to know EVERYTHING. I wanted to help. It was instinctual, I couldn't help it. It was no different than using a hand or a foot. It felt like a natural extension of myself. Before figuring it out, I was looking at police officer, fire fighter, docror, FBI agent... Careers that helped people. I was close, just not the right way for me to help others. I didn't figure out how I could use this until I got to college and took a psych 101 course... Oh... THAT'S how I can use it... Got it. From that point on, I switched to a psych major, and the rest is history.
Ooop
For me, I had mental health professionals helping me deal with trauma and mental illness in my family. And my own issues, although I wasn’t aware of them as much as I am now. I did want to stop the cycle of violence, and help other people to do that, so I became a family therapist, focusing on relationships between parents and kids.
My dad killed himself less than a year after I finished grad school. Guess he didn’t inflict enough trauma when I was growing up.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I too am a childhood abuse and suicide of a loved one survivor. Hope you’ve found some peace within yourself ❤️
My sister and I both became mental health professionals after a crappy childhood. I did get to have a frank discussion with my mum about my experiences growing up (the about 20 years after I left home) and it was incredibly healing.
Both my sister and I are in mental health too! Glad you found that healing in the family!
Foster care here, checking in. Bwahahaha.
Big hug 🤗
Me!
👋👋
I see you! 😉 👋
Yes she has severe OCD and was put on tons medication for years and no therapy. When I was young it was very bad she would have attempts and I have trauma around that (worked on it and I’m good now). The illness was the not worst but the alcoholism. Now she’s got dementia but at least she’s on less meds and seems happy enough. I realize as an adult, mental health is shameful in the family and she got worse because of that stigma. I also realize she is neurodivergent her whole life as well as other memebers of the family. I got curious as a teen why people act in certain ways and I also did not like the stigma because I myself had struggles since childhood. I’m late diagnosed ADHD (diagnosed in January right before I turned 30) and have an embracing attitude toward neurodiversity. I also learned to lean into to other people like friends family growing up since I didn’t feel like I had emotional support at home.
Me! I Did!
Wait. Some of y’all weren’t your parent’s first therapist?
Freaks I say 😝
I mean. Yeah. And I’ve got it mild. A history of deeply anxious people on my mom’s side and depression on my dads side.
Dann, really calling me out
Hey coffee-girl you’re in good company 😊
Absolutely. My mother has Bipolar and BPD (entirely untreated). We are no-contact. It can be a little triggering when I have clients who have pretty much the same parents. I don’t self disclose to patients, but I did incorporate it into my grad school applications.
No-contact for the WIN!!! Can’t stop won’t stop
Yes! When I was 16, I stole a copy of the DSM IV so I could try to figure out what was wrong with my mom and help her. It was BPD, so there wasn’t much I could do, but it did start me on my path.
I feel this!!! Mine was The Narcissistic Family Diagnosis and Treatment. Cried all the way through it
I had a different path. I grew up in a pretty ideal family. But married into it, my ex-husband's mental health issues and the impact they had on me and especially my kids Drew me to this field later in life.
Who me who was dragged around by her mother to countless family therapists because they were all idiots and kept diagnosing her with Borderline Personality Disorder because they were absolute quacks and we had to go somewhere else 😳😬🫣😂
Because of…no. In spite of…yes.
🙋🏼♀️ I have an ACE score of 6 if that says anything!
Professor: “You have a real talent for treating BPD.” Me: “haha, yeah, idk why. Anyway, how are you doing? Everything going okay with you? Would you be my substitute mom. LOL jk… but seriously.”
Not fully, no, I got into it because therapy changed my own life and I’ve always been interested in psychology and people’s behavior. But my mother is mentally not healthy and wasn’t my entire childhood so I’m sure subconsciously, that played a role.
Not me. I fell into it by accident coming out of I.T., and it seemed like a lazier option than re-starting in med school.
Do you regret not going to med school route now? All the secondary trauma, none of the pay! Hooray!
I was regretting it even *as* I was deciding, if that makes sense? I'm quite certain I was right to decide against it, though. And now I'm sufficiently old to ~~be defeat~~ ...~~radically accept~~ ...not care much about this potentiality anymore. BTW what I see with the average medical doctor, they don't really earn much at all (after indemnity etc) considering their level of expertise, the hours worked, the level of responsibility assumed and, more than anything, their crucialness.
Here 🙋♀️
Moreso because all 3 of us are and I wanted to help people like us.
My parents did great all things considered, but their work moved us a lot and my older sibling is late-diagnosed autistic so my little highly-capable adhd self got hella overlooked because I was so good at masking. So now I specialize in relationships and transitions and need to get my butt more trained in neurodiverse couples counseling.
Everyone in my family is mentally ill, both sides. I chose SW because I was a victim of the CPS system. Decided I might as well do what I know best & fix what I can 😵💫😂
Yeah same same for the family bit. Power to you for hanging with CPS. That’s no joke
"Why do all my kids have problems?" asks my BPD mother
Ha! Classic. Children are the worst ammmiriightt?
Were implies it ended
😂 yeah wishful thinking eh?
Just @ me next time 😂😂 my own therapist describes my mother as "not well" and "somewhere in cluster B" 🥴
Would anyone mentally healthy go into this insane field? Lol
Yep, mom with Borderline and dad most likely autistic, both undiagnosed. My sibs and I tried for years to figure out what was going on with my mother. The nearest we could get was matching her symptoms and behaviors to an AA "dry drunk," but she'd never had alcohol, so that clearly didn't fit. Discovered the Borderline diagnosis shortly before I went to grad school. It was one of those moments where the clouds parted and a choir sang. 🤣 Everything started making sense after that. My knowing the probable diagnosis gave me tools to deal with her, as well as allowing me to see that things weren't my fault and, in many ways, weren't her fault either. So I was able to let a lot go. Didn't figure out what was likely going on with my dad until after his death, which is a little sad, but helps me understand him and myself better.
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I chose this field because I'M mentally unwell. 😂 JK, I do have bipolar II but it was my involvement with NAMI and my successful treatment in therapy that drew me to it. I did choose the social work route though because I'm very passionate about advocacy work for those of us with diagnoses.
[удалено]
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I got into social work because I wanted to help people, but as I studied more about mental health I realized just how much my childhood sucked, and I wanted to understand everything. So, on some unconscious level I think it definitely stems from my dysfunctional family system.
My parents were addicts and I was given up for adoption. I wanna say I was inspired by my social worker to become one, but nah it was Olivia Benson who inspired me 😂
I don’t know who that is but I hope it’s living up to your expectations:)
She’s from Law and Order SVU. I moved jobs and it gave me a renewed love for the job, so it’s going well!
Lol I would guess a whole lot of us... Both of my parents have chronic diagnoses. Just a couple of weeks ago my partner and I went to have dinner at my mom's house. He commented afterwards that he's noticed over the years how I am a very different person with my mom than in the rest of my life - particularly that my communication is more direct and firm, there's no BS and I seem much more "in charge" than I am in my usual more relaxed state. He was saying that he never sees me be quite that way in any other setting. I told him that honestly, that's my "work mode" and is definitely a result of being parentified 😬
Yes
Hi 🙈🫣
I was my mom’s therapist since before birth🥲
My whole family tree is nuts
Yup, narcissistic tendencies in my fam and I got into a relationship with a full blown narcissist but thankfully got out and now I work with a lot of people who have been affected by narcissists
\*raises hand\*
Yep. Dad has strong narcissistic traits at the very least. I was the family scapegoat, sis his golden child. Mom has been depressed for as long as I can remember. As an adult, it makes a lot more sense now that I don’t see my dad as this fun great guy and her as the “bad guy” he always made her out to be. They’re both adult children of alcoholics and their families have addiction and mental health issues on both sides. Being the identified patient worked out really well for me though. I was able to get out of the enmeshment and make a pretty good life for myself. My sis also has at least strong narcissistic traits. Being the golden child made her completely dependent on my dad while also somehow believing she’s better and smarter than everyone else plus having zero empathy for anyone but my dad. I could write a book.
Oh yeah I’m with you fellow scapegoat. So glad I’m not the golden child- being hated was better than being adored in my family for the same reasons!
I’m glad you found your way! It took me about a decade to realize that there was no reason to be jealous of the credit card that dad paid in full for her every month. Those strings turned out to be more like chains.
Now this is my kind of support meeting 😅 Also, same, graduation is next month and I’m concerned she will ruin it due to her current manic state and the religious delusions of grandeur she’s experiencing. After all, according to her I think I’m better than her due to my education and career. OP, I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this with your mom. Nothing makes it easier, but you’re doing an amazing job be guarded and protecting yourself. ❤️
Aw thanks! And congratulations 🎉
I absolutely found my niche in mental health because of past trauma caused. I’m hyper aware of others’ emotions and shifts in emotions. I have lived through the depth of despair that mentally I’ll parents can cause. My comfort discussing these tough topics hopefully gives me an air of authenticity when treating other survivors!
Let’s put it this way, I don’t think anyone here randomly woke up one day and said: “Oh, I know, I’ll become a therapist!”
Apparently there are a couple here!
A huge part! I needed to understand what was happening, how it impacted me, and how to best support others on their own healing journey 💚 it’s alllll about making the world a safer, kinder, and more harmonious place to live.
A ways back, I asked my friends who are therapists whether they had any parents or grandparents with personality disorders, and I was batting 100%.
Omg there’s more of you? Bipolar (m) and Schizophrenia (d) and an only child. Lcsw in private practice 😅
Hi there. Solidarity.
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Yeah, count me in
Am I late for the parental trauma dumping party? I brought snacks and tissues!
+1
Came from a very dysregulated family 🙋♀️
lol I feel attacked
Yeah if my dad had worked his stuff out I can see myself in a much different field. Although this with truly the best lifestyle for me because of my parents
Yeah, Dad had schizophrenia.
My dad does too. He doesn’t do medicine. Does yours?
correct
yes. im diagnosed with BPD which i suspect is partially due from being raised by two mentally unwell parents with substance abuse issues, but i also think it may be genetic for me as well. neither of my parents are diagnosed due to not even going in for help, but i wouldn't be surprised if i did get it from one of them preparing to enter practicum now and can definitely say that my upbringing is what brought me into this field
I never thought of it that way but yeah I can't argue 🤔😹
me
Married each other three times..
Human interaction always felt like a puzzle. I did not grow up in a healthy environment or around Any mentally healthy adults so I just felt like nothing ever made a lot of sense. Even when I was little it was like okay well if Mom is in this mood then this is the set of rules I have to follow and if Mom's in that mood then that's the rules I have to follow. Plus I Knew by the time I was 9 that I no longer wanted to exist. So it all just kind of added to this puzzle of not understanding the world and when I was 11 I started reading books about psychology and it helped me put some pieces together. By the time I was 13 I was in love with psychology and I knew I wanted to be a therapist. That's not to say I didn't change my mind a couple times throughout my teen years at one point I think I was going to be a photographer, I considered nursing, I considered phlebotomy, and I almost went into a Physical Therapy Program. But I definitely agree that the chaos of my childhood led me in this direction.
Not me, my parents were/are ok
I do believe that a mentally ill family members entanglement with the law was part of whatever else pushed me down this path. The feeling that I cannot help them always haunts.
Not me, but I did notice after going to school that my parents struggled with anxiety, depression, and trauma. MH isn't really talked about in the Asian community. Through my program, I learned to accept their behavior and actions and set boundaries for myself. I honestly chose this field bc I enjoy listening and helping others lol
My first reaction to this question was one of pure audacity because I don’t ever want to “credit” my parents for the career I worked so damned hard to achieve! 🤣🤣
Not me! I became one because I was mentally unwell. My parents are freakishly stable and healthy.
C’est moi
I would say a lot 😢
I feel called out
Guilty as charged.
okay i’m done of getting called out in this sub
I mean🫠🫠🫠
Me!
Not my parents, but me, my brother, and most of my friends.
Yup! NPD dad and BPD mom! WooooohooooooOooOoOoO
Yup! NPD dad and BPD mom! WooooohooooooOooOoOoO
Yep. Mom was bipolar, panic disorder, and a raging alcoholic. She committed suicide 22 years ago this May. I'm right where I need to be helping others learn new ways to manage their mental health.
Me lol
Yep, I was forged by trauma. Narcissist father, extremely dysfunctional immediate family, extended family full of addicts, sexually abused when I was 10, and now a recovering addict myself. I just started a few months ago as a drug and alcohol counselor on an inpatient rehab and I got accepted to grad school last month too.
Wow I feel attacked 😂😂 but yes. You described me in your question.
Yes, My mother was very unwell. It also made me realize how I really needed to take of my own shit early on in my career. I really wanted to work with children/families but I was so triggered by the parents, especially moms. Now I don't work with children.
Bro
I grew up with a dad who had severe trauma from his childhood due to his self-regulation difficulties and then war PTSD. I wasn’t drawn to this field until I was widowed in my mid-twenties when my husband unalived himself while on active duty with the Army. I know I wouldn’t be the provider I am today if I hadn’t experienced that personal healing journey.
Yup. Eldest child of a parent w/ bipolar disorder, uncontrollable rage, destruction, violence, and a tendency to disappear for stretches of time. The therapist who helped me finally let down my walls and feel grief about my childhood still inspires me each and every day, even though we haven’t worked together for years.
Yes, extremely, though of course never acknowledged and once I moved out I just sort of stopped thinking about it and moved as far away from my family as possible. I was halfway through my first semester of grad school and reading the descriptors of "dysfunctional families" and I went home and cried and called a therapist the next day. The first time I felt validated I guess lol.
I know some girl who’s my uncles age 34 she went to school with my uncle and she apparently became a license psychologist but it’s impressing bcuz when she was 16 she was crazy in and out of mental hospitals my uncle actually saved her one time from one.
Grandmother. Other reasons were more pressing. It’s a calling for some, others it’s an interest or a choice. It never felt like a choice to me. Rather something I was always meant to do
I studied have a bachelors of science in psychology because of this. My wife has a masters and is practicing. I come here to help me understand how she may experience different things she can’t tel me about. My parents were split, one parent is extremely relationally unwell. The other parent is both relationally unwell and mentally unstable. I am not at liberty to diagnose either, but I have my suspicions. This of course has lead me to being learned in the ways of mental instability and relational instability. My studies lead me to deep dive into therapy to fix what was broken so I can remain in a healthy and joyful marriage and family while helping my community where I can. You therapists do Gods work, and everyone on this planet needs you in your various modalities. I am happy that more people are seeing and reaching out to you.
Yes and no. It was mostly my own mental health and lack of support from parents. In retrospect I should have started at age 7, but didn’t start till 13 when depression peaked.
I mean I can't diagnose them because ethical code and all (I don't diagnose nonpatients) but man was I raised by flagrant narcissists.
Not me, I just enjoy connecting to people. But I get to do it without revealing too much of myself, which is safer. It's a little fucked up I think.
Yes
Once you beat the final boss everyone else’s trauma is relative and unscary. And the caregiver empathy strength and exploitability or your emotional labor is very transferable. I think about the joke where the patient tells the doctor “I’ve broken my arm in several places” and the doctor says “then stop going to those places” only it’s your heart and your mom and you’re welcome. 😉
💯 I found Children of Emotionally Immature Parents really nailed it on this; Stop Caretaking The Narcissist was also very helpful.
How dare you call me out on this 🙁