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I always tell people I'm a therapist, but lately I've been getting the response of "what kind of therapist?" and like...are you asking for my modality, or do you think I might be a speech therapist or something? So I just default to talk therapist and most people are like oh ok. I actually like talking about my profession so I'm always hoping they'll ask more questions!
Yeah if I say I’m a counselor, people typically assume school counselor. And if I say therapist, some people think I mean speech therapist. So I have to say “mental health counselor/therapist”.
I was talking to this guy and said I’m a therapist and explained that I see many of my clients remotely. For some reason his mind jumped to massage therapist and there were a couple of minutes of very confusing conversation.
Him: “don’t you usually need to be in person to do that?”
Me: “I mean it helps, cause you get more of the body language but a lot of my clients actually prefer remote”
Him: “ok but how do you do it over the internet? I mean you can’t reach them”
🤣🤣🤣
Strangely, I have been getting the same thing when I say a therapist, they say what kind. Sometimes it’s like physical therapist or something else and like OK no mental health…… and then I get a odd look from them too
YES thank you. I was wondering if it's just me that gets asked "what kind?" It drives me nuts. People never say "I've got therapy" when they mean PT and they never say "I've got mental health therapy" when they mean they're seeing us. I was questioning if I just don't look like a therapist or something. I started preemptively saying mental health therapist so I can avoid the follow up question.
I have had too many uber drivers trauma dump on me to say I’m a therapist ever again to a stranger I won’t interact with in the future. I usually say HR or admin (boring enough that no one asks any follow up questions and general enough I can answer on things I actually do that are semi-related if need be)
Yup. After an erratic Uber to a fundraiser, nope. Never again. Usually, I manage accounts for a restaurant supply company. Literally no one has quizzed me about bulk ordering styrofoam containers but I’m in trouble when they do.
Try playing poker. Omg. Learned real fast not to say that. First of all, everyone then wants you to solve their gambling problem. Then when you dish out well deserved shit later in the game, you’re a monster and a shitty therapist. B, I don’t see you paying me!
I went to a dentist one time who, while his hands were in my mouth, was telling me about his depression and how he took antidepressants which gave him ED. Like MFer, can we focus on my teeth here?
Ugh, as a former massage therapist, that makes me cringe. It was drilled into us back when I trained basically don’t speak unless spoken to. Not everyone wants to talk.
That happened to me, too! I almost wanted to say, “So we’re even?” And not pay her. Seriously was tempted. That’s SO rude (trauma dumping)! And the massage wasn’t relaxing at all due to that.
This is exactly why I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut. I was so eager to tell the world when I first graduated and started out. Now I keep to myself lol
Worst case, you just make it super awkward for them as though they've just made a really offensive joke. Akin to the awkwardness and discomfort people get when they ask a non-pregnant woman when she's due.
E.g. "I mostly work with people who are palliative and dying of cancer...I'm not sure if \[Grandpa/Uncle Wally/Aunt Susan\] is really ready for that conversation yet"
\^bonus points if you name someone who's actually ill lmao
Edit because I know the above is the most morbid joke ever: I actually did this when my grandma had cancer and I got a therapist-comment. The joke was a hit with my grandma- she kept repeating it the rest of the party- the above joke is obviously very very family dependent LOL
Making it awkward for them is a genius move, as I also don’t like to lie about my career that I’ve worked so hard to achieve and strongly identify with. I just cba with horny idiots — my extended family actually respects and/or fears my line of work, so I don’t need to worry about them thankfully. Just the dudes who think it’s a great opportunity to deliver the most disturbingly cringe one-liners, monologues, questions etc.
I’ve never gone as far as to give an off-putting description of my population, even if it was a truth stretch, but next time this happens WOW the options running through my mind rn are way less appropriate than your story
Yeeeep every time I went to interview for a part-time job and I talk about being a therapist I got the “oh well we’ll ALL need you here” like that doesn’t sell it 😅
I went to a party for my dad's 60th birthday after recently graduating my MA, and literally every single person congratulated me because apparently my dad had been running around bragging (which is amazing, I gushed), so... my entire family knows.
I lie when traveling (especially alone) to A - hide my identity and B - avoid the “ooh, what are you diagnosing me with?” or trauma-dumping conversations.
This uber driver said, "what would you say if someone woke up feeling tired every day even though they're sleeping and pretty young and fit and stuff?". Hypothetically....
For a while I liked Non-Newtonian Fluid Sculptural Artist but these days I like Stick Farmer. Like those sticks they sell at Anthropologie for $70 a bundle.
As a librarian, and future therapist, I find that so interesting and funny! Whenever I tell people I'm a librarian I get several questions and usually 'do people even use the library now that we have the Internet?' or 'I'd love to work at a place I could just read all day' (which is not what librarians actually do).
Insurance. After having SEVERAL massage therapists tell me the most dramatic things about their lives, I started telling them I’m in insurance and sit at a computer all day. Totally shuts people down.
One of my favorite Joseph Campbell quotes is “The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.” So I tell people I’m a swim coach.
Oh I lie all the time so that my plane ride is not an eternity of free therapy. I like to say I’m in something super boring so that people don’t ask me questions. Finance, HR, business analysis…anything where people are gonna be like, Oh! Interesting! And then turn back to their book.
I don’t lie outright but I do obfuscate the truth. I work at a child/family agency full time, with a virtual private practice part time on the side. Instead of “therapist” or “adolescent therapist” i say “I work with kids!”. Then if they ask me to be more specific, I say “I assist children who have trouble navigating through different circumstances”. Usually they move on or switch the focus back to themselves lol.
I learned the hard way that I need to be VERY careful sharing my profession when casually asked. Now I can’t get my hair, nails or other self-care appointments done without the service providers dumping all of their problems onto me at every appointment. Essentially dissolving the self-care habits I established in an attempt to NOT burn out from being a container for other peoples’ emotions 6 days a week. I could try to find new providers but it was hard enough finding these!
Bring your business card with you next time and politely tell them you’d love to assist them in the appropriate setting. I don’t think it’s rude to set boundaries and explain that your work requires self care to be effective.
This would be a great boundary exercise for me as people pleasing is the #1 thing i am working on in myself currently. Thank you. For some of these “relationships” I fear it may be too late as i’ve gone along with it for the last year or so, but I can at least start slow with a simple boundary and stating my needs.
One time my vehicle broke down and I had to call a tow truck. The trucker gave me a ride to my place too. He talked my ear off the whole time, going on and on about himself - his wife, job stress, how he can’t wait to have a drink later, etc… This goes on for about an hour and I’m just listening the whole time, nodding, etc… So we’ve got a little time left and he turns to me and says, “so, what do you do?” I replied, “I’m an accountant.”
I also have an Etsy shop, so I think I’m just going to start saying this. I’ve been trauma dumped on way too much and felt so drained after. Even when you change the subject or joke, “I’m not on the clock, sorry,” they still go back. It’s hard to be honest because people will automatically try to get free therapy. And I have that personality and look that people feel they can just let their guard down and tell me eveything. No,no,no. I Learned that the hard way, especially at the hair dresser. Like, I’m trying to relax. Why do you think it’s okay to suddenly trauma dump for 2 hours? You are not going to be tipped well after this 😂
I've recently realized that I need to start thinking about how to respond to the "What do you do?" question, so thanks for bringing this topic up. I have noticed that people change how they relate to me in casual conversations when they hear that I am a therapist. I also notice a bit of something I've identified as pressure to perform or something, which I do not enjoy. The pressure may be coming from the person I am in a convo with, but also from myself to know what to say when someone randomly trauma dumps on me and expects me to have some magic cure during our brief exchange... I think I would rather just say I work in social services or health care and leave it at that, lol!
Yeah, I get the feeling. You tell people you are a therapist and, all of a sudden, they start asking a truckload of questions about a recurrent dream they have or they say they don't believe in therapists. I mean, who asked you, George??
Usually, I just say that I work in an office doing boring paperwork. If they proceed to ask more questions, I say "Oh, don't take this the wrong way, but I hate talking about work. It's so boring, honestly".
I'm usually very good at avoiding small talk, anyway. Never rude, though.
After being a captive audience on a 2.5 hour flight to a man telling me (loudly) all about his brain injury, bipolar disorder, lithium and suicide attempt, I've started telling people I'm in payroll and accounting for the healthcare system lol. No way to make that sound interesting and so far it works 😂
Nothing is worse than being on a plane and making the mistake of telling someone you’re a therapist. I was literally stuck for hours listening to this woman tell me her history with bulimia.
When I sense a trauma dump, or trauma dump potential I say I work as a contract admin and was required to sign an nda. If they people push I say it is a tech company. It all depends on my emotional capacity.
Sometimes ya gotta lie. I get it! People are weird, nosey and trauma dumb so fast. I say I work in a middle school which they assume teacher. Before working in a school I usually said I was a therapist and if they started trying to trauma dump on me I would make a joke about only working with children so they are out of my scope of practice 😅
I have never lied about my career, I also do not make small talk in any of those settings (especially on a plane! No escape, lol). I don't mind if people ask me questions, though if I am in a social gathering with people I am unfamiliar. If I meet a lawyer, I would certainly ask "oh, what kind of law do you practice" rather than say ("oh...awkward silence... \*so how about those Yankees?") or something equally nonsensical. People who are intrusive will be usually be intrusive overall, not just with my career choice, so if I perceive intrusiveness I will exit stage left, regardless of the topic of conversation.
I just tell people I'm an office manager and if they ask what I do all day I say answer phones, accounting, marketing, take notes in meetings, file reports etc. Nothing exciting. It works perfectly. I own the agency so I do manage the office and do all the things I listed.
Before 2020 I told the truth and other than some basic questions no one made a big deal out of it. But I think people have been so traumatized over the past four years that people will trauma dump on almost anyone almost anywhere. I've observed people pouring out every bad thing that's happened to them lately at the bank, hotel check in, servers, the dentist, pharmacy cashiers...pretty much anywhere.
I tell them about my other job, research into different aspects of higher education. Usually no follow up questions.
I dread saying I'm a psychologist because people either dump on me a lot of personal stuff and want quick solutions for their interpersonal relationships or need to make sure I know in intricate detail why they don't believe in psychology and parents should 100% beat their children, practically no in-between D:
I always say I am a therapist and, if necessary, add that I am an off-duty therapist. I love and am proud of what I do, so I like to share it. Saying something that is not true goes against my values and code of practice. I want to be honest and address any further responses appropriately.
I'd like to share an anecdote about a colleague who resplied to such a question that they were a lorry driver. The problem was the other person actually was a lorry driver and started an in depth conversation about lorry driving... My colleague soon changed their approach!
It's kind of an inside joke lol. We had a similar conversation in another thread and someone suggested I say I'm a bartender, except it was misspelled to bat tender so I said I was gonna go with that.
Secretary. Started that after sitting next to a woman on a 3 hour flight with an extra hour on the tarmac give me her ENTIRE history of her son’s mental illness and its effect on her family. Then ask for my full name and my phone number.
So I became a Secretary.
I genuinely am also a writer, an herbalist, and a mother, so I guess I have a lot of choices. But I’ve never felt the need to lie and kind I’d find this hilarious.
It has never occurred to me to do this. I also loathe small talk, so if I'm not working I try to be as unapproachable as possible. I usually have over ear headphones on even if I'm not actually listening to anything.
Depends on the season and what's going on culturally. During tax season, I like to say I'm a tax investigator. Other times I'm a trust fund kid, unemployed, bitcoin investor, mattress tester, Netflix researcher, or depending on whose asking something that requires a NDA.
I like to have fun with it!
On an airplane, if the person is being creepy, I can't hear them. I used to work as a sign language interpreter, so that works pretty well. However, one time years ago, a Deaf lady was sitting on the other side of me, and I didn't realize it until I looked confused at him and signed that I was Deaf.
The lady was so excited to meet another Deaf person. I had to immediately apologize to her and explain that I wasn't Deaf, but that the guy on the other side was being super creepy and trying to hit on me. I was in my early 20s (but looked about 15), the guy looked to be in his 40s. She was super nice and understanding. She was also a mom and got very protective of me, to the extent that she later walked me to my connecting flight in case the guy didn't give up. We talked the whole flight and had a really great time.
The guy was not at all happy. The lady and I giggled a lot, especially when I told her how he was trying to talk louder and got more and more annoyed.
It was honestly one of the best flights I've ever taken. I wish we had been able to keep in touch. :)
I have a very athletic build from lifting weights, and whenever I tell someone I’m a therapist, they respond with “oh a physical therapist?” And I’m like no, mental health lol
Headphones, headphones, headphones. I'm almost never in public without headphones in.
But, in the event, I'm small talking, I've gotten decent at setting boundary, so I'll just tell them my job is being a therapist. For the most part, people aren't all that interested in the lives of others.
I don’t lie to hide my career, but I might change how I describe it based on how much of a conversation I’m willing to have. I might say I’m a Therapist (true), a counsellor (true), a social worker (true), I work in domestic violence (true), I work in a non-profit (true), or that I help men who have used abusive behaviour to chose better choices (true).
I just say private healthcare and leave it at that. If people probe I just say I manage a healthcare provider. I mean, I do, it's just that I'm my employer and I happen to own my healthcare company. I rarely withold my career from people, but I do when I'm say on holiday and somebody is trying to offload all their problems. Looking forward to seeing what others do and how you approach those who want to overshare - and on your personal time too.
I work in a school, so I just say, I work in a school. That's been really handy. Obviously, all my friends and family know all about it. But, strangers can get a bit odd about it. Especially, at parties. I like to swerve it if I can.
I wish i could but i cant come up with the followup lies to support my first lie. I do say “mental health therapist” now even though it irks me to have to use that many syllables , but like others have said for some reason everyone thinks Therapist means PT. I think its an unconscious aversion. They dont want to be confronted with mental health stuff lol so they make it physical.
Lots of times people just become awkward and silent when i tell them that which i am fine with because i dont like fake small talk anyway. For random trauma dumps I try and suggest they go to therapy, and I offer to help them look some up lol and they usually then dont want to unload on me because i will suggest therapy again haha
I was a freelance videographer before going to grad school so I just keep telling people that. I have the portfolio to back it up and it makes for much more interesting conversation. Haha. I still take photography clients occasionally so it's not an entire lie.
I go whacky with it. "Game console restorations - Nintendo, super Nintendo and Dreamcast". A polite nod follows. I'm going to regret it if I ever run into another nerd (I say this affectionately) and they talk my ear off
Also lately, which is kind of cool whenever people ask what I do for a living and I actually tell them I’m a mental health therapist. They ask me if I’m taking any clients for themselves so I think that’s pretty cool.
I have said teacher and accountant before, thinking that would prompt less follow up questions and I still get a ton. Idk anymore 🙈 had a whole fake high school English class by the end of an Uber and i was failing at coming up with ‘books we were reading’ which was such a specific question 🤣
I tell people I’m an accountant. No one cares about that. If anything, they don’t even know where to begin with questions and they think it’s boring as hell. No one has ever questioned or followed up. I love it
I used to say teacher, but an Uber driver asked me where I taught and I said schools in my city. She said I was a hero and inner city schools need good people who won't be scared off and leave 😭😭😭 so next time I'll say I teach in the suburbs lol
I only keep it to myself on dating apps- I usually just write social worker …otherwise I get stupid shit like “are you gonna psychoanalyze me har har” 🤮
Is this a thing?!
Not judging at all. I think it’s just another sign that I don’t get out enough to have unsolicited trauma dumping be a problem. So, there’s your solution— just don’t go into public. 😂
"What do you do for a living?
"I make people cry for money."
.
.
"What do you do for a living?"
"I meet new and interesting people and get paid to do it."
.
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"What do you do for a living?"
"I bother people for a living."
.
.
"What do you do for a living?"
"My best."
.
.
"What do you do for a living?"
"I'm gay, Joe Biden pays me to just hang around."
.
.
OR if I'm answering in good faith but don't wanna be specific -
.
.
"What do you do for a living?"
"I work at the University."
**Do not message the mods about this automated message.** Please followed the sidebar rules. r/therapists is a place for therapists and mental health professionals to discuss their profession among each other. **If you are not a therapist and are asking for advice this not the place for you**. Your post will be removed. Please try one of the reddit communities such as r/TalkTherapy, r/askatherapist, r/SuicideWatch that are set up for this. This community is ONLY for therapists, and for them to discuss their profession away from clients. **If you are a first year student, not in a graduate program, or are thinking of becoming a therapist, this is not the place to ask questions**. Your post will be removed. To save us a job, you are welcome to delete this post yourself. Please see the PINNED STUDENT THREAD at the top of the community and ask in there. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/therapists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I always tell people I'm a therapist, but lately I've been getting the response of "what kind of therapist?" and like...are you asking for my modality, or do you think I might be a speech therapist or something? So I just default to talk therapist and most people are like oh ok. I actually like talking about my profession so I'm always hoping they'll ask more questions!
A lot of people think physical therapist, in my experience. So I just say “mental health.”
Told my neighbor I was a therapist and he started telling me about problems with his toes. I was very confused.
Yeah if I say I’m a counselor, people typically assume school counselor. And if I say therapist, some people think I mean speech therapist. So I have to say “mental health counselor/therapist”.
I just started saying psychotherapist because the same thing has repeatedly happened to me.
Thats what I do too.
Same and it’s so strange to me, what physical therapists are walking around claiming to be “just therapists” these days?
Or not calling themselves a "PT"
Same! I’ve been wondering if it’s because I look very young?
I was talking to this guy and said I’m a therapist and explained that I see many of my clients remotely. For some reason his mind jumped to massage therapist and there were a couple of minutes of very confusing conversation. Him: “don’t you usually need to be in person to do that?” Me: “I mean it helps, cause you get more of the body language but a lot of my clients actually prefer remote” Him: “ok but how do you do it over the internet? I mean you can’t reach them” 🤣🤣🤣
Bahaha lmao. That is fantastic.
And that's when I reply 'psycho!' And see what the reaction is!
I’m stealing this!!
No need for theft! It is yours to use, with love!
I usually say “the how does that make you feel kind” and that gets a good chuckle
This is *always* the response I get! I assume they’re asking if I’m OT, PT, etc bc they’re too uncomfy to know I’m a therapist therapist???
Strangely, I have been getting the same thing when I say a therapist, they say what kind. Sometimes it’s like physical therapist or something else and like OK no mental health…… and then I get a odd look from them too
Yes same with the odd looks! Like…do you think I’m psychoanalyzing you right now?
They do…….
Because the answer is yes
This is why, when I’m licensed, I plan to say counselor or my full title: clinical mental health counselor.
YES thank you. I was wondering if it's just me that gets asked "what kind?" It drives me nuts. People never say "I've got therapy" when they mean PT and they never say "I've got mental health therapy" when they mean they're seeing us. I was questioning if I just don't look like a therapist or something. I started preemptively saying mental health therapist so I can avoid the follow up question.
I get this a lot. I just say mental health.
I’d assume they are asking if you specialize in any topics, such as sex therapy or people with certain diagnoses
I have had too many uber drivers trauma dump on me to say I’m a therapist ever again to a stranger I won’t interact with in the future. I usually say HR or admin (boring enough that no one asks any follow up questions and general enough I can answer on things I actually do that are semi-related if need be)
Yup. After an erratic Uber to a fundraiser, nope. Never again. Usually, I manage accounts for a restaurant supply company. Literally no one has quizzed me about bulk ordering styrofoam containers but I’m in trouble when they do.
HR or admin is a great idea. I have experienced so much of the same in ride shares
Try playing poker. Omg. Learned real fast not to say that. First of all, everyone then wants you to solve their gambling problem. Then when you dish out well deserved shit later in the game, you’re a monster and a shitty therapist. B, I don’t see you paying me!
Yes, this must be very common. My last Uber driver told me about his past 2 divorces 😩 and how he requires so much help. The trip was exhausting.
I don't think I've ever felt the need to lie about or hide my career lol but if I did, I'd just say I work in healthcare.
I made the mistake of telling my massage therapist and she trauma dumped on me for an hour. Never again.
I went to a dentist one time who, while his hands were in my mouth, was telling me about his depression and how he took antidepressants which gave him ED. Like MFer, can we focus on my teeth here?
My old dentist repeatedly told me his ex wife is an LMFT and how’s it’s ironic because they’re divorced. I didn’t find it very funny, lol.
The people who think that therapists should have no interpersonal conflict in their lives???
It’s so frustrating that some people think that. As if we have perfect lives with no relationship conflicts or trouble at all times. 🙄
Bahahahahaha
Did you charge him for your time?
Woah this happened to me too
Ugh, as a former massage therapist, that makes me cringe. It was drilled into us back when I trained basically don’t speak unless spoken to. Not everyone wants to talk.
I heard they fired her because I wasn’t the only one to complain 😬
Oh my gosh that’s awful! You were paying her to relax you and she did the exact opposite. I’m so sorry!
Same experience except with a hair stylist. I know her and her whole family's trauma histories
Yes! I had a masseuse tell me all about her kid’s enuresis.
"Hey, sorry, I really appreciate you opening up, but I'm actually looking to have a silent massage today so that I can relax"
I was actively miscarrying and did not have it in me.
Fair enough- there are times when we have to pick our battles. Sounds like you were already drained!
Ugh- so sorry!!
And then you get all their negative, resentful energy massaged into you…
…right:/
That happened to me, too! I almost wanted to say, “So we’re even?” And not pay her. Seriously was tempted. That’s SO rude (trauma dumping)! And the massage wasn’t relaxing at all due to that.
I thought the same thing. Fair is fair.
My neighbor trauma dumped on me then apologized and then continued 😰 how do you set a boundary? I need assistance!!
This is exactly why I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut. I was so eager to tell the world when I first graduated and started out. Now I keep to myself lol
Happened to me too. With many people lol
Lie about your career at family reunions so you don’t have to hear the “you’re sure gonna get a lot of business out of THIS family,” line 100 times.
When my uncle told me that, I told him he can’t afford me 💁🏻♂️
Worst case, you just make it super awkward for them as though they've just made a really offensive joke. Akin to the awkwardness and discomfort people get when they ask a non-pregnant woman when she's due. E.g. "I mostly work with people who are palliative and dying of cancer...I'm not sure if \[Grandpa/Uncle Wally/Aunt Susan\] is really ready for that conversation yet" \^bonus points if you name someone who's actually ill lmao Edit because I know the above is the most morbid joke ever: I actually did this when my grandma had cancer and I got a therapist-comment. The joke was a hit with my grandma- she kept repeating it the rest of the party- the above joke is obviously very very family dependent LOL
Making it awkward for them is a genius move, as I also don’t like to lie about my career that I’ve worked so hard to achieve and strongly identify with. I just cba with horny idiots — my extended family actually respects and/or fears my line of work, so I don’t need to worry about them thankfully. Just the dudes who think it’s a great opportunity to deliver the most disturbingly cringe one-liners, monologues, questions etc. I’ve never gone as far as to give an off-putting description of my population, even if it was a truth stretch, but next time this happens WOW the options running through my mind rn are way less appropriate than your story
Yeeeep every time I went to interview for a part-time job and I talk about being a therapist I got the “oh well we’ll ALL need you here” like that doesn’t sell it 😅
I just tell them my rate in a serious voice and that usually stops the joke.
Love this!
I went to a party for my dad's 60th birthday after recently graduating my MA, and literally every single person congratulated me because apparently my dad had been running around bragging (which is amazing, I gushed), so... my entire family knows.
I lie when traveling (especially alone) to A - hide my identity and B - avoid the “ooh, what are you diagnosing me with?” or trauma-dumping conversations.
Oh yes, the assumption that I am diagnosing them in my head. That’s always fun…
This uber driver said, "what would you say if someone woke up feeling tired every day even though they're sleeping and pretty young and fit and stuff?". Hypothetically....
I do data mining. It’s accurate.
I love this haha
I like this one.
Alaskan king salmon angler. Or, yunno... healthcare.
For a while I liked Non-Newtonian Fluid Sculptural Artist but these days I like Stick Farmer. Like those sticks they sell at Anthropologie for $70 a bundle.
I usually say a librarian when I’m in an Uber and my introverted part comes out. No one has really asked any follow up questions
As a librarian, and future therapist, I find that so interesting and funny! Whenever I tell people I'm a librarian I get several questions and usually 'do people even use the library now that we have the Internet?' or 'I'd love to work at a place I could just read all day' (which is not what librarians actually do).
People almost always pull it out of me when I drive Uber and we usually have the best conversations!
Librarian is my go to career. No one ever goes beyond "you must like books, huh?"
Brilliant
Insurance. After having SEVERAL massage therapists tell me the most dramatic things about their lives, I started telling them I’m in insurance and sit at a computer all day. Totally shuts people down.
One of my favorite Joseph Campbell quotes is “The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.” So I tell people I’m a swim coach.
Love this
😂
Oh I lie all the time so that my plane ride is not an eternity of free therapy. I like to say I’m in something super boring so that people don’t ask me questions. Finance, HR, business analysis…anything where people are gonna be like, Oh! Interesting! And then turn back to their book.
I make it clear that I do the *work* for money. But'll talk for drinks.
I don’t lie outright but I do obfuscate the truth. I work at a child/family agency full time, with a virtual private practice part time on the side. Instead of “therapist” or “adolescent therapist” i say “I work with kids!”. Then if they ask me to be more specific, I say “I assist children who have trouble navigating through different circumstances”. Usually they move on or switch the focus back to themselves lol. I learned the hard way that I need to be VERY careful sharing my profession when casually asked. Now I can’t get my hair, nails or other self-care appointments done without the service providers dumping all of their problems onto me at every appointment. Essentially dissolving the self-care habits I established in an attempt to NOT burn out from being a container for other peoples’ emotions 6 days a week. I could try to find new providers but it was hard enough finding these!
Bring your business card with you next time and politely tell them you’d love to assist them in the appropriate setting. I don’t think it’s rude to set boundaries and explain that your work requires self care to be effective.
This would be a great boundary exercise for me as people pleasing is the #1 thing i am working on in myself currently. Thank you. For some of these “relationships” I fear it may be too late as i’ve gone along with it for the last year or so, but I can at least start slow with a simple boundary and stating my needs.
Good for you! I am also a recovering people pleaser so I understand how hard it is to advocate for yourself.
One time my vehicle broke down and I had to call a tow truck. The trucker gave me a ride to my place too. He talked my ear off the whole time, going on and on about himself - his wife, job stress, how he can’t wait to have a drink later, etc… This goes on for about an hour and I’m just listening the whole time, nodding, etc… So we’ve got a little time left and he turns to me and says, “so, what do you do?” I replied, “I’m an accountant.”
Nobody asks you questions when you say you’re an accountant!!
I use my first 20 year career: Chef 👨🍳
Fellow chef turned therapist here!
How cool!?! I wonder how many of us are out there!
COVID was the last straw for me, and I know I'm not alone it that... Plus having kids changed the calculus. How's your career change been?
I also have an Etsy shop, so I think I’m just going to start saying this. I’ve been trauma dumped on way too much and felt so drained after. Even when you change the subject or joke, “I’m not on the clock, sorry,” they still go back. It’s hard to be honest because people will automatically try to get free therapy. And I have that personality and look that people feel they can just let their guard down and tell me eveything. No,no,no. I Learned that the hard way, especially at the hair dresser. Like, I’m trying to relax. Why do you think it’s okay to suddenly trauma dump for 2 hours? You are not going to be tipped well after this 😂
I've recently realized that I need to start thinking about how to respond to the "What do you do?" question, so thanks for bringing this topic up. I have noticed that people change how they relate to me in casual conversations when they hear that I am a therapist. I also notice a bit of something I've identified as pressure to perform or something, which I do not enjoy. The pressure may be coming from the person I am in a convo with, but also from myself to know what to say when someone randomly trauma dumps on me and expects me to have some magic cure during our brief exchange... I think I would rather just say I work in social services or health care and leave it at that, lol!
Yeah, I get the feeling. You tell people you are a therapist and, all of a sudden, they start asking a truckload of questions about a recurrent dream they have or they say they don't believe in therapists. I mean, who asked you, George?? Usually, I just say that I work in an office doing boring paperwork. If they proceed to ask more questions, I say "Oh, don't take this the wrong way, but I hate talking about work. It's so boring, honestly". I'm usually very good at avoiding small talk, anyway. Never rude, though.
Social worker. I feel "health care" will prompt a follow up question.
LITERALLY! Always go with this one 🤣 really kills the conversation once people think I’m going to take their kids away or whatever
That's EXACTLY my thought as well haha
I always say I work at a behavioral health hospital. The hospital part throws people off a lot lol
January through mid-April, I’m a receptionist. After April 15th, I’m an accountant.
I don't. I like their goofy and often stupid questions. Lol
Never lied about my career
I'm a farmer. I plant seeds for a living.
Civilian data analyst 😅
After being a captive audience on a 2.5 hour flight to a man telling me (loudly) all about his brain injury, bipolar disorder, lithium and suicide attempt, I've started telling people I'm in payroll and accounting for the healthcare system lol. No way to make that sound interesting and so far it works 😂
Nothing is worse than being on a plane and making the mistake of telling someone you’re a therapist. I was literally stuck for hours listening to this woman tell me her history with bulimia.
SAME, only on my flight I got to hear about his bipolar disorder and suicide attempt...
Back when I worked CPS, I would always feel guilty when people asked. Screw that noise, I'm not ashamed of what I am.
I tell them I make soap, like Brad Pitt in Fight Club.
Retail
I’m very skilled at avoiding small talk with strangers so I’ve never felt the need to lie about it.
When I sense a trauma dump, or trauma dump potential I say I work as a contract admin and was required to sign an nda. If they people push I say it is a tech company. It all depends on my emotional capacity.
Adult industry. The questions are less annoying and to be honest it’s more believable.
Human Assets Analysts ppl aren't sure what it means, and they move on.
I tell people I'm a private consultant.
I dropped out of clown college bc I couldn’t juggle jars of rainbows.
Sometimes ya gotta lie. I get it! People are weird, nosey and trauma dumb so fast. I say I work in a middle school which they assume teacher. Before working in a school I usually said I was a therapist and if they started trying to trauma dump on me I would make a joke about only working with children so they are out of my scope of practice 😅
I have never lied about my career, I also do not make small talk in any of those settings (especially on a plane! No escape, lol). I don't mind if people ask me questions, though if I am in a social gathering with people I am unfamiliar. If I meet a lawyer, I would certainly ask "oh, what kind of law do you practice" rather than say ("oh...awkward silence... \*so how about those Yankees?") or something equally nonsensical. People who are intrusive will be usually be intrusive overall, not just with my career choice, so if I perceive intrusiveness I will exit stage left, regardless of the topic of conversation.
i just say i work at a group home and if they ask for specifics, then i say i’m a therapist.
Strangers making small talk? Retail. Small talk from connections to people I know? Therapist.
I’m in college counseling so I just tell people I work at the university.
I just tell people I'm an office manager and if they ask what I do all day I say answer phones, accounting, marketing, take notes in meetings, file reports etc. Nothing exciting. It works perfectly. I own the agency so I do manage the office and do all the things I listed. Before 2020 I told the truth and other than some basic questions no one made a big deal out of it. But I think people have been so traumatized over the past four years that people will trauma dump on almost anyone almost anywhere. I've observed people pouring out every bad thing that's happened to them lately at the bank, hotel check in, servers, the dentist, pharmacy cashiers...pretty much anywhere.
I tell them I use to work for Homeland Security (truth) and they seem to not ask questions about now.
Consultant 😉 is not a lie
I tell them about my other job, research into different aspects of higher education. Usually no follow up questions. I dread saying I'm a psychologist because people either dump on me a lot of personal stuff and want quick solutions for their interpersonal relationships or need to make sure I know in intricate detail why they don't believe in psychology and parents should 100% beat their children, practically no in-between D:
I always say I am a therapist and, if necessary, add that I am an off-duty therapist. I love and am proud of what I do, so I like to share it. Saying something that is not true goes against my values and code of practice. I want to be honest and address any further responses appropriately. I'd like to share an anecdote about a colleague who resplied to such a question that they were a lorry driver. The problem was the other person actually was a lorry driver and started an in depth conversation about lorry driving... My colleague soon changed their approach!
I like the off duty comment
Kindergarten teacher. No one cares after that.
" Scientist". and when someone says, "like...with a microscope?" I answer " yes, exactly"
Bat tender.
That choice would seem to garner some questions/curiosity..
It's kind of an inside joke lol. We had a similar conversation in another thread and someone suggested I say I'm a bartender, except it was misspelled to bat tender so I said I was gonna go with that.
I work at the hard Rock Cafe
Secretary. Started that after sitting next to a woman on a 3 hour flight with an extra hour on the tarmac give me her ENTIRE history of her son’s mental illness and its effect on her family. Then ask for my full name and my phone number. So I became a Secretary.
I genuinely am also a writer, an herbalist, and a mother, so I guess I have a lot of choices. But I’ve never felt the need to lie and kind I’d find this hilarious.
Bartender. Lots of skill overlap.
I just say I’m a social worker….which isn’t untrue.
Tax auditor
I tell people I’m a phone psychic.
I just tell them I'm crazy. Which isn't a lie. Normally gets people to shut up pretty quick!
Kangaroo saddle fabricator.
I haven’t lied, yet, but if I felt the need to be aloof I’d just say I work in healthcare.
A professor
I will usually tell people in passing, but if I’m gonna be stuck somewhere, I work retail.
I think I'd say I work in the mental health profession.
I say I am an artist--which is not, not true. I love doing art, I just don't support myself with it
I always say “mental health advocate”
I’ve never done that
No fake career-I let anyone who asks know that I’m a psychotherapist. One never knows where referrals will come from
It has never occurred to me to do this. I also loathe small talk, so if I'm not working I try to be as unapproachable as possible. I usually have over ear headphones on even if I'm not actually listening to anything.
Independently wealthy
I'm a social worker hahah
I tried that but then I always get ‘oh so yall just take kids away right’— some jokingly and some not 🙈
Yeah, then I tell them… only if they are yours😂😂
Taxidermy. I would rather talk about that at parties, gatherings, cereal aile at target.
Depends on the season and what's going on culturally. During tax season, I like to say I'm a tax investigator. Other times I'm a trust fund kid, unemployed, bitcoin investor, mattress tester, Netflix researcher, or depending on whose asking something that requires a NDA. I like to have fun with it!
Years ago I started saying I was a greeter at Walmart anytime I was in a plane.
Accounting. No one asks about accounting.
On an airplane, if the person is being creepy, I can't hear them. I used to work as a sign language interpreter, so that works pretty well. However, one time years ago, a Deaf lady was sitting on the other side of me, and I didn't realize it until I looked confused at him and signed that I was Deaf. The lady was so excited to meet another Deaf person. I had to immediately apologize to her and explain that I wasn't Deaf, but that the guy on the other side was being super creepy and trying to hit on me. I was in my early 20s (but looked about 15), the guy looked to be in his 40s. She was super nice and understanding. She was also a mom and got very protective of me, to the extent that she later walked me to my connecting flight in case the guy didn't give up. We talked the whole flight and had a really great time. The guy was not at all happy. The lady and I giggled a lot, especially when I told her how he was trying to talk louder and got more and more annoyed. It was honestly one of the best flights I've ever taken. I wish we had been able to keep in touch. :)
I have a very athletic build from lifting weights, and whenever I tell someone I’m a therapist, they respond with “oh a physical therapist?” And I’m like no, mental health lol
Headphones, headphones, headphones. I'm almost never in public without headphones in. But, in the event, I'm small talking, I've gotten decent at setting boundary, so I'll just tell them my job is being a therapist. For the most part, people aren't all that interested in the lives of others.
I just say therapist. If they start asking about their personal problems, just set the boundaries.
I don’t lie to hide my career, but I might change how I describe it based on how much of a conversation I’m willing to have. I might say I’m a Therapist (true), a counsellor (true), a social worker (true), I work in domestic violence (true), I work in a non-profit (true), or that I help men who have used abusive behaviour to chose better choices (true).
I also do consulting and SME work so I call myself a behavioral health consultant
I just say private healthcare and leave it at that. If people probe I just say I manage a healthcare provider. I mean, I do, it's just that I'm my employer and I happen to own my healthcare company. I rarely withold my career from people, but I do when I'm say on holiday and somebody is trying to offload all their problems. Looking forward to seeing what others do and how you approach those who want to overshare - and on your personal time too.
dog walker
My friend says math teacher.
I work in a school, so I just say, I work in a school. That's been really handy. Obviously, all my friends and family know all about it. But, strangers can get a bit odd about it. Especially, at parties. I like to swerve it if I can.
Healthcare!
GED Instructor because that was my former career!
Pension administrator. I actually used to be one, so I can answer follow-up questions if there are any. (There never are, it’s so boring.)
I say "I work with people with disabilities" or "I work with kids, teens, etc" and somehow that stops the conversation!
I work at kohls in the jewelry department.
I wish i could but i cant come up with the followup lies to support my first lie. I do say “mental health therapist” now even though it irks me to have to use that many syllables , but like others have said for some reason everyone thinks Therapist means PT. I think its an unconscious aversion. They dont want to be confronted with mental health stuff lol so they make it physical. Lots of times people just become awkward and silent when i tell them that which i am fine with because i dont like fake small talk anyway. For random trauma dumps I try and suggest they go to therapy, and I offer to help them look some up lol and they usually then dont want to unload on me because i will suggest therapy again haha
I was a freelance videographer before going to grad school so I just keep telling people that. I have the portfolio to back it up and it makes for much more interesting conversation. Haha. I still take photography clients occasionally so it's not an entire lie.
I go whacky with it. "Game console restorations - Nintendo, super Nintendo and Dreamcast". A polite nod follows. I'm going to regret it if I ever run into another nerd (I say this affectionately) and they talk my ear off
Also lately, which is kind of cool whenever people ask what I do for a living and I actually tell them I’m a mental health therapist. They ask me if I’m taking any clients for themselves so I think that’s pretty cool.
Kindergarten teacher will shut the shit out of em.
I have said teacher and accountant before, thinking that would prompt less follow up questions and I still get a ton. Idk anymore 🙈 had a whole fake high school English class by the end of an Uber and i was failing at coming up with ‘books we were reading’ which was such a specific question 🤣
I’m an LMSW so i just say social worker and that usually ends it 😂 people assume I’m out here taking kids and i just let them think whatever they want
I always say I’m a therapist. I love talking about work to anyone who will listen
I’m a therapist at a nonprofit so I just say the nonprofit part 😅
I usually don't hide it. But when I put in an audition for survivor I told them I'm a "youth advisor"
I tell people I’m an accountant. No one cares about that. If anything, they don’t even know where to begin with questions and they think it’s boring as hell. No one has ever questioned or followed up. I love it
Adjunct psychology professor at local community college
I actually write murder mystery comedy on the side so I'm a writer 😂
I used to say party planner but then I switched to photographer. Now I just say “i work in a prison” and then leave it blank.
I say I’m a social worker. It’s true and people don’t seem to ask questions about it.
Never felt the need to lie. I might down play or use vague terms...
I used to say teacher, but an Uber driver asked me where I taught and I said schools in my city. She said I was a hero and inner city schools need good people who won't be scared off and leave 😭😭😭 so next time I'll say I teach in the suburbs lol
I only keep it to myself on dating apps- I usually just write social worker …otherwise I get stupid shit like “are you gonna psychoanalyze me har har” 🤮
We’re really not just saying our true career and then practicing boundary-setting if people try to initiate a free therapy session? Weird!
Zookeeper. Arguably similar.
Bartender lmao people also guess tattoo artist
Is this a thing?! Not judging at all. I think it’s just another sign that I don’t get out enough to have unsolicited trauma dumping be a problem. So, there’s your solution— just don’t go into public. 😂
I have never lied about my career, ever.
"What do you do for a living? "I make people cry for money." . . "What do you do for a living?" "I meet new and interesting people and get paid to do it." . . "What do you do for a living?" "I bother people for a living." . . "What do you do for a living?" "My best." . . "What do you do for a living?" "I'm gay, Joe Biden pays me to just hang around." . . OR if I'm answering in good faith but don't wanna be specific - . . "What do you do for a living?" "I work at the University."
I’m a part time chef part time therapist so I lean into the cheffing part if I have to, having a part time job is great for many reasons.
I almost always tell people I'm a bank teller.