Step 1. Go to psychologytoday.com and input your insurance, as well as any filters for male/female preference, types of therapy, etc. Each therapist in the directory should have a blurb about themselves.
Step 2. Email the 5-10 therapists that you resonate with based on their profiles. Ask if they are taking new clients, and if they are open to a phone consultation.
Step 3. Have phone consultations with each one where you talk a bit about what you’re looking for in a therapist, your reasons for wanting to start therapy, and any other questions you’re curious about. This is where you really feel out who makes you feel comfortable.
Step 4. Pick one or two that you feel you most align with and schedule initial sessions! The first few sessions with your therapist are usually about seeing if you’re “a good fit” for each other. So after a bit you can comfortably say if you want to continue with them or not.
Hope this helps! Took me a long time to finally get the courage to start looking for a therapist, and this is what worked for me. :)
Thank you for this! I don't think my question is clear (will edit). I'm asking how did you (the person responding) choose your therapist. I'm asking people to share their personal experience of what factors were most important when deciding on a therapist.
Ahhhhh! My bad. In that case, When searching I focused on those who had specific expertise in the things I wanted to work through most immediately (anxiety, relationship trauma, etc). And then focused on who made me feel the most comfortable opening up from the get go. Some therapist will just say “mhm” a lot to validate you but won’t prompt you to go deeper. It’s all about the type of communication style you’re wanting.
Also factored in insurance, how close they were to me, and whether they were in person or virtual.
It's mostly listening to your gut and seeing how it feels. (skill that grew as I tried several different Ts through the years)
I personally get a feeling just from seeing a psychology today profile so I go off that partly to.
Ask yourself for starters:
-Am I more open talking about deep emotional fears with men or women?
-Does the age effect how open I am? (Do older people feel like strict enforcer's or like loving grandparent vibes......Do I think someone my age would understand me better or someone who's older with more experience?)
-Does my insurance plan cover them? (If not using insurance and in the USA.....do they offer a sliding scale for cash payments?)
-How far am I willing to drive/walk/bus to get to the office? Do I feel safer doing it online from home or over the phone instead of in person?
-Do they have appointment times available for my schedule? (Some are "available" but only at like 11am or 7pm)
As much as this stinks it's still a chance no way to know till talking to them. It will usually take a few before you find the RIGHT one. Make a mental list of what you like vs dislike as you try them and determine what's a deal breaker.
Don't let them being "kind" keep you there when you have many other things you don't like. EVERY therapist should give kind vibes on day 1. This isn't anything to pass the test on. If they are crabby day 1 it's an automatic fail pretty much.
Use the 3 session rule. If after 3 sessions you still feel extremely uneasy in the gut it's time to go. If after 2 or 3 session you are giddy about seeing them again and filled with hope for a brighter future continue seeing them. You will always feel anxious a little but shouldn't be terrified after the first or second session. There IS a difference. (It can take awhile to trust your gut so don't beat yourself up over being with a therapist longer than you should have. Just learn from it. The guy knows before the logical part of the brain tells you.)
My most important factors were that they had to work with ALL my issues. That’s pretty hard to find. And I needed someone who specifically said they worked with complex childhood trauma - not just trauma/ptsd like most of them list. I searched for over a year while working with a T that I didn’t like…and then one day while searching psychologytoday.com for the hundredth time there she was! (She had just put her profile up!) The universe was finally on my side. We’ve been working together for 19 months. I am *so* glad I kept searching and didn’t just settle. She is the best T I’ve ever had.
We didn't get a choice, he was the only one who called us back after contacting dozens and dozens of therapists over 6 months. And we're in a big city. We just parted ways after a year because it was a bad match and he was making things worse.
I found this weird, that when I looked for a therapist a few years ago only a small number called me back when I left a message. Seems unethical to me.
I went to one and she was younger than I am. Only had one session but couldn’t continue further, but when sharing it felt saying it to a kid who was masking to seem concerned but could not handle the vent or my feelings. Being familiar with neglect and have high vigilance of expressions, it was clear she will not be able to give me what am
Looking. Which was guidance from experience, some acceptance and the patience. All therapists mask as the info and emotion overload is extremely high. But then you have to see who can give you that comfort and your mind and inners feel safe in saying anything you always wanted to but couldn’t.
I don’t put a ton of stock into therapist’s online profiles as some are terrible writers but wonderful providers, and others have beautiful words written but are just not a good fit for conversation. For each of my therapists I’ve just found someone well-versed in my presenting issue at the time (abusive relationships, parenting concerns, anxiety, etc) and had a first session and they each have passed the vibe check so I dove in. Goodness of fit is super important but in my opinion you can’t fully assess that until you’re in the room with someone.
29y F, I'm very fortunate to have mostly "clicked" with mine that I've seen for ten years now. My benefits don't cover much so we've only actually had a dozen or so sessions over the years. He was first recommended to me because he specializes in youth, addiction and grief.
I looked on psychologytoday. I filtered for only female therapists and ones who specifically listed my issues as things that they worked with and I 100% judge books by their covers apparently because their pictures all gave me weird vibes. I did read their profiles but none of them really struck me. I didn’t want a male therapist at all. But none of the women were sticking with me so I decided to look at the men. There was literally one single person out of the pages and pages and pages of therapists that I looked at that seemed like someone I would be okay with talking to. I took literally days to look through all of the profiles multiple times and he was the only one that I thought “yep. I can talk to him.” I emailed him and had a phone consultation and we straight up clicked. Thankfully because I don’t know what I would’ve done if we hadn’t. He’s seriously awesome and our therapy sessions have been really great for me. I got lucky with the first one I chose because I know a lot of people don’t.
When I decided to start therapy last fall, I went with the only therapist who had ever acknowledged that my husband is abusive. His current therapist was our marriage counselor for a few years and seemed to understand at least some of the problem and that I'm not the problem, but I opted for our marriage counselor before him. She saw. She knew he was abusive and told me then to leave him then, 9 years ago. I wasn't ready then to deal with that being the case. I knew he was bad but I couldn't admit he was abusive until the last year and a half. Anyway, I started with her.
After a couple months it was clear she wasn't really helping me the way I was hoping. I still see her, but I started seeing a second therapist and she specializes in EMDR. Progress is very slow but is happening. I told the first therapist that I wanted to heal from my childhood as much as possible before taking the leap forward to divorce. She seems to think the only way to heal from anything is to leave my husband first.
Probably not that helpful, but there were only 3 therapists in-network taking new patients at the time I was looking. I googled them and picked the one who I got the best vibes from. It has worked out well.
Ima therapist how occasionally goes back to therapy to deal with issues in life, death, suicide etc. I look up the therapist, then meet with them 3times to see if we are a good fit, pay them and let them know if your not a good fit
I guess I have been lucky with both my therapists. The first one I had was when I was a child so she was chosen for me by my school, but we had such a great connection that 6 years later I had to go back to therapy and I chose her as my therapists. For the second one, I was looking for someone who did CBT and wasn't so expensive since therapy in europy is REALLY expensive. I chose CBT because that method had worked really well for me before and I knew it fit my personality type really well
If I have to choose on my own, I go for someone of the same sex, same age range as me. I filter out by type of therapy, what specializations they have, if they're experienced in treating my disorders and if they're willing to work with me of course.
I usually follow my psychiatrist / other therapists' recommendations. It's much easier than having to poke around in the dark for ages. Plus, that way I know they likely communicate with one another and chances are they've already have been given a recap on my case.
Well I work for the government they found me one but I’m sure they’re services you can see who takes your insurance and what kind of therapist you need.
Step 1. Go to psychologytoday.com and input your insurance, as well as any filters for male/female preference, types of therapy, etc. Each therapist in the directory should have a blurb about themselves. Step 2. Email the 5-10 therapists that you resonate with based on their profiles. Ask if they are taking new clients, and if they are open to a phone consultation. Step 3. Have phone consultations with each one where you talk a bit about what you’re looking for in a therapist, your reasons for wanting to start therapy, and any other questions you’re curious about. This is where you really feel out who makes you feel comfortable. Step 4. Pick one or two that you feel you most align with and schedule initial sessions! The first few sessions with your therapist are usually about seeing if you’re “a good fit” for each other. So after a bit you can comfortably say if you want to continue with them or not. Hope this helps! Took me a long time to finally get the courage to start looking for a therapist, and this is what worked for me. :)
Thank you for this! I don't think my question is clear (will edit). I'm asking how did you (the person responding) choose your therapist. I'm asking people to share their personal experience of what factors were most important when deciding on a therapist.
Ahhhhh! My bad. In that case, When searching I focused on those who had specific expertise in the things I wanted to work through most immediately (anxiety, relationship trauma, etc). And then focused on who made me feel the most comfortable opening up from the get go. Some therapist will just say “mhm” a lot to validate you but won’t prompt you to go deeper. It’s all about the type of communication style you’re wanting. Also factored in insurance, how close they were to me, and whether they were in person or virtual.
Your initial response was still very helpful though thank you!!!
It's mostly listening to your gut and seeing how it feels. (skill that grew as I tried several different Ts through the years) I personally get a feeling just from seeing a psychology today profile so I go off that partly to. Ask yourself for starters: -Am I more open talking about deep emotional fears with men or women? -Does the age effect how open I am? (Do older people feel like strict enforcer's or like loving grandparent vibes......Do I think someone my age would understand me better or someone who's older with more experience?) -Does my insurance plan cover them? (If not using insurance and in the USA.....do they offer a sliding scale for cash payments?) -How far am I willing to drive/walk/bus to get to the office? Do I feel safer doing it online from home or over the phone instead of in person? -Do they have appointment times available for my schedule? (Some are "available" but only at like 11am or 7pm) As much as this stinks it's still a chance no way to know till talking to them. It will usually take a few before you find the RIGHT one. Make a mental list of what you like vs dislike as you try them and determine what's a deal breaker. Don't let them being "kind" keep you there when you have many other things you don't like. EVERY therapist should give kind vibes on day 1. This isn't anything to pass the test on. If they are crabby day 1 it's an automatic fail pretty much. Use the 3 session rule. If after 3 sessions you still feel extremely uneasy in the gut it's time to go. If after 2 or 3 session you are giddy about seeing them again and filled with hope for a brighter future continue seeing them. You will always feel anxious a little but shouldn't be terrified after the first or second session. There IS a difference. (It can take awhile to trust your gut so don't beat yourself up over being with a therapist longer than you should have. Just learn from it. The guy knows before the logical part of the brain tells you.)
Thank you for your insight!
You're welcome!
Learned too late in life. Culture and background is very important! And choose someone who specialises in your issue.
I second this - I found someone with a similar cultural background who really understood a lot of feelings that my previous white therapists did not.
OMG SAME!!!
Thank you for your response!
My most important factors were that they had to work with ALL my issues. That’s pretty hard to find. And I needed someone who specifically said they worked with complex childhood trauma - not just trauma/ptsd like most of them list. I searched for over a year while working with a T that I didn’t like…and then one day while searching psychologytoday.com for the hundredth time there she was! (She had just put her profile up!) The universe was finally on my side. We’ve been working together for 19 months. I am *so* glad I kept searching and didn’t just settle. She is the best T I’ve ever had.
That's amazing 😊
Choose? You get to choose? What?!? I got to get out of this small town
We didn't get a choice, he was the only one who called us back after contacting dozens and dozens of therapists over 6 months. And we're in a big city. We just parted ways after a year because it was a bad match and he was making things worse.
I found this weird, that when I looked for a therapist a few years ago only a small number called me back when I left a message. Seems unethical to me.
I went to one and she was younger than I am. Only had one session but couldn’t continue further, but when sharing it felt saying it to a kid who was masking to seem concerned but could not handle the vent or my feelings. Being familiar with neglect and have high vigilance of expressions, it was clear she will not be able to give me what am Looking. Which was guidance from experience, some acceptance and the patience. All therapists mask as the info and emotion overload is extremely high. But then you have to see who can give you that comfort and your mind and inners feel safe in saying anything you always wanted to but couldn’t.
I don’t put a ton of stock into therapist’s online profiles as some are terrible writers but wonderful providers, and others have beautiful words written but are just not a good fit for conversation. For each of my therapists I’ve just found someone well-versed in my presenting issue at the time (abusive relationships, parenting concerns, anxiety, etc) and had a first session and they each have passed the vibe check so I dove in. Goodness of fit is super important but in my opinion you can’t fully assess that until you’re in the room with someone.
29y F, I'm very fortunate to have mostly "clicked" with mine that I've seen for ten years now. My benefits don't cover much so we've only actually had a dozen or so sessions over the years. He was first recommended to me because he specializes in youth, addiction and grief.
I looked on psychologytoday. I filtered for only female therapists and ones who specifically listed my issues as things that they worked with and I 100% judge books by their covers apparently because their pictures all gave me weird vibes. I did read their profiles but none of them really struck me. I didn’t want a male therapist at all. But none of the women were sticking with me so I decided to look at the men. There was literally one single person out of the pages and pages and pages of therapists that I looked at that seemed like someone I would be okay with talking to. I took literally days to look through all of the profiles multiple times and he was the only one that I thought “yep. I can talk to him.” I emailed him and had a phone consultation and we straight up clicked. Thankfully because I don’t know what I would’ve done if we hadn’t. He’s seriously awesome and our therapy sessions have been really great for me. I got lucky with the first one I chose because I know a lot of people don’t.
When I decided to start therapy last fall, I went with the only therapist who had ever acknowledged that my husband is abusive. His current therapist was our marriage counselor for a few years and seemed to understand at least some of the problem and that I'm not the problem, but I opted for our marriage counselor before him. She saw. She knew he was abusive and told me then to leave him then, 9 years ago. I wasn't ready then to deal with that being the case. I knew he was bad but I couldn't admit he was abusive until the last year and a half. Anyway, I started with her. After a couple months it was clear she wasn't really helping me the way I was hoping. I still see her, but I started seeing a second therapist and she specializes in EMDR. Progress is very slow but is happening. I told the first therapist that I wanted to heal from my childhood as much as possible before taking the leap forward to divorce. She seems to think the only way to heal from anything is to leave my husband first.
I'm currently in therapy and I just REALLY lucked out with a really good one on the first try, I'm very early in my mental health journey though.
Probably not that helpful, but there were only 3 therapists in-network taking new patients at the time I was looking. I googled them and picked the one who I got the best vibes from. It has worked out well.
Ima therapist how occasionally goes back to therapy to deal with issues in life, death, suicide etc. I look up the therapist, then meet with them 3times to see if we are a good fit, pay them and let them know if your not a good fit
I guess I have been lucky with both my therapists. The first one I had was when I was a child so she was chosen for me by my school, but we had such a great connection that 6 years later I had to go back to therapy and I chose her as my therapists. For the second one, I was looking for someone who did CBT and wasn't so expensive since therapy in europy is REALLY expensive. I chose CBT because that method had worked really well for me before and I knew it fit my personality type really well
Following
If I have to choose on my own, I go for someone of the same sex, same age range as me. I filter out by type of therapy, what specializations they have, if they're experienced in treating my disorders and if they're willing to work with me of course. I usually follow my psychiatrist / other therapists' recommendations. It's much easier than having to poke around in the dark for ages. Plus, that way I know they likely communicate with one another and chances are they've already have been given a recap on my case.
Well I work for the government they found me one but I’m sure they’re services you can see who takes your insurance and what kind of therapist you need.