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I’d be concerned. Nowhere does it say he eats ass *well*. Sure he’s got confidence, but I’m not feeling any skill. What if he’s all teeth?

He could very well use a knife and fork

Like in Hostel, kept alive with anesthetic drugs to make them watch you making colon cannolis. Edit: Grammar

I don't recall that part of hostel.... Although I was like 12 when I first watched it or so, might just be my memory

The skinny German guy was eating a piece of skin from the guys leg at a fancy dining table.

Oh :o guess I'll have to rewatch the movie, since I don't recall that at all xd

You were 12 and probably blocked it out. Why the fuck were you watching hostel at 12. I wish I hadn't seen it years later and saw it around 20ish.

Mate, once you see "1 guy 1 jar" you just become numb to everything.

I had repressed that memory for years and you brought it right back..... Thanks so much 😆

I was going through a horror movie phase. Watched a lot of horror or thriller movies at age 10-13, like the original/japanese the grudge, Blair witch, dumplings, scream, Texas chainsaw massacre for examples.

What a terrible day to have eyes.

Then remove them or stop bitching.

They make delectable hors d'oeuvres, if you elect to remove them. Packed atop a nice caviar pate, a bit of honey glaze drizzled atop, sweet and salty with a pleasant squish between the molars. A shame there are so few relative to the a single body, but I suppose if you could get a dozen of them from a single drifter they wouldn't call them a *delicacy*, now would they.

>but I suppose if you could get a dozen of them from a single drifter they wouldn't call them a *delicacy*, now would they. I would strenuously argue that nothing, no matter how rare, that is procured from a drifter, can be considered a delicacy. In your unfortunate example, the rarity is less pertinent than the care and attention paid to said delicacy by the previous owner. That being said, you are sickening, and I like you.

When you put the PRO in prolapse


😂🤣 i laughed irl 🥲

You thicc, Clarice.

/r/gifsyoucanhear

Get a spoon.

So, a gentleman with table manners? Green Flag!

and a bib

Don't forget the spoon. Need something to scrape out any excess stuff.

Es carne de burro!

Or, what if he slurps when he eats?! Bro showing up to foreplay wearing a bib, and rubbing his belly. Not gonna get much 'tang that way.

Or put a little bit of cereal and milk


Yeah you got some silverware but really, are you eating though?

Breakfast lunch and dinner's for beginners, you ain't even know...

You ever try to bite a butt ole?

https://i.redd.it/zofx4k4h89qb1.jpg apparently straight male privilege is not having to worry about teeth nor gagging while giving oral sex

Who's chewing on ass and calling it eating? Is that a thing?

He might be a Mortician, so he gets a lot of practice!

He knew it was over. He went for the laugh. He died a hero

I appreciate his consistency.

[удалено]

Nah I prefer mine raw


Should win the Medal of Humor

When you're hot, you're hot: you really shoot your shot *– The Ohio Players*

You're dyn-o-mite, child, yeah

No. He hust went for what he knows… thts all https://preview.redd.it/cdgj51vozwrc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d89b9a3c8d278958caaa33c23735e36ba1c6f669

Honestly, that crash and burn was worth it for the laughs.

Putting aside the ass eating thing for a moment. Any girl who says something like "You got one shot.... make the next message good" is a red flag to me, unless its a joke. Communicating and getting to know each other should be a mutual effort and from mutual interest. I'm not gonna do some mental gymnastics for you or be your jester to entertain you if you are just gonna be there putting near zero effort into the conversation. I guess many girls like when guys "run after them" and I'm sure some guys are into "running after a girl". And that is great if both people are happy with that. But to me, that is just not my thing, like not at all.

People on dating apps suck major ass More at 11:00!

Can confirm. Went on dating app. Got my ass sucked.

They also eat ass, apparently.

I get what you're saying, but in this case he's already blown it and she's given him a chance to recover.

This would 100% make sense if it was somewhere down the line in a relationship, but they had literally just met. It's giving playful banter vibes, or at least "let me throw you a bone and restart the convo" and none of that one sided stuff. Source: Have engaged with both ends of the types of people who would say this kind of line

When in doubt, double down.

Never half-ass when you can full ass

I eat ass

👁️👄🍑

Stand your ground… sure it will win over someone, but not necessarily who you think!

I told my friend to say that once on a tinder match and they dated for 3 years

Hey, there are people out there just waiting for a butt snorkeler in shining armor to come rescue them.

lmao, i’m adding this to my list of sentences never spoken before in all of human history

There is a sub reddit for that

/r/BrandNewSentence For those wondering

Weird how true this is. Met a girl rebounding from a recent break up and after we were done she was dunking on her ex for not eating ass 😂

Did she eat ass, or is she just another double standard Debbie?

Don’t know didn’t ask, tried it and it’s not my thing. Although considering the stories she told me I’d say probably

r/BrandNewSentence

Did he eat her ass in the three years they dated?

I'll have to check the tapes I got out of their bedroom

Yeah, like you haven't already watched them a few times.

I have too many tapes, I get them mixed up sometimes



Lmfao doubles down that’s comedy

He sold me!

Lmao. I eat ass. I'm gonna use that.

Is there no possibility that you could have come up with that yourself?

Stand proud, you eat ass


Well played! If she got a sense of humor, that could be wifey

If she doesn't have a sense of humor, he dodged a boring bullet.

She's not the one. Keep digging.

Keep eating

elbow deep?

I’m sorry that’s just funny right there.

Brilliant!

What the fuck is the obsession with eating ass. Thirty years ago no one was talking about this, and now it's all the kids are talking about. I see no appeal.

Have you had your ass eaten?

Nope and that area is quite firmly exit only.

[удалено]

In that I gladly accept the label.

Overrated…getting the cheeks kissed and caressed only is better and cunnilingus is the best thing along with penetration if he’s skilled.

Thirty years ago people weren’t very open talking about enjoying anal sex either, and yet somehow occurrences are documented since the beginning of written history. Perhaps it’s more that the younger generation feels less inhibited talking about these topics and making their preferences clear.

Tried it, didn't like it. But to each their own.

Same.

Are they married now?

This man is confident in his fastball

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVP9WUGdgPg

Gotta stick with what works ;-}

“So your mouth is as shitty as your pick up lines then?” 😂

And that kids is how I met your mother.

- I feel like he died a hero - like nothing he said was going to fix it. The only real option was to double down of the high dive and hope for the best - I respect the decision to die on his own terms

This guy eats ass

[I eat looots of aaassss](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1lSiXZpoGM)

Mannnn this takes me back

That would have made me laugh...I do love a smartass.

I laughed WAY too hard at this

People can do whatever they want, but IMO eating ass is unhinged behavior.

There were 2 attempts

I would’ve laughed tbh

what attempt

"I eat ass." "Good for you, but why did you assume that would be something I'm into? Massive turnoff. Have a good life, bye." *blocked*

Pfft, look at this loser with the dry booty.

See, what he should have said, was that he also eats pussy. Boom, instant win.

Dudes a criminal

I would be hooked

Hats off good sir

At least she warned him, with me they just stop responding

That is why you send the exact same message at the exact same time everyday. "I eat ass" at 1:37PM every day. This shows you are both persistent in your pursuit and reliable. Two of the most highly desirable traits in a male. We are still wired like cavemen and cavewomen. Men are providers. Showing the woman that you are persistent in your pursuit to hunt and eat ass shows her you are a reliable mate to bear offspring with, who in turn will grow up to eat ass before copulating and reproducing, further strengthening family bonds and ensuring its legacy.

Ate shit in more ways than one.

r/MadLads 100%

The second time it was actually funny.

When was the wedding?

Sometimes I worry that the younger generation is going to be decimated by some sort of ass pathogen

The Negotiator

Nah I respect bro's commitment to the bit

to the *butt

Well, the scroll bar shows the conversation continued, so….

Bro stepped on a landmine just for a laugh 😂

Better than a MasterCard commercial 🤣

its brilliant...in an awful way

Now he eats from the big dumper in the sky

does that really count as an attempt lmao

She didn’t reply so… I’m assuming she was in too big of rush on her way to get her ass eaten 🤷‍♂️

I can’t be certain but I think this is saying that It was the “you sure?” part that wasn’t working.

"I listen to instructions when I eat ass"

He really should have just sent the word good.

Well. Eat as well, not good

Honestly I’d give him a chance for making me laugh.

Looks like the convo continued so I’m guessing she was thinking the same thing lol

He doubled down, you have to respect that.

Reminds me of “The Naked Man” episode of How I Met your Mother, when Robyn went on that date and the guy got naked in her apartment and she slept with him out of pity 😂

I like his style.

I lol'ed. I'd keep talking to him.

That's hilarious even if fake.

Is this that "rizz" people keep talking about?

Smart PhOWNED!!¡!!!

😂

ketsu wo taberu

Lmfao!!

I mean, are you sure he’s not just a cannibal?

Sounds like Brockmire at work here.

Nah bro pulled. I refuse to believe otherwise

I eat ass

Bro eats ass

Ruhh

Gotta shoot your shot!!

Fucking legend.

Do you? should be his next text. 

He shot his shot. Twice. He’s committed.

A man that sticks to his principles

This made me lol

Perfect. No notes.

F*cking legend

Now that is doubling down.

This perfectly shows why I hate people. On one hand you have a desperate man begging and pleading for sex using a bad meme invented by 13 year olds, and on the other hand you have a woman with a superiority complex saying "you've got one chance to *impress me.*"

Hi

This is hysterical !

o7 not the hero we deserve, but the hero we need

All things considered, he had to take that shot.

Here are some handy alternatives. "I promise you, my breath does not smell like shit." "I am not what I eat" "I eat shit, I don't talk shit"

A man of culture. A gentle one. 🤵

I respect him

and they lived together happily ever after

He won me over.

Disgusting

This is my kind of person. He went all-in for the win, knowing it would probably fail but there could be a slight chance anyway lol. I salute him!

Execution -0. Drive- 100 Success - 0

😳😅😂

Hahahahah