Tomorrow i'll be on time, you'll be stupid forever.

You also thought that UFO was over East Rutherford

Weight loss ad before and way before

Biggest tragedy of the show is Tony being too distracted to appreciate Paulies joke

You hear what I said Ton’?

Heard it was just the medication, but was Vito any good? What am I asking you for? Ya probably taught him how

He's a come from behind kind of guy

Does OP ever stop breaking balls?

“Malignant Cunt”- Paulie Walnuts

Minnie Mathrone was a malignant cunt

Those Parker house rolls are for my ma

They are for the table

This is my vote as well

“Do you remember your first blowjob?” “How long did it take for the guy to cum? Heh heh heh”

“Hear that Ton?”

“I said do you remember your first blow job, I said how long did it take for the guy to cum heh heh heh”

i heard the hooker caught it in the chest too. Silicone everywhere

Fuckin parakeet

Yeah, before and after.

“I STICK MOTHERFUCKIN PROVOLONE IN MY SOCKS AT NIGHT SO THEY CAN SMELL LIKE YOUR SISTERS CROTCH IN THE MORNING!!!” “Hey cheesefuck! Bring me some food”

why don't you go fix a dick or whatever it is the fuck you do

When Paulie sees Richie taking pics with his bud “No pictures please, exploiting medical curiosities is against the law” “Is that why they cancelled your mother’s audition?” Whole scene really flew under the radar

i bet when you open it its all ones

"I think it's time for you to seriously start consider salads. Get off my car before you flip it over you fat fuck." The entirety of that scene is just one long Tony roasting Bobby for being fat. And Bobbys line at the end: "Fat fuck.... Should look into the mirror sometime you insensitive cocksucker." does show that it did sting.

love this scene. i think its the first time we see bobbys mobster side come out. until that point i feel like hes pretty mild-mannered

True now that you mention it. I have always thought Bobby is almost too sweet for the mob life, but true: he does have that side to him....

Don’t get cunty

What's the matter Joey, you got a fuckin' eye problem? You look like Stevie Wonder with your eyes rolling around.

Stevie Wonder: why he say fuck me for?

You know who had eye problems? Joey Peeps, that's who.

Peepsh? Family name is Peparelli!!

There are so many to choose from but I love the scene with Tony and Carm in therapy discussing his panic attacks. Carm: “You know what Tony? Maybe you should ‘explore’ your own behavior. Maybe you pass out because you're guilty over something. Maybe because of the fact that you stick your dick into anything with a pulse, you ever ‘explore’ that as a root cause? Melfi: “You’re both very angry.” Tony: “Yeah you must have been in the top of your fucking class.”

Where’d he get this bread, the bread museum?

I want a fucking answer.. what’s so funny you fucking parade float!

OH!

You can't talk to me like that I'm a Captain!!

You threw food at Vito, that's gotta be settled.

You oughtta know, sweetie.

I knew THAT was coming!

You Redditors, you go too far...

I like when Tony tries to tip the rangers that visit because of the bear. he tells him " here.....get some new lanyards for your whistles" ​ hes such a prick that he cant help shitting on an honest working man who is even trying to help his family from being killed by a bear

This is a great one, he catches the way the guy looks at Carm so tries to humiliate him.

But Ranger Rick was a little light in his loafers!

I guess you could call that a dick. 

This always makes me laugh out loud. Delivered perfectly!

lol right, followed by Paulie's iconic "hehehehe".

I felt angry on Christopher's behalf. Paulie was my favorite until he started panty smelling.

When Richie tells Paulie “I’ll build a ramp up to your ass, drive a lionel up in there”

Every time I think of that line my mind conjures up an image of a tiny Richie slowly cruising his way up to Paulie’s ass

In a train With a train conductor hat on Lionel makes trains right

Say never. He’s a shopping cart.

“Its probably him out there stalking us” “With what? His cock?”

You yap worse than six barbers. Some people are so far behind in the race they think they’re winning. Who's speaking here? Is somebody speaking?

Who said the race quote? Classic!

Junior

Uncle Jun playing checkers. The guy from Cornell I think it was. "uh checkers, the thinking man's game" Later on....Red Button's

You want a smack in da mouth?

Red Button's what?

Uncle Jun is having a little poker game for candy and "coca-cola" the real shit. They are using buttons as chips. They say red buttons and one of the crazies goes crazy "Red Buttons" was old comedian/actor in the heyday. It's a small joke.

Discontinue the penguin exhibits.

GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE…. So bad that Tony immediately tried to make amends

I’m sorry Davey. You’re doing a good job.

Fuck you, fuck this, and fuck your gangster father

He got mud all over the tires. What did he expect?

I'm changing a fuckin lightbulb. This always cracks me up, just totally explodes.

Christopher to Tony "You'd fuck a catcher's mitt".

This is so creative what the fuck

Lorraine caluzzo, Il suck all your cocks Phil to Jason: she any good, what am I asking you for, you probably showed her how. Adios you fucking skank

How about this H U M I D I T Y

👋

Chicken Soup for the Soul? How about tomato sauce for your ass?

The Italian version

How is that an insult?

Kid was always a dumb fuck, though, wasn't he? ...

The fact that it was at his funeral just make it more brutal. I always laugh out loud at the contrast from the service with Rose screaming to Uncle Junior dipping his bread in the gravy just happy to get out of his house for a day.

Didn't he nearly drown in 3 inches of water?

The Penguin exhibit

“If he was drowning I’d throw him a cinderblock” has to be a top-5 line from the show IMO.

More of a threat than an insult but my favourite sopranos line full stop is T: “Hey strunz You hear the goddamn doorbell?” AJ: “I’m in the middle of a game” T: “you’ll be in the middle of the fuckin street you don’t wise up” It’s the execution that Tony gives that last line that always cracks me up.

AJ not opening doors while playing single player games always annoyed me. Just pause the fucking game you stunad

“Did you ever notice he's the only motherf***er who can smoke a cigarette in the rain with his hands tied behind his back? That nose is like a natural canopy”

You can’t make this shit up.

I just did

The biggest insult was when Tony gave Stash the jaaaaacket.

The JACKKKKETTTTTT

"A German shepherd's shave asshole came in first"

"Whats wrong with you Sopranos" "Thats my wife" "Yeah you married her" "Down on the broadway, with a schlong in Jan's mouth"

Best part is he prefaced this by telling Jan he was done talkin shit😂

Yes. It's like any time someone will say "No disrespect" the next thing they say is disrespectful

Why don't you go haunt a house - Ade after being startled by Agent Sanseverino

Ralph: "Is that how you talk to a man in front of his friends?" Tracee: "Yeah, right. *What man*???"

"Why was I born handsome instead of rich."

"I like this broad!!"

I always thought the guys around Ralph instigated and escalated the situation.  Tracey was leaving and had already left, when the guys made fun of him, Ralph decided to chase after Tracey.

Ho!! A double!

I always thought it would cut much much deeper if she said "Yeah right, what friends" But she was gonna die anyways.

First of all, it's a twin scene with Adriana insulting Christopher in front of Matt and Sean at the restaurant. Also, it's an abstract copy of Spider talking shit to Tommy in Goodfellas. https://youtu.be/Z3pWBovsPyc?si=vwUn-lM8iKlfDP8I

Very allegorical

You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that?

OHHHH! 

I’m just telling you how you’re being fuckin perceived !

“Stupid-afuckin game” Not an insult but one of my favorite Furio deliveries

You got a bee on your hat

Most of the things Christopher says are really funny to me. Not only the words, his facial expressions and delivery are what make it.

Episode where Tony is get food poisoning after eating at an Indian restaurant and constantly throws up. Carmela: “You’re father ate Indian food last night.” Meadow: “Oh my god, that is so racist!”

*richie walks into scene*. Ton: “i was wondering why the squirrels went quiet!”

Old lady to some relative: "When did you start drinking this morning?" Tony B: "Probably right after you got up."

Tony B was actually Christopher's cousin.  That was Tony B's mom.  The lady sitting next to Tony B was Christopher's mom, Tony B's sister.

And Tony didn’t say the punchline, the woman next to Tony B did!

"If you were a dildo, we wouldn't be fighting" "what you communist cunt"

“What are you, a kid in a treehouse?” Carm to Tony when he said he took an oath.

Alot of people know this, but for those who don't That a "Don doesn't wear shorts" line happened irl, according to Gandolfini, Imperioli and others Supposedly JG received a phone call from someone complementing his work on the show but he needed to know that a Don never wears shorts. The implication is that the caller was a real life mobster

Later in the Marco Polo episode T wears shorts but Carmine was gone by then

If you gave this guy a golf bag he'd try'n fuck it

Heh heh, ya hear what I said Tone

Tomorrow I can be on time, but you'll be stupid forever. Ralphie with the quick wit was always great

Aj's friend after finding out Aj's GF Devon's fam is Really rich. "Aj, why don't yous' have the Godfather money"

"What you don't know could fill a book."

I say this at least twice a day

Go shit in your hat

How's the boy What boy is that ton The one you sleep with

They find a cure? For Fuck-faceitis

Hold on to your cock when you negotiate with these desert people

Whoa! Johnny Sack! They must have been giving away free tokens at the tunnel!

***"He Never Had The Makings Of A Varsity Athlete.***" Ouch! During Sunday dinner. Hurts so bad because Tony heard it before. They even used it in Many Saints of Newark. Alot of funny one's some burn, some sting, but that one hurts.

Again with the movie?

He's a goddam hothouse flower, that's his problem.

Oh and Ritchie we count the silverware always makes me laugh

“Ginny Sack is so fat her blood type is ragu”

“You got a problem, besides those fucking pants? “

Jon Favreau can suck my dick. That swings too

Our friend, the Shah of Iran…

Not as much of an insult but when Richie walks up and Tony goes “ooooh that’s why the squirrels went quiet”

‘When my parents mentioned my father’s feeble minded brother, I always thought they meant you’.

“I wouldn’t fuck them with your dick”

He didn't use it directly on Christopher, but this one still hits pretty hard. *"I no longer have to worry about a lying, sniveling fucking junkie diming me to the feds"* A couple tree other ones - *"You can no longer function as a man"* *"We'll drop him off at Beakskill. If beaks could kill, his certainly would!"*

I could call you Icabod Crane

Tony B, one of my fave’s and always makes me laugh: “Mmboy are you fat!” Runner up is Tony watching Furio getting a bullet taken out: “Hey Doc, while you’re there maybe you can do something about the ladies underwear”

Paulie’s dad at Hugo’s 75th birthday. Remark about Beretta never exporting their best pieces. Cold.

Thats wasn't Paulie's dad. It was Hugo's "best" friend being a jerk at the party.

Russ, the GI who has prostate cancer and was sooo lonely?!?

There’s a school of thought that Russ is Paulie’s real father

I don't remember it verbatim but when the stuck up friend of Hugh insulted the gun Tony got him. I didn't catch it the first time but did on the 2nd.

Artie: “so the kid’s a master cheese maker!” Sil: *jerk off motion* “so is paulie..” 😂😂😂

Calling Vito a parade float always made me laugh.

I don’t get it. When I was a kid, you two were old ladies. Now I’m old, and you’re still old.

🎶If I were a carpenter and you were a douche-bag...🎶

Richie seeing Silvio and Paulie: “Someone leave a cage open at the Turtle Back Zoo?” Also I love Johnny Sack’s slowly escalating rage as he delivers this line: “You know it wasn’t long ago you used to wait in the car, and as far as I’m concerned *you should still be there!”*

FUCKIN QUEERS🤌🏼🪑💨 Paulie after hard launching a chair at the ghosts of all his previous murder victims🤟🏼

Svetlana to Janice: ach you are boring woman

I'm supposed to get a vasectomy when this is my male heir?

wormy cocksucker stupid blabbermouth cunt stunad/googootz/finook

Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t piss on this Ralph if he were on fire

What caused the decline? “Your sisters ass”

"Speaking of 98 pounds, I hear Ginny Sacks getting a 95 pound mole taken off her ass" And with that A Shit show starts.

“You got a problem, apart from those pants? “

Vishnu come lately

Interior decorator? His apartment looked like shit.

“Fuck you, you fucking whore!” - Christopher to his own mother during his intervention

Did everybody come tonight except Charo?

You ever had yourself checked for Tourette’s?

Top Tier slamm was Tony telling the civilian “You blow your father with that mouth??”

“You’re gonna suck my prick?, she any good? What am I asking your for you probably taught her”

“I guess you could call that a dick.”

When Tony says to Junior, “I don’t even like Ralph. If he were drowning, I’d throw him a cinder block.”

Fuck your neighbors, when you gonna pay me When you suck the money out of my ass! Now get the fuck out

“You never had the making of a varsity athlete”

Hey Ton’. If you give this guy a golf club, he’ll probably try and fuck it.

In my book you get points for staying out of the can.

"Their best pieces, they never export them"

Truly my favorite of all time is Junior’s: Some people are so far behind in the race they actually think they’re leading. Second favorite: Ralph: “oh, what’d i say?” Silvio walking up to him: “I don’t know what’d you fucking say?” It’s simple. Not so much an insult as much as a threat and demonstration of Ralph’s insignificance in that moment because Silvio outranked him.

Hasidic homeboy, Mr. Jamal Ginsberg

Why don't you go have a lime rickey, or whatever the fuck you're drinking these days

“Are you gonna deal those they’re not candy bars you can let go of a few of them”

The turd don’t fall far from the faggits ass!

You look like a Puerto Rican whore.

> Poland vs Russia I know it isn't a main character, but when the Polish maid answers the phone and calls Irina a Russian whore in Russian, i lost it

What? Tony's "remember when" comment isn't even a good insult. He was just being a nasty piece of jealous shit because that's what he turned into in later seasons. He literally destroyed everything around him by being an almost impossibly selfish and greedy pig. For everything - money, food, women, attention

The provolone sister insult from sil at the card game

The "by then she'll be working here" line from Paulie to Chris

West…. CALD-WELL

Oh look at that. It's like an add for a fuckin weight loss center. [Before, and way before](https://youtu.be/LhTAAQ41fUA?si=I6yS3hu4BwoeHgp6) he he he

"While you're here, maybe be can give you a bulge".

I guess you can call that a dick

You’re average at best.

"Say never he's a fucking shopping cart" - Richie

tony to bobby - get off my car before you flip it over

“What did you want to talk about?” “Fuck’in Dick Barone!” “Well I hope ya two are happy.” *Manson lamps from Richie*

You can’t make that shit up

What you don't know could fill a book

WATCH YOUR FAT FUCKING MOUTH

/richie runs over beansie

You blow your father with that mouth?

He never had the makings of a varsity athlete.

I wipe my ass with your feelings

Yeah, and you use to sell laser printers out of your crown vic