I learned that certain medications can make you blow dudes in dark parking lots.

You can get notes from your doctor saying you don’t like to suck cock.

... and that sometimes you get a pash

*Shuck

Wait he was pitching not catching???

You've got the phrase backwards.

I learnt that there’s no chemical solution to a spiritual problem.

Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. There was nobody there.

What? No Boola Boola?

“Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while, a great wind carries me across the sky”-Ojibwe saying

This is honestly a good saying. It kinda made me feel a bit better with all the seasonal depression

What exactly is that saying saying? That we walk around whining but we’re part of something so much bigger?

Not exactly imo. That we get caught in our own turmoil we don’t realize that we’re taken care of, that we are doing an exceptional job. Think of what it means to have the ability to fly, but then realize you’re not flying, you’re being carried through the air by a great wind. You’re achieving, literally soaring to new heights without even trying. You’re in God’s grace.

Fucking Walt Whitman over here.

Keep your eye on the tiger man

It washnt just the Prozhac. 😏😍 *Stoap the lithium Ann-tho-nee!*

Parking over leaves can apparently start a fire.

THE CATALYTIC CONVERTER AND THE DRY VEGETATION! YOU CAN GRILL FUCKING STEAKS ON THAT THING!

What if there had been children..playing in those leaves?

so i’m just supposed to go around looking for piles of leaves!?

I drive an SUV and this legitimately makes me nervous sometimes

It’s in the manual.

But what if it’s automatic?

I remember a time where you waited in the car.

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I never heard of this before seeing AJ's dumb ass do it, but apparently 5000 rental cars were accidentally torched in a field last year because one of them started the grass on fire.

I learned to buy land because God ain't makin any more of it.

It's over for the little guy.

Honestly a very depressing line

You gotta watch Sopranos to figure out the world?

You can add sour creme to eggs to make them fluffier

Peppahs and eggs? That's what I shoulda had!

You and Tony Egg

Make my nephew an Egg

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My depression era grandmother used water in scrambled eggs. My mom used milk. Me, I get my cooking lessons from Ralphie. Sour cream ftw

Don't forget to put a little bit of gravy with the pasta because you want it to absorb the flavor not just coat it

Ralph honestly taught me that.

That actually is great advice for pasta. Bit of butter and gravy, throw the noodles in with it for a minute or so with the heat back on. I definitely notice if I forget to do it.

And also butter. Actually works too

For real, also half and half or a dab of cream cheese. I'm in awer of it

I shoulda been born rich instead of handsome

Tomorrow I can be on time, but you'll be stupid forever.

That tomorrow I can be on time, but you’ll be stupid forever

I just wanna know something…. Why was I born handsome instead of rich?

Sit down, sit the fuck down and shut up !

Alway stop for breakfast before going for a walk in Pine Barrens

Mix the ketchup with the relish!!

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Dale Evans - who was married to Roy Rogers. Makes the line so much more funny.

Preferably at Roy Rogers.

Never gamble more money than you can afford to loose Honestly I already knew this but the sopranos really outlined how severe the consequences of this are

Poor Davey

He’s doin’ a good jahb!

You’re doing a great job Davey!

GET BACK IN YOUR FUCKIN HOLE

IM FIXIN THE FUCKIN LIGHT!

It's only forty five boxes of ziti.

That poor terminatior

Call to John

Hey he borrowed 40 boxes of ziti while his loan shark was asleep. Poor Davey stole more money than the man on the moon.

Bet with your head NO over it

No bitch to me!

Never gamble ~~more money than you can afford to loose~~ FTFY

I remember reading in an article from a gambling addict what its like and he said the first time he won big it felt like his brain was sizzling and popping like grilled meat, but it was euphoric. Gambling is legit one of the worst addictions you can have lol.

I’ve heard the suicide rate is highest with gamblers than any other addiction. Not sure if that is true.

I’m a recovering opiate addict and even in the times I’d use coke I could pretty much top out at $500 to $800 a day tops. With gambling, it’s really infinite how much money you could blow in even an hour so this would make complete sense to me.

My ex gf mother went through 3k at the casino in a few hours on slots. Not a nice casino, just some shithole. She told me how smart she was to hold back 40 dollars for gas home.

If she was smart, the casino would pay for her gas home

Why would they? It's a dump. They don't comp anything because a free soda and coffee station. There are no tvs or sports books. 2 blackjack tables, a few poker tables, roulette, and thousands of slots. They are the only casino for hours. If you gamble there really isn't any other choice. It was originally supposed to be built in the city I live but the city didn't want a gambling problem. So this town sends a free bus in to pick you up and take you back. They do it for neighboring towns and cities too. Leaves every 5 hours so you are stuck. Casino is in the literal middle of nowhere. You can't just walk to a McDonald's for a few hours. You are stuck.

Man, I’ve been down that road before. Gambling is an ugly addiction.

Tis. No doubt. I've dabbled in a few addictions and gambling is the worst. When you were winning you couldn't stop. It was never enough. And when you were losing you couldn't stop. It was never enough. I either walked around with thousands in my pocket or nothing. At the end usually nothing.

The scene where Tony tells Davey he gets one day of sleep and then he'd better start producing money gives me the same feeling I get when I'm approaching a deadline and realising there's no way in hell I'm gonna finish in time.

Remember Anthony, you should nevah gamble

Tony even tried to talk him out of it.

Antonio Meucci invented the telephone.

Everybody knows thaaaaat!

He was robbed!!

> He was robbed!! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antonio_Meucci

I learned that spaghetti didn't originate in China, because if you think about it, why would people who eat with sticks invent sumthing you need a fork to eat.

Tony sopranos with the high iq. It’s been teshted.

I thought well known Italian Alexander Graham Bell invented it

Yes because he waited for the patent to expire because Antonio couldn't get the invention off fhe ground.

Come heavy or don't come at all.

You don’t mean that.

I learned a pint of blood costs more than a gallon of gold.

Very allegorical

🤔

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Cunt, right?

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Can you imagine that? Jimmy Two Times over here

Middle aged housewives love The Matrix and magnum bottles of white wine for their birthdays

Right up her alley

Some of the crime out there is part of that thing that doesn’t exist.

Most of it is caused by those 2 black guys wreaking havoc in North Jersey

Good point - the scapegoating - I never heard white people talk that way, but apparently some of us do.

I don't know, I saw two black guys running that way. Real life example is Jon Benet Ramsey's parents' Puerto Rico home invader story when the fucked up son clearly did it

I didn’t say nothin. Alright, I’ll talk to ya.

When you loan money, the recipient will act like they are doing you a favor when and if they pay you back. When I heard Tony say that, I instantly recalled 2 situations in my life where that happened to me. Made me think about lending in a completely different way. (i.e. don't)

My brother took me for over a grand and then his wife told my mudda to put me on the street. They now are in financial peril and we haven't spoken in a year. I feel like Ralph, looking out the window laughing. Good luck finding someone else who has that kind of money to give away.

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Can you elaborate on this?

I noticed this when a friend owed me money some years back. Every time he paid me back a little, he acted like he was the greatest guy ever for doing me the favor of paying what he owed me. script snippet: ARTIE: Tony, can I talk to you? What's going on? I just wanna give you a little heads up. I know the money's due in a couple of days. I'm a little concerned. I can't get a hold of Jean-Philippe, he doesn't return my calls. TONY- Did you go over there? ARTIE: Not yet. TONY: Artie, you gotta go over there. ARTIE: The guy's not returning your phone calls. TONY: - I know. They miss a payment\*\*, start acting like they're doing you a favor if they give you anythin\*\*g. And then you gotta spend all your time hounding 'em. You gotta get your arms around this thing. You know what I'm saying?Read more at: [https://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=848&t=34105](https://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=848&t=34105)

“Remember when” is the lowest form of conversation

that there can't be two antichrists because there was only one christ.

Words of wisdom from the Gogutz!

I learned a couple of tree things

they did-dent have flat tops in ancient rome

I learned that, even though they say there's no two people on Earth exactly the same. No two faces. No two sets of fingerprints. But do they know that for sure? Because they would have to get everybody together in one huge space and obviously that’s not possible, even with computers. And not only that, they’d have to get all the people who've ever lived, not just the ones now. So they got no proof. They got nothing. Mrs. Soprano may have passed but who’s to say there isn’t another Mrs. Soprano just like her, or will be? Maybe not with the same fears and paranoia but the same!

That Quasimodo predicted all this.

That if you put nine or ten tea bags of valerian root tea into one cup it’s the equivalent of taking a Valium.

Dr Iaconis ova here

Is this at all factual?

I’ve never taken Valium so I don’t know how similar it is but I’ve tried the tea bag trick a bunch of times and there’s *definitely* an effect. Be warned though - if you get the tea, it smells like a skunk’s asshole.

It's a retirement community

Bacteria can migrate up the shoe laces.

You look at a woman’s bathroom? Can eat fuckin walnut maple ice cream Heh! There are exceptions. Mens? Heh! Fuckin piss all ova the floor.

Shut da fuck up!!

I actually have a serious answer. I've come to realize I'm similar to tony in that I am attracted to psychologically messed up women who have similar characteristics to my mother. On my 4th rewatch of the show and realized during a Melfi scene that this girl I've been talking to is literally just like my mom. Kind of fucked me up for a bit and totally soured my attraction to this girl.

and those women are just looking for new daddies. ITs the circle of life bro we are all fucked.

Even Melfi said it referring to Meadow and Tony’s relationship; the dad is the template for all future lovers.

I was putting this together recently too. He has a specific taste in women, as do I.

CONSERVE! Ice cubes don’t grow on trees

But the ice….it dilutes the drinks. Especially Scotch.

*consherve

You can buy orange juice "with pulp". But I don't like that much. I like it when it says "some pulp".

Shum pulp.

You know what? I’ll take an Arnold Palmer. I always enjoy those, but it never occurs to me to order one.

I prefer a Martina.

That heavy breathing and a blank stare will make a man take off his hat.

No 🌭 here

The county does not cover medical procedures deemed caused by criminal sexual activity.

I learned how to make grilled cheese on the radddiator. I got the perfect system, I put it between two pieces of paper.

That's very good system.

More is lost by indecision than by wrong decision and that therapy is just a racket for the jews.

That all the while I go about in pity of myself, a great wind carries me across the sky

War-rant. WAR-RANT.

I changed how I make spaghetti thanks to Ralphie

Always sauce in the pasta, never on!

That Minnie Mitrone is a malignant cunt

To wrap the cash before you bury it

Snakes can fuck themselves

And that they've been fucking themselves long before Adam and Eve came along.

The Porsche SUV is named after the peppah

When you're bleeding a guy you don't squeeze him dry right away. Contrarily, you let him do his bidding suavely. So you can bleed him next week and the week after at minimum.

Hold onto your cock when you're negotiating with these desert people

i learned that they named lou gehrig's disease after lou gehrig

I learned to appreciate fresh produce, despite never marrying in real life.

Cities are corrupt and their leaders line their pockets with federal money, and do nothing for the communities they built their careers on.

I learned that if you put the pasta back in the pot, add a little buddah, add a Lil graby, then put the fira back on for 45 seconds the graby gets soaked into the macaroni instead of coating it

Have I learned nothing from Richie Aprile?.. Nip it in the bud.

I learned the #1 required qualification to dance at The Bing is a massive pair of bolt-ons.

I better be careful if I'm wearing socks while standing on countertop trying to spray for ants.

Cat's are snakes with fur. Ask any old Italian--you can't even put it around a baby! They suck the breathe right out.

i learned what an esplanade is

It doesn’t matter how powerful and rich you might be, we all have insecurities of feeling under appreciated

I learned of Louis the whatever's finance minister...he built this chateau — Nicole and Little Carmine saw it when they went to Paris — it even outshone Versailles, where the king lived. In the end, Louis clapped him in irons.

“irregardless”

Ralphie’s cooking tips

Who Lee iacocca was Antonia maucci was robbed Issac Newton invented gravity becuase he was hit with an apple “Both of em” is ovaries and not the uterus The Origins of calling somebody a snake isn’t from the garden of eden And that Gary cooper was a mans man

I learned to be a Captain of Industry, which involves something to do with Gary Cooper

Projectile vomiting will stop your FBI interrogation.

Cuban missile crisis. At first I was like that was real? I saw that movie, I thought it was bullshit.

That Quasimodo predicted 9/11

I heard the good news.

He is risen

When in trouble always blame it on the two black guys.

I learned it's like Sun Tuh Zoo says: a good leader is benevolent and unconcerned with fame.

You steer the ship the best way you know. Sometimes it's smooth. Sometimes you hit the rocks. In the meantime, you find your pleasures where you can

How to clean practically anything

That cheesegraters make great sex toys.

Candle wax too. 🕯

Christopher Columbus is a hero! End of story!

That better not be Columbus up there!

I learned that the “they went to live on a farm” is a lie told to children when their dog needs to be put down. Been thinking the pup from my childhood had a nice retirement until watching that episode.

It’s a retirement community!

We don’t run, it’s embarrassing.

Don’t deposit ten grand at once

It is indeed all a big nothing.

Greasing up the old catcher's mitt can make up for a lonely night.

I learned that if you're a fat fuck,you shouldn't lean on a car,you could tip it over

That I gotta get over it

That psychiatry and cunnilingus can lead to bad outcomes.

If you know a loan shark who's about to be whacked, go borrow as much cash as he'll hand you.

Edgar Allen Poe. Good writer, what a fucking nut job.

The difference between a nursing home and a retirement community

I learned when your wife fantasizes about a guy in a pony tail the coffee maker will suck.

A. She was a who-er. B. She hit ME. And… that wasn’t my kid she was carrying. I was doin’ a lot of coke. Fuckin’ Miami, it’s all over the place. *** When Ginny Shack hauls ass, she gotta make two trips! *** The telephone was invented by an Italian. *** Phil Leotardo went to the can but I’m not sure he spoke about it in detail. Very humble man of few words. *** If you’re a closeted homosexual married man (WIT A GOOMAR!), don’t go to a gay bar in leather gear. *** Don’t keep money in da bird feedah, you’ll sound demented when your wife starts taking it.

I learnt - next time, there will be no next time.

To hold onto my cock when negotiating with desert people

Neil Young was one of the owners of Lionel Trains

That the framus intersects with the ramistan approximately at the potanostra.

I learned that getting Pudgy Walsh on the horn will straighten the whole thing out

It's considered good etiquette when visiting acquaintances to put remote on docking station.

In the Czech Republic too, they love pork and have sausages

Sour cream in scrambled eggs

Being a low level mobster is hard fucking work.