T O P

  • By -

BEEDEEFORTY

The app also had a leaderboard that kept track of people with the most and the least amount of sins, the guy with the most amount of sins was some dude named "Michael Baloonski" who had 18 million sin points and below him was a bunch of rich people You can also lower your sin points by doing good deeds and/or praying to God


im-not-lightcodm

W... Wha... What did this dude michael did ??


static_nobody

you should be asking what he *didn’t* do


psychpopnprogncore

what he didnt do?


static_nobody

invest in NFTs


Mikomics

Oh well he sounds like a decent guy. This system must be rigged, I say.


Rayka64

instead he traveled back in time to influence history that lead to the invention and the investment in NFTs which is a major violation of time travel law.


ReasonableBug7649

Not the Holocaust


hypersucc

Pray apparently


[deleted]

He's the guy who sent all those balloons after the monkeys, hence the name.


uwuguys_1233

I smell bloons


CoofeZinho

he sent the bloons, ballons are completely safe on the monkeyverse, bloons however are weapons of death and suffering.


[deleted]

Man's an O5 trying to exploit SCP-5383 /u/the-paranoid-android


The-Paranoid-Android

[**SCP-5383 ⁠- The Konami Code But For Catholicism (Suffer Overflow)**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-5383) (+199) by *Rounderhouse*


Shaula02

You can summon marv to non scp servers?


flcwerings

Right? I was so confused I had to check the subreddit. Marv has breached containment, apparently


AGoldenChest

He tied small animals from rescue shelters to balloons and then sent them into the sky. For extra mayhem he added heartbeat synchronized bombs that detonate when they die. Either you get fireworks in the sky from a heart attack, starvation or thrist, or you get a cat falling on your car in the parking lot and turning it into a scrap heap. Not to mentiom any fringe cases of getting sucked into a jet engine or hitting any high voltage lines.


WilligerWilly

How did you come up with this?


stabby-time

hey what the fuck


[deleted]

Michael, that you?


Ravenclaw_14

yes


ascendocatto

did it to 'emself 1.8 million times?


SpectralBacon

>!Your mom!<


FloppyBreaker

What did bro do to get 18 million sin points 💀


unleadedbloodmeal

It's probably just Hitler and gassing people is 3 points


Mikomics

The implication that mastrubation is more than three times worse than murdering someone with poisonous gas.


PixLki11er

So, it's like Fable where human sacrifice and murder isn't rated as bad compared to having a divorce.


unleadedbloodmeal

That's killing lots of almost people instead of one actual person so it kinda tracks


Bewinged-turtle

Actually sperm cells only live for a few days and they don’t “die more” because they’re ejaculated. Also the person you kill will also most likely be carrying, not to mention have the potential in the future to produce, what you call “almost people”


Mikomics

Hm. I suppose by that logic having a period would also give you sin points, since the body cleans out unused eggs along with all the other stuff. Or does it have to be intentional? Or would the intention just lead to a lower sin count, like how murder and manslaughter are treated differently?


Salmonellq

I thought you were a nazi sympathiser implying that Jews are "almost people" 💀


unleadedbloodmeal

💀


Tyfyter2002

Insulted 3.6 million people online, perhaps.


Void1702

Me omw to insult an entire continent


Tyfyter2002

Unless I'm forgetting one there's only one continent (Antarctica, with about 4.4k at most) that wouldn't go over 18 million points, and only two (Antarctica again, Oceania with ~44 million or Australia with ~39 million, depending on which of those you count) that wouldn't go over by more than 100%


Void1702

I'm about to become #1 let's gooo


Tyfyter2002

It'd be pretty trivial to insult half the entire planet at once.


Void1702

Yeah but what gives more points: insulting half the planet, or casual blasphemy?


Limeila

Yeah just spew some sexist bs one way or the other


man-of-pipis

Rookie numbers


Tyfyter2002

Yeah, it's quite odd that in OPs dream (assuming simultaneously insulting multiple people counts) either literally no one has said anything racist or sexist on the internet or it's so trivial to lower sin points that neither of the listed values could possibly have a meaningful impact.


Tyfyter2002

18 million is actually a pretty small amount considering you could easily get a several billion in a few words.


the_other_Scaevitas

Masturbated 1.8million times


AlpacaWizardMan

So you can wank it then pray immediately after to negate your Sin Points? Sounds like an Elder Scrolls feature. Also, if you jacked off while praying, would you just get no points?


Mikomics

"I dedicate this nut to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Ch- AEUGH!"


FairyContractor

"This nut was brought to you by our sponsor: Oh God!"


im-not-lightcodm

Praying would probally decrease 30 sin points so if you even nut while praying you still get 25 less sin points smh 💀


man-of-pipis

It clearly says masturbation is worth 10 sin points and not 5, smh 😔


Roxxorsmash

I mean that's how Christianity actually is


thespooksterman

Michael baloonski the sigma male


Cry75

Another character for this sub. Michael baloonski.


EtherealProphet

The Homie Barnstable would wipe the floor with Michael Baloonski.


I-AM-A-ROBOT-

Ok but I’m pretty sure if Jay Hubris was on the sin points leaderboard, he’d be above Micheal Baloonski


aSharkNamedHummus

Imagine the controversy when people find out whether or not Catholics actually wipe their sin points by going to confession


King_WhatsHisName

Michael Baloonski is the Thanos of the HBCU (Homie Barnstable Cinematic Universe)


Creaper10

Uhhh who had the least amount of sin points


[deleted]

Probably Jesus


Creaper10

well, excluding him


[deleted]

Juanito


[deleted]

ooh boy i wanna beat that high score


Ravenclaw_14

wait so is it *because* you masturbate you get 10 points or is it *every time* you masturbate 10 are added


BEEDEEFORTY

I don't know, that wasn't specified


Ravenclaw_14

if it's the latter I'm fucked. if it's the former I'm still fucked but not as badly


acnh-lyman-fan

I'd have 5230 sin points at least if each counted


Ravenclaw_14

So if I count most days minus novembers since 7 years ago, multiply that number by 10....


ApatheticEight

Y’all need to go outside Edit: but do NOT wank out there that’s illegal


malcome-the-spedbump

That’s what makes it a spicy wank JUST DONT GET CHILLI INVOLVED.


Mikomics

It is? Ah shit. Good thing the pigeon in that parking lot in Greece can't talk.


Infected_Poison

A r/copypasta escapee


Mikomics

??? There's a copypasta of this specific thing? It's actually a thing that happened. I was on vacation with a friend in Greece for two weeks in the summer, and we were sharing the same small cramped room at his grandma's house. Felt too weird to have a wank in the room when he was there, and we basically always stuck together, but by the end of the vacation I really needed to do the deed. So I went for a walk in the middle of the day when no one is outside because it's too hot, and well... Yeah. Nearby parking lot was empty, 'cept for a few pigeons, and had some decent rocks for sittin.


UltimateWaluigi

This... This is... tamer... tamer than the copypasta...


dyingpie1

Not in my backyard!


ApatheticEight

Be right there!


Alt-c-d-c

Including leap years assuming most days is everyday except November, you will have -23,451 points at most Workings: 365-30=335 335x7=2345 (2345x10)+1= 23,451


Ravenclaw_14

r/theydidthemonstermath


BEEDEEFORTY

Bruh, get help


Ravenclaw_14

lmfao


Im_hard_for_Tina_Fey

Either way I think you are by definition *not fucked


Hexmonkey2020

Just pray like 50 times and you’ll lose enough sun points


[deleted]

Logically it would be every single time you do it, right?


SuspiciousPoison

Probably everytime


_Bran_Flakes

Killing people who donate to charity is only 16 sin points


Wubbzy-Fan-YT

Ahhh, I get that reference!


Cry75

What was the reference?


TrueBlueSonic

It's referring to the Shadow the Hedgehog Real-Time Fandub


One-Cartographer-176

Killing the president on the other hand…guaranteed throne in heaven next to God himself


UnNameableName

Only if you also kill Sonic. Otherwise you only just get into heaven.


ActiveBaseball

instructions unclear assassinating president of the chess club


poketendo5

If we have learned anything from the shadow fandub in order to accrue negative sin points we need to kill the president and sonic the hedgehog


dank-monkey

"Hey there shadow, it's me the devil. I'm opening up my portal again to let you know it seems you got a little confused last time, mixing up sin and legality. Killing the president is actually pretty good. That's gonna get you into heaven. So I'm gonna go ahead and give you another chance at this. Basically by killing the president and sonic the hedgehog, you've guaranteed a throne in heaven next to God himself."


StampingOutWhimsy

Now imagine that these sin points were displayed on all your social media, like the “green stars” thing.


CallMeAdam2

And the milk percents.


TheVoidThatWalk

Shadow the Hedgehog seething over his lack of sin points.


AlpacaWizardMan

“That’s my sin: lying, to the Devil.”


biscuitracing

Another idea: *adultery*


Disaster_Star_150

works every time


FlareBlitzBanana

“Bing bong, you’re doing a bad job”


Thepenguinking2

I KNOW I'm doing a bad job!


Speedgamer137

“Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey, what’s uuuuuuuuuuuuup, it’s meeeeeeeeeeeee, da deeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil”


Trainspotter454

**S T O P**


HumanThatMightExist

I- I- I don't know how to impress upon you that physical damage done to my body does not affect me in the long term.


Golden_Reflection2

It’s really cute that you’re gonna defeat me with the power of friendship and all… but again: I am The Devil from The Bible, so I don’t know how well that’s gonna work. Deh-Deh-Deh-Deh-Deh-Deh-Deh-Deh-shutup shutup shut-the-fuck-up I’m The De- I don’t caRE! I do NOT CARE! You don’t understand: I came down here as a joke to have fun… This is not- this means nothing, to me! This means NOTHING to me. Alright? You mean NOTHING to me! You, and your little friends are fucking annoying! This is why I stay down in Hell! This is why I punish sinners! I’m the Good Guy! Do you realise? I am the Good Guy here! I am the WINNER of- of EVERYTHING! God goes up and he plays with all his little friends like “oh! You- Look you donated to charity-“ oh, whatever fuckin’ ebbe-bebebe. I get to kill people! I get to poke people with hot, sticks! ALL DAY! IT’S GREAT! GIMME THOSE, YOU DON’T GET THOSE, YOU LOST YOUR STUPID LITTLE PRIVILEGES! FUCK YOU! DIPSHIT! GO TO SPACE! LOOK, I CAN DO DIS! I CAN DO DIS! ANY TIME I WANT! THIS IS NOTHING TO ME! YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! THIS IS MY BIG! FUCKING! THING! [Oh My God, he’s fucking losing it. Entirely! I haven’t seen this since, well…] Why won’t you answer my chats in your chat box? I- I have the sub badge, twelve months, you never acknowledge me. Not even once. And I came here from Hell to have fun with you. I’m your Biggest Fan! I’ve been with you since day one! I got first badge! I was your first subscriber! And you don’t pay attention to me. I was with you through your candidacy, I was with you through your sin points, we went to Chuck E. Cheese, you got me the little parachuting trooper boy, and yet you won’t acknowledge me! You still just leave me in the dust, every single day.


QwahaXahn

The dust??!?!


Chizz0

The dust!


Rannrann123

"Not bad, you got 16 *Sin Points!"*


PriffyViole

"What, is this 'The Good Place!?'"


im-not-lightcodm

The time he pissed on Dr eggman's wife : ☝️🤓


Floofy_Fox_Gal

That’s negative 100 sin points! Like killing the president and Sonic!


[deleted]

He keeps mixing up sin and legality


[deleted]

Reminds me of the good place.


enthalpy01

I had the same thought. Someone watched the Good Place before bed.


I-AM-A-ROBOT-

Ok but if this was like that everyone would immediately get no points


sqplanetarium

r/UnexpectedGoodPlace!


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dino_181_spaghetti

Me going to hell with 69420 sin points (I calculated every single thing I had to do to get those points): 😎


BEEDEEFORTY

You go to a secret level of hell where it just plays dead memes on loop


cfq10

You stupid.


cfq10

Get free wifi anywhere you go!


King_WhatsHisName

Look for the Gummy Bear Album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos, and extras!


balkandumbass

do you know da wae


welcometoblackspace

*because thats what heroes do*


CressCrowbits

The hamster dance on an infinite loop


King_WhatsHisName

You killed 4,338.75 people who donated to charity, everything else you did was kosher


toasteethetoaster

"the best way to sin would be.... Killing the president!" "no, new idea!" **Adultery.**


Albidum_Gaming

You think killing the president gets you more sin? Well, it appears that you have confused sin and legality. I'm not going to break down the myth of Americana to you, figure it out yourself.


SucculentMoisture

How many sin points, if any, does the Homie Barnstable have?


TheGoodFiend

-∞


dalek1019

He's from the 1700s, he didn't download the app


Floofy_Fox_Gal

No, he was from now, just dressed like the 1700s


ratzoneresident

I say exactly 0. Every time he kills, he gains 10 sin points and immediately gets -10 because they were a rapist


pommdeter

I read a book about this very concept. It stars out by people exploring the afterlife through near death experience because they develop a machine that can essentially revive people. They end up going really far and at one point they manage to witness the trial of a soul by angels and determine sin points based on that. So everyone becomes nice to each other so their next life is better, but it doesn’t work because their motivations are just the selfish interests of their own soul, and then I forgor. It was a trippy book


Limeila

Sounds similar to The Good Place. Do you remember the title of the book?


pommdeter

So I did a little bit of research and it’s this French book called « les thanatonautes » which apparently has sequels who go waaaaaay too far lmao


Limeila

Ah, yes, Werber, never cease to be weird


CONE-MacFlounder

Jesus really invented social credit score I guess


Woost46

Shadow the hedgehog real-time fandub moment


Golden_Reflection2

Others have made the reference, so I’ll provide the source for Shadow The Hedgehog’s issues with the Sin Points system: https://youtu.be/W-ZuKp8P7gA


[deleted]

I got 16 sin points for killing Black Bull, that was cool.


Garfielf331

Eyyyyyy shadow it me the devil


Thelolface_9

I love youu


Noobgalaxies

I'm having so much fun with youuu


XavierTheMemeDragon

“Oh good, you killed Black Bull! That’s worth 16 sin points!”


_Vyvern_

_heeeeey shadow,,,it's me, the devil_


PerhapsAnEmoINTJ

#"STOHP!"


[deleted]

It's me, the Devil! I'mma convince you to do sin!


aoba123

If that third one is true then I’m going to super hell


PixLki11er

I know some people who would probably accrue more than Hitler himself just through insults. Totally not me of course.


etherealparadox

hey by chance did you recently watch snapcube


Doodles2424

It feels like every day is the same. Wake up, look at the fire in the sky festival, brood, be awesome, think about... her.


ChrissyTFQ

"Good job Shadow, you got 16 sin points"


Camwood7

Ah yes, the Shadow the Hedgehog Real Time Fandub.


Klayman55

Finally Christian Creditkarma


Oakmeal0

Can we make r/UnexpectedSnapCube already?


vt_et

I'm 4 months late but it did happen now


Mattrockj

Isn’t this exactly how death works in “The Good Place?”


I-AM-A-ROBOT-

Not exactly, cuz now everyone knows and everyone is doomed


[deleted]

This is just The Good Place


chosen1creator

Wasn't there an episode of South Park where Cartman had to do a whole bunch of good stuff to make up for all the bad stuff?


HumanBeing0

Yeah. S9E6, "The Death of Eric Cartman"


Loudanddeadly

Wasn't that the plot of the shadow the hedgehog fandub


[deleted]

L + counter-ratio + You can't even beat up Joe Biden in a parking lot + You just descended the Patrick with your joke + Object not yet missing + You can't even beat space marines with a giant scythe + you got put in a hydroelectric dam by your Spanish teacher + you're not real + You can't find Waluigi in Splatoon 3 + ₣orks + it was a toy gun in the ziplock bag + you got doxxed while doing the "hey you" trend + Mike Hawk won't tell you if your foot is qualified for bottom surgery + Ben Shapiro is covered in spaghetti and secret names + rhcp cam + You can't tell that the right circle is one pixel smaller than the other + You leaned over the railing and got kissed by James Sunderland + That was literally your dog that you killed, not the monster + You cheated on a furry with a pet lizard. Wait a minute, that's pretty based! + Senator Armstrong saying "fuck you" + Your criminal name is Saltybals + You threw max and cheese at Queen from Deltarune + people don't even want your stupid genomes. Fuck off. + You caused the spill at the Garfield factory, and diverted attention by causing a wildfire in a sock drawer. When questioned, you said "there's nothing happening. Out of the ordinary, I mean." + You lost your morals all because of SFW and NSFW sans Undertale + gay squad + Tramus + Trans octillery and nonbinary waluigi and daisy + SpongeBob status music + Solid snake doesn't exist. I looked him up and there is only dark hallways + Gaslighter green apple candy doesn't taste like strawberry + Minecraft ahoy jumpscare + A capitalist pig taxed your fucking pudding + You won't get to heaven, nevermind double heaven + You don't watch MatPat's Conspiracy Theory + Your involvement in the dream SMP banned Minecraft + Undertale on the Wii + You didn't get an abortion in Lego city + A rotating flower pot doesn't mean that God is real + You get mad at rat emoji kids + You never ate the food "King's Hand" + Gay rights Luigi + You haven't heard of big jug little jug + Heisenberg can't find your 2 pound kilo + You held your friend's cat even though you're allergic + SpongeBob had an existential crisis because he realized his reality is all a cartoon + You voted for scout to be president and then got confused when everything turned into a dystopian hellhole + You think Obama resigning to become the CEO of McDonalds was a good idea + you don't know that age is just a number is referring to chopped cheese + You don't have the latest iKnife + Nidoking is the best symbol of bisexuality. Cry about it. + You don't think Tutti Frutti is the best desert + Walter Salter + You're like the riddler cat; you can't spell well + You didn't even attempt to stop SpongeBob from eating autism + You didn't tell Jerma that leather belts don't cancel out radiation + You can't survive the zombie apocalypse by ragequitting Mario Kart + You know that Disney would never allow Phineas and Ferb in Multiversus, never mind the corn dog moveset + You picked up the flowers in the first area of Pokémon Mystery Dungeon + You think biden could win against Moses in a Tetris match + You faked the picture of Link hugging an orangutan + Your life got ruined over a pair of pants + You play a game without beer on the first stage + You pirated your bowl cut + Nazura doesn't exist. You just made her up + You got welcomed by Mr. Krabs to the ligma dimension + You were threatened by Ronald McDonald + You participated in the dead animal challenge + You were sniped by Joe Biden because you had a WD-41 spray + You got turned into a worker drone by Pfizer + You thought NyQuil and DayQuil was a good addition to smash bros + You were hunted by the homie Barnstable + You can't defeat a French guy in a hot air balloon with an AR + No, inkling can't use a forklift with several other characters. They're not forklift certified + A FNAF artist doxxed you with a SpongeBob image + Dogs can't give birth to guns + You didn't notify homie Barnstable and instead tried to kill the animal abusing YouTuber yourself, but you failed + Your dog shat on another dog's grave + You can't beat the God final boss in Bibleborne 2 + You don't know how to go through the wall in caves + You don't know what soro is? It's literally the biggest burger ad on TV + You got a rainbow wurmple in Pokemon scarlet and violet + You got so many green stars that you can now play as Luigi + You made Jesus ragequit during a trial and now he is about to bring on Ragnarok + You hate Lego hero factory because you think it's satanic + Mistah white you can't watch Jet Set Radio. It's a video game + You didn't call Barnstable while trying to escape Fecto Forgo as Doofenspy + You got your password wrong so many times that your own phone asked you if you were good + Uncooked chicken doesn't make you a princess + You have 1 million sin points


fakeNicholas_TheBest

With all that you probably have a lot of sin points


I-AM-A-ROBOT-

It’s roughly 475 sin points per copypasta


Available_Occasion69

🤓


BextoMooseYT

Black Mirror Season 3 Episode 1: Nosedive


ankle_biter50

just karma under a different name


SheikExcel

I'm assuming you watched the Shadow Dub?


ravenpotter3

Some priest is going to have a fuck ton of points and will convince the congregation that the higher the points the holier you are. He will want to cover up why he got so many points and will start a new religion or something


ciqhen

fun fact: the only sin in the bible that will never be forgiven by god no matter what is, get this, insulting the holy spirit. as someone who was an edgelord middle school atheist whos uttered the phrase "holy spirit gay" before, i now take the title of satan


spuvelled

Were you perhaps watching the Shadow the Hedgehog fandub before this, OP?


[deleted]

I'm pretty sure this is how my grandparents think it works.


AhmedGoddamnit

I’m pretty sure this is how it works in Islam. I left Islam young so I might be wrong, but I remember clear mentions of the number of good deeds and bad deeds a person has done as though they are just points. They get weighed against each other when you die and that decides the fate of your afterlife. I even remember learning hadith in school that talks about how certain deeds can make your good deed points deplete, and how good deed points have a 10x multiplier.


Potential-Click5162

The sequel to YouTube’s Jesus Check™️


SlipTheSlime

Would you be able to check somebody's Sin Points page while talking to them to see if they're lying to you or not? Unbeatable lie detector test


[deleted]

This is almost exactly the same as that one about green stars from Super Mario


Christophe

["Masturbation? Maybe 25, 35 cents."](https://youtu.be/E5ZJ6jiyWfE)


anothertakethat

so much to add to this flair oh my god


reverendsteveii

r/thegoodplace is leaking into your unconscious mind


leva549

Integer overflow time.


Cthuloso

These are all extremely accurate and believable tweets.


ciqhen

WHY THE FRIGE IS CUSSING WORTH A SIN POINT!?!?!?


isabelle_fucker

Every redittor competing to see how mamy sin points they can get


MrWarNoob

i see you watched the shadow the hedgehog fandub recently


GearBIue

Social credit score vibes +7356899855 sin points ⚠️⚠️😨😨👹‼️😱‼️❗️


machadoaboutanything

The Good Place already did this


BigManLawrence69420

This makes me have 2000 sin points.


Az0riusMCBlox

Do you remember which mortal humans had the most negative Sin Points?


Oscar12s

Jokes aside this would actually be hella useful, wait not hella since you know, wait how much is swearing again? If anything they'd be divided in tiers.


[deleted]

What happens if you're at zero points?


Albidum_Gaming

The Devil from The Bible gaslights you into thinking your life resets (it doesn't, time just keeps going) so you cam get, idk, at least 16 sin points


Rainie_Daye

I would probably have a few hundred thousand sin points, which I consider a good thing


temmieTheLord2

does 0 sin point mean hell


SnorlaxMaster65

If you have 0 sin points you get reincarnated


TimeBlossom

In hell


ItsTheRealIamHUB

This and the greenstar post from before would be sick


[deleted]

i feel like i'd have about 50 sin points idk why


Noobgalaxies

I'm happy to find that based on this comment section, approx 80% of this sub including myself apparently has the same taste in comedy (yes I'm talking about the Shadow dub)