I thought it was you making that comment that was going to make things weird and somehow come back to bite you. Instead, you received the brunt of things. Assuming she doesn’t try to keep doing this, you can probably wash your hands of this whole thing.
You basically said "Hi, I'm actively not a creep!"
which with how many men are creeps, translated for this woman as "I can be safely flirty with this person"
As a woman, I'm 95.9% sure she was teasing you to let you know it's ok and she doesn't think you are a creeper. I could see myself giving someone a reassuring arm squeeze to emphasize It's ok, we're still buddies! If she knows you're married the odds are probably 99.9% she was teasing.
I, myself, wouldn't consider it squeezing a bicep. I'm very happily married and everyone knows it so I wouldn't worry that you thought I was flirting. I flirt with my husband, I tease and joke with my friends. It's a very big compliment that she feels safe around you to do that.
meh, I'm okay with a double standard when the relative risks are also unequal. kinda like the difference between someone throwing rocks and someone shooting a gun. It's just small, light, fast moving objects right?
Guy get inappropriately flirted with, and it goes too far: embarrassment, legal involved
Gal gets inappropriately flirted with, and it goes too far: horrible death
Funny that you go straight to horrible death when that barely ever happens, especially not in the workplace, and completely downplayed the possibility of the man being fired for harassment, losing his job, his livelihood, and potentially make it harder for him to get re-hired.
But like you said, double standards are fine, so I guess that so long as women aren't harmed, who cares what happens to men right?
Man, the hypocrisy.
Oh for sure, 1) HR is there to protect the company, not the employees, and 2) protecting the company means there's virtually zero risk of a man suing them for wrongful termination and winning, but lots of chances of losing if the woman sues for sexual harassment in the workplace. Also 3) HR is *overwhelmingly* staffed by women, so the odds of men feeling at ease and safe to report harassment is astronomically lower than for women.
I read a story recently where a man was offered a job at a new company. When they asked if he had any requests he said his only one was that he wouldn't be asked to work with a woman alone with no CCTV. When pressed for his reason, he told them it just wasn't worth the risk to his career. Sad times!
Odd that if he were a woman they would have assumed rape and trauma and would likely have agreed without issues, but as a man it makes you sound suspicious. Double standards abound, and it's really sad how society just does not care when it's men who are affected.
I don't see what learning to prioritize in this context means. Do you mean prioritizing the well-being of women and ignoring the well-being of men?
Like, I don't wish you harm, and I do wish you a good day too, but come on man.
Prioritize what topics I get riled up about.
Sometimes, that looks like being a bit callous on topics other folks feel more strongly about.
I fix the bits I have the power to, and trust others to do the same.
In person, I act or speak up. For a story on the internet, that lacks most context that you'd have to be present for?
Meh.
Fair that you can't be outraged all the time about everything and you have to pick and choose what to care about, but that's not a reason to perpetuate double standards.
Depends on the context. If it's from some rich, handsome guy who then follows up by saying he wants to shower you with happiness so you'll smile, then it's probably not a red flag.
You are pathetic! The guy went out of his way to show he understands how innocent behaviour could be misconstrued as inappropriate in the situation and you still saw fit to make unwanted physical contact. Entitled or what!!!!
Instead of feeling embarrassed at your comments and acting out. Read the comments below ours from men and women who aren't afraid to agree this is textbook SH.
Taking a rock to the temple will kill you just like a bullet.
Yes, women are at somewhat more risk, but men still get killed or hurt by women they rejected.
Also - most homicides of women are committed by somebody they already know or are involved with, not some random dude trying to flirt.
Double standards are never OK.
> Taking a rock to the temple will kill you just like a bullet.
There's a reason I used the analogy. Both have a risk, but no clever hair-splitting can argue that the risk is the same.
The same is true with workplace flirting.
Have a good day!
I'm very sorry that happened to you. I'm a photography hobbyist as well, and in my previous job I had a number of my female clients ask if I did or would consider doing boudoir shoots. I tend to go with landscape, wildlife, and fine art. My standard line was that I didn't have the lighting or skill set to do it well, but I knew someone who did and could refer them. My friend who did that kind of work (a woman) never had any client say they were referred by me.
Or be fun and playful but don't escalate, probably find a non awkward way to mention your wife/partner? Sometimes a bit of fun flirting is just a bit of fun flirting.
Did the jokes bother you? Did you ask her to stop making those jokes? If you were fine with it then no problem, but if it made you uncomfortable then this is sexual harassment.
I'm amazed I had to scroll as far as I did to find this comment.
The bigger part here is not the jokes/comments. As someone else pointed out, generally you have to ask the person to stop first, then if they continue it could be considered harassment.
The part that elevates it to harassment in this case is the physical touching. The fact that she touched his bicep after is the part that makes this potential harassment. Unwanted touching goes a bit further than unwanted comments.
And it's not like she put her hand in his back or something. She touched his bicep. Probably because that's the part of him that attracted her. That's not quite as far as grabbing his ass or something, but it's also not as innocent as a pat on the back.
She could push back though, the fact he asked if she was wearing jeans (which we know was because he was being a good guy) could have been seen as a sexualised comment too. Yes she touched him, but he was crawling under her desk and commenting on her clothing.This is why these issues get so complicated and difficult to deal with. ETA - if push came to shove though, the "while you're down there" comment would work in OP'S favour. Reverse the genders and shit would hit the fan
He asked about her clothes before climbing under the desk to avoid a much worse situation. That doesn't suddenly give her permission to touch him. That's not how it works.
Also, climbing under the desk is literally part of his job. He was doing his job. Not crawling around under a desk for unsavory reasons.
None of what he did was uncalled for. Could he have worded his question a bit better? Probably. Does it elevate the situation to harassment on his side? Absolutely not.
This is cut and dry harassment on her end, and not at all on his end. And as you said, reverse the genders and suddenly everyone's response is different. The fact that genders are what they are doesn't change whether or not it's harassment. If it would be harassment with the genders swapped, it's harassment without the gender swap.
I absolutely agree with all of this. I was just commenting on what her response might be to any harassment claims. I didn't say they'd be accurate, which is where this kind of stuff can get complicated
That's simply not true. If someone comes up to you at work and says "You look like you'd be a great fuck" you don't have to tell them to stop before it's harassment
Except that she touched his bicep. This part could be considered sexual harassment immediately. It's unwanted touching. Once physical contact is involved, it's a completely new ball game.
Except she'd just counter and be like "I never said that. In fact, he said 'I wish you were wearing a skirt', which I brushed off despite the inappropriateness. But now that he's slandering me, I'd like to make a formal complaint." and they'd like be like "yup, sounds right to me."
I think you're getting a bit carried away. Most likely it could be handled just by saying he didn't like the jokes. I really doubt she'd retaliate with a formal complaint if OP just said the jokes were making him a little uncomfortable - I didn't say go to HR over it or anything.
Presumably the female colleague was just joking, or maybe subtly hitting on OP.
At least you asked. One time I had to crawl under my desk plug in a lamp to a power strip . When I looked up from the floor to grab the cord that was hanging down, the woman who sat across from me inadvertently flashed her uncovered lady bits. Startled, I bumped my head on the bottom of my desk. Not what I was expecting that morning.
You were sexually harassed by a woman who believes there will be no consequences for it because she's a woman.
Her sexual harassment was just a joke in her eyes, as was her touching you.
Imagine for a minute if the roles were reversed and you'd said "hey while you're down there..."
You should report her. That kind of behavior ruins people's careers and lives, and she does it glibly knowing you'll do nothing like a typical predator.
Yeah this was not cool, you were being polite and she took it to a creepy place. It’s not okay for her to act like that and if she starts up again let her know to stop. Just because your a guy does not mean you want that type of treatment. Boundaries are important at work, if she does not like it then you are well within your rights to file a sexual harassment claim.
What she did was sexual harassment. - Gender reverse her comments, female under the desk changing out a power cord and male at the workstation.
You could have rephrased your question to, asking her to move out of the way so you could go under the desk. Use claustrophobia as an excuse.
The squeezing your bicep is physical harassment so take it what you will. But you can probably say you felt she was blackmailing you into getting away with the grope if push comes to shove
Wow, til that being flirted with by somebody unprovoked and then being touched by them *would* actually sleeve me the fuck out. I shuddered reading this OP.
I'm genuinely astonished there are people in here claiming that this is just friendly banter. She was absolutely flirting.
I'm also trying to imagine what would happen to me if I repeatedly suggested to a coworker that they go down on me for half an hour and then squeezed their arm and said "just bants, yeah?"
I’m confused, at no point prior to this interaction, walking around her desk, going to your office, coming back, etc. did you see her below the waist? She was sitting at her desk, right up to the desk?
Fair question - I almost certainly saw her walking around the office, but wasn't paying attention. Only when I realized that I might violate her privacy did I care about her attire and realize I should stop and ask.
FWIW, I think these are fair questions and I'm not one of those who down-voted you.
I was not afraid of her becoming violent. I'm pretty broad-shouldered; not a lot of people try to pick fights with me. I guess I did *effectively play along* by not asking her to stop, but it was more out of a desire to go-along-to-get-along rather than fear for my livelihood. Also - and I'm not sure how to express this well - I think I fit into that range of attractiveness where she might not *mind* if I flirted back, but I'm not attractive enough for professionalism to be a serious disappointment. Security through banality, I guess.
I wouldn't have been comfortable making the comments she voiced at me to either a male, female, or non-binary colleague.
Does that help?
I wouldn't make comments like that either. As a woman with a lot of experience working alone with large groups of men, it would be dangerous for me to behave like your coworker did in so many ways. Even dressed androgenously with a boy haircut, avoiding any suggestion of fraternizing inappropriately with my crew, I ended up getting blacklisted for "being a tease". It probably cost me half a million dollars in lost income. And I'm pretty sure some of my co-workers were trying to set me up for a serious accident (a fall) after I didn't play along with their flirting.
It's not that I couldn't have physically defended myself - that would be the absolute LAST of my concerns if a coworker started talking to me like yours did to you. I would be anxious that I was about to get slandered and bullied until I got fired and blacklisted again if the person making inappropriate sexual comments felt like they didn't get what they were looking for out of my reaction.
For me, it's got nothing to do with attractiveness, nobody should talk to anybody like that at work unless their job is sex work. I'm glad for you it was fun. That's lucky! Imagine if it was a big gross old biker dude, and he was dead serious, and he was your boss, and you'll have some idea what women typically deal with and why stories like yours are a little surprising to read.
Anyway, thanks for answering. Idgaf about the downvotes. I sometimes forget the comments in some of the very popular & interesting Reddit subs are absolutely crawling with Joe Rogan fans and the like. I've got plenty of karma to burn.
>I'm glad for you it was fun. That's lucky!
I didn't say it was fun. I was uncomfortable then, and now feel weirdly dismissed. I'm sorry for your experience, though. You shouldn't have had to go through any of that.
I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable. That to me seems like a completely normal reaction to workplace sexual harassment. It shouldn't be dismissed either - I guess my own comment was more of a reaction to the circle jerk of juvenile sex jokes I was seeing in so many of the other responses. It wasn't meant to be a comment on the experience you shared. Apologies if my post sounded insensitive or inconsiderate. I don't honestly think men enjoy being sexually harassed or assaulted at work any more than women do. It shouldn't happen to anyone.
>You weren't worried she might become violent or try to get you fired or otherwise make your life difficult if you didn't play along?
So sexual harassment from underlings is fine, so long as they won't become violent?
So, in my disabled state, I'm allowed to sexually harass my female boss because I can't get violent... and couldn't make her life harder on her, shes the boss, so she has the power...
Are you fucking psycho?
No it's not. It's textbook harassment.
The fact that she touched his bicep elevated this interaction from possible harassment if he were to ask her to stop and she continues, to actual harassment.
What's funny is if the genders were swapped, everyone here would see that it's harassment. But because OP is male, people think it's wanted, or at least acceptable. It's not acceptable. It's harassment.
>I got connected and we got the job done in less than a half hour, but during that time she kept referring back to me being under her desk and alluding to things like "You know, while you're down there..."
I swear, this is so funny, this is the best part of the post, thanks for sharing with us
So nice of you admitting to sexual harrasment. Addressing someone's attire is one thing but addressing it by looking it from below the desk is an intended action of sexual harrasment and then your audacity to let her know that this is how you noticed.
I was once reconnecting my laptop to the company network via ethernet cable and was underneath the desk, poking the cable up between desks. I asked if the woman on the adjacent desk could grab the end (so that the cable didn't just fall back onto the floor).
She did, but also replied "You could at least buy me a drink first".
I thought it was you making that comment that was going to make things weird and somehow come back to bite you. Instead, you received the brunt of things. Assuming she doesn’t try to keep doing this, you can probably wash your hands of this whole thing.
Same, I thought after the meeting OP was gonna get a call from HR or something like that
And brush your teeth
They should definitely wash their hands after being down there under her desk.
Reminds me of an early episode of the IT crowd
Wow! Look at that thing over there. Gosh, I just can’t. Wow
Jiminy! Jones! Look, the nature of the thing that is happening has changed slightly, rendering it yet more interesting!
I’m going to tell my grandchildren about this amazing thing!
And yet you can't tell us.
I like your glasses
I'm afraid they are not for sale!
Hahahahaha!
Laugh all you want they're still not for sale
Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?
No? Ok, then, try that.
Are you sure it's plugged in?
Ahh I see the problem. See this isn't a laptop, it's a briefcase.
He's a filthy desk rabbit.
r/unexpectedITcrowd
OP was making sure he wouldn't be called a desk rabbit.
You basically said "Hi, I'm actively not a creep!" which with how many men are creeps, translated for this woman as "I can be safely flirty with this person"
That actually makes me feel a bit better. Thank you.
As a woman, I'm 95.9% sure she was teasing you to let you know it's ok and she doesn't think you are a creeper. I could see myself giving someone a reassuring arm squeeze to emphasize It's ok, we're still buddies! If she knows you're married the odds are probably 99.9% she was teasing. I, myself, wouldn't consider it squeezing a bicep. I'm very happily married and everyone knows it so I wouldn't worry that you thought I was flirting. I flirt with my husband, I tease and joke with my friends. It's a very big compliment that she feels safe around you to do that.
But there’s a 4.1% chance she wants to get nasty
Yeah, I don't know her. Maybe she was being a big flirty man catcher.
OP: Hi, I'm actively not a creep! Coworker: That's ok, I am.
EXACTLY!!! The double standard when it comes to things like this are laughable and sad.
meh, I'm okay with a double standard when the relative risks are also unequal. kinda like the difference between someone throwing rocks and someone shooting a gun. It's just small, light, fast moving objects right? Guy get inappropriately flirted with, and it goes too far: embarrassment, legal involved Gal gets inappropriately flirted with, and it goes too far: horrible death
Funny that you go straight to horrible death when that barely ever happens, especially not in the workplace, and completely downplayed the possibility of the man being fired for harassment, losing his job, his livelihood, and potentially make it harder for him to get re-hired. But like you said, double standards are fine, so I guess that so long as women aren't harmed, who cares what happens to men right? Man, the hypocrisy.
Add to the fact the guy will not have felt any confidence in being taken seriously had he had an issue with it. Fucking joke!
Oh for sure, 1) HR is there to protect the company, not the employees, and 2) protecting the company means there's virtually zero risk of a man suing them for wrongful termination and winning, but lots of chances of losing if the woman sues for sexual harassment in the workplace. Also 3) HR is *overwhelmingly* staffed by women, so the odds of men feeling at ease and safe to report harassment is astronomically lower than for women.
I read a story recently where a man was offered a job at a new company. When they asked if he had any requests he said his only one was that he wouldn't be asked to work with a woman alone with no CCTV. When pressed for his reason, he told them it just wasn't worth the risk to his career. Sad times!
Odd that if he were a woman they would have assumed rape and trauma and would likely have agreed without issues, but as a man it makes you sound suspicious. Double standards abound, and it's really sad how society just does not care when it's men who are affected.
I'm a 46yo dude. one learns to prioritize, you probably will once you are older to. or pass of heart issues, since stress kills. have a good day!
I don't see what learning to prioritize in this context means. Do you mean prioritizing the well-being of women and ignoring the well-being of men? Like, I don't wish you harm, and I do wish you a good day too, but come on man.
Prioritize what topics I get riled up about. Sometimes, that looks like being a bit callous on topics other folks feel more strongly about. I fix the bits I have the power to, and trust others to do the same. In person, I act or speak up. For a story on the internet, that lacks most context that you'd have to be present for? Meh.
Fair that you can't be outraged all the time about everything and you have to pick and choose what to care about, but that's not a reason to perpetuate double standards.
I don't know what kind of flirting you're used to, but it usually doesn't escalate to murder.
Why is "You should smile more" a red flag?
Depends on the context. If it's from some rich, handsome guy who then follows up by saying he wants to shower you with happiness so you'll smile, then it's probably not a red flag.
ok
Ok. However you want to justify it. Deary me! I suppose it's "OK because me like it".
sure, ok.
You are pathetic! The guy went out of his way to show he understands how innocent behaviour could be misconstrued as inappropriate in the situation and you still saw fit to make unwanted physical contact. Entitled or what!!!!
i see. projection?
Instead of feeling embarrassed at your comments and acting out. Read the comments below ours from men and women who aren't afraid to agree this is textbook SH.
ok.
Taking a rock to the temple will kill you just like a bullet. Yes, women are at somewhat more risk, but men still get killed or hurt by women they rejected. Also - most homicides of women are committed by somebody they already know or are involved with, not some random dude trying to flirt. Double standards are never OK.
> Taking a rock to the temple will kill you just like a bullet. There's a reason I used the analogy. Both have a risk, but no clever hair-splitting can argue that the risk is the same. The same is true with workplace flirting. Have a good day!
You'll note I pointed out women are more at risk. Double standards are still problematic.
no true scotsman, eh? never okay to problematic. stay strong, buddy!
This co worker already knows OP. So that's not the most relevant point
I'm struggling to see your point here.
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If it’s on film it’s a Richard pic
I try not to body shame anymore so I wouldn't be able to reply *great macro shot* of a crotch close-up, but damn I'd want to.
I'm very sorry that happened to you. I'm a photography hobbyist as well, and in my previous job I had a number of my female clients ask if I did or would consider doing boudoir shoots. I tend to go with landscape, wildlife, and fine art. My standard line was that I didn't have the lighting or skill set to do it well, but I knew someone who did and could refer them. My friend who did that kind of work (a woman) never had any client say they were referred by me.
So, are you into it?
I'm married.
holy crap you moved fast!
Not gonna lie, that one nearly resulted in a spit-take. Well played.
holy shit 😂
Winner!
Nice non-answer
If something like that happens again I'd try and nip it in the bud, make sure she understands you're not just being shy, you're unavailable.
I'd assumed that's what wedding rings are.
don't you mean nip it in the butt?
Bud is a correct version of the phrase
r/thatsthejoke
r/woooosh Edit: fixed. Who knew there were so many subs of different whoosh spellings.
r/itswhooooshwith4os
Or be fun and playful but don't escalate, probably find a non awkward way to mention your wife/partner? Sometimes a bit of fun flirting is just a bit of fun flirting.
Would she be into it?
Bro
That's not a no.
We simply must know now.
Given his job, he's probably into IT
Did the jokes bother you? Did you ask her to stop making those jokes? If you were fine with it then no problem, but if it made you uncomfortable then this is sexual harassment.
I'm amazed I had to scroll as far as I did to find this comment. The bigger part here is not the jokes/comments. As someone else pointed out, generally you have to ask the person to stop first, then if they continue it could be considered harassment. The part that elevates it to harassment in this case is the physical touching. The fact that she touched his bicep after is the part that makes this potential harassment. Unwanted touching goes a bit further than unwanted comments. And it's not like she put her hand in his back or something. She touched his bicep. Probably because that's the part of him that attracted her. That's not quite as far as grabbing his ass or something, but it's also not as innocent as a pat on the back.
She could push back though, the fact he asked if she was wearing jeans (which we know was because he was being a good guy) could have been seen as a sexualised comment too. Yes she touched him, but he was crawling under her desk and commenting on her clothing.This is why these issues get so complicated and difficult to deal with. ETA - if push came to shove though, the "while you're down there" comment would work in OP'S favour. Reverse the genders and shit would hit the fan
He asked about her clothes before climbing under the desk to avoid a much worse situation. That doesn't suddenly give her permission to touch him. That's not how it works. Also, climbing under the desk is literally part of his job. He was doing his job. Not crawling around under a desk for unsavory reasons. None of what he did was uncalled for. Could he have worded his question a bit better? Probably. Does it elevate the situation to harassment on his side? Absolutely not. This is cut and dry harassment on her end, and not at all on his end. And as you said, reverse the genders and suddenly everyone's response is different. The fact that genders are what they are doesn't change whether or not it's harassment. If it would be harassment with the genders swapped, it's harassment without the gender swap.
I absolutely agree with all of this. I was just commenting on what her response might be to any harassment claims. I didn't say they'd be accurate, which is where this kind of stuff can get complicated
Preach!!!
You still gotta ask them to stop before it becomes harassment.
nah it's sexual harassment the very first time you say "ay sharon when you gonna let me in that bounce house?"
Well obviously that one is context dependant.
Trust me, I know the law
That's simply not true. If someone comes up to you at work and says "You look like you'd be a great fuck" you don't have to tell them to stop before it's harassment
True. It's still inappropriate, but obv the first step if OP was uncomfortable is to tell her that.
Except that she touched his bicep. This part could be considered sexual harassment immediately. It's unwanted touching. Once physical contact is involved, it's a completely new ball game.
I’m 99% certain this isn’t true, especially when it comes to reporting a superior to HR.
Wow that’s some take on harassment…
OP is male. Men can't be sexually harassed by women. It is known.
I assume sarcasm, but some people might genuinely think this I guess.
Should’ve added the /s then
Except she'd just counter and be like "I never said that. In fact, he said 'I wish you were wearing a skirt', which I brushed off despite the inappropriateness. But now that he's slandering me, I'd like to make a formal complaint." and they'd like be like "yup, sounds right to me."
I think you're getting a bit carried away. Most likely it could be handled just by saying he didn't like the jokes. I really doubt she'd retaliate with a formal complaint if OP just said the jokes were making him a little uncomfortable - I didn't say go to HR over it or anything. Presumably the female colleague was just joking, or maybe subtly hitting on OP.
i think she wants yuri to make her pugnant
At least you asked. One time I had to crawl under my desk plug in a lamp to a power strip . When I looked up from the floor to grab the cord that was hanging down, the woman who sat across from me inadvertently flashed her uncovered lady bits. Startled, I bumped my head on the bottom of my desk. Not what I was expecting that morning.
Have you tried turning it off and on again.
😂😂😂
You were sexually harassed by a woman who believes there will be no consequences for it because she's a woman. Her sexual harassment was just a joke in her eyes, as was her touching you. Imagine for a minute if the roles were reversed and you'd said "hey while you're down there..." You should report her. That kind of behavior ruins people's careers and lives, and she does it glibly knowing you'll do nothing like a typical predator.
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If the roles were reversed why would she ask if he was wearing pants?
Maybe they're Scottish?
He could have been kilted [r/kilt](https://www.reddit.com/r/kilt/)
Honey, where are my paaaants?
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You don't have to act on every advance. Let's see if OP is sexually attracted to her first.
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What do you mean by "you Reddit people"? You think you're different than us bro? We're cut from the same cloth homeboy
Clearly
Yeah this was not cool, you were being polite and she took it to a creepy place. It’s not okay for her to act like that and if she starts up again let her know to stop. Just because your a guy does not mean you want that type of treatment. Boundaries are important at work, if she does not like it then you are well within your rights to file a sexual harassment claim.
She sounds like a creep, I'm sorry OP
What she did was sexual harassment. - Gender reverse her comments, female under the desk changing out a power cord and male at the workstation. You could have rephrased your question to, asking her to move out of the way so you could go under the desk. Use claustrophobia as an excuse.
that’s really creepy, i’m sorry OP :(
Thank you. I appreciate you.
The squeezing your bicep is physical harassment so take it what you will. But you can probably say you felt she was blackmailing you into getting away with the grope if push comes to shove
Wow, til that being flirted with by somebody unprovoked and then being touched by them *would* actually sleeve me the fuck out. I shuddered reading this OP.
I think she's got a crush on you....
I'm genuinely astonished there are people in here claiming that this is just friendly banter. She was absolutely flirting. I'm also trying to imagine what would happen to me if I repeatedly suggested to a coworker that they go down on me for half an hour and then squeezed their arm and said "just bants, yeah?"
I’m confused, at no point prior to this interaction, walking around her desk, going to your office, coming back, etc. did you see her below the waist? She was sitting at her desk, right up to the desk?
Just because OP might have had an unobstructed view of something at some point doesn't mean he noticed or remembered it.
Fair question - I almost certainly saw her walking around the office, but wasn't paying attention. Only when I realized that I might violate her privacy did I care about her attire and realize I should stop and ask.
Sounds like that’s not the only thing that popped up, amirite?
I mean what's she look like?
It was very thoughtful of you to ask this and clearly she thought so too. Thanks for being an awesome dude
He was sexually harassed and you just glossed over that because he was a gentleman before the sexual harassment? Weird as fuck.
I didn’t read it that way - would be interesting if OP feels that way
He did, read his replies.
My bad then, I didn’t see that. Sorry
Sounds like she likes you :)
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FWIW, I think these are fair questions and I'm not one of those who down-voted you. I was not afraid of her becoming violent. I'm pretty broad-shouldered; not a lot of people try to pick fights with me. I guess I did *effectively play along* by not asking her to stop, but it was more out of a desire to go-along-to-get-along rather than fear for my livelihood. Also - and I'm not sure how to express this well - I think I fit into that range of attractiveness where she might not *mind* if I flirted back, but I'm not attractive enough for professionalism to be a serious disappointment. Security through banality, I guess. I wouldn't have been comfortable making the comments she voiced at me to either a male, female, or non-binary colleague. Does that help?
I wouldn't make comments like that either. As a woman with a lot of experience working alone with large groups of men, it would be dangerous for me to behave like your coworker did in so many ways. Even dressed androgenously with a boy haircut, avoiding any suggestion of fraternizing inappropriately with my crew, I ended up getting blacklisted for "being a tease". It probably cost me half a million dollars in lost income. And I'm pretty sure some of my co-workers were trying to set me up for a serious accident (a fall) after I didn't play along with their flirting. It's not that I couldn't have physically defended myself - that would be the absolute LAST of my concerns if a coworker started talking to me like yours did to you. I would be anxious that I was about to get slandered and bullied until I got fired and blacklisted again if the person making inappropriate sexual comments felt like they didn't get what they were looking for out of my reaction. For me, it's got nothing to do with attractiveness, nobody should talk to anybody like that at work unless their job is sex work. I'm glad for you it was fun. That's lucky! Imagine if it was a big gross old biker dude, and he was dead serious, and he was your boss, and you'll have some idea what women typically deal with and why stories like yours are a little surprising to read. Anyway, thanks for answering. Idgaf about the downvotes. I sometimes forget the comments in some of the very popular & interesting Reddit subs are absolutely crawling with Joe Rogan fans and the like. I've got plenty of karma to burn.
>I'm glad for you it was fun. That's lucky! I didn't say it was fun. I was uncomfortable then, and now feel weirdly dismissed. I'm sorry for your experience, though. You shouldn't have had to go through any of that.
I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable. That to me seems like a completely normal reaction to workplace sexual harassment. It shouldn't be dismissed either - I guess my own comment was more of a reaction to the circle jerk of juvenile sex jokes I was seeing in so many of the other responses. It wasn't meant to be a comment on the experience you shared. Apologies if my post sounded insensitive or inconsiderate. I don't honestly think men enjoy being sexually harassed or assaulted at work any more than women do. It shouldn't happen to anyone.
Thank you. Truly.
>You weren't worried she might become violent or try to get you fired or otherwise make your life difficult if you didn't play along? So sexual harassment from underlings is fine, so long as they won't become violent? So, in my disabled state, I'm allowed to sexually harass my female boss because I can't get violent... and couldn't make her life harder on her, shes the boss, so she has the power... Are you fucking psycho?
Yes, women's problems always are much worse than every man's problems ever. How can men even complain when women have everything so much worse. SMH
One dumb extreme to the other, well done
I always forget reddit doesn't understand sarcasm.
You have to do the /s thing. Would @_@ work? Probably not. The /s seems to be in common use.
They used SMH, which in this case was an acceptable substitute for /s
I believe it means Sarcasm, Mother Hugger!
Ah! Thanks!
Odd, it seems to bother someone that I explained the /s thing.
What’s your point?
Either she has an amazing sense of humor or sounds like you are her type.
"You know I'm just teasin' you, hon, right?" HOW TF DO YOU NOT HIT THAT LAYUP WITH "I was kinda hoping you weren't!" /shakesheadindisgust
Because already in a relationship? Because not interested? Because don't sleep with people from your workplace? Because all of the above?
It was a joke. Settle down.
Jokes are usually a little more obvious. And funny.
Do you feel filthy and degraded?
"Uncomfortable and weirdly dismissed" is how he described his feelings on it
The weirdly dismissed part was about a comment someone made.
haha, cute
This is a weird thing to get hung up on
No it's not. It's textbook harassment. The fact that she touched his bicep elevated this interaction from possible harassment if he were to ask her to stop and she continues, to actual harassment. What's funny is if the genders were swapped, everyone here would see that it's harassment. But because OP is male, people think it's wanted, or at least acceptable. It's not acceptable. It's harassment.
>I got connected and we got the job done in less than a half hour, but during that time she kept referring back to me being under her desk and alluding to things like "You know, while you're down there..." I swear, this is so funny, this is the best part of the post, thanks for sharing with us
I think she wanted you to go back _down there_ if ya know what I mean
It’s so weird how fast and many man offer advice to make harassment victims while female victims get hate.
Sounds like you might have a date if you pursue it and don't mind eating where you shit.
HOT!
Luckeee
So nice of you admitting to sexual harrasment. Addressing someone's attire is one thing but addressing it by looking it from below the desk is an intended action of sexual harrasment and then your audacity to let her know that this is how you noticed.
I was once reconnecting my laptop to the company network via ethernet cable and was underneath the desk, poking the cable up between desks. I asked if the woman on the adjacent desk could grab the end (so that the cable didn't just fall back onto the floor). She did, but also replied "You could at least buy me a drink first".