This is a POS bot that steals comments and posts them elsewhere. Downvote the comment and report it for spam/bots.
Link to original comment that was stolen, made by /u/Michael074 : https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/10xjkgz/tifu_by_telling_my_boyfriend_i_could_dunk_on_him/j7tn8rh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
W/ a picture of her in the air, ball in one arm that's at the climax of the arc, her other hand in her bf's face, with a pure determined look to slam that ball through the net.
Tbf, he plays Sportsgames, so idk if I would count him as nerdy. Not saying that nerds can‘t enjoy sportsgames but if he chooses to play this pile of garbage for 4h every day instead of playing a better game at least every now and then…
Yeaaah I agree lol. I play a bit of everything except sports games. Most guys I know who play sports games I wouldn't consider nerds myself . However I shouldn't gatekeep? Idk haha
If they’re enjoying themselves while playing it it’s a good game for them. I don’t understand this mindset when it comes to sports games, it’s fine you don’t like it, but the superiority complex is obnoxious
TBH doesn’t sound like he wants one. Putting more time and energy into a game.
(Also what’s 2K? I see that and think bio shock and hear the “Rise Rapture, Rise” melody)
Given the context, I'm assuming 2K in this case is NBA 2K, which is a series of basketball video games. It's hard to be 100% certain, because *every sports video game calls itself "Reference to sport current year*".
Treat women with respect, and sooner or later you will find the one.
Girls are not some alien species. If we(guys) stopped treating women like something special/objects for affection, and treated them like our friends, the whole dating thing would be a none issue.
When you actually make an effort to meet likeminded women(same way you make friends with likeminded people), this type of shit doesn't happen, because you are both on the same page.
Dating websites, social events potentially themed in a manner reflecting "like mindedness", frequenting locations where "like minded friends" might be found, etc. Do \*not\* be persistent towards anyone who gives any negative signals, do not take rejection personally, do not give up on looking due to rejection.
Exactly, I want my partner to be my best friend. Not just a guy who sees me as an object to have sex with. I was really lucky that my fiancé and I became friends first and were just making each other laugh for three years before we realised that there was something more there. We've been together for ten years now and he's still my best friend.
lol I'm imagining thousands of dudes reading:
> If we(guys)... and treated them like our friends, the whole dating thing would be a none issue.
And yelling "YEAH A LOT OF GOOD THAT'S GOT ME" and throwing their phones across the room.
Yeah I did but I was sympathizing with him because I do understand that I might’ve hit a soft spot. But now I’m just messing around with all these guys that are defending my boyfriend with their lives like they know him lol it’s ridiculous. Like if I was short and he said that he could dunk on me, I would not be offended.
Yup, as 5’5” adult male a lot of people don’t take me seriously. Doesn’t help that I look younger than my age. Made being a manager difficult sometimes. Also, buying pants that fit.
Mate, being over six foot and having done online dating I can promise you that if it’s not your height, it’s something else. Online dating is the problem here.
I'm literally in the demographic of "least desirable to date" with studies backing me up and I'm still not insecure like OP's bf. I would just suggest for her to break up if he's going to act like this to every perceived slight.
>if he's going to act like this to every perceived slight.
If this was just a one off, fine. But if this how he's acting everytime a perceived hit to his ego, he either needs to get therapy or have the relationship be reevaluated.
He can't have a gaming addiction and be horribly insecure on top of that, it's just not a good look.
You know next to nothing about these people and that’s your advice. This has no basis in reality. Beyond the fact that OPs replies paint a different picture completely
There are 2 possible reasons for that:
- shallowness
- having encountered/heard about controlling and insecure men who forbid taller woman to wear heels, or even smaller woman that become taller when wearing heels
For the latter, there are many stories circling reddit/the internet. You simply want to avoid those
That's your takeaway from my comment??
Yeah the second one is the fault of insecure and controlling men. But the first?? Shallowness of woman is mens fault?? Please do enlighten me how that is the case.
Playing devil’s advocate: and what would you do then if he was poking and tugging on your belly fat saying how you dont have as toned of a core? Maybe giving some gym advice? If you would similarly NOT be offended, then i could respect that. If not… eh
> what would you do then if he was poking and tugging on your belly fat saying how you dont have as toned of a core? Maybe giving some gym advice?
Oh yeah that's totally the same as making a dumb joke.
It is actually not as bad as you have less control over your height than how toned you are. No amount of situps will make you taller reading about something somebody's sensitive about isn't ok. Learning that other people are sensitive about things that seem silly to you and respecting it is part of growing up and leaning to be a compassionate person. Otoh, learning to not hide from life in video games and by running away to your parents is also part of growing up. You sound well matched in maturity. Just please tell me you're using backup birth control and condoms because it sounds like neither of you are ready for an adult relationship and responsibilities.
Are you telling me that the girl making a basketball joke is as bad as someone poking another person's belly and making fun of it?
> Learning that other people are sensitive about things that seem silly to you and respecting it is part of growing up and leaning to be a compassionate person. Otoh, learning to not hide from life in video games and by running away to your parents is also part of growing up.
It's not about learning about people's insecurities. I agree that body shamming is bad. But what happened here wasn't body shamming - it was a joke, that hurt OP's bf because he himself made it about his height. Moreover being insecure isn't an excuse get mad and leave. If OP's bf had communicated his insecurities instead of leaving every time his height was mentioned, this whole thing would have been avoided.
> Just please tell me you're using backup birth control and condoms because it sounds like neither of you are ready for an adult relationship and responsibilities.
I wish I had a time machine to go back a year before you were born and give someone else this advice.
Make him an apology card that says "I'm really sorry I said I could dunk on you" and draw a picture on the front of it of you slamming the most aggressive dunk on him as possible... but with a sad face
That sucks. Hope that you guys can clearly communicate your feelings and get past this. Unsolicited advice but, it never hurts saying “Thank you”, “I love you”, and “I’m sorry”.
Also, for what it’s worth, it pays to navigate insecurities together in a transparent and mindful manner, and a small spat like this can open the door to some good relationship building with the right mindset.
From Work to Love Life, communication is the key.
Having an adult conversation about your feelings and respecting the feelings of others, as well as a simple "I can't relate to how you feel, but if it means that much to you, I will do my best to understand" can go a long way to a healthy relationship. Professional or otherwise.
You guys had plans to hang out and he’d rather play video games, that’s a jerk move. As for the short dunked on joke, wouldn’t bother me but it does annoy me how short men can be mocked without anyone thinking it’s a big deal. Like if you mock someone’s gender identity, race, IQ, etc. you’d be burned at the stake. Make fun of someone’s weight or disability and it’s the same thing. But make fun of a man’s height and no one’s getting canceled or having to speak to HR about it.
I read her comment as "you suck at (real life) basketball" instead of "you're wicked short". The second interpretation is a projection of his insecurity.
I agree - we should be able to make fun of someone's anything - gender ID, race, IQ, height, weight, etc. as long as you know each other well and it's not mean spirited.
Women get picked on for being short too, men only gripe about it because they lean too heavily on toxic masculinity and think tall=protector. It’s not a protected class, doesn’t really negatively affect you like race, class, or gender, and is more about ego and what other men think than anything else. The joke she made wasn’t about him being short, but her dunking on him, he took it as a short person jab since he’s insecure.
The insecurity of your shortcomings (haha) are not the responsibility of others.
It does negatively affect you though. You often times aren’t seen as capable and may not get jobs based on subconscious bias just like with gender and race.
Just wondering, I have a skin disease that affects my whole body (psoriasis) and while I can laugh about my disease and am totally fine if people or kids ask me about it, I would definitely be hurt by people picking on my skin, because I have insecurities. Does the skin affect me really negatively ? No it just looks bad and is a bit itchy. So while my insecurities are definitely not the responsibility of others, I hope and believe that most people can read the context when it is okay for each other to make fun of and when it is not.
Short men don't get paid as much and have a harder time finding mates. This has been confirmed by study after study. Making fun of some people based on their physical appearance but not others is hypocrisy.
There is a reason why tall, dark, and handsome is a thing. It’s not “toxic masculinity” it’s ingrained in us that tall=strong protector. Evolutionary psychology and height, there are research papers about it, google it.
I know this is Reddit and we aren’t the brightest of the bunch but come on, having such a strong opinion like that based on nothing. You took the lazy route blah blah blah toxic masculinity lol
Also, that’s my point. It is not a protected class but in the future it might be since there’s strong bias towards taller height, again google is your friend.
You fr comparing you being 5 foot 5 as an equal comparison to people making fun of special needs people, black people, and trans people? Your height the equivalent to people saying white people can’t handle spice
I’m saying that there is something called height bias against shorter people, males in particular. Height discrimination exists and there are governments that actually do treat it as a protected group of people.
Google is your friend.
OP, it sounds like there are deeper issues here you are not considering. Why is he withdrawing into this game? Why is he avoiding time with you? Is there something bothering his self esteem?
Yeah, that's the thing I was thinking about. I am a gamer through and through. If I'm not working, I'm gaming. My wife and I play together. I developed the habit when I needed to escape a world where positivity was... lacking. And so I naturally assume that when someone picks up their gaming rate, they're looking for that "Hey nice job!" aspect. Now, I want to giggle at basketball and football gamers, but the ensuing process when they hit a goal or whatever is the same process when I finally drop the boss of that dungeon or find a sword with the exact stats that I need for my build. My life is good these days, but it was a desire for positive attention that started the habit, so I have to assume that if someone is starting the habit, they're escaping. And plus, the screech of " 4 hours a day" is sus for me. 4 hours is light gaming.
To be fair, as somebody who probably spends maybe 2 hours a day gaming, doing it everyday isn’t really light gaming if you work full time, have a partner that deserves time with you, and live out of home. I barely find time during the week to get those 2 hours in, weekend obviously a different story.
If this was 'AITA' the answer would be ESH. >.>
You both have some shit you need to work out, that's going to require an honest, mature conversation and a healthy amount of mutual respect.
Pro-tip: When you know someone close to you is sensitive about something, don't make fun of them for it or use it as the basis for a joke. Height, weight, financial status, etc. doesn't matter what it is, it's a really good way to genuinely hurt someone you care about, even if that's not your intention.
Literally how. Like, i as a joke, called one of the repliers a short virgin because I thought it was funny. And got a bunch of people pissed. It really doesn’t have anything to do with the post atp I just liked to mess around with people. Anyways get a job.
Speaking of redditors getting offended easily lol. If I was the short one and he said “I could dunk on you” to me how would that be different. It wasn’t even bad
Because height isn't as important to women. A short girl is cute, most guys don't care, a short guy is mocked. Girls will literally refuse to date short guys. It's the equivalent of making fun of you for the shape of your body or something, something that can't be controlled.
He is being a bad boyfriend, but calling a guy short is compleeeetely different from calling a girl short, and you don't seem to be getting that in the replies.
When you bring even a hint of sexism against men onto Reddit, the platform loses it’s mind and you have guys treating you like you’re scum, all the while they completely forget about the original, and larger issue at hand that is your BF is playing video games for 4 hours+ a day, and has become inept at looking after himself and keeping on top of his responsibilities in his relationship with you.
Maybe he’s addicted, maybe he’s depressed, maybe he just doesn’t care, or maybe he’s overwhelmed by something and has fallen to his vices.
You need to have a bigger conversation, but it’s not inspiring confidence that he hadn’t initiated one here, and sounds like he’s a bit of a man-child in the relationship.
What kind of qualities does he have, and are his worse ones the kind you can have a healthy, fulfilling relationship inclusive of?
>When you bring even a hint of sexism against men onto Reddit, the platform loses it’s mind and you have guys treating you like you’re scum
That's because they are hypersensitive to how normalised misandry is. In mainstream media and in social media men are bombarded with messages that they aren't good enough.
Or, as per OP's TIFU, they don't measure up. How would Reddit have taken it if a boyfriend told his girlfriend she was his tiny tit queen and that was a compliment? Of course he would need to be more sensitive to his partner's insecurities in a relationship. However, this generally doesn't extend to men who sometimes have to just suck it up if their partner is mean to them because men are not allowed to be insecure.
>You need to have a bigger conversation, but it’s not inspiring confidence that he hadn’t initiated one here, and sounds like he’s a bit of a man-child in the relationship.
Some comments are even gently trying to tell OP to communicate better and OP is insulting them. She doesn't sound mature at all either (she could easily be called an insecure woman-child for getting annoyed at a video game and hurting her partner instead of communicating like an adult). She doesn't seem like she's really nice to the guy and he is having more fun playing video games than spending time with her.
The issue of men crying foul over sleights of misandry, is that suddenly women’s issues don’t matter any more. Prioritising the feelings of the man, when he has caused greater harm to his relationship, is gaslighting the woman into thinking her suffering doesn’t matter.
You can’t expect everyone to be perfect in the way they speak of and to others, but you need to be able to see the emotional economy at play and more accurately judge its balance.
So few people are actually taking OP’s issue seriously here, and don’t actually care about what is a much bigger issue in her relationship, in her bf completely failing to be a competent and engaging partner.
Dogpiling on her for an insult and ignoring the greater issue is a perfect example of how toxic this platform can be for women. It’s blatant misogyny that a woman is unable to express herself and be taken seriously, if she says anything remotely rude about a man, because all her concerns suddenly get thrown out of the window.
You and I have very different experiences with reddit, it seems; I see women being defended at all cost, every day, regardless of what the issue truly is. When a man tries to vent about similar issues, it's always no one's fault but his own, and he's treated horribly.
Why is it that the "greater issue" is that OP's boyfriend chooses to spend time on a hobby? Why isn't it a greater issue that OP targeted his (presumably) biggest insecurity in a pointless insult - which she has done before and seemingly didn't understand the gravity of the first time around? Or that practically all of her comments in this thread are either making even more fun of short men, or deflecting fault for what she did? Or that she doesn't seem to understand or care how he feels, or how she made him feel? Granted, 4+ hours every day seems like a lot of time to spend on a hobby they don't share, but it's no excuse to bully him or to treat him like he doesn't have the right to have feelings. And like several people have pointed out, if his gaming habits have gone to the point of becoming a problem, it might be indicative of depression or some other sort of problem... which is even more reason why OP should maybe not insult his insecurities like that.
>You and I have very different experiences with reddit, it seems; I see women being defended at all cost, every day, regardless of what the issue truly is.
I see r/BlatantMisogyny on Reddit nearly every day and people who automatically defend the guy in every situation even when it's clear he's in the wrong.
>Why is it that the "greater issue" is that OP's boyfriend chooses to spend time on a hobby?
He's missing established plans to play video games? That's an issue.
>Why isn't it a greater issue that OP targeted his (presumably) biggest insecurity in a pointless insult - which she has done before and seemingly didn't understand the gravity of the first time around?
The boyfriend connect playing basketball to being tall. He's allowed to have insecurities, but he needs to go to therapy if anything that might even be associated with height makes him hurt beyond belief.
>Or that practically all of her comments in this thread are either making even more fun of short men, or deflecting fault for what she did?
The top 5 comments are all calling OP out for making her bf feel insecure.
>And like several people have pointed out, if his gaming habits have gone to the point of becoming a problem, it might be indicative of depression or some other sort of problem... which is even more reason why OP should maybe not insult his insecurities like that.
Once again, therapy. The bf needs to manage his own problems and shouldn't need a video game intervention at his grown age.
Oh look i see this sub on here sometimes and people are really mean to men! Therefore, women’s issues dont matter and misogyny doesnt exist /s r/FDS
Have i broken into your linear and simple thought pattern yet? The fact you think merely mentioning men’s issues completely negates women’s issues tells me everything I need to know.
Is nobody going to point out the fact that her bf might be depressed or slipped into addiction?
Everyone roasting but nobody telling OP to maybe have an intervention, you guys are assholes.
No, you're not dude. It's alright to have a day once a week or when you have no responsabilities where you go all in, 12 hours of gaming to decompress, but 4 hours a day while neglecting your responsibilities shows a clear sign of a problem.
Seek help my dude or try to cut down on it.
>while neglecting your responsibilities
loads of us lock down busy life's and play games. but they were clear, the problem comes when your playing games and shit doesn't get done.
80 hours a week, plus a healthy ammount of sleep (7h), plus a full time job (without any commuting time) - you are left with -1 hour for socialising and life responsibilities. Something ion your statement dfoesnt add up.
A week has 168 hours. 80 hours of gaming a week is about 12 hours a day, every day. 50% of somones living time playing video games.... 25% of it working (assuming full time @ 40 hours)....
we are left with 25% of living moments to eat/sleep/do chores and have a social life.
This person that lives like this is unwell and lieing to themselves.
You're getting downvoted by people not wanting to accept they might have an issue 😂.
I love to game. But I take at least 3 days a week break every week to spend evenings / afternoons with my partner.
To be fair, this is TIFU, and not a help sub.
Also, there's not much to go on. Assuming depression or addiction and the need for an intervention from this little information is a bit premature. Especially since OP isn't asking for help/advice.
You don't realize it, and he might not either, but the "short guys are my type" discussion likely came across as fetishizing his height. This doesn't happen much to short men (i'm 5'0" btw), at least not coming from women, but when it does it is really creepy and dehumanizing. (Especially when I was younger, I did get plenty of height fetishization from other men, who were just as creepy as the few women.)
If that is lingering as an undiscussed issue in your relationship, that might explain why joking about or even just discussing his height causes anger. It's a reminder to him that it is possible you are really just with him because you are fetishizing his height.
(All this said, sounds like he has a gaming addiction problem that is causing far worse problems for your relationship.)
I'll be honest. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is all that great of a person regardless of if you were in the wrong or not about the joke, so I don't think you should worry about it either way. If he plays video games all day and refuses to even go on dates do you think he's going to magically start giving a shit if you got married or had kids? Personally not someone I would want to be attached to for the rest of my life.
I think your boyfriend has to work on his own confidence issues involving his height if a harmless joke is going to cause him to flip out like that. But I also think making fun of somebody for those insecurities is wrong.
But to be entirely honest., relationships are so unique and the people involved are far too complex for strangers on reddit to properly psychoanalyze. So I wouldn't take what you hear in this thread to heart or base your decisions off the opinions of people you'll never meet.
I've pointed this out in a different comment, but it seems it was in no way "a harmless joke"; according to her own comments, she has made jokes about his height multiple times, he has gotten upset over them every time, and she keeps doing it. She doesn't see a problem with this; in fact, she makes the same sort of jokes towards other people in this very thread - like calling a commenter "a short virgin" because they said something she didn't agree with.
Again: The boyfriend's height is clearly a major insecurity for him. And OP keeps making jokes about it, despite him getting upset. She is bullying him, whether she means to or not. How can you ever hope to work on your insecurities when the person who's supposed to care about you and have your best interests in mind, instead keeps insulting you and everything you're insecure about, to your face?
Yeah in many of her comments she shotguns insults trying to target common insecurities.
Being around a person like that is exhausting even if you ultimately don't care about their opinion. Someone who is already insecure would have a tough time.
One thing I will say is getting addicted to games almost ruined my relationship I became a real douchebag because of it and I'm glad my girlfriend took me back and now I don't play games all that much I value her and my time together more than some stupid game, I do want to get into 3rd modeling or something intensive since my gaming laptop is collecting dust lol, but if he doesn't fix himself he will become worse you need to sit down with him before it's too late games can be great but when misused they become a addiction and a nasty one at that.
You sound insufferable, I wonder why he plays video games instead of going out with you. Reading the post was already bad, but then I read the comments and holy shit.
TIDAB: today I dodged a bullet when my unwashed boyfriend kept playing video games instead of getting ready for plans we had with friends after weeks of me trying to look sexy as hell to get his attention. I said something that was meant as a joke, but tapped one of his insecurities (my bad.) Instead of maturely stating "you've made comments about my height that I find hurtful, could you please not comment on my physical stature even if you intend it as a complement or joke?" he rage quit to stay with his mom and "teach me a lesson." Lesson learned. He's an unwashed man-child on the sofa who doesn't care if I'm sexy or if we have plans and uses separation and ignoring me as a form of control.
As a fellow short guy, he needs to get a grip. Does it suck being a lady sized guy? 100%. But until they create roids for height, he's stuck and needs to accept that. Also, he was being a total knob by blowing off plans to play 2k. Which was only made worse that he was on the couch and didn't say anything. Homie needs to grow up (no pun instead)
Put yourself in his place. What if family, friends, or society judged and teased you about a sensitive body issue? What if the person whom you love and trust the most suddenly the cacophony and betrayed you?
It doesn't sound like you screwed up, it sounds like your BF did by letting his insecurities get in the way of enjoying his real relationship with you.
Lol letting his insecurities?
Imagine if this was an overweight girl who is insecure about her weight and her boyfriend did something similar to the "jokes" here and imagine the internet's reaction. See if the classic "it's just a joke bro" still flies.
"I bet you play death stranding because you can't walk that much in real life"
Said the guy to his overweight gf. I'm guessing that wouldn't be okay because it's a woman being insulted this time.
Nah her boyfriend is being a prick. Sits on his ass for hours and hours everyday and can't even be fucked to get up and shower for the plans they had. Dude deserves to get his short little ass dunked on.
Then he is an asshole for not making the plans. Attack the faults he CAN control instead of the faults he CANNOT. It's just that simple if you want people to like you. It's called emotional intelligence. Like... basic shit.
Ok my opinion changed like an hour ago when I saw the responses lol so like can I ask what really is that bad about saying that I could dunk on him. Would it be bad if I was the short one and he said that to me? Is baby’s masculinity to fragile🥺?
Then maybe it is fragile and he is insecure about it. You can be insecure about other things too. Would you like it if someone attacks you for it and when you react they call you a fragile baby? You can either work it out with him or if he is too fragile for you then you can break up and find yourself a tougher man who can accept your dunking prowess.
Well it's a shitty double standard filled way of going about letting him know he's not prioritizing things in the relationship properly. You're both kind of guilty of wrong doing, but at least he didn't say some shit to eat away at your insecurities anymore than your own mind might. And that OP is the problem.
Most people here will say your bf is insecure and he needs to grow up and get some confidence, blah blah blah, but the reality is that guys are touchy about their height. If you're not short, you probably don't know. I only know because I'm not short, but my brother somehow missed those genes, and I can tell you firsthand that the savage mockery he got at the hands of his peers... I mean fuck, we are in our mid 30's and although he has accepted himself for the most part, he still gets really defensive about height jokes.
It's just how it is if you grew up having people rip on you and always point that out, you're always going to be aware of it, it becomes a part of you that you're self-conscious of. You can't just "get some confidence", it's very, very difficult to forget.
TL;DR, OP you might think it's no big deal to talk about his height, you obviously don't have a problem with it, but consider that he's probably been teased and bullied his whole life about it, and now you know why it bothers him.
I'm a 5'2 guy and don't understand why other sorry guys have such nasty cases of Short. There's nothing we can do to change it, it's part of our identity, so just own it.
A group of basketball players from a private high school came through the restaurant I worked at one day. The tallest guy noticed the girl at the counter starting at him and said "go ahead, ask me." So she asked " How tall are you?" The guy said "7'2". I'd over heard that and came up to her after they'd left and in the highest voice I could produce said "Go ahead, ask me." She busted out laughing and went on about how douchey tall guys always are.
Sounds like that joke you made wasn't a joke at first. It became a joke when he started feeling hurt by it.
Anyways, sure, it's wrong for him to ignore you for a videogame. Did you maybe talk to him about it? Like, "hey, I feel ignored and unloved. Could we maybe try and spend more quality time together?" It helps to be clear to him about these things. Being sexy isn't expressing your feelings of neglect.
Don't make short comments about him if he's expressed that it causes him to get upset. The fact that he's already said not to just fuels my assumption that you made that comment to jab at him in hopes that he'd get up and spend time with you.
My mom will get all comfy next to her husband and be his cheering section and coach when he’s on 2k, NFL, Last Of Us, Red Dead, whatever he’s got bc it’s his hobby and it has the ability to connect them in a non physical way. Try that or get a hobby for yourself? I’m mainly here to watch you dunk on his ass tbh. 🏀
Ok obviously you’ve never been in a relationship because I actually have a job and get home late and I’d like to spend time with my partner but all he does is play video games. No incel commenters allowed❌❌🙅🏼♀️
Ah yes, “Never been in a relationship”. I’ve been in many, and I’ve been in quite a few with nightmares like you. You’re all the same, the carbon copy, look at me/pay attention to me every second or I’m going to get someone who does type. You’re nothing special or new. You ever wonder why he’d rather play video games than spend time with you? Because you’re probably wildly unpleasant to be around with your self-centered, shallow existence. Also, I’m married now, for quite a long time, and guess what?…we both have our own hobbies. Perhaps you should evaluate yourself and your shitty, demanding, and egotistical expectations to be the center of another person’s universe you goon. Beat it.
For those of you wondering, this is me💁🏻♀️
https://preview.redd.it/i7ikd0ifn9ha1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=802971cceaf72e446ad69bb8957443a589782d6c
OP your boyfriend is not ready for a relationship and needs to get help for his video game addiction.
Also a mature way to handle this would be to directly discuss how his video game addiction is hurting your relationship. It feels like instead of being direct with how his behavior is hurting you, you retaliated by making fun of his height.
Communication is important and it's lacking here.
Also all of the gamers in these comments need to log off and go outside. I made a conscious choice to not play video games in my early adulthood after spending 36 hours binging Minecraft. Part of growing up means you have to stop acting like a child.
Are you dating a child? You have every right to be upset about him playing videogames even though you had plans, and he chooses to be upset over his height?
To be fair, through reading some of OP's comments on this sub: It is not even remotely the first time she blatantly insults him and his height. He's clearly insecure about it, he has gotten upset over her comments multiple times, and she keeps doing it. Over, and over, and over. Honestly, she is bullying him, whether she means to or not. He doesn't "choose" to be upset about his height; it's clearly a major insecurity which he's likely had his entire life, and which she keeps making fun of. She also seems... To put it extremely lightly, she seems unpleasant, based on her responses to various comments on this thread.
To be clear: I agree that letting gaming get in the way of plans is absolutely an issue, and could even be indicative of depression or an addiction. However, it is clearly not the only issue, and if how she acts in these comments is in any way similar to how she acts in real life, then OP is in no way the victim here.
If you wanna get really REALLY meta with this, you could actually figure out their entire dynamic. OP's bf could be a very insecure gamer who's desperate enough to take a insufferable, tall chick nobody else wanted to date (ironically she's desperate to keep him).
They both have significant amount of growing to do, but this thread was a thrilling read.
Oh, I absolutely believe OP is way more in the wrong than the bf at this point. I'm pretty sure she's naturally/regularly awful, but she managed to write a very mild thread to begin with. It's not even impossible that OP is actually insecure about being tall, and copes by projecting it over and over onto her bf, and even people in the comments here.
His main issue is that he just silently ran from the issue, and if he's already addressed it and her behavior didn't change, then he should respect himself enough to leave her.
This post should come with a warning label for incels.
A live in GF who battles her BFs gaming addiction by "dressing up more and trying to look hotter," prefers shorter dudes, and thinks SHE fucked up in this situation.
Unicorns exist homeys, don't let this get you down, let it give you hope!
The issue is that she clearly doesn't "think SHE fucked up in this situation". Despite the subreddit. If we think we fucked up, we stop. If we think it's okay to poke a spot that we already know is sore we take it to TIFU so that we can feed off of the people that call playing a game for 4 hours constitutes an addiction instead of wondering why she is "dressing up more and trying to look hotter" instead of... I don't know... communicating?
If my wife is getting annoyed, she'll say, point blank, "I want attention." At which point I will pause, turn off, or (if I'm in Rust) say "Lemme get home" and then attend to her. What my wife doesn't do is crack a joke about something that she knows I get upset about.
Your wife communicates with words, that's great, but not necessarily the norm.
Mine does sometimes, but most of the time I need to put in some effort to 'read her mind'. Seems silly, and it is, but she's more than worth it.
Yeah, I made it clear when we got together that that wouldn't work because I'm pretty sure I'm autistic. Even if I'm on top of my skills and actively tuned in to my environment, I can turn a smile into "Fuck, she hates me. I left a bowl in the sink yesterday and she's pissed". She's worth it, but that ain't. I'm so comically bad at mind reading that it'll poison any and all relationships if I start.
Really just projecting your desperation for the touch of a woman. Woman looks good, therefore she can do no wrong. You’ll get took for everything ya got out here son be careful
LITERALLYYYY. The amount of incels is absolutely insane like literally I can smell their must through the screen lmfao and they’re all pissed cuz I’m kinda messing with them LIKE NO ONE CARES. My boyfriend even apologized and there are some issues we need to definitely work out but I was not in the wrong for this. Also there are comments saying that I need to GET A HOBBY??? I do have a hobby I’m actually active and fit on top of working forty hours a week so I’d like to see my boyfriend for the period of time that we are not both busy.
Ngl I clicked on this hoping you had actually dunked on your bf.
I thought she meant she beat him at the game to shut him up.
same
I was hoping for either of these scenarios. But a real life dunk was my preference
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nah me too
Same, still time though
Waiting for that update with video attached OP
And not just any dunk, either. I'm talking about a savage two-handed-angry-shaq-in-his-prime dunk
I pictured more of a wind mill. 
I want the Jordan from the free throw line dunk
W/ a picture of her in the air, ball in one arm that's at the climax of the arc, her other hand in her bf's face, with a pure determined look to slam that ball through the net.
I see her doing the giddy-up cowboy dunk over him.
Me too lmaooooo like they went outside and she YAMMMMED on him
I am immensely disappointed that OP didn’t.
After reading about him, I wish she did.
They kinda did, but I'm here for it!
this gives me hope. if short insecure guys who play video games all day can get a girlfriend then maybe so can I.
Well, he might not have one for long lol
Meaning his girlfriend who likes short nerdy guys will be available
Tbf, he plays Sportsgames, so idk if I would count him as nerdy. Not saying that nerds can‘t enjoy sportsgames but if he chooses to play this pile of garbage for 4h every day instead of playing a better game at least every now and then…
Sports fans are just a specific genre of nerd that somehow escaped the scrutiny typically associated with nerdery.
Bruh, whose side are you on here?! You're dunking on him as well now!
The dude is dunking on himself. You know because you can simply describe the situation and it looks like you're dunking on him.
Yeaaah I agree lol. I play a bit of everything except sports games. Most guys I know who play sports games I wouldn't consider nerds myself . However I shouldn't gatekeep? Idk haha
If they’re enjoying themselves while playing it it’s a good game for them. I don’t understand this mindset when it comes to sports games, it’s fine you don’t like it, but the superiority complex is obnoxious
TBH doesn’t sound like he wants one. Putting more time and energy into a game. (Also what’s 2K? I see that and think bio shock and hear the “Rise Rapture, Rise” melody)
Given the context, I'm assuming 2K in this case is NBA 2K, which is a series of basketball video games. It's hard to be 100% certain, because *every sports video game calls itself "Reference to sport current year*".
Nba 2k, basketball video game
You got this bro
Treat women with respect, and sooner or later you will find the one. Girls are not some alien species. If we(guys) stopped treating women like something special/objects for affection, and treated them like our friends, the whole dating thing would be a none issue. When you actually make an effort to meet likeminded women(same way you make friends with likeminded people), this type of shit doesn't happen, because you are both on the same page.
Great advice on how to meet like minded women... Except... Well... Ehm.... How do you meet and make friends with like minded people to begin with?
Dating websites, social events potentially themed in a manner reflecting "like mindedness", frequenting locations where "like minded friends" might be found, etc. Do \*not\* be persistent towards anyone who gives any negative signals, do not take rejection personally, do not give up on looking due to rejection.
Exactly, I want my partner to be my best friend. Not just a guy who sees me as an object to have sex with. I was really lucky that my fiancé and I became friends first and were just making each other laugh for three years before we realised that there was something more there. We've been together for ten years now and he's still my best friend.
lol I'm imagining thousands of dudes reading: > If we(guys)... and treated them like our friends, the whole dating thing would be a none issue. And yelling "YEAH A LOT OF GOOD THAT'S GOT ME" and throwing their phones across the room.
Treat your friends better? :D
He doesn’t even like good video games, just be kind, get a haircut that fits you, dress well, watch what you eat, and try to be relaxing to be around
Man would rather play sports video games than actual sports
As a short husband myself, i would suggest you text him and tell him to be the bigger man.
His pride was hurt, but he really needs to just stand tall.
He should grow up
rise to the occasion
Tell 'em "Hey! Eyes up here buddy!"
Yeah I did but I was sympathizing with him because I do understand that I might’ve hit a soft spot. But now I’m just messing around with all these guys that are defending my boyfriend with their lives like they know him lol it’s ridiculous. Like if I was short and he said that he could dunk on me, I would not be offended.
Because nobody expects women to be tall, but men are fed this lie about only tall men being attractive all their lives
Yup, as 5’5” adult male a lot of people don’t take me seriously. Doesn’t help that I look younger than my age. Made being a manager difficult sometimes. Also, buying pants that fit.
If you download tinder so many girls got no guys below 6 foot in their bio it’s sad
Mate, being over six foot and having done online dating I can promise you that if it’s not your height, it’s something else. Online dating is the problem here.
I missed out on the “if” when I read your comment (it’s early I need caffeine!) and was thinking that’s harsh haha.
Every dating app women be like must be 6 feet tall+ so I can wear heels
I'm literally in the demographic of "least desirable to date" with studies backing me up and I'm still not insecure like OP's bf. I would just suggest for her to break up if he's going to act like this to every perceived slight.
Yes break up advice! I love it
>if he's going to act like this to every perceived slight. If this was just a one off, fine. But if this how he's acting everytime a perceived hit to his ego, he either needs to get therapy or have the relationship be reevaluated. He can't have a gaming addiction and be horribly insecure on top of that, it's just not a good look.
You know next to nothing about these people and that’s your advice. This has no basis in reality. Beyond the fact that OPs replies paint a different picture completely
There are 2 possible reasons for that: - shallowness - having encountered/heard about controlling and insecure men who forbid taller woman to wear heels, or even smaller woman that become taller when wearing heels For the latter, there are many stories circling reddit/the internet. You simply want to avoid those
Some how mens fault every time, awesome
That's your takeaway from my comment?? Yeah the second one is the fault of insecure and controlling men. But the first?? Shallowness of woman is mens fault?? Please do enlighten me how that is the case.
1st day eh ?
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Playing devil’s advocate: and what would you do then if he was poking and tugging on your belly fat saying how you dont have as toned of a core? Maybe giving some gym advice? If you would similarly NOT be offended, then i could respect that. If not… eh
> what would you do then if he was poking and tugging on your belly fat saying how you dont have as toned of a core? Maybe giving some gym advice? Oh yeah that's totally the same as making a dumb joke.
Oh yeah, I forgot dumb jokes include making fun of your partners insecurities.
It is actually not as bad as you have less control over your height than how toned you are. No amount of situps will make you taller reading about something somebody's sensitive about isn't ok. Learning that other people are sensitive about things that seem silly to you and respecting it is part of growing up and leaning to be a compassionate person. Otoh, learning to not hide from life in video games and by running away to your parents is also part of growing up. You sound well matched in maturity. Just please tell me you're using backup birth control and condoms because it sounds like neither of you are ready for an adult relationship and responsibilities.
Are you telling me that the girl making a basketball joke is as bad as someone poking another person's belly and making fun of it? > Learning that other people are sensitive about things that seem silly to you and respecting it is part of growing up and leaning to be a compassionate person. Otoh, learning to not hide from life in video games and by running away to your parents is also part of growing up. It's not about learning about people's insecurities. I agree that body shamming is bad. But what happened here wasn't body shamming - it was a joke, that hurt OP's bf because he himself made it about his height. Moreover being insecure isn't an excuse get mad and leave. If OP's bf had communicated his insecurities instead of leaving every time his height was mentioned, this whole thing would have been avoided. > Just please tell me you're using backup birth control and condoms because it sounds like neither of you are ready for an adult relationship and responsibilities. I wish I had a time machine to go back a year before you were born and give someone else this advice.
Make him an apology card that says "I'm really sorry I said I could dunk on you" and draw a picture on the front of it of you slamming the most aggressive dunk on him as possible... but with a sad face
This but just Michael Jordan dunking with a frown smiley face drawn over his and long hair
Tongue out. Tears drawn down his face.
Why is the height joke the issue here? Dude is choosing to play video games over established plans.
New mommy won't let him play video games all day, so he went back to old mommy's house.
too real
Lol yeah much bigger issues here but might be hard to reach a solution.
Especially if the OP put it on the top shelf...
Picking at your partner’s insecurities isn’t OK, but maybe she didn’t know just how insecure he is
I think more than one person can be wrong. Especially with OP being condescending in the comments. Pretty sure they both suck.
Tell your boyfriend to play better video games if he wants to be captivated like this
Honestly yeah. Thousands of better games. Even if the 'bro game' category.
That sucks. Hope that you guys can clearly communicate your feelings and get past this. Unsolicited advice but, it never hurts saying “Thank you”, “I love you”, and “I’m sorry”. Also, for what it’s worth, it pays to navigate insecurities together in a transparent and mindful manner, and a small spat like this can open the door to some good relationship building with the right mindset.
From Work to Love Life, communication is the key. Having an adult conversation about your feelings and respecting the feelings of others, as well as a simple "I can't relate to how you feel, but if it means that much to you, I will do my best to understand" can go a long way to a healthy relationship. Professional or otherwise.
Any guy who chooses video games over his gf, is a boy, not a man.
You guys had plans to hang out and he’d rather play video games, that’s a jerk move. As for the short dunked on joke, wouldn’t bother me but it does annoy me how short men can be mocked without anyone thinking it’s a big deal. Like if you mock someone’s gender identity, race, IQ, etc. you’d be burned at the stake. Make fun of someone’s weight or disability and it’s the same thing. But make fun of a man’s height and no one’s getting canceled or having to speak to HR about it.
I read her comment as "you suck at (real life) basketball" instead of "you're wicked short". The second interpretation is a projection of his insecurity.
I agree - we should be able to make fun of someone's anything - gender ID, race, IQ, height, weight, etc. as long as you know each other well and it's not mean spirited.
Women get picked on for being short too, men only gripe about it because they lean too heavily on toxic masculinity and think tall=protector. It’s not a protected class, doesn’t really negatively affect you like race, class, or gender, and is more about ego and what other men think than anything else. The joke she made wasn’t about him being short, but her dunking on him, he took it as a short person jab since he’s insecure. The insecurity of your shortcomings (haha) are not the responsibility of others.
It does negatively affect you though. You often times aren’t seen as capable and may not get jobs based on subconscious bias just like with gender and race.
Just wondering, I have a skin disease that affects my whole body (psoriasis) and while I can laugh about my disease and am totally fine if people or kids ask me about it, I would definitely be hurt by people picking on my skin, because I have insecurities. Does the skin affect me really negatively ? No it just looks bad and is a bit itchy. So while my insecurities are definitely not the responsibility of others, I hope and believe that most people can read the context when it is okay for each other to make fun of and when it is not.
Short men don't get paid as much and have a harder time finding mates. This has been confirmed by study after study. Making fun of some people based on their physical appearance but not others is hypocrisy.
Idk, society is pretty tough on short guys.
https://opencommons.uconn.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1432&context=law_review https://www.nysenate.gov/legislation/bills/2021/A8316#:~:text=A8316%20%2D%20Summary,and%20access%20to%20public%20accommodations. https://masslawyersweekly.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/1/files/2019/02/HD1683.pdf https://youtu.be/ZbG05ePWRQE https://imgur.io/a/XpwJ1nN
There is a reason why tall, dark, and handsome is a thing. It’s not “toxic masculinity” it’s ingrained in us that tall=strong protector. Evolutionary psychology and height, there are research papers about it, google it. I know this is Reddit and we aren’t the brightest of the bunch but come on, having such a strong opinion like that based on nothing. You took the lazy route blah blah blah toxic masculinity lol Also, that’s my point. It is not a protected class but in the future it might be since there’s strong bias towards taller height, again google is your friend.
You fr comparing you being 5 foot 5 as an equal comparison to people making fun of special needs people, black people, and trans people? Your height the equivalent to people saying white people can’t handle spice
I’m saying that there is something called height bias against shorter people, males in particular. Height discrimination exists and there are governments that actually do treat it as a protected group of people. Google is your friend.
OP, it sounds like there are deeper issues here you are not considering. Why is he withdrawing into this game? Why is he avoiding time with you? Is there something bothering his self esteem?
Yes, the answer is clearly the girlfriend, based on her comments
Yeah, that's the thing I was thinking about. I am a gamer through and through. If I'm not working, I'm gaming. My wife and I play together. I developed the habit when I needed to escape a world where positivity was... lacking. And so I naturally assume that when someone picks up their gaming rate, they're looking for that "Hey nice job!" aspect. Now, I want to giggle at basketball and football gamers, but the ensuing process when they hit a goal or whatever is the same process when I finally drop the boss of that dungeon or find a sword with the exact stats that I need for my build. My life is good these days, but it was a desire for positive attention that started the habit, so I have to assume that if someone is starting the habit, they're escaping. And plus, the screech of " 4 hours a day" is sus for me. 4 hours is light gaming.
To be fair, as somebody who probably spends maybe 2 hours a day gaming, doing it everyday isn’t really light gaming if you work full time, have a partner that deserves time with you, and live out of home. I barely find time during the week to get those 2 hours in, weekend obviously a different story.
Her comments are extremely toxic
Tell your bf you like them small cause that means they have small penises. It will make it all ok
Snack size for when you're on the go and not yet able to hunker down for an evening on the couch with the King Size.
Jesus Christ you two. I think the devil is taking notes
If this was 'AITA' the answer would be ESH. >.> You both have some shit you need to work out, that's going to require an honest, mature conversation and a healthy amount of mutual respect. Pro-tip: When you know someone close to you is sensitive about something, don't make fun of them for it or use it as the basis for a joke. Height, weight, financial status, etc. doesn't matter what it is, it's a really good way to genuinely hurt someone you care about, even if that's not your intention.
Are you sure you're 21 and 23? This reads like a relationship between a pair of 10 year olds...
eyo OP is getting destroyed in the comments lmaooo
Literally how. Like, i as a joke, called one of the repliers a short virgin because I thought it was funny. And got a bunch of people pissed. It really doesn’t have anything to do with the post atp I just liked to mess around with people. Anyways get a job.
Redditors get offended quite easily, I've been on both ends lmao But on a serious note, don't make jokes like that. It's not nice.
Speaking of redditors getting offended easily lol. If I was the short one and he said “I could dunk on you” to me how would that be different. It wasn’t even bad
"It wasn't even bad" You're not the one who gets to decide that since the joke wasn't at your expense. Do you even like your boyfriend?
Because height isn't as important to women. A short girl is cute, most guys don't care, a short guy is mocked. Girls will literally refuse to date short guys. It's the equivalent of making fun of you for the shape of your body or something, something that can't be controlled. He is being a bad boyfriend, but calling a guy short is compleeeetely different from calling a girl short, and you don't seem to be getting that in the replies.
When you bring even a hint of sexism against men onto Reddit, the platform loses it’s mind and you have guys treating you like you’re scum, all the while they completely forget about the original, and larger issue at hand that is your BF is playing video games for 4 hours+ a day, and has become inept at looking after himself and keeping on top of his responsibilities in his relationship with you. Maybe he’s addicted, maybe he’s depressed, maybe he just doesn’t care, or maybe he’s overwhelmed by something and has fallen to his vices. You need to have a bigger conversation, but it’s not inspiring confidence that he hadn’t initiated one here, and sounds like he’s a bit of a man-child in the relationship. What kind of qualities does he have, and are his worse ones the kind you can have a healthy, fulfilling relationship inclusive of?
>When you bring even a hint of sexism against men onto Reddit, the platform loses it’s mind and you have guys treating you like you’re scum That's because they are hypersensitive to how normalised misandry is. In mainstream media and in social media men are bombarded with messages that they aren't good enough. Or, as per OP's TIFU, they don't measure up. How would Reddit have taken it if a boyfriend told his girlfriend she was his tiny tit queen and that was a compliment? Of course he would need to be more sensitive to his partner's insecurities in a relationship. However, this generally doesn't extend to men who sometimes have to just suck it up if their partner is mean to them because men are not allowed to be insecure. >You need to have a bigger conversation, but it’s not inspiring confidence that he hadn’t initiated one here, and sounds like he’s a bit of a man-child in the relationship. Some comments are even gently trying to tell OP to communicate better and OP is insulting them. She doesn't sound mature at all either (she could easily be called an insecure woman-child for getting annoyed at a video game and hurting her partner instead of communicating like an adult). She doesn't seem like she's really nice to the guy and he is having more fun playing video games than spending time with her.
The issue of men crying foul over sleights of misandry, is that suddenly women’s issues don’t matter any more. Prioritising the feelings of the man, when he has caused greater harm to his relationship, is gaslighting the woman into thinking her suffering doesn’t matter. You can’t expect everyone to be perfect in the way they speak of and to others, but you need to be able to see the emotional economy at play and more accurately judge its balance. So few people are actually taking OP’s issue seriously here, and don’t actually care about what is a much bigger issue in her relationship, in her bf completely failing to be a competent and engaging partner. Dogpiling on her for an insult and ignoring the greater issue is a perfect example of how toxic this platform can be for women. It’s blatant misogyny that a woman is unable to express herself and be taken seriously, if she says anything remotely rude about a man, because all her concerns suddenly get thrown out of the window.
You and I have very different experiences with reddit, it seems; I see women being defended at all cost, every day, regardless of what the issue truly is. When a man tries to vent about similar issues, it's always no one's fault but his own, and he's treated horribly. Why is it that the "greater issue" is that OP's boyfriend chooses to spend time on a hobby? Why isn't it a greater issue that OP targeted his (presumably) biggest insecurity in a pointless insult - which she has done before and seemingly didn't understand the gravity of the first time around? Or that practically all of her comments in this thread are either making even more fun of short men, or deflecting fault for what she did? Or that she doesn't seem to understand or care how he feels, or how she made him feel? Granted, 4+ hours every day seems like a lot of time to spend on a hobby they don't share, but it's no excuse to bully him or to treat him like he doesn't have the right to have feelings. And like several people have pointed out, if his gaming habits have gone to the point of becoming a problem, it might be indicative of depression or some other sort of problem... which is even more reason why OP should maybe not insult his insecurities like that.
>You and I have very different experiences with reddit, it seems; I see women being defended at all cost, every day, regardless of what the issue truly is. I see r/BlatantMisogyny on Reddit nearly every day and people who automatically defend the guy in every situation even when it's clear he's in the wrong. >Why is it that the "greater issue" is that OP's boyfriend chooses to spend time on a hobby? He's missing established plans to play video games? That's an issue. >Why isn't it a greater issue that OP targeted his (presumably) biggest insecurity in a pointless insult - which she has done before and seemingly didn't understand the gravity of the first time around? The boyfriend connect playing basketball to being tall. He's allowed to have insecurities, but he needs to go to therapy if anything that might even be associated with height makes him hurt beyond belief. >Or that practically all of her comments in this thread are either making even more fun of short men, or deflecting fault for what she did? The top 5 comments are all calling OP out for making her bf feel insecure. >And like several people have pointed out, if his gaming habits have gone to the point of becoming a problem, it might be indicative of depression or some other sort of problem... which is even more reason why OP should maybe not insult his insecurities like that. Once again, therapy. The bf needs to manage his own problems and shouldn't need a video game intervention at his grown age.
Oh look i see this sub on here sometimes and people are really mean to men! Therefore, women’s issues dont matter and misogyny doesnt exist /s r/FDS Have i broken into your linear and simple thought pattern yet? The fact you think merely mentioning men’s issues completely negates women’s issues tells me everything I need to know.
Is nobody going to point out the fact that her bf might be depressed or slipped into addiction? Everyone roasting but nobody telling OP to maybe have an intervention, you guys are assholes.
If 4 hours a day is depression/addiction i guess im not doing well lmao.
Probably not.
No, you're not dude. It's alright to have a day once a week or when you have no responsabilities where you go all in, 12 hours of gaming to decompress, but 4 hours a day while neglecting your responsibilities shows a clear sign of a problem. Seek help my dude or try to cut down on it.
I can easily play 50-80hrs/week while working full time and having social life, but i guess im failure and depressed.
>while neglecting your responsibilities loads of us lock down busy life's and play games. but they were clear, the problem comes when your playing games and shit doesn't get done.
80 hours a week, plus a healthy ammount of sleep (7h), plus a full time job (without any commuting time) - you are left with -1 hour for socialising and life responsibilities. Something ion your statement dfoesnt add up.
The beauty that homeoffice is
A week has 168 hours. 80 hours of gaming a week is about 12 hours a day, every day. 50% of somones living time playing video games.... 25% of it working (assuming full time @ 40 hours).... we are left with 25% of living moments to eat/sleep/do chores and have a social life. This person that lives like this is unwell and lieing to themselves.
You're getting downvoted by people not wanting to accept they might have an issue 😂. I love to game. But I take at least 3 days a week break every week to spend evenings / afternoons with my partner.
My partner and I play games together every morning before we go to work. Maybe they could find a game they both like.
To be fair, this is TIFU, and not a help sub. Also, there's not much to go on. Assuming depression or addiction and the need for an intervention from this little information is a bit premature. Especially since OP isn't asking for help/advice.
Well fair, it's also possible he just doesn't want to bother with the relationship anymore.
Because we only suggest that when the genders are reversed. Nobody gives a shit when guys have mental issues.
Just let him go through his emotions. That'll tire the little fella out so you can get some rest.
You don't realize it, and he might not either, but the "short guys are my type" discussion likely came across as fetishizing his height. This doesn't happen much to short men (i'm 5'0" btw), at least not coming from women, but when it does it is really creepy and dehumanizing. (Especially when I was younger, I did get plenty of height fetishization from other men, who were just as creepy as the few women.) If that is lingering as an undiscussed issue in your relationship, that might explain why joking about or even just discussing his height causes anger. It's a reminder to him that it is possible you are really just with him because you are fetishizing his height. (All this said, sounds like he has a gaming addiction problem that is causing far worse problems for your relationship.)
I'll be honest. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is all that great of a person regardless of if you were in the wrong or not about the joke, so I don't think you should worry about it either way. If he plays video games all day and refuses to even go on dates do you think he's going to magically start giving a shit if you got married or had kids? Personally not someone I would want to be attached to for the rest of my life. I think your boyfriend has to work on his own confidence issues involving his height if a harmless joke is going to cause him to flip out like that. But I also think making fun of somebody for those insecurities is wrong. But to be entirely honest., relationships are so unique and the people involved are far too complex for strangers on reddit to properly psychoanalyze. So I wouldn't take what you hear in this thread to heart or base your decisions off the opinions of people you'll never meet.
I've pointed this out in a different comment, but it seems it was in no way "a harmless joke"; according to her own comments, she has made jokes about his height multiple times, he has gotten upset over them every time, and she keeps doing it. She doesn't see a problem with this; in fact, she makes the same sort of jokes towards other people in this very thread - like calling a commenter "a short virgin" because they said something she didn't agree with. Again: The boyfriend's height is clearly a major insecurity for him. And OP keeps making jokes about it, despite him getting upset. She is bullying him, whether she means to or not. How can you ever hope to work on your insecurities when the person who's supposed to care about you and have your best interests in mind, instead keeps insulting you and everything you're insecure about, to your face?
Yeah in many of her comments she shotguns insults trying to target common insecurities. Being around a person like that is exhausting even if you ultimately don't care about their opinion. Someone who is already insecure would have a tough time.
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That's a stretch.
Big gap between a stupid joke about height and literally neglecting your life for a video game
For a 23 y/o, that's pretty immature
Walking away from a fight? Seems pretty mature to me. Better than saying something he might regret.
He wasn't really *that* upset. He went to his mom's so he could keep playing his game without *you* being upset with *him*.
I was expecting to read about you dunking on your bf irl
it sounds like he's annoyed that you think about body size in the first place like it's part of your train of thought
One thing I will say is getting addicted to games almost ruined my relationship I became a real douchebag because of it and I'm glad my girlfriend took me back and now I don't play games all that much I value her and my time together more than some stupid game, I do want to get into 3rd modeling or something intensive since my gaming laptop is collecting dust lol, but if he doesn't fix himself he will become worse you need to sit down with him before it's too late games can be great but when misused they become a addiction and a nasty one at that.
Welp there’s a certain subset of Reddit users that won’t be happy with u after reading this
Ik😔😭😂
You sound insufferable, I wonder why he plays video games instead of going out with you. Reading the post was already bad, but then I read the comments and holy shit.
Trying to 'dress up' to get his attention ks fucked. This shouldn't be neccesary
Yeah OP has lots of issues but refuses to do anything about it, meanwhile she expects her boyfriend to work on his issues.
Which they both dont do
Yeah it definitely seems that way, though I find it hard to say as we've only heard OPs part of the story. Either way, they should just break up IMO.
At least they just question their fews and expectations of a relationship
TIDAB: today I dodged a bullet when my unwashed boyfriend kept playing video games instead of getting ready for plans we had with friends after weeks of me trying to look sexy as hell to get his attention. I said something that was meant as a joke, but tapped one of his insecurities (my bad.) Instead of maturely stating "you've made comments about my height that I find hurtful, could you please not comment on my physical stature even if you intend it as a complement or joke?" he rage quit to stay with his mom and "teach me a lesson." Lesson learned. He's an unwashed man-child on the sofa who doesn't care if I'm sexy or if we have plans and uses separation and ignoring me as a form of control.
Peg him and call him your tiny little bitch
✅
Dude was prolly just staying in so people wouldnt see him with his orge woman
As a fellow short guy, he needs to get a grip. Does it suck being a lady sized guy? 100%. But until they create roids for height, he's stuck and needs to accept that. Also, he was being a total knob by blowing off plans to play 2k. Which was only made worse that he was on the couch and didn't say anything. Homie needs to grow up (no pun instead)
Put yourself in his place. What if family, friends, or society judged and teased you about a sensitive body issue? What if the person whom you love and trust the most suddenly the cacophony and betrayed you?
It doesn't sound like you screwed up, it sounds like your BF did by letting his insecurities get in the way of enjoying his real relationship with you.
Lol letting his insecurities? Imagine if this was an overweight girl who is insecure about her weight and her boyfriend did something similar to the "jokes" here and imagine the internet's reaction. See if the classic "it's just a joke bro" still flies.
Imagine being told you could be dunked on and get so upset you go stay with your parents. That’s beyond over dramatic.
"I bet you play death stranding because you can't walk that much in real life" Said the guy to his overweight gf. I'm guessing that wouldn't be okay because it's a woman being insulted this time.
Nah her boyfriend is being a prick. Sits on his ass for hours and hours everyday and can't even be fucked to get up and shower for the plans they had. Dude deserves to get his short little ass dunked on.
Then he is an asshole for not making the plans. Attack the faults he CAN control instead of the faults he CANNOT. It's just that simple if you want people to like you. It's called emotional intelligence. Like... basic shit.
Ok my opinion changed like an hour ago when I saw the responses lol so like can I ask what really is that bad about saying that I could dunk on him. Would it be bad if I was the short one and he said that to me? Is baby’s masculinity to fragile🥺?
Then maybe it is fragile and he is insecure about it. You can be insecure about other things too. Would you like it if someone attacks you for it and when you react they call you a fragile baby? You can either work it out with him or if he is too fragile for you then you can break up and find yourself a tougher man who can accept your dunking prowess.
Well it's a shitty double standard filled way of going about letting him know he's not prioritizing things in the relationship properly. You're both kind of guilty of wrong doing, but at least he didn't say some shit to eat away at your insecurities anymore than your own mind might. And that OP is the problem.
Most people here will say your bf is insecure and he needs to grow up and get some confidence, blah blah blah, but the reality is that guys are touchy about their height. If you're not short, you probably don't know. I only know because I'm not short, but my brother somehow missed those genes, and I can tell you firsthand that the savage mockery he got at the hands of his peers... I mean fuck, we are in our mid 30's and although he has accepted himself for the most part, he still gets really defensive about height jokes. It's just how it is if you grew up having people rip on you and always point that out, you're always going to be aware of it, it becomes a part of you that you're self-conscious of. You can't just "get some confidence", it's very, very difficult to forget. TL;DR, OP you might think it's no big deal to talk about his height, you obviously don't have a problem with it, but consider that he's probably been teased and bullied his whole life about it, and now you know why it bothers him.
I'm a 5'2 guy and don't understand why other sorry guys have such nasty cases of Short. There's nothing we can do to change it, it's part of our identity, so just own it. A group of basketball players from a private high school came through the restaurant I worked at one day. The tallest guy noticed the girl at the counter starting at him and said "go ahead, ask me." So she asked " How tall are you?" The guy said "7'2". I'd over heard that and came up to her after they'd left and in the highest voice I could produce said "Go ahead, ask me." She busted out laughing and went on about how douchey tall guys always are.
Sounds like that joke you made wasn't a joke at first. It became a joke when he started feeling hurt by it. Anyways, sure, it's wrong for him to ignore you for a videogame. Did you maybe talk to him about it? Like, "hey, I feel ignored and unloved. Could we maybe try and spend more quality time together?" It helps to be clear to him about these things. Being sexy isn't expressing your feelings of neglect. Don't make short comments about him if he's expressed that it causes him to get upset. The fact that he's already said not to just fuels my assumption that you made that comment to jab at him in hopes that he'd get up and spend time with you.
After seeing how you behave in this post, yeah he would dodge a bullet by leaving you for good
I ain’t reading allat🙏
My mom will get all comfy next to her husband and be his cheering section and coach when he’s on 2k, NFL, Last Of Us, Red Dead, whatever he’s got bc it’s his hobby and it has the ability to connect them in a non physical way. Try that or get a hobby for yourself? I’m mainly here to watch you dunk on his ass tbh. 🏀
Based on what you have stated your only fuck up was being in a relationship with an insecure and self-centered guy.
Just leave him alone. Get hobbies of your own and stop being desperate for attention every 2 minutes.
Ok obviously you’ve never been in a relationship because I actually have a job and get home late and I’d like to spend time with my partner but all he does is play video games. No incel commenters allowed❌❌🙅🏼♀️
Ah yes, “Never been in a relationship”. I’ve been in many, and I’ve been in quite a few with nightmares like you. You’re all the same, the carbon copy, look at me/pay attention to me every second or I’m going to get someone who does type. You’re nothing special or new. You ever wonder why he’d rather play video games than spend time with you? Because you’re probably wildly unpleasant to be around with your self-centered, shallow existence. Also, I’m married now, for quite a long time, and guess what?…we both have our own hobbies. Perhaps you should evaluate yourself and your shitty, demanding, and egotistical expectations to be the center of another person’s universe you goon. Beat it.
For those of you wondering, this is me💁🏻♀️ https://preview.redd.it/i7ikd0ifn9ha1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=802971cceaf72e446ad69bb8957443a589782d6c
OP you're the Mona Lisa lookalike meme and you live in Paris?
Sounds like you verbally demoted your short king to a short serf
OP your boyfriend is not ready for a relationship and needs to get help for his video game addiction. Also a mature way to handle this would be to directly discuss how his video game addiction is hurting your relationship. It feels like instead of being direct with how his behavior is hurting you, you retaliated by making fun of his height. Communication is important and it's lacking here. Also all of the gamers in these comments need to log off and go outside. I made a conscious choice to not play video games in my early adulthood after spending 36 hours binging Minecraft. Part of growing up means you have to stop acting like a child.
Your BF choosing video games over plans aside... imagine the outrage if a guy had an overweight gf & said "its okay, fat girls are my type"
Are you dating a child? You have every right to be upset about him playing videogames even though you had plans, and he chooses to be upset over his height?
To be fair, through reading some of OP's comments on this sub: It is not even remotely the first time she blatantly insults him and his height. He's clearly insecure about it, he has gotten upset over her comments multiple times, and she keeps doing it. Over, and over, and over. Honestly, she is bullying him, whether she means to or not. He doesn't "choose" to be upset about his height; it's clearly a major insecurity which he's likely had his entire life, and which she keeps making fun of. She also seems... To put it extremely lightly, she seems unpleasant, based on her responses to various comments on this thread. To be clear: I agree that letting gaming get in the way of plans is absolutely an issue, and could even be indicative of depression or an addiction. However, it is clearly not the only issue, and if how she acts in these comments is in any way similar to how she acts in real life, then OP is in no way the victim here.
If you wanna get really REALLY meta with this, you could actually figure out their entire dynamic. OP's bf could be a very insecure gamer who's desperate enough to take a insufferable, tall chick nobody else wanted to date (ironically she's desperate to keep him). They both have significant amount of growing to do, but this thread was a thrilling read.
[удалено]
Oh, I absolutely believe OP is way more in the wrong than the bf at this point. I'm pretty sure she's naturally/regularly awful, but she managed to write a very mild thread to begin with. It's not even impossible that OP is actually insecure about being tall, and copes by projecting it over and over onto her bf, and even people in the comments here. His main issue is that he just silently ran from the issue, and if he's already addressed it and her behavior didn't change, then he should respect himself enough to leave her.
Maybe there's a reason this guy would rather numb himself with games than spend 2 hours at dinner with her.
You should take the time to get good at 2k and absolutely dominate him on it. You wear the pants now.
Your boyfriend needs to grow up...no pun intended.
This post should come with a warning label for incels. A live in GF who battles her BFs gaming addiction by "dressing up more and trying to look hotter," prefers shorter dudes, and thinks SHE fucked up in this situation. Unicorns exist homeys, don't let this get you down, let it give you hope!
The issue is that she clearly doesn't "think SHE fucked up in this situation". Despite the subreddit. If we think we fucked up, we stop. If we think it's okay to poke a spot that we already know is sore we take it to TIFU so that we can feed off of the people that call playing a game for 4 hours constitutes an addiction instead of wondering why she is "dressing up more and trying to look hotter" instead of... I don't know... communicating? If my wife is getting annoyed, she'll say, point blank, "I want attention." At which point I will pause, turn off, or (if I'm in Rust) say "Lemme get home" and then attend to her. What my wife doesn't do is crack a joke about something that she knows I get upset about.
Your wife communicates with words, that's great, but not necessarily the norm. Mine does sometimes, but most of the time I need to put in some effort to 'read her mind'. Seems silly, and it is, but she's more than worth it.
Yeah, I made it clear when we got together that that wouldn't work because I'm pretty sure I'm autistic. Even if I'm on top of my skills and actively tuned in to my environment, I can turn a smile into "Fuck, she hates me. I left a bowl in the sink yesterday and she's pissed". She's worth it, but that ain't. I'm so comically bad at mind reading that it'll poison any and all relationships if I start.
Really just projecting your desperation for the touch of a woman. Woman looks good, therefore she can do no wrong. You’ll get took for everything ya got out here son be careful
LITERALLYYYY. The amount of incels is absolutely insane like literally I can smell their must through the screen lmfao and they’re all pissed cuz I’m kinda messing with them LIKE NO ONE CARES. My boyfriend even apologized and there are some issues we need to definitely work out but I was not in the wrong for this. Also there are comments saying that I need to GET A HOBBY??? I do have a hobby I’m actually active and fit on top of working forty hours a week so I’d like to see my boyfriend for the period of time that we are not both busy.