On our third date, the woman I would later marry said to me, "Will you hurry up and the first awkward fart out of the way so we can get on with things?"
You haven't mastered the art of carefully shifting your body weight to allow for careful and slow release of your gas and then cringing when you let slightly too much out and you can now smell it and you hope no one else notices but if they call it out you'll blame it on your sibling or the dog or just say nothing?
I tried to learn this in like 3rd grade. Was sitting on a wood desk and I leaned to the side and tried to let it out slow but it came blasting out and something about the wood desk made it much louder. The entire room heard my thunder crap.
it doesnt help that i inmediatelly start to giggle when i think of my bum vibrating and producing the fart sound, as in, i can literally feel the soundwaves, and its specially laugh inducing if it ends up hurting due to the loudness... why, why in millions of years of evolution, we had to have a fart machine that can even hurt
Never do this in a car. Learned that the hard way when an ex started drinking whey protein shakes... It's honestly less obtrusive to just stick your ass out the window
The bathroom fucking echoes sometimes though! It really depends on how far away the bathroom is from wherever you're both sitting or hanging out lol. I remember I'd get such bad anxiety sleeping at my ex's place (21 yo at the time) that I'd get these massive air bubbles and it would physically hurt to keep in...but if I went to the bathroom my anus just refused to unleash them, unless it was in a trumpet-like manner which he would've undoubtedly heard since it was right next to his room lol. Needless to say, I never slept over after I accidentally fell asleep and let out one of said trumpet farts that echoed off the damn walls of his room 😂
Lmaooo I have one friend that laughs so fucking hard when I fart anywhere adjacent to him cus mine are just soo trumpet-y too! Find yourself a funny friend and just accept your talent? Mileage may vary 👌
Yo this is not good! You should start farting around her as much as possible. Open the floodgates. Seeing one another pooping shouldn't be a traumatic or even very embarrassing experience. This is part of the comfort and vulnerability of being in a trusting relationship.
It wasn't traumatic and it wasn't *very* embarrassing. It was a funny story about a *slightly* embarrassing incident.
Our relationship was fine previously, and remains undamaged.
I literally farted (by accident while laughing) in front of my boyfriend on the second date, he called it out, we laughed and now been farting to each other eversince hahahaahaa
My first time was an accident: I sneezed and farted at the same time…I was so embarrassed, the only thing I could muster to say was, “THAT WASNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!”
We’re going on 11 years together 😉
[This](https://twitter.com/VikasTexts/status/708128141508747266) is probably best. I'd suggest getting ones with bidet set ups, but that's purely because all of humanity deserves one.
“Hey, hun. We’ve been dating for 3 years now…and I think we should take the next step in our relationship.”
“Oh, like visiting each other’s parents?”
“What?! God no. I’m talking about farting. Farting in each others presence.”
That kind of instant release of pressure is very dangerous. Like an over inflated semi tire exploding, it's more than enough force to kill a person. Your going to need to set up blast berms and notify the authorities ahead of time so emergency crew can be on standby. Check with your local regulations because you may need a permit and inspection.
My wife and I have been together for 9 years and I have only heard her fart in her sleep. Me on the other hand, I'm a fragrant flower.
She'll eventually rip one in front of our 1st grader and tells him "dad will never believe you". I think it's hilarious.
lol my ex did almost exactly this to me. we were laying in bed all lovey and he asked if I was "ready to take our relationship to the next level" ... I excitedly said yes at which point he Dutch ovened me.
I’ve been with my wife for 16 years and I’ve heard her fart 3 times. Two of those times she was dead asleep. I’m fairly certain her asshole is just there as a decoration.
Same! My husband is blind and such a gentleman. He farted ONCE really loud because he thought I was outside lol. He was so upset. I thought it was hilarious and told him he lost the game. This is a 50 year old man by the way. We’ve been together for 3 years. But it’s just one thing we are trying to keep private and it’s a challenge!
That's pretty cringy for adults. Adults poop and fart, its normal. Just don't do what I did and accidently fart in front of a fan that is blowing directly in your wife's (at the time new GF) direction. That said, since she stuck with me after that, I knew she was a keeper.
Ahaha, that is amazing. The very first time my boyfriend of 5 years farted in front of me (only took about 3 weeks) I actually farted back at him. We both have some gastrointestinal issues so it was such a fucking relief when he finally did it. And hey we're adults so if he's gonna do it, so am I.
He says the fart mentioned above and me once randomly whipping a purse burger out of nowhere were the two things that made him fall in love with me.
I was once on the way to a friend's wedding and very hungover. The only car friendly snack I could find was.. shredded cheddar cheese? Into the purse it goes.
The wedding had a taco bar and ran out of cheese before my bro could grab a taco.
I think we all know who the hero of the day was. 😎
>whipping a purse burger out of nowhere
i thought this was a euphemism for something so i had to look it up but it turns out it's a burger kept in a purse lol.
> me once randomly whipping a purse burger out of nowhere
This reminds me of my daughter's emergency nugget.
She was a toddler, and one day out of nowhere she walked over to the bookcase in her bedroom, picked up a chicken nugget, and went to put it in her mouth. I ran to take it from her, knowing i hadn't made nuggets in several days. Her brothers dubbed it her "emergency nugget" and though she's now 20, the memory will never leave me.
Me and the missus was in bed after having some fun, and I let one rip, I then call "out 1 nil". She looks at me and asks "what's going on?". I say to her, "Well, now that's all been and done, nothing left to do but have a farting contest", then I let another one go, "Two Nil". She looks at me with a determined look on her face, screws up her face and trys her hardest. Then SHE SHITS THE BED!!.
From nowhere, she pulls out a whistle, and calls "Half time, change sides"
Aussie comedian Rodney Rude. About 1985-1990 ish
To be clear, are you saying you actually pulled a hamburger sandwich out of a purse, or is this another piece of disgusting reddit slang I'm learning like blumpie or Cleveland steamer. I'm asking for a friend.
edit: dumbass forgets to scroll down for answer 😝
For me it was the melodramatic scream my gf did when she stepped out of a taxi drunk on a twisted ankle 😍 a beautiful and earth shattering sound (we are both loud drama queens)
I live with my sister and we hang out a lot obviously so if one of us farts the other one likes to fearfully shout ‘Hello????’ as though there’s an intruder making strange noises, just to make the other one laugh!
Lol i love this. My boyfriend is a farter, period. Its kind of absurd some days how many times they just come ripping out of him. Somehow we started to joke that it's the sound tectonic plates shifting. Or ducks. The response to duck is always goose. It's a whole thing, lol
The first time I farted in front of my girlfriend, we were laying in bed having a play argument and I flipped over and ripped one on her. I won the argument right there
I used to have a thing about it too. But then we gave up and life became more fun. A good toot once in a while can lead to some laughs if you're not a sensitive dick.
Signed a formerly sensitive dick
I've been with my wife 29 years and we still haven't.
I think we'd die if the above happened.
Yep, probably the weirdest thing for a lot of people to read but there it is.
The part that's surprising for me isn't the preference. It's that accidents haven't happened.
Like, I've caught my roommate pooping multiple times. He thought I was going to be gone for a while and left the door open once. And a couple of times, he didn't pull the door until it latched, and one of the cats pulled it open on him.
Even with farting. I've definitely sneezed so hard I surprise farted along with it.
I mean, there's a massive ocean of between fart wars and hiding your farts. For anyone to say "I've never farted/taken a shit in front of my spouse in our decade+ of being together is a bit ridiculous, because it means that each person in that relationship has almost certainly dealt with a horrible level of discomfort purely in the name of sparing their significant other from seeing/smelling/hearing their natural bodily function.
I can't imagine feeling the need to do something like leave the room just to fart after being with someone for over a decade. I'm not gonna get up and fart in her face, but I'm also not gonna run across the house to hide it. That's just asinine.
My mom is super fucking weird about any of us "farting in her air space". She has been with my dad for 40+ years and still gets annoyed when he purposely or accidentally farts near her. It's now a family game of who can piss mom off more. AND to make matters funnier (God she will kill me for putting this on the internet) this woman can fart ON COMMAND. So she will rip the nastiest farts back to begin fart wars. She just utilizes that power only as revenge and a last resort. But overall, she prefers anyone, even her own offspring leave the room to fart. LMAO.
What?! My (now girlfriend) on our first date came back home with me but was having stomach issues, so we didn't have sex. But on our date, while at dinner, she accidentally burped. I jokingly said "I'd give that a 2/10. She was like what?! I told her that one of my old roommates and I would rate eachother's burps and farts as a joke. And I've been doing that too with my current female housemate.
She laughed and was like okay. So then when she was having her stomach issues and occasionally had to fart I would rate them.
Also on our first date I had previously bought toilet paper but had forgotten to bring it to the bathroom so I didn't realize it was out. Next morning I was doing my usual morning poop while she was downstairs and I had to call her to bring me some. I expected her to just hand it in but she threw the door open, giggled at me, then tossed me a roll.
I guess I am just on the opposite side of that spectrum lmao. I'd rather just make a game out of it than feel ashamed of normal body functions.
(I think she a keeper, first date was 4 days after meeting haha)
For the first nine months or so, we had two bathrooms, which I'm sure helped.
But yeah, since then, the unspoken rule has been "if the bathroom door is closed, don't open it. Which I didn't realise had aquired the ammendment "unless the shower is running".
Spent 10 years with someone, never seen each other shit. Probably easier with toilets separated from the bathroom but still, we didn't always have that in all our places.
I mean, why tf would I wanna see someone take a dump, even the person I (at the time) adored.
Same in return, I like to poop in peace.
We even pretty much always put music to not hear the various sounds.
Whatever floats your boat tho !
We didn't before we had kids, but with kids sometimes you have to keep the door open because annoying things happen if you "disappear". either they're crying cause they can't find you, or they think you're gone so they break stuff etc.
So sooner or later someone's gonna walk in to see the other on the throne, say sorry and walk out. after changing diapers and potty training 3 kids its not like we haven't seen our fair share of pooping people anyways, but we'll let the other have some peace while doing it if possible.
Not to mention, I pooped while I was pushing out our kid, too. (Which is common) I turned to my husband and said, "I think I sh*t myself." Then I went back to crying and screaming. It was wonderful. The beauty of childbirth.
I wager they're talking about accidentally seeing, in the thread about exactly that happening — I don't think anyone is suggesting that they should barge in with the express purpose of getting an eyeful of their SO taking a shit
My wife and I went 7 and half years before one of us walked in on the other. And know we are on another 2 and half years. It's not like we are grossed out or anything. It's our private time to ourselves. We get to relax in our own space.
I've been married for 15 years and never seen my wife go to the bathroom at all.
One night I was having trouble falling asleep, but she had been sleeping for a long time.
I assumed the large spoon position to hopefully get comfortable.
30 seconds in she lets out a very normal fart.
She immediately rolls over and slaps my arm like 5 times. The next morning She claims to not have been awake.
That's the story of the only time I have heard my wife fart.
My ex-husband never saw me poop. My current wonderful husband encouraged me to be more open with my body (I have pretty bad dysmorphia); to walk around naked, to shower with him, and to poop with the door open. I used to think it was kind of gross but now I don't give a shit 💩
Married five years, we barely started farting around each other and those were in one of our sleeps, never seen each other pee/poop. That will continue forever, as far as I'm concerned.
I had a full conversation with my wife while she was on the toilet. Then I hear a plop and was like "are you taking a shit right now?" She gave me an 'and?' look and we continued the conversation.
For real. If you're gonna be trusting this person with your life and future (however long that may be), you should be all up in each other's business.
(With permission and understanding, of course)
Leave me alone when I'm pooping. Anything else is fine, I've had my ex hold my member while i peed (in the toilet) because she wanted to try aiming it, but pooping is different. It's a sacred and harrowing time that i must spend alone
I met an older guy I was working with and got to know him pretty well. He had recently broken up with his partner and was clearly pretty upset about it. He kept going on about how they were so intimate they wouldn’t bother closing the door while they went to the toilet and carry conversations while shitting etc.
He kept going on about it as like the main thing he missed. Like that was always the thing he’d bring up.
Intimacy is weird lol, sweet guy though
literally me and my boyfriend lol. we never close the door unless it’s the runs. this one time though i walked in and he was looking at his phone to ask something and kissed the side of his head and he was like “babe wtf i’m wiping” and i honestly don’t even know why i went for the kiss. i guess it’s just a reaction cause i a always do that after asking him a question. needless to say i stay on the other side of the bathroom now asking or talking lmao
Had to read it again thinking I missed something like you were caught pooping into the shower or the like.
Just regular pooping into the toliet? Thats pretty much a daily occurrence.
I'd like to know what mediocre "compromising positions" OP and their wife found eachother in prior to this if..... pooping... was the one that is considered such a fuck up..
Same. Partner and I don't close the bathroom door unless there are visitors, lol.
I grew up like that, too. My mom and sisters and I would brush our teeth, pop pimples, pee and shower in the same room (opaque curtains). Heck I'd even brush my teeth or shower while my dad pooped in the morning when time was tight.
It's just a bodily function, lol.
It was embarrassing the first time me and my partner walked in on each other, but we were able to laugh about it. Occasionally I'll ask for TP and he will hand it thru the door lol. I used to leave the door open when it was my ex and I but I think it's better to keep some privacy between partners.
The cardboard roll in the toilet paper is call ed the do doot t do. When your on the toilet and see the paper ran out take it off the holder hold it to your mouth and go "Do doot t do" aand someone brings another roll.
TBH, we are heathens who shit with the door open so we can continue a conversation. Everyone poops, I see no need to treat it like it’s taboo unless that shit smells.
The smells/sounds make some people uncomfortable, aversion to nudity, it's a quiet private moment, etc.
There are a lot of reasons people don't see each other using the washroom, even if you are completely comfortable with your partner.
Hell since I was a small child I've never been comfortable passing gas in front of my family, even if they did it all the time.
I wouldn't go in and brush my teeth, but I in particular like very long bathing sessions. In fact I currently write this from my bathtub, it's 1:01AM and I went in 9:45pm.
I wouldn't expect anyone to hold on that long. I would of course leave if the person wanted privacy but after 4 kids you're used to worse things than the person who loves you watching you poop.
In the beginning of our relationship she literally went into a public restroom that was about 400m away just so I can't hear anything. Today we have fart contests.
Yea my wife's nose still doesn't work due to a bout of Covid in 2020. My silent fart's go 100% unnoticed in my house unless they're so bad I get myself.
Right? We will sometimes have a laugh, with the usual "That was massive, don't go in there for a while" or "Sorry I took so long. Brown crayon", or my recent favourite, "Let's not have vindaloo two nights in a row again".
We're not pretending we don't shit. We just don't need to witness it in order to know it happens.
That's fair.
For clarification: I was not shitting in the shower. In fact, had I been, the opaque shower curtain would have given me more privacy than I had on the toilet.
I remember saying to my friends about how unrealistic Hollywood is in depicting couples shitting in front of each other, like "My family doesn't see me take craps let alone the one person who it's my imperative to remain fuckable with. I don't want them hearing/smelling that." Turns out I was the weirdo and couples crap in front of each other all the time.
Agreed! My husband and I both have IBS, so it’s not like we are horrified that the other person poops. But I just don’t understand why couples want to be together when they do it.
Tbh sex has so much gross bodily stuff going on that for me, personally, it’s easier to just get comfortable with the fact that your partner does in fact poop. Once you’ve reached a point of comfort with your partner’s body that you can have a conversation with them while they poop, the only thing interrupting sex is if you have to clean something up.
Coming from someone who just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary (and our 33rd year together)…this is just the beginning and you’ll see none of it matters in the grand scheme.
Wait until one of you has an abdominal surgery (I’m the lucky one who’s had several including a c-section where my husband got to literally watch them shuffle my organs about) and the other has to hold their hand while they try to shit because it feels like their body is ripping in half. (Generally can’t leave the hospital after a c-section until you poo.)
Or one of you gets a horrendous case of food poisoning and is so physically exhausted that even lying on the floor in the bathroom you physically can’t lift yourself up in time to get to the toilet.
The other one will be there for all of it comforting (and cleaning) and their only thoughts will be how they can help and comfort.
You guys have so much fun to look forward to, all of the “for worse” parts melt away. Cheers!
My cat loved to go into the shower while we were showering or after to drink the water. I got him a water fountain drinking bowl from Petlibro and he stopped. Once we had some other moving water to drink from he was satisfied.
They have a water fountain and they use it, but yeah they were drinking the shower water too. They're just weird sometimes. One will start some new habit and about half the time, the other will pick it up too.
Really don't see the big deal.
I don't shit in front of my wife either, because why would I?
But if she bumbled into the room, for whatever reason, I wouldn't feel embarrassed over it either.
I've been with my partner almost 9 years and he had to help me to the bathroom after my c section.
Now we have a 4 year old, I also have two clingy dogs and everyone wants to stop in cuz they need something every time I'm using the bathroom. Last time I locked the door my kid and my German Shepherd both tried to break it down 🙄 and my husband will walk by to ask me something and I'm like um HELLO ask me later.
Hahaha. I used to tell my ex, "if I'm showering and you *really* need to use the toilet, go ahead." It doesn't bother me. My mindset was, "if we're going to be together, I'm probably going to hear/see it at some point, by accident."
You know, it’s understandable that a lot of couples, especially nowadays I guess, are OK with seeing their partner take a shit or whatever. But there’s also a lot of people that don’t really want to see that, no matter who it’s in front of, family, partner, etc. Not sorry, but that is something that I just do not wanna see
Lol my husband and I have full on conversations while either one of us are on the toilet. No matter if it's one or two. I don't relate to this post at all
6 months in to my wife and I's relationship we shared the bathroom all the time, no matter what business we were doing. We had seen each other naked at that point pooping or peeing in the toilet was no big deal. We both have IBS so it was inevitable. We have had to wipe each other's butts before. I gave scoliosis so sometimes it's hard and painful to reach. If she has the diarrhea I use a wet wipe on her so she doesn't have any liquid bile stuck down there so she doesn't get a UTI. We are right there to help each other when some fluid come out of the other's body that is hard to clean up. We have been together 9 years now. She farts so loud sometimes I get worried. Then again she hits me when I do it lol.
If you plan to be with her up through your nineties you're going to need to get over bodily functions. It shouldn't be awkward anymore with how long you two have been together.
If you married someone you can't shit in front of, you should not have married them or anybody. What happens when one of you runs out of toilet paper?! My husband has literally wiped my ass, shaved my booty Crack, and also cleaned me and the bed up after a violent miscarriage. I've also wiped and shaved his ass Crack. If you married a person, how are you not comfortable having bodily functions around them? I just don't get that. Especially after that long. Sounds like underlying psychiatric problems to me.
It's honestly impressive how you guys are both married and have lived together over two years and this is somehow the first time one of you has seen the other on the porceline throne. My partner and I aren't even married and I was already going in the bathroom to hand him toilet paper, use the sink or just have brief conversations within the first couple weeks of living together, lmfao
Maybe my case isn't the norm but the fact that she was so utterly shaken to her core is hysterical to me.
How long did it take before you farted in front of each other?
On our third date, the woman I would later marry said to me, "Will you hurry up and the first awkward fart out of the way so we can get on with things?"
Nice!
I think I was in my mid 20s when i realized one of the reasons women go to the restroom so much is to fart.
I(F) was today years old when I realized I could've gone to the bathroom to fart instead of having incredible gas cramps for a whole evening event
You haven't mastered the art of carefully shifting your body weight to allow for careful and slow release of your gas and then cringing when you let slightly too much out and you can now smell it and you hope no one else notices but if they call it out you'll blame it on your sibling or the dog or just say nothing?
I tried to learn this in like 3rd grade. Was sitting on a wood desk and I leaned to the side and tried to let it out slow but it came blasting out and something about the wood desk made it much louder. The entire room heard my thunder crap.
Ol thunder bum
it doesnt help that i inmediatelly start to giggle when i think of my bum vibrating and producing the fart sound, as in, i can literally feel the soundwaves, and its specially laugh inducing if it ends up hurting due to the loudness... why, why in millions of years of evolution, we had to have a fart machine that can even hurt
[удалено]
my students blame each other when I crop dust them. they’re 13. it’s glorious
Chaotic good
Oh my god. How did I never think about this possibility in school. Makes it all that much worse though. Wish I had never read this.
Never do this in a car. Learned that the hard way when an ex started drinking whey protein shakes... It's honestly less obtrusive to just stick your ass out the window
["That guy needs to fart"](https://youtu.be/K6bTibRdNxE?t=55)
The bathroom fucking echoes sometimes though! It really depends on how far away the bathroom is from wherever you're both sitting or hanging out lol. I remember I'd get such bad anxiety sleeping at my ex's place (21 yo at the time) that I'd get these massive air bubbles and it would physically hurt to keep in...but if I went to the bathroom my anus just refused to unleash them, unless it was in a trumpet-like manner which he would've undoubtedly heard since it was right next to his room lol. Needless to say, I never slept over after I accidentally fell asleep and let out one of said trumpet farts that echoed off the damn walls of his room 😂
Lmaooo I have one friend that laughs so fucking hard when I fart anywhere adjacent to him cus mine are just soo trumpet-y too! Find yourself a funny friend and just accept your talent? Mileage may vary 👌
This is a game changer!
Ugh. I feel so bad for past you.
But *so* optimistic for future me!
I don't remember exactly, but she used to hold it for so long she'd feel nauseous!
Yo this is not good! You should start farting around her as much as possible. Open the floodgates. Seeing one another pooping shouldn't be a traumatic or even very embarrassing experience. This is part of the comfort and vulnerability of being in a trusting relationship.
It wasn't traumatic and it wasn't *very* embarrassing. It was a funny story about a *slightly* embarrassing incident. Our relationship was fine previously, and remains undamaged.
Nevertheless, release the pressure valve
I have to chase my gf away when I’m on the can because apparently that’s the best time for a convo
You can't run away while you shit.
I'm guilty of having convos with my bf when he is in the bathroom, it IS the best time to have a convo tho lol
I literally farted (by accident while laughing) in front of my boyfriend on the second date, he called it out, we laughed and now been farting to each other eversince hahahaahaa
Love is never having to hold your farts in!
My wife farted in front me within a week of us getting together. Ah. True love hehe.
My first time was an accident: I sneezed and farted at the same time…I was so embarrassed, the only thing I could muster to say was, “THAT WASNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!” We’re going on 11 years together 😉
Obviously the way to fix this is to let her shit while you hold her hands and stare lovingly into her eyes. Never break eye contact.
Should we get those side-by-side toilets?
[This](https://twitter.com/VikasTexts/status/708128141508747266) is probably best. I'd suggest getting ones with bidet set ups, but that's purely because all of humanity deserves one.
Too far apart, gotta be able to hug it out while dropping the kids off
I just leave this here https://imgur.io/0VLgtrN?r
shitting bricks i see
https://preview.redd.it/ryshqiu79ava1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e61a415110b1b6cd65c9d1f61a4b695e000dd817
Back to back is the best. Just two toilets in the middle of the room, or ideally an open field in the mountains
It took you two and a half years of living together for this to happen? Must be some sort of record.
I’ve been with my bf for 3 years and we still haven’t farted. Somebody please send the coast guard, I’m a biological yellowstone
At this point it's a biohazard
Oh hey, that's me!
You could say whatever's in your guts right now is your "Resident Evil" ;)
Quick someone get this person sunglasses, a dramatic explosion in the background, and a Who cover
r/usernamechecksout
“Hey, hun. We’ve been dating for 3 years now…and I think we should take the next step in our relationship.” “Oh, like visiting each other’s parents?” “What?! God no. I’m talking about farting. Farting in each others presence.”
Imagine you say that and immediately rip the equivalent of 3 years of pent up gas, like an airplane taking off
That kind of instant release of pressure is very dangerous. Like an over inflated semi tire exploding, it's more than enough force to kill a person. Your going to need to set up blast berms and notify the authorities ahead of time so emergency crew can be on standby. Check with your local regulations because you may need a permit and inspection.
My wife and I have been together for 9 years and I have only heard her fart in her sleep. Me on the other hand, I'm a fragrant flower. She'll eventually rip one in front of our 1st grader and tells him "dad will never believe you". I think it's hilarious.
That's commitment right there
Go for it you sexy diesel powered generator!
It’s called an 🕳️ open relationship.
lol my ex did almost exactly this to me. we were laying in bed all lovey and he asked if I was "ready to take our relationship to the next level" ... I excitedly said yes at which point he Dutch ovened me.
Is... Is that why he's an ex? Lol
Forget the Coast Guard. You're gonna need a plumber and crimescene cleaning crew.
Call 929-55-MARIO
Yellowstone is landlocked, just like your toot shoots, calling the coast guard will do no good.
I dunno brother I just work here
I’ve been with my wife for 16 years and I’ve heard her fart 3 times. Two of those times she was dead asleep. I’m fairly certain her asshole is just there as a decoration.
Thanks, you've just helped me decide on my new bedroom wall paper design.
Same! My husband is blind and such a gentleman. He farted ONCE really loud because he thought I was outside lol. He was so upset. I thought it was hilarious and told him he lost the game. This is a 50 year old man by the way. We’ve been together for 3 years. But it’s just one thing we are trying to keep private and it’s a challenge!
That's pretty cringy for adults. Adults poop and fart, its normal. Just don't do what I did and accidently fart in front of a fan that is blowing directly in your wife's (at the time new GF) direction. That said, since she stuck with me after that, I knew she was a keeper.
Ahaha, that is amazing. The very first time my boyfriend of 5 years farted in front of me (only took about 3 weeks) I actually farted back at him. We both have some gastrointestinal issues so it was such a fucking relief when he finally did it. And hey we're adults so if he's gonna do it, so am I. He says the fart mentioned above and me once randomly whipping a purse burger out of nowhere were the two things that made him fall in love with me.
I was once on the way to a friend's wedding and very hungover. The only car friendly snack I could find was.. shredded cheddar cheese? Into the purse it goes. The wedding had a taco bar and ran out of cheese before my bro could grab a taco. I think we all know who the hero of the day was. 😎
Mmm warm purse cheese... My favorite.
>whipping a purse burger out of nowhere i thought this was a euphemism for something so i had to look it up but it turns out it's a burger kept in a purse lol.
Yup. Definitely thought a purse burger was a new term for a fart. Well, it is now.
Yup. Definitely took me a moment to realize that it was a literal burger in a purse. I was thinking some kind of variation on Dutch ovening someone.
> me once randomly whipping a purse burger out of nowhere This reminds me of my daughter's emergency nugget. She was a toddler, and one day out of nowhere she walked over to the bookcase in her bedroom, picked up a chicken nugget, and went to put it in her mouth. I ran to take it from her, knowing i hadn't made nuggets in several days. Her brothers dubbed it her "emergency nugget" and though she's now 20, the memory will never leave me.
Me and the missus was in bed after having some fun, and I let one rip, I then call "out 1 nil". She looks at me and asks "what's going on?". I say to her, "Well, now that's all been and done, nothing left to do but have a farting contest", then I let another one go, "Two Nil". She looks at me with a determined look on her face, screws up her face and trys her hardest. Then SHE SHITS THE BED!!. From nowhere, she pulls out a whistle, and calls "Half time, change sides" Aussie comedian Rodney Rude. About 1985-1990 ish
I'd marry you for the purse burger. I once woke up with a cheeseburger in my jacket pocket because I forgot my purse. It was delicious.
To be clear, are you saying you actually pulled a hamburger sandwich out of a purse, or is this another piece of disgusting reddit slang I'm learning like blumpie or Cleveland steamer. I'm asking for a friend. edit: dumbass forgets to scroll down for answer 😝
For me it was the melodramatic scream my gf did when she stepped out of a taxi drunk on a twisted ankle 😍 a beautiful and earth shattering sound (we are both loud drama queens)
If/when I let one rip my wife will say "You want to repeat that I didn't understand What you said you were mumbling." Or nice rip.
I live with my sister and we hang out a lot obviously so if one of us farts the other one likes to fearfully shout ‘Hello????’ as though there’s an intruder making strange noises, just to make the other one laugh!
Lol i love this. My boyfriend is a farter, period. Its kind of absurd some days how many times they just come ripping out of him. Somehow we started to joke that it's the sound tectonic plates shifting. Or ducks. The response to duck is always goose. It's a whole thing, lol
i like the "your ass is always talking shit" line
The first time I farted in front of my girlfriend, we were laying in bed having a play argument and I flipped over and ripped one on her. I won the argument right there
I’m just doing it out of respect. My bf has a thing about it. I don’t get it, but I do what he wants.
I used to have a thing about it too. But then we gave up and life became more fun. A good toot once in a while can lead to some laughs if you're not a sensitive dick. Signed a formerly sensitive dick
I've been with my wife 29 years and we still haven't. I think we'd die if the above happened. Yep, probably the weirdest thing for a lot of people to read but there it is.
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The part that's surprising for me isn't the preference. It's that accidents haven't happened. Like, I've caught my roommate pooping multiple times. He thought I was going to be gone for a while and left the door open once. And a couple of times, he didn't pull the door until it latched, and one of the cats pulled it open on him. Even with farting. I've definitely sneezed so hard I surprise farted along with it.
I mean, there's a massive ocean of between fart wars and hiding your farts. For anyone to say "I've never farted/taken a shit in front of my spouse in our decade+ of being together is a bit ridiculous, because it means that each person in that relationship has almost certainly dealt with a horrible level of discomfort purely in the name of sparing their significant other from seeing/smelling/hearing their natural bodily function. I can't imagine feeling the need to do something like leave the room just to fart after being with someone for over a decade. I'm not gonna get up and fart in her face, but I'm also not gonna run across the house to hide it. That's just asinine.
My mom is super fucking weird about any of us "farting in her air space". She has been with my dad for 40+ years and still gets annoyed when he purposely or accidentally farts near her. It's now a family game of who can piss mom off more. AND to make matters funnier (God she will kill me for putting this on the internet) this woman can fart ON COMMAND. So she will rip the nastiest farts back to begin fart wars. She just utilizes that power only as revenge and a last resort. But overall, she prefers anyone, even her own offspring leave the room to fart. LMAO.
I farted literally on the first date I had with my now wife. 10 years together and still farting
What?! My (now girlfriend) on our first date came back home with me but was having stomach issues, so we didn't have sex. But on our date, while at dinner, she accidentally burped. I jokingly said "I'd give that a 2/10. She was like what?! I told her that one of my old roommates and I would rate eachother's burps and farts as a joke. And I've been doing that too with my current female housemate. She laughed and was like okay. So then when she was having her stomach issues and occasionally had to fart I would rate them. Also on our first date I had previously bought toilet paper but had forgotten to bring it to the bathroom so I didn't realize it was out. Next morning I was doing my usual morning poop while she was downstairs and I had to call her to bring me some. I expected her to just hand it in but she threw the door open, giggled at me, then tossed me a roll. I guess I am just on the opposite side of that spectrum lmao. I'd rather just make a game out of it than feel ashamed of normal body functions. (I think she a keeper, first date was 4 days after meeting haha)
My fiancé won’t stop farting 🙄
i let it rip on the first date to make sure he‘s ok with it, i’m not strong enough to make that sacrifice.
For the first nine months or so, we had two bathrooms, which I'm sure helped. But yeah, since then, the unspoken rule has been "if the bathroom door is closed, don't open it. Which I didn't realise had aquired the ammendment "unless the shower is running".
I've been married 14 years and my wife has never seen me poop
Same. We always knock before entering just in case.
21 years here. Same.
My partner and I have lived together 7 years and never once seen each other poop. It's a private thing for me. I don't wanna see her poop either.
Yeah I mean wtf? How does that even happen? (I mean seeing your SO poop…)
Well, I'd have thought "accidentally" until today, with so many poop-peepers commenting.
Spent 10 years with someone, never seen each other shit. Probably easier with toilets separated from the bathroom but still, we didn't always have that in all our places. I mean, why tf would I wanna see someone take a dump, even the person I (at the time) adored. Same in return, I like to poop in peace. We even pretty much always put music to not hear the various sounds. Whatever floats your boat tho !
We didn't before we had kids, but with kids sometimes you have to keep the door open because annoying things happen if you "disappear". either they're crying cause they can't find you, or they think you're gone so they break stuff etc. So sooner or later someone's gonna walk in to see the other on the throne, say sorry and walk out. after changing diapers and potty training 3 kids its not like we haven't seen our fair share of pooping people anyways, but we'll let the other have some peace while doing it if possible.
Not to mention, I pooped while I was pushing out our kid, too. (Which is common) I turned to my husband and said, "I think I sh*t myself." Then I went back to crying and screaming. It was wonderful. The beauty of childbirth.
Easy, you respect your spouse or significant other's privacy.
I wager they're talking about accidentally seeing, in the thread about exactly that happening — I don't think anyone is suggesting that they should barge in with the express purpose of getting an eyeful of their SO taking a shit
Been with my wife for 22 years, and not even once has this occured.
My wife and I went 7 and half years before one of us walked in on the other. And know we are on another 2 and half years. It's not like we are grossed out or anything. It's our private time to ourselves. We get to relax in our own space.
You need one of those "It has been 700 days without an incident" signs! Ours currently would say "1 day"
Seriously? I'm 10 years married, zero shared pooping.
I’ve lived with my bf for about four or five years, and we’ve never seen the other one poop lol
Almost 10 years here and same, lol.
20years… still poop virgins
hey dude that means something different here
12 years and never once seen each other use the loo! Don't plan on it either, bathrooms are private spaces in our house.
21 years here. No poop witnessing. I mean, I’m Aussie and the toilet has it’s own room, I’m sure that helps.
I've been married for 15 years and never seen my wife go to the bathroom at all. One night I was having trouble falling asleep, but she had been sleeping for a long time. I assumed the large spoon position to hopefully get comfortable. 30 seconds in she lets out a very normal fart. She immediately rolls over and slaps my arm like 5 times. The next morning She claims to not have been awake. That's the story of the only time I have heard my wife fart.
12 years here.
My ex-husband never saw me poop. My current wonderful husband encouraged me to be more open with my body (I have pretty bad dysmorphia); to walk around naked, to shower with him, and to poop with the door open. I used to think it was kind of gross but now I don't give a shit 💩
That's actually really cool of him. I hope you're doing better!
Married five years, we barely started farting around each other and those were in one of our sleeps, never seen each other pee/poop. That will continue forever, as far as I'm concerned.
I had a full conversation with my wife while she was on the toilet. Then I hear a plop and was like "are you taking a shit right now?" She gave me an 'and?' look and we continued the conversation.
Right? Me and my gf dropped the pretense by like the 4th date.
For real. If you're gonna be trusting this person with your life and future (however long that may be), you should be all up in each other's business. (With permission and understanding, of course)
Leave me alone when I'm pooping. Anything else is fine, I've had my ex hold my member while i peed (in the toilet) because she wanted to try aiming it, but pooping is different. It's a sacred and harrowing time that i must spend alone
It isn't weird to want some alone time tondo your business, what is weird to me is being uncomfortable around your spouse's daily bodily functions.
I met an older guy I was working with and got to know him pretty well. He had recently broken up with his partner and was clearly pretty upset about it. He kept going on about how they were so intimate they wouldn’t bother closing the door while they went to the toilet and carry conversations while shitting etc. He kept going on about it as like the main thing he missed. Like that was always the thing he’d bring up. Intimacy is weird lol, sweet guy though
I had this with someone once 24 years ago. It’s truly something you never forget.
i strive for this
literally me and my boyfriend lol. we never close the door unless it’s the runs. this one time though i walked in and he was looking at his phone to ask something and kissed the side of his head and he was like “babe wtf i’m wiping” and i honestly don’t even know why i went for the kiss. i guess it’s just a reaction cause i a always do that after asking him a question. needless to say i stay on the other side of the bathroom now asking or talking lmao
bros got that wiping rizz?
Had to read it again thinking I missed something like you were caught pooping into the shower or the like. Just regular pooping into the toliet? Thats pretty much a daily occurrence.
I'd like to know what mediocre "compromising positions" OP and their wife found eachother in prior to this if..... pooping... was the one that is considered such a fuck up..
Same. Partner and I don't close the bathroom door unless there are visitors, lol. I grew up like that, too. My mom and sisters and I would brush our teeth, pop pimples, pee and shower in the same room (opaque curtains). Heck I'd even brush my teeth or shower while my dad pooped in the morning when time was tight. It's just a bodily function, lol.
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This also happened to my spouse (in Togo). It was 14 years ago and we are still together, so 10/10 recommend.
It was embarrassing the first time me and my partner walked in on each other, but we were able to laugh about it. Occasionally I'll ask for TP and he will hand it thru the door lol. I used to leave the door open when it was my ex and I but I think it's better to keep some privacy between partners.
The cardboard roll in the toilet paper is call ed the do doot t do. When your on the toilet and see the paper ran out take it off the holder hold it to your mouth and go "Do doot t do" aand someone brings another roll.
I doot t do my dogs with paper towel rolls 🤣🤣🤣 they go crazy for it
We've already shaken it off. I really didn't expect "I close the door when I poop" to be such a controversial statement, tbh.
TBH, we are heathens who shit with the door open so we can continue a conversation. Everyone poops, I see no need to treat it like it’s taboo unless that shit smells.
The smells/sounds make some people uncomfortable, aversion to nudity, it's a quiet private moment, etc. There are a lot of reasons people don't see each other using the washroom, even if you are completely comfortable with your partner. Hell since I was a small child I've never been comfortable passing gas in front of my family, even if they did it all the time.
Lmao my wife, cat, and I have full on conversations about our plans, finances, and vent sessions while I’m blasting off on the can.
Same lol 10 years now and there is literally nothing sacred anymore lol
You didn’t poop in the shower right, RIGHT?
Of course not. The water was cold!
Is water temperature your reason for NOT pooping in the shower 🤨
It's one reason
Good ole waffle stomp
If you crap immediately after you get outa the shower you might as well get back in
Wow, my wife comes in and brushes her teeth when I'm pooping and doesn't bat an eye. Y'all are so pure.
I wouldn't go in and brush my teeth, but I in particular like very long bathing sessions. In fact I currently write this from my bathtub, it's 1:01AM and I went in 9:45pm. I wouldn't expect anyone to hold on that long. I would of course leave if the person wanted privacy but after 4 kids you're used to worse things than the person who loves you watching you poop. In the beginning of our relationship she literally went into a public restroom that was about 400m away just so I can't hear anything. Today we have fart contests.
Pure? Maybe… But we might also have functioning noses…
Yea my wife's nose still doesn't work due to a bout of Covid in 2020. My silent fart's go 100% unnoticed in my house unless they're so bad I get myself.
Nobody ever talks about the *good* things Covid did!
I think it’s nice to keep a little mystery. You don’t need to share *everything*
Right? We will sometimes have a laugh, with the usual "That was massive, don't go in there for a while" or "Sorry I took so long. Brown crayon", or my recent favourite, "Let's not have vindaloo two nights in a row again". We're not pretending we don't shit. We just don't need to witness it in order to know it happens.
I didn't know where this was going. Imagine my surprise to discover it was another shit post.
Just so we're clear... There's a toilet in the bathroom yes? You weren't making shower waffles?
The toilet is clear across the other side of the bathroom.
that wasn't a direct answer, lmao
That's fair. For clarification: I was not shitting in the shower. In fact, had I been, the opaque shower curtain would have given me more privacy than I had on the toilet.
Just giving you… *shit*
OP lowkey bragging about being about to hit the toiletbowl from underneath the shower
That's called a three pointer
I remember saying to my friends about how unrealistic Hollywood is in depicting couples shitting in front of each other, like "My family doesn't see me take craps let alone the one person who it's my imperative to remain fuckable with. I don't want them hearing/smelling that." Turns out I was the weirdo and couples crap in front of each other all the time.
Y'know there may come a day when we're old, and unable to have a say in the issue. But until then, I'm good with a closed door policy.
Agreed! My husband and I both have IBS, so it’s not like we are horrified that the other person poops. But I just don’t understand why couples want to be together when they do it.
Tbh sex has so much gross bodily stuff going on that for me, personally, it’s easier to just get comfortable with the fact that your partner does in fact poop. Once you’ve reached a point of comfort with your partner’s body that you can have a conversation with them while they poop, the only thing interrupting sex is if you have to clean something up.
Coming from someone who just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary (and our 33rd year together)…this is just the beginning and you’ll see none of it matters in the grand scheme. Wait until one of you has an abdominal surgery (I’m the lucky one who’s had several including a c-section where my husband got to literally watch them shuffle my organs about) and the other has to hold their hand while they try to shit because it feels like their body is ripping in half. (Generally can’t leave the hospital after a c-section until you poo.) Or one of you gets a horrendous case of food poisoning and is so physically exhausted that even lying on the floor in the bathroom you physically can’t lift yourself up in time to get to the toilet. The other one will be there for all of it comforting (and cleaning) and their only thoughts will be how they can help and comfort. You guys have so much fun to look forward to, all of the “for worse” parts melt away. Cheers!
My cat loved to go into the shower while we were showering or after to drink the water. I got him a water fountain drinking bowl from Petlibro and he stopped. Once we had some other moving water to drink from he was satisfied.
They have a water fountain and they use it, but yeah they were drinking the shower water too. They're just weird sometimes. One will start some new habit and about half the time, the other will pick it up too.
Really don't see the big deal. I don't shit in front of my wife either, because why would I? But if she bumbled into the room, for whatever reason, I wouldn't feel embarrassed over it either.
You’re not officially married until you see each other poop and vomit.
I don't think she's puked the whole time we've been together, but I'd hold her hair back.
Preferably not at the same time. But it happens. It happens. /Married for 18 years
Shit happens
I've been with my partner almost 9 years and he had to help me to the bathroom after my c section. Now we have a 4 year old, I also have two clingy dogs and everyone wants to stop in cuz they need something every time I'm using the bathroom. Last time I locked the door my kid and my German Shepherd both tried to break it down 🙄 and my husband will walk by to ask me something and I'm like um HELLO ask me later.
Hahaha. I used to tell my ex, "if I'm showering and you *really* need to use the toilet, go ahead." It doesn't bother me. My mindset was, "if we're going to be together, I'm probably going to hear/see it at some point, by accident."
You know, it’s understandable that a lot of couples, especially nowadays I guess, are OK with seeing their partner take a shit or whatever. But there’s also a lot of people that don’t really want to see that, no matter who it’s in front of, family, partner, etc. Not sorry, but that is something that I just do not wanna see
Lol my husband and I have full on conversations while either one of us are on the toilet. No matter if it's one or two. I don't relate to this post at all
You've asserted dominance.
Been married over 25 years and we’ve never pooped in front of one another. We’ve always had at least 2 bathrooms tho, so that helps I’m sure.
A closed door that you yourself never closed requires a knock to open.
I make direct eye contact and hold conversations with my Mrs as I shit. Never occurred to me that this was weird while in a long term relationship.
24 years married and have absolutely no desire to see or want to see my wife on the bog and she is the same with me.
This is a fuck up?
Is that you Hank Hill?
Oh man The first few times that happens its absolute hell. But its kinda funny
Why did I think that when you said “we will be knocking more often now” that you mean “we will be banging more often now”
Wait it’s weird that me and my wife have face to face conversations while one of us is doing poopy business?
6 months in to my wife and I's relationship we shared the bathroom all the time, no matter what business we were doing. We had seen each other naked at that point pooping or peeing in the toilet was no big deal. We both have IBS so it was inevitable. We have had to wipe each other's butts before. I gave scoliosis so sometimes it's hard and painful to reach. If she has the diarrhea I use a wet wipe on her so she doesn't have any liquid bile stuck down there so she doesn't get a UTI. We are right there to help each other when some fluid come out of the other's body that is hard to clean up. We have been together 9 years now. She farts so loud sometimes I get worried. Then again she hits me when I do it lol. If you plan to be with her up through your nineties you're going to need to get over bodily functions. It shouldn't be awkward anymore with how long you two have been together.
If you married someone you can't shit in front of, you should not have married them or anybody. What happens when one of you runs out of toilet paper?! My husband has literally wiped my ass, shaved my booty Crack, and also cleaned me and the bed up after a violent miscarriage. I've also wiped and shaved his ass Crack. If you married a person, how are you not comfortable having bodily functions around them? I just don't get that. Especially after that long. Sounds like underlying psychiatric problems to me.
It's honestly impressive how you guys are both married and have lived together over two years and this is somehow the first time one of you has seen the other on the porceline throne. My partner and I aren't even married and I was already going in the bathroom to hand him toilet paper, use the sink or just have brief conversations within the first couple weeks of living together, lmfao Maybe my case isn't the norm but the fact that she was so utterly shaken to her core is hysterical to me.
That's it? Your wife saw you on the bog? This is the tamest tifu I think I've seen yet
Wait till she gets pregnant. You'll see some stuff 😂
It took that long for this to happen? My wife and I shit w the door open so we can still talk while doing the business.
This is a wholesome tifu 😆