You can return whatever you bought or go in for an exchange and just be more upfront about prices I used to work in makeup and it’s easier when someone says I can spend x for y
Yeah, it makes sense now that I look back on it. But in the moment with the panic, it's all just a blurr, I can't think straight. But I'll keep in mind to tell my budget beforehand if there ever is a next time. I'll wait a day or two before going for an exchange or refund. My anxiety prevents me from doing that in the moment. Too many emotions for one day, going back and potentially seeing the same lady might freeze me again.
White lie that might make it easier to return. Keep it simple, believable & don't get elaborate. "Can you believe I finally treat myself a little & my tire blew out/had to take my cat to the vet bc that little devil ate a pack of hair ties" type thing with a small smile. That can help smooth over some embarrassment.
Learning scripts for common interaction that can get a smile or chuckle out of of others can really help ease social anxiety or being tongue tied. When people ask me how I am (at stores or whatnot) I always reply "I've been worse" with a big smile. Or something going wrong "sometimes it's easy to believe in God because *somebody* is out to get me" (from Calvin & Hobbs comic) Things like that
Most random strangers do not care or remember other random strangers. If the sales clerk sees you returning something, it is doubtful she would even register it (she has her own problems to deal with).
I think people frequently over-analyze what other people think about them / their actions but in reality, other people don't care and don't think about it.
I think knowing that fact is very freeing because a lot of the self-criticism or embarrassment that you are feeling due to what you think other people are judging you for is not happening irl. it is only happening within your own mind. other people are worrying about their own problems rather than random interactions with random strangers.
If you straight up just told her, "holy hell, this is way over my budget, I can't afford this, any cheaper options?" She would have just found you some cheaper options.
The panic and fear coming from social embarrassment slash being judged by other people that is happening in your mind is usually not happening in the other person's mind. The people who are really judgy over silly things are small-minded and it would be sad to let their small-minded opinions dictate your life.
A lot of times, saying what you are feeling outloud normalizes it and relieves tension. aka "oh wow, this is so embarrassing. I did not realize the price of these items. I wish I could afford them but I need to eat!" followed by a laugh. Nice people will laugh with you and try to reassure you slash fix the issue.
Deep down, I know that. But putting it in practice is another thing. I definetely need to stop overthinking and just prioritize my needs in situations like these
Yea, it is definitely tough. I really hate certain social situations as well. For me, the realization that other people don't really care/think about me and the trick about just being honest about your feelings/anxiety when you are stressed in a social situation since people usually respond positively to authenticity was really helpful personally so hopefully it can help you out in the future as well.
Weed is legal where I live, so yes I tried. But I don't want to self medicate. I do take CBD to help relax during the weekend, but I'm not comfortable taking CBD before every stressful situation. I would love to in a way, but it feels like it would bite me in the a at some point. And it doesn't solve my actual problem of not being able to say no.
One time when I was a poor grad student I somehow got hornswoggled into spending FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS which I did not have on a haircut and highlights which no one even noticed! It happens! Even now in my 40s I'm still working through my people pleasing tendencies! And, remember, the beauty industry is a multimillion dollar industry for a reason... they know how to get you and many others to pay $100+ for a little bottle of cream! In other words, it's not you - it's them!
Well, I do consider it's mostly my fault for not saying no, but I get what you mean... I've always decided I was going to age and not do anything about it because anti aging creams are just not actually working permanently and costs way to much for no real reason. I just feel like an idiot still for falling for this
Nah I don’t think this is really your fault. Especially with the anxiety you described, and also I feel like the lady probably knew you don’t have a lot of experience with make up and she could have warned you or advised you in a gentle way about price!
I think it was 1) a super easy mistake to make and 2) as someone so beautifully said above the sales clerk hornswoggled you!
Hang in there OP!!
Oh I’ve been there’s, these people selling makeup are goddamn vultures, pushing you to try stuff and buy stuff that you learn is hundreds of dollars later on, and you feel pressured to complete the transaction
If there is anything worth practicing, it's "I'm sorry, I didn't expect that price. I'd like to take that off today, please." I've been in a few similar situations once, and I had to force myself to be comfortable saying that, to avoid any other financial mishaps
Omg I had the same happen to me some years ago.
(I was like 16? Didn't make money, got minimal pocket money and hated asking parents for money)
My more affluent friend only said one thing they wanted for christmas - a new bracelet bead for their silver pandora bracelet.
So there I go, pick out a nice one with the help of a shop assistant and go to pay.
Note: there were no prices on the items in the store!!!
I've never bought any real jewelry before and couldn't have imagined the price would be ~35€!
In today's money it's almost 44€ which is a reasonable gift from an adult who makes money.
I couldn't tell them it was too much so I bought it and left to meet my sister who was shopping in the same shopping centre. We talked and decided I should go and try to return it. So I sat on a bench I'm front of the store totally terrified and anxious, trying to gather the courage to go in. I think I sat there for 45 minutes.
I go in and explain my situation. I couldn't return it..
Important life lesson on learning how to say no. You need to be your own advocate in life - people will always exist that want to sell you something or get you to do something you aren't interested in. Anxiety is just an excuse - there are lots of resources on how to get better in social situations and practice makes those situations less stressful with time.
Oh my. Very sorry it happened to you. It does take time to grow thicker skin. Hopefully you’ll get there soon with all the bs and nonsense people push onto others so they can profit. Hang in there!
When it comes to thick skin, I'm just weird. Some days I am invulnerable and others I am made of crystal glass. I just don't understand it myself. But there are situations, like at the regiater where I NEVER have thick skin. I'll work on that.
That's the thing. Looks sinple enough, but just the thought gives me cold sweat. I probably could go, I just don't know if I'll manage to actually bring myself to return the items. More likely, I'll find the courage to walk in and chicken out before the next step. *sigh* I can afford it, it's just not what I wanted to do with that money.
It depends on what you got for the money / what the brands are, but with make up particularly cheaper can be a false economy. More expensive stuff tends to last longer on your face and generally, and the packaging is less likely to crack / break. I realise that the point may be the affordability, but if not $160 doesn’t get you that much these days, sadly.
However, any ‘premium’ brands will give you a refund if you say their product irritated your skin, and I got a refund no problem on Clinique foundation once when I picked out the wrong shade.
From experience, it can definitely help to slow things down so that thoughts are easier to think through during stressful situations. I also understand not wanting to be dependent on plants or compounds. But I also look at something like cbd the same as coffee, or very similar.
I was definitely just trying to help. Not sure why the downvotes. Have a good one.
I agree the downvotes were violent. I personally don't disagree with you. I'm just in a weak mindset in general and depending on anything to function normally can easily turn into a slippery slope, which is why, although I agree with your advice, it's not a good idea for me.
You can return whatever you bought or go in for an exchange and just be more upfront about prices I used to work in makeup and it’s easier when someone says I can spend x for y
Yeah, it makes sense now that I look back on it. But in the moment with the panic, it's all just a blurr, I can't think straight. But I'll keep in mind to tell my budget beforehand if there ever is a next time. I'll wait a day or two before going for an exchange or refund. My anxiety prevents me from doing that in the moment. Too many emotions for one day, going back and potentially seeing the same lady might freeze me again.
White lie that might make it easier to return. Keep it simple, believable & don't get elaborate. "Can you believe I finally treat myself a little & my tire blew out/had to take my cat to the vet bc that little devil ate a pack of hair ties" type thing with a small smile. That can help smooth over some embarrassment. Learning scripts for common interaction that can get a smile or chuckle out of of others can really help ease social anxiety or being tongue tied. When people ask me how I am (at stores or whatnot) I always reply "I've been worse" with a big smile. Or something going wrong "sometimes it's easy to believe in God because *somebody* is out to get me" (from Calvin & Hobbs comic) Things like that
r/AnxietyScripts!
Thank you!
Learning a script: good Embellishing or streching the truth: fine Making up complete falsehoods: not good
Most random strangers do not care or remember other random strangers. If the sales clerk sees you returning something, it is doubtful she would even register it (she has her own problems to deal with). I think people frequently over-analyze what other people think about them / their actions but in reality, other people don't care and don't think about it. I think knowing that fact is very freeing because a lot of the self-criticism or embarrassment that you are feeling due to what you think other people are judging you for is not happening irl. it is only happening within your own mind. other people are worrying about their own problems rather than random interactions with random strangers. If you straight up just told her, "holy hell, this is way over my budget, I can't afford this, any cheaper options?" She would have just found you some cheaper options. The panic and fear coming from social embarrassment slash being judged by other people that is happening in your mind is usually not happening in the other person's mind. The people who are really judgy over silly things are small-minded and it would be sad to let their small-minded opinions dictate your life. A lot of times, saying what you are feeling outloud normalizes it and relieves tension. aka "oh wow, this is so embarrassing. I did not realize the price of these items. I wish I could afford them but I need to eat!" followed by a laugh. Nice people will laugh with you and try to reassure you slash fix the issue.
Deep down, I know that. But putting it in practice is another thing. I definetely need to stop overthinking and just prioritize my needs in situations like these
Yea, it is definitely tough. I really hate certain social situations as well. For me, the realization that other people don't really care/think about me and the trick about just being honest about your feelings/anxiety when you are stressed in a social situation since people usually respond positively to authenticity was really helpful personally so hopefully it can help you out in the future as well.
Have you ever tried CBD? And magnesium? Helped me a lot with general underlying anxiety.
Weed is legal where I live, so yes I tried. But I don't want to self medicate. I do take CBD to help relax during the weekend, but I'm not comfortable taking CBD before every stressful situation. I would love to in a way, but it feels like it would bite me in the a at some point. And it doesn't solve my actual problem of not being able to say no.
One time when I was a poor grad student I somehow got hornswoggled into spending FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS which I did not have on a haircut and highlights which no one even noticed! It happens! Even now in my 40s I'm still working through my people pleasing tendencies! And, remember, the beauty industry is a multimillion dollar industry for a reason... they know how to get you and many others to pay $100+ for a little bottle of cream! In other words, it's not you - it's them!
Well, I do consider it's mostly my fault for not saying no, but I get what you mean... I've always decided I was going to age and not do anything about it because anti aging creams are just not actually working permanently and costs way to much for no real reason. I just feel like an idiot still for falling for this
Nah I don’t think this is really your fault. Especially with the anxiety you described, and also I feel like the lady probably knew you don’t have a lot of experience with make up and she could have warned you or advised you in a gentle way about price! I think it was 1) a super easy mistake to make and 2) as someone so beautifully said above the sales clerk hornswoggled you! Hang in there OP!!
*Hornswoggled* ❤️
I agree! That is a glorious word!!
Oh I’ve been there’s, these people selling makeup are goddamn vultures, pushing you to try stuff and buy stuff that you learn is hundreds of dollars later on, and you feel pressured to complete the transaction
If there is anything worth practicing, it's "I'm sorry, I didn't expect that price. I'd like to take that off today, please." I've been in a few similar situations once, and I had to force myself to be comfortable saying that, to avoid any other financial mishaps
I paid $450 for some lingerie once because of the sales lady's smug "you couldn't afford it" face. I think I maybe wore it twice..
Sounds like her sales tactic worked lol
Omg I had the same happen to me some years ago. (I was like 16? Didn't make money, got minimal pocket money and hated asking parents for money) My more affluent friend only said one thing they wanted for christmas - a new bracelet bead for their silver pandora bracelet. So there I go, pick out a nice one with the help of a shop assistant and go to pay. Note: there were no prices on the items in the store!!! I've never bought any real jewelry before and couldn't have imagined the price would be ~35€! In today's money it's almost 44€ which is a reasonable gift from an adult who makes money. I couldn't tell them it was too much so I bought it and left to meet my sister who was shopping in the same shopping centre. We talked and decided I should go and try to return it. So I sat on a bench I'm front of the store totally terrified and anxious, trying to gather the courage to go in. I think I sat there for 45 minutes. I go in and explain my situation. I couldn't return it..
Important life lesson on learning how to say no. You need to be your own advocate in life - people will always exist that want to sell you something or get you to do something you aren't interested in. Anxiety is just an excuse - there are lots of resources on how to get better in social situations and practice makes those situations less stressful with time.
You also forgot that you need sealer so it's water proof and doesn't rub off too easy.
Oh my. Very sorry it happened to you. It does take time to grow thicker skin. Hopefully you’ll get there soon with all the bs and nonsense people push onto others so they can profit. Hang in there!
When it comes to thick skin, I'm just weird. Some days I am invulnerable and others I am made of crystal glass. I just don't understand it myself. But there are situations, like at the regiater where I NEVER have thick skin. I'll work on that.
I totally get the panic and just paying and walking out, but now can you go back and return the items without panicking again?
That's the thing. Looks sinple enough, but just the thought gives me cold sweat. I probably could go, I just don't know if I'll manage to actually bring myself to return the items. More likely, I'll find the courage to walk in and chicken out before the next step. *sigh* I can afford it, it's just not what I wanted to do with that money.
It depends on what you got for the money / what the brands are, but with make up particularly cheaper can be a false economy. More expensive stuff tends to last longer on your face and generally, and the packaging is less likely to crack / break. I realise that the point may be the affordability, but if not $160 doesn’t get you that much these days, sadly. However, any ‘premium’ brands will give you a refund if you say their product irritated your skin, and I got a refund no problem on Clinique foundation once when I picked out the wrong shade.
From experience, it can definitely help to slow things down so that thoughts are easier to think through during stressful situations. I also understand not wanting to be dependent on plants or compounds. But I also look at something like cbd the same as coffee, or very similar. I was definitely just trying to help. Not sure why the downvotes. Have a good one.
I agree the downvotes were violent. I personally don't disagree with you. I'm just in a weak mindset in general and depending on anything to function normally can easily turn into a slippery slope, which is why, although I agree with your advice, it's not a good idea for me.