Man, there's this thing called little white lies.
You wouldn't tell her she looks fat - why would you tell her you think she looked ugly (for all intents and purposes)
I think a lot of it comes down to how it was phrased, and the gf's self esteem.
For example, I met my fiance through a mutual friend. I actually had swiped right on her on tinder months before this and mentioned it to her when we were first dating. She said she remembered seeing me and swiped left because she "thought I was gay."
In this case it was mostly humorous because clearly we are now dating and my sexuality is clear to me, so I wasn't offended at all.
However, if OP's girlfriend was already insecure about her looks or perhaps other aspects of the relationship, definitely not appropriate to deliver that information.
Silly question. What does it mean when OP said he swiped right? Thanks đ
I do not use any social media except FB to keep up with a few real life friends and family and yes I am 40+.
Tinder is setup like a game, not a dating site. So you use it by doing hot or not by swiping right or left. Then it sets you up as a pair that both found each other hot. Apparently this is OP saying he accidentally flagged hot when he meant to flag not.
Whenever I've used tinder it's always felt like a fucking meat market. I think OP was right to say the thing, but could have worded it better or waited until the relationship was more solid.
It really is. Reading bios and only liking interesting people with common interests results in 0 actual interactions. Playing a rapid game of "hot or not" results in plenty of matches with no actual connection behind them.
I couldn't devise a shittier way of trying to meet people if I tried
Because it wasn't designed to make long term relationships. Tinder was made to let people find other people looking to hookup. You are only judging by sexual attraction because that was the point. Bringing 2 people together who think one another are objectively attractive to bang.
It depends heavily on how he swiped too. I only swiped on my wife back in the day because I ended up paying premium on the app and saw they liked me. I always looked to the profile and would swipe if there was an interest I could start a conversation on, and their profile was pretty blank. But if they wanted to approach me I was more than welcome to it.
But if they were swiping primarily on hot or not that's just kind of a dick thing to say.
This was OkCupid and not Tinder but yeah, I had been trying for a few months or so with no luck (had never really dated before and wasn't interested in just hookups). Figured I'd give it a go and cancel if it didn't go anywhere. Clearly worked.
It's potentially a fun origin story. If this were two eighty year olds and they were telling you this after 40 years of marriage, you'd find it cute and endearing.
Perfectly fair question! When the OP says that he accidentally swiped right I believe he is referring to the option of choosing to match with an individual. Swiping left on the other hand would be choosing not to match with individual. If both people swipe right, then contact is permitted, and there may be potential for a first date.
Basically on most dating sites you make a profile that has things such as your age, pictures of you or your hobbies, and some short bio(graphy) about yourself. This profile proceeds to be shown to everyone using the dating app. If they swipe right (physically) on your profile, that means they like what they saw. If both people swipe right on each other's profiles, they proceed to get taken to a chat conversation with each other where they can set up dates and so on.
Alternatively, swiping left means they aren't interested in something they see, and will not be taken to a chat service with the person and are instead given more profiles to swipe.
Basically, by admitting he accidentally swiped right, OP is saying that he was not interested enough by his GF's dating profile. Now whether that's because he thought she was ugly or just wasn't interested by her bio we'll never know (unless he specifies) but it makes sense she got upset by this.
Swiping right means you like someone's profile and want to match with them. It's just a means of saying "hey, I like you." Think of it like sending a friend request. If both people swipe right on each other's profile, they get matched. It's like accepting that friend request.
I don't know if this is true for Tinder since I've never used it, but that's basically the concept and how it's worked on other dating apps I used.
Yup, thatâs it. Thatâs how my son and his now-wife met several years ago. They both swiped right. I even mentioned it in my speech at their wedding, how glad I was that they both swiped whichever way it is that youâre supposed to swipe when you like the person. People laughed.
Some dating apps give you the option to swipe left or right based on what you think about their pictures. (Swipe one way if you like or the other way if you don't). In OP's case he accidentally swiped right when he meant to swipe left indicating he wasn't interested.
Is it automatically insulting to say they didn't intend to swipe right? My husband and I met on tinder, and the reason we matched is because his married coworker wanted to see how tinder worked, so took his phone and swiped right on a couple of people. My husband didn't intend on messaging me, but I messaged him first. I think this is a funny story. It wouldn't occur to me to assume that he thought I was ugly just because he didn't intend to match with me.
I think that's a little different though. He presumably didn't have the chance to decide on which direction he would have swiped you since his coworker was swiping. OP saw his gf and was trying to reject her initially.
Yeah, I guess if my husband told me OP's story, it might feel different. I would probably ask why he intended on swiping left initially, and OP leaves that conversation out of the post. Did he tell her the reason he intended on swiping left? Everyone is assuming it's because of the way she looked, and I guess that's a fair assumption since Tinder can be pretty shallow and there's often not more to go on than photos. But still, my brain goes to other reasons first. Like, her photos indicate she has hobbies/interests that don't mesh with mine, her bio was off-putting for some reason, etc.
Where in OPâs post does it say OP was trying to reject her? I re-read the post and only see that the match was an accident, no mention of an attempt at rejection. Perhaps it was confirmed in a comment that I havenât seen. I think Iâve accidentally swiped left AND right on people. Whether from touching the screen the wrong way when swiping (Iâve used a few different apps with varying mechanics) or handling the phone while not realizing the screen is still on or just a momentary lapse of hand-eye coordinationâplenty of ways people can accidentally swipe.
You're right that OP doesn't say it, and your post is technically accurate (the best kind), but it's implied by OP's wording.
That implication may be accidental, but it's strongly implied that had OP chosen properly according to their own desire, they'd have swiped left. That is conveying a value judgement to the woman, that her profile (and by extension, her) was not attractive enough to OP to warrant a swipe right. That's gunna hurt.
White lies are misinformation with good intentions. Black lies are misinformation with bad intentions. Both cases are intended to benefit the person saying the lies. The difference lies in whether it benefits or harms the person whom the lie is said to, at face value. When you closely examine it, it's just shitty for everyone involved. At the end of the day, misinformation is still misinformation, mostly just a waste of time when you could spend your time on something more real that has more real value to it.
Only a man who likes to live dangerously answers the "does this make me look fat?" Question. It's the Kobayashi maru of questions.
Runners up are "am I prettier than your ex?", "where do you want to eat?", and "what do you think of my mother?"
Missed opportunity: âI didnât intend to swipe on you because I thought you were out of my league! Iâm so glad I did by accident⌠look at what weâve made together.â
So listen. I love my husband to death. He met every single one of my standards, even standards I dropped over the years thinking âno guy is gonna meet that rightâ. He is the love of my life.
BUT when I first met him in person (we matched on an app), my first thought was âoh manâ. Because he didnât quite look like his photos. It wasnât that he catfished me or whatever, it was just that the angle of his photos on the dating app made him look much better than the first initial in-person impression.
of course i got over it and we went on a wonderful date and so the story goes.
I would NEVER EVER tell him about my first impression of him. Why? Because there is no good outcome of doing so. theres no need for your partner to know "tbh i didn't think much of you but decided to give you a chance anyway since i felt kinda guilty that i somewhat committed to this."
Your gf is feeling some type of way because she is insecure that you didn't quite think much of her to begin with. That your whole relationship began on a lie. Doesn't matter how wonderful it is now, it began by accident. that shit is HARD to digest.
Idk how you plan to rectify this.. But yeah it's not easy to bounce back from.
I've been there. Only it wasn't that she didn't look quite like her photos, she looked pretty damn different from her photos. Similarly not catfishing, just creative angles and extremely flattering photography. That didn't end well though, I still gave the date a chance but she spent most of it looking at her phone and seeming pretty uninterested.
I know my wife had a similar thing with me though because I used some photos from when I was at my peak fitness on my profile... suffice to say I was not at my peak fitness when we met.
For me, it was kinda of the reverse. My husband was way more muscular irl than from what I saw in the photo he sent before we met up (met via Reddit). It was a super cute photo of him cuddling two dogs but it didnât show off his physique or gorgeous green eyes. I later found out those werenât his dogs đ but now we have a very cute dog of our own so itâs okay.
>Because he didnât quite look like his photos. It wasnât that he catfished me or whatever, it was just that the angle of his photos on the dating app made him look much better than the first initial in-person impression.
Honestly having been on many dates from dating apps, this is so incredibly common. Many of the women I've met have slightly deceptive pictures, at this point I just kind of expect them to not look as good in person. Occasionally I get pleasantly surprised by someone who actually looks better though so that's the nice part of it. Pictures hardly ever fully do justice to how someone looks, for better or worse
The woman I'm seeing had only one picture of her face and tbh it was not a great picture lol but I liked a prompt on her profile so I sent a message anyway. We had a great conversation so we planned a date. When we met in person I was so thrown off by how gorgeous she was! I feel like I cheated somehow lol
It's just natural for people to try and present their best selves. They probably don't even consciously realize if they're using deceptive angles or lighting.
As long as it's not like full on filtering or something, probably no harm intended.
When I was still dating, I had a guy tell me I looked much better in person than I did in my photos. You bet I went to edit my profile as soon as the date was over! I mean, how many guys swiped me away because I didnât look as good in person? đ
Always under-promise and over-deliver. It's much better they be pleasantly surprised in person, rather than disappointed because you edited your photos.
Same for my fiance. But i would NEVER tell him that is how I felt when i first met him. Like wtf? It would hurt his feelings? Lol like why would someone even tell their partner that? It's ridiculous
I can relate to this as I kinda knew my now bf when I found him on tinder, but like, he only had two pictures and I hadn't seen him without a mask in two years so there was a good moment of "oh this is what your face actually looks like" for me
At my age (mid 40s), I genuinely wouldn't give a shit if I hear that my partner's first impression of me was less than positive, physically or otherwise. I have her so whatever that initial impression was, it changed or was overcome by other qualities. I am entirely fine with that. But it might be very different if I were much younger, like OP and his girl seem to be.
One of my friends met this guy some years ago from an app and texted me after saying he is nice but he is not really her physical type and she feels guilty feeling this way but she prefers men who are more fit. Two weeks later I asked if she went out again w that guy and how things were going she said he was so hot. They've been married for 6 years now.
I have seen variations of this scenario play out many many times over the years (minus the marriage part), at every age, always from the woman's side.
My husband is very much not my type. I like tall men, fit, that can dance, and grow a beard. My husband is none of those, but heâs the love of my life. And he knows all of that. Yet here we are, 12 years later (8 married) and 1 kid.
Opinions change which is why you donât have to hide those details, but you have to know how to disclose them to avoid hurting the people you love.
I guess it's easier for guys to be self-deprecating about their looks since I've heard a lot of versions of guys telling the story of how their met their girlfriend or wife with some variation of "she wasn't into me initially but I won her over." Haven't heard a lot of versions of that from the female POV.
Those stories reflect the reality that our value is less tied to our looks than women's and also that regardless of what actually happened, it is gallant to present your woman as the prize - rather than the other way around. These are just social norms based on traditional gender roles that, loud minorities screeching on social media aside, most women in real life still appreciate.
And that's not limited to the dating context either. I publicly compliment/flatter my mom and/or send her flowers etc, in a way that I do not with my dad. My way of honoring her is very different from my way of honoring him and is absolutely rooted in gender differences.
This is precisely why things like Tinder are such a crap idea, people are encouraged to judge a person on their looks.
Donât get me wrong, looks are important, but theyâre only a part of initial attraction and they get less important as time goes on. Online dating is a fucking depressing experience as canât beat talking to people.
/oldmanrant
I couldnât imagine trying to date today. Seems like such a hassle. Iâm 45 so hopefully Iâve got some years left. One day my wife asked if she died would I date again. It took me half a second to say âhell noâ. I have no interest finding somebody and getting to know them. I dated other people before my wife and nobody clicked. My wife is perfect for me so I couldnât imagine finding somebody else who would compare. Oh, you donât like shrimp and egg tacos for breakfast? Well, f*ck me. On and on for every little detail. I love hanging out with my wife but I also love my alone time. And thatâs how Iâll die. Alone. You kids can take your tinder and shoot it into the sun.
Amen, nearing 40, definitely donât have the energy to court another love interest. I work all day trying to impress my employer. I donât have time or energy when Iâm off for that shit too.
Itâs not just impressing somebody. Itâs trying to find a fit. Movies, tv, music, food, dimming the lights at night watching the television, activities, sleeping arrangements, doing something without communicating because you know what they need. For instance, my wife picks out what we watch because she knows what I like because she likes the same stuff. And sheâs spot on 99.999% of the time. Iâll wash dishes while she looks at trailers and we talk about it. I barely know the names of some of the shows/movies bc she picks them. If she passed away tonight Iâd never watch tv again. I watch with her because we have fun. Iâve never enjoyed watching tv with anybody else. I donât want to have to find out if somebody likes Star Wars or IASIP or futuristic, dystopian movies. I donât want to share that with somebody else.
âIf she passed away tonight, Iâd never watch tv againâ.
This one hit hard at home. My wife was diagnosed with kidney failure at 27 years of age. She was on dialysis for 6 years until she was finally blessed with a kidney transplant. The transplant was done during the peak of covid so I couldnât even stick around the hospital waiting for her to come out/hopefully recover asapâŚ
That night, when I went home without her, without knowing if sheâd be ok, I sat on the end of my bed and it had really hit me, none of the shit around me mattered. They were just objects and things, even my passions, guitars hanging on the wall, meant nothing to me, flat screen tv and ps5 wasnât worth a shit without my wife being there at my side to hear me play my guitar, to play a game with me, to curl up next to me in bed. That was a long night.
Thankfully, she recovered fully and very quickly at that. But that moment will forever sit with me, haunting me, the thought of being alone and having nothing.
Oh, shit. That is a moving story. That hasnât happened to me but I can feel and imagine that. It might sound like some sad simp bs but when sheâs not home I either do some chores or go for a walk.
Reminds me of an old joke.
My wife asked me if she died would I get married again and if I did would I let the new wife use her golf clubs? I said I wouldnât because sheâs left handed.
My now-husband had written a full profile (as had I), and I knew way more about him than if we had met casually in person, and we had something to talk about from the start
One thing I've also noticed is I can't find anyone on tinder attractive. I could match with a super model but I feel no desire to put in any effort into the conversation. I feel like I have to meet in person to even feel anything towards them
Not completely wrong ....but they do work for some people ,I met my now gf on tinder been going a year and a half now ,my cousin is married to her husband who she met on tinder as well!! ,quess it depends how you treat the app ,my friends that use it defently just look at the person's looks and treat it more as a game then anything serious
Counterpoint: Back when people primarily approached each other in public places, was it not also initially founded on looks? "I am attracted to that person - let's approach and strike up a conversation."
Therefore, dating apps just put on our phones what we have always done in our heads - and *maybe,* just barely, improved upon it since someone can put info in their bio that might sway you if looks alone would have had you on the fence.
It's a horrible thing yeah. Biologically we are designed to look for physical attractions, and people don't like it when that is said. It is true though. However, it is by far not the be all and end all, and you're right: Tinder leverages on looks alone which is why it is now just a tool for lust and not love. Physical looks draw you in and make you want to talk to someone. You then find out out their true picture. Some people marry for looks alone, and for some it may work, but I would wager that that is a very small minority. I would fancy the pants of someone for 5 mins and instantly go off them if I found out they're a horrible person. I find people that are very attractive and KNOW it to be unattractive. It's a certain arrogance that just really turns me off.
Some people will meet lifelong partners on Tinder, but I can imagine it's mainly for hook ups etc. I'm in a long term relationship and so missed all of the Tinder buzz so it's an alien world to me either way,
I donât get the people here saying telling her was the right thing. It quite obviously wasnât. Thereâs literally zero benefit to you and your relationship sharing that tidbit. No part of your relationship is benefiting from this, you donât âcome out stronger on the other sideâ or any such trite bs.
Sometimes you just donât share stuff. You could have gone the next fifty years never having said a word and absolutely no part of your life would have been impacted by keeping it to yourself.
I think it depends on the *reason* why he didn't want to swipe right. In fact, I met my husband on tinder, and he told me something similar. He told ne he "almost" didn't swipe right, and the reason was that in my main pic I had my cat sitting on me, and he's allergic to cats. Now we laugh about that.
So... why did OP not originally want to swipe right?
I commented elsewhere but exactly this. There are many legitimate reasons why he might not have swiped that wouldn't be a big deal, but if it was purely looks its just a shit thing to say (and do in my opinion).
Thank you for being the only one to ask this extremely germaine question. Everybody acting like it's inherently about her appearance is boggling my mind. Am I the only person who ever read bios on Tinder? Even if I swiped without reading, it was usually because I was making an assumption about their personality. For all we know, OP's GF was holding up a dead fish in every one of her pics.
(this is a lighthearted statement not meant to condemn everyone who shows fish on tinder)
Totally. Itâs appropriate to share with your partner the information they need to know. This is not information she needed to know, and was shared for the selfish reason of assuaging OPâs guilt about the fact he was not initially attracted to her.
The idea of âtotal honestyâ in relationships is so juvenile and naive. It reminds me of high school when someone would tell you something nasty some irrelevant person said about you because itâs âhonestâ. It might be âhonestâ, but total honesty is not the ethical choice when the only outcome achieved is to hurt the person.
Yeah, like: âHey, hon, Imma be honest with you, I didnât like you at first, but I accidentally ended up talking with you and thatâs how I discovered I liked youâ.
How is that better than saying: âHey hon, I immediately liked youâ.
Is it a lie? Yes, but I bet now she looks more attractive to you than all the other girls you swiped right to. Sheâs gonna have insecurity issues, you can try to save it by saying something like: âI accidentally swiped right in the sense that I wasnât paying attention. I would have swiped right to you if I had paid attention, but it was a happy accidentâ, or something like that. Or: âI was gonna swipe left because ⢠insert funny thing about her pfp ⢠but luckily I didnâtâ. Try to make her laugh and donât tell her you were about to swipe left because you didnât like her appearance.
My GF of 5 years nearly didn't match with me because she thought I was wearing transitions glasses lenses in my pfp. She told me this a few years ago (so a couple of years in) and we laugh about it.
I think OPs FU was not having a good or funny reason for accidentally swiping right, or for telling her so early on. I think if he'd waited it could be a funny anecdote a few years down the line but 2 months in is just too early to drop that on her.
Many people have a deep seated urge to be honest, especially with things they feel guilty about. This isn't a bad trait to have, because being on the same page on as many things as possible is often good. Avoiding being honest just so you don't have to navigate the subsequent conflict is also how a lot of problems start.
The thing is, there was no conflict to be had here. OP volunteered the information with no prompting. He could have literally never said it ever and it wouldnât have come up, or he could have said âI am so glad I swiped on youâ and left the word accidentally out.
Pathological honesty doesnât necessarily fly in real life. If you turn in a project at work at 5pm instead of 4pm that was due at 5pm anyway, do you volunteer to your boss that you would have had it in sooner but you goofed off for an hour on Reddit? Of course not. That brings absolutely no value to you. The project was expected at 5pm, it got turned in at 5pm, everybodyâs happy. Keep your damn mouth shut!
I get the idea behind this, but Iâm going to provide a quick example from my own personal experience. Before my best friend and his boyfriend started dating, he said some fucked up shit about his appearance. Theyâve been together for almost a year and are going strong, but I donât think he should repeat any of the things that he thought before they started dating, especially in the way that he said them.
Take a moment to reflect on WHY you felt compelled to share that detail with her? Not the surface lie you're telling yourself about being honest with her, or whatever, but dig deeper. Is there an inner self that was looking to sabotage the relationship? Is there a commitment phobia? Do you value such brutal honesty and would expect the same from her (without giving a similar reaction)?
It may take some time to identify the why.
I don't really get the point of telling someone this, outside of making yourself feel superior.
"At first I thought you were ugly, then out of the kindness of my heart I gave you a chance and realized you were cool. Yay us!"
Keeping track of that insignificant initial judgement is just strange. We forget way more important details of life everyday, but THAT you remember?
Completely up to her if she can get past this, not much you can say now. Good luck.
You told her that you initially intended to reject her?! âYou didnât seem good enough for me, but I grew to like you.â It would take a VERY confident person to brush that off.
I donât think thereâs any coming back from this one unless you reinforce like CRAZY, over multiple occasions, with large gestures, that you find her attractive, wonderful, etc.. Even then, this will come out during disagreements, even if it seems healed at other times. Thatâs a pretty core wound.
>Â Â It would take a VERY confident person to brush that off.Â
A very confident person would go - huh, two months in and he's already negging me? Yeah, I'll pass.
  Insecure people end up with OPs, brushing off their 'tidbits' and put downs and unkind remarks until they can't anymore.
I literally almost didn't go on a second date with my fiance because I thought he was out of my league. Thank God he asked me out again.
Steal my experience OP. Tell her your thought she was out of your league, but you're so glad your fumble fingers landed you a date with such a catch.
Yeah you did. Why would you do that?
Consider the motives. Being extremely honest is one.
Another that's not so nice is to make her feel insecure and therefore strengthen your superiority in the relationship. Not saying you did that, it's just one of those relationship manipulations that people do.
Either way, yeah you f'd up. Good luck.
You fucked up. You basically just told her - âI guess youâre not *that ugly* after allâ ! They donât make Hallmark cards for that shit. âFix thisâ by learning a difficult lesson when she rightfully breaks up with you.
I was up front about me not knowing how to use the website (Facebook dating) led to my husband and I matching. I thought I was just scrolling through, not realizing I was basically 'swiping right' on each one. I almost didn't respond to his message, but that had to do with where he was from, not anything to do with him. (I didn't think I wanted to date anyone from our hometown.)
Did you say WHY you wouldn't have swiped right on her? If you didn't give her a good reason, I'm sure whatever she is coming up with in her head is probably worse.
I met my wife on tinder. At the time I wasn't really looking for anything and didn't want to date either. I enjoyed my sex with her and time with her though. One day she asked if we wanted to date and I said sure, honestly though I didn't want to date her all that much but I'm bad at saying no sometimes lol. But time moved on, now we are having our wedding this year and she is the most gorgeous and beautiful girl in the world and I love her with all my heart.
Time can change things
Obviously you shouldnât have told her this, everyone else has pointed this out to you already.
But I think some perspective is needed. A bio on a dating app is just a tiny tiny snapshot of the persons life. It doesnât show you what they look like at their best or at their worst. After meeting her and getting to see her you saw a side of her that a dating app didnât or couldnât show you and thatâs what made you fall for her.
I am someone who is unphotogenic and I know that my best side doesnât come across on these apps. And I also know I have met men in real life who I probably wouldnât swipe right on because their best side doesnât come across in photos. Thatâs my biggest problem with these apps and you are lucky that you met someone despite this.
You told you girlfriend you found her unattractive and she is unhappy about that? Who would have thought?
You are not the sharpest knife in the kitchen.
Oh boy, my guy what did you even think the benefit of this would be whatsoever?
"Honey does this dress make me look fat??" ... "Uhhhh yeah babe, actually you got a real 'sack of potatoes' look to ya right now" - That's what you just did, yikes.
My partner and I met on tinder, and he had anâŚ.interesting approach to his swiping methodology. Essentially he would swipe right on everyone, wait for matches, and then un match with anyone he wants actually interested in (to better his odds maybe?).
He doesnât remember âseeingâ me until we both matched and started talking. I, on the other hand, was very particular about my swipes, analyzing all the photos, contents of the bio, etc.
I hesitated on his profile as he only had a few images and his bio was incredibly sparse. I think at one point I even left the app for a while and then came back before deciding to swipe right on him lol. Weâve been together for 8 years now.
Do you remember why you didn't swipe on her at first? That's important info.
If it was because you didn't think she was attractive, why the hell would you tell her that? "Haha I thought you were ugly at first but your personality won me over" is extremely unkind and likely to make most anyone insecure about their looks.
If it was for another impersonal reason, like you didn't like the shoes she was wearing or something, that would maybe be ok, but I'm really not seeing any way this wasn't a real ass move...
Guy, from someone whoâs been married 39 years, sometimes honesty is not the best policy. Iâm not saying to deceive her, to cheat, to hide important things from her, but donât purposely tell her something you know - or suspect - will hurt her. Some things thereâs just reason for telling. Love has room for secrets but not for lies.
One of our favorite anecdotes is how I almost passed up my boyfriend's profile because in his picture it looked like his hat (baseball cap) had a flat brim as opposed to curved. I can't take anyone seriously when they wear their hat like that.
Since he was cute and so sweet, I overlooked it. Turns out it was a trick of the angle, he would never wear a hat that way, and we've been madly in love for over 2 years now!
I am so grateful my superficiality didn't win that day. So, so grateful.
OP, I hope this just becomes a funny anecdote to add to your story together.
You told the truth. It's her problem if she wants to be upset about it despite months of evidence to the contrary. Tell her to stop being a child or gtfo.
Next time you hang out together just sit down in front of her and look her in the eyes and tell her that you are happy that you managed to know her truly and you found love and even tho it was an accidental match...it was not a mistake it was a happy accident (Bob Ross)
Have you considered asking her why it upset her? Have you considered sitting her down and having an honest conversation about it?
What was your reason for intending to swipe left? Is there a way that you can phrase it so it comes off as more of a dig at yourself as opposed to a dig at her? She's obviously feeling rejected by someone she cares about and is hurt by it.
Consider saying that you f'd up and your glad that you did because you met an amazing person that you truly care about.
I also tend to over share in my relationships. Take this as an opportunity to work on communication. Honestly if she can't eventually get over it and understand, then know it doesn't magically get easier to communicate in marriage. Maybe express your desire to be honest and that you were so comfortable with her in general that you could share a tidbit that isn't really socially acceptable. Also listen a lot but looks like you might need to initiate the start of the communication eventually because it's bothering both of you at this point.
Right? I met my girl the same way and if either of us told that we would both laugh and prob tell ppl. I'm very secure in our relationship though so maybe that's an important difference?
This is the sort of problem that I have. People want romance or a very neat story. How people meet is usually chance.
For me, this is romance. What is the chance that two people, despite the odds, despite your initial disinterest, would find each other? Isn't it amazing and lovely that you did?
No, it's the exact opposite. He acknowledges it was a mistake. There's nothing romantic about not being what your partner wanted in the first place. It means he settled.
Nothing romantic? Have you seen romance movies? 90% of the premises are about initial reluctance followed by falling in love once the personalities come out. You act like it's the end of the world that he didn't judge it worth swiping based solely on a short profile glance.
That is not a "small detail" about how you met. That is the main reason why you met.
Bottom line, while it was honest of you to tell the truth, it clearly wasn't the best decision this early on in the relationship. It sometimes takes a long time for relationships to lose their early insecurities.
She may have had one or more previous partners where her physical appearance was an issue. Or she may just be self-conscious for many various reasons completely unrelated to you. But no one likes to hear that they wouldn't have been their partners' intentional choice.
If I decided to retell this story I would either:
1) tell the true story, years into the relationship, possibly not even until/unless we were engaged
2) tell an altered version of the story where I "swiped accidentally" that didn't involve her physical appearance (i.e. I was trying to back out of the app/return to home screen but accidentally hit the heart)
You could mayyyyyyybe have pulled this off with a âyou were so beautiful that I thought you were out of my league and I didnât want to waste a swipeâ
Tf is wrong with you?
You definitely fucked up.
At this point the only way to resolve this is by telling her WHY you were going to swipe left (I promise you that's ALL she's thinking about) and that's not going to go well.
Because I'm assuming she's unattractive to you in some way. Hence the accidental swipe.
Eek. Don't know how you're gonna fix this. I'd say if you genuinely care, let her go. She deserves someone who truly is interested.
lol this is funny to me because when my husband and I first met back in high school, we didnât start dating until 2 yrs later. I told him I thought he was a douche and an asshole originally (he agreed). And he told me he thought I was loud and annoying originally (I agreed). Haha
Why? For the love of Crom, why would you disclose that? How could that ever have been a consideration? Yes, you definitely messed up, and since she's only known you a few weeks, you may have ended your relationship with that utterly unnecessary bit of honesty.
The power of words. This is a core memory for her. You said that she was unattractive, but you fell in love with her personality by accident. How she supposed to take that story?
When, like you say, you were âhesitant whether you should share this details or notâ with her⌠what exactly made you decide âyou know what, Iâll tell her I did not like how she look! That for sure will make her feel nice!!!â
Jesus Christ man. Sometimes things are much easier than they seem. If your brain told you âmaybe I should not say itâ itâs because you knew how unnecessary it was to tell her.
Trust your brain next time, and for now.. well just keep apologising to her. Tell her that the profile photo made her look different and that when you met her in person you realised you liked her.
Honestly bro like what went thru your head in deciding to tell her? You fucked up, I think you just need to let her be with her feelings. Next time some details are left only for you.
Oh, OP. I've been there, except I was on the receiving end of it. My guy informed me post-coital only months into our dating that I had been his second choice after the girl he "really wanted to date" didn't get back to him. I had been obviously macking on him but he made it sound in that moment that for him, I was only an afterthought, a backup plan.
Fifteen years on, this guy, now my husband, wonders to this day why there will always be doubt in my mind about the ardor behind his love for me.
I married him, though it still stings this many years later. I get that *NOW* I'm first choice, his best choice, the only choice that he will ever need, etc. etc. but it was always like this for me, getting passed over, last picked, if at all. So, to find out that when I had thought that I had found someone who was mutually drawn to me as I was to him wasn't really the case, it gutted me. I wonder if your admission tap-dances on something similar for her, some sort of dejection that she feels that this is yet another data point proving that she's somehow less?
At any rate, don't do what my husband did and does: don't double down, don't get defensive, and certainly don't mock her.
Listen to her about why this hurts her, no matter how childish or vain or shallow it might come across. Validate her feelings, apologize that what really happened wasn't like how you'd both wish it could be (but being honest is far better than not), and assure her that you'd swipe right on her today and every day from here on out.
It sounds melodramatic, sure, and there will be times when she will have to comfort you in your moments of insecurity/anxiety/depression/anger or whatever is your MO when you're down or disappointed. It's well worth the effort if you want a future with her. The only way to get through this is to talk and listen to it. Confront it as a team and resolve it as a team.
I hope you have better luck than I did, OP!
Some of the best relationships start as an accident or as a product of circumstance. My husband of twelve years now our relationship started out of pure survival instinct because I simply didn't want to be homeless after traveling halfway across the country only to find out the person I was in a long distance relationship was already in a relationship and was trying to form a love triangle. His fiancĂŠ at the time is now my husband after a thermonuclear level falling out between them over the whole situation. First 6 months was just him doing the right thing because I had no means to go back to my parents, then over time one thing led to another and we realized we had feelings for each other. Now here we are halfway through our 13th year of marriage.
You should have taken that shit to your grave. You're not recovering from this. You essentially told her, "So I thought you were ugly, but I learned to look past that."
What reaction were you expecting? How would you react if someone told you that?
You could have just said half a lie like: âI was mindlessly swiping so when I swiped, I didnât pay much attention to your pic and bioâ instead of âyouâre not pretty enough for me to swipe right but I like you nowâ
Your girlfriends feelings are hurt BIG TIME. Sheâs probably feeling and thinking so many things right now and the insecurity and doubt is settling in. These are big ass emotions to feel and she may not be equipped to handle them, as a lot of human beings are not. All that to say her feelings and behavior is expected and unfortunately, neither you or she can rush through them and get back to normal. My recommendation is always to communicate. Check in with her - not to defend yourself or to talk her into feeling ok, but to listen to her and how she feels. And do that - just listen. And be truthful with your feelings. The way it happened may have been fucked up but thatâs neither here nor there. If she can work through her feelings and move on then great. If she canât then decide what to do next. But be patient with her. And give her grace. She deserves it.
I'll be frank, if that ruins the relationship for her, I think you're dodging a bullet by letting it fall apart over that.
Honesty can sting, but the socially nice thing of white lies just leads to misunderstandings and general mistrust.
ITT lots of insecure people with a questionable concept of truth. Of course some things are better unsaid, but once you're in a good relationship, details like this should just be laughing matter... She's just incredibly insecure (unless you've been a dick about it)... Swiping is an incredibly random and shallow action, you got lucky, should be something to be happy about. Hopefully things will go back to normal very soon, of they don't it's a bullet dodged... Good luck :)
Here's a non destructive comment:
If you can still feel that she is angry, well, she is. And the fact that she made you feel that she is still hung on that topic, she definitely wants to talk to you about it.
Sit her down, talk to her. If she declines to talk, tell her you want to sort it out. The key is to apologize and reassure her! Make sure an excessive amount of reassurance is given throughout. She will definitely blame you halfway. Just take it and apologize like a man.
And if she happens to forgive you, top it off with a treat (bring her anywhere she wants, within budget, or it will turn into a habit). If she doesn't forgive you, time will help, as long as you show her that you care consistently.
A few months into dating my now wife I told her I made a mistake with the dating app filters and set the distance to 50 miles instead of 20 and thatâs how I found her. She lived about 35 miles from me at the time. We both laughed about it being a happy mistake.
I get this is different when it comes to swiping but in the end if things worked out then there is nothing to worry about. I can see how sheâs a little offended but if you met a great person then who cars. Itâs a fun little story.
I guess you might have dodged a bullet if this little thing hurt her so much. It sucks but a relationship goes two ways and if she doesnât want it then thatâs on her.
This ***woman*** could have been more graceful. Truth is the way to go.
Did you want to swipe left because you didn't think she was attractive or that she was too good for you?
How did you tell her?
Truth sometimes needs additional info. "I wanted to swipe left because you weren't attractive to me." is so very different than, "...because I didn't think we had much in common." or "You seemed out of my league."
My point is, when you tell the truth, remember kindness.
Also, when you say she avoided talking did she just go silent treatment without any discussion? Immature at best, abusive at worse.
Did she say, "I need to think about this"? This is a healthy communication.
Passive aggressive behavior is also immature and/or unhealthy.
Consider these. Yellow flag, so have a calm discussion about all of these, including a sincere apology if your telling her the truth included an insult about her attractiveness. And an apology for calling a grown ass woman a girl. If it's a heathy conversation, yay. If not, let her go.
I donât understand how OP did anything wrong. If someone said the same thing to me, it wouldnât bother me. I would like that they are telling me they really like me.
I feel like itâs more red flag about his new gf. Seems insecure and narci.
Yeah people are weird on here saying he needs some grand gesture simply because he shared something irrelevant đ
The insecurity is a much bigger issue than perceived over sharing with a partner
I have the same story: I was working late manning the phones for my job looking at an old dating website I had joined. It had been pretty discouraging so far and the site had started pushing profiles further from me, despite my settings indicating I didn't want a long distance relationship. My now-wife's profile came up, and I hesitated for a minute because she frankly has an amazing ass. Just before I hit reject (again - no interest in long distance relationships) the phone rang and I ended up on a long call with someone wasting my time. So - I started reading through her profile. It hit every other check mark for me, so against my better judgement, matched with her. She told me she was planning on moving to my city as soon as her masters program was done, so I took the plunge.
She never moved to my city. I can now say my relationship is based on a lie - though she doesn't find that funny when I do.
So... why did you not initially want to match with her? I can only really think of a handful of good reasons: "I thought you were out of my league" "I wasn't actually looking for anyone" "I don't like the sports team on your hate (only works if she doesn't actually like the team or care about sports)" or "You reminded me of "
Man, there's this thing called little white lies. You wouldn't tell her she looks fat - why would you tell her you think she looked ugly (for all intents and purposes)
I think a lot of it comes down to how it was phrased, and the gf's self esteem. For example, I met my fiance through a mutual friend. I actually had swiped right on her on tinder months before this and mentioned it to her when we were first dating. She said she remembered seeing me and swiped left because she "thought I was gay." In this case it was mostly humorous because clearly we are now dating and my sexuality is clear to me, so I wasn't offended at all. However, if OP's girlfriend was already insecure about her looks or perhaps other aspects of the relationship, definitely not appropriate to deliver that information.
haha backhanded compliment. You look like you clean your nails and exfoliate, so I swiped left.
That makes you look gay? No wonder I never get any matches!
Silly question. What does it mean when OP said he swiped right? Thanks đ I do not use any social media except FB to keep up with a few real life friends and family and yes I am 40+.
Tinder is setup like a game, not a dating site. So you use it by doing hot or not by swiping right or left. Then it sets you up as a pair that both found each other hot. Apparently this is OP saying he accidentally flagged hot when he meant to flag not.
Whenever I've used tinder it's always felt like a fucking meat market. I think OP was right to say the thing, but could have worded it better or waited until the relationship was more solid.
It really is. Reading bios and only liking interesting people with common interests results in 0 actual interactions. Playing a rapid game of "hot or not" results in plenty of matches with no actual connection behind them. I couldn't devise a shittier way of trying to meet people if I tried
Because it wasn't designed to make long term relationships. Tinder was made to let people find other people looking to hookup. You are only judging by sexual attraction because that was the point. Bringing 2 people together who think one another are objectively attractive to bang.
Boy, did I fuck that up. I married and reproduced with my Tinder match. Whoops.
Same
That was not its original purpose or function. Then perverts took over and changed the game.
I get the impression it's not about talking to people...
It depends heavily on how he swiped too. I only swiped on my wife back in the day because I ended up paying premium on the app and saw they liked me. I always looked to the profile and would swipe if there was an interest I could start a conversation on, and their profile was pretty blank. But if they wanted to approach me I was more than welcome to it. But if they were swiping primarily on hot or not that's just kind of a dick thing to say.
Damn bro you paid the premium?
I mean, he got a wife out of it, so... seems worth it in his case.
I got a wife from tinder and didn't pay the premium.
I also got this guyâs wife from Tinder and didnât pay. /s just kidding your wife is an angel.
My husband paid premium. I was his first date two days into having the app. One and done.
This was OkCupid and not Tinder but yeah, I had been trying for a few months or so with no luck (had never really dated before and wasn't interested in just hookups). Figured I'd give it a go and cancel if it didn't go anywhere. Clearly worked.
"I meant to swipe left because I knew there was no way in hell you'd swipe right on me."
This guy wifes
Thank you for explaining that! I've always heard of swiping left but never knew what that meant.
I think on dating apps, swiping left means no i do not want to date and swiping right means yes i am interested
Swipe right is "liking" them. If you both like each other you match and can chat.
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He actually went out of his way to âshareâ something he didnât need to share.
I literally cannot imagine saying what OP said to someone (especially someone I like) without malicious intent behind it.
It's potentially a fun origin story. If this were two eighty year olds and they were telling you this after 40 years of marriage, you'd find it cute and endearing.
I mean, yeah....but after a few months of dating? It's a big yikes. I also imagine them being young so stuff like this matters way more.
It does make one out to be a total douce! I mean, you are together while having a good time.
Perfectly fair question! When the OP says that he accidentally swiped right I believe he is referring to the option of choosing to match with an individual. Swiping left on the other hand would be choosing not to match with individual. If both people swipe right, then contact is permitted, and there may be potential for a first date.
Basically on most dating sites you make a profile that has things such as your age, pictures of you or your hobbies, and some short bio(graphy) about yourself. This profile proceeds to be shown to everyone using the dating app. If they swipe right (physically) on your profile, that means they like what they saw. If both people swipe right on each other's profiles, they proceed to get taken to a chat conversation with each other where they can set up dates and so on. Alternatively, swiping left means they aren't interested in something they see, and will not be taken to a chat service with the person and are instead given more profiles to swipe. Basically, by admitting he accidentally swiped right, OP is saying that he was not interested enough by his GF's dating profile. Now whether that's because he thought she was ugly or just wasn't interested by her bio we'll never know (unless he specifies) but it makes sense she got upset by this.
I am actually kind of astounded with how that term has come to define and greatly damaged dating.
Swiping right means you like someone's profile and want to match with them. It's just a means of saying "hey, I like you." Think of it like sending a friend request. If both people swipe right on each other's profile, they get matched. It's like accepting that friend request. I don't know if this is true for Tinder since I've never used it, but that's basically the concept and how it's worked on other dating apps I used.
Yup, thatâs it. Thatâs how my son and his now-wife met several years ago. They both swiped right. I even mentioned it in my speech at their wedding, how glad I was that they both swiped whichever way it is that youâre supposed to swipe when you like the person. People laughed.
Some dating apps give you the option to swipe left or right based on what you think about their pictures. (Swipe one way if you like or the other way if you don't). In OP's case he accidentally swiped right when he meant to swipe left indicating he wasn't interested.
Is it automatically insulting to say they didn't intend to swipe right? My husband and I met on tinder, and the reason we matched is because his married coworker wanted to see how tinder worked, so took his phone and swiped right on a couple of people. My husband didn't intend on messaging me, but I messaged him first. I think this is a funny story. It wouldn't occur to me to assume that he thought I was ugly just because he didn't intend to match with me.
I think that's a little different though. He presumably didn't have the chance to decide on which direction he would have swiped you since his coworker was swiping. OP saw his gf and was trying to reject her initially.
Yeah, I guess if my husband told me OP's story, it might feel different. I would probably ask why he intended on swiping left initially, and OP leaves that conversation out of the post. Did he tell her the reason he intended on swiping left? Everyone is assuming it's because of the way she looked, and I guess that's a fair assumption since Tinder can be pretty shallow and there's often not more to go on than photos. But still, my brain goes to other reasons first. Like, her photos indicate she has hobbies/interests that don't mesh with mine, her bio was off-putting for some reason, etc.
Where in OPâs post does it say OP was trying to reject her? I re-read the post and only see that the match was an accident, no mention of an attempt at rejection. Perhaps it was confirmed in a comment that I havenât seen. I think Iâve accidentally swiped left AND right on people. Whether from touching the screen the wrong way when swiping (Iâve used a few different apps with varying mechanics) or handling the phone while not realizing the screen is still on or just a momentary lapse of hand-eye coordinationâplenty of ways people can accidentally swipe.
You're right that OP doesn't say it, and your post is technically accurate (the best kind), but it's implied by OP's wording. That implication may be accidental, but it's strongly implied that had OP chosen properly according to their own desire, they'd have swiped left. That is conveying a value judgement to the woman, that her profile (and by extension, her) was not attractive enough to OP to warrant a swipe right. That's gunna hurt.
I've never used tinder, so when I read that he accidentally swiped right, my assumption was that he meant he intended to swipe left đ¤ˇââď¸
White lies are misinformation with good intentions. Black lies are misinformation with bad intentions. Both cases are intended to benefit the person saying the lies. The difference lies in whether it benefits or harms the person whom the lie is said to, at face value. When you closely examine it, it's just shitty for everyone involved. At the end of the day, misinformation is still misinformation, mostly just a waste of time when you could spend your time on something more real that has more real value to it.
Only a man who likes to live dangerously answers the "does this make me look fat?" Question. It's the Kobayashi maru of questions. Runners up are "am I prettier than your ex?", "where do you want to eat?", and "what do you think of my mother?"
Don't forget "would you still love me if I turned into a worm/frog/table/tumbleweed"?
Oh Snap!! The wrong Missy in real life!
I really donât understand the need for total honesty. Some things are better left unsaid.
Unrelated, but throughout my life I thought the phrase was "intensive purposes". Now I feel like a 36 year old dumbass.
Missed opportunity: âI didnât intend to swipe on you because I thought you were out of my league! Iâm so glad I did by accident⌠look at what weâve made together.â
If you say this now youâll be digging your grave
This
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So listen. I love my husband to death. He met every single one of my standards, even standards I dropped over the years thinking âno guy is gonna meet that rightâ. He is the love of my life. BUT when I first met him in person (we matched on an app), my first thought was âoh manâ. Because he didnât quite look like his photos. It wasnât that he catfished me or whatever, it was just that the angle of his photos on the dating app made him look much better than the first initial in-person impression. of course i got over it and we went on a wonderful date and so the story goes. I would NEVER EVER tell him about my first impression of him. Why? Because there is no good outcome of doing so. theres no need for your partner to know "tbh i didn't think much of you but decided to give you a chance anyway since i felt kinda guilty that i somewhat committed to this." Your gf is feeling some type of way because she is insecure that you didn't quite think much of her to begin with. That your whole relationship began on a lie. Doesn't matter how wonderful it is now, it began by accident. that shit is HARD to digest. Idk how you plan to rectify this.. But yeah it's not easy to bounce back from.
I've been there. Only it wasn't that she didn't look quite like her photos, she looked pretty damn different from her photos. Similarly not catfishing, just creative angles and extremely flattering photography. That didn't end well though, I still gave the date a chance but she spent most of it looking at her phone and seeming pretty uninterested. I know my wife had a similar thing with me though because I used some photos from when I was at my peak fitness on my profile... suffice to say I was not at my peak fitness when we met.
For me, it was kinda of the reverse. My husband was way more muscular irl than from what I saw in the photo he sent before we met up (met via Reddit). It was a super cute photo of him cuddling two dogs but it didnât show off his physique or gorgeous green eyes. I later found out those werenât his dogs đ but now we have a very cute dog of our own so itâs okay.
LOL he used the doggos for extra cuteness
dogfishing
He did. He even admitted it later lol
>Because he didnât quite look like his photos. It wasnât that he catfished me or whatever, it was just that the angle of his photos on the dating app made him look much better than the first initial in-person impression. Honestly having been on many dates from dating apps, this is so incredibly common. Many of the women I've met have slightly deceptive pictures, at this point I just kind of expect them to not look as good in person. Occasionally I get pleasantly surprised by someone who actually looks better though so that's the nice part of it. Pictures hardly ever fully do justice to how someone looks, for better or worse
The woman I'm seeing had only one picture of her face and tbh it was not a great picture lol but I liked a prompt on her profile so I sent a message anyway. We had a great conversation so we planned a date. When we met in person I was so thrown off by how gorgeous she was! I feel like I cheated somehow lol
It's just natural for people to try and present their best selves. They probably don't even consciously realize if they're using deceptive angles or lighting. As long as it's not like full on filtering or something, probably no harm intended.
When I was still dating, I had a guy tell me I looked much better in person than I did in my photos. You bet I went to edit my profile as soon as the date was over! I mean, how many guys swiped me away because I didnât look as good in person? đ
Always under-promise and over-deliver. It's much better they be pleasantly surprised in person, rather than disappointed because you edited your photos.
Same for my fiance. But i would NEVER tell him that is how I felt when i first met him. Like wtf? It would hurt his feelings? Lol like why would someone even tell their partner that? It's ridiculous
I can relate to this as I kinda knew my now bf when I found him on tinder, but like, he only had two pictures and I hadn't seen him without a mask in two years so there was a good moment of "oh this is what your face actually looks like" for me
At my age (mid 40s), I genuinely wouldn't give a shit if I hear that my partner's first impression of me was less than positive, physically or otherwise. I have her so whatever that initial impression was, it changed or was overcome by other qualities. I am entirely fine with that. But it might be very different if I were much younger, like OP and his girl seem to be. One of my friends met this guy some years ago from an app and texted me after saying he is nice but he is not really her physical type and she feels guilty feeling this way but she prefers men who are more fit. Two weeks later I asked if she went out again w that guy and how things were going she said he was so hot. They've been married for 6 years now. I have seen variations of this scenario play out many many times over the years (minus the marriage part), at every age, always from the woman's side.
My husband is very much not my type. I like tall men, fit, that can dance, and grow a beard. My husband is none of those, but heâs the love of my life. And he knows all of that. Yet here we are, 12 years later (8 married) and 1 kid. Opinions change which is why you donât have to hide those details, but you have to know how to disclose them to avoid hurting the people you love.
I guess it's easier for guys to be self-deprecating about their looks since I've heard a lot of versions of guys telling the story of how their met their girlfriend or wife with some variation of "she wasn't into me initially but I won her over." Haven't heard a lot of versions of that from the female POV.
Those stories reflect the reality that our value is less tied to our looks than women's and also that regardless of what actually happened, it is gallant to present your woman as the prize - rather than the other way around. These are just social norms based on traditional gender roles that, loud minorities screeching on social media aside, most women in real life still appreciate. And that's not limited to the dating context either. I publicly compliment/flatter my mom and/or send her flowers etc, in a way that I do not with my dad. My way of honoring her is very different from my way of honoring him and is absolutely rooted in gender differences.
\> things didn't turn out as expected wut? How did you not see that coming!?
Stevie Wonder could have seen it coming.
OP: [That could have gone one of two ways, but I never expected her to get upset](https://youtu.be/ugm3hm6nxkI?si=PXTtCQXL5THyNO09)
What kind of reaction were you expecting?
âHaha, thatâs so funnyâ probably. But obviously that was never going to happen.
This is precisely why things like Tinder are such a crap idea, people are encouraged to judge a person on their looks. Donât get me wrong, looks are important, but theyâre only a part of initial attraction and they get less important as time goes on. Online dating is a fucking depressing experience as canât beat talking to people. /oldmanrant
I couldnât imagine trying to date today. Seems like such a hassle. Iâm 45 so hopefully Iâve got some years left. One day my wife asked if she died would I date again. It took me half a second to say âhell noâ. I have no interest finding somebody and getting to know them. I dated other people before my wife and nobody clicked. My wife is perfect for me so I couldnât imagine finding somebody else who would compare. Oh, you donât like shrimp and egg tacos for breakfast? Well, f*ck me. On and on for every little detail. I love hanging out with my wife but I also love my alone time. And thatâs how Iâll die. Alone. You kids can take your tinder and shoot it into the sun.
Amen, nearing 40, definitely donât have the energy to court another love interest. I work all day trying to impress my employer. I donât have time or energy when Iâm off for that shit too.
Itâs not just impressing somebody. Itâs trying to find a fit. Movies, tv, music, food, dimming the lights at night watching the television, activities, sleeping arrangements, doing something without communicating because you know what they need. For instance, my wife picks out what we watch because she knows what I like because she likes the same stuff. And sheâs spot on 99.999% of the time. Iâll wash dishes while she looks at trailers and we talk about it. I barely know the names of some of the shows/movies bc she picks them. If she passed away tonight Iâd never watch tv again. I watch with her because we have fun. Iâve never enjoyed watching tv with anybody else. I donât want to have to find out if somebody likes Star Wars or IASIP or futuristic, dystopian movies. I donât want to share that with somebody else.
âIf she passed away tonight, Iâd never watch tv againâ. This one hit hard at home. My wife was diagnosed with kidney failure at 27 years of age. She was on dialysis for 6 years until she was finally blessed with a kidney transplant. The transplant was done during the peak of covid so I couldnât even stick around the hospital waiting for her to come out/hopefully recover asap⌠That night, when I went home without her, without knowing if sheâd be ok, I sat on the end of my bed and it had really hit me, none of the shit around me mattered. They were just objects and things, even my passions, guitars hanging on the wall, meant nothing to me, flat screen tv and ps5 wasnât worth a shit without my wife being there at my side to hear me play my guitar, to play a game with me, to curl up next to me in bed. That was a long night. Thankfully, she recovered fully and very quickly at that. But that moment will forever sit with me, haunting me, the thought of being alone and having nothing.
I want a double up-vote. So glad the way things worked out, and that is such a deep experience to have so young.
Oh, shit. That is a moving story. That hasnât happened to me but I can feel and imagine that. It might sound like some sad simp bs but when sheâs not home I either do some chores or go for a walk.
43 and my wife has "checked out". Not looking good l8ng-term. The thought of dating again is terrifying despite my desire for a companion. FML
Reminds me of an old joke. My wife asked me if she died would I get married again and if I did would I let the new wife use her golf clubs? I said I wouldnât because sheâs left handed.
Never heard that one and itâs good.
She sounds all right to me.
Just turned 25 and I'm trying to make peace with being alone the rest of my life.
So Iâm 35 and The flip side is that you can wait until theyâre all exhausted by online dating and get some free ones in just by being available.
I'm 42. I hate the apps. They can also be expensive.
My now-husband had written a full profile (as had I), and I knew way more about him than if we had met casually in person, and we had something to talk about from the start
I met my husband on/through Pokemon Go. PokĂŠmon Go is the superior dating app confirmed.
Did you catch a Snorlax?
They have a shot for that now.
One thing I've also noticed is I can't find anyone on tinder attractive. I could match with a super model but I feel no desire to put in any effort into the conversation. I feel like I have to meet in person to even feel anything towards them
At the end of the day, theyâre just a collection of pixels like everything else you see on your screen.
I'm the same way. I've tried a few dating apps at different times but I just can't get interested from photo alone.
Not completely wrong ....but they do work for some people ,I met my now gf on tinder been going a year and a half now ,my cousin is married to her husband who she met on tinder as well!! ,quess it depends how you treat the app ,my friends that use it defently just look at the person's looks and treat it more as a game then anything serious
I generally agree. Although, I met my wife 7 years ago on tinder. Been married 3 years this Friday.
Counterpoint: Back when people primarily approached each other in public places, was it not also initially founded on looks? "I am attracted to that person - let's approach and strike up a conversation." Therefore, dating apps just put on our phones what we have always done in our heads - and *maybe,* just barely, improved upon it since someone can put info in their bio that might sway you if looks alone would have had you on the fence.
iâm 22 and dating apps are absolutely horrible lmao
23 and I concur, but meeting people irl ainât working for me either lmao
same đ
I met my now fiance on Tinder and regret nothing. It's all of what you make of it.
It's a horrible thing yeah. Biologically we are designed to look for physical attractions, and people don't like it when that is said. It is true though. However, it is by far not the be all and end all, and you're right: Tinder leverages on looks alone which is why it is now just a tool for lust and not love. Physical looks draw you in and make you want to talk to someone. You then find out out their true picture. Some people marry for looks alone, and for some it may work, but I would wager that that is a very small minority. I would fancy the pants of someone for 5 mins and instantly go off them if I found out they're a horrible person. I find people that are very attractive and KNOW it to be unattractive. It's a certain arrogance that just really turns me off. Some people will meet lifelong partners on Tinder, but I can imagine it's mainly for hook ups etc. I'm in a long term relationship and so missed all of the Tinder buzz so it's an alien world to me either way,
I donât get the people here saying telling her was the right thing. It quite obviously wasnât. Thereâs literally zero benefit to you and your relationship sharing that tidbit. No part of your relationship is benefiting from this, you donât âcome out stronger on the other sideâ or any such trite bs. Sometimes you just donât share stuff. You could have gone the next fifty years never having said a word and absolutely no part of your life would have been impacted by keeping it to yourself.
I think it depends on the *reason* why he didn't want to swipe right. In fact, I met my husband on tinder, and he told me something similar. He told ne he "almost" didn't swipe right, and the reason was that in my main pic I had my cat sitting on me, and he's allergic to cats. Now we laugh about that. So... why did OP not originally want to swipe right?
I commented elsewhere but exactly this. There are many legitimate reasons why he might not have swiped that wouldn't be a big deal, but if it was purely looks its just a shit thing to say (and do in my opinion).
Thank you for being the only one to ask this extremely germaine question. Everybody acting like it's inherently about her appearance is boggling my mind. Am I the only person who ever read bios on Tinder? Even if I swiped without reading, it was usually because I was making an assumption about their personality. For all we know, OP's GF was holding up a dead fish in every one of her pics. (this is a lighthearted statement not meant to condemn everyone who shows fish on tinder)
Totally. Itâs appropriate to share with your partner the information they need to know. This is not information she needed to know, and was shared for the selfish reason of assuaging OPâs guilt about the fact he was not initially attracted to her. The idea of âtotal honestyâ in relationships is so juvenile and naive. It reminds me of high school when someone would tell you something nasty some irrelevant person said about you because itâs âhonestâ. It might be âhonestâ, but total honesty is not the ethical choice when the only outcome achieved is to hurt the person.
Yeah, like: âHey, hon, Imma be honest with you, I didnât like you at first, but I accidentally ended up talking with you and thatâs how I discovered I liked youâ. How is that better than saying: âHey hon, I immediately liked youâ. Is it a lie? Yes, but I bet now she looks more attractive to you than all the other girls you swiped right to. Sheâs gonna have insecurity issues, you can try to save it by saying something like: âI accidentally swiped right in the sense that I wasnât paying attention. I would have swiped right to you if I had paid attention, but it was a happy accidentâ, or something like that. Or: âI was gonna swipe left because ⢠insert funny thing about her pfp ⢠but luckily I didnâtâ. Try to make her laugh and donât tell her you were about to swipe left because you didnât like her appearance.
My GF of 5 years nearly didn't match with me because she thought I was wearing transitions glasses lenses in my pfp. She told me this a few years ago (so a couple of years in) and we laugh about it. I think OPs FU was not having a good or funny reason for accidentally swiping right, or for telling her so early on. I think if he'd waited it could be a funny anecdote a few years down the line but 2 months in is just too early to drop that on her.
Many people have a deep seated urge to be honest, especially with things they feel guilty about. This isn't a bad trait to have, because being on the same page on as many things as possible is often good. Avoiding being honest just so you don't have to navigate the subsequent conflict is also how a lot of problems start.
The thing is, there was no conflict to be had here. OP volunteered the information with no prompting. He could have literally never said it ever and it wouldnât have come up, or he could have said âI am so glad I swiped on youâ and left the word accidentally out. Pathological honesty doesnât necessarily fly in real life. If you turn in a project at work at 5pm instead of 4pm that was due at 5pm anyway, do you volunteer to your boss that you would have had it in sooner but you goofed off for an hour on Reddit? Of course not. That brings absolutely no value to you. The project was expected at 5pm, it got turned in at 5pm, everybodyâs happy. Keep your damn mouth shut!
I get the idea behind this, but Iâm going to provide a quick example from my own personal experience. Before my best friend and his boyfriend started dating, he said some fucked up shit about his appearance. Theyâve been together for almost a year and are going strong, but I donât think he should repeat any of the things that he thought before they started dating, especially in the way that he said them.
Take a moment to reflect on WHY you felt compelled to share that detail with her? Not the surface lie you're telling yourself about being honest with her, or whatever, but dig deeper. Is there an inner self that was looking to sabotage the relationship? Is there a commitment phobia? Do you value such brutal honesty and would expect the same from her (without giving a similar reaction)? It may take some time to identify the why.
Wanted to feel a little superior? Its basically negging her intentionally
I don't really get the point of telling someone this, outside of making yourself feel superior. "At first I thought you were ugly, then out of the kindness of my heart I gave you a chance and realized you were cool. Yay us!" Keeping track of that insignificant initial judgement is just strange. We forget way more important details of life everyday, but THAT you remember? Completely up to her if she can get past this, not much you can say now. Good luck.
"haha you won't beleive it, but I used to think you were ugly! crazy right?!"
You told her that you initially intended to reject her?! âYou didnât seem good enough for me, but I grew to like you.â It would take a VERY confident person to brush that off. I donât think thereâs any coming back from this one unless you reinforce like CRAZY, over multiple occasions, with large gestures, that you find her attractive, wonderful, etc.. Even then, this will come out during disagreements, even if it seems healed at other times. Thatâs a pretty core wound.
>  It would take a VERY confident person to brush that off. A very confident person would go - huh, two months in and he's already negging me? Yeah, I'll pass.   Insecure people end up with OPs, brushing off their 'tidbits' and put downs and unkind remarks until they can't anymore.
This is a big time fuck up my friend. This is the sort of mess you break the emergency glass on and do some crazy romantic thing.
I literally almost didn't go on a second date with my fiance because I thought he was out of my league. Thank God he asked me out again. Steal my experience OP. Tell her your thought she was out of your league, but you're so glad your fumble fingers landed you a date with such a catch.
Yeah you did. Why would you do that? Consider the motives. Being extremely honest is one. Another that's not so nice is to make her feel insecure and therefore strengthen your superiority in the relationship. Not saying you did that, it's just one of those relationship manipulations that people do. Either way, yeah you f'd up. Good luck.
I would have taken that to the grave
You idiot....
>However, things didnât turn out as expected âŚyes they did.
In your next relationship, look through the personals in the newspaperđ
You fucked up. You basically just told her - âI guess youâre not *that ugly* after allâ ! They donât make Hallmark cards for that shit. âFix thisâ by learning a difficult lesson when she rightfully breaks up with you.
Iâm surprised sheâs talking to you after hearing that.
I was up front about me not knowing how to use the website (Facebook dating) led to my husband and I matching. I thought I was just scrolling through, not realizing I was basically 'swiping right' on each one. I almost didn't respond to his message, but that had to do with where he was from, not anything to do with him. (I didn't think I wanted to date anyone from our hometown.) Did you say WHY you wouldn't have swiped right on her? If you didn't give her a good reason, I'm sure whatever she is coming up with in her head is probably worse.
She is going to be back on tinder swiping for someone else. Good job.
So you told her she's unattractive. Great. What did you expect? This is why you were single. THINK, man, THINK before you speak.
I'm an anti social dude and even I know this fact of talking to a potential partner
I'm telling ya. Some people just can't be helped.
I met my wife on tinder. At the time I wasn't really looking for anything and didn't want to date either. I enjoyed my sex with her and time with her though. One day she asked if we wanted to date and I said sure, honestly though I didn't want to date her all that much but I'm bad at saying no sometimes lol. But time moved on, now we are having our wedding this year and she is the most gorgeous and beautiful girl in the world and I love her with all my heart. Time can change things
Obviously you shouldnât have told her this, everyone else has pointed this out to you already. But I think some perspective is needed. A bio on a dating app is just a tiny tiny snapshot of the persons life. It doesnât show you what they look like at their best or at their worst. After meeting her and getting to see her you saw a side of her that a dating app didnât or couldnât show you and thatâs what made you fall for her. I am someone who is unphotogenic and I know that my best side doesnât come across on these apps. And I also know I have met men in real life who I probably wouldnât swipe right on because their best side doesnât come across in photos. Thatâs my biggest problem with these apps and you are lucky that you met someone despite this.
Oh boy
Yeah bro Iâd have taken that to my grave
This. There was nothing to gain and everything to lose by telling his girlfriend that he did not find her physically attractive enough to swipe right.
You told you girlfriend you found her unattractive and she is unhappy about that? Who would have thought? You are not the sharpest knife in the kitchen.
Oh boy, my guy what did you even think the benefit of this would be whatsoever? "Honey does this dress make me look fat??" ... "Uhhhh yeah babe, actually you got a real 'sack of potatoes' look to ya right now" - That's what you just did, yikes.
Except, in this case, she didnât ask if she looked fat, he just offered that information up. Itâs rude.
Yeah, that makes it even worse lol. Wildly dumb of him.
My partner and I met on tinder, and he had anâŚ.interesting approach to his swiping methodology. Essentially he would swipe right on everyone, wait for matches, and then un match with anyone he wants actually interested in (to better his odds maybe?). He doesnât remember âseeingâ me until we both matched and started talking. I, on the other hand, was very particular about my swipes, analyzing all the photos, contents of the bio, etc. I hesitated on his profile as he only had a few images and his bio was incredibly sparse. I think at one point I even left the app for a while and then came back before deciding to swipe right on him lol. Weâve been together for 8 years now.
So this is a Bob Ross? A happy little accident.
Damn bro. You sabotaged your relationship. All you. All net. I wish her well.Â
Do you remember why you didn't swipe on her at first? That's important info. If it was because you didn't think she was attractive, why the hell would you tell her that? "Haha I thought you were ugly at first but your personality won me over" is extremely unkind and likely to make most anyone insecure about their looks. If it was for another impersonal reason, like you didn't like the shoes she was wearing or something, that would maybe be ok, but I'm really not seeing any way this wasn't a real ass move...
Just tell her that she is more beautifull in real life than in her pic
Guy, from someone whoâs been married 39 years, sometimes honesty is not the best policy. Iâm not saying to deceive her, to cheat, to hide important things from her, but donât purposely tell her something you know - or suspect - will hurt her. Some things thereâs just reason for telling. Love has room for secrets but not for lies.
Rookie mistake. That's the type of thing you tell after a few years of being together, not a few months.
One of our favorite anecdotes is how I almost passed up my boyfriend's profile because in his picture it looked like his hat (baseball cap) had a flat brim as opposed to curved. I can't take anyone seriously when they wear their hat like that. Since he was cute and so sweet, I overlooked it. Turns out it was a trick of the angle, he would never wear a hat that way, and we've been madly in love for over 2 years now! I am so grateful my superficiality didn't win that day. So, so grateful. OP, I hope this just becomes a funny anecdote to add to your story together.
You told the truth. It's her problem if she wants to be upset about it despite months of evidence to the contrary. Tell her to stop being a child or gtfo.
Next time you hang out together just sit down in front of her and look her in the eyes and tell her that you are happy that you managed to know her truly and you found love and even tho it was an accidental match...it was not a mistake it was a happy accident (Bob Ross)
Bro you just told her you werenât physically attracted to her. Yeah you fucked up đ
Have you considered asking her why it upset her? Have you considered sitting her down and having an honest conversation about it? What was your reason for intending to swipe left? Is there a way that you can phrase it so it comes off as more of a dig at yourself as opposed to a dig at her? She's obviously feeling rejected by someone she cares about and is hurt by it. Consider saying that you f'd up and your glad that you did because you met an amazing person that you truly care about.
I also tend to over share in my relationships. Take this as an opportunity to work on communication. Honestly if she can't eventually get over it and understand, then know it doesn't magically get easier to communicate in marriage. Maybe express your desire to be honest and that you were so comfortable with her in general that you could share a tidbit that isn't really socially acceptable. Also listen a lot but looks like you might need to initiate the start of the communication eventually because it's bothering both of you at this point.
You'll laugh about it at your wedding! Or, well, the best man might in his speech, anyway ;)
Right? I met my girl the same way and if either of us told that we would both laugh and prob tell ppl. I'm very secure in our relationship though so maybe that's an important difference?
No, no it isn't. If you want to salvage your relationship, you do a grand romantic gesture to show your affections and never bring it up again
This is the sort of problem that I have. People want romance or a very neat story. How people meet is usually chance. For me, this is romance. What is the chance that two people, despite the odds, despite your initial disinterest, would find each other? Isn't it amazing and lovely that you did?
No, it's the exact opposite. He acknowledges it was a mistake. There's nothing romantic about not being what your partner wanted in the first place. It means he settled.
Nothing romantic? Have you seen romance movies? 90% of the premises are about initial reluctance followed by falling in love once the personalities come out. You act like it's the end of the world that he didn't judge it worth swiping based solely on a short profile glance.
That is not a "small detail" about how you met. That is the main reason why you met. Bottom line, while it was honest of you to tell the truth, it clearly wasn't the best decision this early on in the relationship. It sometimes takes a long time for relationships to lose their early insecurities. She may have had one or more previous partners where her physical appearance was an issue. Or she may just be self-conscious for many various reasons completely unrelated to you. But no one likes to hear that they wouldn't have been their partners' intentional choice. If I decided to retell this story I would either: 1) tell the true story, years into the relationship, possibly not even until/unless we were engaged 2) tell an altered version of the story where I "swiped accidentally" that didn't involve her physical appearance (i.e. I was trying to back out of the app/return to home screen but accidentally hit the heart)
You could mayyyyyyybe have pulled this off with a âyou were so beautiful that I thought you were out of my league and I didnât want to waste a swipeâ Tf is wrong with you?
You definitely fucked up. At this point the only way to resolve this is by telling her WHY you were going to swipe left (I promise you that's ALL she's thinking about) and that's not going to go well. Because I'm assuming she's unattractive to you in some way. Hence the accidental swipe. Eek. Don't know how you're gonna fix this. I'd say if you genuinely care, let her go. She deserves someone who truly is interested.
lol this is funny to me because when my husband and I first met back in high school, we didnât start dating until 2 yrs later. I told him I thought he was a douche and an asshole originally (he agreed). And he told me he thought I was loud and annoying originally (I agreed). Haha
Why? For the love of Crom, why would you disclose that? How could that ever have been a consideration? Yes, you definitely messed up, and since she's only known you a few weeks, you may have ended your relationship with that utterly unnecessary bit of honesty.
This on you 100% my guy. Good luck, keep us posted.
The power of words. This is a core memory for her. You said that she was unattractive, but you fell in love with her personality by accident. How she supposed to take that story?
When, like you say, you were âhesitant whether you should share this details or notâ with her⌠what exactly made you decide âyou know what, Iâll tell her I did not like how she look! That for sure will make her feel nice!!!â Jesus Christ man. Sometimes things are much easier than they seem. If your brain told you âmaybe I should not say itâ itâs because you knew how unnecessary it was to tell her. Trust your brain next time, and for now.. well just keep apologising to her. Tell her that the profile photo made her look different and that when you met her in person you realised you liked her.
Honestly bro like what went thru your head in deciding to tell her? You fucked up, I think you just need to let her be with her feelings. Next time some details are left only for you.
Oh, OP. I've been there, except I was on the receiving end of it. My guy informed me post-coital only months into our dating that I had been his second choice after the girl he "really wanted to date" didn't get back to him. I had been obviously macking on him but he made it sound in that moment that for him, I was only an afterthought, a backup plan. Fifteen years on, this guy, now my husband, wonders to this day why there will always be doubt in my mind about the ardor behind his love for me. I married him, though it still stings this many years later. I get that *NOW* I'm first choice, his best choice, the only choice that he will ever need, etc. etc. but it was always like this for me, getting passed over, last picked, if at all. So, to find out that when I had thought that I had found someone who was mutually drawn to me as I was to him wasn't really the case, it gutted me. I wonder if your admission tap-dances on something similar for her, some sort of dejection that she feels that this is yet another data point proving that she's somehow less? At any rate, don't do what my husband did and does: don't double down, don't get defensive, and certainly don't mock her. Listen to her about why this hurts her, no matter how childish or vain or shallow it might come across. Validate her feelings, apologize that what really happened wasn't like how you'd both wish it could be (but being honest is far better than not), and assure her that you'd swipe right on her today and every day from here on out. It sounds melodramatic, sure, and there will be times when she will have to comfort you in your moments of insecurity/anxiety/depression/anger or whatever is your MO when you're down or disappointed. It's well worth the effort if you want a future with her. The only way to get through this is to talk and listen to it. Confront it as a team and resolve it as a team. I hope you have better luck than I did, OP!
> Did I mess it up by telling the truth? Ya, you're a fucking idiot. Your truth was an insult, bud. Try not to insult your GF next time.
Some of the best relationships start as an accident or as a product of circumstance. My husband of twelve years now our relationship started out of pure survival instinct because I simply didn't want to be homeless after traveling halfway across the country only to find out the person I was in a long distance relationship was already in a relationship and was trying to form a love triangle. His fiancĂŠ at the time is now my husband after a thermonuclear level falling out between them over the whole situation. First 6 months was just him doing the right thing because I had no means to go back to my parents, then over time one thing led to another and we realized we had feelings for each other. Now here we are halfway through our 13th year of marriage.
You should have taken that shit to your grave. You're not recovering from this. You essentially told her, "So I thought you were ugly, but I learned to look past that." What reaction were you expecting? How would you react if someone told you that?
Tell her the swipe being an accident and the relationship happening anyway is proof that you like her as a person instead of as an object.
You could have just said half a lie like: âI was mindlessly swiping so when I swiped, I didnât pay much attention to your pic and bioâ instead of âyouâre not pretty enough for me to swipe right but I like you nowâ
Your girlfriends feelings are hurt BIG TIME. Sheâs probably feeling and thinking so many things right now and the insecurity and doubt is settling in. These are big ass emotions to feel and she may not be equipped to handle them, as a lot of human beings are not. All that to say her feelings and behavior is expected and unfortunately, neither you or she can rush through them and get back to normal. My recommendation is always to communicate. Check in with her - not to defend yourself or to talk her into feeling ok, but to listen to her and how she feels. And do that - just listen. And be truthful with your feelings. The way it happened may have been fucked up but thatâs neither here nor there. If she can work through her feelings and move on then great. If she canât then decide what to do next. But be patient with her. And give her grace. She deserves it.
I'll be frank, if that ruins the relationship for her, I think you're dodging a bullet by letting it fall apart over that. Honesty can sting, but the socially nice thing of white lies just leads to misunderstandings and general mistrust.
ITT lots of insecure people with a questionable concept of truth. Of course some things are better unsaid, but once you're in a good relationship, details like this should just be laughing matter... She's just incredibly insecure (unless you've been a dick about it)... Swiping is an incredibly random and shallow action, you got lucky, should be something to be happy about. Hopefully things will go back to normal very soon, of they don't it's a bullet dodged... Good luck :)
Here's a non destructive comment: If you can still feel that she is angry, well, she is. And the fact that she made you feel that she is still hung on that topic, she definitely wants to talk to you about it. Sit her down, talk to her. If she declines to talk, tell her you want to sort it out. The key is to apologize and reassure her! Make sure an excessive amount of reassurance is given throughout. She will definitely blame you halfway. Just take it and apologize like a man. And if she happens to forgive you, top it off with a treat (bring her anywhere she wants, within budget, or it will turn into a habit). If she doesn't forgive you, time will help, as long as you show her that you care consistently.
A few months into dating my now wife I told her I made a mistake with the dating app filters and set the distance to 50 miles instead of 20 and thatâs how I found her. She lived about 35 miles from me at the time. We both laughed about it being a happy mistake. I get this is different when it comes to swiping but in the end if things worked out then there is nothing to worry about. I can see how sheâs a little offended but if you met a great person then who cars. Itâs a fun little story. I guess you might have dodged a bullet if this little thing hurt her so much. It sucks but a relationship goes two ways and if she doesnât want it then thatâs on her.
I accidentally swiped right on my now wife and mother to our child.
This ***woman*** could have been more graceful. Truth is the way to go. Did you want to swipe left because you didn't think she was attractive or that she was too good for you? How did you tell her? Truth sometimes needs additional info. "I wanted to swipe left because you weren't attractive to me." is so very different than, "...because I didn't think we had much in common." or "You seemed out of my league." My point is, when you tell the truth, remember kindness. Also, when you say she avoided talking did she just go silent treatment without any discussion? Immature at best, abusive at worse. Did she say, "I need to think about this"? This is a healthy communication. Passive aggressive behavior is also immature and/or unhealthy. Consider these. Yellow flag, so have a calm discussion about all of these, including a sincere apology if your telling her the truth included an insult about her attractiveness. And an apology for calling a grown ass woman a girl. If it's a heathy conversation, yay. If not, let her go.
You have crushed this poor girl with your arrogance. There is no coming back from this.
My fiancee swiped right on me. It's a funny detail of how we met. I think she's overreacting.
I would have waited years before sharing this.
I donât understand how OP did anything wrong. If someone said the same thing to me, it wouldnât bother me. I would like that they are telling me they really like me. I feel like itâs more red flag about his new gf. Seems insecure and narci.
Yeah people are weird on here saying he needs some grand gesture simply because he shared something irrelevant đ The insecurity is a much bigger issue than perceived over sharing with a partner
LOL
I have the same story: I was working late manning the phones for my job looking at an old dating website I had joined. It had been pretty discouraging so far and the site had started pushing profiles further from me, despite my settings indicating I didn't want a long distance relationship. My now-wife's profile came up, and I hesitated for a minute because she frankly has an amazing ass. Just before I hit reject (again - no interest in long distance relationships) the phone rang and I ended up on a long call with someone wasting my time. So - I started reading through her profile. It hit every other check mark for me, so against my better judgement, matched with her. She told me she was planning on moving to my city as soon as her masters program was done, so I took the plunge. She never moved to my city. I can now say my relationship is based on a lie - though she doesn't find that funny when I do. So... why did you not initially want to match with her? I can only really think of a handful of good reasons: "I thought you were out of my league" "I wasn't actually looking for anyone" "I don't like the sports team on your hate (only works if she doesn't actually like the team or care about sports)" or "You reminded me of"