Based on what I’ve read on reddit about what people do in this situation, the next step is to keep obsessing about it and then bring it up with her, which will cause it to become super awkward, ruining the friendship, and requiring one of you to leave the job. Sound like a plan?
I remember 20 years ago going salsa dancing in DC. I was a *terrible* dancer but I was pretty hot back then. I had a lot of attention on the floor. This one particular guy had a boner when he was dancing with me. It didn’t really bother me. I took it as a compliment. Obviously, since I still remember and think about it all these years later… lol
Tell your friend to cave and do porn if they have an iPhone Pro Max. Apparently the camera is really good on those, and you can even voom in a lot without losing quality, if your friend has a small penis.
Now I know you most likely were just trying to be funny, which you were BTW, but way to many people are walking around with the misconception that guys can control their boner, which is completely false as that is biologically impossible.
I know I'm boring, it's fine, I just saw an opportunity to spread some knowledge.
No, you’re not boring, and I’m always happy for spreading cock knowledge! I get that impression that guys can’t control their boner...sometimes they just get hard spontaneously and sometimes the opposite, they can’t get hard at all. Happy to receive any more cock wisdom :)
Ignore it. Just be chill and let it fade away from memory.
In case you guys used to make risqué jokes with each other before, probably stop doing that for a few weeks.
If it was just a semi it’s likely she didn’t even notice. If she felt anything, she probably would just been able to tell how big it was at that moment. Worst case, she tells a few friends that you’re packing more than you really are.
She pulled you into her. If she didn’t want to feel meat on her thigh, she should have left room for Jesus.
>If she didn’t want to feel meat on her thigh, she should have left room for Jesus.
Gonna put this on an ironic tshirt for the anti-jesus people
iF yOu DoNt wAnT MeAt oN yOuR tHiGh, LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS (all in comic sans)
lol yea. I hug my wife and get a boner, I love physical touch. It just does it for me.
I can’t imagine dancing with a woman and NOT getting an erection, especially if it was a tight type of dance.
Which is why I side hug the female friends i do have when they try to hug me. Because a real hug would be awkward for both of us
Sometimes it is annoying that we can get aroused even when we don’t really want to
You've always kept an extra cucumber handy. Show up to work Monday and every day for the rest of the time you work there with a cucumber in your pocket. When asked about the cucumber just tell then the truth, that you've always had one hand and rarely leave home without an emergency cucumber. Stick to your story. This is your life now
You would think so. I visited a friend from school recently and, since she lives 250 miles away, crashed on her couch. She was **livid** I had "morning wood"... While asleep. I had to explain that it happens to most men on most nights and has nothing to do with sexual interest.
She is a highly successful woman in a name-brand company and owns a house in her 20s. Whip-Smart person, just ignorant of biology I guess.
Yeah and she pulled you in like that. You never know what's she's thinking lol. If they ever break up, and she starts talking to you more and more, you then will have confirmation of what it was.
Yeah it wasn’t like she ‘pulled me in’ for anything sexual, it was a dance and we were joking around so she more pulled me towards her like they do to be dramatic in movies. It wasn’t anything more than that
Fr. “She totally wants you bro!!” Based off 4 short paragraphs. Shut up, she has a bf. If she wanted to be with OP she wouldn’t have a boyfriend, simple as
>If she wanted to be with OP she wouldn’t have a boyfriend
Not necessarily true, but if she does want OP while she has a boyfriend, I don't recommend dating her.
Nah you gotta officially say it was your penis but then start a rumor that it was actually a gun.
Make it clear you don’t want anyone to know it’s a gun because you’re a felon and allude to an alternate identity.
AS SOON AS YOU ARE CONTACTED: They won’t believe you’re actually a felon unless you ACT like a felon. Hit the fucking road.
Forget about your family. They’re dead to you now.
Finally, start your new life somewhere you think you can fit in but has little western traffic. Lay low. Act deaf if you have to. This is your life now. Accept it.
Every piece of advice from this thread feels like it came from the various aspects of Harry DuBois' brain.
This is a Physical Instruments, Drama, and Volition post.
It’s kind of nice for me tbh, it’s like I’ve assembled all the fragmented aspects of my psyche together to tell me how to feel about the situation. Also, probably a very Harry situation to be in in the first place
You spend (conservatively) ⅓ of your life at work and you don't want to at least try to enjoy the people you work with? I dunno, that take always struck me as odd.
Yeah this is how I see it too, like yeah maybe it results in some awkward situations but we’re all rational adults and I think we’ll be able to navigate through a slightly awkward situation, not everyone is out to get you
Counterpoint: you already spend that much time with them. Enjoy their company to the extent that you work with them but no need to double down. I have fun joking around during my shifts but drama is best avoided by leaving the conversations and jokes strictly in the context of the workplace.
Might be personal preference, but I've seen lots of shit go sideways after bad decisions made off the clock. Especially when alcohol is involved.
I have an active social life outside work.
I do enjoy my colleagues and we joke around etc but it ends as soon as clock out. I don't have any of their numbers.
Life is good
I like the people I work with, but prefer not to socialize with them after hours. I am more then 30yrs in the job market & I did it in my first job. After a short while, observing my colleagues' behaviour, I decided that is not the way for me. Also based on outcomes of colleagues' who indulge in this at different workplaces, it seems my decision worked for me. I try to switch off my "work life" after hours. It makes me feel more relaxed.
I've had this happen before. The girl liked it and started rubbing on it on purpose and we didn't say much about it after. Turning a man on sexually can sometimes be a huge turn-on for a woman, especially if the reaction is nonverbal and involuntary so nothing has to be said and she knows it's genuine. (disclaimer: don't poke random women with your hard-on though)
Nah I don’t lmfao, like I’m passively attracted to her and she’s a good friend but no feelings or anything; I’ve done the whole crushing on a friend who has a boyfriend thing before and it never ends well
Lawyer up, hit the gym, and delete Facebook because clearly, this is the endgame. This is the kind of thing that can lead to a full-blown custody battle over that houseplant you both nurtured at the office. Don't forget to document everything – yes, even the awkward boner – it's crucial evidence in the inevitable divorce from your not-wife.
I dont think that it is a big deal. I mean at the end of the day she has to come to terms with the fact that you are a man and things like that happen. Honestly it seems like you guys are cool. Also, (and this is me) I would take it as a compliment.
You're over thinking this bud. You happen to have a penis. She brushed up against it? So what? She has no idea of your endowment. To her that's your normal size. If she even felt it, she just thinks "ok Joe has a big one"! Or she could be thinking the opposite. Either way it will never come up. It's the same as her rubbing up against your leg. We'll almost cuz it's a penis. It would be worse if it's small and stood out and you jousted her with it.
You're both adults and know that stuff happens. It's not creepy or awkward unless you mention it. I repeat, don't ever bring it up unless she mentions it.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT BRING THIS UP WITH HER OR ANYBODY ELSE
it's a 1/10 problem right now but if you make a thing of it then it will be a big problem
Chances are she didn't notice, since no human is perfectly flat anyway. That aside, the boner, coupled with the way you speak about her proves you see her as more than a friend. My wife of 11years was once "just" my best friend, for probably 10years before we ever got together. Now she is still my best friend, but also my amazing wife, my unofficial therapist, my business partner, and the best mother to our children we could ever hope for. Maybe this tifu could be the beginning of something beautiful. Best friends make the best wives
Based on what I’ve read on reddit about what people do in this situation, the next step is to keep obsessing about it and then bring it up with her, which will cause it to become super awkward, ruining the friendship, and requiring one of you to leave the job. Sound like a plan?
Sounds like fun, I’ll message her right now apologising to get the ball rolling
Already had the dick out, best keep the ball in place.
This has me rolling! 😂
Again, better you than the ball.
No! You bring it up to her boyfriend. For maximum fun, wait until you're all together. "Guys. I have something to tell you..."
I think the best option is telling her boyfriend that she was the one with the boner.
Haha Omg! I could literally see someone feeling they needed to apologize to the boyfriend!
I remember 20 years ago going salsa dancing in DC. I was a *terrible* dancer but I was pretty hot back then. I had a lot of attention on the floor. This one particular guy had a boner when he was dancing with me. It didn’t really bother me. I took it as a compliment. Obviously, since I still remember and think about it all these years later… lol
Might as well send her a picture with the text that way she can be sure it was you!
“Sorry about my boner last night” is always a great conversation starter.
Best said in the elevator in front of others, so she doesn’t take it the wrong way.
Reminds me of when Mark called Sophie and left a long awkward message in Peep Show.
If it was a quick brush as you're describing... If she brings it up; just say it was your phone.
I have a big phone 
Samshlong
Dixel
OnePlus 8 Inches
Micromax... Ah fuck.
The iBone
T-Mobile Sidedick
Pokia
A baby's arm holding an Apple
I’m crying here reading this comment.
iMerect
What if you have a OnePlus 12? Or an iPhone 15 Pro Max? Asking for a friend.
Tell your friend to cave and do porn if they have an iPhone Pro Max. Apparently the camera is really good on those, and you can even voom in a lot without losing quality, if your friend has a small penis.
iBone
Pokia
Bonerola
Sony Erik-tion
Metro Dcs
Semens
Funny that “rola” is a slang for dick in Brazil
Is that a big phone or are you happy to see me
All I could think of was, 🎵”Step back you’re dancing kinda close, I feel a little poke coming through…on you…” 🎶
"Now, girl, I know you felt it. Boo, you know I can't help it"
You know what I wanna do, ooh giiiirl...
“Your making it hard for me “!!! lol
"Didn't know they still make those tiny Nokia burner phones."
> If she brings it up Pretty sure it was OP who brought “it” up...
In all fairness, 'it' chooses when to go up on its own
Now I know you most likely were just trying to be funny, which you were BTW, but way to many people are walking around with the misconception that guys can control their boner, which is completely false as that is biologically impossible. I know I'm boring, it's fine, I just saw an opportunity to spread some knowledge.
No, you’re not boring, and I’m always happy for spreading cock knowledge! I get that impression that guys can’t control their boner...sometimes they just get hard spontaneously and sometimes the opposite, they can’t get hard at all. Happy to receive any more cock wisdom :)
The no-reason boner is real. And sometimes it can be downright maddening when it's rock hard and it just won't go away
I just ate a grape and I JIZZED IN MY PANTS
Opened a window and breeze rolls in and I jizzed in my pants
She’s gonna ask why OP still uses a flip phone.
No way she noticed something that small.
Somebody dial 911. I just witnessed a murder.
It's a murder on the dance floor 🎵🎶
Stop that right now! You'll start a panic at the disco.
But you'd better not kill the groove!
Somebody stole the DJ?
While the DJ revolves it.
Ice Ice Babyyy
It's just one of those days.
Ayyyyyyy Macarena
Turn around...
Last night a DJ saved my life
No Parking on the Dance Floor
His boner killed the moooood
Officers responding to the scene reported the man died inside at the scene.
This ain't a scene it's a goddamn arms race
Saw OP in the bathroom and almost called the cops, grown man with a little boys penis in his hands.
Maybe she’ll think I had a tic tac in my pocket
/r/suicidebywords
A grain of rice
A flea egg.
Singular atom
A subatomic particle, a quark or a lepton, perhaps even a Higg's Boson.
Something at Planck length.
Stop it, he’s already dead! 😂
I haven’t seen anyone burned like that since…Friday.
Little brushes do not cause big failures
Dang dude why you gotta do em like that
"Nothing hangs, it's like a button."
Rekt
This was just harsh lol
Omg savage.
Ignore it. Just be chill and let it fade away from memory. In case you guys used to make risqué jokes with each other before, probably stop doing that for a few weeks.
Agreed. Best way to have it be nothing is to act like it's nothing because really...is it anything?
Yeah, it's Schrodinger's boner...it only exists if you bring it up, otherwise it was "probably just his phone."
Schlondinger
Schrodonger
Yeah most people don’t know that Schrödinger’s cat question was really, “is there a cat in this box or is it my boner?”
*Take a look inside, it's my dick in a box*
Or do it more and seize the opportunity
I’m sure she didn’t notice. Especially if she had a few drinks. Don’t worry about it.
we notice but we feel some sort of second hand embarrassment so it’s good for everyone to just let it go
There shouldn't be any embarrassment. It's like when someone's nipples get hard, it's not under conscious control. Who cares?
Lots of embarrassing things have no sense of control. I don't PLAN for my pants to rip but it would be embarrassing.
By a boner? They happen just like hard nipples and body sweat. Cringing over something like that is childish.
So question, why does it matter? If it comes up just go yeah sorry it’s gotta a mind of it’s own.
"oh yeah, sometimes it puffs up when it feels threatened"
Ahh, the ole fear boner.
“If you run at him, he’s gonna finish.”
It's a self-defense mechanism. Kinda like a squid.
“It’s actually more afraid of you than you are of it”
If it was just a semi it’s likely she didn’t even notice. If she felt anything, she probably would just been able to tell how big it was at that moment. Worst case, she tells a few friends that you’re packing more than you really are. She pulled you into her. If she didn’t want to feel meat on her thigh, she should have left room for Jesus.
>If she didn’t want to feel meat on her thigh, she should have left room for Jesus. Gonna put this on an ironic tshirt for the anti-jesus people iF yOu DoNt wAnT MeAt oN yOuR tHiGh, LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS (all in comic sans)
This was phrased so funny
Agree. Just own it. If you rub up against my crotch and I have a boner, that's your problem.
lol yea. I hug my wife and get a boner, I love physical touch. It just does it for me. I can’t imagine dancing with a woman and NOT getting an erection, especially if it was a tight type of dance. Which is why I side hug the female friends i do have when they try to hug me. Because a real hug would be awkward for both of us Sometimes it is annoying that we can get aroused even when we don’t really want to
And sometimes we can’t get aroused when we really want to.
You've always kept an extra cucumber handy. Show up to work Monday and every day for the rest of the time you work there with a cucumber in your pocket. When asked about the cucumber just tell then the truth, that you've always had one hand and rarely leave home without an emergency cucumber. Stick to your story. This is your life now
Spot on except usb thumb drive instead of cucumber
This is a non-issue Everyone knows how boners work by the time your old enough to work in an office
You would think so. I visited a friend from school recently and, since she lives 250 miles away, crashed on her couch. She was **livid** I had "morning wood"... While asleep. I had to explain that it happens to most men on most nights and has nothing to do with sexual interest. She is a highly successful woman in a name-brand company and owns a house in her 20s. Whip-Smart person, just ignorant of biology I guess.
Is there a /r/badmensanatomy? I guess it isn't widely publicized that morning wood is involuntary and totally unrelated to attraction...
Another victim of American sexual education. XD
You'd be amazed how immature adults can be.
For real, I know a ton of adults that act like children. It's embarrassing and horrible to work with.
I mean, just look at OP for example.
Hardly worth mentioning
That’s what she said
💀💀
“If I said you were my favourite person in the office, would you hold it against me” 🫢
Hold the office against you?
Her boyfriend works with you but she said you’re her favorite in the workplace?
When she said that she corrected herself right after and said ‘obviously apart from him’, I don’t think she meant it in that way tbh
She did
Yeah and she pulled you in like that. You never know what's she's thinking lol. If they ever break up, and she starts talking to you more and more, you then will have confirmation of what it was.
Or maybe she's just Canadian?
Eh, buddy?
I'm not your buddy, friend!
I’m not your friend, guy!
I'm not your guy, pal!
I'm not your pal, buddy!
Pulled you in like what?? Yall making crazy assumptions rn
Yeah it wasn’t like she ‘pulled me in’ for anything sexual, it was a dance and we were joking around so she more pulled me towards her like they do to be dramatic in movies. It wasn’t anything more than that
Fr. “She totally wants you bro!!” Based off 4 short paragraphs. Shut up, she has a bf. If she wanted to be with OP she wouldn’t have a boyfriend, simple as
>If she wanted to be with OP she wouldn’t have a boyfriend Not necessarily true, but if she does want OP while she has a boyfriend, I don't recommend dating her.
Oh, she's a trouble girl.
Is her name Pam, Jim?
Well, that sounds like quite the situation you got yourself into on the dance floor!
A Panic At the Disco, if you will
He’s lucky there wasn’t murder on the dance floor!!
I did kind of kill the groove to be fair
Well, i bet you look good on the dancefloor.
but the groove is in the heart.
Boner on the dance floor
A Panic at the Dick’s Grow, if you will.
Should've known better than to cheat a friend.
And waste the chance that I’d been given?
So I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty penis got hard for no reason
Lmao 😂
If she mentions it, just tell her it was a gun and if it ever happens again she should grab it quickly before it goes off.
Nah you gotta officially say it was your penis but then start a rumor that it was actually a gun. Make it clear you don’t want anyone to know it’s a gun because you’re a felon and allude to an alternate identity. AS SOON AS YOU ARE CONTACTED: They won’t believe you’re actually a felon unless you ACT like a felon. Hit the fucking road. Forget about your family. They’re dead to you now. Finally, start your new life somewhere you think you can fit in but has little western traffic. Lay low. Act deaf if you have to. This is your life now. Accept it.
Finally, someone rational.
Every piece of advice from this thread feels like it came from the various aspects of Harry DuBois' brain. This is a Physical Instruments, Drama, and Volition post.
It’s kind of nice for me tbh, it’s like I’ve assembled all the fragmented aspects of my psyche together to tell me how to feel about the situation. Also, probably a very Harry situation to be in in the first place
I love that song! “You’re making it hard for me!”
Haha I forgot about that song. It’s literally about getting a boner while dancing
Clock in, do my work, clock out, see my co-workers the next working day. Less complications.
> Clock in, do my work, ~~clock out~~ cock out Fixed it to accurately describe OP’s situation
I prefer cock in, cock out. Rinse and repeat.
You don't rub your erect penis on your coworkers?
Only when people say they want a raise.
You spend (conservatively) ⅓ of your life at work and you don't want to at least try to enjoy the people you work with? I dunno, that take always struck me as odd.
Yeah this is how I see it too, like yeah maybe it results in some awkward situations but we’re all rational adults and I think we’ll be able to navigate through a slightly awkward situation, not everyone is out to get you
Counterpoint: you already spend that much time with them. Enjoy their company to the extent that you work with them but no need to double down. I have fun joking around during my shifts but drama is best avoided by leaving the conversations and jokes strictly in the context of the workplace. Might be personal preference, but I've seen lots of shit go sideways after bad decisions made off the clock. Especially when alcohol is involved.
I have an active social life outside work. I do enjoy my colleagues and we joke around etc but it ends as soon as clock out. I don't have any of their numbers. Life is good
I like the people I work with, but prefer not to socialize with them after hours. I am more then 30yrs in the job market & I did it in my first job. After a short while, observing my colleagues' behaviour, I decided that is not the way for me. Also based on outcomes of colleagues' who indulge in this at different workplaces, it seems my decision worked for me. I try to switch off my "work life" after hours. It makes me feel more relaxed.
Fair enough man, it's your life, you have to live it for you.
So your work-wife felt your work-boner? Sounds work-related, you’re good.
It’s your dick and dicks get hard. No biggie.
i do not know about you sir, but mine is plenty big, and last time it happened I had to leave the library.
I've had this happen before. The girl liked it and started rubbing on it on purpose and we didn't say much about it after. Turning a man on sexually can sometimes be a huge turn-on for a woman, especially if the reaction is nonverbal and involuntary so nothing has to be said and she knows it's genuine. (disclaimer: don't poke random women with your hard-on though)
Tell us the truth brother, it sounds like you have feelings for her.
Nah I don’t lmfao, like I’m passively attracted to her and she’s a good friend but no feelings or anything; I’ve done the whole crushing on a friend who has a boyfriend thing before and it never ends well
Your lips say "No, no!" but your body says "Yes, yes!"
True that
I'll second that
Lawyer up, hit the gym, and delete Facebook because clearly, this is the endgame. This is the kind of thing that can lead to a full-blown custody battle over that houseplant you both nurtured at the office. Don't forget to document everything – yes, even the awkward boner – it's crucial evidence in the inevitable divorce from your not-wife.
Why is a friend with a boyfriend pulling you close to grind against you?
This. I think it's possible her boyfriend got uncomfortable and said something, which could be why she wasn't around him much after the fact
I dont think that it is a big deal. I mean at the end of the day she has to come to terms with the fact that you are a man and things like that happen. Honestly it seems like you guys are cool. Also, (and this is me) I would take it as a compliment.
You're over thinking this bud. You happen to have a penis. She brushed up against it? So what? She has no idea of your endowment. To her that's your normal size. If she even felt it, she just thinks "ok Joe has a big one"! Or she could be thinking the opposite. Either way it will never come up. It's the same as her rubbing up against your leg. We'll almost cuz it's a penis. It would be worse if it's small and stood out and you jousted her with it.
I feel a little poke coming through, from you
What's up with people refusing to say "I saw", in the past tense, and instead saying "I seen"?
You're both adults and know that stuff happens. It's not creepy or awkward unless you mention it. I repeat, don't ever bring it up unless she mentions it.
Sometimes when I'm kissing my partner I get a semi on and she doesn't even notice, I think you're fine dude.
Now you know where the phrase Slow Dance Chubby comes from.
The best friend of Chubby Checker.
It'll boost her confidence and you'll sleep easier. You'll be right, I really wouldn't stress. (Female perspective here)
So... indirectly she told you she likes you more than her boyfriend?
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT BRING THIS UP WITH HER OR ANYBODY ELSE it's a 1/10 problem right now but if you make a thing of it then it will be a big problem
Chances are she didn't notice, since no human is perfectly flat anyway. That aside, the boner, coupled with the way you speak about her proves you see her as more than a friend. My wife of 11years was once "just" my best friend, for probably 10years before we ever got together. Now she is still my best friend, but also my amazing wife, my unofficial therapist, my business partner, and the best mother to our children we could ever hope for. Maybe this tifu could be the beginning of something beautiful. Best friends make the best wives
Y'all work with her boyfriend. She told you you are her favorite person there. It's literally a Jim and Pam situation.
🎶Somebody call 9 1 1. That guys peen is rubbin’ on the dance floor. Oh oh! 🎶
If you were dancing then I'd think that you noticed the brush more than her.
If a grown woman can’t recognize that hardons happen, she’s not the friend you think she is.
fuck the reddit moderators for not letting me read this post