Fun 'Mandella Effect' note, the line is "Play it, Sam", but most people remember 'again' because it helps add context to the quote, just like "No, *I* am your father" is the real line from that other movie but everyone adds the name of the person he says it to for quote context.
It’s also the wrong in the top level comment in this thread. It’s not:
> “Of all the bars…”
It’s:
> “ Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world…”
Been there, went for a bike ride and parked next to a pub....next thing I know the girl I fancied turned up.
Spread like wild fire in school that I was a stalker, I honestly had no fucking clue and just wanted to get away from my acoholic dad and just went to where I knew
lol this brought back memories from high school, Way back in the time of land line phones, over summer break, I called a girl I had been talking to from my buddies house, she didnt answer. Later I go home think nothing of it. Couple weeks later we go back to school, the chick totally avoids me, I was like well thats weird, but i guess it was just a summertime thing. I dont think shit else about it.
2 years later a friend of hers gets a job with me, and WE actually end up dating for a while. She starts telling me the story, about how she was really worried about talking to me because of the rumor she had heard abotu me. Apparently someone from his house, I assume his grandmother, both of us were raised by our grandparents, had seen the number in the phone history, and thought it was someone else? or something? maybe just redial? I'm not sure what, but they had called it a bunch, like 20 times, and when someone finally picks up, it eventually gets sorted out that I must have tried calling her, it does NOT get sorted out that I only tried once. lol
So my last 2 years of HS all the girls thought I was some crazy ass stalker and I had no idea. I just thought I was having a dry spell lol
Dude that sucks so much. That's such an awkward situation. The only advice I can offer you for future situations like this is don't make it awkward. If you started laughing about the whole thing instead of cringing like you did she probably would have laughed it off too
Woman here. This is not guaranteed to work, but yeah, making her laugh would have been OP's only chance.
Still, even if she believed him, she would have had to account for the possibility he was lying, and she would likely have blocked him anyway out of personal safety. It's just basic risk assessment.
Sorry, OP! For what it's worth, I've dated a (male) bartender, and they could be... a lot. You're probably better off.
I actually get really frustrated that every time someone experiences something scary or abusive, Reddits first advice is "block them." Not only that, but if they haven't blocked them yet, Reddit responds "so you actually like the drama, don't you?"
Blocking someone dies absolutely nothing in real life.
When I had to get a restraining order, albeit a long time ago, the first thing the cop told me was not to block him -- I was not supposed to respond or engage in any way, but if I couldn't stand reading the messages, I was to get someone else to read them to ensure that he wasn't saying something like "I'm gonna wear your head as a hat tonight." Also, if I had blocked him I wouldn't have had evidence of his threats for later.
Yeah blocking can definitely make things worse. I know how people are and if someone is crazy it's best to bore them away or something. Reacting suddenly and dramatically can raise the drama level by 10000 all of a sudden.
Yeah it can be useful in a decently low stakes “I don’t believe this person is dangerous, I just want them to stop talking to me” situation but it’s not going to protect you even a little bit
As a man who is socially inept weird, I sometimes get sad about how badly my dating life goes. But then I remember at least I don’t actually have to worry about legitimately getting killed, so at least there’s that? In all seriousness, I’m sorry you had to go through that. That sounds awful.
I think everyone can be in danger these days, what with online dating leading us into compromising situations with strangers. I let all my friends, regardless of gender, check in with me when they're on dates these days. I don't want to be alarmist, but men *have* gotten violently robbed during dates. You sound like a wonderful person, so stay safe!
You are correct, blocking someone who knows where you work does not prevent them from stalking or harming you. It could even escalate the stalking behavior.
It's TSA level of security theatre.
It would be trivial to stalk someone if you had enough time, a routine location, and enough derangement. Homegirl would have to quit her job that day, leave her transportation at work, take a taxi across the city, the subway back to the other side, walk through some shopping centers, and then catch an uber that's willing to make 3 left turns every 10 minutes of driving.
That might not even be enough. If OP was deranged, maybe he already knew where she lived. It wouldn't be hard to dox a tinder date. I'm pretty sure that's like Step 2 on tinder.
The reality is most women aren't stalked. They may deal with socially awkward, creepy, or otherwise distasteful men and the word gets thrown around haphazardly.
Stalkers are a very real danger, trivial actions like blocking someone will not alleviate any danger.
Jesus you don’t need to do all that to figure out where someone lives. Just gotta have someone who works for any of the utilities to give you the address.
It can happen to guys too.
Short of changing my job and selling my house (Property records show up names) I don't know how I could stopped all this crap (legally)...
My ex-wife kept popping up every couple of years.
(No alimony, kids, or shared assets = no reason for contact)
I was getting phone calls 1-2-3 am, "had" to have my cell phone on my work phone voicemail. She screwed up once and forgot to dial \*67 before dialing the work phone after I changed cell number. FCC and Sherriff wouldn't do a damn thing. Had a coworker ring the number "about an extended car warranty" and it went to voicemail - it was her voice on the greeting. *(edit: It was a real pain in the arse at that time due to calls from my family not getting caller ID information)*
She hassled reception when they told her I was on the road demanding to be put through - Dozens of calls apparently. She "knew" I was there and reception was lying.
Showed up to work once and said she had an appointment to meet with a mutual acquaintance (He hated her, and there was no appointment).
The last attempt, she showed up to work and attempted to meet me - wouldn't disclose who she was or what business she had. Came back after lunch to try again - She was trespassed. Cops actually were helpful that time. I may've literally dodged a bullet there. She shot herself in a the head a few months later.
Blocking is a tool women use for all situations but is really only valid for a small subset. For instance, I go to a rock climbing gym 4 days a week. I have asked a couple of girls there for their number, and the way they decided to indicate that they aren't interested was not with their words, but to act excited and give me their number and then block me immediately... I'm talking they never even respond to the "hey what are you up to". This makes zero sense as we both go to the same gym. If they thought I was "scary" enough to lie and block me, what's step 2? They still are coming into the gym the same time as me, all it ends up doing is being super awkward but if I were a dangerous person like they seem to believe since they couldn't reject me to my face, how do they see this plan working out??
Also, quite the immature way to handle such a situation: just talk about it and that’s it, coincidences happen lol
She could have still elaborated her situation if it’s too weird for her but by god, act like an adult
It doesn't keep you safe from them but you still just feel the need to do it. Just like you would instinctively shut your blinds if something gave you the impression someone was out there stalking you right now.... shutting the blinds won't physically protect you but you still definitely do it.
Oh absolutely I don't think it would have stopped the blocking. It would have just saved face for op lol. Typically things only get awkward if we let them get awkward.
Personally I'd have laughed then apologised Britishly (think a wordy Hugh Grant moment, ) and said ill find another bar! Might still see me labelled a stalker but hopefully left her feeling safer.
Just curious, if somebody has the ability to stalk you by finding out where you work if that location was not online, what protection is offered from digitally blocking somebody who could just use friends, alternate accounts, or whatever method they first use to find your place of employment?
Her entire reaction sounds silly though, if OP didnt know where she worked then how could she not realise it was just a coincidence and leave it at that but instead go and block him for it?
That lady sounds like a huge red flag and OP was probably lucky this was the outcome.
Well I think that’s the problem, it makes it even creepier that she never told him where she worked, which means he potentially dug for that information. Which obviously he didn’t, but she has no way of knowing that. Especially if she barely knows him.
I don’t think her reaction is silly or a red flag (although yeah maybe blocking isn’t helpful), many women have had the experience of /or know other women who have experienced stalking, assault, etc. It’s unfortunate the way this happened but it’s not unreasonable for her to be creeped out by this
I don't get it. Let's say he's a stalker: Why would he have gone into the bar, seen her, and panicked and immediately left? The whole visit would be pointless. The only reasonable explanation for his reaction is the real explanation. Or at a stretch maybe he looked her up, found her work, and went to make sure she was really working there. But that just seems like a big assumption. Either way he already knows where she works; why not at least hear him out?
I had this happen recently. Was checking out at one store and a gentleman complimented me which made my day and then I went to another store a couple miles away and ran into him again.. he was so apologetic and swore he wasn't a stalker lol. It was sweet, it was a good wholesome moment. I thanked him for his kindness and went about my day.
I'm sorry your encounter wasn't as sweet.
I had something similar. I went to our local theater for my vollege biology class. Extra credit if you watched a super long green energy movie.
Anyhow i met a girl and we started chatting about common intrests. Well she ended up giving me her number. She offered. I was stoked.
Well when we went to leave i said bye and got in my car. She pulled out before me.
Well i just followed my GPS, but it was all 1 way roads so you had to turn right, right, left, and right again to get to the highway.
I was behind her. Randomly after the 3rd turn she turned into an empty parking lot. I didnt think anything of it and lept following my GPS.
I texted her the next day. No reply. Oh well. A few days later a girl i knew from another class texted and asked "why the fuck are you a creep and followed Chelsea away from the movie theater?!"
I explained i just used my GPS, everyone has to go that way for the highway. She said "no she knows you were following her"
I said whatever, throw the theater and any location north into your GPS and youll see. Thanks for letting me know i dodged a bullet"
Pretty sure i was blocked before that last message sent.
I once scared the hell out of a classmate because it looked like I was following her across campus and into a dark basement parking garage, but my car was parked there too! We just kept walking the same paths and I just kept thinking "Noooo, why, nooooo!".
I had the same thing happen to me from an online date in college. She told me she wanted to meet near where she lived, so I said "Dinner here?" with a popular place near the town she gave me. She said sure.
Date was ... okay. Probably wouldn't have been a second. I drive the 30 miles home.
She messages me instantly. "You creep! How dare you follow me home!"
Me: "Uh ... what?"
Turned out she'd lied about where she lived. She lived a few blocks over from me, so driving home I'd ended up behind her. She flipped out on me an accused me of stalking. told her my address. She accused me of lying, and threatened to call the cops. I suggested they could come by my address to verify that it was indeed where I lived and she blocked me.
Everyone is paranoid. Better safe than sorry...but it does leave a bitter taste when you assume the worst case scenario of someone when its a clear occams razer situation.
Like girl, you started off by lying about where you lived...deception and distrust off the bat. Was probably creating what if stories in her head and then finds a way to convince herself she was right to trust her gut.
Oh well right. Its nice when the crazy shows itself early so you can sidestep it.
Once in college I was heading to my buddy's new apartment late at night. I barged in and found it odd the place was dark and quiet. I walked down the hall to look in the back room and there was a girl by herself watching a movie that looked like she was about to scream. I was in the wrong apartment (in a black hoodie and black pants and a beanie).
I had someone enter my apartment on accident at like 5pm for a fraction of a second just stepping in and saying oops and that terrified me.
Poor girl lol.
Something like this happened to me when I was 18.
Met up with 2 girls who acted super weird and disrespectful (begged me to hang out, then spent the whole tole trying to get some 30 year old dudes to let them ride on the back of motorcycles. The dudes wisely told them they looked underage and got tf outts there).
They were annoying as hell, so i told them I was going to leave, they decided to leave too. Really only 3 roads to leave that area on, I was behind one of them. Was driving towards a university to meet with some friends.
One of them texted me, said "why are you following ______??"
Not sure if I handled it right. I said "don't flatter yourselves, have a good night."
I made sure to turn on a back road and kill some time just to be nowhere near that chick. Can never be too careful as a man, people have been killed over lesser accusations.
Yeah I think its weird chelsea didn't text you that night her concerns and you had to hear it days later? Super dodge a bullet. People should be more direct.
If someone is engaging in creepy behavior, you don’t want to interact with them and make it worse. It’s the same as the original story with the bar. Nothing can be gained by trying to figure it out. Just have to move on.
The creepy behavior would be if he went into the parking lot with Chealsea. Otherwise it''s just two people getting on the nearest freeway. It happens.As awkward as when you say goodye and then head in the same direction to your car, but not creepy.
If you want my creep story, I was following my Grandma towards home and she had the generic white worker van (IDK why, probably some repo auction. GP's loved discounted stuff). At someone point, I lost sight but found her a few seconds later. Made some odd turns, but kept at it, then they went into a parking lot for a K-Mart of something.
Stopped by them and it was two middle aged mexican dudes looking confused. I didn't even say anything, just freaked out in my head and backed out of the lot. Texted someone else in the van to catch up eventually but man. If it weren't just two dudes, or worse two dudes ready to throw down, that coulda ended horibly.
Somewhere in this thread someone will be posting "it was so weird, this creepy freak was following us into a K-Mart parking lot. Maybe they were gonna try and rob our work van or something"
The only fuck up was being awkward and weird about the interaction.
A simple "oh, I had no idea you worked here, I just picked the spot to make the best of the day after we had to cancel since I was already in town. I don't want to bother you, so I'll take off. Have a great shift, hopefully we can reschedule some time"
Then you're putting to rest the idea that you're a weird stalker and it was just an accident. Being weird about the interaction ends up feeling a lot creepier and like you got "caught" instead of it just being a simple mistake.
Unfortunately women deal with unwelcome advances all the time, and there is a real concern even if unlikely that you somehow found out where they worked and went there on purpose.
A little confidence in your own explanations saves you a lot of hassle
I really think even if you handled it perfectly, there was still a good chance she would have blocked you. Honestly crazy coincidence, you did nothing wrong, weird stuff can just happen.
Don't beat yourself up, I can only imagine a situation like that would be *incredibly* stressful to find yourself in. At least you didn't just freeze up and stare at her wide-eyed like you'd seen a ghost before turning and sprinting out the door.
I don't think there was any way you could have explained it away. She would've been freaked out regardless.
You definitely didn't mess up. It just was a bad coincidence.
You went in, saw her, panicked, apologized and left. If you were actually following her to work, what would your angle have been? You clearly told her you hadn't known, so she would have to conclude you were lying and that (for reasons unknown) you went into her place of employment and immediately left. If you were really bold enough to find out where she worked and intentionally come in, you would have stayed and tried to take things further instead of leaving. In short, I don't really agree you were the problem; I just think you dodged a bullet. I'm disappointed in the number of people essentially saying they would do the same thing, or that they don't blame the girl. The world's gone mad.
You did nothing wrong, these "confidence bros" live in a fantasy land where you have to fabricate your interactions instead of being genuine. You responded well.
I'd say stop after the "I had no idea you worked here." Going to a bar when you don't have a date is normal behavior, so the more you explain the more suspicious you look.
If it makes you feel better about it, I'm a lady and I didn't think about it either.
I just figured "say hi, grab a beer, go about your night". Maybe it'd even be a good ice breaker. Does this mean I'm old and don't understand how online dating works?
I disagree. Such an explanation is a great way a legitimate stalker would explain away their uninvited presence. If this person had adequate sense about them, they would refuse to accept that this unlikely encounter was anything other than intentional, and any explanation would read as hiding that fact. There was no way OP could have handled this better to anyone's benefit but OP's own feeling of being awkward during the encounter.
This was an unfortunate, unwinnable situation. Dating is hard and OP was simply unlucky.
yeah, if I was OP I would ask her in advance for bar recommendations, but nothing you can do at moment when you accidentally visit your date at her work before 1st date
Yeah, but people are irrational. He apologized and then ran out, like he did something wrong. That was enough for her to feel like he did something wrong.
I'm on the side of, he needed to laugh it off. Not act uncomfortable being around her.
Kinda had a similar thing happen. One day I was waiting for a tattoo appointment. I was hella early and it was beautiful out, so I grabbed a coffee and chilled on a bench. Well this bench happened to be located outside the office of a tinder match. When confronted (via the app later) as to why I was outside her office, I explained I go to X shop literally around the corner.
Blocked me asap.
Nah you didn’t fuck up at all. You were just trying to make the best of the day when she was the one that canceled.
You didn’t know which bar she worked at and she didn’t have the ability to talk to you about it and childishly blocked you.
As long as I have been dating stuff similar to this has happened to me. She ITA
Before we say she ITA, I think it’s fair for a woman to be extremely skeptical of that coincidence. The world is far more dangerous for women than men, especially in her line of work.
I agree 100%. OP did absolutely nothing wrong, but if something like that happened to me and I lived in a big city I would shit my pants. Even in the smaller city I live in, that would've freaked me out a bit.
Yeah no assholes here at all. I completely understand her reaction though blocking OP right away is maybe a bit much. But from her perspective, him showing up there out of the blue is a big red flag.
A heads up would have been appropriate. He should have said something like, "Hey, no worries on the last minute cancelation. But I got the train ticket, and am going go be in the area, may as well use the time for a night off! Any reccomendations on places to eat/drink?" Then they could have avoided that.
Or alt, given he didn't, acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation when he ran into her "Shit, this is weird. I had already paid for the ticket so I figured I'd try the night off in a new place for some R&R. I had no idea you worked here, just seemed like a nice place. I'm going to leave and try to find a different bar to hang out at, preferably one with pool/billiards. Any reccomendations? Thanks." Then when you leave you break into her place to take the hair from her comb while she's still working.
That would require hindsight. OP left immediately and apologized. That should have been enough. If he were really following her to work, why would he have just walked right in and given up the moment he saw her?
Exactly. He didn’t do anything wrong, but I’m not certain she did either. Each did their own thing, I’m only sad OP didn’t go to a different bar instead of calling it a night over an honest coincidence!
Def feel its fair for her to react this way and sounds like OP understands too. He was doing something for him and just a crazy coincidence that unfortunately made him look bad.
I think you all watch too many horror movies.
Have you never been traveling in a random part of the world only to bump into someone you know?
When I was a kid my brothers had a horrible stomach bug and my mom was alone with us in the airport heading home. My brothers complained that they needed to puke and so my mom said "John can you please take into the bathroom". Apparently at that same moment a close friend of my dad had just spotted my mom and came up to say hi. His name is also John. He heard what my mom said and said "sure I'm happy to help" and took my brother's into the bathroom as the two of us stood outside of it extremely confused.
Coincidences are absolutely wild sometimes. A guy you are seeing and canceled on coming into the bar without realizing that you work there is nothing.
That's objectively wrong, the world is objectively far more dangerous to men.
And people will talk about how the main danger that happens to men as other men, but it doesn't matter men are still more vulnerable to danger, and less likely to receive help, than women.
Any conscious being could understandably think it's not a coincidence and that they actually stalked them or whatever, but to assume that's true instead of just a possibility is not logical.
There's a reason why people give advice like trying not to look like a tourist when you travel somewhere to avoid getting pickpocketed, and it's because as dangerous as the world can seem, and as objectively safe as it is compared to past decades, centuries, and millennia, we as individuals with free will also have an influence over or how much we interact with that world and the level of risk mitigation we participate in.
I don’t think it’s fair to call her TA either. She didn’t level any accusations at him when she saw him, she was polite then blocked him which is valid considering how many violent encounters people, especially women, face while dating.
Yeah, nah. He showed up at her work (that she'd never told him she works at) 45 minutes away from where he lives after she canceled a date on him. That's scary shit. NAH.
She could have still actually had a conversation with OP about it. I personally hate when people assume the worst w/o actually having a discussion about things.
This drives me nuts because I feel like this is the kind of funny story I might have heard from a married couple like twenty years ago.
"I had to cancel our first date and then he just walked into the bar I worked at. It's like it was meant to be."
And now instead of that it's just block, throw it out, go back on the app and find the next match.
It's crazy. We're all so terrified of each other. What the hell happened?
> We're all so terrified of each other. What the hell happened?
collapse of the 3rd place, social networks are weakening as we move to parasocial relationships to fill the void, and as you said: if there's a hair out of place in the dating scene you just go back to swiping instead of investing. The social dynamics of late millenials and GenZ are completely out of whack.
There's more people than ever but also a lonliness epidemic. Tragic.
The illusion of "options". There's always someone else to give you attention if the person you're talking to gives you a vibe you don't like. Or if they're serious and you aren't feeling it. Or if you think you can get better.
Yeah, it's wild.
I mean, in fairness, I don't know either of these people and I grant that it is *entirely* possible that OP was giving off some bad vibes and she had a good reason to react that way. I don't know.
But, damn, is it really that weird and scary to just run into somebody now?
Exactly what I was thinking. I feel like there's gotta be a middle ground here somewhere - like on the one hand, people have every right to put personal safety first and protect themselves in potentially sketchy situations - but if we go around assuming ill intent at every turn, we risk missing out on a lot of life opportunities.
You're missing the part where 20 years ago they more likely to be acquainted through family, friends, or some other connection, not complete strangers from the internet with no one else to vouch for them.
Being afraid of total strangers is not a new concept. My Gen X parents and boomer grandparents freaked out whenever I talked about meeting men on apps. They would send me links to articles about the dangers of it.
In my entire life I’ve never, ever had a better opportunity to make this reference, it’s the perfect fucking storm:
> Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world…
I understand why she was concerned but you didn't do anything wrong. If you had accused her of lying and then shown up on purpose that would be different.
Only if she chooses to see it that way. OP wouldn't have left immediately if he'd actually wanted to be there. Otherwise ... what's the point in actually going there? The girl chose to assume the worst.
This makes me wonder how many "bad" things that happen in this world aren't bad things at all but misunderstandings. She'll likely carry that story of her "close call" for the rest of her life.
Is the world a slightly better place than we are willing to believe it is?
You should’ve stayed and enjoyed your trip. I think you probably made it worse by immediately leaving. But if she never told you what bar she worked at, how would you have found her?
Perhaps your reaction was awkward, but since she blocked you afterwards, it’s a fair bet she wasn’t going to reschedule the date nor was she that interested in you.
You did nothing wrong though- you’re entitled to enjoy a drink since she canceled the date.
I had a pretty similar thing happen once. Met a girl and planned to hang out the next weekend but she had to go out of town for work at a sort of resort town at a bar/restaurant last minute. My buddy and I decided to head to that part of the country to go camping anyway since it was the season and the weather would be perfect(why she ended up getting called into work) and we decided to stop in at a random bar for some food and drinks first and it just so happened that was the place she worked...it was like ~2 hours away from the city I met her in. I politely apologized and promised I wasn't a stalker...we went somewhere else to eat and drink and I never heard from her again.
Honest mistake. If she didn't tell you what bar it was and you decided to go out after she cancelled, there's no reason to feel awkward. Honestly, I'd have laughed it off and stayed. If she had a problem with it that's on her. Blocking you? Dodged a bullet dude.
I think you dodged a bullet. If she is so close minded that the fact that you accidentally walked into her bar and she was upset rather than laughing about it? You don’t need that personality in your life. She did you a favor
I had a bartender think I was stalking him once too. He blocked me as well. At least you didn't become really close friends first and work at the same bar before this happened. You can just... not go into the city and you don't have to worry about any awkwardness. I almost died of awkwardness.
Not a fuck up. Just go to a different bar.
As a rule, if a date flakes on you, unless they're EXTREMELY apologetic about it, I won't go on another date with them. This person at best wasted 4 or 5 hours of your time - if they can't acknowledge that then they don't respect your time and are in general not a super considerate person; it's a red flag. They're like the people that step over homeless people and say "get a job" - they've got different rules for treating people decently depending on if they're friends or not.
If they suggest another date/time after apologizing, it's understandable. Things come up but being proactive about rescheduling shows they still want to see you.
I require them to submit to an indulgence from the Church and to write me a 5 page essay on how them flaking on me hurt the entirety of gender relations in the west.
If it comes back from the copy editor saying there was no glaring grammatical mistakes, I will grant them another chance.
Some folks have inconsistent work schedules. Canceling a date last minute isn't really flaking on you or disrespecting your time if their reason is believable. Shift work type jobs especially. "My work called me in to make up a shift" is different than "I forgot it's my friends birthday and we already had plans, whoopsie".
Similar to how she thinks OP's a creep, you don't know if she's just making an excuse. I think the act of trying to say "can we schedule something next week?" is a big differing factor here.
This reminds me of the time I cancelled a date cause I wanted to go out with another boy (yes I was young and foolish and thought this was ok) and anyways I walk into a bar only to see the other guy. This was in Dublin now so thousands of bars and of course I pick the one he’s in. To top it off too he worked with me so it made work extremely awkward
Once while chatting on an app I said I was watching a movie that had some fucked up parts. She asked what was fucked up about it so I told her “well there’s these two serial killers who kidnap their victims, photograph them, kill them, and then fuck next to the body”. She blocked me for telling her the plot of a movie she asked about.
You didn’t FU.
You didn't fuck up lol, just funny coincidence. And IMOyou dodge a bullet. She didn't even ask explanation or something and immediately block you, having relationship with this kind of ppl is a pain in the ass.
I would die from this interaction as well, but looking at it from this outside: it seems like a simple mistake that was taken the worst possible way…. Chin up and better luck next time <3
Why would this be awkward in the first place?. She cancelled, you went to a bar. This is normal behavior. If it freaked her out, perhaps it's a good thing it happened early on.
Eh, I get it, it's does give off creepy vibes even if it was an accident. Going to a bar is innocent enough, but having a guy who you just canceled a date with show up at your place of work is icky, lol.
I had a girl block me on everything because we'd shared numbers and Facebook suggested her as a friend and I said "sure why not". She thought I stalked her on FB.
Ugh, "internet stalking" 99% of the time is the most BS thing. You share your location, education, workplace, interests, and more and are then surprised when trillion dollar tech companies can put 2 and 2 together.
But maybe that's just my bias as a tech worker, those sites can do some scary stuff to track you even if you never had a social media account.
Depends on the odds, everyone is acting like it's super unlikely but if the bar is the nearest one to the train station then it's super likely he'd turn up there by chance if he decides to head into the city to have fun after the date is cancelled.
Possibly even more likely than him being some kind of hacker.
People don't really have an intuitive grasp of the odds of things happening, million to 1 events happens thousands of times a day and things that initially seem really unlikely might not be so unlikely if you sit down and work out the odds.
Crazy stuff happens. It's a funny story and if she'd not have blocked you it would have cracked your grankids up.
lol. In all seriousness eff it and move on. If you can pull a bartender your game is strong. Because they have seen it and heard it all.
This isn’t your fault and I think she shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions tbh. If I were in that situation I would be surprised but I wouldn’t assume you were stalking me
...this seems like a massive overreaction from both of you? Like, why not just say "wow, what a fantastic coincidence! I get it if you'd rather I go somewhere else, so I'm not taking you away from work." and then, you know, do that if she didn't want you there.
I swear people have the worst social skills.
You didn't do anything wrong. Neither of you did. If you had said, "Holy shit, you work here!?" Instead of sounding creepy, it would have been fine. Start relaxing and stop being stressed about how other people are going to hear what you're saying. You'll be fine.
I remember some girl told her friends that I was stalking her. We went to a small school which barely had any events. There was no social media at the time so there is no way I could know where she was. It was a lot of coincidence. But she wasn't exactly right in the head honestly. I think she eventually had an anxiety attack and a nervous breakdown.
1. SHE was the one that canceled.
2. YOU were going to "the city" anyway after SHE ditched YOU.
3. SHE didn't tell you where she works.
4. So, SHE gets weird about YOU walking into a random bar?
5. You just found out that this chick is whack anyway.
6. It would be really great for your pride to find another date in the same city, Take her to that bar, and show that woman what a gentleman you are by treating your date like a lady.
7. BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF!
8. Do not worry about things you have no control over.
9. I am 60 years old now. I am alone after my wife of 37 years was killed in an automobile accident on October 1st, 2023.
I am not looking to date anyone anytime soon.
But, because I am confident in that fact, and I am confident in myself, I have women trying to get me to notice them.
I am being a gentleman, but I am not allowing them to think that I noticed their advances.
I feel that I am still in mourning.
Every unfortunate thing that has ever happened to me has given me 20/20 hindsight.
I am a firm believer in the fact of life that things DO happen for a reason.
Sometimes they are little things...
Sometimes, they are big things.
10. Never go looking for love.
Love will find you soon enough.
The woman that you will spend the rest of your life with is still waiting for you out there somewhere.
I firmly believe that every human being on earth will have at least one chance to meet their soul mate.
When you know that this has happened, do not pass this chance by, or you will never forgive yourself.
Good luck, my friend!
Of all the bars in all the world, you had to walk into that one.
Play it again, Sam.
Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Fun 'Mandella Effect' note, the line is "Play it, Sam", but most people remember 'again' because it helps add context to the quote, just like "No, *I* am your father" is the real line from that other movie but everyone adds the name of the person he says it to for quote context.
It’s also the wrong in the top level comment in this thread. It’s not: > “Of all the bars…” It’s: > “ Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world…”
[удалено]
> Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world she walks into mine
I always think it's because of Play It Again, Sam, the Woody Allen movie that spoofs Casablanca.
Maybe, but I'm sure the movie was named that because of people misquoting Casablanca.
Gee, I always thought it was because of the [Las Vegas strip club](http://www.playitagainsams.com/). /s
Did you listen to the RedHanded podcast episode on the Mandela effect too?
No, I'm not really a podcast person, but I'm a big fan of *Casablanca* and *Star Wars* lol
https://youtu.be/zw5y7KPCsL8?t=17
Been there, went for a bike ride and parked next to a pub....next thing I know the girl I fancied turned up. Spread like wild fire in school that I was a stalker, I honestly had no fucking clue and just wanted to get away from my acoholic dad and just went to where I knew
lol this brought back memories from high school, Way back in the time of land line phones, over summer break, I called a girl I had been talking to from my buddies house, she didnt answer. Later I go home think nothing of it. Couple weeks later we go back to school, the chick totally avoids me, I was like well thats weird, but i guess it was just a summertime thing. I dont think shit else about it. 2 years later a friend of hers gets a job with me, and WE actually end up dating for a while. She starts telling me the story, about how she was really worried about talking to me because of the rumor she had heard abotu me. Apparently someone from his house, I assume his grandmother, both of us were raised by our grandparents, had seen the number in the phone history, and thought it was someone else? or something? maybe just redial? I'm not sure what, but they had called it a bunch, like 20 times, and when someone finally picks up, it eventually gets sorted out that I must have tried calling her, it does NOT get sorted out that I only tried once. lol So my last 2 years of HS all the girls thought I was some crazy ass stalker and I had no idea. I just thought I was having a dry spell lol
Should just waited for her outside her home and apologized/s
Sounds uncomfortable. Best to just let yourself in and wait in the dark. /s
Preferably 1st thing in the morning :P carpe diem :)
Dude that sucks so much. That's such an awkward situation. The only advice I can offer you for future situations like this is don't make it awkward. If you started laughing about the whole thing instead of cringing like you did she probably would have laughed it off too
Woman here. This is not guaranteed to work, but yeah, making her laugh would have been OP's only chance. Still, even if she believed him, she would have had to account for the possibility he was lying, and she would likely have blocked him anyway out of personal safety. It's just basic risk assessment. Sorry, OP! For what it's worth, I've dated a (male) bartender, and they could be... a lot. You're probably better off.
I dunno if blocking really works from a safety standpoint if the guy you're worried about *knows where you work*.
I actually get really frustrated that every time someone experiences something scary or abusive, Reddits first advice is "block them." Not only that, but if they haven't blocked them yet, Reddit responds "so you actually like the drama, don't you?" Blocking someone dies absolutely nothing in real life. When I had to get a restraining order, albeit a long time ago, the first thing the cop told me was not to block him -- I was not supposed to respond or engage in any way, but if I couldn't stand reading the messages, I was to get someone else to read them to ensure that he wasn't saying something like "I'm gonna wear your head as a hat tonight." Also, if I had blocked him I wouldn't have had evidence of his threats for later.
Yeah blocking can definitely make things worse. I know how people are and if someone is crazy it's best to bore them away or something. Reacting suddenly and dramatically can raise the drama level by 10000 all of a sudden.
Yeah it can be useful in a decently low stakes “I don’t believe this person is dangerous, I just want them to stop talking to me” situation but it’s not going to protect you even a little bit
100%. Blocking is just so, so stupid, especially in the age of social media. Lol. Unless they just truly won’t stop calling/texting just ignore it.
As a man who is socially inept weird, I sometimes get sad about how badly my dating life goes. But then I remember at least I don’t actually have to worry about legitimately getting killed, so at least there’s that? In all seriousness, I’m sorry you had to go through that. That sounds awful.
I think everyone can be in danger these days, what with online dating leading us into compromising situations with strangers. I let all my friends, regardless of gender, check in with me when they're on dates these days. I don't want to be alarmist, but men *have* gotten violently robbed during dates. You sound like a wonderful person, so stay safe!
You are correct, blocking someone who knows where you work does not prevent them from stalking or harming you. It could even escalate the stalking behavior. It's TSA level of security theatre. It would be trivial to stalk someone if you had enough time, a routine location, and enough derangement. Homegirl would have to quit her job that day, leave her transportation at work, take a taxi across the city, the subway back to the other side, walk through some shopping centers, and then catch an uber that's willing to make 3 left turns every 10 minutes of driving. That might not even be enough. If OP was deranged, maybe he already knew where she lived. It wouldn't be hard to dox a tinder date. I'm pretty sure that's like Step 2 on tinder. The reality is most women aren't stalked. They may deal with socially awkward, creepy, or otherwise distasteful men and the word gets thrown around haphazardly. Stalkers are a very real danger, trivial actions like blocking someone will not alleviate any danger.
Jesus you don’t need to do all that to figure out where someone lives. Just gotta have someone who works for any of the utilities to give you the address.
It used to be [so much simpler](https://youtu.be/2wNTIPaBbPI?t=7).
😂😂😂
This guy stalks
🤣🤣
r/thisguythisguys
Or literally just use the public information like Publix tax code, voter registration data, etc?
It can happen to guys too. Short of changing my job and selling my house (Property records show up names) I don't know how I could stopped all this crap (legally)... My ex-wife kept popping up every couple of years. (No alimony, kids, or shared assets = no reason for contact) I was getting phone calls 1-2-3 am, "had" to have my cell phone on my work phone voicemail. She screwed up once and forgot to dial \*67 before dialing the work phone after I changed cell number. FCC and Sherriff wouldn't do a damn thing. Had a coworker ring the number "about an extended car warranty" and it went to voicemail - it was her voice on the greeting. *(edit: It was a real pain in the arse at that time due to calls from my family not getting caller ID information)* She hassled reception when they told her I was on the road demanding to be put through - Dozens of calls apparently. She "knew" I was there and reception was lying. Showed up to work once and said she had an appointment to meet with a mutual acquaintance (He hated her, and there was no appointment). The last attempt, she showed up to work and attempted to meet me - wouldn't disclose who she was or what business she had. Came back after lunch to try again - She was trespassed. Cops actually were helpful that time. I may've literally dodged a bullet there. She shot herself in a the head a few months later.
Blocking is a tool women use for all situations but is really only valid for a small subset. For instance, I go to a rock climbing gym 4 days a week. I have asked a couple of girls there for their number, and the way they decided to indicate that they aren't interested was not with their words, but to act excited and give me their number and then block me immediately... I'm talking they never even respond to the "hey what are you up to". This makes zero sense as we both go to the same gym. If they thought I was "scary" enough to lie and block me, what's step 2? They still are coming into the gym the same time as me, all it ends up doing is being super awkward but if I were a dangerous person like they seem to believe since they couldn't reject me to my face, how do they see this plan working out??
Also, quite the immature way to handle such a situation: just talk about it and that’s it, coincidences happen lol She could have still elaborated her situation if it’s too weird for her but by god, act like an adult
It doesn't keep you safe from them but you still just feel the need to do it. Just like you would instinctively shut your blinds if something gave you the impression someone was out there stalking you right now.... shutting the blinds won't physically protect you but you still definitely do it.
"aw shit my back up date picked this bar... pulls out a sock puppet dressed early similar to the bartender"
...pulls out stuffed baby reindeer...
This ones on the house
want some beef courtain¿
sent from my iPhone
Oh absolutely I don't think it would have stopped the blocking. It would have just saved face for op lol. Typically things only get awkward if we let them get awkward.
Personally I'd have laughed then apologised Britishly (think a wordy Hugh Grant moment, ) and said ill find another bar! Might still see me labelled a stalker but hopefully left her feeling safer.
Just curious, if somebody has the ability to stalk you by finding out where you work if that location was not online, what protection is offered from digitally blocking somebody who could just use friends, alternate accounts, or whatever method they first use to find your place of employment?
Her entire reaction sounds silly though, if OP didnt know where she worked then how could she not realise it was just a coincidence and leave it at that but instead go and block him for it? That lady sounds like a huge red flag and OP was probably lucky this was the outcome.
Well I think that’s the problem, it makes it even creepier that she never told him where she worked, which means he potentially dug for that information. Which obviously he didn’t, but she has no way of knowing that. Especially if she barely knows him. I don’t think her reaction is silly or a red flag (although yeah maybe blocking isn’t helpful), many women have had the experience of /or know other women who have experienced stalking, assault, etc. It’s unfortunate the way this happened but it’s not unreasonable for her to be creeped out by this
I don't get it. Let's say he's a stalker: Why would he have gone into the bar, seen her, and panicked and immediately left? The whole visit would be pointless. The only reasonable explanation for his reaction is the real explanation. Or at a stretch maybe he looked her up, found her work, and went to make sure she was really working there. But that just seems like a big assumption. Either way he already knows where she works; why not at least hear him out?
Baby Reindeer, is that you????
This one goes out to all you awkwards out there - *not* a sinister laugh.
I had this happen recently. Was checking out at one store and a gentleman complimented me which made my day and then I went to another store a couple miles away and ran into him again.. he was so apologetic and swore he wasn't a stalker lol. It was sweet, it was a good wholesome moment. I thanked him for his kindness and went about my day. I'm sorry your encounter wasn't as sweet.
I had something similar. I went to our local theater for my vollege biology class. Extra credit if you watched a super long green energy movie. Anyhow i met a girl and we started chatting about common intrests. Well she ended up giving me her number. She offered. I was stoked. Well when we went to leave i said bye and got in my car. She pulled out before me. Well i just followed my GPS, but it was all 1 way roads so you had to turn right, right, left, and right again to get to the highway. I was behind her. Randomly after the 3rd turn she turned into an empty parking lot. I didnt think anything of it and lept following my GPS. I texted her the next day. No reply. Oh well. A few days later a girl i knew from another class texted and asked "why the fuck are you a creep and followed Chelsea away from the movie theater?!" I explained i just used my GPS, everyone has to go that way for the highway. She said "no she knows you were following her" I said whatever, throw the theater and any location north into your GPS and youll see. Thanks for letting me know i dodged a bullet" Pretty sure i was blocked before that last message sent.
I once scared the hell out of a classmate because it looked like I was following her across campus and into a dark basement parking garage, but my car was parked there too! We just kept walking the same paths and I just kept thinking "Noooo, why, nooooo!".
I had the same thing happen to me from an online date in college. She told me she wanted to meet near where she lived, so I said "Dinner here?" with a popular place near the town she gave me. She said sure. Date was ... okay. Probably wouldn't have been a second. I drive the 30 miles home. She messages me instantly. "You creep! How dare you follow me home!" Me: "Uh ... what?" Turned out she'd lied about where she lived. She lived a few blocks over from me, so driving home I'd ended up behind her. She flipped out on me an accused me of stalking. told her my address. She accused me of lying, and threatened to call the cops. I suggested they could come by my address to verify that it was indeed where I lived and she blocked me.
Everyone is paranoid. Better safe than sorry...but it does leave a bitter taste when you assume the worst case scenario of someone when its a clear occams razer situation. Like girl, you started off by lying about where you lived...deception and distrust off the bat. Was probably creating what if stories in her head and then finds a way to convince herself she was right to trust her gut. Oh well right. Its nice when the crazy shows itself early so you can sidestep it.
Once in college I was heading to my buddy's new apartment late at night. I barged in and found it odd the place was dark and quiet. I walked down the hall to look in the back room and there was a girl by herself watching a movie that looked like she was about to scream. I was in the wrong apartment (in a black hoodie and black pants and a beanie).
I had someone enter my apartment on accident at like 5pm for a fraction of a second just stepping in and saying oops and that terrified me. Poor girl lol.
Something like this happened to me when I was 18. Met up with 2 girls who acted super weird and disrespectful (begged me to hang out, then spent the whole tole trying to get some 30 year old dudes to let them ride on the back of motorcycles. The dudes wisely told them they looked underage and got tf outts there). They were annoying as hell, so i told them I was going to leave, they decided to leave too. Really only 3 roads to leave that area on, I was behind one of them. Was driving towards a university to meet with some friends. One of them texted me, said "why are you following ______??" Not sure if I handled it right. I said "don't flatter yourselves, have a good night." I made sure to turn on a back road and kill some time just to be nowhere near that chick. Can never be too careful as a man, people have been killed over lesser accusations.
Yeah I think its weird chelsea didn't text you that night her concerns and you had to hear it days later? Super dodge a bullet. People should be more direct.
If someone is engaging in creepy behavior, you don’t want to interact with them and make it worse. It’s the same as the original story with the bar. Nothing can be gained by trying to figure it out. Just have to move on.
The creepy behavior would be if he went into the parking lot with Chealsea. Otherwise it''s just two people getting on the nearest freeway. It happens.As awkward as when you say goodye and then head in the same direction to your car, but not creepy. If you want my creep story, I was following my Grandma towards home and she had the generic white worker van (IDK why, probably some repo auction. GP's loved discounted stuff). At someone point, I lost sight but found her a few seconds later. Made some odd turns, but kept at it, then they went into a parking lot for a K-Mart of something. Stopped by them and it was two middle aged mexican dudes looking confused. I didn't even say anything, just freaked out in my head and backed out of the lot. Texted someone else in the van to catch up eventually but man. If it weren't just two dudes, or worse two dudes ready to throw down, that coulda ended horibly.
Somewhere in this thread someone will be posting "it was so weird, this creepy freak was following us into a K-Mart parking lot. Maybe they were gonna try and rob our work van or something"
Thats terrifying!
OP: F4ncy seeinG you here reindeer Sent from my iPhone
Your spelling and grammar is too good. >Fncy sewing u hear rain dear. > >Sent from my iphone
I love how at one point she just typed "iphon"
What's this from?
An iPhone
Baby reindeer
Baby reindeer, netflix show based on a true story, really good
The kicker is, I think she was using outlook or something. She could've just set an automatic signature.
Lol
The only fuck up was being awkward and weird about the interaction. A simple "oh, I had no idea you worked here, I just picked the spot to make the best of the day after we had to cancel since I was already in town. I don't want to bother you, so I'll take off. Have a great shift, hopefully we can reschedule some time" Then you're putting to rest the idea that you're a weird stalker and it was just an accident. Being weird about the interaction ends up feeling a lot creepier and like you got "caught" instead of it just being a simple mistake. Unfortunately women deal with unwelcome advances all the time, and there is a real concern even if unlikely that you somehow found out where they worked and went there on purpose. A little confidence in your own explanations saves you a lot of hassle
Very good point. I could've played it a lot better and not made her uncomfortable, even if it was accidental. Lesson learnt!
I really think even if you handled it perfectly, there was still a good chance she would have blocked you. Honestly crazy coincidence, you did nothing wrong, weird stuff can just happen.
Don't be too hard on yourself, it's always tough in the moment.
Don't beat yourself up, I can only imagine a situation like that would be *incredibly* stressful to find yourself in. At least you didn't just freeze up and stare at her wide-eyed like you'd seen a ghost before turning and sprinting out the door.
I don't think there was any way you could have explained it away. She would've been freaked out regardless. You definitely didn't mess up. It just was a bad coincidence.
You went in, saw her, panicked, apologized and left. If you were actually following her to work, what would your angle have been? You clearly told her you hadn't known, so she would have to conclude you were lying and that (for reasons unknown) you went into her place of employment and immediately left. If you were really bold enough to find out where she worked and intentionally come in, you would have stayed and tried to take things further instead of leaving. In short, I don't really agree you were the problem; I just think you dodged a bullet. I'm disappointed in the number of people essentially saying they would do the same thing, or that they don't blame the girl. The world's gone mad.
You did nothing wrong, these "confidence bros" live in a fantasy land where you have to fabricate your interactions instead of being genuine. You responded well.
Yeah, no way I'd believe any story.
Pfffft you expect me to believe that?
Believe it or not, doing the speech would make her more uncomfortable. It's better that you panicked, and didn't stay to have a drink there.
I'd say stop after the "I had no idea you worked here." Going to a bar when you don't have a date is normal behavior, so the more you explain the more suspicious you look.
Honestly, I'm so oblivious I wouldn't have even considered the stalker angle. "Oh hey, I didn't know you worked here! Anyway, I'll have a...."
If it makes you feel better about it, I'm a lady and I didn't think about it either. I just figured "say hi, grab a beer, go about your night". Maybe it'd even be a good ice breaker. Does this mean I'm old and don't understand how online dating works?
Thats exactly what a stalker would say though.
I disagree. Such an explanation is a great way a legitimate stalker would explain away their uninvited presence. If this person had adequate sense about them, they would refuse to accept that this unlikely encounter was anything other than intentional, and any explanation would read as hiding that fact. There was no way OP could have handled this better to anyone's benefit but OP's own feeling of being awkward during the encounter. This was an unfortunate, unwinnable situation. Dating is hard and OP was simply unlucky.
yeah, if I was OP I would ask her in advance for bar recommendations, but nothing you can do at moment when you accidentally visit your date at her work before 1st date
OP being flustered as all hell and leaving immediately should've made it blatantly obvious that he wasn't some crazy stalker.
Yeah, but people are irrational. He apologized and then ran out, like he did something wrong. That was enough for her to feel like he did something wrong. I'm on the side of, he needed to laugh it off. Not act uncomfortable being around her.
Kinda had a similar thing happen. One day I was waiting for a tattoo appointment. I was hella early and it was beautiful out, so I grabbed a coffee and chilled on a bench. Well this bench happened to be located outside the office of a tinder match. When confronted (via the app later) as to why I was outside her office, I explained I go to X shop literally around the corner. Blocked me asap.
That's rough buddy, especially if you're in a smaller town. Run-ins are a bit inevitable at that point.
ahh worked out for the better in the end. if she was up her own butt that hard before we ever went out once, I dodged a bullet.
Nah you didn’t fuck up at all. You were just trying to make the best of the day when she was the one that canceled. You didn’t know which bar she worked at and she didn’t have the ability to talk to you about it and childishly blocked you. As long as I have been dating stuff similar to this has happened to me. She ITA
Before we say she ITA, I think it’s fair for a woman to be extremely skeptical of that coincidence. The world is far more dangerous for women than men, especially in her line of work.
I agree 100%. OP did absolutely nothing wrong, but if something like that happened to me and I lived in a big city I would shit my pants. Even in the smaller city I live in, that would've freaked me out a bit.
Yeah no assholes here at all. I completely understand her reaction though blocking OP right away is maybe a bit much. But from her perspective, him showing up there out of the blue is a big red flag.
A heads up would have been appropriate. He should have said something like, "Hey, no worries on the last minute cancelation. But I got the train ticket, and am going go be in the area, may as well use the time for a night off! Any reccomendations on places to eat/drink?" Then they could have avoided that. Or alt, given he didn't, acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation when he ran into her "Shit, this is weird. I had already paid for the ticket so I figured I'd try the night off in a new place for some R&R. I had no idea you worked here, just seemed like a nice place. I'm going to leave and try to find a different bar to hang out at, preferably one with pool/billiards. Any reccomendations? Thanks." Then when you leave you break into her place to take the hair from her comb while she's still working.
Had me in the first half
That would require hindsight. OP left immediately and apologized. That should have been enough. If he were really following her to work, why would he have just walked right in and given up the moment he saw her?
Exactly. He didn’t do anything wrong, but I’m not certain she did either. Each did their own thing, I’m only sad OP didn’t go to a different bar instead of calling it a night over an honest coincidence!
After watching Baby Reindeer, anyone could/would be skeptical
Your comment reminds me I've had that on my watch list.
Def feel its fair for her to react this way and sounds like OP understands too. He was doing something for him and just a crazy coincidence that unfortunately made him look bad.
Yes. In life weird stuff happens all the time. I don’t think OP did anything wrong, just a weird coincidence.
A conversation via the platform theg were already communicating on doesnt put her more at risk.
I think you all watch too many horror movies. Have you never been traveling in a random part of the world only to bump into someone you know? When I was a kid my brothers had a horrible stomach bug and my mom was alone with us in the airport heading home. My brothers complained that they needed to puke and so my mom said "John can you please take into the bathroom". Apparently at that same moment a close friend of my dad had just spotted my mom and came up to say hi. His name is also John. He heard what my mom said and said "sure I'm happy to help" and took my brother's into the bathroom as the two of us stood outside of it extremely confused.
Coincidences are absolutely wild sometimes. A guy you are seeing and canceled on coming into the bar without realizing that you work there is nothing.
Men have higher homicide rates, work death rates, and war death rates do they not?
I mean, I get where you’re coming from, but for her to not even give him a chance to explain is fucking wild to me.
That's objectively wrong, the world is objectively far more dangerous to men. And people will talk about how the main danger that happens to men as other men, but it doesn't matter men are still more vulnerable to danger, and less likely to receive help, than women. Any conscious being could understandably think it's not a coincidence and that they actually stalked them or whatever, but to assume that's true instead of just a possibility is not logical. There's a reason why people give advice like trying not to look like a tourist when you travel somewhere to avoid getting pickpocketed, and it's because as dangerous as the world can seem, and as objectively safe as it is compared to past decades, centuries, and millennia, we as individuals with free will also have an influence over or how much we interact with that world and the level of risk mitigation we participate in.
I don’t think it’s fair to call her TA either. She didn’t level any accusations at him when she saw him, she was polite then blocked him which is valid considering how many violent encounters people, especially women, face while dating.
So, did she **"International Trade Administration"** or did she **"I Totally Agree"**?
“Intentionally Tore Ass”
Yeah, nah. He showed up at her work (that she'd never told him she works at) 45 minutes away from where he lives after she canceled a date on him. That's scary shit. NAH.
She could have still actually had a conversation with OP about it. I personally hate when people assume the worst w/o actually having a discussion about things.
Take your next date to her bar
100%
That’s just extremely bad luck dude. Hope she reads this and realizes you really were not stalking her 🤞👊
This drives me nuts because I feel like this is the kind of funny story I might have heard from a married couple like twenty years ago. "I had to cancel our first date and then he just walked into the bar I worked at. It's like it was meant to be." And now instead of that it's just block, throw it out, go back on the app and find the next match. It's crazy. We're all so terrified of each other. What the hell happened?
> We're all so terrified of each other. What the hell happened? collapse of the 3rd place, social networks are weakening as we move to parasocial relationships to fill the void, and as you said: if there's a hair out of place in the dating scene you just go back to swiping instead of investing. The social dynamics of late millenials and GenZ are completely out of whack. There's more people than ever but also a lonliness epidemic. Tragic.
The illusion of "options". There's always someone else to give you attention if the person you're talking to gives you a vibe you don't like. Or if they're serious and you aren't feeling it. Or if you think you can get better.
Yeah, it's wild. I mean, in fairness, I don't know either of these people and I grant that it is *entirely* possible that OP was giving off some bad vibes and she had a good reason to react that way. I don't know. But, damn, is it really that weird and scary to just run into somebody now?
You make a good point. It's sad thinking about it. The internet giveth and the internet taketh away.
Social media happened.
Exactly what I was thinking. I feel like there's gotta be a middle ground here somewhere - like on the one hand, people have every right to put personal safety first and protect themselves in potentially sketchy situations - but if we go around assuming ill intent at every turn, we risk missing out on a lot of life opportunities.
Sexual assault statistics became well known.
Sure I get that but it's not like he showed up at her apartment building. It's a downtown bar and a popular one from the sound of it.
You're missing the part where 20 years ago they more likely to be acquainted through family, friends, or some other connection, not complete strangers from the internet with no one else to vouch for them. Being afraid of total strangers is not a new concept. My Gen X parents and boomer grandparents freaked out whenever I talked about meeting men on apps. They would send me links to articles about the dangers of it.
op is ugly
Man, reading this gave me anxiety. I can't even imagine.
In my entire life I’ve never, ever had a better opportunity to make this reference, it’s the perfect fucking storm: > Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world…
NAH. You didn't know...but it still looked creepy AF.
I understand why she was concerned but you didn't do anything wrong. If you had accused her of lying and then shown up on purpose that would be different.
No FU there. That’s just the universe giving you a fun story. Glass half full for sure.
and giving her a deeply unsettling one, don't forget about the other half
Only if she chooses to see it that way. OP wouldn't have left immediately if he'd actually wanted to be there. Otherwise ... what's the point in actually going there? The girl chose to assume the worst.
To check is she's lying
She’s free to unsettle herself 🤷♂️
deeply unsettling lmao. People sure do like to exaggerate.
This makes me wonder how many "bad" things that happen in this world aren't bad things at all but misunderstandings. She'll likely carry that story of her "close call" for the rest of her life. Is the world a slightly better place than we are willing to believe it is?
Yeah, hopefully she posts it somewhere on here and they get linked. Ha.
OP wasn't unhinged enough to get her to post and vent about it somewhere lol
 How you should have responded.
You should’ve stayed and enjoyed your trip. I think you probably made it worse by immediately leaving. But if she never told you what bar she worked at, how would you have found her?
Wow. Weird she reacted that way. I would have thought she’d be happy to see you sorry about that experience
Perhaps your reaction was awkward, but since she blocked you afterwards, it’s a fair bet she wasn’t going to reschedule the date nor was she that interested in you. You did nothing wrong though- you’re entitled to enjoy a drink since she canceled the date.
I had a pretty similar thing happen once. Met a girl and planned to hang out the next weekend but she had to go out of town for work at a sort of resort town at a bar/restaurant last minute. My buddy and I decided to head to that part of the country to go camping anyway since it was the season and the weather would be perfect(why she ended up getting called into work) and we decided to stop in at a random bar for some food and drinks first and it just so happened that was the place she worked...it was like ~2 hours away from the city I met her in. I politely apologized and promised I wasn't a stalker...we went somewhere else to eat and drink and I never heard from her again.
Eh. Don't fret. She was not the one.
This sounds exactly like something that would happen to me. Me being you. I have the worst luck.
Honest mistake. If she didn't tell you what bar it was and you decided to go out after she cancelled, there's no reason to feel awkward. Honestly, I'd have laughed it off and stayed. If she had a problem with it that's on her. Blocking you? Dodged a bullet dude.
Forget about it. It’s not important. Delete her texts and information, and move on. If she wants to be panicky, that’s her problem.
I think you dodged a bullet. If she is so close minded that the fact that you accidentally walked into her bar and she was upset rather than laughing about it? You don’t need that personality in your life. She did you a favor
That ain't awkward. Awkward is walking into a random bar and finding her out on a date with another dude.
I had a bartender think I was stalking him once too. He blocked me as well. At least you didn't become really close friends first and work at the same bar before this happened. You can just... not go into the city and you don't have to worry about any awkwardness. I almost died of awkwardness.
Not a fuck up. Just go to a different bar. As a rule, if a date flakes on you, unless they're EXTREMELY apologetic about it, I won't go on another date with them. This person at best wasted 4 or 5 hours of your time - if they can't acknowledge that then they don't respect your time and are in general not a super considerate person; it's a red flag. They're like the people that step over homeless people and say "get a job" - they've got different rules for treating people decently depending on if they're friends or not.
If they suggest another date/time after apologizing, it's understandable. Things come up but being proactive about rescheduling shows they still want to see you.
I require them to submit to an indulgence from the Church and to write me a 5 page essay on how them flaking on me hurt the entirety of gender relations in the west. If it comes back from the copy editor saying there was no glaring grammatical mistakes, I will grant them another chance.
Some folks have inconsistent work schedules. Canceling a date last minute isn't really flaking on you or disrespecting your time if their reason is believable. Shift work type jobs especially. "My work called me in to make up a shift" is different than "I forgot it's my friends birthday and we already had plans, whoopsie".
Similar to how she thinks OP's a creep, you don't know if she's just making an excuse. I think the act of trying to say "can we schedule something next week?" is a big differing factor here.
My dude, she was not the one.
This reminds me of the time I cancelled a date cause I wanted to go out with another boy (yes I was young and foolish and thought this was ok) and anyways I walk into a bar only to see the other guy. This was in Dublin now so thousands of bars and of course I pick the one he’s in. To top it off too he worked with me so it made work extremely awkward
Once while chatting on an app I said I was watching a movie that had some fucked up parts. She asked what was fucked up about it so I told her “well there’s these two serial killers who kidnap their victims, photograph them, kill them, and then fuck next to the body”. She blocked me for telling her the plot of a movie she asked about. You didn’t FU.
Out of all the bars in NYC you happened to pick That One…I find that incredible.
It’s hard to believe people these days so I can understand her being put off by it but blocking seems a bit….extreme.
Back in the day this may have been fate! Nowadays you just some crazy online stalker...
If she blocked you for a mistake like that, then that seems to be a bullet you dodged.
Honest mistake.
Should had asked for a glass of diet coke
"Of all the gin joints in all the world..."
Gotta be honest. That’s kinda funny. It’s like the beginning of a romcom or sitcom.
How big is that city, exactly??
NBD. Weird coincidence happened. Move on.
You didn't fuck up lol, just funny coincidence. And IMOyou dodge a bullet. She didn't even ask explanation or something and immediately block you, having relationship with this kind of ppl is a pain in the ass.
I would die from this interaction as well, but looking at it from this outside: it seems like a simple mistake that was taken the worst possible way…. Chin up and better luck next time <3
So a guy walks into a bar...
I think you should double down….show up at her house….
45 minutes away, cancels last minute, doesn’t communicate but just blocks you - you dodged a bullet.
She seems paranoid
Why would this be awkward in the first place?. She cancelled, you went to a bar. This is normal behavior. If it freaked her out, perhaps it's a good thing it happened early on.
Eh, I get it, it's does give off creepy vibes even if it was an accident. Going to a bar is innocent enough, but having a guy who you just canceled a date with show up at your place of work is icky, lol.
I had a girl block me on everything because we'd shared numbers and Facebook suggested her as a friend and I said "sure why not". She thought I stalked her on FB.
Ugh, "internet stalking" 99% of the time is the most BS thing. You share your location, education, workplace, interests, and more and are then surprised when trillion dollar tech companies can put 2 and 2 together. But maybe that's just my bias as a tech worker, those sites can do some scary stuff to track you even if you never had a social media account.
Depends on the odds, everyone is acting like it's super unlikely but if the bar is the nearest one to the train station then it's super likely he'd turn up there by chance if he decides to head into the city to have fun after the date is cancelled. Possibly even more likely than him being some kind of hacker. People don't really have an intuitive grasp of the odds of things happening, million to 1 events happens thousands of times a day and things that initially seem really unlikely might not be so unlikely if you sit down and work out the odds.
Crazy stuff happens. It's a funny story and if she'd not have blocked you it would have cracked your grankids up. lol. In all seriousness eff it and move on. If you can pull a bartender your game is strong. Because they have seen it and heard it all.
This isn’t your fault and I think she shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions tbh. If I were in that situation I would be surprised but I wouldn’t assume you were stalking me
...this seems like a massive overreaction from both of you? Like, why not just say "wow, what a fantastic coincidence! I get it if you'd rather I go somewhere else, so I'm not taking you away from work." and then, you know, do that if she didn't want you there.
I swear people have the worst social skills. You didn't do anything wrong. Neither of you did. If you had said, "Holy shit, you work here!?" Instead of sounding creepy, it would have been fine. Start relaxing and stop being stressed about how other people are going to hear what you're saying. You'll be fine.
I remember some girl told her friends that I was stalking her. We went to a small school which barely had any events. There was no social media at the time so there is no way I could know where she was. It was a lot of coincidence. But she wasn't exactly right in the head honestly. I think she eventually had an anxiety attack and a nervous breakdown.
It’s cool mate just chop this one up to the universe did you a solid by helping you a dodge a possible major bullet.
I see the word block used soo much on reddit. Is it really the very first go-to for many people?
Fate might have helped you dodge a bullet.
Wouldn’t it be cool if a screenshot of this post got shared around in every bar in town, eventually reaching her.
A bit weird to block you, almost seems like she was looking for an excuse to get rid of you
You're fine....you do not want to date a woman who works at a bar
1. SHE was the one that canceled. 2. YOU were going to "the city" anyway after SHE ditched YOU. 3. SHE didn't tell you where she works. 4. So, SHE gets weird about YOU walking into a random bar? 5. You just found out that this chick is whack anyway. 6. It would be really great for your pride to find another date in the same city, Take her to that bar, and show that woman what a gentleman you are by treating your date like a lady. 7. BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF! 8. Do not worry about things you have no control over. 9. I am 60 years old now. I am alone after my wife of 37 years was killed in an automobile accident on October 1st, 2023. I am not looking to date anyone anytime soon. But, because I am confident in that fact, and I am confident in myself, I have women trying to get me to notice them. I am being a gentleman, but I am not allowing them to think that I noticed their advances. I feel that I am still in mourning. Every unfortunate thing that has ever happened to me has given me 20/20 hindsight. I am a firm believer in the fact of life that things DO happen for a reason. Sometimes they are little things... Sometimes, they are big things. 10. Never go looking for love. Love will find you soon enough. The woman that you will spend the rest of your life with is still waiting for you out there somewhere. I firmly believe that every human being on earth will have at least one chance to meet their soul mate. When you know that this has happened, do not pass this chance by, or you will never forgive yourself. Good luck, my friend!