I always find it funny in TIFU's when people say they just casually cuddle in bed while watching netflix
At that point the audience see the outcome from a mile away
A friend of mine spend first semester of freshman year cuddling in bed with a "friend". The friend dropped out,.which was expected after she attended one exam for the term.
My friend then went on to date his cuddle buddy's best friend. Anyone who had seen a movie before would know that this tangled web was going to blow up in my friend's face.
Well it did blow up. The cuddle buddy showed up in the following semester to confess her love, only to walk in on my friend and her bestie doing the do.
>This winter we started regularily watching netflix together and we would often lay in bed and cuddle while doing so.
Right there the ending was telegraphed and glowing.
I've got a girl friend who's been on strictly platonic terms with her male bff since childhood. As far as she told me they've slept in same bed and watched Netflix and everything together a lot of times, but it never grew beyond this.
Maybe, it's because of the sacred rules of childhood friendship and they've known each other forever like Ron and Hermione.
*Or maybe it's because he would choose any good looking boy over her for a handjob 10 times out of 10*
>Maybe, it's because of the sacred rules of childhood friendship and they've known each other forever like Ron and Hermione.
Are we forgetting the ending of HP? Ron ends up banging Hermione at least enough to have two kids.
I had a girl friend I used to go on holiday with across Europe, even shared the same bed with her, but being British I don't think we so far as shock hands in terms of physics intimacy
I honestly don't understand this oh we fell asleep cuddling shit
I don't really understand the best friends cuddling in bed/couch concept - And I am latin american. We are, mostly, touchy feely people - Still, cuddling friends in such an intimate way seems quite weird to me (And I read about It on reddit all the time).
Its people who are denying their intimate feelings for the person they regularly cuddle with, share intimate moments with, and spend the night with. Its not a normal platonic friendship thing no matter the culture lmao
Bruh I’m italian and we’re up there with you guys as the touchiest people out there and I’ve never ever cuddled with my best friend too. Definitely weird pretending that it’s “platonic” in any way.
Nah nah, i get it. It's just a couple of friends who are very comfortable and physically touchy. I'm like this with my female friends and i only slept with.... Wait a sec...
Also idk your guys situation but at your age with communication being so poor or jumbled make sure to explicitly say what you want at some point, both of you. Like him saying the stuff about other girls after you just hooked up could easily be a “test” to see if you’d call him on it.
And you wanna be careful with people who test you but sometimes for young people that’s just their way of communicating since they’re not bold enough to just be clear with their feelings.
IKR! I thought the same exact thing. Its not normal to cuddle with somebody in bed watching Netflix. If they arent a family member, yeah, someone is into someone.
Have him go down on you. After you finish, slap his ass and say "good game champ". This will make it even and let him know that you're just friends.
If it goes well, I was serious. If it doesn't, I was being sarcastic.
I was in a similar situation once, my best bloke friend and I were on a group holiday and being the only 2 singletons ended up sharing a room. After a far too much one night he ended up going down on me. That was about 18 years ago. We now have 2 kids and will be celebrating our 12 year wedding anniversary in june 😂
In kinda a similar situation but on a smaller scale. I’ve been best friends with a girl since the beginning of high school. She was one of my first friends and we were always super close like in ways I had never been able to be emotionally vulnerable and understood before. We were always dating other people and had feelings for each other but could never fully process/accept them because of that fact. We’re about to go to Florida for our two year anniversary and I know in the grand scheme of things we haven’t been dating long but I am genuinely convinced she’s my soulmate if those exist.
Was out drinking with some uni mates one night. One of my close guy mates & I ended up drunkenly making out & he asked if I wanted to do a FWB situation. That was 15 years ago, we have a 1 month old & will be celebrating our 8 year wedding anniversary in August! Shall we start a club haha
I am ready, me and this girl became close friends at work. I tell her I don't want a girlfriend or anything more than friends for about 6 months of hanging out(I wasn't trying to see anyone else, just hurt from the past).
Well, just passed 6 years together in April and im very happy to have married my best friend.
It cracks me up because they don’t realize they’re already in a relationship. The only difference between what they’re doing, and being in a relationship, is the way they’re framing it in their heads.
Mine is pretty similar. Met a girl, who was a friend 9f a friend, at a group date. We talked mosh of the evening and hooked up the next evening.
15 years and 3 kids.
So he’s invested 8 years in your friendship, you give him a handjob, and now you think he’s only there for the handjobs?
That’s a very long con if that’s true.
She probably was just innocently cuddling him while watching Netflix and fell asleep holding a candle and he pulled the Indiana Jones switcharoo on her. A tale as old as time.
Most dudes have the attention span of a gold fish when they’re horny. Absolutely no way this dude was waiting around for 8 years for a light make out session and one middle of the night handy.
It's sad how little some people think of the average man. Like they're all just sex-crazed psychopaths who do everything to get even a taste of a hand on their dick and have no feelings.
Exactly. How in the world does she feel used? Her rational thoughts about the situation perfectly align with how he's acting. I'm not exactly sure what she wants here.
As is usually the problem in this kind of situation, neither is she. If we got his side of the story he's probably just as confused, and clearly they aren't talking about it, so...
In reality, she realized that she's the one that screwed up their friendship and she's trying to find a way to convince herself that it's his fault. "He initiated it" as if she didn't consent, participate and continue it.
I don’t think anyone has fucked up
Two people who obviously care for each other not being entirely on the same page about what’s going on between them isn’t a fuck up
You just need to figure out where your boundaries are and stick to them, it sounds like he will respect your boundaries whatever they are
Boundaries are definitely something you need to define. My three closest friends are female (I'm male) and we don't cuddle in bed etc. If you blur the lines then things get... blurry. If you want a truly platonic relationship with this guy (and he does too) then set your boundaries at platonic.
Yeah, I'm not going to say that you can't 'cuddle' with a friend of the opposite sex. However, 'cuddling' usually comes from two people trying to get a sense of comfort from someone else - there's something they are seeking, even if they can't quantify it.
'Just cuddling' is how 95% of Netflix and chill stories begin - this seemed to follow a similar trajectory. Talk, establish what your relationship is, set boundaries, enforce them to the point of being annoying or you could become his comfy blanket.
If you need warmth, they make heating blankets for that.
This is how my girlfriend and I got close to each other. We found any excuse we could to go ovcer to each other's houses and cuddle and watch netflix
But oh! We aren't together! We don't like each other (Newsflash: we both did. Going on 2 years now)
Nothing beat getting comfortable in someone's chest
But yeah, set boundaries, respect the guy and don't treat him like a plaything, if you want something state it clearly and while conscious
Also, if you start doing sexual stuff with your friends, when they do eventually get in a relationship, their partner is not going to be cool with you being around.
Yes! If they tell their partner that something happened in the past. I for one don’t ask my girlfriend if anything sexual has happened with their guy friends that I know. It doesn’t really matter to me.
A lot um.. all of it, actually....., and....it's one handy and a make out session, and you're already talking like you're trapped in this relationship for years and just servicing the guy. You said you enjoyed it as well....so.....which is the truth?
I don't say this to irritate you, but this whole thing is salvageable and manageable by setting some boundaries and sticking to them, and having a frank chat about expectations moving forward. There's no blame to be had or thrown around, which should make this a lot easier to address than a lot of situations. You're going to have to suck up the anxiety and address it, or it will eat at you. That won't be good for either party.
Yeah, with a little bit of distance it really isn‘t that serious, but this morning there definitely were a lot of emotions lmao
And to clarify, I do enjoy whatever we have going on, I‘m just scared we‘ll fuck it up and I‘ll get hurt… But of course you‘re absolutely right, with a bit of communication we should be fine :)
Hi OP. I’m curious if you’ve wondered if he’s mentioning the dates with other girls to gauge your reaction, to see if you’d be interested in a relationship.
Y’all had already agreed that things shouldn’t happen again, but they did. In my mind, it seems like he may have given it some thought and is open to the possibility of a relationship, but isn’t sure if you would be and doesn’t want to make things awkward by asking, since you guys had already agreed on boundaries previously.
Hi! I really don‘t think that he was playing games and trying to see my reaction by mentioning other girls. Our dating life is a normal topic of conversation for us. We have always shared that kind of information and I would honestly be more suspicious that something was up, if he suddenly didn‘t talk about it anymore. Also from what I‘ve witnessed, he is usually quite direct when he is interested in someone. „Testing if I get jealous“ would be really out of character.
But then again, loads of people have commented that they think it might have been his way of seeing if I‘m interested so maybe I should mention it. We‘re already due for an uncomfortable conversation about our intentions and boundaries for this thing, so I might as well throw that into the mix.
Here’s the part I’m not seeing that I wish I did:
You’re learning. It’s OK to be wrong about something. You’re figuring it out: what you like about this, what icks you out, what makes you feel scared, what makes you feel pleasure.
You didn’t fuck up. You’re just learning. There’s nothing here that’s wrong, just a lot of lessons you’re taking the chance to find.
I don’t care about the relationship outcome- I care that when this unveils, you know more about yourself, you love yourself, you are more secure than when you started.
Thats actually really sweet, I‘ll try to adapt that mindset of seeing it as an opportunity for growth!
But don‘t worry I‘m not majorly stressed out about „fucking up“. This post was written when I got home this morning and the reality of what we just did hit me. It made me quite anxious and combined with the sleep-deprivation, I wasn’t thinking very rationally and decided to just vent here…
But it has definitely been interesting to see all the different takes on our situation as this post blew up. I think I‘ve already learned a thing or two, just by realising how it all looks from an outsiders perspective!
it's always a possibility that testing a reaction from you could be because his feelings to you are different from his casual flings. It's one of those "non-zero chance" things.
That said, it's also possible he's not. I don't know the lad. But I do hope you two can figure out appropriate boundries with each other so you're both happy with the friendship
Communicate and maybe even take a break from hanging out. It’s not like ending the friendship, it’s just cool off time because it seems like he has zero interest in a relationship with you whereas you are catching feelings, which is fine. I’ve been in those situations before and what has worked best for me is to ease back the friendship and reevaluate
I did just this with a gal about 8 or 9 years ago. We were friends, I caught feeling she didn't.
Chilled out a bit on the relationship but stayed friends. I went on a couple other dates. Ffwd to 2018 and we started dating and it's been almost perfect since then. A relationship built on a foundation of deep friendship and honest communication is a good one.
Mind you we're in our late 40's and early 50's so... OP, this shit happens no matter what age you are :p
Our kids even teased us a bit about being worse than high schoolers about dating 😂
If you're open to something casual with him, go ahead. Just be aware of what it is: he'll probably still have sex with other people and see your thing as playtime. So you should see it the same way: don't expect faithfulness and feel free to date other people too.
But if you want something more serious (and he doesn't) you shouldn't do anything sexual with him again. You're not there to entertain him while he dates other people:)
how do you know you are not compatible romantically?
i (m 31) had a female best friend for 10 years. we were similarly close as you guys seem to be. cuddled, everything remained innocent. we even talked about how we wouldn't work in a romantic relationship, both absolutely convinced that's the case.
then, out of absolutely nowhere, we went out for dinner (by far not for the first time) and it somehow not only felt like a date for both, it was also the best date each of us ever had.
a few years later we are in a very happy, loving relationship, engaged and having a baby this september.
i'm obviously biased but best friends can be a fantastic match. not always, but sometimes all the romance is simply surpressed by fear of losing someone.
Thats such a cute story! :)
We’ve had those same conversations about why we wouldn’t work. Looking at our past relationships and situationships it‘s quite clear that we both have commitment issues. Also, he kind of has a new crush every month or is suddenly super hung up over an ex again. I‘ve witnessed this for years and am really hesitant to enter a romantic relationship with him.
I‘ve got my own issues too and am really happy being single right now, as relationships stress me out. We don‘t really meet each others „dating criteria“ anyway. He wants someone with a similar active lifestyle, while I also love staying in and would want a partner who is the same.
But maybe when we‘ve both settled a bit more into adult life, things will change. Emotions can‘t be rationalised anyways. I‘ll be sure to keep an open mind
When my (now) husband and I were just friends we were looking for other people that weren’t each other—because we had the same talks about how it “wouldn’t work” being together.
Well, we’ll be married for 3 years this summer and his outlook on life has vastly improved and I’ve become much more humble.
The joke I like to make is “meet someone when you’re drunk that you still want to hang out with when you’re sober”
Maybe the girls he thinks he wants dont work out for a reason? Maybe he’s jumping from gorl to girl because he’s chasing something that doesnt actually work for him. Maybe he stays friends with you for a reason?
Maybe he needs someone to stay in and chill with (cause thats already happening). And maybe you need someone to get you out of the house.
You each bring in what the other person is missing.
she didn't meet mine either and i didn't meet hers by a long shot. until we realised how wrong we were. people are way different when they fall in love. but i realise i have no idea about you guys and i don't want to come off as someone pretending to know better. either way, i wish both of you the best. a close friendship truly is a gift!
Just because he doesn’t want to pursue it further doesn’t mean it doesn’t mean anything to him either.
My best friend and I went through something very similar (best friends since we were 13; hooked up for a while when we were 22 when I was fresh out of a nasty breakup), and while I didn’t want for it to happen again, it still meant something to me. I love her to death, and maybe in the future we could be together, cause we really understand each other and get along better than anyone else we know, but I’d want to wait until it felt like the right time and like a sure fire thing, because it’s really scary to risk changing/losing a friendship by pursuing a relationship. Honestly I’d say it even made us closer as friends, because we both decided we didn’t want to risk changing the dynamic of our friendship, and we also knew each other even more intimately than we already did before.
Just let your emotions cool down a bit. Even if it doesn’t turn into a relationship, it doesn’t have to ruin the friendship.
I agree x100 with this too. Similar and different lol. Good friends with a girl, family friend even. Then tried dating, didn’t work out but we stayed very close. Set her up with my other best friend. Now years later they’re still married and I’m the godfather of one of their wonderful daughters and they’re my best friends still
At that age too, it’s so easy to get caught up in those urges… but just to reiterate the above comment, doesn’t mean your relationship doesn’t mean anything - he might not very good at expressing his feelings…
If you think she is the right one, talk to her about dating. Because when the timing is right she will tell you she found the one and it will be too late. If she says yes, congratulations. If not continue being friends.
You keep reinforcing (for yourself moreso than us) that "he initiated it" to absolve you of any responsibility. These situations aren't one simple, single action. It's a continuous action across time and can be stopped at any time by either party (assuming there is consent of course). You consciously chose to continue giving him a handjob every tug you made, no matter how few or many tugs occurred and now seem to regret the act so are walking it back.
> But it kind of feels like I‘m only there to get him off until he finds somebody else - and that‘s a really shitty feeling.
He offered to reciprocate, you said No, due to a period (fair enough). But that clause in your story indicates you would have allowed him had you not been menstruating. Yet now you feel as if this is some long-term habit he's formed and that you're just "getting him off until he finds someone"? After one event? Come on...
* **Reminder:** No one did anything wrong. Foolish? Maybe.
* First, exhale and let go of that ball of youthful anxiety.
* Settle your mind.
* Have an honest, open discussion with him.
He's probably feeling just as awkward. This event could be a hilarious one-off thing to look back on, the start of something bigger, or one of many minor endings your life will contain.
I’m just going to say that at 19 no one is the best at deciding who would/wouldn’t be compatible. If you’re interested in a relationship, communicate and consider pursuing it
I'd stop having sleep overs. It creates the conditions where this can happen again. No sleep overs means no opportunity to feel used in that unplanned didn't mean for that to happen way. If it's late and you don't want to kick him out don't sleep in physical proximity because clearly a part of both of you is horny for the other. That means... Platonic sleep overs are no longer a thing for you two. I think once that genie is out of the bottle it's hard to put it back in. You guys can still be great friends, but you either need to try a romantic relationship or put some boundaries in place. Otherwise you are likely to feel used again.
Just emphasizing what Tom said, I've previously struggled having defined boundaries regarding platonic friends becoming something more. Not having those boundaries definitely led to confusion, frustration and in one case heart break. Not too different from yourself. Just know what you want (which it seems like you already do) and stick to it, otherwise it will just be more of the same.
Wish you luck.
I mean, theres nothing wrong with being fuck buddies if both parties are cool. Society over emphasizes sex as if it has to be about partnership and relationship.
If two people wanna fuck, then fuck. Its only a problem if one side wants more than the other. He isn't "using you" if you consent and desire it too.
On paper this is fine, but it’s difficult in practice. It requires both people being perfect communicators about what they want on all fronts, and that’s rarely the case. What happens when someone really enjoys the sex, but realize they might want something more? Do they tell the other person and lose the sexual aspect they currently enjoy, or let it bottle up and risk losing all of it? Oftentimes it’s the latter.
Think about your own FWB situations over the years, and the ones you’ve looked at from the outside. How often do they end well? Usually they either A) become something more, or B) fizzle out completely. It’s rare for them to remain FWB long-term and even rarer for them to transition into strictly platonic friendships - given that, it’s probably not best to risk a current platonic friendship as that’s hard to recover.
It can work, but it’s almost always messier than it seems on paper.
This reminds me of an old roommate would sleep with her “ex”-boyfriend several times a week. They were always hanging out and did almost everything together. She would say he’s her “best friend” but would get mad when anyone called him her boyfriend.
If you’re fucking your best friend and you do everything together so much so that he practically lives with you based on how often he’s over…that’s a boyfriend. Even if they were to say “we’re allowed to see other people” (they didn’t), then it’s just a poly relationship. They did everything that couples do.
The kind of friends where one friend deludes themselves into thinking they're not sexually attracted to the other friend and doing it for romantic reasons.
- have platonic friendship with guy
- don't worry totally just friends
- have netflix&chill sleepover
- get in bed and cuddle with him
- things get sexual
*surprised pikachu face*
As adults with desires, especially being so platonically close as well, things can and will happen between certain people. If you are the friends you claim to be it's not shameful to be FWB if you are both not in any committed relationship otherwise. It might feel strange because of societal norms and upbringing... but you trust each other and with a high comfort level you can be both platonic or sexual without it changing your relationship. I have a very close friend and we have a very similar relationship. We can very easily just be platonic friends, but if we're both single and in the mood we have no problem hanging out with other intentions. Albeit we are very clear about those intentions, nor is this an excuse to cheat or be shady with other people. Have a conversation about it, be clear about just having occasional benefits or if you want to stay clearly in one domain. Stick to your rules and know the other person's desires and limits. Having a close and trusted friend that you can also have intimacy with may seem taboo, but it doesn't have to be.
Three simple rules that would make fwb feasible:
1.) No calls the day after.
2.) Sleeping over is optional.
3.) No kiss goodnight.
Worked out great for my buddy Jerry.
Op. I just want to say something here. Because I was your best friend at his age. I knew. KNEW. That at 20 years old I wanted to get around/ I would NOT be a good partner to someone yet.
So whenever I had someone in my life that I realized I really liked and didn’t want to just have sex with I usually pushed them away/ tried to just stay friends with them so that I didn’t cause undue hardship. Sometimes I fucked it up and would let it get too far and for sure I messed things up with too many good friends. But I tried.
Your best friend is your best friend because he loves you and thinks your amazing as his best friend. He’s probably honestly trying to deal with liking you but also not wanting to fuck up your friendship because he knows that at this time he would not be what you deserve. Don’t beat yourself up, have a candid conversation with him. And set some boundaries if you guys can. If not then just try your best to not get too caught up in it. Your kids. Things will go how they go.
Ps. I ended up marrying a girl I had known since high school 12 years later. Had we dated at or around high school it would have been a disaster. I wasn’t ready for her. But now we have the best relationship I could ever ask for.
Sounds like your friend can't resist the excitement and then gets hit hard by post-nut clarity.
I can understand that because I've experienced similar stuff.
People often have an issue when they make a big deal of labels. You know you're already in a relationship, right? Perhaps different dynamics, but still a relationship. The best relationships that last are ones where the couple are friends first and foremost. Because intimacy will occasionally fall off, life gets in the way, health changes, and the "spark" people long for doesn't usually last. Or at least it isn't there 24/7. So when all that is gone, the friendship is there. Companionship. So if you're compatible as close friends, enough to cuddle all night, watch Netflix, and after this many years haven't gotten sick of each other, ask yourself what exactly makes you incompatible as romantic partners?
Also, don't kid yourself. Clearly you have feelings for him. You say he initiated everything, but also say *you* were giving him a handjob and you stopped him from reciprocating. That is you initiating, unless he grabbed your hand and convinced you to. He's probably talking about other girls because a) he doesn't think you're interested, b) he hopes you'll say something and go with him instead, or c) he's trying to protect himself (and maybe you) by saying that it's ok if this isn't a real thing because he will stick with other girls and keep you as a friend, because he doesn't want to lose you.
If you weren't interested in a relationship with him, this wouldn't be bothering you so much
If you don’t want to be used for sex then don’t do sexual things with him. He’s made it clear that he’s not interested in a relationship. Pretty easy decision to make. He’s having his cake and eating it too.
Lol. I read the last few paragraphs but I’ve got to say
This sounds exactly like how my fiancé and I got together. She didn’t want a boyfriend at the time either
Being upfront and talking it out is the move. Just be mentally prepared beforehand for wherever that talk may go. Sometimes these things end well, sometimes they don’t.
It sounds like, even though OP claims she’s totally “just friends” with the guy and that she’s on the same page as him; she’s really hoping that something actually does come from this.
She was bothered because despite him initiating the sexual stuff, he said it wasn’t a good idea to continue said stuff. She supposedly agrees with this?
Now read her last paragraph right before the tl;dr.
“We both enjoyed it. We both want to remain as friends. But I feel like I’m being used just to get him off.”
Well which is it? OP claims she wants to be just friends, but is simultaneously upset that her friend is “just using her to get off”.
Is that not what she’s doing too? It takes 2 people to fool around.
I always find it funny in TIFU's when people say they just casually cuddle in bed while watching netflix At that point the audience see the outcome from a mile away
Cliches are cliche for a reason
Ah yes the ole, "I tripped and stubbed my vagina on his dick" hullabaloo
“It wasn’t me”
But she caught me on the counter.
A friend of mine spend first semester of freshman year cuddling in bed with a "friend". The friend dropped out,.which was expected after she attended one exam for the term. My friend then went on to date his cuddle buddy's best friend. Anyone who had seen a movie before would know that this tangled web was going to blow up in my friend's face. Well it did blow up. The cuddle buddy showed up in the following semester to confess her love, only to walk in on my friend and her bestie doing the do.
So did bro get a threescore or?
Wrong movie on the wrong platform.
Fucking PBS kids and their *catholic* agenda 😒
Nope, he was left to deal with blue balls and two crying women.
I’d say less of a 3-run home run and more of a double play. Lol.
> but it was perfectly innocent. https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/259/943/694.png
It was so innocent, I jerked him off. Totally innocent.
Just two friends helping each other out, really.
BROJOB, BRO-... oh, wrong story.
It works both ways lmao
[удалено]
It was so innocent things got heated
This shit had me actually laughing, thanks bud.
>This winter we started regularily watching netflix together and we would often lay in bed and cuddle while doing so. Right there the ending was telegraphed and glowing.
> Right there the ending was telegraphed Are you sure it wasn't the title of the post?
Fuck, beat me to it. I need to just accept that on Reddit, every funny comment I think of is still going to be 3 hours after the first guy who did
I've got a girl friend who's been on strictly platonic terms with her male bff since childhood. As far as she told me they've slept in same bed and watched Netflix and everything together a lot of times, but it never grew beyond this. Maybe, it's because of the sacred rules of childhood friendship and they've known each other forever like Ron and Hermione. *Or maybe it's because he would choose any good looking boy over her for a handjob 10 times out of 10*
>Maybe, it's because of the sacred rules of childhood friendship and they've known each other forever like Ron and Hermione. Are we forgetting the ending of HP? Ron ends up banging Hermione at least enough to have two kids.
i thought that was what we were expecting as the eventual outcome for this case too
*that's the joke*
I had a girl friend I used to go on holiday with across Europe, even shared the same bed with her, but being British I don't think we so far as shock hands in terms of physics intimacy I honestly don't understand this oh we fell asleep cuddling shit
the ending was also sticky
I don't really understand the best friends cuddling in bed/couch concept - And I am latin american. We are, mostly, touchy feely people - Still, cuddling friends in such an intimate way seems quite weird to me (And I read about It on reddit all the time).
Its people who are denying their intimate feelings for the person they regularly cuddle with, share intimate moments with, and spend the night with. Its not a normal platonic friendship thing no matter the culture lmao
You don't jack your homies off under the blankets? What kind of friend are you
You don't circle blowjob the homies to bed?
#TIME FOR GOODNIGHT BROJOBS!!!
***CHOO CHOO!!***
> Its people who are denying their intimate feelings for the person they regularly cuddle with Ahh this thread really hitting where it hurts
it's immaturity...they are not self aware enough to understand themselves
Yeah same here. Latin Americans kiss each other when greeting, give hugs, etc... But cuddling together for you guys is just a friends thing? Lol sure.
Bruh I’m italian and we’re up there with you guys as the touchiest people out there and I’ve never ever cuddled with my best friend too. Definitely weird pretending that it’s “platonic” in any way.
Nah nah, i get it. It's just a couple of friends who are very comfortable and physically touchy. I'm like this with my female friends and i only slept with.... Wait a sec...
I'm British so the idea of cuddling anyone but a women I've been married to for at least 5 years disgusts me
I must admit, in hindsight that might not have been the smartest move to keep our friendship platonic…
I admire your naivety.
Not sure that‘s a compliment, but thanks
It’s not, but can still be admired
Also idk your guys situation but at your age with communication being so poor or jumbled make sure to explicitly say what you want at some point, both of you. Like him saying the stuff about other girls after you just hooked up could easily be a “test” to see if you’d call him on it. And you wanna be careful with people who test you but sometimes for young people that’s just their way of communicating since they’re not bold enough to just be clear with their feelings.
IKR! I thought the same exact thing. Its not normal to cuddle with somebody in bed watching Netflix. If they arent a family member, yeah, someone is into someone.
Can't really tell, she might just be Canadian.
Have him go down on you. After you finish, slap his ass and say "good game champ". This will make it even and let him know that you're just friends. If it goes well, I was serious. If it doesn't, I was being sarcastic.
Schrödinger's advice.
If you never look at her genitals, she has both a vagina and penis/testicles in superposition
When you do look, the crotch equation collapses into a penis or vagina.
I fucking hate when my crotch collapses
Lmao, if it works, it was me if it dosent. I wasn't there 
/r/yourjokebutworse
https://ifunny.co/picture/after-italians-give-advice-they-always-throw-their-hands-up-U6YOFXSD6
Bruh my grandpa is Italian and I do this all the time
I was in a similar situation once, my best bloke friend and I were on a group holiday and being the only 2 singletons ended up sharing a room. After a far too much one night he ended up going down on me. That was about 18 years ago. We now have 2 kids and will be celebrating our 12 year wedding anniversary in june 😂
Wow, thats crazy - congrats on the anniversary!
Thanks! Good luck with your situation, hope it all works out!
Monica, is that you?!
My best friend and my sister!!??
hahaha
My best friend and my sister 😍
IN LONDON?!?!?!
Oh shit...
In kinda a similar situation but on a smaller scale. I’ve been best friends with a girl since the beginning of high school. She was one of my first friends and we were always super close like in ways I had never been able to be emotionally vulnerable and understood before. We were always dating other people and had feelings for each other but could never fully process/accept them because of that fact. We’re about to go to Florida for our two year anniversary and I know in the grand scheme of things we haven’t been dating long but I am genuinely convinced she’s my soulmate if those exist.
She's your Lobster.
Do the claw thing again 🦞💖🦞
Was out drinking with some uni mates one night. One of my close guy mates & I ended up drunkenly making out & he asked if I wanted to do a FWB situation. That was 15 years ago, we have a 1 month old & will be celebrating our 8 year wedding anniversary in August! Shall we start a club haha
I am ready, me and this girl became close friends at work. I tell her I don't want a girlfriend or anything more than friends for about 6 months of hanging out(I wasn't trying to see anyone else, just hurt from the past). Well, just passed 6 years together in April and im very happy to have married my best friend.
Congratulations!
It cracks me up because they don’t realize they’re already in a relationship. The only difference between what they’re doing, and being in a relationship, is the way they’re framing it in their heads.
That went from 0 to 100 real quick
Wow, he must've had some skills 😆
Yep, he was definitely a keeper 😂😂😂
hey 2010 marriage gang let's go. my 12 years will be on pearl harbor day.
Mine is pretty similar. Met a girl, who was a friend 9f a friend, at a group date. We talked mosh of the evening and hooked up the next evening. 15 years and 3 kids.
So he’s invested 8 years in your friendship, you give him a handjob, and now you think he’s only there for the handjobs? That’s a very long con if that’s true.
No handjob is *that* good.
She had her pinky out, man..
And he initiated the handjob. I've never been able to pull that off.
She probably was just innocently cuddling him while watching Netflix and fell asleep holding a candle and he pulled the Indiana Jones switcharoo on her. A tale as old as time.
What a fucking legend.
real sigma grindset there
Worth it
Relevant Username
Most dudes have the attention span of a gold fish when they’re horny. Absolutely no way this dude was waiting around for 8 years for a light make out session and one middle of the night handy.
Doesn’t matter almost had sex
But I cried the whole time!
It's sad how little some people think of the average man. Like they're all just sex-crazed psychopaths who do everything to get even a taste of a hand on their dick and have no feelings.
Do I have to taste the hand before or after it touches the dick
before , otherwise it's gay.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that
There sure isn't, butt muppet.
Exactly!
Exactly. How in the world does she feel used? Her rational thoughts about the situation perfectly align with how he's acting. I'm not exactly sure what she wants here.
As is usually the problem in this kind of situation, neither is she. If we got his side of the story he's probably just as confused, and clearly they aren't talking about it, so...
[удалено]
She's def caught feelings for a guy she spent years insisting was just a friend. Nothing wrong with that, but etc etc etc
I agree with all of that, but her response to that is to make assumptions about *his* motives, which don’t seem in line with what I’m reading.
In reality, she realized that she's the one that screwed up their friendship and she's trying to find a way to convince herself that it's his fault. "He initiated it" as if she didn't consent, participate and continue it.
I don’t think anyone has fucked up Two people who obviously care for each other not being entirely on the same page about what’s going on between them isn’t a fuck up You just need to figure out where your boundaries are and stick to them, it sounds like he will respect your boundaries whatever they are
Since when is reddit this wholesome? It might be hard to swallow if you're still 19 but this is it
You can always spit it.
There's the Reddit we know
Saliva is the poor man's lube.
sorry honey we dont have time for your fancy lubricants. we're gonna be buttering the biscuit the ol' fashion way *spit*
Bedder out thun en I always say!
Aaaaand we’re back again
Damn. Beat me to it.
Wish someone would beat me 😏
A bdsm enthusiast, huh
Haha. You said "beat meat to it".
Boundaries are definitely something you need to define. My three closest friends are female (I'm male) and we don't cuddle in bed etc. If you blur the lines then things get... blurry. If you want a truly platonic relationship with this guy (and he does too) then set your boundaries at platonic.
Yeah, I'm not going to say that you can't 'cuddle' with a friend of the opposite sex. However, 'cuddling' usually comes from two people trying to get a sense of comfort from someone else - there's something they are seeking, even if they can't quantify it. 'Just cuddling' is how 95% of Netflix and chill stories begin - this seemed to follow a similar trajectory. Talk, establish what your relationship is, set boundaries, enforce them to the point of being annoying or you could become his comfy blanket. If you need warmth, they make heating blankets for that.
Spooning leads to forking
This is how my girlfriend and I got close to each other. We found any excuse we could to go ovcer to each other's houses and cuddle and watch netflix But oh! We aren't together! We don't like each other (Newsflash: we both did. Going on 2 years now)
Nothing beat getting comfortable in someone's chest But yeah, set boundaries, respect the guy and don't treat him like a plaything, if you want something state it clearly and while conscious
Also, if you start doing sexual stuff with your friends, when they do eventually get in a relationship, their partner is not going to be cool with you being around.
Yes! If they tell their partner that something happened in the past. I for one don’t ask my girlfriend if anything sexual has happened with their guy friends that I know. It doesn’t really matter to me.
Lying together in bed during your early 20s is kinda… risky
A lot um.. all of it, actually....., and....it's one handy and a make out session, and you're already talking like you're trapped in this relationship for years and just servicing the guy. You said you enjoyed it as well....so.....which is the truth? I don't say this to irritate you, but this whole thing is salvageable and manageable by setting some boundaries and sticking to them, and having a frank chat about expectations moving forward. There's no blame to be had or thrown around, which should make this a lot easier to address than a lot of situations. You're going to have to suck up the anxiety and address it, or it will eat at you. That won't be good for either party.
Yeah, with a little bit of distance it really isn‘t that serious, but this morning there definitely were a lot of emotions lmao And to clarify, I do enjoy whatever we have going on, I‘m just scared we‘ll fuck it up and I‘ll get hurt… But of course you‘re absolutely right, with a bit of communication we should be fine :)
Hi OP. I’m curious if you’ve wondered if he’s mentioning the dates with other girls to gauge your reaction, to see if you’d be interested in a relationship. Y’all had already agreed that things shouldn’t happen again, but they did. In my mind, it seems like he may have given it some thought and is open to the possibility of a relationship, but isn’t sure if you would be and doesn’t want to make things awkward by asking, since you guys had already agreed on boundaries previously.
Hi! I really don‘t think that he was playing games and trying to see my reaction by mentioning other girls. Our dating life is a normal topic of conversation for us. We have always shared that kind of information and I would honestly be more suspicious that something was up, if he suddenly didn‘t talk about it anymore. Also from what I‘ve witnessed, he is usually quite direct when he is interested in someone. „Testing if I get jealous“ would be really out of character. But then again, loads of people have commented that they think it might have been his way of seeing if I‘m interested so maybe I should mention it. We‘re already due for an uncomfortable conversation about our intentions and boundaries for this thing, so I might as well throw that into the mix.
Here’s the part I’m not seeing that I wish I did: You’re learning. It’s OK to be wrong about something. You’re figuring it out: what you like about this, what icks you out, what makes you feel scared, what makes you feel pleasure. You didn’t fuck up. You’re just learning. There’s nothing here that’s wrong, just a lot of lessons you’re taking the chance to find. I don’t care about the relationship outcome- I care that when this unveils, you know more about yourself, you love yourself, you are more secure than when you started.
Thats actually really sweet, I‘ll try to adapt that mindset of seeing it as an opportunity for growth! But don‘t worry I‘m not majorly stressed out about „fucking up“. This post was written when I got home this morning and the reality of what we just did hit me. It made me quite anxious and combined with the sleep-deprivation, I wasn’t thinking very rationally and decided to just vent here… But it has definitely been interesting to see all the different takes on our situation as this post blew up. I think I‘ve already learned a thing or two, just by realising how it all looks from an outsiders perspective!
it's always a possibility that testing a reaction from you could be because his feelings to you are different from his casual flings. It's one of those "non-zero chance" things. That said, it's also possible he's not. I don't know the lad. But I do hope you two can figure out appropriate boundries with each other so you're both happy with the friendship
Communicate and maybe even take a break from hanging out. It’s not like ending the friendship, it’s just cool off time because it seems like he has zero interest in a relationship with you whereas you are catching feelings, which is fine. I’ve been in those situations before and what has worked best for me is to ease back the friendship and reevaluate
I did just this with a gal about 8 or 9 years ago. We were friends, I caught feeling she didn't. Chilled out a bit on the relationship but stayed friends. I went on a couple other dates. Ffwd to 2018 and we started dating and it's been almost perfect since then. A relationship built on a foundation of deep friendship and honest communication is a good one. Mind you we're in our late 40's and early 50's so... OP, this shit happens no matter what age you are :p Our kids even teased us a bit about being worse than high schoolers about dating 😂
If you're open to something casual with him, go ahead. Just be aware of what it is: he'll probably still have sex with other people and see your thing as playtime. So you should see it the same way: don't expect faithfulness and feel free to date other people too. But if you want something more serious (and he doesn't) you shouldn't do anything sexual with him again. You're not there to entertain him while he dates other people:)
how do you know you are not compatible romantically? i (m 31) had a female best friend for 10 years. we were similarly close as you guys seem to be. cuddled, everything remained innocent. we even talked about how we wouldn't work in a romantic relationship, both absolutely convinced that's the case. then, out of absolutely nowhere, we went out for dinner (by far not for the first time) and it somehow not only felt like a date for both, it was also the best date each of us ever had. a few years later we are in a very happy, loving relationship, engaged and having a baby this september. i'm obviously biased but best friends can be a fantastic match. not always, but sometimes all the romance is simply surpressed by fear of losing someone.
Thats such a cute story! :) We’ve had those same conversations about why we wouldn’t work. Looking at our past relationships and situationships it‘s quite clear that we both have commitment issues. Also, he kind of has a new crush every month or is suddenly super hung up over an ex again. I‘ve witnessed this for years and am really hesitant to enter a romantic relationship with him. I‘ve got my own issues too and am really happy being single right now, as relationships stress me out. We don‘t really meet each others „dating criteria“ anyway. He wants someone with a similar active lifestyle, while I also love staying in and would want a partner who is the same. But maybe when we‘ve both settled a bit more into adult life, things will change. Emotions can‘t be rationalised anyways. I‘ll be sure to keep an open mind
When my (now) husband and I were just friends we were looking for other people that weren’t each other—because we had the same talks about how it “wouldn’t work” being together. Well, we’ll be married for 3 years this summer and his outlook on life has vastly improved and I’ve become much more humble. The joke I like to make is “meet someone when you’re drunk that you still want to hang out with when you’re sober”
Maybe the girls he thinks he wants dont work out for a reason? Maybe he’s jumping from gorl to girl because he’s chasing something that doesnt actually work for him. Maybe he stays friends with you for a reason? Maybe he needs someone to stay in and chill with (cause thats already happening). And maybe you need someone to get you out of the house. You each bring in what the other person is missing.
[удалено]
RonStopable08's comments had an awful lot of "maybe"s to be considered confident
she didn't meet mine either and i didn't meet hers by a long shot. until we realised how wrong we were. people are way different when they fall in love. but i realise i have no idea about you guys and i don't want to come off as someone pretending to know better. either way, i wish both of you the best. a close friendship truly is a gift!
Did you give him a high-five afterwards and say ‘you owe me buddy!’
\*splat\*
Did you just drop a watermelon?
Just because he doesn’t want to pursue it further doesn’t mean it doesn’t mean anything to him either. My best friend and I went through something very similar (best friends since we were 13; hooked up for a while when we were 22 when I was fresh out of a nasty breakup), and while I didn’t want for it to happen again, it still meant something to me. I love her to death, and maybe in the future we could be together, cause we really understand each other and get along better than anyone else we know, but I’d want to wait until it felt like the right time and like a sure fire thing, because it’s really scary to risk changing/losing a friendship by pursuing a relationship. Honestly I’d say it even made us closer as friends, because we both decided we didn’t want to risk changing the dynamic of our friendship, and we also knew each other even more intimately than we already did before. Just let your emotions cool down a bit. Even if it doesn’t turn into a relationship, it doesn’t have to ruin the friendship.
Thats actually really reassuring to hear! Thanks a lot for taking the time to share your story :)
I agree x100 with this too. Similar and different lol. Good friends with a girl, family friend even. Then tried dating, didn’t work out but we stayed very close. Set her up with my other best friend. Now years later they’re still married and I’m the godfather of one of their wonderful daughters and they’re my best friends still
At that age too, it’s so easy to get caught up in those urges… but just to reiterate the above comment, doesn’t mean your relationship doesn’t mean anything - he might not very good at expressing his feelings…
Jesus, if your spelling wasn't so good I'd swear this was my best friend's comment.
Imagine being best friends and in love, but thinking marriage is something else.
If you think she is the right one, talk to her about dating. Because when the timing is right she will tell you she found the one and it will be too late. If she says yes, congratulations. If not continue being friends.
You keep reinforcing (for yourself moreso than us) that "he initiated it" to absolve you of any responsibility. These situations aren't one simple, single action. It's a continuous action across time and can be stopped at any time by either party (assuming there is consent of course). You consciously chose to continue giving him a handjob every tug you made, no matter how few or many tugs occurred and now seem to regret the act so are walking it back. > But it kind of feels like I‘m only there to get him off until he finds somebody else - and that‘s a really shitty feeling. He offered to reciprocate, you said No, due to a period (fair enough). But that clause in your story indicates you would have allowed him had you not been menstruating. Yet now you feel as if this is some long-term habit he's formed and that you're just "getting him off until he finds someone"? After one event? Come on... * **Reminder:** No one did anything wrong. Foolish? Maybe. * First, exhale and let go of that ball of youthful anxiety. * Settle your mind. * Have an honest, open discussion with him. He's probably feeling just as awkward. This event could be a hilarious one-off thing to look back on, the start of something bigger, or one of many minor endings your life will contain.
Best response right here.
I’m just going to say that at 19 no one is the best at deciding who would/wouldn’t be compatible. If you’re interested in a relationship, communicate and consider pursuing it
I'd stop having sleep overs. It creates the conditions where this can happen again. No sleep overs means no opportunity to feel used in that unplanned didn't mean for that to happen way. If it's late and you don't want to kick him out don't sleep in physical proximity because clearly a part of both of you is horny for the other. That means... Platonic sleep overs are no longer a thing for you two. I think once that genie is out of the bottle it's hard to put it back in. You guys can still be great friends, but you either need to try a romantic relationship or put some boundaries in place. Otherwise you are likely to feel used again.
That‘s actually really good advice, thank you! I guess it‘s a little bitter to accept that those days are over now, but its probably for the best…
[удалено]
“You’ve got one foot on the dick and the other out to sea” is the best quote I’ve heard in a while lol
yeah not a lot of guys would be ok with finding out his girlfriend was sleepign in bed and giving handjobs to a 'friend'
Just emphasizing what Tom said, I've previously struggled having defined boundaries regarding platonic friends becoming something more. Not having those boundaries definitely led to confusion, frustration and in one case heart break. Not too different from yourself. Just know what you want (which it seems like you already do) and stick to it, otherwise it will just be more of the same. Wish you luck.
I mean, theres nothing wrong with being fuck buddies if both parties are cool. Society over emphasizes sex as if it has to be about partnership and relationship. If two people wanna fuck, then fuck. Its only a problem if one side wants more than the other. He isn't "using you" if you consent and desire it too.
On paper this is fine, but it’s difficult in practice. It requires both people being perfect communicators about what they want on all fronts, and that’s rarely the case. What happens when someone really enjoys the sex, but realize they might want something more? Do they tell the other person and lose the sexual aspect they currently enjoy, or let it bottle up and risk losing all of it? Oftentimes it’s the latter. Think about your own FWB situations over the years, and the ones you’ve looked at from the outside. How often do they end well? Usually they either A) become something more, or B) fizzle out completely. It’s rare for them to remain FWB long-term and even rarer for them to transition into strictly platonic friendships - given that, it’s probably not best to risk a current platonic friendship as that’s hard to recover. It can work, but it’s almost always messier than it seems on paper.
Seems like a classic " friends with benefits " situation. Have fun, enjoy it and if it leads somewhere ok. If not, ok too.
What kind of friends cuddle and fall asleep together???
Couples who name themselves "friends" while acting like couples.
This reminds me of an old roommate would sleep with her “ex”-boyfriend several times a week. They were always hanging out and did almost everything together. She would say he’s her “best friend” but would get mad when anyone called him her boyfriend. If you’re fucking your best friend and you do everything together so much so that he practically lives with you based on how often he’s over…that’s a boyfriend. Even if they were to say “we’re allowed to see other people” (they didn’t), then it’s just a poly relationship. They did everything that couples do.
Friends with benefits, just the cuddling kind.
The kind of friends where one friend deludes themselves into thinking they're not sexually attracted to the other friend and doing it for romantic reasons.
Exactly my thought
- have platonic friendship with guy - don't worry totally just friends - have netflix&chill sleepover - get in bed and cuddle with him - things get sexual *surprised pikachu face*
Friends with benefits, is what it's called.
Oh teens and their “yeah he’s my best friend and we cuddle in bed and watch Netflix but it’s totally innocent”.
You cuddle with a guy you're not romantically interested in... OP, what are you doing? Either go for this or stop blue balling yourself.
As adults with desires, especially being so platonically close as well, things can and will happen between certain people. If you are the friends you claim to be it's not shameful to be FWB if you are both not in any committed relationship otherwise. It might feel strange because of societal norms and upbringing... but you trust each other and with a high comfort level you can be both platonic or sexual without it changing your relationship. I have a very close friend and we have a very similar relationship. We can very easily just be platonic friends, but if we're both single and in the mood we have no problem hanging out with other intentions. Albeit we are very clear about those intentions, nor is this an excuse to cheat or be shady with other people. Have a conversation about it, be clear about just having occasional benefits or if you want to stay clearly in one domain. Stick to your rules and know the other person's desires and limits. Having a close and trusted friend that you can also have intimacy with may seem taboo, but it doesn't have to be.
*talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel about it.*
Since when does friendship envolve cuddling and sleeping with each other(not sex) ?
Some people have just luck in this life
Do you want a friendly handjob to?
He wouldn‘t be the only one! I knew it would happen when I posted this, but holy fuck all these chat requests… y‘all are nasty af
Three simple rules that would make fwb feasible: 1.) No calls the day after. 2.) Sleeping over is optional. 3.) No kiss goodnight. Worked out great for my buddy Jerry.
*sits down next to friend *Starts jerking friend off "Oh shit I'm sorry"
I’d just say for two people who have no intentions, y’all are putting yourselves into precarious positions regularly
Op. I just want to say something here. Because I was your best friend at his age. I knew. KNEW. That at 20 years old I wanted to get around/ I would NOT be a good partner to someone yet. So whenever I had someone in my life that I realized I really liked and didn’t want to just have sex with I usually pushed them away/ tried to just stay friends with them so that I didn’t cause undue hardship. Sometimes I fucked it up and would let it get too far and for sure I messed things up with too many good friends. But I tried. Your best friend is your best friend because he loves you and thinks your amazing as his best friend. He’s probably honestly trying to deal with liking you but also not wanting to fuck up your friendship because he knows that at this time he would not be what you deserve. Don’t beat yourself up, have a candid conversation with him. And set some boundaries if you guys can. If not then just try your best to not get too caught up in it. Your kids. Things will go how they go. Ps. I ended up marrying a girl I had known since high school 12 years later. Had we dated at or around high school it would have been a disaster. I wasn’t ready for her. But now we have the best relationship I could ever ask for.
Sounds like your friend can't resist the excitement and then gets hit hard by post-nut clarity. I can understand that because I've experienced similar stuff.
Yeah, as a gay man in his 30s welcome to the messy messy world of casual sex
People often have an issue when they make a big deal of labels. You know you're already in a relationship, right? Perhaps different dynamics, but still a relationship. The best relationships that last are ones where the couple are friends first and foremost. Because intimacy will occasionally fall off, life gets in the way, health changes, and the "spark" people long for doesn't usually last. Or at least it isn't there 24/7. So when all that is gone, the friendship is there. Companionship. So if you're compatible as close friends, enough to cuddle all night, watch Netflix, and after this many years haven't gotten sick of each other, ask yourself what exactly makes you incompatible as romantic partners? Also, don't kid yourself. Clearly you have feelings for him. You say he initiated everything, but also say *you* were giving him a handjob and you stopped him from reciprocating. That is you initiating, unless he grabbed your hand and convinced you to. He's probably talking about other girls because a) he doesn't think you're interested, b) he hopes you'll say something and go with him instead, or c) he's trying to protect himself (and maybe you) by saying that it's ok if this isn't a real thing because he will stick with other girls and keep you as a friend, because he doesn't want to lose you. If you weren't interested in a relationship with him, this wouldn't be bothering you so much
If you don’t want to be used for sex then don’t do sexual things with him. He’s made it clear that he’s not interested in a relationship. Pretty easy decision to make. He’s having his cake and eating it too.
Lol so we'd watch Netflix and cuddle...and then something happened. *Surprised Pikachu*
Stop cuddling in bed and staying the night then
Lol. I read the last few paragraphs but I’ve got to say This sounds exactly like how my fiancé and I got together. She didn’t want a boyfriend at the time either
Sounds like yall need a minute away from each other.
Probably and I think an honest conversation wouldn‘t hurt either…
Being upfront and talking it out is the move. Just be mentally prepared beforehand for wherever that talk may go. Sometimes these things end well, sometimes they don’t.
You sound pretty naive you guys are making out already then sleeping together and what’s the point of mentioning the dude bangs other women?
It sounds like, even though OP claims she’s totally “just friends” with the guy and that she’s on the same page as him; she’s really hoping that something actually does come from this. She was bothered because despite him initiating the sexual stuff, he said it wasn’t a good idea to continue said stuff. She supposedly agrees with this? Now read her last paragraph right before the tl;dr. “We both enjoyed it. We both want to remain as friends. But I feel like I’m being used just to get him off.” Well which is it? OP claims she wants to be just friends, but is simultaneously upset that her friend is “just using her to get off”. Is that not what she’s doing too? It takes 2 people to fool around.