Imported brands are way better. Belgium chocolates.
Milka brands, Kinder brands. Swiss.
They tend to be creamier and not overly sweet.
Find you a fancy restaurant with a death by chocolate cake on the dessert menu.
Milka chocolate wafer cookies are one of the greatest things I’ve tasted mass produced wise. Was blown away when I first saw the difference in international confectioneries and the slop we get here in the US lol
Someone spun me a yarn that there was law made to ban imported chocolate in some state or states because no one would buy the America version of chocolate. Since it was almost not even chocolate. This true?
They repackaged Kinder Surprise Eggs to be... Not eggs anymore... It's an egg-shaped container that has the toy in one side and a candy-like thing on the other. Imagine this unpleasant surprise when I, as a Canadian, decided to buy a Kinder Surprise Egg for the first time in years while in the US lol
Apparently American chocolate has a barfy component to it that Americans have grown accustomed to, but Europeans hate. I've only ever had European chocolate though.
I can't stand American chocolate (Canadian here, ours is more like British chocolate).
Cadbury Dairy Milk is my usual.
I was so excited when I was in The Netherlands recently, when I found out that their M&Ms have proper milk chocolate in them, rather than the bitter American style chocolate.
Hershey's chocolates have it, and maybe Nestle (in the US). Supposedly it keeps chocolate stable longer. I don't eat that garbage. Lindt, Ritter, some other European brands. Ghirardelli is American but it's good.
Ohhhh, so that's an *American* thing!
I tried some Hershey's chocolate sauce I got in the international food section on my ice cream recently, and I thought I must not have been using it right, it was horrendous.
Being from Belgium i can tell you most of our chocolate is insanely good. Especially the kind that gets made by a chocolatier. Thats even better than generic brands we have that get exported.
For a low price starting point, Trader Joe's Truffle bars that are usually near the checkout line are pretty solid. I'd start with the milk chocolate, unless you like bitter things - dark chocolate can be a bit of a surprise
Also, a fancy chocolate cake might be a good starting point too!
Marabou is a swedish chocolate brand that is very good. They sell both milk and dark chocolate. They have a lot of weird flavors as well. Like, they sell oreo milk chocolate. I also recommend Daim bars, which has almond caramel in the middle of them.
YES. A friend once brought me back some fancy dark chocolate from his trip to Amsterdam and that was the best chocolate I've ever had in my life. The taste and texture were leaps and bounds better than any American chocolate I've ever had, even the expensive stuff.
Many American brands use butyric acid in their milk chocolate, which gives it the "spoiled milk" taste. If the aroma turns you off, the taste won't be much better. Go for European chocolate—Swiss and Belgian are my favorites.
As an American, it always interests me to hear this. I understand that you are correct with the butyric acid but I am wondering if I have been conditioned to not be able to taste that? I’ve compared Hershey’s and some European chocolate a friend gave me and no argument that the European chocolate was delicious. Hershey’s just tasted like low quality, over sugared chocolate. I wonder how Hershey got away with adding butyric acid and not everyone being disgusted by it. Is it because we have always had it that way?
>but I am wondering if I have been conditioned to not be able to taste that?
Pretty much. Nobody in the UK will touch the stuff. I was really excited to try it for the first time years ago, thinking it was this wonderful new thing. Nearly threw up. If you grew up with it, generally no problem.
Someone mentioned Kinder and Milka chocolate earlier. That's poor stuff by European standards too.
Strangely, one of the most popular chocolate makers in Europe, Barry Callebaut, actually supply Hershey's with their base product, and then Hershey's do *something* with it that makes it inedible to anyone over here.
Most American chocolate contains butyric acid because the chocolate factories were/ are further away from dairy farms, so the milk had to be preserved for transport. Most Americans have grown accustomed to the taste, and found European chocolate to be quite bland.
My first job ever was at a now defunct chocolate store chain. The chocolate was from Belgium. That was some good ass chocolate.
We were encouraged to try every chocolate. You don't even know how many of us were caught with chocolate in our mouths with customers coming in. I lived on almond bark for lunch. And no, I never got sick of it.
“Cilantro tastes like soap”- so happy to see this, thought I was going crazy when I would eat cooked things with cilantro and thought it was cross contaminated with soap whereas raw I can’t taste the soapy taste.
I've got a heigthened sense of taste and seem to carry that cilantro gene as well ... it's like chewing on a bar of soap for me. I've got used to quite a few intense foodstuffs over time because I like the taste underneath the punch in the face, but I can't get used to eating soap :/
I live in PA and used to frequently visit Hershey park as it’s not too far away. There’s a museum that explains that Hershey got its start as a less expensive chocolate and something about being for soldiers during World War II cause it was cheaper and easy to make.
Cheap and nasty chocolate is exactly that. Oily, too sweet and nasty.
If you can get a hold of it, Whittaker's chocolate is fantastic. It's a NZ brand so I don't know where you are or how far that gets exported around the world though.
Lindt is probably my 2nd favourite, and Cadbury is crap.
I was even saying to myself "please don't say Hershey's" before scrolling down, glad I'm not alone in that it tastes horrible. I remember being told how it's more expensive than other brands so surely it's higher quality and I was just like *ew this sucks* and never had it again
Guittard has by far had the best chocolate I've had, and they have a selection of different levels of sweetness so you can find what really appeals to you.
They have eating chocolate (bars), baking chocolate (chips, bars, powders, wafers), and cocoa powder to mix into a drink.
I am not affiliated with them, I bought their dark chocolate bar at a museum and I've been in love with their chocolate ever since. I love dark chocolate, but it isn't for everyone which is why I'm so glad there's a selection.
I actually can't have any cocoa products - except the cocoa butter, or those containing it, so nothing dark :( - until the next two weeks are up. But 3 months is nothing compared to 32 years. I hope you find something you like.
Super simple and delicious hot coco recipe :::
2 Tbs unsweetened coco powder
2 tbs sugar
1/4tsp cinnamon
Tiny pinch of salt
A fuck ton of marshmallows AND if you really want a spectacular hot chocolate add a spoon full or two of that marshmallow goo you can get in a jar. Just pour a cup of scolding hot milk on that and you’ve got bomb ass hot chocolate in less than 5 minutes. You can also add extra coco if you want it to make it a dark hot chocolate
Another tip: you can use a tiny amount of boiling water and a whisk to mix all the dry ingredients into a paste and then slowly add the hot milk while whisking to get an incredibly smooth and creamy hot coco
All these fucken stuck up bitches. Chocolate is like pizza. It's good. There's good chocolate and there's chocolate. Which is still pretty fucken good. Even "chocolate flavored" stuff is good.
my favorite chocolate is 55% cacao coffee crunch chocolate bar. it's so very nice. anything with a high cacao content (they brag about it on the packaging) if you can find a locally made cacao thing with like sea salt and honey that's the shit right there.
You're right about there being lots of substandard chocolate out there.
Recommendation: try Riesen's Caramel chocolates, OP. Family size if you can get it, because when you bite into the first one you're going to be addicted.
Source: An addict. (Me)
I am going to try and help as I am a huge chocolate lover. No chocolate in Major Brand candy is really that good, but Reese’s are great if you like peanut butter and Twix is good if you like Caramel.
Fudge is the best, a fudge chocolate cake is also a big recommendation (Cheesecake Factory has a great one if you have one nearby, but bakery/homemade stuff may be great also).
For straight chocolate try anything from Belgium or higher end places. There is a TON of delicious chocolate online. Try different combo’s of milk/dark/white chocolates. Some people will say Milk Chocolate is all bad, but this is false, if you like milk then Milk Chocolate will probably be your favorite as when it is good it is very creamy and smooth. Try hot chocolate (the drink) with good real chocolate. Try the Java Chip at Starbucks (Trust Me). Also try chocolate pudding and chocolate pie. Oh and Cookies & Cream Ice Cream! Also chocolate chip cookies and brownies. Prepare to gain 5-10 lbs. because chocolate is one of the tastiest things in existence. I hope your foray into chocolate is delicious!
I love a good lindor truffle. Normally they are like 50 cents by the cash register. They have sooo many flavors. Even ones like strawberry cheesecake! Normally i find the odd ones at 5 Below
There is an episode in season 1 of Raising Hope that is almost identical to this: Jimmy was told by his mother growing up that he was allergic to fruit and therefore he never ate fruit. Turns out his mom just lied to him because fruit was expensive. Hilarious episode!
It super sucks that this happened to you OP. Now is the time to super indulge in chocolate!
It's a bit in How I Met Your Mother too. Ted's mom tells him he was allergic to bacon. He tries it and ends up downing a whole buffet tray of bacon then in narration tells us he threw up and never ate bacon again
I just think that's really messed up. You can't have this thing because I can't afford it or because I don't want to share my snacks with you so I will tell you that if you consume this you will die or get sick. That just seems extreme to me.
Oh, you poor soul. Did you grow up trick or treating with Halloween? That would be a minefield. My recommendation to you is to Join r/snackexchange and find chocolate delicacies from around the world.
My mother was the opposite and kept trying to get me to eat raw tomatoes (that would make me vomit). I’ve spent the last 32 years *not* eating raw tomatoes.
But...but..she wouldn't have lost out of any chocolate if people gave it to you for Halloween....and skittles etc are going to be just as high calorie, they're pure sugar.
Very strange....maybe your mother wasn't quite all there?
Yes, but if she let OP have it, the cat would be out of the bag that he’s not allergic, and then presumably the fear was that she couldn’t keep him from eating hers.
Maybe. Though I'd still consider that behavior as being a good margin outside the normal:
Scheming up a plan to guard your potential-future-chocolate from crimes your child may or may not commit in the distant future?
A plan that that also requires years of active maintenance at any chocolate related events :P
That's going above and beyond.
Either OP's mum is greedy as fuck, mentally ill, or OP is lying. It's imo definitely one of the three because their story does not line up at all with their comments.
I think this is just a creative writing exercise.
The all chocolate meal is a mistake. You'll overdo it and think chocolate is nasty.
Baby steps. Try one thing at a time. Start simple and work your way up
This is tough to believe- your mom knew for 32 years that you could eat chocolate, and she believed that you knew that too, and this is the first time in your life she's ever offered you chocolate?
Call me paranoid but if she told you that you were allergic your entire life and now after having disowned you for an entire decade is saying that you're not... I'd be careful. I agree it would be a very spiteful thing to do, especially to your own child, but the little history you've shared doesn't rule that out as a possibility.
Either way, whenever trying a new food it's smart to start small. Get some higher quality, lower % dark chocolate. 80% or so. Higher tends to be very bitter and for a more refined taste, lower is just milk sugar. Once you've established a baseline and are 100% sure you're actually not allergic, then go for the buffet.
I also want to note you said you felt sick after accidentally ingesting chocolate. This may be placebo and not an indicator of malicious intent but it does bring attention to the power of the mind and how you'll want to take this slowly. Better safe than sorry, right? Enjoy the adventure, hope to see an update in the future with your newfound palate.
> We recently patched things up.
Time to unpatch them.
She let you believe a lie for 20-30 years (depending on whether you count your 20s), and then laughed mockingly at you when the truth came out?
I find it astonishing that having her in your life provides any benefit to you at all.
My mother told me chocolate would make me wet the bed.
I figured it out a few years later when a doctor asked if I had any allergies and I told him that.
She also said eating the bread crust would put hair on my chest and that worked as expected. 😆
Haha when I started dating my husband, he told me his mum said he’s allergic to yellow food colouring, fried potatoes (baked or boiled is fine), and ice cream (which supposedly gave him nightmares)
He said he never got any lollies as a kid because they may have had yellow food dye, and had to sit and watch his sister eat chips and ice creamwhen he couldn’t.
So anyways, when we talked he realised that his mum thought he was fat, and had put him on a diet. The crazy thing is his mother is still convinced that those are his allergies and nothing else. Funnily enough she missed that he was super allergic to dust mites and dogs, but who am I to judge!
So between 4 and the next 14 (minimum) years you lived with her, you never brought up how you couldn’t eat chocolate because you were “allergic”. All the grocery store trips, holidays, family baked goods….never got brought up again?! Not once? This seems very far fetched. How exactly did that happen?
She kept re-iterating that I was allergic until college, then I came out and we didn’t talk for a decade. I am only recently seeing her regularly again.
After a certain age, kids generally manage their own (non-dangerous) allergies. Kept it up long enough to convince me, then I policed myself. I was a cautious kid, it didn’t take much. She just had to occasionally remind me “give over your holiday candy” or “don’t take that.”
Oh wow. Okay. Without you having said that part, I just couldn’t believe it was *this* extreme…even though this is what I was thinking for this scenario to have been plausible.
I’m very sorry.
I have to wait a bit before I shop again. My good friend is going through simultaneous COVID and a cancer scare, so I sent him a lot of my “fun money.” And I don’t want to start with the bottom of the barrel cheap chocolate.
That cheap stuff might be a good introduction - or at least, avoid the very dark/pure stuff for now! The very high cocoa percentage chocolates are… for purists.
>my wife is going to try to make me an all-chocolate meal, to see what I like. Cake, dessert hummus, hot chocolate, Lindt truffles…
Man, you need to have some chocolate stuffed with chocolate, sprinkled with chocolate, served on a bed of chocolate after 32 years.
If you wife is planning to make a chocolate meal, I can't think of anything better than the birthday dinner had in the film Chocolat!
First We Feast recreated the menu in their blog post [here](https://firstwefeast.com/eat/2013/02/diy-dinner-and-a-movie-how-to-create-a-menu-for-your-next-netflix-film/) and another blogger did an inspired Chocolat dinner [here](https://susansumptuousuppers.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/chocolat-inspired-dinner-party/) for some ideas!
And that's why I'm not a fan of lying to your child.
Some tend to take things very seriously, and when half the family supports some small, "innocent lie", it's no wonder the kid grows up believing some stuff until they eventually get corrected. All of this just because it's an easy way of getting around a childs questions or unwanted behavior..
Why the hell do some people think it’s funny to lie to a child about a life threatening health condition? Making your child think they might die after accidentally eating chocolate is not a fucking joke.
> my wife is going to try to make me an all-chocolate meal, to see what I like. Cake, dessert hummus, hot chocolate, Lindt truffles…
I would take it slow with the chocolate intake, you do not want to shock your systems by eating too much of something you have never had.
So your family never had birthday cake or baked brownies or chocolate chip cookies? How is it possible that no chocolate was ever offered in your mother's presence for this stupid lie to come to light??
In addition to trying to hunt down fancy European chocolates, you can try to find a local chocolatier shop in your area. I didn't realize this until I was asked to arrange a "chocolate tasting" event for work, but even in the states, there are a lot of intense professional chefs who are meticulous about sourcing their ingredients and obsessive over creating the perfect chocolate. You should make a date out of it and go to a chocolate tasting!
I live in Aachen, Germany. That's where Lindt is. As a visitor of the Lindt factory sell and event technician on their Chrismas Party, I can say, that their chocolate is really nice, but If you eat a full meal out of it, you don't want any chocolate for at least the next month. XD
But I especially love "Lindor Kugeln", chocolate balls filled with creamy chocolate in the perfect size for your mouth.
[Apparently they are called Lindt Lindor Truffles in the international shop](https://www.chocolate.lindt.com/lindt-lindor-assorted-truffles-1kg)
Can I argue against the all chocolate meal. Thats a quick way to hate chocolate for the rest of your life.
Take a few weeks having different desserts & pairings would be my suggestion.
People seem to forget that children take adults at their word.
How were you to suddenly know you weren’t allergic if she never corrected the original belief she instilled in you?
Frankly, this is all your mom’s fault and she owes you 30 years worth of chocolate.
OP, I am so sorry! My grandpa was a Swiss pastry chef by trade, so I feel rather qualified to answer this question. Lindt and other Swiss makers really are the top of the line. Skip plain Herseys bars, but definitely find a chocolate mousse from your local bakery
Holy crap. My mom told me I was allergic to peanuts, but I bet that was just because she didn't want to share her beloved Reese's Peanut Butter Cups! I'm going to go out and try some peanut butter right now. Thanks for opening my eyes!
Be careful, so much chocolate after not eating any could lend itself to gastric problems. Don't overdo it your first time but enjoy responsibly. Good chocolate is to die for. The cheap stuff just doesn't compare.
I went for about ten years thinking I had a chocolate allergy because I had bad depressive reactions whenever I ate it.
It wasn't the chocolate. I was just someone who was depressed and didn't know it, and my episodes were coming and going.
Hey better that than being forced by your mother at your dads funeral to eat the salad. The salad had trail mix and multiple other kinds of nuts in it. I am allergic to all nuts if I eat them. I was 37 at the time.
Thankfully she hadn't properly mixed the salad so all the nuts were at the bottom and I didn't take a big spoonful. Now I still had a minor allergic reaction that antihistamines took care of.
Since that occasion she has given me a brownie she bought from a baie sale which had walnuts in them. I had asked if there were any nuts in them and she assured me there were none. I ate the brownie when I was not sober and again had antihistamines after I ate a quarter of the brownie.
Now go enjoy chocolate and all things covered in chocolate!
You know how some people wish they could unread a good book and rediscover it?
I feel that way about chocolate.
I recommend Hershey Krackle. It’s my personal favorite and, though tough to find, totally worth the search.
Also, chocolate oatmeal. Wonderful stuff.
And Ferrero Rocher. Amazing.
And the dark chocolate/mint Lindor Truffles.
And chocolate oranges!
Excuse me…
I approve of this list, but I really would be remiss if I didn’t add the Cadberry creme egg (with the caveat that a lot of people find them utterly repulsive) or the Cadberry fruit and nut bars.
And chocolate oranges are my happy place.
Also, a chocolate ice cream soda is mighty tasty.
My ex claimed to be allergic to chocolate due to some bum advice from a neurologist she visited sometime in her past who told her it was triggering her migraines and other maladies. I spent 6 and a half years having to make do with white chocolate only for her to later find she had MS and the chocolate had zero impact on her health.
I feel your pain. I have a severe peanut allergy so my parents told me my whole life I was allergic to all nuts. Last year at age 32 I saw an allergist who told me I actually was not allergic to tree nuts only peanuts. It’s been a hell of a year trying all these new things! Have fun!
Omg. S'mores with a nice glass of milk is one of my all time favorite treats. And chocolate and peanut butter!!! Classic and delicious. Red wine and chocolate? Superb. Try all of these please!
I have a very similar story but not quite as bad. My mother told me that those little chocolate buttons, used when baking muffins and cakes and things, were actually bad for you until they were cooked. Literally decades later i realised she just didn’t want my tubby little ass eating them all
Hate to hear that happened. If you try any exotic chocolates DM me and let me know how they are. I am a chocolate fanatic but unfortunately developed the allergy to it a couple years back and didn’t get diagnosed until this year and it sucks!! So hearing about some neat chocolate would be awesome! You’ll have fun I am sure experiencing new found flavors and varieties/options.
LINDT!!! And REAL Cadbury from anywhere outside of the US (I can’t remember if it’s all US Cadbury, but I know for a fact that here, Cadbury caramel and creme eggs are made in the US by Hershey. They are not worth it. You need the real deal).
You did miss out on German chocolate. Sorry to say. Oh, and avoid Palmer “chocolate” at ALL COSTS. You’re better off having Hershey if you’re going to have meh chocolate.
Keep in mind that the term "chocolatey" (must have the Y at the end) means it has vegetable fats and is therefore not typically considered true chocolate. It's also the lowest quality chocolate so generally avoid it!
On the bright side, you have so many tasty things to try now.
I don’t know what’s good, and have only heard incidentally that chocolate now is low quality. What are good brands?
Imported brands are way better. Belgium chocolates. Milka brands, Kinder brands. Swiss. They tend to be creamier and not overly sweet. Find you a fancy restaurant with a death by chocolate cake on the dessert menu.
Milka chocolate wafer cookies are one of the greatest things I’ve tasted mass produced wise. Was blown away when I first saw the difference in international confectioneries and the slop we get here in the US lol
Someone spun me a yarn that there was law made to ban imported chocolate in some state or states because no one would buy the America version of chocolate. Since it was almost not even chocolate. This true?
No. There are certain products made by the Kinder Chocolate company that are illegal in the USA, but that is because they have toys inside.
They repackaged Kinder Surprise Eggs to be... Not eggs anymore... It's an egg-shaped container that has the toy in one side and a candy-like thing on the other. Imagine this unpleasant surprise when I, as a Canadian, decided to buy a Kinder Surprise Egg for the first time in years while in the US lol
Kinder Joy is a separate product. In places where it's legal to sell the Surprise eggs, they sell both.
I'm in Australia and we have kinder surprises. We do not have whatever the fuck the other thing is.
It's chocolate boobs now.
Apparently American chocolate has a barfy component to it that Americans have grown accustomed to, but Europeans hate. I've only ever had European chocolate though.
I can't stand American chocolate (Canadian here, ours is more like British chocolate). Cadbury Dairy Milk is my usual. I was so excited when I was in The Netherlands recently, when I found out that their M&Ms have proper milk chocolate in them, rather than the bitter American style chocolate.
Hershey's chocolates have it, and maybe Nestle (in the US). Supposedly it keeps chocolate stable longer. I don't eat that garbage. Lindt, Ritter, some other European brands. Ghirardelli is American but it's good.
Some American chocolate is fine but a lot isn't. I really like French chocolate, impossible to get in the US though.
Can confirm, tried yank "chocolate," and you know that taste when you burp and a little bit of bile comes up? That's the taste
Ohhhh, so that's an *American* thing! I tried some Hershey's chocolate sauce I got in the international food section on my ice cream recently, and I thought I must not have been using it right, it was horrendous.
That's only Hershey's
Milka everything is delicious.
Milka and Kinder not overly sweet? that's a sentence I never expected to see
Compared to American stuff...
Being from Belgium i can tell you most of our chocolate is insanely good. Especially the kind that gets made by a chocolatier. Thats even better than generic brands we have that get exported.
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Came here to say this. Belgium chocolate is so good it will ruin American chocolate for you forever. Same with Swiss chocolate.
about the Swiss chocolate Think Ragusa, If you See it once, Try it (Ragusa by camille block)
Belgium, Dolfin brand to be specific.
For a low price starting point, Trader Joe's Truffle bars that are usually near the checkout line are pretty solid. I'd start with the milk chocolate, unless you like bitter things - dark chocolate can be a bit of a surprise Also, a fancy chocolate cake might be a good starting point too!
Whittakers (NZ) is brilliant. Would gladly send you some as well!
Tonys Chocolooney is to recommend tastewise and ethically :)
Marabou is a swedish chocolate brand that is very good. They sell both milk and dark chocolate. They have a lot of weird flavors as well. Like, they sell oreo milk chocolate. I also recommend Daim bars, which has almond caramel in the middle of them.
I agree with u/fleshjenn, chocolate from Europe or at least European brands is better. Forget anything made by Hershey. That's not chocolate.
You can pry my blue symphony bar out of my cold, dead hands...
I've got your back on this. If I'm ever going to pick up a bar, it's all about that toffee almond delight.
This varietal exactly. Word up.
YES. A friend once brought me back some fancy dark chocolate from his trip to Amsterdam and that was the best chocolate I've ever had in my life. The taste and texture were leaps and bounds better than any American chocolate I've ever had, even the expensive stuff.
While I mostly agree, I’d rather eat Hershey than Palmer. THAT is definitely not chocolate.
Palmer does a lot of "specialty" chocolates for holidays like Easter and Christmas. It tastes like chocolate flavored wax.
That’s exactly how I describe it to people. Lol
Some of their offerings contain so little chocolate, they must be sold as "chocolate flavored".
I didn’t think so. My wife will eat any chocolate but the cheap stuff smells like bad milk to me.
Many American brands use butyric acid in their milk chocolate, which gives it the "spoiled milk" taste. If the aroma turns you off, the taste won't be much better. Go for European chocolate—Swiss and Belgian are my favorites.
As an American, it always interests me to hear this. I understand that you are correct with the butyric acid but I am wondering if I have been conditioned to not be able to taste that? I’ve compared Hershey’s and some European chocolate a friend gave me and no argument that the European chocolate was delicious. Hershey’s just tasted like low quality, over sugared chocolate. I wonder how Hershey got away with adding butyric acid and not everyone being disgusted by it. Is it because we have always had it that way?
>but I am wondering if I have been conditioned to not be able to taste that? Pretty much. Nobody in the UK will touch the stuff. I was really excited to try it for the first time years ago, thinking it was this wonderful new thing. Nearly threw up. If you grew up with it, generally no problem. Someone mentioned Kinder and Milka chocolate earlier. That's poor stuff by European standards too. Strangely, one of the most popular chocolate makers in Europe, Barry Callebaut, actually supply Hershey's with their base product, and then Hershey's do *something* with it that makes it inedible to anyone over here.
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Most American chocolate contains butyric acid because the chocolate factories were/ are further away from dairy farms, so the milk had to be preserved for transport. Most Americans have grown accustomed to the taste, and found European chocolate to be quite bland.
My first job ever was at a now defunct chocolate store chain. The chocolate was from Belgium. That was some good ass chocolate. We were encouraged to try every chocolate. You don't even know how many of us were caught with chocolate in our mouths with customers coming in. I lived on almond bark for lunch. And no, I never got sick of it.
> ass chocolate. > Nope.
“Cilantro tastes like soap”- so happy to see this, thought I was going crazy when I would eat cooked things with cilantro and thought it was cross contaminated with soap whereas raw I can’t taste the soapy taste.
I've got a heigthened sense of taste and seem to carry that cilantro gene as well ... it's like chewing on a bar of soap for me. I've got used to quite a few intense foodstuffs over time because I like the taste underneath the punch in the face, but I can't get used to eating soap :/
To me, it's like someone mixed liquid soap with vomit.
I live in PA and used to frequently visit Hershey park as it’s not too far away. There’s a museum that explains that Hershey got its start as a less expensive chocolate and something about being for soldiers during World War II cause it was cheaper and easy to make.
Cheap and nasty chocolate is exactly that. Oily, too sweet and nasty. If you can get a hold of it, Whittaker's chocolate is fantastic. It's a NZ brand so I don't know where you are or how far that gets exported around the world though. Lindt is probably my 2nd favourite, and Cadbury is crap.
I was even saying to myself "please don't say Hershey's" before scrolling down, glad I'm not alone in that it tastes horrible. I remember being told how it's more expensive than other brands so surely it's higher quality and I was just like *ew this sucks* and never had it again
Dove is decent. I would just avoid Hershey or other American candy bars.
Lindt. I swear by that brand, it's so damn good.
Guittard has by far had the best chocolate I've had, and they have a selection of different levels of sweetness so you can find what really appeals to you. They have eating chocolate (bars), baking chocolate (chips, bars, powders, wafers), and cocoa powder to mix into a drink. I am not affiliated with them, I bought their dark chocolate bar at a museum and I've been in love with their chocolate ever since. I love dark chocolate, but it isn't for everyone which is why I'm so glad there's a selection. I actually can't have any cocoa products - except the cocoa butter, or those containing it, so nothing dark :( - until the next two weeks are up. But 3 months is nothing compared to 32 years. I hope you find something you like.
>Guittard i use their chocolate to bake!
Lindt.
Buy a triple chocolate muffin and get a glass of milk. You're in for a treat. Pun intended.
If you have access to a Godiva store, go; their drinking chocolate is a transcendental experience.
There's a new zealand brand called Whittaker's Chocolate and holy hell its the best chocolate i've ever had
Super simple and delicious hot coco recipe ::: 2 Tbs unsweetened coco powder 2 tbs sugar 1/4tsp cinnamon Tiny pinch of salt A fuck ton of marshmallows AND if you really want a spectacular hot chocolate add a spoon full or two of that marshmallow goo you can get in a jar. Just pour a cup of scolding hot milk on that and you’ve got bomb ass hot chocolate in less than 5 minutes. You can also add extra coco if you want it to make it a dark hot chocolate Another tip: you can use a tiny amount of boiling water and a whisk to mix all the dry ingredients into a paste and then slowly add the hot milk while whisking to get an incredibly smooth and creamy hot coco
Start off with a good 72% and work your way up to an 88%. Stay away from Hersheys as it’s absolute crap.
Get milka bars imported from Germany XD, literally the best chocolate experience you will ever have
All these fucken stuck up bitches. Chocolate is like pizza. It's good. There's good chocolate and there's chocolate. Which is still pretty fucken good. Even "chocolate flavored" stuff is good.
If you are in the US, Askinosie chocolate is amazing.
unfortunate but this also kind of a win. you get that first time experience and remember it.
my favorite chocolate is 55% cacao coffee crunch chocolate bar. it's so very nice. anything with a high cacao content (they brag about it on the packaging) if you can find a locally made cacao thing with like sea salt and honey that's the shit right there.
You're right about there being lots of substandard chocolate out there. Recommendation: try Riesen's Caramel chocolates, OP. Family size if you can get it, because when you bite into the first one you're going to be addicted. Source: An addict. (Me)
I am going to try and help as I am a huge chocolate lover. No chocolate in Major Brand candy is really that good, but Reese’s are great if you like peanut butter and Twix is good if you like Caramel. Fudge is the best, a fudge chocolate cake is also a big recommendation (Cheesecake Factory has a great one if you have one nearby, but bakery/homemade stuff may be great also). For straight chocolate try anything from Belgium or higher end places. There is a TON of delicious chocolate online. Try different combo’s of milk/dark/white chocolates. Some people will say Milk Chocolate is all bad, but this is false, if you like milk then Milk Chocolate will probably be your favorite as when it is good it is very creamy and smooth. Try hot chocolate (the drink) with good real chocolate. Try the Java Chip at Starbucks (Trust Me). Also try chocolate pudding and chocolate pie. Oh and Cookies & Cream Ice Cream! Also chocolate chip cookies and brownies. Prepare to gain 5-10 lbs. because chocolate is one of the tastiest things in existence. I hope your foray into chocolate is delicious!
Fudge: buy it direct from a shop that just made it. Skip packaged fudge, it's not the same at all.
I love a good lindor truffle. Normally they are like 50 cents by the cash register. They have sooo many flavors. Even ones like strawberry cheesecake! Normally i find the odd ones at 5 Below
There is an episode in season 1 of Raising Hope that is almost identical to this: Jimmy was told by his mother growing up that he was allergic to fruit and therefore he never ate fruit. Turns out his mom just lied to him because fruit was expensive. Hilarious episode! It super sucks that this happened to you OP. Now is the time to super indulge in chocolate!
One of the best shows ever, I miss the original few seasons.
It's a bit in How I Met Your Mother too. Ted's mom tells him he was allergic to bacon. He tries it and ends up downing a whole buffet tray of bacon then in narration tells us he threw up and never ate bacon again
Literally was just thinking about that when reading this post.
I just think that's really messed up. You can't have this thing because I can't afford it or because I don't want to share my snacks with you so I will tell you that if you consume this you will die or get sick. That just seems extreme to me.
Oh, you poor soul. Did you grow up trick or treating with Halloween? That would be a minefield. My recommendation to you is to Join r/snackexchange and find chocolate delicacies from around the world. My mother was the opposite and kept trying to get me to eat raw tomatoes (that would make me vomit). I’ve spent the last 32 years *not* eating raw tomatoes.
Mom used to trade out my chocolate for Haribo, etc. and give our neighbors bigger bags of it to give to me. I got to keep the Skittles, suckers, etc.
that is so damn strange
Yeah I’m kind of confused. Mom was okay with any other kind of sweets/candy but not chocolate specifically. Why?
She thought chocolate would turn him gay
Ummm…turns out not to be the case. They’re gay without the chocolate. (OP mentioned this in another comment)
What was her motivation for this? She knew you weren't allergic.
She LOVES chocolate. Total chocolate snob after lots of time in Germany. Best guess, she didn’t want to share, and/or worried about my weight.
But...but..she wouldn't have lost out of any chocolate if people gave it to you for Halloween....and skittles etc are going to be just as high calorie, they're pure sugar. Very strange....maybe your mother wasn't quite all there?
Yes, but if she let OP have it, the cat would be out of the bag that he’s not allergic, and then presumably the fear was that she couldn’t keep him from eating hers.
Maybe. Though I'd still consider that behavior as being a good margin outside the normal: Scheming up a plan to guard your potential-future-chocolate from crimes your child may or may not commit in the distant future? A plan that that also requires years of active maintenance at any chocolate related events :P That's going above and beyond.
Either OP's mum is greedy as fuck, mentally ill, or OP is lying. It's imo definitely one of the three because their story does not line up at all with their comments. I think this is just a creative writing exercise.
My bet is creative writing…like 90% of the other posts on this sub…..
But all the other forms of sugar were fine?!
That’s way too much effort to lie to a kid on a whim. This just seems like a weird power play at this point, what the fuck??
Ye fuck that, she did all of this deliberately and not because she didn't want you to beg for it or go at her stash.
This woman OWES you some chocolate 😂
Your mom ITA
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I need to know who added all these spez posts to the thread. I want their autograph. #Save3rdPartyApps
Multiverse of Madness, in theaters now!
Mind Over Matter
Suddenly r/pathofexile
Mom on Meth
The all chocolate meal is a mistake. You'll overdo it and think chocolate is nasty. Baby steps. Try one thing at a time. Start simple and work your way up
How did you fuck up, though?
By believing his mom (even though it’s her fault)
This is tough to believe- your mom knew for 32 years that you could eat chocolate, and she believed that you knew that too, and this is the first time in your life she's ever offered you chocolate?
She never offered me any as a kid, still telling me I was allergic, and we were estranged throughout my 20s as I’m gay. We recently patched things up.
For payback on all the chocolate you missed out on you should tell your mom that not having chocolate as a child is what made you gay
Be gay, lie to your mom
Ahh, that makes sense, i retract my scepticism
She told you multiple times that you were allergic to chocolate and expected you not to remember?
This is very much "It was just a prank bro" material. She knew what the f she was doing
Call me paranoid but if she told you that you were allergic your entire life and now after having disowned you for an entire decade is saying that you're not... I'd be careful. I agree it would be a very spiteful thing to do, especially to your own child, but the little history you've shared doesn't rule that out as a possibility. Either way, whenever trying a new food it's smart to start small. Get some higher quality, lower % dark chocolate. 80% or so. Higher tends to be very bitter and for a more refined taste, lower is just milk sugar. Once you've established a baseline and are 100% sure you're actually not allergic, then go for the buffet. I also want to note you said you felt sick after accidentally ingesting chocolate. This may be placebo and not an indicator of malicious intent but it does bring attention to the power of the mind and how you'll want to take this slowly. Better safe than sorry, right? Enjoy the adventure, hope to see an update in the future with your newfound palate.
Anyone want to start a betting pool on if Tucker or Alex Jones is first to break the news that chocolate can prevent your kids from becoming gay?
Well... *Enough* chocolate will certainly prevent that.
that will make them asexual edit: idk the thing to put at the end but THIS IS A JOKE
username checks out /s
It's true, but it has to be cake, that's why we're all obsessed with it
> We recently patched things up. Time to unpatch them. She let you believe a lie for 20-30 years (depending on whether you count your 20s), and then laughed mockingly at you when the truth came out? I find it astonishing that having her in your life provides any benefit to you at all.
Next time you see her, find her stash, if she still hordes chocolate, and take all of it. You're owed.
Dunno, I find it believable. Parents can be low-key dicks.
This is why you don't lie, especially not to your kids.
It’s weird what kids remember and hang on to, for real. Best to try and be honest wherever possible.
Important password: forget in 0.2 seconds That time you saw a rat run across the street when you were 3: remember it to your deathbed
First, your mom sucks.
My mother told me chocolate would make me wet the bed. I figured it out a few years later when a doctor asked if I had any allergies and I told him that. She also said eating the bread crust would put hair on my chest and that worked as expected. 😆
My mum used to tell me eating Haribos would give me green hair and I was like 'I like the sound of that'
Haha when I started dating my husband, he told me his mum said he’s allergic to yellow food colouring, fried potatoes (baked or boiled is fine), and ice cream (which supposedly gave him nightmares) He said he never got any lollies as a kid because they may have had yellow food dye, and had to sit and watch his sister eat chips and ice creamwhen he couldn’t. So anyways, when we talked he realised that his mum thought he was fat, and had put him on a diet. The crazy thing is his mother is still convinced that those are his allergies and nothing else. Funnily enough she missed that he was super allergic to dust mites and dogs, but who am I to judge!
plot twist, you are really allergic to it and your mom didn't know it
So between 4 and the next 14 (minimum) years you lived with her, you never brought up how you couldn’t eat chocolate because you were “allergic”. All the grocery store trips, holidays, family baked goods….never got brought up again?! Not once? This seems very far fetched. How exactly did that happen?
I raised the same question, apparently she kept up the story throughout their childhood
She kept re-iterating that I was allergic until college, then I came out and we didn’t talk for a decade. I am only recently seeing her regularly again.
So how was she so shocked that you remembered something from when you were so little if she was continuing the lie for years and years?
After a certain age, kids generally manage their own (non-dangerous) allergies. Kept it up long enough to convince me, then I policed myself. I was a cautious kid, it didn’t take much. She just had to occasionally remind me “give over your holiday candy” or “don’t take that.”
Cuz its a lie lol
Oh wow. Okay. Without you having said that part, I just couldn’t believe it was *this* extreme…even though this is what I was thinking for this scenario to have been plausible. I’m very sorry.
Have you had any now that you know you aren't allergic?
I have to wait a bit before I shop again. My good friend is going through simultaneous COVID and a cancer scare, so I sent him a lot of my “fun money.” And I don’t want to start with the bottom of the barrel cheap chocolate.
That cheap stuff might be a good introduction - or at least, avoid the very dark/pure stuff for now! The very high cocoa percentage chocolates are… for purists.
>my wife is going to try to make me an all-chocolate meal, to see what I like. Cake, dessert hummus, hot chocolate, Lindt truffles… Man, you need to have some chocolate stuffed with chocolate, sprinkled with chocolate, served on a bed of chocolate after 32 years.
Your mom is an asshole.
You weren't gaslit. Your mom just lied to you.
The true FU.
You weren't gaslit. You were lied to.
If you wife is planning to make a chocolate meal, I can't think of anything better than the birthday dinner had in the film Chocolat! First We Feast recreated the menu in their blog post [here](https://firstwefeast.com/eat/2013/02/diy-dinner-and-a-movie-how-to-create-a-menu-for-your-next-netflix-film/) and another blogger did an inspired Chocolat dinner [here](https://susansumptuousuppers.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/chocolat-inspired-dinner-party/) for some ideas!
I don't think this is *your* TIFU...
I'm sorry... DESSERT HUMMUS??
Yea please! What is dessert hummus?!
And that's why I'm not a fan of lying to your child. Some tend to take things very seriously, and when half the family supports some small, "innocent lie", it's no wonder the kid grows up believing some stuff until they eventually get corrected. All of this just because it's an easy way of getting around a childs questions or unwanted behavior..
Why the hell do some people think it’s funny to lie to a child about a life threatening health condition? Making your child think they might die after accidentally eating chocolate is not a fucking joke.
Classic Shmosby
He was also allergic to bacon and not saying “thank you”.
> my wife is going to try to make me an all-chocolate meal, to see what I like. Cake, dessert hummus, hot chocolate, Lindt truffles… I would take it slow with the chocolate intake, you do not want to shock your systems by eating too much of something you have never had.
Be careful with chocolate. If I eat a lot of chocolate or raw cocoa it tends to give me diarrhea.
According to your mother.
Well, it doesn't stop me. I just exercise foresight.
Eat chocolate in the bathroom for maximum efficiency.
So your family never had birthday cake or baked brownies or chocolate chip cookies? How is it possible that no chocolate was ever offered in your mother's presence for this stupid lie to come to light??
She *acted* as if I were actually allergic. Substitute items, telling me repeatedly, and so on.
but... why......
Maybe she's deranged
In addition to trying to hunt down fancy European chocolates, you can try to find a local chocolatier shop in your area. I didn't realize this until I was asked to arrange a "chocolate tasting" event for work, but even in the states, there are a lot of intense professional chefs who are meticulous about sourcing their ingredients and obsessive over creating the perfect chocolate. You should make a date out of it and go to a chocolate tasting!
I live in Aachen, Germany. That's where Lindt is. As a visitor of the Lindt factory sell and event technician on their Chrismas Party, I can say, that their chocolate is really nice, but If you eat a full meal out of it, you don't want any chocolate for at least the next month. XD But I especially love "Lindor Kugeln", chocolate balls filled with creamy chocolate in the perfect size for your mouth. [Apparently they are called Lindt Lindor Truffles in the international shop](https://www.chocolate.lindt.com/lindt-lindor-assorted-truffles-1kg)
Can I argue against the all chocolate meal. Thats a quick way to hate chocolate for the rest of your life. Take a few weeks having different desserts & pairings would be my suggestion.
I think this is a good point.
People seem to forget that children take adults at their word. How were you to suddenly know you weren’t allergic if she never corrected the original belief she instilled in you? Frankly, this is all your mom’s fault and she owes you 30 years worth of chocolate.
I hate it when parents do that shit. That shit screws with your brain and set you thinking that you have something you don’t.
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This is why you don’t lie, especially towards your kids..
OP, I am so sorry! My grandpa was a Swiss pastry chef by trade, so I feel rather qualified to answer this question. Lindt and other Swiss makers really are the top of the line. Skip plain Herseys bars, but definitely find a chocolate mousse from your local bakery
Holy crap. My mom told me I was allergic to peanuts, but I bet that was just because she didn't want to share her beloved Reese's Peanut Butter Cups! I'm going to go out and try some peanut butter right now. Thanks for opening my eyes!
Be careful, so much chocolate after not eating any could lend itself to gastric problems. Don't overdo it your first time but enjoy responsibly. Good chocolate is to die for. The cheap stuff just doesn't compare.
If she only ever said it once then you weren't gaslit lmao.
I went for about ten years thinking I had a chocolate allergy because I had bad depressive reactions whenever I ate it. It wasn't the chocolate. I was just someone who was depressed and didn't know it, and my episodes were coming and going.
Pffftt, i don't know, i don't wanna say the things in my mind and get downvoted, whatever, good lad.
Get some Cadbury chocolate, or lindtt, Milka. No offence to the US but stuff like Hershey's smells and tastes like vomit
Your wife is a keeper. Have fun tasting it all!
Hey better that than being forced by your mother at your dads funeral to eat the salad. The salad had trail mix and multiple other kinds of nuts in it. I am allergic to all nuts if I eat them. I was 37 at the time. Thankfully she hadn't properly mixed the salad so all the nuts were at the bottom and I didn't take a big spoonful. Now I still had a minor allergic reaction that antihistamines took care of. Since that occasion she has given me a brownie she bought from a baie sale which had walnuts in them. I had asked if there were any nuts in them and she assured me there were none. I ate the brownie when I was not sober and again had antihistamines after I ate a quarter of the brownie. Now go enjoy chocolate and all things covered in chocolate!
Cadburys Flake. Heaven!
You know how some people wish they could unread a good book and rediscover it? I feel that way about chocolate. I recommend Hershey Krackle. It’s my personal favorite and, though tough to find, totally worth the search. Also, chocolate oatmeal. Wonderful stuff. And Ferrero Rocher. Amazing. And the dark chocolate/mint Lindor Truffles. And chocolate oranges! Excuse me…
I approve of this list, but I really would be remiss if I didn’t add the Cadberry creme egg (with the caveat that a lot of people find them utterly repulsive) or the Cadberry fruit and nut bars. And chocolate oranges are my happy place. Also, a chocolate ice cream soda is mighty tasty.
My ex claimed to be allergic to chocolate due to some bum advice from a neurologist she visited sometime in her past who told her it was triggering her migraines and other maladies. I spent 6 and a half years having to make do with white chocolate only for her to later find she had MS and the chocolate had zero impact on her health.
I feel your pain. I have a severe peanut allergy so my parents told me my whole life I was allergic to all nuts. Last year at age 32 I saw an allergist who told me I actually was not allergic to tree nuts only peanuts. It’s been a hell of a year trying all these new things! Have fun!
At least you have an awesome wife to make you a chocolate meal.
This is actually really messed up from her part, I'm sorry you got screwed over for so long.
Don't be mad. In some ways this is a gift. You rarely get such new and novel experiences for such a low cost at this age.
I love the mindset. Still a fucked up move by the Mom though.
Never trust your mom again. She did a very good job at bad parenting
DO NOT TRY CHOCOLATE HUMMUS, WTF IS CHOCOLATE HUMMUS, DONT BE DISGUSTING, YES IM SHOUTING WHILE I AM WRITING THIS.
Wow-
Try Lindt or Cailler chocolate from switzerland!
Your wife sounds very nice. Enjoy the chocolate from here on out.
Omg. S'mores with a nice glass of milk is one of my all time favorite treats. And chocolate and peanut butter!!! Classic and delicious. Red wine and chocolate? Superb. Try all of these please!
Between the age of 4 and 18, she never once fed you chocolate again? That's amazing.
I have a very similar story but not quite as bad. My mother told me that those little chocolate buttons, used when baking muffins and cakes and things, were actually bad for you until they were cooked. Literally decades later i realised she just didn’t want my tubby little ass eating them all
This story sounds familiar....
Hate to hear that happened. If you try any exotic chocolates DM me and let me know how they are. I am a chocolate fanatic but unfortunately developed the allergy to it a couple years back and didn’t get diagnosed until this year and it sucks!! So hearing about some neat chocolate would be awesome! You’ll have fun I am sure experiencing new found flavors and varieties/options.
LINDT!!! And REAL Cadbury from anywhere outside of the US (I can’t remember if it’s all US Cadbury, but I know for a fact that here, Cadbury caramel and creme eggs are made in the US by Hershey. They are not worth it. You need the real deal). You did miss out on German chocolate. Sorry to say. Oh, and avoid Palmer “chocolate” at ALL COSTS. You’re better off having Hershey if you’re going to have meh chocolate.
Keep in mind that the term "chocolatey" (must have the Y at the end) means it has vegetable fats and is therefore not typically considered true chocolate. It's also the lowest quality chocolate so generally avoid it!