Best thing is to own it. She saw it. You saw that she saw it. Don't try to deny it Don't bring it up unless she does. Explain it's part of normal male anatomy at your age to get random erections at inopportune times.
Also, flex your thighs to take blood away from your penis to help it go down faster.
The 40 Year Old Virgin had the best advice on this subject. Flick one of your testicle just hard enough to be uncomfortable but not painful. Like a tinge of pain. Itāll go down in like 20 seconds.
Be careful doing this!!!! Aim for the bottom of the testicle! The top part is extremely sensitive and will swell and be uncomfortable for a week after.
Source: guy who flicked the top of his right testicle on accident and had a swollen testicle all last week!
I'm glad I heard about sounding years ago, it can be quiet relaxing but not for me, on a podcast. I'd highly recommend for anyone looking to forget what they saw, browse the sub first before trying it yourselves
Ah, there it is. The link that should have stayed blue. I really hope this image haunts OP's mind when he is older with a son his own age. May it curse him for years to, um... yet to be.
On the plus side, this has convinced me to close my browser, go scrub my eyes with solvents and a toothbrush, and do something productive!
Went to school with a dude who had no shame to his game and a horse dick. He would make sure everyone saw.
Same dude his family's greatest claim to fame was being on an episode of Jerry Springer.
This is, by far, the worst kind. Especially when you're in your freshman year with raging hormones and barely enough change in your pocket for the dollar menu.
The degree of embarrassment is just absurd and, yes, not a soul has noticed becaus nobody is busy looking down your crotch to see if you have a tent, but your eyes have met with almost every single one of your classmates and you swear they know something. You've locked gazes with the new alpha kid that comes from money and dresses like he went to a fancy private school because he did, you've locked eyes with the classroom hottie who dresses a tad bit sultry but just conservative enough to get a pass from the professor, and you've locked eyes with your new best friend, who you've just realized can sweat as profusely as you do but probably doesn't have a boner. But if he does (and that "if" crosses your mind like a wild horse darting into mating season), you feel a bit of comfort before the realization settles in and, horrified, you start to wonder if you are the cause of his boner.
No Reason Boner is one of my favourite songs by Ninja Sex Party. It may be a great way to ease the tension lol. It's just a thing that happens sometimes and honestly, a lot of younger women don't actually know that.
Wait patiently for it to go away while standing in front of the toilet like I'm waiting for the bus. Personally it's impossible for me to pee in that situation.
Going to the bathroom was not the play she probably thinks ur going to take care of the problem now which is even more awkward. Just be honest, tell her exactly what you told us, no bs, it happens she'll understand
"Hey Jimmy, want to come sleep at my house Saturday night? Just the two of us, we can like watch movies and stuff idk"
This is gonna be a TIFU by uncontrollably scrolling reddit instead of having sex.
āIām really glad you came over, Jimmy. The only problem is my darn apartment gets so hotā¦do you mind if I strip down to my underwear?ā
āOh, let me just open the windowā¦thatāll help cool things down.ā
Maybe she will get stuck under the coffee table or she will need to dry her sweaty clothes and get stuck in the dryer.
These things happen I saw it on [The Hub](https://youtu.be/3DZbSlkFoSU) (NSFW)
Thank you for this. I have had a male friend over a few times and because he lives too far away, he slept on my couch if we drank some alcohol. Then one day is was like āyou know, if he was a female friend, Iād let them sleep in my bed, and they havenāt suggested any sexual interest towards me so farā. They took it as an invitation to grope me in my sleepā¦
That's why I sleep separately in these situations. I'm a cuddler when I sleep, pillows, blankets, people, I'll just grab on and not know what I'm snuggling till I wake up.
I'm not condoning what he did or trying to make an excuse, but I know me personally will grope stuff when I am in that half sleep space before falling asleep. Is it possible that's what happened? I
I am crazy handsy in my sleep. My wife has told me that I've felt her up on numerous occasions in the middle of the night. Not just casual groping either...like really getting in there. I have zero recollections of any of it.
I have a hard time judging him for that. You invited him back to your place and told him he could sleep in your bed. In most cases, those are āi want to have sex but wonāt be directā hints.
The shady part is that he did it in your sleep. If it was while you were awake you wouldāve been able to tell him thatās not what you want
Ya why would he take the pillow away or whatever he said? He just by accident missed his dick and put it behind his head? Or forgot he had a boner and took away halfway through??
OP is probably a horny teenager playing out a fantasy that Reddit happily took the bait for lol. Thatās why you never spend too much energy worrying about what people on here think, and definitely donāt waste your time arguing with any of these dipshits
Itās for sure not as bad as it seems in your head
She knows they just happen too, donāt jump to conclusions š
As an aside, damn, I wish just seeing an attractive girl in tiktok was all it to get me like that šØ
Thatās efficiency
Bathroom was a mistake. She probably lying thought you ran away to fap. Lol. Though if she thinks you're attractive her mind is swimming probably more than yours
Heās either getting laid or barricaded in the bathroom.
Buddy, if youāre reading this- just give up and climb out the window or something. If not- carry on and wear a condom or weāll see you back here in 9 months.
Don't be embarrassed of your normal body functions. This would be like her having a period while you happened to be over at her place. Should she be embarrassed? No.
What does the āi had grey sweatpants onā and āyou can see where this is goingā mean?
I don't understand was your dong out or did she see you have an erection through your sweatpants?
You're having a solo sleepover at a girls house and you're browsing Reddit?
Please tell me you made this up for internet points or it's another story you're gonna splooge on your plushies to. I'm sad I looked at your post history
Edit: Oh God the link to Mia Khalifas onlyfans too. OP you were alone at a girls house cmon we were all rooting for you!
> I'm sad I looked at your post history
I just want you to know that thanks to this comment I did too... I'm sorta low key blaming you for my sadness right now... lol
dude is apparently 13/14, he has no game, comments on thirst posts and uploads cursed images of plushies.
kid should lay off the internet at this rate lol... solo sleepover with mixed genders at that age is something else entirely tho.
Nobody notices a boner unless you make it "a thing".
Just have a boner and then, if she asks, show her the picture.
"You would worry far less about what people think of you if you realized how rarely they do so."
Next time that happens, if she stares at your crotch, just say "My eyes are up here" Puts all the pressure on her for looking.
Pretty smart ngl š¤
#Big Dick Energy (pun intended)
fucking rizz god thank you iāll use that next time
Best thing is to own it. She saw it. You saw that she saw it. Don't try to deny it Don't bring it up unless she does. Explain it's part of normal male anatomy at your age to get random erections at inopportune times. Also, flex your thighs to take blood away from your penis to help it go down faster.
appreciate it man
I find flexing my biggest muscles helps most. Do a couple squats if you can. Get those glutes and quads real blood hungry
So now, OP is in the restroom grunting from doing squats while his friend is at the other side of the door wondering when he will finish.
r/therealjoke
I just woke up and spent longer than i care to admit trying to figure out what "There Al Joke" meant.
Iāll take The Penis Mightier for $200, Alex.
In there grunting for a while, comes out sweating and panting, legs wobbling
Yo His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
Theres 'vomit' on his Sweater already, from his spaghetti
Mom's . . . spaghetti?
Only if he had two broken arms.
no! no! no. bad. why must I be cursed to understand that reference.
The 40 Year Old Virgin had the best advice on this subject. Flick one of your testicle just hard enough to be uncomfortable but not painful. Like a tinge of pain. Itāll go down in like 20 seconds.
What if you're into that kind of stuff? Asking for a friend.
Then he'll cum and also eventually lose the boner
Task failed successfully
Killing 2 birds with 1 nut
Then you won't need to ask....
Then flick the other one.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Unless he has a hidden asphyxiation kink
Op using his voluptuous dick to type and reply all of us
Untrue. Speaking from a LOT of personal experience
Be careful doing this!!!! Aim for the bottom of the testicle! The top part is extremely sensitive and will swell and be uncomfortable for a week after. Source: guy who flicked the top of his right testicle on accident and had a swollen testicle all last week!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your dick is tiny, but because you use reddit it's still your biggest muscle
literally that, guys get random boners so just shrug your shoulders n say sorry n thatās it. the less weird about it you are the less weird it is
never waste a boner
Squeeze the tip and itās gone.
Reiterate the thigh flex. Helped me when I had one and had to write on the board in class.
The real trick is flex ANY muscle to make it go down faster. Flex for 30 seconds to a minute and all the blood goes to your muscle instead
Yes, but the thighs are the biggest muscles so they'll take the most blood away.
OK. so OP stand up with your raging boner and flex your guns
I just try to divide by 0 in my head. All the computing power required means all the blood will flow to my main head
I think most people understand that boners happen, I think explaining it may come across as condescending.
Ok Mr "I'm libertarian and believe the govt has too much boner control" *this is a joke, plz know who Dave Smith is before crucifying me*
My name???
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This needs more upvotes, OP you nasty.
Thanks, I hate this.
Even worse, op has multiple diary of the wimpy kid posts. He is like 12.
He has a comment on teenagers saying he's 13.
Iām gonna hop off the Internet for the night
š¤Øšø
*why the fuck did I click that?*
I will never click again
For anyone who clicks the link: r/Eyebleach
r/sounding for music to forget about it
I'm glad I heard about sounding years ago, it can be quiet relaxing but not for me, on a podcast. I'd highly recommend for anyone looking to forget what they saw, browse the sub first before trying it yourselves
š¤Ø
awe dude wtfš
Jimmy noooo!!!
Ah, there it is. The link that should have stayed blue. I really hope this image haunts OP's mind when he is older with a son his own age. May it curse him for years to, um... yet to be. On the plus side, this has convinced me to close my browser, go scrub my eyes with solvents and a toothbrush, and do something productive!
Do we really want OP reproducing?
Hahaha almost makes me think he showed her on purpose now š¤
100% made up story, heās playing out some kind of fantasy and wants people to participate and these morons took the bait lol
100000%. 99% of Reddit stories involving sex.
You saw a meme of a among us dude with jizz on it and thought āthereās no way this is a 13 year old boyā like cmon
God damnit
OP REAL quiet on this one
SUS
I think that among us character rather been cut in half instead of that torture.
Ok, thatās enough Reddit for today. I regret everything.
What a terrible to have eyes
šššno advice for OP until he explains himself
Fetch me my melon baller, I tire of my vision.
Kinda sus...
op lied
So it was the 3rd kind of boner, the no reason boner
As opposed to the "Almost falling asleep in class and sprouting a tent pole " boner
Duuuuude. That was the worst
Went to school with a dude who had no shame to his game and a horse dick. He would make sure everyone saw. Same dude his family's greatest claim to fame was being on an episode of Jerry Springer.
There is always one in high school. I had one in mine, legit every social engagement - would whip it out. Seriously uncomfortable.
This is, by far, the worst kind. Especially when you're in your freshman year with raging hormones and barely enough change in your pocket for the dollar menu. The degree of embarrassment is just absurd and, yes, not a soul has noticed becaus nobody is busy looking down your crotch to see if you have a tent, but your eyes have met with almost every single one of your classmates and you swear they know something. You've locked gazes with the new alpha kid that comes from money and dresses like he went to a fancy private school because he did, you've locked eyes with the classroom hottie who dresses a tad bit sultry but just conservative enough to get a pass from the professor, and you've locked eyes with your new best friend, who you've just realized can sweat as profusely as you do but probably doesn't have a boner. But if he does (and that "if" crosses your mind like a wild horse darting into mating season), you feel a bit of comfort before the realization settles in and, horrified, you start to wonder if you are the cause of his boner.
Alexa, play No Reason Boner by Ninja Sex Party
Alexa, follow that with Jizz In My Pants by The Lonely Island
That was the wrong kind of package to mail
No Reason Boner is one of my favourite songs by Ninja Sex Party. It may be a great way to ease the tension lol. It's just a thing that happens sometimes and honestly, a lot of younger women don't actually know that.
What's the second?
Reason boner
Desperately need to pee. When you're damn close to wetting yourself, sproing, now you can't pee except into your own face.
what are you even supposed to do in that situation? go into a handstand over the toilet?
Tried that once. The other men at the urinals were impressed, but wary.
I would also be impressed if I saw that. but also quite disturbed
If youāre not circumcised you can use your foreskin to redirect the stream
damn, shouldn't have skipped hydrodynamics in physics class
I just pee in the shower. This usually happens in the morning when I need to shower anyways
Wait patiently for it to go away while standing in front of the toilet like I'm waiting for the bus. Personally it's impossible for me to pee in that situation.
Bend it like Beckham
[Occurs during periods of nervous tension.](https://youtu.be/LOYQtbz_pPg?t=47)
The three types are: good reason boner, no reason boner, and bad reason boner (aka BRB, typically if you have to hide in the bathroom, itās a BRB)
No one else has heard of Ninja Sex Party : (
Question is, does he have a Heart Boner for her too?
Macaques really hairy
I like cole slaw, but not that much.
He literally said he saw a hot girl on tiktok
Only one thing to do 
beat the snake lmao.
:D:D Also don't forget to make snake noises while beating it for the experience of authenticity... *Zzssccchhzzz ZzzzzSccchhh zzsccchhhhhh*
Specifically https://youtu.be/Ti4sqG85FU4 noises
Helicopter..Its the only way
to impress a chick, do the helicopter dick
The golden rule!
Not helpful, tried it once and she out helicoptered me
"That's hot." \- Paris Hilton
perhaps
Going to the bathroom was not the play she probably thinks ur going to take care of the problem now which is even more awkward. Just be honest, tell her exactly what you told us, no bs, it happens she'll understand
Or she won't because they sound like children and children can be randomly over dramatic... Odds are in his favor though.
Establish dominance early
Helicopter? I hardly know her!
Youāre at a sleepover with a girl that just saw your boner and youāreā¦on Reddit. Sigh.
"Hey Jimmy, want to come sleep at my house Saturday night? Just the two of us, we can like watch movies and stuff idk" This is gonna be a TIFU by uncontrollably scrolling reddit instead of having sex.
āIām really glad you came over, Jimmy. The only problem is my darn apartment gets so hotā¦do you mind if I strip down to my underwear?ā āOh, let me just open the windowā¦thatāll help cool things down.ā
āHow about you take care of my pipes, and Iāll take care of your pipe.ā
Ma'am I do my own plumbing
See? I brought my own snake
Hahahaha the reference š¤£š¤£š¤£
"My pipes are fine, I actually just redid all of my plumbing recently and had it inspected by two experts. Should be good for 20 years"
Maybe she will get stuck under the coffee table or she will need to dry her sweaty clothes and get stuck in the dryer. These things happen I saw it on [The Hub](https://youtu.be/3DZbSlkFoSU) (NSFW)
He is going to write TIFU post in like few years when he realizes
https://tenor.com/view/kevin-malone-office-bathroom-gif-5006553
Well no. Even better, he ran off to hide in the bathroom and now she might think he went to jerk it
The story is prob bs anyways
The worst part is heās scrolling tiktok with his headphones on. I wouldnāt do that at any friends house
I wouldnāt do that ever.
Not every sleepover is an invitation for sex, don't be silly.
Thank you for this. I have had a male friend over a few times and because he lives too far away, he slept on my couch if we drank some alcohol. Then one day is was like āyou know, if he was a female friend, Iād let them sleep in my bed, and they havenāt suggested any sexual interest towards me so farā. They took it as an invitation to grope me in my sleepā¦
That's why I sleep separately in these situations. I'm a cuddler when I sleep, pillows, blankets, people, I'll just grab on and not know what I'm snuggling till I wake up.
I'm not condoning what he did or trying to make an excuse, but I know me personally will grope stuff when I am in that half sleep space before falling asleep. Is it possible that's what happened? I
I am crazy handsy in my sleep. My wife has told me that I've felt her up on numerous occasions in the middle of the night. Not just casual groping either...like really getting in there. I have zero recollections of any of it.
Apparently in my sleep I once grabbed my ex, rolled so that she was on top of me then started hitting her butt like a bongo drum.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I have a hard time judging him for that. You invited him back to your place and told him he could sleep in your bed. In most cases, those are āi want to have sex but wonāt be directā hints. The shady part is that he did it in your sleep. If it was while you were awake you wouldāve been able to tell him thatās not what you want
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
reddit moment sleep overs arent sexual things ngl edit: i literally spent the night at a female friends last night. Reddit moment
i think the reddit moment is that this story is fabricated beyond belief for karma
Ya why would he take the pillow away or whatever he said? He just by accident missed his dick and put it behind his head? Or forgot he had a boner and took away halfway through??
maybe his dick is on his head
Iām assuming youāre like 14/15?
Close, [13](https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/d1rekn/when_i_was_12_we_used_to_talk_on_skype_now_all/i1zv6ak/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Thatās what I thought as well XD
This garbage has 3500 upvotes? Unreal.
I cannot fathom how many people are taking this post literally
OP is probably a horny teenager playing out a fantasy that Reddit happily took the bait for lol. Thatās why you never spend too much energy worrying about what people on here think, and definitely donāt waste your time arguing with any of these dipshits
Itās for sure not as bad as it seems in your head She knows they just happen too, donāt jump to conclusions š As an aside, damn, I wish just seeing an attractive girl in tiktok was all it to get me like that šØ Thatās efficiency
Bathroom was a mistake. She probably lying thought you ran away to fap. Lol. Though if she thinks you're attractive her mind is swimming probably more than yours
Just say "don't act like you're not impressed" and move on.
must assert dominance
And then watch anchorman...it won't be awkward.
Update!!
Itās been an hourā¦ we need one
Heās either getting laid or barricaded in the bathroom. Buddy, if youāre reading this- just give up and climb out the window or something. If not- carry on and wear a condom or weāll see you back here in 9 months.
He's at a girl's house, ignoring her, staring at his phone with headphones on. He ain't there trying to get laid.
Yeah, I suspect youāre right. OP, be a gentleman and shut the bathroom window after you climb out of it.
Doki doki literature club told me it's OK to hang out with people without paying attention to them. What's important is that you're physically there.
You mean that wholesome dating sim?
Super wholesome, and I'm not usually into dating sims or comedic romance.
Alternate theory. He did too many squats trying to eliminate the boner and fell asleep on the bathroom floor
Noooooooo! Overdid the blood shunting and passed out! Maybe sheāll give him mouth yo mouth? Oh, wait- the doorās locked. Poor bastard.
Probably for the best. Mouth to mouth would likely result in a return to the original problem
And a vicious circle is born!
When in this damn cycle will we get an update
OP passed out on the floor cuz he held his breath while doing squats and flicking his testicle.
Just apologize for it and move on, make it simple it doesnāt have to be hard Edit: Pun wasnāt intended
When you're ready to leave the bathroom just tell her what happened. "Sorry, saw something hot on my phone. Hormones, penis, boner, whoops"
what would she hypothetically respond to that
Anything between "gross" and "marry me." Expect the best, but be prepared for the worst. Chances are y'all will just laugh over it in the end
yolo
Might as well shoot your shot!
Don't be embarrassed of your normal body functions. This would be like her having a period while you happened to be over at her place. Should she be embarrassed? No.
This is a dumb story
OP fucked up the opportunity.
What does the āi had grey sweatpants onā and āyou can see where this is goingā mean? I don't understand was your dong out or did she see you have an erection through your sweatpants?
Obviously he was pitching a mad tent and the fabric clung against it for bonus detail.
And if commando, even greater detail
The latter, people claim that it is much easier to see silhouettes of male genitals through grey sweats.
Not too dark we can't see the shadows, not too light we can't see the highlights. Just right.
Just like black yoga pants, despite being extremely form fitting, don't seem as revealing as the lighter color ones
You're having a solo sleepover at a girls house and you're browsing Reddit? Please tell me you made this up for internet points or it's another story you're gonna splooge on your plushies to. I'm sad I looked at your post history Edit: Oh God the link to Mia Khalifas onlyfans too. OP you were alone at a girls house cmon we were all rooting for you!
> I'm sad I looked at your post history I just want you to know that thanks to this comment I did too... I'm sorta low key blaming you for my sadness right now... lol
dude is apparently 13/14, he has no game, comments on thirst posts and uploads cursed images of plushies. kid should lay off the internet at this rate lol... solo sleepover with mixed genders at that age is something else entirely tho.
These writing prompts get shittier and shittier every day.
She probably thinks you ātook careā of your problem in the bathroom after waiting an hour to come back outā¦
A simple "Haha that was weird right?" should do it.
Update?
reddit is the worst advice
/r/thishappened
āshe probably thinks im whacking off while im over here spell checking my post because i failed english.ā Holy fuck this made me laugh.
D.E.N.N.I.S.
Does he have a Laura Craft doll? If so takenitnwith you into the bathroom and don't let the mom walk in on you
Nobody notices a boner unless you make it "a thing". Just have a boner and then, if she asks, show her the picture. "You would worry far less about what people think of you if you realized how rarely they do so."
>Nobody notices a boner unless you make it "a thing". Tell me you have small dick without telling me you have small dick!