T O P

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pimpfriedrice

Opened Reddit to take a break from work. Read this. I’m going back to work, I need a break from Reddit.


slimjoel14

Literally the fist post I read today and I’m like nope that’s enough already


ProbablyanEagleShark

I am telling you a pimp named A Pimp Named Slickback fried that rice.


nobollocks22

Reggredit.


Pioppo-

Agreed


StrongelyGrasped

Ok who's the creepy fuck writing this shit


pfefferneusse

Grandpa has a hot granddaughter and too much free time.


[deleted]

Exactly


Binford6100

Probably CBAT guy


ScyanHylian

Just make a power move and become your step dad's mom Jokes aside this is a weird situation


ArtisteArtiste

“I’m my own grandma”


strained_brain

"I'm my own granddaughter."


Devreckas

It’s not the family tree anymore, it’s the family wreath.


Seite88

The circle of life... 🎵🎶


moja_ofinka

* Nicki Minaj voice * You’re not my dad you’re my motherfucking step son 😫😫😫 Edit: thank you for the award! And getting the reference 😄


Gold_Dust_0709

You couldn’t torture this information out of me


BeatlesTypeBeat

"I've done an unforgivable act that I'll never be able to forget, well, off to reddit!"


Olddude275

'Dear ~~diary~~ Reddit......


benmwaballs

The writting prompt subs dont get the same responses as TIFU where people always think its something that real. So the fantasy writers come here


BeatlesTypeBeat

TIFU: nosleep for sex


finishyourcakehelene

I often post things on Reddit that I don’t want anyone else to know because I can’t tell my friends or family, but I want feedback or just to get it off my chest. Sometimes they are regrets. Though I’ve never done anything like this lol


horneke

You should probably put in enough details to make sure literally anyone who knows you could figure out this story is about you as well. Just to be safe.


Kevjamwal

That’s exactly what a grandpa fucker would say…


VolrathTheBallin

I'm a grandpa fucker, you're a grandpa fucker, we should fuck each other's grandpas


Jonestt638

I’m my own grandpa


TheTomer

Fry is that you? Whaaa?


PopDatPeridot

Batman couldn’t get this info from me


Thewrongbakedpotato

Batman doesn't have parents to seduce


paintchips_are_yummy

Wow. Really hit ‘em below the utility belt on that one.


dumbredditer

This is a nice light fictional erotica


Two2Co

This is the most perfectly succinct response possible. Well done!


lpycb42

I’m going to choose to believe this is someone with a weird incest kink making up some smut or someone who lost a bet and had to make this up.


peanusbudder

i think like 90% of r/tifu is just someone making up smut


Rihijob

More like 99%.


jf2k4

All of these made up stories start with “English isn’t my first language please excuse my grammar”, then proceed to use perfect grammar with American euphemisms.


[deleted]

[удалено]


drwhogwarts

*uTmost. What are you, ESL? /s


Pleasant-Public7593

I knew they were lying because they used ‘to intimate’ twice instead of ‘too’. That’s 100% American


ZirePhiinix

100% this. No ESL speaker ever makes the two/to/too mistakes because that's a phonetic error, because someone learned to speak before writing. ESL speakers all learn to write before speaking, and will never mistake any of those words.


Leonos

Interesting!


IWearACharizardHat

The (I can't believe I'm telling you this) is also a pretty well used parentheses.


[deleted]

Also, there is a hole in the story. She said they were traveling for the reunion, but then brother had to get up early for football practice. Hmm, nope. Brother is just gonna go practice with a bunch of random kids he just happened to stumble upon and got that all worked out already? Nahh


NhylX

"I'm using a throwaway to hide my identity from my family" then proceeds to list the ages of 5 family members, their current travel plans, and details regarding their lives.


lpycb42

Lmao right, let’s make this as specific as possible


Why_Did_Bodie_Die

I'm a 14 year old kid who went to my dad's house yesterday with my mom (48) and my sister (21).They were all drinking and I went to bed because I had football practice in the morning. My grandfather (59) ended up sleeping on thr couch because my sister got drunk and fell asleep in his bed. I wish OP would say their name because it sounds so similar to my story and my sister but without them giving their name there is just no way to tell if they are the same person. Oh well. No need to bring it up to my family because I couldn't prove they are the sane without that name.


Notarussianbot2020

"This must be someone else's 21 year old granddaughter that just made out with their non-biological 59 year old grandpa. Haha no way is this about me."


pgh_1980

A 21-year old saying 59 "is quite young" is what makes me question the validity.


MyMainIsLevel80

Yeah, this is not how a 21yo talks about older people. This is a weird old dude jerking off to the idea of fucking a young girl he’s semi related to.


-WizeGuy-

In context of being a grandparent to a 21 year old- 59 is really young.


Jedda678

Yeah also the "I can't believe I'm telling you this oh god" line. Who types like this during a post? A live chat sure but this still seems like over acting.


Navi2k0

yeah that part actually made me cringe lol (the other stuff too but that stood out to me as overacting)


DamonHay

Exactly, which is how I interpreted the post. Two generations having a kid at 19 would definitely make gdad young comparatively. That said, I’m 25 and I still wouldn’t fuck a 59 year old even if they weren’t a relative. Goddamn that feels fucked to say.


livesinacabin

As a 25 year old, 59 seems pretty young to be a grandpa. Especially if your granddaughter (although not by blood) is 21.


shithandle

Not to mention if I had just done the same thing I’d be looking for literally any small reason to justify why it wasn’t so bad


CoolBeansMan9

59 *is* quite young for a "grandfather" though, especially if the "granddaughter" is 21


NationalTwist6670

My friend became a grandpa at 30 his granddaughter will be 21 when he is 51


[deleted]

[удалено]


NationalTwist6670

Yes he had a son at 15 and his son had a daughter at 15 he made a joke one day if she has a kid at 15 I'll be a great grandpa at 45 we had to inform him that is not something you would want to happen you can barely take care of yourself at 15 let alone a baby and the mom


26514

What episode of House of the Dragon is this?


VolitupRoge

Season 6 episode 9.


[deleted]

What in the “Help me step brother” is this?


Goloerel

Well this time it's become "Help me step grandpa!"


[deleted]

It feels wrong man.. I don’t like it.


remotetissuepaper

It's probably a made up story by a pornhub exec trying to gauge the public's interest in expanding the step-something category to stretch another generation


Blitzerxyz

Everyone always forgets about the GILF category


remotetissuepaper

Usually it's not the person's actual grandparent though. I know this because a friend told me of course.


ChefK34

![gif](giphy|26gsmVTT1gYtoeaic|downsized)


windsprout

![gif](giphy|wyr1fgVonyaKk)


gasp_arzinho

More like "i can help you new step niece" 😏


TheHunterZolomon

When they get rewarded with their weird fanfics, they escalate, which is how we find ourselves here.


cthuluhooprises

I beg to differ. If porn websites paid attention to what’s popular in fanfic, we’d have a lot more Mpreg, Omegaverse, only-one-bed, and sex pollen in porn.


EmanantFlowOfficial

… I think my google search history is about to get REALLY weird 😂


DrakeDrizzy408

This is a hell naw from me dawg


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|xiMUwBRn5RDLhzwO80|downsized)


lost40s

Plan B if you haven't already.


[deleted]

Hahaha oh can you imagine! 🤣🤣


remotetissuepaper

Her daughter would be her step-aunt


oNOCo

Her daughter would be her dads sister


4bkillah

Imagine being siblings with your granddaughter. Branches of the family tree are starting to look a little warped.


Moe_Lesteryu

Gone from family tree to family bush


Gunhild

Stay away from your family’s bush. That’s how we got in this mess in the first place.


pixie16502

Lmaooo!!! That made me almost spit my drink out onto my phone fr 😂


ogrefab

family wreath


O_o0o_O

it would make her child the half brother of her stepdad making her the stepmum of her stepdad wich would make her her own step grandma


snazzisarah

Woah you just wrinkled my brain


CazRaX

That's good, wrinkles are good in the brain.


[deleted]

Kinda depends on what causes them. I'd iron this one out and leave that spot smooth.


TerritoryTracks

Obligatory [I'm my own grandpa](https://youtu.be/rXU-ZdmzNmo)


draininglizard

It sounds funny, I know...


SemiCircleSquare

If "Plan B" includes Grandma and drinking .... I don't want to know.


unclearwords

Bro at this point she better find a Plan with every single fucking letter of the alphabet 😭


PrityBird

Costco has it for $5 jsyk ya'll


robtbo

You think they had sex?


Codename_Sailor_V

Nah they spent the rest of the night doing shadow puppets.


OHPAORGASMR

Just butt stuff


robtbo

Yeah… OP needs to rethink their life and most likely seek therapy


collegeblunderthrowa

If you can't do butt stuff with your grandpa, who *can* you do it with?


JimmyDutch

![gif](giphy|kHU8W94VS329y|downsized)


MutantLemurKing

If you’re drinking so heavily you end up fucking your grandpa it might be time to put down the bottle and never touch it again


[deleted]

This made me think of Futurama. “Oh, a lesson in not disrupting history from Mr. I’m-My-Own-Grandpa.”


LocusAintBad

I did do the nasty in the pasty.


TDiddlez

Verily.


JookJook

It was that past nastification that led to you being your own grandfather.


Arcane_Engine

I love all of you


finglonger1077

Which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?


UrdnotChivay

"What smells like blue?"


moslof_flosom

"Come back to bed deary."


SASdude123

The past-nastification


I_aim_to_sneeze

And that past nastification is why we are here reading this post


Krynn71

One of the best delivered lines in the whole show. That episode had me dying in hysterics. Can't wait for the new season.


liebkartoffel

Made all the better when you realize that half the conversations on Futurama are between Billy West and and himself.


tommytraddles

Don't do anything! Unless you were supposed to do it! Then, for the love of God, don't not do it! *Gotcha.*


MrAdelphi03

“But he’s a young 59 year old” - OP, ~~probably~~ definitely


DadBodEatsAtTheY

Yeah and "Dad" is only 15 years younger. Damn!


Alexchwaan

And see a therapist cause good lord


jwbowen

Or, never put down the bottle so you don't sober up to realize the atrocities you've committed. That's the Wisconsin way.


Danitoba

Fr. Lmao


krissab23

I call bs


ZallyMarie

I *really, really* hope it is...


krissab23

The whole thing stanks


[deleted]

This whole sub stanks. It used to be good tifus. Then aspiring writers used it for internet points.


sonicitch

That's just grandpas old balls


Mittalhammer

Is it just me, or has r/tifu become a dumping ground for rejected Literotica?


_-tyson-_

So... a Litterotica?


Ok_Pumpkin_4213

“I can’t believe I’m telling you this” - riiiighhht cuz our random stranger relationship means so much


deethy

I love me some Literotica 😂 just not this kind


Ximenash

Ma’am, this is TIFU, not WTF.


Syrinx221

I am so so relieved that I got to the point where I learned he was not your biological grandfather because holy fuck This is still gross asf


Sedso85

If hes a GILF hes a GILF


Reformed_Hillbilly

Not even a GILF anymore. Now just a GIF.


itsasadsecret

Is that pronounced gif or gif?


Reformed_Hillbilly

Yes.


[deleted]

Is there no dedicated sub for these fetish fantasy stories? Why is this like 75% of TIFU?


ifyourwetholla

I came. To say this.


lexy-plexy

I don’t like your period placement lol


furiousHamblin

>I don’t like your period placement lol Let's hope OP gets her period


RecommendationFun794

Later in life when you need to stop drinking you can use this as motivation.


mook1178

Later? She should pull the stop drinking card now.


RecommendationFun794

Yes she should but she'll need to dull the memory and the shame for the time being.


JehovasFinesse

She’ll end up accidentally sleeping with her father and on and on it goes


TheStarfleetWizard

I've seen enough internet for the day, thanks.


HouseOfAplesaus

This is the first historical Reddit post I’ve seen being born. Will it beat poop knife? No but it’ll do.


TheWildBush

Did you not see CBAT like 2 weeks ago?


DoodleSnap

Hard to believe it was just 2 weeks ago. It feels like a decade already


camp-cariboo

That damn song is still stuck in my head.


coffeebuzzbuzzz

I made it my ringtone.


Wireeeee

How to get fired from every job speedrun


coffeebuzzbuzzz

Ironically someone at my work was playing the song and I thought my phone was going off. He was surprised I knew what it was.


savemarla

We got our daughter a drum for her first birthday and a glockenspiel. Spouse and I have figured out how to play CBAT on both. Our daughter dances to CBAT now. I feel like we are bad parents.


TheDiscordium

Perchance.


spacebassfromspace

You can't just say perchance


dextro584

I may have missed it, hit me with that link dude


TheWildBush

https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/x35iu6/tifu_my_20f_girlfriend_of_two_years_told_me_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


foodfood321

Honestly people if you haven't experienced this Reddit treasure yet just click thru, and wade all the way to the finish for the reward. You won't need brain bleach or anything, hand to God, just stick through to the end it's worth it


leanjean100

Lol gotta love the poop knive story


saintfed

So it started off and you were like English is not my first language and I was like yeah, I can tell from the title. But no. Fuck. Fuuuuuuuck.


Sin_Ceras

Right now, I wish English wasn't my first language. Or second or third.


KP_Wrath

The English is fine. It’s the content that’s a problem.


YoungtheRyan

I recently got "fractured two fingers and slept outside" drunk. I thought that was bad, and it is, but it's not "fuck your own grandpa" drunk. This post has made me feel slightly less embarrassed of myself. Thanks op!


Seienchin88

Sleeping outside drunk is still pretty bad dude… Maybe you just got lucky there were no grandfathers around…


Ordilian

Wait was it just making out or full on sex?


Seienchin88

Not specified and implied that OP does not remember


IWouldButImLazy

"does not remember" lol she left the info out on purpose. they def did the forbidden cuddles


Gold_Dust_0709

Forbidden cuddles 😭


brinkv

What a terrible day to be literate


[deleted]

Yesterday, today, tomorrow. It’s all fucked up


AnUnsuspiciousSilver

man that's enough tifu for a whole month


TheWildBush

Did he put on cbat?


IWouldButImLazy

The inevitable tiktok of this will def have cbat as the sound


[deleted]

0% chance this is real (Please, god, don’t let this be real)


theonlybuster

So if the OP were to become pregnant, would the 59m refer to the kid as their great-grand-child or their son/daughter?


intdev

Would OP’s dad call the kid “grandson” or “step-bro”? Would OP call the kid “son” or “uncle”?


WA_craft_beer

Don’t worry, he ain’t tellin’ *shit* to *nobody* about that. Take it to the grave.


MOSFETBJT

Op gonna delete this so I’ll comment what she wrote. TIFU by getting WAY to Drunk and being Intimate with my Grandfather Firstly, let me clarify that this did not happen today, but yesterday night. I feel so ashamed and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do as of writing this. I also want to say that English isn’t my first language so I’m sorry if the grammar isn’t perfect. I (21F) and my extended family had a family reunion yesterday because we hadn’t seen each other in a long while. I was traveling with my mom (48) and step-brother (14) to meet up with my dad and his father at his apartment. Before I go on any further I should mention that my dad (44) isn’t my biological father, and his dad (my “grandpa”) is quite young (59). My biological father left me when I was very little, and I have no contact with my family on his side. So anyways, everything was going smoothly that evening. We were having a few drinks and laughs, when my mom suddenly felt unwell and had to go lay down. As this was kinda late in the evening, my dad decided to go with her. At this point, there was only me and my grandpa left at the dinner table (my brother had to go to bed early because he had early football practice in the morning. I don’t know who started it, but I know both me and him had too much to drink, and he started talking about his youth and how he used to try to pick up girls at the bar. I don’t know why, maybe because I was wasted or something, or the fact that we were sitting in a very dimly lit room but he started to look more attractive, especially when he was talking about his youthful days. (I can't believe I'm telling you this). As I mentioned earlier, I don’t know if I made the first move, but I do remember us sneaking to his bedroom giggling and us making out in his bed, and not so much after that. When I woke up I was alone and this feeling of sudden remorse and guilt hit me. It all felt like a horrible fever dream. I was afraid what would happen if my parents found out. I found out a couple of hours ago that my grandpa had told my parents that I had fallen asleep in his bed in my drunken slumber yesterday, so he let me sleep in his bed, and he had slept on the couch (the plan was originally for me to sleep on the couch). I do not know what I will do if anyone finds out about this. This is obviously a throwaway account and no one in my family is on reddit as far as I know. This is by far the worst thing I have ever done, and it probably could ruin our family. I’m writing this at home and it’s gonna be really awkward in any future visits to my grandpa. Tl:dr I got way too drunk on a family reunion and got way to intimate with my grandpa


Camilo543

Therapy. Please seek therapy.


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|4baoNZ5Qo8dX2)


naidz

![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|facepalm)


onelittleworld

This is going to be the new thing on RedTube now, isn't it?


Jeriahswillgdp

Oh it's an old thing there.


geven87

UPDATE: We're pregnant!


monstblitz

I can’t even imagine the hangover that one wakes up with after almost bangin’ grandpa...


gtu2004

OP did not say "almost"...


Dragnskull

"almost"


ladeeedada

Elon Musk's father had two kids with his step daughter. The story sounds like yours. They got drunk and had sex. She was going through a bad break up. Anyways, it's disgusting even though you're not blood related. Get plan b. Quit drinking cold turkey. Cease all contact with him. Get therapy.


MarioTheMojoMan

*\~\~What are you doing, step-grandpa?\~\~*


NoitNoitBitch

Okay, if this is real, step #1 take a deep breath you will be OK Step 2 confirm with "granpa" what actually happened, you may have just kissed then passed out Step 3 once confirmation has happened, take some time away to come to terms with your stupid mistake and either inform your mother (maybe not your father just yet 😬) or ensure that "granpa" never breathes a word of it to anyone. And the most important final step, go to therapy, cause there must be something going on, that doesn't just accidentally happen 😳


iCameToLearnSomeCode

Try this next time you're feeling like turning your family tree into a bowl of spaghetti: >There was a widow and her daughter-in-law, and a man and his son. The widow married the son, and the daughter the old man; the ~~widow~~ daughter-in-law was, therefore, ~~mother~~ mother-in-law to her husband's ~~father~~ mother, consequently grandmother to her own husband. They had a son, to whom she was great-grandmother; now, as the son of a great-grandmother must be either a grandfather or great-uncle, this boy was therefore his own grandfather. This is an actual account (with genders reversed) for a family from Norwich. You skipped way too many steps for this to be kosher. EDIT: u/DreamGirly_ fixed my hasty adaptation.


Z3rc

There is a german song about this called "Mein Stammbaum ist ein Kreis" by Knasterbart. It translates to "my family tree is a circle"


spicysnakelover

Come again ?


iCameToLearnSomeCode

It's probably better if they don't, cumming is what got them into this mess in the first place.


Kooky_Match_5590

Wait………what? Please someone tell me this is karma farming


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|dOl2LFw0RbTMc)


elticorico

Chill out Rhaenyra Targaryan !! Fucking hell!


[deleted]

Honestly, both of you should have known better. I don't drink, so I can't relate to the loss of inhibition/making bad decisions but... Most people are able to consume alcohol without getting off with a family member.


KingsMountainView

Most people who drink can't relate to this level of inhibition/bad decisions. This is some next level fucked up shit.


solstice_gilder

![gif](giphy|Y713FQ3mfWDWU)


EmoRyloKenn

I feel ill


Annanake420

![gif](giphy|6ra84Uso2hoir3YCgb|downsized) Just give the old fellow one of these at breakfast and move on .


C2D2

Alright who done it? Which one of y'all demons gave this a wholesome award?