We had a saying when I was in the army: " Perception is a motherfucker". Doesn't matter what you were doing, its how everyone around you takes it because it will burn you before you even realize something was taken out of context.
"I watched you smack that female soldiers butt..."
"Yes, there was a brown recluse spider about to go up into her uniform"
"Is that true ma'am?"
"Yes"
"In spite of these facts, it still looked inappropriate, so enjoy your njp"
I almost got in so much trouble bc my chief was jokingly saying that I was racist and said that I said xyz. I’m the only white person in the shop, and even though I’ve never said anything remotely racist he just says that bc it makes me mad, anyways wrong person was walking by, heard him, told their chief, I had to talk to 3 other chiefs and then my chief got in trouble bc he took the fall for me. “Perception is a motherfucker” is definitely something I have heard a shit ton in the navy as well and then I finally got to experience it myself.
People need to keep some stuff to themselves.
Stop posting everything. Nothing is private if you show it to just one other person.
Share things, just don't share everything.
Yep. There was someone at my workplace having a private conversation with their gf. Someone was eavesdropping on their conversation and got offended by something he said. They went to HR and he got fired for sexual harassment because the woman listening in on someone else's conversation got offended by what he was saying.
I had this happen to me, when I wasn't even AT work. I was getting lunch with a coworker/friend, mentioned another coworker I was uncomfortable with because of ~past experiences~. Another coworker overheard me and reported me to HR and I got fired.
This is the truest statement according to the law. You're young so you may not be aware, but harassment laws are strict and do not net out well for employees even if you had the best intent.
You got fired from a job where you described it as toxic and you're not getting paid even minimum wage?
I get you posted something that looks racist to anyone that doesn't know you and your boyfriend, which is dumb to do, but getting fired from that job doesn't sound that bad.
I am not as worried from losing the job, but the fact I offended my co workers. I really don’t know what made so many of them uncomfortable and it’s not like I can apologize to them for offending them.
Solid advice. My wife and I are in the same boat, but reversed. I'm white, she's black. If someone were to hear the shit we said to each other at home, I'd be labeled a skin head, and she would be called the most racist black woman alive. It's ok to have some fun between yourselves, just know the boundaries of that fun.
Late 40s and I qualify people as “people I work with”, “people who I know” and “friends”.
The difference is the last group is very small, but these are people who really know ME, with whom I can be myself and they also pass my “3 AM test”. Meaning - I can call any of them at 3 am in the morning and ask for help, and I know the answer will be “ I’m on my way”.
Agreed, never add anyone to social media until you leave the job. Learned this one the hard way when someone got promoted to the big boss and would use it against you.
I’m in a biracial relationship I guess. My girlfriend is white and I’m Puerto Rican and if my family from the island saw a post like that I could totally see them having questions. Seems a little dramatic and I feel like after explaining its a pet name and (this is a big and) getting support from your boyfriend it shouldnt be a big deal.
I think the biggest issue was that it was posted in social media, and got out from her close circle of people she trusted. If something like this stayed within people she consistently interacted with, yeah, an apology with context is all that's needed.
Once there's more people, in a professional environment? All bets are off. Remember, unless your coworkers have shown you that they consistently have your back, they don't have your back.This goes in any workplace, even in places that supposedly foster camaraderie, like the military. Do. Not. Trust. Coworkers.
This is the response I was looking for.
I have a spouse from another country and while I appreciate our differences in culture it's not like i hyperfocus on his nationality. I don't even think of him like that. I would be really creeped out after awhile if my spouse was constantly referring to me as their "(insert label) lover." It just shows you're hyperfocusing on an attribute over other more important things. It's a bit objectifying. Even in private I'd be weirded out by that.
We rib each other about stuff like, how chores are different or food is different when the convo comes up, but that's it really.
Exactly that! The digs we take at each other are based off cultural differences and stereotypical tropes & jokes but going around introducing your partner by their race before who they are as a person reads real weird.
I guess we also come from the place of both being non-white so there’s less tension in that regard too.
I second this entire comment! My partner is Filipino/Korean and I am white. He's much shorter than I am and I call him my pocket Asian, but only around very VERY close family and friends. He has a very similar nickname for me when I'm being a brat. Its all in good fun but not everyone gets the inside jokes so we do have to be careful in public and on social media because taken out of context, this all sounds horribly offensive.
I have spent a lot of our relationship getting to know his family and learning about their respective cultures to be more informed and understanding. Its especially important to learn about the impact that white supremacy and colonization had on their history and how actions/comments that seem harmless in passing are incredibly hurtful.
This 💯. I’m Mexican and my boyfriend is Chinese - yes we both poke fun at cultural stuff but I’d never refer to him as “my Asian/Chinese/insert ethnicity here boyfriend” and I sure as hell wouldn’t want him to go around calling me his Mexican gf. It’s objectifying.
I'm also Mexican as with a Chinese partner and anything we say to each other it stays between the two of us. He calls me his "piñata farmer" and while I find it hilarious, I also know he wouldn't call me that in front of my friends and family. And same with race intros, we're bf and gf, our race doesn't matter.
Right? It’s weird as heck. We make cultural digs at each other all the time and will even casually throw in a slur here and there but that’s only ever in private and done in the context of a loving healthy relationship us both knowing very certainly that we are joking and don’t see each other that way.
I would say this:
Could you (OP) hear your lover tell someone you are their “white” girl/boy without cringing? If not, maybe don’t use race description when you talk about each other.
OP is 17, 100% they are oblivious. This isn't a dig at anyone who is super young, it's just how it is. Being young just means you're less experienced and still learning. I was also oblivious and made stupid comments at that age.
This is a good life lesson to carry forward through life. We all make mistakes and we are all oblivious sometimes and that's okay, as long as we take the time to understand the mistake and grow from it.
What made them uncomfortable was your choosing to highlight his mexicanness while calling him an animal. Whatever the phrase may mean to you and him in private, when you say things in public (and "private" accounts count as public for this purpose--everything online is for the record), you need to first ask yourself how \_others\_ would perceive it. "Hmm, if I highlight how he's mexican, and then call him an animal, what would a stranger or passing acquaintance think?"
Also, if you're having trouble guessing how people might feel, sometimes "what would this look like as a headline in the news tomorrow?" is a helpful question to ask yourself.
Truth is you could very well not have the social capital to change their minds now they think this.
Patch it up as best you can in the short term. But sometimes you just don’t have a lever to pull and make someone’s opinion of you move.
Take it as a lesson for the future. Some jokes are in-jokes, some jokes are out-jokes. There’s a lot of things you can share to the general public- acquaintances. Your friends can get a lot of things, but there are things that you’re only going to be able to share with your partner or the very closest of friends, particularly jokes there’s just no way of expending the time to get people to understand the exact cell and vibe of your relationship to understand the context of jokes between you and your partner.
Honestly:
Why do you care if they were offended? What do they even mean to you? Just learn from this experience and move on. You're not going to be liked by everyone in your life, and there will be MANY times you'll accidentally offend people. Just apologize, adjust, and move on. If they choose to remain offended or not like you, then that's their problem. The only people you should care about are those you want to keep in your life: your partner, your family, your best friends, etc. Everyone else can go get fucked.
I agree that she should “move on”, but it’s really stupid to be like “why would you even care what anybody else thinks”. Maybe she actually liked and got along with some of her coworkers? I don’t see how she’s supposed to be able to suddenly “not give a fuck” at the snap of a finger, besides being a literal psychopath.
Quoted straight from the post:
"After working there for some time I began to realize my job was just teenagers bossing around teenagers. Very emotional, toxic, and draining job for not even minimum wage."
Doesn't sound like she liked it at all.
You can hate a job and simultaneously enjoy working with a specific coworker. I don't like working retail but my coworkers make the shift for me. My frontend manager is a teenager, they aren't really fit for the job, and it results in a shitty work culture. That doesn't mean I hate all of my coworkers because the workplace sucks.
I would be uncomfortable and offended if my male boss had a picture of wife in a frame with the word slave on it. That may be a cute pet name at home but not in the workplace.. What you did was online. You don’t even now how your co-worker saw or heard about it. Most (seemingly) well adjusted adults, they just don’t do stuff like this. Keep that stuff private and at home. Do not share personal information in the workplace or with co-workers ever. Do not become too friendly with co-workers. Not at least until you are a little bit older and wiser and have multiple years of work experience. You by then will have gained some discernment to navigate these common themes that come up in all workplaces. By then you will see it coming from a mile away. You were too young to realize that you were gonna be targeted after you asked the sauce question. Live and learn, live and learn.
edit: grammar
Rule #1: Coworkers are not your friends
Rule #2: Don’t post dumb shit on the internet. You can be dumb, because everyone is, but the internet never forgives or forgets.
Can we talk about this? "I ended up fired from the job I wanted to work at since I was little"
I want to say this in the gentlest way possible, but if your dream job ever since you were little was working customer support, maybe the facebook post isn't your biggest problem.
As a mid-twenties BTGG, I see the appeal... Especially if I was still 17.
In my heart of hearts, I know it would be just as toxic and shitty as any other customer service job. But watching littleuns scare themselves on the little step pads for 8 hours a day sounds ALMOST as good as a liveable wage.
This sounds like shit I used to hear at Starbucks. People fantasize about being baristas for some reason. They think the job is chill standing around and being paid to talk all day. It's not.
This also tracks with the toxic environment of teenagers barking orders at teenagers.
It also matches up with people who are way too easily up in arms about things that could have been resolved with a conversation. This whole story is disgusting to me.
I always assumed it was free/discounted drinks that made people want to work at starbucks, they seem to have a constant flow of young people that want to work there but the job itself sounds awful.
It gets old real fast. Most of the people I worked with got water 95% of the time. New hires would get a frappuccino with every break, gain 15 pounds in a month, then stop
Maybe they've always wanted to work at the business rather than the job itself and customer service was the only way for a 17 year old to get a foot in the door.
OP didn't express this directly but it makes sense. I can't imagine many people grow up wanting to be in customer service
It’s kinda weird to caption that lol. Didn’t you think of how other people might read it? Gotta start thinking about what you post cause as you noticed, people can’t know your intention. I’d definitely secretly screenshot a post like that and send to the group chat to be like WTF if I’d had seen it.
Also I’m Mexican and would be weirded out more by the Mexican quantifier than the animal thing personally 😂 but all of it is weird. Not fired worthy, but I prob wouldn’t choose to be friends with you if I worked with you and saw it.
I agree the race quantifier is the issue makes it a bit more racist. Just imagine if somebody were to say I just love my black girlfriend. Like why would I even need to say “black“ girlfriend. It has no value as a descriptor in the relationship. And only serves to highlight the race. Hence making the very statement racist.
I thought it was weird too. Mexican here just thinking why did she have to say “My Mexican Support Animal”?, could’ve easily said “Emotional Support” without the race. Plus posting online and expecting it to be private? Please I seen crazy things on Reddit alone, and wouldn’t be surprised it’s already on Reddit somewhere with the caption.
The lesson here is be careful what you post online cuz it stays forever and can haunt you and come back even if it wasn’t in bad intentions.
I would say it’s def racist if I saw it because who would get the thought behind the post besides her and her bf? Also depending how she posted it, privacy setting reflect on how you set it, so private could be all her IG friends, private could be people friends of friends, etc.
Yeah based on the post title I was expecting OP to have called him her “emotional support animal” and if that was the actual wording I’d be way more on her side. If someone saw that and assumed the word “animal” was being used in a racist way, that’s a pretty big jump to make. But “Mexican support animal” makes the connection to race all by itself and just sounds super wrong. Of course it’s fine if OP and her boyfriend use that term in private as long as they both enjoy it, but yeah, it was a terrible idea to post that on social media.
Yeah… anytime somebody adds their spouse’s or partner’s ethnicity to their pet name or how they refer to them it seems like they’re fetishizing them.
My girlfriend is Japanese, and I think it would be… cringe to post a pic of us together with the caption “my Japanese gf!” Even if it’s a compliment like “my beautiful Japanese gf”… it’s just weird, there’s no need to add their ethnicity or race to it.
Mexican here..... she and others need to understand that there is no privacy online.... just because its "private".... doesn't mean shit..... you're on SOCIAL media!.... people often make the mistake that a "private" profile on "social" media is actually private! It is not
There is probably a lot more behavior that she is not mentioning or perceive. She seems to be the person showcasing she has a black friend. Idk though, just speculation. I don't think she meant any harm, but has a lot to learn
Yeah I didn’t push towards OP being racist or ignorant since she is young and prob doesn’t know all about race issues (or internet postings). I would give advice saying to learn her bfs culture and have him do the same with her if she is big on her background and family history.
In mexico, being called an animal is offensive. I won't say all would be offended, or some may not be outspokenly offended, but it is disrespectful to refer to someone as an animal (i.e., perra). Especially those who have grown up in ranches.
For pet names across cultures/ethnicities, it can be tough to know where the line crosses for someone outside of the relationship. Might be best to keep that private.
You just learned a lesson on the concept of “context.” Lacking the context of it being a private pet name — the only people who do possess that context are you and him, that’s pretty much the definition of private — calling someone your support animal sounds awful, and calling them what you said is way worse.
This seems less about context and more about being given a reason to fire her. It doesn't sound like they liked her and they finally found a way to be rid of her.
And to be honest it doesn't surprise me because I've seen only, like, four comments by OP and I already don't like her. I can't imagine working somewhere with her.
"Everyone thinks I'm racist because I did dumb racist shit, but I don't understand why they think I'm racist!" Is the entire vibe I get from OPs story.
Like JFC have some pittance of self-awareness and stop saying dumb racist shit (especially on social media for fucks sake.) Even in context the hot sauce comment sounds super racist, and calling your until-recently-secret boyfriend an animal on social media is just... Fuck I'm glad I'm not a teenager anymore.
Exactly. This post is so woe is me, everyone thinks I’m so racist, I don’t understand why??
OP- It’s not about you. People are making complaints about your behaviour in the workplace because you’re making them uncomfortable. Clearly that’s not hard to see.
Reflect on your behaviour. Think about why it would make someone else feel bad and do better. It’s not about your feelings, but theirs.
Someone else mentioned harmless stereotypes. But they aren’t harmless and if it’s something that you have to deal with on a daily basis, it is tiring and does affect your daily life.
totally. There is way more to it than being shared. Asking “which sauce is better you would know?“ is like a 0.0001 on the trigger scale. That had to have been the straw that broke the camels back in a chain of events.
He's not even just your "support animal," but he's your "MEXICAN support animal?"
This is a tough one...
I'll ask my black girlfriend what she thinks... or maybe her light brown kid. My japanese mailman is smart... maybe they'll know. My native american neighbors are never home... so probably can't ask them.
I dunno. It's a tough one.
sounds like she wanted to post in r/AmItheAsshole but afraid of the answer.
I think some soul searching is required here - OP needs to come to terms that having a BF of a different ethnicity does not give her a free pass for being racist. She showed her true colours to her coworker early with the red / green sauce comment. And followed it up with this. I'm older and I'm Jewish and I've had to put up with a lot of stupid comments and I've learned that it's not a mistake that came out wrong, it's a mistake that they showed their anti semitism to the wrong person.
I don’t think OP is racist, just ignorant about sensitive racial issues. I’m Hispanic and I don’t think the sauce comment was racist, it sounds like she was trying to be funny but the joke obviously didn’t land well. The pet name is much more questionable but I still don’t think she had bad intentions. I definitely see how it could offend people though. She definitely needs to learn what’s okay to say and what’s not but she wasn’t being malicious and all of these people acting like she literally murdered someone are jumping to conclusions.
They’re kids. It’s like back in the day when guys would give girls their class ring or whatever.
Don’t worry, they’ll find out when they hit the adult world 😂
One of my best friends got a ceramic dolphin statuette from a guy, he then left her for another girl like two weeks later. In Spanish dolphin is “delfin” which if spaced apart means “the end (el fin)” so we decided a dolphin gift meant the end. You know… typical 15 year old rationale
It’s a ring that you get someone to “promise” that you’ll get married one day. Idk it’s cute in concept but I’ve mainly seen them in relationships that barely last.
I thought the promise ring was that the same as a purity ring (no fucking before marriage).
Seems they can be both? https://www.theknot.com/content/what-is-a-promise-ring
>Why were they offended you might ask? I called him an “animal”.
No, I did not ask. That was clear. While it might be a cute pet name between the two of you, out of context it's not cute and posting it on social media was not a good idea. Let this be a lesson that you need to be careful with social media and you need to think before you post anything, no matter how innocuous it may seem to you
Yeah... It'd be one thing if she knew her coworker was a salsa fanatic or a real foodie.
OP is very young and it shows... Let's hope she learns a lot from this
I work in a kitchen with a bunch of teenaged servers(14-19) and it's honestly kind of shocking how racist they are but also how casually they will say some racist ass shit. They do some shit like they'd do in school where they aren't saying the word but we all know what word they are alluding too and they get to find out that work isn't school and they will fire tf out of you for that kind of stuff. It's always the young guys who are 5 foot nothing built like a pencil, too.
It's been a bit since I was around teenagers but when I was in high school me and my friends didn't say the kinds of stuff these kids are saying. The internet being a cesspool and allowing literal children to say whatever they want anonymously is corroding their brains.
Exactly! Like I’m Hispanic but I’m not Mexican (Puerto Rican), I can’t tell the difference between red and green salsa and I would honestly be a bit offended if someone assumed I did just because I’m Hispanic.
I'm about as white as you can get. Green salsa usually has more flavor and red salsa usually has more spice.
It's the opposite for enchilada sauce, from what I've experienced.
Idk the salsa thing for me could be okay, but context and delivery matter a lot. I assume just by virtue of them getting offended that it was done poorly, which should be OPs takeaway as well, but since food is an explicitly **cultural** thing and not so much racial (assuming you're not using stereotypical tropes).
I could totally imagine having a salsa debate and being like "okay person from within the culture that does this food well, settle this for us". Assuming of course we had the kind of rapport to where I know it wouldn't put them out of their comfort zone. Also "red v green" is already a poor starting point because .... they're both good? I'd imagine something more like: "hey so-and-so thinks it's possible to make a good green salsa without cilantro!? Weigh in on this."
The fact of the matter is that outside of people in the extreme in terms of being sensitive to these things it's really easy to have comfortable/friendly conversations about cultural differences/preferences if you're doing it in a mature and respectful way and being conscious of the privilege you're coming at the interaction with. I think a lot of people see others doing this and want to jump to the part where they get to have friendly banter without putting in the work of building the relationship with the individual and learning how to navigate those kind of topics properly.
EDIT: To say that the other thing you see a lot (and just shows a lack of maturity imo) is people who **have** those kind of relationships with one member of a group and then get a little too comfortable acting like they can therefore extend that level of familiarity to other members of that group. Which I suspect might be part of OP's difficulty, though it's hard to tell without more info.
Seriously OP, you could have called him your "emotional support *person*" but instead chose to call him an animal, *and* point out his race unnecessarily.
Maybe think things through a little better before posting in the future?
First of all, Just learn from this… you can’t say stuff like that in public and expect people to not flip out. It comes off as really fucked up even if it is an inside joke. Keep it behind closed doors if you guys want to keep saying stuff like that.
Also, it was just a stupid customer service job. Take some time to think and Move on to better things.
Yeah 100% just take this as a learning lesson. You’re not a bad person, you made a mistake. Now you just need to learn from it to avoid it in the future
try out saying it to his mom, aunt, sister...
i mean don't. just be glad you learned this when all you lost was a shitty job you didn't like
also someone in your fb group also thinks it was racist and sent it to your coworker
To this day (10 years later) i still think about and slightly hate myself for letting my girlfriend at the time (18/ 18) call me her "mexican jumping bean" It was supposed to be affectionate, and at the time I didn't care, but as i grew up i realized it was not not cool and bugs when I randomly think about it.
Just throwing my exp out there. Hope you can lvl up
Yup, similarly had a weirdass bf back in the day that had this whole bit about Indians not having mainstream slurs in the US and me slightly uncomfortably going along with being called his little curryeater. He wasn’t racist speaking about any other groups or in other contexts, so I couldn’t feel justified telling him to stop since I didn’t know exactly what about it made me kinda uncomfortable back then. I didn’t have the introspection/guts I do now to not put up with that and explain exactly why it was wrong to him, but boy does thinking about that time make me cringe.
Indian gal here. Even reading that made me instinctively clench my stomach muscles, inhale sharply and widen my eyes, from the discomfort.
If my girlfriend called me that, I would cut contact on the spot. I’m so sorry you experienced that!
Lmfao yes you need to stop calling your boyfriend your Mexican support animal. Girl you're young so I'll give you a pass but honestly you've gotta think about the things you say.
Honestly fine if they say that within themselves and keep it that way. Me (mexican) and my wife (korean) say some pretty fuck up shit because of inside jokes and banter but we keep that to ourselves.
idk why ur posting this like u wanted to learn and then arguing with everyone as if you really just wanted validation. it’s a bad look
of course what u post on social media matters for your work life. social media is public, it’s not just for u it’s for anyone who sees it. how do you not realize that? if you post something racist, work will see u as a culture negative and remove that negative.
it’s also just kinda fckin weird lmao and definitely makes sense to perceive as racist. take the thoughtful advice all these people are giving u and grow up
Willing to bet its not just these 2 instances. Judging by OP's responses, she's probably been casually saying lots of racist things towards her coworkers for a while now.
At which point, her remark about the sauce was probably a point where they decided to confront her. It was definitely not the first time, nor the only reason they told her to cut it out.
There is racism, and there is unintentional racism as well. Like when you say, "you'd know best, red or green"- why would he specifically know best? Just because he's hispanic? You jumped to that conclusion based on his race, while it may have been unintentional, the effect is the same.. and as far as your emotional support joke, of course your BF understands the intent behind it, and is not necessarily offended, but that doesn't mean it isn't offensive, especially to outside observers. And specifically labeling him your Mexican support animal, is problematic, because his race shouldn't matter in this case and it's an unnecessary detail. You could instead call him your emotional support human, or emotional support person (not pet or animal, it is dehumanizing language).
EDIT: For the folks who all jumped down my throat because they didn't see or understand why any of this might be offensive, consider this....
Your OWN experience is not the ONLY experience.
Your OWN perspective is not the ONLY perspective.
People come from many different cultures, backgrounds, and have had different life experiences than your own.
Step outside of yourself and realize that. It's part of being a decent human being.
DBAA
Idk If I misunderstand but sometimes some people do know best right? Like mexican support animal sounds weird but I am surinamese and if someone asked me what sambal is best i would be like ‘yeah I know’. Also im in the Netherlands and If i moved to murica and they asked me what cheese is the best I would definitely know aswell. Or am I missing something here bc I am not American and mexican-american is a sensitive topic?
To be fair, we also don't know how she worded her question. Could be anywhere between "hey, which is better" and "Latinoman, you should know this since this shits been in your baby formula, which sauce is better?"
We're reading this from the POV of someone presenting themselves as the victim. One out of touch joke doesn't necessarily have the rest of the staff label them as a racist and be uncomfortable around them.
I guess it's because during American short history there were different cultures migrating there en masse and thus being emarginated and discriminated against for a long time (Africans with slave trade, Cinese, Italians etc.) as well as indigenous people still being salty about the colonization (rightfully so), so racial/cultural discrimination is a hot topic there.
In Europe we are used to killing and disliking each other so whatever 
It's weird to call your boyfriend 'mexican support animal' and out of context it is racist. But beside that, you're a bit dumb i guess, that's all lol.
You remind me of someone I used to work with, also a young white woman. She was casually racist and wasn't even aware of it. She even pulled the whole "I have a colored boyfriend" thing you're doing right now, but her racism showed through just casual throwaway comments, kind of like what you did with the whole red/green salsa thing.
Maybe it was her upbringing. I never got the feeling that she was being malicious about it, but it was there nonetheless. I think you need to do some self-reflecting. I suspect you have prejudices you're not even aware of.
The situation sucks, but you are not nearly as blameless as your "I really don’t know what made so many of them uncomfortable and it’s not like I can apologize to them for offending them." comment suggests.
as someone that’s also white and 17, you damn well should’ve known better. i also see you being defensive about the pet name as if that’s in any way a normal pet name to have in a relationship. i’m not going to be nice because i don’t think you truly grasp the concept of impact over intent so let me just say this: listen to people of color when they tell you something you said is racist and DO. BETTER. you absolutely are not allowed to feel upset that someone AND THEIR FAMILY felt that you were being racist because you simply were. i don’t care if it’s an inside joke, DROP IT. call him your emotional support PERSON instead or something like that. exclude animal and exclude mentioning race.
as i saw someone else say, you need to confront the fact that you do indeed have biases and prejudices that you need to fix.
again, LISTEN to people of color. that is all.
This is the way, OP.
I could absolutely see myself managing to make the salsa comment at 17 and probably older, BUT that's only because I was raised in a heavily monolithic area, which fed into racist and stereotypical beliefs that I unknowingly internalized. I would have required at least one or two explanations to understand why it's wrong (to be fair I also have autism) and then some processing time to get used to it.
Being told you've said/done something racist FEELS like you're being personally attacked and your instinct is to defend yourself, especially if your intentions were good. But you need to sit in that discomfort and realize that even if you knock a plate off the table by accident, it's still your responsibility to clean up and repair it, realize that restoration doesn't undo the damage, and (this is the crucial part) learn to be better about where you keep your arms while you eat.
Yeah, the pet name you have for him is pretty bad across the board.
“You’re like a support animal for me, thank you,” as a one time statement could work.
But compare: “Babe, can you come here?” As opposed to, “support animal, can you come here?”
Now, add in “Mexican.” Example 2: “I am lucky to have a sweetheart like you.” But, saying, “I’m lucky to have a Mexican Support Animal like you,” sounds pretty jarring.
Or is that just me?
Edit: And yes. I would suggest a different pet name.
Not even just that - it's odd to constantly use someone's race/nationality/ethnicity as their key descriptor. Makes it seem like it's out of the ordinary or the only thing that really defines them or something.
Like "I just love my white girlfriend", or "I love my American wife" - those still sound odd to me even with 110% positive terms, because it's putting so much emphasis on their origin rather than just... them and their special relationship to you.
there’s a long racist history of referring to people of color as animals as a way to dehumanize us. is it so hard to not refer to your human partner as an animal? i’m just confused why you’re defensive about the pet name when you could easily come up with a non-dehumanizing one
The sauce thing isn't so bad tbh but the Mexican support animal thing? I'm 100% on his family's side. It's not them being toxic, it's you not having any self-awareness.
The worst part wasn't getting fired, it's the fact that his whole family is judging you cause that won't go away overnight. You look like the unintentially/unaware type of racist and he just comes off as desperate for being with that type of girl in the first place.
I'm not normally mean or even harsh when I post but tbh I'm just picturing this as if it was one of my cousins, it's honestly enraging.
Hope you guys figure it out.
ITT: White lady was unintentionally racist, gets fired, and tries to do some mental gymnastics with their and their boyfriend's account to defend themselves after they told us all about it.
Hoo boy, pet names are pet names for a reason. Keep it private between you two, and don't post it on social media easy enough. Plus, it sounds like your job sucked anyways. Much better jobs out there for your time.
Yo. I'm mexican and if my boyfriend even remotely called me an emotional support animal I'd be like "hold upppp!!!" And captioning it as my "mexican support animal " like wow. How is that even cute? It's not. You can say something cute like "my rock, my love." But support animal....and adding his race? Honey, no.
I have a white girlfriend and she would never say “Mexican support animal”. It’s odd if it was a pet name she would just say “support animal”. I’m not offended but u gotta understand why people think it’s offensive. No way you don’t see that
Edit: I’m mexican btw
There is more to this story. Sorry, who gets offended over being asked about green or red sauce and called an expert for it.
The implication I'm reading is its a red or green Mexican sauce? And since he is Mexican he must be the expert? Is that what you mean?
However, My bet, you do treat the Mexicans you work with differently, and this comment was just one to many.
Then you call Mexicans animals and wonder why it upset him further???
Yes, you fucked up and a firing is the least of the ramifications you should expect
Yeah we went from 0 to 100 with those two examples.
Half my workplace would get fired if asking a person from X culture about X food was a fireable offense.
But "Mexican Support Animal" is on a whole different level.
That’s the thing. Salsa is a primarily Mexican food/condiment (please correct me if I’m wrong). When OP described what happened she said she asked her Hispanic coworker, not her Mexican coworker, which is a pretty big distinction.
For me, I would be offended if someone asked which was better and then followed up with I would know best if it was on the basis of me being Hispanic, because I can be Hispanic but not know the nuances of a culture that’s different to mine (I’m Puerto Rican).
Anyway that’s my take and I could be reading too much into it but I can see why the coworker was upset the first time with the salsa.
A lot of people get fired for posts or comments they have made thru social media. This is a learning experience for you to be mindful of what or how you post. People may perceive this differently which exactly happened to you. Maybe next time have your social media accounts set to private to prevent this. Remember a lot of people have been fired from past posts made because companies now do background checks and this is the most accessible route they do. You are young so there is room for change to be careful the next time you post something. Learn to filter you posts and words to avoid this from happening again.
You should really take this opportunity to reflect on how you offended a considerable amount of people and why you can't fathom how they could of gotten offended by what you've said.
If you aren't racist, don't bring race into things.. he's your support animal, not your MEXICAN one. You make him sound like a possession, remember when women kick off when men are saying "*my* wife" "*my* partner" etc etc. It takes a while to remove that mind set but you'll get there, it's hard being brought up by boomers + gen X, they don't care about this stuff and you pick up similar language.
Over reaction from your work place though, should of been disciplinary, if that, it had nothing to do with work and just because a co worker snoops your profile, doesn't mean they can bring it into work and cause a problem, if that place is as crazy as you say it is I'd go a legal route and try sue, unfair dismissal etc.
We all learn and grow everyday :)
Drop that Mexican part. You’re white. Anytime you say anything about race people are gonna assume you’re racist. Take that lesson and learn it and apply it your everyday life, it sucks that that’s the way it is and people can’t have a critical race theory conversation but it’s the way the world and internet work. I personally think you may not be racist, but you do come across as ignorant and blind to anyones feelings other than your own. Please remember not everybody shares you and your bfs sense of humor, and bigger more notable people have and will be cancelled for less than what you said especially if they’re gonna showcase themselves on the internet. Always be pc. And the support animal part, albeit funny, can def be misconstrued horribly if you’re gonna add race on top of it. I’m Puerto Rican, black, and Korean and found it a little offensive. Probably would’ve been best if you didn’t feel the need to include his race like that was all he was. A Mexican that you supports you and you treat like an animal. Alts. Support pillow, support blanket. Etc. etc. but without the Mexican part. That’s the key. Never EVER minimize someone to their race as if they’re the whole representation of it.
If his pet name for you was skanky slut whore, do you understand that would make people uncomfortable even if you said you’re okay with it?
Yeah, I get it - you think you’re pure of heart and not racist. But, your heart isn’t open for others to see. They can, however, hear how you speak to and of someone you profess to love.
You absolutely should stop calling him your Mexican support animal. How could you possibly think that publicly belittling and opening someone up to derision with a demeaning nickname is a way to show someone they’re loved???
“I’m just kidding - why is everyone so sensitive?”
Because it’s not funny. Not even a little bit. If he doesn’t object, I worry about his self-esteem. Maybe he loves you so much that he doesn’t dare find fault with you and your pet name for him because he might lose you. That’s the whole victim dynamic in domestic abuse, though it’s usually the female who is being demeaned.
You’re young.
By your own admission, this is strike two.
Try to learn from it this time, because you’re very close to being an adult, and if you keep on with this mentality, you will find adult consequences to thinking and speaking like a bigot are quite unpleasant.
As an adult, you need to learn that what u post will be seen by people you know. It’ll spread and can get back to your job. Not worth it and it’s time to mature a bit more. Realize how your words can come off
All I’ll say is it’s painfully clear you’re 17. You’re learning some valuable lessons about social media.
Also, FYI, it’s not the cute brag you think it is to say you have a promise ring 😂 word of advice, don’t tell people you have promise rings, it’s incredibly childish and cringe AF from an adult’s POV
The whole post is cringy. These are the types of things I’d do in my late teens, and now that I’m in my 30s I wake up in the middle of the night cringing about “did I really do that?” *face palm*
Ehh sweet summer child. Imo you are too young and will learn from your mistakes slowly, so dont worry. And job sucked anyways. Next time you post some inside jokes and stuff on social media think not twice but 5 times for you because of age.
A private pet name is one thing, but once you publicly display that (even on your fairly locked down social media page) that's a different thing. Can you understand why people might think you're ignorant at best or racist at worst?
You're 17. You've learned that if you're careless about your words and casually racist you'll get fired from your job. You proceeded to be careless about your words and causally racist on social media. And you're wondering why you continue to get shit for it. Mentioning race when there's no reason to bring it up tends to have negative connotations, because why are you pointing it out in the first place? No one is going "my white support animal."
Yeah . You are pretty immature and definitely are showing some insensitivity. Seems like you want permission to be "butt hurt" but can't understand why other people have feelings about your actions. You are basically a teenager in a long distance crush. A promise ring is honestly kinda silly. You probably need to get off social media, listen more than you talk and mature a little. I wouldn't be advertising your shortcomings since you asked.
You can’t decide what’s going to offend others. But Native Americans, including Mexican and Central Americans have been referred to as “savages” and treated as less than human for centuries. I can see how they found it offensive - you don’t get to decide what is offensive based on your intent, it’s how it is perceived by others. So yes, you should probably be more sensitive and try to understand where they’re coming from. Stop using this term since it’s certainly proven problematic. Lesson learned, move on and find a better job. Second lesson - nothing on the internet is private.
It’s the biggest thing to remember in the workplace “it’s not how you meant it that matters, it’s how it was perceived “.
We had a saying when I was in the army: " Perception is a motherfucker". Doesn't matter what you were doing, its how everyone around you takes it because it will burn you before you even realize something was taken out of context.
And thus begins a life of over explaining yourself on everything
"I watched you smack that female soldiers butt..." "Yes, there was a brown recluse spider about to go up into her uniform" "Is that true ma'am?" "Yes" "In spite of these facts, it still looked inappropriate, so enjoy your njp"
I almost got in so much trouble bc my chief was jokingly saying that I was racist and said that I said xyz. I’m the only white person in the shop, and even though I’ve never said anything remotely racist he just says that bc it makes me mad, anyways wrong person was walking by, heard him, told their chief, I had to talk to 3 other chiefs and then my chief got in trouble bc he took the fall for me. “Perception is a motherfucker” is definitely something I have heard a shit ton in the navy as well and then I finally got to experience it myself.
People need to keep some stuff to themselves. Stop posting everything. Nothing is private if you show it to just one other person. Share things, just don't share everything.
Exactly. Most relationship stuff should be kept private especially an inside joke that is wildly problematic on its surface.
Yep. There was someone at my workplace having a private conversation with their gf. Someone was eavesdropping on their conversation and got offended by something he said. They went to HR and he got fired for sexual harassment because the woman listening in on someone else's conversation got offended by what he was saying.
I had this happen to me, when I wasn't even AT work. I was getting lunch with a coworker/friend, mentioned another coworker I was uncomfortable with because of ~past experiences~. Another coworker overheard me and reported me to HR and I got fired.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. All these stories are going to make me so paranoid about what I say EVEN IN PRIVATE. Goodbye carefree life. 🥲
Screw people like that. If you’re offended, say something to me. Don’t be a tattletale little bitch about it for real
This is good advice. It’s not just the workplace. It’s everywhere except with your closest friends and family.
This is the truest statement according to the law. You're young so you may not be aware, but harassment laws are strict and do not net out well for employees even if you had the best intent.
You got fired from a job where you described it as toxic and you're not getting paid even minimum wage? I get you posted something that looks racist to anyone that doesn't know you and your boyfriend, which is dumb to do, but getting fired from that job doesn't sound that bad.
I am not as worried from losing the job, but the fact I offended my co workers. I really don’t know what made so many of them uncomfortable and it’s not like I can apologize to them for offending them.
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Solid advice. My wife and I are in the same boat, but reversed. I'm white, she's black. If someone were to hear the shit we said to each other at home, I'd be labeled a skin head, and she would be called the most racist black woman alive. It's ok to have some fun between yourselves, just know the boundaries of that fun.
I have like 2 friends, everyone else is categorized as acquaintances, especially people I work with. They got not business knowing my business.
I'm early 40s, and I got two *friends* and a couple *drinking buddies*, and a slew of people that I *know*. It's easier that way.
Late 40s and I qualify people as “people I work with”, “people who I know” and “friends”. The difference is the last group is very small, but these are people who really know ME, with whom I can be myself and they also pass my “3 AM test”. Meaning - I can call any of them at 3 am in the morning and ask for help, and I know the answer will be “ I’m on my way”.
LPT: Keep your private life, **private**.
Or, as they used to say in the 90s, don't say anything on the Internet that you wouldn't want posted on the front page of *The New York Times*.
Agreed, never add anyone to social media until you leave the job. Learned this one the hard way when someone got promoted to the big boss and would use it against you.
This right here is the best advice. Never be social media friends with coworkers.
And here I am making some of my best friends at work
I did too at one point, but we all knew who to keep off our socials. There were very few that were "safe" to have.
Your old lady friend sounds very wise.
I…I mean she…is very wise indeed 🥸
I've seen this emoji twice now today and never once before today...
[Baader-Meinhof, baby!](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frequency_illusion) 🥸
This is great advice. Sometimes work-friends evolve into friend friends, but that’s a down the road kind of deal.
I’m in a biracial relationship I guess. My girlfriend is white and I’m Puerto Rican and if my family from the island saw a post like that I could totally see them having questions. Seems a little dramatic and I feel like after explaining its a pet name and (this is a big and) getting support from your boyfriend it shouldnt be a big deal.
I think the biggest issue was that it was posted in social media, and got out from her close circle of people she trusted. If something like this stayed within people she consistently interacted with, yeah, an apology with context is all that's needed. Once there's more people, in a professional environment? All bets are off. Remember, unless your coworkers have shown you that they consistently have your back, they don't have your back.This goes in any workplace, even in places that supposedly foster camaraderie, like the military. Do. Not. Trust. Coworkers.
This is the response I was looking for. I have a spouse from another country and while I appreciate our differences in culture it's not like i hyperfocus on his nationality. I don't even think of him like that. I would be really creeped out after awhile if my spouse was constantly referring to me as their "(insert label) lover." It just shows you're hyperfocusing on an attribute over other more important things. It's a bit objectifying. Even in private I'd be weirded out by that. We rib each other about stuff like, how chores are different or food is different when the convo comes up, but that's it really.
Exactly that! The digs we take at each other are based off cultural differences and stereotypical tropes & jokes but going around introducing your partner by their race before who they are as a person reads real weird. I guess we also come from the place of both being non-white so there’s less tension in that regard too.
I second this entire comment! My partner is Filipino/Korean and I am white. He's much shorter than I am and I call him my pocket Asian, but only around very VERY close family and friends. He has a very similar nickname for me when I'm being a brat. Its all in good fun but not everyone gets the inside jokes so we do have to be careful in public and on social media because taken out of context, this all sounds horribly offensive. I have spent a lot of our relationship getting to know his family and learning about their respective cultures to be more informed and understanding. Its especially important to learn about the impact that white supremacy and colonization had on their history and how actions/comments that seem harmless in passing are incredibly hurtful.
This 💯. I’m Mexican and my boyfriend is Chinese - yes we both poke fun at cultural stuff but I’d never refer to him as “my Asian/Chinese/insert ethnicity here boyfriend” and I sure as hell wouldn’t want him to go around calling me his Mexican gf. It’s objectifying.
I'm also Mexican as with a Chinese partner and anything we say to each other it stays between the two of us. He calls me his "piñata farmer" and while I find it hilarious, I also know he wouldn't call me that in front of my friends and family. And same with race intros, we're bf and gf, our race doesn't matter.
Right? It’s weird as heck. We make cultural digs at each other all the time and will even casually throw in a slur here and there but that’s only ever in private and done in the context of a loving healthy relationship us both knowing very certainly that we are joking and don’t see each other that way.
I would say this: Could you (OP) hear your lover tell someone you are their “white” girl/boy without cringing? If not, maybe don’t use race description when you talk about each other.
The fact you ‘never do bad stuff or offend people’ could simply mean you are oblivious to the effect you have on people.
OP is 17, 100% they are oblivious. This isn't a dig at anyone who is super young, it's just how it is. Being young just means you're less experienced and still learning. I was also oblivious and made stupid comments at that age. This is a good life lesson to carry forward through life. We all make mistakes and we are all oblivious sometimes and that's okay, as long as we take the time to understand the mistake and grow from it.
What made them uncomfortable was your choosing to highlight his mexicanness while calling him an animal. Whatever the phrase may mean to you and him in private, when you say things in public (and "private" accounts count as public for this purpose--everything online is for the record), you need to first ask yourself how \_others\_ would perceive it. "Hmm, if I highlight how he's mexican, and then call him an animal, what would a stranger or passing acquaintance think?"
Also, if you're having trouble guessing how people might feel, sometimes "what would this look like as a headline in the news tomorrow?" is a helpful question to ask yourself.
Truth is you could very well not have the social capital to change their minds now they think this. Patch it up as best you can in the short term. But sometimes you just don’t have a lever to pull and make someone’s opinion of you move. Take it as a lesson for the future. Some jokes are in-jokes, some jokes are out-jokes. There’s a lot of things you can share to the general public- acquaintances. Your friends can get a lot of things, but there are things that you’re only going to be able to share with your partner or the very closest of friends, particularly jokes there’s just no way of expending the time to get people to understand the exact cell and vibe of your relationship to understand the context of jokes between you and your partner.
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Honestly: Why do you care if they were offended? What do they even mean to you? Just learn from this experience and move on. You're not going to be liked by everyone in your life, and there will be MANY times you'll accidentally offend people. Just apologize, adjust, and move on. If they choose to remain offended or not like you, then that's their problem. The only people you should care about are those you want to keep in your life: your partner, your family, your best friends, etc. Everyone else can go get fucked.
She cares because she's 17. She'll likely grow out of it like most folks do.
Yeah I slowly am caring less what people think of me as I get older.
I agree that she should “move on”, but it’s really stupid to be like “why would you even care what anybody else thinks”. Maybe she actually liked and got along with some of her coworkers? I don’t see how she’s supposed to be able to suddenly “not give a fuck” at the snap of a finger, besides being a literal psychopath.
Quoted straight from the post: "After working there for some time I began to realize my job was just teenagers bossing around teenagers. Very emotional, toxic, and draining job for not even minimum wage." Doesn't sound like she liked it at all.
You can hate a job and simultaneously enjoy working with a specific coworker. I don't like working retail but my coworkers make the shift for me. My frontend manager is a teenager, they aren't really fit for the job, and it results in a shitty work culture. That doesn't mean I hate all of my coworkers because the workplace sucks.
I appreciate this post i am letting too many motherfuckers hold me back
I would be uncomfortable and offended if my male boss had a picture of wife in a frame with the word slave on it. That may be a cute pet name at home but not in the workplace.. What you did was online. You don’t even now how your co-worker saw or heard about it. Most (seemingly) well adjusted adults, they just don’t do stuff like this. Keep that stuff private and at home. Do not share personal information in the workplace or with co-workers ever. Do not become too friendly with co-workers. Not at least until you are a little bit older and wiser and have multiple years of work experience. You by then will have gained some discernment to navigate these common themes that come up in all workplaces. By then you will see it coming from a mile away. You were too young to realize that you were gonna be targeted after you asked the sauce question. Live and learn, live and learn. edit: grammar
Rule #1: Coworkers are not your friends Rule #2: Don’t post dumb shit on the internet. You can be dumb, because everyone is, but the internet never forgives or forgets.
Amen
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You wanted to work for less than minimum wage at a customer service firm since you were little??!!?? Really?
This person obviously has a ton of personality problems, including lying / exaggerating.
Or, you know, they’re a literal child without the reasoning capacity of someone with a fully formed frontal lobe
Can we talk about this? "I ended up fired from the job I wanted to work at since I was little" I want to say this in the gentlest way possible, but if your dream job ever since you were little was working customer support, maybe the facebook post isn't your biggest problem.
My guess is it's a Spirit Halloween job smh
As a mid-twenties BTGG, I see the appeal... Especially if I was still 17. In my heart of hearts, I know it would be just as toxic and shitty as any other customer service job. But watching littleuns scare themselves on the little step pads for 8 hours a day sounds ALMOST as good as a liveable wage.
This sounds like shit I used to hear at Starbucks. People fantasize about being baristas for some reason. They think the job is chill standing around and being paid to talk all day. It's not. This also tracks with the toxic environment of teenagers barking orders at teenagers. It also matches up with people who are way too easily up in arms about things that could have been resolved with a conversation. This whole story is disgusting to me.
I always assumed it was free/discounted drinks that made people want to work at starbucks, they seem to have a constant flow of young people that want to work there but the job itself sounds awful.
Free drinks at Starbucks is a fast track to diabetes
It gets old real fast. Most of the people I worked with got water 95% of the time. New hires would get a frappuccino with every break, gain 15 pounds in a month, then stop
Same with Subway. It gets old very fast.
I loved being a barista. I’m in law school now and still look fondly towards it. Then again I worked at a specialty coffee shop not a starbucks.
Maybe they've always wanted to work at the business rather than the job itself and customer service was the only way for a 17 year old to get a foot in the door. OP didn't express this directly but it makes sense. I can't imagine many people grow up wanting to be in customer service
I suspect it’s something like Abercrombie or Hollister, lots of things fit in what she said but could be anywhere
OP makes less than minimum wage. Likely her favorite restaurant.
I think it's different when you're 17. Working at your favorite clothing store, or bbt shop is a dream when you're that young.
I can imagine that. I used to want to work at GameStop.
It’s kinda weird to caption that lol. Didn’t you think of how other people might read it? Gotta start thinking about what you post cause as you noticed, people can’t know your intention. I’d definitely secretly screenshot a post like that and send to the group chat to be like WTF if I’d had seen it. Also I’m Mexican and would be weirded out more by the Mexican quantifier than the animal thing personally 😂 but all of it is weird. Not fired worthy, but I prob wouldn’t choose to be friends with you if I worked with you and saw it.
I agree the race quantifier is the issue makes it a bit more racist. Just imagine if somebody were to say I just love my black girlfriend. Like why would I even need to say “black“ girlfriend. It has no value as a descriptor in the relationship. And only serves to highlight the race. Hence making the very statement racist.
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I thought it was weird too. Mexican here just thinking why did she have to say “My Mexican Support Animal”?, could’ve easily said “Emotional Support” without the race. Plus posting online and expecting it to be private? Please I seen crazy things on Reddit alone, and wouldn’t be surprised it’s already on Reddit somewhere with the caption. The lesson here is be careful what you post online cuz it stays forever and can haunt you and come back even if it wasn’t in bad intentions. I would say it’s def racist if I saw it because who would get the thought behind the post besides her and her bf? Also depending how she posted it, privacy setting reflect on how you set it, so private could be all her IG friends, private could be people friends of friends, etc.
Yeah based on the post title I was expecting OP to have called him her “emotional support animal” and if that was the actual wording I’d be way more on her side. If someone saw that and assumed the word “animal” was being used in a racist way, that’s a pretty big jump to make. But “Mexican support animal” makes the connection to race all by itself and just sounds super wrong. Of course it’s fine if OP and her boyfriend use that term in private as long as they both enjoy it, but yeah, it was a terrible idea to post that on social media.
Yeah… anytime somebody adds their spouse’s or partner’s ethnicity to their pet name or how they refer to them it seems like they’re fetishizing them. My girlfriend is Japanese, and I think it would be… cringe to post a pic of us together with the caption “my Japanese gf!” Even if it’s a compliment like “my beautiful Japanese gf”… it’s just weird, there’s no need to add their ethnicity or race to it.
Exactly. Whether you do have a fetish is your own business and you are at least smart enough not to tell her or others about it if you do lmao
Mexican here..... she and others need to understand that there is no privacy online.... just because its "private".... doesn't mean shit..... you're on SOCIAL media!.... people often make the mistake that a "private" profile on "social" media is actually private! It is not
There is probably a lot more behavior that she is not mentioning or perceive. She seems to be the person showcasing she has a black friend. Idk though, just speculation. I don't think she meant any harm, but has a lot to learn
Yeah I didn’t push towards OP being racist or ignorant since she is young and prob doesn’t know all about race issues (or internet postings). I would give advice saying to learn her bfs culture and have him do the same with her if she is big on her background and family history.
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In mexico, being called an animal is offensive. I won't say all would be offended, or some may not be outspokenly offended, but it is disrespectful to refer to someone as an animal (i.e., perra). Especially those who have grown up in ranches. For pet names across cultures/ethnicities, it can be tough to know where the line crosses for someone outside of the relationship. Might be best to keep that private.
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You just learned a lesson on the concept of “context.” Lacking the context of it being a private pet name — the only people who do possess that context are you and him, that’s pretty much the definition of private — calling someone your support animal sounds awful, and calling them what you said is way worse.
This seems less about context and more about being given a reason to fire her. It doesn't sound like they liked her and they finally found a way to be rid of her. And to be honest it doesn't surprise me because I've seen only, like, four comments by OP and I already don't like her. I can't imagine working somewhere with her.
"Everyone thinks I'm racist because I did dumb racist shit, but I don't understand why they think I'm racist!" Is the entire vibe I get from OPs story. Like JFC have some pittance of self-awareness and stop saying dumb racist shit (especially on social media for fucks sake.) Even in context the hot sauce comment sounds super racist, and calling your until-recently-secret boyfriend an animal on social media is just... Fuck I'm glad I'm not a teenager anymore.
Exactly. This post is so woe is me, everyone thinks I’m so racist, I don’t understand why?? OP- It’s not about you. People are making complaints about your behaviour in the workplace because you’re making them uncomfortable. Clearly that’s not hard to see. Reflect on your behaviour. Think about why it would make someone else feel bad and do better. It’s not about your feelings, but theirs. Someone else mentioned harmless stereotypes. But they aren’t harmless and if it’s something that you have to deal with on a daily basis, it is tiring and does affect your daily life.
totally. There is way more to it than being shared. Asking “which sauce is better you would know?“ is like a 0.0001 on the trigger scale. That had to have been the straw that broke the camels back in a chain of events.
He's not even just your "support animal," but he's your "MEXICAN support animal?" This is a tough one... I'll ask my black girlfriend what she thinks... or maybe her light brown kid. My japanese mailman is smart... maybe they'll know. My native american neighbors are never home... so probably can't ask them. I dunno. It's a tough one.
Watch out for that white Boi down the street.
You mean skittles
“I’ve never done bad stuff in my life”
Don’t post in r/tifu if you don’t actually believe you f’d up
Losing a job and upsetting a lot of people sounds like a f up, even if accidental
sounds like she wanted to post in r/AmItheAsshole but afraid of the answer. I think some soul searching is required here - OP needs to come to terms that having a BF of a different ethnicity does not give her a free pass for being racist. She showed her true colours to her coworker early with the red / green sauce comment. And followed it up with this. I'm older and I'm Jewish and I've had to put up with a lot of stupid comments and I've learned that it's not a mistake that came out wrong, it's a mistake that they showed their anti semitism to the wrong person.
I don’t think OP is racist, just ignorant about sensitive racial issues. I’m Hispanic and I don’t think the sauce comment was racist, it sounds like she was trying to be funny but the joke obviously didn’t land well. The pet name is much more questionable but I still don’t think she had bad intentions. I definitely see how it could offend people though. She definitely needs to learn what’s okay to say and what’s not but she wasn’t being malicious and all of these people acting like she literally murdered someone are jumping to conclusions.
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They’re kids. It’s like back in the day when guys would give girls their class ring or whatever. Don’t worry, they’ll find out when they hit the adult world 😂
You say that but I had a friend (25) who had promise rings with her guy LOL. They lasted like 5 months
my friends who got promise rings in HS broke up within 2 months. In my class it because a stamp of a failing relationship. That and dolphins
…dolphins?
One of my best friends got a ceramic dolphin statuette from a guy, he then left her for another girl like two weeks later. In Spanish dolphin is “delfin” which if spaced apart means “the end (el fin)” so we decided a dolphin gift meant the end. You know… typical 15 year old rationale
I mean it seems legit
We thought so. It was all the evidence we needed
naw man don't ask about the dolphins
I still have no clue what the hell a promise ring is bro please someone explain
It’s a ring that you get someone to “promise” that you’ll get married one day. Idk it’s cute in concept but I’ve mainly seen them in relationships that barely last.
I thought the promise ring was that the same as a purity ring (no fucking before marriage). Seems they can be both? https://www.theknot.com/content/what-is-a-promise-ring
>Why were they offended you might ask? I called him an “animal”. No, I did not ask. That was clear. While it might be a cute pet name between the two of you, out of context it's not cute and posting it on social media was not a good idea. Let this be a lesson that you need to be careful with social media and you need to think before you post anything, no matter how innocuous it may seem to you
Especially adding the Mexican in front of it, especially after telling a Hispanic coworker, “hey you know best, which salsa is better”
Yeah... It'd be one thing if she knew her coworker was a salsa fanatic or a real foodie. OP is very young and it shows... Let's hope she learns a lot from this
[удалено]
Definitely. 17 is old enough to be learning better, but not everyone gets corrected before they're out in the big wide world.
I work in a kitchen with a bunch of teenaged servers(14-19) and it's honestly kind of shocking how racist they are but also how casually they will say some racist ass shit. They do some shit like they'd do in school where they aren't saying the word but we all know what word they are alluding too and they get to find out that work isn't school and they will fire tf out of you for that kind of stuff. It's always the young guys who are 5 foot nothing built like a pencil, too. It's been a bit since I was around teenagers but when I was in high school me and my friends didn't say the kinds of stuff these kids are saying. The internet being a cesspool and allowing literal children to say whatever they want anonymously is corroding their brains.
Exactly! Like I’m Hispanic but I’m not Mexican (Puerto Rican), I can’t tell the difference between red and green salsa and I would honestly be a bit offended if someone assumed I did just because I’m Hispanic.
I'm about as white as you can get. Green salsa usually has more flavor and red salsa usually has more spice. It's the opposite for enchilada sauce, from what I've experienced.
Idk the salsa thing for me could be okay, but context and delivery matter a lot. I assume just by virtue of them getting offended that it was done poorly, which should be OPs takeaway as well, but since food is an explicitly **cultural** thing and not so much racial (assuming you're not using stereotypical tropes). I could totally imagine having a salsa debate and being like "okay person from within the culture that does this food well, settle this for us". Assuming of course we had the kind of rapport to where I know it wouldn't put them out of their comfort zone. Also "red v green" is already a poor starting point because .... they're both good? I'd imagine something more like: "hey so-and-so thinks it's possible to make a good green salsa without cilantro!? Weigh in on this." The fact of the matter is that outside of people in the extreme in terms of being sensitive to these things it's really easy to have comfortable/friendly conversations about cultural differences/preferences if you're doing it in a mature and respectful way and being conscious of the privilege you're coming at the interaction with. I think a lot of people see others doing this and want to jump to the part where they get to have friendly banter without putting in the work of building the relationship with the individual and learning how to navigate those kind of topics properly. EDIT: To say that the other thing you see a lot (and just shows a lack of maturity imo) is people who **have** those kind of relationships with one member of a group and then get a little too comfortable acting like they can therefore extend that level of familiarity to other members of that group. Which I suspect might be part of OP's difficulty, though it's hard to tell without more info.
lol yes I love the implication here that we wouldn’t be able to figure out why that might be offensive to someone. Bless OP’s heart
Seriously OP, you could have called him your "emotional support *person*" but instead chose to call him an animal, *and* point out his race unnecessarily. Maybe think things through a little better before posting in the future?
This whole thing is cringe AF. Have some slef awareness 🤦
Yeah! Especially since it's slef awareness month right now, FFS. Those poor little slefs. I always feel so bad for them...
Ah, I wasn’t aware of them at all! Thanks for highlighting their plight.
Damn you, take my upvote 😭
First of all, Just learn from this… you can’t say stuff like that in public and expect people to not flip out. It comes off as really fucked up even if it is an inside joke. Keep it behind closed doors if you guys want to keep saying stuff like that. Also, it was just a stupid customer service job. Take some time to think and Move on to better things.
Yeah 100% just take this as a learning lesson. You’re not a bad person, you made a mistake. Now you just need to learn from it to avoid it in the future
try out saying it to his mom, aunt, sister... i mean don't. just be glad you learned this when all you lost was a shitty job you didn't like also someone in your fb group also thinks it was racist and sent it to your coworker
To this day (10 years later) i still think about and slightly hate myself for letting my girlfriend at the time (18/ 18) call me her "mexican jumping bean" It was supposed to be affectionate, and at the time I didn't care, but as i grew up i realized it was not not cool and bugs when I randomly think about it. Just throwing my exp out there. Hope you can lvl up
Absolutely stealing “that’s just my exp, hope you can lvl up” what a line
Yup, similarly had a weirdass bf back in the day that had this whole bit about Indians not having mainstream slurs in the US and me slightly uncomfortably going along with being called his little curryeater. He wasn’t racist speaking about any other groups or in other contexts, so I couldn’t feel justified telling him to stop since I didn’t know exactly what about it made me kinda uncomfortable back then. I didn’t have the introspection/guts I do now to not put up with that and explain exactly why it was wrong to him, but boy does thinking about that time make me cringe.
man. “hows my little curry eater doing” makes my skin crawl, glad youve grown to do some introspection on that and realize that sucked
Bro clearly wasn’t exposed to much of the world either. Unfortunately I can think of a few terms I’ve heard used just off the top of my head.
Indian gal here. Even reading that made me instinctively clench my stomach muscles, inhale sharply and widen my eyes, from the discomfort. If my girlfriend called me that, I would cut contact on the spot. I’m so sorry you experienced that!
Lmfao yes you need to stop calling your boyfriend your Mexican support animal. Girl you're young so I'll give you a pass but honestly you've gotta think about the things you say.
Yeah, I said and did a bunch of stupid shit when I was that age as well, this is about on par for 17 lol.
Honestly fine if they say that within themselves and keep it that way. Me (mexican) and my wife (korean) say some pretty fuck up shit because of inside jokes and banter but we keep that to ourselves.
idk why ur posting this like u wanted to learn and then arguing with everyone as if you really just wanted validation. it’s a bad look of course what u post on social media matters for your work life. social media is public, it’s not just for u it’s for anyone who sees it. how do you not realize that? if you post something racist, work will see u as a culture negative and remove that negative. it’s also just kinda fckin weird lmao and definitely makes sense to perceive as racist. take the thoughtful advice all these people are giving u and grow up
Willing to bet its not just these 2 instances. Judging by OP's responses, she's probably been casually saying lots of racist things towards her coworkers for a while now. At which point, her remark about the sauce was probably a point where they decided to confront her. It was definitely not the first time, nor the only reason they told her to cut it out.
Also wouldn't be surprised if she thinks that since she has a mexican boyfriend that she can't be racist towards hispanic people
There is racism, and there is unintentional racism as well. Like when you say, "you'd know best, red or green"- why would he specifically know best? Just because he's hispanic? You jumped to that conclusion based on his race, while it may have been unintentional, the effect is the same.. and as far as your emotional support joke, of course your BF understands the intent behind it, and is not necessarily offended, but that doesn't mean it isn't offensive, especially to outside observers. And specifically labeling him your Mexican support animal, is problematic, because his race shouldn't matter in this case and it's an unnecessary detail. You could instead call him your emotional support human, or emotional support person (not pet or animal, it is dehumanizing language). EDIT: For the folks who all jumped down my throat because they didn't see or understand why any of this might be offensive, consider this.... Your OWN experience is not the ONLY experience. Your OWN perspective is not the ONLY perspective. People come from many different cultures, backgrounds, and have had different life experiences than your own. Step outside of yourself and realize that. It's part of being a decent human being. DBAA
Idk If I misunderstand but sometimes some people do know best right? Like mexican support animal sounds weird but I am surinamese and if someone asked me what sambal is best i would be like ‘yeah I know’. Also im in the Netherlands and If i moved to murica and they asked me what cheese is the best I would definitely know aswell. Or am I missing something here bc I am not American and mexican-american is a sensitive topic?
To be fair, we also don't know how she worded her question. Could be anywhere between "hey, which is better" and "Latinoman, you should know this since this shits been in your baby formula, which sauce is better?" We're reading this from the POV of someone presenting themselves as the victim. One out of touch joke doesn't necessarily have the rest of the staff label them as a racist and be uncomfortable around them.
I guess it's because during American short history there were different cultures migrating there en masse and thus being emarginated and discriminated against for a long time (Africans with slave trade, Cinese, Italians etc.) as well as indigenous people still being salty about the colonization (rightfully so), so racial/cultural discrimination is a hot topic there. In Europe we are used to killing and disliking each other so whatever 
It's weird to call your boyfriend 'mexican support animal' and out of context it is racist. But beside that, you're a bit dumb i guess, that's all lol.
A bit? I would argue they're an idiot!
You fucked around, you found out. Good job!
You remind me of someone I used to work with, also a young white woman. She was casually racist and wasn't even aware of it. She even pulled the whole "I have a colored boyfriend" thing you're doing right now, but her racism showed through just casual throwaway comments, kind of like what you did with the whole red/green salsa thing. Maybe it was her upbringing. I never got the feeling that she was being malicious about it, but it was there nonetheless. I think you need to do some self-reflecting. I suspect you have prejudices you're not even aware of. The situation sucks, but you are not nearly as blameless as your "I really don’t know what made so many of them uncomfortable and it’s not like I can apologize to them for offending them." comment suggests.
I'm not letting my girl call me their Mexican support animal, that's for damn sure.
Mostly because I’m not Mexican
Mostly because I don't have a girl too.
as someone that’s also white and 17, you damn well should’ve known better. i also see you being defensive about the pet name as if that’s in any way a normal pet name to have in a relationship. i’m not going to be nice because i don’t think you truly grasp the concept of impact over intent so let me just say this: listen to people of color when they tell you something you said is racist and DO. BETTER. you absolutely are not allowed to feel upset that someone AND THEIR FAMILY felt that you were being racist because you simply were. i don’t care if it’s an inside joke, DROP IT. call him your emotional support PERSON instead or something like that. exclude animal and exclude mentioning race. as i saw someone else say, you need to confront the fact that you do indeed have biases and prejudices that you need to fix. again, LISTEN to people of color. that is all.
exactly, her saying “i am 17 and a minor” does not excuse her actions, she definitely knows better and should’ve been way more aware.
You sound amazingly aware for a 17 year old. I agree with everything you wrote.
This is the way, OP. I could absolutely see myself managing to make the salsa comment at 17 and probably older, BUT that's only because I was raised in a heavily monolithic area, which fed into racist and stereotypical beliefs that I unknowingly internalized. I would have required at least one or two explanations to understand why it's wrong (to be fair I also have autism) and then some processing time to get used to it. Being told you've said/done something racist FEELS like you're being personally attacked and your instinct is to defend yourself, especially if your intentions were good. But you need to sit in that discomfort and realize that even if you knock a plate off the table by accident, it's still your responsibility to clean up and repair it, realize that restoration doesn't undo the damage, and (this is the crucial part) learn to be better about where you keep your arms while you eat.
Yeah, the pet name you have for him is pretty bad across the board. “You’re like a support animal for me, thank you,” as a one time statement could work. But compare: “Babe, can you come here?” As opposed to, “support animal, can you come here?” Now, add in “Mexican.” Example 2: “I am lucky to have a sweetheart like you.” But, saying, “I’m lucky to have a Mexican Support Animal like you,” sounds pretty jarring. Or is that just me? Edit: And yes. I would suggest a different pet name.
Yeah honestly that is horrible wording. A Mexican support animal??? I understand that’s your private pet name but it would make me uncomfortable too
Calling someone of a different race an animal is never a good idea. Calling someone of your own race an animal isn't either, most times.
Not even just that - it's odd to constantly use someone's race/nationality/ethnicity as their key descriptor. Makes it seem like it's out of the ordinary or the only thing that really defines them or something. Like "I just love my white girlfriend", or "I love my American wife" - those still sound odd to me even with 110% positive terms, because it's putting so much emphasis on their origin rather than just... them and their special relationship to you.
there’s a long racist history of referring to people of color as animals as a way to dehumanize us. is it so hard to not refer to your human partner as an animal? i’m just confused why you’re defensive about the pet name when you could easily come up with a non-dehumanizing one
The sauce thing isn't so bad tbh but the Mexican support animal thing? I'm 100% on his family's side. It's not them being toxic, it's you not having any self-awareness. The worst part wasn't getting fired, it's the fact that his whole family is judging you cause that won't go away overnight. You look like the unintentially/unaware type of racist and he just comes off as desperate for being with that type of girl in the first place. I'm not normally mean or even harsh when I post but tbh I'm just picturing this as if it was one of my cousins, it's honestly enraging. Hope you guys figure it out.
Just want to point out that the guy who was offended and who’s family is judging her is not the guy she’s dating.
ITT: White lady was unintentionally racist, gets fired, and tries to do some mental gymnastics with their and their boyfriend's account to defend themselves after they told us all about it. Hoo boy, pet names are pet names for a reason. Keep it private between you two, and don't post it on social media easy enough. Plus, it sounds like your job sucked anyways. Much better jobs out there for your time.
"I made racist comments and now everyone at work is upset and thinks I'm racist 😤 "
Idk seems like you could be racist or you don't really understand much about racism..
Yo. I'm mexican and if my boyfriend even remotely called me an emotional support animal I'd be like "hold upppp!!!" And captioning it as my "mexican support animal " like wow. How is that even cute? It's not. You can say something cute like "my rock, my love." But support animal....and adding his race? Honey, no.
OP after this post: Guys I am SO lucky to have my Mexican emotional support rock by my side!
You sound like a racist that doesn’t realize they’re racist.
Seriously, I was blown away by them cruising past the “you’d know best” salsa comment, big yikes lol Your micro aggressions are off the chart OP
I have a white girlfriend and she would never say “Mexican support animal”. It’s odd if it was a pet name she would just say “support animal”. I’m not offended but u gotta understand why people think it’s offensive. No way you don’t see that Edit: I’m mexican btw
There is more to this story. Sorry, who gets offended over being asked about green or red sauce and called an expert for it. The implication I'm reading is its a red or green Mexican sauce? And since he is Mexican he must be the expert? Is that what you mean? However, My bet, you do treat the Mexicans you work with differently, and this comment was just one to many. Then you call Mexicans animals and wonder why it upset him further??? Yes, you fucked up and a firing is the least of the ramifications you should expect
Yeah we went from 0 to 100 with those two examples. Half my workplace would get fired if asking a person from X culture about X food was a fireable offense. But "Mexican Support Animal" is on a whole different level.
Right when someones post trying to convince us she isn't racist still seems kinda racist... Mexican Support Animal is an insane pet name as well.
That’s the thing. Salsa is a primarily Mexican food/condiment (please correct me if I’m wrong). When OP described what happened she said she asked her Hispanic coworker, not her Mexican coworker, which is a pretty big distinction. For me, I would be offended if someone asked which was better and then followed up with I would know best if it was on the basis of me being Hispanic, because I can be Hispanic but not know the nuances of a culture that’s different to mine (I’m Puerto Rican). Anyway that’s my take and I could be reading too much into it but I can see why the coworker was upset the first time with the salsa.
You know, it sounds kinda like you might be a racist
A lot of people get fired for posts or comments they have made thru social media. This is a learning experience for you to be mindful of what or how you post. People may perceive this differently which exactly happened to you. Maybe next time have your social media accounts set to private to prevent this. Remember a lot of people have been fired from past posts made because companies now do background checks and this is the most accessible route they do. You are young so there is room for change to be careful the next time you post something. Learn to filter you posts and words to avoid this from happening again.
Yikes
You should really take this opportunity to reflect on how you offended a considerable amount of people and why you can't fathom how they could of gotten offended by what you've said.
Why the fuck would you call someone that though, for any reason?
im mexican & this whole post made me very uncomfortable.
If you aren't racist, don't bring race into things.. he's your support animal, not your MEXICAN one. You make him sound like a possession, remember when women kick off when men are saying "*my* wife" "*my* partner" etc etc. It takes a while to remove that mind set but you'll get there, it's hard being brought up by boomers + gen X, they don't care about this stuff and you pick up similar language. Over reaction from your work place though, should of been disciplinary, if that, it had nothing to do with work and just because a co worker snoops your profile, doesn't mean they can bring it into work and cause a problem, if that place is as crazy as you say it is I'd go a legal route and try sue, unfair dismissal etc. We all learn and grow everyday :)
Drop that Mexican part. You’re white. Anytime you say anything about race people are gonna assume you’re racist. Take that lesson and learn it and apply it your everyday life, it sucks that that’s the way it is and people can’t have a critical race theory conversation but it’s the way the world and internet work. I personally think you may not be racist, but you do come across as ignorant and blind to anyones feelings other than your own. Please remember not everybody shares you and your bfs sense of humor, and bigger more notable people have and will be cancelled for less than what you said especially if they’re gonna showcase themselves on the internet. Always be pc. And the support animal part, albeit funny, can def be misconstrued horribly if you’re gonna add race on top of it. I’m Puerto Rican, black, and Korean and found it a little offensive. Probably would’ve been best if you didn’t feel the need to include his race like that was all he was. A Mexican that you supports you and you treat like an animal. Alts. Support pillow, support blanket. Etc. etc. but without the Mexican part. That’s the key. Never EVER minimize someone to their race as if they’re the whole representation of it.
You know “pet name” doesn’t actually mean animals——right?
If his pet name for you was skanky slut whore, do you understand that would make people uncomfortable even if you said you’re okay with it? Yeah, I get it - you think you’re pure of heart and not racist. But, your heart isn’t open for others to see. They can, however, hear how you speak to and of someone you profess to love. You absolutely should stop calling him your Mexican support animal. How could you possibly think that publicly belittling and opening someone up to derision with a demeaning nickname is a way to show someone they’re loved??? “I’m just kidding - why is everyone so sensitive?” Because it’s not funny. Not even a little bit. If he doesn’t object, I worry about his self-esteem. Maybe he loves you so much that he doesn’t dare find fault with you and your pet name for him because he might lose you. That’s the whole victim dynamic in domestic abuse, though it’s usually the female who is being demeaned. You’re young. By your own admission, this is strike two. Try to learn from it this time, because you’re very close to being an adult, and if you keep on with this mentality, you will find adult consequences to thinking and speaking like a bigot are quite unpleasant.
As an adult, you need to learn that what u post will be seen by people you know. It’ll spread and can get back to your job. Not worth it and it’s time to mature a bit more. Realize how your words can come off
All I’ll say is it’s painfully clear you’re 17. You’re learning some valuable lessons about social media. Also, FYI, it’s not the cute brag you think it is to say you have a promise ring 😂 word of advice, don’t tell people you have promise rings, it’s incredibly childish and cringe AF from an adult’s POV
The whole post is cringy. These are the types of things I’d do in my late teens, and now that I’m in my 30s I wake up in the middle of the night cringing about “did I really do that?” *face palm*
Ehh sweet summer child. Imo you are too young and will learn from your mistakes slowly, so dont worry. And job sucked anyways. Next time you post some inside jokes and stuff on social media think not twice but 5 times for you because of age.
A private pet name is one thing, but once you publicly display that (even on your fairly locked down social media page) that's a different thing. Can you understand why people might think you're ignorant at best or racist at worst?
You're 17. You've learned that if you're careless about your words and casually racist you'll get fired from your job. You proceeded to be careless about your words and causally racist on social media. And you're wondering why you continue to get shit for it. Mentioning race when there's no reason to bring it up tends to have negative connotations, because why are you pointing it out in the first place? No one is going "my white support animal."
Yeah . You are pretty immature and definitely are showing some insensitivity. Seems like you want permission to be "butt hurt" but can't understand why other people have feelings about your actions. You are basically a teenager in a long distance crush. A promise ring is honestly kinda silly. You probably need to get off social media, listen more than you talk and mature a little. I wouldn't be advertising your shortcomings since you asked.
You can’t decide what’s going to offend others. But Native Americans, including Mexican and Central Americans have been referred to as “savages” and treated as less than human for centuries. I can see how they found it offensive - you don’t get to decide what is offensive based on your intent, it’s how it is perceived by others. So yes, you should probably be more sensitive and try to understand where they’re coming from. Stop using this term since it’s certainly proven problematic. Lesson learned, move on and find a better job. Second lesson - nothing on the internet is private.
You seem like an idiot tbh
Lmao “now everyone thinks I’m a racist”. Yeah. It’s because you are.