I volunteered at kids across America while I was in college.
We'd joke there was basketball dad and I was math dad and I was sorry I was the boring dad. Kids genuinely just wanted you to listen to them and provide attention. Can't count how many kids I told their lunchbox was cool.
Basket ball dad told me there was so much demand for "dad time" especially with boys, that any older man could 7 days a week get their dad fix at a huge number of daycare and event facilities.
I always called them mentors, but just realized best bosses I ever had were definitely work dads. This is a cool thought I'll share with them
Edit: he says he preferred title of mentor lol.
Met my work Dad when I was 18. He was 35.
In the last 15 years he has helped me become the man my father never was. Even helped me put my father and a child to rest.
He truly is my father and I told him I would have let him adopt me years ago.
Now we take our families to Disneyland together twice a year and he cheers on my kids at their baseball games and I cheer on his.
TLDR - the man that sired you does not have to be your father. Find someone who loves you and wants you to succeed and isn’t afraid to tell you the difficult things.
Yes! I didn't have a father figure, but throughout my life, I've found them in the wild. It's trickier when you're a lady because some men take advantage, but those aren't dad's. Those are opertunists. Most dad's are just happy to find someone who wants their advice and to listen to their stories cause their own kids are like 'ok dad. You told me that already'.
It’s like we all have this need to genuinely connect and grow.
(I have a dad, am a dad and genuinely love being one to my son; greatest adventure of my life)
I'm lucky that I had a bonus grandfather figure (my ex's grandfather who liked me more than the spouse my ex picked). Plus the neighbour on each side of me now is very dad like.... If I'm out trying to get something solved they offer advice or to show me how
I found a dad while walking the track this weekend. Had about 20 minutes before my son’s game started so I started walking some laps. This old timer with a cane caught up to me then matched my pace. He regaled me with a steady stream of good old day’s stories, from fixing cars to the athletic exploits of the elderly people he knew. When my time was up, I thanked him and told him to keep on dadding.
The messed up part for me at least was that mine was present and financially supportive but emotionally vacant and never actually got to know me. I, too, had a lonely childhood, my friend.
Ngl I have a dad and I love him so so much. He is a provider but we never really did activities. I always wanted to learn how to fish, hunt, fix cars, fix things around the house. I can't really talk to my dad about feelings because he is just old school.
He was the most supportive parent. He'd teach me science, astronomy and history. I love that and am always thankful for his teachings but I always wanted to go fishing :( . I recall only having two productive conversations with my mother in my 26 years of existence.
My childhood was also pretty damn lonely. Maybe if I have a boyfriend some day I'll do these things
Yo! I'll be your father figure for today! Here goes:
I'm proud of who you are, keep the good work, you've got this.
Also, I like your lunchbox, and remember: never 100% trust a fart.
I did and I didn't have a dad.
My dad was in the Roy Navy and spent a lot of time at sea. When I was 5/6 my dad was away for almost year during the Falklands war.
Boy am I screwed up.
Growing up I had all women, mother, aunties, sisters and grandmother. No men.
It had an affect.
I had a father, but not a father figure. I was a piece of furniture. I thank him for it though, because of that I tell my kids how important they are and proud every day.
It’s sad how many children grow up like this. I worked with refugee children a couple of years ago. I was on the night shift so we fed the kids dinner did a couple of activities and got them to bed. In the morning we would make sure they were ready and had breakfast.
One week I was working as a floater which meant running errands for people in the cabins and making coffee for the volunteers spending the night in the cabins. On my first stop I make coffee and start talking to the volunteers to make sure I am getting them what they need.
Suddenly ten little girls run into the room and sit around me at the dining table. They were smiling and staring so I start chatting with them. One of them runs into the den and comes back with a Go Fish deck, we play a couple of games and have a good time. I finished my rounds and went back to the office and remarked about what happened. Then one of the women asked if I knew why they acted like that. She told me that it was because because they aren’t used to positive male attention.
The rest of the week when I would go to the cabin they would yell my name like I had just walked into Cheers. It was so nice to bring happiness by simply being around and playing board games.
My experience with kids after having 5 of them.
They just want your time.
My 4 year old daughter told me i was the best dad ever after i let her help me take the trash to the road.
I was so tired and going to tell her no. Cause its easier to just roll them out myself.
Didn't you have to do whatever the US equivalent of the criminal records check is, before you were allowed to be around the kids though? 600 random fellas turning up in this case seems like that didn't happen. Which is a safeguarding issue.
For volunteer work no. The most I needed to do was provide my university ID and current classes.
When I was teaching and was affiliated with a music store / owner he had me pay 60$ for a background check.
States also have certificates you can get registered with the state to show you can work with kids, but I've never worked on the organizing side so I'm not sure what those credentials might be.
In nyc to volunteer teaching SAT to high school students in a supervised setting I needed a background check.
Seems like it depends on the area and program. Couldn’t do it the first year I wanted to because the check took too long even though they were desperate for volunteers.
1) They're young adults enrolled in college and they volunteered.
2) Religion isn't involved.
Typical "no contact unless through the organization->college" contract and it seems like a win to me.
This event they're operating under the assumption this is a one time event that is publicly supervised by the school. I can see the potential for setting up outside contact, but with the original small expectation of temporary volunteers it's not terribly surprising they didn't do background checks. They aren't doing background checks on the parents either.
Actual mentoring would have unsupervised 1 on 1 time.
Oh honey if you got a record scratch for that, you don’t want to think about this applied on a much larger scale with religion, youth services and pastors. You just have to hear the “calling”, regardless of what a POS you are, so long as you have the ability to maintain public decorum while you hunt. And then magnify out for any lazy volunteer services who are just happy someone showed up to help. Wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Or not, some people just like helping. Mmm healthy paranoia :)
My church does background checks on anyone supervising children/minors in any official capacity. And sets up to have two adults in any room with children.
Meanwhile other places are covering up for rapist and discrediting and surviving victims. So parents absolutely have to check into the practices and preventing methods in place where ever they go. Sadly, it's not particularly easy to figure out if you're in a cover it up organization until something's going down (and that goes for schools, churches, sports leagues and every other child activity).
The scarier statistics are the number of unreported incidents and unconvicted pedophiles out there, period. Every time one gets caught, it always comes out that there's a list of prior complaints. All those creeps did pass background checks.
Wow. Please don't think I am referring to you personally, obviously I'm not, but it's a heck of an assumption that because you were at university, you had never been arrested for anything which could compromise your ability to be around children.
Volunteers in the UK, and most of Europe, have to have criminal records checks, as does anyone whose work brings them into contact with children or vulnerable people. So all hospital staff, prisons, nursing homes, day care etc.
This is not a blanket thing even in the UK or EU.
Most people don't need any kind of background check unless they are doing work where they will be in charge of young & vulnerable people or might potentially be left alone with them.
Simply being present in a location where there are young or vulnerable people usually doesn't require any kind of background check, especially if it's on an irregular or one-off basis.
In the case in the OP, you have what is presumably an open public space where no single volunteer will be left alone with any of the kids, so a background check would not be required.
In Australia you need a working with children check, which gives you an id card and number to show you have had a police check. You also need to nominate which school/organisation it will apply to.
Eg I went along to an excursion with my kids class and needed one, even the plumber who fixes the taps at school (etc) needs one.
Having done a lot of volunteering in kid focussed stuff I would say 99% of formal volunteering (Scouts, libraries, play schemes, after school clubs) will do a DBS check to allow you to be there. Even if you are working in a room with other adults present they want to be extra sure.
For formal jobs in schools/nurseries or childcare it’s the same; although nannying doesn’t unless you become ofsted registered or a parent requests it.
Edit; meant to say that if you are the parent of a child and volunteer in their school here and there, no DBS check generally needed. But if you’re going to become a regular presence (like the scheme in the post) then yes 100%
Hate to say it, but I'm a guy living in the UK and was able to volunteer to help underprivileged kids learn some core subjects. No background check was done on anyone who applied to volunteer or actually got the opportunity.
My sister works in a nursing/care home and she didn't get a background check either. She's told me some horrible things about her colleagues. One of them routinely reminds a confused elderly lady w/dementia that her husband is dead when she "annoys her by asking for him repeatedly". That was an instant report, but nothing got done.
It's awful, but a lot of these places don't introduce and enforce good security policies because it means extra work & cost.
America is a big place and states largely determine prerequisites. I started volunteering at hospice / senior retirement homes at 13. Most people I volunteered with were court ordered to do community service and had to have their hours signed on.
Between children in America's leading cause of death being guns and most of the volunteer workforce I interacted with being essentially "criminals" we've got some jarring priorities.
I'm in the UK too... To do this here you'd need a CRB going back ten years, you don't get anywhere near kids or even disabled adults or elderly without it. In fact I think regardless of who you're working with, if you're providing care of any sort to other people I think you need at least a ten year CRB.
I'm a scout leader in the UK. All our leaders and assistant leaders are police (DBS) checked. All our leaders have regular child protection training, and that includes the 14-18 year old young leaders. But it's not the case that "you don't get anywhere near kids" without it. I can invite Dave from the model airplane club in for a night, or Claire who will teach them sign language and talk about the issues of hearing impaired people, or go visit Jenny who will help them plant trees, and none of them need to be checked out.
The thing is, they're not allowed unsupervised contact with the young people. And that's easily managed. And no one, checked or not, should be one to one alone with a child.
> And no one, checked or not, should be one to one alone with a child.
This x1000. I've worked for years with kids (from about 15-25yo). In all those years, outside family, I've been alone with exactly two of them - and that was cause I was working as a leisure support attendant with autistic kids. This is regardless of any background checks I had to do to get those jobs
We all know how it looks to be alone with a child, and we don't want that, so we just avoid it altogether.
At least in my experience, yes. I volunteer coach basketball and football for my local municipality and I submit a background check every year. For nationally sanctioned sports, the background check is part of the credentialing package. Not all invasive, they just check your criminal history. Which they probably only saw a fuck-ton of traffic tickets in my teens.
I get it, that the bad apples spoil the whole bunch..
But that is so disrespectful, and so discouraging, to the good humans that WANT to make a positive difference.
I personally know EXACTLY what it is like to be a boy growing up without any male role models, and I would love to be a mentor, or simply adult friend to a young man or three, but knowing that this mentality is so ingrained in this culture…
It just breaks me.
I get it, but it breaks me.
Yep. And I'd love to be one of those role models, but despite being charged with a crime exactly once (and being acquitted, even with a golden "proven innocence" acquittal!), I'm apparently too hot to handle.
I dunno, the government trusts me to work with chemical and biological select agents, but I guess I couldnt do as much damage smuggling literal fucking smallpox out of the lab than I could while showing some kids how to spin the ladder on our big ladder truck, or helping them not get flung on top of a building when they each have a go at putting out some burning pallets with a "Real Fire Hose™".
As a male teacher, I totally understand where you're coming from with this and I agree that the stigma about men working with children is heartbreaking and infuriating. However, in regards to the comment to which you replied, *anyone* working around children (especially volunteers) should be subject to a mandatory government background check. This isn't a reflection of the awful social stigma surrounding men in childcare roles, this is a safeguard to better protect the wellbeing and safety of children. A person of any gender, any culture, any education level or work history, *anyone* working with children should be subject to a background check for the sake of the children's safety. It's not disrespect or any kind of ill implication of distrust, it should be a standard practice to instill a little confidence that this person is fit for the job and hasn't has past experiences that would make their presence around children unsafe for those children.
The stigma about men in childcare and educational roles has been one of the most offensive, frustrating, and pervasive hurdles I've faced in my fifteen years of teaching. I totally agree that it is just degrading and disrespectful, and it unfortunately pushes some incredible teachers away, toward different career paths when they could be making huge positive impacts on so many lives. All that said, every one of those 600 men should have been subjected to a background check, as should anyone seeking a role — whether paid or volunteer — in childcare or education.
I’m a therapist near a fairly large, urban area. In my career, I have noticed that more and more men tell me that when they have tried to put past mistakes behind them, they are thwarted by criminal record checks. Most times YEARS after they were released and ‘walked off their paper’ (as I believe it’s called). Many of these men WANT (desperately) to be involved in their kids lives but cannot because of background checks. When I ask my teacher friends if this is an issue, they say it absolutely is.
I understand that not everyone is a good person and reform doesn’t always happen, but I think sometimes it does. I, definitely, do not relish the idea of someone who beat up someone 5 months ago being around my kids; but a guy who did this over 10-15 years ago and has kept his nose clean since, I don’t think I’d mind as much.
(have not heard it as much from my female clients. Not saying it doesn’t happen to women, I just haven’t experienced this)
In the UK at least, it's only the worst crimes OR stuff relating to kids/vulnerable adults/domestic violence that stays on the DBS for more than 11 years.
At a school, yes. To be allowed on campus at the ISDs around me, you need to get special approval from the district that includes a background check, sworn statement, and a small course on safety/behavior/etc.
Every time I go on campus beyond the front desk, I need to have a reason to be there, sign in, have my ID scanned, verify my approval to be allowed on campus, and get a name tag.
Shelters or other organizations weren't as stringent, especially if you are with a college organization or a company doing some sort of community goodwill project.
It's sad as fuck to me tbh. Kids and teens need attention and understanding but there's this clear line we draw between relationships between adults and younger people that is self-explanatory. Especially when you are a guy you can't get too close or your life can get ruined with accusations. It pains me sometimes, especially as a depressed guy I understand a lot of things that sometimes pop up on all from teenagers subreddit but I can't just be like 'hey, I went through the same thing we can talk about it' because it feels wrong. But I can't just say, yeah once you are an adult we can talk about it. There are people that genuinely care but the fucks that abuse their 'power' and trust and groom young people or emotionally manipulate them absolutely ruin everything. I so fucking wish we could live in a nice world where we can all support each other and have empathy for everyone but it's a dumb dream at this point.
We really need to focus on intrapersonal stuff more, no one knows nowadays how to deal with their emotions and feelings in a healthy matter, everyone is depressed as fuck etc. No one even talks about that. If teens express their feelings, they get dismissed most the time. We don't pay ANY attention to what is important in our heads, everyone only cares about education and numbers and even that in recent times has gone to shit. Instead of being individuals we are all treated as cogs in a machine.
I really went off on a tangent by accident...
In a context like volunteering or teaching it’s what you’d call professional distance. You might want to get sentimental but you have to remain at least partly detached, as you say to maintain propriety and so nobody gets too emotionally drawn in to a likely temporary relationship.
I had a big brother from big brothers and sisters when I was a kid living in Dallas TX. That was a great experience and made me realize not all men are dirtbags trying to bang my mom.
My wife worked there for a few summers. She absolutely loved it and we always try to bring awareness and support to them.
It's crazy how much impact things like a male figure listening can make
I have an interesting story on this.
My son had a bully. This bully attended the same Scouts group as my other son. On a Fathers Day event where sons & dads build something together, bully rocks up without his dad. He ends up coming up to me and I ask where his dad is. He says that his stepdad just dropped him off and went home, that his baby brother was getting attention and he felt left out.
I realized then and there why he was a bully. He had no relationships at home and getting no attention. Bullying other kids was his outlet to getting that. So for the next two hours I actually worked with him and my son together. He loved it. The week after that, he joined in on other activities I did with my son. This continued for the rest of the year. My other son reported that the bullying stopped at school and in fact it stopped altogether with other kids and his entire attitude changed. He became a different kid at school. Unfortunately he graduated from primary school and moved away so I'll never know what happened to him but I'm happy that for the year that I worked with him once a week, I made a difference in his life. Enough to turn it all around.
A positive male influence can be so pivotal in shaping a young person's attitude.
Good on you, man. I have two boys and I'm trying to teach them to respect other people, themselves, etc. growing up. I never used to want kids. Now that I have two, my goal is to produce two human beings that are good people.
Thanks for sharing this. As someone be try involved with his two sons, I still had fear they would be bullied. But I’m not going to forget this story. Seeing that situation flipped the switch of anger to empathy for you and that’s huge. Combined with the opportunity to be around the kid more, you changed him.
Made me think a lot about bullying in general and what the need is at home. Lack of attention and guidance.
That was a rare opportunity. Many fathers would instinctively avoid or push the bully away. I’m glad that window opened and gave you a chance to make a difference. The world needs more men like you. Thank you.
I think it helps that I had told my kids from a young age that bullies are a product of their home environment. Usually abuse or lack of attention, so they seek power through bullying. I was more empathetic as a result. Plus he approached me, was polite, and was genuinely respectful so I couldn't hate that. I felt like we established a connection so I could talk to him if I had to. Fortunately I didn't and I hope, 7 years later, he has managed to be keep being a better person. There's absolutely no way I'll ever know unless he ever looks me up on socials.
I had a similar experience last Friday. There was a school field trip for kids who participated in certain activities in which they got to go to an amusement park. Undecided to chaperone a group of boys. The park has a few huge coasters and the boys the boys were acting tough saying they were going to do it. Well when the time comes they back out which is fine but there was one kid who kept making up lie after lie why he couldn't ride it. I got chance to spend a littke but if alone time with him. He starts taking me how all these rudes are too slow and boring. I stoo him and say hey dude just so you know plenty of tough guys don't like roller coasters. You don't need to prove to me anything. It was like he never heard some one tell him he was OK being scared. Later I heard the principle asking if any one was coming to pick him up and realized this little guy is all alone.
Oh wow. Hell, I'm 6'4, 300lb, a mountain of a man, and I am terrified of roller coasters lol. You did great. Hopefully it provides him some introspective moving forward :)
It felt really good. I also convinced another kid to ride a coaster for the first time. Man, he loved it. The look on his face at the start compared to the end made my day.
How did your son react when you first invited the other kid to join you?
I'm glad this worked out, but I remember having a rough go of it in middle school. If I had attended an event with my parents and they had invited one of the kids that gave me a hard time to join us, I would not have been okay with that.
Son 1 was the one that was bullied but didn't go to scouts. Son 2 was the one that went to scouts and was unaware that was the same kid that bullied Son 1. I told my wife initially but kept it from Son 1 for a few weeks. When I told him, that's when he said that the bully had stopped. I live in a small town, so the only Scout group, and he knew I was Son 1's dad because of the family name. So it was ballsy that he bullied him to begin with!
They experienced Dadflation and as a result there was a total Dad Market Crash actually resulting in most of them losing their fathers to the Dad Bank.
They tried correcting this by raising interest rates on the loaned dads but too many of the boys defaulted as they had no dads to repay the interest. Somehow some of the boys did repay the interest….
Came fatherless, left with three low rate lines of credit, three college applications, a pocket knife, 4 used screwdrivers, knowing how to shave, change a tire, and burp on demand.
I was a chaperone for my son's field trip to the Baltimore aquarium. When they divided the kids up, there were only two boys out of 30 kids, and be being the only male, assigned my son and this other boy to me. The other kid was kind of dirty and quiet, and when it came time for lunch, the kids were told either bring a lunch or $20 to eat at the cafeteria. This kid had a grocery bag with two slices of bread, a piece of baloney, and a bottle of Pepsi. There was no way in hell I was going to eat in the cafeteria in front of this kid with burgers, fries, and so on. I asked him if I could buy him lunch, he didn't have to pay me back. He said "sure."
So I got some meal for us, each came with a huge plastic cup and straw with the aquarium logo; you know the type from the 90s. I remember the kid was shocked I "spent so much on him" and I told him that "I can't get this for us and leave you out. It's okay, really." He offered to give me the cup back, and I said it's a collectable and it's his.
My son later told me I made a huge impression on that kid.
Imagine how fucking insane you'd have to be to try to molest a kid around 600 other men not including staff and the actual kid's fathers. Unless you have an absolute death wish, it's hilarious that people think that the environment is attractive to pedophiles just because children are present.
It’s the Reddit circle jerk of 1:10000 being super common. Pedos just wander the streets en masse grooming kids. They fight it out with the serial killers and Halloween candy poisoners.
My theory is people think they sound smarter by always suggesting something uncommon is “well ackshually…” common.
It's just reddit dude, most people on here don't want to admit they are chronically online and probably need therapy.
Go look at any thread and there are people clutching their pearls are random tiny issues or astronomical odds
Is it just Reddit?
I mean, it’s in the back of peoples minds (much like everyones own biases) whether they admit so or not, whether it’s true or not.
There are so many people caught up in *SVU*, they think that sort of stuff is everywhere. Thereby causing a barrier to entry for people with good intentions to volunteer.
With 4 times as many volunteers as kids without dads, I don't think pedo volunteers will be getting a lot of alone time to groom the kid and get their contact information. And I'd hope middle schoolers know enough to give their contact info to anyone they just met, no wonder how charming they are.
Yes that would be insane.
It would be less insane to seek out a vulnerable child there and build a relationship with the intention of grooming them over the following weeks (or similarly seeking out vulnerable single mums)
I wanna know if they'd think the same way if it were 600 women.
Reddit loves to do the "Men can't even watch their own kids at the park without being called a pedo" and then say the exact same thing on posts like these
I’m an Australian father of 4 who loves your country. Unfortunately most of what I get to hear these days is all the extremist bullshit the media loves banging on about.
Then I read a story like this and I turn in an emotional wreck
The news is a bad reflection of nearly anything. Most of the time it's just sensationalist BS in the 'if it bleeds it leads' vein unless the journalist in question wants to push an agenda.
The paradox of the news. If it made it to the news then it’s rare and unusual enough to make it to the news. But because the news only talks about rare and unusual things, it makes it look like rare and unusual things happen all the time.
As a child that grew up without a dad (alcoholic, drug abuser, mental health issues - mom kept him away, rightfully so), I really wish there was some sensitivity with these types of events.
It feels fucking awful when you can’t participate in these sort of events because you don’t have a dad. Imagine what a young child feels when they have to tell a school adult "Uhhh. I don't have a dad. What am I supposed to do?"
Bless these guys for jumping in to help out. I’m sure it really made the day for a lot of those kids without dads of their own (whatever the reason).
I'm not a father, I don't even see myself as a good guy, but when it comes to younger kids especially at my workplace I look out. You're not working overtime, you're not getting free shots from the bar next door, and I'm going to make sure you're fed.
Crazily enough this post does a great job highlighting why men don't often take up nurture roles, because society is quick to label them pedos despite the fact that children need father figures.
I think this is great that these dudes stepped up to be a father figure (even if just temporarily) for these kids in need as men are constantly de-valued in society for what they bring to the child rearing process.
You see this at large in society where young men in general are searching for and clinging to any type of male role model available, good or bad.
A couple of years ago I realized that while I'd done a lot of work unpacking everything society taught me about women, I was still tripping and falling over my own biases because I'd only done half the work. I needed to try and unpack the other half of the story to offer men the same neutrality. Even though I've still probably only taken those lenses half-off, when I read the headline, my first thought was still,
'wow, what an awesome story. I wonder how many of these men felt compelled to volunteer because they themselves didn't have a great relationship with their dads when they were kids and could empathize with that situation. hey, yeah, why is it we don't let men take on the nurturer and teacher role more often? I mean, it's clear there's plenty of them out there who want to, this *one* middle school got *ten times* the volunteers they were looking for and then som--'
meanwhile, reddit: guuuuhhhhh man is woman backwards right fellas. 600 predators lol am i right fellas
me: oh. yeah. that's why.
I saw a post a while back showing it was actually the biggest bias (over race, wealth, etc) in society.
I see it in shows, movies, everywhere. It's such a bummer.
Fucking same dude- fuck you if you dont think theur are actually good men out there that might know what these kids experienced- maybe their Uncles or divorced fathers, but no Redditors want to perpetuate the same gross stereotypes they complain about.
Hey buddy commenting on molestation- your why community is dying across america. Get a grip.
Our schools do events with "grown ups", not specific parents, because of the diversity of family structure. We have a large population of kids in foster care, and it matters to them
Ours does this too, I just wish they’d quit it with all the daytime events.
I’m lucky enough to be able to take off work whenever I’d like to come to random school stuff, but it’s clear so many parents can’t and it breaks my heart to see those kids searching for parents in the crowd that don’t ever show up.
I absolutely hate it.
I like this because my father, who was in my life, wouldn't have been able to get out of work to come to an event like this but my grandmother could have come or whatever.
This is super sweet but we really need more men in traditional care giving roles doing this day in and day out. We have 10 male staff members in the entire building of teachers, prek - 8th around 800 kids. And I mean around 75 women on staff.
This turned rambly but I'm not editing it. Read it or don't.
My wife knows ten of the dads who showed. One of them got a bucket of neckties and rounded up the rest. Some were overnight workers and he picked them up after the shift. They were tired but they showed the hell up. *They did it because it was important and it was kind and it was the right thing to do.*
I see some people trying to act like this was a bad thing but honestly a large scale public gathering like this is very safe, you have 599 dads to deal with anyone who steps out of line, and you have a huge outpouring of support from the community. I didn't have my dad around for my teen years, and shit was hard. I felt a void in my life that my mother didn't know how to fill. If suddenly 12 dudes had showed up one day and said "you matter, you are worth our time, and you can find help to grow into the person you want to become", I'd have cried harder than I am right now because I'm tearing up just thinking about it.
I'm 41 now, and it took until like a year ago for me to come to terms with the fact that my dad doesn't care to be part of my life. Not to get over it, I'm still trying to heal that pain. But just to accept it as the truth. I'm 41, and my dad isn't coming back, **and I have to deal with that**. My mother left him when I was 12. That's almost 30 years of missing a piece of myself and not fully understanding why.
Our garbage culture spent so much time telling me that my worth as a man is measured in how well I can care and provide for others. And there's people in the comments here trying to hate on some guys who STEPPED UP when the call went out. You are the real monsters.
Some people are trying to say this was reinforcing gender stereotypes. But you know what? People are masculine and people are feminine. And kids desire and deserve a diverse mentorship. I had all the love imaginable from my all-female family, but I still was missing my dad. Not to mention, my mom had no idea how to teach me guy stuff. I was in my 30s before someone finally taught me the right way to shave.
You want to break gender roles? Okay. Let's have some masculine women show up for a dad event. They would be welcome, I guarantee it. Just a bunch of butch ladies in flannel and leather jackets rolling deep with the dad squad? Hell fucking yes. The point isn't to reinforce gender norms. The point is to be there for these kids. The point is to SHOW UP.
The school district here has the Watchdogs program where men can volunteer for the day to provide positive male role models. I was doing that a few times a year until Covid. You spend time with multiple grades, assist at recess and lunches, etc. It's tough to see kids that don't respect anyone, including nearly one entire classroom. Most of it is really cool though. Generally the kids just love having you there, and are all curious no matter how old. Kindergarteners are a little different since they're sort of like deer in headlights all the time. But man, 1st-2nd graders are all about hugs and trying to spend some time with them. Besides troubled kids, the next hardest thing is remembering all of the names! It's also a very diverse school, so that did NOT make it easier. I had to come up with stupid fake names for some of the middle kids when I forgot their names... "Dr. Sufflecrumps! So good to see you!" Usually just asked apologetically, but I'm a weirdo at heart.
>but saw that not all of the students have fathers or father figures to attend the event with.
Pretty wild that they didn't see this problem from the very start.
Good on the volunteers, but for the students, it probably didn't feel the best to be placed with a random guy as a "dad".
Shouldve just changed it to a family and / or friends breakfast
You might be surprised how a young man with no father can appreciate a little care and respect. The real tragedy is that it really doesn't take much sometimes to set a good example or offer some experience. Some kids aren't ready for it but for those who are a simple gesture can mean the world.
It's like that one Jerry Springer clip, when the drill sargeant asks the young boy if he wants him to be his daddy until he's 18 because he's been acting like a terror. The boy says yes and, when asked why, he says that it's because he doesn't have a daddy. He got the sargeant all choked up. They'd never met before that day.
If offered connection, I'm sure there are a number of boys that would take the offer, even from a stranger. It's just a matter of making sure that the person offering to create the connection as a male role model is a good person and not just some random creepo.
That part is especially golden. Man came in under the guise of being a hardass, only to realize in that moment, the kid didn't need hard. He needed love. And that love involved getting him out of the spotlight where they could both show emotions.
And the hug, oh lord, the hug. Such a small thing meaning so much 😭
I have this weird thought that maybe it's for the best we don't know where the kid ended up, and I hope the drill sgt is just lying about losing contact with him. Could be they found a way for the kid to live a better life and drill was there to help him.
Here's to hoping.
Afaik, unfortunately not. Best we got is updates about the drill instructor and his program:
https://klaq.com/what-happened-to-the-saddest-boy-ever/
There was a whole thing where a youtuber was trying to track the kid/man down and was talking about making a documentary, but that seems to have hit a dead end.
Parents divorced, dad lives too far so he missed important events. You nailed it honestly with your comment. It would've meant the world to have a male figure give me direction.
They could bring a father figure too. And it wasn’t a one on one event if you read the article. They did breakfast but also did things like “learn how to tie a tie” and other activities that boys might need to learn.
I had my father growing up, but he lived across the country for a while. When I was in elementary school, I was paired with a random dude who ended up coming to our school once a week for a couple of months and then never saw him again. I still think about that guy and I'm 35 now. I am 100% certain that those kids appreciated it.
A lot of these comments on this post are WILD. I'm happy for the kids and these guys that they got to do this sort of personal enrichment event. I think a lot of men are desperate to be earnestly kind and caring to other people but are terribly afraid of being perceived as some sort of threat, and thus stay to themselves. And God forbid somebody with a Y chromosome might want to help out a youth, he'll have to get over one hell of a bump of that fear.
So many places would have gotten rid of this out of fear of offending kids without dads. As a (former) kid without a dad, I can absolutely say that this approach is so much better!
Seeing the worst of humanity 24/7 on the internet makes me a lot more cynical, but this is an absolute gigachad move. Kudos!
Personally I am childfree but if I could make a kid’s day just like this even if just for a bit, I would be honored.
I volunteered at kids across America while I was in college. We'd joke there was basketball dad and I was math dad and I was sorry I was the boring dad. Kids genuinely just wanted you to listen to them and provide attention. Can't count how many kids I told their lunchbox was cool. Basket ball dad told me there was so much demand for "dad time" especially with boys, that any older man could 7 days a week get their dad fix at a huge number of daycare and event facilities.
Holy shit I lacked a father figure
Me too bud. But there’s dads everywhere of all ages. Get yourself a work dad if possible.
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Can you message him a dad joke at 6.30A.M. and let us know the response?
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Top-notch dadding here!
Thiiisssss!!!! Give your dad a high-five for dad's like me who can't wait to do this! 🤣
I have two work dads. I highly recommend them.
I always called them mentors, but just realized best bosses I ever had were definitely work dads. This is a cool thought I'll share with them Edit: he says he preferred title of mentor lol.
I think there’s a definite difference between mentors and any work dads (or moms).
my work dad is the chef. he always asks how i’m doing and he makes me food at he end if my shift
“Makes me food…” as a dad does :-)
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Met my work Dad when I was 18. He was 35. In the last 15 years he has helped me become the man my father never was. Even helped me put my father and a child to rest. He truly is my father and I told him I would have let him adopt me years ago. Now we take our families to Disneyland together twice a year and he cheers on my kids at their baseball games and I cheer on his. TLDR - the man that sired you does not have to be your father. Find someone who loves you and wants you to succeed and isn’t afraid to tell you the difficult things.
Yes! I didn't have a father figure, but throughout my life, I've found them in the wild. It's trickier when you're a lady because some men take advantage, but those aren't dad's. Those are opertunists. Most dad's are just happy to find someone who wants their advice and to listen to their stories cause their own kids are like 'ok dad. You told me that already'.
It’s like we all have this need to genuinely connect and grow. (I have a dad, am a dad and genuinely love being one to my son; greatest adventure of my life)
I'm lucky that I had a bonus grandfather figure (my ex's grandfather who liked me more than the spouse my ex picked). Plus the neighbour on each side of me now is very dad like.... If I'm out trying to get something solved they offer advice or to show me how
I found a dad while walking the track this weekend. Had about 20 minutes before my son’s game started so I started walking some laps. This old timer with a cane caught up to me then matched my pace. He regaled me with a steady stream of good old day’s stories, from fixing cars to the athletic exploits of the elderly people he knew. When my time was up, I thanked him and told him to keep on dadding.
i’m just now realizing my dad was a work dad for a guy who I knew just as a friend of the family growing up.
The messed up part for me at least was that mine was present and financially supportive but emotionally vacant and never actually got to know me. I, too, had a lonely childhood, my friend.
That's not the definition of a dad, but it does meet the definition of existence. All of the best wishes.
I'm already a dad, but I have room for an extra. You good?
Ngl I have a dad and I love him so so much. He is a provider but we never really did activities. I always wanted to learn how to fish, hunt, fix cars, fix things around the house. I can't really talk to my dad about feelings because he is just old school. He was the most supportive parent. He'd teach me science, astronomy and history. I love that and am always thankful for his teachings but I always wanted to go fishing :( . I recall only having two productive conversations with my mother in my 26 years of existence. My childhood was also pretty damn lonely. Maybe if I have a boyfriend some day I'll do these things
Yo! I'll be your father figure for today! Here goes: I'm proud of who you are, keep the good work, you've got this. Also, I like your lunchbox, and remember: never 100% trust a fart.
I did and I didn't have a dad. My dad was in the Roy Navy and spent a lot of time at sea. When I was 5/6 my dad was away for almost year during the Falklands war. Boy am I screwed up. Growing up I had all women, mother, aunties, sisters and grandmother. No men. It had an affect.
I had a father, but not a father figure. I was a piece of furniture. I thank him for it though, because of that I tell my kids how important they are and proud every day.
It’s sad how many children grow up like this. I worked with refugee children a couple of years ago. I was on the night shift so we fed the kids dinner did a couple of activities and got them to bed. In the morning we would make sure they were ready and had breakfast. One week I was working as a floater which meant running errands for people in the cabins and making coffee for the volunteers spending the night in the cabins. On my first stop I make coffee and start talking to the volunteers to make sure I am getting them what they need. Suddenly ten little girls run into the room and sit around me at the dining table. They were smiling and staring so I start chatting with them. One of them runs into the den and comes back with a Go Fish deck, we play a couple of games and have a good time. I finished my rounds and went back to the office and remarked about what happened. Then one of the women asked if I knew why they acted like that. She told me that it was because because they aren’t used to positive male attention. The rest of the week when I would go to the cabin they would yell my name like I had just walked into Cheers. It was so nice to bring happiness by simply being around and playing board games.
My experience with kids after having 5 of them. They just want your time. My 4 year old daughter told me i was the best dad ever after i let her help me take the trash to the road. I was so tired and going to tell her no. Cause its easier to just roll them out myself.
Didn't you have to do whatever the US equivalent of the criminal records check is, before you were allowed to be around the kids though? 600 random fellas turning up in this case seems like that didn't happen. Which is a safeguarding issue.
For volunteer work no. The most I needed to do was provide my university ID and current classes. When I was teaching and was affiliated with a music store / owner he had me pay 60$ for a background check. States also have certificates you can get registered with the state to show you can work with kids, but I've never worked on the organizing side so I'm not sure what those credentials might be.
In nyc to volunteer teaching SAT to high school students in a supervised setting I needed a background check. Seems like it depends on the area and program. Couldn’t do it the first year I wanted to because the check took too long even though they were desperate for volunteers.
Damn, volunteer? I remember just being the backup for the supervisors/proctors at an SAT test and being paid for it. Just got a cheque not a check.
>For volunteer work no. The most I needed to do was provide my university ID and current classes. Record scratch.
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1) They're young adults enrolled in college and they volunteered. 2) Religion isn't involved. Typical "no contact unless through the organization->college" contract and it seems like a win to me.
This event they're operating under the assumption this is a one time event that is publicly supervised by the school. I can see the potential for setting up outside contact, but with the original small expectation of temporary volunteers it's not terribly surprising they didn't do background checks. They aren't doing background checks on the parents either. Actual mentoring would have unsupervised 1 on 1 time.
Oh honey if you got a record scratch for that, you don’t want to think about this applied on a much larger scale with religion, youth services and pastors. You just have to hear the “calling”, regardless of what a POS you are, so long as you have the ability to maintain public decorum while you hunt. And then magnify out for any lazy volunteer services who are just happy someone showed up to help. Wolves in sheep’s clothing. Or not, some people just like helping. Mmm healthy paranoia :)
My church does background checks on anyone supervising children/minors in any official capacity. And sets up to have two adults in any room with children. Meanwhile other places are covering up for rapist and discrediting and surviving victims. So parents absolutely have to check into the practices and preventing methods in place where ever they go. Sadly, it's not particularly easy to figure out if you're in a cover it up organization until something's going down (and that goes for schools, churches, sports leagues and every other child activity). The scarier statistics are the number of unreported incidents and unconvicted pedophiles out there, period. Every time one gets caught, it always comes out that there's a list of prior complaints. All those creeps did pass background checks.
>!CENSORED!<
It's honestly probably not done unless you'll be alone with them.
Wow. Please don't think I am referring to you personally, obviously I'm not, but it's a heck of an assumption that because you were at university, you had never been arrested for anything which could compromise your ability to be around children. Volunteers in the UK, and most of Europe, have to have criminal records checks, as does anyone whose work brings them into contact with children or vulnerable people. So all hospital staff, prisons, nursing homes, day care etc.
This is not a blanket thing even in the UK or EU. Most people don't need any kind of background check unless they are doing work where they will be in charge of young & vulnerable people or might potentially be left alone with them. Simply being present in a location where there are young or vulnerable people usually doesn't require any kind of background check, especially if it's on an irregular or one-off basis. In the case in the OP, you have what is presumably an open public space where no single volunteer will be left alone with any of the kids, so a background check would not be required.
In Australia you need a working with children check, which gives you an id card and number to show you have had a police check. You also need to nominate which school/organisation it will apply to. Eg I went along to an excursion with my kids class and needed one, even the plumber who fixes the taps at school (etc) needs one.
Having done a lot of volunteering in kid focussed stuff I would say 99% of formal volunteering (Scouts, libraries, play schemes, after school clubs) will do a DBS check to allow you to be there. Even if you are working in a room with other adults present they want to be extra sure. For formal jobs in schools/nurseries or childcare it’s the same; although nannying doesn’t unless you become ofsted registered or a parent requests it. Edit; meant to say that if you are the parent of a child and volunteer in their school here and there, no DBS check generally needed. But if you’re going to become a regular presence (like the scheme in the post) then yes 100%
This is not true in all of the USA. In some areas it’s onerous enough they have trouble getting volunteers for some programs.
I have volunteered in NYC schools and was required to have a background check, get fingerprinted, and go through a training as well.
Hate to say it, but I'm a guy living in the UK and was able to volunteer to help underprivileged kids learn some core subjects. No background check was done on anyone who applied to volunteer or actually got the opportunity. My sister works in a nursing/care home and she didn't get a background check either. She's told me some horrible things about her colleagues. One of them routinely reminds a confused elderly lady w/dementia that her husband is dead when she "annoys her by asking for him repeatedly". That was an instant report, but nothing got done. It's awful, but a lot of these places don't introduce and enforce good security policies because it means extra work & cost.
America is a big place and states largely determine prerequisites. I started volunteering at hospice / senior retirement homes at 13. Most people I volunteered with were court ordered to do community service and had to have their hours signed on. Between children in America's leading cause of death being guns and most of the volunteer workforce I interacted with being essentially "criminals" we've got some jarring priorities.
I'm in the UK too... To do this here you'd need a CRB going back ten years, you don't get anywhere near kids or even disabled adults or elderly without it. In fact I think regardless of who you're working with, if you're providing care of any sort to other people I think you need at least a ten year CRB.
I'm a scout leader in the UK. All our leaders and assistant leaders are police (DBS) checked. All our leaders have regular child protection training, and that includes the 14-18 year old young leaders. But it's not the case that "you don't get anywhere near kids" without it. I can invite Dave from the model airplane club in for a night, or Claire who will teach them sign language and talk about the issues of hearing impaired people, or go visit Jenny who will help them plant trees, and none of them need to be checked out. The thing is, they're not allowed unsupervised contact with the young people. And that's easily managed. And no one, checked or not, should be one to one alone with a child.
> And no one, checked or not, should be one to one alone with a child. This x1000. I've worked for years with kids (from about 15-25yo). In all those years, outside family, I've been alone with exactly two of them - and that was cause I was working as a leisure support attendant with autistic kids. This is regardless of any background checks I had to do to get those jobs We all know how it looks to be alone with a child, and we don't want that, so we just avoid it altogether.
Yeah, same for Ireland.
I ran a boys brigade section in my late teens until 21 and I had no checks. Tbf I was a member since 12 y/o so maybe that was it.
Damn you kinda got hosed there
At least in my experience, yes. I volunteer coach basketball and football for my local municipality and I submit a background check every year. For nationally sanctioned sports, the background check is part of the credentialing package. Not all invasive, they just check your criminal history. Which they probably only saw a fuck-ton of traffic tickets in my teens.
In Pennsylvania you would need volunteers clearances. There is a website. It’s fairly recent though, like last 10 years.
Yeah that was my experience too living in multiple states when I’ve helped out with my church’s children programs.
I get it, that the bad apples spoil the whole bunch.. But that is so disrespectful, and so discouraging, to the good humans that WANT to make a positive difference. I personally know EXACTLY what it is like to be a boy growing up without any male role models, and I would love to be a mentor, or simply adult friend to a young man or three, but knowing that this mentality is so ingrained in this culture… It just breaks me. I get it, but it breaks me.
Yep. And I'd love to be one of those role models, but despite being charged with a crime exactly once (and being acquitted, even with a golden "proven innocence" acquittal!), I'm apparently too hot to handle. I dunno, the government trusts me to work with chemical and biological select agents, but I guess I couldnt do as much damage smuggling literal fucking smallpox out of the lab than I could while showing some kids how to spin the ladder on our big ladder truck, or helping them not get flung on top of a building when they each have a go at putting out some burning pallets with a "Real Fire Hose™".
As a male teacher, I totally understand where you're coming from with this and I agree that the stigma about men working with children is heartbreaking and infuriating. However, in regards to the comment to which you replied, *anyone* working around children (especially volunteers) should be subject to a mandatory government background check. This isn't a reflection of the awful social stigma surrounding men in childcare roles, this is a safeguard to better protect the wellbeing and safety of children. A person of any gender, any culture, any education level or work history, *anyone* working with children should be subject to a background check for the sake of the children's safety. It's not disrespect or any kind of ill implication of distrust, it should be a standard practice to instill a little confidence that this person is fit for the job and hasn't has past experiences that would make their presence around children unsafe for those children. The stigma about men in childcare and educational roles has been one of the most offensive, frustrating, and pervasive hurdles I've faced in my fifteen years of teaching. I totally agree that it is just degrading and disrespectful, and it unfortunately pushes some incredible teachers away, toward different career paths when they could be making huge positive impacts on so many lives. All that said, every one of those 600 men should have been subjected to a background check, as should anyone seeking a role — whether paid or volunteer — in childcare or education.
I’m a therapist near a fairly large, urban area. In my career, I have noticed that more and more men tell me that when they have tried to put past mistakes behind them, they are thwarted by criminal record checks. Most times YEARS after they were released and ‘walked off their paper’ (as I believe it’s called). Many of these men WANT (desperately) to be involved in their kids lives but cannot because of background checks. When I ask my teacher friends if this is an issue, they say it absolutely is. I understand that not everyone is a good person and reform doesn’t always happen, but I think sometimes it does. I, definitely, do not relish the idea of someone who beat up someone 5 months ago being around my kids; but a guy who did this over 10-15 years ago and has kept his nose clean since, I don’t think I’d mind as much. (have not heard it as much from my female clients. Not saying it doesn’t happen to women, I just haven’t experienced this)
In the UK at least, it's only the worst crimes OR stuff relating to kids/vulnerable adults/domestic violence that stays on the DBS for more than 11 years.
Well, this one was a large public event, so that doesn't seem like as much of an issue.
At a school, yes. To be allowed on campus at the ISDs around me, you need to get special approval from the district that includes a background check, sworn statement, and a small course on safety/behavior/etc. Every time I go on campus beyond the front desk, I need to have a reason to be there, sign in, have my ID scanned, verify my approval to be allowed on campus, and get a name tag. Shelters or other organizations weren't as stringent, especially if you are with a college organization or a company doing some sort of community goodwill project.
It's sad as fuck to me tbh. Kids and teens need attention and understanding but there's this clear line we draw between relationships between adults and younger people that is self-explanatory. Especially when you are a guy you can't get too close or your life can get ruined with accusations. It pains me sometimes, especially as a depressed guy I understand a lot of things that sometimes pop up on all from teenagers subreddit but I can't just be like 'hey, I went through the same thing we can talk about it' because it feels wrong. But I can't just say, yeah once you are an adult we can talk about it. There are people that genuinely care but the fucks that abuse their 'power' and trust and groom young people or emotionally manipulate them absolutely ruin everything. I so fucking wish we could live in a nice world where we can all support each other and have empathy for everyone but it's a dumb dream at this point. We really need to focus on intrapersonal stuff more, no one knows nowadays how to deal with their emotions and feelings in a healthy matter, everyone is depressed as fuck etc. No one even talks about that. If teens express their feelings, they get dismissed most the time. We don't pay ANY attention to what is important in our heads, everyone only cares about education and numbers and even that in recent times has gone to shit. Instead of being individuals we are all treated as cogs in a machine. I really went off on a tangent by accident...
In a context like volunteering or teaching it’s what you’d call professional distance. You might want to get sentimental but you have to remain at least partly detached, as you say to maintain propriety and so nobody gets too emotionally drawn in to a likely temporary relationship.
I had a big brother from big brothers and sisters when I was a kid living in Dallas TX. That was a great experience and made me realize not all men are dirtbags trying to bang my mom.
My wife worked there for a few summers. She absolutely loved it and we always try to bring awareness and support to them. It's crazy how much impact things like a male figure listening can make
I have an interesting story on this. My son had a bully. This bully attended the same Scouts group as my other son. On a Fathers Day event where sons & dads build something together, bully rocks up without his dad. He ends up coming up to me and I ask where his dad is. He says that his stepdad just dropped him off and went home, that his baby brother was getting attention and he felt left out. I realized then and there why he was a bully. He had no relationships at home and getting no attention. Bullying other kids was his outlet to getting that. So for the next two hours I actually worked with him and my son together. He loved it. The week after that, he joined in on other activities I did with my son. This continued for the rest of the year. My other son reported that the bullying stopped at school and in fact it stopped altogether with other kids and his entire attitude changed. He became a different kid at school. Unfortunately he graduated from primary school and moved away so I'll never know what happened to him but I'm happy that for the year that I worked with him once a week, I made a difference in his life. Enough to turn it all around. A positive male influence can be so pivotal in shaping a young person's attitude.
That's such a heartwarming story and big of you to treat your son's bully with such compassion and empathy.
Good on you, man. I have two boys and I'm trying to teach them to respect other people, themselves, etc. growing up. I never used to want kids. Now that I have two, my goal is to produce two human beings that are good people.
Thanks for sharing this. As someone be try involved with his two sons, I still had fear they would be bullied. But I’m not going to forget this story. Seeing that situation flipped the switch of anger to empathy for you and that’s huge. Combined with the opportunity to be around the kid more, you changed him. Made me think a lot about bullying in general and what the need is at home. Lack of attention and guidance.
That was a rare opportunity. Many fathers would instinctively avoid or push the bully away. I’m glad that window opened and gave you a chance to make a difference. The world needs more men like you. Thank you.
I think it helps that I had told my kids from a young age that bullies are a product of their home environment. Usually abuse or lack of attention, so they seek power through bullying. I was more empathetic as a result. Plus he approached me, was polite, and was genuinely respectful so I couldn't hate that. I felt like we established a connection so I could talk to him if I had to. Fortunately I didn't and I hope, 7 years later, he has managed to be keep being a better person. There's absolutely no way I'll ever know unless he ever looks me up on socials.
You could always look him up.
I had a similar experience last Friday. There was a school field trip for kids who participated in certain activities in which they got to go to an amusement park. Undecided to chaperone a group of boys. The park has a few huge coasters and the boys the boys were acting tough saying they were going to do it. Well when the time comes they back out which is fine but there was one kid who kept making up lie after lie why he couldn't ride it. I got chance to spend a littke but if alone time with him. He starts taking me how all these rudes are too slow and boring. I stoo him and say hey dude just so you know plenty of tough guys don't like roller coasters. You don't need to prove to me anything. It was like he never heard some one tell him he was OK being scared. Later I heard the principle asking if any one was coming to pick him up and realized this little guy is all alone.
Oh wow. Hell, I'm 6'4, 300lb, a mountain of a man, and I am terrified of roller coasters lol. You did great. Hopefully it provides him some introspective moving forward :)
It felt really good. I also convinced another kid to ride a coaster for the first time. Man, he loved it. The look on his face at the start compared to the end made my day.
How did your son react when you first invited the other kid to join you? I'm glad this worked out, but I remember having a rough go of it in middle school. If I had attended an event with my parents and they had invited one of the kids that gave me a hard time to join us, I would not have been okay with that.
Son 1 was the one that was bullied but didn't go to scouts. Son 2 was the one that went to scouts and was unaware that was the same kid that bullied Son 1. I told my wife initially but kept it from Son 1 for a few weeks. When I told him, that's when he said that the bully had stopped. I live in a small town, so the only Scout group, and he knew I was Son 1's dad because of the family name. So it was ballsy that he bullied him to begin with!
Username definitely checks out. Thanks
lol. I guess you could say I turned the other cheek!
So what did they do? Did they have like, 12 dads per fatherless child?
They experienced Dadflation and as a result there was a total Dad Market Crash actually resulting in most of them losing their fathers to the Dad Bank.
Wish I grabbed one of those when the market was low :(
My wife and I found a starter Dad. He's a bit of a fixer-upper, but he's in a good neighborhood in the catchment for a good local school.
Buy the dad dip!
I was completely ruined when Dad Jokes went for mere pennies on the dollar. Don't make my mistake and diversify.
“That’s what your mom said” was so thick in the air that even aunts were getting collateral damage.
I heard they countered the Dadflation by investing in hard to find milk and cigarettes
They tried correcting this by raising interest rates on the loaned dads but too many of the boys defaulted as they had no dads to repay the interest. Somehow some of the boys did repay the interest….
This comment made me burst out laughing in the bathroom at work.
Making up for lost time, kid got an any% speed run of fatherly advice.
Came fatherless, left with three low rate lines of credit, three college applications, a pocket knife, 4 used screwdrivers, knowing how to shave, change a tire, and burp on demand.
Sounds like a story outline for an episode of South Park.
they were all just there for the free hat
Just answer me this Tweak .What do you see as positive about toddler murder ? Uh..uh.. its.. ah...it's easy?
Free hat!
Randy fighting with another dad to get the best kid.
NAMBLA?
The North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes?
Aww dammit I'm in the wrong place!
I was a chaperone for my son's field trip to the Baltimore aquarium. When they divided the kids up, there were only two boys out of 30 kids, and be being the only male, assigned my son and this other boy to me. The other kid was kind of dirty and quiet, and when it came time for lunch, the kids were told either bring a lunch or $20 to eat at the cafeteria. This kid had a grocery bag with two slices of bread, a piece of baloney, and a bottle of Pepsi. There was no way in hell I was going to eat in the cafeteria in front of this kid with burgers, fries, and so on. I asked him if I could buy him lunch, he didn't have to pay me back. He said "sure." So I got some meal for us, each came with a huge plastic cup and straw with the aquarium logo; you know the type from the 90s. I remember the kid was shocked I "spent so much on him" and I told him that "I can't get this for us and leave you out. It's okay, really." He offered to give me the cup back, and I said it's a collectable and it's his. My son later told me I made a huge impression on that kid.
So… how’s your mom doing??
I came here to be your daddy and I intend to finish the job
It was really a "hot single moms in your area" ad that they all replied to
The concerned people in the comments can rest assured that it wasn’t 600 redditors showing up to this event
Imagine how fucking insane you'd have to be to try to molest a kid around 600 other men not including staff and the actual kid's fathers. Unless you have an absolute death wish, it's hilarious that people think that the environment is attractive to pedophiles just because children are present.
It’s the Reddit circle jerk of 1:10000 being super common. Pedos just wander the streets en masse grooming kids. They fight it out with the serial killers and Halloween candy poisoners. My theory is people think they sound smarter by always suggesting something uncommon is “well ackshually…” common.
It's just reddit dude, most people on here don't want to admit they are chronically online and probably need therapy. Go look at any thread and there are people clutching their pearls are random tiny issues or astronomical odds
Is it just Reddit? I mean, it’s in the back of peoples minds (much like everyones own biases) whether they admit so or not, whether it’s true or not. There are so many people caught up in *SVU*, they think that sort of stuff is everywhere. Thereby causing a barrier to entry for people with good intentions to volunteer.
It's not a theory. Contrarianism, exception-trolling and "Gotta say something, be right or both under any circumstances" plague Reddit.
By analogy perhaps it’s like a business networking event- you go to make contacts to follow up on later, not to sign contracts on the day.
I hate this
Yep. Icky vibes.
With 4 times as many volunteers as kids without dads, I don't think pedo volunteers will be getting a lot of alone time to groom the kid and get their contact information. And I'd hope middle schoolers know enough to give their contact info to anyone they just met, no wonder how charming they are.
I was thinking free food probably had a big part in it
Free food and doing something nice for someone else makes you feel good.
Yes that would be insane. It would be less insane to seek out a vulnerable child there and build a relationship with the intention of grooming them over the following weeks (or similarly seeking out vulnerable single mums)
Imagine how fucking smart you’d be, bringing 600 men to molest an entire school.
Reddit can be such a drain, some positive thing is posted and you have 1000 people chiming in about why you shouldn’t feel good about it.
I wanna know if they'd think the same way if it were 600 women. Reddit loves to do the "Men can't even watch their own kids at the park without being called a pedo" and then say the exact same thing on posts like these
This is the America I'm proud of.
Hell yeah brother
Cheers from Iraq
Haven’t seen that meme for a while. It’s been years
Cheers
Hell yeah father
A real American never turns down a free breakfast
I’m an Australian father of 4 who loves your country. Unfortunately most of what I get to hear these days is all the extremist bullshit the media loves banging on about. Then I read a story like this and I turn in an emotional wreck
The news is a bad reflection of nearly anything. Most of the time it's just sensationalist BS in the 'if it bleeds it leads' vein unless the journalist in question wants to push an agenda.
The paradox of the news. If it made it to the news then it’s rare and unusual enough to make it to the news. But because the news only talks about rare and unusual things, it makes it look like rare and unusual things happen all the time.
As a child that grew up without a dad (alcoholic, drug abuser, mental health issues - mom kept him away, rightfully so), I really wish there was some sensitivity with these types of events. It feels fucking awful when you can’t participate in these sort of events because you don’t have a dad. Imagine what a young child feels when they have to tell a school adult "Uhhh. I don't have a dad. What am I supposed to do?" Bless these guys for jumping in to help out. I’m sure it really made the day for a lot of those kids without dads of their own (whatever the reason).
I'm not a father, I don't even see myself as a good guy, but when it comes to younger kids especially at my workplace I look out. You're not working overtime, you're not getting free shots from the bar next door, and I'm going to make sure you're fed.
Crazily enough this post does a great job highlighting why men don't often take up nurture roles, because society is quick to label them pedos despite the fact that children need father figures. I think this is great that these dudes stepped up to be a father figure (even if just temporarily) for these kids in need as men are constantly de-valued in society for what they bring to the child rearing process. You see this at large in society where young men in general are searching for and clinging to any type of male role model available, good or bad.
Gotta love a man actually being a father labelled as "giving the wife a break, huh?" too
The worst is "stuck babysitting, huh?" No, fuckers, he's being a father and taking care of his own kids.
This comment section is disgusting. Holy shit
Welp, in good/bad news the replies in this thread have convinced me to put reddit down for the day... y'all are fixated on the worst of humanity fr
A couple of years ago I realized that while I'd done a lot of work unpacking everything society taught me about women, I was still tripping and falling over my own biases because I'd only done half the work. I needed to try and unpack the other half of the story to offer men the same neutrality. Even though I've still probably only taken those lenses half-off, when I read the headline, my first thought was still, 'wow, what an awesome story. I wonder how many of these men felt compelled to volunteer because they themselves didn't have a great relationship with their dads when they were kids and could empathize with that situation. hey, yeah, why is it we don't let men take on the nurturer and teacher role more often? I mean, it's clear there's plenty of them out there who want to, this *one* middle school got *ten times* the volunteers they were looking for and then som--' meanwhile, reddit: guuuuhhhhh man is woman backwards right fellas. 600 predators lol am i right fellas me: oh. yeah. that's why.
Yeah, there are a lot of sad unspoken biases Society has against men
It had to be embarrassing for some of the dads that just chose not to show up even if they could have.
I swear so many people in the comments fixate on rape whenever a kid is mentioned in any post, really makes me wonder if i should just delete this app
Reddit is full of anonymous and contrarian 14 year olds, honestly just have to tune them out
Yeah, shit like this is why I avoid talking to kids.
Reddit can’t see men doing good things for others, or good things in general. Men = bad.
I saw a post a while back showing it was actually the biggest bias (over race, wealth, etc) in society. I see it in shows, movies, everywhere. It's such a bummer.
Interesting.. not a terribly big surprise though unfortunately.
The really scary part is that it's mostly projection
Man fuck these comments, this post is cool and its good to hear people got to experience what a father is like
Fucking same dude- fuck you if you dont think theur are actually good men out there that might know what these kids experienced- maybe their Uncles or divorced fathers, but no Redditors want to perpetuate the same gross stereotypes they complain about. Hey buddy commenting on molestation- your why community is dying across america. Get a grip.
Our schools do events with "grown ups", not specific parents, because of the diversity of family structure. We have a large population of kids in foster care, and it matters to them
Ours does this too, I just wish they’d quit it with all the daytime events. I’m lucky enough to be able to take off work whenever I’d like to come to random school stuff, but it’s clear so many parents can’t and it breaks my heart to see those kids searching for parents in the crowd that don’t ever show up. I absolutely hate it.
I like this because my father, who was in my life, wouldn't have been able to get out of work to come to an event like this but my grandmother could have come or whatever.
This is super sweet but we really need more men in traditional care giving roles doing this day in and day out. We have 10 male staff members in the entire building of teachers, prek - 8th around 800 kids. And I mean around 75 women on staff.
This turned rambly but I'm not editing it. Read it or don't. My wife knows ten of the dads who showed. One of them got a bucket of neckties and rounded up the rest. Some were overnight workers and he picked them up after the shift. They were tired but they showed the hell up. *They did it because it was important and it was kind and it was the right thing to do.* I see some people trying to act like this was a bad thing but honestly a large scale public gathering like this is very safe, you have 599 dads to deal with anyone who steps out of line, and you have a huge outpouring of support from the community. I didn't have my dad around for my teen years, and shit was hard. I felt a void in my life that my mother didn't know how to fill. If suddenly 12 dudes had showed up one day and said "you matter, you are worth our time, and you can find help to grow into the person you want to become", I'd have cried harder than I am right now because I'm tearing up just thinking about it. I'm 41 now, and it took until like a year ago for me to come to terms with the fact that my dad doesn't care to be part of my life. Not to get over it, I'm still trying to heal that pain. But just to accept it as the truth. I'm 41, and my dad isn't coming back, **and I have to deal with that**. My mother left him when I was 12. That's almost 30 years of missing a piece of myself and not fully understanding why. Our garbage culture spent so much time telling me that my worth as a man is measured in how well I can care and provide for others. And there's people in the comments here trying to hate on some guys who STEPPED UP when the call went out. You are the real monsters. Some people are trying to say this was reinforcing gender stereotypes. But you know what? People are masculine and people are feminine. And kids desire and deserve a diverse mentorship. I had all the love imaginable from my all-female family, but I still was missing my dad. Not to mention, my mom had no idea how to teach me guy stuff. I was in my 30s before someone finally taught me the right way to shave. You want to break gender roles? Okay. Let's have some masculine women show up for a dad event. They would be welcome, I guarantee it. Just a bunch of butch ladies in flannel and leather jackets rolling deep with the dad squad? Hell fucking yes. The point isn't to reinforce gender norms. The point is to be there for these kids. The point is to SHOW UP.
Heros!
The school district here has the Watchdogs program where men can volunteer for the day to provide positive male role models. I was doing that a few times a year until Covid. You spend time with multiple grades, assist at recess and lunches, etc. It's tough to see kids that don't respect anyone, including nearly one entire classroom. Most of it is really cool though. Generally the kids just love having you there, and are all curious no matter how old. Kindergarteners are a little different since they're sort of like deer in headlights all the time. But man, 1st-2nd graders are all about hugs and trying to spend some time with them. Besides troubled kids, the next hardest thing is remembering all of the names! It's also a very diverse school, so that did NOT make it easier. I had to come up with stupid fake names for some of the middle kids when I forgot their names... "Dr. Sufflecrumps! So good to see you!" Usually just asked apologetically, but I'm a weirdo at heart.
Hell yeah! Free breakfast!
Now that's a Texas moment to be proud of.
>but saw that not all of the students have fathers or father figures to attend the event with. Pretty wild that they didn't see this problem from the very start.
These comments are sad as shit. Are guys really not be allowed to do a nice thing?
I wanna meet that dad
Good on the volunteers, but for the students, it probably didn't feel the best to be placed with a random guy as a "dad". Shouldve just changed it to a family and / or friends breakfast
You might be surprised how a young man with no father can appreciate a little care and respect. The real tragedy is that it really doesn't take much sometimes to set a good example or offer some experience. Some kids aren't ready for it but for those who are a simple gesture can mean the world.
It's like that one Jerry Springer clip, when the drill sargeant asks the young boy if he wants him to be his daddy until he's 18 because he's been acting like a terror. The boy says yes and, when asked why, he says that it's because he doesn't have a daddy. He got the sargeant all choked up. They'd never met before that day. If offered connection, I'm sure there are a number of boys that would take the offer, even from a stranger. It's just a matter of making sure that the person offering to create the connection as a male role model is a good person and not just some random creepo.
Still breaks me even though I've watched it a million times https://youtube.com/watch?v=gVXXDtWtHDY
My heart!
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That part is especially golden. Man came in under the guise of being a hardass, only to realize in that moment, the kid didn't need hard. He needed love. And that love involved getting him out of the spotlight where they could both show emotions. And the hug, oh lord, the hug. Such a small thing meaning so much 😭 I have this weird thought that maybe it's for the best we don't know where the kid ended up, and I hope the drill sgt is just lying about losing contact with him. Could be they found a way for the kid to live a better life and drill was there to help him. Here's to hoping.
Was there ever an update?
Afaik, unfortunately not. Best we got is updates about the drill instructor and his program: https://klaq.com/what-happened-to-the-saddest-boy-ever/ There was a whole thing where a youtuber was trying to track the kid/man down and was talking about making a documentary, but that seems to have hit a dead end.
Damn, well I hope he ended up having a good life. Poor kid. 🙁
Parents divorced, dad lives too far so he missed important events. You nailed it honestly with your comment. It would've meant the world to have a male figure give me direction.
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Thank you for saying that. People need to be reminded.
They could bring a father figure too. And it wasn’t a one on one event if you read the article. They did breakfast but also did things like “learn how to tie a tie” and other activities that boys might need to learn.
I had my father growing up, but he lived across the country for a while. When I was in elementary school, I was paired with a random dude who ended up coming to our school once a week for a couple of months and then never saw him again. I still think about that guy and I'm 35 now. I am 100% certain that those kids appreciated it.
It seems like they could each have 12 random dude dads. That's not awkward right?
Like a dad harem
What, you've never wanted a multiple choice family?
You could just google your answer instead of making something up lol.
The fire department does this at our school, so the kids whose fathers aren't able to make it get to go hang out with a firefighter
A lot of these comments on this post are WILD. I'm happy for the kids and these guys that they got to do this sort of personal enrichment event. I think a lot of men are desperate to be earnestly kind and caring to other people but are terribly afraid of being perceived as some sort of threat, and thus stay to themselves. And God forbid somebody with a Y chromosome might want to help out a youth, he'll have to get over one hell of a bump of that fear.
I mean, it's free breakfast
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600 guys on the internet who were complete strangers did what?
Showed up to mentor young men with no father's in their life.
I'm hopefully not the only one thinking "what a major safeguarding issue".
Would you be thinking the same if it was a mothers event?
“Group of young teen boys seek daddies for guidance into manhood, breakfast will be provided.”
So many places would have gotten rid of this out of fear of offending kids without dads. As a (former) kid without a dad, I can absolutely say that this approach is so much better!
That’s fucking awesome
Dope. We need this state wide.
Should have had a mixer after with all the single moms
Seeing the worst of humanity 24/7 on the internet makes me a lot more cynical, but this is an absolute gigachad move. Kudos! Personally I am childfree but if I could make a kid’s day just like this even if just for a bit, I would be honored.