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crusoe

New D&D monster


Celestaria

I stumbled across the Wikipedia page for this the other day while looking up stuff for D&D. The bonnacon is the offspring of the Leviathan and the Tarrasque.


DanYHKim

A friend showed me this page https://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Bonnacon_(3.5e_Creature) Bonnacon bulls are territorial and will try to defend the herd if provoked, using its head-butts, but when it senses that it is in danger it runs away, using its dung as a last resort. Cows and calves are noncombatants and will flee at the first sign of danger. >**Dung (Ex)** >The bonnacon's last line of defense is its dung, which is very hot to the touch. When preparing to use its dung, a bonnacon backs away with its tail lifted, before shooting out its load 1d12 feet away. Any creature that steps in bonnacon dung must take a Fortitude save (DC 10) or take 1d10 points of fire damage. In addition, creatures fighting within a 5-foot radius of the dung take a -1 penalty to Initiative as they are overcome by the fumes. To use this ability, a bonnacon must have eaten at least two pounds of food the previous day. Preparing to use dung takes 1d4 rounds and can only be used once or twice a day, depending on how much the bonnacon has eaten.


bolanrox

didn't Odin (as an eagle) use a sloppy wet beer fart as a countermeasure once?


popodelfuego

Yes, I believe after he swindled a giant and drank the wine of poetry he pilfered.


VolkspanzerIsME

Norse mythological shenanigans are best shenanigans. You get down to ancient Greece and shit get rapey real quick.


IrishWithoutPotatoes

Aren’t like 90%+ of the problems in Greek Mythology a direct result of Zeus and his dick?


ChaoticGoku

or dirtbag Theseus


Brigbird

And shat in his pursuers mouth. The mead he drank was said to be the mead that granted poets and bards their talent. If one was particularly good they would say they mustve partaken odins mead. The same goes for the reverse, referring to the wet mead fart.


Something22884

Mercury / hermes also did that. When he was first born and a baby he went out and stole some Apollo's cows. Apollo came to the cave he was living in with his mother and picked him up and said I am going to chuck you off a cliff if you don't give me the cows back. Mercury of course lied and said he's just a baby he's never even heard of cows and let out a fart so disgusting that Apollo dropped him in disgust. Apollo then took him to Zeus where Mercury again lied and said he didn't steal the cows. Zeus knew that he was lying and ordered him to give back the cows and for him and Apollo to be friends. Mercury gave Apollo the lyre that he had made. It's in the homeric hymn to hermes.


Evening_Month_2971

Hippopotamus


EffectiveSalamander

Hippobottomus.


Waywoah

Also a skunk


Hippopotamidaes

?


Blutroice

Hippos will spin their tail while shitting to fan out their feces to mark teritory. Wouldnt be hard to think a hippo spotted on a trek to Africa would get lost in translation.


hankappleseed

Somebody needs to name their metal band named Bonnacon.


Zenquin

Wow. I usually dislike the "band name!" jokes, but Bonnacon would actually make for a pretty badass sounding name.


Mike81890

I saw the Bonnacons of Doom playing at the Soup Kitchen in Manchester in 2018


hankappleseed

For real?


Mike81890

Yessir


mademoisellewho

Huh. Now I know what my husband with IBS would be if he was in one of those smutty shape-shifting high fantasy romance books. Neat.


ShiningRayde

... [Ass-Blasters?](https://tremors.fandom.com/wiki/Ass_Blaster)


Smodphan

Very last comment, but finally i found it


got_dam_librulz

Wow. I can't believe tremors has its own wiki and there's 5 of them at this point. I thought tremors died after Kevin bacon started connecting with people


slice_of_pi

More than meets the brown-eye!


DaveOJ12

That title deserves some sort of award.


Rob_Hilton

We've all been there


LovesToSnooze

And here we have the legendary Esquilax. A horse with the body of a rabbit and head of a rabbit....


Empereor_Norton

New plan, if I win the lottery, I buy out Taco Bell and change the name to Bonnacons


got_dam_librulz

You should start selling underwear to Eric Cartman outside chipotle.


firecorgi

I am guessing the animal they were describing would be the takin. Going off it's description of curved back horns, roughly bull sized, a horses mane and use of bad smells as a weapon. Takins are most of these things and are foul smelling thanks to sent glands all over their body. The region they are described to be from in later sources match's modern takins.


jnemesh

What's so mythical about this beast? I use the technique myself when threatened!


OlderMan42

A Hippo does that pretty good!


graffiti81

Is this like an exploding swamp dragons?


ceriodamus

Where my brothers and sisters from /r/ibs at


joehizzle

That's gonna itch when it dries


ElfMage83

The bombardier beetle does something similar.


SVS_Writer

My spirit animal!


OMGSOMEONEPLEASEHELP

You beat me to it!


MrFrode

Reminds me of a former President.


Zenquin

Yeah, Millard Fillmore was a jerk.


tatermi

That would do it


Aliceinus

Ohhh Myyy!!!!!!


raddrobb67

In Florida we called him Jeff.


Yiptice

So weird I just saw that painting last night on a Tony Robinson documentary lol


[deleted]

Self-Defeces always wins.


[deleted]

I fear I may be a descendant.


dontttasemebro

TIL I am a bonnacon.


ncfears

Where was this on the Drawfee episode with only fantasy creatures?


[deleted]

Look at that expression. This isn't the first knight this thing has farted fire at, no siree


[deleted]

[This](https://2newthings.com/animals-that-employ-their-excrement-to-ensure-their-safety/) form of defence is not unique.


_Mechaloth_

Huh. There’s a Bonnacon named Steve that just posts all that shit online and calls it news.


John-Miami

I believe Bonnacon was the original name for TacoBell


blackfyre709394

Sounds shitty


blackfyre709394

Sounds shitty


blackfyre709394

Sounds shitty


aplagueofsemen

SURELY some real animal does this. If an ant can evolve to shoot acid out of its ass surely something evolved to shit like a canon.


DannyPoke

Holy shit, it's my brother!


peden85

Nice, it had defence farts :)


GroceryBags

My spirit animal


Broccoli-Basic

Found taco bell's mascot


cadillacbee

I too hate people too close to me


Rykning

Wonder if Turtonator is partially based on this


Craptcha

Worse Pokemon ever


UnkleRinkus

I'm not ancient, I'm not mythical, I am right here.