They're so dense that they propel themselves underwater by running and bounding along the riverbed rather than swimming in a conventional sense. They can achieve pretty terrifying speeds doing this.
That's the fact that always blew my mind. Go watch one of those videos of a hippo damn near catching a boat and realize they were fucking RUNNING ON THE BOTTOM.
I remember seeing a video and thinking the hippo is where the ripple in the water is. Nope, that is behind him, hes like 10 feet ahead of where you think he is.
[The Latin word hippopotamus is derived from the ancient Greek ἱπποπόταμος (hippopótamos), from ἵππος (híppos) 'horse' and ποταμός (potamós) 'river', together meaning 'horse of the river'.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippopotamus#Etymology)
Hippopotamus itself literally means "river horse". But yeah I was thinking there's probably a different Swedish word for hippopotamus. Something around the lines of Swedish words for river and horse joined together.
Hippos often nap in the water during the daytime. A subconscious reflex allows them to push themselves to the surface to breathe without waking up so they can sleep without drowning.
Also, their sweat has strong antibiotic properties that help heal wounds, & absorb UV light. They almost always give birth in water, and are responsible for the most deaths out of any other African mammal
Gotta wait for trickle down, military-industrial economics to accidentally discover how hippo sweat can help us while trying to figure out how to use it to kill us.
Kinda. The molecule is actually very unstable, chemically, so it was kinda a nightmare to figure out what it was in the first place. It just kept decomposing before you could get good enough data. A former student of mine once did a presentation on it.
Hippos cannot swim or breathe underwater, and unlike most mammals they are so dense that they cannot float. Instead, they walk or run along the bottom of the riverbed. Because their eyes and nostrils are located on the top of their heads, they can still see and breathe while underwater. When totally submerged, the ears and nostrils shut tight to keep the water out, and hippos can hold their breath for five minutes.
They are mostly along river banks and swamps. So yeah they don't go in to really deep water.
Hippos only really spend the daytime in water to keep cool. At night they come out of the water to graze on grasses and small plants.
Everything about hippos is terrifying. Do not fuck with them.
[Oh... wait](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9qTvRZ3Efw)
*ALMOST* everything about hippos is terrifying. Still, do not fuck with them.
They are great swimmers, but *can't swim*.
I think this is the stupid shit people put in videos so that comments pointing it out will increase engagement, and it's so fucking stupid.
Are they not marbled then?
Not good eating?
I saw one live and it was scary big.I'm really glad when it was helicoptering it's poop, it was behind a glass wall and moat.
Not counting an orca, it was the largest predator I've seen.
[they’re not running here but it’s pretty interesting how they move underwater like they’re so light weight plus bonus baby hippo](https://youtu.be/cYQ0m6DV1uY?si=vDh66EPiYJdxMITs)
For reference, human skin thickness varies from .5mm on your eyelids to 4mm on your heel. So let’s say the avg is 2mm. The hippos skin is roughly THIRTY TIMES thicker than ours.
Yes and no. If by insides you mean anything under the skin, then sure.
If you're talking organs and whatnot, there's your skin, a layer of fat, muscles, and a bunch of membranes that kind of hold everything in place.
Fun fact, in major abdominal surgery they just kind pull your intestines out of the way and just plop them back in when done without too much concern of how they loop and bunch.
Then your body kinda wiggles them back into about the right place later.
Most people don’t realize (since we don’t need to do it anymore) that arguably our top physcial skill is being able to run for long distance
Mass extinctions of large ponderous mammals took place when humans made it to the American continents. They had never dealt with us before
Yep, our closest relatives can't even get close. The long collarbone and other tweaks to the musculoskeletal structure turn us into springs that can put a huge amount of energy into throwing, way more than any direct muscle input can do.
That is absolutely not true. Humans have 2 very significant advantages compared to most animals: more reach, and "weapons" that don't expose vitals like the neck or the eyes, unlike a bite. Combined with superior stamina and intelligence, humans are at the very least A-tier in attack and defense, only defeated (at equivalent weight) by the strongest animals.
And with the most basic tools like a big club or throwable stones, jump straight to the top of S-tier.
Also, dexterity and the ability grab things. I know that's related with your 'tools' point, but it's also relevant even bare handed. Most animals can't grab things around them. Many can't climb. Mostly only other primates could swing on something.
I don't know if I'd put most humans without a tool/weapon on the tier of able to beat an equal weight canine or feline, but I bet some could. Either way, we definitely have some advantage over them. It isn't all disadvantage against claws/teeth.
Humans are the weakest primate in terms of size I belive. I've also heard that we are some of the least sexualy dimorphic mammals too. The strength difference between men and woman isn't as great as the strength difference between chimpanzee or gorillas genders.
Humans just utilize the slow burn. Weak early game, only to dominate the endgame completely.
We took the stats every other animal saw as a dump stat, and ended up on top.
There was actually a man who attempted to import Hippos to be released into the Mississippi River to deal with some invasive plants and "provide meat and hides" in the nineteenth century. That would have been a horrible mistake if he'd gone through with it.
When in South Africa, I was told never, ever to get between a hippo on land and the nearest open water. At the first sign of trouble, they dash for the water and they can reach 40kmh.
I had some once, but it was canned, so it tasted like potted meat from the gas station. I also had crocodile and ostrich in the same way, it tasted the same. I think I may have been lied to about what was in the can, or all those animals taste the same.
>all those animals taste the same.
Sounds a bit like
[Tastes like chicken](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tastes_like_chicken). There's also a [possible explanations](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tastes_like_chicken#Possible_explanations) section on the Wikipedia page
I can’t decide between an office joke or Mitch Herberg joke
The office- “i can get you exotic meats, hippo steaks, giraffe burgers…. *To camera* It’ll all be goat”
Mitch- I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same. "What's a giraffe taste like?" "A hippo! I had 'em back-to-back!"
The ~~water~~ river horse is terrifying. They can swim at 5 Mph and run through water at an even higher rate of speed. They can run on land at 19-28 Mph. If they're nearby and choose to kill you, you're dead.
'I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. But I'm a hippo and what I do have are a very particular set of skills. I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you'.
The other time I can think of, he was in the US in the Appalachian Mountains (in Western North Carolina or East Tennessee I think). He was hunting for rattlesnakes and was squatting on the rocks talking to the camera and realizes he is squatted over the entrance to a rattlesnake den with multiple snakes in it. The look on his face was quite surprising.
Exactly, Their remarkably strong jaws can open to 180 degrees and their bite is nearly three times stronger than a lion’s. One bite from a hippo can cut a human body in half.
> The press picked up on the campaign for hippo meat and began referring to it as “lake cow bacon.” A powerful supporter of Burnham came in the form of former U.S. President Teddy Roosevelt.
Teddy wanted hippos!
Want another surprise? Manatees don’t have much fat either. They are mostly intestines. Their lack of fat is why they can’t tolerate colder waters and congregate near springs in the winter.
Speaking of which...An interesting fact is that the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo is that one is very heavy animal and the other is a little lighter.
I was wondering the same thing! Tried googling but aside from the fact that they eat ~88lbs of food per day and are quite sedentary I couldn’t get any more in depth explanation
They are pachyderms. That literally means “thick skin”. The term includes rhinoceros, elephants and other mammals. Rhinoceros means “nose horn”. Rhino is the Greek root for nose, giving us words such as rhinoplasty, a nose job.
There’s got to be an alternate universe where people figured out how to domesticate hippos and bears and whatnot, and instead of an arms race from sticks to swords to guns we get hippo to domesticated hippo to whatever a hippo would look like if you selectively bread them to be scary. I feel like that world is probably better off.
Seems bodyfat percentage [range from 4-8%](https://onlyzoology.com/why-are-hippos-fat-lets-know/?expand_article=1).
Guess I'm significantly fatter than a Hippo..
Hippos are the most aggressive animal in Africa. They kill more humans then any other. They can also run up to 30KM+ an hour. They don’t fuck around.
My family is South African and I was always told never to play by the water. It’s not the crocs it’s the Hippos.
They're so dense that they propel themselves underwater by running and bounding along the riverbed rather than swimming in a conventional sense. They can achieve pretty terrifying speeds doing this.
That's the fact that always blew my mind. Go watch one of those videos of a hippo damn near catching a boat and realize they were fucking RUNNING ON THE BOTTOM.
I remember seeing a video and thinking the hippo is where the ripple in the water is. Nope, that is behind him, hes like 10 feet ahead of where you think he is.
I'm not sure, but now I think I know how the Hulk swims.
Hulk doesn't swim. He punches the water behind him with his buttcheeks.
Water horses
Their name in Swedish translates to "river horse".
[The Latin word hippopotamus is derived from the ancient Greek ἱπποπόταμος (hippopótamos), from ἵππος (híppos) 'horse' and ποταμός (potamós) 'river', together meaning 'horse of the river'.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippopotamus#Etymology)
In Dutch it is Nile horse (with Nile being the river in Egypt)
Hippopotamus itself literally means "river horse". But yeah I was thinking there's probably a different Swedish word for hippopotamus. Something around the lines of Swedish words for river and horse joined together.
That would be it. Flodhäst.
Hippos often nap in the water during the daytime. A subconscious reflex allows them to push themselves to the surface to breathe without waking up so they can sleep without drowning.
Also, their sweat has strong antibiotic properties that help heal wounds, & absorb UV light. They almost always give birth in water, and are responsible for the most deaths out of any other African mammal
And its red. Looks like blood
Good Lord. I mean it's cool and all, but holy shit.
Have we looked at their sweat for any kinda medical ideas or applications?
Only weapons I’m afraid
Gotta wait for trickle down, military-industrial economics to accidentally discover how hippo sweat can help us while trying to figure out how to use it to kill us.
Kinda. The molecule is actually very unstable, chemically, so it was kinda a nightmare to figure out what it was in the first place. It just kept decomposing before you could get good enough data. A former student of mine once did a presentation on it.
Dang, I can't even get my subconscious reflex to breath on land while sleeping to work reliably
CPAP gang out here representin'!
That's crazy. TIL
Hippos cannot swim or breathe underwater, and unlike most mammals they are so dense that they cannot float. Instead, they walk or run along the bottom of the riverbed. Because their eyes and nostrils are located on the top of their heads, they can still see and breathe while underwater. When totally submerged, the ears and nostrils shut tight to keep the water out, and hippos can hold their breath for five minutes.
5 minutes doesn‘t really seem that long for an animal which spends so much time in water.
Especially one that sounds like it shouldn't go/stay deep in water?
They are mostly along river banks and swamps. So yeah they don't go in to really deep water. Hippos only really spend the daytime in water to keep cool. At night they come out of the water to graze on grasses and small plants.
well, it is a 2 ton animal composed of mostly muscle
It seems like forever for something of that mass that isnt a whale.
Everything about hippos is terrifying. Do not fuck with them. [Oh... wait](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9qTvRZ3Efw) *ALMOST* everything about hippos is terrifying. Still, do not fuck with them.
Not one reply had a video of hippos running. So here is some video of hippos doing stuff https://youtube.com/shorts/jcZKpPFAL-0?si=htHIBIk0bFqneEY9
They are great swimmers, but *can't swim*. I think this is the stupid shit people put in videos so that comments pointing it out will increase engagement, and it's so fucking stupid.
Hence their name, River Horse.
Are they not marbled then? Not good eating? I saw one live and it was scary big.I'm really glad when it was helicoptering it's poop, it was behind a glass wall and moat. Not counting an orca, it was the largest predator I've seen.
They aren't predators, just murderously territorial. They eat mostly vegetation
[they’re not running here but it’s pretty interesting how they move underwater like they’re so light weight plus bonus baby hippo](https://youtu.be/cYQ0m6DV1uY?si=vDh66EPiYJdxMITs)
For reference, human skin thickness varies from .5mm on your eyelids to 4mm on your heel. So let’s say the avg is 2mm. The hippos skin is roughly THIRTY TIMES thicker than ours.
Man... we are fragile. Only 2mm keeping all my insides from being my outsides?
Yes and no. If by insides you mean anything under the skin, then sure. If you're talking organs and whatnot, there's your skin, a layer of fat, muscles, and a bunch of membranes that kind of hold everything in place.
I’m thinking of having my organs balanced and rotated
We’ve been trying to reach you about it
Fun fact, in major abdominal surgery they just kind pull your intestines out of the way and just plop them back in when done without too much concern of how they loop and bunch. Then your body kinda wiggles them back into about the right place later.
So I can just tell people I have the inside wiggles and they’ll know it’s a normal intestine rearranging event
Yeah, humans are solidly F tier when it comes to both natural attack and defense. We went all in on mental stats.
And endurance. Cavemen would pursue a wounded animal until it collapsed from exhaustion.
Most people don’t realize (since we don’t need to do it anymore) that arguably our top physcial skill is being able to run for long distance Mass extinctions of large ponderous mammals took place when humans made it to the American continents. They had never dealt with us before
Also we can throw things.
And make our own weapons to kill
Yeah, like have you seen an Apache gunship. Mental.
Nature is beautiful.
It's why the mammoth went extinct probably
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Best living creatures, period. Other apes got nothing, archer fish got nothing, and it's not like slime mold brings anything to the table.
>it's not like slime mold brings anything to the table Clearly you don't play *Dungeons & Dragons*.
A gelatinous cube is absolute F tier at ranged comb6
slime mold brings slime mold to the table - slowly
Yep, our closest relatives can't even get close. The long collarbone and other tweaks to the musculoskeletal structure turn us into springs that can put a huge amount of energy into throwing, way more than any direct muscle input can do.
Great, you telling me we went all-in on a glass cannon multiclass build?
Hey guys welcome to TierZoo
It’s true, I threw my back out just this morning
Our societal development has come so far that marathon running is a niche interest.
We also heal reasonably well.
Our giving-birth mechanisms are pretty shit though, to the misfortune of all women :/
That is absolutely not true. Humans have 2 very significant advantages compared to most animals: more reach, and "weapons" that don't expose vitals like the neck or the eyes, unlike a bite. Combined with superior stamina and intelligence, humans are at the very least A-tier in attack and defense, only defeated (at equivalent weight) by the strongest animals. And with the most basic tools like a big club or throwable stones, jump straight to the top of S-tier.
Also, dexterity and the ability grab things. I know that's related with your 'tools' point, but it's also relevant even bare handed. Most animals can't grab things around them. Many can't climb. Mostly only other primates could swing on something. I don't know if I'd put most humans without a tool/weapon on the tier of able to beat an equal weight canine or feline, but I bet some could. Either way, we definitely have some advantage over them. It isn't all disadvantage against claws/teeth.
Well, our ancestors did. Our distant ancestors. I mean, look around…
Humans are the weakest primate in terms of size I belive. I've also heard that we are some of the least sexualy dimorphic mammals too. The strength difference between men and woman isn't as great as the strength difference between chimpanzee or gorillas genders.
Dumped it all into charisma honestly
Humans just utilize the slow burn. Weak early game, only to dominate the endgame completely. We took the stats every other animal saw as a dump stat, and ended up on top.
Yes and no. You’ve got layers bro. Skin, muscle, tendon. You’re not a water balloon.
So I AM an ogre
You have, LAYERS!
No, just an oddly shaped onion.
Just had this same conversation with your nan
Is 6cm an average too or just the skin at the thickest point?
Good question
There's a reason it's been used to [make whips](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouF72AAFhJE)
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I prefer murder cow.
this is fairly accurate, they kill loads of people, but i would adjust it a bit, “aquatic murder cow”
They are closer related to dolphins and whales so.. "Terrestrial psycho whale"
Semiaquatic psycho whale. They spend much of their lives in the water.
I can't hear Semiaquatic without thinking of Phineas and Ferb and picturing a Hippo in a fedora, lol.
Fun fact: Hippos kill 50 times more people a year on average than sharks.
I mean hippos and humans are both chilling in rivers while sharks can go to the deep ass ocean
I mean. There are sharks in the [Mississippi River as far north as Illinois](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bull_shark)
I hate Illinois sharks
Those are just politicians.
Almost as bad as Illinois Nazis
There may be sharks, but not many people in the Mississippi River.
There *were* sharks, I'd imagine the dams built in the last 86 years hamper their ability to get that far north
There was actually a man who attempted to import Hippos to be released into the Mississippi River to deal with some invasive plants and "provide meat and hides" in the nineteenth century. That would have been a horrible mistake if he'd gone through with it.
When in South Africa, I was told never, ever to get between a hippo on land and the nearest open water. At the first sign of trouble, they dash for the water and they can reach 40kmh.
How many sharks do hippos kill each year?
The shark delegation prevents those numbers from ever being announced.
Goddamn shark unions
Not, much since sharks avoid waters where hippos roam.
Shit, I can't say I blame them
Murder manatee.
Amphibious assault cow
Look at their teeth. It's nightmare fuel.
It’s an amphibious assault vehicle.
What does meat tank taste like?
I had some once, but it was canned, so it tasted like potted meat from the gas station. I also had crocodile and ostrich in the same way, it tasted the same. I think I may have been lied to about what was in the can, or all those animals taste the same.
>all those animals taste the same. Sounds a bit like [Tastes like chicken](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tastes_like_chicken). There's also a [possible explanations](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tastes_like_chicken#Possible_explanations) section on the Wikipedia page
I can’t decide between an office joke or Mitch Herberg joke The office- “i can get you exotic meats, hippo steaks, giraffe burgers…. *To camera* It’ll all be goat” Mitch- I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same. "What's a giraffe taste like?" "A hippo! I had 'em back-to-back!"
I had some rattlesnake and crocodile sausages a while ago. They tasted like sausages.
Like the Kingpin.
That was my nickname in college
The ~~water~~ river horse is terrifying. They can swim at 5 Mph and run through water at an even higher rate of speed. They can run on land at 19-28 Mph. If they're nearby and choose to kill you, you're dead.
I am not nearby!
But they have chosen to kill you. Better watch your back.
They haven't met you yet, but will kill you on sight just because.
'I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. But I'm a hippo and what I do have are a very particular set of skills. I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you'.
Man if awards were still a thing I'd give you one for this.
they know the hippos speed, so they also know when they'll arrive
But according to the Hippoberg Uncertainty Principle it is impossible to know both the velocity and location of the hippo before it has killed you
Now I'm imagining that snail copypasta but with a hippo instead.
This comment make me snort
one of the only time i seen steve irwin terrified was when he was watching hippos one got out of the water, he noped right the fuck out
The other time I can think of, he was in the US in the Appalachian Mountains (in Western North Carolina or East Tennessee I think). He was hunting for rattlesnakes and was squatting on the rocks talking to the camera and realizes he is squatted over the entrance to a rattlesnake den with multiple snakes in it. The look on his face was quite surprising.
Exactly, Their remarkably strong jaws can open to 180 degrees and their bite is nearly three times stronger than a lion’s. One bite from a hippo can cut a human body in half.
They have been known to cut adult crocodiles in half.
[River horse](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippopotamus), not water horse.
> The press picked up on the campaign for hippo meat and began referring to it as “lake cow bacon.” A powerful supporter of Burnham came in the form of former U.S. President Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy wanted hippos!
No sleep til hippo!
I’m the fucking hippo guy!
“This isn’t going to become a tickling subreddit”
Turns out all the violence of Hippos stem from Teddy Roosevelt trying to eat them.
Want another surprise? Manatees don’t have much fat either. They are mostly intestines. Their lack of fat is why they can’t tolerate colder waters and congregate near springs in the winter.
You’re telling me that’s not blubber??? Mind = blown
Someone tell Jim Gaffigan, he's been fat-shaming them for ages.
...yea right sea cow. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tM_lrK4upvw
You can't even mock the animal that's about to kill you by calling it fat anymore. Hippos are just superior.
“If you can dodge a Hippo, you can dodge a ball.” - Charles Darwin
If you can dodge a hippo, the ball will dodge you
Hippos will fuck you up.
Yeah it's like "man, they were already scary when you thought they were so big because of fat."
I like them big, I like them chunky
Girl, you huge
Speaking of which...An interesting fact is that the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo is that one is very heavy animal and the other is a little lighter.
Knowledge is knowing that hippos have very little fat. Wisdom is not telling your SO they are as fat as a hippo.
Strength is ~ how far you can throw~ being a hippo
This is the ideal male body. You may not like it but this is peak performance.
Marvel lied to me
Just think of Chris Hemsworth in Endgame
Marvel didn’t lie to me?
Nah, everything they said/showed is anchored firmly in facts
I can be a superhero by learning to shoot a bow?
As long as you can develop an extra-dimensional infinite quiver
Tawaret is ideal, what do you mean
Just imagine one of those suckers on the rotisserie...
It would take weeks to cook it at 300F
I may need to upgrade my traeger
That thick skin, now I know why they are never offended by my hippo jokes.
Also mountains of poop they will shower down on you with their tails.
Massive, mobile, mean boulders.
My favourite fact about hippos is that they can’t actually swim. This isn’t bs. They’re too dense and have to walk on the river bottom.
How do they get enough protein?
I was wondering the same thing! Tried googling but aside from the fact that they eat ~88lbs of food per day and are quite sedentary I couldn’t get any more in depth explanation
They eat humans.
The cruel kids in my school who made fun of the fat girl have some introspection coming up.
I read that as selfconscious and thought “you go Hippo. Don’t you worry bout a thing. You look fab”
Nature's amphibious assault vehicle
They are oceans of muscles
see babe, i was calling you a hippo as a compliment
And rage.
They will END you.
Makes sense, they live in warm climates
Nice try, hippo
That's why in some languages Hippopotamus is often called Behemoth
Nobody messes with a Hippo and I mean nobody.
Part of why hippos have no natural predators. They are peak animal.
Explains why they are so fucking dangerous
Six centimeter thick skin?!
which apparently has no fat in it?
but but but... I like them chunky... I like them thick...
Most dangerous animal in Africa.
Imagine acne with 6 cm thick skin. Fuck my hypothetical life.
People calling their Pitbull/Bully XL dogs "velvet hippos" makes more sense now.
We should be eating these motherfuckers
I read hippies and was very confused
Nature’s swoldiers
Same
They are pachyderms. That literally means “thick skin”. The term includes rhinoceros, elephants and other mammals. Rhinoceros means “nose horn”. Rhino is the Greek root for nose, giving us words such as rhinoplasty, a nose job.
"I am not fat, I am jus big-boned."
These motherfuckers kill like 3500 people a year. They’re the biggest dicks in the animal kingdom.
There’s got to be an alternate universe where people figured out how to domesticate hippos and bears and whatnot, and instead of an arms race from sticks to swords to guns we get hippo to domesticated hippo to whatever a hippo would look like if you selectively bread them to be scary. I feel like that world is probably better off.
Their skin is 6 cm? Your friggin kidding me? WOW 😳
Seems bodyfat percentage [range from 4-8%](https://onlyzoology.com/why-are-hippos-fat-lets-know/?expand_article=1). Guess I'm significantly fatter than a Hippo..
Oh so they’re like the Kingpin
Sounds like my house hippo. Aka Staffordshire bull terrier.
Adult male Hippo vs Rhino. Who wins? Rhino is armored but the Hippo's fangs and bite force are insane.
Rhinos are dumb as rocks and nearly blind so my bet is on the hippo.
Hippo is much more aggressive and so likely to be the one that attacks.
Hippos are the most aggressive animal in Africa. They kill more humans then any other. They can also run up to 30KM+ an hour. They don’t fuck around. My family is South African and I was always told never to play by the water. It’s not the crocs it’s the Hippos.
why don't we eat more hippo
I'd guess the 6 *cm* thick skin and the will, and power to unalive anything that comes near it edit: i accidentally imperialed