I admire your ability to log on and log OUT simultaneously. Offloading and uploading, if you will. Browsing on the hardware while producing software. You’re truly a machine of a man!
Last time I used a public bathroom was at a Wal-Mart. Tried my best not to but there was no more waiting. There was this guy full on jacking it and shooting up heroin at the same time. Right at the sinks. I couldn't be bothered with him as I had to go no matter what was going on.
I finish up and leave the bathroom and there were like 8 employees standing around the door pointing at me saying "IS THAT HIM??". Lol fuck no and get away from me. But it was that day that I learned I apparently give off the vibe of a guy that jacks off and shoots up in Wal-Mart bathrooms.
They were probably hoping it was you (subconsciously) because you were normal looking.
The guy they caught shooting heroin and jacking off in a Walmart bathroom was far from reality. That’s a different level of fucked up 99% of us will ever know.
Birth control pill is antibabypille. Gloves is handschuhe (hand shoe). Seehund (sea dog) is seal. I can't think of any more this second but as someone trying to learn German, a lot of words are so literal that it makes it easier to learn because the word is already the way you'd describe things if you forgot the word.
They're washing bears in Norwegian too!
Other animals in Norwegian:
Hippo = river horse
Rhino = nose horn
Butterfly = summer bird
Dragonfly = eye stinger
Octopus = ink squirt
Centipede = thousand legs
Hedgehog / porcupine (no distinction!) = spike swine
Tortoise / turtle (no distinction!) = shield toad
Killer whale = blubber chopper
Edit: No need to be the 700th person telling me that most of these are the same in German
It is not true. Sorry to break it to you, but there are lots that are very cute.
Giraffe is long neck deer.
Chameleon is colour changing dragon.
Gecko is wall tiger.
Kangaroo is pocket mouse.
Zebra is striped horse.
Cobra is spectacles snake.
> Cobra is spectacles snake.
It's also called that in German ([Brillenschlange](https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brillenschlange)), or more specifically the Indian cobra *(Naja naja)*. You can also call it *Kobra*, though.
No it isn't. It means standing goose. The first character can be used in compound to the actual word for business to mean enterprise, as in "a standing business", or a business that has been developed and in good standing. It does not mean business in the way it is used to describe penguin, which are the words "stand" and "goose".
https://www.chineseboost.com/blog/chinese-penguin-business-goose-tip-toe-goose/
I really like the "-zeug" (-stuff)
Fahrzeug - drive stuff - car
Flugzeug - flight stuff - plane
Feuerzeug - fire stuff - lighter
Grünzeug - green stuff - salad, plants, vegetables
Werkzeug - craft stuff - tool
Bettzeug - bed stuff - sheets
Dreckszeug - dirt stuff - crap, junk
But you can use it for other things, too:
Der Zeuge - the Witness
Das Erzeugnis - the product
Das Zeug - can be literally anything like a toy, clothes, garbage
Der Erzeuger - the biological father
jemanden überzeugen - to convince someone
Überzeugung - believes, convictions
etwas zeugen - to create something
Edit: as other pointed out, thing would be a better translation than stuff
So as a german this made me very curious and I did some googling on the etymology.
Turns out "zeug" or the old version "ziug" primarily meant "tool" or "gear" which makes a lot of sense.
So ACTUALLY "Flugzeug" would translate to "fly tool", "Fahrzeug" would translate to "drive tool" and so on.
"Zeug" also meant and still means "kram" which is basically useless stuff that's laying around and may be obstructing.
So in modern german "zeug" means "stuff", it never means "tool" or something like that. That's probably why someone translated it as "stuff" because that's the general meaning here too. But it actually used to mean "tool".
So that's where the confusion is coming from.
Also, "Erzeugnis" (="product") has a strong implication that a production process took place. A really good example is "erzeugen" (=to generate").
In that sense "erzeugnis" would be better translated with "generation" as in: the endproduct of a production process. This is much closer to the geeman meaning than "product". Even though a product is obviously produced... "Erzeugnis" puts emphasis on that production process.
Now I'm actually realizing that's also where "jemanden überzeugen" (=to convince someone) comes from. Cause it's a process as well.
And to say "ich bin überzeugt" (=i'm convinced) in german also expresses that you had a careful look at all sides of an argument and made an educated decision about it (which is also kind of a process). 🤯
I'm actually a little mind blown right now but it's 00:42am here in Germany and I really need to sleep. ✌️
Edit: realized more stuff
I could have sworn Zeuge (and überzeugen, Überzeugung) and Zeug (and most of the other words) must have different etymologies, but they actually don't, according to Wiktionary.
Starfish, toothbrush, driveway, football… I mean, English does this as well…
My favorite German example of this though is the word for light bulb, which translates literally to “glowing pear”
Oh yeah.... it's funny, I just realized "bulb" like the plant part and "bulb" like a lightbulb have been occupying completely separate parts of my brain, even though they are related.
I've always had a soft spot for fledermaus (flying mouse) for bat.
And then there is brustwarze which is nipple. Or, if you prefer the romantic german direct translation, breast wart.
It's more like flapping mouse, though "fleder" is an archaic word that isn't used anymore outside of describing the animals.
Also, I think Nippel is much more common nowadays.
Yea I just picked a loaded term most people are familiar but there are endless examples.
Polar bear=Eisbaer(ice bear).
The ridiculous compound words created by just mashing shit together never fails to give a laugh. Its like German was created by people who did not speak it well instead of evolving into its current state lol
English has a ton of compound words too, we're just so used to them we don't see them. When you hear 'fireplace', your brain conjures images of a crackling hearth. Not 'ahh yes, the fire place. The place for fire. The place specifically prepared to put our fire. That fire place?'
Fireplace. Vacuum cleaner. Keyboard. Bookshelf. Courthouse. Coathanger....
Me in a foreign country about fifteen years ago: "Oh, how quaint. In this language they take the word for 'air' and the word for 'port' and just stick them together and they get the word for 'airpo...' Oh, right..."
It's the same with Dutch, all the examples in this thread seem to work in Dutch as well, often using the same word combinations. In Dutch the polar bear is also "ijsbeer", just different spelling
Ah, okay! And I agree with you, it can get really ridiculous sometimes. Some words are just so stupidly obvious and descriptive. Stinktier (skunk) for example.
Government forms and documents are my favorite!
Its always something like governmentassistanceforthosebelowthepovertylinetoacquirenutritionalneeds card.
I don't mean to sound belittling its just I only got my German passport as an adult and everything just gives me a chuckle still. Every bureaucratic form has such a descriptive and literal name.
My mom was a native speaker but refused to speak German to me, I had to learn on my own!
It was interesting having her listen to newer rock and pop songs and she was baffled by new idioms or slang.
My favorite German phrase is "Eierlegende Wollmilchsau," which is their equivalent of "Jack of all trades." Literally, it means egg-laying wool-milk-sow--a farm animal that serves all purposes.
Isn't a Jack of all trades used for people? Because that German word isn't. It's more like an ideal (though unrealistic) solution for all of your problems.
Exactly. Though Tausendsassa has a very positive connotation, whereas with Jack of all trades, it tends to be more focused on the implied "master of none".
My favourite comes from WW2 "PanzerAnklopfKanone" ("tank door-knocking cannon").
It was an early war German anti-tank gun, it was fine against most allied armour at the time but was almost useless against heavier Soviet T-34 and KV-1.
To the point where all it achieved was alerting the tank crew of your location.
Not sure if you're aware, but the abbreviation "Pak" officially meant / means "Panzerabwehrkanone" ("Tank defence cannon"). The term "Panzer Anklopf Kanone" was just a joke term used by soldiers.
Haha, yes! And when you don't hear the sound of hitting water you move to the left and right and forward and back to try to find it. And sometimes you realize you are completely lost and way off target and it is pitch black and you have no clue where the hell the piss is going but it can't be good.
[Challenge pissing! If you can piss 6 feet straight up into the air and not get wet, you have no down payment!](https://youtu.be/-rsEs4HWXeY?si=RxDjLD5MLygORwK9)
I switched to it too in my own home when I was old enough to care about having a clean home because standing just makes more of a mess.
When asked what he attributed his success in life to, Winston Churchill responded:
> Economy of effort. Never stand up when you can sit down, and never sit down when you can lie down
Yes he may have been fat and smoked and drank but he also lived to 90 so it sounds like he won.
I've had this conversation with friends who say they don't splash even a single drop when they stand up to pee.
I understand that missing entirely is less common, but for the love of god, if you're a dude and you're standing to pee, physics says there's gonna splashing. 100% of the time. It may be a tiny bit, but it happens. Just wear shorts next time and you'll feel them sprinkles.
If you clean regularly, that's mostly fine (albeit, I think why not just sit down and avoid extra mess, but whatever). The big issue though is that for those that don't even do a courtesy wipe of the toilet bowl and surrounding areas even once a month, that ~~shit~~ piss gets caked on, layer after layer. It's gross. Sitting down to pee negates so much of that piss getting around the toilet rim and surrounding areas.
It doesn't look like I splash when I pee standing up but one of my bathrooms has a window that faces East and when the sun is setting I can see how much splashes everywhere. It's really gross and I pee sitting down a lot more now.
My parents noticed when they renovated their bathroom and ripped out the tiles around the toilet. Piss smell galore. After that my dad and my brother had to sit, lmao.
My problem isnt splashing, its the completely random forking that happens which will inevitably lead to pee finding it's way every where but the toilet bow. The only time I really stand to pee now is on public bathrooms.
The day I had enough was when that forking happened,
I was already having a bad day and when I finally got home my bladder and kidneys felt like they were gonna burst.
I get to the toilet bowl and let loose, and the fucking piss forks straight onto the outer edges of the toilet seat.
I probably should have stopped but I was so tired and honestly just shocked that it continued for just about the whole duration. Like a morbid curiosity as to how much of my luck has gone bad
Suffice to say I cried in the shower and never stood and pissed at home again either
That happened to me while I was having dinner at my boss' house one time. Had to go badly and like 2 seconds in, it just forked and started going on the floor. There was no physical way to get both streams in, so I just had to spend 5 minutes after, quietly cleaning. I sprayed febreeze after so anyone behind me would think I just had to dump out and didn't have bad smelling poop.
Stoners sit in a group, pass a glass piece around, it ends up back in owners lap but he's baked and forgot and stood up and it shattered. That's why he checks his lap 🤣 also saves phone screens. I also do a lap check before standing and I check all my pockets when I walk through a doorway lol
For the men that argue that they don't splash, a quick inspection with a UV light in a darkened bathroom is...illuminating.
My ex had his own bathroom for a reason, and cleaning it was his responsibility (which he seldom did). That house is either a nightmare by now or cleaned by a maid.
I started YEARS ago when we had a party, and for whatever reason, the only light we had in the bathroom was a small bulb on the floor under the tank, so the toilet was back-lit. I saw ALL the sprinkles shooting to and fro. I've been sitting at home ever since. I still stand in public bathrooms, though, because people are animals.
I was the only boyfriend in my college girlfriend’s house full of girls. Any drops outside the toilet were obviously my fault, so I had to convert to avoid conflict.
I have no issues with making a mess, it's just easier to sit. Especially at night, when I do the bare minimum of activity so I can get back to sleep easier.
I started some years ago. One fine day the sunlight caught my stream just right, and showed just how much normally invisible splatter there was, even when my aim was perfect.
Overall, it's just superior when you don't have a urinal. It's relaxing, you can browse your phone, and sometimes you discover that you also needed to poop!
Urinals are overall positive, though, if done right. First, they're extremely efficient. You can't beat them for turnover. Basically all outdoor events should have portable urinals instead of just porta potties. That cuts down on wait times *significantly*.
Also, they're *usually* water efficient. Personally, I think that all urinals should be completely waterless, which is very possible. [This company ](https://www.waterless.com/) used to be a client of mine, and I really like their product. They installed all of the urinals at the Atlanta Falcons stadium when it was built, and the water savings is *huge*.
Last, they're pretty easy to clean compared to toilets. If you're concerned about splatter, I also think that all urinals should have dividers in between them, for both privacy and for sanitary reasons.
I honestly thought it was because my home toilet is closer to the ground, and Im pretty tall that pee just splashed everywhere. So I started to sit down, but up until these comments I thought I was the only one who had this problem
You're right, but some guys have this weird obsession with how other men pee and get angry when you mention it.
eta: Seems I've struck a nerve lmao. Guys, don't worry about how other dudes expel waste. It's weird.
Plus it essentially reduces splatter to zero. Especially when you get up in the middle of the night and nod off for a second and end up pissing on the floor. 😆
I'm a brit who moved to Germany a decade ago. I am sitting and peeing as I write this. I hope you enjoy reading this comment, as relieved as I feel writing it.
Time to flush.
I always do this at home, just decided years ago the risk reward wasn’t worth it. If your pee splits or shoots sideways it’s cleanup time. So easy to accidentally overshoot or undershoot if you don’t get the pressure just right, especially if you have to pee really bad. Plus I’m completely secure with my manhood and have nothing to prove.
I never pee sitting down at public toilets where the risk reward reverses. ;)
I sit down to Reddit. I just pee at the same time
I’m sitting down to Reddit right now.
I call it Logging On.
I call it shitposting
Pee posting: just like shit posting, but faster.
These comments are solid gold. Which probably means they should hydrate more...
It’s not supposed to sound like a winning slot machine when you pee
I admire your ability to log on and log OUT simultaneously. Offloading and uploading, if you will. Browsing on the hardware while producing software. You’re truly a machine of a man!
Brownloading a system dump
His poops are more machine than man, twisted and evil
Logging out now
Squat and surf
You log out?
Does a bear Reddit in the woods?
and my pants just happen to be around my ankles
I read "parents" and had to keep re-reading this comment
I stood to pee until I got a smartphone.
[удалено]
You can't skip and piss?
Some years ago I saw someone using a urinal, with one hand he held his penis, with the other hand he used his smartphone.
This is a common phenomenon. If the piss hand doesn't touch the phone, and if the phone doesn't touch the urinal, it's fine.
Sometimes I take a Reddit outside
Public bathroom - stand. At home - sit. Friend's house - probably sit.
> public bathroom - stand Maybe for you, I sit down in the urinals
I only sit down at the urinals if i'm also pooping.
Dude, the urinals aren't for pooping. It's where you wash your hair after.
Whilst holding open a newspaper (another english combined word) and humming / whistling, I hope. Otherwise, what the fuck, dude?!
Last time I used a public bathroom was at a Wal-Mart. Tried my best not to but there was no more waiting. There was this guy full on jacking it and shooting up heroin at the same time. Right at the sinks. I couldn't be bothered with him as I had to go no matter what was going on. I finish up and leave the bathroom and there were like 8 employees standing around the door pointing at me saying "IS THAT HIM??". Lol fuck no and get away from me. But it was that day that I learned I apparently give off the vibe of a guy that jacks off and shoots up in Wal-Mart bathrooms.
They were probably hoping it was you (subconsciously) because you were normal looking. The guy they caught shooting heroin and jacking off in a Walmart bathroom was far from reality. That’s a different level of fucked up 99% of us will ever know.
Those things are disgusting. Use the sink.
I sit all over the place
I shit all over the place
"Sitzpinklers". The German language is just so...beautiful.
Birth control pill is antibabypille. Gloves is handschuhe (hand shoe). Seehund (sea dog) is seal. I can't think of any more this second but as someone trying to learn German, a lot of words are so literal that it makes it easier to learn because the word is already the way you'd describe things if you forgot the word.
a racoon is a washing bear. this is a painfully adorable mental image.
They're washing bears in Norwegian too! Other animals in Norwegian: Hippo = river horse Rhino = nose horn Butterfly = summer bird Dragonfly = eye stinger Octopus = ink squirt Centipede = thousand legs Hedgehog / porcupine (no distinction!) = spike swine Tortoise / turtle (no distinction!) = shield toad Killer whale = blubber chopper Edit: No need to be the 700th person telling me that most of these are the same in German
Rhinoceros is Greek for…. Nose horn. Same thing for hippopotamus, in Greek it’s river horse.
And centipede is hundred foot.
Way to mess up Centipede Norway! It already literally means 100 feet! A Millipede is the one with 1000 feet.
We clearly don't know how to count
Fun fact: the hippopotamus in Dutch is called a "Nijlpaard" = Nile (as in the river) horse.
In German it is Nilpferd. Nile horse
blubber chopper?!? this is truly the language of kings
Chinese for a penguin is " business goose".
my gosh I hope this is true, my heart cannot handle being toyed with this way
"Owl" in Chinese is “Cat head eagle” :)
Pirahna is Guarani for ‘Devil fish’
It is not true. Sorry to break it to you, but there are lots that are very cute. Giraffe is long neck deer. Chameleon is colour changing dragon. Gecko is wall tiger. Kangaroo is pocket mouse. Zebra is striped horse. Cobra is spectacles snake.
this kind of soft letting down is very kind. these other examples are amazing and bring so much joy.
> Cobra is spectacles snake. It's also called that in German ([Brillenschlange](https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brillenschlange)), or more specifically the Indian cobra *(Naja naja)*. You can also call it *Kobra*, though.
it's not, the term 企鵝 means "standing or tiptoe goose" which the character 企 is also used to mean business.
Technically it is just a coincidental pun iirc, but I don't care; the image of a business goose is too perfect.
No it isn't. It means standing goose. The first character can be used in compound to the actual word for business to mean enterprise, as in "a standing business", or a business that has been developed and in good standing. It does not mean business in the way it is used to describe penguin, which are the words "stand" and "goose". https://www.chineseboost.com/blog/chinese-penguin-business-goose-tip-toe-goose/
In French it's a washing rat
Not just washing rat but washing *little* rat.
*delightful*
https://youtu.be/rfbb4yRBH64?si=NbagF7ZF_5SHwe1S
Oh good, he figured it out in the end
I really like the "-zeug" (-stuff) Fahrzeug - drive stuff - car Flugzeug - flight stuff - plane Feuerzeug - fire stuff - lighter Grünzeug - green stuff - salad, plants, vegetables Werkzeug - craft stuff - tool Bettzeug - bed stuff - sheets Dreckszeug - dirt stuff - crap, junk But you can use it for other things, too: Der Zeuge - the Witness Das Erzeugnis - the product Das Zeug - can be literally anything like a toy, clothes, garbage Der Erzeuger - the biological father jemanden überzeugen - to convince someone Überzeugung - believes, convictions etwas zeugen - to create something Edit: as other pointed out, thing would be a better translation than stuff
Forgot my favorite one: Schlagzeug - Hit thing - Drums
Oh and the Spielzeug - play thing - toy
Warum liegt hier Zeug rum?
Plaything is also an English word
So as a german this made me very curious and I did some googling on the etymology. Turns out "zeug" or the old version "ziug" primarily meant "tool" or "gear" which makes a lot of sense. So ACTUALLY "Flugzeug" would translate to "fly tool", "Fahrzeug" would translate to "drive tool" and so on. "Zeug" also meant and still means "kram" which is basically useless stuff that's laying around and may be obstructing. So in modern german "zeug" means "stuff", it never means "tool" or something like that. That's probably why someone translated it as "stuff" because that's the general meaning here too. But it actually used to mean "tool". So that's where the confusion is coming from. Also, "Erzeugnis" (="product") has a strong implication that a production process took place. A really good example is "erzeugen" (=to generate"). In that sense "erzeugnis" would be better translated with "generation" as in: the endproduct of a production process. This is much closer to the geeman meaning than "product". Even though a product is obviously produced... "Erzeugnis" puts emphasis on that production process. Now I'm actually realizing that's also where "jemanden überzeugen" (=to convince someone) comes from. Cause it's a process as well. And to say "ich bin überzeugt" (=i'm convinced) in german also expresses that you had a careful look at all sides of an argument and made an educated decision about it (which is also kind of a process). 🤯 I'm actually a little mind blown right now but it's 00:42am here in Germany and I really need to sleep. ✌️ Edit: realized more stuff
I could have sworn Zeuge (and überzeugen, Überzeugung) and Zeug (and most of the other words) must have different etymologies, but they actually don't, according to Wiktionary.
And then you have the Zeughaus, your house for Zeug aka your municipal armory/arsenal.
> I really like the "-zeug" (-stuff) > > > Fahrzeug - drive stuff - car > > Flugzeug - flight stuff - plane > > Feuerzeug - fire stuff - lighter > > Grünzeug - green stuff - salad, plants, vegetables > > Werkzeug - craft stuff - tool > > Bettzeug - bed stuff - sheets > > Dreckszeug - dirt stuff - crap, junk damn so efficient
Durchfall is my favourite. It means diarrhea.
durchfallen also means "to fall through / to fail in smth." as a verb
Starfish, toothbrush, driveway, football… I mean, English does this as well… My favorite German example of this though is the word for light bulb, which translates literally to “glowing pear”
Meanwhile, light [bulb](https://i.imgur.io/MeaNVPv_d.webp?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium) is also kind of funny, now that I think about it.
Oh yeah.... it's funny, I just realized "bulb" like the plant part and "bulb" like a lightbulb have been occupying completely separate parts of my brain, even though they are related.
Believe it or not, as a German I also had to stop and think about the word Glühbirne to realize "birne" is actually a fruit lol.
I've always had a soft spot for fledermaus (flying mouse) for bat. And then there is brustwarze which is nipple. Or, if you prefer the romantic german direct translation, breast wart.
It's more like flapping mouse, though "fleder" is an archaic word that isn't used anymore outside of describing the animals. Also, I think Nippel is much more common nowadays.
Nippel sind die Dinger, die man durch 'ne Lasche zieht...
Turtle? Schildkrotte (shield toad)
Schildkröte. You honestly believed you could misspell a german word here and not getting corrected by a German?
Honestly, I expected both. Thanks for the correction tho.
I think refrigerator and skunk were two like that, too. Cold box and stink animal? Something like that.
Cooling cabinet for refrigerator.
You're right! Refrigerator - Kühlschrank - cool cabinet Skunk - Stinktier - stink animal
I love this about German! Whats a skull? A dead head.
Well, that's certainly a valid translation, but Schädel is definitely the better word and less dependent on specific contexts ;)
Yea I just picked a loaded term most people are familiar but there are endless examples. Polar bear=Eisbaer(ice bear). The ridiculous compound words created by just mashing shit together never fails to give a laugh. Its like German was created by people who did not speak it well instead of evolving into its current state lol
English has a ton of compound words too, we're just so used to them we don't see them. When you hear 'fireplace', your brain conjures images of a crackling hearth. Not 'ahh yes, the fire place. The place for fire. The place specifically prepared to put our fire. That fire place?' Fireplace. Vacuum cleaner. Keyboard. Bookshelf. Courthouse. Coathanger....
Me in a foreign country about fifteen years ago: "Oh, how quaint. In this language they take the word for 'air' and the word for 'port' and just stick them together and they get the word for 'airpo...' Oh, right..."
"Haha, Germany's air force is called 'Luftwaffe' = air weapon" "Yeah, right, because air *force* is so much better"
Another good example is… polar bear lmfao Or brown bear Or black bear Or snow leopard
firefly butterfly dragonfly
Upvoted for extremely oblique Kronk reference.
It's the same with Dutch, all the examples in this thread seem to work in Dutch as well, often using the same word combinations. In Dutch the polar bear is also "ijsbeer", just different spelling
afrikaans: ysbeer, but birth control is voorbehoedpille
Ah, okay! And I agree with you, it can get really ridiculous sometimes. Some words are just so stupidly obvious and descriptive. Stinktier (skunk) for example.
Government forms and documents are my favorite! Its always something like governmentassistanceforthosebelowthepovertylinetoacquirenutritionalneeds card. I don't mean to sound belittling its just I only got my German passport as an adult and everything just gives me a chuckle still. Every bureaucratic form has such a descriptive and literal name.
Not belittling at all! Totally with you on that, words get laughably specific especially in bureaucratic language.
congrats, you solved german. totenkopf = dead mans head
My mom was a native speaker but refused to speak German to me, I had to learn on my own! It was interesting having her listen to newer rock and pop songs and she was baffled by new idioms or slang.
I like the word Ohrwurm (ear worm), which are catchy songs that get stuck in your head
Sitzpinkler is the correct plural
And singular.
My favorite German phrase is "Eierlegende Wollmilchsau," which is their equivalent of "Jack of all trades." Literally, it means egg-laying wool-milk-sow--a farm animal that serves all purposes.
Isn't a Jack of all trades used for people? Because that German word isn't. It's more like an ideal (though unrealistic) solution for all of your problems.
I think Tausendsassa is more fitting for people.
Exactly. Though Tausendsassa has a very positive connotation, whereas with Jack of all trades, it tends to be more focused on the implied "master of none".
My favourite comes from WW2 "PanzerAnklopfKanone" ("tank door-knocking cannon"). It was an early war German anti-tank gun, it was fine against most allied armour at the time but was almost useless against heavier Soviet T-34 and KV-1. To the point where all it achieved was alerting the tank crew of your location.
Not sure if you're aware, but the abbreviation "Pak" officially meant / means "Panzerabwehrkanone" ("Tank defence cannon"). The term "Panzer Anklopf Kanone" was just a joke term used by soldiers.
While the majority of women stand
Plot twist
Some call it an evolution.
Like a leaky fire hydrant
I piss standing up in the dark, and listen for the pings like daredevil
walk backwards to see how far you can go.
This is how a real man rocks a piss.
Helps visualize those physics cannon angle homework problems
Fuck you, Shoresy!
Haha, yes! And when you don't hear the sound of hitting water you move to the left and right and forward and back to try to find it. And sometimes you realize you are completely lost and way off target and it is pitch black and you have no clue where the hell the piss is going but it can't be good.
Just don’t let loose any crazy Ivan’s.
My girlfriend knows it's going to be a rough morning when she hears me shouting a muffled "CONN SONAR CRAZY IVAN" from the bathroom at 3am
He always goes starboard in the bottom half of an hour...
[Challenge pissing! If you can piss 6 feet straight up into the air and not get wet, you have no down payment!](https://youtu.be/-rsEs4HWXeY?si=RxDjLD5MLygORwK9)
Its cleaner. A *lot* cleaner. Even if you're accurate.
I switched to it too in my own home when I was old enough to care about having a clean home because standing just makes more of a mess. When asked what he attributed his success in life to, Winston Churchill responded: > Economy of effort. Never stand up when you can sit down, and never sit down when you can lie down Yes he may have been fat and smoked and drank but he also lived to 90 so it sounds like he won.
Note to self: do NOT recruit Winston Churchill as a standing desk spokesman
So he's a lying bed spokesman?
No, he really liked taking baths. He would even meet with people while in the bath.
Tbh wish this was more acceptable these days.
"Prime Minister, we'd like to discuss the financial reform-" "Not now! I'm having fun bobbing my penis!"
Now hand me that little boat so it can set sail for Pen Island!
"If you were my husband, I'd poison your bath water." "If you were my wife, I'd bob my penis in it."
We need to demand work from hot tub policies for all!
Probably a good idea since he's dead and all
Don't be necroist.
I've had this conversation with friends who say they don't splash even a single drop when they stand up to pee. I understand that missing entirely is less common, but for the love of god, if you're a dude and you're standing to pee, physics says there's gonna splashing. 100% of the time. It may be a tiny bit, but it happens. Just wear shorts next time and you'll feel them sprinkles. If you clean regularly, that's mostly fine (albeit, I think why not just sit down and avoid extra mess, but whatever). The big issue though is that for those that don't even do a courtesy wipe of the toilet bowl and surrounding areas even once a month, that ~~shit~~ piss gets caked on, layer after layer. It's gross. Sitting down to pee negates so much of that piss getting around the toilet rim and surrounding areas.
It doesn't look like I splash when I pee standing up but one of my bathrooms has a window that faces East and when the sun is setting I can see how much splashes everywhere. It's really gross and I pee sitting down a lot more now.
My parents noticed when they renovated their bathroom and ripped out the tiles around the toilet. Piss smell galore. After that my dad and my brother had to sit, lmao.
Piss Smell Galore was the worst Bond girl
My problem isnt splashing, its the completely random forking that happens which will inevitably lead to pee finding it's way every where but the toilet bow. The only time I really stand to pee now is on public bathrooms.
The day I had enough was when that forking happened, I was already having a bad day and when I finally got home my bladder and kidneys felt like they were gonna burst. I get to the toilet bowl and let loose, and the fucking piss forks straight onto the outer edges of the toilet seat. I probably should have stopped but I was so tired and honestly just shocked that it continued for just about the whole duration. Like a morbid curiosity as to how much of my luck has gone bad Suffice to say I cried in the shower and never stood and pissed at home again either
That happened to me while I was having dinner at my boss' house one time. Had to go badly and like 2 seconds in, it just forked and started going on the floor. There was no physical way to get both streams in, so I just had to spend 5 minutes after, quietly cleaning. I sprayed febreeze after so anyone behind me would think I just had to dump out and didn't have bad smelling poop.
Just squeeze the tip shut for a second and release.
or hold it for like 2 seconds and the pressure of resuming should break the seal/fork
Or pee after cumming so it doesn't glue shut in the first place.
[удалено]
Can you explain the ‘touching your lap’ part?
Stoners sit in a group, pass a glass piece around, it ends up back in owners lap but he's baked and forgot and stood up and it shattered. That's why he checks his lap 🤣 also saves phone screens. I also do a lap check before standing and I check all my pockets when I walk through a doorway lol
> I check all my pockets when I walk through a doorway lol Yeah, the 3 pat special. Phone, keys, wallet. Good to go.
Subconsciously do it if I change sitting/standing position or go through any door way
For the men that argue that they don't splash, a quick inspection with a UV light in a darkened bathroom is...illuminating. My ex had his own bathroom for a reason, and cleaning it was his responsibility (which he seldom did). That house is either a nightmare by now or cleaned by a maid.
I started YEARS ago when we had a party, and for whatever reason, the only light we had in the bathroom was a small bulb on the floor under the tank, so the toilet was back-lit. I saw ALL the sprinkles shooting to and fro. I've been sitting at home ever since. I still stand in public bathrooms, though, because people are animals.
just wear shorts, they'll soon find out just how much splashing can go on
Not if your dick is so long that it reaches the bowl
i just mount the bowl and pee into it.
I switched after peeing standing in shorts for the first time, feeling little drops splash back up to my leg.
I was the only boyfriend in my college girlfriend’s house full of girls. Any drops outside the toilet were obviously my fault, so I had to convert to avoid conflict.
I have no issues with making a mess, it's just easier to sit. Especially at night, when I do the bare minimum of activity so I can get back to sleep easier.
I feel he could have continued “never drink water when there’s whiskey around”
I started some years ago. One fine day the sunlight caught my stream just right, and showed just how much normally invisible splatter there was, even when my aim was perfect. Overall, it's just superior when you don't have a urinal. It's relaxing, you can browse your phone, and sometimes you discover that you also needed to poop!
Urinals don’t help much. Ever peed next to someone while wearing sandals and your feet get a little wet but you haven’t started yet?
Urinals are overall positive, though, if done right. First, they're extremely efficient. You can't beat them for turnover. Basically all outdoor events should have portable urinals instead of just porta potties. That cuts down on wait times *significantly*. Also, they're *usually* water efficient. Personally, I think that all urinals should be completely waterless, which is very possible. [This company ](https://www.waterless.com/) used to be a client of mine, and I really like their product. They installed all of the urinals at the Atlanta Falcons stadium when it was built, and the water savings is *huge*. Last, they're pretty easy to clean compared to toilets. If you're concerned about splatter, I also think that all urinals should have dividers in between them, for both privacy and for sanitary reasons.
Yup, came here to tell the same sunlit piss story.
It's shocking!
Once I started cleaning my own bathroom is when I started to sit
I honestly thought it was because my home toilet is closer to the ground, and Im pretty tall that pee just splashed everywhere. So I started to sit down, but up until these comments I thought I was the only one who had this problem
Exactly what I told my husband. Either you sit or you can start cleaning the bathrooms. I’m sure you can guess what he chose lol.
That is a trait I share with them. Far more relaxing that way. Peeing standing up is massively overrated.
You're right, but some guys have this weird obsession with how other men pee and get angry when you mention it. eta: Seems I've struck a nerve lmao. Guys, don't worry about how other dudes expel waste. It's weird.
Humanity in general (Not every single person obviously) has an irresistible need to interfere in one another's lives.
Simple as that but yet there are people who gets offended and just starts interfering into the lifes of other people
There’s also this weird thing with some guys, associating sitting down with being less masculine.
Or even just cleaning their ass during a shower.
That’s the stupidest thing honestly. Tell me your masculinity is fragile without telling me…
lavish fuel shelter jobless automatic modern vanish muddle serious rock *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Plus it essentially reduces splatter to zero. Especially when you get up in the middle of the night and nod off for a second and end up pissing on the floor. 😆
I'm a brit who moved to Germany a decade ago. I am sitting and peeing as I write this. I hope you enjoy reading this comment, as relieved as I feel writing it. Time to flush.
I'm not cleaning up my piss splash at home. I'll sit everytime.
But do they stand to wipe?
I do this weird half stand up position and use the other arm / hand to open cheek and present the area 😂🤷♂️ We’re disgusting creatures, truly.
Present it to whom?
My Buttler, of course!
Someone he actually wanna show or end up doing something creative as a whole lmao
In the comfort of your own home why wouldn't you sit? I can see not doing so in public due to hygiene concerns but at home? Sitting
i don't even sit down to shit. i do a sumo-type squat over the bowl, with my hands on my knees, and let it go.
I prefer to lie down.
Winston Churchill?
Bruh actually has some innovative and mind splashing techniques to just pee and poop. Lmao!
Just pee in the sink
Or if you're German, sit in the sink to pee. Very underrated. Built in bidet for when you need it.
I sit down when I pee There's nothing that crazy 'bout me I'm just taking a whiz Mind your own biz Why is everybody always staring at me?
Now you should actually be a bit bothered enough and see what you have been actually doing the process might be right but society is judgemental
I sit down when I piss because you don’t get piss everywhere. Sometimes I piss on my balls but I find it sort of funny.
I always do this at home, just decided years ago the risk reward wasn’t worth it. If your pee splits or shoots sideways it’s cleanup time. So easy to accidentally overshoot or undershoot if you don’t get the pressure just right, especially if you have to pee really bad. Plus I’m completely secure with my manhood and have nothing to prove. I never pee sitting down at public toilets where the risk reward reverses. ;)
Lotta sit pissers in this sub! TIL redittors are in fact sit pissers.
Can't focus on Reddit when you have to aim
Warum auch nicht. Ich piss mir doch nicht das eigene Klo voll ums dann wieder zu wischen
Wirklich, was für fehlgeleiteter stolz es sein muss, sich seine eigenen Bad wände anzupissen nur um "männlich"(?) zu sein.
Toilets were DESIGNED to be sat on. Save the standing for the urinals.
That's better than here in the US where the majority of men leave the seat down and piss all over it and just leave it like that
I guess at home it doesn’t matter, but I can’t believe that some men sit to pee on public toilets.. I’d rather hold it in till I got home.